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how to cope with social anxiety · feel your feelings with Ethan Jewell

• 0:00
  Feelings of intense fear hold a place in the pit of your
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  stomach. It feels as though the judgement
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  of others could shatter your very being.
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  Your heart rate increases and your breath gets shallow, all
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  because of an interaction with another person.
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  But this is more than just a mere shyness.
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  No, this is much deeper. This is social anxiety.
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  My name is Ethan Jewell and welcome back to Feel Your
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  Feelings Now. Although dramatic, if that
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  description in the beginning felt relatable, then this
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  episode is perfect for you because social anxiety is a very
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  real but often overlooked issue. Many people believe that you
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  just need to take a deep breath, gather confidence, and get over
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  it. But unfortunately, it's really
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  not that simple. Social anxiety can be completely
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  debilitating, and it's debilitating for a lot of
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  people. According to an article by Yale
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  Medicine, an estimated 13% of Americans experience some form
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  of social anxiety. That's more than one in 10
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  people. Whether it's at work, school or
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  social settings, social anxiety can force you to overanalyze
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  every move you make, every word you say, and makes the future
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  feel like an unpredictable nightmare.
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  However, it is not an entirely lost cause.
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  Social anxiety can be improved upon and there are steps that we
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  can take in order to move towards a more confident future.
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  So join me and let's discuss what social anxiety is, why you
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  should avoid isolation, and then we'll look at some real,
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  applicable solutions to the problem of social anxiety.
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  Let's start by talking about what exactly social anxiety is.
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  Yale Medicine defines social anxiety as, quote, a chronic
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  mental health condition characterized by ongoing
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  feelings of intense, persistent fear caused by the anticipation
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  of or participation in social situations.
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  People with the condition are worried that others are always
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  watching and judging them, or they're worried that people will
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  watch or judge them. That's the thing.
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  Social anxiety doesn't just happen in social situations.
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  If somebody struggles with this anxiety, they could be at home
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  alone and still be overwhelmed by the thoughts of what others
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  may think of them. Symptoms are both physical and
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  psychological. Physical symptoms include
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  blushing, trembling, sweating, rapid heartbeat, nausea,
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  dizziness and shortness of breath.
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  The person may also have a hard time talking, may avoid eye
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  contact, speak in a quiet voice, and find it impossible to relax
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  stiff muscles. Overall, it is a very bad time
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  for the person experiencing the symptoms.
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  The psychological symptoms are mostly fear based.
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  These fears are usually completely out of proportion
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  with the actual situation at hand, and people may struggle to
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  rationalize whether their anxieties are based in reality
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  or not. Now, not everyone's social
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  anxiety is the same. Some people have performance
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  only social anxiety, which means that they are fearful of certain
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  social situations, like going to a job interview or giving a
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  presentation in front of classmates or colleagues.
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  But they aren't scared of other social situations, such as
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  riding a bus with strangers or talking to a waiter in a
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  restaurant. Other people, though, feel a
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  constant anxiety whenever they interact with anyone.
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  This is a difficult challenge to face, as it makes absolutely any
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  interaction much more unbearable and can make isolation much more
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  enticing. Isolation is a trap that many
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  people with social anxiety end up falling into as it is much
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  more comfortable. It's often a tempting but
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  counterproductive solution to the real problem.
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  While it may seem like a protective measure, isolating
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  oneself can inflamed the challenges associated with
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  social anxiety rather than resolving them.
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  Isolation allows negative thoughts associated with social
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  anxiety to fester. The mind may create and
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  reinforce irrational fears, leading to an intensified sense
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  of dread about social interactions.
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  Without exposure to social situations, there's limited
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  opportunity to challenge and reframe these negative thought
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  patterns. That's right.
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  Social skills are like any other skill.
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  They improve with practice. Isolating oneself denies the
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  chance to develop and refine these skills.
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  You see, social anxiety tends to operate in a cycle of avoidance.
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  The more one avoids social situations, the more anxious
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  they become about potential future interactions.
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  This avoidance perpetuates the anxiety, creating a cycle that
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  can be difficult to break. Facing and gradually exposing
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  oneself to social situations is a crucial step in disrupting the
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  cycle. I know it may be difficult to
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  hear, but exposure to social situations is a very good way to
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  start when we turn to a solution oriented mindset.
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  As with many issues in the mental health field, a great way
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  to begin is to start small. Begin by exposing yourself to
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  low pressure social situations, gradually increasing the
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  complexity as you gain confidence.
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  This allows you to practice the skill of social interaction and
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  it isn't easy. When I was younger, I would
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  often try to avoid interaction. I was a very shy young adult and
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  wouldn't hold eye contact. I didn't want to speak to anyone
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  and would rather stick to myself and pursue isolation.
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  However, my mom eventually convinced me to join the speech
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  and debate team at my school. Over the next four years of
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  participating, I found a new confidence in my life
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  transformed. I was practically forced to
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  interact with and speak with other people, allowing me to
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  practice this skill. Think of social interaction like
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  a muscle. You have to work that muscle in
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  order to get it to be stronger and more reliable.
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  Without that practice, the cycle of anxious thinking is
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  perpetuated. Successful social interaction,
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  which comes with practice, helps calm this anxiety and allows us
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  to thrive in social settings. Another downside to isolation is
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  that social connections can serve as a valuable support
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  system. Isolating oneself deprives you
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  of potential emotional support, understanding and encouragement
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  from friends, family, or mental health professionals who could
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  provide assistance in coping with social anxiety.
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  Isolation is not the answer. Avoiding social situations is
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  not the answer. It is tempting and comfortable
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  as we struggle with social anxieties, but we must expose
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  ourselves. Even if we start incredibly
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  small, in order to practice the muscle of social interaction,
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  there are also clinical solutions to social anxiety.
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  Yale Medicine finds that cognitive behavioral therapy is
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  an effective and common treatment to people with social
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  anxiety disorders. The therapy involves teaching
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  patients new ways to think about social situations, how to behave
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  in social settings and how to react to social events, thereby
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  reducing their fears and anxieties.
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  Knowledge truly is power. By learning about social
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  interactions, whether it's through experience or therapy,
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  we can qualm our fears about these interactions and be able
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  to live a more social and less worry filled life.
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  This is essential. One of the most beautiful parts
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  of the human experience is spending time with others.
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  I recently saw a video in which someone interviewed people on
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  their deathbed and asked them their biggest regrets.
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  Almost all of them said that they wished they spent more time
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  with people experiencing things. So I encourage you work the
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  muscle that is social interaction.
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  Break outside of your comfort zone, even if it feels awkward
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  and uncomfortable. I promise other people are not
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  thinking about you as much as you assume they are.
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  I like to remind myself that I simply am not at the front of
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  everyone's mind at all times, and neither are you.
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  And that's not to put you or I down.
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  We are important, but it's a pleasant reminder that everyone
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  else has a lot of things going on in their lives and they are
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  not constantly thinking of and examining you the same way you
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  do not constantly think of and examine everyone else's every
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  move. They are not examining every
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  move that you make, every word that you say.
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  So try to break out of the cycle and seek new interaction.
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  Allow that light within you to bloom.
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  Others will notice it and you will form meaningful
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  connections. Get out into the world,
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  Experience things. Look people in the eyes, smile.
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  It takes practice, it takes time, and it truly is not easy.
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  But I can tell you, as someone who has experienced severe
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  social anxiety and now absolutely loves every human
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  interaction that I experience, it can be done.
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  I'm not a mental health professional, I'm not a
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  therapist, I'm not a psychologist.
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  But I can tell you that human interaction has greatly improved
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  my life and it will improve yours.
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  And that is one of the best things that we can do for
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  ourselves. That's gonna wrap it up for
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  today's episode. If you need help feeling your
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  feelings, check out my music on all platforms under the name of
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  Ethan Jewell. And I almost guarantee that
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  it'll make you cry. I have a new song coming out
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  this Friday, accompanied with a music video on my YouTube.
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  The song explores heartbreak and continues on my journey of
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  learning how to sing. I really think you're gonna like
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  it. Also, please shoot me a message
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  on my Instagram at Jewel Boy with an I under score.
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  And let me know what you thought about today's episode.
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  So thank you so much for being here.
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  Thank you for challenging the norms that your social anxiety
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  has taught you. And as always, thank you for
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  feeling your feelings. I'll see you next time.