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When the Narcissist is DEFEATED · The Mental Healness Podcast

• 0:00
  So how do you know if you defeated a narcissist?
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  How do you know if a narcissist is done with you for good?
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  And you finally, you finally struck down the narcissistic
• 0:18
  person in your life and you're like you've you get to put How
• 0:21
  do you know you get to put your sword in its sheath and be done
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  with them? How you know it's over, right?
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  That's what we talked about today.
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  Y'all, if you're new here, I'm Lee Hammock.
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  I'm a diagnosed narcissist myself and I give you the inside
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  look at the mind of a narcissist, the perspective of a
• 0:36
  narcissist on a lot of these different issues.
• 0:38
  So subscribe to the channel if you haven't already hit that
• 0:40
  subscribe button. But yeah, narcissist toxic
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  people are just. I'm not going to call narcissist
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  A plague to society because I myself am a narcissist and I'm
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  trying to make the world a better place.
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  But most narcissistic people tend to destroy the people that
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  they're around. Well, let's be real, let's keep
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  hiding ready, right? They tend to hurt the people
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  that they're around, whether it's intentional or not.
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  It's up for debate for some people and whatnot, but
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  narcissistic people tend to hurt the people that they're around.
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  So when it's over, how do you know that it's over for good?
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  How do you know when you finally have defeated that narcissistic
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  person? Most times if you defeat a
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  narcissist, they leave you alone.
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  They leave, they look, yeah, they disappeared.
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  They, they put, they tuck their tail, the little narcissistic
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  tails between their narcissistic little legs and they scamper off
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  into the into the moonlight, right?
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  They scamper off into the darkness from whence they came.
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  But like they, they scamper off into the darkness from where
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  they came from, right? And they just disappear on you
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  for good. That's the telltale, that's the
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  number one telltale sign that you've defeated them.
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  That they, they feel like they can't come back to you, that
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  it's over for good, that no matter what they try, no matter
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  what they do, it's over for good.
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  So a lot of times in order to, to know that you've defeated
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  them, it's really, it's really just realizing that they are
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  done, that you never heard from them again.
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  Like the lack, their lack of communication with you, their
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  lack of looking, of trying to find you or whatever the case
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  may be. Their lack of hoovering could be
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  a telltale sign that they're done with you, that you've
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  successfully defeated the, the, the narcissistic person in your
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  life, right? That you've successfully taken
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  them down a peg or whatever the case may be.
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  That's, that's the number one way that you can tell if you've
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  defeated A narcissist, right? And I tell that to a lot of
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  people. I say, hey, look, if they leave
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  you alone, that's normally a good sign that they're done.
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  That's normally a good sign that this relationship dynamic,
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  whatever it is, it's over and done for good.
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  If you haven't heard from them in a long time, it is, it's like
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  a long time is, is that, that, that, that period of time,
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  right, right. There can vary between people,
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  right? Because there's no set period.
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  I, I wish you could say there's a set period of time that they
• 3:00
  need to be done to, to tell when, if it's really over, but
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  it's not right. If they're, if you used to hear
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  from them every single day and now you haven't heard from them
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  in a couple of weeks or months or years, they're probably done.
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  You probably defeated the narcissist, and they're probably
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  going back into the little narcissistic slumber to, to, to,
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  to the next full moon, to the next full moon or whatever the
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  case may be. But that's the that's one of the
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  ways to tell. But a lot of narcissists will
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  still, even if they're done with you, it doesn't necessarily mean
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  that they will leave you alone. That's a crazy.
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  Yeah, And I understand even saying that out loud sounds
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  stupid, Lee. That sounds dumb as hell.
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  Yeah, it does, don't it? Just imagine thanking it.
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  Just imagine being on the other end of it, right?
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  Knowing that I even like if I say if I'm reaching out to you
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  doesn't mean I'm not done with you.
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  This crazy as hell to even that. That sounds dumb at least.
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  So they're reaching out to you, but they're done with you at the
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  same time they've been defeated. Yes.
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  Another way you can tell if you've defeated that narcissist
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  is by if they're still communicating with you.
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  How are they communicate with you?
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  What are they actually saying? Right, Because if they're trying
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  to consistently get you back, right.
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  If they're just begging to see you, begging to talk to you,
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  begging to have a face to face conversation, begging for you to
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  respond to them, or whatever the case may be.
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  If you haven't blocked them, if you can't block them, whatever,
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  whatever. Maybe if they're begging on a
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  consistent basis and now the begging has ceased and they stop
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  begging, there could be a sign that you have defeated them and
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  made your made your point clear that they will not be allowed
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  back into your life, back into your space.
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  So some of them, even if they are not completely done with
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  you, you can still have defeated them.
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  You see what I'm saying? Because you're not giving them
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  the energy that they have actually like that they're
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  looking for. You haven't given them given
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  them the energy or the responses that they might be after, which
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  again, y'all is a good sign. It's a good sign that you're not
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  giving them that energy. It's a good sign that you're not
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  feeding into whatever they're trying to get you to feed into.
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  That's a good sign because it allows you the ability to
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  empower yourself and to continue to move forward while you're
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  healing. You know, because it doesn't.
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  At the end of the day, y'all, it doesn't really matter what they
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  are doing. It doesn't really matter what
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  they are saying. If you have a look, if you have
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  a goal set, if you have goals set on what you should be doing
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  or what you want to accomplish, right, of what you want to
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  accomplish. It doesn't matter what they say
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  or what they do. It doesn't matter how if they
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  try to come back into your life because you know you're not
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  going to let them back in, you're not going to defeat.
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  Defeating a narcissist is going to look different for most
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  people. Like defeating A narcissist
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  could mean just you have to have to look.
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  You had to treat them like a damn hydra.
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  You cut off 1 head, 2 might grow back but now you got to cut off
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  2 heads but you're going to still be cutting.
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  Definitely not good. Sometimes defeating A narcissist
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  or making them done be done for good means continuously striking
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  them down. Because sometimes you can't
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  block them right? Y'all have kids, you have court
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  order, you have the court says you got to communicate with them
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  even through a community, even through an app.
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  They could be trying to Hoover you through the app, but you
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  keep striking them down, not giving them energy.
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  That's defeating them, right? That's defeating that
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  narcissistic person. And even if they're, they keep
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  saying sideways ass stuff to you, they, a lot of them know
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  that you're done, right? A lot of them know that you're
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  done. It's kind of like they're just
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  putting the fillers out there. It's kind of like they know that
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  the fish in this pond are gone, right?
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  There's no, there's no look, they haven't caught a fish in
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  this pond for years. But they leave the fishing line
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  in there just in case. They leave their fishing line
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  planting in the sand and they leave the bait in the water just
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  in case a fish comes back and bites it.
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  So they're just throwing bait out there.
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  They know you're done. They're just throwing bait out
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  there just in case. The possibility exists that you
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  might not be right. Just in case the possibility
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  exists that you might get lonely or hurt one night or you in a
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  vulnerable state and you need somebody to talk to.
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  Guess what? They want to make it make, make
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  they want to make sure it's in the back of your head that they
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  might still be available to you. So just because they, like I
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  said, they're reaching out to you, a lot of them still know
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  you're done. A lot of them know that you've
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  that they're defeated and that they can't get back into your
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  life. They yeah, they know it
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  regardless of what they're saying and what they're doing,
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  they know that you're not letting them back in your life.
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  But it doesn't mean that they they're going to stop trying,
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  right? Defeating A narcissist, like I
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  said earlier, is going to look different for every single
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  person. So knowing that you defeated
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  them, right, sometimes requires you to put their asses in jail.
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  Hey, sometimes you got to lock them up.
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  Sometimes you. I know it sounds harsh to some
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  people, but sometimes you got to lock they asses up to make them
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  leave you alone. You really do.
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  Like, realistically, you have to get them locked up in order to
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  leave. Get you to leave you alone.
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  You really do. I know people like.
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  Damn, that's kind of harsh. Yeah, but like, it's it's it's
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  harsh. It can be viewed as harsh, but
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  it's necessary. You know it's harsh, but it's
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  absolutely necessary because sometimes they refuse to leave
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  you be. They refuse to give you the
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  space that you require. They refuse to respect your
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  boundaries. They, they, they are
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  continuously being physically, emotionally abusive or
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  threatening to harm you. Sometimes you have to lock they
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  asses up to defeat them. And then if they stop writing
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  you letters from jail or stop trying to call you from the jail
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  phone, they could be a sign that they're done for good, could be
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  a sign that they're defeated, right?
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  You get that restraining order and they finally stopped
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  reaching out, so you don't hear any more phone calls from you.
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  That could be a sign that they're defeated.
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  Sometimes you have to force the issue.
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  I know some people don't want to hear that right there, right.
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  You just want, you just want them to go away on their own,
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  right? You want them to go away on
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  their own and just leave you in peace and allow you to live the
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  life that you want to live. I yeah, I get that.
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  I understand it. I wish it was that simple.
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  But sometimes you have to be brave and courageous and strong
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  enough to get them that you have to take that.
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  You have to take the actions in order to press the press, the
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  issue to press forward to get them to leave you be.
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  That's going to be like a requirement sometimes for you to
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  power up, get them to leave you alone and allow yourself to have
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  that peace, that calmness and that stillness within yourself.
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  Those are important issues that you're going to face on this
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  journey right here. They really, really are.
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  So as you continue to move forward and try to decide what's
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  next for you, these are things that you have to absolutely
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  consider, like what this person is going to do and what you've
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  had. Do.
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  You have to make a plan in order to maximize your effectiveness,
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  right? You have to make a plan in
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  order, like I got to call the police.
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  I have to have an escape plan. I have to have a safety plan
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  because sometimes they refuse to leave you alone.
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  So now they keep, they keep showing up at your house,
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  begging, pleading, threatening you.
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  So now they already harmed you. They threatening harm you again.
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  Sometimes you have to force the issue again, which I know a lot
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  of people don't want to hear because it means you have it
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  requires their work. It requires you to put their
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  work in, right? And that sucks for some people
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  because you just want to you just like Lee.
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  I wish the hell they would just leave.
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  Why can't they just leave me alone?
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  I would love for them to just leave me be and allow me to have
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  some type of peace because that allows me that would allow me to
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  the opportunity to move forward. They don't want you to move
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  forward, right? So sometimes you have to force
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  them to be done. And another telltale sign y'all,
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  and it's going to be the last one I cover to know that you
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  defeated a narcissist is when you move on and you don't hear
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  from him anymore. If you find, if you find a new
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  partner or somebody that makes you happy or you get married
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  into a new relationship, like a way that they know to do that
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  you a way to know that they've been defeated is that you don't
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  hear from them as much anymore, right?
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  Because they know you've replaced them.
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  They know that you've moved on. They know that the possibility
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  exists that you're happy again. Just because they like because
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  you find a new partner or they find a new partner, it doesn't
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  mean that they're going to stop reaching out.
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  It just sometimes they feel like you've met, they've met their
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  match when you find somebody else that they feel like they're
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  inadequate to. So sometimes defeating a
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  narcissist is going to look different for every single
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  person in these situations. But like moving on and being
• 11:33
  happy and thriving doesn't necessarily require you to have
• 11:36
  someone else, but it does require you to put that debt.
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  You got to put the time, effort and energy in.
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  I know, like, damn it, I got to put energy.
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  You got to put it in, y'all? Yeah, it's kind of like you got
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  to pay. You got to pay the the boat man
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  from the the Egypt. I think it's the Egyptian times.
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  They put the little dollar sign the little dollar.
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  The dollar's over their eyes when you pass away.
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  You got to pay the boat man to get you across the get you
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  across the water and when I get to get you across the the river
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  of toxicity out Anyway, y'all, thank you for tuning in to this
• 12:05
  episode. I really appreciate every single
• 12:06
  one of y'all. If you haven't already, please
• 12:08
  can subscribe to the channel. It helps us reach more people.
• 12:12
  My coaching courses. Everything is available at
• 12:14
  mentalillness.net. Click one of these to watch
• 12:17
  another video YouTube. Pick one of these videos for
• 12:19
  y'all. YouTube said this video is
• 12:20
  perfect for you so you need to watch it and I'm up.
• 12:23
  Peace.