Latest / Get Real Rae... Real Business & Life Advice / Is Dishing Out Your Labels Helping Others Get to Know You?

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Is Dishing Out Your Labels Helping Others Get to Know You? · Get Real Rae... Real Business & Life Advice

• 0:10
  Rae: I just took my personality test and just learned that I am an INTJSXAY. What are you?
• 0:20
  Rae: confused?
• 0:24
  Rae: Is that a thing?
• 0:25
  Rae: Cause that's what I'm feeling right now.
• 0:27
  Rae: This is Rae with Get Real Rae, a place and space for life and business tips from this creative soul to hopefully inspire you on your journey, or at the very least, provide you with some laughs.
• 0:37
  Rae: And let's get real about labels. People! Labels?
• 0:42
  Rae: Save it.
• 0:43
  Rae: For your chemically enhanced peanut butter.
• 0:50
  Rae: Okay.
• 0:52
  Rae: So… I just got off the phone.
• 0:58
  Rae: For a potential house sip.
• 1:01
  Rae: And…
• 1:03
  Rae: I always make sure that I clarify up front that I want to do a video call. And in my message, when I send a message to people, don't worry if you're like, Rae, I don't do house sitting, don't you be flipping and clicking and changing and scrolling and flowing and all that stuff, because we're gonna… this isn't about the house sitting, I'm doing another video about that.
• 1:22
  Rae: But, lo and behold,
• 1:25
  Rae: I communicate my message, the type of communication that I'm looking for for that next step.
• 1:32
  Rae: Do you… would you be available for a FaceTime or video call? Or video?
• 1:42
  Rae: to… Eliminate, reduce any confusion.
• 1:46
  Rae: And I will say that I did have another woman
• 1:49
  Rae: As I'm, you know, recording this video, I'm thinking, I thought that was that one other woman where we had scheduled a video call, and…
• 1:58
  Rae: It was in her reply, okay.
• 2:01
  Rae: Yes, we'll do the video call at this time, and then when I called her, she was driving.
• 2:07
  Rae: And she's… Like, in her car.
• 2:11
  Rae: But the video part wasn't on at first.
• 2:15
  Rae: And I think I had to, like…
• 2:17
  Rae: call her back or something. Yeah, the thing, I was like, oh, you're driving, do you want me to call you back? I was like, oh, I didn't realize there was a video call.
• 2:25
  Rae: You said in your message, Many people just don't know what video means. Now, to be fair.
• 2:30
  Rae: Both individuals were older.
• 2:33
  Rae: But, my parental figure is in her 70s.
• 2:38
  Rae: And she knows what a video call is. We FaceTime all the time.
• 2:43
  Rae: I have another very good friend that I just saw recently. She, I think she says she just turned 74?
• 2:50
  Rae: She understands what a video call is.
• 2:53
  Rae: She FaceTimes her daughter all the time.
• 2:55
  Rae: I'm just saying, if you were in the U.S, And…
• 3:00
  Rae: You do not know what a video call is.
• 3:04
  Rae: I'm concerned. I'm concerned.
• 3:07
  Rae: Okay, to be fair, you might be in a rural or a very rural community. But these people are not rural communities, so just pay attention, people, pay attention. Okay.
• 3:17
  Rae: So, lo and behold, this is supposed to be a video call.
• 3:22
  Rae: And they call me… And it's not. This is a regular phone call.
• 3:30
  Rae: There's nothing wrong with regular phone calls, but this is my first time communicating with you. So there are other people where I've…
• 3:36
  Rae: I've confirmed you were not AI, or a scammer, or a spammer, and so I can phone talk with you anytime you want.
• 3:46
  Rae: I don't know you?
• 3:47
  Rae: And we're trying to make an arrangement where I'm gonna come and stay in your house and help you out.
• 3:55
  Rae: I need proof you not… Cray cray.
• 4:01
  Rae: Cause on that video call.
• 4:03
  Rae: I might see you, and you might have, like, dead bodies in the background.
• 4:10
  Rae: That tells me something. It sure does.
• 4:13
  Rae: But, I mentioned, oh, it's not…
• 4:18
  Rae: on FaceTime, it's not a video call, I'll call you right back. He was like, oh, well, I actually prefer phone because I'm in
• 4:28
  Rae: oral auto… Tory person.
• 4:33
  Rae: And I thought, that's weird.
• 4:35
  Rae: Say learner.
• 4:38
  Rae: Person.
• 4:40
  Rae: Didn't say I have a processing disorder.
• 4:44
  Rae: person.
• 4:47
  Rae: a little bit, because I'm thinking, well, is this a freaking test?
• 4:49
  Rae: Is this a pop quiz? Are we in school? I'm not breaking out a chalkboard. Like, what is happening?
• 4:54
  Rae: What's happening right now.
• 4:59
  Rae: I stated why I do need to… we could do phone now, but I do need video at some point before we make any decision to go forward together.
• 5:07
  Rae: For my own safety reasons.
• 5:10
  Rae: Oh, yeah, I understand that.
• 5:12
  Rae: So, let's just have a talk now.
• 5:16
  Rae: And then we'll schedule another quick little, hey, how you doing video. It's like, okay.
• 5:21
  Rae: And we were actually gonna make that other talk today, but after everything else, I decided, it's not a good fit for me.
• 5:27
  Rae: So… Here's the thing.
• 5:32
  Rae: is… I don't know what it is about 2026, but people love their labels.
• 5:38
  Rae: People love their labels.
• 5:40
  Rae: After the call, I even looked it up online, like, okay.
• 5:45
  Rae: I just typed in oral… Oral auditory? Yes, oral auditory person. Do they… Understand less.
• 5:57
  Rae: On a video call.
• 5:58
  Rae: And the AI-generated response was, yes, they tend to understand less on a video call, however, they will, do better on a video call than an audio-only call, because they can see the mouth and the movement, the movement of the mouth.
• 6:18
  Rae: And, facial cues, and all these other things.
• 6:21
  Rae: I'm thinking, okay.
• 6:23
  Rae: Well, dear Google search, you did not tell this gentleman, because… He needed… the audio.
• 6:33
  Rae: So… Does he know what oral auditory person means?
• 6:44
  Rae: Yeah, maybe not.
• 6:46
  Rae: I really wanted to say, auditorium.
• 6:49
  Rae: I don't know.
• 6:52
  Rae: But I just thought that's weird. That's weird. That's weird. Why are you giving me this label?
• 6:58
  Rae: I actually would have just appreciated had he said, oh.
• 7:02
  Rae: I'm… I'm just so used to doing phone, or I always do phone, or, you know, hey, my spouse may have misunderstood when she set up the call for FaceTime and didn't tell me. But whatever, I can hear her right in the background. You guys aren't even, like, side-by-side doing this. She's like…
• 7:19
  Rae: whispering stuff next to you as you're conducting this call, and I'm thinking, this is just too much.
• 7:26
  Rae: We haven't even met yet, and we're already not…
• 7:29
  Rae: able to communicate in a way where I know
• 7:33
  Rae: We're gonna get along, this is gonna be great for both of us.
• 7:36
  Rae: Not to be fair.
• 7:37
  Rae: The last few nights, I have not slept great, and so I always want to take a pause.
• 7:42
  Rae: And really think things through.
• 7:44
  Rae: When I am facing a big decision, After. Not sleeping great!
• 7:50
  Rae: And if you are someone who's making big life changes, me, I was just looking at a house sit, but it was a 3-week house sit, right? But maybe you have something to deal with in your business.
• 8:03
  Rae: at work, with your family, Luther House said, I don't know your life, okay?
• 8:11
  Rae: If you are feeling like, nope.
• 8:14
  Rae: I ain't got time for this. I'm out. Bye, Felicia.
• 8:19
  Rae: And you know… That say no.
• 8:23
  Rae: Or that initial gut reaction.
• 8:27
  Rae: may make other things difficult for yourself, and just take a…
• 8:31
  Rae: Take a few moments. Take a few moments to think things through.
• 8:35
  Rae: I have on this channel, I've talked before about having a little go-to list in terms of
• 8:41
  Rae: Your must-have absolutes?
• 8:44
  Rae: And I was looking… I did not pull out from my list for this, I'm trying to do it mentally. After a while, people, you gotta be able to step away from the paper. You can't be pulling papers out of your pocket all the time, being like, well, hold on, I gotta check my list.
• 8:58
  Rae: Nope, can't do that for you, sorry. I think that's a really great way to start, but ultimately.
• 9:03
  Rae: One wants to take those tools and internalize them.
• 9:07
  Rae: I could be better at internalizing them. Maybe I don't say no enough in life. I don't know.
• 9:13
  Rae: So… Anyway, I…
• 9:19
  Rae: The place that I'm in right now has a very comfortable chaise lounge, which is perfect for birdwatching or reading a good book. So I just sat on that.
• 9:32
  Rae: Gotta sleepily for 20 minutes, because I'm thinking, I know I'm tired.
• 9:36
  Rae: Like, I wanted to say…
• 9:38
  Rae: We don't need to have that second phone call, guys. This ain't for me.
• 9:42
  Rae: Again, not because of the…
• 9:45
  Rae: identification label that this person gave themselves, but for some other things.
• 9:51
  Rae: And I'm thinking, oh, this thing…
• 9:55
  Rae: Yeah, of course, it's not a huge ask.
• 9:58
  Rae: But is it where I thrive? No.
• 10:00
  Rae: Can I see myself getting annoyed by it?
• 10:03
  Rae: Absolute yes.
• 10:06
  Rae: This other thing. It's not huge.
• 10:09
  Rae: A lot of people would love that.
• 10:10
  Rae: For me, am I gonna thrive?
• 10:13
  Rae: Can I see myself forgetting? Yes.
• 10:16
  Rae: Can I see myself being annoyed by it? Yes.
• 10:19
  Rae: Can I see myself being limited by it? I want to send you cute pictures of your dogs on a walk.
• 10:25
  Rae: But…
• 10:27
  Rae: You don't want your dogs to go on walks, because you've already determined that your dogs cannot go on walks.
• 10:33
  Rae: I love walking dogs. I'm very experienced with walking dogs that are reactive.
• 10:40
  Rae: I can happily take a walk at 5 AM so that there's no other dogs around.
• 10:45
  Rae: But… I can already tell, it's gonna be a problem for you.
• 10:49
  Rae: Fine, you know your dogs, but I know me. And so… Even though I could've…
• 10:56
  Rae: Tell myself, okay, you can adjust for that.
• 10:59
  Rae: Can I properly adjust for 3 weeks?
• 11:03
  Rae: Possibly not.
• 11:05
  Rae: Possibly not.
• 11:08
  Rae: Man, I know myself. I'm gonna be like, oh, doggies, don't you want to come on a walk? And they're gonna be like, please take me for a walk, we never get to go on a walk!
• 11:16
  Rae: And so… If there's one thing I need to address for okay.
• 11:21
  Rae: things I need to dress for, mmm, okay. Three, four, Alright.
• 11:28
  Rae: Is it worth it? If I gotta adjust 4 different ways, is it worth it?
• 11:32
  Rae: And so, they were… Three to four different ways.
• 11:38
  Rae: Ask myself, is it… Are there other opportunities out there?
• 11:44
  Rae: We're talking about something for December.
• 11:46
  Rae: We are not even quite into November yet. There's still time. I went online, I found another opportunity, it looks like it'll be a good fit.
• 11:55
  Rae: I'll send off to that after this video.
• 11:57
  Rae: And so… Just being able to take a step away from My initial reaction…
• 12:04
  Rae: Check with myself, remembering, girl, you know… you're…
• 12:11
  Rae: A little tired, and a bit irritable right now.
• 12:15
  Rae: Then I'm applying the, well, this person has this label that they threw out, And as…
• 12:24
  Rae: Much as it may seem like.
• 12:27
  Rae: This person is just letting me know their communication needs, which is a nice thing.
• 12:34
  Rae: It feels more… like… Excuse.
• 12:39
  Rae: And so
• 12:46
  Rae: Now.
• 12:48
  Rae: Let me say, cause I feel like…
• 12:51
  Rae: There's gonna be somebody listening to this going, oh, I can't believe
• 12:55
  Rae: Were so mean about that person's disability.
• 12:59
  Rae: person… Never said disorder, disability, Any of those terms.
• 13:06
  Rae: So, this is where… We have to be…
• 13:11
  Rae: Really cognizant of the labels that we give ourselves.
• 13:15
  Rae: That we ask others to assign to us.
• 13:19
  Rae: I understand.
• 13:21
  Rae: What it is like to communicate with individuals.
• 13:24
  Rae: who have… Multiple different disabilities.
• 13:30
  Rae: I've worked with individuals who were mute, or deaf, stroke survivors…
• 13:40
  Rae: Individuals who have CPD, Cerebral palsy.
• 13:46
  Rae: Autism.
• 13:48
  Rae: host… Brain injuries, just a number.
• 13:52
  Rae: of different… Disabilities and disorders, which require different communication styles.
• 14:00
  Rae: And I adjust and adapt, and I figure out how can…
• 14:04
  Rae: Me and this other person thrive together.
• 14:07
  Rae: So… When you put out a label.
• 14:13
  Rae: When you provide a label to others, for yourself.
• 14:17
  Rae: Make sure you're providing a label that actually Accurately reflects who you are.
• 14:27
  Rae: Is this a self-diagnosis? Is this a medical diagnosis by a professional?
• 14:32
  Rae: Right? If you are…
• 14:38
  Rae: I love my friends in South Korea. Before a while, there was… and this happened in the US, too, I think I just missed the wave.
• 14:45
  Rae: so… Whereas in South Korea, it's been more popular in recent years, where…
• 14:56
  Rae: Individuals will take an online personality test.
• 14:59
  Rae: I think it's the Briggs something… is it the Myers-Briggs test?
• 15:04
  Rae: Mmm, now I'm thinking Myers-Briggs might be the credible one. Anyway, they take this online personality test, And…
• 15:12
  Rae: They get some initials to assign themselves.
• 15:15
  Rae: I am an ENTJ, or I… in TJ.
• 15:22
  Rae: It's things like extrovert… something…
• 15:28
  Rae: Something, something. Introvert, something, something, something, something.
• 15:33
  Rae: And… dropping these four letters…
• 15:36
  Rae: And it's one of those things where it's kind of like, if you know, you know, like, oh, well…
• 15:40
  Rae: Did you take the test? This is what I am. Are you that, too? Oh, you know what those letters mean? You have the same results? No, we have so much in common, we know so much more about each other.
• 15:51
  Rae: These tests… I've been, I don't know if it's fair to say debunked.
• 15:58
  Rae: But studies have shown that these tests are… not… truly… Scientifically.
• 16:07
  Rae: Accurate.
• 16:08
  Rae: And… good, Personality tests, like, good, A good way to understand One's own personality.
• 16:19
  Rae: Professionals, medical professionals, Don't use these tests on patients, for a reason.
• 16:26
  Rae: Cause it's not… It's kinda like… your astrology.
• 16:32
  Rae: Pisces, you a Pisces too, girl!
• 16:34
  Rae: That's why we always back and forth.
• 16:37
  Rae: Yes, it's fun.
• 16:39
  Rae: And there are some… truth.
• 16:43
  Rae: apps to it.
• 16:45
  Rae: But… One could also say, using…
• 16:53
  Rae: A bias to look at the information, interpret what one wants to interpret it.
• 16:57
  Rae: And so…
• 17:01
  Rae: I can say, oh, The astrology chart said we're gonna be
• 17:05
  Rae: We're best lovers because of our signs.
• 17:10
  Rae: That's not what you should really be basing that relationship on.
• 17:14
  Rae: Because the signs only say so much.
• 17:17
  Rae: These tests only say so much.
• 17:20
  Rae: And… Recently, I was chatting with a friend of mine.
• 17:26
  Rae: And in the U.S, it is… Not advised to discuss politics.
• 17:34
  Rae: And this just kills me. It kills me. Because…
• 17:37
  Rae: The same way… okay, this is my comparison for you, my…
• 17:42
  Rae: YouTube listener, my podcast listener, this is my comparison.
• 17:46
  Rae: I want you to think back.
• 17:49
  Rae: to 2020.
• 17:50
  Rae: when… It was revealed that
• 17:57
  Rae: The actor Kevin Spacey had had several accusations against him.
• 18:02
  Rae: About… sexual misconduct, And, just inappropriate behavior.
• 18:13
  Rae: And when that happens, The film that he was in, that was slated to come out.
• 18:20
  Rae: The production company said, We're removing him from this film.
• 18:26
  Rae: So… Kevin Spacey lost a lot of whatever acting work he had lined up.
• 18:33
  Rae: House of Cards was the hot show that was on, and…
• 18:37
  Rae: He was the lead of that show. He was removed from the show.
• 18:43
  Rae: His co-star, they… Elevated her, right?
• 18:47
  Rae: And I mean, they just rewrote everything.
• 18:49
  Rae: The film that he was in?
• 18:52
  Rae: And it takes a lot for a production company to be like.
• 18:58
  Rae: You're done.
• 19:00
  Rae: To want to spend Money to reshoot scenes.
• 19:05
  Rae: And edit things so that your character was never there.
• 19:09
  Rae: That is not cheap.
• 19:11
  Rae: And they did it. They did it for a reason. Rightfully so.
• 19:14
  Rae: They did not want for the field to be held back Bye.
• 19:21
  Rae: Legal issues, financial issues,
• 19:29
  Rae: Societal issues of this individual.
• 19:32
  Rae: Oh, that's fine.
• 19:33
  Rae: So, he's out, they have to do reshoots.
• 19:37
  Rae: And that is what is revealed.
• 19:40
  Rae: that in Matt Damon's contract, He was paid a whole lot more and his co-star, Michelle Williams.
• 19:49
  Rae: And when it came to having to do any kind of reshoots, in his contract.
• 19:54
  Rae: What kind of compensation he would have to get.
• 19:57
  Rae: And for her, it wasn't in her contract.
• 20:00
  Rae: And…
• 20:02
  Rae: Everyone online was in and up who were, oh my goodness, men being paid more than women, this isn't fair, he should be ashamed of himself.
• 20:09
  Rae: I just said Matt Damon. Was it Matt Damon, or was it Mark Wahlberg, though?
• 20:13
  Rae: Oh my gosh, wait, I got to check. Which actor was it? Hang on.
• 20:18
  Rae: Alright, you guys, I double-checked, it was Mark Wahlberg, not Matt Damon.
• 20:22
  Rae: Mark Wahlberg. I'm not gonna be over here telling no lies and spreading misinformation. Okay, so it was in Mark Wahlberg's contract.
• 20:30
  Rae: In terms of…
• 20:31
  Rae: how to handle resho… any kind of reshoots, right? When the agents and lawyers, the representatives, or managers, are making these contracts, they're not
• 20:44
  Rae: They're, in theory, acting in the best interest of their client, but they don't have a magic ball. They didn't know that
• 20:51
  Rae: Down the line, there was definitely gonna be this situation where reshoots were gonna have to happen.
• 20:55
  Rae: And so… As much as… Everybody…
• 21:03
  Rae: felt for Michelle Williams, and rightfully so. Like, she should… she's an incredible actress, she's the co-lead in this, she should be paid.
• 21:14
  Rae: What… her worth, right?
• 21:16
  Rae: but… If no one talked.
• 21:21
  Rae: About what people were getting paid?
• 21:24
  Rae: then… No one would ever know if they're being underpaid.
• 21:28
  Rae: And to add to that, It been more open in the industry to talk about
• 21:36
  Rae: How much people are getting paid to begin with.
• 21:39
  Rae: Then her representatives could have worked for a better contract for her.
• 21:44
  Rae: So… Lo and behold, it's not like an individual actor is to blame, it's the culture around
• 21:53
  Rae: We don't talk about this. We don't talk about money, we don't talk about politics, we don't talk about sex.
• 22:00
  Rae: We don't talk about religion.
• 22:03
  Rae: Okay… Oh.
• 22:07
  Rae: How many times have you heard of… people…
• 22:11
  Rae: Companies that are getting raises, and then you later find out, wait, they're being paid how much?
• 22:17
  Rae: And I only got… How much?
• 22:19
  Rae: And we have the same qualifications? What's going on there?
• 22:24
  Rae: or… The young person who gets in a relationship and then winds up pregnant.
• 22:33
  Rae: or… God forbid.
• 22:36
  Rae: They are in a relationship, they have sex with someone else.
• 22:42
  Rae: And then… They're accused of… Forcing themselves, or thinking.
• 22:49
  Rae: I don't even know how this works.
• 22:50
  Rae: I thought, like, if I just say, come on, let's go. But no one ever told me that because you said no, that this is… then I'm supposed to, like, stop, and that it's not okay. I thought just because I'm the man, or what have you. Or, no one ever told me that…
• 23:08
  Rae: if… Certain body parts connect.
• 23:12
  Rae: And you have sex, then that's how… where babies came from. They don't come from historic people, so…
• 23:19
  Rae: This culture of not talking about things can lead to more problems.
• 23:26
  Rae: And… I had a political conversation with a friend of mine.
• 23:32
  Rae: And I already knew what her stance was on something before we started talking. I think… She…
• 23:40
  Rae: Bought up AOC or Bernie.
• 23:43
  Rae: And then I said, yeah, I'm not a huge fan of… Either one of them.
• 23:50
  Rae: And I think they're part of the problem of our culture today.
• 23:55
  Rae: And I could see the rage in her eyes. She… I could see the boxing gloves suddenly materialize on her arm… hands, and I knew she wanted to fight.
• 24:04
  Rae: And I said, look, I don't… disagree with…
• 24:10
  Rae: A lot of the things that they say they want.
• 24:14
  Rae: In terms of…
• 24:16
  Rae: let's have universal healthcare. Oh, and then she was like, oh, you don't want universal healthcare? I said, I didn't say that.
• 24:23
  Rae: I said I don't… Agree.
• 24:25
  Rae: with… I'm sorry, I said I'm not a big fan of those two individuals.
• 24:31
  Rae: Because they oversimplify things.
• 24:34
  Rae: And… they are not… being honest.
• 24:41
  Rae: in terms of how do we make these things come to fruition. So we started talking.
• 24:48
  Rae: And, we talked about universal healthcare, and universal income,
• 24:57
  Rae: And I said, I'm all for… universal healthcare.
• 25:04
  Rae: and universal income if we can make it happen. But you have to also look at how are you gonna make it happen? Well, they're gonna tax the rich.
• 25:12
  Rae: Do you know how many rich people are just like, well, why would I be here?
• 25:17
  Rae: Well, they have businesses.
• 25:19
  Rae: Do you know how many rich people
• 25:21
  Rae: happily moved their businesses overseas, have already moved their businesses overseas. And it's not just this whole tax-the-rich thing. It also makes it seem like, well.
• 25:32
  Rae: A, if you're rich, you must have gotten rich by being mean.
• 25:38
  Rae: Or bad to other people.
• 25:41
  Rae: B… It makes for people who…
• 25:51
  Rae: are at that threshold of an income level, not want to surpass that threshold. Oof.
• 25:57
  Rae: I don't… I mean, I know people in, you know, that are not in the million-billion dollar tax brackets, but they're just like, oh man, I would love to do some work right now, because I'm bored, and I feel like I want to work, I should get paid, I don't really want to volunteer for something.
• 26:09
  Rae: But… I don't want to pay more taxes.
• 26:15
  Rae: We were also talking about U.S. versus France and Brazil.
• 26:19
  Rae: And they started talking about immigration, and they're like, no, no, no!
• 26:23
  Rae: I'd say anything about the way French
• 26:25
  Rae: the French treat immigrants. I don't have information on that. I can't talk about that.
• 26:31
  Rae: But what I can talk to you about is the difficulties that Some countries are having.
• 26:39
  Rae: Because they have had policies in place, That provided universal…
• 26:47
  Rae: That, like, really amazing, envious, as an American citizen, I'm envious of your social…
• 26:55
  Rae: care structure. And I'm not saying we shouldn't have that kind of structure, or those people are in a tough spot because they had that structure, so shame on them. That's all oversimplification.
• 27:08
  Rae: Is that…
• 27:09
  Rae: Simply saying, oh, all of our problems will be solved if we tax the rich is not a solution.
• 27:15
  Rae: We need financial education for people who are not wealthy, and we're stripping money from our schools constantly. The current administration is trying to dismantle the Department of Education.
• 27:29
  Rae: So… Sure, you can tax the rich, and… Give everybody universal income.
• 27:39
  Rae: and Universal Healthcare.
• 27:43
  Rae: But… That's not helping.
• 27:46
  Rae: Everybody…
• 27:49
  Rae: make more money from their existing jobs. That's not helping the people who are struggling to find a job find a job.
• 27:59
  Rae: That's not helping… Making housing more affordable, so that we have…
• 28:07
  Rae: Less people having to work multiple jobs just to be able to have a roof over their head.
• 28:12
  Rae: That's not helping People feel that… Even though… They have that universal income.
• 28:24
  Rae: That is not all that they rely on.
• 28:28
  Rae: And so it took a while.
• 28:31
  Rae: And the boxing gloves came off.
• 28:34
  Rae: And I can see she's settled a little bit.
• 28:37
  Rae: But I can also say she still hated me for not saying that I loved… Her superheroes.
• 28:44
  Rae: And… Everyone has a right to have an opinion, a philosophy, a passion.
• 28:53
  Rae: But then do the research.
• 28:56
  Rae: And make sure that whatever it is that you're labeling yourself as, if you're going to label yourself as a supporter, or anti-someone, or anti-something.
• 29:08
  Rae: then make sure you've really looked into what you are identifying yourself with, associating yourself with. And so this is what I'm a big advocate on, and I have another podcast where I talk a lot about that.
• 29:21
  Rae: And I encourage people to… question themselves.
• 29:25
  Rae: Question their friends and family, and to just have open conversations.
• 29:31
  Rae: Don't just say you're an INTJ because some 20-minute online quiz told you you're an INTJ. What does that even freaking mean?
• 29:43
  Rae: If you're an introvert, Then, that doesn't excuse you.
• 29:48
  Rae: from… Socializing with other people.
• 29:55
  Rae: You're not excused.
• 29:57
  Rae: Oh, I'm an introvert, so I can't do that.
• 30:01
  Rae: So you can't… Advocate for yourself?
• 30:06
  Rae: Careful!
• 30:08
  Rae: Careful.
• 30:10
  Rae: Letting someone else know, ugh, gosh.
• 30:13
  Rae: Sorry, I'm a bit of an introvert.
• 30:15
  Rae: Oh, okay, that's why you didn't talk much at that business meeting, or at that party. But to say, I'm an introvert.
• 30:24
  Rae: And then leave that on the table as, well.
• 30:28
  Rae: I am… I should not be expected to, or I should not have to, let other people know my needs, because…
• 30:37
  Rae: I'm an introverted person. Being an introvert is not a disorder. It does not mean that you do not have the ability to
• 30:47
  Rae: Advocate for yourself, to ask for more money, to, express why you can't make that phone call, or to…
• 30:59
  Rae: completely bow out of participating in company meetings. You can be an introvert, And… In a company culture, where…
• 31:10
  Rae: Because you were not… Expressing yourself in a way that others know what you need.
• 31:19
  Rae: You're getting passed up for those raises.
• 31:21
  Rae: or promotions. People think you're just disinterested, and you're sitting over there going, it's not that I don't want the promotion, or the new title, it's…
• 31:29
  Rae: Just that I'm an introvert.
• 31:31
  Rae: Or maybe you see that you're being passed up, and you're not connecting your lack of engagement.
• 31:37
  Rae: with the fact that you haven't gotten that promotion, that raise. And so now you're thinking.
• 31:42
  Rae: This system is really
• 31:44
  Rae: hate me here, I never get the promotion, the raise, I never get the next thing, and so I'm gonna complain to HR, or my boss hates me, or I need a different job. Like, come on.
• 31:55
  Rae: Come on.
• 31:56
  Rae: I've… Many parents hop online in my classrooms, oh, my kid's shy, my kid's an introvert, But…
• 32:10
  Rae: They are in a class, and they've been in classes before.
• 32:13
  Rae: And they cannot go through their entire lives with you as their adult.
• 32:19
  Rae: Popping up every single time they're asked a question to answer for them, or to justify their lack of answering.
• 32:25
  Rae: Let them work through it
• 32:28
  Rae: Be shy. It's okay to be shy. There's nothing wrong with being shy, there's nothing wrong with being an introvert, there's nothing wrong with being an extrovert.
• 32:34
  Rae: It's whatever label you've given yourself, it's supposed to just be knowledge to help you Understand
• 32:43
  Rae: Why it is you're experiencing what you're experiencing.
• 32:47
  Rae: It is not a… It is not a sign to give to others to expect them to stop.
• 32:56
  Rae: Whatever it is that they're asking of you. And for them to Make the adjustment.
• 33:03
  Rae: You have to be willing to make some adjustment, too.
• 33:07
  Rae: And you know, before I recorded this podcast, this episode here, I was thinking, which, where does this conversation belong? Does it belong in my podcast for conversations? Does it belong as a YouTube short?
• 33:21
  Rae: Does it belong under the Get Real Rae house-seating umbrella? Because of this kind of house-seating conversation was really what fueled this? And I said, no. You know what?
• 33:33
  Rae: This is more about… Stimulating conversations with others.
• 33:38
  Rae: Yes, there is a life there too, and I'll probably do a different version for that.
• 33:44
  Rae: But it's definitely way more about house sitting.
• 33:48
  Rae: The point is… Anywhere in your life.
• 33:52
  Rae: I'm about to get real, y'all. I'm about to get real anywhere in your life in which you are applying your label to yourself.
• 34:01
  Rae: Take a moment every so often.
• 34:03
  Rae: Just, why are you applying that label?
• 34:06
  Rae: Is it a badge of honor, a badge of pride?
• 34:10
  Rae: Is it…
• 34:11
  Rae: Something that you feel is a packaged tool that will inform others everything they need to know about you?
• 34:18
  Rae: I'm a vegan.
• 34:19
  Rae: But… You will already make assumptions just knowing that, oh, well…
• 34:25
  Rae: She must not wear animal clothes and doesn't eat meat.
• 34:31
  Rae: She must… hate.
• 34:34
  Rae: people who wear leather, or not like animals. I love the smell of fried chicken, people. I do.
• 34:43
  Rae: Sometimes, I miss a good lamb chop.
• 34:47
  Rae: Look, rack of lamb?
• 34:49
  Rae: Yup.
• 34:52
  Rae: And yet… Being a vegan is a part of my identity now.
• 34:56
  Rae: I didn't grow up vegan.
• 34:59
  Rae: I… Offer this label.
• 35:03
  Rae: to people… When they engage with me.
• 35:08
  Rae: asking about my dietary needs. Like, oh…
• 35:13
  Rae: We're gonna cook for you, or oh…
• 35:16
  Rae: we want to buy some groceries for you, and I just say, hey, thank you so much. I actually have a lot of dietary restrictions. I am vegan.
• 35:26
  Rae: And notice a little dot dot dot after that, right?
• 35:29
  Rae: And that might just be enough.
• 35:31
  Rae: A lot of times you'll be like, We eat vegetarians sometimes, too.
• 35:36
  Rae: Can I make mous spaghetti? And I'm like, oh…
• 35:40
  Rae: That sounds delicious. Please don't go out of your way, because I'm also,
• 35:46
  Rae: gluten intolerant, and so I can't eat, like, regular pasta, and so, please, please, please, I appreciate the offer of dinner, but please don't go out of your way.
• 35:56
  Rae: And usually that's because they're like, oh my gosh, she don't eat meat, and she got problem with…
• 36:01
  Rae: Gluten? Oh, and pasta's gluten? Bread is gluten. Oh, man, we in trouble. Okay! And then I wind up with, like, a bag of nuts, and maybe some dried fruit.
• 36:12
  Rae: Or a bar of soap.
• 36:14
  Rae: As a thank you.
• 36:15
  Rae: That's okay, too, right? It's the thought that counts. The fact that they issued that…
• 36:20
  Rae: Gesture of goodwill, already says so much about that person.
• 36:28
  Rae: Far more.
• 36:29
  Rae: Than had they just said to me up front.
• 36:32
  Rae: We are people who like to give.
• 36:34
  Rae: And so we insist on giving something to you. We would like to give you dinner.
• 36:39
  Rae: We are givers. If they just said, we are givers.
• 36:43
  Rae: And we would like to make the gift food.
• 36:46
  Rae: what are you telling me this for? Don't tell me this. I don't need to know this. Let's just have a conversation, right?
• 36:52
  Rae: Don't use labels as a stop sign.
• 36:58
  Rae: Use them.
• 36:59
  Rae: As an invitation to go, go, go. Go get what you want! That's what you need to do. You got your label, boo?
• 37:07
  Rae: You use it, you go get what you want. You found out that the personality test tells you you were an ENTJ… I can't remember the… I feel like NTJ, those are just the other ones that I remember. Maybe there's an R in there somewhere?
• 37:20
  Rae: But yeah… Once you have your test, okay, don't go…
• 37:25
  Rae: tossing out those letters at people, right? Instead… Look at yourself. Okay.
• 37:33
  Rae: If I feel… ugh, the thing, one I hate… sorry, but one I really do hate is when people are like, oh, sorry, I'm an empath. That's been really big the last, like, 2 years. Oh, I'm an empath. Whatever, okay.
• 37:45
  Rae: Being an empath is feeling other people's feelings deeply, and if we are in a room together, and you're like, oh, sorry, I'm an empath, I'm pretty sure you are not feeling my very annoyed feelings deeply at that moment.
• 37:59
  Rae: Do you see my face? Well, if you just listen to the audio version, if you don't see my face, but…
• 38:04
  Rae: Yeah, you're not… you're not… you're not feeling me right now, so what are you telling me this for? What are you telling me this for? What am I supposed to understand about you by you telling me that you're an empath? I don't care.
• 38:13
  Rae: I don't care. Can we just focus on whatever it is that we were talking about before you decided to drop this little empath excuse?
• 38:24
  Rae: I feel like a lot of times, people don't even understand the definition of what it is that they are.
• 38:28
  Rae: Out here, tossing around the label for them.
• 38:33
  Rae: But yeah… If you are an empath, Then freakin' be an empath.
• 38:39
  Rae: And… Instead of letting other people know, I'm so sorry, I'm freaking out right now, I'm an empath.
• 38:46
  Rae: Have your moment.
• 38:48
  Rae: You know… I'm sorry.
• 38:52
  Rae: I… Sorry, I just had a moment. I don't even think that's what you intended.
• 38:57
  Rae: Right? Or, I'm sorry, I may have misunderstood. I'm sorry, I may have overreacted.
• 39:03
  Rae: Girl.
• 39:05
  Rae: Well, all up in my feelings.
• 39:07
  Rae: Sorry for that. So anyway, what were you saying?
• 39:10
  Rae: Right.
• 39:11
  Rae: Use your letters as well.
• 39:17
  Rae: to just think of, okay, so now that I know who I am.
• 39:20
  Rae: How can I move about society?
• 39:23
  Rae: In order to… advocate for what I need, clearly communicate what I need, what I want.
• 39:28
  Rae: As opposed to using these letters to justify My wild behavior.
• 39:34
  Rae: Or… My resistance to asking for what I want.
• 39:40
  Rae: and communicating with others. Because at the end of the day, You really dig deep enough?
• 39:45
  Rae: Do you believe you deserve what it is you say that you want?
• 39:50
  Rae: That, my friend, is a lot of work right there. And I actually had a friend who was like, when did you… when did you get, knowledgeable on this, was it a lot of therapy? And I was like, I did some therapy, but I don't think I did a lot of therapy. I can't really say that I talked to my therapist about…
• 40:05
  Rae: Most of the stuff that be coming out of my mouth!
• 40:07
  Rae: You know?
• 40:09
  Rae: But I will say, a lot of those therapy sessions left me…
• 40:15
  Rae: the words going. Did I say what I intended to say?
• 40:19
  Rae: Do I agree with the questions posed to me?
• 40:24
  Rae: Do the questions posed to me make me feel that…
• 40:28
  Rae: what I communicated initially was understood, or do I feel like these questions are the result of
• 40:34
  Rae: My not communicating clearly and being misunderstood.
• 40:38
  Rae: Were these questions proposed in a genuine way of them looking for understanding, or them looking to simply
• 40:48
  Rae: Invite me to… look at… Other possibilities, in order to help me to get to that.
• 40:57
  Rae: Say, nucleus, nucleus, of what it is that I was trying to communicate.
• 41:09
  Rae: And I don't think a lot of people go. I mean, to be honest, I don't think a lot of people go into therapy
• 41:15
  Rae: Asking themselves all those things.
• 41:18
  Rae: That's what I do. Cause I'm a thinker! You see how I just, like, throw out the label, throw out the label, right, right now.
• 41:25
  Rae: not… it's not because I'm a thinker, blah, whatever. It's how I process.
• 41:34
  Rae: And…
• 41:36
  Rae: as big and the U.S. is on mental health right now, and encouraging people to seek therapy, I don't think there's enough education on how to engage in therapy.
• 41:49
  Rae: But I guess we'll save that for another conversation.
• 41:55
  Rae: After all, how many people do you know who are still going to the same therapist and still have the same problems?
• 42:04
  Rae: But yeah, that leads to other issues, which you could say, that isn't that part of the problem with the…
• 42:11
  Rae: Private healthcare system? Part of the problem, yes.
• 42:14
  Rae: Is that part of the problem with education? Part of the problem, yes. See, it all comes full circle, people. Y'all, I'm not, like, just a train going ziggity-zaggedy all over the place, and you're all going like, oh my god, where's this train going? Get me off this train!
• 42:29
  Rae: I thought I was on a train to Knowledgeville, not on a roller coaster to wacky Town. But, yeah.
• 42:37
  Rae: It was a scenic view.
• 42:39
  Rae: Hopefully get there. Everyone gets there safe. Hopefully happy. Hopefully you had some fun! Okay, you guys, this sun is feeling nice, the beach is calling me, so I think I'm gonna go to the beach. And until next time!