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Holistic Communication Creates Authentic Relatiionships · Authentic Living

• 0:01
  Welcome to authentic living with Roxanne, a place where we have conscious cover about
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  things that really matter in our lives.
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  And now here's your host, Roxanne Turhage.
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  Hi, everyone.
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  It's, Roxanne Durgesh.
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  Thanks for tuning in again.
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  Tathleen Tink living with Roxanne.
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  This week, I have a colleague, Lindsey La Paquette.
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  Am I did I say that right?
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  You did.
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  Okay.
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  Lindsey is a colleague of mine and communication specialist.
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  So, I invited Lindsey here today to be able to share some of her wisdom about some of the
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  things that she's done, in her career as a speaker and a trainer, and also a coach.
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  So I will, I have Lindsay's, bio.
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  So, Lindsay, thanks so much for being here with us.
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  Well, thank you for having me.
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  She's out in Montreal.
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  For everybody that's listening.
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  So, Lindsay's got a master's, and she's a human behavior and interpersonal communication
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  specialist.
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  She supports organizations to free themselves from stressful such interactions through
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  consultations and workshops.
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  Her work in the field of interpersonal communication has pro been profoundly
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  influenced by her professional background as a former speech language pathologist, which talk
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  about a microscopic, look at speaking, and her work with First Nations individuals who pre who
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  prioritizes relationships and connection above all else.
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  And the premature loss of both of her parents has kind of, informed what she does.
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  Which left, I guess it's left her you feeling disconnected, to yourself and Lindsay's unique
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  holistic conceptualization of of communication is that we we connect with oneself, the better
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  we are able to connect others, and I'm sorry about that because I'm reading off my phone and
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  I had to enlarge it for everybody listening.
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  So, Lindsey, thanks so much for joining us today.
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  Thank you.
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  So, Lindsey, you and I were we were yapping before we got on, and I thought, oh my god.
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  I should hit hit record because we were having such a great conversation about things.
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  And, You know, it's interesting because your background, is a is completely in the mechanics
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  of communication.
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  And I would say that everybody out there wants to learn how to communicate better.
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  Would you would you agree with the Adventancy?
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  I think it's something that can benefit everyone.
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  Yes.
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  Absolutely.
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  Even when you communicate very well, I think there's always things we can improve
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  So from my perspective as my background with psychotherapy and a consultant, guess what I
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  deal with all the time?
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  It's constantly really working with people, having them understand what they're saying,
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  having them kind of think about kind of the meta message, which is kinda what's under this,
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  How does it fit?
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  What do you value?
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  What do you believe?
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  What are some of the assumptions?
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  All that stuff that kind of embeds one thing which is I'm trying to say something to you and
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  all this stuff's going on.
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  So when you kind of, what what got you interested in becoming a speech pathologist for
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  Oh,
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  good question.
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  So I had, I think from a young age, I knew I wanted to work with children actually.
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  And, you know, looked at teaching and there weren't a lot of job opportunities.
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  So I had an aunt who had a friend who was a speech pathologist and she knew I liked to talk
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  and felt it was a good fit.
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  So I I looked into it and and, I don't think I knew really what it was when I got into it, but
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  it has been a perfect fit, I think, for my interests and has led to so many benefits in my
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  personal life to be able to pull information from my professional background and see how it
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  applies to my own life.
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  So tell us, like, I mean, I'm, I'm talking like I was prefacing kind of as a psychotherapist.
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  As a speech pathologist, you're you're you're teaching some kids to learn how to speak
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  properly.
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  You know,
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  I'm gonna assume that there there could be impairments up to just helping people learn how
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  to articulate a message even more?
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  Is it the full spectrum?
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  It's the full spectrum.
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  So the field goes from anything to from stuttering and dyslexia all the way to, working
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  with clients who have significant global impairments So I ended up getting very
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  specialized in working with clients with diagnoses like attention deficit disorder,
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  autism, fetal alcohol syndrome disorder.
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  And so I was working a lot with clients who not only struggled to communicate or to sometimes
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  understand, but also has struggled to relate to others around them.
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  So their social skills were often significantly impaired.
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  And part of that too was they were clients that had a hard time keeping their bodies calm.
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  And what I started to realize the more I practiced and the more I had personal life
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  events.
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  I started to realize that when a client struggles to stay calm, It's very tough to
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  sustainably influence the communication piece or to improve that.
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  So I started to work in tandem a lot with other professionals who could help the clients stay
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  calm or so that I could get further with the client's communication skills.
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  So it was it was eye opening to me how much the 2 are linked, our ability to stay calm and and
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  our ability to communicate well.
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  That's interesting, you know, because I spend a lot of time talking to people about, you know,
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  kind of the, you know, the state of I call it the window of tolerance or the relaxed states,
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  and, you know, I will often see, let's say, a couple and, you know, she starts talking and he
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  gets upset and he remembers one small part of potentially something or nuance of a word and
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  he quits listening.
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  And he and he holds on, like, to that one word, and that's all the client remembers hearing.
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  Right.
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  And then and they say, well, you just said this.
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  And and she goes, well, no.
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  No.
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  No.
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  No.
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  No.
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  No.
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  You didn't hear.
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  Did you listen to everything else I said?
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  And he goes, no.
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  You didn't.
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  You didn't say that.
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  And then I would say and then they would look at me and say, what did you just hear?
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  I said, well, okay.
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  Well, I can tell you objectively what I just experienced.
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  So it's interesting, right, because our perception based on so many variables kind of
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  impacts what part of a message we buy into and which ones we either stop listening to or we
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  negate or we overemphasize or deemphasize.
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  Would you agree with that?
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  Absolutely.
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  Absolutely.
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  And I I think part of, you know, one of the underlying skills to this, as I'm sure you
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  know, but is simply the ability to take someone else's perspective into account.
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  Right?
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  So a lot of the clients I work with have a tough time thinking flexibly.
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  You know, they get really stuck in their thinking.
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  When I work with kids, we call it rock brain, which is some social thinking terminology.
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  And and what I started to see was that so my clients, you talk of a window of tolerance.
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  My clients with disabilities, their window of tolerance is very small.
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  But what I started to realize as I had kids and I actually have 2 kids of my own with special
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  needs and they have a small window of tolerance themselves.
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  I started to realize that I have moments of rock brain.
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  Right?
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  I have moments where I'm just having a hard time thinking flexibly, and I don't have a
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  disability, but I started looking around realizing, oh, this is something you know, I'm
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  specialized in doing this with clients with disabilities, but it's it's a message that is
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  important for us all to be self aware of When are these moments when for whatever reason
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  based on our patterns and and and whatnot that I'm falling into communication patterns that
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  are not as responsive as what they sometimes can be.
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  And I think it happens to all of us, you know, we're human.
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  But that's self awareness and the ability to put yourself into someone else's shoes, as I'm
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  sure you know, I think really, allows us to, engage in these interactions differently.
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  And, you know, it's it's interesting that you said that from your perspective, which is,
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  again, I'm gonna use the perspective that I use is I will say so to someone, flow back in time,
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  the last time, you know, you felt like this, and what was the thought that was coming to you
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  at that time, and they'll go, I'm not good enough.
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  And I'll go, oh, interesting.
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  Oh, so the thought is I'm not good enough.
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  So Is that why you're responding in the way you are?
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  And they'll go, well, not really.
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  Right.
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  You know, defensively, but then really, truly, what they're doing is responding to the fact
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  that maybe a supervisor raised their voice, which made them think I'm not good enough.
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  So they're responding back kind of, you know, you know, in an offensive mode.
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  Yeah.
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  At the supervisor.
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  Maybe did elevate their voice, but it it's it's kind of separating out those 2 to recognize
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  Okay.
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  This is not being being 7 and being reprimanded.
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  This is me, you know, speaking to a supervisor.
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  And how do I kind of vacillate between the two?
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  To be able to respond in a way that's more appropriate.
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  So I'm gonna assume that you see a lot of that when you're working with.
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  I do.
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  I do.
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  So I think so a lot of the clients that I have worked with historically, have
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  a very tough time.
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  They're often in fight or flight mode.
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  And some of it can be due to trauma, but some of it is disability and just having a hard time
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  tolerating, you know, the noises and the lights and the sensations and So they get into this
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  very reactive mode.
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  Like you're saying, where they're responding out of instinct, and part of what, you know,
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  what I do and what I've transitioned into as I've moved out of working in the disability
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  world and work you know, moved into working with just typical individuals is looking at how
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  How can we how do we create this awareness?
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  And I think part of that is psychotherapy and and other related services that are, you know,
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  outside of what I provide, but you know, I I do have a big focus on mindfulness because I think
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  mindfulness training can bring that awareness of is this about this situation, or is this
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  about something that's not related to what this person said?
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  So I think there's many paths to it.
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  And I think, that I do really think though that crux of being able to have that self awareness
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  of is this about what's going on here or not is so key to,
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  maybe not always being able to catch ourselves in the moment
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  You know, I'm guilty of that, that I, you know, I respond.
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  I say something to the kids.
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  And, after I think, oh, I was I was in a you know, a reactive mode, but I think at the very
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  least, you it gives chance for repair.
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  Right?
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  You can go back and say, hey.
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  I'm really sorry.
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  I spoke to you a bit harshly, and I I think there's a lot of value in having that awareness
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  of,
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  so tell tell me more about RockBrain.
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  I'll
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  tell you.
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  Yeah.
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  And what how you kind of approach that when you're when you're teaching, or training people
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  to kind of recognize Rock Green?
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  What are some of the strategies that you might suggest or teachables that, you know, you you
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  share an ongoing basis.
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  Right.
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  So Rock Rain is actually terminology from, Michelle Garcia winner, through social
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  thinking.
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  So she's a speech language pathologist who has worked a lot in or with clients who have, you
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  know, executive functioning challenges with challenges with things like planning and
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  organizing and flexible thinking.
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  And so rock brain, like I said, really represents when we're really stuck on one idea.
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  So for instance, just to give you an example from from my life, you know, my son had said to
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  me that he wanted to stay up late every night to play video games with his friends.
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  And I right away go into Rock Brain of, no, you're not.
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  Staying up until 9 o'clock or eight years old.
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  And, you know, he was very insistent, and I called my sister to say, Can you help me think
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  of this differently?
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  And, you know, what we came to was, well, can we make a deal with him that one day a week he
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  to stay up a little bit later.
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  Right?
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  That's that flexible thinking.
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  Yes.
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  Yes.
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  Of how can I I I need to meet my needs, which is I can't have you up every night and and I
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  have, you know, you have a need to go to bed, but how can I be somewhat flexible in this
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  situation?
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  And I think that, you know, when we look in business, As a boss, having a boss who
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  struggles a lot with locked brain, make it difficult to be an employee under them.
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  Right?
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  Because it means that we're never really truly hurt because if if what we're suggesting to the
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  boss doesn't fit what the boss want, it shut down immediately.
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  So I think having open conversations about this And, I mean, I don't necessarily use the
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  terminology rock brain in in, the corporate world, but looking at an under standing of what
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  does it mean to be a flexible thinker versus not flexible or not as flexible, right, that
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  black and white thinking where it has to be one way or another versus being able to see lots of
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  different solutions.
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  And I think one thing one thing I coach people on is identifying where are the situations
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  where you tend to get triggered into having rock brain?
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  Because there tend to be patterns, right?
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  Like you talked about earlier.
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  Absolutely.
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  So I think if you can identify So for myself, when I'm being challenged in a way that you
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  know, if someone's maybe not listening to my contribution and and shoving their opinion down
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  my throat, I tend to get rock brain to defend my position.
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  And I know that about myself.
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  So that awareness gives me a little bit of space to remind myself you know, to to really
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  try to listen.
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  So I think one of the things is, like I said, just identifying when you get triggered into
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  rock brain by observing yourself.
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  And in our house, we're allowed to say to someone else.
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  I think you might be having a little bit of rock brain right now.
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  And that's a message that is respected.
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  Right?
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  So I don't jump down my son's throat and say, well, I try not to.
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  Say, no, mommy's not.
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  I try to say, oh, yeah.
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  You're right.
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  Maybe we need to talk about this a little bit later.
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  So that's one strategy is when someone in the room is having a moment of rock brain ask for a
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  break because sometimes getting some time away from the situation and getting some time to
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  process those emotions can lead us to more flexible thinking.
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  So it's interesting.
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  Right?
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  Because it's, you know, I do it with, people on teams or whatever.
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  They'll come up with a keyword that will get them out of the state.
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  Right?
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  Because if you're in Rock brain, you're in a state.
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  Yeah.
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  There's no flexibility.
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  And if you could see something like, you know, the other day somebody said spatula is being
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  the funny.
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  Well, you can't, you know, they they couldn't keep a straight face without saying the word
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  spatulas.
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  Everybody broke up, but it took something really, really serious.
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  And contentious and polarizing and put, you know, kind of, you know, oppositional.
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  And and then they said something silly, which made them think, oh, well, this is kinda silly.
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  What we're doing.
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  So it's it's the little things that can come back.
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  And I think we might because really at the end of the day, I always say to people we have you
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  know, 3 parts of the brain, the boss, the Christmas tree, and, you know, you know, the
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  part that just kinda runs her life, which is part that lets you see me, you're breathing,
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  you're regulating your temperature.
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  And when you're in rot brain, you're in you're in basically in the Christmas tree.
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  You're having a bit of a light up.
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  And the boss has decided to go on his extended vacation.
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  I go, what?
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  What do
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  you mean?
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  And I go, okay.
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  So on and I I will joke with them and say, Who who's running the show right now?
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  Like, all the Christmas trees all lit up.
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  Okay.
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  Perfect.
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  So what do you have to do to bring yourself back?
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  Right.
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  To the boss, you need to come back.
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  You have to come back a day early.
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  Yeah.
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  Let's let's bring you back.
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  And it's really simple things like you're saying.
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  Yeah.
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  You don't have to take a
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  big epiphany.
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  Other than to recognize that I am being triggered and what am I what am I
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  Yeah.
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  Yeah.
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  Cues.
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  Absolutely.
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  I think that's a process.
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  Right?
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  Like, I see over my life that I'm constantly learning, even though I teach this, I'm still
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  learning you know, when my Christmas tree is getting lit up in new situations, and I think
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  the more you can have that awareness, the more you can stay calm in your with others because
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  you can take this space, that you need to get yourself back to a calm state you know what
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  triggers you and what can bring you down.
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  And I think that's different for everyone.
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  You know?
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  So it's not a one size fits all solution, but like
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  you said, it's not necessarily a huge life shift other than the awareness, of your
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  patterns.
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  So what so you talked a little bit about mindfulness.
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  So, and that you would work concurrently when you're in disability to kind of work with
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  someone to help individuals get more mindful or more relaxed in order to, be able to hear the
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  message clearer.
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  Yeah.
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  What kind of things?
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  So now that you're kind of working in different environments, how do you incorporate
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  mindfulness to assist people to communicate better?
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  Right.
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  So, just to give you a bit of the backstory, so I think my, journey to mindfulness came out of
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  my own personal need as a parent of 2 kids with special needs who was feeling very overwhelmed
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  by tantrums and and their demands in constant therapy sessions.
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  I then lost both of my parents suddenly within a 2 year span as well as my uncle.
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  And I was having a tough time.
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  And So I I I started, I guess, basically forging into mindfulness.
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  And, so part of that is for me, is meditation.
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  Part of it is trying to incorporate mindful moments throughout my day.
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  So again, I think a piece of it is the awareness.
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  I think we live in a society where there's often messages that the more you do, the harder
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  you work, the better a person you are, and I think that's a very dangerous message.
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  Yes.
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  I think it's one I bought into for many years.
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  But I think it's a very dangerous message.
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  So I think the first step is just shifting thinking around you know, maybe my value
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  doesn't come from what I produce or accomplish.
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  And,
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  you know, Renee Brown talks about how people use exhaustion
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  as status symbol.
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  Right?
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  Yeah.
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  Yeah.
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  And so to have that awareness of the impact that constantly being busy has on our brain,
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  you know, I talk about how, we've ship to do a society where we scroll through our phones in
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  waiting lines in lines in stores for 2 minutes because we can't We've learned to not be able
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  to tolerate 2 minutes of boredom.
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  So I start with small steps, right?
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  Like trying to challenge yourself to turn your phone off for x amount of time depending on
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  what you're used to, you know, after picking a reasonable goal.
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  But choosing to not always be attached to your device, choosing to incorporate moments where
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  you're exposed to no stimulation at all.
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  So it could be driving to work without the radio on or without listening to a podcast, but
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  I I love podcasts.
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  And I love to listen to them, but I do sometimes choose to just have silence.
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  And, you know, it could be incorporating even just a 5 minute meditation when you wake up or
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  at work before a big meeting, closing your door for 5 minutes, and sipping a hot tea or coffee
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  before you step into that meeting.
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  So centering yourself before you have to engage in a tough decision or tough discussion, can we
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  make it or break it sometimes between that conversation going well and not going as well,
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  not getting as triggered.
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  So, really, what we're talking about is, I I often say, I call it, depletion versus
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  replenishment.
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  So you're talking about and I think a lot of people truly were so connected.
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  We, you know, we kinda get up.
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  And, of course, you have kids.
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  I, you know, you have to and you're you're busy.
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  Right?
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  Like, you constantly go into your day.
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  You gotta run your business and and kinda, you know, and then as a parent in there, you're
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  doing all that other stuff to care for them and, you know, run your home.
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  We all have full lives.
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  Yeah.
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  What what the small breaks, you call it the, mindful moments.
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  I like it.
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  I always like that term, is that people don't realize it.
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  It's that sometimes you know, just taking those moments can actually replenish them with a
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  cumulative effect so that when when they're done their day, they're not completely drained.
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  Yes.
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  Yes.
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  Would you agree with that?
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  I fully agree.
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  And my experience has been because, listen, I as I've taken mindfulness classes, I find it
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  hard to carve out an hour every day to meditate because I also like to go to the gym and, you
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  know, I have kids in a job.
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  So I have found that I, I do sometimes meditate for long periods, but I found it for myself
• 22:44
  just as effective to, you know, meditate 10 minutes in the morning.
• 22:50
  You know, be not put the radio on on my way to work.
• 22:53
  Take a few minutes you know, over lunch to go for a nice mindful walk and connect with how
• 22:58
  the leaves sound and the wind on my, you know, on my body and and try to not get into my
• 23:04
  thoughts of what I have to do, but really just be with myself and the environment.
• 23:10
  All those I find accumulate for me actually as well if not better than just doing one longer
• 23:17
  event.
• 23:18
  And I think the other realization for me was that I hadn't really understood the difference
• 23:23
  between self care versus mindfulness, which is, you know, being present in the moment because
• 23:30
  I've always, well, always for many years, I've done lots of self care.
• 23:34
  I love going to Zumba, and that's part of my self care, but it's not a mindful moment for
• 23:39
  me.
• 23:40
  I'm not It's fun and it replenishes me, but it's not connecting myself necessarily with how
• 23:46
  I'm feeling.
• 23:48
  So that's been a distinction I've had to pay attention to is when do I need to replenish?
• 23:53
  And how can I do that with a mindful moment?
• 23:56
  And to believe that most people listening would would agree.
• 23:59
  Sometimes you don't have an hour out of your day.
• 24:03
  Right?
• 24:03
  Like, I mean, ideally, you'd wanna be able to get an hour to be able to between exercise and
• 24:08
  and doing a a mindfulness activity.
• 24:11
  But in reality, you know, things, you know, you can preplan your day as much as possible.
• 24:17
  But stuff goes down.
• 24:18
  Right?
• 24:18
  And then you've gotta shift it.
• 24:19
  And then what's the first thing that goes?
• 24:21
  Right?
• 24:21
  Time for yourself and all that stuff.
• 24:24
  But, like, I often say to people Sometimes I will say, okay.
• 24:27
  Take out your phone.
• 24:28
  I said, who has a phone when I speak?
• 24:30
  And I say, everybody have a phone?
• 24:32
  Or should I ask who doesn't have a phone.
• 24:34
  And
• 24:34
  then I tell them to walk through some things with the phone.
• 24:37
  I said, load up 5 of the most fantastic pictures Yes.
• 24:42
  On your phone.
• 24:44
  And and I go, can you think of, you know, and people will come up, like, you know, if kids or
• 24:48
  pets or scenery or whatever.
• 24:51
  And then I say, okay.
• 24:51
  What what's the favorite music you have?
• 24:54
  Yes.
• 24:55
  And then I tried I don't know how to hook it, but I tell them to hook the music to the
• 24:59
  pictures.
• 25:00
  Yes.
• 25:01
  Right?
• 25:01
  And periodically through their day, those are some of the just some of the things.
• 25:06
  Set your alarm If you can in the morning, do it in the morning, right after lunch, try to watch
• 25:12
  it again,
• 25:13
  and
• 25:13
  listen, and do it again, just after dinner.
• 25:16
  Absolutely.
• 25:17
  But just because, again, you're reminding the brain that it could be pleasurable.
• 25:22
  It can relax.
• 25:24
  Yes.
• 25:24
  It's okay, right, versus go go go go go go go go into depletion.
• 25:29
  Yeah.
• 25:29
  And I think the more you do it, the more you realize the impact it has on your life, the
• 25:35
  more you want to do it in incorporated, the more becomes part of your routine.
• 25:39
  That's been my experience at least.
• 25:40
  You know?
• 25:41
  I I completely agree.
• 25:43
  So with, when you go into, organizations and stuff like that, what what's your approach when
• 25:50
  you, kinda get called in to, send organization to work with them.
• 25:54
  How do you kind of create a plan?
• 25:58
  They might call you in for communication skills, what or stress management, what do they
• 26:03
  might they source you out for and see.
• 26:05
  Yeah.
• 26:06
  So I do I do a few different workshops.
• 26:08
  So generally, my work with companies starts through workshops.
• 26:11
  I do consulting also, but the initial requests tend to be more for notes or workshops.
• 26:17
  And, so I do different ones.
• 26:20
  One is on understanding your own personality and the personality of others so that to help
• 26:25
  build an awareness of, you know, just because I might like to be really well, I'm I tend to
• 26:33
  like, to be more flexible and like change, but some people like a lot of structure and to
• 26:39
  build an awareness that just because I like it this way doesn't mean this is the way everyone
• 26:42
  else likes it and how can I understand how another person's needs might be different than
• 26:48
  my own?
• 26:49
  That I think is one way to improve communication.
• 26:52
  Right, to be able to have that awareness of other people's needs.
• 26:57
  One of my talks is on, resolving conflict so understanding, you know, how different
• 27:02
  personalities tend to respond to conflict.
• 27:06
  And so my my underlying goal in anyhow, I've few more, but my underlying goal in these
• 27:11
  workshops is to help people understand how to sustainably improve communication by
• 27:19
  interacting in in, I I think similar to your message, interacting in authentic ways where we
• 27:24
  truly try to listen to the other person's input.
• 27:30
  You know, we my training as a therapist taught me that when you listen to a client, you need
• 27:35
  to be ready to have a solution to fix that client's problem, which which is probably
• 27:41
  different from your training, but it's taken me many years to undo that idea that sometimes I
• 27:48
  just need to listen without a solution.
• 27:50
  Mhmm.
• 27:51
  Because sometimes I'm coming up with a solution and I haven't even fully listened to the other
• 27:55
  since problem.
• 27:56
  And so that has been a huge learning curve for me, particularly working up north where their
• 28:01
  listening skills are phenomenal.
• 28:04
  Up in Northern Canada with the Cree.
• 28:06
  So, that's part of what I teach to organizations now is if let's say you're giving
• 28:12
  an employee performance feedback, how do you do that in a way that respects that the employee
• 28:19
  has has content to contribute that is of value and respecting that they're an equal in the
• 28:27
  process giving feedback.
• 28:28
  So instead of coming in and saying this is what you need to approve.
• 28:31
  What do you think
• 28:31
  that's right online?
• 28:33
  How do we have a real conversation where we both truly discuss the strengths and weaknesses
• 28:39
  and where I see you as a partner in coming up with ideas and ways to support you in your week
• 28:46
  versus judging you for struggling with certain things because the reality is we all have
• 28:51
  weaknesses.
• 28:52
  Right?
• 28:52
  It's part of
• 28:53
  a huge
• 28:53
  mission.
• 28:55
  But those interactions sometimes are done in a way where, you know, as a boss, we are trying
• 29:01
  to send a message that it needs to be done a certain way.
• 29:04
  So I think shifting our thinking to looking at how do I meet the needs of different people
• 29:09
  differently and how do I have a conversation to truly identify what those needs are is a super
• 29:15
  important piece to business success, you know, and life success.
• 29:20
  So resource based, really, what you're heightening is people's resources, to to to
• 29:26
  recognize and make it more collaborative.
• 29:28
  And which really with my background, that's what I do all the time.
• 29:31
  You know, I'm I was trained differently than you and that I always say to people, when I'm,
• 29:37
  you know, either consulting or coaching is my job.
• 29:40
  I'll know I I don't have a job when you don't need me anymore.
• 29:44
  And I'm gonna pull the I'm gonna pull the things from you that will make you make the
• 29:51
  right decision because if I were to tell you what to do, which is different prop speech
• 29:55
  pathology.
• 29:56
  You're gonna go up there.
• 29:57
  You're gonna go out.
• 29:58
  You're gonna deliver.
• 29:58
  You're gonna fall flat in your face in a week, and you're gonna come back.
• 30:01
  Right.
• 30:02
  Based on my prescription, and then you're gonna be mad.
• 30:05
  Right?
• 30:06
  And so I'm circumventing that by allowing you to really come up with the solutions yourself.
• 30:12
  Yeah.
• 30:12
  Absolutely.
• 30:13
  And, I mean, listen, part of that may have just been my personality and how I interpreted my
• 30:18
  training and the messages may have shifted, but I've learned ton from working with, you know,
• 30:23
  psychologists, psychotherapist, and social workers on how to listen in a way that I didn't
• 30:29
  that I didn't before.
• 30:30
  And what I've seen is how you get so much better outcomes when like you say, when you
• 30:38
  view the other person as the expert of their own situation, and you're simply there to help
• 30:43
  guide them, but respecting that they have their own answers, like you said, That's, I think you
• 30:48
  get the best outcomes.
• 30:49
  You know?
• 30:50
  Abs absolutely.
• 30:51
  Absolutely.
• 30:52
  So you know what?
• 30:54
  So collaborative, full, compassionate kindness.
• 30:59
  Like, that's really what I hear.
• 31:00
  Some of the core things.
• 31:02
  Right?
• 31:03
  Transparency, emotional responsiveness, Yeah.
• 31:06
  Consistency and safety.
• 31:07
  Those are all the variables that are really needed for a an ideal situation.
• 31:12
  And that said, most of us, you know, We think we communicate well.
• 31:17
  But really, you know, we could all learn to communicate better.
• 31:22
  I think I I'm always learning I mean, how to, you know, kind of enhance things based on
• 31:28
  everybody's so unique.
• 31:30
  Yeah.
• 31:31
  And we're human.
• 31:32
  Right?
• 31:32
  I still catch myself myself.
• 31:34
  I have a conversation and after I think, oh, I was really pushing, you know, my perspective
• 31:39
  and not listening as or I was trying to give them a solution.
• 31:42
  So it's, I think it's always a learning curve for all of us, but I think the key is being
• 31:47
  open to reflecting on how to do things differently and being okay with being
• 31:52
  imperfect.
• 31:53
  You know, it's not to beat ourselves up for it, but, just to learn from those around us.
• 31:58
  Absolutely.
• 32:00
  Now this has been amazing, so I wanna know where people can get ahold of you.
• 32:04
  And, what kind of things is maybe there's something that you'd like them to reach out,
• 32:10
  you know, to look into.
• 32:12
  So why don't you tell everyone where they can get hold of you?
• 32:14
  Thank you.
• 32:15
  Yeah.
• 32:15
  So My my company's name is Collaborative Solutions.
• 32:19
  Felt that fit well kind of where I was trying to get people in their conversations.
• 32:24
  The website is www.collaborativedashsolutions with an s on the end.
• 32:31
  Ca So you can check out under my corporate tab.
• 32:36
  I have the 5 different workshops that I offer, and you can go take a peek there if you're
• 32:41
  interested in having any work shops or keynotes within your organization to look at how to free
• 32:47
  yourself from stressful interactions within the workplace and how to have people be able
• 32:52
  communicate in a respectful way that has everybody feeling valued, which ultimately, you
• 33:00
  know, leads to improved staff retention and and job satisfaction.
• 33:04
  So you can check that out there.
• 33:07
  And Awesome.
• 33:08
  Awesome.
• 33:09
  Well, thank you
• 33:10
  so much for being here with us.
• 33:12
  And, so when I when I listen to Lindsay's message, it's really about, Listening, but
• 33:20
  listening in a way that makes you understand, what is your stress response?
• 33:24
  Maybe potentially what is that other person stress response and how are you ensuring that
• 33:31
  your needs are being met, but at the same time thinking about outside of yourself to think
• 33:36
  about what else that other person's needs also.
• 33:39
  That said, it's not that easy.
• 33:41
  It takes practice and you might, you
• 33:43
  know, practice.
• 33:44
  And when you're a little bit heated, it's it's difficult for all of us, so to take that time.
• 33:48
  So I I thank, Lindsey, for sharing her wisdom.
• 33:51
  And if anybody's ever looking for you know, a communication specialist, by all means, please
• 33:57
  reach out to to Lindsey.
• 33:59
  And for anyone, companies that are looking for consultations or, mental health and wellness
• 34:05
  strategist or keynote, you can reach me at roxanderhodge.com.
• 34:10
  So, again, thank you for tuning in, and we'll chat with you soon.
• 34:14
  Okay, Lindsey.
• 34:15
  Take care.
• 34:16
  Thank you.
• 34:16
  This has been great.
• 34:18
  Okay.
• 34:18
  Talk to you later.
• 34:19
  Bye bye.
• 34:19
  Thanks for tuning in to authentic living with Roxanne, creating the space for positive
• 34:25
  healthy chain.
• 34:26
  Roxanne is a keynote speaker, psychotherapist, and coach to work with Roxanne, visit Roxanne
• 34:33
  Durha dotcom/blueprint.
• 34:36
  We'll see you next time on authentic living with Roxanne.