Latest / Quarterback DadCast | Intentional Fatherhood & Leadership at Home / David Meltzer - Losing everything and bouncing back as a Dad & The Power of Time

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David Meltzer - Losing everything and bouncing back as a Dad & The Power of Time · Quarterback DadCast | Intentional Fatherhood & Leadership at Home

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: Hey everybody, it's Casey Jacobs with the quarterback dadcast.
• 0:03
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to C37, and I'm ready to wait for this.
• 0:05
  SPEAKER_00: This is my dad.
• 0:08
  SPEAKER_00: If you're new to this podcast, really it's simple.
• 0:10
  SPEAKER_00: It's a podcast where we we interview dads, we learn about how they were raised, we learn about the life lessons that were important to them, we learn about the values that are important to them, and then really we learn about how we can work hard to become a better quarterback or leader of our home.
• 0:23
  SPEAKER_00: So let's sit back, relax, and listen to today's episode on the quarterback deck.
• 0:28
  SPEAKER_00: Hey everybody, welcome to the Quarterback Deadcast.
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_00: This is Casey J.
• 0:31
  SPEAKER_00: Come.
• 0:31
  SPEAKER_00: I am excited to share with you a little bit about today's episode.
• 0:35
  SPEAKER_00: It's gonna be a shorter episode, so I will tell you that.
• 0:37
  SPEAKER_00: However, it's gonna be one of the most powerful I've done in a while.
• 0:40
  SPEAKER_00: So imagine being at the absolute pinnacle of the sports world.
• 0:44
  SPEAKER_00: This dad did.
• 0:45
  SPEAKER_00: This dad also was running the most one of the most powerful sports agencies on the planet, the actual agency that helped inspire the movie Gary Maguire.
• 0:52
  SPEAKER_00: Or you've heard of that movie.
• 0:53
  SPEAKER_00: He made over$100 million.
• 0:55
  SPEAKER_00: This gentleman had the cars, the houses, the ultimate VIP access to everything, and then he almost lost all both the money and almost the family.
• 1:04
  SPEAKER_00: But my guest today, David Melter, long before he was a top global business coach, a best-selling author, a multi-millionaire.
• 1:12
  SPEAKER_00: He was grinding it out, playing college football with one of our former guests, Tray Czech, who he introduced us because they both play football back at Oxy, Occidental College, back in Cali.
• 1:22
  SPEAKER_00: So he knows what it means to compete.
• 1:23
  SPEAKER_00: He knows what it means to take hits and lead a team, just like great dads do.
• 1:27
  SPEAKER_00: So on the episode of today's quarterback deck guest, we're not going to be talking about boardroom victories.
• 1:31
  SPEAKER_00: We're hanging out with Super Bowl.
• 1:32
  SPEAKER_00: We're going to be talking about what's it like to be that ultimate quarterback or leader of the South Souls.
• 1:36
  SPEAKER_00: Without further ado, let's get right to this episode in conversation with the one and only David Elton.
• 1:44
  unknown: All right.
• 1:44
  SPEAKER_00: Well, thank you again, David, for joining me.
• 1:46
  SPEAKER_00: We always start out each episode of the quarterback dad cast with gratitude.
• 1:50
  SPEAKER_00: So tell me, what are you most grateful for as a dad today?
• 1:53
  SPEAKER_01: The health of my children, uh, obviously, I have four children, and uh I had very simple in my life, uh being a parent and being a child myself is I want to know my kids are happy, healthy, they love me and appreciate me.
• 2:10
  SPEAKER_01: So I don't care what they do, what else is going on.
• 2:13
  SPEAKER_01: If I know those four things, I'm fine.
• 2:15
  SPEAKER_00: But health is number one.
• 2:17
  SPEAKER_00: So good.
• 2:18
  SPEAKER_00: What I'm grateful for is I'm about to become an empty nester, and uh, which is still surreal to say out loud.
• 2:24
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, my daughter, my son's a junior in college, plays golf down in a school called Southern Oregon, and my my daughter's getting ready to go off to uh central Washington, where I played football a long time ago.
• 2:34
  SPEAKER_00: Um and uh I'm just grateful for the time I have with them before the noise is gonna be just me, my wife, and the dogs.
• 2:42
  SPEAKER_01: You have to mentor me.
• 2:43
  SPEAKER_01: I have a my last one is a junior in high school, and so I got two years uh to prepare and I'm getting as much advice as I can.
• 2:52
  SPEAKER_01: But I'm certainly enjoying my three daughters who two in New York and one in Chicago, uh, I get to see often.
• 2:59
  SPEAKER_01: But it'll be uh interesting to have an empty house.
• 3:02
  SPEAKER_00: Well, it's and it's funny.
• 3:04
  SPEAKER_00: I was talking to somebody recently.
• 3:05
  SPEAKER_00: It's you know, as a parent, you want you want to be wanted.
• 3:08
  SPEAKER_00: It feels good to be wanted, but if you're needed too often, you've done something wrong.
• 3:12
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, great point.
• 3:13
  SPEAKER_01: And in that empowerment is so uh interesting because I it's faith that that changed my perspective of this.
• 3:22
  SPEAKER_01: Is if God is here to protect me, promote me, love, and perfect me, and he knows everything, that is why I don't understand the evidence today that's presented to me.
• 3:35
  SPEAKER_01: Uh it's usually contrary or it's not there to put me to where I want to be or better, you know.
• 3:40
  SPEAKER_01: And if you look at my life, I would have never imagined that I'd be here but for God.
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_01: But as parents, especially dad, we're here to do the same thing, to protect, promote, love, and perfect our children, but we're not omniscient and all-powerful.
• 3:58
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, and so we don't have the strength to put struggle uh in front of our children very often, especially the amount of struggle that God puts us through uh to perfect us.
• 4:11
  SPEAKER_01: And I have found my faith in being a parent through the responsibility, the accountability, my gratitude, my empathy, my forgiveness, and my inspiration that this nuance of one knowing I'm protected, promoted, loved, and perfected by God, but knowing I'm incapable of actually doing so for my own children because I am, to be honest, too afraid uh to hurt my children or to put them through too much struggle.
• 4:43
  SPEAKER_01: And I think that's the deficiency of being a dad, a good dad, at least.
• 4:48
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it's I think it's that's helping, it's meeting where meeting your kids where they are, but it's also finding finding what they want to do and help but then just ignite it and then be there to support them.
• 4:58
  SPEAKER_00: And failure is okay.
• 5:00
  SPEAKER_00: Like some of my best moments in life were failure and struggle.
• 5:03
  SPEAKER_00: And I know that you you talked about, I you know, just doing some research, you talked about a pivotal 5:30 a.m.
• 5:10
  SPEAKER_00: wake-up call that that shaped you as a dad or shaped you as a dad.
• 5:13
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, my most popular, ironically, uh video over 55 million views.
• 5:20
  SPEAKER_01: Um I uh I woke up at four, actually, and and it was a Saturday, and I I went outside and my daughter, my 16-year-old daughter's car was gone, and I panicked.
• 5:37
  SPEAKER_01: And I called and I called and I called, and eventually my daughter picked up.
• 5:42
  SPEAKER_01: And by that time, I was so afraid, I became angry.
• 5:47
  SPEAKER_01: Uh and so I still get choked up because it was terrifying.
• 5:52
  SPEAKER_01: I was so angry, so I where the F are you?
• 5:55
  SPEAKER_01: Huh?
• 5:56
  SPEAKER_01: I'm in bed.
• 5:58
  SPEAKER_01: You're in bed?
• 6:00
  SPEAKER_01: Where where where's your car?
• 6:03
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, Dad, you told me if kids are drinking to leave my car and to Uber everyone home.
• 6:11
  SPEAKER_01: So that's what I did.
• 6:12
  SPEAKER_01: What you asked me to do.
• 6:14
  SPEAKER_01: I'm so sorry that I scared you.
• 6:18
  SPEAKER_01: And it took me for a while to figure out what had happened, but I wanted to understand the clues and the patterns of being a father of how many times do I interfere with the success of my children because of my uh fear, because of my anger that results in that fear, uh, instead of truly trusting what I taught them.
• 6:44
  SPEAKER_01: You know, I tell I tell my kids every day three things, uh, whatever they want to do.
• 6:49
  SPEAKER_01: They can play Fortnite, they can study golf, you know, I don't care what they do.
• 6:54
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, but I just ask them, are you doing your best at it?
• 6:58
  SPEAKER_01: Uh you know, are you learning lessons and having fun?
• 7:02
  SPEAKER_01: And I don't anymore think that I can control going to law school, business school.
• 7:08
  SPEAKER_01: You know, my mom's favorite lines, uh, doctor, lawyer, failure.
• 7:12
  SPEAKER_01: And my mom loved me as much as I love my own children.
• 7:17
  SPEAKER_01: But boy, she put a great number on me and my siblings about trying to predetermine out of keeping us safe and stable, uh, her expectations instead of truly empowering us to do our best, learn lessons, and have fun.
• 7:33
  SPEAKER_00: So good.
• 7:35
  SPEAKER_00: You you grew up a single mom.
• 7:37
  SPEAKER_00: Um talk and and I some of the research I did, obviously, ambition and drive, and you've you've achieved great things.
• 7:44
  SPEAKER_00: You you had you you went through some adversity, now you're on a path to empower a billion people, be happy, which I think is fantastic.
• 7:52
  SPEAKER_00: And um, but one of the questions I always love asking people who've who've had a lot of successes is how do you go, how do you transition from or think about you know growing up with not a lot, or whatever that means, to maybe having a lot more now.
• 8:07
  SPEAKER_00: But how how do you how do you instill those those same values that shape the guy that you are, the dad, the leader, like around resiliency that maybe I might speak to another dad at home?
• 8:18
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, well, I think that's a great question, right?
• 8:20
  SPEAKER_01: That it our success can also be a hindrance to our children.
• 8:24
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and as you know, I had to go through it twice.
• 8:27
  SPEAKER_01: So I lost everything over a hundred million dollars and went bankrupt in 2008.
• 8:31
  SPEAKER_01: Um, so I had to reestablish the resilience uh that I had.
• 8:36
  SPEAKER_01: And it was my wife and my mom who led me and and taught me about faith and wisdom and how to utilize my values.
• 8:44
  SPEAKER_01: And the one thing that really resonated with me with my wife when I was a mess was what would your mom say if she knew who and what you were doing?
• 8:55
  SPEAKER_01: Who who you were and what you were doing?
• 8:57
  SPEAKER_01: What would your mom really say?
• 8:59
  SPEAKER_01: You know, I I never listened to my mom for 58 years, she passed last year, but I watched her every day.
• 9:06
  SPEAKER_01: And that's what created the values, the daily practices, the execution on those values and practices, and the inspiration that got me twice to more than I I believe.
• 9:19
  SPEAKER_01: And so uh I think the first thing to do is to admit, like I do when I speak around the world, the first thing I say in a speech about this topic is who here grew up poor?
• 9:31
  SPEAKER_01: And half the audience always raises their hand.
• 9:34
  SPEAKER_01: It's amazing.
• 9:35
  SPEAKER_01: And then I look at the crowd and I always say, I feel sorry for the rest of you.
• 9:41
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, because I can't teach uh what being poor teaches you.
• 9:46
  SPEAKER_01: And I can't teach my child children what it's like not to have a safety net.
• 9:51
  SPEAKER_01: Right?
• 9:51
  SPEAKER_01: No matter, no matter what I I give or don't give to my children, they have one thing that I never had a safety net.
• 10:00
  SPEAKER_01: And that's the difference.
• 10:03
  SPEAKER_01: You you you don't necessarily have to entitle your children.
• 10:06
  SPEAKER_01: You know, my kids get what they need, and they need different things.
• 10:09
  SPEAKER_01: The the bookend kids don't ever want anything.
• 10:12
  SPEAKER_01: My youngest daughter, uh, she is good for the GMP.
• 10:16
  SPEAKER_01: Let's just tell you, let me just tell you that.
• 10:18
  SPEAKER_01: You know, she has no problem receiving.
• 10:21
  SPEAKER_01: Um, you know, so I think it's really interesting uh as a dad just to realize that you cannot teach them certain things.
• 10:30
  SPEAKER_01: You can't teach them what it's like to be married, you can't teach them what it's like to have kids, you certainly can't teach them what it's like to get old.
• 10:38
  SPEAKER_01: And most of the time your kids are not going to listen to you.
• 10:42
  SPEAKER_01: But like myself, they will watch you.
• 10:45
  SPEAKER_01: They will watch you when you don't think they're they're looking.
• 10:49
  SPEAKER_01: So you are truly a living lesson for your children.
• 10:54
  SPEAKER_01: And the higher I live to my highest self, the better I live to pursue my potential.
• 11:00
  SPEAKER_01: That's what I think has driven my children to do the same.
• 11:04
  SPEAKER_01: Not my advice.
• 11:05
  SPEAKER_01: There's plenty of it on the internet.
• 11:07
  SPEAKER_01: They don't listen to it.
• 11:09
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, trust me.
• 11:10
  SPEAKER_01: But they watch me, they see me get up every day and try to be kind.
• 11:16
  SPEAKER_00: How how much do you have you openly talked to your kids about the the challenge you went through in 2008, 2009?
• 11:24
  SPEAKER_01: Well, it's hard not to be open about it because there's so many videos and speeches and content out there.
• 11:29
  SPEAKER_01: And uh, you know, I was not as open early on when they they were young.
• 11:34
  SPEAKER_01: Um, but you know, the youngest one got it early, obviously.
• 11:39
  SPEAKER_01: Um, so I've been talking about it for 13 years.
• 11:42
  SPEAKER_01: Uh went bankrupt 18 years ago.
• 11:44
  SPEAKER_01: So it took me about five years uh to feel comfortable elevating uh the awareness and my vulnerability to my kids.
• 11:54
  SPEAKER_01: Um and so I think it's the best thing that I've done.
• 11:58
  SPEAKER_01: You know, my mom had a great quote: you're either humble or you're about to be.
• 12:03
  SPEAKER_01: And so in the process, you know, for you dads out there, I truly believe there's three stages of childhood with a dad uh child relationship.
• 12:14
  SPEAKER_01: You go from idolization to demonization to humanization.
• 12:20
  SPEAKER_01: And these are the three stages.
• 12:22
  SPEAKER_01: And it's very difficult, no matter how much you mess up, to go from the idolization to the demonization.
• 12:29
  SPEAKER_01: These are called teenagers.
• 12:30
  SPEAKER_01: Uh no offense to anyone, but I truly believe that teenagers are the stupid stupidest species on earth.
• 12:37
  SPEAKER_01: No matter how intelligent they seem to be, they are the stupidest species on earth.
• 12:42
  SPEAKER_01: I also believe that I don't know what people do with bad kids because good kids are hard enough to raise.
• 12:47
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, I don't know how you raise a bad kid because at times I'm a pretty sophisticated, capable human being, and I find it one of the greatest challenges on earth, especially when they're teenagers.
• 12:59
  SPEAKER_01: So uh in that realm, you know, to be able to be vulnerable, to tell the truth, to make your kids comfortable that, you know, it's not the mistakes that dad made, it's how I responded to it.
• 13:12
  SPEAKER_01: It's taking accountability and asking myself, what did I do to be responsible?
• 13:18
  SPEAKER_01: What did I do to attract this?
• 13:20
  SPEAKER_01: What did I do to participate in this perception?
• 13:22
  SPEAKER_01: And what am I supposed to learn from it?
• 13:24
  SPEAKER_01: And if you're interested, I'd be happy to tell you the lessons that I've learned from the mistakes that I've been made from.
• 13:33
  SPEAKER_00: I love that you have talked about vulnerability.
• 13:35
  SPEAKER_00: There's that's one of my favorite words.
• 13:37
  SPEAKER_00: It's um there's three values that drive me in my life, which is being humble, vulnerable, and curious.
• 13:42
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, I think there's superpowers that remove ego.
• 13:45
  SPEAKER_00: I talked about these things often to my kids, and I love what you did.
• 13:48
  SPEAKER_00: I don't even know if you really I'm sure you know you did it, but like you asked a question before they wanted, you made it their idea.
• 13:54
  SPEAKER_00: If you want, if you want to hear that, I'm more than happy to share.
• 13:56
  SPEAKER_00: And even like my daughter who's going through a torn ACL, I I lost my senior year high school.
• 14:02
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, ended up lucky enough to play quarterback in college.
• 14:05
  SPEAKER_00: My my daughter, she played nine games into her senior year.
• 14:08
  SPEAKER_00: She lost, she blew her knee out, ACL, MCL, meniscus.
• 14:12
  SPEAKER_00: And a lot of times people will say, Oh, I know I know what it's like to go through.
• 14:16
  SPEAKER_00: No, you don't.
• 14:17
  SPEAKER_00: You don't.
• 14:21
  SPEAKER_00: Dad knows what it's like to go through an injury when you lose everything and you think your life's over.
• 14:25
  SPEAKER_00: If you ever want to hear those stories and we're happy to talk you through it, when you're ready.
• 14:30
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 14:30
  SPEAKER_00: I want it to be her idea, not mine.
• 14:32
  SPEAKER_01: You know, yeah, it's interesting, right?
• 14:35
  SPEAKER_01: Questions and suggestions is something I learned from my mom.
• 14:39
  SPEAKER_01: You know, it's so nice to just continually ask questions and then offer suggestions.
• 14:44
  SPEAKER_01: Would it help you if?
• 14:46
  SPEAKER_01: So the suggestions that I ask are also question-based, right?
• 14:49
  SPEAKER_01: Would it help you if?
• 14:51
  SPEAKER_01: Or do you know anyone that can help you?
• 14:53
  SPEAKER_01: Um these are the transitions that I look for when I'm trying to play a role of advisor.
• 15:02
  SPEAKER_01: Um through I love the humility, vulnerability, and curiosity components can characteristics that truly bond uh us with our children.
• 15:12
  SPEAKER_01: And uh, you know, there's nothing greater uh than that bond when when when you know your kids aren't listening to you but watching you, uh when you know that you're pushing them uh to be better, uh, and you know they're happy, healthy, wealthy, and worthy.
• 15:31
  SPEAKER_01: When they're happy, healthy, love and appreciate you, man, what a great feeling that is.
• 15:35
  SPEAKER_00: The best.
• 15:36
  SPEAKER_00: And I joke well often, I always tell my kids, Dad has zero eligibility left.
• 15:41
  SPEAKER_00: So I I can't I can't play anymore.
• 15:43
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I'm more than happy to help and support, but I'm not gonna do the work for you.
• 15:46
  SPEAKER_00: I've yet to in all my years playing sports, I've never seen someone go into the weight room and just stare at their weight, stare at the weights, David.
• 15:53
  SPEAKER_00: Just stare at them.
• 15:54
  SPEAKER_00: They don't get stronger.
• 15:56
  SPEAKER_01: You gotta lift.
• 15:58
  SPEAKER_01: You know it's great, and um, blessed to have played for a really good Division III football team.
• 16:03
  SPEAKER_01: And I was a below average college football player.
• 16:07
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, and I used to say I was average until my coach from college was on an interview with me, and he said, let's be honest, you know, most college athletes aren't honest.
• 16:16
  SPEAKER_01: 50% of the players are below average, Dave.
• 16:19
  SPEAKER_01: You were below average, but the lesson that I learned that I can, you know, help my kids with, because they all play, you know, my son's a very good football player, much better than I was, was the most valuable lesson that I learned for football was one for life, which is I love football at the time more than anything.
• 16:40
  SPEAKER_01: That that that's why I played in college.
• 16:42
  SPEAKER_01: I was born with a very low basement when it came to skills uh in genetics, but I love football.
• 16:49
  SPEAKER_01: But I had to learn to love what I didn't like or love about football.
• 16:54
  SPEAKER_01: And to have the capability of learning to love what you don't like or love about what you love, that's the secret to life.
• 17:06
  SPEAKER_01: And it's also, by the way, the secret to marriage.
• 17:08
  SPEAKER_01: If you can teach your spouse to learn to love what she doesn't like or love about what she loves, meaning you and I, you're gonna be married a long time.
• 17:18
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it's it's falling in love with the fundamentals.
• 17:20
  SPEAKER_00: You know, that's what I as I joke as sometimes when I work with sales teams, I always say, you know, if you're here to learn about AI, I'm the wrong guy.
• 17:26
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not gonna talk about AI.
• 17:28
  SPEAKER_00: I because I joke with my kids, if I'm talking to you about AI, I can't like have a conversation and say, hold on, Dave, it said I should say this.
• 17:35
  SPEAKER_00: Like, there's so many things that AI is great about, but you still got to be able to listen, ask questions, um, be present, um, make eye contact, follow up with people.
• 17:45
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I these are things I always ask my kids if they want to know, and then I should try to reinforce it and then celebrate the small wins when they have them versus the you know, this out whatever outcome they want, but just the fundamentals along the way, because I think that's what separates most people in life.
• 18:02
  SPEAKER_01: So true.
• 18:03
  SPEAKER_01: Your advice is so sage, and it's interesting because people ask me all the time, what would you teach your children?
• 18:07
  SPEAKER_01: What are the things that are most important today?
• 18:09
  SPEAKER_01: And I I give advice about what I believe to be three things that I know that will separate our kids in the future.
• 18:16
  SPEAKER_01: One is reading.
• 18:17
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, not only does it develop curiosity and creativity, but it actually helps to uh determine what's real and what's fake.
• 18:25
  SPEAKER_01: And I think that that's an area that will really uh separate your child if they can know how to develop curiosity and creativity through reading, but also develop a sense of what's real and what's imagination.
• 18:40
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, two is practice AI.
• 18:43
  SPEAKER_01: You know, don't fool yourself.
• 18:44
  SPEAKER_01: If your kid is not using AI, knowledge, knowledge is no longer power.
• 18:49
  SPEAKER_01: Uh knowledge is a commodity.
• 18:50
  SPEAKER_01: You know, I went to law school, business school, I did very well academically.
• 18:54
  SPEAKER_01: You could ask me a legal question today, and Chat GPT will come up with a much better answer in two seconds.
• 19:01
  SPEAKER_01: Um, I promise you.
• 19:02
  SPEAKER_01: Knowledge is a commodity, but wisdom, so wisdom uh is what AI uh can separate with when you know that knowledge is a commodity.
• 19:12
  SPEAKER_01: And then the third one, this comes from my personal beliefs.
• 19:16
  SPEAKER_01: I believe we uh to separate our children, they need to know how to either pitch or cold call, knock on doors, do something interpersonal, one-on-one, face-to-face.
• 19:28
  SPEAKER_01: Uh I think you know, as much as we're in a shortage of engineers, there's gonna be a huge shortage of people that know how to sell uh and to stimulate interest.
• 19:39
  SPEAKER_01: And those are the three areas that I uh suggest, as I say, uh to my children.
• 19:46
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm happy to say uh they love all three, um, all four of them, and they do real well at it.
• 19:53
  SPEAKER_01: And they're already starting to see the success uh in differentiators in the marketplace today, especially the ones that have graduated college, three three out of four.
• 20:03
  SPEAKER_00: That's awesome, man.
• 20:04
  SPEAKER_00: Well, what would you say is the hardest part of your father, fatherly journey that you if you could go back in time to do over what would it be?
• 20:12
  SPEAKER_01: Non-negotiable time.
• 20:14
  SPEAKER_01: You know, what I teach people about 90% of my success comes from non-negotiable time.
• 20:20
  SPEAKER_01: Non-negotiable time says no matter what happens today, I'm assigning a minimum amount of time to these things.
• 20:28
  SPEAKER_01: And if I should have to make an exception, I'm doubling down tomorrow as a super priority of this non-negotiable that I missed yesterday.
• 20:37
  SPEAKER_01: So I never missed twice.
• 20:38
  SPEAKER_01: I'm not doubling down on losses.
• 20:40
  SPEAKER_01: Dave Meltzer has no losing streaks when it comes to uh just I have losses, but I don't have losing streaks.
• 20:47
  SPEAKER_01: And so for me, I had no non-negotiable.
• 20:52
  SPEAKER_01: So uh I tried to have something that's impossible to have, which is balance.
• 20:56
  SPEAKER_01: Today I have harmony uh with the assignment of time.
• 21:00
  SPEAKER_01: So I spend a minimum amount of time every day, no matter what the circumstances are, on my sleep, on my health, on my family, on my finance, on my faith, on the study of time and the study of relativity or meaning of that time.
• 21:15
  SPEAKER_01: And that equals about 12 hours of my day.
• 21:18
  SPEAKER_01: The majority of it is sleep, yes, but nonetheless, 90% of my success.
• 21:22
  SPEAKER_01: And if somebody would have instilled in me the idea of non-negotiable behavior, assigning time every day, you know, two minutes a day is worth two hours on a Saturday.
• 21:32
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, and some dad advice.
• 21:34
  SPEAKER_01: If you don't believe me, you know, check out your kid who's taking Spanish.
• 21:37
  SPEAKER_01: If you can get a kid to study 15 minutes a day of Spanish every day, seven days a week, I guarantee they'll get an A.
• 21:46
  SPEAKER_01: But most kids are like me, they study 15 hours before every test and they get a B.
• 21:52
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, so for me, I started to spend a minimum amount of time every day with my kids, with my wife, with those people.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_01: That were relative.
• 22:01
  SPEAKER_01: But before I did that, I put myself first, sleep and health.
• 22:06
  SPEAKER_01: And I can't tell you, you know, I almost made a huge mistake on my recovery by putting everyone else first because I felt so guilty about the poor behaviors that were interfering with my success of losing over$100 million and going bankrupt.
• 22:23
  SPEAKER_01: I felt so guilty.
• 22:25
  SPEAKER_01: I was taking care of everyone else until my wife said, Look, you've made it back.
• 22:31
  SPEAKER_01: You gotta stop.
• 22:33
  SPEAKER_01: If you don't take care of yourself and start start serving from your saucer, you know, then you you are not gonna be able to take care of anyone.
• 22:43
  SPEAKER_01: This is not going to end well, even though you have good intentions in what you're doing today.
• 22:48
  SPEAKER_01: You need to prioritize self.
• 22:51
  SPEAKER_00: That's gold.
• 22:52
  SPEAKER_00: How um I'd love to talk about the word forgiveness.
• 22:57
  SPEAKER_00: And how and how have you how have you either forgave, I mean, just talk talk about what forgiveness means to you as a dad.
• 23:04
  SPEAKER_01: So I was a huge gratitude guy my whole life, right?
• 23:08
  SPEAKER_01: I teach people to say thank you before they go to bed and when they wake up and guarantee them it'll change their life if they can create behaviors consistently in that manner.
• 23:16
  SPEAKER_01: But I never understood the power of forgiveness.
• 23:19
  SPEAKER_01: You know, gratitude will give you perspective, it'll help you find the light, the love, and the lessons in any circumstance, event, relationship, anything that may happen.
• 23:29
  SPEAKER_01: But forgiveness, forgiveness and empathy, it brings ease.
• 23:34
  SPEAKER_01: So it allows you to identify the disses.
• 23:37
  SPEAKER_01: See, it is the tool that I use to categorize is what I'm doing, saying, thinking, feeling, and believing, behaving in alignment with my divine direction.
• 23:48
  SPEAKER_01: Is this devotional behavior or is it interfering with it?
• 23:53
  SPEAKER_01: And see, if we don't have a sense of forgiveness, you know, so many people seek revenge, especially today.
• 23:58
  SPEAKER_01: They seek separation.
• 23:59
  SPEAKER_01: And I tell them all the time, it's a cliche, but you know, if you think revenge is gonna work for you, it is absolutely like taking poison and thinking the other person is gonna get sick.
• 24:11
  SPEAKER_01: You know, that's what revenge is.
• 24:13
  SPEAKER_01: It's taking poison and thinking the other person is gonna get sick.
• 24:17
  SPEAKER_01: Forgiveness is as powerful, it's coordinated and reconciled with gratitude.
• 24:22
  SPEAKER_01: It is your higher self that allows you to forgive yourself and give that forgiveness to others.
• 24:30
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it's powerful.
• 24:31
  SPEAKER_00: It's um I read a I read a book, I think it was by Richard Case called Forgiveness, which is forgiveness takes one, reconciliation takes two.
• 24:38
  SPEAKER_00: And it, I mean, it's one of those things in life that, you know, I'm ripe old age of 50.
• 24:43
  SPEAKER_00: And I I think about my 30s, I went through some some times, right?
• 24:47
  SPEAKER_00: To like really forgive, and someone was making me so mad, but I'm like, but not that big.
• 24:51
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, I was harboring it all, and it was making me.
• 24:54
  SPEAKER_00: So these are like stories I like to share with my kids with as they're getting older.
• 24:58
  SPEAKER_00: It's like just you can forgive, doesn't mean you have to be best friends, everybody, but like set surround yourself with people that bring joy to your life, make you better, um, call you out when you be called out.
• 25:08
  SPEAKER_00: And exactly I I want to talk about that because you you got this new book out called Don't Do Business With With Dicks, which I think is fantastic.
• 25:16
  SPEAKER_00: I think being nice is never gonna go out of style.
• 25:19
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I I do think you need to recognize the difference between being nice and being kind.
• 25:24
  SPEAKER_01: You know, a lot of times people are nice but not kind to themselves or kind to others uh because they feel as if they need to please other people or diminish their capacity to make other people feel better, or a variety of different things that happen with the need to improve ourselves or defend ourselves or to control circumstances.
• 25:44
  SPEAKER_01: So I think you know, the idea of energy and being aware of you know what we're surrounding ourselves.
• 25:52
  SPEAKER_01: Are we surrounding ourselves with things that are interfering with our success, our divine direction, as I call it?
• 25:57
  SPEAKER_01: Or are we surrounding ourselves with uh the right energy, the right people, places, things, events, and circumstances that are assisting us to turn the discipline into devotion.
• 26:08
  SPEAKER_01: See discipline, I see so many people, they're disciplined at working, and they're so disciplined they forget to make money.
• 26:14
  SPEAKER_01: They're disciplined at working, they forget to spend time with their family.
• 26:17
  SPEAKER_01: They're so disciplined working, they don't spend any time on their health.
• 26:21
  SPEAKER_01: See, devotional people utilize that discipline with the correct behaviors aligned with their divine direction.
• 26:27
  SPEAKER_01: So they're disciplined in a devotional way to take care of their sleep and their health and their family and their faith and their finance.
• 26:35
  SPEAKER_01: And they study time to be productive, accessible, and gracious.
• 26:39
  SPEAKER_01: They study the meaning of time, knowing that the meaning that they give the failures, mistakes, setbacks, defining moments of their life, the historical relevances, even the meaning they give it will determine their self-image.
• 26:51
  SPEAKER_01: And I will continually tell my children one thing I will guarantee you, you will never overachieve your own self-image.
• 27:00
  SPEAKER_01: So if you want to work on something, then give the meaning of those mistakes something that builds your self-image, not destroys it.
• 27:09
  SPEAKER_00: Love it.
• 27:10
  SPEAKER_00: As we get ready to wrap up, David, I want to um make sure that we make it easy for people to find you.
• 27:16
  SPEAKER_00: What's what's the the the easiest way people can learn about you and I can make sure that we send them your way?
• 27:21
  SPEAKER_01: I really appreciate that.
• 27:22
  SPEAKER_01: Because I want to offer your entire community.
• 27:24
  SPEAKER_01: I will pay for my book, I will sign my book, I will pay for shipping of my book.
• 27:30
  SPEAKER_01: I am on a mission of empowering over a billion people.
• 27:33
  SPEAKER_01: I'd love to share with everyone in your community my book as a starting point to guide them as a great father and a great human being to empower others, to empower others to be happy.
• 27:46
  SPEAKER_01: So just email me.
• 27:48
  SPEAKER_01: That's the easiest way directly.
• 27:49
  SPEAKER_01: It's david at dmeltzer.com.
• 27:55
  SPEAKER_01: David means beloved at d is my first initial.com.
• 28:05
  SPEAKER_01: I will be happy to send you my book, sign it, pay for shipping, and uh the book itself.
• 28:11
  SPEAKER_00: Wow.
• 28:11
  SPEAKER_00: That's awesome, man.
• 28:12
  SPEAKER_00: Super kind.
• 28:13
  SPEAKER_00: And we'll make sure that we will put that in the show notes.
• 28:15
  SPEAKER_00: Everybody take advantage of that gold and the wisdom that he's gonna he's gonna offer you.
• 28:21
  SPEAKER_00: Um if you were to summarize everything we've talked about and call it two or three actionable themes that dads can take from our conversation to apply to their own life, become that ultimate quarterback or leader of their household.
• 28:33
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, Dave, tell me what comes to mind.
• 28:36
  SPEAKER_01: One, know your non-negotiables and have them prioritize self.
• 28:41
  SPEAKER_01: Two, know that your children are watching you, not listening to you.
• 28:46
  SPEAKER_01: And three, live with humility, vulnerability, and curiosity so that you can empower your children to be successful in their divine direction.
• 28:58
  SPEAKER_01: And remember, all you really need from your children is for them to be healthy, happy, love, and appreciate you, regardless of what they're focused in on.
• 29:10
  SPEAKER_00: So good.
• 29:11
  SPEAKER_00: I love that you dropped the the my my HVC into your into your and wise words.
• 29:16
  SPEAKER_00: Uh appreciate it takeaway.
• 29:18
  SPEAKER_00: Um, okay, we're gonna do, we got two minutes left, and then I'll let you go.
• 29:21
  SPEAKER_00: If there was too, um, this is called I call it the lightning round.
• 29:24
  SPEAKER_00: This is where I show you the negative hits of taking too many hits in college, not bong hits, but football hits.
• 29:28
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 29:28
  SPEAKER_00: My job is to get you to giggle.
• 29:29
  SPEAKER_00: Your job is to answer them as quickly as you can.
• 29:32
  SPEAKER_00: Um tell me your favorite moment as an occidental football player.
• 29:38
  SPEAKER_01: Winning, uh, going to the national playoffs and and go going to the quarterfinals and losing uh 77-0.
• 29:46
  SPEAKER_01: But it was an amazing experience.
• 29:48
  SPEAKER_00: What would be the one genre music that would surprise people you listen to?
• 29:52
  SPEAKER_00: Reggae.
• 29:54
  SPEAKER_00: Not bad.
• 29:55
  SPEAKER_00: Favorite comedy movie?
• 29:57
  SPEAKER_00: Uh anything by Adam Sandler.
• 29:59
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 30:00
  SPEAKER_00: And then tell me two words that would tell me that two words that would describe your wife.
• 30:04
  SPEAKER_00: Wow.
• 30:06
  unknown: Wow.
• 30:07
  SPEAKER_00: Beautiful, intelligent.
• 30:09
  SPEAKER_00: Lightning rounds complete.
• 30:11
  SPEAKER_00: We're out of here with a minute to go, man.
• 30:13
  SPEAKER_00: I'm so grateful for you.
• 30:14
  SPEAKER_00: I'm so grateful for your time.
• 30:15
  SPEAKER_00: I'll make sure that we uh get this book, Don't Do Business with Dicks, into people's hands.
• 30:20
  SPEAKER_00: It's a book you got to check out and make sure all of David's work is gonna be easy to find, but I appreciate you spending time here today.
• 30:26
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you.
• 30:26
  SPEAKER_01: Please come on my podcast as well.
• 30:28
  SPEAKER_01: We'd love to have you and learn more about all the wisdom that you can share.
• 30:32
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you, everybody.
• 30:33
  SPEAKER_01: David at dmelzer.com.
• 30:37
  SPEAKER_00: Well, thank you again, everybody, for listening to this week's episode.
• 30:40
  SPEAKER_00: And a huge favor now, if you have enjoyed this podcast, please, wherever you just listen to it, go on to the your phone, the computer, and click on reviews and leave us a review, leave us a rating, hopefully five stars if you like it a lot, which will help us be easily to be found by new listeners that are gonna be wanting to learn more about quarterback dadcasts, learn about ways they can become an ultimate quarterback, the leader of their household.
• 31:04
  SPEAKER_00: And even better yet, if this episode touched you, please share it with a friend.
• 31:08
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, find another episode that you like, share that episode with a friend.
• 31:10
  SPEAKER_00: We're gonna continue to keep growing this thing in quest to get to a thousand dads.
• 31:15
  SPEAKER_00: So I appreciate you uh continue to listen each and every week.
• 31:18
  SPEAKER_00: And thank you again for all your support.
• 31:19
  SPEAKER_00: I wish you uh a great rest of your day.
• 31:21
  SPEAKER_00: And we can't wait to see you next week.
• 31:23
  SPEAKER_00: See everybody.