Latest / Sober Readings / Came To Believe - Ch 8
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- Scott Hayes: you Came to Believe, the spiritual adventure of AA as experienced by individual members. Welcome everyone to Sober Readings, today is Sunday, that means I'm reading from Came to Believe. This week we are going to finish up chapter 8. Chapter 8 is titled, A Higher Power. And here's the intro to chapter 8. Our concepts of a higher power and God, as we understand him, afford everyone a nearly unlimited choice of spiritual belief and action. And that was written by Bill W. and posted in one of the grape vines from April of 1961. So picking up where we left off in chapter 8, are on page 85. And this short story, this one is pretty short, it's ⁓ titled Conversation. I believe that the AA program is simply the will of God being put to practical, everyday use. And I think that the spiritual awakening is the realization that God will help the individual if the individual is completely honest in his efforts. If God were to enter my prison cell for a brief talk, our conversation might be as follows. God, I've had my eye on you for a long time and I'm glad that you're finally trying to help yourself. Me. I'm trying hard, but truthfully I'm scared. God. You keep trying and listen to the people that I have working for me in AA and heed their advice. I have to leave now, for I have a busy itinerary. But if you need me, I will always be near. And that's from Waupun, Wisconsin. And I have to say that some of my prayers each day sound exactly like that. Talking to God just like I'm talking to someone else. Okay, the next story is titled, God is Good. Before AA, I could not or would not admit I was wrong. My pride would not let me, and yet I was ashamed of me. Caught in this conflict, I banished God from my life because I felt he asked me to adhere to a behavior pattern too high for a man of my human frailty. Somehow, I believed that there could be no forgiveness for any failure, that God required me to be all The moral of the story of the Prodigal Son eluded me. Since I thought trying was not enough, I stopped trying. That made me feel guilty. For a while, alcohol blotted out the guilt. Then alcohol became the greatest cause of my guilt. I had to be beaten to a pulp physically, mentally, and emotionally, become bankrupt in all facets of my being, before I could give up my pride and admit defeat. Unfortunately, admitting was not sufficient. My situation got worse until I had to surrender completely. From the depths of my hell, I called out, ⁓ God help. And he led me to a place where I could find a way out of the maze and then sent me a group of people to lead the way. I know that now, but at the time I rejected God and claimed I did not believe in prayer. It took some time for my guides to get me to talk to God through prayer. Before then, I used the fellowship of AA and the people in it as my higher power. They were real, compassionate, and understanding, and they made me feel welcome. But my distorted sense of justice told me there was no reason for God to forgive me, so I still felt ashamed and guilty when His name was mentioned. When I gave up completely and accepted to the the nature of my disease, as well as the full meaning of the first step. I had to have something bigger to tie to. The fellowship as a higher power just was not enough. I still use AA as a reminder that God exists, but I do not use it in place of God. So out of need, I came to believe. To go along with this deep-seated belief in God, I have developed an enormous faith in God. He is good. My understanding is that everything he sends my way is for my benefit. But the growth of this understanding has taken time, as well as a relinquishing of my resistance to change. I needed the trials and tribulations I have had, so that I could surrender and give up self. Only in complete acceptance of the utter defeat of my pride and ego could I begin to win. I am against goals which can be attained. People do not get married and live happily ever after. I could not dry out and live in utopia. Each day God gives us a new challenge. Sometimes it is prosperity, sometimes adversity. Prosperity can lead to complacency, adversity to self-pity. Either one of these reactions is a luxury I cannot afford. I do not always fully accept my adversities as good while I am going through them, but the mere fact that I am now able to write these words proves the logic in my faith that God is good. It is strictly my opinion, based on my experience, that one becomes richer in spirit as one grows in spirit. The more I accept God, the more He gives me. As I become more appreciative of the benefits received, I try harder to show my appreciation. My capacity to be content with life as it is has greatly increased. Therefore, as time goes on, I become more able to be at peace with my fellow man, with God, and within myself. That writer is from Deming, New Mexico. This next writing is only two paragraphs, very short, and it was written from Kenton-an-see in South Africa, and it's titled, The Whole Company of... I was born an Anglican, Church of England, and the following crops up in one of our services, perhaps in the services of other denominations also. Therefore, with angels and archangels and the whole company of heaven, we laud and glorify thy name. Since I have no knowledge of heaven or the company kept there, whenever I repeat this passage of praise, I substitute the words quote, and the whole company of alcoholics anonymous. Being an AA loner, I have felt very out of things and on my own. But I do believe in the power of collective thought, whether for good or evil. Thus, I believe that the collective thought of the body of alcoholics anonymous throughout the world must have some effect on alcoholics, whether they are aware of it or not. And like I said, that was written in South Africa. This next writing is titled, Guiding Presence. In my early boyhood, reciting, Now I lay me down to sleep, and learning to sing, Jesus loves me, were part of my everyday life. Attending Sunday school and then church became an accepted one day a week activity. How much these things affected my life as a small boy I really don't know, but at any time when I experienced fear or trouble, I always turned to a live adult for comfort and reassurance. No doubt some of these childhood teachings remained with me throughout the years, even after I came to depend on the bottle instead, for comfort in time of trouble and for an answer to my problems. But with increasing dependence on the bottle and the anguish, heartache, and loneliness that went with it, there seemed to be a sharp and total decline in all spiritual beliefs and feelings. I became a human paradox. In desperation, I would cry to God to help me out of this terrible mess. In the next breath, I would damn him for not helping me. On occasion, I would expound a great length to others that I was an atheist and did not believe there was a God. If there was, how could he let one of his own creatures suffer so much and live in the hell that I was living in? Each day became so painful that at last I turned as a small, terrified child to living, sober, sane adult for comfort and help. He took me to a place where I had vowed I would never go, a meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous. When the meeting was opened with a moment of silence, I wondered why, but I was impressed. At the close of the meeting, I was shocked when they stood and began to repeat the Lord's Prayer. I tried to join them, though I had, long ago, forgotten the words. And again, I was impressed. In spite of having been thoroughly inebriated a few hours earlier, I returned home feeling good. I seemed to understand that here at last was the hope and help I had been searching for. I fell into a deep peaceful sleep that night while trying to recall the words of the Lord's Prayer. That first day and for some weeks following, I had the comforting feeling of never being alone. During every minute of every day, this good, strong, guiding presence seemed to be always with me. I couldn't see it, yet it was there. Never once did I tell anyone of this experience I was having, for I was convinced they would say that it was but a figment of my imagination and that if I would just bear with it my sanity would return in time. I wasn't so sure myself that there might not be something wrong with my mind. Even so, was delighted with what was happening to me, and I wanted it to continue. If this was a sign of insanity, I thought, let me remain forever in its grasp. One day, I suddenly realized that this great and visible something or someone was no longer by my side. I felt momentarily lonely until I reasoned that this someone greater than myself had decided it was now time for me to face the new realities of a new life. But should I need some help along the way, I felt that he would always be close by as the small child who crosses the street alone for the first time knows that his mother is watching from the window. When, through these personal experiences, I came to believe that the divine architect had laid out a master plan that included me in my own small way, I found that I had a certain degree of sustaining faith to cope with everything living in a sane and confident manner. And that was written by someone in Grand Island, Nebraska. There is one small section left in this chapter, and titled, Living Part of A.A. And that was written in Marysville, Ohio. And that brings us to the end of chapter 8, so I hope you'll tune in next Sunday for the beginning of chapter 9. Chapter 9 is titled Spiritual Progress, and I'll read the intro now. We are not saints. The point is that we are willing to grow along spiritual lines. The principles we have set down are guides to progress. We claim spiritual progress rather than spiritual perfection. That was written by Bill W. and it's in the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous, page 60. And I know that is from How It Works, and that's also the title of that chapter in the big book. So I hope next Sunday you'll tune in for the reading of chapter 9. So let's close this episode with the Serenity Prayer. I hope you'll join me. God, grant us the serenity to accept the things we cannot change. courage to change the things we can, and the wisdom to know the difference. Thanks everyone for listening, I hope you enjoyed this reading of chapter 8 in Came to Believe. If you're interested in reading a chapter out of Came to Believe with me, you can send me an email at soberreadingswithscott at gmail.com. And if you'd like to drop a dollar in today's virtual donation basket for today's reading, just go to soberreadings.com and click the donate button. very much appreciated. So thank you so much for listening today, stay sober, keep reading, and I'll see you in the next episode. Until then, take care of yourselves and each other, and remember, just for today, don't drink, go to a meeting, and keep coming back. Have a great day, and as my friend Larry says, best day ever.