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The Mind Of An Abusive Person When You Cut Them Off For GOOD! · The Mental Healness Podcast

• 0:01
  What's going on, beautiful people?
• 0:03
  What is going on inside the mind of an abusive, toxic,
• 0:07
  narcissistic person when you finally decide to cut them off
• 0:12
  for good? Not for play play.
• 0:15
  Not a temporary break, not a breakup, dunzo.
• 0:19
  We're never, we are never, ever, ever getting back together.
• 0:24
  We or never ever what? What goes on, what goes on in
• 0:29
  their mind when you're done for good, y'all?
• 0:31
  Of course, if you're new here, my name is Lee Hammock.
• 0:33
  I'm a clinically diagnosed narcissist.
• 0:35
  And welcome to another episode of The Narcissist Code.
• 0:37
  Let's get it. Welcome, welcome back y'all.
• 0:59
  Y'all know I love my theme music.
• 1:00
  I had to bring the theme music back.
• 1:02
  What's going on, my beautiful folks?
• 1:04
  Hope y'all having a beautifully fantastic Saturday evening.
• 1:08
  Y'all bringing the theme music back.
• 1:09
  I need to get a new one done because I cut my hair since the
• 1:12
  other one I got, I recorded the other one.
• 1:14
  So I gotta get a get a new theme.
• 1:16
  Anybody willing to make my theme music?
• 1:18
  But yeah, let's hop right into the topic, y'all.
• 1:20
  When you cut them off for good, what goes on inside their mind?
• 1:25
  So the first thing that goes on inside a narcissistic person's
• 1:29
  mind when you finally cut them off for good is that it's not
• 1:33
  over. It's not over.
• 1:37
  It's never over, Freezer. Freezer said that in Dragon Ball
• 1:41
  Z. It's never over.
• 1:44
  But seriously, that's what goes on inside their minds.
• 1:47
  They really have problems coming to the coming to the actual
• 1:52
  realization that it's over. So denial is the first stage of
• 1:58
  a narcissist, right? Denial.
• 2:00
  They will absolutely deny that it's actually over.
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  They absolutely will. They'll just, they refuse to
• 2:06
  believe it. This is why no matter how many
• 2:08
  boundaries you set, no matter how many restraining orders you
• 2:11
  get, This is why they'll keep reaching out to you.
• 2:15
  This is why they'll keep calling you.
• 2:17
  This is why they'll keep texting you and texting you and texting
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  you and calling and showing up to your job and refusing to just
• 2:22
  take no for an answer. They don't believe that you have
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  the ability that you have the strength to actually cut they
• 2:29
  stinking asses off. They don't believe it.
• 2:31
  They don't think so, right? And if you, if I don't believe
• 2:35
  that you have the ability to cut me off, then why would I leave
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  you alone? If we've broken up before, if
• 2:40
  this is not the first breakup, if this is not the first
• 2:43
  breakup, we've been broken up before.
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  We've got back together. Guess what?
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  Why would I believe it? We've gotten back together
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  before, so why would I believe that?
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  This is it, huh? Why would I believe that?
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  This is it? So there are a ton of
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  narcissistic people, abusive people, controlling,
• 3:00
  manipulative people that think that they would.
• 3:04
  It's never really over. Yes, They keep coming by our
• 3:07
  house, endless Hoover. You sometimes you got to force
• 3:09
  them, Y'all? You have to force them to leave.
• 3:10
  You know, I'll go over there in the end.
• 3:11
  But that's what goes on right there.
• 3:13
  Yep. Who said this?
• 3:14
  Right here. Making up stuff that sounds
• 3:15
  convincing. Yeah.
• 3:17
  They'll tell you what's wrong with you.
• 3:18
  They'll say, look, you just need time.
• 3:21
  You just need to give me another chance.
• 3:22
  You just need to realize that we both were not perfect.
• 3:26
  Neither one of us are perfect. Especially you.
• 3:29
  You definitely ain't perfect. You damn, either you just been a
• 3:32
  bastard. You definitely not perfect.
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  That's what they'll do this literally what they do right
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  there. They'll tell you that they'll
• 3:38
  they'll refuse to accept no for an answer.
• 3:40
  What's going on? Finally gave up.
• 3:42
  You see, there you go. He finally gave up five years,
• 3:45
  five years. But another thing, and somebody
• 3:49
  put this so elegantly in the comment section, and another
• 3:52
  thing that goes on through their mind is this right here, you're
• 3:57
  cheating. You must, you must have someone
• 4:04
  else. You must have someone else.
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  It cannot be, oh, you cannot be you.
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  There's no reason for you to be done with me unless you have
• 4:14
  someone else. Even if I've cheated, even if
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  I've been lying forever to you, even if I put you through hell,
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  you must have someone else. You must.
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  There can't be. It cannot just be the fact that
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  I've treated you horribly. It can't be the fact that I've
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  had kids with someone else while we've been together.
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  It can't be the fact that I put my hands on you.
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  It can't be the fact that I'm broke.
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  It can't be the fact that I'm a bum.
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  It can't be the fact that I'd be cheating and beating and all
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  kinds of crazy. It can't be that.
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  It must be the fact that you have someone else.
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  And how dare you? How dare you?
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  It has to be the fact that you have someone else.
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  You cannot. You see what I'm saying?
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  You cannot believe me unless you have someone else.
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  Because you know why they think that?
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  Because that's what they do. That's the mind of it.
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  That's what an abusive, lying, cheating ass person would do
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  right there. They would have someone else as
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  soon as the relationship ends. So they assume that you do.
• 5:15
  Sorry. I'm drinking some green tea.
• 5:18
  Yeah, I can tell my energy how I drinking some green.
• 5:19
  This is green tea right here. And I'm blessed.
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  Am I blessed, Mug. Right, but seriously, they think
• 5:27
  that you're cheating right there, right.
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  And another thing is like when you, when they finally start to
• 5:33
  realize it that you're going for good, this is what they like.
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  This is the, not only do they think you're cheating, they
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  realize the lack of supply that they're going to get from you,
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  right? They start to think about the
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  lack of narcissistic supply. I can no longer get supply from
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  you. I, I have to have some type of
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  validation from someone else. I have to be able to get it from
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  someone else. And that's going to bug the
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  hell, all of them. That's going to bug the hell out
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  of them because they have to get it from someone else.
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  Like if they don't have a new supply or something set up like
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  that, they have to get it from somewhere else.
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  That's literally it. They have to get it.
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  If they can't get it for someone else or they're just stalling,
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  they're they're being stalled out.
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  They will lose they damn minds. He called my mother.
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  Yeah. Nothing is off limits because
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  they, because they feel like they're losing access.
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  They're losing their supply that you have someone else.
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  Nothing is off limits if they're not done with you, right?
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  If they're not done with you, nothing is off limits.
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  They'll call your Mama, your daddy.
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  They'll wait till the anniversary of somebody, your
• 6:47
  pet frog passing away. They'll meet you at the frog
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  cemetery on the anniversary of your pet frog's death and
• 6:54
  they'll meet you there. You're taking, you're taking
• 6:56
  Kermit, some flowers or something like that, right?
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  Like here's some flowers, Kermit.
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  I miss, I miss hearing you, Ribbit, Kermit.
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  And then also know, I don't know what you hear, Ribbit, Ribbit.
• 7:07
  Hey, fancy seeing you here. I can't even pay my.
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  I don't know. I'm not even here for you.
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  I'm here to pay my respects to Kermit Ribbit.
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  Ribbit. He was a good frog, wasn't he?
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  You killed him. You smashed him.
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  What the heck? What are you doing here?
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  You know what I'm saying? That's what.
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  That's what. That's what they did.
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  Kermit Bingo. Yes, we are Live Kermit Bingo.
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  They didn't they didn't reason Kermit dead.
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  He was a good frog. No, you he was an amazing frog.
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  You killed him right. That's what goes on right there.
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  That's the type of stuff that they would do right, So in their
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  minds, they would do whatever it takes and the crazy thing about
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  it is y'all, the crazy thing about it is if they were just
• 7:56
  just to leave you alone if you just say if you just said hey,
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  just leave me alone. I need I need a break from this
• 8:01
  relationship. I need, I need to set a boundary
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  and they respected that boundary.
• 8:05
  You might can think about giving them another chance, right?
• 8:08
  But it's the fact that they don't respect the boundary that
• 8:11
  just pushes you further away. But in the mind of a narcissist,
• 8:15
  me not respecting your boundary is literally me not respecting
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  your boundary is literally, I think it's showing you love.
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  I'm not going to do that. Hey, can you please just give me
• 8:27
  a day by myself? I need a day to chill out and
• 8:29
  cool off. I need a day without you.
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  I'm not going to do that. I respect you and everything.
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  I respect your boundary. You do.
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  The last thing we need is time apart.
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  Yeah, I cheated. Yeah.
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  I gave you a black eye because you found out about me cheating.
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  Yeah. I held you hostage for 24 hours
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  and didn't let you eat or use the bathroom.
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  Yeah, I did all of that. But the last thing we need is
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  time apart. So we need to stick together
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  through all of it. Doesn't sound crazy as hell.
• 8:58
  Doesn't that sound idiotic? Isn't that crazy as hell?
• 9:02
  If y'all just join the live, I appreciate y'all make sure y'all
• 9:04
  hit a thumbs up on the live and drop a comment.
• 9:06
  I'm gonna do AQ and A at the end y'all.
• 9:08
  I promise, I promise I promise. Also mental illness.net for my
• 9:12
  coaching, my courses. Everything is available at
• 9:14
  mentalillness.net. I also just started some text
• 9:17
  message sessions as well y'all. I do text messaging now.
• 9:20
  Text message packets are available.
• 9:22
  Mental illness.net. Check it out.
• 9:25
  But yeah, yeah, that's where it goes.
• 9:27
  This is the mindset of them right here.
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  They want that supply. They need it.
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  They need it. And when they look in my mind,
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  if I can no longer get get that supply from you, if I can no
• 9:39
  longer get access to you, guess what they're going to start
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  doing? Guess what I'm going to start
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  doing? I'm going to start a good old
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  smear campaign. I'm going to start spreading
• 9:48
  rumors in your ass. Now you know what I'm saying.
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  Now I'm going to start spread rumors.
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  I'm going to start lying about you.
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  I'm going to start to try to control them there.
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  You won't. You won't pick the phone up.
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  You done? We done for good.
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  Oh, we done for good. OK, I got some for yours.
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  They're going to start a line to everybody.
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  They will listen. They'll go to a bar in the in
• 10:08
  seven towns over. They go.
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  They go to a bar in another state.
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  Let's just say you live in my state.
• 10:12
  You live in North Carolina, right?
• 10:13
  I live in North Carolina. They will live in North Carolina
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  as well. They'll go to a bar in Georgia
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  and start talking shit about you.
• 10:20
  Imagine your partner doing that. They'll go to a bar in Georgia
• 10:26
  and start talking about it. They'll just be like, tell you
• 10:29
  about my. Hey, bartender, give me another
• 10:31
  shot. Another shot, please.
• 10:33
  Got to get over this whore. Kiki, you know Drake's song.
• 10:37
  Kiki, do you love me? No.
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  She didn't love me. She was a whore and she cheated
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  on me. Kiki, do you love me?
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  Are you with me? Are you riding?
• 10:45
  She did not ride with me. She was not beside me and she
• 10:49
  gave a heart to somebody else. They'll go and lie to you.
• 10:51
  What I'm saying they'll go to a different state and lie about
• 10:55
  your ass. Yeah.
• 10:58
  Enlisting fly monkeys. They will never ever see you.
• 11:00
  It would not, she said. That's my song.
• 11:14
  But. But yeah, man, they start to
• 11:17
  panic, man, look, they start to panic because they think that
• 11:22
  you're going to give the supply that you were getting to giving
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  to them, you're going to give it to somebody else.
• 11:26
  And that thought hits that ego, man.
• 11:30
  That thought, that thought of you being with somebody else
• 11:32
  hits that ego right in. It's like giving the ego a gut
• 11:37
  punch, right in the gut. That's what it does right in the
• 11:43
  gullet. Ego punch, right?
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  That's literally what happens. That's literally what goes on an
• 11:50
  ego. A punch directly to the ego.
• 11:53
  And that's what'll keep on happening.
• 11:54
  Y'all they, they, and they will just keep doing it over and over
• 11:56
  again because at the end of the day they feel like whatever
• 12:00
  they're doing or saying, it benefits them in some way.
• 12:07
  My narcissist left me in the ER for dead.
• 12:09
  When I called her, she said she was at her brother's house.
• 12:11
  A month later she drove by my drive to tell me there was a
• 12:13
  good buffet in. Oh, get the hell out of here.
• 12:15
  Hell no. Hell no.
• 12:18
  Hell no. Yeah, this is hot.
• 12:22
  Hot. Some hot green tea.
• 12:23
  I got to drink it with a straw or it'll like them there.
• 12:27
  Hit my crowns. I got this.
• 12:30
  What? I say, look what I tell you
• 12:32
  about earlier. They saw it spreading those
• 12:33
  rumors. They said.
• 12:35
  Yep. My cousin told me he was talking
• 12:37
  about me, but it said it sounded like fairy tales.
• 12:39
  I said, 'cause it's lies. See, they will lie to anybody.
• 12:43
  They will listen anything, anything that has two ears if
• 12:47
  you're done for good. They feel like they got to
• 12:49
  complain too. They got a you got they got a
• 12:53
  cat, a ferret. A2 Look, a a vole, not even a
• 12:58
  mole, A vole. They can have a little voles
• 13:00
  that bury Burrow underground. They going to hear them
• 13:03
  complaining about you. Hey, Mr. Vole, let me tell you
• 13:07
  about my ex. Let me tell you about my ex,
• 13:10
  Angela. She was a I wish I I wish I
• 13:13
  could Burrow down there with you, Mr. Vole, because damn it,
• 13:17
  I could escape the wrath that is evil Jezebel.
• 13:21
  She ruined my life. She ruined my life.
• 13:24
  And never, I'd never let anybody else come in my life again.
• 13:30
  I wish I could Burrow like you, Mr. Vole, to get away from it
• 13:33
  all, escape away from everything.
• 13:35
  I like her. Sure.
• 13:36
  I appreciate it. I like it too.
• 13:37
  Yeah, I do like it too. I like they have been gone for
• 13:40
  about what? Since I cut my hair in
• 13:41
  September. So I feel, I feel like a
• 13:42
  different person. Yeah.
• 13:44
  But yeah, that's a part of it. They do not want to let you go.
• 13:47
  They'll get pissed off when they think you're done for good.
• 13:49
  You might see a different version from them that you've
• 13:52
  ever seen before. You might like.
• 13:54
  You're going to see the real them when it's over and done
• 13:58
  with. You're going to see the real
• 14:00
  version of them, I promise you. And if you might, you're
• 14:03
  probably not going to like it, right?
• 14:05
  They're going to get nasty, they're going to get vitriolic,
• 14:09
  They're going to start spreading rumors.
• 14:11
  They're going to threaten you. They're going to threaten to
• 14:14
  harm you. They're going to threaten to do
• 14:15
  all kinds of stuff to you because they're angry that you
• 14:17
  decided to leave. They're going to threaten to
• 14:20
  hurt themselves, hurt you, the kid, anybody around them and
• 14:24
  never seen anything. They're going to threaten to
• 14:25
  hurt. If y'all have kids together and
• 14:27
  you're done for good, they're going to threaten to abandon the
• 14:29
  kids. Well, since you don't want me no
• 14:31
  more. Since you don't want to be with
• 14:33
  me. Since you don't want to be with
• 14:34
  me no more, guess what? I guess who I don't want to be
• 14:37
  with those damn kids. Yeah, I had them.
• 14:41
  Yeah, they mine. I don't want them though.
• 14:42
  I don't want them. I can't hear.
• 14:43
  You all want them kids. And you make sure to tell the
• 14:45
  kids it's your fault. You make sure to tell the kids
• 14:48
  that I abandoned them Because you send the thread to emails.
• 14:52
  Yep, send the thread to emails. Y'all actually have a, when I
• 14:55
  hop off of here, actually have AI do a video service, right?
• 14:58
  It's kind of like Cameo, but it's like personalized videos
• 15:00
  and stuff like that. They go into greater detail than
• 15:03
  cameos and literally I had to read through like 40 screenshots
• 15:10
  and the dude losing his damn mind.
• 15:12
  But literally he won't leave her alone, send her crazy emails,
• 15:14
  videos, all kinds of crazy. And I got to send that here in
• 15:16
  the next few minutes. So I got to get off of here.
• 15:18
  But this is what happens. Y'all they, you will see their
• 15:21
  true content of their character when you leave them.
• 15:24
  You might, you might see narcissistic rage.
• 15:26
  You might see some threats to themselves, threats to everybody
• 15:29
  else. But one thing you also might
• 15:31
  see, and this right here might surprise you.
• 15:36
  They might disappear. You might not hear anything.
• 15:42
  They might disappear. It might be gone for good.
• 15:45
  You may not hear anything from them anymore, right?
• 15:50
  You might not hear a word from them.
• 15:53
  After all this is said and done, you might not hear anything from
• 15:56
  them. They might go ghost.
• 15:59
  And guess what happens when they go ghost?
• 16:01
  Because you're you might be so well versed in toxic
• 16:03
  relationships or dealing with narcissistic people.
• 16:06
  You might think that they're not narcissist or something is wrong
• 16:10
  with you. Or maybe that you were wrong.
• 16:12
  Not all narcissist Hoover. Some of them will disappear and
• 16:15
  be done for good. Not every single person is going
• 16:18
  to be the same. Not every single abusive person
• 16:20
  personality type is going to be the same.
• 16:22
  Not every single one of them is going to try to Hoover you or
• 16:25
  get back into your life. Some of them will write a lot of
• 16:27
  a great a great bit of them will right.
• 16:31
  A great bit of narcissist will try to Hoover you or remain in
• 16:34
  your life in some way shape or form.
• 16:36
  But some of them will disappear. Yeah, some of them will
• 16:38
  absolutely disappear and you never hear from them again.
• 16:42
  Which again y'all could also be this.
• 16:46
  Them disappearing and not trying to Hoover could also be it could
• 16:50
  mess with your mind. Let's keep it high and ready.
• 16:52
  That could also mess with your mind as well.
• 16:54
  Because you think that they're going to come back.
• 16:57
  You think that they're going to be back around into your life.
• 16:59
  You think that they're going to pop back up and when they don't,
• 17:02
  you going to think something's wrong with you.
• 17:03
  Was I I've done one on ones with people over zoom and they were
• 17:06
  just like, well, Lee, was that my narcissistic partner?
• 17:08
  This, my narcissistic egg, this spirit.
• 17:10
  I never I never hear from you again.
• 17:12
  Was I not worth a Hoover? Was I not worth a Hoover?
• 17:20
  Yeah. Who's in it?
• 17:21
  Mine owes me money. I haven't heard of him.
• 17:23
  See. Yeah, Yeah, You see right there.
• 17:25
  Sometimes they might, they, if there's a, if there's a debt to
• 17:28
  be paid, if there's a, if there's a lien that's still out
• 17:33
  there, they you might not hear from them, hear from them again.
• 17:37
  You might not hear from them again.
• 17:38
  If there's a lien to be paid that if you're the if you're the
• 17:41
  lien holder, they, they owe a debt.
• 17:44
  You may not hear from them again.
• 17:48
  You well, since you broke over me, the contract is void since
• 18:01
  you dumped me since you dumped me, since you dumped me, the
• 18:08
  contract is void. You ain't getting your you ain't
• 18:11
  getting your money back. You're not getting that
• 18:13
  PlayStation back either since you go, since you take this
• 18:16
  money to break over somebody. So you're going to break over
• 18:19
  me. You're not getting your money
• 18:21
  back, damn it. So you might, you might even
• 18:24
  encounter that right there. See, I was, I, I promise they
• 18:28
  pay you back. But that was under the
• 18:31
  assumption that we would be together no matter, no matter
• 18:35
  what, no matter what I was going to pay you back.
• 18:40
  But that was that was under the assumption that the love would
• 18:43
  be unconditional. I could do what I wanted and you
• 18:46
  would still love me. No strains attached.
• 18:49
  But since you don't love me, clearly you don't love the
• 18:51
  money. Oh, goodness gracious.
• 19:00
  It seems like you're doing a lot more work.
• 19:02
  Like, yeah, I'm balancing. Yeah, So I'm balancing so many
• 19:04
  different channels and whatnot. And I need for y'all to go right
• 19:07
  now. If you haven't, follow my
• 19:10
  podcast channel. I'm doing podcast interview.
• 19:12
  I don't put the podcast on here because they don't.
• 19:14
  They don't. YouTube doesn't push him on this
• 19:17
  channel. I just dropped the link to my
• 19:19
  podcast. Click the link, go subscribe to
• 19:22
  my podcast and come back. I'm be here for another few
• 19:24
  minutes. Click the link, go subscribe to
• 19:26
  the podcast. It's the mental illness podcast.
• 19:29
  You can't miss it. Go follow the mental illness
• 19:31
  podcast and come right back over here because I got I already got
• 19:35
  like 5 or 6 interviews. I have 10 more interviews that
• 19:37
  I'm already I've already done. I'm going to be putting over on
• 19:40
  that Channel. It's the mental illness podcast.
• 19:42
  It's me, a diagnosed narcissist, interviewing therapist,
• 19:46
  psychologist, life coaches, survivors, thrivers, Anybody
• 19:51
  that's willing to talk to me from different walks of life.
• 19:54
  I've talked to I've talked to so many different people and the
• 19:57
  last interview I just did was Survivor Amazing.
• 19:59
  Her name was Hedya. He's a teacher in New York.
• 20:02
  Amazing interview. I just did.
• 20:03
  So all of that is over on the mental Illness podcast, Joe,
• 20:07
  you'll check that out right now. I appreciate that, Miss Brandy.
• 20:11
  I appreciate that. Go that subscribe button to the
• 20:14
  Mental illness podcast and come right back to the lab, y'all.
• 20:16
  So I got time for a few questions, y'all, if you want to
• 20:18
  drop some questions in the chat and whatnot.
• 20:19
  I got time for a few questions, but just make sure that when a
• 20:22
  narcissist, if you're done for good, protect yourself.
• 20:25
  Stay as safe as you possibly can.
• 20:27
  If you don't have cameras up, get a ring doorbell.
• 20:29
  Get something like that. Y'all don't get get get a ring
• 20:32
  doorbell, get something that get a deterrent, get a Ring doorbell
• 20:37
  or get something to ring their bell if you know what I mean.
• 20:40
  They come in and they kick their if they kick your dough in and
• 20:42
  with narcissistic rage, you got to get something to ring their
• 20:45
  bell. Get a ring doorbell, something
• 20:48
  to ring deer bell. Seriously, I appreciate it
• 20:53
  y'all. I subscribe.
• 20:54
  I appreciate it. Appreciate it y'all appreciate
• 20:55
  it. I don't have extra reflex.
• 20:58
  I don't think so. I'm just drinking this this hot
• 20:59
  ass green tea. I got a ring last month.
• 21:03
  Good for you, good for you. What is the best way to deal
• 21:06
  with possessive narcissistic parents who don't accept no
• 21:08
  contact because they want to control your life?
• 21:11
  They don't have like so that's the thing about no contact.
• 21:13
  They don't have to accept it. It's you enforcing it, right?
• 21:16
  If they, if I'm trying to go no contact, you don't have to agree
• 21:20
  to no contact. I'm going to enforce it
• 21:22
  regardless. You see what I'm saying?
• 21:23
  I'm going to enforce the no contact regardless of whether or
• 21:26
  not you are on board with it because it's not no contact.
• 21:29
  That's for me, you know, and you don't have like this.
• 21:32
  This is my yard. You can't control whether or not
• 21:34
  build a fence Who I who I let in and out of here.
• 21:38
  You know what I'm saying? So you no contact is you
• 21:39
  building a fence to protect yourself.
• 21:41
  And there's nothing that they can absolutely, there's
• 21:43
  absolutely nothing they can really do about it.
• 21:45
  So go no contact, protect your peace, protect yourself.
• 21:47
  That's important right there. That really is an important
• 21:49
  thing for you to do, just even for yourself.
• 21:53
  He hoovered like crazy. I ignored him.
• 21:55
  Then he filed for divorce. Is he finally done?
• 21:57
  No. So he could be finally done.
• 21:59
  He could be finally done, right? He could be done, but he could
• 22:04
  also be trying to get you to talk to him, right?
• 22:07
  He's also be just like, well, I'm going to file for divorce
• 22:10
  and be hoping and praying that you reach out and talk to him.
• 22:13
  Why you file for divorce? I thought we was doing and you
• 22:15
  know what I'm saying? Sometimes the him filing for
• 22:17
  divorce could be a Hoover So he could like say again, he could
• 22:20
  be the words could or care doing a lot of heavy lifting right
• 22:23
  here, right? He could be done, but he's also
• 22:26
  could be a form of a Hoover to try to get you to reach out and
• 22:28
  start some type of communication.
• 22:31
  Might not hide it. So I hide it because I can't
• 22:33
  divorce them. Depending on what state you are,
• 22:34
  I would look at the state laws or talk to an attorney about
• 22:36
  that because sometimes if they're just refusing to be
• 22:38
  served or whatever, you can file a petition for divorce and they
• 22:41
  don't have the judge will sign it because there's like
• 22:43
  abandonment or something like that.
• 22:44
  Depending on what state. Some states don't allow that,
• 22:46
  right? Some states make you try to
• 22:48
  force you to stay married because they Bible belt with all
• 22:50
  kinds of craziness. Can a person win against a
• 22:55
  narcissist? First off, first of all, you got
• 22:57
  to you got to kind of you got to reframe what does winning mean
• 23:00
  to you? What does winning mean?
• 23:02
  Because when you say win, what does that mean, right?
• 23:05
  Winning could just be you cutting them off and leaving
• 23:07
  them alone, right? What does winning mean to you in
• 23:11
  the circumstance right here? That's important.
• 23:13
  You, you got this kind of like you have to establish what does
• 23:16
  a win here mean to you? What does that what does a win
• 23:19
  look like for you in this situation?
• 23:22
  Love your channel. I appreciate it, appreciate it,
• 23:24
  appreciate it. God bless you as well.
• 23:27
  I think it's Helenia Gilenia Gilenia.
• 23:30
  God bless you as well. Thanks for being here.
• 23:33
  I'm still living with my narc ex-husband.
• 23:35
  I warned the house he's supposed to be moving out.
• 23:37
  The court gave him 90 days to move and he's probably going to
• 23:39
  do it. Yeah.
• 23:40
  Just be prepared for him to go to whole 90.
• 23:42
  Be be prepared for him to go 89 1/2, right?
• 23:45
  Be prepared for him to go 87 'cause he might just disappear
• 23:48
  in the last couple days without saying bye.
• 23:50
  Right. Why don't they help out
• 23:53
  financially with the kids? Unless sometimes they're just
• 23:55
  bums. They don't want to, right?
• 23:57
  They're trying to, they're trying to punish you by not
• 23:59
  paying child support or helping out with the kids.
• 24:01
  Sometimes you have to force you have to, you have to take child
• 24:03
  support. I know some people just like I
• 24:04
  don't want to go through all that.
• 24:06
  Sometimes you got to, if they are too charming, that's a red
• 24:10
  flag to me it is. I think being too charming
• 24:12
  absolutely is a red flag. Y'all know?
• 24:14
  I think if I want to do like a what do you call that thing?
• 24:19
  A word map about the the words I heard the most when I'm talking
• 24:22
  to people on my when I'm talking to people, the people on my
• 24:25
  coaching calls, the word I hear the most is charming.
• 24:28
  They were charming in the beginning.
• 24:29
  Oh, they're so charming. Everybody likes them.
• 24:30
  They're so charming, charming, charming, charming, charming,
• 24:32
  charming. Charming is a red flag to me,
• 24:35
  right? Let's keep an eye out.
• 24:37
  He did a fake discard and not only wants to be friends with
• 24:39
  benefits and won't stop talking to me.
• 24:42
  He says he's taking it day at a time and not ready to commit
• 24:44
  because if you, if you so dormant, if you are being
• 24:47
  friends with benefits with him still after he said that, then
• 24:52
  he's he's going to keep you in a position right there.
• 24:54
  If you're just willing to take a step back and just be a a
• 24:57
  bedroom buddy, If you allow him to do that, he's going to do
• 25:01
  that. So that's on you right there.
• 25:03
  You got to if he's not offering anything, you got to cut that
• 25:05
  off, right? He's just if he, if he's just
• 25:08
  like, well, we going to be friends with benefits and you
• 25:10
  got to agree today. I'm taking it day.
• 25:12
  Taking it day by day means that you're they're wasting your
• 25:14
  time. If they say I'm we're just
• 25:16
  taking it day by day, they are wasting your time.
• 25:19
  They're lingering. They're they're, it's like, it's
• 25:21
  like they're searching, they're looking for something better,
• 25:24
  right? They're trying to, they're
• 25:25
  trying, they're looking for something better, right?
• 25:28
  I'm not saying anything is wrong with you, but narcissistic
• 25:30
  people are perpetually unhappy and it has nothing to do with
• 25:33
  their partners because happiness works from the inside out,
• 25:37
  right? Happiness works from the inside
• 25:39
  out. We can't, we, it's very
• 25:40
  difficult for us to be happy inside.
• 25:42
  So it's very difficult to express that inside.
• 25:44
  I mean, outside. Mine tried to turn me into the
• 25:47
  side chick and I stopped talking to him.
• 25:48
  I blocked him. Good job.
• 25:50
  They absolutely will try to have you looking as silly as a side
• 25:52
  chick if you you go from main partner to the side person.
• 25:55
  I've heard. Yeah, I've heard that happened
• 25:57
  multiple times. Does it work sometimes?
• 25:58
  Yeah, it absolutely does work. You know, we we ain't got to
• 26:02
  look. I think we actually work better
• 26:04
  just sneaking around, sleeping together.
• 26:07
  I think we work better like that.
• 26:08
  Actually, We don't even look, we ain't got look no commitment.
• 26:10
  We ain't got to argue. We just meeting this dirty in
• 26:13
  the back seat or The Dirty hotel room and just bang it out and go
• 26:16
  home to our significant others. Well, I go home to my
• 26:18
  significant other. You just waiting on me.
• 26:20
  You just waiting on me to come back to you, right?
• 26:22
  You ain't touching somebody else, right?
• 26:23
  Right. It's just me and you, right?
• 26:25
  And my partner. Me, you and my partner, right?
• 26:30
  That's how they do it. Toxic is what toxic?
• 26:33
  No days off also. Yeah, also New York.
• 26:38
  Look, June 2nd, New York City, live in person Q&A, just like
• 26:43
  I'm doing right now. I have a live in person Q&A
• 26:47
  event in New York City on June the 2nd.
• 26:51
  June the 2nd. It's filled enough.
• 26:53
  I think I only got 9 seats left, y'all, and it's filled enough,
• 26:55
  so it'll probably be filled in the next few weeks.
• 26:58
  But look, Mental illness.net/events, there are
• 27:01
  people actually booking two or three seats because they bring
• 27:03
  in their friends and stuff like that.
• 27:05
  New York City, June the 2nd, live in the in person Mental
• 27:10
  illness.net/events to get registered.
• 27:14
  Y'all, it's going to be an amazing event.
• 27:16
  It's just a live Q, just like I'm talking to y'all right now,
• 27:18
  just like I'm picking questions. Look, I'm gonna have a mic.
• 27:21
  You'll have a mic, pass that mic around, which is doing a live
• 27:24
  Q&A, Live Q&A, get your questions answered.
• 27:27
  That's literally what I've been. That's literally what I've been
• 27:29
  doing in New York. He tried to love bomb, so I
• 27:32
  would let him come back so he can get mail.
• 27:35
  And he says he lives here. Oh, hell no.
• 27:36
  Don't let him. Don't let him use your address.
• 27:38
  Squatter's rights. You know, we try to hit you that
• 27:41
  squatter's rights. They squatters write you,
• 27:44
  they're going to squatters write you.
• 27:48
  Support groups. I'm 37, looking for a support
• 27:50
  group that's all female. So I have a support group.
• 27:53
  It's called the Mental Healers. There's only it's only one guy
• 27:57
  in there. He's a cool guy.
• 27:58
  His name is Darren. He's a good guy.
• 28:01
  Can I book a session with you or something?
• 28:03
  I want to know if I'm the narcissist.
• 28:04
  So I I still do my I still do my one on ones over zoom.
• 28:08
  You can find everything@mentalillness.net my
• 28:11
  all my one on ones and stuff like that.
• 28:12
  Everything is at mentalillness.net.
• 28:14
  Or you can click the link right here in the I'm going to drop a
• 28:18
  link in the comments right here. Y'all it, it says link dot me
• 28:23
  one on ones and stuff over there like that.
• 28:24
  Like I said, I just started a text messaging service.
• 28:28
  I text, I do text messages. I have a couple.
• 28:30
  There's very limited slot for the text messages people.
• 28:32
  So I just, I don't have, I don't have 25 people texting me at the
• 28:35
  same time. There's very limited slots for
• 28:37
  the text messaging. It goes from 9:00 AM to 10:00 PM
• 28:40
  texting, voice notes, all kinds of stuff.
• 28:42
  So that's it. Mental health does not net as
• 28:44
  well. Someone who has multiple social
• 28:50
  media does something hard, No Yeah, protect your peace.
• 28:52
  Yeah, protect your peace, y'all. What gags me is when they give
• 28:56
  themselves compliments like they're so irresistible.
• 28:58
  Oh yeah, that's nasty. That's nasty workout.
• 29:00
  That is very, very nasty work. Yeah, I have.
• 29:04
  I got to hop off of here. I got to do that and say I have
• 29:06
  to do that. This video response for a client
• 29:10
  and whatnot. I have to make a video based on
• 29:11
  her story. It's in the tour.
• 29:13
  That's a mental illness.net as well.
• 29:15
  Thank y'all for tuning in, y'all.
• 29:16
  I really appreciate every single one of y'all.
• 29:18
  Please do me a favor. If you haven't already, go
• 29:21
  subscribe to the podcast, The Mental Illness Podcast.
• 29:24
  The link is right here. It looks like this.
• 29:25
  I just posted in the comment section and whatnot.
• 29:28
  Go subscribe to the podcast and whatnot.
• 29:30
  And then someone said, what's the benefit of counseling with
• 29:32
  the narcissist? None.
• 29:34
  Very little, if anything. The benefit is they'll, they'll
• 29:37
  show you who they really are so you can break up with them, so
• 29:39
  you can be done with them and separate.
• 29:41
  But anyways, y'all, I'm grateful for y'all.
• 29:44
  I appreciate y'all so much. Mental illness.net/events for my
• 29:49
  July or my June 2nd event. Mental illness.net for
• 29:51
  everything y'all. Grateful for y'all.
• 29:54
  We'll chat later. Peace.