Latest / The Mental Healness Podcast / Narcissists ALWAYS Come Back For These Reasons

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Narcissists ALWAYS Come Back For These Reasons · The Mental Healness Podcast

• 0:01
  So, so, so, so why do narcissists try to come back?
• 0:07
  What makes narcissists want to try to come back into the
• 0:10
  relationship? What makes them want to try to
• 0:12
  come back to you? That's what we're talking about
• 0:15
  today, y'all. And if you're new here, my name
• 0:17
  is Lee Hammock. I'm a diagnosed narcissist here
• 0:19
  to help you understand the mind of a narcissist.
• 0:22
  And welcome to another episode of The Narcissist Code.
• 0:24
  Let's get in. Boom, Welcome back folks.
• 0:45
  Welcome back, welcome back, welcome back.
• 0:47
  Yes, yes, yes. What's up, what's up, what's up?
• 0:52
  So narcissistic people, why do they always try to come back?
• 0:57
  So let's give, let's be real, let's keep it hot and ready,
• 1:01
  y'all? Not every single narcissistic
• 1:04
  person out there will try to come back.
• 1:08
  No2 narcissists are the same. I think we all know that, right?
• 1:15
  I think we can all let's get it out the way right now.
• 1:16
  No2 narcissists are the same. Lee, you're the one who
• 1:23
  confirmed my insecurity that I'm not crazy.
• 1:24
  Then you go right there. There you go.
• 1:26
  Power up. I love it.
• 1:27
  I love it, I love it. But this is the space right
• 1:30
  here. Little day at work watching your
• 1:33
  live. What's up?
• 1:34
  What up? What up?
• 1:35
  But yeah, y'all narcissistic people, most of them that do
• 1:39
  come back are trying to come back for one reason.
• 1:43
  There's more reasons, but this one reason is one of the is one
• 1:46
  of the reasons why most of them try to come back.
• 1:49
  That validation, that narcissistic supply that they
• 1:55
  get from you. They don't want anybody else
• 1:59
  having that narcissistic supply. They don't want anybody else
• 2:03
  being able to deal with you. They don't want anybody else to
• 2:07
  say that, you know, they don't want anybody else to be able to
• 2:11
  say that you're, you're giving that supply to anybody else.
• 2:15
  They cannot imagine you given that whatever supply that they
• 2:20
  get from you, they can't imagine you giving that same supply to
• 2:25
  someone else. Even you know, this is going to
• 2:29
  sound crazy. This is going to sound
• 2:31
  ridiculous. I know it is, right?
• 2:32
  What's going on? I know it's going to sound
• 2:34
  ridiculous. Even if they have someone else,
• 2:42
  even even if the narcissistic person in your life has moved on
• 2:48
  and has a new supply, it doesn't mean that they're just going to
• 2:53
  release you and let you go. That's not how it works, you
• 2:57
  know That's not how it works. Even if they have someone else,
• 3:00
  they can still try to come back into your life.
• 3:04
  For whatever reason. This is how the mind of a lot of
• 3:06
  narcissistic people work right here.
• 3:09
  No matter if I have someone new, I still might try to come back
• 3:14
  to you. And that could be it right
• 3:18
  there. I know, I know that sounds
• 3:21
  crazy, but that's how the mind of a lot of narcissistic people
• 3:24
  work, right? I'm literally rolling, rolling
• 3:26
  my eyes. It's funny, but this is how the
• 3:29
  mind of a narcissist works. Just because I have someone else
• 3:34
  doesn't mean I want you to move on.
• 3:35
  Because even though I have someone else, I'm happy.
• 3:39
  I'm happy, right? It doesn't mean that I want you
• 3:43
  to move on. It doesn't mean that I want you
• 3:46
  to be happy. It doesn't mean that I'm ready
• 3:48
  to release you. This is why, yo, This is why
• 3:52
  what happens a lot of times right here, y'all is there like
• 3:55
  narcissistic people. They'll tell you in order to try
• 3:58
  to keep you on the hook. One thing that they would tell
• 4:01
  you is, hey, I know I'm with somebody else, but maybe I made
• 4:05
  a mistake. I don't know what I want
• 4:07
  anymore. I don't know if I want you or
• 4:11
  anybody else. I don't know what I want.
• 4:13
  And does that work? Yes, it works on a lot of
• 4:16
  people. Let's be real.
• 4:17
  That does work on a lot of people.
• 4:19
  It really does. So this is what happens right
• 4:22
  here. They think that they can come
• 4:24
  back into your life and wreak havoc.
• 4:27
  They think that they can come back into your life and just
• 4:29
  cause you to push pause on your life.
• 4:31
  And yeah, does this work? Yes, it absolutely does work,
• 4:35
  right? It absolutely does work and it
• 4:40
  happens to so many people. You know what I mean?
• 4:42
  And I tell this to people all the time.
• 4:44
  It happens to so many people that they will keep you on the
• 4:48
  hook for years, for years. They will waste years of your
• 4:57
  life and they do not care. They will blame you for wasting
• 5:02
  your life. They will waste years of your
• 5:04
  life on them, on this back and forth mess.
• 5:08
  They absolutely will. But that's something that you
• 5:13
  have to understand. That happens.
• 5:16
  They will absolutely waste your time.
• 5:19
  I did a video yesterday on YouTube about that.
• 5:20
  They don't care about wasting your time.
• 5:23
  They just do not. Hey, I can't wait for the
• 5:26
  workshop in Saint Louis. Yeah, the work.
• 5:27
  Yeah. Yeah.
• 5:28
  So we have a workshop next week in Saint Louis on April the 5th,
• 5:32
  in St. Louis, MO on April the 5th.
• 5:35
  Live in person workshop. The live in person workshop,
• 5:39
  April the 5th, St. Louis, MO can be found at
• 5:41
  mentalillness.net/events. I'm going to drop it in the
• 5:45
  comment section right now. Mental illness.net/events for
• 5:50
  the workshop in case you want to check it out.
• 5:52
  In St. Louis, MO on April the 5th and
• 5:56
  whatnot. But this is what they do, y'all?
• 6:00
  This is what they do. This is absolutely what they do.
• 6:04
  They will try to come back to ruin your life and does it work?
• 6:07
  I told y'all yes, it does work right?
• 6:10
  It absolutely does work. Like this person right here.
• 6:13
  She said they called me they said they missed me love me.
• 6:16
  My synth was fading from their sheets.
• 6:18
  Doesn't that sound weird? Doesn't sound so not weird.
• 6:21
  Doesn't it sound so sweet? Your scent is fading from my
• 6:24
  sheets. It's it's fading.
• 6:26
  See. Then look what happens y'all, I
• 6:29
  fell for it. Two days were great, but they
• 6:30
  were back on day three with that bull.
• 6:32
  So they think it's OK. I feel like in these situations
• 6:36
  right here, if you are, and this is the black and white thinking,
• 6:39
  if you allow me back into your life, if you allow me back into
• 6:44
  your life, I think it's OK how I treat you.
• 6:48
  And that's just me being real. If you allow me back into your
• 6:55
  life, I think it's OK with how I treat you.
• 6:58
  This is the mentality. This is the mindset of
• 7:01
  narcissistic people. They really can be.
• 7:04
  So they want to come back to you to try to get that narcissistic
• 7:08
  supply yes. Another reason that they will
• 7:11
  try to come back to you is right, like right here.
• 7:14
  This is you know, this is not you know, this is not maybe not
• 7:17
  a super common one, but like look, do they still try to come
• 7:21
  back even if you had charges against them?
• 7:23
  Yes, yes, some of them will ever will are absolutely try to come
• 7:29
  back into your life. Even if you press charges on
• 7:32
  them or have them arrested, you know, even you press charges on
• 7:35
  them and have them arrested, They absolutely will try to come
• 7:39
  back into your life to ruin your life.
• 7:42
  You know, and sometimes they'll try to come back into your life
• 7:44
  to be nice to you to try to get you to drop those charges,
• 7:47
  right. They want you to drop those
• 7:48
  charges that you have out on them.
• 7:50
  They don't want those charges to to remain, so they'll come back
• 7:52
  into your life to try to get you to drop said charges, right?
• 7:56
  They want you to drop those charges.
• 7:57
  So that's what they'll do as well, right?
• 7:59
  Yes. Another reason that some
• 8:01
  narcissist will try to come back is shout out to you boredom.
• 8:10
  They get bored, they get bored with the new supply.
• 8:13
  They get bored of living life without you and they'll try to
• 8:16
  come back into your life. They'll just be bored.
• 8:18
  Not because they'll tell you look, they'll tell you that they
• 8:21
  care about you. They will tell you that they
• 8:23
  they want to they miss you and they love you.
• 8:25
  They'll do that, but they're just bored.
• 8:29
  They get bored as hell and just had to come back.
• 8:31
  I'm bored with my decision making abilities and they'll
• 8:34
  just how to come back into your life.
• 8:36
  They absolutely will. You know what I mean?
• 8:39
  You dropping some bones, you dropping some good ones right
• 8:41
  here. They won't control and supply.
• 8:43
  It's an ego boost yes or the new supply.
• 8:47
  Let them go yes, absolutely. You own it.
• 8:50
  They absolutely, this is what happens.
• 8:54
  They think that they're, they, they, they think that you're
• 8:57
  open to them coming back and they, they won't control over
• 9:00
  you, right? This is what happens.
• 9:04
  So if you have, if you have released a narcissist into the
• 9:07
  wild, right, if you have released a narcissist back into
• 9:11
  the wild, if you've broken up with them, divorced them or
• 9:14
  whatever, don't let them come back into your life or back into
• 9:17
  your space because they will absolutely try to wreak havoc in
• 9:20
  your life and in your space. This is just a fact, right?
• 9:27
  This is just a fact. This is what ends up happening
• 9:31
  right here. You know this this is their
• 9:34
  space right here. So how would you know if you
• 9:37
  how, how will you know after you win no contact if they hit their
• 9:40
  rock bottom? You, you, you won't, right?
• 9:43
  You won't. You're supposed to be no
• 9:44
  contact. You're not if you're no contact,
• 9:46
  if you're really no contact, you're not worried.
• 9:48
  You, you can't worry about them reaching out or worried about
• 9:50
  their rock bottom. You can.
• 9:52
  That's not something like no contact.
• 9:53
  That's for you not worried about them.
• 9:54
  You're not supposed to be worried about them doing no
• 9:56
  contact because if you reach out to them or check in on them,
• 9:59
  what ends up happening is sometimes one of the main
• 10:03
  reasons, Another reason that they will try to come back into
• 10:05
  your life. Another one of the main reasons
• 10:07
  that they will try to come back into your life is because you
• 10:09
  reach out to them. You open the door and welcome
• 10:12
  them back into your life, right? You will open the door and
• 10:16
  welcome them back with open arms because you think that they they
• 10:19
  are doing well or they're hurting.
• 10:21
  This is the one that gets me all the time.
• 10:22
  This is the one that gets a lot of people is that you'll reach
• 10:25
  out to them or you'll, you'll take a peek at their social
• 10:27
  media platforms or whatever and you'll see that profile picture
• 10:30
  even like, Oh no, they look sad in their profile picture.
• 10:32
  They must need my help. They must need me.
• 10:35
  They must need help. And then you reach out to them
• 10:37
  and then you suck yourself back into the relationship.
• 10:39
  You, you'll welcome them back into the relationship and
• 10:42
  they'll ruin your life because they look sad in their profile
• 10:46
  picture because you told yourself a story about their
• 10:48
  sadness and their grief and you're like, they look sad in
• 10:51
  their profile. But I had to reach out to check
• 10:53
  in, check in on them. No, you didn't have to.
• 10:54
  You can't heal them. You can't fix them.
• 10:57
  You know what I mean? My ex-husband tried to convince
• 10:59
  me not to not follow through on divorce.
• 11:02
  Then try to do every family holiday together after divorce.
• 11:05
  Not for our child but they have access to me.
• 11:07
  Yep Yep, Yep, Yep. That's another one of the
• 11:10
  reasons, right? I'm glad you mentioned that is
• 11:11
  another one of the reasons right there.
• 11:13
  Because they don't want anybody else around their damn kids.
• 11:17
  Even if they have their own people around your kids, they
• 11:20
  don't want anybody else around their kids.
• 11:27
  I know it can seem ass backwards, but that really is
• 11:30
  how it goes. They don't want anybody else
• 11:32
  around their kids. So they just act a monkey and
• 11:34
  try to keep everybody away. You know what I'm saying?
• 11:36
  This is what they do. This is how they respond and
• 11:38
  whatnot. They will try to come back.
• 11:40
  They try to come back For these reasons.
• 11:42
  Right here. Right.
• 11:44
  You warned me he would implode and he did.
• 11:46
  Yeah. Yeah, I I tried to warn.
• 11:48
  Oh, so we did. We did a one-on-one.
• 11:49
  We we've talked before. Morgan said I had a meeting with
• 11:52
  you. Totally recommend anybody,
• 11:54
  anybody attending you. So you came, Did you come?
• 11:56
  I can't see your face in this picture right here.
• 11:58
  Did you do a one-on-one or did you come to one of the events?
• 12:03
  So I still do my one on ones over zoom.
• 12:04
  Yeah. If y'all don't know, I still
• 12:05
  have my one on ones available over zoom.
• 12:08
  Everything about me, y'all events, courses, groups.
• 12:12
  I have a support group everything is at
• 12:14
  mentalillness.net. Everything about me you can find
• 12:17
  at mentalillness.net, everything about me, e-mail everything,
• 12:23
  everything. Oh, so me and her had a
• 12:24
  one-on-one. Yeah, she we had a one-on-one.
• 12:26
  She said she highly recommends it.
• 12:27
  Thank you so much. Thank you so much.
• 12:31
  But this is what happens to y'all.
• 12:33
  So a lot of times they will try to come back and sometimes
• 12:35
  y'all. I posted a video about this on
• 12:37
  my on my TikTok the other day. Sometimes they try to come back
• 12:41
  just because they can, right? Not because they love you or
• 12:44
  care about you or miss you. They try to come back just
• 12:47
  because they can. You know what I mean?
• 12:49
  This is what ends up happening. They try to come back just
• 12:51
  because they can and they want to wreak havoc in your life and
• 12:55
  try to ruin your life. You know, Megan says ownership
• 12:59
  of you is also ownership with the children.
• 13:01
  But what does ownership mean to them?
• 13:04
  Is that is, is it the high ownership just means the
• 13:09
  control. They it's, it's, it's about so
• 13:12
  for me, it's about mitigating the shame.
• 13:14
  I don't want to feel ashamed. If if somebody else has you,
• 13:17
  then I feel ashamed that somebody else has you.
• 13:20
  You know what I'm saying? In that space right there.
• 13:25
  No, this is what happens. Somebody said they come back to
• 13:27
  finish you all. Somebody they, they sometimes
• 13:29
  they come back to finish you off.
• 13:30
  Yes, I will say that is a big truth right there because
• 13:36
  sometimes they do come back to seek vengeance.
• 13:39
  Sometimes they come back into your life, into your space to
• 13:42
  try and seek some type of vengeance on you for hurting
• 13:45
  them, some type of vengeance on you for what you have put them
• 13:47
  what you what you put them through.
• 13:50
  They try to come back in this space right here and do this
• 13:52
  type of stuff. This is what they try to do.
• 13:55
  You do do do do you do one on ones with the actual narcissist
• 13:59
  or just their victims? I talk to anybody.
• 14:00
  I've talked to narcissist, I've talked to survivors, thrivers,
• 14:04
  I've talked to therapists. I thought I talked to anybody
• 14:05
  one-on-one that's willing to talk.
• 14:06
  You know what I'm saying? That's what I do.
• 14:09
  That's what I wanted ones do. I talked to anybody and
• 14:11
  everybody. I was talking to other diagnosed
• 14:13
  narcissists. I told the people, I told people
• 14:15
  how to get into the therapy. I talked to people about healing
• 14:18
  and growth. That's what I do right there,
• 14:19
  y'all. This is what I do.
• 14:22
  This is what I do. I've been doing it for almost
• 14:25
  four years now. No matter what they always
• 14:28
  write. That's why.
• 14:29
  That's how it goes right there, y'all.
• 14:31
  You know vengeance is my fear. It's what keeps me avoiding him.
• 14:34
  Be safe. You have to be safe right there
• 14:35
  because they will come back just to try to seek some type of
• 14:38
  vengeance. Yeah, I got a little time for.
• 14:41
  I got a couple minutes for a few questions, y'all and whatnot if
• 14:44
  y'all want to ask a few questions.
• 14:45
  But I do have to say this y'all because y'all are the first
• 14:47
  people that attended my life today.
• 14:50
  I'm going to show y'all this right here.
• 14:52
  My next my new course. I just finished my new course,
• 14:58
  my y'all. I I got one course called
• 15:00
  Understanding the Seven Stages of a Narcissistic Relationship.
• 15:03
  But I just finished my newest course.
• 15:06
  I'm gonna show you. I'm gonna give y'all a sneak
• 15:08
  peek of it right here. Not a sneak peek.
• 15:10
  I'm gonna just show y'all right here on my on my website.
• 15:12
  Doo Doo, Doo, Doo, Doo Doo. Here you go right here.
• 15:16
  I'm gonna do y'all a little peek right here.
• 15:18
  Y'all see it my new course right here, finding your why Healing
• 15:23
  from narcissistic abuse is now available right now.
• 15:28
  I also have another course called understanding the seven
• 15:30
  stages of a Narcissistic relationship right here.
• 15:33
  Y'all see five star reviews, 16 five star reviews.
• 15:36
  This is understanding the narcissistic relationship.
• 15:39
  This is healing from the narcissistic relationship right
• 15:41
  here and then you can get them together.
• 15:43
  I have a bundle offer right here as well available as well.
• 15:45
  All of that. You can find all of that with
• 15:48
  the link I'm gonna put right here.
• 15:50
  courses.andgroups@courses.mentalillness.net. Y'all see it all right there.
• 15:54
  So you can check it out. courses.mentalillness.net.
• 16:00
  I'll put it on the screen right here as well.
• 16:02
  Right here if you have to check out my new course and whatnot.
• 16:07
  And you also changed, and you also changed your profile
• 16:09
  picture too, didn't you? Good job in your first therapy
• 16:11
  session. I'm meeting in the next tomorrow
• 16:18
  in a public place to exchange personal items.
• 16:20
  Any last minute tips? I'm really nervous.
• 16:23
  Just have the items ready to go and make sure.
• 16:25
  Like I said, I don't know if you want to do a an item check
• 16:29
  before you leave. Just be prepared for a few
• 16:31
  different things. You going to meet up with him
• 16:32
  one last time or whatever I was I was going to say do a you can
• 16:36
  just do a drop off. Y'all both drop them off
• 16:37
  somewhere else. But if you can't avoid seeing
• 16:40
  them or talking to him or whatever the case may be, just
• 16:43
  prepare for them to either try to hold hold you up and talk to
• 16:46
  you or for them to try to dismiss you and not talk to you
• 16:49
  at all because that can hurt just as bad right there.
• 16:51
  I know people that will hurt people's hearts right there you
• 16:54
  go have this last conversation and they do the type of stuff
• 16:57
  right there. Bring a friend.
• 16:58
  Yes, bring a friend if possible. That would that could deter the
• 17:02
  things right there. My husband is a self-righteous
• 17:04
  and art. I'm presently working on
• 17:06
  leaving. I was advised to do it slowly
• 17:07
  and do it slowly and safely. Yeah, absolutely, yes,
• 17:10
  absolutely, yes, y'all. But anyway, y'all just filed a
• 17:14
  protective order today. Just be safe.
• 17:16
  Just be safe. Anyway, y'all, I do have to hop
• 17:19
  off this thing. I got some more videos I have to
• 17:20
  record today to get ready. I'm I'm recording, I'm trying to
• 17:24
  record a bunch of videos today to get ready for Saint Louis.
• 17:26
  The Saint Louis workshop is next week, y'all.
• 17:28
  I'm serious. If y'all, like I said, we do it.
• 17:33
  We're doing our next our next event, our next live in person
• 17:36
  event in St. Louis, MO in Durham, NC next
• 17:41
  week. Next week, y'all will see it
• 17:44
  right here. Next week we'll be in the St.
• 17:46
  Louis, MO on the 5th. We'll be in St.
• 17:50
  Louis, MO on the 5th and then we'll be in Durham, NC on April
• 17:55
  the 12th. So NIA, Renee and myself, these
• 17:58
  are pictures from my old, old workshops in Texas and we did
• 18:01
  2IN Texas. We also did one in Washington DC
• 18:04
  last year. 8 days, 8 1/2 days left to register.
• 18:08
  You can find everything about this right here.
• 18:09
  The workshops and whatnot, the in person question and ask the
• 18:12
  in person Q. And as you can find all of this
• 18:16
  at EEV, you can find this@mentalillness.net/events.
• 18:21
  I'll drop that in the comment section.
• 18:22
  And somebody, just if somebody asks a question about can we ask
• 18:25
  questions about the event, you can e-mail me right here.
• 18:29
  If you have a question about the Saint Louis or Durham, NC event,
• 18:31
  you can e-mail me right here. Mental illness, 85@gmail.com,
• 18:36
  you can send me the e-mail directly about just put event or
• 18:40
  Saint Louis event or whatever. Put the event in the put the
• 18:43
  event. Just put whatever your question
• 18:45
  is in the in the thumb line or whatever, right?
• 18:47
  So mental illness at mentalillness85@gmail.com.
• 18:53
  Y'all, I got to hop off this name.
• 18:54
  We have more coming up later on, y'all.
• 18:56
  We have more coming up later on. This is just the first two of
• 18:58
  this year. We save.
• 19:00
  Y'all. Take care of yourselves and as
• 19:01
  always y'all, as always, mental illness result peace.