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Parker's Hot Take (re-release) · Currently Curious

• Camilla: hi everyone, we're back. And actually, it's Camilla and a guest today. We have Parker on the line. Hopefully you can see her or hear her if you're listening. Parker is how would you describe your relationship to me, Parker? Parker :): actually run into this problem quite a lot when I'm referencing you in conversation, which of course I do all the time. Camilla: Uh-huh. All the time every day, naturally. Parker :): Yeah, I usually would say we're family friends because that Camilla: Yeah. Parker :): feels like the most concise way to say it. Camilla: huh, yes. Parker :): But the full story is that You've babysat me since I was born, pretty much, right? Yep, Camilla: Since you were a tiny baby, yep. Mm-hmm. Parker :): pretty much. And until I was old enough to take care of myself, yeah. Camilla: Not need a babysitter. Yep. Parker :): And we've remained close, even Camilla: Mm-hmm. Parker :): though you moved away from our hometown, which was really rude. So, Camilla: Yeah. Even though I abandoned you. Parker :): yeah. Camilla: So rude of me. yeah, we're I I guess that's true. And I don't know, I guess when people ask me or when I reference you, which I obviously do every day, I say, Yeah, she's an adult now, but I babysat her when she was little and now she's my friend. So yeah, family friends feels right, but it's but you guys are also my family, you know, so you and your Parker :): Yeah. Camilla: brother and your mom are like family to me. So but family friends is closest. And yes, I was your babysitter your whole life and now you're a full blown adult and in college, which really probably gives away my age more than anything, but Parker :): haha Camilla: I was sixteen when I started babysitting you, and now I am thirty five and you are almost twenty. Yeah. Parker :): Yeah, that's so crazy. We really do. Camilla: We go way back. We go way back. And I remember all of it, but you probably only remember let's think your tw when's your first memory, do you think? Parker :): It's a little hard to tell like chronologically when my actual first memory is. Camilla: Yes, yeah. Mm-hmm. Parker :): I think the first one that I have clearly is when I was three. Camilla: Mm, mm-hmm. Parker :): Not of you, just in general. Camilla: Yeah. Parker :): No offense. But I... Camilla: A huge offense taken. Parker :): Sorry. It's of a different family friend, Camilla: huh. Parker :): I know that it's my memory though because no one else remembers it. Camilla: Uh-huh, uhhuh. Parker :): Also possible it was a dream or something, but you know. So I think probably Camilla: Yeah. Parker :): my earliest memories of you were around that time when I was like three or four. right, Camilla: Yeah. Parker :): I actually, it might be the day that my brother was born. Camilla: Mm, yeah. Parker :): Because I remember you were babysitting me when Camilla: Mm-hmm. Parker :): I would have been three and we, my parents came home from the hospital and I remember being annoyed about that because it meant that you had to leave. And also I think we're about to be watching Dora the Explorer, so. Camilla: So funny. Well, I think Dora the Dora the Explorer was, you know, not to get into semantics, was the night before when your brother was actually born because your dad came home to I was gonna spend the night with you because they weren't sure when he'd be born, obviously. Birth is unpredictable Parker :): Yeah. Camilla: in that way. so you and I were gonna have a sleepover. And the night before we were gonna start Dora, and then I saw your dad pull up the driveway and I was like, I'm sorry, girl. Parker :): Maybe that's what I'm remembering then. Cause that would have been why I was so upset. Yeah. Camilla: Sleepover busted. But then the next day it could be, but the next day I came back and w your dad went back to the hospital and you and I were hanging out and then your mom and dad brought your brother home. Parker :): Okay, well I definitely remember some part of that. Camilla: Anyway, either way, it's understandable that you were upset. And I do remember propping you and saying, Your brother's gonna walk in the door. He is brand new. He your mom just had a baby, no jumping on your mom. Let's be nice and chill. We like talked it over four, five times. You were still hyped, but you did manage to keep your cool. Parker :): I don't remember that at all, but... Camilla: Well, you know, I don't expect you to remember every conversation from when you were essentially a toddler. Parker :): Yeah. I do think that that's like... Camilla: But yeah, we've known each other a really long time. Parker :): Yeah, we have. I always think that's so weird Camilla: What were you gonna say? Parker :): that I don't remember things about myself. Like I know that that is like... Yeah, I know that's like a normal Camilla: That other people remember about you. Yeah. Parker :): human thing, but the fact that I don't have access to a lot of my own lore... Isn't that weird that that happens? Camilla: Yeah, it is. It's so weird. It's so weird. And actually, not to get dark right away, but your father passed away last year. And Parker :): Mm-hmm. Camilla: one of the things that I have learned as I get older, as people I love and close to me who are close to me pass away, I'm like, those memories that either they had of me or that we had together, I am now either the soul keeper of or they're gone. Parker :): Mmm. Yeah, wait. Camilla: And that's a really bizarre thing. Parker :): I hadn't even really thought of it that way. Well, Camilla: sorry. Parker :): yeah, I start crying. No. No, that's true though, yeah. Like when you have... Camilla: give you time to process it later. It's really strange. Parker :): What I do think about is like... Well, okay, I just have... I have spent too much time thinking about other people's perception of me and I... Yeah. Camilla: Normal, healthy. I mean not healthy, but normal. Parker :): Right. And I know that it's different for everyone and so it's like... that the version of me that existed in my dad's head I no longer have access to. Or like, I mean, it doesn't Camilla: Yeah. Yes. Parker :): even have to be as grim as someone who's died. It's like, you know, Camilla: Yeah. Parker :): that friend that I no longer talk to, I don't know what they think of me anymore. Or I'll never Camilla: Yep. Mm-hmm. Parker :): get to ask what they, you know, especially if it ended poorly or something. Yeah. Camilla: Yeah, it's true. Yeah, no, that's really hard. And actually I've thought a few times about talking about friendship breakups on here because for me, Parker :): Mmm Camilla: and again, like I know it is just the memories we hold in our head and the thinking about the way people think of us, which you know, who cares and we have no control over. But I for example, I have two friends who I was really close with for quite a few years who we had like a big ending of the friendship. And I know For a fact that they truly believe I didn't want to be friends with them anymore. And they tell people that. They when they see mutual friends that we have, they say that I like unfriended them. And my story is 100% that they unfriended me, that they were like, we we I mean, they were so insistent that I no longer wanted to be their friend, that I had no room other than to say, I guess there's nothing I can say other than disagreeing and that's it, you know. But it's torture for me because I'm like, there are people out there who truly have ideas of me. I think that's one of the things I find most uncomfortable is the idea that people don't see me for who I am or have what I Parker :): Yes. Camilla: consider an incorrect perception of me. Parker :): Yes, I also have a big issue with this. I just really don't like, I'm like an over explainer. myself especially and Camilla: Yes. huh. Parker :): it is ultimately like just a thing that happens in life of like you have to get used to people thinking things about you that aren't true but I Camilla: Yeah. Parker :): really hate it when like just not even if I don't have confirmation just the idea that someone could think that my intentions Camilla: Yeah. Parker :): were different than they were because of X Y & Z so yeah Camilla: Yes. Yes. Me too. I yeah, I really can't stand it. And actually, you know, as we talk about it, I'm like, n not only is it just when people pass away, as you said, it's like friendship falling out and things, but also I find one of the things that is hardest in relationship with people is when it feels like that person sees a version of you that you do not relate to. Like I know that there are people close to me in my life, or not close to me, but people I'm related to, I'll say, who I know have a perception of me that they believe is absolutely accurate and don't even question, actually. And I'm like, I I can tell by the things you say to me and the way you treat me that you see me as someone who I don't even know. And that is so weird. And I think that the older we get, the more that that can become an issue with parents. Cause it's like, Parker :): Hmm. Camilla: You're my parent, so I think you really think you know me. And I'm also Parker :): Yeah Camilla: an adult and like a really kind of my own person. So I think you might have it wrong, but you can't really c there's like I I see it in a lot of my friends with their parents at our ages, like in their thirties, kind of having their own families or establishing their own lives. And in relationship with their parents, they're like, Why do you still think I'm 16? Like, why are you still? Parker :): Yeah. Camilla: asking if I got my oil changed. I like I I make more than you. Like I I'm an ad I'm fully an adult now. Parker :): Yeah. Camilla: but it is weird. I d yeah, I mean family and relationships are so strange. Parker :): I've had that experience honestly too with like some friends that I've had for a really long time because I'm, yeah, Camilla: really? Yeah. Parker :): I mean I love all my friends very dearly and also a lot of them I've known since I was very very small and Camilla: Ja Parker :): sometimes like there's the question and I don't think this is mean to say of like if we met today would we be friends? Camilla: Yeah, yeah. Parker :): And it's like, you know, oftentimes maybe more than not like probably not but that shared Camilla: Yep. Parker :): history is really powerful and it's also like at times I can feel like this isn't the person I'm friends with I'm friends with the version of them that I remember loving you know what I mean like this person Camilla: Totally totally. Parker :): I'm talking to I'm not talking to their current self I'm talking to you know the friend I had when I was however old or something. Camilla: Yeah. Yeah, that's such a good point. And I often think about that song, you know, make new friends but keep the old. One is silver but the other's Parker :): Yeah. Camilla: gold. I think about that a lot because And I've I haven't broken it down, but in a I know exactly what you're talking about. And that like if I met you today, and I'm not talking about you, you, Parker, I'm talking Parker :): Yeah. Camilla: about like, you know, friend hypothetically. If I met some of my friends today, no, there's no way in hell we would be friends. We have different lives and different wants and different interests and even different styles of communicating. But I think you come to a point in friendship that you'll probably realize like the more you get into your 20s and like the older you get and the more a life experience you have where it's like, I know or I think I know who you are at your very core. And I can see where all these layers of personhood have been built. I know the trauma you went through, and I remember when you went on that study abroad trip, and I remember when you did this, and all of those things have built these layers of a person. But I knew you when you didn't have any of those layers. And so it feels like you sort of know the core of a person. And so then it sort of feels like, well, fuck the rest. Like, who cares about the rest? We can like meet each other where we were. But there are growing pains with that too, because it doesn't always feel like you can find that version of the person. And it probably I know it doesn't always feel like I can find that version of myself. You know, it's like the layers feel so integrated sometimes that. The core of you feels hard to find. Yeah, I I wonder, okay, I'm gonna ask you a question because this is something I've always put down to my age, but I wonder if you feel this or have experienced this yet. In that sometimes now, when I make new friends, I have this feeling of like, how will we ever know each other? Because I have lived through so much and so many versions of me. And you will never know, or not never, but like without just hours and hours of lore downloading, you can't know those things and that version Parker :): you Camilla: of me. And so how can we ever feel close? It's it's har it's do you know what I'm saying? Parker :): I definitely do. Yeah, this is something I've experienced a lot. think especially because all of my friends pretty much, like through elementary, middle school, high school, were like the same group of people that has known me forever, with Camilla: Yeah. Yeah. Parker :): like a couple exceptions. And so making new friends now that I'm older and in college and in a different place is really weird because I don't know how to interact with people that I feel don't know my core, you know? Camilla: Yeah, yeah. Parker :): And it feels like there's so much pressure on the impression that I'm making and everything Camilla: Yes. Parker :): and that there's things that I could do that would skew that and whatever. And Camilla: Yeah. Parker :): I get way too in my head about it, as you can probably tell. But... Camilla: n understand no, I totally get it. Yeah. Parker :): Yeah, and like, I think too, like I'm definitely out of practice at making friends because I haven't had to in a really long time. Camilla: Do you feel out of practice even now? Cause you've just had your first year of university. Like, do you still feel out of practice? Parker :): I... yes. Camilla: Okay. Parker :): Yes and no. Like, I think I have a better grasp on it than I did at the beginning of the year. And Camilla: Yeah. Parker :): I've definitely learned a fair amount from, like, everything that I experienced socially this year. Camilla: Yeah. Parker :): So I kind of have an idea of how I want to carry myself around it going forward. Camilla: Yeah. Parker :): But I don't think I'm like, I still feel a little shaky about it. I'm like, I'm Camilla: Totally. Parker :): still getting into a flow with it. Camilla: Yeah. Parker :): And I would like to keep trying to find friends this year and meet people. Camilla: Yeah, it's it's rusty. It's kind of hard to do and I mean it's so similar to dating actually in a way. It's it's like putting yourself out Parker :): I was actually, yeah I was. Camilla: there. Parker :): I was gonna say, and this is one of my hot takes, is I... we- yeah, we also... we don't have to, also. Okay, well Camilla: yes, which we're going to get to, by the way. The crux of today is Parker's hot takes. No, we are. I'm really excited too. No, no, no. This is good. Parker :): this is actually- this is one that I think is like one of my big ones, a lot of... Okay, so my first one, yeah, Camilla: Okay, well this is a good segue. Let's get into it. Do you wanna start with this one? Okay. Parker :): is I think... friendships are harder to navigate than romantic relationships. Now, have I been in any Camilla: Elaborate. Parker :): romantic relationships? No. Camilla: Doesn't mean you can't have opinions about Parker :): Right, I'm really, I don't like it when other people have unfounded opinions, but I'm allowed to. Camilla: Yeah, of course. Parker :): So, I think my thing about it is there's not a script for friendships in the same way. And that's what I find troubling, because with a romantic relationship, it's... With romantic relationships, Camilla: I like the troubling. I like that you find it troubling. Parker :): I do, I find it very troubling. I have a lot of troubles and this is one of them. Camilla: Okay, and that please keep going 'cause I'm curious about this and I'm already beginning to form an opinion about why I think th this might be your take, the ways in which I agree and the ways in which I disagree, but I wanna hear more before I before I ask. Parker :): Yeah. You can disagree with me, that's okay. I think... Well, and maybe I should phrase it differently. I think friendships are ssss Camilla: Yes. Parker :): we don't as a society consider them as like powerful or meaningful. And so like for a romantic relationship, it's like how do you start one? You ask someone out. like Camilla: Yes. Parker :): friend, you're like how do you start a friendship? Like find common ground, like ask them to hang out, but it's like so much trickier, I feel. Camilla: Hm. Parker :): because you have to be like, you like me as a person and want to hang out with me? And if the answer is no, like what do do? You know? Camilla: Yeah. Yeah. Parker :): And honestly, it's not so much like the starting it that I'm thinking about. I'm also, I'm thinking about like friendship breakups versus romantic breakups. Again, Camilla: Mm-hmm. Parker :): only have experienced one of those, but there's not a script. There's not a script for friendship bracelets, bracelets. said bracelets, friendship brace breakups. Can we edit out all Camilla: The friendship breakups are hard. There's not a script. No. Bracelets or breakups. There is there is a script for bracelets, not the breakups. Well, okay. Parker :): the parts where I sound like an idiot? Camilla: You know what? No. Maybe. I'll try my best. I'll try my best. Okay. And p Parker :): Ugh, great. Camilla: you don't sound like an idiot. I do these things all the time. Okay, so f first my first thought is this. You're right that there is no script for friendship the way there is for relationships. And I think for some people that makes relationships harder. Because I think the script of it all, the like, what am I supposed to do? It's supposed to go this way. Why isn't it going this way is is harder for some personality types. I think you and I are the same in this way, in that it is much easier when it feels like there are societally enforced sort of rules and regulations around the way things are supposed to go. And there's sort of a guiding post of that you can see like, this isn't quite following this path, and maybe that's then I need to reconsider it. Friendships can be all over the map. However, and no, and and I also agree Parker :): Thank Camilla: that the more room is made for relationship breakups than there is for friendship breakups. Friendship breakups can be truly devastating. But if you cry on the internet about a friendship breakup, or not internet, because the internet is a whole other world, but you know, like if you called at work because you and a friend had a falling out, you would Parker :): Yeah. Camilla: probably lose your job. But y there are plenty of ways where you could say my relationship ended and I need to take a day off work and people would say got it. Parker :): Yes, this is what I'm saying. I think Camilla: Yeah. Parker :): friendship also, like, the part about it that I find, like, troubling is, Camilla: Mm-hmm. Parker :): like, friendship breakups, there's not, like, a set way to... do it is part of my problem because like romantic Camilla: No. Yeah. Parker :): relationships it's like you sit down you're like this isn't working it's not you it's me whatever cliche you have a whole roster to friendship breakups Camilla: We've grown apart. I'll always love you. Mm-hmm. Parker :): yeah in my experience friendship breakups you just stop talking one day like Camilla: It's kind of a ghosting situation. Parker :): or you get in a big fight and like Camilla: Yeah. Parker :): never talk about it and there are cases of course where you can be mature about it and be like I just think we're going in different directions or I just really didn't like the way Camilla: Yeah. Parker :): you handled this and it made me not want to hang out with you anymore you know there are ways of course I Camilla: Yeah, of course. Parker :): but I just think it's like it feels I don't know I just don't have like I like rules I like Camilla: Yeah. Parker :): having a idea or like a plan Camilla: Yes, completely. Parker :): or a map for how something should be. So, yeah. Camilla: Yeah. And I think like along the same path as that, I have always thought we should put in a similar amount of effort to our friendships than we do to relationships. I'm a hypocrite because Parker :): Totally. Camilla: I don't do that, but I know that I should and I want to, and I think other people should. Because it's like, you know, if in my relationship something was hard, well, I would bring it up. We would talk about it. We would work through it. If we needed to go to counseling, we'd go to counseling. If we needed to buy a workbook or you know what I mean? Like we would get to the bottom of it until we felt good and we would keep going. But in a friendship, it feels like it's like, well, ugh, that's annoying me. So I just like, I don't even think I want to be friends with them anymore. And friendships historically last our it's actually now I'm saying all of this. I'm like, which came first, the chicken or the egg? Do friendships Parker :): Mm-hmm. Camilla: last much? Do friendships are friendships often lifelong because we don't like beat every problem into the ground and we can just sort of be like, whatever, they're imperfect. Whereas we put the standard of perfection on our relationships and which comes first? I don't know. I mean it's all Parker's staying with me right now, by the way. We're like FaceTiming from across the world. But Parker and I were talking about this today, how Everything is so much more nuanced than we really want to believe it is, or that like than maybe our initial reaction wants it to be. Like right now, I want us to be able to come to like this really pretty conclusion about this. Like, yes, this is a solu we have figured it out. But I think the reality is that it's somewhere in the middle. Like we should pro we should honor and value friendships more than we currently do. And we should probably put less pressure on relationsh like romantic relationships than we currently do. Parker :): Yeah. Camilla: Ugh, it's all messy. But do you think your queerness complicates the friendship of it all? Parker :): deeply. Camilla: Yeah. Parker :): I do think, like, and this is something we were also talking about, is I treat my friendships very seriously. Some would argue Camilla: Mm-hmm. Parker :): romantically. There have been allegations, you know? It happens. It happens. Camilla: Ha ha ha. Parker :): More than I would like. And I think it's... I just, I don't think I'm the problem. I think I've never been a problem in my life. I think Camilla: No, of course you're not. You? Never. It's never you. It's always the other person. Parker :): I do, like I take my friendships very seriously and I treat them Camilla: Yeah. Parker :): very importantly and if something feels off I really obsess over it and I wanna like figure it out, I wanna like Camilla: Yeah. Parker :): fix it, I wanna like, you know, and it's, am I? Camilla: Talk about it. Parker :): Well, I never get to that stage, but... Camilla: Uh-huh. Parker :): But it is like... Yeah, I take my friendships very seriously and I'm Camilla: Yeah. Parker :): very physically affectionate. I'm Camilla: Yeah. Parker :): very verbally affectionate. And I Camilla: Yeah. Parker :): do think sometimes it puts too much pressure on people. because that's not what they expect out of a friendship and I think that's Camilla: Mm. Parker :): totally fair and valid but what I don't like is when I have a friend that I'm really getting along with and I get accused of being like feeling romantically toward them because Camilla: Yeah, yeah. Parker :): I'm like ultimately these are all just like words that we made up and I don't Camilla: Yeah. Parker :): think I think I don't think there needs to be like as much of a difference as we've claimed there to be. Yeah, it's a spectrum. Camilla: It's a spectrum. Yeah. Parker :): It's like, you know, do I want to be in a romantic relationship with this friend? Not necessarily, but like, am I doing things toward that? Like, I don't like it when there people are like, there's no platonic Camilla: Yeah. Parker :): explanation for this because I'm like, you don't love your friends enough then. You know, I don't know. Camilla: Yeah. Yeah, you know what? Now I'm opening my eyes to a lot because what I'm thinking is, yeah, you know what? I think this runs into the same heteronormative issue of like men and women can't be friends. And it's Parker :): Right. Camilla: that's part of the reason why, because it does get confusing, because the truth is a good relationship. is like a best friend that you wanna sleep with. Like Parker :): Exactly! This is what I'm saying also, like that's my ideal relationship. Camilla: Yeah. Of course. That is the I I mean, that's what you want. Like you ultimately want to be having sex with your best friend. Like that should really be everyone's goal. Like, great, let's commit, you know, or not commit, whatever relationships look like for different people, but that's the goal. And so what you're just what you're saying is like the very challenging part that you run into is that you both want to be friends with and date women. And so what Parker :): you Camilla: often happens is like, do I have romantic feelings for you? Well, probably not because I hadn't considered that an option and you're my friend. But like also, if it was an option, I'd consider it because I love you, because you're my friend. And you Parker :): Right. Camilla: also happen to maybe be your type, maybe not be your type, or maybe you know what I mean? But like it's Parker :): Yeah. Camilla: dicey. That's dicey. It's messy. And that's pro and it probably makes your friendships equally. Challenging to get into because it's the same sort of path, like God, and I don't mean to like put everything through like such a boring straight lens, but I'm like, I'm just thinking about it from my own stupid glasses. And I'm like, if I was, if there was a, if I wanted to be friends with men, I don't. and I found one and I was like, you kind of seem like you would be a bud. I would have no clue how to start that friendship without like to be like, where do you how are you feeling? Are we you know, it's like I I get it. I I can really I can imagine how that how complicated it must be. Parker :): Yeah. Camilla: And not just because of that, because like that's just a an element, right? Parker :): Yeah. Yeah, it's, I don't Camilla: Okay. Parker :): know, it's complicated. Camilla: But you're navigating it because you've made some new friends. Parker :): Yes, I'm the pinnacle of social success. Camilla: Okay, what's your next hot take? Parker :): Okay, let's look at my notes app list. So, for context, I keep a notes app list of all my hot takes just in case I ever, you know, am in a situation Camilla: We're ever in this situation. Parker :): where I need a hot take. And actually, it's happened. It's happened, where Camilla: Okay. Parker :): I have been in a situation where I've needed a hot take. So, I'm glad I have it. Camilla: Well, you might not want to blow them all today then. You might need to save a few. Parker :): I know because I'm like what if, you know, I'm one day... Camilla: Although are you short of hot takes? Parker :): No, I can pretty much always form an opinion, but some of these are pretty good. Camilla: There you go. Well then there you go. Well maybe save one in just in case like one day you're walking through a populated park and someone approaches you with a microphone and a camera and says, like, what's your hot take? Parker :): Right, like what if I'm on- what if I am in a situation where I'm on subway takes and I need to have a subway take? Yeah. Camilla: When you are in the situation that you're on subway takes. Save one. Save at least one. Parker :): Okay, I'll save- I'll save at least one. But I kind of- Okay. Camilla: Don't save them 'cause you know what? The thirty people who are gonna listen to this, Parker :): I'll always have another one. Camilla: you'll always have another and you can say the same hot take twice. Yeah. And we can actually workshop it and Parker :): I'll always have another one. I can say the same heartache twice. I can probably say... a lot. Yeah. Camilla: you'll have a better one by the time you're interviewed on Subway Takes. Like it'll be Parker :): That's true, exactly. Camilla: so evolved that you'll really be able to talk it to the ground. Parker :): Yeah, yeah, that's true. Cause, you know, he asks follow up questions. Okay, anyway, Camilla: Okay. Next hot take. He does. Parker :): sorry. Ooh, I'm... which to start with. They're not in any particular order. I do... okay. Okay. this kind of ties into what we were just talking about, actually. Camilla: Please. Parker :): actually, I have two that kind of talk and tie into what we were just talking about, so I'm going to say them both and then we can talk about them. Number Camilla: Okay, please. Parker :): one, I don't think I don't like the term emotional cheating. I don't think that's real. Camilla: Whoa. Parker :): And then my other one, less hot. I don't like it when people get on dating apps and are like, I just want to make friends. That's not what that's for. Camilla: Okay. I have so much to say. I have a lot to say. Parker :): I think maybe this dating app thing kind of contradicts what I was just saying, but we're gonna roll with it. Camilla: Here's what I'll say. Parker :): Go. Camilla: questions. I'm gonna start with questions because that really is always the best w place to start. When you Parker :): Huh. Camilla: say you don't think emotional cheating is real, is that because you just think it's cheating? And so it's like, why are you calling it emotional cheating? Cheating is cheating? Or is it because you're like, if you haven't slept with someone else or done something sexual, then that's not cheating. Parker :): It's closer to the second one, but I'm gonna explain because Camilla: Please. Parker :): I've gotten thought on this a lot. Camilla: Yeah, I I I won't lie, I'm feeling like, no, this is bad. Parker :): Okay, I just, my problem is mostly with the term because Camilla: Okay. Parker :): emotional cheating, cheating implies you've done something wrong. Having emotions on their own is not wrong. And so if you have a crush on someone outside of your relationship, First of all, you don't need to act on it. You can wait it out and it can go away. You could tell your Camilla: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Parker :): partner about it and be like, I have a crush on this person, but I want to be with you. So I'm going to wait for Camilla: Mm-hmm. Yeah. Happens. Parker :): it to pass and it'll pass. I don't like the idea of... having a feeling and it like automatically being classified as I'm betraying my partner's trust because that's what cheating is to me. It's a betrayal of trust and I don't think just the emotion is inherently a betrayal. Does that make sense? And also... Camilla: Yes, and I think yes, please. Parker :): Well, I will acknowledge. I also think the term is too gray, because sometimes it means just having a crush on someone else outside of your relationship. Sometimes it means you're hanging out with someone a lot and telling them secrets that you wouldn't tell your partner. Also not inherently Camilla: Yes. Parker :): wrong, but I do get the betrayal of that. I just think that the term, it's too aggressive a term for something that's really nuanced. Camilla: Okay, so what I was going yes, before you said that Parker :): Yes. Camilla: this most recent caveat, what I was going to say is I think the issue is here is that that your definition of emotional cheating isn't what my perceived definition of emotional cheating is. Like Parker :): Mm-hmm. Camilla: to me, when you say emotional cheating or when I think emotional cheating, it is having an affair without the sex. It is, I miss you. I wish I was with you. I wanna be with you. I can't wait until we can be together. here's a picture of me naked. Here's that is under the umbrella of emotional cheating for me because it's like you might not have had a quote unquote affair with them, but that is to me the same if not worse than sleeping with a stranger you met out one night. Parker :): Right. I think it's worse, actually. Yeah. Camilla: To me too. To me, absolutely. Like And of course, like the w the lens with which I'm looking at all of this through is someone in a committed, communicative, monogamous relationship. There are plenty of relationships that have all kinds of their own rules, but ultimately, as you said, like cheating is going a is breaking someone's trust, is going against an agreed upon boundary. And I believe that there are many emo if more emotional boundaries than physical ones that someone can break and be a part of. I do the way I'll which the way in which I'll agree with you is that I think people need to within their relationships be more explicit and clear about what those boundaries are. Because I do think that, like you said, like I wouldn't consider it cheating at all if someone, if Ricky was like, there's this really cute barista in town. She's I like I have a crush. But I'm obviously not gonna do anything. Like, I have no interest in that. But I would it sting? Of course it would sting. And we're human. Like, yes. I mean, I still make fun of him for having a crush on my Mariah Carey that he had when he was like 12. I'm I'm Parker :): Yeah Camilla: still like, your girlfriend, huh? You know, it's like the that that's a whole Parker :): That's so cute. Camilla: diff that's a thing, you know? Parker :): Yeah Camilla: But I would never consider emotions. a betrayal, but I would consider acting on emotions as equal of a betrayal as acting on physical feelings. Like Parker :): Sure. Camilla: the to me, you know, it's all the same. So I hear what you're saying because it is a hot take because as a sentence, it sounds like if you're not sleeping with them, it's not it's not cheating. But what you really mean is Emotional cheat you can't just having an emotion towards someone else is not cheating on someone inherently. Parker :): Yeah, and I just think it's like become one of those TikTok buzzwords. And I have a problem with most, Camilla: Yeah. Parker :): most if not all of the TikTok buzzwords that exist Camilla: Yeah. Parker :): in the way of like, he's emotionally cheating, break up with him. No, have a conversation. I also Camilla: Yeah, yeah. Parker :): think it gets used a lot in straight relationships where it's like, he's friends with another girl, he's emotionally cheating. And it's like, that's not really, that's not really what that is. And you should probably Camilla: Yeah, it's like that's not what that is. Yeah. Parker :): have a mature adult conversation before you just break up over it. Whereas like, if it's like he Camilla: Yeah, yeah. I yeah. Parker :): slept with someone else, yeah, break up with him. That's cheating. Camilla: Of course. Yeah, that's cheating. Yes. And like it comes down to the details, right? Like, he Parker :): Mm-hmm. Camilla: went to lunch with his female coworker. That's emotional cheating. Well, no, it's not. Unless at the table with his emo with his female coworker or her male or whatever gendered coworker, then if at the table they're saying like, You're the most beautiful person I've ever known and I wish I could date you and why aren't you single? And my god, you're so hot. Yeah, then sure, then we can talk about it. Parker :): That's, Camilla: Then then it then it's emotional cheating. Parker :): I also, I'm realizing this connects back to what we were just talking about too because I think perhaps I have a fear of someday being accused of emotional cheating because I treat my friendships so romantically. Camilla: my gosh, of course. It all connects for you. This is really all this is a circle. It's not a line. Parker :): I didn't realize that. This is therapy session. Therapy Wednesday. Camilla: Okay, but but okay, so now to get to the second one, which is that people on dating apps who are saying I'm just here for tear to be friends. Now, Parker :): Yeah. Camilla: for me, I've only ever looked for men on dating sites. And if a man says I'm just here for friendship, that is just Parker :): No he's not. Camilla: the code word for I'm just trying to have sex. And I really have Parker :): right. Camilla: no interest in anything else, which is so funny. But I'm guessing when you are seeing that, it's an in an entirely different context. Parker :): Yeah, I'm getting a lot of multicolored haired lesbians and non-binary people being like, not looking for anything, I just want to make friends, I just moved to the area. And... Camilla: Why are you on a dating app? Parker :): Right. It's like, I understand. Making friends is hard. No one understands that more than me. Camilla: Yes. Parker :): And... baiting and switching people? Not the way to do it. Because ultimately, what Camilla: Yeah. No. Parker :): you're gonna end up with... is, okay, I see you on Hinge. The first thing is a picture. I scroll, I like the picture, I'm attracted to you. I keep Camilla: Yeah. Yeah. Parker :): scrolling down. I see, you live in the same place as me, this. just looking for friends. Even if I swipe on you and say, Camilla: Yeah. Yeah. Parker :): cool, let's be friends, my first impression of you was you on a dating site and me being attracted to you. And I know I just said Camilla: Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. Parker :): that you can be attracted to your friends and that's fine. But I just don't think that you're gonna make the friends you want that way. yeah, Camilla: It's context, it's context. Parker :): and I also just think a problem with like my generation is we cannot do anything in person. It's all apps. It's all, I mean, it's not even exclusive to my generation. You were just talking about how people are like that here too. Camilla: God. No, I I feel it too. Yep. Parker :): So it's like, I don't care if it's hard. Get on Facebook, find a book group, go talk to people in real Camilla: Totally. Parker :): life, make some friends. Camilla: Or or I I would even say meet someone on a dating app, say I'd love to meet up for coffee. Say, you know, I don't totally know that this is a romantic connection, but I would love to be your friend. That is also so legitimate. Because also it's like, Parker :): Right, yeah, that's fine. But don't start off from it, yeah. Camilla: no, and I also don't ever believe that because I'm like, I I think it is so rare that someone is a point in their life that they're like, it does not matter if I meet my ideal partner tomorrow. I'm not open to it. I think that is so rare and almost never happens. So what they're really saying is like, please don't ask me for this because I probably won't want to give it to you. You know what I mean? It's it's such a strange Parker :): Yeah. Yeah. Camilla: message because it's like, one, why are you on a dating app? Two, do you really are you really feeling that? Like you are absolutely not open to anything other than a friendship right now. And if that's the case, why the hell did you download a dating app? Like Parker :): Exactly. Try some other sites first. There are... Camilla: And if you just want to sleep with someone, be honest. Parker :): Yeah, and there are sites where you can make friends. You can get on Facebook. You can get on Instagram. Yeah, you can find... Camilla: Yes. There's Bumble BFF. Last time I checked. Parker :): I have... Yeah, I deleted Bumble because I was not getting any traction, but... I... Yeah, like you can find events that are happening near you. can... Camilla: Yeah. Parker :): Look at me. I've never done this. But I'm saying it, people can and do. Camilla: People can and people do and people should. And like, you know. So yeah, I I also I agree with that and I don't and I also don't believe it. I almost never believe it. Parker :): Yeah. I will say, even at my lowest and loneliest, I've never changed my hinge to say that I'm looking for friends. So. Camilla: There you go. Eve have you met anyone from a dating app and they've become your friend? Parker :): No. Camilla: Okay, well that's the next step. Parker :): Yeah, I mean, I'm open to it for sure. Camilla: Yeah. Parker :): and I've had... The problem is like my life is kind of too choppy for that to be like a thing. Like, mostly when I'm on dating apps I'm like, let me find a summer fling for the three months or let me find, you know... Camilla: Yeah. Parker :): someone for like while I'm still in school in Boston or you know something like Camilla: Mm. Parker :): that and it's like that's not really conducive to making friends really of like if I go out with someone Camilla: Yeah. Parker :): and I like them I'm like okay yeah like we could keep hanging out and get closer and be friends but it's also like in three months I'm going to be on the other side of the country and I'm Camilla: Yeah. Parker :): very pro long-distance friendship but it's also like it's a lot of effort to put in when you know that you're about to leave. Camilla: It's a lot. It's a lot even for established friendships. Parker :): Yeah. Camilla: Long distance can be tricky. Parker :): Yeah. So, okay. Camilla: Okay, next hot take please. Let's do let's see what time is that? We're forty five. So probably like two more. Depending Parker :): Okay. Camilla: how long this next one takes. Parker :): Yeah, I know which one I want to end on, so. Camilla: okay, great. Parker :): Okay, since we're talking about relationships and, you Camilla: Mm. Parker :): know, all of those things, I'm in a pivot to a different kind of relationship, I don't believe in only children. Ideologically. I don't think... I don't think that we should do that. Camilla: Elaborate because you have a best friend who's an only child. Parker :): I know and I love her so much. Camilla: Your mother is an only child. Parker :): I know and I love her so much. I have many only children in my life and I love them so much. That being said, Camilla: Please. Parker :): I think having a sibling gives you certain life experiences and social skills that you can't really I- well, I won't speak in absolutes. It's... just... It helps build you as like a person who can relate to other people in a way that being an only child and having your parents' attention on you always doesn't. Of course, there are exceptions. There are only children whose parents do not pay any attention to them, and that's a whole other problem. There are Camilla: Mm-hmm. Yeah, yeah. Parker :): siblings who still grow up to be awful and Camilla: Awful. Parker :): whatever. Camilla: Mm-hmm. Parker :): Sorry, I just started wondering if Trump is an only child. But I Camilla: I don't think he is. Parker :): don't think he is because he's old, so they didn't really used to do that. Camilla: Yeah, that was very rare. But also where did his siblings go? Anyway, that's a whole other thing. Let's not get into it. I'll get Parker :): he ate them. Camilla: angry. Ate them. Okay, okay, okay, cool, okay, okay. Parker :): He was, he was the fourth of five. Anyway, we don't need to talk about him. Anyway. Camilla: Fourth of five, hm yeah, middle child. I mean me too, but you know, anyway. Another conversation for another day. Okay, do you have any more I Parker :): But you're like the, you're the queen of middle children. Camilla: am the queen of metal children. Do you have any more information on that or can I ask you questions and get into it? Parker :): You can ask me questions. Camilla: Do you Yeah, absolutely. That's okay. That's kind of part of it. Parker :): I'm gonna offend people. It's okay. It's okay. I've said this to people's faces. Camilla: Two people okay, great. Parker :): You Camilla: Do you believe this opinion was formed based on traits you have seen in Only Children? Is that where this has come from? Or is it does it come probably and the reality is, but like, or does it come from the benefit you've seen within your life from having a little brother, a sibling? Parker :): a little bit of both. I have noticed... Like, honestly, I think it's just not... Like, being an only child, we were talking about this also, of like, having so much attention and pressure on you. I don't think that's fun for the kid either. Camilla: Yeah. Yeah. Parker :): Like, I'm not saying like this just as someone who's like, only children are annoying. That's not true. Camilla: Yeah. Parker :): I know many not annoying only children, but it's Camilla: Yes, yeah. Parker :): like, I have... witnessed that it can be uncomfortable Camilla: Mm-hmm. Parker :): to have that and not have someone to interact with. can be lonely, you know? It's like, I think, Camilla: I think it can be incredibly lonely. Parker :): yeah, and I think learning how to like relate to another kid who's like a similar age to you while like before you've even made it to school. gives you a sense of self because it's something to compare yourself to, like I'm like Camilla: Yeah. Parker :): this person in this way and I'm not like this person in another way. You have Camilla: Mm-hmm. Parker :): to learn to, you know, share. You have to learn to interact peacefully or non-peacefully. Camilla: Yeah. Parker :): You can learn how hard you can hit someone before you cause damage. These are important things. Yeah. Camilla: You sure can. my gosh, you and your brother would beat each other up. Yeah. Parker :): Well, I think we're actually in the sweet zone of having good stories but never having sent each other to the hospital. Camilla: Yes. Yes. I feel the same with Parker :): Hahaha Camilla: my brothers, although I do think maybe it was maybe there should have been a little more stop hitting each other in there. But you know, hindsight Parker :): Yeah, for sure. Camilla: is 2020. here's what I'll say. Because I think I have a unique perspective on this now that I'm a parent, in Parker :): Mm-hmm. Camilla: that I can com pre-having kids, I would have 100% agreed with you. And I would have said You my firm opinion used to be and still to an extent is, you need a sibling because they are the only person you will have who you will love unconditionally, but who can say that looks fucking ugly or like that's a bad opinion and you sound stupid. Parker :): I remember you saying this take to me when I was younger, so... Camilla: There you go. It it's an astr it's like it is hard. It's almost impossible to hear that from anyone else because it's like that's just hurtful. Or I don't I think your perspective is warped. But when it is your sibling, it's like you and I are part of a pod. Having someone Parker :): Mm-hmm. Camilla: say to you, like, that's not a good take. Or like, don't Parker :): Yeah. Camilla: say that. That's not cool or funny. Like You kind of need it as a person, you need that sort of like, okay, that's a reality track. Cause I kind of thought that was hysterical. And it's hard Parker :): Right. Yeah. Camilla: to hear from anyone other than the person you kind of not have to love because plenty of people don't talk to their family anymore. But you know what mean? Like there's an innate, like, I love you no matter what. I love you when you drive me crazy because you're my sibling. Parker :): Right. Camilla: However, then I had children. And I will say the when I had my first child, Calvin, I was like, I totally get why people have one kid. Because there is such a sweetness to it. There is such a calmness to it. There is such an ease. Like parenting one child is a completely different world than parenting two. So I now do understand why it happens more. But I would say if I was the ruler of this imaginary world. And I decided to make some rules about reproduction, which I wouldn't, because I'm not a dictator or insane. However, Parker :): Yeah, tread lightly. Camilla: if I did, I would say if you're going to have an only child, my strong recommendation would be to have an only child in a world in which you have tons of community around, that there will be children that are as close to siblings as you can get. whether they're cousins Parker :): Right. Camilla: or neighbors or best friends, and that you take vacations with and all of those things, and that you as parents have full and complete lives outside of your child. Parker :): Right. Yeah. Camilla: And your own wants and needs and hobbies, which you should do with more than one child anyway. But you know, I think it matters so much when you have one kid that you don't raise a child who feels like the center of the universe Parker :): Mm-hmm. Camilla: and can't really understand when they're not. That creates some like real distortion. And yeah, I think people I think you need peers, and siblings are our first peers. Parker :): Yeah. Yeah, I mean, that's, I agree with that. I feel like, there's certainly exceptions of like, like I said, Camilla: Course. Parker :): there are ways to raise an only child that will create a better human than. Camilla: Yes. Parker :): you know, some ways to raise Camilla: Yeah. Parker :): multiple children. And I also do understand it from an economic perspective as well, because I understand Camilla: Totally. Parker :): why people are like, this thing's racking up quite a bill, probably shouldn't have another one. Camilla: Yeah, absolutely. And I think too, like single parent by choice. Like one kid makes sense. If you want to have a kid and you don't have a partner and you don't want a partner, one is don't outnumber yourself. My God. Parker :): Yeah, yeah. yeah. This is also my thing about my hot takes Camilla: But y I but I also hear you. Parker :): is like, I'll cave on them pretty easy. Camilla: don't think you're caving. I think you're standing strong, but I think you're just open to discussion and that's important too. Parker :): I allow, yeah, I allow room for nuance. I rarely mean everything with as much conviction as I say it. Camilla: Yeah. yeah, same, same. I mean I was that's what I was telling you and your mom the other and your brother, like I I can I'm easily convinced. Okay, last what's your last hot take, Parky girl? Parker :): My last hot take is that hot take culture has gotten really out of hand and people shouldn't be Camilla: Mm-hmm. Parker :): doing so many. Camilla: Yes. Yeah, I hear Parker :): Ehehehe Camilla: No, I mean, yes and no. It's it's like we were talking about earlier with cancel culture. It's like, yeah, I'm so anti cancel culture unless it's someone I want to cancel. Parker :): Right, yeah. It's like, I'm really, I'm really Camilla: You're so anti hot take unless it's your hot takes. Parker :): anti-hot take unless it's a good hot take. I just think that there's like a lot of societal Camilla: That's fair. Parker :): pressure to have a hot take all the time and people are coming up with like pretty cold ones. You know? I was in a, this, the last time... Camilla: Like, you know, only children should be illegal. Parker :): That's a hot take. That's hot. Camilla: What's a cold take? Parker :): I don't know. I... No, I can't say that. I'm... I was gonna use an example, but it would be calling people out. Camilla: I know you mean. No, I know what you're saying. It's like it's not even hot. It's not even on p it's like when people are like unpopular opinion, but breakfast really turns the day around. It's like who who all who disagrees? Parker :): Yeah. And it's like, nobody's disagreeing. Or if it's about something, yeah. Or if it's like, even such as something that is like, I don't know. That's just like, I've heard that one. Yeah. It is, everyone. Camilla: But this is an in this is an internet problem. This is an internet bred problem because everything becomes buzzword, clickbait, rage bait. And so it's like what used to be is like I kind of have this hot take. Do you wanna hear it? Or like I sort of have an unpopular opinion. And you would sort of say it with close friends and whisper doors. It's now like I want people to watch this minute long video so that I can make twenty bucks. Parker :): Right. It's like people are using it to sell you something like hot take. Camilla: Always. Parker :): What's that one video? There's like this one TikTok that's been like clipped to death. That's like call me crazy, but I've never liked store-bought pesto. And then it's like this girl like trying to show you how to a homemade pesto and Camilla: Yes, yes, yes. Parker :): everybody will clip that and be like, my God, that's so crazy. And then they'll tell like a crazy story or something. Camilla: Yes. Yes. my god, I kind of forgot about that. But yeah, that was really funny. Yeah. See, that's kind of the thing. It's like, call me crazy, but like I sort of like the summertime. No shit. Parker :): Yeah, like, my god, I'm so- it's like, it's giving pick me. That's what it's giving. It's like... my god. Camilla: Yes. B it's all turned into one. Pick me was like the start of the snowball and then it rolled into like clickbait and then it rolled into like rage bait and then it rolled into it's just like it's it's the sa it's all the same snowball. Parker :): Yeah. Yeah, exactly. So, I don't know. Camilla: You know, it's the same energy. So yeah, I kind of get it. And I think that that is just that's just a symptom of the internet. Parker :): It is, and it's also a symptom of humanity. There's no original thoughts really, or experiences, because we're all in it together. Camilla: Which is maybe why we should all throw away technology and get off the internet and live off grid and maybe that's my hot take. Parker :): were. Yeah, that would be bad for your business, but yeah. Camilla: It'd be bad for everything. I mean not everything. It'd be good for lots of things. Parker :): Hahaha Camilla: I just like I I mean, I feel like the theme of our conversations the last couple days and the theme maybe the theme of even this episode is just like why is it so hard for humans to find a happy medium? Like why is Parker :): Yeah. Camilla: it so hard for us to be like, you know what? Everything in moderation, including moderation. I don't know. It's like we can't just like be casually on the internet. We have to be chronically on the internet. We can't just be like casually friend I I don't know. I don't even know what I'm trying to say anymore, but Parker :): Yeah, no, I get it though. I'm picking up what you're putting down. Like... Yeah, Camilla: Yeah. Parker :): we're all just in... Camilla: Maybe we all I'm sure such like s smarter people have talked about this in better ways. But I suppose what I'm if the my thesis of this is the reason everything is more complex, difficult, and talked about is because we've built a world where we no longer have Farms to care for and houses to build and clean and butter to churn and sr and religion as the guiding post. And so we've all had to fill these energetic and maybe soul fulfilling purposes with other things. And so in twenty twenty six, like TikTok is God. And the houses we're building Parker :): You Camilla: and the butter we're turning are hot takes. Parker :): That sounds like the opening to like a dystopia novel in 2026. TikTok is God. Camilla: TikTok is God. I don't know. It's also challenging, but I can't imagine being 20 in the year of 2026 and you're doing that. So Parker :): Not yet. Give me a few more weeks. See if I make it. Yeah. Camilla: yeah, sorry, I'll give you a few more weeks. You will, Parker. And now I feel like I need to knock on wood, you crazy girl. I love you. Thank you for being here. Parker :): I didn't mean that. I love you! Thank you for having me. Camilla: And I'll see you in a few minutes for dinner. Okay. Parker :): Yeah. Yay. Camilla: Do you wanna do you wanna spend some time in your room chilling before dinner or do you wanna come down to the madness? You can choose. Whatever you want. Parker :): I'm chill, I'm good. I'm super zen. Go with the flow. Love you. Camilla: Love you.