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Why Narcissists Use Anger and Rage · The Mental Healness Podcast

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  Why do narcissist rage? Why do they lose they Dang own
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  minds and snap on you? Like why can't they just have
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  peaceful, calm, cool collected conversations?
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  Why can't the conversations be at Zen?
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  That's what we're talking about today y'all.
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  Why narcissist rage? Why do you use why they try to
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  use anger to solve everything? If you're new here, my name is
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  Lee Hammock. I'm a diagnosed narcissist, here
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  to give you the perspective of a narcissist and welcome to
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  another episode of the Narcissist Code.
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  Welcome back folks. Yes, narcissistic rage.
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  We all we yo. If you haven't heard about
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  narcissistic rage, if you haven't experienced narcissistic
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  rage, good for you. Good, good for you.
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  You're, you're blessed, you like.
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  If you haven't been a victim of narcissistic rage, you are part
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  of the, the, the few, the few, the proud, the impacts.
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  You know, this is what happens because so many people get
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  caught up with narcissists and abusive people and manipulative
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  people that it really is. It gets very difficult when
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  you're trying to, you know, battle this type of stuff right
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  and whatnot. Narcissistic people rage is yo,
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  let's keep let's keep it hot. I'm gonna keep it.
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  I'm gonna keep this episode as hot and as ready as I possibly
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  can. Y'all see the self love brand?
• 1:42
  It's still available. I got some new stuff coming out.
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  This is the I love me brand. I'm resilient mental illness.net
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  for everything. But y'all rage solves
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  everything. I'm just going to keep it real
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  with you. Narcissistic rage solves
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  everything for a narcissist. Like most narcissist and toxic
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  people are emotionally dysregulated people.
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  We just are y'all. We're emotionally dysregulated.
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  We cannot regulate our own emotions so we tend we don't
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  know how. We don't know how to use our
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  emotions effectively. Right.
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  I was I I still am, but I was more emotionally dysregulated
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  before I got into therapy. Therapy has helped me regulate
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  my emotions better, but I'm still emotionally dysregulated.
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  So enrage used to be how I got my point across, how I got my
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  message across, how I, you know, conveyed a point to somebody,
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  how I proved the point to somebody, how I proved I was
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  right, how I showed my power, right.
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  Beating on your chest like a, a, a petulant child is how you
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  showed your power, isn't it? But it, that's what I used to
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  do. And I'm gonna keep it real with
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  y'all. And this is how a lot of
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  narcissists operate. A lot, a lot of us operate by
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  showing our power by beating on our chest and being being
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  unreasonable and whatnot, because rage solves everything,
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  y'all. Rage is easy.
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  Anger is easy. Y'all hear anger, anger referred
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  to as a secondary emotion, right?
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  Because it is. Anger is a secondary emotion you
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  don't really need. I said anger is almost always
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  covering something else up, right?
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  It's almost always a cover up for something else.
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  So in that instance, narcissistic people who could be
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  happy and not know how to express their happiness and be
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  angry instead. I know you like damn, just be
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  happy. Why can't you just be like that?
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  You you get you happy, but you're angry.
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  Damn. But how does that, Lee, how the
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  hell does that make sense? You happy, but you're angry.
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  Yeah, I don't make the rules. I don't even enforce them.
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  I just talk about it, Right. And this is how it goes.
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  This is the mentality. Y'all narcissistic rage.
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  It does work. It really does.
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  It works to a yeah, it works to AT it's it's it's it's powerful.
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  So if you, when you're dealing with a manipulator, when you're
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  dealing with an abuser, just understand that the rage is
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  typically a cover up for something else.
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  They might not even be mad when they're using narcissistic rage.
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  They might not even be angry at you.
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  And I know that sounds dumb as hell, because it is.
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  It can be, right? But they got narcissistic rage
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  because they might be like, because they don't know how to
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  express the other emotions in rage gets the point across.
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  If I get angry enough, if I'm angry enough that I can handle,
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  I can. I can get anything I want
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  because if I, if I instill, if I use narcissistic rage, if I get
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  angry enough, I can instill this fear into you where I don't
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  like. If you know that I don't like
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  being held accountable and you've experienced narcissistic
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  rage while while I've been throwing stuff on and screamed
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  at you, I don't threaten to harm myself.
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  I don't threaten to harm you, whatever it is, right?
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  You are afraid now. So when it comes time to hold me
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  accountable, that's what you're not going to do.
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  You're not going to do it. You see, when it comes time to
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  hold me accountable, you're not going to do it because you don't
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  want to argue, you don't want to fuss, you don't want me to rage
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  out on you. You want me to lose my damn
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  mind. And they'll let you know.
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  It's kind of like a, kind of like a rattlesnake.
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  When they start rattling, they little narcissistic tail,
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  they'll start rattling. Don't.
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  Maybe I'm about to get mad as hell because about the strike.
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  They would rather strike at you than have a conversation to be
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  held accountable for something that they have actually done
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  wrong, Right. Sometimes it's can you get mad?
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  Can you get righteously mad when somebody accuses you of
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  something that you didn't do? Yeah, but narcissists get mad
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  when you accuse them of what you what they have done.
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  Like, rage solves the problem. Rage solves the issue.
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  Rage is power. Rage is control over you.
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  Rage is lack of control for a narcissist.
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  But rage is control over you, right?
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  It just is. Rage is control over you in
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  these circumstances, in any situations.
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  So you have to think about that. What?
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  Like, why? Why the hell do they keep raging
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  out on me? I'm just trying to heal.
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  I'm trying to feel better. Why?
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  I got to get the right, why I get the nasty, stinking ass
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  version of them. I just want a good version of my
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  party. Yeah I I bet you do right?
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  I bet you do want a good version of your partner.
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  I think most people would want a good version of their partner
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  when it comes down to it. But narcissistic people would
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  rather use rage to try to instill fear into you then try
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  to have a decent conversation with you.
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  Which is dumb as hell. That's all.
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  Agree that shit is stupid. Right?
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  Because they can't have a conversation with you they don't
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  want to have. They don't want to meet you
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  halfway, they don't want to meet you in the middle.
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  They would rather just try to instill fear into you.
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  And let's be real, let's let's be real, but also let's be fair,
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  right? There are some narcissists who
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  don't have, who are just out of control, right?
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  There are some nurses who are absolutely, unequivocally,
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  unequivocably out of control. They, some of them cannot
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  control their emotions, which can be just as bad.
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  Y'all, let's be real, which can be just as bad.
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  If they're out of, if they can't control their emotions, it's
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  just as bad. Yeah, be let's be real, if they
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  can. Cause like, imagine a
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  narcissistic person is screaming at you, right?
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  Imagine a narcissistic person is screaming at you.
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  They're yelling at you. They're losing their mind.
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  They're throwing, they're throwing this stuff against the
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  wall. They're threatening to harm you,
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  threatening to harm themselves. They're doing all of that type
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  of stuff, right? Let's say they doing all of that
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  stuff, right? And then once you once
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  everything calms down, you go, you go to them and you say, I
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  can't believe you did that last night.
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  And they'll be like, did what you like.
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  You did what? You don't remember yelling and
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  screaming at me? You like.
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  And they're like, no, I ain't yelling and screaming.
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  I don't. I don't remember that.
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  Yeah. Could it be true that some
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  narcissists don't remember yelling and screaming at you?
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  Yeah, it could be true, right? But that doesn't make it better.
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  There are some narcissists that are out of control that
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  absolutely don't remember yelling and screaming at you,
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  right? There are some, but think about
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  it from this perspective right here.
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  Y'all does it make it better? If you don't remember it, that
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  means you're out of control. So when they try to use the
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  excuse that they're out of that, they don't remember it.
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  That could be true, but think about it from this place.
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  If you don't remember threatening to harm me or take
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  my life or take your own life or hurt, hurt yourself or hurt
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  others. If you don't remember that, then
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  how the hell is that cool? If you're out of control, that
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  means you're more dangerous. If you're out of control, if you
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  have no control of your anger or your emotions, that means you're
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  more dangerous than you think, than you are.
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  So don't let them use that excuse on you right there,
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  y'all? I had no idea that this is going
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  on. I didn't know I was going to
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  hurt you. I didn't know this.
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  I didn't know that. OK, then I need to leave you
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  because you don't you you're out of control.
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  No, you don't need to leave me. I can control it now.
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  What? What?
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  Not you. You get.
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  You get mad at me because I want to stay safe.
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  You see how crazy that sounds y'all?
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  So that's why I always tell people when you're dealing with
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  a narcissist or taxperson, you always have to protect yourself
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  because sometimes the rage is out uncontrollable.
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  And if they if auto control like they say they might have a
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  bipolar or something like that, right?
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  So if they have bipolar and they have these, they get these manic
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  episodes and they start losing their minds like on a consistent
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  basis. That's can be scary as hell to
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  you. They're not scary to y'all.
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  That seem like they would be scared of me.
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  You know what I mean? They would absolutely be scared
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  of me. So in these in these court, in
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  these situations, in these circumstances, you have to ask
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  yourself, is it safe for you to be around this person, right?
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  Like, you know what I'm saying? It's just is it safe to be
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  around this person? Can you, can you survive around
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  this person? If they can't control their
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  anger, if they're always angry at you for something small, if
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  they can't control their anger, if they always pissed off at
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  you, You know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying?
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  Think about that right there. That's something you have to
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  consider. That's something you absolutely
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  have to consider when you're dealing with a manipulative,
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  abusive person. It's absolutely part of the you.
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  You have to bring this up in your conversations when you're
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  when you considering trying to leave or wanted to stay or
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  wanting to go. This is stuff you have to
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  consider right here, because if they are not in control of their
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  anger or their rage, but they tell they, they want you to
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  stay, what guarantees do you have that you're going to be
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  safe? I mean, there's no guarantees
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  you're going to be safe for you if you leave, right?
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  But you damn sure there's a 100% guarantee that you're going to
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  be that you're not safe if you stay.
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  So that's something you have to take into consideration as well.
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  Y'all, this is part of the process.
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  This is part of the healing. This is part of the growth.
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  So I, I hope this brings, bring y'all some clarity about
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  narcissistic rage and how sometimes it's just, yeah, they,
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  they, they don't know, they, they don't know how to express
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  other emotions. So they just use rage.
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  They, they just use anger or they, they get, they just fly
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  off the handle and little things like they can't take the, they
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  can't take a joke, they can't take this, they can't take that.
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  It can be so such a vicious dynamic, right?
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  Such a vicious process to be a part of, especially if you're
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  trying to deal with this person, you're trying to make sense of
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  it all, y'all. Anyway, y'all think I'm tuning
• 11:20
  in. I appreciate every single one of
• 11:22
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  single one of y'all as well. Y'all know I'm hit that
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• 11:45
  the North Carolina in the Durham, NC area.
• 11:47
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  It would not anyway y'all be safe, take care of yourselves
• 12:00
  and it's always it's always this is out peace.
• 12:04
  What up y'all? What up?
• 12:05
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• 12:24
  Peace.