Latest / Glovisor Podcast / Stop Chasing Success and Start Enjoying Your Life - Chris Abazis [Ep 94]
Transcript
- Chris: the difference between spontaneity and impulsiveness is intention. Impulsiveness is reacting without considering the consequences, right? Spontaneity is being open to opportunities without needing to control every detail. Joe Abreu - GLOVISOR.com: Welcome to the Glovisor Podcast where we explore business growth, communication, and personal development through real conversations with people who make an impact. Our guest helps people break out of their comfort zones, think differently, and take action towards a fulfilling life and business. He's a keynote speaker, business coach, author of Spontaneous As F. and TEDx organizer. Glovisor welcomes Chris Abazis Hey Chris. Chris: Hey Joe, thanks for having me, man. Joe Abreu - GLOVISOR.com: Hey you're welcome. Looking forward to the conversation. All right Chris: me too. Joe Abreu - GLOVISOR.com: Chris, share with us what is it that you do and who do you help? Chris: man, that's such a loaded question. But I mean at my core I'm a coach and that happened by accident. just because I love helping people see things differently, challenge their own assumptions, and realize they're capable of more than they think. And it's you know, that's just lights me up, and that's how I ended up in this position. So I mean, I work mostly with entrepreneurs and business owners, leaders, helping them grow their businesses, improve how they lead, ultimately create more freedom in their lives, which I know you and I kind of share that. but the the interesting thing is that over the years, I've realized that a lot of people they're really good at chasing success, but not nearly as good at enjoying it. You know, we got the entrepreneurs are always looking for next, next, next, and then they get wrapped up in that. And that's kind of what became a big part of my mission is just to be like help people enjoy their lives and focus on that and get out of the success trap. Cause sometimes that success that we chase could end up being a prison for us. And so that's kind of the shift that I've been making more recently is looking at that. built this great, wonderful, efficient business, but now are you stuck in that world of success that doesn't allow you to really enjoy and have fun and collect experiences and build relationships and enjoy that ride. Joe Abreu - GLOVISOR.com: When and why did your mission begin? Chris: in general, when I got into business and I started learning about all these things, I started to see that there was a lot of people that when they start their businesses, they're all vision. It's super exciting and they're like they can't wait to do it. and then all of a sudden they get into it and they start succeeding, and now all of a sudden they've created like a a job for themselves. And they, you know, I find business owners and entrepreneurs all of a sudden suddenly they're doing things that they don't love anymore. you know, I I always say if you don't have an assistant, you are one. You know, kind of. And it's just Joe Abreu - GLOVISOR.com: Yeah. Chris: I I became passionate about, you know, I I started learning about leverage principles and hiring the right people and developing people. And then I saw I'm like, wow, there's such a great opportunity as a business owner or entrepreneur to not only build something that you love for yourself, but create opportunities for other people that they could love and grow into. So I became super passionate about that and then start started to wanting to work with people that no longer that lost the joy in in what they're doing. Right. So what's the point of having a great business if you can't really have a great life and and start starting to do that. Then I started to see in helping people grow their businesses through efficiency and you know being super super scheduled and focused. then all of a sudden that kind of develops these routines and then routine sucks all the fun and magic out of what you're doing, whether it's business or life. And that's like, wait a second, maybe the maybe the point is is to start to be s on purpose about not having too many things structured. And I know it's kind of counterintuitive when I I say things like schedule your spontaneity, right? So if we're time blocking to build our businesses, why can't we time block where where nothing can happen? We could let the magic of a a creative session or what's what's going to take take shape in our lives, you know? Joe Abreu - GLOVISOR.com: along the way, when did you have that aha moment? I must pursue this and I must share this with the world. Chris: when I was running real estate companies, 'cause that's that was my background, that's really where I learned to to have to build businesses and get leverage and see that what I thought other people needed to to there was so many other small business owners that didn't have this training, that didn't have this know how to do these things. And I don't know if there was a specific moment, but I think it was I think it was more of like a realization that developed over time because I I spent years helping people build these businesses and started noticing that people would hit their goals, make more money, achieve what they thought they wanted, and then immediately move the finish line. So right, people that are you know, Jim Rohn says people that are content are rarely ambitious, and people that are ambitious are really content. So then you work with all these drivers, all these ambitious people, they set goals, they hit it, and they're like, What's next? okay, great, we hit that goal. Okay, what's the next one? What's next? What's next? What's next? So I I started looking at my own life too. And I had a successful career and I was leading a large organization. I loved what I did. And I started to ask myself, what am I actually working toward? Like because success is great. I'm a big fan of it. But if we're constantly postponing happiness until the next milestone, when when when do we get to enjoy that success? And that's that's when my thinking started to shift. and I didn't want to stop pursuing success. I just wanted to redefine it and that's okay. It's and I had a coach at the time and I was running I was running this company and people started to ask me to come speak and I had to turn them down. And I remember my coach at the time he said, Chris, what are you saying what are you saying yes to that's making you say no to shit you really want to do? And I realized, man, it was running this organization. and here I was in a successful organization at one time that's what I wanted to do, and I just I realized it. Success wasn't supposed to be the destination. It was supposed to give us more opportunities to enjoy the journey. Joe Abreu - GLOVISOR.com: That's what we have to enjoy along the way. Now, before we continue, because I have so many other questions for you, I want to talk about the book: Spontaneous as F: The Art of Saying Yes and Living Life Unscripted. So I've been going through it. Great book, by the way. But you know what's interesting to me is some people sit down over a weekend and write a book, but not you. Your book took over 10 years to put together. Tell us a little bit more about that. Chris: it didn't take me 10 years to write. So what what I did what I always would do, like when I had my office and stuff, I used to keep these Google Drive folders and like little ideas and notes on my phone. And I would get an idea that I wanted to talk about at my my team meeting or or the sales meeting and stuff. So when I started thinking about this spontaneous concept, which happened as a joke, by the way, you know, my in my coaching nature, and I talk about that in the in the in the preface of the book, my sister and her And her husband, they were going on a little vacation down to St. Pete over by you when we lived in New York. And it was the first time they were going to be away from the kids and away from their new business. and you know, in my coach nature, I just fired off a text. I said, Hey, enjoy yourselves, act like kids again, be spontaneous. And I just in my head, I could visually see my sister's virtual eye roll, like, my god, here goes Chris again, right? be spontaneous. So then they went down to St. Pete and they thought it'd be funny because I mean they're hilarious people. They were di they've like went on the bus that they didn't know where it was going. And they had solo cups and they made a video. They're like, We got some solo cups, we just got on a bus. Where's it going? We don't know. We're being spontaneous ass, you know. And I just thought it was hilarious. And they kept sending me these random videos, and then I started showing them the people I worked with and my friends and family, and everyone thought they were hilarious. But and then everyone started sending me videos of them doing silly spontaneous things. Taking off in the middle of the day. It's a beautiful day here. I'm gonna go to the beach. I'm gonna go in the exit instead of the entrance and see what happens, you know. But what I noticed in those videos is how alive everybody was and how present. I started thinking about this idea of spontaneity and how all the moments I started looking in the past and all every time all the moments, the stories that are worth talking about are things that you didn't plan that were kind of spontaneous, a yes you had in the moment, a conversation you had. you know, you you you go on vacation. You plan this itinerary, but the things you probably talk about are the things you said yes to or the people you met along the way. So I was like, there's something to this. so I started a little Google Drive folder for that stuff, and I started collecting information and doing research and stories and and data. And through all the years, I just kind of kept adding to that. And then two years ago, a friend of mine named Antoinette Perez, she's another speaker. It was in November, and I had just come off a busy season of speaking, and I was kind of November and December, I kinda had nothing on the calendar. And she's like, Hey, I'm doing a 30 day book writing challenge. And 'cause a lot of us speakers, we haven't written books yet. And I said, I'm in. I'm actually kind of home for the holidays and I'm I'm in for that. And I got a great idea on a book on leadership, language, leadership, and leverage. That's why my three L's. That's how my coaching framework is. And I was staring, I I just wasn't so inspired. I was looking at the Google Drive I had for that book. And I just didn't catch fire. And I said, let me take a peek into the spontaneous AF folder. And I went there and within 30 days, I cranked out the first version of what would become this book. and I just I just went with it and then I kept adding to it, what next? What next? What next? And then I did that TEDx. and then after that that kind of consumed me putting that together, and then after the TEDx, I'm like, people are like, you gotta get this book out. And I wasn't I didn't love the first version of it. It read like a good self-help book, but I wanted it to be a movement. And so I kind of restructured and rewrote and made it like a movement, you know, and I put I have a credo in there and frameworks and like a real field guide for people to actually do things, and it's a culmination of my stories that validate these principles, and then there's a little bit of science in it. But the book, I mean, be it became a way of connecting the dots and really putting language around something I'd been learning and living for years. It's it didn't take 10. It didn't take ten years to write. It took ten years to live, I guess, and have all these things. But sometimes we don't recognize our own philosophy until we look backwards and and discover the pattern in our own decisions. Yeah, that's basically that's basically how it came out. It's pretty it's pretty surreal. Joe Abreu - GLOVISOR.com: Yeah, I love that. And you know, I w I was reading through when I saw that ten years. I said that kind of makes sense, right? Because you have Chris: Yeah. Joe Abreu - GLOVISOR.com: to live with things sometimes for a while for it to become part of you. And and I think you and I are very similar, where I think if we just need something to fire us up and then that's it. Then we're all in. It's a hundred percent. You know, going 100 miles an hour after that. And I think that's exactly where you're going with that. And so I love the the everything you put together. But one thing that I wanted to ask you was you have one chapter about spontaneity versus impulsivity. Can you tell us a little bit more about that? Chris: a lot of times and this and this happens with sharing this I idea with people is that because sometimes people view and and this is that script, that program telling you like sometimes isn't this reckless? Isn't it reckless i in the business world? You've got a great job, you've got a great career, you're making a lot of money. Is it is it reckless to throw it all out because you want to be a jazz musician and do something? but I the biggest is so the biggest distinction and doing some research and there's science behind this, I think the biggest This the difference between spontaneity and impulsiveness is intention. Impulsiveness is reacting without considering the consequences, right? I'm in Vegas. I'm in Vegas. I want to gamble. Let me go to that ATM and pay a $30 ATM for you to get more money at, right? Spontaneity is being open to opportunities without needing to control every detail. That's that's what the distinction is. So I'm not suggesting people abandon responsibility, quit their jobs tomorrow, or make reckless decisions. I'm just suggesting they stop allowing fear, routine, and the need for certainty to make every decision for them. So you could be spontaneous and still be thoughtful. You could take risks and still be responsible, right? And here's the interesting thing. Sometimes the biggest risk isn't saying yes to something unexpected. It's spending your entire life automatically saying no, which we're all trained to do. So I mean, impulsiveness ignores the consequences. Spontaneity considers them, but doesn't let fear make the decision. Spontaneity is booking that last minute trip. Impulsiveness is booking that trip with your mortgage payment. Joe Abreu - GLOVISOR.com: you are consulting, you're an author, you're doing so many different things, and you're coaching a lot of different businesses. What do you focus on the most and which industry do you work with the most? Chris: my background is real estate. I was a real estate salesperson, then I got into leadership. and on leadership, that's when I got all the business training and I was a young CEO. and I mean from the outside it probably looks like I have professional ADHD because Joe Abreu - GLOVISOR.com: Yeah. Chris: I'm coaching businesses, speaking on stages, I DJ, I'm writing this books now and I'm doing all these different things. But what I realized is that they're they're all connected. So I mean, mostly the I I've been working with people in the real estate world and then I transitioned out of that because when I had my office, I was having like our mortgage partners, hey, can you help me build a better team or you know, like an insurance company? Can you help us look at this? So I started doing like I said, Okay, yeah. And I I think other people needed these things that I was successfully doing. and I started talking going into people and doing what I called like an organizational audit. And looking into their systems, tools, and people. Those are the three things I look at. I always say I work in the three L's language, kind of how you communicate with people, leadership and leverage. And leverage cut leverage comes in three forms systems, tools and people. So I go in there and I look at all those things and I say, okay, look at your systems. How do you do things? Tools, what are you doing it with, or technology, and the people, who do you who do you got in your roster? Who do you need? And between those things, in that order, helping people find opportunities for improvement. And all of my imp all of my all of my coaching around that is really to help people get more time, more money, or more magic. Usually one of those things. and develop opportunities for other people. So I mean real estate's my core market for coaching, but leadership, communication and human behavior is really where my expertise translates across all the industries. and that's what really really lights me up. Just happy, healthy leaders and organizations mean happy, healthy organizations and all the other people. There's nothing better than meeting a a custodian at a big company and saying that they love working there, right? Joe Abreu - GLOVISOR.com: Now, can you share a case study that shows the transformation of your work? Chris: there's so many. But I'll give you an example of I worked with agents who are like a team incredibly busy working nights and weekends but they weren't handling they weren't they weren't building a sustainable business. like I have a married couple that was working together and they wanted my help in the beginning and I worked with them from when they were brand new and then they built this really great business. and it was all of a sudden working them, right? So, and that first instinct is usually to get, you know, talk to them about another lead generation strategy or a productivity system. But I thought that we needed to get into something different and started asking different questions, like what are they actually trying to accomplish? What was getting in the way? and beyond income, what did they need? So all of a sudden they were maxed out on time and we I worked with them and I said, listen, this is what you guys gotta do. You have to bite the bullet and you have to hire your first assistant. Because now we had a husband and wife team going. and I created them a model said a missing persons report. Here's how you do it, here's how you find the right person. and they came to me and they said, Hey, we found somebody that we think is gonna be perfect and great, and we want your blessing. And I said, What do you mean? They're like, Well, we spoke to Anna at you know. our main front desk girl in my office who I loved. and we think that she'd be great as our operations manager. and but she's, you know, and she was our head front desk person. And she was I was like you 100% have my blessing. And they were like, really? And she was so happy. But also one of the things about when you know and and then I they hired her and she's still with them actually to this day. And this is probably going back twenty ten, twelve years. when I hire people, it's my commitment to help people grow and even if it's not in my within my organization. So if I have a receptionist that someday wants to be a CEO and they deserve that opportunity, and that opportunity you know presents itself and it's not within my organization, I feel it's my responsibility to tell them about that. Yeah, even my own operations manager at the time, my COO, when I was in Queens, she was she was fantastic. She was my right hand person. and the Manhattan office was looking for somebody for that position and it was a lot more money than we were paying because it was a bigger office. and I told her about it. and I said, hey, I have to tell you that this opportunity popped up and I'd give you a great recommendation and you'd be, you know, I'd be you'd be making an extra twenty, thirty thousand dollars a year. And she said, that's great, but then I wouldn't get to work with you. And I thought that that was kind of a a cool thing. So yeah the great story w is that one where This team, this husband-wife team, they were, you know, they hired they hired Anna and then she changed their world. And as a result of that, they hired you know, sub agents, like salespeople working, being able to work with their buyers. And then they were going on vacation. They sent me a beautiful time-lapse video from Portugal with the with the sunset happening. And then all of a sudden they started going on all these trips and having all this spare time. And that's really what I like to see. it was a them having great businesses and great lives and then creating great businesses and lives for the people on their team and who they work with that absolutely loved them. So I mean even they Anna, who used to be my staff member, she's yeah not too long ago, they had one of the team members retiring from their team and she reached out to me. She's like, Could you make a video wishing her well look at her retirement? And I'm like, Of course, Joe Abreu - GLOVISOR.com: Yeah. Chris: absolutely anything for you guys. And it just that kind of stuff warm warms my heart. You know, so it's Just helping people get to that place. And that's that's a case study that's makes a lot of difference to me. And it's not always about, you know, building this super big empire and shoveling as much money into your bank account as possible. It's really the lives that it changes along the way. Joe Abreu - GLOVISOR.com: if someone works with you today, starts working with you today, what would be the framework that you take them through? Chris: I I ask questions around their language leadership and leverage. So the first thing I do is to understand where someone is is I look at I look at what's standing in the way and that's kind of like a hard thing because people know that they need something and it's not always the same thing. So I'm not a big believer in giving everyone the same playbook. Different people have different languages and sometimes they think the the problem what they think the problem is isn't actually the problem. I'm sure you experience that. You go into people and you're like, well You say, hey, I figured out a few things here and looking at your business. Well, that's not the way we do things, and that's not how we do it here. And we don't have that. I'm like, well, yeah, but you didn't call me, right? So my coaching tends to revolve around first that language. How are you communicating with yourself, your team, your customers? Because the words shape our beliefs and the and the beliefs shape our behaviors, then ultimately our results, right? Then looking at the leadership, how are they showing up? are they taking ownership? Are they making decisions? intentionally or just reacting to whatever happens around them. And that's what happens a lot of people, they start their businesses and they just become reactive. They're putting out fires all day instead of, you know, they built this successful business and now they're putting out fires all day. So we try to get them back into that leadership role. And that's of course through the leverage. How do we create systems, habits, relationships, and resources that allow people to accomplish more without everything depending on them? Right. So you I see so many leaders in the middle of their organization And they have eight people answering to them. And I'm like, well, and they have a team of eight people. Well, let's look at building, creating leverage, and then building your organization deep, developing other leaders, having one or two people answer to you and then leveraging them to be able to deal with everything else. You know, be coaching is not about giving someone all the answers, it's about helping them ask better questions, make better decisions, and follow through. And I think that's a distinction I make between coaching and consulting. People so I'm like a consultant shows up. Looks at your stuff, gives you prescription and says, Had to have a nice day. Coaching is a much more frustrating journey for us because we can see what's happening. and we have to help them self-discover and for it to become their ideas so that they own it, and then helping them take the action on it. So that's just pretty much what we look at. I mean, the first, the first between the first call and the first 30 days looks like, you know, we discover and look at their goals, challenges, priorities, and what success actually means. Then we diagnose what the biggest constraints opportunity is. Then we design a practical action plan, things that they actually have to do. And then the fourth thing is execution, which is where I think people really have challenges. There's no shortage of strategies around there, but to actually do the thing, measure it, and then make adjustments. It's I think what I found is that people know so much. So people don't need more information. They just need clarity, accountability, and someone willing to challenge the stories that they're telling themselves. Joe Abreu - GLOVISOR.com: look into the mirror. Just keep looking. Chris: Yeah. Exactly. Yeah. You gotta y then and they and they see it s sometimes sometimes they see it sooner than later, sometimes they don't, you know? I mean I had used to have these thirty minute coaching calls with people and you know, I have some clients that just they tell me they're like, This is what I did, here's where I feel, this is what I did, now I know what it needs to do and I'm like, Great, when are you gonna do But in the last five minutes is just that. So I they just needed somebody to have a sounding board, then you have other people That you go through a 90-day program with and then you have to you keep going. And then all of a sudden at the final hour, they figure out something that you could have told them in 10 minutes, right? And but that's it's different because now that they own it, they take the action, right? So it's it's it's always it's always like them acknowledging that it's okay to fail their way forward and that they're not the ones that's failing the plan did. So let's adjust the plan. and that and that's okay, and giving them permission to do that. Joe Abreu - GLOVISOR.com: Is there a takeaway that you want our listeners to remember this conversation by? Chris: I want people to I want people to challenge challenge the challenge the script that they're running. to listen to that program that tells them to wait, wait to wait for later. You're too busy to do this right now. Don't get so busy building your life that you forget to live it. what do you really want? What's holding you back? And what's thing what's something that you can do today that'll that'll give you that'll bring you joy? because Someday is not a real day. You know, so I'll wait till I retire. just look for the little opportunities now. You don't need to have everything figured out. You don't need the perfect plan. you'll figure things out along the way. It's okay. I have an expression. I say it'll be fine, right? because it always will be fine. so sometimes you just need to take those steps, say yes, say yes to small things, not abandoning responsibility, just being willing to participate in your own life. so life isn't waiting for you to. Get your shit together. It happens right now. Say yes. Say yes to more of it and see what happens. I promise. I promise. Joe Abreu - GLOVISOR.com: that's great advice right there. start producing your own video, right? Of spontaneity. Chris: Yeah. Yeah. Joe Abreu - GLOVISOR.com: Now, where can people connect with you? Find out more about your work and continue this conversation. Chris: So I have Chrisabaz.com is kind of like my hub of all things all things Christmas. And it's you know the links back to my businesses, because I have several, you know, I get bored. It's got the link back to spontaneousaf.com, which is where the everything about this book and the movement kind of lives. but between but Chris Abbazis.com will have everything my social media links and all my business links and that kind of stuff. I've got dreamkeyconsulting.com, it's directly to dream key. But yeah, I'm pretty easy to find, man. Pop me into Google or your favorite AI large language model and you'll be able to find me, I'm sure. Joe Abreu - GLOVISOR.com: Well Chris, thank you so much for joining us and everything you've shared today. Chris: Thanks, Joe. I'm looking forward. I'm looking forward to putting 'cause we're gonna have a spontaneous podcast that I'm gonna be putting together. And I'd love to have you on that and find out what you've been doing to enjoy the fruits of your spontaneity. Joe Abreu - GLOVISOR.com: Well, we always say yes to every opportunity. So I'm gonna say yes. Chris: I love it. But say yes. It'll be fine. Joe Abreu - GLOVISOR.com: Thank you. Thanks everyone for listening. Chris: Thanks, Jeff. Joe Abreu - GLOVISOR.com: If this episode inspired you, make sure you share it with someone who needs it. And don't forget to follow the Glovisor Podcast for more conversations that make an impact. Till the next time.