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S3 E24 - A Royal Scam · The Steve & Jeff Show

• 0:01
  SPEAKER_04: Welcome to the Stephen Jeff Show, the first comedy podcast in the history of the world.
• 0:08
  SPEAKER_04: Assuming the world began when I started talking.
• 0:12
  SPEAKER_03: Be sure and follow or subscribe to the Steve and Jeff Show wherever you listen to podcasts.
• 0:17
  SPEAKER_03: Write us a review while you're there too.
• 0:20
  SPEAKER_04: And now, here's Steve and Jeff.
• 0:24
  SPEAKER_04: Well, hey Johnny, thank you.
• 0:26
  SPEAKER_04: And gosh, it's great to be back in the studio.
• 0:28
  SPEAKER_04: Happy Liberation Day, everyone.
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_04: A couple days late.
• 0:31
  SPEAKER_04: How's it going, Jeff?
• 0:32
  SPEAKER_02: It's going great.
• 0:34
  SPEAKER_02: Although this is tax time.
• 0:37
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, we don't have taxes anymore.
• 0:38
  SPEAKER_02: No.
• 0:39
  SPEAKER_02: This is tariff time.
• 0:40
  SPEAKER_02: This is tariff time, yeah.
• 0:41
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, so I've had to get my stuff together and get it off to the accountant.
• 0:44
  SPEAKER_02: I'm already late on doing that.
• 0:47
  SPEAKER_02: But you know, it's such a pain.
• 0:48
  SPEAKER_02: I you probably know what pain feels like, don't you, Steve?
• 0:52
  SPEAKER_04: I I do indeed.
• 0:53
  SPEAKER_04: The good news, though, is that after Liberation Day, we've been liberated from our money.
• 0:58
  SPEAKER_04: We'll have to pay much in taxes next year.
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_04: You know we'll make it.
• 1:01
  SPEAKER_04: Oh, I mean tariffs next year because hey, we won't make anything, right?
• 1:04
  SPEAKER_02: You know, that's not the only good news.
• 1:06
  SPEAKER_02: You know, our our fearless leader, our king, he's doing a great job of dismantling our federal government.
• 1:12
  SPEAKER_04: Oh, absolutely.
• 1:13
  SPEAKER_02: It's a it's a big job, but you know what they say, Rome wasn't uh destroyed in a day.
• 1:18
  SPEAKER_02: So, you know, he's probably gonna take a few days to do that.
• 1:21
  SPEAKER_02: And and and like any big project, I know that the king is concerned that he has the right people in the right job.
• 1:27
  SPEAKER_02: You know, this is really important if you're going to dismantle and take away everybody's benefits.
• 1:32
  SPEAKER_02: You want to have the right people in place to do that.
• 1:35
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, sure.
• 1:36
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, and there's only one Elon.
• 1:37
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, you know, he's gonna got his work cut out for him.
• 1:40
  SPEAKER_04: Oh, he's so popular, too.
• 1:42
  SPEAKER_04: Boy, especially in Wisconsin, there, you know, it's very, very popular.
• 1:45
  SPEAKER_04: Actually, though, I saw where our king reached out to other countries before he gave the job to Elon to see how they had had vivisected their governments, I mean fixed their countries, uh-huh, and you know, in the most efficient way possible.
• 1:59
  SPEAKER_04: You know, I heard that he even called our former ally Great Britain and asked their king for some help.
• 2:04
  SPEAKER_02: Well, that's impressive.
• 2:05
  SPEAKER_02: And and you know, people say that King Trump doesn't listen to people and that he only does what he wants and usually has no idea, you know, what the right thing is.
• 2:14
  SPEAKER_02: That's not true, though.
• 2:16
  SPEAKER_02: We know that he regularly gets counsel from brilliant minds like Putin and you know, he he asked for help.
• 2:23
  SPEAKER_02: So it doesn't surprise me that he's asking help from people like the royal family of England.
• 2:28
  SPEAKER_04: You know, Jeff, I couldn't agree more.
• 2:30
  SPEAKER_04: And you know, frankly, if I didn't, I wouldn't say it publicly, you know, me either.
• 2:35
  SPEAKER_04: But anyway, as you mentioned, I heard he met with King Charles because everybody knows that the UK is a model of efficiency and the British Royal Family operates on total transparency.
• 2:46
  SPEAKER_04: You know, so he asked Good King Charlie, Your Majesty, how do you run such an efficient government?
• 2:51
  SPEAKER_04: Are there any tips you can give me?
• 2:53
  SPEAKER_04: You know, any pointers?
• 2:54
  SPEAKER_02: Good question.
• 2:55
  SPEAKER_04: See, you know, yeah, oh yeah.
• 2:56
  SPEAKER_04: See, that's a sign of a great leader.
• 2:59
  SPEAKER_04: There you go.
• 2:59
  SPEAKER_04: That's a sign of a wise king.
• 3:01
  SPEAKER_04: You know, he could have asked him how to destroy a country and probably gotten the same answer, but you know, that's that's this is bad optics.
• 3:07
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, you know what I'm saying?
• 3:08
  SPEAKER_04: Plus the whole thing was on signal, so who knows who was listening.
• 3:12
  SPEAKER_04: So that's all right.
• 3:13
  SPEAKER_04: Anyway, so instead he said he wanted to make it more efficient.
• 3:16
  SPEAKER_04: That just sounds so much better.
• 3:18
  SPEAKER_04: But you know, at first King Charles was confused.
• 3:21
  SPEAKER_04: It appeared the good King Charlie that King Trump didn't know that England has a prime minister who really runs the Commonwealth.
• 3:29
  SPEAKER_04: But old King Charlie is nothing if not diplomatic, and he certainly didn't want to offend our first ever king.
• 3:36
  SPEAKER_04: So he answers, oh, the most and yeah, I'm not gonna do the voice because you know I I don't want to offend, I you know, I I can't, you know.
• 3:43
  SPEAKER_04: It would be, you know, no, no.
• 3:45
  SPEAKER_04: So Charlie says the most important thing to run an efficient government, or I guess in your case, you know, dismantle a government, is to surround yourself with intelligent people.
• 3:55
  SPEAKER_04: Well, King Trump was confused.
• 3:58
  SPEAKER_04: He frowned, he said, but how do I know the people around me are are really intelligent?
• 4:03
  SPEAKER_02: So another good question.
• 4:04
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, well, King Charlie took a sip of tea and said, Now, you know, and again, I'm not gonna imitate the accent, but you know, he said, uh, you know, I I don't want to offend him because I you know who knows?
• 4:13
  SPEAKER_04: I may want to live there someday.
• 4:15
  SPEAKER_04: So I don't want to you know get a mayor, right?
• 4:17
  SPEAKER_04: So so anyway, Charles says, Oh, that's easy.
• 4:19
  SPEAKER_04: You just ask them to answer an intelligence riddle.
• 4:22
  SPEAKER_04: Let me give you an example.
• 4:23
  SPEAKER_04: Charles pushes a button on his intercom and says, Please ask Queen Camilla to come in.
• 4:28
  SPEAKER_04: So Trump starts getting angry.
• 4:30
  SPEAKER_04: I I know it's hard to tell when he's angry, but he was.
• 4:33
  SPEAKER_04: You know, he was really, really angry, and he said, You know, you mean to tell me that Kamala Harris is your queen?
• 4:39
  SPEAKER_04: Well, King Charles, nothing if not diplomatic, right?
• 4:42
  SPEAKER_04: But he's a little confused.
• 4:43
  SPEAKER_04: He doesn't laugh in his face and whatever.
• 4:45
  SPEAKER_04: But he kind of leans over, so like he's talking to a five-year-old, and he says, No, Camilla is my wife, the queen of England, right?
• 4:53
  SPEAKER_04: Our king responds, oh, but that must be bad news for a Jewish husband.
• 4:58
  SPEAKER_04: You know, plus in our country, you have to be born here to get elected.
• 5:01
  SPEAKER_04: Well, except for Obama.
• 5:03
  SPEAKER_04: That makes sense.
• 5:04
  SPEAKER_04: King Charlie is wondering at this point if Trump could pass the intelligence test as well, right?
• 5:08
  SPEAKER_04: So Camilla comes in, Queen Camilla comes in.
• 5:11
  SPEAKER_04: Charles says to her, you know, help me solve this riddle, my love.
• 5:14
  SPEAKER_04: I almost did the voice here.
• 5:15
  SPEAKER_04: Sorry.
• 5:16
  SPEAKER_04: Almost did.
• 5:16
  SPEAKER_04: I don't want to do that.
• 5:17
  SPEAKER_02: And you know, Steve, I must say that if anybody could do an imitation of somebody who is on the throne today, that would be you.
• 5:25
  SPEAKER_02: That would be me, yes.
• 5:26
  SPEAKER_02: That would be, in fact, be me.
• 5:28
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, but you're really good at that.
• 5:29
  SPEAKER_04: So go on.
• 5:30
  SPEAKER_04: So he says, Help me solve this riddle, my love.
• 5:32
  SPEAKER_04: See, that was more American, right?
• 5:33
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, that was good.
• 5:34
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 5:35
  SPEAKER_04: Your mother and father have a child.
• 5:37
  SPEAKER_04: It's not your brother and it's not your sister.
• 5:40
  SPEAKER_04: Who is it?
• 5:41
  SPEAKER_04: Camilla snubs out a cigarette and says, Well, it's easy, it'd be me.
• 5:45
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, it's very good.
• 5:46
  SPEAKER_04: R.
• 5:47
  SPEAKER_04: King replies, hey, that's very impressive.
• 5:49
  SPEAKER_04: You know, you had me stumped.
• 5:50
  SPEAKER_04: He gets back to the White House, so excited to try that intelligence test on his people.
• 5:56
  SPEAKER_04: So he calls in JD Vance, right, to the o to the oval and says to him, Hey, JD, answer this for me.
• 6:01
  SPEAKER_04: Your mother and father have a child.
• 6:03
  SPEAKER_04: It's not your brother, and it's not your sister.
• 6:06
  SPEAKER_04: Who is it?
• 6:07
  SPEAKER_04: Well, JD, not wanting to give any answer that might offend the king, you know, says, Well, I'm not sure.
• 6:13
  SPEAKER_04: Uh, let me get back to you on that one.
• 6:16
  SPEAKER_04: Well, at least to his face, and at least now as opposed to like the year ago.
• 6:20
  SPEAKER_04: But but I but I digress, but you know, says, Well, I'm not sure.
• 6:23
  SPEAKER_04: Let me get back to you on that one.
• 6:25
  SPEAKER_04: So JD goes off and he he meets with everybody, he meets with Hegzith, he meets with Gabbard, he meets with Waltz, even that great mind Stephen Miller, meet meets with all of them, but nobody can give him an answer.
• 6:36
  SPEAKER_04: Finally, he has to go to the men's room, right?
• 6:38
  SPEAKER_04: So goes in the men's room, and uh somebody in one of the stalls he recognizes that it's little Marco Rubio in one of the stalls.
• 6:45
  SPEAKER_04: He knew it was Marco because of the shoe size, you know.
• 6:47
  SPEAKER_04: Oh, yeah, sure.
• 6:48
  SPEAKER_04: So so JD yells out, Hey little Marco, you busy?
• 6:52
  SPEAKER_04: Marco says, Oh, thank you, sir.
• 6:54
  SPEAKER_04: May I have another?
• 6:56
  SPEAKER_04: So JD says, answer this for me.
• 6:59
  SPEAKER_04: Your mother and your father have a child, and it's not your brother or your sister.
• 7:03
  SPEAKER_04: Who is it?
• 7:04
  SPEAKER_04: Now little Marco's a little worried that's the setup because it's so easy.
• 7:10
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, but he yells back, he says, That's easy, it's me.
• 7:14
  SPEAKER_04: So JD is thrilled.
• 7:16
  SPEAKER_04: Okay, JD has the answer now.
• 7:18
  SPEAKER_04: He goes back to the oval, grabs his knee pads on the way because he knows this is really gonna make the king happy, right?
• 7:23
  SPEAKER_04: Goes back to the oval and says, My liege, I did some research on that riddle, and I have the answer.
• 7:30
  SPEAKER_04: It's a little Marco Rubio.
• 7:32
  SPEAKER_04: Our king gets up and is really angry, and again, it's you know, it's hard to tell, but because he, you know, it's kind of always, but a little more so than normal.
• 7:40
  SPEAKER_04: Gets right in JD's face and yells, No, you idiot, it's Kamala Harris.
• 7:46
  SPEAKER_02: And it could be Kamala Harris, right?
• 7:48
  SPEAKER_02: It could be white ass.
• 7:50
  SPEAKER_02: I'm not gonna tell him it's not Kamala Harris.
• 7:52
  SPEAKER_02: Why not?
• 7:53
  SPEAKER_02: Sounds like our king is really catching on to this royal family stuff, you know.
• 7:57
  SPEAKER_02: He's really got got a got a hang of it.
• 8:00
  SPEAKER_02: And that story is so cool because you get to see the inside of how the royal family functions.
• 8:06
  SPEAKER_02: And of course, we're talking about the real royal family, the Trump royal family, not the fake Canadian royal family or Trudeau's family and and not England's fake royal family.
• 8:18
  SPEAKER_02: In fact, according to our king, his royal family has been around longer than any royal family in the history of the world.
• 8:25
  SPEAKER_04: You know, we have been taken advantage of by all those countries with royal families just for decades.
• 8:32
  SPEAKER_04: I bet they don't even wear suits.
• 8:34
  SPEAKER_04: It's not just in the U.S., our royal family was also the first family of Germany in the 30s and 40s.
• 8:39
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, as great-grandmother Ava, you know, was queen.
• 8:42
  SPEAKER_04: So, you know, sort of.
• 8:43
  SPEAKER_02: Speaking of royal families and gossip, Kathy has, you know, she listens to the about the royal family every night.
• 8:50
  SPEAKER_02: And but lately she's been listening to our royal family, not the one in England.
• 8:55
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, and she came to me with this rumor that she heard that Tiger Woods is dating Don Jr.'s ex-wife, Vanessa Trump.
• 9:04
  SPEAKER_02: That's really pretty cool.
• 9:05
  SPEAKER_02: She's a beautiful woman, connected to Tiger Woods.
• 9:09
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, you know, how cool is that?
• 9:10
  SPEAKER_02: But from what I've been told, the king is not too proud of that, and he's not happy.
• 9:16
  SPEAKER_02: I'm not sure why, but but it's one of those things that I'd like to explore and kind of get the backstory on.
• 9:22
  SPEAKER_04: It's crazy how you hear all these rumors, and I mean, we've done shows on conspiracy theories and rumors, and you know, you just you just don't really know what to believe.
• 9:30
  SPEAKER_04: Give you an example here.
• 9:31
  SPEAKER_04: I heard that Eric Trump had surgery recently to lose some of his hearing, to make himself more deaf, just so he couldn't hear the booing, people booing him at rallies, you know.
• 9:41
  SPEAKER_04: Again, I I'm not sure if that's true.
• 9:43
  SPEAKER_04: And because of all those rumors that you hear, and we really don't know what to believe.
• 9:48
  SPEAKER_04: I thought we should get an expert on our show, an expert about all things royal.
• 9:54
  SPEAKER_04: And just the other side of that glass, here she is, Stacy Blank.
• 9:59
  SPEAKER_04: And she hosts the new American Royal Family podcast called A Royal Scam.
• 10:05
  SPEAKER_04: Stacy, welcome to the show.
• 10:07
  SPEAKER_05: Thank you ever so much for having me on, gentlemen.
• 10:10
  SPEAKER_05: It's been quite the honor to be on the number one comedy podcast in the world.
• 10:15
  SPEAKER_05: I must say I really get invited to be on a competitors podcast.
• 10:18
  SPEAKER_05: Oh, but after listening for several months, I can see what a lover you are of our great king and his incredible family.
• 10:25
  SPEAKER_02: Absolutely, we are, and I love your accent.
• 10:28
  SPEAKER_02: Is that is that English or is that like South Carolina?
• 10:34
  SPEAKER_02: I can't quite remember.
• 10:35
  SPEAKER_05: Is there any other language but English, my dear Jeffrey?
• 10:38
  SPEAKER_02: All right, well, wonderful.
• 10:39
  SPEAKER_02: Anyways, regardless, it's so classy and it's an honor.
• 10:43
  SPEAKER_05: And I appreciate Stephen for not trying to attempt to accent yourself earlier.
• 10:48
  SPEAKER_05: It would have been quite the fake haul.
• 10:50
  SPEAKER_04: I would have failed miserably.
• 10:51
  SPEAKER_04: It it was not as as delicate as yours.
• 10:53
  SPEAKER_04: I probably would have done more.
• 10:54
  SPEAKER_04: Yours sounds more like Cambridge, Oxford, London type.
• 10:58
  SPEAKER_04: Mine would have been probably more, yeah, Liverpool, you know.
• 11:01
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 11:01
  SPEAKER_02: So a little liver puddle.
• 11:03
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah.
• 11:04
  SPEAKER_02: But it's it's great to have you on the show.
• 11:06
  SPEAKER_02: And maybe we could start off by you telling us a little bit about your background, besides where you're from, and how you got all this started.
• 11:14
  SPEAKER_05: Intuitably, yes.
• 11:16
  SPEAKER_05: Well, you know, I should say, ought to use American parlance.
• 11:19
  SPEAKER_05: This isn't my first rodeo doing podcasts.
• 11:23
  SPEAKER_05: Now I've been hosting podcasts for several years now, beginning with one.
• 11:26
  SPEAKER_05: Well, you might have heard of this actually.
• 11:28
  SPEAKER_05: It was called Almost Famous, but not the movie.
• 11:32
  SPEAKER_05: Almost famous, but not the movie.
• 11:34
  SPEAKER_05: It told the stories of borderline celebrities, or as you call them, one-hit wonders.
• 11:39
  SPEAKER_05: Every week we'd look at the career of a celebrity that had a little taste of stardom, but ultimately just threw it right in the bin.
• 11:48
  SPEAKER_05: We've covered Almost Famous, but not the movie.
• 11:51
  SPEAKER_05: Uh but you would see people like Vanilla Ice, you know, David Caruso, and even uh great King Donald Trump.
• 12:00
  SPEAKER_05: You know, before Kingdom, of course, before his rise to royalty.
• 12:05
  SPEAKER_05: Interestingly enough, along with the massive popularity of our Lord and King Donald Trump, there's been quite the surge in popularity for many other shall we say, talented challenged, uh, you know, Elmost famous stars.
• 12:21
  SPEAKER_05: I say, like, oh, the good Sir Scott Bayo, you know.
• 12:26
  SPEAKER_05: So very hot right now, the Scott Rick Mayo.
• 12:29
  SPEAKER_05: That's you know, so word is you hear this, you hear this, he is favored to win your Academy Award next year.
• 12:38
  SPEAKER_05: I don't believe he's any he's even hired for any pictures.
• 12:42
  SPEAKER_04: Wow, now that is talent.
• 12:44
  SPEAKER_05: It's just that hot, you know.
• 12:45
  SPEAKER_05: It's just if he even glances at a movie, I dare say he shall be nominated.
• 12:51
  SPEAKER_04: What talent that is, and I'll tell you, I bet Joni's wants him again, you know.
• 12:55
  SPEAKER_05: Oh, just bet Joni, she does love Chargy.
• 12:58
  SPEAKER_04: Oh, she does.
• 12:59
  SPEAKER_04: I can tell you just by listening to a few of the episodes of your podcast, which I have, uh, I I just love it.
• 13:05
  SPEAKER_04: I just love it.
• 13:06
  SPEAKER_04: There's so much juicy stuff about our royal family that we're still yeah, we're still learning about it.
• 13:11
  SPEAKER_04: I mean, you know, over in the UK, you've you know, you guys are used to this, but you know, it's all all new to us, right?
• 13:16
  SPEAKER_05: So you know, I dare say I I hate to I hate to say, I feel like you Americans have done royals better, you know.
• 13:24
  SPEAKER_05: You have as there's often the American way, you find something that England does, and then you'll do it just a little bit better, like your show friends.
• 13:32
  SPEAKER_04: Well, you didn't there you go, or like most TV shows, right?
• 13:36
  SPEAKER_05: Yes, you take our television and you're like, oh, this is good.
• 13:39
  SPEAKER_05: What if we made it better?
• 13:40
  SPEAKER_04: Where did you get the name a royal scam from?
• 13:43
  SPEAKER_04: It uh sounds a little might be perceived by some as a little criticism of our our king, and uh you might make him sound like a scammer.
• 13:53
  SPEAKER_05: No, don't don't, you could be nothing, nothing further from the truth.
• 13:56
  SPEAKER_05: No, you as most of our royal fans know, our king's favorite 70s rock group is Steely Dan.
• 14:05
  SPEAKER_05: You know, his favorite album is that uh the Royal Scam.
• 14:08
  SPEAKER_05: You know, not only does he love that album ever so much, he loves the name of the group too.
• 14:14
  SPEAKER_05: That's Steely Dan.
• 14:16
  SPEAKER_05: You know, in fact, in the 1960s, our president used to go by the name Stealing Donald as a sort of shout out a little tip of the cap to the group.
• 14:27
  SPEAKER_02: That is so interesting, and the name fits perfectly.
• 14:31
  SPEAKER_02: I'm so excited.
• 14:32
  SPEAKER_02: Let's go on and let's kind of dig deeper into this.
• 14:35
  SPEAKER_02: As you know, I mentioned that Vanessa Trump, Don Jr.'s ex, was dating Tiger Woods.
• 14:43
  SPEAKER_02: That sounds crazy to me, but can you kind of give us the real story behind that?
• 14:48
  SPEAKER_05: It has been quite the hot bit of gossip, you know.
• 14:51
  SPEAKER_05: And I I must say, I can indeed confirm that they have been dating for quite a few months now.
• 14:58
  SPEAKER_05: Uh several fortnights, one might say.
• 15:00
  SPEAKER_05: I'm not sure just how serious it is.
• 15:03
  SPEAKER_05: Oh, but the king, he is not pleased.
• 15:07
  SPEAKER_04: Oh, why is that?
• 15:09
  SPEAKER_05: Oh dear, where shall I even begin?
• 15:12
  SPEAKER_05: Oh, well, first of all, Vanessa Trump, Vanessa Trump, she's still using the Trump name.
• 15:20
  SPEAKER_05: Even though she's just technically not a Trump anymore.
• 15:23
  SPEAKER_05: She clings to it.
• 15:24
  SPEAKER_05: She clings to it like marmalade bread.
• 15:27
  SPEAKER_05: And she she breaks that golden rule that no one can be as good a golfer as the king.
• 15:35
  SPEAKER_05: Oh, yes, yes, and the tiger.
• 15:38
  SPEAKER_05: You know, he he loses to the king every time they play, but tiger he's quite a good golfer, you see, and uh too good, in fact, if you should ask our king.
• 15:50
  SPEAKER_05: He treads on you know some dangerous dangerous, you know.
• 15:54
  SPEAKER_05: That is uh what do you call that in golf, where the the dangerous areas of golf in the rough.
• 16:00
  SPEAKER_05: The rough, he's in the rough.
• 16:01
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I think the king likes that.
• 16:03
  SPEAKER_02: He likes the rough.
• 16:04
  SPEAKER_05: Oh, he likes it rough, yeah.
• 16:05
  SPEAKER_04: He does, I think.
• 16:06
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, some video about that.
• 16:08
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, well, that is a problem.
• 16:10
  SPEAKER_02: So I guess we can sum this up and say that the king really hates Tiger Woods, then, correct?
• 16:16
  SPEAKER_05: Oh no, don't hates it.
• 16:18
  SPEAKER_05: No, please, no, it's much more complicated than that.
• 16:21
  SPEAKER_05: No, he has quite the soft spot for Tiger, you know, especially after he cheated on his wife with I say, yeah, you know, whether ten different women makes him relatable to him, yeah.
• 16:34
  SPEAKER_05: It's like his bosom buddies.
• 16:37
  SPEAKER_05: It definitely gave him quite the you say the brownie points with Alina, you know, who often says he he says to Tiger, he's the luckiest man in the world, you know, he has everything you could want, golden toilets and all.
• 16:50
  SPEAKER_05: And uh well, they they definitely have quite the bromance going, you know, it's so cheeky.
• 16:56
  SPEAKER_05: You know, and in fact, uh, King's his our King Trump, his favorite joke was one told to him by Sir Tiger Woods.
• 17:05
  SPEAKER_05: He said that golf is the only game where the slowest players are in front of you and the fastest players are behind you.
• 17:12
  SPEAKER_05: And the king he only he says this, he says, Oh, unless the junior miss America pageants in town.
• 17:20
  SPEAKER_04: You know, though this is no criticism of our king, but I'm not sure I get that joke.
• 17:25
  SPEAKER_04: I don't think it makes sense.
• 17:26
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, what's your uh perhaps broads not to you, but all his Republican friends with laughter when he tells this joke, oh, especially that majority leader Michael Johnson.
• 17:39
  SPEAKER_04: Oh, yeah, I bet he's such a card.
• 17:42
  SPEAKER_04: Oh, yeah.
• 17:43
  SPEAKER_04: He and Marco trade shoes, I think.
• 17:44
  SPEAKER_04: But but I digress.
• 17:45
  SPEAKER_02: I think you're right.
• 17:46
  SPEAKER_02: I guess we then can assume that everything's good between the king and Tiger about dating Vanessa.
• 17:53
  SPEAKER_05: You know what they say now about assuming.
• 17:58
  SPEAKER_05: No, I say you've made an ass out of you and me.
• 18:01
  SPEAKER_05: No, this is what it gets much more complicated here, you see.
• 18:04
  SPEAKER_05: So now the king, even though he loves Tiger, he loves him dearly, he's not fond of that, um, shall we say, sketchy ethnic background, so to speak.
• 18:16
  SPEAKER_05: You know, is he Asian?
• 18:18
  SPEAKER_05: Is he black?
• 18:18
  SPEAKER_05: You know, we saw this with Kamala Harris.
• 18:20
  SPEAKER_05: He does not like the racial ambiguities.
• 18:24
  SPEAKER_04: Or when suddenly someone suddenly becomes one.
• 18:27
  SPEAKER_05: Exactly! You never know, you know.
• 18:29
  SPEAKER_04: You never know, right?
• 18:31
  SPEAKER_05: These ethnic backgrounds come up on you, and you know our king, he already has, you know, what a shallow say what a Jewish member in the family, you know.
• 18:40
  SPEAKER_05: So you oh you should add an Asian or a black, and it's just it's just too much.
• 18:47
  SPEAKER_05: His family has been infiltrated by the DEI crowd.
• 18:53
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I can see what he means.
• 18:55
  SPEAKER_05: Indeed, yes.
• 18:56
  SPEAKER_05: Oh, finally, you know, the biggest reason that he does not want tiger to date Vanessa with Ivanka getting up in age, you know, having children, what it does to one's body, our king.
• 19:10
  SPEAKER_05: He's had his eye on Vanessa for quite some time, you know.
• 19:14
  SPEAKER_05: He always has that thought there, back of his head, you know, give some additional surgeries, or she could be quite the the star, you know, the pornographic star and academy award winner.
• 19:25
  SPEAKER_04: Now that is some juicy royal gossip.
• 19:27
  SPEAKER_05: Right, they've got mayo Scott Mayo, you know, is that an Academy Award.
• 19:31
  SPEAKER_04: Ooh, hey, you know, they'd be great in a movie together, wouldn't they?
• 19:35
  SPEAKER_04: Wow.
• 19:36
  SPEAKER_05: That's how you get people back into the theaters.
• 19:39
  SPEAKER_04: Oh, absolutely.
• 19:40
  SPEAKER_04: Absolutely.
• 19:40
  SPEAKER_04: That won't go right direct to streaming, no search.
• 19:43
  SPEAKER_04: No, no, no, that will stay in the studios.
• 19:45
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, you know, you just avatar.
• 19:48
  SPEAKER_04: This is just great stuff.
• 19:49
  SPEAKER_04: You don't get this stuff from that surrendered media.
• 19:54
  SPEAKER_05: That is what we're here for, my dear Stephen.
• 19:56
  SPEAKER_05: No, now shall we shall we take on the other story you brought up earlier about Eric?
• 20:01
  SPEAKER_04: Oh, yeah.
• 20:02
  SPEAKER_04: You know, as I said, the rumor is that Eric made himself deaf, more deaf.
• 20:07
  SPEAKER_05: Yes.
• 20:07
  SPEAKER_04: So he didn't have to listen to people boo him.
• 20:10
  SPEAKER_05: Yes.
• 20:11
  SPEAKER_04: Can that be true?
• 20:12
  SPEAKER_05: I mean Yes, it indeed it can, you know.
• 20:15
  SPEAKER_05: Now that but you it could be, but I'm afraid it is completely made up.
• 20:20
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, yeah, I'm afraid so.
• 20:23
  SPEAKER_05: I know we loved that juicy gossip, but this one was just a little too not quite there.
• 20:29
  SPEAKER_05: You see, he may suffer from some loss of hearing, but you know, it it it it does explain some of his more, you know, bizarre answers to some very simple questions, one might think.
• 20:43
  SPEAKER_05: But uh the Trump family, you know, they would never have a doctor perform such an experimental surgery on one of the dear precious Trump boys.
• 20:53
  SPEAKER_05: No.
• 20:53
  SPEAKER_05: Now, even if he has no chance ever, ever, ever, ever to be king.
• 20:58
  SPEAKER_05: But you know, I say what we have pardon the choice of words, what we do hear is that uh the king might be asking Tiffany Trump to volunteer for the surgery, and you know, as a little guinea pig.
• 21:14
  SPEAKER_05: If it turns out, I say then, then we may see the Eric have it done.
• 21:19
  SPEAKER_02: That kind of makes sense.
• 21:21
  SPEAKER_02: And Tiffany's always been one to you know make the king happy.
• 21:25
  SPEAKER_02: So you know, I could I could see her doing that.
• 21:28
  SPEAKER_05: Fall upon the surgical sword as it was.
• 21:31
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 21:31
  SPEAKER_04: If she had surgery that made her deaf, I don't know that anybody would know it because nobody nobody talks to her.
• 21:37
  SPEAKER_04: Who would who would know, right?
• 21:38
  SPEAKER_04: Who could say?
• 21:39
  SPEAKER_02: Really true.
• 21:40
  SPEAKER_02: So this is just all such good stuff, and these are such juicy tidbits.
• 21:44
  SPEAKER_02: Again, you don't hear them anywhere else.
• 21:45
  SPEAKER_02: Is there anything else you could share with with our audience?
• 21:48
  SPEAKER_02: I'm sure they're just eating this stuff up.
• 21:50
  SPEAKER_05: I hate to spoil.
• 21:51
  SPEAKER_05: I mean, you know, I do want everyone to turn into my podcast, of course.
• 21:54
  SPEAKER_05: You know, I hate to be giving it away for free.
• 21:58
  SPEAKER_05: I I will say, you know, there are.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_05: This family, they just this is something that why I tell you that this you've perfected the royal family treatment here, you know, because this family they've got something going on all the time.
• 22:10
  SPEAKER_05: The royals, I mean, when's the last time anything interesting happened in in Britain?
• 22:15
  SPEAKER_05: You know, but I say this is not a second that goes by, that there's not some this is simply mad goings-on here in America.
• 22:23
  SPEAKER_05: Now it's so hard to keep up with it, in fact.
• 22:25
  SPEAKER_05: You know, I think just the other night we got a scoop.
• 22:29
  SPEAKER_05: Baron, young Baron Trump, he's looking at colleges, he's looking for university.
• 22:34
  SPEAKER_05: You know, he's been visited by all the Ivy Leagues, and I say, being the king's son, he should have his pick of any school he wants.
• 22:43
  SPEAKER_05: And I say, My bet, my bet, you can quote me on this.
• 22:48
  SPEAKER_05: Fordham University in New York City.
• 22:51
  SPEAKER_05: You know, his father went there, so he is a legacy.
• 22:54
  SPEAKER_04: Wow, you know, I had always heard that our king went to University of Pennsylvania, the Warden School of Business.
• 23:00
  SPEAKER_04: He talks about that a lot.
• 23:01
  SPEAKER_05: I say, well, like most things about Hargarate King Trump, it is partially true, you know, there's sprinklings of truth.
• 23:10
  SPEAKER_05: Uh little Jimmy's of truth in there.
• 23:12
  SPEAKER_05: This is actually, he went to Fordham University after high school.
• 23:17
  SPEAKER_05: He hear this because he wanted to stay close to home.
• 23:21
  SPEAKER_05: And he was maturing very slowly, you know.
• 23:23
  SPEAKER_05: He's a a late bloomer, and uh physically, academically, but after a couple of years of being at city school, all of a sudden it blossomed.
• 23:34
  SPEAKER_05: Like a flower opening up, especially as an SAT taker.
• 23:39
  SPEAKER_05: And from there, I say he miraculously got into the University of Pennsylvania and the Wharton School of Business.
• 23:48
  SPEAKER_02: God, I could just sit here and listen to stories about our royal family all day long.
• 23:53
  SPEAKER_02: Is there any word on whether Baron will like father in his fall father in his fall?
• 23:59
  SPEAKER_02: Father in his fall and father in his father, father his feet.
• 24:02
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, right.
• 24:03
  SPEAKER_02: Uh-huh.
• 24:03
  SPEAKER_02: Whether he will follow in his father's footsteps, you know, to to go into politics or business.
• 24:09
  SPEAKER_02: Do we know yet?
• 24:10
  SPEAKER_05: Well, I should say, you know, that Baron, beautiful young man that he is, we hear he has often dreamed of being an actor.
• 24:19
  SPEAKER_05: Treading the board, so they say.
• 24:21
  SPEAKER_05: Wow.
• 24:22
  SPEAKER_05: In the rumor has it, Baron is thinking of trying out for the remake of the omen.
• 24:28
  SPEAKER_05: As Damien, of course.
• 24:29
  SPEAKER_05: I know you you see it right.
• 24:32
  SPEAKER_04: Oh gosh, he was made for that part.
• 24:34
  SPEAKER_04: Oh my god.
• 24:34
  SPEAKER_04: I mean, you could probably find a part in that movie for the whole family, you know, and well, and D.
• 24:39
  SPEAKER_04: Lamust, too.
• 24:40
  SPEAKER_05: He really could.
• 24:41
  SPEAKER_05: I think you can even get Sam Neal back to play some of them.
• 24:44
  SPEAKER_04: Oh, yeah.
• 24:45
  SPEAKER_05: They've already tried to remake the omen, you know, get recent, a recent, you know, I believe a prequel was made um before, but yeah, and they they just they have trouble getting the finances going, you know, the Hollywood.
• 24:58
  SPEAKER_05: It suffers.
• 24:59
  SPEAKER_05: They just keep cranking out all this woke garbage and they just can't get the money for it.
• 25:03
  SPEAKER_05: But it looks like they may finally get this done, thanks to good old Uncle Moneybags Elon.
• 25:11
  SPEAKER_01: Oh.
• 25:12
  SPEAKER_01: He's the best.
• 25:14
  SPEAKER_05: And you know the any of the old ones, they just don't hold up that well.
• 25:18
  SPEAKER_05: It's kind of an unrealistic storyline, you know.
• 25:21
  SPEAKER_05: For some reason, putting an antichrist in the White House, it just seems a little more believable these days, don't you think?
• 25:28
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, yeah.
• 25:29
  SPEAKER_02: I agree completely.
• 25:30
  SPEAKER_02: Then again, I'm I'm a gullible person.
• 25:32
  SPEAKER_02: I always thought that Canada was our friend.
• 25:35
  SPEAKER_02: So what do I know?
• 25:36
  SPEAKER_05: Um we don't know most about you, Jeffrey.
• 25:39
  SPEAKER_02: Well, thank you.
• 25:39
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, so we don't have a lot of time left, but maybe you could share like, is there a one final story that you'd like to tease our audience with?
• 25:47
  SPEAKER_02: And everybody remember, check out a royal scam.
• 25:50
  SPEAKER_02: And when you're done checking that out, check out her podcast too.
• 25:55
  SPEAKER_00: Don't you cheeky?
• 25:56
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, it's okay.
• 25:58
  SPEAKER_05: Okay, I shall give you a little taste here, a little morsel.
• 26:02
  SPEAKER_05: Uh, this is a developing story.
• 26:05
  SPEAKER_05: I said we research it.
• 26:06
  SPEAKER_05: It's kind of a fun one.
• 26:08
  SPEAKER_05: As we know, our king he likes to eat all kinds of food, all the best food.
• 26:13
  SPEAKER_05: Stuff that the regular bogger person eats.
• 26:17
  SPEAKER_05: Uh, fried and delicious.
• 26:19
  SPEAKER_05: Uh, but I say we have it from a very good source that is part of the doge layoffs and firings of the White House.
• 26:27
  SPEAKER_05: The White House chef and his film staff shall be fired, replaced by food court in the West Wing.
• 26:36
  SPEAKER_05: I love the shopping hall from the 1980s.
• 26:39
  SPEAKER_02: Brilliant.
• 26:39
  SPEAKER_02: Wow.
• 26:40
  SPEAKER_02: I love those Cinnabons.
• 26:42
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, yeah.
• 26:43
  SPEAKER_05: Like a good Savaro.
• 26:45
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 26:46
  SPEAKER_05: Yes, it will have five different restaurants for our king and dignitaries to choose from.
• 26:51
  SPEAKER_05: I'm not sure exactly which point which restaurants will be chosen at this point.
• 26:55
  SPEAKER_05: There's much contention about this, but we all know his favourite fried chicken is likely to get a spot there, and probably some kind of hamburger joint is where we know he loves his burgers.
• 27:08
  SPEAKER_05: And um, well, just keep our listeners up to date.
• 27:12
  SPEAKER_05: You tune in here to uh our show here, and it will keep you all the news just as it breaks, should be very exciting.
• 27:19
  SPEAKER_05: Although one thing is for sure, none of the breakfast sandwiches shall have any Canadian bacon on it whatsoever.
• 27:26
  SPEAKER_05: What a what a sham that is.
• 27:28
  SPEAKER_05: Uh probably no eggs either, you know.
• 27:30
  SPEAKER_05: Say waffles.
• 27:31
  SPEAKER_05: Waffles might be a good choice there, or the little the little divots you can fill with syrup.
• 27:36
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, and maybe the only choice by then when they when they do that.
• 27:40
  SPEAKER_02: So uh well, I think this is great.
• 27:43
  SPEAKER_04: Oh, yeah.
• 27:44
  SPEAKER_02: I think they're our future enemy, aren't they?
• 27:47
  SPEAKER_04: Oh, absolutely, yeah.
• 27:48
  SPEAKER_04: I mean they've been very unfair to us, you know, by hosting NATO.
• 27:51
  SPEAKER_04: I mean, you know, that's very unfair.
• 27:53
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, I'm sure ego is fairly an American uh this was great, and I just couldn't be prouder of our king.
• 28:01
  SPEAKER_02: The more you share about him, the the more prouder I am.
• 28:04
  SPEAKER_02: And praise him indeed.
• 28:06
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, and long live the king.
• 28:08
  SPEAKER_04: Long live the king.
• 28:09
  SPEAKER_02: Yes, yeah.
• 28:10
  SPEAKER_02: I know Steven, I would like to thank you for being on our podcast.
• 28:13
  SPEAKER_02: This was excellent.
• 28:15
  SPEAKER_02: Maybe occasionally in the future, we could have you back on our show to give some updates and tell us if you hear anything special that's going on.
• 28:23
  SPEAKER_02: There's always sounds like there's always some good information.
• 28:26
  SPEAKER_05: I should I should I should love to do that.
• 28:28
  SPEAKER_05: I do so loved chatting with you gentlemen.
• 28:31
  SPEAKER_05: And I would love to just keep your listeners up to date on all of the wondrous things going on in your house of white.
• 28:38
  SPEAKER_04: Oh gosh, thank you.
• 28:40
  SPEAKER_04: Thank you.
• 28:40
  SPEAKER_04: And again, thanks for coming on the show and listen to that A Royal Scam podcast.
• 28:45
  SPEAKER_04: And I I just want to thank you for being on the show.
• 28:48
  SPEAKER_04: And you know, I think you shouldn't go home empty-handed because, you know, after after Liberation Day, you might be empty-handed.
• 28:55
  SPEAKER_04: So, Johnny, what do we have for a royal scam podcast host?
• 29:00
  SPEAKER_03: Right, Steve.
• 29:02
  SPEAKER_03: Miss Blank won't draw a blank when she grabs onto a lifelike replica of our king's new$5 million gold card.
• 29:09
  SPEAKER_03: She'll be able to imagine the long line of people who will pay$5 million to have a king.
• 29:14
  SPEAKER_03: Snapped together by Child Labor in Arkansas.
• 29:17
  SPEAKER_03: This American Beauty is a 79 cent value.
• 29:19
  SPEAKER_03: All hers for just$7.95 plus shipping and hand.
• 29:23
  SPEAKER_03: And she'll want to put her podcast on video when she sees how she looks at her new Diamond Tiara.
• 29:29
  SPEAKER_03: This diamond-shaped tiara is just in time for the baseball season.
• 29:33
  SPEAKER_03: Manufactured by fingers in the herd and McDonald's islands, she won't even mind paying the terrorist for this simulated silver and zircon imitation replica.
• 29:41
  SPEAKER_03: Product of Xmarks the Spot Company, formerly known as the United States.
• 29:46
  SPEAKER_03: This has been the No Kings in America production and associated with Kings of Media.
• 29:51
  SPEAKER_03: Find out all about our host at their website, stevenjeff.com.
• 29:56
  SPEAKER_03: This is Johnny Speaker.
• 29:57
  SPEAKER_03: I've never cared about gossip, royal or otherwise.
• 30:01
  SPEAKER_03: I don't think it's anybody's business what goes on in people's personal lights.
• 30:05
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, but let me tell you what Steve's mom told me last night.
• 30:09
  SPEAKER_03: She said that her hairdresser's neighbor's brother said that his co worker's aunt said.
• 30:15
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, never mind.
• 30:17
  SPEAKER_03: Good night.