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Rooted in Fear: Either Fear or Love · Let's Get Naked

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_01: Hey everyone, I'm Anne.
• 0:01
  SPEAKER_01: Welcome to another mini episode of the Let's Get Naked podcast.
• 0:05
  SPEAKER_01: We're working through a series titled Rooted in Fear.
• 0:08
  SPEAKER_01: Our first mini is it's either fear or love.
• 0:12
  SPEAKER_01: That's it.
• 0:13
  SPEAKER_01: Let me simplify your entire life real quick.
• 0:16
  SPEAKER_01: Everything you do, every reaction you have, every decision you make comes from one of two places: fear or love.
• 0:25
  SPEAKER_01: That's it.
• 0:26
  SPEAKER_01: There is no third option.
• 0:28
  SPEAKER_01: We love to come complicate it, justify it, intellectualize it, dress it up in logic.
• 0:34
  SPEAKER_01: But if you strip it all the way down to the root, it's always one of those two.
• 0:39
  SPEAKER_01: Control, that's fear.
• 0:41
  SPEAKER_01: People pleasing, fear.
• 0:43
  SPEAKER_01: Overworking, fear.
• 0:45
  SPEAKER_01: Avoiding the hard conversation, fear.
• 0:48
  SPEAKER_01: Even anger, most of the time, is just fear wearing a louder outfit.
• 0:52
  SPEAKER_01: And on the flip side, boundaries.
• 0:55
  SPEAKER_01: That's love.
• 0:56
  SPEAKER_01: Honesty, love.
• 0:57
  SPEAKER_01: Letting go, love.
• 0:59
  SPEAKER_01: Choosing peace over proving a point, love.
• 1:02
  SPEAKER_01: Love isn't weak.
• 1:04
  SPEAKER_01: It's actually the hardest choice in the room because fear is automatic.
• 1:08
  SPEAKER_01: Fear is reactive.
• 1:09
  SPEAKER_01: Fear is fast.
• 1:11
  SPEAKER_01: Love, love requires awareness.
• 1:13
  SPEAKER_01: It requires a pause.
• 1:15
  SPEAKER_01: It requires you to not let your triggers run the show.
• 1:18
  SPEAKER_01: And here's where this gets uncomfortable.
• 1:21
  SPEAKER_01: You don't get to say you're acting from love if your behavior is rooted in control, insecurity, or protection.
• 1:28
  SPEAKER_01: You might call it love, but if it's tight, reactive, defensive, or forceful, that's fear every time.
• 1:36
  SPEAKER_01: So if you want to change your life, you don't need a new strategy, you need a new lens.
• 1:41
  SPEAKER_01: Start asking yourself one simple question is this coming from fear or love?
• 1:46
  SPEAKER_01: And be honest.
• 1:48
  SPEAKER_01: Because the answer will tell you everything about where your life is headed.
• 1:53
  SPEAKER_01: Today I'm sitting down with Britney, who has agreed to come talk to me about this topic.
• 1:57
  SPEAKER_01: And I appreciate you joining me.
• 1:59
  SPEAKER_01: Absolutely.
• 1:59
  SPEAKER_01: Thanks for having me.
• 2:00
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 2:00
  SPEAKER_01: So I I kind of got this where I, this analogy of where I say it's kind of these buckets, right?
• 2:07
  SPEAKER_01: And when you think about when you're working on yourself of okay, where is this rooted in?
• 2:12
  SPEAKER_01: Because I think that that's extremely helpful in being able to really figure out where things stem from.
• 2:19
  SPEAKER_01: For me, I need to, you know, like drive it all the way down to the root to kind of really get it all the way out.
• 2:25
  SPEAKER_01: And so I look at it from, okay, when I was working through any insecurities or any jealousy or any low vibe emotion, you can look at the whole column of low vibe emotions and every single one of those is rooted in fear.
• 2:39
  SPEAKER_01: Then you look at from the other side of it, um, things like compassion or um integrity or just all of the different, you know, higher vibe emotions that comes from love.
• 2:51
  SPEAKER_01: And so for me, it's like I made this agreement with myself that I will not live in fear.
• 2:56
  SPEAKER_01: And so when I get curious about things, which is the key word there, is just the curiosity component of it, and really figure out, okay, where does this stem from?
• 3:04
  SPEAKER_01: Where does this, where do I feel this in my body?
• 3:07
  SPEAKER_01: Um, where does this feel like?
• 3:09
  SPEAKER_01: You know, is it is it coming from love?
• 3:11
  SPEAKER_01: Is it coming from fear?
• 3:12
  SPEAKER_01: I think by eliminating all of the excess BS around it, you're able to really say, okay, is this a low vibe emotion?
• 3:20
  SPEAKER_01: Is this something that um isn't coming from a good place?
• 3:24
  SPEAKER_01: And then I just made an agreement with myself of I will not live in fear.
• 3:28
  SPEAKER_01: You know, what does that bring up for you when when you hear me talk about this or just fear in general?
• 3:32
  SPEAKER_01: What do you feel like that triggers for you?
• 3:36
  SPEAKER_00: Um unfortunately, it does remind me of a lot of my own behaviors that I have with like wanting to control situations because you know, it's unfortunate when something happens that sucks or, you know, like makes you uncomfortable or whatever it is that happens to be not what you want.
• 3:53
  SPEAKER_00: And so, of course, like being afraid of things not going your way when you try so hard for something to work out, it's just a reminder that it is like you're choosing to come from a place of scarcity, of not wanting to be where you are, or things not working out the way you want it.
• 4:09
  SPEAKER_00: But sometimes when things don't work out the way you want it, it can happen to be the best thing for you.
• 4:13
  SPEAKER_01: So I got tired of watching people drag themselves through life half dead from exhaustion, comparison, and bullshit.
• 4:23
  SPEAKER_01: So I built a system that flips the script.
• 4:26
  SPEAKER_01: This book is for the ones who refuse to settle, who know deep down there's more, and who are ready to call themselves out to level up.
• 4:34
  SPEAKER_01: If that's you, welcome.
• 4:36
  SPEAKER_01: Let's go.
• 4:37
  SPEAKER_01: You can get your copy of the Life Hack playbook on Amazon or on the podcast website, let's get nakedpodcast.com.
• 4:49
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and when you surrender and just say, okay, if your if your goal is the experience, if your goal is the adventure, if your goal is whatever that looks like, um then it doesn't matter.
• 5:00
  SPEAKER_01: The outcome doesn't matter.
• 5:01
  SPEAKER_01: Uh and I don't mean that in a in a like, oh just throw caution to the wind, right?
• 5:05
  SPEAKER_01: You're still gonna set yourself up for success and try to try to reach your goals and and and have things come the way that you want, but like the control freak situation is definitely rooted in fear.
• 5:14
  SPEAKER_01: And I didn't realize that because I was a control freak for a really long time.
• 5:18
  SPEAKER_01: I learned from the best.
• 5:19
  SPEAKER_01: I know Todd, I really I modeled terrible behavior for our for our listeners.
• 5:23
  SPEAKER_01: I modeled terrible behavior for for those that don't know, Britney is my oldest.
• 5:27
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and God, we've come a long way.
• 5:29
  SPEAKER_01: And the best.
• 5:29
  SPEAKER_01: And the best.
• 5:30
  SPEAKER_01: Well, you know, it's a whole thing.
• 5:32
  SPEAKER_01: So um, but no, I did.
• 5:34
  SPEAKER_01: I modeled that behavior for a long time.
• 5:36
  SPEAKER_01: Where if it didn't meet my expectations, uh, which I will continue to maintain are just future disappointments, if it didn't meet my expectations, um, I I had a problem with that, and it really ruined whatever it was that I was going through.
• 5:48
  SPEAKER_01: When you change the lens that you look through and you say, okay, if I'm going for the adventure or for the experience, and I'm okay with whatever the outcome is, you're able to come from such a beautiful place and not have it be rooted in fear.
• 6:00
  SPEAKER_01: Also, I think when I started really examining things from a curiosity perspective and saying, okay, is this fear or love?
• 6:06
  SPEAKER_01: Because I just I needed to simplify that for my own brain.
• 6:09
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, is this fear or love?
• 6:10
  SPEAKER_01: Is this fear or love?
• 6:11
  SPEAKER_01: If it's love, it gets to stay.
• 6:12
  SPEAKER_01: If it's fear, I'm not doing it.
• 6:13
  SPEAKER_01: That's part of my surrender experiment.
• 6:15
  SPEAKER_01: Um, I had a hard time admitting stuff to myself.
• 6:18
  SPEAKER_01: You know, when I was insecure about something or jealous, jealousy was a hard one for me because it felt like such a gross, low vibe emotion.
• 6:25
  SPEAKER_01: And I've always been a very confident person regardless of where I was in life.
• 6:29
  SPEAKER_01: And so when it when it poked into that, when it triggered something in me as far as the jealousy component or the insecurity, it was okay, what am I afraid of?
• 6:37
  SPEAKER_01: And that question and that curiosity helped enormously to say, what am I afraid of?
• 6:41
  SPEAKER_01: You know, say you're you're jealous or you're insecure about a relationship with the partner, or them talking to someone else, or a prettier girl, or like whatever that looks like.
• 6:49
  SPEAKER_01: What am I afraid of?
• 6:51
  SPEAKER_01: I'm afraid of the loss of intimacy.
• 6:52
  SPEAKER_01: I'm afraid of the loss of connection with my partner.
• 6:55
  SPEAKER_01: I'm afraid of him sharing something with someone else that I feel like I should only get.
• 6:59
  SPEAKER_01: I'm afraid of whatever that looks like.
• 7:01
  SPEAKER_01: When you say it out loud, it takes the weight away, right?
• 7:05
  SPEAKER_01: Did I feel shameful and embarrassed that I would feel that way?
• 7:08
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, I'm a confident woman who's successful and beautiful and have all has all of these things going on.
• 7:12
  SPEAKER_01: Why would I be insecure about something?
• 7:15
  SPEAKER_01: But it literally was rooted in fear from whatever it is.
• 7:18
  SPEAKER_01: Um, when you say I will not live in fear, it really changes that game for you.
• 7:22
  SPEAKER_01: Do you feel like you've been able to work through some of that stuff recently of just recognizing fear or what, you know, what does that look like for you?
• 7:30
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I mean, I've I've been going to therapy and it's helped a tremendous amount because, you know, just being able to talk to anybody about stuff, but then also um being able to come to my partner and say, Hey, I had this nightmare, because I have PTSD from all sorts of random stuff, but it is a matter of like, I had this weird nightmare, this weird thought popped into my head, whatever random scenario I decided my poop brain was gonna shit out today.
• 7:52
  SPEAKER_00: So and I do it and I bring it to him.
• 7:54
  SPEAKER_00: And as ridiculous as it sounds, or as like potentially real as it could maybe be if whatever 10 specific things happened in whatever way, but it's it is just a matter of like putting it out there, and it does, it takes the weight off of like, well, now it's it's not real because saying it out loud sounds so crazy.
• 8:12
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and yeah, just taking that power away of it, doesn't have a whole room to fester in my head.
• 8:17
  SPEAKER_00: Now it's like it's out there and it's just this tiny little like it's come on, come on.
• 8:21
  SPEAKER_01: It's just yeah, I can't live where the light is.
• 8:24
  SPEAKER_01: And I think that's such a powerful tool.
• 8:25
  SPEAKER_01: And I think when I first started doing that, where I did say that out loud, whether it was to someone else, where I, you know, got vulnerable in front of someone else, or even just in my car, if I was dealing with something and I'm like, okay, let me run this back.
• 8:35
  SPEAKER_01: Let me run it back like I'm talking to my best friend sitting in the car, even if she's not there and say, okay, this is where I, this is where I'm feeling, this is where I'm feeling this, this is where I'm feeling insecure, this is what I'm afraid of.
• 8:45
  SPEAKER_01: And then saying, okay, then let's look at the facts.
• 8:47
  SPEAKER_01: Let's look at the, you know, what actually is true.
• 8:50
  SPEAKER_01: Um, it doesn't, it doesn't hold water against those things when you bring them up.
• 8:54
  SPEAKER_01: So I I encourage people to get really curious about is it fear or is it love?
• 8:58
  SPEAKER_01: And then you get to decide whether that's something that you want to have or not.
• 9:01
  SPEAKER_01: But don't let it just live rent free in your head.
• 9:03
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, because that's a disaster.
• 9:05
  SPEAKER_01: And that's all we're gonna say about that.