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132. When Things Don’t Go As Planned · The Shift Podcast

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Hey guys, welcome to this week's podcast episode, episode 132
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when things that don't go as planned.
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This is something that I was thinking about this morning and
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I wanted to record for you. I I usually don't do the
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recordings on the podcast early on in the week because I wait to
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see what are some of the topics that we're coaching on inside my
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programs and with my one-on-one clients.
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But I actually started thinking about this as I was running on
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the treadmill today at the gym. It's not something that I love
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to do running on the treadmill. I like to run outside.
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I usually try to run a 3 miles a day, but it's been rainy and wet
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in California for the last four days.
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So this is something that I really felt compelled to talk to
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you guys about. And right now, currently, the
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shift coaching group is still open for enrollment.
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It's for any healthcare worker and 1st responder.
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And this is a topic that I've covered a lot over the last four
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years inside my programs and coaching other healthcare
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workers and 1st responders one-on-one.
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This topic again, I'm going to be calling this when things
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don't go as planned. This is the muddy middle, you
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guys. This is the middle of, hey, you
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say you want to do something or you set a goal for yourself and
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you're not there yet. You're in the middle.
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And this is the part, the middle part where a lot of people give
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up. I think one of my biggest
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strengths is that I can see something all the way through
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and stay consistent even when it's uncomfortable, even when I
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have uncertainty to stay in it and to welcome the emotions that
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come with it, like fear and doubt and discomfort to be able
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to get to the other side. So I'm going to share with you a
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little bit about how I do this, what kind of tools that I use
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today and give you a little sneak peek of the things and the
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topics that we're going to cover and the tools I'm going to teach
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you inside the shift coaching group.
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So last year, I, I, I, it's been a couple podcast episodes, but
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I've shared with you guys before that last year, last 2024 was
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one of the toughest years for me personally.
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I went through a lot of transitions.
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My, my oldest moved out, my, my father-in-law passed away.
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Lots of things kind of felt like they were coming at me and one
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after another. And I, I think I had a really
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hard time, like I said, with just like dealing with
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transitions and getting out of the norm and unexpected things
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that were happening. And now looking back, I kind of
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came out of this the beginning of this year.
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So I've had some time to reflect and grow.
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Now looking back, I, I, I'm so much stronger.
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I built a lot of resilience. And I've really wanted to ask
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myself for all of you, what were some key takeaways for me from
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last year that had me really come out of that stronger and
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better than ever. And I'm going to share with you
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a couple of those things that from the inside of looking back
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that I think will really help for me and I hope are really
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helpful for you. Because I do hear from a lot of
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you that life is lifing for you right now.
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Things are happening, unexpected circumstances are coming up, or
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you're just having a tough time. And so I really want to teach
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you guys how when I go through tough times and have trials and
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have unexpected things come up, how I still really put my goals
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and what I want and how I want to live at the top of the list
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and still make them a priority. So I think like one of the
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things that I've been thinking about is in instead of when
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you're going through a really tough time pulling back.
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And I thought of like digging a hole.
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Like, you know, you know, those times where you wake up and this
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was like seriously, no joke for like 6 months I would just like
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want to not get out of bed. I would get out of bed, but I
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would think every morning, I don't want to get out of bed.
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I don't want to get ready. Like I just, I can't life today.
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And you know, those mornings I, I seriously felt like that for
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six months, but I didn't do it. I didn't stay in bed.
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I told myself it's OK. I feel sad right now.
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I have fear right now. I'm scared right now.
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And I'm still going to get out and I'm still going to do it.
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And so when I look back, I think of like the metaphor of, of
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digging a hole on those days, in that six months, if I would have
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pulled back, if I would have stayed in bed, if I would have
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just watched TV, if I would have just like, you know, not done
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the things and honored the list of things that I, I, I knew I
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needed to do both in my business and in my personal life.
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I imagined I would have been just like digging a deep, deep
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hole. So every morning that I would
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have stayed in bed, I would have just dig that hole and then I
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want to just dug it deeper and deeper and deeper.
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And I knew in my mind, I knew I was going to come out of it.
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I, I didn't know what the time frame was going to be.
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I didn't know it was going to take a whole year.
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But looking back, the thing that was so helpful for me was I
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didn't dig that hole deeper. I still took the action with the
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feeling of feeling sad, with the feeling of feeling scared with
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the feeling of having fear. And so instead of digging the
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whole, I stayed status quo, which I kind of compare myself
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as staying like above ground, right?
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And so when I finally came out of it after the year, I didn't
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have to spend time digging myself out of the hole and then
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getting above ground and then propelling forward with the
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strength now that I had, I would, I never built the whole.
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So I was able to stay above ground.
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And now I felt like, oh, I'm feeling more like myself.
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I'm coming out of this. I'm able to just like build on
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whatever. I was able to stay status quo
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and I was able to just like get back in it a lot quicker, both
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for myself and for the other people and my other
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relationships around me. And so that's like one thing
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that I piece that I want to give you guys is for especially those
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of you who are feeling like that, who are having the days of
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like, I just can't life anymore. I just don't want to get out of
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bed. Taking being willing to take
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whatever emotion that you're feeling that day that's wanting
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to keep you in bed and just bring it with you.
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And just taking the small actions with bringing sadness
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with you, with bringing fear with you, because I promise you
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that's going to make so much of a difference when you're out of
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it. And it will come if you don't,
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if you give it as much time as it needs, it will come.
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You will come out of it. And it might take a year, it
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might take two years, it might take three years, but you will
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come out of it. And I promise you, you will not
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be having to grapple yourself out of that hole.
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You will be able to have a clean start and then go jump right
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back into what you need to be. And I really think like this.
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This year I I learned resilience because I learned that I can go
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forward. I can honor what I said that I
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was going to do. I can always trust myself to not
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pull back even when things become hard.
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And now I know that if and when I feel hard transitions again,
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which I know I will, my twins are about ready to graduate high
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school. So I'm going to have two more
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moving out that I am more ready, I'm more capable.
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I will have a shorter amount of time.
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It might take a year, but I'm guessing it's going to take less
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than a year to really go through that transition.
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And, and what I also learned from that year is that I, I know
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myself now, I know myself more than ever.
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I know what it's like to keep going when you don't want to.
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And so that's really, I wanted to offer you guys that
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reflection and hopefully you guys got something out of that
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story and out of out of myself and my hard year that I faced
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and, and I am ready to talk about it because I have done the
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work through my coach to really find myself through that hard
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time. And I'm, I'm different now.
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I'm, the way that I deal with trials now is different.
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And I'm, I'm still having life happen.
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I'm still having trials happen, but I know myself at a deeper
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level because I knew I, I didn't dig myself into that hole.
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And so one thing that I was thinking about that's been super
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helpful for me as now I've been coming out of it is realizing
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that I think I felt a lot of dread last year.
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And I think what can happen with dread sometimes is.
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And I've noticed that even lately with me as there, it's
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been raining all week long and I feel like a little depressed to
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my mental health. Like I got it.
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I know I got to exercise more when the sun's not up, but I, I
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experienced dread. And I know you guys all
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experience this too, where it's like, let me give you an example
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where it's like, I know I need to work out.
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And so it's cold in the mornings and I don't want to get up and
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I'm really dreading getting out of bed.
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And then I'm dreading putting on my workout clothes.
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And then I'm like, tell myself, Oh, I don't really want to do
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that this morning. So probably I'll just go this
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afternoon. And then when I do that and I
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don't do it in the morning, then I spend all day dreading that
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it's something that I have to do and I haven't done yet.
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So that's kind of what I'm on a simplistic way, dread feels like
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and looks like and maybe it looks like for you.
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And something that I've been thinking about is something
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called dread sprints, which a coach of mine who I went to the
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life coach school, she talks about dread sprints.
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She has a whole podcast episode about this.
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But basically what she says is when you feel dread to do
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something, if you have something that you need to do, that's when
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you want to Sprint towards it. Because when we can actually
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accomplish the thing that we promised ourselves we're going
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to do, that's when we get the dopamine hit.
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That's when we get the feeling of accomplishment.
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But sometimes we prolong that and we prolong it with just like
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letting our self experience dread.
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So if we take it back to the instance of me working out in
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the morning, yeah, I'm dreading doing it.
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But would I rather dread just doing it and getting it done?
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Or would I rather spend dread taking up my entire day while
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I'm taking the actions of the things I'm need to be doing and
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then dread it and then actually get it and then feel
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accomplished? No, So what she says and, and
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something that I've really implemented in the last couple
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years is as soon as I know I want to do something, Sprint
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towards it. So it's like, would you rather
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run a marathon to get to your goal or would you rather just
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Sprint and have it done? And so I've been thinking about
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this a lot lately. I was coaching on this inside my
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program last week is like you, you have something that you know
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you want to do and we all have that thing that we're like, I
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don't really want to do it. And when instead of just like
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prolonging it, let's just dread, Sprint it, Sprint right then and
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there, take the action towards it versus waiting.
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And so I've been doing that a lot lately and it has freed up
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my thoughts and my thinking to be so much more powerful and to
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have so much more time to think about other things.
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In fact, even this week, I'm like, OK, even today I was like,
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I don't want to go to the gym. It's cold and it's rainy.
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I just want to wait and do it this afternoon.
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And I just was like, no, I'm going to dread Sprint it.
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So I did it. I did my run on the treadmill.
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I came back and that has freed my brain up so much to be
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thinking about all of you, to be thinking about my program, to be
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thinking about who can I be helping now today in this very
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moment. And that's what's available to
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you too, if you are sprinting and taking action towards yours,
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your goals, instead of waiting and carrying the dread with you
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all day or all month. Another example of this is I, we
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just had a chat going on in a community group chat about this
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someone waiting to, I'm kind of take the step to move to a
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different department. They've always known that they
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wanted to do critical care, but they were kind of waiting till
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after they graduated. And I had told them in my
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coaching and my text message back, let's not wait anymore.
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Let's do it today. Let's get it done this month.
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Let's Sprint towards it now. Let's not wait till you
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graduate. Let's not wait till next month.
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Let's not wait till next year. Let's do it now, because when we
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can create that, then it's going to free you up for for
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whatever's next and and the next goal and help you like just
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createspace freedom. And then also honoring what you
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said that you're going to that you that you need to do is going
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to be able to give you that much more peace and fulfillment to
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get to the next thing as well. So that's dread sprints.
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I wanted to mention that this the other thing that I want to
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talk about is when you commit to a goal or you commit to doing
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something, We all have this in between time before we've
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accomplished the goal or before we've achieved it.
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Like let's just say nursing school for general and or
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getting to flight before you've achieved it.
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There's this time where I know you want to give up because
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maybe things aren't going as planned.
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And here's the thing. It's not about committing to
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what you set yourself up to do. It's about who you want to
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become when you have those missed expectations.
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Who do you want to become when your timeline takes a little bit
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longer than you thought? It's about that person that you
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become in the process, in the messy middle, because this is
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this is where the true growth happens.
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Yeah, it's it's all great when we get to our goal because The
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thing is we're all going to get there.
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If you're consistent enough and you stay in it and you build the
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belief, you are going to get that goal, whatever that thing
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is that you set for yourself. But it's who you become in the
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process. It's who you become in the
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missed expectations. It's who you become when you're
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told no or when it takes longer than you think.
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That's the person that we're building.
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And that's how you grow your capability and your capacity.
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And as I look back at my really hard year, it's who I became in
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the messy middle. It's who I became because I
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committed to my goals no matter what was happening in my life.
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And I think this is one of my superpowers.
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My superpower is I never use time as an excuse.
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I hear a lot of people say, well, I have family obligations
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or my kids are too young, or this is going on in my life and
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this unexpected thing happened or my car broke down and I'm
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like, So what? This is where you want to teach
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yourself to become the person life is always going to happen
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and who do you want to be to be the person who never makes time
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as an excuse again. And I think I really learned
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this through being a flight nurse for seven years.
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When you work 24 hour shifts that turn into 36 hours or most
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of the time 28 because you have charting or things that you're
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finishing up on the end, you realize if you can save 5 or 6
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lives in 24 hours, you can do anything.
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And I just don't let myself have an excuse of time anymore.
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I try to be really, really intentional with my time and
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whatever I'm doing, I put 100% in it, whether it's with my
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family or whether it's making this podcast or whether it's
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coaching my clients. And that's really how I handle
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time. So I think like this is a gift
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that I'm wanting to teach all of my clients too, is how do you
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never use time against yourself ever, ever, ever again?
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That you always become the person who becomes capable, no
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matter what is going on in your life, to see it through and to
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become that person. And that's really what I'm going
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to show you how to do inside the shift coaching group as well.
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The other thing that I wanted to talk to you about is when things
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don't go as planned, you don't change the goal to feel better.
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An example of this that I can give you the closest thing
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outside of like Healthcare is just the one and only half
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marathon that I ran. I told myself before I turned 40
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I wanted to run a half marathon and I wanted to do it with my 18
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year old before he moved out of the house.
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We ran this half marathon and I was bamboozled to think I we ran
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it in the summer and I thought, well, I can't do it here in the
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valley in California where I live because it's 115°.
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So we decided to sign up for a race that was on the coast.
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And it ended up being, I was like, Oh yeah, this looks like
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it's going to be on a trail. It's going to be beautiful.
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It's going to be sixties, 70s, degrees.
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You know, it's not going to be too hot in June or July.
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When we ran it and it ended up being anything but that.
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The weather was nice, but the tide had come up so high that we
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ran ankle deep. And then we had to wade through
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like tide pools at some of it, at a part of it, like two or
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three times. So I was wet all the way up to
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my waist and the IT was in sand, like deep sand.
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So I ran my first half marathon wet and in sand, nothing like
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expected. I did so horrible.
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I feel feel like they were packing up the event by the time
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that I finished, but I finished. But the whole time I was
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thinking, man, it would feel so good to just like be done.
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And I remember thinking at like mile 8 like, oh gosh, why am I
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doing this? I should just reset.
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I should just probably just be done with this and then sign
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myself up for another one and then after that I can really
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complete what 1 is going to really feel like.
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But for those of you guys who are runners who are ever done
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1/2 or a full or whatever, my husband's crazy.
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He does ultra marathons, but you always have this moment where
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you're like, quitting's going to feel better.
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I could just like give up right now.
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I could just be done. Like no one would even notice.
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I could just be done and it would feel good.
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But the feeling that you get when you know that you want to
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quit and then you see it all the way through and you finish
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anyway is so much greater. And I know you guys all know
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this feeling where things aren't going as expected in your goal
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or in your life. And instead of changing the goal
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to feel better, you stick with it.
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And you know that. OK, yeah, you're going to get a
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little quick relief if you let it go or you stop or you're
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like, yeah, I'll do this later or maybe next time or this
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wasn't meant for me. But it feels even worse
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wondering what if. And I know that because I've
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been on the other side of that, too.
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And so this is the messy middle, the middle where you become the
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person that you don't change the goal.
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You see it all the way through. You finish the race all the way
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through with the high tide and the sand, and you become the
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person who consistently keeps going at it until you get it.
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And otherwise, if you don't, if you give up before the race is
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over because you think it's going to feel good, because it's
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going to give you the moment of relief, then you're giving
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yourself evidence that every time something doesn't work, you
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change the goal or you give up and then you quietly quit.
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And then you're dishonouring your word and yourself.
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And here's the crazy part, If you guys are anything like me, I
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think especially as healthcare workers and 1st responders is we
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always honor what other people want from us.
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We always like serve and give at the highest level.
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And then sometimes we forget like we have to honor what we
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say that we're going to do. We have to honor our word.
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And when we don't do that and we give up and we could ahead of
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time, like we give ourselves evidence that we don't trust
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ourselves. And so I think like this is a
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really big thing that I've taught myself is to trust
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myself, see something all the way through and consistently go
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at it, no matter how hard it takes and no matter how many
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times my brain says you need to give up.
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And it's interesting, my coach explains this as boiling water,
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which I think is such a good analogy that we're trying to get
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something to something. We're like, wait, we're like,
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the water's boiling and the water's boiling.
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The water's boiling. And then right before it boils,
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that's sometimes when we give up because things aren't going as
20:07
expected or they get hard. And so you give up and then the
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water cools down again and then you got to get it to the boiling
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point again. So it's so much harder.
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And this was like what I was trying to say about the whole
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and last year is if I would have just kept backing down.
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And laying in bed all day and not doing and honoring what I
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said I was going to do. Then I would have to keep
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getting it to the boiling water. But instead I just kept it
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lukewarm all year long. And then when I felt better I
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could get it to the boiling point quicker instead of having
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to have it cold and then boiling it all over again.
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And this is waiting in there long enough to get it to the
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boil. Being willing to be in the messy
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middle and to handle the in between of the goal instead of
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pulling back or quitting quietly.
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And The thing is, I don't think we noticed quitting.
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We sometimes quitting isn't just like, hey, I'm giving up.
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I'm not doing this. No, quitting is like when you
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start to give yourself evidence that it's not going to work.
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And then you start seeing yourself quietly, not taking an
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action, any action. And then that in action becomes
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like, see, it's not working. And then you give yourself more
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evidence of it's not working or it's not the right time.
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And then you pull back totally. And so it's just like an energy
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feel and energy thing. So I want to offer you guys in
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this messy metal, this is where we want to keep the boiling
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water warm. This is where we want to keep at
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it until it boils. One thing that I was thinking
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about too that I think is really helpful is sometimes we wait to
21:36
feel motivated or determined. For me, lately it's been like,
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well, I don't really feel ready or I don't really feel
21:45
motivated. So therefore I'm not going to
21:47
take the action or it's or it's hard to find what action to
21:50
take. And I want to offer you guys
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something that I've learned about myself is I have to get
21:55
into the action first. So if we bring it back to the
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example of like going to the gym, yeah, I don't want to go.
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And I'm like, oh, I got to feel motivated to go.
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I got to feel like strength to go, but no, it's not true.
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We got to take the action. Once we take the action, once we
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get on the treadmill, once we lift the weight, once we do the
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reps, then you start to feel motivated.
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Then you start to feel the desire.
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And so I want to offer you step into massive action and then you
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will feel what you, what you need to the desire, the
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motivation, the determination. When you start taking the
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action, it creates a forward momentum.
22:32
This is like putting a car into gear.
22:34
We can't go from neutral to 4th gear, right?
22:37
We have to be able to put it in first and then get it in the
22:41
second and then third, and then finally we've revved up enough
22:44
to get it into 4th gear. And so this is the thing.
22:47
This is also the tool is putting it into action.
22:50
We got to just start taking massive action so that we can
22:52
get to the feeling that we want. What matters as you're doing
22:56
this are the beliefs and what we're telling ourselves in those
23:00
moments, especially the moments where we quietly want to quit
23:03
and give up because we don't know the outcome yet.
23:06
We have to allow the feelings of discomfort, of fear, of doubt,
23:11
instead of ignoring it and trying to push it away.
23:13
You know, you're ignoring it and pushing it away when you're
23:15
quietly quitting instead of just being like, Oh yeah, you know, I
23:19
know what this feeling is. This feeling right here.
23:22
This is fear. Fear that I'm going to failure,
23:25
fail, fear that people are going to see it when you can give it
23:29
airtime and when you can embrace it and just learn to take it
23:32
with you. That's how you step into the
23:34
next version of yourself when you create normalcy around and
23:37
be like, Oh yeah, yeah, this is normal.
23:38
I've never done this before, so of course I feel fear of
23:41
failure. Just because we haven't tried it
23:44
or done it before doesn't mean that we're not supposed to.
23:48
It just means this is normal. We're leveling up.
23:50
And I know I feel this. I feel imposter syndrome, I feel
23:53
doubt, I feel fear every time I'm doing something new.
23:56
But you can hold on to it in the messy middle and just stay
23:59
consistent and it will happen. The last thing that I want to
24:03
leave you with and really talk to you about is are you creating
24:07
the desire to want more? Are you the type of person who
24:12
who is spending time really thinking about what it is that
24:16
you truly want? And also, if you knew that you
24:21
had it already, if you knew that it took you 10 times to fail to
24:25
finally arrive, would you keep going?
24:27
And my guess is you would, because I would, because I know
24:30
that I'm going to get there no matter what.
24:31
And it might take 10 times, it might take 100 times, it might
24:34
take 1000 times. But if you knew already, if you
24:37
could like, reach into the future and find yourself as a
24:40
person who already got it, would you?
24:42
What would that person tell you to believe about yourself?
24:44
What would that person tell you in the moments in the messy
24:46
middle where you want to give up and things don't go as it
24:48
expected? And this work isn't for
24:52
everyone. It's not for the people who just
24:54
want to clock in and out and clock out and live a status quo
24:57
life. But it's for the people, if
24:59
you're like me, who know you're meant for something more, who
25:02
who want to push your own boundaries and limits, Who want
25:05
to create the life that you really want on your own terms
25:08
and be proud of everything that you're doing, both on and off
25:12
the job. Where you want to become
25:16
comfortable with being in the discomfort, with being in the
25:19
middle and not having the goal yet.
25:21
Because the more you can do this, the more you can create
25:24
the life you want, the more you can say out loud what you want
25:28
and the more you will get it. And this is what I'm going to
25:31
teach you inside how to do in the shift group, coaching group.
25:35
This is for the people who want more, who know that they're
25:38
capable of more. And so I want to invite you guys
25:40
now come join us inside the shift coaching group.
25:43
It's for any healthcare worker and 1st responder.
25:45
We're going to be covering topics like how to grow your
25:47
confidence both on and off the shift, confidence in the
25:50
unknown, time management, how to grow your capability and your
25:53
capacity, everything that we face as a healthcare worker and
25:56
1st responder. And I want to invite you guys to
25:58
come join this community of support.
26:01
It's going to be 3 months long of coaching.
26:03
You're going to have every. We're going to be coaching
26:06
together on a weekly basis. Every, every call will be
26:08
recorded. You can go back and watch it in
26:09
a member portal. You're going to have a community
26:12
group chat that you can tap into with other healthcare workers
26:14
and 1st responders 24/7 anytime you need support.
26:18
And if you want to push yourself to your limits and watch
26:20
yourself become the person that you know that you're capable of
26:23
being, this is we're going to what we're going to do in the
26:25
three months together. Come join us inside the coaching
26:28
group, the shift coaching group. I am taking enrollment until
26:31
Monday, November 24th, so you want to make sure you secure
26:35
your spot. Now.
26:35
I'm offering this at a low, low introductory price of just 497.
26:39
I'm never going to offer it at this price again.
26:41
And we already have people enrolled inside the group and
26:44
I'm so excited to watch them transform.
26:47
Come be a part of the shift coaching group.
26:49
Let's find out what you're made of in this messy middle.
26:52
Let's let's teach you how to get to your goals and become the
26:55
person who is always capable. That's it for this week.
26:58
You guys will see you next week. Bye.