Latest / The Inner Beacon Podcast With Marisa / Question The Rules And Reclaim Your Power

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Question The Rules And Reclaim Your Power · The Inner Beacon Podcast With Marisa

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_01: Welcome to the Inner Beacon.
• 0:02
  SPEAKER_01: I am your host, Teresa.
• 0:04
  SPEAKER_01: I'm a Canadian girl mama of two, business owner, flight attendant, and a certified self-love coach.
• 0:10
  SPEAKER_01: You are in the right place if you are ready to lead your life from within.
• 0:15
  SPEAKER_01: To reconnect with your intuition, trust yourself deeply, and reclaim your power.
• 0:21
  SPEAKER_01: My goal and intention here is to inspire and empower you.
• 0:25
  SPEAKER_00: And for fun, I might even add some flight attendant content and travel tips.
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm so glad you're here.
• 0:32
  SPEAKER_01: So let's dive into today's episode.
• 0:36
  SPEAKER_01: Hello, beautiful souls.
• 0:38
  SPEAKER_01: Welcome back to the inner beacon, and I'm always happy you're here.
• 0:42
  SPEAKER_01: Today I want to have a conversation with you about something that's been on my heart and mind a lot lately.
• 0:49
  SPEAKER_01: And actually, there's a pretty special reason for that.
• 0:52
  SPEAKER_01: I've been working on writing a personal development book.
• 0:55
  SPEAKER_01: And let me tell you, writing a book that involves looking back at your own journey is quite the experience because you start revisiting moments of your life that you haven't necessarily thought about in years.
• 1:08
  SPEAKER_01: You remember decisions you made, things that you were afraid of, the people you were surrounded by, and the version of yourself that you were at the time.
• 1:18
  SPEAKER_01: And that's really fascinating because you see how differently you can see those moments when you look back at them with a different perspective of today.
• 1:29
  SPEAKER_01: Things that once felt like failure suddenly look like redirection and reroots that happened in your life, and there was always purpose behind them.
• 1:37
  SPEAKER_01: And I always talk about that because there really is.
• 1:40
  SPEAKER_01: And like at the at the time it doesn't make sense, but then later you're like, okay, I had to go through that to get here.
• 1:50
  SPEAKER_01: And there's always lessons, there's always something that comes from it.
• 1:54
  SPEAKER_01: Things that once felt terrifying to you become some of the most important decisions that you've actually ever made.
• 2:01
  SPEAKER_01: And sometimes you realize that the things that you believed were possible for yourself back then were so much smaller than what you believe is possible today.
• 2:10
  SPEAKER_01: And I mean, I hope that's the truth for you because that means there was a lot of growth that happened, right?
• 2:16
  SPEAKER_01: And that's kind of where the perspective comes in hand.
• 2:18
  SPEAKER_01: So that's when one of the biggest things I've been reflecting on throughout this writing process for this book has been like this incredible little experience, I guess.
• 2:30
  SPEAKER_01: And it's made me ask myself a question that I want to ask you today.
• 2:35
  SPEAKER_01: I want to ask you, how much of your life are you living right now that is actually the life that you consciously chose?
• 2:45
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, you really chose.
• 2:47
  SPEAKER_01: Not the life that you thought you were supposed to want, not the life that looked respectable or responsible to everyone else around you, not the life that made the most sense according to the expectations that you grew up with.
• 3:02
  SPEAKER_01: That's the biggest one I want to speak about.
• 3:04
  SPEAKER_01: But the life that genuinely feels aligned with who you are as a person.
• 3:09
  SPEAKER_01: And listen, this isn't about waking up tomorrow and throwing your whole life away.
• 3:14
  SPEAKER_01: It's not about being ungrateful.
• 3:17
  SPEAKER_01: It's not about believing that everyone needs to become an entrepreneur, travel the world, or chase some extraordinary vision of success.
• 3:25
  SPEAKER_01: It's about something much more personal.
• 3:27
  SPEAKER_01: It's about recognizing that we have more influence over the direction of our lives than we sometimes give ourselves credit for.
• 3:33
  SPEAKER_01: And that so many limitations that we live within aren't always limitations that we consciously chose.
• 3:40
  SPEAKER_01: Sometimes they're simply beliefs that we've carried for so long that we've mistaken them for our truth based on things that we were told growing up or what was expected of us.
• 3:52
  SPEAKER_01: So today I want to explore three things with you.
• 3:54
  SPEAKER_01: First, the rules that we've inherited and how they influence the choices that we make.
• 3:59
  SPEAKER_01: Second, why we sometimes feel guilty for wanting more, even when we genuinely love the life that we have.
• 4:07
  SPEAKER_01: And third, why we need to stop waiting to become some future version of ourselves before we start pursuing the things that actually matter to us.
• 4:16
  SPEAKER_01: Because I believe that these three conversations are deeply connected.
• 4:20
  SPEAKER_01: And maybe somewhere in today's episode, you'll recognize a belief that you've been carrying, a desire you've been suppressing, or a part of yourself that you've been waiting to give permission to exist.
• 4:31
  SPEAKER_01: So let's get into it.
• 4:34
  SPEAKER_01: The first one, who the hell gave you that rule?
• 4:37
  SPEAKER_01: The invisible rule book?
• 4:39
  SPEAKER_01: I want to start with that question because have you ever caught yourself saying something like, Well, that's just how life works, or that's what you're supposed to do.
• 4:49
  SPEAKER_01: That's not realistic.
• 4:51
  SPEAKER_01: People like me don't do things like that.
• 4:54
  SPEAKER_01: Or maybe even I could never do that.
• 4:58
  SPEAKER_01: And then stopped and asked yourself, says who?
• 5:01
  SPEAKER_01: Seriously, who decided that?
• 5:04
  SPEAKER_01: Where did that belief come from?
• 5:06
  SPEAKER_01: Because the more I've been reflecting on my own life, the more fascinated I've become by the invisible rule book that so many of us carry around.
• 5:15
  SPEAKER_01: And the funny thing is, nobody necessarily hands us an actual rule book.
• 5:20
  SPEAKER_01: We learn it, we absorb it.
• 5:22
  SPEAKER_01: We grow up surrounded by ideas about what makes someone successful, responsible, attractive, worthy, intelligent, or respectable.
• 5:34
  SPEAKER_01: And slowly those ideas become part of how we understand the world.
• 5:40
  SPEAKER_01: For example, maybe you grew up believing that success means getting a good job, working hard, buying a house, or going to college, staying in that career until retirement.
• 5:52
  SPEAKER_01: Now, there's absolutely nothing wrong with that path.
• 5:55
  SPEAKER_01: For some people, that's exactly the life they want.
• 5:58
  SPEAKER_01: But what happens when it's not?
• 6:01
  SPEAKER_01: What happens when the version of success you've inherited doesn't actually match the life that you feel called to create?
• 6:09
  SPEAKER_01: What happens when you want something different, but you feel guilty, irresponsible, or even foolish for wanting it?
• 6:17
  SPEAKER_01: That's where things get interesting.
• 6:19
  SPEAKER_01: Because sometimes the rules that once helped us feel safe become the same rules that prevent us from exploring who we could become.
• 6:30
  SPEAKER_01: And how do we learn what's possible?
• 6:33
  SPEAKER_01: One of the things I've always been fascinated by is how our minds work, how we develop beliefs, how we form our sense of identity, and how those beliefs influence the decisions that we make, sometimes without us even realizing it, right?
• 6:50
  SPEAKER_01: There's a concept in psychology called observational learning.
• 6:54
  SPEAKER_01: Essentially, we learn a tremendous amount about watching other people, especially when we're children.
• 7:03
  SPEAKER_01: We don't just learn from what adults tell us.
• 7:06
  SPEAKER_01: In fact, we actually learn more from what we see than what we are told.
• 7:09
  SPEAKER_01: And but don't get that mistaken, we are still listening.
• 7:15
  SPEAKER_01: Kids listen.
• 7:16
  SPEAKER_01: Even when you think they're not listening, they're listening to every little thing and they absorb that.
• 7:21
  SPEAKER_01: We learn from what we see them do, our adults, and then how they like how your adults around you are handling stress or talking about money, how they respond to failure, how they treat themselves, that's a big one, and how they pursue their dreams or don't.
• 7:41
  SPEAKER_01: And as a mother, I think about this a lot because I can tell my daughters all day long that they're capable of doing incredible things.
• 7:49
  SPEAKER_01: I can tell them to believe in themselves.
• 7:50
  SPEAKER_01: I can tell them not to give up.
• 7:53
  SPEAKER_01: But I also have to ask myself, what are they learning from watching me?
• 7:58
  SPEAKER_01: Are they seeing a woman who allows herself to pursue her dreams?
• 8:01
  SPEAKER_01: Are they seeing someone who tries things even when she's afraid or that she might fail?
• 8:07
  SPEAKER_01: Because I want my girls to understand that life isn't just something that happens to them.
• 8:13
  SPEAKER_01: They have a voice and they have a choice.
• 8:17
  SPEAKER_01: And they have the ability to partake in creating the life that they want.
• 8:23
  SPEAKER_01: And I hope, I hope, by doing what I'm doing, I am setting an example of that.
• 8:28
  SPEAKER_01: But of course, that doesn't mean we control everything that happens to us.
• 8:32
  SPEAKER_01: We absolutely don't.
• 8:33
  SPEAKER_01: There's still things that get in the way, and things, you know, there's still going to be pivots along the way and re-roots, and that's okay.
• 8:42
  SPEAKER_01: But the difference between acknowledging the things outside our control and surrendering our ability to make choices within the circumstances that we have, I think that's an important distinction.
• 8:54
  SPEAKER_01: When I think about questioning the rules I had inherited, one of the biggest moments in my life was when I decided to move across Canada.
• 9:01
  SPEAKER_01: I packed my life into three suitcases, yes, three, and moved to Montreal.
• 9:07
  SPEAKER_01: I didn't know exactly how everything was going to unfold.
• 9:10
  SPEAKER_01: I didn't have some perfectly mapped-out plan for the next 10 years.
• 9:14
  SPEAKER_01: I had an idea of what I wanted to explore, and I knew that if I never gave myself the opportunity to try, I would always wonder what might have happened.
• 9:23
  SPEAKER_01: And here's the thing: when I look back now, I can see how many different directions my life could have gone.
• 9:30
  SPEAKER_01: And there was a lot of detours and there was unexpected changes.
• 9:34
  SPEAKER_01: There were moments when the path I thought I was following turned into something completely different.
• 9:40
  SPEAKER_01: And it did, but nobody sees the hardships of that.
• 9:45
  SPEAKER_01: I had saved money, but I didn't think, oh, I'm going to Montreal.
• 9:50
  SPEAKER_01: I could just get a job.
• 9:51
  SPEAKER_01: Like I've worked ever since I could think, like 16.
• 9:55
  SPEAKER_01: I was out of the house by 18.
• 9:56
  SPEAKER_01: And like I've always been somebody who works really hard.
• 9:59
  SPEAKER_01: So I didn't think that that would be an issue.
• 10:01
  SPEAKER_01: But Montreal, they speak French.
• 10:04
  SPEAKER_01: I do not speak French.
• 10:05
  SPEAKER_01: And that was one of my hurdles, for example.
• 10:08
  SPEAKER_01: But I became a big part of a meaningful part of my story.
• 10:12
  SPEAKER_01: And I couldn't have known all of that when I packed those suitcases.
• 10:15
  SPEAKER_01: I couldn't have predicted predicted the people I would meet, the experiences that I would have, or the life that I would eventually build.
• 10:22
  SPEAKER_01: And that's something really I want you to really think about.
• 10:27
  SPEAKER_01: Sometimes we demand certainty from a decision that can only give us clarity after we've actually made it.
• 10:33
  SPEAKER_01: And we roll with the punches.
• 10:35
  SPEAKER_01: We want to know how the story ends before we're willing to begin that chapter.
• 10:40
  SPEAKER_01: But life doesn't always work out that way.
• 10:43
  SPEAKER_02: And I wonder how many possibilities we never explore because we can't guarantee the outcome.
• 10:51
  SPEAKER_01: So I went through that journey.
• 10:57
  SPEAKER_01: I went to Montreal.
• 10:58
  SPEAKER_01: I packed my bags.
• 10:59
  SPEAKER_01: I was there, and after three months, I was the money was starting running out.
• 11:03
  SPEAKER_01: I was doing a part-time gig cleaning and taking care of an Airbnb where the owner lived out of the country.
• 11:09
  SPEAKER_01: And that worked because I was cleaning the rooms, I was preparing breakfast, and I didn't necessarily need to speak French because a lot of the travelers were coming from elsewhere, anyways.
• 11:17
  SPEAKER_01: And most people speak English, but there were some still.
• 11:21
  SPEAKER_01: But my pursuit to wanting to become a flight attendant didn't end there.
• 11:25
  SPEAKER_01: I kept on trying and trying and trying, rejection after rejection.
• 11:29
  SPEAKER_01: And eventually I got a position and it was going to be based out of Toronto.
• 11:34
  SPEAKER_01: I was going to go to Calgary for training and then moved to Toronto.
• 11:38
  SPEAKER_01: I already made arrangements for a place to live, everything.
• 11:40
  SPEAKER_01: I went through that training and I did not make it.
• 11:44
  SPEAKER_01: But that didn't mean I was going to give up.
• 11:46
  SPEAKER_01: I still moved to Toronto again with my three luggages, again with uncertainty and no job, but I had a place to live.
• 11:54
  SPEAKER_01: So that was a good that was good news.
• 11:56
  SPEAKER_01: And I managed to get two jobs at two different restaurants in the time being until I can get my foot back into aviation.
• 12:03
  SPEAKER_01: And it was scary.
• 12:05
  SPEAKER_01: There were moments where I was scared.
• 12:07
  SPEAKER_01: There was moments of uncertainty once again.
• 12:10
  SPEAKER_01: And what will my family think?
• 12:12
  SPEAKER_01: But like some of them were think would have would think I eventually would just go back to Vancouver where I grew up most of my life, my my teen child and some of my early 20s.
• 12:25
  SPEAKER_01: But I didn't.
• 12:27
  SPEAKER_01: First of all, I didn't want to be told I told you so.
• 12:31
  SPEAKER_01: I had to make this work.
• 12:33
  SPEAKER_01: I had to make this adventure in my life be something more, be something bigger.
• 12:39
  SPEAKER_01: And there was a lot of unexpected detours that eventually did lead me back into aviation.
• 12:45
  SPEAKER_01: I did work on the, I didn't become a flight attendant right away.
• 12:48
  SPEAKER_01: Again, rejection after rejection, but I got a different position on the ground for a while.
• 12:52
  SPEAKER_01: And from there I met my husband.
• 12:55
  SPEAKER_01: And I went, I wonder, I still reflecting to this day, like I wonder if our paths would have crossed otherwise because of the way things turned out.
• 13:06
  SPEAKER_01: And I didn't know if being a mom was in the picture for me, given my PCOS history and everything.
• 13:12
  SPEAKER_01: And I was, you know, in my later 20s when I met him.
• 13:16
  SPEAKER_01: And but everything just worked out.
• 13:18
  SPEAKER_01: Everything just aligned itself.
• 13:21
  SPEAKER_01: And there was a lot of parts in that journey where I still questioned if things were going to go a certain way.
• 13:27
  SPEAKER_01: I still questioned if I was still going to become a flight ascendant.
• 13:31
  SPEAKER_01: But looking back, a lot of those lessons taught me a lot, and it's built who I am today.
• 13:39
  SPEAKER_01: So sometimes the familiarity doesn't have to be your truth.
• 13:44
  SPEAKER_01: You have to put yourself out there.
• 13:46
  SPEAKER_01: You have to take chances, even on the things that make no sense to nobody else.
• 13:50
  SPEAKER_01: Because trust me, there was a lot of people thinking I was making a mistake, you know, leaving a job behind, packing my whole life in three suitcases, literally like everything gone.
• 14:01
  SPEAKER_01: Start fresh.
• 14:04
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm not saying this that saying that if you're unhappy, do that because sometimes your problems follow you.
• 14:10
  SPEAKER_01: I didn't have, I didn't have that kind of a situation.
• 14:13
  SPEAKER_01: It's not that my life wasn't horrible in Vancouver.
• 14:17
  SPEAKER_01: I just wasn't happy and I wanted more.
• 14:19
  SPEAKER_01: And I followed those inner pings.
• 14:21
  SPEAKER_01: I followed that inner compass within.
• 14:30
  SPEAKER_01: And here's another thing that I find fascinating is our brains are constantly trying to make sense of the world.
• 14:36
  SPEAKER_01: And one of the ways that we do that is by relying on patterns and familiar experiences.
• 14:43
  SPEAKER_01: When something is familiar, it can feel predictable.
• 14:46
  SPEAKER_01: And predictability can feel safe.
• 14:49
  SPEAKER_01: And familiar doesn't automatically mean right.
• 14:53
  SPEAKER_01: And unfamiliar doesn't automatically mean wrong.
• 14:57
  SPEAKER_01: Think about that for a second.
• 14:59
  SPEAKER_01: You can become incredibly comfortable in circumstances that don't actually make you happy.
• 15:04
  SPEAKER_01: You can become comfortable doubting yourself, comfortable playing small, comfortable telling yourself you'll try something someday, comfortable believing that certain opportunities simply aren't for you.
• 15:19
  SPEAKER_01: Not because those beliefs are necessarily true, but because you've rehearsed them so many times that they feel natural.
• 15:27
  SPEAKER_01: And this is where I think self-awareness becomes so powerful.
• 15:30
  SPEAKER_01: Because the moment you recognize that a belief is something that you've learned, you create the possibility of examining it.
• 15:37
  SPEAKER_01: You can ask, does this belief still serve me?
• 15:40
  SPEAKER_01: Is it actually true?
• 15:42
  SPEAKER_01: Where did it come from?
• 15:44
  SPEAKER_01: And if I didn't believe this anymore, what might I do differently?
• 15:50
  SPEAKER_01: There's a thermostat that we set for ourselves.
• 15:53
  SPEAKER_01: Someone once introduced me to an analogy that has stayed with me.
• 15:57
  SPEAKER_01: And that idea that we have an internal thermostat for what we believe that we are capable of achieving or receiving or holding almost like there's a certain level of success, happiness, abundance, or possibility that feels normal to us.
• 16:13
  SPEAKER_01: And when we begin imagining something beyond that familiar level, we can experience discomfort.
• 16:20
  SPEAKER_01: And that's not necessarily because it's impossible, but because it's outside of what we've become accustomed to.
• 16:28
  SPEAKER_01: Now, I don't mean that we literally have a psychological thermostat that determines our income or success.
• 16:35
  SPEAKER_01: I see it as a metaphor for the belief or for the limits that we sometimes place on our expectation.
• 16:42
  SPEAKER_01: And I think it's a powerful one because if you've spent years believing that a certain kind of life is out there, but it's out of your reach, it's understandable that taking steps towards it might feel uncomfortable.
• 16:56
  SPEAKER_01: But discomfort isn't always a warning to stop.
• 17:00
  SPEAKER_01: Sometimes it's simply a sign that you're doing something unfamiliar.
• 17:05
  SPEAKER_01: And learning to distinguish between genuine danger and the discomfort of growth can change the way we approach opportunities.
• 17:15
  SPEAKER_01: So here's what I want you to think about.
• 17:17
  SPEAKER_01: What is one rule that you've been living by that you never consciously agreed to?
• 17:24
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe it's about money, career, maybe it's about what a good mother should look like.
• 17:31
  SPEAKER_01: Or maybe it's about how old you have to start to be to do something new.
• 17:37
  SPEAKER_01: I hear that a lot in in flight, where women are like, oh, I thought I was gonna be too old to apply, but then they did, anyways.
• 17:45
  SPEAKER_01: And like your age is just a number, y'all.
• 17:49
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe it's the belief that you need a certain degree, background, amount of money, or level of confidence before you can pursue something.
• 17:57
  SPEAKER_01: Whatever it is, I want you to get curious about that.
• 18:00
  SPEAKER_01: If you really truly believe that you need that degree, and maybe in some cases you do, that's fine.
• 18:06
  SPEAKER_01: So take that step.
• 18:09
  SPEAKER_01: But just get curious.
• 18:11
  SPEAKER_01: Not to judge yourself for having it, just question it because you don't have to reject everything that you've learned, but you do deserve the opportunity to decide which beliefs you want to carry forward.
• 18:24
  SPEAKER_01: And the beauty of that is the choice is up to you.
• 18:28
  SPEAKER_01: And once we begin questioning those old rules, something interesting can happen from that.
• 18:35
  SPEAKER_01: We start recognizing desires that we've been talking ourselves out of, dreams that we've been minimizing, parts of ourselves we've been putting on hold.
• 18:47
  SPEAKER_01: And that brings me to something I think so many women struggle with is giving ourselves permission to want more.
• 18:56
  SPEAKER_01: You can love your life and still want more.
• 18:59
  SPEAKER_01: The guilt of wanting something different.
• 19:00
  SPEAKER_01: Can we talk about something for a minute?
• 19:03
  SPEAKER_01: On that note, why do we sometimes feel like wanting more means we are not grateful for what we already have?
• 19:10
  SPEAKER_01: I think this is such an important conversation, especially for women, especially for mothers.
• 19:16
  SPEAKER_01: Because somewhere along the way, many of us learn to measure how good we are by how much of ourselves we're willing to give.
• 19:25
  SPEAKER_01: We give to our families freely, our partners, our children, our work, our responsibilities.
• 19:31
  SPEAKER_01: And we can become so accustomed to prioritizing everyone else's needs that when we finally ask ourselves what we want, it seems selfish.
• 19:41
  SPEAKER_01: Why is that?
• 19:43
  SPEAKER_01: Like we're asking for too much.
• 19:45
  SPEAKER_01: But here's what I want to remind you: you can be grateful for a life and still desire to grow within it.
• 19:52
  SPEAKER_01: Those two things are not opposite.
• 19:55
  SPEAKER_01: You can love being a mother and still want something that's yours.
• 19:58
  SPEAKER_01: You can love your partner and still have individual dreams.
• 20:02
  SPEAKER_01: In fact, I think that's healthy.
• 20:05
  SPEAKER_01: You can create the stability of your career and still feel curious about another path.
• 20:10
  SPEAKER_01: You're still an individual human.
• 20:12
  SPEAKER_01: You came to this world as your individual self.
• 20:15
  SPEAKER_01: So why are you dimming your light?
• 20:19
  SPEAKER_01: You can appreciate the stability of a career and still feel curious about another path.
• 20:23
  SPEAKER_01: And there's no wrong or right here.
• 20:26
  SPEAKER_01: You can do both.
• 20:28
  SPEAKER_01: You can be thankful for your home and still dream of a different one.
• 20:33
  SPEAKER_01: You can love the life that you've created and still believe there's more that you want to experience.
• 20:39
  SPEAKER_01: And as you should.
• 20:41
  SPEAKER_01: And none of that automatically makes you ungrateful.
• 20:43
  SPEAKER_01: It makes you it makes you human with desires, curiosity, and a capacity to grow.
• 20:52
  SPEAKER_01: Becoming a mother has been one of those, one of the most meaningful experiences of my life.
• 20:58
  SPEAKER_01: And it's also changed me in ways I never could have fully understood beforehand.
• 21:05
  SPEAKER_01: And in like no one can prepare you for it.
• 21:10
  SPEAKER_01: You might like I grew up helping my grandmother over the summers with all the kids.
• 21:15
  SPEAKER_01: I'm the oldest, and then like I got this.
• 21:17
  SPEAKER_01: Like, I've changed diapers before.
• 21:19
  SPEAKER_01: I've helped with like all these different things.
• 21:21
  SPEAKER_01: I thought I understood what it meant to take care of kids, but until that baby is in your hand, you really don't.
• 21:27
  SPEAKER_01: And every every kid is different, and there's going to be different challenges.
• 21:32
  SPEAKER_01: And it's the first time I'm on a mom is that they don't come with handbooks.
• 21:36
  SPEAKER_01: Motherhood has taught me so much about love, patience, surrender, responsibility, and the kind of strength you sometimes don't realize you have until you need it.
• 21:47
  SPEAKER_01: Like when your kids crying and you have to hold it together because it hurts you so much to see them hurting, but this is part of their journey too, right?
• 21:56
  SPEAKER_01: But it's also made me think deeply about identity.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_01: Because when you become responsible for another human being, so much of your life naturally begins revolving around their needs.
• 22:07
  SPEAKER_01: And that's part of loving and caring for them.
• 22:09
  SPEAKER_01: But I think it's possible to become so immersed in our roles that we forget to ask ourselves who we are on the outside of that.
• 22:19
  SPEAKER_01: Who am I when I'm not being someone's mother, someone's wife, someone's employee, someone's source of support?
• 22:26
  SPEAKER_01: What lights me up?
• 22:28
  SPEAKER_01: What am I curious about?
• 22:30
  SPEAKER_01: What would I love to learn, create, and experience?
• 22:33
  SPEAKER_01: And I think those are questions worth asking, not because our roles aren't important, but because we are more than any single role we hold.
• 22:41
  SPEAKER_01: I love being a mother.
• 22:43
  SPEAKER_01: I love being a wife.
• 22:44
  SPEAKER_01: And I also love being a woman with ideas, ambition, passions, and dreams of her own.
• 22:49
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, that's who I was before I took the journey to go across the country and go on this mad adventure.
• 22:57
  SPEAKER_01: And who I was when I first got that flight attendant training to who I was the second time, where I was now a mother and had a family to think about with every decision I made.
• 23:08
  SPEAKER_01: Two different women, but still the same women.
• 23:13
  SPEAKER_02: Because our identity can shift as we grow, and that's allowed.
• 23:20
  SPEAKER_01: Your cells are literally changing right now with every minute that passes, every second that passes.
• 23:26
  SPEAKER_01: Change is inevitable.
• 23:27
  SPEAKER_01: Those parts of me don't have to compete, they can coexist.
• 23:32
  SPEAKER_01: We are multi-dimensional beings.
• 23:37
  SPEAKER_01: I think one of the easiest things to do in life is postpone ourselves.
• 23:42
  SPEAKER_01: We tell ourselves when the kids get older, when I have more money, when work settles down, when things are less chaotic, when I have more time, when I feel more confident.
• 23:57
  SPEAKER_01: And listen, sometimes there are real reasons we need to wait.
• 24:01
  SPEAKER_01: There are financial responsibilities, there are family commitments, especially when you are not solo, you're you have others to think about when you're making those decisions.
• 24:10
  SPEAKER_01: There are reasons when our capacity is limited.
• 24:14
  SPEAKER_01: I'm not suggesting that everyone can simply rearrange their life overnight, but I do think it's worth asking whether we are waiting because of a genuine restraint or because waiting has become more comfortable than beginning.
• 24:28
  SPEAKER_01: Because sometimes we don't need to make a massive change.
• 24:31
  SPEAKER_01: Sometimes we need to make a small amount of space, a little room to explore something that matters to us.
• 24:36
  SPEAKER_01: And that space can become incredibly meaningful over time.
• 24:40
  SPEAKER_01: A lot of the work that I do was because I needed to rediscover my own identity postpartum and reconnect with myself.
• 24:48
  SPEAKER_01: And I had tools and things that I knew that worked before that I leaned back into.
• 24:55
  SPEAKER_01: And then I leaned even deeper.
• 24:57
  SPEAKER_01: And then I learned more tools and I added those to my belt.
• 25:01
  SPEAKER_01: And that's why I'm so passionate about what I do, because there are ways to reconnect with yourself.
• 25:06
  SPEAKER_01: Your relationship with yourself is the oldest you have, and it's the foundation of everything else in your life.
• 25:15
  SPEAKER_01: Something that's been really significant for me lately is recognizing that the difference between having dreams and intentionally making room for them.
• 25:21
  SPEAKER_01: And when I first began my online stuff six years ago, as I like been poking through for years, I also made a lot of excuses.
• 25:31
  SPEAKER_01: I was scared of my own potential success, my own power.
• 25:35
  SPEAKER_01: I was, I had a lot of imposter syndrome that I've had to work through.
• 25:39
  SPEAKER_01: I still do.
• 25:41
  SPEAKER_01: There's a lot of uncomfortableness when it comes to doing something different and putting really putting yourself out there, sharing your story for the masses to like judge or whatever.
• 25:51
  SPEAKER_01: But my message is still the same.
• 25:54
  SPEAKER_01: And even when the kids were even smaller, having to work through pockets of time, that's what I did.
• 25:59
  SPEAKER_01: I used those pockets of time for me time and to continue to grow this inner peeing that was that's just been calling to me to do what the things that I'm doing.
• 26:09
  SPEAKER_01: So it can work in small steps.
• 26:12
  SPEAKER_01: You don't have to jump dive right in, just learn as you go.
• 26:16
  SPEAKER_01: But stop making excuses.
• 26:19
  SPEAKER_01: The first step is actually making the decision.
• 26:22
  SPEAKER_01: And again, you don't have to, Rome wasn't built in the in a day.
• 26:26
  SPEAKER_01: And now I'm at a point where I'm making intentional time.
• 26:30
  SPEAKER_01: I'm actually blocking time off.
• 26:32
  SPEAKER_01: You know, if I have to get a babysitter, I get a babysitter.
• 26:34
  SPEAKER_01: If I don't have a layover, I have to make things work so that I can continue to thread the needle because there's a bigger vision there.
• 26:42
  SPEAKER_01: And a decade ago when I left Vancouver, that this part of my journey, I never anticipated.
• 26:49
  SPEAKER_01: But here I am.
• 26:50
  SPEAKER_01: We learn and we discover.
• 26:51
  SPEAKER_01: And when you have a calling or something in your heart, don't ignore that.
• 26:56
  SPEAKER_01: Stop dimming your light.
• 26:59
  SPEAKER_01: I've spent years exploring different ideas, learning, creating, trying different things.
• 27:03
  SPEAKER_01: And not every idea has worked, not every direction has been the right fit, but I've learned something from it all.
• 27:10
  SPEAKER_01: And this year, I've really felt a shift in a way I've been approaching my work, my writing, my books, my podcast, my business.
• 27:17
  SPEAKER_01: It's no longer just something I hope will eventually become a bigger part of my life.
• 27:22
  SPEAKER_01: It's something I'm actively making space for.
• 27:24
  SPEAKER_01: And sometimes that means having honest conversations with the people I love about what I need.
• 27:30
  SPEAKER_01: Sometimes it means asking for support.
• 27:33
  SPEAKER_01: Sometimes it means creating a schedule.
• 27:35
  SPEAKER_01: Sometimes it means investing time or money into making something possible.
• 27:40
  SPEAKER_01: And sometimes it simply means showing up when I'd rather procassinate because I'm afraid of what might happen if I really try.
• 27:49
  SPEAKER_02: And that's real.
• 27:52
  SPEAKER_02: We're only human.
• 27:57
  SPEAKER_01: But the difference between treating your work like a hobby and treating it like a business is also important.
• 28:03
  SPEAKER_01: And that's something that's been very clear to me in this year of 2026.
• 28:08
  SPEAKER_01: 2026 was my word for the year was becoming, and that's what I'm stepping, what I've stepped into.
• 28:15
  SPEAKER_01: Not just in having my podcast being released this year, not just in my community, not just that, but I actually physically have books that I've published.
• 28:30
  SPEAKER_01: And that's something that I did dream about six years ago.
• 28:33
  SPEAKER_01: And I didn't know how to make that happen, but I did it.
• 28:36
  SPEAKER_01: And that's because I made a conscious decision.
• 28:40
  SPEAKER_01: I had to have conversations with my loved ones.
• 28:42
  SPEAKER_01: I had to have discernment and discipline in myself and dedicated work time.
• 28:51
  SPEAKER_01: And that was important to me.
• 28:54
  SPEAKER_01: You don't need to make the success story with a perfect ending.
• 29:00
  SPEAKER_01: Let it just be your story and let it unfold.
• 29:03
  SPEAKER_01: Wanting more isn't always about having more.
• 29:06
  SPEAKER_01: I also want to make an important distinction.
• 29:08
  SPEAKER_01: When I say you want more, I'm not necessarily talking about more money, more accomplishments, more possessions, or more things to add to your calendar.
• 29:16
  SPEAKER_01: Sometimes more just means more peace, more freedom, more connection, more creativity, whatever that looks like to you, more presence, more time with your family, more confidence in your own decisions, more opportunities to experience life.
• 29:31
  SPEAKER_01: Sometimes wanting more actually means wanting less of the things that are draining you.
• 29:36
  SPEAKER_01: Less pressure, less comparison, less living according to someone else's expectations, less constantly proving your worth.
• 29:45
  SPEAKER_01: That's huge.
• 29:47
  SPEAKER_01: So before you decide what more looks like for you, I think it's worth asking, more of what?
• 29:54
  SPEAKER_01: And perhaps just as importantly, why?
• 29:58
  SPEAKER_01: Because if we're not careful, we can spend our lives chasing somebody else's definition of success and never stop long enough to ask whether it's making us happy.
• 30:10
  SPEAKER_01: One of the things I love about gratitude is that it invites us to recognize the beauty of what's already here.
• 30:16
  SPEAKER_01: And I think that's incredibly important.
• 30:18
  SPEAKER_01: But I don't believe gratitude should be used as a reason to stop growing.
• 30:22
  SPEAKER_01: You don't have to choose between appreciating the present and being excited about the future.
• 30:28
  SPEAKER_01: You can do both.
• 30:29
  SPEAKER_01: You can look around at your life and say, I am so grateful for what I have.
• 30:34
  SPEAKER_01: And also I'm excited to see what else is possible.
• 30:37
  SPEAKER_01: There's room for both.
• 30:39
  SPEAKER_01: And maybe that's the permission some of us need to give ourselves.
• 30:43
  SPEAKER_01: Not permission to constantly change the next thing, not permission to acknowledge our desires without immediately judging them.
• 30:50
  SPEAKER_01: I want you to imagine something for a moment.
• 30:53
  SPEAKER_01: Imagine nobody was going to judge you for what you wanted.
• 30:58
  SPEAKER_01: Imagine you didn't have to justify your dreams.
• 31:01
  SPEAKER_01: Imagine you didn't have to convince anybody that your desires were reasonable or practical or worthy of pursuing?
• 31:11
  SPEAKER_01: What would you allow yourself to want?
• 31:15
  SPEAKER_01: And when you think of that thing, notice what happens.
• 31:19
  SPEAKER_01: Does your mind immediately start listening all the reasons it couldn't work?
• 31:23
  SPEAKER_01: Do you feel guilty?
• 31:25
  SPEAKER_02: Do you minimize it?
• 31:28
  SPEAKER_02: Do you tell yourself it's unrealistic?
• 31:32
  SPEAKER_01: Or do you feel a little spark of excitement?
• 31:35
  SPEAKER_01: Pay attention to those things.
• 31:39
  SPEAKER_01: Listen to your inner beacon.
• 31:40
  SPEAKER_01: Because sometimes the things that we are quickest to dismiss are worth exploring a little more deeply.
• 31:47
  SPEAKER_01: But here's where the conversation gets more interesting.
• 31:51
  SPEAKER_01: Because recognizing what we want is one thing, and actually doing something about it, that's a whole different experience.
• 31:56
  SPEAKER_01: And I think this is where many of us get stuck.
• 31:59
  SPEAKER_01: Not because we don't have dreams, but because we're waiting to become the kind of person who feels capable of pursuing.
• 32:06
  SPEAKER_01: Which brings me to our final part of the conversation today.
• 32:09
  SPEAKER_01: Stop waiting to become the woman who does the thing.
• 32:15
  SPEAKER_01: The myth of feeling ready.
• 32:18
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 32:18
  SPEAKER_01: How many times have you told yourself, I'll do it when I'm ready?
• 32:22
  SPEAKER_01: We spoke about this already.
• 32:25
  SPEAKER_01: Ready is not a thing.
• 32:27
  SPEAKER_01: Just dive in because there's something incredibly comforting about imagining that one day we'll wake up and suddenly feel completely prepared for things we want to do.
• 32:37
  SPEAKER_02: Like confidence.
• 32:41
  SPEAKER_02: Right?
• 32:42
  SPEAKER_01: You just have to do it anyways.
• 32:43
  SPEAKER_01: Feel uncomfortable, feel the fear, and do it anyways.
• 32:48
  SPEAKER_01: You can start now.
• 32:50
  SPEAKER_01: And what if that's not how it works?
• 32:53
  SPEAKER_01: But if confidence isn't always something we need before taking action, what if it's something we begin developing because we take action?
• 33:01
  SPEAKER_01: Think about learning to drive or learning a new skill, becoming a parent.
• 33:06
  SPEAKER_01: You can prepare, you can read, you can ask questions, but there's a kind of understanding that only comes through experience.
• 33:14
  SPEAKER_01: And I think pursuing our dreams is often similar.
• 33:17
  SPEAKER_01: We can spend years preparing for a life we're never quite willing to begin.
• 33:22
  SPEAKER_01: Confidence grows through experience.
• 33:25
  SPEAKER_01: There's there's a concept in psychology, it refers to our belief in our ability to carry out actions and handle particular challenges.
• 33:34
  SPEAKER_01: And one of the important ways that that belief develops in through our own experience of trying, practicing, learning, and making progress.
• 33:43
  SPEAKER_01: Think of a little kid who is learning how to walk.
• 33:46
  SPEAKER_01: They stumble, they fall, they get back up.
• 33:49
  SPEAKER_01: In other words, taking action can give us evidence that we are capable of doing something.
• 33:55
  SPEAKER_01: And I think that's empowering in itself.
• 33:58
  SPEAKER_01: Because it means confidence doesn't have to be a prerequisite for every decision that we make.
• 34:04
  SPEAKER_01: Sometimes we can begin while uncertainty is there.
• 34:09
  SPEAKER_01: We can take small steps, learn something, adjust, and then take another.
• 34:14
  SPEAKER_01: And what works for somebody might not work for you, and that's a part of the process.
• 34:18
  SPEAKER_01: Don't get discouraged.
• 34:21
  SPEAKER_02: You're gonna make mistakes, and that's okay.
• 34:26
  SPEAKER_01: And it's okay to keep changing directions too.
• 34:29
  SPEAKER_01: We are evolving, we are growing.
• 34:32
  SPEAKER_01: Again, change is the most evident part of the journey.
• 34:37
  SPEAKER_01: And I think that's a much healthier way to approach growth than believing that we can get everything right the first time.
• 34:43
  SPEAKER_01: I tell that to my daughter all the time because she gets frustrated.
• 34:46
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, it's okay.
• 34:47
  SPEAKER_02: Practice makes perfect.
• 34:51
  SPEAKER_02: And really perfect.
• 34:55
  SPEAKER_02: Perfect to you may look perfect to somebody else.
• 34:58
  SPEAKER_02: So, what is perfect?
• 35:02
  SPEAKER_01: I want to be really open about something.
• 35:05
  SPEAKER_01: The fear of failing is something I've had to work through myself, like I said.
• 35:09
  SPEAKER_01: And I think part of what makes that fear so powerful is that failure can feel personal, it can feel like a reflection of who you are.
• 35:18
  SPEAKER_01: Like if something we create doesn't succeed, somehow that means we're not good enough.
• 35:25
  SPEAKER_01: And those are two different things.
• 35:28
  SPEAKER_01: And that unsuccessful outcome doesn't determine your worth.
• 35:31
  SPEAKER_01: A project that doesn't work doesn't mean you lack potential.
• 35:35
  SPEAKER_01: A decision you later change doesn't mean you are foolish for trying.
• 35:40
  SPEAKER_01: In fact, I think the opposite.
• 35:42
  SPEAKER_01: Good on you for trying.
• 35:44
  SPEAKER_01: It means you're a person navigating life with information, resources, and experience available to you at any time.
• 35:50
  SPEAKER_01: And sometimes your quote-unquote failures might be something that you're gonna help someone else see so that they don't have to do the same thing.
• 36:00
  SPEAKER_01: There's no such thing as doing something wrong.
• 36:03
  SPEAKER_01: I certainly have.
• 36:05
  SPEAKER_01: I've explored opportunities that didn't turn out the way I hoped.
• 36:09
  SPEAKER_01: I've changed directions, I've had ideas that didn't become what I imagined, and there's beauty in that too.
• 36:16
  SPEAKER_01: And I've had moments when I questioned whether I should keep going.
• 36:19
  SPEAKER_01: But when I look back at those experiences, I can see that they weren't wasted, and they helped me understand what I wanted and the direction that I needed to go.
• 36:30
  SPEAKER_01: Because overall, the message is still the same.
• 36:35
  SPEAKER_02: The calling is still the same.
• 36:38
  SPEAKER_02: It just needed to pivot a couple of times, right?
• 36:44
  SPEAKER_01: So I want to ask you something.
• 36:46
  SPEAKER_01: Who is the future version of yourself that you are waiting for?
• 36:50
  SPEAKER_01: The confident one, the disciplined one, the successful one, girl?
• 36:53
  SPEAKER_01: Just get her done.
• 36:55
  SPEAKER_01: What if I told you that you don't necessarily become her before you begin?
• 37:00
  SPEAKER_01: You become more like her through the choices that you make.
• 37:05
  SPEAKER_01: If you want to become a writer, you write.
• 37:07
  SPEAKER_01: If you want to become someone who speaks confidently, you practice speaking confidently and nicer to yourself.
• 37:14
  SPEAKER_01: If you want to become someone who prioritizes well-being, you begin making those choices that supports that.
• 37:20
  SPEAKER_01: If you want to become someone who trusts yourself, you create opportunities to make decisions, learn from them, and recognize your own ability to navigate the outcomes, not perfectly and not all at once, but consistently enough that you're building a different relationship with yourself.
• 37:39
  SPEAKER_01: And I think that's where self-love and personal development connect in such a powerful way.
• 37:43
  SPEAKER_01: You almost have to mother yourself.
• 37:54
  SPEAKER_01: How we honor our needs, how we respect our boundaries, and how we give ourselves opportunity to grow and how we respond to ourselves when things don't go according to plan.
• 38:07
  SPEAKER_01: When I talk about reclaiming your power, I don't mean becoming someone who controls every outcome.
• 38:13
  SPEAKER_01: That's not possible.
• 38:15
  SPEAKER_01: Trust me.
• 38:17
  SPEAKER_01: And I don't mean becoming someone who never experiences fear, insecurities, or disappointment.
• 38:21
  SPEAKER_01: We are human.
• 38:22
  SPEAKER_01: Those experiences are part of life.
• 38:26
  SPEAKER_01: What I mean is recognizing where you have agency, recognizing that your voice matters, that your choices matter, that your desires deserve consideration, and that you don't have to hand over every decision about your life to fear, comparison, expectations, or other people's opinions.
• 38:49
  SPEAKER_01: Sometimes reclaiming your power looks dramatic.
• 38:52
  SPEAKER_01: It looks like moving across the country, changing careers, starting a business, publishing a book.
• 38:58
  SPEAKER_01: And sometimes it's incredibly quiet.
• 39:00
  SPEAKER_01: And it's saying no when you would normally say yes.
• 39:04
  SPEAKER_01: Creating those boundaries, but also asking for help.
• 39:08
  SPEAKER_01: It's setting aside an hour for something that matters to you.
• 39:12
  SPEAKER_01: It's admitting that a dream you abandoned still means something.
• 39:16
  SPEAKER_01: It's trying again after something didn't work.
• 39:20
  SPEAKER_01: It's choosing to speak to yourself with compassion instead of criticism.
• 39:25
  SPEAKER_01: And think we need to recognize these moments.
• 39:29
  SPEAKER_01: Truly do.
• 39:30
  SPEAKER_01: Because meaningful life isn't built on through enormous decisions, it's also shaped by the small choices that we make over and over again.
• 39:42
  SPEAKER_01: So one thing I really want to leave you with is that you don't have to completely reinvent your life tomorrow.
• 39:49
  SPEAKER_01: Sometimes when we hear conversations about following our dreams, it can feel like we're supposed to make huge dramatic leaps.
• 39:55
  SPEAKER_01: No, don't go quit your job.
• 39:57
  SPEAKER_01: Don't go move somewhere, launch your business.
• 40:01
  SPEAKER_01: I'm saying take it step by step.
• 40:03
  SPEAKER_01: Get curious, ask the right questions, and take it one step at a time.
• 40:08
  SPEAKER_01: But take that step.
• 40:10
  SPEAKER_01: That's the important thing.
• 40:13
  SPEAKER_01: What matters is that you begin to participate in the direction of your life rather than waiting for the perfect moment to arrive.
• 40:21
  SPEAKER_01: And as someone who's had plenty of detours and unexpected changes in her own journey, I can tell you that that path doesn't always look the way you imagined.
• 40:31
  SPEAKER_01: But that doesn't automatically mean you're going in the wrong direction.
• 40:34
  SPEAKER_01: Sometimes you rediscover possibilities you couldn't have imagined when you started.
• 40:39
  SPEAKER_01: That's the reflection I've been getting by writing my book right now.
• 40:43
  SPEAKER_01: And my final question to you is what is one thing that you've been waiting to feel ready for?
• 40:50
  SPEAKER_01: What would one small realistic first step look like?
• 40:54
  SPEAKER_01: Just one step.
• 40:56
  SPEAKER_01: Because maybe that version of you who feels confident enough to pursue that dream isn't waiting somewhere in the future.
• 41:02
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe she's just being built through the choices that you're currently making.
• 41:08
  SPEAKER_01: So, yeah, as I've been writing this book and revisiting so many different moments of my own life, one of the things that I'm reminded of is how unpredictable our journeys can be.
• 41:21
  SPEAKER_01: There are things I once dreamed about that have become part of my reality, like becoming a mama, building a business with my husband.
• 41:31
  SPEAKER_01: And there are still so many things I hope to experience, create, and become.
• 41:37
  SPEAKER_01: I don't have everything figured out.
• 41:39
  SPEAKER_01: I'm still learning.
• 41:39
  SPEAKER_01: I'm still growing, still questioning beliefs, but I'm here to remind you of yours.
• 41:44
  SPEAKER_01: You are allowed to question the rules you've inherited.
• 41:48
  SPEAKER_01: You're allowed to decide that somebody else's definition of success isn't necessarily yours.
• 41:52
  SPEAKER_01: You're allowed to love the life that you have and still be curious about what's possible.
• 41:57
  SPEAKER_01: Sometimes all you need is the courage to question the direction that you've been following and the willingness to take one intentional step towards something that feels more like you.
• 42:06
  SPEAKER_01: Until next time, keep coming home to yourself.
• 42:10
  SPEAKER_01: Bye love.
• 42:12
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you for spending this time with me here on the Inner Beacon.
• 42:15
  SPEAKER_00: If you're not already following me, you can find me on Instagram at immarisa.xo.
• 42:21
  SPEAKER_00: And if this episode resonates, spread the love like you would nicela by sharing this podcast and tagging me so that I can personally thank you.
• 42:29
  SPEAKER_01: And if you are feeling extra loving, leaving a review helps light up another beautiful soul and supports the growth of this space.
• 42:36
  SPEAKER_01: I am so glad you're here.
• 42:38
  SPEAKER_00: I'll meet you on the next episode.