Latest / A Level Playing Field / Cara Henderson: The journey back and the strength behind it I A Level Playing Field I Episode 33

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Cara Henderson: The journey back and the strength behind it I A Level Playing Field I Episode 33 · A Level Playing Field

• 0:00
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• 0:06
  SPEAKER_00: The new issue includes an interview with one of Glasgow City's co-captains Lee Gibson, written by our own Alison McConnell, who's also a great piece on the chaos that Barry Smith saw during his time as Dundee Skipper, a series on Heart's title bid, Stephen McGimmons' brilliant breakdown of Scotland's World Cup Adventure, and an interview with Kelly Clark.
• 0:23
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• 1:24
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to a level playing field.
• 1:25
  SPEAKER_00: I'm Cheryl Smith, joined as ever by Allison McConnell and making our return to the podcast and the pitch.
• 1:31
  SPEAKER_00: If you like that one, Perfect Thistles.
• 1:34
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 1:34
  SPEAKER_00: Perfect thistles.
• 1:35
  SPEAKER_00: Cara Henderson is back with us, Cara.
• 1:38
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for giving us a little bit of your time, pleasure.
• 1:41
  SPEAKER_00: Wanted to catch up with you.
• 1:42
  SPEAKER_00: I was checking before before recording this.
• 1:44
  SPEAKER_00: It was actually the 19th of February, the last time that we spoke to you, which seems like Oh my goodness.
• 1:49
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know.
• 1:50
  SPEAKER_00: It actually seems like a long time ago, but also it just seems like two minutes ago.
• 1:53
  SPEAKER_00: I know.
• 1:54
  SPEAKER_00: I know.
• 1:54
  SPEAKER_00: You've been in a a bit of a journey since then, because back then you were right in the midst of the injury and trying to get back from the injury.
• 2:02
  SPEAKER_00: Just uh how are you at the moment?
• 2:03
  SPEAKER_00: Where are you just now?
• 2:04
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I'm good.
• 2:05
  SPEAKER_02: I'm good.
• 2:06
  SPEAKER_02: Um I know that feels like a long time ago.
• 2:08
  SPEAKER_02: That was a weird time as well because I was so in between like I think I was maybe running.
• 2:12
  SPEAKER_02: I think I was telling you that I was running circles all the time.
• 2:16
  SPEAKER_02: Yes, we probably I probably was, but that was all I was doing.
• 2:19
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I've never been up to 5k.
• 2:21
  SPEAKER_02: Never will.
• 2:22
  SPEAKER_01: Exactly.
• 2:22
  SPEAKER_02: Um, but yeah, no, progressed really well.
• 2:25
  SPEAKER_02: Um I think it's funny, pre-season came at a good time.
• 2:29
  SPEAKER_02: I probably would have liked maybe an extra month so I could have maybe taken part in more of the pre-season games, but pre-season came at a good time in terms of being able to get my fitness up, which was a humbling experience to be honest, still is, um, and being able to kind of integrate myself with the girls at that point, which has been good too.
• 2:44
  SPEAKER_02: So yeah, no, I'm at I'm at a good stage now.
• 2:46
  SPEAKER_02: I've been really enjoying being back on the pitch and being in involved with the team.
• 2:50
  SPEAKER_02: And it's funny, I feel like I'm at the next stage now.
• 2:52
  SPEAKER_02: I don't feel like it.
• 2:53
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, I'm but I'm back, and that was such a great moment, but I feel like I'm in the next stage now of trying to get myself back into the team, get as many minutes as I can.
• 2:59
  SPEAKER_02: But I'm really enjoying it.
• 3:00
  SPEAKER_01: Getting back into the proper groove, like pro like not thinking about it, just being at peak fitness and just physically back to where you were, just that's the next ambition there.
• 3:10
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, exactly.
• 3:11
  SPEAKER_02: And I think that's the thing that I kind of you the whole time you're doing it in kind of phases and you're like, right, okay, that's my next thing.
• 3:17
  SPEAKER_02: So, first, like when I first hurt myself, it was just getting off my bed or it was doing a leg raise, and then you're in the gym and then you're running and then you're kicking the ball again.
• 3:24
  SPEAKER_02: But even though I'm back, as I say it, I mean, there's still so much to it, it's sharpness.
• 3:28
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, I'm still doing things that I can't believe I'm doing, I'm still needing to chase the girls about, but it's so much easier being in this stage, probably than the stages before.
• 3:36
  SPEAKER_02: And it's exciting as well because getting the chances in games to come on and try and make an impact has has been good.
• 3:41
  SPEAKER_02: But yeah, no, it's just about it's just about getting myself back up.
• 3:44
  SPEAKER_02: And I think that's the thing is being patient is the words that I've had to had to really learn.
• 3:48
  SPEAKER_02: I think I'm still roting at it in bearing mine.
• 3:50
  SPEAKER_02: But yeah, just being patient as well is is been important.
• 3:52
  SPEAKER_01: That's interesting though, because you associate coming back.
• 3:55
  SPEAKER_01: You you I suppose you put so much weight on that moment of stepping back onto the pitch for the first time, and then for our from our outside perspective, you just think, Oh, you're back.
• 4:05
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, but you just kind of think that it's over.
• 4:06
  SPEAKER_01: That's the the look the lines.
• 4:08
  SPEAKER_02: I think I actually struggled with that as well.
• 4:10
  SPEAKER_02: Jesus like a storm someday's coming in.
• 4:13
  SPEAKER_02: Um I think I struggled that as well because I was so excited to be back, and it was it was an amazing moment that it was really special internally and obviously with everybody as well.
• 4:22
  SPEAKER_02: But I felt so happy and relieved, probably is a word.
• 4:25
  SPEAKER_02: But yeah, like the next part's hard as well because you are just you're on the periphery, and like it's still even showing my teammates that I'm what I can do because I don't think I've really shown them like everything I can do yet, but it's all those extra things that you didn't really consider because you just think, Yeah, I'm back, I can't wait until I'm back.
• 4:40
  SPEAKER_02: But actually, being back is that you need to and it this is a given, obviously, but you need to earn, you need to get fit again, and there's lots of different parts that I probably didn't think that far ahead.
• 4:49
  SPEAKER_02: But now that I'm in it, that's what I mean.
• 4:50
  SPEAKER_02: I'd so much be rather thinking about those things than can I squat this or can I do this on the leg press, you know?
• 4:54
  SPEAKER_01: Is it as your light at the end of the tunnel?
• 4:56
  SPEAKER_01: The fact that you're playing, and you know you you know you've still got another, you know, another lap to go, but it's not as grueling as what you're doing.
• 5:04
  SPEAKER_01: 100%.
• 5:05
  SPEAKER_02: And even probably when we were sat here before, I was in internally going saying all the right things in terms of yeah, I can't wait to be back, or like I'm doing this, I'm doing that, but there was always a fear that you're just never quite gonna get there because you're like there's so many different things, hard those that you need to jump before you're fit again, you need to pass certain things, and so there was probably a part of me that's like I always knew I was gonna get back, but I didn't actually necessarily know when that was, and that was quite scary as well.
• 5:29
  SPEAKER_02: Is that constantly being like, Okay, I need to pass this, I need to do this, maybe not quite being there or suffering a setback of some sort, but that's what I mean.
• 5:37
  SPEAKER_02: As you say, it's the light at the end of turn on it, it's so worth it now just being back involved because you miss it, and you probably I probably didn't realise how much I missed it until now.
• 5:43
  SPEAKER_02: So how uh emotional was that moment?
• 5:47
  SPEAKER_02: It was emotional to be fair, it was.
• 5:49
  SPEAKER_02: It didn't help that it was like I knew it had been a while, but and I went on.
• 5:53
  SPEAKER_02: I think it was like crazy.
• 5:54
  SPEAKER_02: Who did you come against Celtic, which was nice as well, because I know I know quite a lot of the girls, but um Craig, our media man, who's who's been brilliant, he's always been brilliant.
• 6:02
  SPEAKER_02: But he put he was on the mic and he gave me this amazing welcome back, right?
• 6:06
  SPEAKER_02: And so that made me feel like oh but then it was like 511 days, and I was like, Jesus Christ, you've been around the moon, you know, like a fair few times since I was last on the topic.
• 6:16
  SPEAKER_02: You enjoyed that.
• 6:17
  SPEAKER_02: Exactly, exactly.
• 6:18
  SPEAKER_02: I think did he describe it as you know when your child losing your child?
• 6:22
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I don't have that.
• 6:23
  SPEAKER_02: I remember my dog, but yeah, um it was it was emotional, and I know that I had as I say, like I had some friends and family there, and it was it was a really nice moment.
• 6:31
  SPEAKER_02: It was a big moment, actually.
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_02: It was the problem is that you need to then really you're quickly.
• 6:35
  SPEAKER_02: I think it was the score, I think they just scored, but there's only one goal in it.
• 6:37
  SPEAKER_02: So you're quite dead, yeah, yeah.
• 6:39
  SPEAKER_02: And you're like quickly, right?
• 6:40
  SPEAKER_02: Annie, and it concentrate here.
• 6:42
  SPEAKER_02: I need to I need to screw the nut.
• 6:43
  SPEAKER_02: You know, it's not it's not all about me, actually.
• 6:44
  SPEAKER_02: That's the big thing as well.
• 6:45
  SPEAKER_02: That that was a nice moment, but yeah, it was brilliant.
• 6:48
  SPEAKER_01: Even you could see really the action of your teammates, how pleased they were for you.
• 6:51
  SPEAKER_01: And a lot of the Celtic girls I saw the post-match, yeah.
• 6:56
  SPEAKER_01: I think for a lot of players, it's just you can empathize with someone who's gone through an injury that's so serious and so career threatening that when you come back that it transcends team colours or anything, like you you're ready for someone just to save their career, you're ready for somebody to say, you know, I'm delighted to see you back, and that it's going in the right direction.
• 7:18
  SPEAKER_02: I have to say a lot of that you know, most games that I've played since, and a lot of people have seen it, they're they're so nice about it, and saying, you know, they're so glad to see you back.
• 7:25
  SPEAKER_02: And I it it does actually mean a lot because one of the worst feelings is that you really feel that the game's moving on without you, and you're sad and you're watching it and you're happy for the team.
• 7:33
  SPEAKER_02: And the girls did so well last season getting top six again, but you just feel like you're stagnant while everything moves past you, and you don't I struggled that because I was that I really want to be within it, I want to be part of it, and so all the comments and stuff.
• 7:46
  SPEAKER_02: And as you say, yeah, I think doing it against Celtic as I say, cause I know a lot of the girls as well, it was really nice because they they probably knew from when I was younger too.
• 7:53
  SPEAKER_02: Um, but yeah, I think that was the hard part is that you just don't want the game to go too far without you, and you but you still want to be a good teammate as much as you can too.
• 8:02
  SPEAKER_02: Um, but yeah, no, I'm as I say, just so happy.
• 8:04
  SPEAKER_00: I can imagine that is probably like when I think about it from the outside, that's probably the worst or the toughest part of it because it's like anything in life and you're kind of on the periphery on the outside, you do feel like that, you feel like things are moving on without you, and you were part of a team and it and then it changed so much, like a change manager and change manager, and then yeah, before you before you came back in.
• 8:25
  SPEAKER_00: But see that that that point when you came when you ran onto the pitch for the first time, did you have any kind of like fear?
• 8:30
  SPEAKER_00: Were you scared about anything?
• 8:31
  SPEAKER_00: Like the first contact or the first just that you when you're back into the game?
• 8:36
  SPEAKER_02: Maybe, maybe, yeah.
• 8:37
  SPEAKER_02: I think I think a big part was that I'd been training for so long and I'd been round about that that probably helps get over the fear.
• 8:44
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, I I think though there's your teammates aren't going to go through you like somebody willing a game.
• 8:48
  SPEAKER_02: Um, and I think that's something that there was always the fear.
• 8:51
  SPEAKER_02: I think against Rangers, our most recent game, that was first first time I'd felt proper contact and a few challenges that I was like, okay, like and they were fine.
• 8:59
  SPEAKER_02: But you need that, you're probably thinking I think there's still maybe a few things that need to happen before I feel 110% comfortable, but that just comes through playing games and being exposed to it.
• 9:08
  SPEAKER_02: Um but I think as well, big thing, and just with R touching on it, is the teammates, like it was so important, your teammates.
• 9:14
  SPEAKER_02: And I don't, again, I don't I don't I feel like I'm a different person because I realise that now I maybe wasn't as good of a person as I feel like I would be now because you do need people, it's so important the people that are around you.
• 9:24
  SPEAKER_02: Because even though I felt stagnant, like the gaffer comes in and he's been so good with me in terms of at no point he didn't need to because he didn't know me, he'd never seen me play.
• 9:32
  SPEAKER_02: But he constantly made sure I was involved and constantly catered to whatever I needed, which was so appreciated.
• 9:37
  SPEAKER_02: And then it's funny though, because it's also new teammates, like we're talking about people moving on.
• 9:42
  SPEAKER_02: The the the club and the team is like totally different girls than when I was injured as well.
• 9:46
  SPEAKER_02: There's a few old faces which was nice too because I felt like they'd see me from the start to finish.
• 9:49
  SPEAKER_02: But overall, you're playing with girls that don't know you, yeah.
• 9:52
  SPEAKER_02: And you hope that you know they're like, oh no, she is good, but there's no guarantee of that, yeah.
• 9:56
  SPEAKER_02: You know, there's no guarantee that they're like so.
• 9:58
  SPEAKER_02: Part of that whole process is being supported from the team and like running on the pitch.
• 10:02
  SPEAKER_02: I'm actually excited as well because I'm like, I can show people what I can do.
• 10:05
  SPEAKER_02: I'm not just being like, I'm not just oh no, I used to be quite good.
• 10:08
  SPEAKER_02: Just does that make sense?
• 10:09
  SPEAKER_02: Is that I can I now have the opportunity to show people what I can do, which it's not just reputation alone.
• 10:14
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, because like I mean, I'm lucky that I've been at the club and we've done really good things, but that's so temporary.
• 10:19
  SPEAKER_02: I I don't feel like I'm living in I don't want to be like, oh C C two seasons go when I was here and we got top six or when we got to the cup final.
• 10:26
  SPEAKER_02: I don't want to constantly have to be like, no, I was part of that.
• 10:28
  SPEAKER_02: I want to I'm so excited that I can be part of what we're doing now.
• 10:32
  SPEAKER_00: It's like football, isn't it?
• 10:33
  SPEAKER_00: You can't really look back once you once what you've done's done, and then you need to look you need to look forward.
• 10:39
  SPEAKER_00: Um see when you said there it's made you kind of a a better I think you said person, but I think maybe teammate because I think I think you're I think you're fine as a person, but is it just spoke to you for a while, so it's just lie to you.
• 10:53
  SPEAKER_00: Is it like is it is it maturity in a way?
• 10:56
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, all there's been two almost two years of a difference, but is it maturity in a way just going through something like that and all in the mental strain is yeah puts on you as well?
• 11:05
  SPEAKER_02: I think I appreciate it a lot more than I did before.
• 11:08
  SPEAKER_02: Like every training session, every game.
• 11:10
  SPEAKER_02: I mean I'm not gonna sit here and be like uh too too too extreme about it.
• 11:14
  SPEAKER_02: I I come and I'm I appreciate every training session, but I do if that makes sense, it's just being part of it and that feeling that we've obviously got Hannah Robinson who's still out with her ACL.
• 11:26
  SPEAKER_02: It does suck, you know, it does, it's really hard.
• 11:29
  SPEAKER_02: And I think what I mean is that as a teammate, I probably wouldn't have thought that much into a long-term injury before.
• 11:35
  SPEAKER_02: I'd have been like, that's a shame, but it's not me.
• 11:37
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, and that's terrible.
• 11:39
  SPEAKER_01: That's there's if everybody's like really human though, until it's probably yeah, one, you're quite young still, and two, that it's one of those things that until you've experienced it, you can't really appreciate everything that goes round about it, not just the physical aspects of it, but the mental aspects of it, and feeling like that, that you're on the outside looking in.
• 12:00
  SPEAKER_01: You probably can't you probably have to live that to have a degree of understanding.
• 12:04
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, absolutely.
• 12:05
  SPEAKER_02: I remember actually a total moment is when when we were all together last and we were speaking to Lucy Ronald, and she sat and we were talking to her about her ACL journey, and I remember sitting going, God, I mean that sounds horrific.
• 12:16
  SPEAKER_02: And I'm I actually remember going, I'm so proud of her for for getting out of it and getting back.
• 12:20
  SPEAKER_02: But I I I don't think you really as I as you say you don't really understand it until you're in it, and that's I actually I'm not grateful for it.
• 12:28
  SPEAKER_02: I was about to say I'm grateful for it, I'm absolutely not.
• 12:30
  SPEAKER_02: I wish it hadn't happened, but in some ways I do think I've learned so much, and I think they're quite good life skills to learn throughout it in terms of compassion and patience and just different things, maybe appreciating things more than I would have before.
• 12:42
  SPEAKER_02: Um, but also the experience that others have given me, like the kindness that have been shown that like that's been really notable.
• 12:49
  SPEAKER_02: And I'm not saying I wouldn't have done it before because I'd I want to think of myself as being that kind person, but just some people have gone so above and beyond, and I I really do appreciate that.
• 12:57
  SPEAKER_01: How do you feel about your scars?
• 13:01
  SPEAKER_02: I'm not wearing a I've not worn a short dress out and uh or short, yeah.
• 13:05
  SPEAKER_02: I don't know.
• 13:07
  SPEAKER_02: I know exactly.
• 13:08
  SPEAKER_02: It's too cold for that.
• 13:09
  SPEAKER_02: Too cold for that.
• 13:09
  SPEAKER_02: Um honestly I prefer they weren't.
• 13:12
  SPEAKER_02: I went on holiday and I wore bikini and it was fine, but to be honest, yeah, that's probably something I hadn't considered.
• 13:18
  SPEAKER_02: I'm not a massive fan of talking about it, to be honest, still.
• 13:22
  SPEAKER_02: That's what I mean when I was gonna say I was grateful for it, and I'm grateful of there are parts of it that I'm like, yep, learned a lot, met some really great people, developed really good relationships, but the full thing is still quite hard to talk about because ultimately I was out for two years.
• 13:34
  SPEAKER_02: I can't help but feel that I've taken steps backwards, which I'm not a fan of.
• 13:38
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, you guys know me, it's always been my my dream to be at the absolute top and do whatever I can in the game, and it's hard to think that even though I'm back, it's what we're talking about, even though I'm back, I'm not where I was yet, and there's still a lot of you know milestones to me.
• 13:51
  SPEAKER_02: I still want to I can't wait until I score my first goal.
• 13:54
  SPEAKER_02: Like, still a lot to go to, and I feel like that it is hard, and like the scars they don't bother me really, but they are I suppose a reminder of pretty pretty rotten time.
• 14:04
  SPEAKER_02: Do they still uh they still remember your song?
• 14:07
  SPEAKER_02: Unfortunately, yeah, that that's follow me like a bad smell.
• 14:11
  SPEAKER_02: No, no, no.
• 14:11
  SPEAKER_02: I feel like don't sit next to you and I heard it.
• 14:14
  SPEAKER_02: Even in the strangest places, it seems to cut yeah, it seems to just get whipped out, but yeah, no, um the song unfortunately has stayed to apology.
• 14:22
  SPEAKER_01: Has it changed in terms of your ambitions?
• 14:24
  SPEAKER_01: Because we did we obviously worked with A new UL and knew priorities.
• 14:28
  SPEAKER_01: One, you had ambitions to go to to a certain level, and we always believed you capable of of reaching that level, but also has it have you stopped thinking that way?
• 14:38
  SPEAKER_01: Are you is it more immediate?
• 14:39
  SPEAKER_01: Are the ambitions more short term, or do you still retain that long-term ambition because you're still very young?
• 14:44
  SPEAKER_02: Honest answer, well, I was out injured.
• 14:46
  SPEAKER_02: It was hard not to think this could be uh this could be this could be it.
• 14:51
  SPEAKER_02: See now that I'm back, I've got it's like an itch.
• 14:53
  SPEAKER_02: It's like I'm not in this, just I'm not really in it to just take part.
• 14:58
  SPEAKER_02: I want to win, I'm so desperate to be in a team.
• 15:01
  SPEAKER_02: Um I I think that when I was out injured, I was more thinking practically, I suppose, like I I have to get a job, you know.
• 15:08
  SPEAKER_02: I'm out of uni now, I need to get a full-time job where I'm working and I'm earning money because I need that in my life, you know.
• 15:14
  SPEAKER_02: I I I can't stop, I suppose, just for the injury.
• 15:17
  SPEAKER_02: So that was quite a hard thing because obviously we worked together, but it was more sort of flexible, if you want to say, in terms of hours and stuff like that.
• 15:25
  SPEAKER_02: But I I was like, no, I need to go and out work, I need to do that because if I don't come back, whatever.
• 15:30
  SPEAKER_02: But now that I'm back, I'm so desperate to be the absolute best I can for the club and for the girls, and it's been that's it's that's the enjoyment.
• 15:37
  SPEAKER_02: It's like as I say, it's an itch.
• 15:38
  SPEAKER_02: I probably was a wee bit actually worried that it had gone because I was like, I don't know who I am if I'm not wanting to be the absolute best I can be.
• 15:45
  SPEAKER_02: But now that I'm back, I'm just loving it, and it's it's absolutely the same.
• 15:49
  SPEAKER_02: And it starts though from a right love for a parking thessel as well, because they've been so good to me for this time, and it's like I'm just so excited to see where the club can go and where we can go as well.
• 15:58
  SPEAKER_02: Um which is which is a credit to the club as well, because they they've kept me in the loop and kept me feeling like I was involved too.
• 16:04
  SPEAKER_00: Do you say like targets little little targets and stuff for yourself as you go ahead?
• 16:08
  SPEAKER_00: Like, what was what does a successful season look like for you this season?
• 16:14
  SPEAKER_00: It's a hard one.
• 16:15
  SPEAKER_00: It's a hard one.
• 16:16
  SPEAKER_02: I can say I can I mean the next one is obviously scoring a goal.
• 16:22
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, that'll feel great.
• 16:22
  SPEAKER_02: I'm a striker, so the longer I go without that, the the worse position I'll be in in the team as well.
• 16:27
  SPEAKER_02: But it's it's hard, it's hard, it's it's it's important.
• 16:31
  SPEAKER_02: Thing is, is as well, like it's I do probably need to be realistic, but I'm in a position now where we're aging the game time forward, which is fun, which is good.
• 16:39
  SPEAKER_02: So more time on the pitch to show what I can do.
• 16:42
  SPEAKER_02: Um my my gym plan, training plans changed a little bit.
• 16:46
  SPEAKER_02: I don't know.
• 16:47
  SPEAKER_02: I think that that part of it will take care of itself if that makes sense, the season as a whole.
• 16:52
  SPEAKER_02: But scoring a goal, being involved, playing 90 minutes, that's all that that's all pretty big things for now.
• 16:57
  SPEAKER_02: I suppose the next thing is yeah, goal 90 minutes and then letting it go from there, I suppose.
• 17:02
  SPEAKER_02: But knowing myself, as soon as that I'm I feel like I'm properly back and scoring goals, I'll I want to I don't know.
• 17:09
  SPEAKER_02: Remember the season I got injured.
• 17:10
  SPEAKER_02: I said that was gonna be I did a media day and I said I was gonna be, I'm sure you remember this, top goal scorer of the league.
• 17:16
  SPEAKER_00: That did not go well.
• 17:16
  SPEAKER_00: So you didn't specify what season to regress just one in the future.
• 17:22
  SPEAKER_00: It's time for our player of the week sponsored by Nutmeg Magazine, the home of brilliant football stories.
• 17:27
  SPEAKER_00: Check out the latest issue at nutmegmagazine.co.uk.
• 17:30
  SPEAKER_01: This week's player of the week, sponsored by Nutmeg, goes to Ranger striker KT Wilkinson, who came up with a brace in the win over hibs at the weekend and then produced a moment of magic at Peters Hill as Rangers beat Glasgow City 2-1 to open up a five-point lead at the top of the table.
• 17:48
  SPEAKER_00: That was our Nutmeg Magazine player of the week.
• 17:51
  SPEAKER_00: For more great football writing and to order the latest issue, visit nutmegmagazine.co.uk.
• 17:56
  SPEAKER_01: How were your mum and dad after the injury?
• 17:58
  SPEAKER_01: Did anyone say to you, do you know it might be, you know, might be the time just to think about maybe football can be a recreational thing when you come back and maybe just it's time to park it a wee bit?
• 18:10
  SPEAKER_01: Did anybody because it must be quite hard for your mum and dad to have seen you going through such a serious injury?
• 18:16
  SPEAKER_02: There was no chance my mum and dad were ever gonna say that if they're not like they love me playing football and they were s I think they were both quite emotional themselves.
• 18:23
  SPEAKER_02: But there was that's what I mean, there was a realisation of no, you I mean it it's not saying that I didn't have proper jobs before, but it was I think I was kicking the can a little bit in terms of no, I want to see what I can do, I want to see what happens, I want, I want, I want to put my all into football, and I think what I struggled with was that I felt like if I went and got a full-time job, that would mean that I wasn't doing that anymore, and that freaks me out because I was like I don't want anyone to think that I'm not as committed as I was before.
• 18:49
  SPEAKER_02: So I think mum and dad helped me in terms of you need to be realistic in a situation, and I mean, God forbid that it doesn't work out, you need to make sure that you've got stuff in the background, but for them, they've always just been so desperate for me to play.
• 19:01
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, they love watching me play, they travel to Aberdeen all sorts, which I really appreciate.
• 19:05
  SPEAKER_02: But yeah, that I think I think maybe there's always been people that maybe don't understand it totally in terms of you're we are part-time, although I think the standard of the club is up here.
• 19:16
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, it's getting better every year.
• 19:17
  SPEAKER_02: We get amazing, we get treated amazingly here.
• 19:21
  SPEAKER_02: I do think there's always been people that because you're not full-time, it's like it's a hobby or whatever, and I and I don't think that's the case at part of this, but there's always been people that are like, oh, if you've hurt yourself like that, why would you want to go back and do that again?
• 19:33
  SPEAKER_02: Why would you want to put yourself at risk of doing that again?
• 19:35
  SPEAKER_02: But that's never been something that me or my family or anybody that really knows me of costly would know that something I mean, I was always gonna come back.
• 19:43
  SPEAKER_02: I wouldn't even like do you know what I mean?
• 19:44
  SPEAKER_02: That wouldn't really go in my head.
• 19:46
  SPEAKER_00: Do you think that the the league has changed at all in the time that you've been out?
• 19:50
  SPEAKER_00: Just in terms of obviously the personnel has changed and there's been manager changes, but just because I'm trying to think back to where it was where the game was and because we talk about it a lot, like the trajectory of it and what direction it's going in, but you now that you're back back on the pitch, do you see any changes?
• 20:10
  SPEAKER_02: Immediately my answer would be no.
• 20:13
  SPEAKER_02: I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing though, I guess.
• 20:15
  SPEAKER_02: But no, I mean I do think that the game in terms of its coverage and stuff is in a really good place in terms of where where it seems to be going.
• 20:24
  SPEAKER_02: I I think as well, like when I was when I was out and I was doing part of the media stuff and watching it, I thought like sometimes the quality was really, really high and it was really competitive.
• 20:33
  SPEAKER_02: And the sort of photo finishes we used to speak about where we weren't before, like the photo finishes is really good for the league as a whole, I guess.
• 20:38
  SPEAKER_02: And also I coached, so I was always seeing the younger generations coming up, and there was a right enthusiasm for that, which was which I thought was good.
• 20:45
  SPEAKER_02: In terms of the way the game's played, I'm not sure.
• 20:47
  SPEAKER_02: I don't think I've been around it enough.
• 20:49
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, the challenge against the top five teams is absolutely still there, and I think that there's some really good young players coming up through, and you're seeing more of them, you know, in the bottom half teams going alone and stuff like that.
• 21:00
  SPEAKER_02: But I'm not sure.
• 21:01
  SPEAKER_02: I wouldn't I would I wouldn't really know where to go with that, to be honest.
• 21:04
  SPEAKER_00: Is the coaching thing something that you would take back up again?
• 21:06
  SPEAKER_00: Because you were doing that before.
• 21:07
  SPEAKER_00: Is that something that you'd think about going back into once you're properly?
• 21:11
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I think that's I think it's just it was juggling it all was was difficult.
• 21:13
  SPEAKER_02: I mean I hope Saj couldn't coach as well.
• 21:15
  SPEAKER_02: But yeah, I really enjoyed that.
• 21:16
  SPEAKER_02: I actually really did enjoy it.
• 21:17
  SPEAKER_02: I thought it was I actually thought you saw different parts of the game as well.
• 21:21
  SPEAKER_02: Um and it was really good to see the sort of how it was happening at grassroots and how the girls were building, and it was an interesting debate always when I was coaching in terms of girls still playing and boat with boys when they were younger and all of that type of thing, and I was I helped out academies as well, and I thought the standard was really exciting.
• 21:37
  SPEAKER_02: Um so I did I yeah, I would absolutely get involved with that again.
• 21:41
  SPEAKER_02: Um I'm not sure about I I think feel focusing on myself at the moment.
• 21:44
  SPEAKER_00: But it's like another strengthier bow because you've got a few you've obviously got professional player, coach, and then the career that you had before that you can you can still have on the side.
• 21:57
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know, you've been involved in punditry and things like that.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_00: So you've got a kind of variety of different things.
• 22:03
  SPEAKER_00: What what did you like most about the coaching?
• 22:06
  SPEAKER_02: I think I think it's just seeing I feel like with all the things you've mentioned, you see things from a totally different perspective and also adding in probably fan into that four the four things I was doing at one point because and what I was watching so much last year.
• 22:18
  SPEAKER_02: Um I th I don't know.
• 22:19
  SPEAKER_02: I feel like when you're coaching, it's just to be honest with you, it's like you see little things that I was like, I wish I'd worked on that when I was younger.
• 22:26
  SPEAKER_02: I'm a hell of a lot better left foot if I'd had some deno my dad though.
• 22:29
  SPEAKER_02: But I always told you that.
• 22:30
  SPEAKER_02: But just little things like what kids focus, what the focus is now.
• 22:34
  SPEAKER_02: I feel like a lot of it can sometimes be on just purely skill-based and how good you are with the football.
• 22:39
  SPEAKER_02: Whereas and I'm not sure as much football gets watched at a younger level now as well, which is interesting too, and how much foot women's football is being watched now compared to when I was probably younger because the coverage is better, is is a lot is good too.
• 22:50
  SPEAKER_02: Like I remember we had people when little girls coming up and like they were playing Celtic fans and they had the Caitlin Hayes sort of band and stuff like that.
• 22:58
  SPEAKER_02: So yeah, you see a lot in terms of I suppose where people are getting what people what the younger generation are getting out of the game from what they're seeing, but then I suppose as well when you're watching it as well, you're seeing it from a perspective of that's what other people are seeing.
• 23:11
  SPEAKER_02: And I thought some of the product that you get to see in terms of as I say, the end of the season they're running is really good, it's really competitive, um, which is good to see, and it's obviously good as well.
• 23:20
  SPEAKER_02: We've we've got a few games on tele, and I think it's good as well us being that getting exposed to that and getting to play against the bigger teams on the tele, that's exciting as well.
• 23:28
  SPEAKER_01: It'd be interesting for you to come back and work with Gary because you wouldn't have you would have missed all that.
• 23:33
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I mean that's part of the challenge as well, showing him why you know he should he should keep me around that far.
• 23:40
  SPEAKER_02: Um but yeah, no, that's part of the challenge as well, is trying to show him what I can do without also understanding that I'm not at my best and it was going to take time.
• 23:49
  SPEAKER_02: But as I say, he was so so good with me from the moment I came in and was so helpful and making sure that you know whatever I needed that the club were helping me with.
• 23:57
  SPEAKER_02: And I've really really enjoyed training so far.
• 23:59
  SPEAKER_02: And it was weird obviously getting injured under Brian and then David Elliott and then and then and then the gaff because I wanted to make sure that I didn't miss out, and then I wanted to make sure I was like, Yep, hello, I'm still here.
• 24:08
  SPEAKER_02: Um, but he's been really, really good, and I think it's been clear to see the end of last season, but also the start of the season, how competitive we've been so far.
• 24:16
  SPEAKER_02: Um, and as I say, I'm just excited to be part of it.
• 24:19
  SPEAKER_00: You had uh like a really nice relationship with Brian, like player manager, and I know that you gone really well with him.
• 24:25
  SPEAKER_00: Did he did he have chats with you when you were out in your did you keep in contact with him and he's he's quite a like positive guy around we still he's still playing?
• 24:34
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, and and tearing it up.
• 24:36
  SPEAKER_02: Tearing it up.
• 24:37
  SPEAKER_02: Um yeah, no, we did he's he's he always checks in, which is which is really good of him.
• 24:41
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, I'm I'm super appreciative of him bringing me to the club.
• 24:44
  SPEAKER_02: There are there was other people obviously involved in that, but everything that we managed to do, I know I've just said I don't want to look too much in the past, but genuinely like it was a really good few years, and the things that we managed to do were so special, and you know, part being part of the team to get top six for the first time and getting to the cup final, we did such good things, and yeah, I'll always really be appreciative of Brian for giving me the opportunity to play as much as I did, and yeah, he's he's always checked in and I'm I'm really happy for him.
• 25:08
  SPEAKER_02: Obviously doing so well at Ross County, not surprised, you know.
• 25:11
  SPEAKER_02: Um, I could do to emulate some of his his co-scoring.
• 25:15
  SPEAKER_02: But yeah, no, um but it that's what I mean.
• 25:17
  SPEAKER_02: It's it's it's exciting that the club has still, you know, got a really forward trajectory.
• 25:22
  SPEAKER_00: We'll just uh we'll not keep you too much longer, but just to finish up, what would you say is the biggest thing that you learned throughout that whole period?
• 25:29
  SPEAKER_00: I know you're not fully out of it, you're still trying to get back in in the starting team, but what's the what's the biggest thing that you learned, the biggest thing that you'll take away from it?
• 25:37
  SPEAKER_02: Hmm.
• 25:38
  SPEAKER_00: That's a good question.
• 25:40
  SPEAKER_02: Probably you're good at this.
• 25:42
  SPEAKER_02: Since I was last year in February, we used to have us it's this kind of thing.
• 25:46
  SPEAKER_02: It's the mics as well.
• 25:47
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, but they're good pieces.
• 25:49
  SPEAKER_02: Um I don't know, I think a massive thing's been probably patience and realism in terms of it's so easy to live in the high zone of oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, am I ever gonna be fit?
• 26:01
  SPEAKER_02: Am I ever gonna be back?
• 26:02
  SPEAKER_02: I'm uh this is horrendous.
• 26:05
  SPEAKER_02: And then there's the the law of this is rotten.
• 26:08
  SPEAKER_02: But being somewhere in the middle of being optimistic, but also being totally realistic in terms of is not gonna be straightforward.
• 26:14
  SPEAKER_02: So we're talking about goals, those goals get set.
• 26:17
  SPEAKER_02: Very rarely were they met on time.
• 26:18
  SPEAKER_02: Sometimes amazingly, you're like, okay, I'm ahead of schedule, but it's about being patient, and that's not, I suppose, it's something that you can take into real life as well as that just living in the moment and going with the flow.
• 26:30
  SPEAKER_02: I feel like overthinking it and thinking too far ahead this full time has never worked out for myself because at times it feels too far away, and you're just you feel like you're scrambling towards it.
• 26:39
  SPEAKER_02: So probably being realistic in terms of what will be will be, enjoy it, but also it's good to also be that optimistic and and just look forward to things because see when you get there, it's amazing, and it has felt amazing, and the next part will also feel amazing, and there's little parts, but it's also football, so being also realistic in the sense that you're gonna play rotten sometimes, you're gonna train rotten sometimes, and I think that was also part of it is that when you're out of it, you come back and I I've just wanted to be perfect, but that's not happened, so that was a really long answer, and I'm not sure what my original answer was, but yeah, just going with the flow, taking every moment as comes and not trying to look forward and be patient with things is probably the biggest thing I've learned.
• 27:22
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I'm gonna I'm gonna finish up by giving you a compliment because I know that you hate that.
• 27:27
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it's gonna say but uh it's interesting because we've been able Alison and I have been able to see from the outside from where you were to where you are now when we were so rooting for you to get back on the pitch, and it would be great to see you starting and scoring in the song playing out.
• 27:43
  SPEAKER_00: But you're you know, you are uh an inspiration to people who footballers and people in just any walk of life.
• 27:49
  SPEAKER_00: The the the mental strength that you've shown and the physical strength as well to get back and and get back to where you are now because that's that's really difficult, especially having to go and get a job and try and have a career on that side of things, and that's that's all really difficult.
• 28:03
  SPEAKER_00: So yeah, you you know you're a credit to yourself and thank you.
• 28:07
  SPEAKER_00: That's the only compliment you'll ever get.
• 28:10
  SPEAKER_02: I appreciate it.
• 28:11
  SPEAKER_02: Thank you.
• 28:12
  SPEAKER_02: And I really appreciate you guys talking to me because it's nice, it's nice that you talk to me before and after.
• 28:17
  SPEAKER_00: No, no, uh thank you, thank you, Cara, for giving us your time.
• 28:21
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you to Alison and thank you to you for listening.