Latest / Sasquatch & Sourdough / Ep. 29 | Sound, Spirit, and Survival | Sasquatch and Sourdough ft. Cole from Magical Ducklings

Transcript

Ep. 29 | Sound, Spirit, and Survival | Sasquatch and Sourdough ft. Cole from Magical Ducklings · Sasquatch & Sourdough

• 0:12
  SPEAKER_01: Welcome back to Sasquatch and Sourdough.
• 0:14
  SPEAKER_01: It's Christina here, and I just wanted to give you guys a little bit of a disclaimer before we jump into tonight's episode.
• 0:23
  SPEAKER_01: I would definitely recommend that this is absolutely 18 and over.
• 0:28
  SPEAKER_01: We get into some dark territory here, and it's just not really appropriate for kids.
• 0:33
  SPEAKER_01: Also, if you are prayerful, I would definitely go ahead and pray before this one because it is a doozy.
• 0:41
  SPEAKER_01: All right.
• 0:41
  SPEAKER_01: With that being said, let's get into the episode.
• 1:20
  SPEAKER_01: I am your host, Christina, and I have a very excitable guest, my friend Cole from the Magical Ducklings uh band, right?
• 1:30
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, band.
• 1:32
  SPEAKER_04: Me and myself and my wife.
• 1:34
  SPEAKER_04: My wife sings sometimes, so that's good.
• 1:37
  SPEAKER_01: Awesome.
• 1:37
  SPEAKER_01: Awesome.
• 1:38
  SPEAKER_01: So I'm gonna read your just because I absolutely love your music, and I'm so happy that you found this podcast.
• 1:46
  SPEAKER_01: So I'm gonna read your description from your YouTube channel.
• 1:48
  SPEAKER_01: So the Magical Ducklings Psychedelic Jesus music uh is futuristic electronic worship featuring unusual and handmade sounds using analog, digital, classical, international, and untraditional instruments with a touch of the 80s and something from the Garden of Eden.
• 2:06
  SPEAKER_01: I love that.
• 2:11
  SPEAKER_04: The 80s, uh you know, it was a good era.
• 2:15
  SPEAKER_04: It was a good year for decade for music.
• 2:18
  unknown: Yeah, totally.
• 2:19
  SPEAKER_04: So it was the 70s and the 60s and the 90s.
• 2:23
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, for electronic music for sure.
• 2:26
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, you know, uh my this studio is is called um uh skate night studios.
• 2:31
  SPEAKER_04: So skate night, kind of thing I I think of oh the 80s, you know, when I was a kid, but I love it.
• 2:37
  SPEAKER_01: There's something I know, I love oh so we were just talking about skate skating something.
• 2:43
  SPEAKER_01: I was talking oh, we were talking about like graffiti tags.
• 2:46
  unknown: Oh yeah.
• 2:50
  SPEAKER_01: Oh yeah, especially in Baltimore is where I am.
• 2:53
  SPEAKER_04: So now do you remember uh Rock Me Amadeus on the skate rink?
• 2:58
  SPEAKER_04: That was oh the song.
• 3:01
  SPEAKER_01: We still go we still go roller skating around here.
• 3:04
  SPEAKER_04: That's awesome.
• 3:04
  SPEAKER_04: I love roller skating.
• 3:05
  SPEAKER_04: I just wish they played 80s music.
• 3:09
  SPEAKER_01: You can probably I don't even know if you can request.
• 3:11
  SPEAKER_01: I don't even dare anymore.
• 3:12
  SPEAKER_01: Like if we take the kids roller skating, I'm just like, I don't I just I'm not an old lady that complains about the music, so right.
• 3:19
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, yeah.
• 3:20
  SPEAKER_04: Well, auto-tune.
• 3:23
  SPEAKER_01: So um you are actually the first guest that I've had that has actually reached out like as an audience member.
• 3:33
  SPEAKER_01: Everybody else I've kind of like procured through just like stalking people on Instagram.
• 3:37
  SPEAKER_01: So can you just tell everybody a little bit about yourself and how you found the podcast?
• 3:44
  SPEAKER_04: Wow, okay.
• 3:45
  SPEAKER_04: Well, I'll I'll start with how I found found the podcast.
• 3:48
  SPEAKER_04: Um uh I have a dear friend who does um uh an amazing uh show called it's a podcast called um The Hidden Life is best uh by Robert Frederick.
• 4:04
  SPEAKER_04: And he uh actually told me about you because he was like, Hey, uh this this uh uh I found this Christian sister who's has this really cool story, check it out.
• 4:15
  SPEAKER_04: And so um I that's how I found you.
• 4:18
  SPEAKER_04: And I was like, wow, that yeah, it's just I was just like, wow, this is really it's just you know, it's kind of edgy.
• 4:24
  SPEAKER_04: Uh you talk about really interesting things.
• 4:27
  SPEAKER_04: Um I wish that our Christian brothers and sisters in America would get less uh, you know, just hip to um what's really going out there and going on within the governments of the world and stuff like that.
• 4:42
  SPEAKER_04: So it's great that you're talking about all the strange phenomenon.
• 4:49
  SPEAKER_04: And then you talked, you know, I I really resonated with your I listened to your testimony and I was like, yeah, that's that's like, you know, you're talking about being a goth kid and all these bands.
• 5:00
  SPEAKER_04: I was like, oh yeah, I remember for sure.
• 5:03
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I definitely um I think it was the Unrefined podcast where I was talking about um was it?
• 5:10
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, they asked me a really great question, and it was like, how did I know that like Jesus was actually like kind of changed my heart?
• 5:18
  SPEAKER_01: Like we kind of got into that.
• 5:20
  SPEAKER_01: I feel like that's a good question for people to sort of ask.
• 5:23
  SPEAKER_01: And um I told a story on there about how I used to like run into all these, like through metal shows, there's all these like trying to train kids, like homeless kids.
• 5:33
  SPEAKER_01: And I always like just hated them.
• 5:35
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know what it was, I had such anger for them.
• 5:38
  SPEAKER_01: And when I got saved, I noticed that God I started I would see them at like Walmart because it was like festival season and God just started doing something in my heart and like broke my heart for them and just inspired me to do like to help them and not hate them.
• 5:56
  SPEAKER_01: So that was like kind of the first turning point for me.
• 5:58
  SPEAKER_04: But that's awesome.
• 5:59
  SPEAKER_01: But you definitely have um, so you sent me an email and you have an incredible just an incredible testimony yourself.
• 6:08
  SPEAKER_01: Um I would love for you to kind of like jump into that, but um, I do want you to definitely talk about the your music uh and kind of how that started.
• 6:19
  SPEAKER_01: I know it's like a big journey, so we'll kind of just have to have to just follow along with your with your story.
• 6:26
  SPEAKER_04: Well, let's see.
• 6:26
  SPEAKER_04: Should we talk music or uh would you like testimony or what what would be a a fun way to go?
• 6:33
  SPEAKER_01: So I wonder if do you because because I know I kind of know how the story ends and it ends in an awesome way.
• 6:40
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 6:40
  SPEAKER_01: But do you think um did you always have kind of like a heart for psychedelic music?
• 6:45
  SPEAKER_01: Were you always into psychedelic music?
• 6:47
  SPEAKER_04: Uh okay, well, let like yeah, I you know, I didn't even know about it um until well, when I was a kid, okay, my I grew up in my parents um were atheists, but very uh creative.
• 7:03
  SPEAKER_04: Like my dad was a filmmaker in Dallas, Texas, and um did independent films and worked with you know uh public television and stuff like that.
• 7:11
  SPEAKER_04: My mom's an art teacher, was an art teacher, and um they were very artistic, very interesting, kooky kind of uh they kind of hit more of the beatnik era than the hippies era.
• 7:23
  SPEAKER_02: Nice, yeah.
• 7:24
  SPEAKER_04: And uh so I was surrounded by a lot of creativity, um, a lot of music.
• 7:31
  SPEAKER_04: They played a lot of bluegrass and blues, and um, so there was a lot of um, I guess, openness to thought, except Christianity.
• 7:41
  SPEAKER_04: It was like that, you know, I didn't know anything about the Bible that the I didn't know anything about Jesus, never went to church.
• 7:48
  SPEAKER_04: Um my parents just left, you know, they were just like, uh, it's just you know, televangelists, and I didn't know anything about the the doctrines or what Jesus did or the cross or any of that stuff.
• 8:03
  SPEAKER_04: It was just a complete you know enigma.
• 8:06
  SPEAKER_04: And I'd um and when I was a kid, I you know, I I was very, I guess I would call myself kind of an empathic type of character trait personality.
• 8:17
  SPEAKER_04: So um very uh artistic and and that kind of thing.
• 8:22
  SPEAKER_04: So I was very sensitive as a kid, very like um, and I remember uh being drawn to the to the spiritual world very young, you know, like eight, nine, ten.
• 8:34
  SPEAKER_04: Um I would see the beauty in nature, and there was just something that I mean when I think most of us as real children before a lot of trauma, maybe, or uh other things, we do just naturally believe in creator God.
• 8:55
  SPEAKER_04: Just it's just kind of a natural kit childlike thing, which is wonderful.
• 9:00
  SPEAKER_04: And um, but I remember sitting, uh, I was alone, uh, it was a summer summer vacation.
• 9:06
  SPEAKER_04: I was at my elementary school playground, which is this just kind of dilapidated uh tennis grounds, and I was sitting there under this tree, and I remember um the the cicadas were were doing this hum and fall, like and it was in the the the dappled sunlight coming through the trees were just making kind of rainbow, uh like just the light on my face, and I remember the sounds and the sensations, and all of a sudden it was like I felt like everything just opened up and God came to me, and just there was this light that I it's hard to explain.
• 9:47
  SPEAKER_04: It was like an invitation into my heart, my soul, like and and God, the creator just said, Fall, would you like to follow me?
• 9:56
  SPEAKER_04: Like, this is the light.
• 9:57
  SPEAKER_04: Like, would you come to and and I said yes in my heart?
• 10:01
  SPEAKER_04: I was like, This is yes, and then it just went away.
• 10:05
  SPEAKER_04: And this was a very, I mean, I I wouldn't be able to articulate what happened to me as a kid.
• 10:10
  SPEAKER_04: It was a flash and an instant, but my heart, there was something that happened in my heart, and at that I started to I I was like, Well, should I be a monk?
• 10:20
  SPEAKER_04: Should I be a guru?
• 10:22
  SPEAKER_04: Um, and then I started, you know, getting I would practice meditation as a kid out in the playground to hopefully people would look at me and like, oh wow, he's so spiritual, you know.
• 10:34
  SPEAKER_04: So I would wait, you were like eight.
• 10:37
  SPEAKER_04: I was yeah, no match eight, nine, two, like nine, and I was you know I love that.
• 10:44
  SPEAKER_04: It was definitely childish egoism mixed with genuine spirituality of hung hunger.
• 10:54
  SPEAKER_01: So you just describing that right now right there.
• 10:56
  SPEAKER_01: I had so many encounters like that as a child because I mean we spent I spent so much time outside, we spent so much time in the woods, you know.
• 11:06
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, I would I I actually so one similar thing to me or for me was I would lay in we had a really decent sized backyard growing up and we had a lot of trees around.
• 11:19
  SPEAKER_01: Like there was like a lot next door that had a lot of trees.
• 11:22
  SPEAKER_01: And there were these certain areas of our backyard that had this beautiful moss, then on such a hippie, like it just I know it's so beautiful.
• 11:34
  SPEAKER_01: Patches of moss, and I would just lay, I would lay there and I would look up, and it was like, you know, the same thing, like the light would kind of come through the trees in a certain way, and you could feel that light.
• 11:47
  SPEAKER_01: I completely understand what you're saying, and I think it's just that innate connection that we have with children.
• 11:53
  SPEAKER_01: I think you're right, before anything is corrupted, you know, it's like or there's trauma or whatever, and that was my favorite spot.
• 12:01
  SPEAKER_01: Like I I can go back to that memory and just like wish for that moment, you know, that connection.
• 12:08
  SPEAKER_01: So yeah, I totally, I totally get that.
• 12:10
  SPEAKER_01: But I love that you were just trying to you're like, all right, how can I how can I turn into a viewer?
• 12:17
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, it's sweet.
• 12:18
  SPEAKER_04: You know, there the um the Japanese have a word, they have a lot of cool words, but one of them is kumerabi.
• 12:24
  SPEAKER_04: Kumerabi, excuse me.
• 12:25
  SPEAKER_04: Um, and it means it's it means the feeling or the atmosphere that's created when there's light, sunlight that comes through the leaves above you, like that where they illuminate the that beautiful.
• 12:40
  SPEAKER_04: That's a cool word.
• 12:41
  SPEAKER_04: Uh um one of my albums for that.
• 12:44
  SPEAKER_04: They have that.
• 12:45
  SPEAKER_04: That's amazing.
• 12:46
  SPEAKER_04: It's so beautiful.
• 12:47
  SPEAKER_04: Uh one of my albums is the first album is called uh Love Songs to the Kumarabi Architect.
• 12:54
  SPEAKER_01: So it's like Yeah, I think I think I heard that.
• 12:56
  SPEAKER_01: I spent a good amount of time listening to your stuff and it's completely.
• 13:00
  SPEAKER_04: Thank you.
• 13:01
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah.
• 13:02
  SPEAKER_04: I mean, you know, the there's a psalm uh 19, Psalm 19 in the Bible that um it's it says that um uh all creation, basically the the creation speaks a secret language that's proclaiming the glory of God everywhere you go, like this with the sunsets and the clouds and everything that's created.
• 13:25
  SPEAKER_04: It's it's constantly just like not preaching, but just like proclaiming the secret language.
• 13:33
  SPEAKER_04: And it's like we you and me both, and so many others, we just when it touches the heart, I mean it's just when you're seeing a sunset, it's it's a language, it's it's a love letter to the soul, like come, you know, there's there's a higher there's a higher place, yeah.
• 13:53
  SPEAKER_01: For sure.
• 13:53
  SPEAKER_04: That's beautiful.
• 13:55
  SPEAKER_01: It's so good, and we're so out of touch with that.
• 13:57
  SPEAKER_01: I every time I think about that and I spend time getting connected, then I notice that there's usually like a week of like distraction and whatever that I have to deal with where I get like disconnected again.
• 14:09
  SPEAKER_01: I feel like I have a really big problem with modernity, and most of my audience does too.
• 14:16
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 14:17
  SPEAKER_04: What what is modernity?
• 14:18
  SPEAKER_04: What is that?
• 14:19
  SPEAKER_01: Um So just like you know, like being in our modern times, like we're not.
• 14:22
  SPEAKER_04: Oh modern modernity.
• 14:24
  SPEAKER_04: Okay.
• 14:25
  SPEAKER_04: I was like, is that a pharmaceutical drug?
• 14:27
  SPEAKER_04: No, no, modernity.
• 14:29
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, modern.
• 14:30
  SPEAKER_04: I was like, what is that?
• 14:31
  SPEAKER_04: No, I I feel you, sister.
• 14:33
  SPEAKER_04: I feel you.
• 14:34
  SPEAKER_01: We have different accents.
• 14:35
  SPEAKER_01: Sorry about that.
• 14:36
  SPEAKER_01: It's the Voldemort accent coming through.
• 14:37
  SPEAKER_01: You'll you probably have no idea what it's like.
• 14:41
  SPEAKER_04: No, but mod, yeah, the modern, uh, what is it?
• 14:44
  SPEAKER_04: It's like um nihilism, kind of.
• 14:46
  SPEAKER_04: It's this strange, it's it's it's out of the heart and into the head.
• 14:52
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 14:53
  SPEAKER_04: You know, it's like brain worship.
• 14:57
  SPEAKER_01: You know, it's crazy, yeah.
• 14:59
  SPEAKER_01: So, but I love that.
• 15:00
  SPEAKER_01: Man, you just painted such a beautiful, that's what a great moment in childhood.
• 15:03
  SPEAKER_01: So where does so where does that take you?
• 15:05
  SPEAKER_01: So you kind of invited that, you know, I you probably didn't know it was Jesus or, you know, an invitation from the creator.
• 15:11
  SPEAKER_04: So you know, did you go home and talk to your parents and be like no, but I just to correct, I did know it was the creator.
• 15:20
  SPEAKER_04: I I believed in the creator, but it was uh it was definitely um kind of a pantheistic worldview where just everything and all things, but definitely, yeah, I I always believed in the creator.
• 15:35
  SPEAKER_04: Um and but it wasn't attached to like Jesus or the Bible or anything.
• 15:41
  SPEAKER_04: It was very open, uh ended.
• 15:45
  SPEAKER_04: And but I didn't, you know, I I the only thing I ever talked to my parents about after that was I asked, I remember driving once, and it was kind of an awkward moment.
• 15:55
  SPEAKER_04: I but I asked my mom, I was like, what is what is God?
• 15:59
  SPEAKER_04: You know, and and she said, because she she didn't, you know, she had she got pretty burnt with religion, I think, as a youngster, and uh kind of a lack of love in the home, but real strict, you know, like a lot of people have this kind of dead religion, uh professing religion, but it's not true of the heart, you know, the a joyless home.
• 16:24
  SPEAKER_04: That's crazy.
• 16:24
  SPEAKER_04: A Christian home that's joyless, that's like what?
• 16:27
  SPEAKER_04: An oxymoron?
• 16:28
  SPEAKER_04: Is that the right word?
• 16:29
  SPEAKER_01: But uh, people experience that for sure, yeah.
• 16:32
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, so she she's reject she rejected uh that, but she uh but she said god she just said God is love.
• 16:40
  SPEAKER_04: Like it just kind of like what do you tell this little child?
• 16:43
  SPEAKER_04: And I I just love her for that.
• 16:45
  SPEAKER_04: And uh it was it was it was truth, you know.
• 16:50
  SPEAKER_04: Um not you know, not the fullness, but it was good and it was true.
• 16:54
  SPEAKER_04: And and she, you know, I didn't I think I asked her about the Bible at one point in my life because I when I was young, because I was curious, um, and she said, Oh, it's it's kind of a boring history book.
• 17:07
  SPEAKER_04: So I was like, nah, I don't want boring history books, so it didn't attract me.
• 17:13
  SPEAKER_04: But so anyway, yeah, I so I kind of I I I did have grown in that time period, I started to definitely be focused on the spiritual life.
• 17:23
  SPEAKER_04: That was gonna be my that's the direction I was going.
• 17:27
  SPEAKER_04: Um, and then um I got involved in uh drugs at a pretty young age, you know.
• 17:34
  SPEAKER_04: There was the joint in the alley, you know, behind the houses of smoke.
• 17:38
  SPEAKER_04: And and it it just kind of it just the whole, you know, hitting puberty, finding, you know, the stacks of pornography and yeah, all the the the adult secret life stuff that's that was so intriguing as a kid.
• 17:53
  SPEAKER_04: And um so I quickly started to lose innocence.
• 18:00
  SPEAKER_04: Um and I would say just like I was visited by the true God, the creator God, a love of love and and light, I began to have visitations by a darker presence, I would say.
• 18:15
  SPEAKER_04: Um, and it wasn't uh I wouldn't say a an oppressive presence, it was more of um uh this strong um desire and pull towards the like darker occult magic.
• 18:32
  SPEAKER_04: Um I remember around what age was that um I would say probably uh 11, 12, so like seventh, seventh grade, sixth grade, seventh grade, more seventh.
• 18:47
  SPEAKER_04: And um yeah, I I I remember going to the library and and and there was this these stacks of book called uh Man, Myth and Magic.
• 18:58
  SPEAKER_04: And I would just bring them home, and it was like I'd found my my home, my tribe, or something, some mystery.
• 19:07
  SPEAKER_04: There was like this this I started to become obsessed really with why we exist and who what is this reality.
• 19:15
  SPEAKER_04: I mean, I was just you know, of course, and then there's the taking acid and all that stuff, but um, so yeah, at a very young age, I was drawn to this stuff.
• 19:24
  SPEAKER_04: Um, and I really I do f k believe it bec was first born out of just a desire to know God and because I I had this love for love and God and I wanted love and light and truth, you know.
• 19:41
  SPEAKER_01: Um culturally, like at that time, you know, was that kind of because I can think of my own personal experience very similar going to the library looking into the mysteries.
• 19:51
  SPEAKER_01: Like I loved the occult section, I loved all that the idea of I don't know, I mean, we're like the unsolved mystery generation, so I love the idea of like you know, solving a mystery and like what's out there and having doing something different that like my parents didn't talk about, you know, they didn't talk about ghosts and weird stuff and demons you know, so I was really drawn to that too.
• 20:14
  SPEAKER_01: But was there like you know, when you were in school and like middle school, was there kind of like a culture of that?
• 20:20
  SPEAKER_01: Like were you kind of hanging out with those kids, or were you kind of just like, I wanna check this out on my own?
• 20:26
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, it's a good question.
• 20:28
  SPEAKER_04: Um, you know, I I quickly I I'm a I'm a ninth grade dropout.
• 20:33
  SPEAKER_04: Um I ran away from home about 15.
• 20:38
  SPEAKER_04: Um, you know, I did my dad, God bless him, he's uh I love him so much.
• 20:44
  SPEAKER_04: He's passed on now.
• 20:45
  SPEAKER_04: Um, but he he really um was unable to father.
• 20:48
  SPEAKER_04: He he um so you know, because he was very wounded as a child and and very um neglected, I believe.
• 20:56
  SPEAKER_04: And so there was a real absence of that that I would say that was the main thing that that um um allowed a lot of the the the darkness to come in, I believe.
• 21:10
  SPEAKER_04: Because there was yeah, and a lack of a lack of his spiritual protection over the home and over his children, and and and also just uh the f you know, him giving destiny, you know, and saying, son, this is who you are, you know, walk in this, you know.
• 21:30
  SPEAKER_04: So that was completely not there.
• 21:32
  SPEAKER_04: So the um I I don't know.
• 21:36
  SPEAKER_04: I was more you know, I got my my uh my companions were the druggies, you know, yeah and the the weird kids.
• 21:46
  SPEAKER_01: And so you're in good company.
• 21:51
  SPEAKER_04: So, you know, my friends, it wasn't like we were like, wow, I wonder what God is, you know, but we were like we were just we would trip.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_04: Out and talk about the weirdest things we could possibly come up with and talk about the universe and and you know, weird we hear, yeah, like what you know, aliens and like you know, talk a lot, you know, about girls and sex and uh drugs and you know the universe and blah blah you know, like kids do.
• 22:20
  SPEAKER_04: Um uh but very strange, you know.
• 22:23
  SPEAKER_04: We were we were some weirdos, you know.
• 22:25
  SPEAKER_04: Take we started taking a lot of ass LSD and stuff, but um yeah.
• 22:30
  SPEAKER_04: But you know, your question originally was did I how did I get into psychedelic music?
• 22:35
  SPEAKER_04: So I was before LSD, I was into slayer, um, black flag, suicidal tendencies.
• 22:44
  SPEAKER_04: I like I like the old punk, like especially black.
• 22:48
  SPEAKER_04: You know, I just love if you're gonna pick punk, black flag is your choice.
• 22:53
  SPEAKER_04: It's it's it's the the raw drinking black coffee.
• 22:58
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah.
• 23:01
  SPEAKER_04: And of course the the misfits, you know, the misfits and all that.
• 23:05
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 23:05
  SPEAKER_04: Um yeah.
• 23:06
  SPEAKER_01: Everybody in my high school had greasy doyle hair, which was just like, ugh, the greasy.
• 23:13
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, yeah.
• 23:15
  SPEAKER_04: You know, it's it's funny, like, because you you when you like the the dark the darkness, this there's um a different spiritual war in the world.
• 23:25
  SPEAKER_04: And and and the Bible talks about that the the person who the unbeliever, the one who is hasn't been illuminated by Christ and the Holy Spirit, has blinders on their eyes, and they can't see it.
• 23:38
  SPEAKER_04: And it's amazing, it was amazing to me coming out of that, but like the lyrics, I remember chanting, you know, slayer like Hail Satan, Hail Satan.
• 23:49
  SPEAKER_04: And and I didn't believe in Satan, you know.
• 23:52
  SPEAKER_04: You know, like Satan doesn't exist, it's just like theater, you know, it's it's it's wordplay, it's like power, you know, it's edgy, it's it's and it's to like um it's made to shock the the normies, you know, right?
• 24:08
  SPEAKER_01: But shocking and angry, and that's how I feel inside.
• 24:12
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, that's totally, I totally get that.
• 24:14
  SPEAKER_01: And it's that's crazy that you say that because I just the other day, like I kind of had like not really a conviction, but I heard somebody talking about this, and I was like, wow, I should probably go around and do this.
• 24:24
  SPEAKER_01: But like um kind of like I guess not so much renouncing, but like repenting for the the lyrics that you have sung.
• 24:35
  SPEAKER_01: Because just like you, I mean, I was into a lot of I mean, outside of Slayer, Slayer, I don't know, I don't even really know if they were really that convicted, you know, about being satanic.
• 24:46
  SPEAKER_01: But I listened to a ton of satanic Norwegian black metal that was completely 100%, and I'm like, you know, singing along to this stuff in a different language, and I have no idea.
• 24:59
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, now I know because even then, you know, looking into it, it was just like, oh yeah, these guys are totally satanic.
• 25:05
  SPEAKER_01: You know, it's crazy.
• 25:06
  SPEAKER_01: But some I just kind of thought like it's crazy that we're talking about this now because I just had that revelation or whatever, like the other day.
• 25:14
  SPEAKER_01: Like, yeah, I should probably like say sorry about that, because I spoke I spoke those lyrics, you know, not only out loud all the time when I was singing them, but then I would like share it with other people and like go to gatherings where we're all chanting the same thing, you know.
• 25:29
  SPEAKER_01: So it kind of gets you don't realize it, but music really has that connection with the spiritual, you know, whether you realize it or not.
• 25:38
  SPEAKER_01: Kind of getting back to you know what you're saying about the people having blinders on for sure.
• 25:42
  unknown: It's crazy.
• 25:43
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, it's it's very powerful.
• 25:44
  SPEAKER_04: I mean, it's it's a it's it's definitely it's a worship in all forms.
• 25:49
  SPEAKER_04: I mean, it's it's music was created for worship, and it's it is a worship.
• 25:53
  SPEAKER_04: Um, and it's you know, people uh who don't understand uh they they they would mock Christians and like, oh, you think the devil is just like this scary forced, you know, creature of of mythology or something, and you're scared of just having a good time.
• 26:12
  SPEAKER_04: But it's you know the the lyrics of these things are very hyper intelligent.
• 26:17
  SPEAKER_04: It's not like stupidity, it's like the like the the enemy, the devils are um hyper intelligent.
• 26:26
  SPEAKER_04: They're not it's not like they and when they when they write lyrics it's going to change your mind towards the the character of God, and it's done in a way that's very tricky and very uh I mean like one of the one tactic, it's kind of like um he says, love doesn't really exist, it's chemicals in your brain, right?
• 26:51
  SPEAKER_04: I mean that's just one example of demonic knowledge that's not true to have truths, weird truths, it has no spirituality, it's lacks heart, but it it does cr great damage to someone's soul because they they start to believe this the incredible lives that that bring death to them their mind and self.
• 27:12
  SPEAKER_04: So yeah, it's it's good to renounce those lyrics.
• 27:16
  SPEAKER_01: Even that pattern of thinking, too.
• 27:18
  SPEAKER_01: Because, you know, whether you're repeating lyrics or you're repeating mantra or you know, you're kind of the things that we let ourselves like tell ourselves, that creates neuropathways in our brain.
• 27:32
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 27:33
  SPEAKER_01: Whether it's a good, you know, positive thought, a negative thought, it's that pattern is there, and it's hard to undo that.
• 27:40
  SPEAKER_01: It takes a lot of time to undo that sort of, you know, that thinking.
• 27:45
  unknown: Yeah.
• 27:45
  SPEAKER_01: Whether it's I mean, especially obviously, especially if it's bad.
• 27:49
  SPEAKER_04: Absolutely.
• 27:50
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, it's a it's a lifelong, lifelong battle.
• 27:53
  SPEAKER_04: You know, for me, it's I know that's I know the enemy, I know exactly how a heat hits me, and it's um it's always uh in the mind, and of course, and it's it's always against the character of God.
• 28:06
  SPEAKER_04: Uh and and you know, when you start believing those those lies, your whole life is affected how you treat everyone around you, your moods, uh, how you view everything.
• 28:20
  SPEAKER_04: It's it's incredibly powerful.
• 28:22
  SPEAKER_04: So, God, we have you know, we have to be really vigilant and uh have have each other's help, especially our spouses, you know.
• 28:29
  SPEAKER_02: Absolutely, yeah.
• 28:30
  SPEAKER_04: I mean, I I will I'm always uh I never uh am resistant to just being like, you know, honey, I need can you pray with me?
• 28:37
  SPEAKER_04: I am like I'm sinking in a black hole here in my mind, and can we just pray?
• 28:42
  SPEAKER_04: And and praise God, it lifts.
• 28:44
  SPEAKER_04: It always, you know, God is good and we just battle through it.
• 28:48
  SPEAKER_04: But yeah, so music, music.
• 28:50
  SPEAKER_01: Oh man, that just reminded me of like not if you if you're familiar with the Snow Queen, but like that, you know, that uh the Snow Queen is such a great um story by Hans Christian Anderson.
• 29:01
  SPEAKER_04: Oh yeah, the mirrors.
• 29:02
  SPEAKER_04: The mirrors break apart.
• 29:04
  SPEAKER_04: Okay.
• 29:05
  SPEAKER_04: My wife was just telling me about this.
• 29:07
  SPEAKER_01: Isn't that so crazy?
• 29:08
  SPEAKER_01: Every time I think about that scripture of you know, the the scales on our eyes, like I think sometimes it's hard for us to process.
• 29:16
  SPEAKER_01: Like, what do you mean?
• 29:17
  SPEAKER_01: I don't have any physical scales, but it's almost like a lens.
• 29:21
  SPEAKER_01: Like, I mean, that could probably be I have done no research on this, but I mean that could be a way of thinking about it is that that mirror from that story.
• 29:29
  SPEAKER_01: I love that because what happens is the little boy like the the I think it's demons actually, like break a mirror and they scatter it all over the earth from like up above, and it comes down and it pierces this little boy's eye.
• 29:44
  SPEAKER_01: And then his entire worldview changes.
• 29:47
  SPEAKER_01: Like he looks at flowers that he once loved as ugly, he has like a little neighbor who he uses love, and he like doesn't like her anymore.
• 29:55
  SPEAKER_01: So I I think it just kind of touches on worldview and the way that we kind of we perceive things and how we are so easily deceived sometimes.
• 30:04
  SPEAKER_04: Amen.
• 30:05
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah.
• 30:06
  SPEAKER_04: I mean, in in my like voyages into really dark magic, chaos magic, all that stuff, what I found is the most powerful black magic, and it it's a real black magic, is um like the five o'clock news.
• 30:23
  SPEAKER_04: Like the thing that there's a there's this this this this void that that it's a magic that sucks the beauty and the mystical reality out of creation and life and the mind, and you're left with this materialistic, dead, gray kind of thinking, and it's it's amazing, yeah.
• 30:45
  SPEAKER_04: Just like you said, the flower was once beautiful when I was a child, but now it's just uh it's a landscaping thing.
• 30:51
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, yeah.
• 30:53
  SPEAKER_01: How did you how did you find yourself there?
• 30:56
  SPEAKER_01: Um, in that and what I'm not familiar with chaos magic, um, in my dabbling.
• 31:01
  SPEAKER_01: So yeah, I don't know if you want to get into that or yeah, for sure.
• 31:04
  SPEAKER_04: We can we can go there.
• 31:06
  SPEAKER_04: Um it's interesting.
• 31:08
  SPEAKER_04: Um let's see.
• 31:09
  SPEAKER_04: We so we're talking about music.
• 31:11
  SPEAKER_04: Yes, uh let me just back up before we go into chaos chaos magic.
• 31:15
  SPEAKER_01: Before we get into chaos magic.
• 31:18
  SPEAKER_04: Um I let's see.
• 31:21
  SPEAKER_04: Um so so yeah, I was into to metal and punk rock and all that stuff, uh, you know, and Bauhaus and all that gothic stuff.
• 31:29
  SPEAKER_04: And um Bella Legosi's dead, uh all this stuff.
• 31:36
  SPEAKER_01: I still listen to that stuff.
• 31:37
  SPEAKER_01: I doesn't I don't feel led not to.
• 31:41
  SPEAKER_04: So yeah, it's it's um when I'm when I'm being hit with um that dark kind of sinking feeling, it it I I'm like, well, uh Bella Ghost is dead would be good now.
• 31:57
  SPEAKER_04: But so I I try to do it.
• 32:01
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, I I yeah I do avoid it, but um anyway, so I on my first acid trip, this so we can get really weird and deep here.
• 32:11
  SPEAKER_04: So the late okay, there's um there's an underground couple of underground films that are awful called uh by this man called Joe Christ.
• 32:23
  SPEAKER_04: This was back in the 80s and 90s and stuff, but he made uh he made these films like um speed freaks with guns and um uh room uh 51 or something.
• 32:36
  SPEAKER_04: Uh but basically it was this this uh room, I think 51, I forget the name.
• 32:43
  SPEAKER_04: It was just him and they were like on ecstasy, and they they were this one woman was cutting her her wrists open, and they did like this communion, like yeah, with with the bread and her blood.
• 32:56
  SPEAKER_04: I mean, that kind of movie.
• 32:59
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, darkness, yeah.
• 33:00
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, they were just it it's this weird, but that lady, her name's Mary.
• 33:05
  SPEAKER_04: Um, I don't have no idea, you know, what became of her, uh, but she was a friend of uh kind of a friend of mine.
• 33:13
  SPEAKER_04: Because I I didn't know all this.
• 33:16
  SPEAKER_04: I found this stuff as I met because I I had a friend, um and he's since deceased now, he he died um fairly recently, but he was uh he became my best friend in seventh grade.
• 33:31
  SPEAKER_04: His name was Chris.
• 33:32
  SPEAKER_04: Um, and we uh became he was a weird guy, and uh I ran away from home and lived with him and his his mom.
• 33:41
  SPEAKER_04: Uh and uh they let's see, he but he knew these people, so there was all these people in my life.
• 33:47
  SPEAKER_04: But so we're driving, we're we're going and uh to party somewhere.
• 33:52
  SPEAKER_04: I didn't know I was a kid, I was like 15 and um or 14 at the time, and uh and Mary, this the lady who was in those movies, she was such a weird goth black, you know, had all these horrible scars and stuff, and and but she was she was um she was into that uh and but she was she gave me this little piece of paper of my friend and I, and and she was like, here, take these, and she gave us two of these tabs of acid, and and I was like, What is this, you know?
• 34:23
  SPEAKER_04: And I didn't taste anything, and I was like, didn't expect much out of it, but then she takes us, we all we all go to a Star Trek or uh a D D and Star Trek convention at a hotel, and and so that was my first acid trip was at those places, but and uh so we just laughed for like eight hours, and it was great, and it was hilarious.
• 34:50
  SPEAKER_04: And um uh, but then the second acid trip, uh, I was at a party, my friend, we were I was tripping really hard, and it my friend came up to me, Chris the the the friend I was talking about, and he put these headphones on, and he he put headphones on me, and he's like, listen to this, and he he just pushed play on this cassette walkman, and it was um uh uh Me Beat Manifesto, the uh the song called uh Hello Teenage America.
• 35:17
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 35:17
  SPEAKER_04: Um very psychedelic, very psychedelic.
• 35:20
  SPEAKER_04: And it was like a whole new world just opened up.
• 35:25
  SPEAKER_04: Like I was like, this like it was like finding some uh like haunted lamp that talked to you, you know, or something.
• 35:34
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 35:34
  SPEAKER_04: Uh so after that point, I just gave myself, I was like, I want to know more, I want to hear more of this kind of music.
• 35:42
  SPEAKER_04: Um, and so that's that began the psychedelic uh journey of music.
• 35:47
  SPEAKER_04: Um and it was it was kind of a really a search for God in a in a way.
• 35:51
  SPEAKER_01: So there's to I mean there that that's it.
• 35:54
  SPEAKER_01: Like, I mean, I definitely I had my club days for sure.
• 35:59
  SPEAKER_01: Like, I mean, we I don't know if you did a much, you know, spent much time at Raves, but I mean I I definitely like hit up a couple when I was in I don't even know, maybe high school, you know.
• 36:10
  SPEAKER_01: So I didn't get super into the psychedelics, but I definitely was in into that scene for sure, and I loved dancing.
• 36:19
  SPEAKER_01: Like I absolutely loved dancing to that music.
• 36:22
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 36:22
  SPEAKER_01: And there's actually one and I would take people with me and like make people go and just like, come on, let's go to the club.
• 36:27
  SPEAKER_01: Like, just I wanna just it's because it's escapism, right?
• 36:31
  SPEAKER_01: Like it's just totally and it's not just that, but I mean, I don't know if we could get into this because I don't know a lot about it, but it's definitely frequency, it definitely changes your brain chemistry.
• 36:43
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, it's very, very chemical.
• 36:45
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, um for sure.
• 36:47
  SPEAKER_01: But for me, I mean, there's even like songs that I would dance to.
• 36:50
  SPEAKER_01: There's one I can't remember who sings it, but the whole point of it was like, you know, it's all trans like house music.
• 36:56
  SPEAKER_01: So you get like the ups and the downs, and like I mean, I love that kind of music.
• 37:00
  SPEAKER_01: That's why I actually really enjoy what you're producing now, because I can experience that without feeling like there's some sort of weirdo alchemical thing happening to my brain.
• 37:11
  SPEAKER_01: Like people get into frequencies and like the way that things are tuned now, that's a big topic of conversation.
• 37:17
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know if you know anything about that, but oh sure, yeah.
• 37:20
  SPEAKER_04: 432 and yeah, very interesting stuff.
• 37:23
  SPEAKER_01: It messes with us, you know.
• 37:24
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 37:25
  SPEAKER_01: So but I love that.
• 37:26
  SPEAKER_01: There was a song that was like the whole hook was this this is my church, this is where I heal my hurt, and it's on the dance floor, and it's just like and it's you know what's really crazy.
• 37:36
  SPEAKER_01: I just want to say this.
• 37:38
  SPEAKER_01: I my son was singing a song the other day, and I was like, I'm not gonna sing it.
• 37:44
  SPEAKER_01: But when he was singing it, I could hear this like tone, and I know what the song is, like in like really.
• 37:50
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and I looked up the singer, but it just had this tone, and it made me feel like sick.
• 37:57
  SPEAKER_01: When I heard him singing it, and when I looked at the lyrics, I was like, Yeah, I know all about her and I know what she's about, and she's super anti-god, and I don't want you singing the song.
• 38:08
  SPEAKER_02: Wow.
• 38:08
  SPEAKER_01: And so I read the lyrics out loud to my husband, and he's just like, oh, whatever.
• 38:14
  SPEAKER_01: And I was like, No, seriously, like this, I know culturally this girl is like super into weird stuff.
• 38:19
  SPEAKER_01: So I had explained to my son, like, look, dude, you gotta watch, you're gonna, you know, at some point you have to start realizing you know, the stuff that's produced out there, not all of it is the best for us, you know.
• 38:34
  SPEAKER_01: Because what she was singing sounded like a spell to me.
• 38:37
  SPEAKER_04: Absolutely.
• 38:38
  SPEAKER_01: And the way that he was singing it, like I was like, oh wow.
• 38:42
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 38:43
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 38:43
  SPEAKER_01: So anyway, sorry, I didn't mean to get us off topic, but I just that like just happened, and I was like, man, that's crazy.
• 38:48
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, music's so powerful.
• 38:50
  SPEAKER_04: Um it is.
• 38:51
  SPEAKER_04: I mean, that what Hollywood and all this, you know, these these people are producing is is really wicked, and it's yeah, it's it's hard.
• 39:01
  SPEAKER_04: I mean, the kids like uh yeah, kid it's hard to watch your children be kind of lured into when you can see it clearly, it's it's heartbreaking.
• 39:11
  SPEAKER_04: It really is.
• 39:11
  SPEAKER_04: I uh yeah, it's it's it's very difficult.
• 39:14
  SPEAKER_04: Um and again, it's funny, like you can't see it until you you do, you know.
• 39:21
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, whoa, what is happening to me?
• 39:24
  SPEAKER_01: Exactly.
• 39:25
  SPEAKER_01: So I want to go, I want to kind of go back though.
• 39:28
  SPEAKER_01: So because I don't know, you just took me back to my club days, but like, you know, so you're you're in this, like, first of all, I love that that I don't love that you had experienced that, but I love that it they took you to a Dungeons and Dragons convention.
• 39:38
  SPEAKER_01: That just sounds super nerdy to me.
• 39:40
  SPEAKER_01: I'm sorry guys, I know I have DD fans.
• 39:43
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, that's fine.
• 39:45
  SPEAKER_01: I and I don't have a look, I don't some people, some Christians are like, it's demonic, and I'm like, dude, it's whatever, I think it's fine.
• 39:52
  SPEAKER_01: Like, unless God specifically tells me that I'm not supposed to do this, like I have no skin in that game with D D.
• 39:59
  SPEAKER_01: But I just think it's really funny because to me that just sounds like the nerdiest place to drink.
• 40:05
  SPEAKER_04: It I'm so it was it was a very nerdy place.
• 40:08
  SPEAKER_04: And um the only the real memory I have is me and my friend who we were both dosed at the same time, and it was our first time.
• 40:16
  SPEAKER_04: He we're both hus we cannot stop hysterically laughing, like belly aching laughing.
• 40:22
  SPEAKER_04: And we I remember we were going down this hallway, and it's you know, it's like a double tree or some hotel where all you know the corridors it's definitely like a mirror, right?
• 40:35
  SPEAKER_04: Because there's doors, so it's already psychedelic in a weird, surreal way.
• 40:38
  SPEAKER_04: You know, it's like some weird um David Lynch movie, and yeah, and we're just like creeping along like some crazy fools, you know, and and around the corner comes uh guy dressed as Whorf, you know, with the makeup.
• 40:51
  SPEAKER_04: Oh and he like he looks it up and kind of hesitates.
• 40:55
  SPEAKER_04: He's like, it looks and we look like fiends, you know.
• 40:59
  SPEAKER_04: We're just like and and he stops, he's like, Oh, and then he keeps walking, and so there's this like eternity of uh we're like, okay, be quiet.
• 41:09
  SPEAKER_04: Don't don't laugh, don't laugh, be cool, it'll be cool, man.
• 41:14
  SPEAKER_04: And so it was just so awkward, you could just squeeze the the awkwardness.
• 41:19
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, it was juicy and uh you know, and then what's wrong with these kids?
• 41:24
  SPEAKER_04: We're like we're like climbing and so he right when he passes, we burst out laughing again.
• 41:30
  SPEAKER_04: So it was funny.
• 41:31
  SPEAKER_04: That was I mean, that was the only acid trip where I I laughed, you know.
• 41:35
  SPEAKER_04: Then it just got weird.
• 41:36
  SPEAKER_04: I've just it was the it was the you know, the first one's free, you know, and then and then everything gets really weird.
• 41:44
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 41:45
  SPEAKER_01: So did you ever like encounter that person again, Mary?
• 41:48
  SPEAKER_01: Did you ever were you like hanging out with her after that?
• 41:51
  SPEAKER_04: Like yeah, a little bit.
• 41:53
  SPEAKER_04: Um she was a girlfriend of a friend uh named Randy, who I hung we hung out more uh at his house.
• 42:01
  SPEAKER_04: So she would come hang out every now and then.
• 42:03
  SPEAKER_04: Um this was only you know, I knew Randy for we hung out on occasion for like a year or so.
• 42:10
  SPEAKER_04: So it was it was not a long-term relationship.
• 42:13
  SPEAKER_04: Um I never talked to her about those weird, no, like her scars and stuff.
• 42:18
  SPEAKER_04: I always wondered what I found out later what those scars were about.
• 42:22
  SPEAKER_04: Um so and she was she was really nice, she was really cool.
• 42:27
  SPEAKER_04: I you know, it grieves me that that she was um a part of that, of course.
• 42:32
  SPEAKER_04: And I, you know, I don't know whatever happened to her, but I I hope she had hope she had found found the light.
• 42:38
  SPEAKER_04: Um definitely but they were very weird.
• 42:42
  SPEAKER_04: I mean, the music that we that they introduced me to was very strange.
• 42:47
  SPEAKER_04: A lot of psychic TV, um, you know, pig pig face, uh throbbing gristle, all the really weird shock art kind of stuff.
• 42:56
  SPEAKER_04: Um the swans.
• 42:58
  SPEAKER_01: Um the other, like not I guess not non-psychedelic, but like on the other end of that, at least for me, is like all the industrial, like that's industrial sort of for me was a big thing too.
• 43:12
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 43:13
  SPEAKER_01: Um like skinny puppy and oh yeah, yeah.
• 43:16
  SPEAKER_01: Like just but it's funny because it's all electronic music.
• 43:19
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, if you really think about like the way that that it's all created and produced, it's all this like incredibly technical and can be very beautiful, but it's like the attention.
• 43:29
  SPEAKER_01: Like I cannot listen to industrial anymore.
• 43:31
  SPEAKER_01: I actually was listening to a podcast, a Christian podcast, the other day, and they were talking about nine inch nails, and I was like, Oh no, I can't, there's no way.
• 43:40
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, it's it's crazy because I that was like cut my teeth on that.
• 43:45
  SPEAKER_01: Like I loved industrial, um, just any sort of dark music.
• 43:49
  SPEAKER_01: And I have friends that are probably listening to this and they're like, actually, seriously, like we went and saw nine inch nails, like you know, like and saw Marilyn Manson, and like that was just such a part of who.
• 44:00
  SPEAKER_01: I was, but now it's like I can't.
• 44:03
  unknown: No way.
• 44:04
  SPEAKER_01: It's not because I'm not allowed, it's because it physically makes me sick.
• 44:08
  SPEAKER_03: Absolutely.
• 44:08
  SPEAKER_01: I am filled with a different spirit, you know?
• 44:11
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 44:11
  SPEAKER_01: And I can I can sniff that stuff out.
• 44:13
  SPEAKER_01: Like it's crazy.
• 44:16
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 44:16
  SPEAKER_04: Once you I mean, once you really see what evil is um and have a personal encounter with it, and I mean, once you realize that it's a spiritual, it there are actual entities behind it, um, and you think of the horrors that that are ha that that happen to children with like you know, mind control abuse or sexual uh abuse, the same spirit that's behind that stuff is behind the music.
• 44:47
  SPEAKER_04: So that it's just in a different form, you know.
• 44:50
  SPEAKER_01: It's incredible that stuff's coming.
• 44:52
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, it you're absolutely right.
• 44:54
  SPEAKER_04: You know, and that's why I just like I can't stand it.
• 44:57
  SPEAKER_04: Um, and I grieve for those who make it, you know, it's just like if you only knew what you were doing, you would fall on your knees in tears.
• 45:08
  SPEAKER_04: You know, um, and that's it's a a lot of people won't understand what uh I'm when I say that, but man, you know, once you once you t touch evil and it and you you see its actual face, it's a it's pretty awful.
• 45:24
  SPEAKER_04: Um so yeah.
• 45:26
  SPEAKER_04: You see, so yeah, we got it.
• 45:28
  SPEAKER_01: So it gets so dark so quick.
• 45:29
  SPEAKER_01: It really does.
• 45:30
  SPEAKER_01: If you if you once you kind of I mean I mean not to be like a cliche with a the onion, the whole thing with once you peel back layers, yeah, it just and it's and it's not even the music industry is so surface to what we know.
• 45:47
  SPEAKER_01: And that's Hollywood, that's all of that.
• 45:49
  SPEAKER_01: Like that stuff's being exposed, thank God.
• 45:51
  SPEAKER_01: And I think people are waking up to that.
• 45:53
  SPEAKER_01: But the unfortunate thing is is like once you start peeling that back, those layers, you can't unsee that's true and unknow that stuff.
• 46:02
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, you know, and then if you make I mean I d I personally can't, and then go and just be like, oh yeah, it's just you know, whatever music.
• 46:11
  SPEAKER_01: Like, no, it's not.
• 46:12
  SPEAKER_01: It actually does more.
• 46:15
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 46:16
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 46:17
  SPEAKER_01: And I mean you that's that's pretty much your whole testimony because then it I think it just started getting kind of weirder for you from there, right?
• 46:25
  SPEAKER_01: Because you're 15, you ran away.
• 46:28
  SPEAKER_04: So yeah, let's see.
• 46:29
  SPEAKER_04: Um I'll I'll kind of because it's it's a pretty long story.
• 46:33
  SPEAKER_04: So I'll just I I'll go up to um I got arrested for LSD possession on Halloween night um when I was 15, and um ended up going uh being I had to go to a uh a day rehab place called Daytop, which is uh kind of a 90s uh scream therapy uh kind of place.
• 46:56
  SPEAKER_01: Like scared straight.
• 46:57
  SPEAKER_04: Not not so intense.
• 46:59
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 46:59
  SPEAKER_04: It was it was it was pretty good until you know, so it was kind of silly, but I was just biding my time.
• 47:05
  SPEAKER_04: I thought, man, it this is all stupid.
• 47:07
  SPEAKER_04: And um, I won't even go into those stories.
• 47:09
  SPEAKER_04: There's a lot of funny stories.
• 47:11
  SPEAKER_04: But I got out of uh on probation, I got off uh probation at 17 and I was free to go, so I left.
• 47:18
  SPEAKER_04: Um and then I moved um to this hippie house, big three-story hippie house, um, and then um was becoming uh was basically an adult at that point, um and went to the rainbow gathering for the first time.
• 47:36
  SPEAKER_04: So I was kind of like a hippie, I was a hippie weird kid.
• 47:39
  SPEAKER_04: So I liked I liked hippie stuff, but I also liked the weird stuff music.
• 47:43
  SPEAKER_04: So and all my friends had a big uh group of hippie friends and weird friends, and we were really tight.
• 47:49
  SPEAKER_04: Um, and I started to really started experimenting with with drumming because a lot of my hippie friends loved to drum, like drum circles.
• 47:59
  SPEAKER_04: Um, you know, we we we loved Bob Marley too, and all I love Bob Marley still, it's great.
• 48:05
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, me too.
• 48:06
  SPEAKER_04: Um and but so drumming, I I started to practice, I started experimenting with um magic in the sense of altering the atmospheres at parties, like acid parties and different stuff like that.
• 48:24
  SPEAKER_04: So it to me, I was how to catch up with this.
• 48:29
  SPEAKER_04: It was like in my worldview, um, the the the evil in the world was the corporate machine, the government, um, the the uh the they were killing the forests and and killing the the land and polluting the air and causing wars and the greed and the manufacturing and all this stuff that was killing the earth.
• 48:53
  SPEAKER_04: And um, so it was very the enemy was them and we were good, you know.
• 48:59
  SPEAKER_04: That was kind of the mindset.
• 49:01
  SPEAKER_04: And I I started I really believed that um the way to break to fight the evil in the world, because I saw, you know, I I did see this this when when I watched television, it was it seemed evil and like weird, like it was like uh, like I said, like a black magic that was um altering the atmosphere in a negative way.
• 49:26
  SPEAKER_04: It was like it was sucking the the mystery and the beauty out of life, and so I thought, okay, there's something spiritually, it's there's something evil, not spiritually, but there's something evil going on.
• 49:39
  SPEAKER_04: I didn't know what, but I thought that um the use of magic um to break open a magical reality was the way to fight it, kind of, if that makes sense.
• 49:53
  SPEAKER_01: No, that makes total sense to me, yes.
• 49:55
  SPEAKER_04: And all along, you know, I started becoming more and more into this.
• 49:59
  SPEAKER_04: Um, and I and I began to try to manipulate the reality, the atmosphere around me using drum rhythms and kind of swirling, and because a lot of the psychedelic trancey stuff is very uh hypnotic and and and kind of kaleidoscoping and that kind of thing.
• 50:18
  SPEAKER_04: Um and I just started experimenting with this, and and then I started being really uh drawn to kind of like a voodoo types of magic, vo voodoon, and and uh it's and and voodoo's kind of uh it's very makeshift, it's very intuitive, intuitive like root magic.
• 50:39
  SPEAKER_04: Um and so there was no very there's nothing very I I didn't read a book on like this is how you do a spell.
• 50:47
  SPEAKER_04: It was all very intuitive, and and it just started to kind of go darker and darker from there, I guess.
• 50:55
  SPEAKER_04: Um I I ended up leaving Dallas and hitchhiking on the road.
• 51:02
  SPEAKER_04: Um uh I did go to the rainbow gathering once, and that was you know a very cool experience at the time.
• 51:09
  SPEAKER_04: Um and I met this girl.
• 51:13
  SPEAKER_04: Uh she I was I was 18 and she was like 16 and a half or something.
• 51:20
  SPEAKER_04: Um I maybe I was just turned 18 anyway, but I met she was homeless.
• 51:25
  SPEAKER_04: She was a hippie, homeless traveler.
• 51:28
  SPEAKER_04: Um, and we met um in uh New Mexico, and I just it I met her at this kind of hippie uh encampment.
• 51:38
  SPEAKER_04: There was people playing bongos and smoking weed and the fire around a fire and stuff.
• 51:43
  SPEAKER_04: And uh I I was just smitten.
• 51:45
  SPEAKER_04: Like it was just like at first sight, I was like, oh, this is the most beautiful, amazing uh woman I've ever met.
• 51:53
  SPEAKER_04: And and we just clicked right away and we became a uh couple instantly.
• 51:58
  SPEAKER_04: And um, and but she and she was very she was into very strange, kind of darker magic than I was expl like she just had um more power spiritually into the weird dark stuff, yeah.
• 52:15
  SPEAKER_04: And so it really started getting darker and darker at that point.
• 52:18
  SPEAKER_04: I left, um, I didn't have my friend group back in Dallas that was kind of a more an anchoring to me.
• 52:25
  SPEAKER_04: And so I was all alone with her, and just we were out there traveling, and it was and it got started to get weirder and weirder at this point.
• 52:33
  SPEAKER_04: Um, we ended up traveling, we went back to uh Portland, Oregon.
• 52:39
  SPEAKER_04: Okay, and because her mom lived there.
• 52:42
  SPEAKER_04: Um, and we lived at this crash pad as kind of party house, and that's when things started really going south.
• 52:52
  SPEAKER_04: Um, I I met this man there, and um he was to describe this guy, he he was real pale, he had curly red hair, um, like a fro, and he wore like dirty gray coveralls.
• 53:10
  SPEAKER_04: He looked kind of like a serial killer.
• 53:12
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I just kind of was that's where that's where my entire brain went.
• 53:16
  SPEAKER_01: Um I was like, this does not sound like the best idea.
• 53:21
  SPEAKER_04: Oh, I don't know where he's gonna take you.
• 53:24
  SPEAKER_04: So my gosh.
• 53:26
  SPEAKER_04: And yeah.
• 53:27
  SPEAKER_04: At this point, I was like had really was giving myself over to the universe.
• 53:33
  SPEAKER_04: Like, and in magic, how to explain it?
• 53:37
  SPEAKER_04: We were getting into Carlos Castaneda books, and Carlos Castaneda magic is kind of loosely based on this Mexican sorcery, but it's very much you say dream magic, very much to enter into the realms of this types of magic really um requires a loss of attachment to the normal routine of reality in a sense.
• 54:04
  SPEAKER_04: Um like it because it's you're you're basically you're trying to dissolve the the the veil between the dream world and this world.
• 54:17
  SPEAKER_04: So everything, you know, the attachments to oh, what time is it?
• 54:22
  SPEAKER_04: I gotta get to work, of that kind of right thing, really, it's easier to to you have to since we are homeless and completely devoid of time, it was easier to go in these places.
• 54:36
  SPEAKER_04: So no responsibilities, of course.
• 54:38
  SPEAKER_04: And so, you know, of course, taking drugs helps.
• 54:44
  SPEAKER_04: So me and and br and this this young woman who I just loved and stuff, but we we would we were becoming we were like spiritual jesters where we we really we would play we would play off each other magically and and at at parties we would like change the atmosphere with just the things we were doing.
• 55:05
  SPEAKER_04: It's hard to explain it, but um and then this man came into my life and because and he had he was right away.
• 55:17
  SPEAKER_04: I just realized this guy was really powerful, like spirit, like spiritually, he had this powerful presence about him, and he would take us, he would take us to uh like we were messing with people, but then he would mess with us, you know, and but take us.
• 55:37
  SPEAKER_04: We he was powerfully like had this dark, dark power that he wielded.
• 55:44
  SPEAKER_04: And um I mean he would we would go into trips and stuff, and he would, you know, stop talking and then just start talking in it and telepathically and just a mess with us, and like yeah, and um, and but and we started getting uh and that's when um I have to throw in here um the introduction of this band called Crash Worship.
• 56:08
  SPEAKER_04: Crash Worship, it was a very underground band at the time, even in the 80s and 90s.
• 56:15
  SPEAKER_04: They they uh they played at warehouses and they would get kicked out of places.
• 56:20
  SPEAKER_04: So and and Crash Worship is it's they had fire and they had um I mean it was total chaos in their shows.
• 56:30
  SPEAKER_04: I don't know if you've ever heard of them, but they they they came and they would drum and it was uh strobe lights and very dark, and I mean there would they would spray the crowd with LSD and Jell-O and Blood, and like there would some shows there would be like writhing orgies happening, and it was very it was just like walking into hell and there torches and fire everywhere.
• 56:54
  SPEAKER_04: It was it was very intense.
• 56:57
  SPEAKER_04: Um I went to one of their shows, and but this guy, um, this guy was really into them, and so we were we were listening to K uh Crash Worship a lot, and we st we started to we started going, we would have acid parties at this house, and we would make makeshift torches, and oh, I failed to mention this guy slept in the cellar.
• 57:26
  SPEAKER_04: So he slept in this dark cellar.
• 57:31
  SPEAKER_01: This dirty mattress is like eyes wide shot or something.
• 57:39
  SPEAKER_04: I was always like, bro, like why are you sleeping down here?
• 57:43
  SPEAKER_01: But I um Why are you sleeping in the filth?
• 57:45
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know, because I'm a djinn.
• 57:47
  SPEAKER_01: Like oh man.
• 57:51
  SPEAKER_01: Um no, so I don't know that band, but I understand that atmosphere because like if you not every level of Goth Club, but there is definitely a level of that sort of experience too that we actually my friend and I almost got sucked into.
• 58:07
  SPEAKER_01: So it's it's very yeah, yeah.
• 58:11
  SPEAKER_01: It's not the same, it's the same.
• 58:14
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know how to explain it.
• 58:15
  SPEAKER_01: It's like it's the same crap, but it's like packaged differently.
• 58:20
  SPEAKER_01: You know what I mean?
• 58:21
  SPEAKER_01: Like it's just a pack a different packaging.
• 58:24
  SPEAKER_01: Like, okay, you were into like kind of obviously we're into the homeless hippie life, but you were attracted to that more so at that time.
• 58:31
  SPEAKER_01: I wanted to dress up like a Victorian goth and go to like weirdo Germany.
• 58:35
  SPEAKER_01: Like, so that's you know, like that's it's all the same sort of stuff, but that sounds like super ritual to me.
• 58:43
  SPEAKER_02: Very ritual.
• 58:44
  SPEAKER_01: So you've got this weird guy living in the basement if you're listening to the crazy music.
• 58:50
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, very, very ritualistic.
• 58:52
  SPEAKER_04: Um and just to say too, um, for the younger crowd, it's hard to grasp this, but they like nowadays you go to like a a really dark show or whatever, a concert that's like crazy but dark.
• 59:06
  SPEAKER_04: Everybody has their phones out, right?
• 59:08
  SPEAKER_04: And so there's this sense of safety and there's a sense of connection to the outside world.
• 59:16
  SPEAKER_04: There's it's a totally, totally different experience than when you and I were young.
• 59:21
  SPEAKER_04: I mean, like at a Crash Worship show, there's no we had no phones.
• 59:26
  SPEAKER_04: Like, like when we're like back in the day, when you were on a uh a road out in the middle of nowhere in the dark, and there was a creepy car, like it was scary.
• 59:36
  SPEAKER_04: You had no phone.
• 59:38
  SPEAKER_04: Like you were you could have been you could be killed, you could have been, I mean, murdered, and nobody would know.
• 59:45
  SPEAKER_04: Like it was so it was a very different experience.
• 59:48
  SPEAKER_04: So that's hard to understand for young people.
• 59:51
  SPEAKER_01: Especially traveling, like that.
• 59:53
  SPEAKER_01: I don't think even that.
• 59:55
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, I I probably might have had should have had you like kind of describe that, but I mean it's and when I say train kids, it's these are kids that have left home for various reasons, and they either like kind of follow certain bands or you know, kind of groups around, and you're you are hitchhiking throughout the country with nothing and panhandling.
• 1:00:15
  SPEAKER_01: Like that's at least my knowledge of it, because I've known so many kids that were in that lifestyle and unfortunately died in that lifestyle.
• 1:00:23
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 1:00:24
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 1:00:24
  SPEAKER_01: Is that the is that kind of your experience?
• 1:00:26
  SPEAKER_01: Like when so when you're saying you're traveling, you're hitchhiking.
• 1:00:29
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, there was a there was a couple of there was a couple of um times where I had a feeling I was in a murder plot for sure.
• 1:00:37
  SPEAKER_04: Uh and but thankfully I I got out.
• 1:00:40
  SPEAKER_04: Um I was I was never um I was never molested as a child or anything like that.
• 1:00:46
  SPEAKER_04: But there, you know, um thankfully by God's grace.
• 1:00:49
  SPEAKER_01: Near misses, oh my gosh, yeah.
• 1:00:50
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, near definitely near misses weird, like weird parties are like where we're like something feels weird, like people start to kind of talk like they're patronizing you and you're feeling okay, uh, this is getting really creepy.
• 1:01:03
  SPEAKER_04: But yeah, so so yeah, there's no phones to you know if you're lucky you had a pager or something, but uh you had to get to a payphone, right?
• 1:01:12
  SPEAKER_04: Or um so at a Crash Worship concert, they there was you were it was another world.
• 1:01:21
  SPEAKER_04: I mean, and it turned to hell.
• 1:01:22
  SPEAKER_04: Uh you're in there they had people who would um like usually naked, they'd grab people from the outer edge who were kind of wallflowers and drag them into the front where everything crazy.
• 1:01:37
  SPEAKER_04: So there were it they they created a no-hiding place atmosphere.
• 1:01:42
  SPEAKER_04: That was it.
• 1:01:43
  SPEAKER_04: That was it was very ritualistic.
• 1:01:45
  SPEAKER_04: And during ritual, satanic ritual, you cannot, there's no hiding place.
• 1:01:50
  SPEAKER_04: That's that's the core you can't hide in your mind, you can't hide physically.
• 1:01:55
  SPEAKER_04: You're you have to it's like being in an initiation, like you're you're all in or nothing, right?
• 1:02:01
  SPEAKER_04: Um so yeah, so these shows these shows were were like that.
• 1:02:07
  SPEAKER_04: Um and it was hard for me because it was intense.
• 1:02:10
  SPEAKER_04: It was I didn't know, I was like, I don't know, because I never, I never like some of my friends were into like kind of pain stuff, and yeah, you know, a lot of the piercing was really popular, and I was like, man, pierce your your nipples, ouch, you know.
• 1:02:26
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, that was somewhere around the time of like Jim Rocus and stuff, right?
• 1:02:30
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, yeah.
• 1:02:31
  SPEAKER_04: Fakir Musafar was I have this whole story about that, but but uh yeah, a lot of my friends were into the body piercing.
• 1:02:39
  SPEAKER_04: And I and I was kind of like, you're crazy, man.
• 1:02:42
  SPEAKER_04: Like I don't that doesn't get me off.
• 1:02:45
  SPEAKER_04: I I don't understand pain, that kind of thing.
• 1:02:47
  SPEAKER_04: I just want to like I'm more of a pleasure seeker, and that yeah, but but anyway, so I was really I was conflicted with the darkness, but what here's the thing that my spirit guides, because I was like fully, fully invested in the spirit realm, and the spirit guides were kept, it was like they were saying you have to go through, you have to let go of your ego, your societal conditioning, and embrace the darkness to transcend to the next level.
• 1:03:23
  SPEAKER_04: That was all that was the the mo.
• 1:03:27
  SPEAKER_04: Um they they you know I was believing, started believing that God, the creator God, um was a jester that wore different masks, you know, one good, one dark, one evil, and light, that you know, it's this pantheistic, like all things are God, all things are like teaching you, and that the there's a whole spectrum of experience, dark and light, all the rant, you know, all the spectrum is for for uh experiencing.
• 1:04:03
  SPEAKER_04: And they especially with this man who lived in the basement, his teaching, he was teach he was I was became kind of his student unofficially, because I was very um at the time I was very um I was very uh what would you say vulnerable, I would say.
• 1:04:22
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, I mean, absolutely.
• 1:04:24
  SPEAKER_01: Like, I mean you've been at this point on the road um from a child I mean from a developmental, you know, 15 year old.
• 1:04:32
  SPEAKER_01: I mean that's you know how that's when you not your personality, but I mean your influences, you're so influential at that time.
• 1:04:40
  SPEAKER_01: So yeah, I think you're probably very pliable, yeah, absolutely.
• 1:04:47
  SPEAKER_04: You know, being in an intuitive, you kind of couldn't be manipulated as well.
• 1:04:52
  SPEAKER_04: Not that he I don't he wasn't necessarily like manipulating me like a narcissist would, but he he he was just very uh a strong personality.
• 1:05:02
  SPEAKER_04: And so I really submitted to that.
• 1:05:05
  SPEAKER_04: Um, because I was desperate to know, I wanted to learn.
• 1:05:09
  SPEAKER_04: I was obsessed with learning like why what what is reality, what is existence, you know.
• 1:05:14
  SPEAKER_04: I was like, that was my whole focus, you know, what is reality?
• 1:05:18
  SPEAKER_04: What is this?
• 1:05:19
  SPEAKER_04: I was ready because I didn't I wanted the next level, you know, right, because I was tired of you know the world as it is.
• 1:05:27
  SPEAKER_04: I wanted to like I really wanted heaven and the kingdom of God, yeah.
• 1:05:32
  SPEAKER_03: Right.
• 1:05:32
  SPEAKER_04: So I know.
• 1:05:34
  SPEAKER_04: But so he so his teachings was like basically, you know, that good and evil are the same as left and right, and and that it's all frequency, and that you know, curse words are just vibrations, everything is just a f a spectrum, and that there's no, you know, what is the idiom uh uh do what thou wilt, you know, like All things are permissible.
• 1:06:01
  SPEAKER_04: Nothing, nothing is um, you know, what was the harm none.
• 1:06:06
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, there was there was the uh the assassins, I forget their creed was like um uh uh all things are permissible.
• 1:06:13
  SPEAKER_04: Something, something.
• 1:06:14
  SPEAKER_04: But um but it was difficult.
• 1:06:16
  SPEAKER_04: I mean, what was difficult was my conscience.
• 1:06:20
  SPEAKER_04: Well, conscience was screaming like, no, don't do this, don't go here, don't partake in this.
• 1:06:26
  SPEAKER_04: Um and so and then but the teachings of my spirit guides and this this man and the the what was happening was no, you need to go against your conscience because your conscience was created by society, what they they said was right and wrong, and you have to go through that.
• 1:06:44
  SPEAKER_04: And so that was that was where I was at.
• 1:06:47
  SPEAKER_04: So it was definitely a wrestling match within myself.
• 1:06:51
  SPEAKER_04: Um but and of course, the sexuality of the times, and in that scene, of course, is always pushing towards um open relationships, uh free love, orgy type thing.
• 1:07:04
  SPEAKER_04: So, and that was difficult going through, you know, because I was um my flesh wanted that, of course, but something I was you know, the the this woman, this young lady who I was obsessed with, I didn't want to like I was jealous, and it was so there was this whole thing going on in the scene.
• 1:07:26
  SPEAKER_01: Um it's very complex for sure.
• 1:07:29
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah.
• 1:07:30
  SPEAKER_04: Um and so I believe that the universe wanted me to embrace this evil, right?
• 1:07:37
  SPEAKER_04: Um, and so I was doing that.
• 1:07:42
  SPEAKER_04: And so we would just let's go to the the really dark stuff.
• 1:07:49
  SPEAKER_01: I just have a question really quick.
• 1:07:51
  SPEAKER_01: Did you I mean so when you say like spirit guides, were were did you when you and you don't have to like really if you don't feel like comfortable talking about them or what you had experienced on that sort of because I'm assuming that you were in the astral if you were you know doing psychedelics and were you doing would you say that that's like a fair you were kind of dealing with like astral projection type thing or like second heaven type sort of situations or okay.
• 1:08:18
  SPEAKER_04: No, I did I did uh practice uh type of astral projection, which I I can get into later.
• 1:08:26
  SPEAKER_04: I it's just I be I was becoming very dark in my soul, very dark, and I I would and this is one of the most shameful things.
• 1:08:36
  SPEAKER_01: Um you don't have to share if people it's okay.
• 1:08:40
  SPEAKER_04: No, I you know, I share this because of the the love of God, you know, and just that God's love is so so powerful, it's so unconditional that it will reach down and just save the mo the wretched, you know.
• 1:08:55
  SPEAKER_04: I was I was a wretch, and now I see you know, it's like um and that's it's a testament to what the the the the demons will do to a person, but I began we we were getting into um sex magic, and there was this the woman I was with, we would start to practice um having a sexual experience with orgasm and everything, but without touching, where we could we would leave our bodies and trade bodies, yeah, going back and forth and trading bodies and doing all that and being able to manipulate the everyone's energy and stuff.
• 1:09:35
  SPEAKER_04: Um and that was weird.
• 1:09:37
  SPEAKER_04: So then I started practicing, and this is shameful, but I was when people were sleeping in the the crash place I was in, I would meditate and and astral project into them and their dreams and and kind of like take advantage of them, almost rape them in a in the dream, which is so horrible, so grievous.
• 1:10:02
  SPEAKER_04: And they would they would wake up and go, what's going on?
• 1:10:05
  SPEAKER_04: What's going on?
• 1:10:05
  SPEAKER_04: And I would like have burning shame, you know, and it was all like and I it was wicked, and it was the deception that we can do anything we want in our minds, and it's okay to have a secret little life in the in the mind, which is a it's a complete deception.
• 1:10:25
  SPEAKER_04: Everything is open, everything is exposed.
• 1:10:28
  SPEAKER_04: Jesus said what's whispered in the ear will be proclaimed on the rooftops.
• 1:10:33
  SPEAKER_04: Like there's no there's no secrets, there's no hiding.
• 1:10:36
  SPEAKER_04: If you are into evil things in your mind, the it's exposed.
• 1:10:42
  SPEAKER_04: And it's and it should be, because who who wants that?
• 1:10:46
  SPEAKER_04: You know, God Yeah.
• 1:10:48
  SPEAKER_04: But anyway, that's I digress.
• 1:10:50
  SPEAKER_01: No, I'm so sorry that you experienced that.
• 1:10:53
  SPEAKER_01: Um, I really am.
• 1:10:55
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, yeah, it was really sorry.
• 1:10:57
  SPEAKER_04: It it it was it was a it was a terrible thing.
• 1:11:00
  SPEAKER_04: And um so yeah, so as far as spirit guides, yeah, I never um I never I never mastered actually dream pos um astral projection where I would really like I was never like that.
• 1:11:16
  SPEAKER_04: I ch I tried to practice it, but I practice more of astral projection kind of in the waking state.
• 1:11:24
  SPEAKER_04: So and and it has had some interesting effects, um, like the dream stuff, dream manipulation, and um and so when I say spirit guides, it it wasn't like I saw a an entity materialize with my physical eyes, but it was more of communicate, like when when you're communicating, when your intention is to communicate with the spirit realm and you're doing acts of intentional communication and like opening up and like please guide me and through drums or chanting or that kind of thing, then these impressions just I can't explain it.
• 1:12:06
  SPEAKER_04: There's this presence, yeah, and this knowledge will come into your head, and and um and that's what I was experiencing it.
• 1:12:17
  SPEAKER_04: I mean, very strongly for you know, it's like it's like if you it's like uh someone who goes to college for like biology, and that's their whole life, and they're studying, and they're like their focus is that like I had none of that.
• 1:12:32
  SPEAKER_04: My focus was the spirit realm.
• 1:12:35
  SPEAKER_04: Like my whole life was the spirit realm, tapping into what is out there, and uh so um and believing what you're experiencing, you know, it's like yeah, it's interesting.
• 1:12:50
  SPEAKER_01: That's a good point because it is, it's very experiential, isn't it?
• 1:12:54
  SPEAKER_01: You're out you're try you're you're inviting this experience, and that's tangible because it becomes tangible.
• 1:13:00
  SPEAKER_01: It's kind of like I would imagine some listeners um could kind of relate to if you've ever had a shadow person, you know, if you've ever been kind of followed by an entity like that.
• 1:13:11
  SPEAKER_01: It's probably the same thing.
• 1:13:13
  SPEAKER_01: I've personally had that, where it's it's not like a you don't see it, it's it's more like an oppressive presence of a spirit really that is kind of attached to you.
• 1:13:22
  SPEAKER_01: So so you said it started getting like you know, you're you're kind of in this setting and and things start getting even more dark for you.
• 1:13:31
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, we would, you know, when it really hit the fan, I guess you'd say, we we would have these acid parties, um, and me and this this guy would initiate the the man who lived in the cellar, we'd initiate these um rituals.
• 1:13:45
  SPEAKER_04: We would make makeshift torches with sticks and rags and oil, and we'd go down into the cellar, which was a big, you know, this it was a big cellar with a ceiling was high, but it was pitch dark in there.
• 1:14:00
  SPEAKER_04: Um, and we would take drums, congos, and djembays down there, um and start having our own crash worship ritual kind of in there.
• 1:14:11
  SPEAKER_02: Oh okay.
• 1:14:12
  SPEAKER_04: Um, and what was a little different where I in my own exploration of drum magic, I was doing like kind of um I was doing these kind of trancy kind of rhythms that I was trying to slow down and speed up time and kind of and and that would would create this really weird vibe and atmosphere.
• 1:14:42
  SPEAKER_04: And that was all I took it to.
• 1:14:44
  SPEAKER_04: And then the man who I'm talking about, he introduced this chaos magic where he would start to nonsensical just beat the drums without any rhythm, and but it was very, very violent and very like forceful and kind of mocking, and and so I understood where he was going intuitively, and so then we started doing this chaos drumming, and it was just and it would play off each other.
• 1:15:15
  SPEAKER_04: It's hard to describe this stuff, it sounds crazy, yeah.
• 1:15:18
  SPEAKER_04: No, it isn't, but it would open up a dimension, like all of a sudden, um it was like Hellraiser.
• 1:15:28
  SPEAKER_04: Um, that's the only way I'd describe it.
• 1:15:30
  SPEAKER_04: Um it was like uh the the reality, like where we were at ship like completely shifted, and we were we were like in the bowels of the earth in some other dimension, and um everything changed.
• 1:15:45
  SPEAKER_04: Like it was the veil broke, and I mean I literally could hear chains.
• 1:15:52
  SPEAKER_04: It sounds it was so violent, like like the sounds that you heard were in the bones.
• 1:15:59
  SPEAKER_04: I can't even explain it, but this No, that makes total sense.
• 1:16:04
  SPEAKER_01: I mean you shifted you you absolutely shifted an atmosphere.
• 1:16:09
  SPEAKER_04: Oh I have to add to like through all along this, I I kept having these experiences on acid and stuff that were I started to it started to seem like the Truman show where it felt like everybody was play acting and everybody was God, every like everyone everything around I was in a virtual reality existence and everything was God, and it was all for me.
• 1:16:39
  SPEAKER_04: It was very self-centered, you know.
• 1:16:42
  SPEAKER_04: Um but it was kind of scary.
• 1:16:45
  SPEAKER_04: I had some really scary experiences.
• 1:16:47
  SPEAKER_04: Um, you know, when when you have a group of friends around you start channeling the spirit realm or demons, and they start kind of mocking, and there's this synergy, and it's very it can be very unnerving and terrifying.
• 1:17:02
  SPEAKER_04: Um and you anyway, I so I've started, I was in this kind of mindset where I've was like, I didn't know are all these people God, you know.
• 1:17:12
  SPEAKER_04: Um very intense.
• 1:17:14
  SPEAKER_04: And and then magic when you go into these rituals, especially um when it breaks open, the spirit realm breaks open, there's no like your your psychic thoughts are completely bared to everybody.
• 1:17:30
  SPEAKER_04: Um like read your thoughts, and then any kind of pull pedal back pedaling you do, like if your conscious is like this is too scary, I need to get out of here, like I I need to not go here, they'll they'll start mocking you.
• 1:17:45
  SPEAKER_01: Like I'll lie.
• 1:17:46
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, so you can't retreat.
• 1:17:48
  SPEAKER_01: There's no way of getting out of it.
• 1:17:50
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, it's you know, at the time, you know, back to you know, the when you're in ritual like that, um and things open up and you're in um a real hell uh dimension.
• 1:18:10
  SPEAKER_04: Um yeah, there's you know, you're conscious of screaming, you you're you're wanting to to go back, and everyone you you become um psychically connected.
• 1:18:25
  SPEAKER_04: So everyone knows when when someone is wanting to get out, and then there'll be mockery and there's all this weird stuff that happens, so it's very it's very intense.
• 1:18:37
  SPEAKER_04: Um it's hard to get it, it's hard to get out of that for sure, because you know, once once you experience things that are like so scary and demonic, uh, you would say, or are strange.
• 1:18:52
  SPEAKER_04: I mean, how can you go back to the to the real world?
• 1:18:56
  SPEAKER_04: It's very difficult um once you kind of see past the veil of what's happening.
• 1:19:01
  SPEAKER_04: Um, but you really it's so yeah, it was very, very confusing.
• 1:19:07
  SPEAKER_04: Um, you know, this this ritual.
• 1:19:11
  SPEAKER_04: Um the man, you know, he started to to he we're chant, you know, there's a lot of chants and weird, you know, backward sounds that you make, and weird, you know, you you're using your voice to alter reality and do all this, it's kind of like a demonic tongues, I guess.
• 1:19:29
  SPEAKER_04: Um, and this man started chanting uh fuck, fuck, fuck, but then it morphed into FUCK, you know.
• 1:19:38
  SPEAKER_04: But it was like the teaching is like let go because all things are just vibration, and and it was at that ritual, they uh it the spirit guides I could hear them like physically in my ears screaming, like, let go, let go.
• 1:19:57
  SPEAKER_04: And my conscience was scream, like, don't do this.
• 1:20:00
  SPEAKER_04: It's it was like killing a child, you know, like sacrificing.
• 1:20:04
  SPEAKER_04: That's what it was intense.
• 1:20:05
  SPEAKER_04: Like the the the my conscience was pleading with me not to go fully into this thing that was happening, and but the the the spirit guides, which I thought was God, was like let go, like it was and they started being angry.
• 1:20:22
  SPEAKER_04: I it's just intense, and um, and then by the way, you know, also during before this, when it would before it would break open, we would literally like get possessed by a spirit in our hand, like in our bodies where the drums would start being taken over by something that wasn't us, and and you you literally you feel like a puppet, and it's not like it's not like being in the pocket, like musicians talk about.
• 1:20:52
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, right.
• 1:20:53
  SPEAKER_04: It's not like being in the groove, it was literally like being puppeted by an entities that were directing the the rhythm.
• 1:21:03
  SPEAKER_04: And and sometimes it would mock us, it would start making um the bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum, and they were just like we could feel their mocking us at the time.
• 1:21:14
  SPEAKER_04: I they were just mocking us, and like you're stupid humans, you know.
• 1:21:19
  SPEAKER_04: We and and we were I was so uh you know, naive, yeah, desperate, vulnerable that I put and I but I felt it was so dirty feeling to be possessed like that, and um and you had no idea of your authority is exactly why they got away with it.
• 1:21:40
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, I didn't believe in the devil, you know.
• 1:21:43
  SPEAKER_04: I still didn't believe in Satan.
• 1:21:45
  SPEAKER_01: I believed an amazing thing, yeah.
• 1:21:48
  SPEAKER_04: I believed that the spirit like the the spirit guides were jesters, they were surreal, they were they were right, they were they were they were jesting to to get us out of our social programming and that kind of thing.
• 1:22:05
  SPEAKER_04: So you know, trusting these things.
• 1:22:09
  SPEAKER_04: Oh god.
• 1:22:10
  SPEAKER_04: But and so the drum possession would happen just before everything would break open, what I was talking about, like where it was like Hellraiser and stuff.
• 1:22:20
  SPEAKER_04: So he starts chanting, and then all of a sudden I'm like pushing.
• 1:22:25
  SPEAKER_04: I'm like, okay, I decide uh to let go into this thing and push through my conscience, and he starts chanting.
• 1:22:35
  SPEAKER_04: The the chanting starts going into he starts saying piss, piss, piss.
• 1:22:40
  SPEAKER_04: And also I had this overwhelming feeling that I had to urinate, and and I let go, and then I just fall over, like and I urinate my pants, and I'm just like completely just I go into this black void kind of thing, and that's when I know that a bunch of demons came in at that point.
• 1:23:07
  SPEAKER_02: Wow.
• 1:23:07
  SPEAKER_04: Um, I so basically I was being pushed to be a host, and so um, and again, I didn't believe in demons, and but they came in nonetheless, and so that ritual really got a bunch of an infestation in me.
• 1:23:27
  SPEAKER_04: And um after that day, I was messed up, like my whole insides were messed up, my uh digestive system was a wreck.
• 1:23:36
  SPEAKER_04: I had to like make myself vomit sometimes to feel some relief.
• 1:23:41
  SPEAKER_04: It was just crazy.
• 1:23:42
  SPEAKER_01: Oh my gosh.
• 1:23:43
  SPEAKER_04: Um, I felt like it was like there was something seeing out of my eyes, like something else.
• 1:23:50
  SPEAKER_04: I can't explain it, like this dark scale in a sense.
• 1:23:54
  SPEAKER_04: Like um, I and the the the joy that was in my eyes left.
• 1:23:59
  SPEAKER_04: There was just like this torment inside.
• 1:24:02
  SPEAKER_04: I felt like um just infested.
• 1:24:05
  SPEAKER_04: I it's hard to explain it.
• 1:24:06
  SPEAKER_04: It was a terri, it's a terrible feeling.
• 1:24:08
  SPEAKER_04: Um, and so fast forward, um, where should we go with this?
• 1:24:15
  SPEAKER_04: Uh that happened a few times.
• 1:24:18
  SPEAKER_01: Um in the ritual or the feeling of the infestation?
• 1:24:24
  SPEAKER_04: The rituals happened uh a number of times.
• 1:24:27
  SPEAKER_04: Um the parties would always go there, and um ended up I I ended up leaving that place.
• 1:24:36
  SPEAKER_04: Um oh you know, here's an interesting because right I was tormented.
• 1:24:40
  SPEAKER_04: I remember one day, and this is where God was trying to get me.
• 1:24:45
  SPEAKER_04: Um, I remember taking off.
• 1:24:47
  SPEAKER_04: I was like, I had to get out of this house, and it was in the daytime, and there was some bicycles on the front lawn, and I just started riding, and it was almost like a prayer of please help me, kind of.
• 1:25:01
  SPEAKER_01: Oh wow, yeah.
• 1:25:03
  SPEAKER_04: Um, and I remember in Oregon, there's all these flowering trees that are like kind of like apple trees, beautiful, and the it was they were all flowering.
• 1:25:14
  SPEAKER_04: And um, I was riding in this residential and feeling tormented, just and I just was like, I want love, I want that purity.
• 1:25:24
  SPEAKER_04: Once you go into darkness like that, everything that uh is of the light or normality looks like um leave it to beaver on acid, you know, everything's just fake and phony and fluorescent and staged and um plastic.
• 1:25:39
  SPEAKER_01: Another false light.
• 1:25:41
  SPEAKER_01: Like it's insane.
• 1:25:43
  SPEAKER_01: Oh my gosh, your whole reality was completely inaccurate.
• 1:25:48
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, that's just crazy.
• 1:25:50
  SPEAKER_04: There's a movie.
• 1:25:51
  SPEAKER_04: Um uh uh William William Burroughs, the the the beatnik author.
• 1:25:58
  SPEAKER_04: Um he's a really terrible guy.
• 1:26:01
  SPEAKER_04: Um pretty evil guy.
• 1:26:03
  SPEAKER_04: Um he wrote a book called Naked Lunch and they made the movie out of it.
• 1:26:09
  SPEAKER_04: Um he describes he describes this exactly in that movie.
• 1:26:14
  SPEAKER_04: I mean, that's what the movie's about.
• 1:26:16
  SPEAKER_04: Um, you know, going to the interzone.
• 1:26:18
  SPEAKER_04: Um he has to, you know, he shoots his wife.
• 1:26:21
  SPEAKER_04: He actually killed his wife in her in real life in Mexico at a party.
• 1:26:26
  SPEAKER_04: They they were playing some game.
• 1:26:29
  SPEAKER_04: Um, he shot her.
• 1:26:30
  SPEAKER_04: Um, but in the movie, that was the the the pass to get into the interzone.
• 1:26:36
  SPEAKER_04: So it's like it's killing your conscience to get the sacrifice to go.
• 1:26:41
  SPEAKER_04: And in the movie, uh the main character is is gone down the rabbit hole into the interzone, and he it's in this kind of mucky city, New York kind of greasy, slimy, weird place.
• 1:26:53
  SPEAKER_04: And he sees off in the distance this this um bus of cheerleaders and football players getting into the the tour bus to go, and they're all jolly, and he's just like, I can never go back to that reality, you know.
• 1:27:11
  SPEAKER_04: So that reality of the cheerleaders football game thing was like, and that's what I I was exactly in that place.
• 1:27:17
  SPEAKER_04: I was like, there's no way back.
• 1:27:20
  SPEAKER_04: Um but I was I was riding this bicycle, and I just um I spoke the words, I love you, and I was talking to God, you know.
• 1:27:35
  SPEAKER_04: And right when I said that, like I was showered, like this tree of flowers dropped all the flowers all of a sudden on me, and just I rode past this thing.
• 1:27:48
  SPEAKER_04: It was like and it was so intense.
• 1:27:50
  SPEAKER_04: I stopped and braked, and there was no wind or anything, and I just felt God He was like, I love you too, you know?
• 1:27:58
  SPEAKER_04: It was so It was a a very beautiful moment.
• 1:28:02
  SPEAKER_04: I was like, wow, wow, that was so intense and and um but as the day worn uh you know, carried on, I I started feeling the flesh again and my addiction to drugs, alcohol, the addiction to the it was like you you're addicted to sin, you know.
• 1:28:20
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah things.
• 1:28:21
  SPEAKER_04: And um and so I went back and got caught up again.
• 1:28:24
  SPEAKER_04: So anyway, I leave well, finally hitchhike.
• 1:28:28
  SPEAKER_04: Um I leave uh me and this the the woman uh aren't working out um mostly because uh I was unable to you know be a a real boyfriend, you know.
• 1:28:42
  SPEAKER_04: Um and she was very um disturbed and she had a lot of trauma um in her life, but um ended up going to San Francisco and I met up with my friend Chris, who I mentioned before, and he had become a really big LSD dealer on the West Coast.
• 1:29:01
  SPEAKER_04: So uh I joined with his crew for a time, and we were were going to Dead Shows, the Grateful Dead shows, and and selling acid, and um they would dip the the sheets and the pages of acid in the these motel rooms, and then we'd go.
• 1:29:17
  SPEAKER_04: I I was selling the the single hits, you know.
• 1:29:20
  SPEAKER_04: Uh some people would sell sheets of acid, some people sell pages.
• 1:29:23
  SPEAKER_04: We were with a crew of about four or five people, and um and so this I I mentioned this because uh the a big pivoting point for me, and this is where the story kind of gets intense, is I um I was at a dead show, um and it was tripping, and I remember walking it in the daytime.
• 1:29:45
  SPEAKER_04: There was this kinkezy bus, which is like the painted buses.
• 1:29:49
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 1:29:50
  SPEAKER_04: And I'm an artist, and I was like, oh, cool, uh let me go check this bus out.
• 1:29:55
  SPEAKER_04: And and I was walking around and I got to the other side of the bus, and it was this giant Masonic pyramid eye.
• 1:30:03
  SPEAKER_04: Oh, what and oh man, and something I was like let me go in there.
• 1:30:11
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, you know in I before that I I started like learning about okay, like like some of the Christians said like that um you know there's there's uh this antichrist and this one world government and evil system.
• 1:30:29
  SPEAKER_04: I started seeing comics of that, and and I totally like we were into like against the government, and but it was more like the government were in bed with aliens or something, you know.
• 1:30:39
  SPEAKER_04: And um and I was like, huh, that's weird.
• 1:30:42
  SPEAKER_04: Why is the government because I consider Masonic stuff the government, why is the government, the evil, the the enemy, in bed with the grateful dead?
• 1:30:52
  SPEAKER_04: I was like, huh, that's so weird.
• 1:30:54
  SPEAKER_04: It was very confusing.
• 1:30:55
  SPEAKER_04: Um and then pardon me, that and that same night, so my friend comes up and he's he's like dares me to take all this acid, like a big, big piece of acid.
• 1:31:08
  SPEAKER_04: And and so I did, and I'm sell I'm trying to sell acid in this crowd, and it's it's at night.
• 1:31:17
  SPEAKER_04: Um, I'm in the sea of people, it's kind of this thoroughfare, and I'm starting, I'm slowly my reality just is starting to just stop, you know, and um and the acid's taking hold, and all of a sudden it was like time, like a machine just stood still, came to a stop, and then I felt, I heard, I felt God speak to me, like the creator God.
• 1:31:45
  SPEAKER_04: And it was clear as crystal into my soul.
• 1:31:48
  SPEAKER_04: It was like if it was like a drop on a a still pond, just rippled out into me.
• 1:31:55
  SPEAKER_04: And he said, Why are like he said, why are he said, You think you're against the New World Order, but you are a tool of it, you're a pawn of it.
• 1:32:06
  SPEAKER_04: And he's like, You're killing your brothers and sisters with this this the this witchcraft you're doing and these drugs you're selling, this and and it was so convicting.
• 1:32:17
  SPEAKER_04: It was like so convicting, and I remember he's it spoke that into my soul.
• 1:32:23
  SPEAKER_04: I looked around, and I'm in this hell.
• 1:32:27
  SPEAKER_04: There's police siren, like police lights.
• 1:32:32
  SPEAKER_04: I remember looking around, and there was it was dark, there was police lights uh glistening off the the chain link fences, and people were had like started building like burning uh plastic cup bonfire little bonfires, so there was like build all these this black smoke, and it and then I look over and I kid you not, they can't just this stuff.
• 1:32:57
  SPEAKER_04: I look over and there's a a policeman on horseback carrying a hippie by the hair who's butt naked, and he's dragging this man, and and then I'm like, Where am and then the off in the distance there was um uh a drum circle happening in the in a parking lot, and and I remember seeing this spirit like a hand over the crowd just puppeting them, and I I started I I felt the spirit like a sense of fear, like now that I could see it, it would see me kind of thing.
• 1:33:37
  SPEAKER_04: Oh yeah.
• 1:33:38
  SPEAKER_04: I was like, I thought, are all these people gonna like just all at once look at me and start coming after me or something?
• 1:33:45
  SPEAKER_04: But that was just you know, it was tripping out, and and that was the first, that was the moment that I considered, I was I remember thinking, is this what sin is?
• 1:33:56
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, like there's something, is it is it infused in all reality in this in this world?
• 1:34:02
  SPEAKER_04: Is it like it what is it?
• 1:34:04
  SPEAKER_04: You know, what is this?
• 1:34:06
  SPEAKER_04: Because now that I'm I'm it was the first time thinking, okay, this evil, this this thing isn't just the government, it's in the thing that I thought was good, like the Grateful Dead, the movement, the the hippie movement, all the like all of a sudden now I'm seeing the same, this evil that's intertwined in all of this stuff, right?
• 1:34:31
  SPEAKER_04: And so that was it was really impactful.
• 1:34:34
  SPEAKER_04: And um, I decided that I was done with all of it.
• 1:34:40
  SPEAKER_04: Um, I decided I was gonna leave that morning, I was gonna leave and go out to the mountains and find God.
• 1:34:47
  SPEAKER_02: Oh well.
• 1:34:48
  SPEAKER_04: Find the truth.
• 1:34:49
  SPEAKER_04: I had that moment.
• 1:34:50
  SPEAKER_04: So um I got rid of all my my acid.
• 1:34:53
  SPEAKER_04: Um uh I cashed it in to my friends.
• 1:34:56
  SPEAKER_04: Um, I had like$300.
• 1:34:58
  SPEAKER_04: Um at this point, you know, I had dreadlocks, nasty, big, nasty dreads.
• 1:35:03
  SPEAKER_04: I was hippie, you know.
• 1:35:04
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, umadic hippie.
• 1:35:06
  SPEAKER_04: And um and I bought I did buy some mushrooms because it was natural, and I thought, all right, I'm gonna go out to the mountains, to the woods, and not come back until I found truth.
• 1:35:19
  SPEAKER_04: I was so sick of it, like all of this torment that all these things that were happening in my life.
• 1:35:24
  SPEAKER_04: Um and uh and so I go, I was at Eugene Hot Springs or the Eugene, Oregon.
• 1:35:31
  SPEAKER_04: There's all these hot springs.
• 1:35:33
  SPEAKER_04: There was there was this one main place where you could get a f uh a ride from the free bus.
• 1:35:38
  SPEAKER_04: And so uh, and before that, I got I I I did leave all my friends I uh that morning, and I got a backpack.
• 1:35:45
  SPEAKER_04: Um, I got some camping supplies, uh, I got a like a um Swiss Army knife, I had the mushrooms, and I I went to a shop on the way and got all these um uh candles, different colors, candles, and some bells, and I was like, I'm I'm out of here.
• 1:36:03
  SPEAKER_04: And and so I I go up into the the woods, way out in the woods, near the hot springs, and I set up this this camp, you know, start a little fire.
• 1:36:16
  SPEAKER_04: I I brew the mushrooms.
• 1:36:18
  SPEAKER_04: I didn't know what else to do to contact the spirit realm, but through through shamanistic methods, I guess.
• 1:36:25
  SPEAKER_04: And I put out the candles in a circle around the fire.
• 1:36:31
  SPEAKER_04: Um, I've got all the colors of the rainbow, plus a white and a black, you know, still in the mindset.
• 1:36:39
  SPEAKER_04: I didn't know what to do.
• 1:36:40
  SPEAKER_04: But at this this was the first time I really called out to the universe, to the to God, the creator, um, with a humble heart.
• 1:36:53
  SPEAKER_04: So, you know, before I was always I was very prideful, very self-righteous, arrogant, in a sense spiritually, thinking that I was, you know, uh in a new a different class.
• 1:37:05
  SPEAKER_04: It was almost like it was kind of like the Lost Boys.
• 1:37:07
  SPEAKER_04: Remember the Lost Boys were like um there was this arrogance, like we're part of the vampire club, you know?
• 1:37:14
  SPEAKER_04: Like we we're part of this this alien, like weird c counterculture that that knows more than anybody, and that's good it was very you know prideful.
• 1:37:26
  SPEAKER_00: Well, it's the knowledge, right?
• 1:37:28
  SPEAKER_01: Like you have the knowledge, you have the knowledge and and you have access to it, right?
• 1:37:33
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, because that's what you're seeking.
• 1:37:35
  SPEAKER_04: That's right.
• 1:37:35
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, yeah, Gnosticism.
• 1:37:39
  SPEAKER_00: Gnosticism.
• 1:37:41
  SPEAKER_04: So I had all this this horrible knowledge, and um, but I started chanting, I started like with a humble heart, plea just like please help me.
• 1:37:53
  SPEAKER_04: So I I felt tormented and everything was dark.
• 1:37:57
  SPEAKER_04: I didn't know what to do.
• 1:37:58
  SPEAKER_04: I had no one, I was had nothing.
• 1:38:00
  SPEAKER_04: I was just wanting truth.
• 1:38:04
  SPEAKER_04: And I'm chanting, and then all of a sudden, I feel this prickle on the back of my neck rise, like this presence, you know, like an evil, evil presence.
• 1:38:17
  SPEAKER_04: And I start hearing this this whisp, like physically hearing, not just in my mind, like physically hearing, like whisper, like, we're killing you.
• 1:38:25
  SPEAKER_04: We're killing you.
• 1:38:26
  SPEAKER_00: Oh my gosh.
• 1:38:27
  SPEAKER_04: And then I heard the voice of the woman that I was obsessed with, because she was into witchcraft, but and she was laughing at me, and she was I started thinking maybe there's they're doing witchcraft close by to mess with me.
• 1:38:44
  SPEAKER_04: But all these voices, the these these evil, mocking voices started just mocking me, just like, you thought you were um you thought you had power, but you're just a bag of you know, S H-I-T.
• 1:38:58
  SPEAKER_04: Right.
• 1:38:59
  SPEAKER_04: You're just like we were we that was our power we gave you, because and um because I would I would go to like the Krishna temples and get a free meal in San Francisco, but they would they would have these worship things going on and uh like with drums, and I I was manipulating with this magic and astral projection where I would like I would break the drum beats.
• 1:39:25
  SPEAKER_04: It sounds so stupid, but I would was able through this demonic spirits to to manipulate these drums to actually bring him to a complete halt where the they would just have to stop and then start over again.
• 1:39:40
  SPEAKER_04: It was like really mischievous evil magic.
• 1:39:44
  SPEAKER_04: I was practicing manipulation.
• 1:39:46
  SPEAKER_04: So and they were like, We we you thought that was your power, this is ours, and we gave it to you, and they were just just mock, it was so evil.
• 1:39:56
  SPEAKER_04: Um there's no evil like the voice of a demon.
• 1:40:00
  SPEAKER_04: And and then all of a sudden there was a s just the whole woods because it was at night and there was a campfire, and all and there was the shadows on the trees, very you know, horrific kind of scene.
• 1:40:13
  SPEAKER_04: The like the whole place just swarmed with demonic spirits, like and and they they were just it felt like they were like attacking me with arrows of just hate.
• 1:40:27
  SPEAKER_04: And I um I started freaking out, of course.
• 1:40:33
  SPEAKER_04: Um they and they started read they started saying, Um, we're poisoning you, we poisoned you with the mushrooms, we poisoned you with the mushrooms.
• 1:40:43
  SPEAKER_04: And I start I was like, well, what can I do uh to get this out of me?
• 1:40:50
  SPEAKER_04: So I put my finger down my throat to throw up the mushrooms.
• 1:40:54
  SPEAKER_04: It was too late at this point, but yeah, and when I did that, all like it was like five voices just started screaming out of my voice, like low voices to high, just like the exorcist, just like alien five voices just screaming, no, and it it was not me, it wasn't it wasn't my own rage, it wasn't my own, it was this these entities like in my body, and my my mind just flipped over backwards because I didn't believe in demons, and all of a sudden now I believe in demons, but it's too late because they're in me and they're laughing at me, and they're they're um and so it was it was very scary.
• 1:41:39
  SPEAKER_04: I I I completely like it was a living nightmare.
• 1:41:44
  SPEAKER_04: And I didn't know Christians could deal with demons, I didn't know they even like believed in demons, really.
• 1:41:51
  SPEAKER_04: And then um, but I always I I started having these funny memories during this.
• 1:41:57
  SPEAKER_04: I remember like this old remember Elvira?
• 1:42:01
  SPEAKER_00: Oh yeah, I used to watch that all the time.
• 1:42:05
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know why I was allowed to watch that movie at all.
• 1:42:08
  SPEAKER_00: And as I'm like But it was the 80s and 90s, yeah, right.
• 1:42:12
  SPEAKER_04: This funniest thought comes in my head, this kind of sad, ironic like thought that because they were mocked, they were like, you did this to you're manipulated, you allowed us to come in, and you are you're such a you know, and demons they they view they hate people, they see us as disgusting, they see us as flesh pods full of like excrement, and that's that's how they view us, is these kind of weird creatures that carry around poop and gross, and they're we're just disgusting, like and they hate us, and they're super hyper intelligent and ancient, man.
• 1:42:51
  SPEAKER_04: These the voices of these things, the language that I was hearing was so ancient that it was making me tremble.
• 1:43:00
  SPEAKER_04: Like I can't the fear was beyond any fear I can I can imagine.
• 1:43:05
  SPEAKER_04: Um, and it it shook me, and uh, but this thought came to my head of uh this memory of an Elvira movie that I had watched where she was mocking Christianity and and using like holy water and and making like the cross and all this and all of a sudden I believed in demons, and I was like, all this has been a fall a farce, like they've been here all along, like these entities have been in society and they're like like aliens.
• 1:43:38
  SPEAKER_04: I thought, well, they're there's some sort of spiritual alien or weird, and um I still didn't know Jesus, mind you, but I knew that somehow all this mockery, uh I I just all this the TV shows and the music started coming to my mind where they mocked Christianity, they mocked the idea of Satan.
• 1:43:58
  SPEAKER_04: That was the the theme, and I had allowed demon, real demons into me.
• 1:44:04
  SPEAKER_04: So I was freaking out.
• 1:44:06
  SPEAKER_04: I thought they're gonna put me in a mental ward, like where can I go?
• 1:44:09
  SPEAKER_04: Like to, you know, and and so I start freaking out.
• 1:44:15
  SPEAKER_04: I start I'm like start burning stuff.
• 1:44:19
  SPEAKER_04: Um like I had these hippie beads, these skull beads.
• 1:44:22
  SPEAKER_04: Every time I would throw something in the fire, the voices, these those demons would just rage and like tear me apart, and I would just just scream, just no.
• 1:44:32
  SPEAKER_04: And like, so I was like, man, I want to do more of what they don't like.
• 1:44:37
  SPEAKER_04: So I s I start burning my clothes.
• 1:44:39
  SPEAKER_04: I start burning, I burned all the money I had.
• 1:44:42
  SPEAKER_04: Everything started going the fire.
• 1:44:44
  SPEAKER_04: And then I started I had like nasty dreadlocks, big clumpy, gross dreadlocks, and they had beads in them.
• 1:44:52
  SPEAKER_04: I start hacking my dreads off with this Swiss Army knife that I bought, and I was burning the every time I'd throw a dread in the fire, they would just scream out, scream at me.
• 1:45:02
  SPEAKER_04: And I remember running, like I remember I had, you know, we talked about Ram Das the other day.
• 1:45:09
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 1:45:10
  SPEAKER_04: I had I had this one Ram Das book.
• 1:45:12
  SPEAKER_04: It's called Be Here Now.
• 1:45:14
  SPEAKER_04: Yep.
• 1:45:14
  SPEAKER_04: It's this famous hippie Hindu book.
• 1:45:17
  SPEAKER_04: And uh I remember running to it, like, okay, maybe I could, you know, if I could find, if I could go back to purity, innocence, like thoughts of love again or something.
• 1:45:29
  SPEAKER_04: And I would I I had it in my backpack and I was pulling it out trying to read it, and all of a sudden these the fire um started spitting coals at me and burning me, and they were like m laughing.
• 1:45:40
  SPEAKER_04: I could hear laughter and mocking it.
• 1:45:42
  SPEAKER_04: I just it was so crazy.
• 1:45:45
  SPEAKER_04: Um and and I and again I was I started cutting my dreads off.
• 1:45:50
  SPEAKER_04: And then at one point they they kind of it was a weird thing because they all stopped.
• 1:45:56
  SPEAKER_04: I mean, I could sense them, hear them.
• 1:45:59
  SPEAKER_04: Like it it was like if anybody's ever seen the movie Um Odd Thomas, uh Odd Thomas is a is this really intense book, but the the movie how they made those demon entities in that movie is exactly what I was seeing.
• 1:46:16
  SPEAKER_04: Like they were like these liquid, fluid, like kind of uh Geigerish uh, you know, like aliens.
• 1:46:24
  SPEAKER_04: Um anyway, terrifying.
• 1:46:26
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, uh but I so they backed off.
• 1:46:31
  SPEAKER_04: I remember them, it was almost I could hear them regrouping, and they would like talk to one another, and then they would talk to me or they talk about me and look at me, and it was so freaky, and I was just like, Okay, okay, maybe I have a chance here.
• 1:46:47
  SPEAKER_04: What do I gotta do?
• 1:46:48
  SPEAKER_04: What do I need to do to get out of this?
• 1:46:50
  SPEAKER_04: I was starting to panic.
• 1:46:52
  SPEAKER_04: And what I believe now is they were trying they were trying to get me into a frenzy.
• 1:47:01
  SPEAKER_04: I mean, it was all purposeful.
• 1:47:03
  SPEAKER_04: They had they had got they had exposed themselves for a purpose.
• 1:47:07
  SPEAKER_04: They they they they said we this is our power, not yours.
• 1:47:11
  SPEAKER_04: They they came for a purpose, and all of a sudden they attacked again and it was so much fear on me that I thought the only thing to do is to get out of my body.
• 1:47:26
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, I was like got to get out of my body right now, or like this dimension of hell was gonna swallow me alive.
• 1:47:36
  SPEAKER_04: And of course I was a lie, um but I I believed it.
• 1:47:40
  SPEAKER_04: I was like, I've gotta get out of here, and it was very utilitarian.
• 1:47:43
  SPEAKER_04: It wasn't like I'm so depressed, I want to die.
• 1:47:45
  SPEAKER_04: It was like, if you don't get out of your body, these things are gonna devour your soul, which is not true, it's crazy.
• 1:47:51
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, um, so I started I I tried to cut my wrist, that wasn't happening.
• 1:47:56
  SPEAKER_04: So I started hacking my neck with this Swiss Army knife, and it was it w it it was a small blade, but I was hacking as hard as I could hit my neck.
• 1:48:12
  SPEAKER_04: Um my neck was a like a tattered mess.
• 1:48:17
  SPEAKER_04: Like I could stick my fingers into my tend like tendons.
• 1:48:22
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 1:48:22
  SPEAKER_04: Um I and so the scene is I'm completely naked, my my my dreads are like half cut off, I have blood like dripping down my chest, and all of a sudden these people come out of the woods.
• 1:48:37
  SPEAKER_04: This man who was looked like a lumberjack came up to uh in the woods to and I ran up to him.
• 1:48:44
  SPEAKER_04: I was like, help me, help me.
• 1:48:46
  SPEAKER_04: There's demons in that poor guy.
• 1:48:47
  SPEAKER_04: Oh my gosh.
• 1:48:48
  SPEAKER_04: This poor guy looked at and the fear in his eyes made me scared.
• 1:48:53
  SPEAKER_04: I jumped back.
• 1:48:54
  SPEAKER_04: I thought they were demons that had materialized to to try to get me to uh it's crazy.
• 1:49:00
  SPEAKER_04: I was hysterical, but oh sure.
• 1:49:03
  SPEAKER_00: I mean I can only imagine.
• 1:49:05
  SPEAKER_04: They started they started saying the the knife's the demon, the knife's the demon, and I was very confused.
• 1:49:11
  SPEAKER_04: And um they one of them came around and hit me on the back with this big log, and I I rolled and I just I was a crazed animal at this point.
• 1:49:20
  SPEAKER_04: And then I I ran to the fire, I put I I put this ring around me, drew this ring, protective incantation.
• 1:49:30
  SPEAKER_04: But I thought, and I started I just started screaming at him, just and and like pushing him to hopefully get back.
• 1:49:38
  SPEAKER_04: And and they did, they kind of backed, and they had flashlights.
• 1:49:40
  SPEAKER_04: They were actually trying to get me help.
• 1:49:42
  SPEAKER_04: These are real people.
• 1:49:43
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 1:49:44
  SPEAKER_04: Um and uh I I remember I'm sitting there, my neck neck is bleeding.
• 1:49:55
  SPEAKER_04: I I look up at the stars and I start screaming, not the demons this time.
• 1:50:03
  SPEAKER_04: It wasn't the demons screaming.
• 1:50:05
  SPEAKER_04: It was just my own pain.
• 1:50:07
  SPEAKER_04: Like my I was screaming, why?
• 1:50:10
  SPEAKER_04: I started screaming, why?
• 1:50:12
  SPEAKER_04: At at God, the Creator.
• 1:50:17
  SPEAKER_04: And uh I just, you know, I was just I I this is this is where my my search had brought me to, you know?
• 1:50:31
  SPEAKER_04: Because my whole life I just wanted to know, you know.
• 1:50:35
  SPEAKER_04: And I just I I just hurt screaming, just why is this happening, you know?
• 1:50:42
  SPEAKER_04: And all of a sudden, like an instant, I I f I I felt this warm blanket of pure love and life and light surround me.
• 1:50:55
  SPEAKER_04: And I was engulfed and the this angelic host just surrounded me.
• 1:51:01
  SPEAKER_04: I mean, it was just like light, just boom, and like the demons just scattered.
• 1:51:07
  SPEAKER_04: And I I was completely surrounded by like warrior entities.
• 1:51:12
  SPEAKER_04: I could sense feel the light beaming out of them, and all of a sudden I was innocent.
• 1:51:17
  SPEAKER_04: I felt uh like childlike again.
• 1:51:20
  SPEAKER_04: I was completely sober, I felt the joy of being alive all at once.
• 1:51:25
  SPEAKER_04: I mean, it just happened.
• 1:51:26
  SPEAKER_04: I completely like I was like, oh, I'm alive, I'm protected.
• 1:51:32
  SPEAKER_04: They say they these I've I've been saved by this these things.
• 1:51:39
  SPEAKER_04: And I was weeping and I I uh I remember I I was like, I got I gotta get out of this place, you know, and I was so full of like joy.
• 1:51:51
  SPEAKER_04: And I got a sock that had fallen off, I got put around my neck, and I just started walking away from the campside down, and it was dark.
• 1:52:00
  SPEAKER_04: I walked in the woods, I just got out of there, and I was walking through swamps and like things were cutting my feet, and I was complete I was barefoot, naked, blood, but I was so happy to be alive and I was saved, and I like these entities were like protecting me.
• 1:52:17
  SPEAKER_04: I I could sense and hear demons far away, but they were like neuter dogs, you know.
• 1:52:22
  SPEAKER_04: They were like throw a stick at them, and they were like they wouldn't come close.
• 1:52:27
  SPEAKER_04: And I I walked, I got to the road, and it was like silhouettes of trees down this road and this starry field of of stars, and the the universe was there and it was holding me and it was protecting me, and I walked and and finally I got um to the the hot springs and these poor kids found me, these like teenagers.
• 1:52:51
  SPEAKER_04: They were like, Oh my god, and they you know gave me a towel, called the ambulance and all that.
• 1:52:58
  SPEAKER_04: And uh so I went to the hospital.
• 1:53:00
  SPEAKER_04: Um, they stapled my neck.
• 1:53:02
  SPEAKER_00: Oh my gosh.
• 1:53:03
  SPEAKER_04: The doctors um were like they they brought doctors in to look.
• 1:53:08
  SPEAKER_04: They were just like amazed.
• 1:53:09
  SPEAKER_04: They were like, everything is tattered and cut except your jugular vein.
• 1:53:13
  SPEAKER_04: Wow.
• 1:53:14
  SPEAKER_04: And they literally they had to use giant big staples.
• 1:53:17
  SPEAKER_04: It was a mess.
• 1:53:17
  SPEAKER_04: It was like a tattered mess.
• 1:53:20
  SPEAKER_00: Oh my gosh.
• 1:53:21
  SPEAKER_04: Praise God.
• 1:53:22
  SPEAKER_04: And I got it, I I was there for a couple days.
• 1:53:25
  SPEAKER_04: They then they just released me.
• 1:53:27
  SPEAKER_04: I was homeless.
• 1:53:28
  SPEAKER_04: I didn't I remember, you know, the hospital door opening up, this bright hot light, and I go out, and I'm just like, what do I do now?
• 1:53:36
  SPEAKER_04: You know, that was I had nothing.
• 1:53:38
  SPEAKER_04: I had I had like$10 or something they gave me.
• 1:53:42
  SPEAKER_04: I didn't even have anything.
• 1:53:44
  SPEAKER_04: So I went I went to get my backpack.
• 1:53:46
  SPEAKER_04: I thought, well, I'll just take a free bus back to the campsite, get my camping supplies, and um I go and I'm walking up the road to the trail, and there's these other people kind of because it was um, you know, uh hot spring there, and there was this young lady who saw me.
• 1:54:04
  SPEAKER_04: She was walking up, she was like, Whoa, because I had a bandit.
• 1:54:07
  SPEAKER_04: She was like, You're the guy, you're the guy.
• 1:54:10
  SPEAKER_04: She was like, My family.
• 1:54:11
  SPEAKER_04: We're we were camping and we heard a whole group of people, like they literally heard a group of demonic, they thought it was like a group of covenant like bitches or something.
• 1:54:23
  SPEAKER_04: They said like they heard this group of people chanting weird noises, and they that was the people who had come to help me.
• 1:54:32
  SPEAKER_00: Oh my gosh.
• 1:54:33
  SPEAKER_04: So that was trippy because it wasn't just me tripping out on mushrooms, they actually heard like a whole horde of people speaking weird gibberish.
• 1:54:43
  SPEAKER_04: Oh my gosh.
• 1:54:44
  SPEAKER_04: So that was a trip, and I'm like, whoa, okay, I got my stuff.
• 1:54:49
  SPEAKER_04: Uh and I didn't know where to go, so I hitchhiked to the rainbow gathering, which was in Wyoming at the time.
• 1:54:55
  SPEAKER_04: Um so I was in Oregon.
• 1:54:58
  SPEAKER_04: Um, I didn't know where to go.
• 1:54:59
  SPEAKER_04: I went there, um, tormented still, very tormented.
• 1:55:04
  SPEAKER_04: It wasn't like I was exercised at that point.
• 1:55:08
  SPEAKER_04: I didn't have exorcism necessarily.
• 1:55:10
  SPEAKER_04: I was saved, but I was very much continued to be tormented.
• 1:55:15
  SPEAKER_04: Um and then I went to the rainbow gathering, and um there's these people said, Hey, there's there's a kitchen there, like a camp called the Bread of Life.
• 1:55:24
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, it's a Christian kitchen, and I was like, uh, I don't I don't want to go there, but I was desperate because I I was I would go to sleep and I'd hear tw like whisperings and the demons were just after me.
• 1:55:37
  SPEAKER_04: And I remember going, I went to the camp and they were just some loving um old ex-hippie Christians who were just awesome, all natural and filled with the Holy Spirit, and they they didn't preach, they they were just cooking food and being a family and joys, and like the complete opposite of everything you had encountered up until then.
• 1:56:04
  SPEAKER_01: Oh uh, just like people people walking it out in in reality, right?
• 1:56:09
  SPEAKER_01: Oh my gosh, that's incredible, Cole.
• 1:56:13
  SPEAKER_04: The spirit, the presence of goodness was so strong there that I knew that I could sleep.
• 1:56:19
  SPEAKER_04: I knew that the demons couldn't get me in this camp.
• 1:56:23
  SPEAKER_04: And that's where I met Jesus Christ.
• 1:56:25
  SPEAKER_04: I um I I went to wash my cup because you they've served food.
• 1:56:30
  SPEAKER_04: I went to wash at the hand station, and there was this tree, uh tree with a sign hand painted, and it said, I am the bread of life.
• 1:56:38
  SPEAKER_04: He who comes to me shall never hunger, he who believes in me shall never thirst.
• 1:56:43
  SPEAKER_04: And then there was another one that said, Um righteousness is as filthy rags, but it says uh the gift uh salvation is a gift of God, not by works, lest anyone should be able to do it.
• 1:56:53
  SPEAKER_00: And man should boast, yeah.
• 1:56:56
  SPEAKER_04: And Jesus shot into me like the it says the word is living and active, and it was alive, like Jesus, the one who had spoken to me when I was a kid and invited me, it was that presence, and I knew that person, you know, and it it shot into me, and I knew Jesus is the way, and that started my journey.
• 1:57:20
  SPEAKER_04: Um I I ended up um there's so much I could tell, but we're getting so far into the story.
• 1:57:27
  SPEAKER_01: Because it's such a great, it's just such an incredible story.
• 1:57:30
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, it's almost I feel like that's kind of how it is.
• 1:57:33
  SPEAKER_01: Like you'll tell this portion of it, and then if you you know, you as you get like invited to go on different other shows and and keep telling it, you know.
• 1:57:42
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 1:57:43
  SPEAKER_01: You just keep telling it and it's gonna, I mean, it's gonna really unlock something for somebody.
• 1:57:48
  SPEAKER_01: That's right.
• 1:57:49
  SPEAKER_01: For sure.
• 1:57:50
  SPEAKER_01: That's right.
• 1:57:50
  SPEAKER_01: But how do you how do you have a whole lifestyle, you know, a whole lifetime of in an hour and a half?
• 1:57:55
  SPEAKER_01: It's impossible.
• 1:57:56
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, yeah.
• 1:57:57
  SPEAKER_04: Um I did get delivered.
• 1:57:59
  SPEAKER_04: I had a lot of exorcism sessions, really nasty ones.
• 1:58:03
  SPEAKER_04: Uh the demons came out screaming, speaking.
• 1:58:07
  SPEAKER_04: Um, it was very weird because I didn't know anything about this stuff, but the Christians knew.
• 1:58:11
  SPEAKER_04: I was like, Yeah, guys, you guys knew all this like all this time?
• 1:58:15
  SPEAKER_04: Like, wow.
• 1:58:17
  SPEAKER_04: So here I am.
• 1:58:20
  SPEAKER_04: I have beautiful children.
• 1:58:21
  SPEAKER_04: I'm grateful to be alive.
• 1:58:23
  SPEAKER_04: Um, my wife and I now um our heart is we minister um through uh an organization called Love A Roo, uh, that goes to uh the Bonnaroo music festival.
• 1:58:35
  SPEAKER_04: That's so awesome.
• 1:58:36
  SPEAKER_04: We we set up a bohemian tea house that's really cool and hang out to carpet and couches, and um, and we just love on people and pray, you know.
• 1:58:46
  SPEAKER_04: It's kind of like a place for a spiritually safe place that people can come.
• 1:58:51
  SPEAKER_04: Um and so yeah, that's how that's uh the magical ducklings.
• 1:58:55
  SPEAKER_04: I make music that's psychedelic music for people who are coming out of it.
• 1:59:01
  SPEAKER_04: So I want people to listen to my music on acid.
• 1:59:05
  SPEAKER_04: Like that's my target on nice, yeah.
• 1:59:08
  SPEAKER_04: That's that's what I make the music for is people who are tripping, going on a journey, and I I'm trying to bring them to be have an encounter with Jesus, and so that's what the magical ducklings is.
• 1:59:22
  SPEAKER_04: Um, anyway, yeah, it's a long story.
• 1:59:24
  SPEAKER_04: It was taking like two hours.
• 1:59:26
  SPEAKER_01: No, this is amazing.
• 1:59:28
  SPEAKER_01: No, it's see the the reason that I wanted to just let you kind of cook is because you know the the way like the ups and downs of that.
• 1:59:38
  SPEAKER_01: Like we we it's so important to see where you were without the Lord and then where you are now and how he restores, he restores for his glory and for your good.
• 1:59:53
  SPEAKER_01: And so you're doing exactly what he purposed you to do coming through that journey, but he restored your love of music, he restored your creativity.
• 2:00:04
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, it's absolutely amazing that you're kind of doing the same thing and you're able to now minister to these people that are just so broken and really not even thought of at all.
• 2:00:19
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, you know, I don't think that many church churches have a ministry for, you know, festival train kids that are homeless.
• 2:00:27
  SPEAKER_01: And, you know, when you were talking about, I really want to just say this generally to anyone listening that comes across this, you know, when you see that kid, you know, you're painting a picture of like some hippie kid in Portland on a bike that's like just absolutely drugged out of his mind, you know, in a residential neighborhood.
• 2:00:48
  SPEAKER_01: I see kids like that all the time around here.
• 2:00:51
  SPEAKER_01: Like, and how bad is my heart when I'm like, oh, I wish these kids, I wish we could just get rid of them.
• 2:00:56
  SPEAKER_01: You know, I'm still like that.
• 2:00:57
  SPEAKER_01: Like, because it's like, oh, they're in the neighborhood, you know.
• 2:01:00
  SPEAKER_01: But how different would that person's life be if you just stopped and asked God, like, hey, how can I minister to this person right now?
• 2:01:08
  SPEAKER_01: Because maybe that kid needs help, or maybe there's something you can offer, you know, or the person that asked you for, you know, a couple bucks.
• 2:01:15
  SPEAKER_01: Is it really that bad to just you don't know what they're gonna do with it?
• 2:01:18
  SPEAKER_01: And how a kind word and maybe giving them a couple bucks could just be like, hey, I don't know what you're gonna do with this money.
• 2:01:23
  SPEAKER_01: I'm not just gonna assume you're gonna buy drugs, but God loves you.
• 2:01:26
  SPEAKER_01: You know, you're loved, you're seen, you're a person, you're not just the demons that you're manifesting.
• 2:01:32
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, that's just a that is a that was a crazy picture that you painted of you riding that bicycle because I see those people all the time.
• 2:01:40
  SPEAKER_01: And how many times, you know, how many opportunities do you pass by?
• 2:01:46
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, you know, uh, what you never know what people are thinking.
• 2:01:50
  SPEAKER_01: No, you never know what they're experiencing.
• 2:01:52
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, that's just wild, Cole.
• 2:01:54
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, man.
• 2:01:55
  SPEAKER_01: And I love that you're ministering at Bonneroo.
• 2:01:57
  SPEAKER_01: I know so many people like that.
• 2:01:59
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, obviously not now because we're all like, you know, old ladies that have kids, but I mean, for a while, I knew I would still know some people that go to Bonnaroo and just hang out, and you know, the festival scene is definitely a huge scene.
• 2:02:12
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, um, but there are broken people that are looking for escape.
• 2:02:17
  SPEAKER_01: And I love that you were in just creating an inviting space.
• 2:02:21
  SPEAKER_01: Have you no, just real quick?
• 2:02:23
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, I know we have been on here for a while, and I would love to have you back for sure, because this is a fantastic story.
• 2:02:30
  SPEAKER_01: But do you have any kind of um I mean, outside of your own redemption here with where God's brought you to with this ministry?
• 2:02:39
  SPEAKER_01: Are there any stories that you've come across that are similar to your own of people that maybe you've been able to minister to or just anything like that you could share?
• 2:02:50
  SPEAKER_04: Oh man, wow.
• 2:02:51
  SPEAKER_04: Um you know I I there is story there's um I have been to another festival where um someone actually uh tried to hack their neck open with a machete on DMT.
• 2:03:12
  SPEAKER_04: Um but the one that's really closest to home, um, I have a a dear friend of mine, dear friend, love him dearly.
• 2:03:23
  SPEAKER_04: Um he was um in the homosexual lifestyle 100% in San Francisco.
• 2:03:31
  SPEAKER_04: Um and he had um he it's a long story, but we he knew my wife and I.
• 2:03:41
  SPEAKER_04: Um he knew because uh there there was a time uh my wife and I came kind of back to the Lord.
• 2:03:47
  SPEAKER_04: It's a long long story, but um we've been married ten years and um I had a real hard time where I uh went back into drinking and different things for a couple years.
• 2:04:00
  SPEAKER_04: And um, but my I met my wife and we came I brought her to the Lord and we all we all now we've been serving the Lord for a long time now, like almost nine years, so because we got married about ten years ago.
• 2:04:14
  SPEAKER_04: That's awesome.
• 2:04:15
  SPEAKER_04: So anyway, so but he knew us in our downtime when we weren't when I wasn't really walking right.
• 2:04:24
  SPEAKER_04: Uh and so he would call us and ask us to pray for him because he knew we were Christian now, and uh, but he um had a demonic attack where he was in this warfare in his apartment alone.
• 2:04:38
  SPEAKER_04: Um he felt possessed and there was this and he ended up hacking his wrist open, cutting the tendons all the way to the bone.
• 2:04:46
  SPEAKER_04: Like and he laid in his blood for like three days.
• 2:04:49
  SPEAKER_02: Oh my god.
• 2:04:51
  SPEAKER_04: And they they got festered and and um he got put into um a psych ward hospital.
• 2:04:58
  SPEAKER_04: They were gonna amputate his arms because it was so bad, but they saved his arms.
• 2:05:03
  SPEAKER_04: Um and he but he called us from the mental hospital uh and said he said because he heard my story and he said, you know, he said, I believe I believe in in in demons now.
• 2:05:16
  SPEAKER_04: I believe in God, I believe in the devil.
• 2:05:18
  SPEAKER_04: I know what you were talking about, Cole.
• 2:05:20
  SPEAKER_04: Um that happened to me.
• 2:05:23
  SPEAKER_04: And he came and lived with us.
• 2:05:25
  SPEAKER_04: Uh we we we went and picked him up from the hospital and brought him back to Tennessee.
• 2:05:31
  SPEAKER_04: Live he lived with us, and we we just loved on him, and and as he was healing from his wounds, he couldn't even shower without help, you know.
• 2:05:39
  SPEAKER_02: Oh yeah.
• 2:05:40
  SPEAKER_04: We just loved on him and he uh became born again.
• 2:05:46
  SPEAKER_04: He uh got delivered, massive deliverance from demons, where you know they throw him on the ground and slithering around like snakes, and that you know, these Christians cast devils out of him.
• 2:05:58
  SPEAKER_04: He it um and now he is um leading Bible studies, men's group.
• 2:06:02
  SPEAKER_04: He's like um on fire for the Lord.
• 2:06:05
  SPEAKER_04: He loves the Lord God and yeah, he's that's so that's that's the closest story I could give you of uh God pulling someone out of the fire.
• 2:06:16
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I mean, he does it all the time, but it's just like that, it's just crazy.
• 2:06:20
  SPEAKER_01: It's just so wild.
• 2:06:22
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I'm just so thankful that you survived all that.
• 2:06:25
  SPEAKER_01: Like, and oh my I mean, I'm sure, but it's just like holy moly.
• 2:06:30
  SPEAKER_01: When we were talking on the phone, you know, I didn't, you know, you never actually know what a story is until someone's really telling it.
• 2:06:37
  SPEAKER_01: And it's just oh my gosh, the darkness, just the utter darkness that he pulled you out of is absolutely amazing for sure.
• 2:06:45
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, I'm so grateful.
• 2:06:47
  SPEAKER_04: He loves us so much.
• 2:06:48
  SPEAKER_04: I know loves us, and God, you know, people think of God as having rules and this, but the rules are like to love, that's the rule.
• 2:06:57
  SPEAKER_04: Like I know to love the like one another.
• 2:07:01
  SPEAKER_04: Thank God that God cares so much about goodness.
• 2:07:05
  SPEAKER_04: He's like, in my heaven, there's not gonna be any evil.
• 2:07:08
  SPEAKER_04: Like, and so I'm gonna work on your character here on earth.
• 2:07:12
  SPEAKER_04: You've tasted what darkness is, you've got to chose, you know, by your free will, you've you've chosen.
• 2:07:18
  SPEAKER_04: So now, like, you know, that's what God, that's what this whole reality is about, is God purifying the heart for those who say yes.
• 2:07:28
  SPEAKER_04: I mean, and getting us ready for the eternal heaven that will have no darkness at all.
• 2:07:37
  SPEAKER_04: That everyone we're that all of our brothers and sisters will be a hundred percent trustworthy, completely devoid of any uh lies.
• 2:07:47
  SPEAKER_04: Everyone will have the best intentions will love one another forever and love God together and experience, you know.
• 2:07:54
  SPEAKER_04: The Bible says that no eye is seen, nor ear heard, or mind conceived what God has prepared for those who love him.
• 2:08:02
  SPEAKER_04: Like, boom.
• 2:08:03
  SPEAKER_00: Right?
• 2:08:04
  SPEAKER_04: It's mind-blowing.
• 2:08:05
  SPEAKER_00: If that's not a hippie festival, I don't know what is.
• 2:08:08
  SPEAKER_04: It's cool.
• 2:08:09
  SPEAKER_04: Come on, man.
• 2:08:10
  SPEAKER_04: It's awesome.
• 2:08:12
  SPEAKER_01: Oh man, thank you so much.
• 2:08:14
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you so much for coming on here and sharing your testimony.
• 2:08:17
  SPEAKER_01: I know.
• 2:08:18
  SPEAKER_03: Thank you so much.
• 2:08:19
  SPEAKER_03: Very welcome.
• 2:08:20
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, I'm honored and blessed.
• 2:08:21
  SPEAKER_01: Oh man, I can't, I just want to I want to have you come back on and like so.
• 2:08:25
  SPEAKER_01: Now it's funny because I tell people like, come on and tell me your testimony, but then let's talk about like crazy stuff.
• 2:08:32
  SPEAKER_04: There's a lot more stories.
• 2:08:33
  SPEAKER_04: I've had to trim a lot.
• 2:08:35
  SPEAKER_04: There's so much.
• 2:08:36
  SPEAKER_04: I'm I'm like writing a book and oh, that's exciting.
• 2:08:38
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, there's just so much.
• 2:08:40
  SPEAKER_01: But oh man, yeah.
• 2:08:42
  SPEAKER_01: Well, I'm definitely gonna have you come back on.
• 2:08:44
  SPEAKER_01: So why don't you, um, Cole, go ahead and share with everybody how they can find you.
• 2:08:48
  SPEAKER_01: How can we become magical ducklings?
• 2:08:51
  SPEAKER_01: I want to hear all about it.
• 2:08:52
  SPEAKER_01: So you can share it with everybody.
• 2:08:53
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 2:08:54
  SPEAKER_04: For sure.
• 2:08:54
  SPEAKER_04: Um, well, the uh our website is uh themagleducklings.com.
• 2:08:59
  SPEAKER_04: That's the music.
• 2:09:00
  SPEAKER_04: Um you can we've got a YouTube channel, The Magical Ducklings.
• 2:09:03
  SPEAKER_04: Um, you can hit me up if you want to um connect with me at info at the magical ducklings.
• 2:09:11
  SPEAKER_04: Um yeah, if you like the music, um we're if you if I would say if anyone's interested in um helping uh uh who are Christians who want to get into ministering at the festival scene, that um the barroof, the the what we do is a very good place to do because it's a very um it's not that intense.
• 2:09:30
  SPEAKER_04: It's not like going to Burning Man.
• 2:09:33
  SPEAKER_04: Right.
• 2:09:33
  SPEAKER_04: Um it's it's very much a safe space for you know helping because we're we're on the edge, we're not in the festival, but we're right near the camping.
• 2:09:44
  SPEAKER_04: Okay.
• 2:09:45
  SPEAKER_04: We're on the trail that everyone walks into the camp spot.
• 2:09:49
  SPEAKER_04: So it's very cool.
• 2:09:50
  SPEAKER_04: Um, a lot of loving, you know, it's just a safe place to really um minister.
• 2:09:55
  SPEAKER_04: So um I would say go to um love at roo um dot org is the organization that we're part of.
• 2:10:05
  SPEAKER_04: Um so yeah, that's great info.
• 2:10:08
  SPEAKER_01: Cool, and I'll definitely put that in the description for everybody.
• 2:10:11
  SPEAKER_01: So Cole, thank you.
• 2:10:12
  SPEAKER_04: Oh yeah, go ahead.
• 2:10:13
  SPEAKER_04: Oh, just and uh we are doing um a surround a Dolby Atmos surround sound live performance every night at Bonnaroo in our in our bohemian tent that uh has like 12 speakers all around you, um 2 a.m.
• 2:10:30
  SPEAKER_04: to 4 p.m.
• 2:10:31
  SPEAKER_04: 30.
• 2:10:32
  SPEAKER_00: So oh man, I thought I was a big hippie.
• 2:10:34
  SPEAKER_01: You got me beat, Cole.
• 2:10:37
  SPEAKER_03: It's gonna be cool.
• 2:10:38
  SPEAKER_01: I'm so excited.
• 2:10:39
  SPEAKER_01: Oh yeah, uh, definitely I'm gonna put all that in the description for sure.
• 2:10:44
  SPEAKER_01: Um well, Cole, thank you so much.
• 2:10:46
  SPEAKER_01: All right, and guys, thank you so much for listening.
• 2:10:49
  SPEAKER_01: Until next time, remember the truth is out there, God is with you, and everyone always ends up in the kitchen.
• 2:11:12
  SPEAKER_01: You have been listening to Sasquatch and Sourdough.
• 2:11:15
  SPEAKER_01: I'm Christina, and thank you so much for tuning in.
• 2:11:18
  SPEAKER_01: Sasquatch and Sourdough is so much more than just a podcast.
• 2:11:22
  SPEAKER_01: We are a community of kindred spirits, united by our curiosity and fascination with the extraordinary.
• 2:11:28
  SPEAKER_01: And we want to bring you into the conversation.
• 2:11:31
  SPEAKER_01: So whether you've had a brush with the unexplainable, seen something that you can't quite wrap your head around, this is your space.
• 2:11:40
  SPEAKER_01: We invite you to join us as we break bread and break down the barriers between the known and the unknown.
• 2:11:46
  SPEAKER_01: If you want to share your story, you can email us at sasquatch and sourdough at gmail.com or send us a DM on Instagram.
• 2:11:53
  SPEAKER_01: Until next time, remember the truth is out there.
• 2:11:57
  SPEAKER_01: God is with you, and everyone always ends up in the kitchen.