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Are You Limiting Yourself? · Is Your Way In Your Way?

• 0:25
  Cassandra: Good day out there and welcome back to Is Your Way in Your Way.
• 0:30
  Cassandra: And for your new, my new listeners, my name is Cassandra Crawley Mayo, and I am your host to Is Your Way in Your Way.
• 0:38
  Cassandra: This show, where we this show, we will uncover the barriers that keep us from living our best life.
• 0:48
  Cassandra: Today's guest is Kristan Swann, is what she calls an experiential learner, meaning she's learned some of life's greatest lessons the hard way through mistakes, missteps, and moments of grace.
• 1:06
  Cassandra: Her story is one of gratitude, resilience, and the power of second chances.
• 1:12
  Cassandra: You know, Krista reminds us that it's okay to be a work in progress, that faith, honesty, and humility can transform even our hardest seasons into the most defining ones.
• 1:28
  Cassandra: So if you ever felt like you're learning life's lessons the long way, this episode is for you.
• 1:37
  Cassandra: So stay tuned, guys.
• 1:39
  Cassandra: You don't want to miss this conversation.
• 1:41
  Cassandra: And we do talk about topics related to self-improvement, also um that enable you to have some self-reflection.
• 1:50
  Cassandra: And today our topic is are you limiting yourself?
• 1:54
  Cassandra: And I'm going to introduce you to I'm going to introduce Kristen Swam to the stage.
• 1:59
  Cassandra: Hi, Kristen.
• 2:01
  Kristan: Hello, Cassandra.
• 2:02
  Kristan: Thank you so much for having me today.
• 2:04
  Kristan: This is just a delight.
• 2:06
  Cassandra: Yes, it's it's my pleasure.
• 2:08
  Cassandra: And I love this topic.
• 2:09
  Cassandra: Are you limiting yourself?
• 2:11
  Cassandra: Um, listeners, uh, I just I want to share a couple of things, some other things about Kristen, so you can kind of understand perhaps why she's like she is, and why is she answering some of the questions like she does?
• 2:28
  Cassandra: For example, she's raised in a constantly changing environment.
• 2:34
  Cassandra: Um, she finds stability in stories and books and the wisdom of her grandparents.
• 2:42
  Cassandra: She's learned so much from her grandparents.
• 2:45
  Cassandra: So, Kristen, I would like to know that actually you are a coach, okay, and your mission is simple yet profound.
• 2:56
  Cassandra: And your mission is to help you see that your story is still being written and to give you the courage, the clarity, and creativity to write it on purpose.
• 3:07
  Cassandra: So, my first question to you you being uh uh a coach to entrepreneurs, and then you pivoted and you decided that you want to be uh you want to more help people build lives that feel deeply aligned with who they are.
• 3:28
  Cassandra: So from an entrepreneur coach to an individual that supports and empowers people to be aligned to who they're supposed to be.
• 3:39
  Cassandra: What made you pivot to that from an entrepreneur?
• 3:43
  Cassandra: And and it sounds like to me, is that the only job you had was just being an entrepreneur, a series entrepreneur.
• 3:51
  Cassandra: What's up with that?
• 3:54
  Kristan: Oh gosh, yes.
• 3:56
  Kristan: Well, I thank you.
• 3:58
  Kristan: There are a lot of questions in there, so I will start by saying I have had a multitude of jobs, right?
• 4:09
  Kristan: And I've always been kind of a self-starter.
• 4:12
  Kristan: I started at a very young age, um, I guess being entrepreneurial because I would go around my neighborhood and when I knew a neighbor was going to go on vacation, I'd knock on their door.
• 4:25
  Kristan: Hey, do you want someone to help you, you know, water the plants, bring in your paper, whatever it was?
• 4:31
  Kristan: Right.
• 4:31
  Kristan: So so I I kind of I had a lot of different jobs.
• 4:37
  Kristan: I I worked through college and immediately thereafter.
• 4:41
  Kristan: And my kind of we were talking about the business coaching and working with other business owners, and that became something that I did for about a decade or more.
• 4:57
  Kristan: And and that was a lot.
• 4:59
  Kristan: Um I I really I enjoyed that work so much because I love what I realize is is I really like to help people, and I really like to help people kind of achieve the success that is meaningful to them.
• 5:18
  Kristan: Okay.
• 5:19
  Kristan: Right.
• 5:19
  Kristan: Okay, great.
• 5:20
  Kristan: And so working directly with um owners and founders of businesses, um, so primarily independent business owners, gave me a chance to be really have an impact, right?
• 5:35
  Kristan: And make a difference for folks.
• 5:38
  Kristan: And the pivot I made following that was after the pandemic, I was pretty exhausted because um I I am happy to say all of my clients during the pandemic did very well.
• 5:55
  Kristan: Nobody went underwater.
• 5:57
  Kristan: In fact, people had their best years ever.
• 6:00
  Kristan: And I I was just, I was, I was burned out.
• 6:06
  Kristan: I I didn't realize it.
• 6:08
  Kristan: It kind of took me a year afterwards to realize that I was just thoroughly exhausted.
• 6:14
  Kristan: Okay.
• 6:14
  Kristan: And I always had, I've always kind of had this thing where so I went to college, I got a bachelor's, and education is really important in my family.
• 6:29
  Kristan: Um, I you mentioned my grandparents, and so both uh my and it's funny because I got this message about how important education was from my one grandmother who was very bright, and her circumstances she essentially graduated from high school and then started working.
• 6:51
  Kristan: So my other grandparents both attended undergraduate, and then my grandfather went on to get graduate degrees.
• 7:02
  Kristan: So it was like the they they both were telling me the same thing, which is education is is the way, right, and but from very different perspectives, right?
• 7:14
  Kristan: So I went back to school and got a master's um that I completed in 2023, and I got a master's of education.
• 7:23
  Kristan: So, and it was the focus was on um part of it was on leadership.
• 7:29
  Kristan: And so I thought, well, maybe what I'll do is I could teach, right?
• 7:33
  Kristan: And and I realized that probably going into academia was not going to be a good fit for somebody who was a longtime entrepreneur and kind of used to doing things um their own way.
• 7:49
  Kristan: But I realized, you know, that that deeper calling that you referred to of kind of that that has been such a through line in all the twisty turns that my my life has taken of wanting to to support people and help people and also give people a way to be their most full versions of themselves.
• 8:20
  Cassandra: Now, Kristen, I want to stop you for a minute.
• 8:23
  Cassandra: Yeah.
• 8:23
  Cassandra: My listeners are are what I indicated before, they many of them are stuck, and they're stuck because of these they have all these barriers, these limiting beliefs.
• 8:38
  Cassandra: So with that, it's hard for them to move forward.
• 8:43
  Cassandra: And listening to you, it didn't sound like you had a lot of barriers, or if you did, you'd knock them down because, like you said, you were an entrepreneur, and then like, okay, well, that may not be working for me.
• 8:57
  Cassandra: So let me go back to school, let me focus on education.
• 9:00
  Cassandra: And for you, you just like I I indicated earlier, how you constantly your environment constantly changed.
• 9:07
  Cassandra: Right.
• 9:07
  Cassandra: And I'm just curious though, when you think of something, it's kind of like, uh, okay, I know that this isn't working for me, so therefore I want to do something different.
• 9:21
  Cassandra: It didn't appear that it took you a long time, you know.
• 9:25
  Cassandra: So I'm I'm wondering when I think about my listeners, like, okay, this isn't working for me.
• 9:29
  Cassandra: I want to do this.
• 9:30
  Cassandra: Um okay, I think I'm gonna do this.
• 9:32
  Cassandra: What was it about you?
• 9:34
  Cassandra: Or what could my listeners do to make that change, to overcome the barriers that they are experiencing?
• 9:43
  Kristan: Well, thank you for thank you for stopping me because a couple of things I want to say um about that is it is it's very easy in the retelling of this to make it sound like there was just this kind of effortless gliding right from one thing to the next.
• 10:03
  Kristan: I'd I think it and then I do it.
• 10:05
  Kristan: And in some ways, there was a little bit of that.
• 10:09
  Kristan: And I will say, so so okay, so let me back up for a second.
• 10:17
  Kristan: The there were definitely moments where I was terrified to make a change.
• 10:26
  Kristan: I was terrified.
• 10:28
  Kristan: And I think that in in one way things would either there would be a glimmer, just a glimmer of opportunity that might present itself, and that might be in you know, reaching out to someone and asking for help about how they did something, and that kind of could give me that path forward, right?
• 11:00
  Kristan: Okay, um, there could be, and there have been so many of those moments of grace, right?
• 11:06
  Kristan: Is in it, but you have to look up for those, you know, the the opportunities are there because people I do believe in general want to also help you, right?
• 11:19
  Kristan: I mean, people, there is a lot of kindness that is that is available to us if we can just you know take a breath and kind of lift our head up for a moment, especially when we're in those those really dark dark times.
• 11:35
  Kristan: So there have been just the littlest, littlest steps forward that I could take.
• 11:43
  Kristan: And and and what happens is when you take that first little step, and it could be as little as, like I said, reaching out to a friend and saying, I'm thinking of making a change, you know, and and I'm I'm you know, whether it was it was actually kind of scary for me, and this is gonna sound odd, to move from landscape design, this business that I had built, into coaching, because I was essentially I I was my thought was that I was going to move into business coaching my colleagues.
• 12:29
  Kristan: And and it was, and my colleagues were looking at me thinking, like, well, who are you to give us advice?
• 12:37
  Kristan: Like, what's so great about the business that you've built that you are the one who's gonna tell us how to do things so much better.
• 12:46
  Kristan: And the and the truth of it was it it was the fact that I had made so many mistakes in my own business and and learned from them that that is what I could share.
• 13:00
  Kristan: It wasn't it so sometimes what you have to share is that is the messiness that you have experienced too, right?
• 13:12
  Kristan: Yeah.
• 13:14
  Cassandra: Yeah.
• 13:14
  Kristan: So I think that there was there was there was that piece of just recognize just these little tiny steps.
• 13:22
  Kristan: And and and then the other thing I will say, and you were mentioning, you know, just how kind of constantly changing and really chaotic my upbringing felt to me, is that even though in this retelling of the story, and and there is, you know, there there is a through line of me just charging ahead, you know, my charging ahead uh was a lot of it was uh really based on uh the fear of being stuck.
• 14:05
  Cassandra: Like Kristen, something else about you that you indicated, you talked about experiential learning.
• 14:13
  Cassandra: I mean that that to me, you in other words, you you learn from your mistakes, and it it appeared because because your environment wasn't constant and you were here, you were there, and and during your learning, you took it as okay, I made a mistake, you know.
• 14:33
  Cassandra: Um, okay, I got fear.
• 14:36
  Kristan: Um, so oh, but but but I've gotta I have to jump in one second because there is the the transition from saying that is a lesson learned, yeah, you know, failing and going into that space of saying, okay, this is now wisdom that I have, right?
• 14:56
  Kristan: This is a lesson learned.
• 14:57
  Kristan: There is this there is this very uncomfortable space in the in between that where on the heels of failing, yes, oh my gosh, did I just want to crawl under the covers and just never show my head and my face again?
• 15:15
  Kristan: I mean, the the I you know I have been, I'm I always like to be transparent.
• 15:23
  Kristan: I've I've been I've I'm married now three times.
• 15:27
  Kristan: I'm very happy.
• 15:30
  Kristan: I have found the right person for myself.
• 15:32
  Kristan: Okay, okay.
• 15:33
  Kristan: Um, I had two divorces, right?
• 15:35
  Kristan: I mean, and so coming to the space of initiating my second divorce, boy, that was scary.
• 15:44
  Kristan: And also there was just, I felt like, gosh, you know, one divorce, okay.
• 15:49
  Kristan: You know, people are thinking, you know, okay, you know, everyone can make a mistake.
• 15:56
  Kristan: Two divorces, come on.
• 15:58
  Kristan: Then you start.
• 15:59
  Kristan: I felt like I was just so I felt so bad about myself.
• 16:05
  Kristan: Okay.
• 16:05
  Kristan: And I also I I I I had to, I mean, the thing that was also really kind of motivating my staying in the relationship was that shame.
• 16:23
  Kristan: And at a certain point, I've had to just decide to choose myself as opposed to what other people thought about me or my choices.
• 16:34
  Cassandra: So that sounds like that was one lesson, that divorce that completely changed how you see yourself.
• 16:43
  Kristan: That it did, but it but it took a while for me to to forgive myself.
• 16:49
  Kristan: I mean, I I I I spent, you know, I think that there's there still was that time in between of really graduating to where it felt like I got meaningful information that allowed for me to grow.
• 17:08
  Cassandra: Okay.
• 17:08
  Kristan: There was that in-between phase that that that's what I want to be really honest with your listeners about.
• 17:16
  Kristan: And and I want to share that.
• 17:18
  Kristan: And and I wanted, I wanted, I want to allow us to kind of wallow in that even for a little bit because that's very real.
• 17:27
  Kristan: So I don't ever want to make it sound easy.
• 17:31
  Kristan: Okay.
• 17:31
  Kristan: It's simple.
• 17:32
  Kristan: It's often these are often simple choices that we have in front of us, but they're not easy.
• 17:38
  Kristan: And and so part of what for me I have noticed is there is there is the the incident, you know, the the moment of failure that also ultimately becomes the moment of learning.
• 17:55
  Kristan: And there is that, there is that those those, however long it takes, days, weeks, months, years, where it all of those feelings, and a lot of them are shame, humiliation, are and those are powerful, um are still very it's easy to become activated.
• 18:21
  Kristan: It's easy to kind of find yourself feeling those same.
• 18:27
  Kristan: You can think back to oh gosh, this is what happened, and you can feel it in your body how you felt in that moment.
• 18:34
  Kristan: And there takes time for it to kind of alchemize, right?
• 18:39
  Cassandra: Right, but what you did to yeah, what you've learned from it, Kristen, and you've moved on, and that's kind of what I want to highlight for my listeners.
• 18:49
  Cassandra: Sure, it wasn't easy emotionally, I can imagine, but yet you picked yourself up.
• 18:55
  Cassandra: I'm not saying you did it in a day, but you're like, okay, I want to do okay, now I need to move forward and I need to do this, and what you went through absolutely that can get a person stuck.
• 19:30
  Cassandra: So I just kind of wanted to talk a little bit about more about what got you unstuck for you to move on and do something different.
• 19:43
  Kristan: Well, I think part of I mean, one thing is a big mindset shift for me actually happened when I was I was still married to my second husband.
• 19:57
  Kristan: Um, not, I mean, it was not a very happy union during our years together.
• 20:03
  Kristan: Um, I was working a lot because that was a way that I could kind of an area of focus that brought me joy and and kept me busy.
• 20:14
  Kristan: Um, and I was working with my my my business owners.
• 20:19
  Kristan: And so many times my business owners would come to me and they would say, I'm really, I'm I've got this issue and I'm I'm so concerned about it.
• 20:29
  Kristan: And so one of the things that we would do, which is a very natural thing to do, it's I think we've all done this, is you it's like, okay, we're gonna let's talk about what's the worst case scenario, right?
• 20:44
  Kristan: So you do this whole thing where you're like, what's the worst thing that can happen if this if this thing just unravels, right?
• 20:51
  Kristan: And you go down, you go down that path.
• 20:55
  Kristan: And the thing is, is that we are very good at going down the path of imagining these worst case scenarios, right?
• 21:03
  Kristan: Because we actually, you know, we've usually experienced them or we've known someone who's experienced them.
• 21:10
  Kristan: Um, so it's it's very easy to kind of just go down that path.
• 21:13
  Kristan: And and what you find at the end of the path of the worst case scenario is you're essentially asking the question, is this gonna kill me or not?
• 21:23
  Kristan: I mean, in the most basic of terms.
• 21:25
  Kristan: Um and generally you get to the end there and you realize, okay, it's it it bumps, bruises, yes, but it's not gonna kill me.
• 21:35
  Kristan: So I would do that, but then I started, you know, I've I I'd work with these clients over time and and I'd really get to know them and I'd get to know their their businesses, and and so I'd have a real kind of history, right?
• 21:51
  Kristan: Of of who they were and what had been going on in their business.
• 21:55
  Kristan: And I started thinking, I thought, well, what if we what if we think about what what if we we can do the whole worst case scenario thing if if you're bound and determined to do that.
• 22:08
  Kristan: And humor me.
• 22:09
  Kristan: What if we do the best case scenario?
• 22:12
  Kristan: What if we do the best case scenario?
• 22:14
  Kristan: And what's interesting about the best case scenario is we actually don't know what it is, right?
• 22:23
  Kristan: We're we're kind of we're there's so many different possibilities that could be the best case scenario.
• 22:30
  Kristan: However, what I will say, and this is something that all of us can do when we are faced into in these moments where we're feeling like, oh, I got this thing and you're ready to do that worst case scenario.
• 22:43
  Kristan: Lean into what the best case scenario could.
• 22:46
  Kristan: be and you probably only have just a a little i just a tiny idea of what that can be however you can think back in your life and think back to those moments when you felt like the worst case scenario was knocking at your door and what actually happened right probably something unexpected happened something that you didn't actually anticipate happening and that's what I'm saying is that we most of us are gonna have enough data points in our own life to say gosh I know that the worst case scenario didn't happen and actually what happened ended up being in a way a version of a best case scenario right because you know what another thing you I would say you you talk about a lot we talk about the worst case scenario but you also talk about second chances you know this could happen this was so good but yeah so I'd like to know when tell us a time when a second chance showed up and how you avoided letting the fear you talked about or regret get in the way of receiving it well I think that I'm trying to think of a good example I mean I I mean gosh I I if if you had told me that I was gonna get married again after I was gonna bring that up after after two divorces and I would have said I mean you can ask anyone in my family after my second divorce it you can ask any of my girlfriends what was Kristen saying she was saying never ever ever ever ever again not that I wouldn't be in a relationship but just never getting married again that's right and you didn't let that fear get in the way you you know you didn't regret you received it I did and it it really I it I did but it it took a little while and it was it was interesting because I I had to go through I definitely had to go through a bit of a journey to get there and part of the journey was I had to forgive myself for really what you know what had kind of precipitated my earlier choices in partners right and and in the forgiving of myself I also had to allow for that best case scenario right I mean I I did I actually did have a belief that I could be a good partner in a marriage or a committed relationship right and I think part of that was finally taking some time to get to know myself right I mean I I spent a lot of time I was very good at observing others I mean that for me was a survival strategy as a child and ultimately became a something that was a skill that I had that I could employ as an adult.
• 26:36
  Kristan: And it's not a bad thing right to be to be in tune with others right but when you are when that is kind of all you're about observing others and trying to meet their needs and not knowing who you are um then that becomes troublesome.
• 26:56
  Cassandra: Then you then but listen I'm curious is that how you discovered um your spiritual autobiography like like let's let's talk a little bit about discovering your spiritual autobiography yeah I that definitely getting I do think that for me the path of when I when I think about discovering your spiritual autobiography and this is I I consider my spiritual autobiography I mean I've written so many at this point right I mean it's always growing and evolving and changing so it's it's a I call it a living document it's not something that's fixed and to get back to your question I did need to have a sense of who I was right I needed to get curious about who is Kristen?
• 27:51
  Kristan: What are the things that are meaningful to you?
• 27:53
  Kristan: What are the to me?
• 27:55
  Kristan: What are the things that that what do I what am I all about right not in comparison to someone else not in not so that I can fit in to a certain group or relationship um who am I and so I had to I had to get curious and I had to I mean I did it through journaling I did it through just um you know kind of quiet reflection I I did it um you know also through continuing to make mistakes and and and putting myself out there sometimes in situations that were uncomfortable and but I had to know myself and then only then when I had a sense of who I was and I had some trust around that which so I think you get to you you kind of you build right you've got some curiosity about who you are and you you start figuring that out and then you start layering on that you can you can trust yourself right that you you are someone that you can you can make choices by listening to yourself.
• 29:12
  Kristan: And from there then I was able to think about kind of my relationship to that which is bigger in the world or you know or even universe right so that's kind of where I'm I'm leading towards that spiritual autobiography right is that's that's entering into that conversation and again that next level of curiosity and inquiry around now who I know who I am and I have a little bit of an idea of what I am here for or what I want to be doing here in this existence.
• 29:59
  Kristan: What is my relationship to that which is bigger than me?
• 30:04
  Cassandra: That's great because I want to go back to my listeners.
• 30:07
  Cassandra: Now you did it so could you explain what that spiritual autobiography is so that they can transition and get to know who they are, start healing and and get to what I will call their purpose of a different direction.
• 30:24
  Cassandra: So what is a spiritual autobiography?
• 30:27
  Kristan: Well a spiritual autobiography and I don't mean to be cagey about this but it really it is it looks different for every single person who participates and you know for I remember the very first time that I did a spiritual autobi was when I was facilitating a small group and it was within a uh a church community so there was a um kind of a religious aspect to it and and as a result that spiritual autobiography really was kind of this reflection on the watching especially my grandparents right we were talking about that they're such a important um source of information for me um and I spent so much time with them so watching you know watching my one grandparents who weren't particularly religious and yet they ultimately ended up founding a unitarian church in their community and that provided a great source of community for them.
• 31:32
  Kristan: Whereas you know my other grandmother had this very contentious relationship with her upbringing which was within a very strict Catholic faith.
• 31:42
  Kristan: And um so kind of observing those so for me at the beginning of my journey and the very first time I did a spiritual autobiography I had to unpack so to speak or just examine I mean it didn't you unpack sound so serious or sort of psychological I just had to I had to examine kind of this spiritual and the religious and and think about where they kind of were the same and where they they ventured into different directions.
• 32:20
  Kristan: And so how would you okay so my my listeners are listening to you how would they start that like what what what are what do you do what are what are the steps even though there are differences but how do you get started with that what is that well a couple of things I'm gonna I'll I'll back up and say if your listeners are at the point where they are saying I I'm not even sure who I am right now right I am I'm I've kind of lost touch with myself or you know like me you didn't grow up in a situation where getting to know yourself was encouraged right I would say I have a a journal it's called Spaghetti on the wall and it is really meant to develop a habit of discernment and what that means is that you journal every day and it gives you prompts and it allows you to kind of put down what's what has transpired in the course of a day and then it asks you questions like what were those moments that were that were a double thumbs up right with in the in the journal it's called a big yes like what were those big yeses of your day so you you talk about you know you talk about having maybe and big yeses don't have to be big moments a big yes of your day for instance could be like I my big yes a week ago was I was on an airplane and I got to sit next to this eight year old young man and he ended up engaging me in a conversation and we were talking about this game he was playing and how nice was that I mean I I hadn't talked to an eight year old in a quite a while and it was just really sweet.
• 34:08
  Kristan: Like that was that was a really great moment for me that day.
• 34:12
  Kristan: So that spaghetti journal has prompts yes okay which is good and you called it spaghetti because it's can be all over the place well I don't know about you but um so my mom was not a um if she's listening out there I'm asking her forgiveness right now um my mom was not a great cook um growing up and so the journal is called spaghetti on the wall because the we had this one friend who liked to come over and cook for us and they were very flamboyant in the they you know the in the in the kitchen and whenever they made spaghetti because spaghetti and meatballs was one of my grandmother's favorite meals they would throw spaghetti on the ceiling and and they always and they always told us that's how you tell if it's done or not right if it sticks if it sticks it's done.
• 35:08
  Kristan: And they literally did that and they literally did that and so um so I had to name this journal um after that because it's just that image of kind of throwing up some noodles and you know sometimes they're gonna stick and and sometimes they're not and you just if they if they're not sticking yet then you you kind of keep going right you cook a little bit longer and you you pick another one and you throw it up there and if it sticks maybe it's worth paying attention to right that's a good story.
• 35:41
  Cassandra: Okay I'm gonna tell my story.
• 35:44
  Kristan: Yeah so this is this this is a a this is a journal that you are meant to just spend about 15 minutes a day it has the prompts it walks you through so you you you kind of it allows you to get to know yourself so and so for those listeners who feel like I know who I am I you know I I feel like I can trust myself I've got a clear idea of of what's important to me right and then if you're interested in discovering your spiritual autobiography you kind of want to explore that that idea of kind of what is your relationship to that which is bigger than yourself.
• 36:26
  Kristan: Kind of a place to start can be thinking about I mean I mentioned that my very first one particularly because it was done in a church setting the the conversation of religion came in I do think I do start the workshops the discovering your spiritual autobiography workshops asking participants because I think we've all been exposed to religion at some level right that let's think about kind of think about your history you know what's your your family's relationship with religion what's your relationship with religion and I I think I I use the words like what is what is what have you inherited like what are inherited beliefs right discovery and then what are what are those beliefs that you've acquired along the along the way and so it's it's kind of a a the workshop is really goes through several you don't just I don't put you down and and say okay we're doing a spiritual autobiography right now.
• 37:39
  Kristan: We actually have several steps of self-discovery and we're kind of we're looking at kind of those those beliefs and where they came from and and the ones that we're still attached to and the ones that we're no longer attached to and then we look at different um times in our life and and then from there some people have done a spiritual autobiography that's about one moment in time like I had one participant who wrote about a weekend trip um with their family that was just um kind of in the way that the world um revealed itself to them in that moment.
• 38:22
  Kristan: Yeah I've had other people who have who've been much more kind of chronological about this is where they started and here's where they are now in terms of their understanding.
• 38:35
  Kristan: I've had other people where their understanding of kind of what is spiritual or or spirituality is directly related to nature.
• 38:49
  Kristan: So um it their reflection can be much more of a a connection to to nature.
• 38:57
  Kristan: Right.
• 38:58
  Kristan: Right like you said everybody's different everybody everyone is different.
• 39:01
  Kristan: Right every and that's and and so I I I really guide you at the beginning and then when we get to the actual assignment of of your spiritual autobiography that's where I'm a little more hands off and at that point I invite people to I don't know just see where you're you know there's and again there's no right or wrong answer.
• 39:24
  Kristan: And this could be your spiritual autobiography for this moment.
• 39:29
  Cassandra: Exactly but it doesn't mean that it's your spiritual autobiography for tomorrow or even an hour from now and so getting back to anyone who is feeling stuck or limited the very next your very next moment can be different right yeah and that's that's that is actually a great segue to my next question because see many of my listeners are trying to get out of their way right their own way they're often stunned um between who they were and who they're becoming so what would you say to someone afraid to start over what would you say to my listeners oh gosh that we are I'll I'll say what I have said to myself in those moments um that I there was a long time I talked about being a great observer of people um and part a kind of a byproduct of that is I I think I I waited for permission oftentimes right I was always or I was waiting for like the perfect time to do stuff.
• 40:43
  Kristan: So there was there was a lot of waiting um I'm gonna just I'm gonna tell you and and I have to tell myself this too you give yourself permission do not wait for someone else to give you permission over your own life and self-discovery is not being selfish.
• 41:06
  Kristan: Okay so be clear that this is not you being selfish right so you get to give yourself permission and I mean the other thing that I tell myself every day is I as long as I'm still standing and breathing my story is not over right my story is not over and I get to be I get to be the author of my own story and I get to be the the star of my own story.
• 41:35
  Kristan: Right right I get to be the protagonist.
• 41:37
  Cassandra: Right and because of that it's kind of like our title are you limiting yourself so that's kind of why you're talking you know talking about the autobiography and you know it's okay to start over um you do get second chances and you know and as you indicated you you you transition you move from this to that which is okay and it took time but yet you didn't limit yourself in doing it you you were up for the challenge even though there was fear that set in yeah so just I mean it's really and and I like what you said that give yourself not only give yourself permission but also give yourself time I think that there was a sense in one in a in a season of my life where I I felt like there was this need to rush or that there was some sort of you know I don't know there somebody was keeping track of time somewhere and you again you get to you you know allow for allow for the time that it takes don't stop judging whether you're doing it fast enough or or well enough right and right I gotta get married at this age I could have children at this age you and you're correct you need to take your time exactly hey Kristen where can how can my listeners find you I bet there's some that want that spaghetti journal uh tell us how we can find you probably the easiest way is on my website kristinswan.com and for people who are on social media I'm you can look up Kristen Swan on the various platforms but yeah check out my website you the the journal is there and I really recommend it I I use it uh I use it every day I like to start my day with the journal I have other folks who love to end their day they feel like it just kind of calms their mind so they can go to sleep really easily I like it because I feel like it kind of sets the tone for my day again because I have that tendency to rush right for me starting the day with the journal is just a great way to kind of breathe and ease into the day.
• 43:59
  Cassandra: And I I love that you're having props because people just get an empty book and write and there's sometimes they like well what do I say well you know if if you're not a journaler so this gives you some direction and so that's what I really really like about this.
• 44:15
  Cassandra: And and Kristen I you know you and I could talk and talk and talk we just can't we just can't I just you know I I I just want to thank you for your insight um I am inspired by your journey uh the listeners don't know the full journey you know how you went from you stayed in one area for a summer and you know just life life stuff period but yes lifestyle yeah yeah but you've gotten second Chances time and time again, and and you have embraced them, you know.
• 44:51
  Cassandra: So I just I just want to thank you, and I want to tell my listeners now that um please share this podcast with your friends, someone that you have their best interest at heart, that you believe there are limiting themselves, and have them listen to Kristen about what it is that she's done and have accomplished.
• 45:14
  Cassandra: And um, and I I just think you know it'll be an eye-opener for many people because I always say, whatever you're going through, you're not alone.
• 45:24
  Kristan: Absolutely.
• 45:25
  Kristan: You are not alone by yourself.
• 45:28
  Cassandra: Yeah, you are not by yourself.
• 45:30
  Cassandra: Exactly.
• 45:31
  Cassandra: So, Kristen, thank you so much.
• 45:33
  Cassandra: Like I tell my listeners, bye for now.
• 45:36
  Cassandra: And um, and God bless you all and love you, and there's nothing that you can do about it.
• 45:42
  Cassandra: Again, thank you so much.
• 45:44
  Cassandra: Thank you.
• 45:45
  Cassandra: Wow, it was a pleasure meeting you, and I'm glad you are in a good place with your with your husband and your children, and uh, and you deserve that.
• 46:24
  Cassandra: And your your journaling and self-journey and self-discovery, you trying to do what it takes for you to get to where you believe you are going, you are actually becoming, and like you said, like well, and and I I still have I still have uh, you know, there's there's still children that are a little fussy, so I'm I'm still in the in the mix on that.
• 46:51
  Kristan: So right, right.
• 46:52
  Cassandra: I understand.
• 46:53
  Cassandra: Well, again, thank you.
• 46:55
  Cassandra: Thank you for your flexibility.
• 46:56
  Cassandra: And I'm noticing there have been some changes on StreamYard that I need to because we're we're recording now, but this will be edited out.
• 47:03
  Cassandra: So okay.
• 47:04
  Cassandra: So bye for now.
• 47:07
  Cassandra: I will send you this.
• 47:09
  Cassandra: It's gonna air next year, which next year is in a month or so.
• 47:13
  Cassandra: I know, right?
• 47:14
  Cassandra: I know I can't believe things are moving that fast.
• 47:17
  Kristan: Well, good.
• 47:18
  Kristan: Well, I I am so thank you for your time, and it's I love what you do, and and we'll be in touch.
• 47:25
  Kristan: Okay, great.