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Why Discipline Isn’t Enough: The System You Need to Stay Consistent and Move Forward with Danny O’Neel · Your Thoughts Your Reality

• 0:02
  SPEAKER_01: Welcome to Your Thoughts, Your Reality with Michael Cole, the podcast that shines a compassionate light on the journey of veterans battling through life's challenges.
• 0:11
  SPEAKER_01: Michael is a dual elite certified neuroencoding specialist in coaching and keynote training presentations, dedicated to guiding military veterans as they navigate the intricate pathways of post-deployment life.
• 0:23
  SPEAKER_01: Join him as we delve into the profound realm of neuroencoding science, empowering these brave individuals to conquer universal battles, procrastination, self-doubt, fear, and more.
• 0:34
  SPEAKER_01: Together, let's uncover the strength within you to re-engage with families and society, forging a new path forward.
• 0:46
  SPEAKER_02: Hello, hello, hello, everybody.
• 0:49
  SPEAKER_02: So today we have uh one of my favorite guests and dear friend of mine, Danny O'Neill.
• 0:54
  SPEAKER_02: Danny is a U.S.
• 0:55
  SPEAKER_02: Army veteran who made the life-changing decision to enlist on 9-11, uh, stepping into service during one of the most, let's just call it, pivotal moments in modern history.
• 1:05
  SPEAKER_02: Born and raised in Northern California.
• 1:07
  SPEAKER_02: Danny, how's the rain over there, by the way?
• 1:09
  SPEAKER_02: It's dumping.
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, here too.
• 1:12
  SPEAKER_02: Danny brings a grounded real world perspective on discipline, resilience, and personal responsibility.
• 1:19
  SPEAKER_02: His journey through military service and reintegration has shaped his deep understanding of mental toughness.
• 1:24
  SPEAKER_02: And he is one of the toughest guys I know.
• 1:26
  SPEAKER_02: If you follow him, you'll see him after surgery for his shoulder, just wanting to play golf.
• 1:31
  SPEAKER_02: He's out there working out as fast as he possibly can.
• 1:34
  SPEAKER_02: He is a tough bastard, excuse my language.
• 1:37
  SPEAKER_02: Danny is passionate about helping veterans and high performance to develop structure, self-discipline, and consistency.
• 1:44
  SPEAKER_02: Again, consistency in everyday life.
• 1:47
  SPEAKER_02: His mission to help others uh move forward with purpose, leaning in, uh, sorry, learning how to rebuild identity, regain control, and of course, show up as uh stronger every single damn day.
• 1:59
  SPEAKER_02: Danny O'Neill, welcome, my friend.
• 2:01
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you, bro.
• 2:02
  SPEAKER_00: Appreciate you having me on.
• 2:03
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, always, always, man.
• 2:04
  SPEAKER_02: You're always one of my favorite people.
• 2:05
  SPEAKER_02: I promise you that.
• 2:07
  SPEAKER_02: With that said, can you tell us just a little bit more about uh about you, the people, oh you know, I haven't seen you on here six different times.
• 2:15
  SPEAKER_02: So they get to know you a little bit.
• 2:17
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I I you know, I had a a rough upbringing.
• 2:19
  SPEAKER_00: My dad was a Vietnam vet, and then a cop in Stockton.
• 2:22
  SPEAKER_00: That's where I was born in Stockton.
• 2:24
  SPEAKER_00: I graduated high school in Sacramento at Grant.
• 2:26
  SPEAKER_00: I lived in a you know mostly poverty-stricken areas.
• 2:28
  SPEAKER_00: Childhood was rough.
• 2:29
  SPEAKER_00: You know, my dad went through several relationships, divorces, things like that.
• 2:33
  SPEAKER_00: My mom had uh drug problem, so that affected my early childhood.
• 2:38
  SPEAKER_00: And I I went to eight different high schools, but I saw a lot, I had a lot of trauma from my early childhood, and that's kind of led me to where I want to help people now, either in the aftermath of their trauma or just find their find their footing so that they can they can really start making headway on the path that they're trying to to take in life.
• 2:54
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, absolutely.
• 2:54
  SPEAKER_02: Thank you, thank you for that.
• 2:56
  SPEAKER_02: And and if we have time, of course, would you like to talk about Warfighter Overwatch a little bit?
• 3:00
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah, no problem.
• 3:02
  SPEAKER_02: Awesome.
• 3:02
  SPEAKER_02: You know, uh, Danny, Danny is him and his wife, amazing wife, uh Fawn, work with own, whatever you want to call it, Warfighter Overwatch.
• 3:12
  SPEAKER_02: So we'll touch base on that at the end of the show.
• 3:14
  SPEAKER_02: So, you know, with with that said, you know, today we're we're really gonna focus on you know the transition and and and those kinds of things.
• 3:23
  SPEAKER_02: So let's start if we can, Danny, with you know your decision to join on 9-11.
• 3:30
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, you know, on the show here, we always start with this isn't a dark thing that you joined, obviously, proud of you and all the all that.
• 3:38
  SPEAKER_02: However, there's darkness that came from it, right?
• 3:41
  SPEAKER_02: So let's talk about because again, we want to talk about the darkness, we want to crack the crack the light in the darkness just uh just to give a little bit, which opens it up so you can see and move forward, right?
• 3:52
  SPEAKER_02: And your story is one of I just got to go, your story is one of my favorites because I know you so well, obviously, but it really is about breaking through and moving through that darkness with the crack of the light and seeing it and moving forward.
• 4:09
  SPEAKER_02: So, can you talk a little bit about you know that that experience?
• 4:12
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, absolutely.
• 4:13
  SPEAKER_00: So, just for a little context, someone in my family has fought in every war since the Revolutionary War, and this was not something that was like impressed upon me that this is what you need to do.
• 4:24
  SPEAKER_00: Quite the opposite.
• 4:25
  SPEAKER_00: On September 11th, I was working for a highway construction company in the Bay Area.
• 4:29
  SPEAKER_00: And you know, not I was working in Livermore.
• 4:32
  SPEAKER_00: I lived in Mantique at the time.
• 4:33
  SPEAKER_00: I was a year out of high school or a little over a year out of high school.
• 4:37
  SPEAKER_00: And essentially, when I was getting ready for work that morning, I saw the initial plane crash into the World Trade Center, the first one.
• 4:46
  SPEAKER_00: And then it was just kind of spiraling like, what is going on?
• 4:50
  SPEAKER_00: To be honest with you, I was trying to watch music videos on MTV when they used to do music television and play music videos.
• 4:56
  SPEAKER_00: I was just trying to get ready for work, man.
• 4:58
  SPEAKER_00: And but the truth is that I was raised by Patriot.
• 5:01
  SPEAKER_00: That my my dad was in the Vietnam War.
• 5:03
  SPEAKER_00: He went there immediately after high school in Stockton.
• 5:07
  SPEAKER_00: He went to Stag.
• 5:08
  SPEAKER_00: And in 1965, the Marines came and said, You have a week to pick a branch.
• 5:14
  SPEAKER_00: My dad was getting ready to turn 18.
• 5:15
  SPEAKER_00: They said, You got a week to pick a branch, you're gonna come with us.
• 5:17
  SPEAKER_00: And he said, Marines are getting shot, he didn't want to get shot, so he joined the Navy.
• 5:20
  SPEAKER_00: My grandfather had been in the Navy, my dad joined the Navy, and my dad ended up getting shot anyways, because that's how war works.
• 5:25
  SPEAKER_00: But, you know, his dad, my grandfather, was on the USS Hornet, and they were part of the doolittle raid where they dropped the atomic bombs in Japan.
• 5:34
  SPEAKER_00: I have a letter from President Truman that he gave to my grandfather.
• 5:38
  SPEAKER_00: But my grandfather committed suicide when my dad got sent to Vietnam.
• 5:41
  SPEAKER_00: I never met him, never heard his stories.
• 5:42
  SPEAKER_00: So most of the people that I served with, their grandfather was their hero.
• 5:46
  SPEAKER_00: He was a World War II veteran, he was on in D-Day, or he was in the Guadalcanal, he was, you know, the Pacific somewhere, whatever it may be, these these folks served.
• 5:53
  SPEAKER_00: And I have that long history of service, but it wasn't something that was that I felt duty bound initially, but on that day, I clearly felt something, you know, marrowed deep, man.
• 6:05
  SPEAKER_00: It was it was at my core that I had to do something.
• 6:07
  SPEAKER_00: I was young.
• 6:08
  SPEAKER_00: I was fit, you know, I played sports growing up.
• 6:09
  SPEAKER_00: I was a captain of my football team, co-captain of the baseball team.
• 6:12
  SPEAKER_00: And this was at the time what felt like a calling, as the church would say, right?
• 6:16
  SPEAKER_00: This was what I was supposed to be.
• 6:17
  SPEAKER_00: This was what I was led towards.
• 6:19
  SPEAKER_00: And so I did.
• 6:20
  SPEAKER_00: Quit my job and signed up and became a fire support specialist for called fisters in the army, which I love saying.
• 6:25
  SPEAKER_00: But my job was a call for bombs.
• 6:27
  SPEAKER_00: I was an artilleryman that goes with the infantry.
• 6:29
  SPEAKER_00: And yes, our motto is elbows deep.
• 6:30
  SPEAKER_00: But I didn't make that up, you know.
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_02: But you sure did talk about it.
• 6:36
  SPEAKER_02: I appreciate you, brother.
• 6:38
  SPEAKER_02: So let's talk about uh solder city just for a minute.
• 6:40
  SPEAKER_02: So people really understand that, you know, it and moving forward because solder city wasn't the end of your loss, right?
• 6:48
  SPEAKER_02: So, can we talk about that just for a minute?
• 6:51
  SPEAKER_02: And this is where it gets dark, guys.
• 6:53
  SPEAKER_02: And this is this is reality for for a lot of you.
• 6:56
  SPEAKER_02: And so I think it's important to know, first of all, you're not alone.
• 7:02
  SPEAKER_02: You you're you may be alone in your thoughts, in your head, but you're not alone.
• 7:06
  SPEAKER_02: So, Danny, can you talk about that for a minute?
• 7:08
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, absolutely.
• 7:09
  SPEAKER_00: So I deployed to Iraq in December of 2005.
• 7:13
  SPEAKER_00: You know, it's been 20 years now, 2006.
• 7:16
  SPEAKER_00: We spent there.
• 7:16
  SPEAKER_00: That was this is my second deployment.
• 7:18
  SPEAKER_00: And on that deployment, we lost nine guys.
• 7:20
  SPEAKER_00: Now, I'll tell you, we got there Christmas Eve, Christmas morning.
• 7:23
  SPEAKER_00: You know, we're replacing this unit.
• 7:25
  SPEAKER_00: Um, this is December of 2005.
• 7:27
  SPEAKER_00: We're replacing 3rd Infantry Division, and our enemy rammed what we call a V-bid or a vehicle-borne IED.
• 7:34
  SPEAKER_00: So it's an IED, uh, an improvised explosive device, it's a car full of explosives.
• 7:38
  SPEAKER_00: They rammed this into the front gate.
• 7:40
  SPEAKER_00: They killed two guys who were getting ready to go home.
• 7:42
  SPEAKER_00: They killed them on Christmas morning.
• 7:43
  SPEAKER_00: And I couldn't imagine what their family goes through, not just on Christmas, but every day.
• 7:47
  SPEAKER_00: You know, because every day is Memorial Day for us.
• 7:49
  SPEAKER_00: So that was the introduction to our our year-long deployment, and it didn't take very long for us.
• 7:54
  SPEAKER_00: So in February, we had our first killed in action.
• 7:57
  SPEAKER_00: We'd already had a couple guys who were hurt, but our first killed in action was a guy named Sergeant Charlie Matheny, Charles.
• 8:02
  SPEAKER_00: And, you know, that hurt.
• 8:03
  SPEAKER_00: It was first off, it was a rude awakening.
• 8:06
  SPEAKER_00: Like this is we're really in the shit and it's not going away.
• 8:09
  SPEAKER_00: So you better get up and fight.
• 8:10
  SPEAKER_00: And it didn't take long.
• 8:12
  SPEAKER_00: We ended up losing nine guys that year in total, two of them the day we left.
• 8:15
  SPEAKER_00: So we got, you know, our first one a month and a half into our deployment, and then we got, you know, one the day literally the same way that those guys were getting ready to go home.
• 8:24
  SPEAKER_00: We were leaving that day, and Captain Hamill and Captain Frazier from Echo Company were killed by an EFP, an explosively formed penetrator.
• 8:33
  SPEAKER_00: So it's a really unique bomb where it's got a shaper, excuse me, a copper-shaped charge, and it cuts through armor and then blows up inside of vehicles and kills everyone inside.
• 8:44
  SPEAKER_00: So um it hit a buffalo and and it ended up killing Captain Hamill, Captain Fraser, and injuring the guys from first calf who were replacing us.
• 8:52
  SPEAKER_00: And so we had nine guys who were killed that year.
• 8:57
  SPEAKER_00: And then the aftermath, right?
• 8:59
  SPEAKER_00: You go home, and this is the day we're leaving.
• 9:01
  SPEAKER_00: So any morale we had for going home, any good feelings that we had, we finally made it, you know, we're making it out of here, that evaporated immediately.
• 9:09
  SPEAKER_00: And then it was back to mourning, grieving, anger, frustration, isolation, loneliness, and then you want to drink, right?
• 9:16
  SPEAKER_00: Because I don't want to talk about everything literally that just happened.
• 9:18
  SPEAKER_00: I'm supposed to go home and see my family and smile and be in a good mood, and I don't feel any of that.
• 9:22
  SPEAKER_00: It's tough.
• 9:24
  SPEAKER_02: So I want people to really understand just for a minute.
• 9:30
  SPEAKER_02: And really if you've not been through it, I want you to really feel that.
• 9:37
  SPEAKER_02: Is you're going home.
• 9:41
  SPEAKER_00: It's supposed to be the happiest moment, right?
• 9:43
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, you're going home.
• 9:44
  SPEAKER_02: I mean you're handing over your rifle, and I know that's a whole thing too, you know, to go home, and it's it's all these things that are happening.
• 9:53
  SPEAKER_02: You're getting ready to go on a plane, and you're getting ready to go and and be with family and and friends and you know, all of those things because you've made it, and then two of your brothers aren't.
• 10:06
  SPEAKER_02: So feel that.
• 10:08
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, just really think about that.
• 10:09
  SPEAKER_02: People that are listening and watching, and or watching or listening later.
• 10:14
  SPEAKER_02: You know, that's that's it's a lot.
• 10:16
  SPEAKER_02: And that's not the end.
• 10:18
  SPEAKER_00: No, it's hard to celebrate knowing that they didn't get to celebrate, their families didn't get to celebrate, quite the opposite.
• 10:24
  SPEAKER_00: It was when they thought they were getting their hero home after a year in hell, they got a knock at the door saying, I'm sorry for your loss.
• 10:30
  SPEAKER_00: And there's just no taking that back.
• 10:31
  SPEAKER_00: Once the words roll off the tongue, their lives change forever.
• 10:35
  SPEAKER_00: And, you know, the the families still deal with this, and it's it's tough, you know, trying to move on with your life knowing that other people can't.
• 10:45
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, absolutely.
• 10:46
  SPEAKER_02: And so, and I wanted to paint this picture that you're beautifully painting, but I wanted people to feel that because you're again, guys, Danny's not the only one.
• 10:57
  SPEAKER_02: You're not alone, all right.
• 10:59
  SPEAKER_02: Ladies and gentlemen, you're not alone.
• 11:01
  SPEAKER_02: So let's let's move now to your home.
• 11:04
  SPEAKER_02: All right, and let's talk about the transition and some more of those things that happened, you know, that I know that's why you're doing Warfighter Overwatch, because of you know, your your overall mission and moving forward.
• 11:16
  SPEAKER_02: Let's talk about that for a minute.
• 11:17
  SPEAKER_02: So you're you're transitioning, you're going home.
• 11:19
  SPEAKER_02: Let's talk about that.
• 11:20
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, when I when I got home, well, first off, the one of the first things you do when you get off the plane is you got to give your rifle up.
• 11:26
  SPEAKER_00: And that was my lifeline.
• 11:27
  SPEAKER_00: I did not, it was, it was such an excruciating moment to give that rifle to someone.
• 11:31
  SPEAKER_00: Now, I I feel at least lucky enough that the person I was giving that rifle to was one of my soldiers near Dowski.
• 11:38
  SPEAKER_00: He had been hit in the neck.
• 11:39
  SPEAKER_00: He almost died on us.
• 11:40
  SPEAKER_00: He's got a hit his arteries, got a scar from his earlobe down to his collarbone.
• 11:44
  SPEAKER_00: And he was tasked with being the armor and making the notifications to people who were injured or killed.
• 11:51
  SPEAKER_00: So he had to go to the families and help make those notifications.
• 11:53
  SPEAKER_00: It was extremely hard and a very humble experience for a young man who is now going to these homes and saying, you know, I'm sorry for your loss.
• 12:03
  SPEAKER_00: You know, your your soldier didn't make it.
• 12:06
  SPEAKER_00: It's it's it makes you grow up real fast.
• 12:09
  SPEAKER_00: But he was the one that I handed my rifle to, made me feel a little bit better.
• 12:11
  SPEAKER_00: I knew it was in, it was going to be kept safe, but I felt essentially naked.
• 12:15
  SPEAKER_00: I felt like I was walking around naked.
• 12:17
  SPEAKER_00: And then the first thing I did was go to the class six.
• 12:20
  SPEAKER_00: It's the liquor store on the base, and it's called class six because it's a class six flammable.
• 12:25
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know why they come up with this crap, but it's called a class six.
• 12:27
  SPEAKER_00: So I go down there and I got the biggest bottle of vodka and the biggest bottle of whiskey that they had.
• 12:31
  SPEAKER_00: And I went home and a couple of my scout snipers and a couple of the fisters helped me drink those.
• 12:35
  SPEAKER_00: And that was kind of our we didn't want to communicate.
• 12:37
  SPEAKER_00: We didn't want to talk about Fraser and Hamill just getting killed.
• 12:40
  SPEAKER_00: We didn't want to talk about, you know, the seven other guys who had been killed.
• 12:42
  SPEAKER_00: We didn't talk about, you know, the guys who'd been hurt, who were losing, you know, who'd lost legs and eyesight and fingers and all those things.
• 12:50
  SPEAKER_00: So we drank, and that was we were irritable.
• 12:53
  SPEAKER_00: And I always I say we, I'll speak about myself.
• 12:55
  SPEAKER_00: I was irritable.
• 12:56
  SPEAKER_00: I was getting in, you know, road rate, road rage problems.
• 12:59
  SPEAKER_00: I was having conflicts with people for no for no good reason, just because I was I was in a bad mood most of the time and I didn't know where it was coming from.
• 13:08
  SPEAKER_00: And then I self-loathed.
• 13:09
  SPEAKER_00: After that would happen, I hated myself.
• 13:11
  SPEAKER_00: Why are you doing this?
• 13:11
  SPEAKER_00: Why are you acting this way?
• 13:12
  SPEAKER_00: And it was complete opposite behavior of you know what I wanted to be like, right?
• 13:17
  SPEAKER_00: I I have no problem punching a bully in the face, but when you are the bully or you're the one who's being the asshole, it doesn't feel very good.
• 13:24
  SPEAKER_00: And I didn't like it.
• 13:27
  SPEAKER_02: So so let's talk, you know, you're you're back, you're with family.
• 13:30
  SPEAKER_02: Let's talk about that that next couple of years.
• 13:35
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, so when I when I got back, I I was I went to another unit.
• 13:40
  SPEAKER_00: I went down to one to two infantry, and and I love the motto there.
• 13:43
  SPEAKER_00: Each unit has their own motto, right?
• 13:44
  SPEAKER_00: And one to two infantries is deeds, not words.
• 13:47
  SPEAKER_00: And I and I love that because as much as I talked, I'd I'd much rather do the work and um let that speak for itself.
• 13:54
  SPEAKER_00: But I got down to this new unit.
• 13:58
  SPEAKER_00: I had been separated from the unit that I had, you know, deployed with and lost all of my friends with and been through all this trauma, and now it's a whole new group and a whole and I moved a lot as a kid.
• 14:08
  SPEAKER_00: So that part wasn't necessarily the hardest part, but I didn't feel I could talk to them about any of that stuff.
• 14:13
  SPEAKER_00: So I just shut that stuff down.
• 14:15
  SPEAKER_00: I I I isolated and I drank more, and I used my rank potentially as a as a barrier between connecting to people just because I didn't necessarily have to have those deeper connections.
• 14:29
  SPEAKER_00: I could give you an order, and they're orders, not options.
• 14:31
  SPEAKER_00: You're gonna do what I tell you, and that's that's it.
• 14:33
  SPEAKER_00: But I I didn't, I wasn't doing good with maintaining relationships, friendships, and I was spiraling.
• 14:40
  SPEAKER_00: I just didn't know how to stop it.
• 14:41
  SPEAKER_00: And and eventually what happened was, you know, I was gonna deploy again for a third time.
• 14:45
  SPEAKER_00: And the army since you're not good, you have PTSD, and we're pretty sure you have traumatic brain injury, and this was time for you to get, you know, to get some help.
• 14:53
  SPEAKER_00: So they separated me from the army, and I felt like they had abandoned me.
• 14:56
  SPEAKER_00: Like to sign my paper and let me go do what I do, because you know, this is during pre-deployment for for another trip to Iraq.
• 15:02
  SPEAKER_00: And I was to be honest with you, dumbfounded.
• 15:05
  SPEAKER_00: I couldn't believe that they were telling, you know, this person sitting in front of them who's a war fighter, right?
• 15:09
  SPEAKER_00: This is what I don't do paperwork, you know, I push people violently out of this world, you know, in defense of my country and my brothers.
• 15:15
  SPEAKER_00: And I I was good at it.
• 15:17
  SPEAKER_00: So I just wanted them to sign my paper and let me go do what I did.
• 15:20
  SPEAKER_00: And when that wasn't an option anymore, I would, to be honest with you, I was scared.
• 15:24
  SPEAKER_00: That fear almost immediately set in.
• 15:26
  SPEAKER_00: And I didn't, I wasn't used to that, right?
• 15:27
  SPEAKER_00: And I've been scared before, I've had fear, but the courage is is action in in, you know, despite the fear, right?
• 15:34
  SPEAKER_00: And so I I believe that I had to do something, I just didn't know what.
• 15:38
  SPEAKER_00: And I kind of flailed around a little bit, and eventually I got a job in the oil field, and it was great.
• 15:43
  SPEAKER_00: I worked for a Fortune 500 company, I got hired as a supervisor, paid me a lot of money.
• 15:47
  SPEAKER_00: And the moment that I got off of work, I went and drink.
• 15:50
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 15:51
  unknown: Yeah.
• 15:52
  SPEAKER_02: So, so, you know, it's funny because I'm sitting here listening to you here here.
• 15:56
  SPEAKER_02: I have a new book coming out called The Silent Silent Warriors, which you know about.
• 15:59
  SPEAKER_02: You've you've actually given some feedback and some things on what I'm working on.
• 16:03
  SPEAKER_02: And you're just going down the list, buddy.
• 16:07
  SPEAKER_00: You don't realize how those things affect you until a lot of times until someone else points it out to you, right?
• 16:15
  SPEAKER_00: And it was like, you know, this the book that you're writing is gonna be very helpful because it's gonna, it's like you said, it's gonna check those boxes.
• 16:21
  SPEAKER_00: The things that when when people, whether they're asked the question or not, they start taking, you know, account of their behavior, of the things they're doing, the that they're saying, you'll realize very quickly that first off, we can make improvements, but second off, there are places we need absolutely have to make improvements.
• 16:38
  SPEAKER_00: And it's it's important to focus on those things.
• 16:40
  SPEAKER_00: When you're in the military, right, you have some jerk like me who's in charge of you, says, You're not good at push-ups, do pushups.
• 16:46
  SPEAKER_00: You're not good at running, let's go run, right?
• 16:47
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm gonna do it with you, but I'm I'm gonna do it forcefully.
• 16:50
  SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna make, I'm gonna drag you into a better version of yourself.
• 16:54
  SPEAKER_00: And when you get out, you don't have that, you don't have purpose, you don't have someone who's dragging you to be a better version of yourself.
• 16:59
  SPEAKER_00: But I'm telling you get up to go run, do you know, exercise, take care of yourself.
• 17:03
  SPEAKER_00: But self-care is group care.
• 17:05
  unknown: Yeah.
• 17:06
  SPEAKER_02: Amen.
• 17:06
  SPEAKER_02: Amen.
• 17:07
  SPEAKER_02: So let's let's move into the light a little bit.
• 17:10
  SPEAKER_02: So you're you're back, and I know there's some more to this story.
• 17:13
  SPEAKER_02: You know, there's we're over halfway through the show.
• 17:15
  SPEAKER_02: Let's let's kind of start moving into the because I want to talk about the the positive parts of the transition.
• 17:22
  SPEAKER_02: When you started realizing, hey, I I I I'm stuck here, I need some help.
• 17:26
  SPEAKER_02: This isn't gonna end well because it almost ended.
• 17:29
  SPEAKER_02: So let's talk about you know, moving, moving forward.
• 17:32
  SPEAKER_02: And where where you started seeing the crack in the light with the light coming in?
• 17:37
  SPEAKER_00: Well, we got to delve into the dark just for a second.
• 17:40
  SPEAKER_00: So, what happened was I I lost everything.
• 17:42
  SPEAKER_00: I lost my family, my job, my freedom.
• 17:45
  SPEAKER_00: I lost everything that I had worked so hard for because I wasn't willing to do the hard work it took to grow from my experiences.
• 17:50
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm having these problems and I'm not I'm not doing anything about them until eventually they're the only thing I can focus on.
• 17:57
  SPEAKER_00: They're the only thing that I if I'm gonna dig myself out of this rubble, it's gonna be piece by piece.
• 18:02
  SPEAKER_00: And all these, all these rocks that I started carrying around, this trauma, this crap that I'm carrying around in my butt, dude, I gotta dump that stuff out, right?
• 18:08
  SPEAKER_00: You can't drink from an empty cup.
• 18:11
  SPEAKER_00: And and so, you know, my my stuff's been filled with crap.
• 18:14
  SPEAKER_00: And I gotta I was just carrying it around because that's what tough guys do.
• 18:18
  SPEAKER_00: You just carry this shit around, right?
• 18:19
  SPEAKER_00: And and that was not helpful.
• 18:21
  SPEAKER_00: So when I realized that the person responsible for what my life looked like was in the mirror, when I realized that there's no remote to life.
• 18:29
  SPEAKER_00: If you don't like what you see, you gotta get your ass up and change it.
• 18:32
  SPEAKER_00: Took accountability, right?
• 18:34
  SPEAKER_00: And it was like, listen, dude, no one's in charge of your life but you.
• 18:36
  SPEAKER_00: No one's gonna change it for you, but you you and and so I did I did the one thing that I to be honest with you, I was most fearful of.
• 18:42
  SPEAKER_00: I asked for help.
• 18:43
  SPEAKER_00: I was terrified to ask for help and then fucking did it.
• 18:46
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, then let's stop there just for a second.
• 18:48
  SPEAKER_02: He fucking did it, right?
• 18:49
  SPEAKER_02: I'm quoting you just for the record.
• 18:53
  SPEAKER_02: Because what is what do you think I'm I'm gonna have you answer this, right?
• 18:58
  SPEAKER_02: What it's not a weakness, what is it?
• 19:02
  SPEAKER_02: Like what I what I was oh vulnerability, yeah.
• 19:08
  SPEAKER_00: You know, so I was terrified, the fear being vulnerable legitimately of getting emotional in front of a stranger, you know, because they want me to talk about my worst days.
• 19:17
  SPEAKER_00: I was so terrified to get emotional in front of a stranger that they would think, you know, I'm all all of the stuff that we used to say to each other, you're uh you're a pussy, you're weak, you're nothing, you know, all these things, you're inadequate.
• 19:29
  SPEAKER_00: Those things rolled in my head, like if you say these words, there's no going back.
• 19:35
  SPEAKER_00: And I was so scared to do that.
• 19:37
  SPEAKER_02: And thank you for saying that, because that's real.
• 19:39
  SPEAKER_02: And how many of you right now are thinking the same thing or feeling the same thing?
• 19:44
  SPEAKER_02: And I don't care if you're a veteran or you're transitioning from a corporate job or whatever the case may be, you're a high achiever, we all as human beings go through this exact thing.
• 19:54
  SPEAKER_02: And the most courageous thing you can do is ask for help.
• 19:58
  SPEAKER_02: It's not a weakness, it's a strength.
• 20:00
  SPEAKER_02: Because the more you do that, the more you become part of a team, team you, team everybody else, and it helps you move faster.
• 20:08
  SPEAKER_02: And here's the last thing I'm gonna say on this, we're gonna move forward.
• 20:11
  SPEAKER_02: When you get uncomfortable, and Danny, you had to be uncomfortable, right?
• 20:16
  SPEAKER_02: And then what do you do?
• 20:17
  SPEAKER_02: The more you did it, did you become more comfortable?
• 20:20
  SPEAKER_00: 100% easier and easier each time.
• 20:23
  SPEAKER_02: And how much did it move you forward?
• 20:25
  SPEAKER_02: You know, some days not a lot, some days mild.
• 20:28
  SPEAKER_02: There you go.
• 20:29
  SPEAKER_02: It's not always you're going, you know, to to another country.
• 20:34
  SPEAKER_02: Sometimes you're just moving down the street to check your mail, but you're doing it.
• 20:38
  SPEAKER_02: But you're doing it, and you're moving forward.
• 20:40
  SPEAKER_02: You put one foot in front of the other.
• 20:42
  SPEAKER_02: So I'm gonna I'm gonna I'm gonna stop.
• 20:43
  SPEAKER_02: I got on a I got on a rant.
• 20:45
  SPEAKER_02: I couldn't help myself though.
• 20:46
  SPEAKER_02: Because it's powerful and people don't realize people don't realize how it is the most important thing you can do.
• 20:55
  SPEAKER_02: I'm gonna go back.
• 20:56
  SPEAKER_02: It is literally the most important thing you can do is ask for help when you feel like it's a weakness, it's the strongest thing you can do for you, your family, and all your loved ones.
• 21:03
  SPEAKER_02: Period.
• 21:05
  SPEAKER_02: All right, now my rant's over.
• 21:07
  SPEAKER_02: So, with that said, my friend, so we we now are let you you've asked for help.
• 21:14
  SPEAKER_02: Let's go.
• 21:15
  SPEAKER_00: So that was the catalyst, right?
• 21:17
  SPEAKER_00: That was the okay, careful what you asked for.
• 21:19
  SPEAKER_00: So now it's we're gonna start unpacking this Pandora's box.
• 21:22
  SPEAKER_00: And I didn't just have a little bit of trauma.
• 21:24
  SPEAKER_00: Every single person who was in charge of me was my supervisor, has been hurt or killed.
• 21:28
  SPEAKER_00: My first squad leader got the medal of honor, my first platoon leader got killed.
• 21:32
  SPEAKER_00: He was with another recipient of the medal of honor, Grober, when he got his.
• 21:38
  SPEAKER_00: My next squad leader got killed, you know, Bronze Star device with a V device.
• 21:42
  SPEAKER_00: All these things that that continue to happen just reminded me that I have a lot of people that count on me, and I have a lot of people that look to me for guidance.
• 21:55
  SPEAKER_00: And I have a lot of a lot of folks, you know, the the military are.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_00: country spent a lot of time and money teaching me to be a leader and I felt like I was wasting everything that they had taught me because I was just keeping that information to myself.
• 22:08
  SPEAKER_00: The truth is that once I once I realized that I wasn't the only one going through this stuff, that my potentially my story could help other people, I taught I started talking about it more and more.
• 22:16
  SPEAKER_00: And and even when it does get me emotional because I do miss these guys.
• 22:20
  SPEAKER_00: I do have, you know, this this real connection with them that these folks back here needed me to number one be vulnerable with them, tell them that it's okay to to go through this stuff.
• 22:31
  SPEAKER_00: And that the only way the only way out of the dark is through the light, man.
• 22:36
  SPEAKER_00: And and and what I found was when I finally asked for help, I found people who genuinely wanted to help me, who wanted to see my quality of life improve, people who were empathetic and that allowed me, I struggled with empathy when I got home, right?
• 22:48
  SPEAKER_00: Unless I was talking to one of my guys because I knew they got it and they knew that I got it.
• 22:51
  SPEAKER_00: So I could be empathetic towards them and everyone else I was I was not.
• 22:55
  SPEAKER_00: And so I had to work on that.
• 22:57
  SPEAKER_00: And and to be honest with you the the best thing in my life for that was my my children.
• 23:03
  SPEAKER_00: I could be empathetic towards my kids when I remember what it was like not having someone you know show you that empathy and kindness and compassion when I was a kid you know things were very tough in my in my house.
• 23:14
  SPEAKER_00: So I wanted to make sure that my kids knew that it was okay to make mistakes.
• 23:18
  SPEAKER_00: It was okay to you know when you got hurt to ask for help and now that has allowed me to emulate that same thing I learned from my kids just as much as I do from from adults.
• 23:26
  SPEAKER_02: So man I love that I absolutely love it.
• 23:29
  SPEAKER_02: You know it's it's something in in my own life right and I think again everybody can connect to that you know is is the lessons we learned.
• 23:41
  SPEAKER_02: And we've got about five minutes left here.
• 23:44
  SPEAKER_02: So can we can we dive into the light now all right where you've done the work all right and and again we can talk for six hours about this we really could and we have right so so let's talk about you do the work and and fill in wherever you want of course Danny as always you have free reign here.
• 24:03
  SPEAKER_02: You did you do the work it's hard you got to get uncomfortable to get comfortable but how has that now moved you forward into what who the man you are today and I want to go specifically about the pain you went through and how you found the gift in it.
• 24:21
  SPEAKER_02: And it sounds weird right to the average person that doesn't do the work it sounds freaking weird.
• 24:27
  SPEAKER_02: What are you talking about?
• 24:28
  SPEAKER_02: How do you find a gift?
• 24:30
  SPEAKER_02: How do you find the good in this and the trauma and in my brothers committing suicide and all of these things because that's how you find a fulfillment that's how you really move forward.
• 24:42
  SPEAKER_00: Talk about it the best place to build a foundation is rock bottom I had found myself in that hole where I wanted to take my own life I was tired of the life that I was living I didn't have purpose I didn't have fulfillment and I didn't know how to find those things.
• 24:55
  SPEAKER_00: The truth is that they were always you know right in front of me but I had to chase them right if you want something you're gonna have to get after it and go find it.
• 25:01
  SPEAKER_00: And no one can do the work for you.
• 25:03
  SPEAKER_00: They can go beside you they can walk with you but you have to do the work.
• 25:06
  SPEAKER_00: And so that's kind of my mantra with with my guys, right?
• 25:09
  SPEAKER_00: And the folks that I come into contact with now.
• 25:12
  SPEAKER_00: Warfighter Overwatch is a nonprofit that my wife and I started and it's our way of giving back to veterans and first responders, police officers, firefighters and the families.
• 25:20
  SPEAKER_00: The way we do this is by paying for therapy I encourage them to go, I encourage them to talk about their issues.
• 25:25
  SPEAKER_00: I will also pay for their family members.
• 25:27
  SPEAKER_00: I take them hiking remind them that what's inside of them is greater than what's in front of them.
• 25:31
  SPEAKER_00: We all have adversity and mountains to climb but you know we don't have to do it alone.
• 25:35
  SPEAKER_00: And I didn't have to go through all this stuff alone.
• 25:37
  SPEAKER_00: When I when I talk to people you know whether it's medical mental health professionals or whether it's you know people that I serve with or complete strangers I think I can articulate that who I went to war with or who I went to war as is not who I came home as and and I changed right but that doesn't mean that it has to be this you know oh he's a he's a vet with PTSD should be afraid of him quite the opposite right I'm the nicest guy give the shirt off my back and and even more so I built businesses my wife and I have this amazing support system here in our community and that's what I was missing.
• 26:09
  SPEAKER_00: I was missing community right the people that I served with I got up with every day and went to work with them I didn't have that anymore.
• 26:15
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't have people who were I had to I had to seek that out and and really build those relationships and foster them and I'll tell you what I found in that when when you're talking about like my my purpose is what I found right and that purpose is number one I'm real good at connecting with other people and helping them connect with the people who can help them change their lives in the way they they want to and that comes from being vulnerable nice way to put a little bow on that my friend so so we got a couple of minutes left I do want to I want to get a little deeper on again moving from the pain and and this is because I want people to to to understand the discipline this is what we're you know we're we we need to touch base on as well the discipline to you know I'm I'm gonna go back two seconds here here's here's the story guys if you have something like Danny okay I'm just gonna use Danny because well he's here and I can pick on him Danny O'Neill dear friend of mine he's been through hell if you give it that definition I'm gonna give it that definition for this purpose okay and I'm sure at the moment at the time it felt like it and he kept moving and then what he found was helping people serving again right in a different capacity serving those who serve like I do right it's it's it's literally the the finding the purpose and moving into that right so if he would have stayed stuck in his shit he wouldn't be here today.
• 27:53
  SPEAKER_02: If he didn't find all the stuff he talked about the support system the asking for help when he thought it was weakness but it was really the most courageous thing he could possibly do and the strongest thing he could do he wouldn't be here he found a community he moved forward that is the most beautiful thing you can possibly do is just keep taking that step just keep taking that step because I can't imagine a word without a world without Danny O'Neill in my life I can't even imagine the tsunami effect that Danny has had in this world because of what he's gone through and what he does now.
• 28:31
  SPEAKER_02: Including talking to kids I mean this this guy is just amazing.
• 28:35
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm gonna stop blowing smoke up your ass because I don't want to fuck up your autopsy my friend best line ever in the movie meet Joe Black right so so Danny with that with that said let's talk about and we're gonna get just run a couple of minutes over if that's okay with you talk to me about finding the discipline yeah so you know there are things that you have to do in life and things we want to do right and balance is a good thing but I'll tell you that I am fully aware that I was letting myself physically go and that affected my mental health as well and I work out several times a week I go to therapy every week I'm going tomorrow and it's because I have discipline right it's not because I want to go to therapy tomorrow it's because I I have to and if I and the reason I say I have to is because there's still things I'm working on.
• 29:31
  SPEAKER_00: There's still things that I need to improve on and if I want my kids to do this when they're 44, then I need to lead by example today.
• 29:38
  SPEAKER_00: I need to show them that it's okay and I need to show them even more importantly not only is it okay but it's imperative right this is necessity.
• 29:45
  SPEAKER_00: This is these are things that you have to do to take care of yourself so that you can be in my position I can be an engaged father, engaged husband.
• 29:52
  SPEAKER_00: I can be an active member of my community and it's helped me find my purpose knowing that there are other people who are out there suffering and I don't want to say it's needlessly right because what that's going to do is hopefully allow them to have empathy for the next person and help the the next person in line who needs help.
• 30:09
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm I'm I'm grateful that this is where my life has led and it's allowed me to help so many people and there's plenty of people who will never tell you what I've ever done for them and I don't need them to that part doesn't fill my cup.
• 30:20
  SPEAKER_00: What fills my cup is knowing that they're they're happy they're healthy they're alive and and that means something to me because I got tired of burying my brothers who who should still be here.
• 30:29
  SPEAKER_02: Amen amen man so you know with with the all of the amazing things we talked about today I I I can't even imagine you coming up with three tips because we always do this to get to get veterans and their families further faster.
• 30:48
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah I mean keep swinging it's not the it's not the last swing of the axe that that falls that tree it's every single relentless swing that leads up to that moment.
• 30:56
  SPEAKER_00: So keep swinging.
• 31:00
  SPEAKER_00: I'll tell you that it's important that you find your tribe and that you cling on to them and that you give in to them as much as they give in to you.
• 31:06
  SPEAKER_00: Don't let it be one sided.
• 31:09
  SPEAKER_00: Don't ever be afraid to try something new you never know where it's gonna lead and I'll tell you that doing things that I've never tried before including surfing and golf has led me to a place where I find my own therapy self-care and part of my daily routine where I do something to make me better at at those endeavors and my hobbies so I feel that self-confidence we all need to feel like we're contributing we also need to have things that make us feel good inside about ourselves.
• 31:34
  SPEAKER_00: Find those things find your tribe keep swinging absolutely love it absolutely love it.
• 31:38
  SPEAKER_02: Danny O'Neill my dear friend time is the most precious resource we have as human beings thank you so much for spending some of that time with us we don't get the tie back so thank you for spreading the word spreading the mission doing all that you do every day man so proud so proud to call you a friend and uh you're just an amazing amazing man.
• 31:57
  SPEAKER_02: So thank you.
• 31:58
  SPEAKER_00: Likewise brother keep up what you're doing man and those for those of you guys who haven't followed Mike before check out his show and listen you got a lot of great messages on here and check out his book coming out soon.
• 32:06
  SPEAKER_02: I pretty hey nice I appreciate the promo man can I I'm gonna record that absolutely love it.
• 32:13
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you thank you seriously I I don't take that lightly coming from you I really appreciate that my friend absolutely everybody listening before we go I just want to remind you to go to your thoughtsyorreality.com be part of our mission sign up for the for the the group there the community again we talked about community here there's one right there so join it help us continue our mission and moving forward and and building this so we serve more people all right with that said we are out of here thank you for joining us on another insightful journey of your thoughts your reality podcast with your host Michael Cole we hope the conversation sparked some thoughts that resonate with you to dive deeper into empowering your thoughts and enhancing your reality visit empower performance strategies dot com remember your thoughts shape your reality so make them count.
• 33:08
  SPEAKER_01: Until next time stay inspired and keep creating the reality you desire catch you on the next episode