Latest / The Parenting Podcast / Table Guest: Dr Kelly Stevens - The Gift of Failure (Pt. 1) | Ep. 66

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Table Guest: Dr Kelly Stevens - The Gift of Failure (Pt. 1) | Ep. 66 · The Parenting Podcast

• 0:06
  Cheryl: Welcome to the Parenting Podcast.
• 0:09
  Cheryl: I'm your host Cheryl Lang, and I had the pleasure of having Dr.
• 0:14
  Cheryl: Kelly Stevens back in the recording studio again, and what a fascinating topic we talked about.
• 0:22
  Cheryl: He jumps right into the rathers surprising idea of giving our children the gift of failure and why we might want to do that.
• 0:35
  Cheryl: He makes an interesting case for the benefits and how our children miss out when failure is an unknown in their childhood.
• 0:46
  Cheryl: Dr.
• 0:46
  Cheryl: Kelly just had so much to say that I had to split this into two episodes, so we'll finish up next time.
• 0:55
  Cheryl: Oh, by the way, he mentioned several books and I will list them for you later.
• 1:01
  Cheryl: And before we start, there was an audio tech glitch, and Kelly comes through very clearly, but my voice is kind of muffled.
• 1:11
  Cheryl: But I definitely wanted to get this information into your hands.
• 1:16
  Cheryl: So thank you for bearing with us.
• 1:19
  Cheryl: So get ready to have your comfortable parenting cage, rattle the little bit, exploring the gift of failure.
• 1:42
  Cheryl: so again, welcome Dr.
• 1:45
  Cheryl: Kelly Stevens to the parenting
• 1:46
  Kelly: podcast.
• 1:47
  Kelly: Well, thank you for having me
• 1:49
  Cheryl: again.
• 1:50
  Kelly: Oh gosh.
• 1:50
  Kelly: It is great to be back
• 1:52
  Cheryl: Hmm.
• 1:53
  Cheryl: It's good.
• 1:53
  Cheryl: Always look forward to this.
• 1:55
  Cheryl: Alright, because the subject that we're gonna talk about is something I really care about okay.
• 2:00
  Cheryl: Kelly, one time you mentioned in all our conversations.
• 2:04
  Cheryl: Mm.
• 2:05
  Cheryl: you said something about the gift of failure.
• 2:07
  Cheryl: Yes.
• 2:08
  Cheryl: And that just stuck with me, so I wanna ask you, tell me what you were talking about.
• 2:14
  Kelly: Well, the Gift of Failure is a book by Jessica Leahy.
• 2:19
  Kelly: Oh, okay.
• 2:20
  Kelly: It.
• 2:22
  Kelly: is a nice summary of, uh, well processed, uh, version of a parenting style that Uhhuh I've believed in for a long time since I became a parent.
• 2:37
  Kelly: In fact, really going back, yeah.
• 2:39
  Kelly: I became interested in parenting, which really was not a verb.
• 2:44
  Kelly: I mean, parent, everything's adulting parenting.
• 2:47
  Kelly: That's true.
• 2:48
  Kelly: Whatever, uh, now, but.
• 2:50
  Kelly: I when I became a parent mm-hmm.
• 2:53
  Kelly: I became interested in parenting and I would notice in my office, Uh, patients that were particularly nice, um, kids that were polite, things like that.
• 3:07
  Kelly: Old, older kids, often like teenagers, and I had little kids and I would be like, what did you do to make your kids be like this?
• 3:17
  Kelly: How, how did you do this?
• 3:18
  Kelly: Well, one of the people I asked was a lady named Barbara Coloso and I very fortunate to have her children.
• 3:27
  Kelly: as patience.
• 3:29
  Kelly: Um, and she had happened to write a book, um, that was an earlier version of the Gift of Failure.
• 3:39
  Kelly: One of the chapters in her book was How to Get Your Kid Outta Jail,
• 3:43
  Cheryl: wow, Yes.
• 3:44
  Kelly: and it was a lot of ideas that things aren't gonna be perfect, be ready for those things like we talked about, the low expectations, but also.
• 3:57
  Kelly: your kids are gonna learn from making mistakes,
• 4:03
  Cheryl: mm-hmm
• 4:04
  Kelly: and that as parents.
• 4:05
  Kelly: We should allow them to make mistakes.
• 4:09
  Kelly: Letting kids mess up.
• 4:11
  Kelly: So when the gift of failure came out and I heard Jessica Lehe be interviewed
• 4:16
  Cheryl: mm-hmm
• 4:17
  Kelly: I got the book very quickly and read it.
• 4:20
  Cheryl: Tell us more about it.
• 4:21
  Cheryl: Expand it for
• 4:22
  Kelly: us.
• 4:23
  Kelly: So the main main points are we have forgotten to let our kids have problems.
• 4:30
  Kelly: Mm-hmm.
• 4:30
  Kelly: Mm-hmm.
• 4:30
  Kelly: We are making life so smooth, making the road.
• 4:34
  Kelly: so smooth We've talked about it.
• 4:36
  Kelly: We're paving, the road we're preparing the road for the child rather than the child for the road.
• 4:43
  Kelly: Mm-hmm.
• 4:43
  Kelly: Mm-hmm.
• 4:44
  Kelly: Mm-hmm.
• 4:44
  Kelly: And then we're wondering why our children can't handle a rough road after they leave.
• 4:49
  Kelly: our homes
• 4:50
  Cheryl: Oh
• 4:50
  Kelly: another book that was in this same vein is called How to Raise an Adult.
• 4:55
  Kelly: It was written by.
• 4:58
  Kelly: Julie Lithco Hames, but she was the freshman dean at Stanford and she started seeing kids come in that couldn't negotiate their Yeah.
• 5:09
  Kelly: Dorm, uh, getting things up to their dorm.
• 5:11
  Kelly: Didn't know how to ask people questions or asked directions because they had been sheltered so much.
• 5:19
  Kelly: so
• 5:19
  Cheryl: Callie, how do you think.
• 5:22
  Cheryl: our culture got here.
• 5:24
  Cheryl: Now we're talking about the General American population.
• 5:28
  Cheryl: right?
• 5:28
  Cheryl: She's Dean.
• 5:30
  Cheryl: at Stanford.
• 5:32
  Cheryl: You don't get into Stanford by being a c minus
• 5:35
  Kelly: student.
• 5:36
  Kelly: No.
• 5:36
  Kelly: and so, and a lot of people have spent their time.
• 5:40
  Kelly: Practicing the things, playing the game of school so that they can get into Stanford as opposed to risking any grade that was other than an a plus and taking any class that wasn't an AP class, um, that might challenge them.
• 5:58
  Kelly: They need to get the perfect grades so they can get to the college.
• 6:02
  Kelly: The trouble is by the time.
• 6:04
  Kelly: To the college, they've played the game so much and then they don't know how to play it anymore.
• 6:09
  Kelly: Yeah.
• 6:09
  Kelly: So as a parent, we need to let our kids.
• 6:13
  Kelly: try things and fail.
• 6:14
  Kelly: We need to let them make poor decisions as long as the consequences aren't illegal, immoral, life-threatening, or terribly expensive.
• 6:22
  Cheryl: mm-hmm
• 6:23
  Kelly: Brushing teeth, being in that one, but I'm not gonna let them drown or get hit by a car.
• 6:28
  Kelly: I, but I might let'em get cold or hungry or tired.
• 6:31
  Kelly: Very good.
• 6:32
  Kelly: And, uh, because they chose something that I wouldn't have recommended.
• 6:37
  Cheryl: This is so good.
• 6:38
  Cheryl: so, uh, let's break this down because.
• 6:42
  Cheryl: If I were listening to you, I would go, wow, I really want that.
• 6:46
  Cheryl: Can you put some more feet to that?
• 6:49
  Cheryl: How would let my children fail.
• 6:52
  Cheryl: Let them hop opportunities to fail.
• 6:54
  Cheryl: Can you slow down and say more like on a, um,
• 6:58
  Kelly: daily basis?
• 7:00
  Kelly: So like on a playground?
• 7:01
  Kelly: Playground, like, like letting your kids go somewhere and just play, not to soccer practice or basketball practice, or basketball game or ballet class or whatever, but just go play some of the best birthday parties.
• 7:18
  Kelly: Been to with my grandchildren have been very free form, ah, a backyard with.
• 7:27
  Kelly: Different things in it, but nothing specific.
• 7:30
  Kelly: No, we're not bowling, we're not playing basketball.
• 7:33
  Kelly: And then all these kids run around and go from one thing to another, and one of these parties actually had a campfire.
• 7:40
  Kelly: Oh my gosh.
• 7:41
  Kelly: All the dangers there We have become a culture of safety, and we are not letting our kids get in any dangerous situ.
• 7:52
  Cheryl: mm-hmm
• 7:52
  Kelly: And okay now,
• 7:53
  Cheryl: but, but I gotta stop there.
• 7:55
  Cheryl: Parents are saying, let my kids be in danger.
• 7:59
  Cheryl: Yes.
• 7:59
  Cheryl: Qualify that force.
• 8:00
  Cheryl: Tell us what, okay, again, you're talking about, but I, cuz I love this, you, you talked about just a birthday party.
• 8:07
  Cheryl: not curated?
• 8:08
  Cheryl: Yes.
• 8:09
  Cheryl: Let children
• 8:10
  Kelly: just be children.
• 8:11
  Kelly: Well, and I think part of it is we go back to our, our grade as parents, our Yelp parenting, and it's like, well, if you don't have it all planned, if it's not Pinterest perfect, then you know, they're gonna talk bad about the birthday and it's like, They had, the kids had more fun and who really was the birthday party for?
• 8:31
  Kelly: It was for this child and his friends.
• 8:34
  Kelly: And they all had a great time and really and truly, the parents had a great time because they saw their children having a great time.
• 8:43
  Kelly: I actually enjoyed
• 8:43
  Cheryl: themselves, so I love what you're doing because it's not, In the performance area of school or sports?
• 8:52
  Cheryl: Yes.
• 8:53
  Cheryl: Or music or something like that.
• 8:55
  Cheryl: You're saying this permeates even the areas of play and daily life for young children.
• 9:02
  Kelly: Right, and as I said, parenting became a verb sometime.
• 9:07
  Kelly: In the seventies or eighties, Uhhuh, uh, it used to be you were a parent and then what you did, I mean, nobody defined that as parenting.
• 9:15
  Kelly: Yeah.
• 9:16
  Kelly: But once you said, uh, it, it was a verb, then that meant you had.
• 9:22
  Kelly: to do something And unfortunately now we do too much for our kids.
• 9:27
  Kelly: We curate activities, we have plans, we have soccer practice, basketball practice, and we've actually overscheduled our kids.
• 9:36
  Kelly: We don't give them downtime.
• 9:37
  Kelly: Um, and we as the parents of today, amongst themselves, like they're all failing as we talked before, because if their kids aren't in this sport, they may not be good at it later.
• 9:53
  Kelly: And it's like, I'm trying to say, let'em play, just let'em kick a soccer ball.
• 9:58
  Kelly: They don't have to have a team.
• 9:59
  Kelly: They're on Let'em shoot hoops in the yard.
• 10:02
  Kelly: Yes.
• 10:02
  Kelly: If they like basketball enough, they'll be shooting hoops till midnight until you make'em come in.
• 10:07
  Kelly: Kelly,
• 10:07
  Cheryl: I, I'm really tracking with you.
• 10:09
  Cheryl: I agree with this because I see.
• 10:12
  Cheryl: a big shift from when I was a child.
• 10:14
  Cheryl: Oh yeah.
• 10:14
  Cheryl: And the interesting thing is, what I have seen and see if you would agree this as a medical professional.
• 10:21
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 10:22
  Cheryl: I have seen a decline.
• 10:25
  Cheryl: Yes.
• 10:25
  Cheryl: Yes.
• 10:27
  Cheryl: Kids they could do so many
• 10:28
  Kelly: things, they weren't as anxious.
• 10:30
  Cheryl: I thought I was gonna say the other thing.
• 10:32
  Cheryl: There, there wasn't anxiety.
• 10:34
  Cheryl: Now we're not talking about everyone's life was perfect.
• 10:37
  Cheryl: Right?
• 10:37
  Cheryl: But I'm talking about across the population.
• 10:41
  Cheryl: About the General American population.
• 10:44
  Kelly: But the problem today as a rule you don't see parents letting their children risk failure, risk maybe Injury And you might even get.
• 10:59
  Kelly: Negative feedback from friends or or authority figures.
• 11:02
  Kelly: If you let your children ride their bike to seven 11 and get a slushy or let them walk to school, uh, you know, And it's like we have become again.
• 11:15
  Kelly: A culture of safety that is worried about things that really don't need to be worried about, and that we're gonna let a child get beyond an age where they take appropriate risks and find out safely the consequences of.
• 11:33
  Kelly: climbing one limb too high in the tree, and maybe they fall but they learn a big lesson wow.
• 11:40
  Kelly: But they're not trying something much more dangerous when they're 16 or 18 because they never tried anything and failed early in life.
• 11:51
  Kelly: So one of.
• 11:53
  Kelly: things I was recently reading talked about there's this window of opportunity for kids to take risks
• 12:00
  Cheryl: Really?
• 12:01
  Cheryl: Yes.
• 12:01
  Kelly: and learn how to learn from those risks.
• 12:04
  Kelly: Physical risks like playgrounds that have anything other than a sanitary, uh, climbing board and slide Yeah, yeah.
• 12:12
  Kelly: Uh, they, they miss the opportunity to learn to take risks.
• 12:19
  Kelly: Like they miss the opportunity perhaps to learn a language Wow.
• 12:23
  Kelly: At a certain age.
• 12:24
  Cheryl: Oh, interesting.
• 12:25
  Kelly: So letting kids have risks that are appropriate for their ages with observation, but not necessarily participation by the parents can be.
• 12:38
  Kelly: Just completely life changing in a positive way.
• 12:42
  Kelly: Um, and if we don't let them have this, then as they get older, they'll either become more anxious because they could get hurt or they've never practiced climbing a ladder, climbing a tree.
• 12:55
  Kelly: Mm-hmm.
• 12:55
  Kelly: uh, running in the mud.
• 12:57
  Kelly: Um,
• 12:58
  Cheryl: or you might get a lot of pushback if you have a parenting
• 13:01
  Kelly: podcast.
• 13:02
  Kelly: Right.
• 13:03
  Kelly: Sure, sure.
• 13:03
  Kelly: You put all those things at the end that say that anything I say is, not anybody's responsibility.
• 13:09
  Cheryl: gentle laugh C Oh my.
• 13:10
  Cheryl: Kelly, I know we have got a lot of the parents warning flags way up.
• 13:16
  Cheryl: Oh yeah.
• 13:16
  Cheryl: but You're Not saying Not live dangerously, but you're, you're saying let your kids fail.
• 13:21
  Cheryl: You're talking earlier when they're little, particularly physical things.
• 13:25
  Cheryl: Yes.
• 13:26
  Cheryl: And so you said some of your, uh, Warnings or advice was to have appropriate risk.
• 13:33
  Cheryl: Yes.
• 13:34
  Cheryl: And then that we are observation.
• 13:36
  Cheryl: So you're not saying let your kids go and just run amuck?
• 13:40
  Cheryl: No.
• 13:41
  Cheryl: You're saying this is actually probably a really high level of active engaged parenting.
• 13:46
  Cheryl: Yes.
• 13:46
  Cheryl: It's just having a different mindset.
• 13:48
  Cheryl: It definitely, it's on the curated
• 13:50
  Kelly: protection.
• 13:51
  Kelly: Yes, you're right.
• 13:52
  Kelly: In fact, that's, in the book was what she calls, um, autonomy, supportive.
• 13:59
  Kelly: Parenting rather than dependent parenting.
• 14:02
  Kelly: so, autonomy, supportive.
• 14:04
  Kelly: parenting is not permissive parenting.
• 14:07
  Kelly: It's not like just go out and have fun and hope you don't get hurt.
• 14:11
  Kelly: But it's like do I want to go to the store?
• 14:15
  Kelly: And it's like, all right, I'm gonna make sure that you have the skills to do that, at least the basics.
• 14:23
  Kelly: And then, Go try and see what happens if you go to the store.
• 14:27
  Kelly: I want you to be able to walk down the street to en cue and, and transact some financial thing there with somebody you don't know.
• 14:37
  Kelly: It's very uncomfortable.
• 14:39
  Kelly: We're gonna try to make your life more uncomfortable.
• 14:42
  Kelly: I will.
• 14:42
  Kelly: I will tell you one, one thing that my daughter as a child taught me, and she was, uh, probably 13.
• 14:50
  Kelly: Uh, When she came up to me and my wife and said, you have never given us any hardship.
• 15:00
  Kelly: Wow.
• 15:01
  Kelly: I mean, she was doing some mission work and different things and going on mission trips with me even around that age.
• 15:07
  Kelly: And go into the Hope Center and things she saw there was another side of life rather than the sanitized Edmund doctor married couple living Nice.
• 15:17
  Kelly: Mm-hmm.
• 15:18
  Kelly: And so she recognized the benefit.
• 15:22
  Kelly: Of problems and hardship in terms of growing up.
• 15:26
  Kelly: She had friends who'd had hardship.
• 15:28
  Kelly: I think it was really Leanne Rimes, the country singer.
• 15:31
  Kelly: Her life story was something about having hardship, and my daughter was pretty sure that if she'd had hardship, she would be a famous country singer too.
• 15:39
  Cheryl: gentle laugh C
• 15:40
  Kelly: But the wisdom of those words was, you know, rang true with me and I still think about it, letting kids have some hardship.
• 15:49
  Kelly: That's basically what this.
• 15:51
  Cheryl: this is really good.
• 15:52
  Cheryl: everybody Understands the objective idea.
• 15:56
  Cheryl: For example, the reason that you should do.
• 16:00
  Cheryl: work with weights and weight resistance.
• 16:02
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 16:03
  Cheryl: And everybody knows if everybody stay with a one pound weight, it must, you're right.
• 16:07
  Cheryl: Gonna grow.
• 16:08
  Cheryl: Right?
• 16:08
  Cheryl: And so we understand that in that area, but it's really scary when you take parents who they're invested, love their children.
• 16:18
  Cheryl: Oh yes.
• 16:19
  Cheryl: This idea of resistance training.
• 16:22
  Cheryl: From the ground up with our kids.
• 16:24
  Cheryl: And that.
• 16:25
  Cheryl: Your daughter recognized it because she had been exposed to people who they, she saw these qualities.
• 16:32
  Cheryl: Yes.
• 16:32
  Cheryl: She saw the, um, difficulties in their life.
• 16:36
  Cheryl: And she goes, I'm not benefiting from that.
• 16:39
  Cheryl: Right.
• 16:39
  Kelly: And, and yeah, she saw the potential benefits in those.
• 16:42
  Kelly: And I mean, and as you know, I mean, there's hard.
• 16:46
  Kelly: All over the place.
• 16:47
  Kelly: Yes, in a lot of lives, but the idea of being privileged or being yes, able to live in a nice community or in a nice house.
• 16:59
  Kelly: And most of my patient population live that way.
• 17:04
  Kelly: And so instead of them hauling buckets of water from the river, yeah, they need to actually find some hardship.
• 17:12
  Kelly: Yeah.
• 17:13
  Kelly: In their lives.
• 17:14
  Kelly: They need to see it in other lives.
• 17:16
  Kelly: They need to appreciate that their life isn't that hard, and then begin the process of making some things maybe.
• 17:27
  Kelly: more difficult when they could make them easier.
• 17:30
  Kelly: It's the take the stairs instead of the elevator, uh, or walk instead of driving your car, ride your bike instead of driving a car that you can create some discomfort in your life.
• 17:42
  Kelly: in a positive way.
• 17:44
  Cheryl: Oh Kelly, I actually had people tell me, they were kind of envious because my kids had to work hard and they had challenge and they said, we don't know how to do it.
• 17:57
  Cheryl: Our lives was too curated.
• 17:59
  Cheryl: Right, Kelly, you said.
• 18:01
  Cheryl: Autonomy, parenting,
• 18:03
  Kelly: autonomy, supportive
• 18:04
  Cheryl: parenting.
• 18:05
  Cheryl: Autonomy, supportive parenting.
• 18:07
  Cheryl: Okay.
• 18:07
  Cheryl: So what do you mean?
• 18:08
  Cheryl: What do you mean by autonomy?
• 18:11
  Kelly: Autonomy means you're making your own decisions.
• 18:16
  Kelly: Um, Expectations from other people.
• 18:21
  Kelly: But then say you are given a problem, but you're not given the solution to the problem.
• 18:27
  Kelly: So as a, as a parent, you're giving them a chore or an expectation of doing something and then letting the child figure out how to solve that problem.
• 18:38
  Kelly: Wow.
• 18:38
  Kelly: And you're there to guide them if needed.
• 18:42
  Kelly: You're there to not guide.
• 18:45
  Kelly: if they think they need you, but they really are so close to the answer, you just need to stay back.
• 18:51
  Cheryl: mm-hmm
• 18:51
  Kelly: Supportive, present, but not involved.
• 18:55
  Kelly: Oh, that's fantastic.
• 18:56
  Kelly: And I mean, it's so hard to be there.
• 18:59
  Kelly: and not want to fix the problem.
• 19:01
  Cheryl: Absolutely.
• 19:02
  Kelly: That's one of the take home messages that I got from the gift of failure is one of the big reasons that we don't let our kids, for instance, do laundry, is they're not gonna do it.
• 19:12
  Kelly: Right.
• 19:13
  Kelly: Yeah.
• 19:13
  Kelly: And it's, and her point is, teach'em to do it.
• 19:15
  Kelly: They're not gonna fold the towels the way I fold the towels.
• 19:18
  Kelly: Teach them to do it or realize there are other.
• 19:22
  Kelly: yeah.
• 19:23
  Kelly: That towels can be folded and maybe you're talking to a three year old, that's their job.
• 19:27
  Kelly: But how many parents today I didn't really make sure that my kids had that many chores.
• 19:34
  Kelly: We've talked about the roadmap of life, and it's like a lot of that would include responsibilities.
• 19:40
  Kelly: and it would be interesting to go back and, yeah, plan ahead some of those things and say at these ages you get to do these things, and in the middle of the book how to raise an adult, she has really nicely set out responsibilities that are fairly age appropriate, but.
• 19:59
  Kelly: As a parent, letting the kids do those things and fail at them and mess up some stuff.
• 20:05
  Kelly: you might shrink that.
• 20:08
  Kelly: That was something you shouldn't have put in the dryer.
• 20:10
  Kelly: You learned to read this tag on this piece of clothing or whatever, and you're risking your shirt or your yoga pants or whatever.
• 20:20
  Cheryl: isn't it interesting?
• 20:21
  Cheryl: So what would you say.
• 20:24
  Cheryl: Are the reason is?
• 20:25
  Cheryl: Parents aren't doing what you just talked about?
• 20:27
  Kelly: It's hard.
• 20:28
  Kelly: It is actually harder in the moment to stand back and L and watch your kid fail and watch them try and have problems knowing you could fix the problem for them.
• 20:44
  Kelly: Yes.
• 20:44
  Kelly: Yes.
• 20:44
  Kelly: Knowing that the problem might cost.
• 20:47
  Kelly: Something.
• 20:48
  Kelly: Yeah.
• 20:48
  Kelly: But, and so it's just easier to just do it for them?
• 20:54
  Kelly: I, I,
• 20:54
  Cheryl: it is, it is a lot easier.
• 20:56
  Cheryl: Um, and that is one area where I think for a lot of reasons, bill and I, uh, equipped our kids, cuz they did do a lot of chores and they did work hard.
• 21:08
  Cheryl: But once someone that was wise in my life said, if you're gonna let'em do that, there are great benefits.
• 21:14
  Cheryl: but you're gonna have to have a lot of broken plates.
• 21:16
  Cheryl: Yes.
• 21:17
  Cheryl: You know?
• 21:17
  Cheryl: Yes.
• 21:17
  Cheryl: And shrunk clothes and Yes.
• 21:19
  Cheryl: And you can't curate it all if you're gonna allow for the gift of failure.
• 21:24
  Cheryl: Yes.
• 21:24
  Cheryl: For the learning.
• 21:25
  Cheryl: Um, and I think it's fear Kelly, they're afraid.
• 21:31
  Cheryl: about that you're gonna not do it right,
• 21:32
  Kelly: What other people are gonna think about'em, right?
• 21:35
  Kelly: Your kids don't have to work.
• 21:37
  Kelly: You have plenty of money.
• 21:38
  Kelly: Why do you make them get a job?
• 21:40
  Kelly: Why did you make them pay their own car insurance?
• 21:42
  Kelly: Why?
• 21:43
  Kelly: All these things that come as they're older.
• 21:46
  Kelly: If you've worked up to those things, then that's not a big problem.
• 21:50
  Kelly: But if all of a sudden you dump that on a kid who's had privilege all their life and people have done stuff for them, I want them to fail under my roof.
• 22:00
  Cheryl: Oh.
• 22:00
  Cheryl: I just hate to have to cut in and stop this conversation right here, but time is forcing me to do it, but we will continue next week.
• 22:12
  Cheryl: So parents, even when dealing with failure, hang in there.
• 22:18
  Cheryl: Keep loving, keep persevering because it's worth it.
• 22:29
  Cheryl: I found this a challenging, but such an interesting topic, and I particularly liked it when Kelly said, We don't want to prepare the road for the child, but the child for the road.
• 22:45
  Cheryl: This idea of walking alongside our children while they're still at home and proactively helping them learn from challenge and failure.
• 22:56
  Cheryl: Okay, so what's one time you grew or you've seen your children grow when failure was involved?
• 23:04
  Cheryl: We'd like to hear from you.
• 23:07
  Cheryl: Text us at contact@theparentingpodcast.com d Amazon Social Media, or go to our website oh two of the books that Dr.
• 23:18
  Cheryl: Kelly mentions are The Gift of Failure by Jessica Leahy and How to Raise an Adult by Julie Lithco.
• 23:29
  Cheryl: Haines.
• 23:31
  Cheryl: Don't forget to come back next time on the Parenting Podcast.
• 23:34
  Cheryl: When we continue exploring and developing, there's not always wanted, but I'm convinced.
• 23:43
  Cheryl: Very helpful tool for our children.
• 23:52
  Cheryl: Dr.
• 23:52
  Cheryl: Stevens portion of this podcast is for general informational purposes only, and does not constitute the practice of medicine, nursing, or other professional healthcare services, including the giving of medical advice.
• 24:08
  Cheryl: No doctor patient relationship is formed.
• 24:11
  Cheryl: The use of the information from Dr.
• 24:13
  Cheryl: Stevens portion of this podcast is at the user's own risk.
• 24:18
  Cheryl: The content of Dr.
• 24:19
  Cheryl: Stephens portion of this podcast is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment.