Latest / The Family Teams Podcast / Ep. 327 | Does Body Language Matter in Parenting?

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Ep. 327 | Does Body Language Matter in Parenting? · The Family Teams Podcast

• 0:00
  And in fact, I think most dads over crank that one of like not paying attention to how their body language can feel a little ominous and intense to their kids. Yeah. Even though it might not be to them.
• 0:16
  What's up, guys? Welcome back to 5-Minute Fatherhood. So we have a Facebook group for 5-Minute Fatherhood. Lots of great conversations. And someone just recently posted something in there that really got me thinking. I want to talk to you more, Jeff, about this. He wrote, so in a podcast from a little while ago in training children, I think it was Jeff who brought up the power of getting down to eye level with your kids so that you are not invoking fear in them.
• 0:37
  Do you think there would be a difference in getting down on their level or picking them up and bringing them up to your level? So this is a great question. What is the body language that a father should have with regards to their child? And does that matter? So you have kind of the, you know, I am, you know, 10 times bigger than you and I'm going to stand and, you know, there's the authoritative stance.
• 0:59
  There's the I'm going to get down on your level stance. I'm going to bring you up to my level. Jeff, have you thought about those different ways of just how you're what is your kids? Well, I feel like it's exactly what you said of, you know, the just be aware that body language communicates something. And, you know, a lot of research backs this up. We obviously know my position tends to be the the.
• 1:23
  They already probably know I'm the authority. You know, there's already that that one is reinforced a million times a day, you know, at some level. So I don't I don't feel like it's ever necessary to do something particularly to enforce that. And in fact, I think most dads over crank that one of like not paying attention to how their body language can feel a little ominous and intense to their kids.
• 1:45
  Yeah. Even though it might not be to them. And so you have to be really aware of that. And so then I think the one that almost no dads do or a lot of dads don't is really seek body language that's that's really based on like emotional connection. And yeah, eye contact. Like it's for me, it's less about getting down on their level. It's more about eye contact and getting down on their level is just the way to get eye contact. Okay.
• 2:04
  Okay. And so I would say, like, you know, we worked really hard there. And some kids more than others, it was actually like a year long training of like, they're almost having a seizure when I asked them to look in my eye, you know? What would they do? Were they just to try to avoid it? They would just resist it. Just so like, close their eyes, look any different way. And it's crazy, right? And so to me, that even reinforced it, though, of like, oh, there's something here where
• 2:28
  where eye-to-eye, face-to-face, level-to-level, gentle connection, and still stern and serious usually, because it's usually about like a, hey, we shouldn't have done that moment or something, that they resist that shows me that's exactly what they need. And so I think just try really hard to frame those moments, have those moments, take those moments. And because I think...
• 2:49
  It's a long play where when our kids are 20, I want them to generally have a lot of pictures in their brain, not of me standing over them, you know, pontificating, but, you know, them in my lap getting a little wisdom conversation, me out of my eyes telling them that, you know, it'll be okay, stuff like that. And so I think that's just something to think through of like that, that, you know, the one you do the most is probably the one they'll remember.
• 3:10
  Yeah, that's funny when you think about the future, because I'm now picturing my five foot two wife has to look up to Jackson. Yeah, this like one. Like, yeah, if you're completely relying on your size to to to establish your authority, that can backfire. It'll invert spectacularly at some point. You know, that's that's a good point. I love the idea of getting down to their level and getting their attention, because I do think that with especially toddlers.
• 3:37
  Um, that's, that's a big deal. And in the skill of fatherhood course, we talk about my favorite correction for toddlers is kind of like getting down on their, in their face, like eye contact and, you know, maybe chubbing their cheeks. If you really like need to get grabbed their face and like, we are looking at each other and I, and I have your attention right now. Yeah. I need to tell you like, stop doing that. That's not okay. Or, you know, and so, but it communicates a lot to like that eye contact. I love that. And I do, I've seen the same thing with our kids that there is something about, um,
• 4:07
  what they're experiencing there that is challenging for them emotionally, but really important. So I love those ideas.