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Monday Mini: Unboxing Gifting Dynamics · Stuff Mom Never Told You

0:05
Speaker 1: Hey, this is Annie and Samantha and welcome to stuff
0:07
Speaker 1: we never told you picture of iHeart Radio and uh,
0:20
Speaker 1: if you've listened to our recent episodes, we are in
0:22
Speaker 1: the final stretch listeners of the year. This is our
0:25
Speaker 1: last recording session, I believe, and there's something wild. I mean,
0:30
Speaker 1: we've had some some technical issues this year, so mate,
0:33
Speaker 1: it's possible that too, lovely, Gosh, my birthday will never
0:38
Speaker 1: be the same anyway, So we've already had some some mishaps,
0:43
Speaker 1: but we're powering through, and we're powering through with this
0:46
Speaker 1: episode that I think we could come back and revisit
0:48
Speaker 1: in a much more research episode, But for today, we're
0:51
Speaker 1: just going to kind of have an informal discussion around
0:55
Speaker 1: gift giving and some of the interesting, interesting i'll say,
0:59
Speaker 1: dynamics that can occur with gift giving since a lot
1:03
Speaker 1: of us are in in that season where you're buying
1:07
Speaker 1: gifts frantically. I gosh, I spent like three hours wrapping
1:11
Speaker 1: gifts the other day in my back, my back, but
1:16
Speaker 1: the gifts look great except on the bottom not good. Um,
1:19
Speaker 1: but you know you put on the floor, they can't
1:21
Speaker 1: see that, right, I'll let you listeners. Oh yeah, Okay,
1:25
Speaker 1: that's okay. Um, we need to be more honest about
1:28
Speaker 1: all of this, which is what we're talking about. So
1:32
Speaker 1: this is meant to be kind of more of a
1:35
Speaker 1: humorous thing. Though a lot of what we're talking about stinks, um,
1:39
Speaker 1: But there are larger issues here, especially around money, especially
1:43
Speaker 1: around a lot of things we're going to talk about
1:44
Speaker 1: that we could explore in more depths. So I just
1:46
Speaker 1: want to say that we're more and more just talking
1:47
Speaker 1: about our anecdotal stories and experiences. Um. Yeah, honestly, I
1:53
Speaker 1: know you said that this came from the story that
1:58
Speaker 1: I was told I had told for my birthday, And
2:02
Speaker 1: just to kind of put it loosely, essentially, my relationship
2:06
Speaker 1: with my family has been a little difficult in the
2:08
Speaker 1: last ten years. I have changed a lot, and I
2:10
Speaker 1: will say they have not. And I did not realize
2:13
Speaker 1: the differences that we had because for so long I
2:16
Speaker 1: was trying to acclimate to their beliefs, um to their standards,
2:21
Speaker 1: which I find problematic. Um, and I think most people
2:25
Speaker 1: in our listenership would find problematic. Uh. They are that
2:30
Speaker 1: modern racist where they feel like what they're thinking is
2:33
Speaker 1: not as bad as way back when, So therefore their
2:36
Speaker 1: opinions are not that bad, which I would disagree with wholeheartedly,
2:41
Speaker 1: especially today as we've come full circle to a lot
2:44
Speaker 1: of that same issues that you know we've talked been
2:46
Speaker 1: talking about for the last hundred years. Honestly, right, um
2:51
Speaker 1: and I say we as in like the all of
2:55
Speaker 1: people in this fight, not me personally, I have I
2:57
Speaker 1: am not a hundred years old. Let's go ahead and
2:59
Speaker 1: put that out there just case that is a confusing statement. Um.
3:03
Speaker 1: And I was getting older and actually having money and
3:06
Speaker 1: coming into my own adulthood, in my own independence I have.
3:11
Speaker 1: I feel like I have up my game in gift giving,
3:14
Speaker 1: which I was pretty proud of. I will say again,
3:17
Speaker 1: last year talked about the money a lot of that
3:19
Speaker 1: because I could not afford to give the things that
3:21
Speaker 1: I truly want, and so I I think I'm a
3:24
Speaker 1: pretty good gift giver. So I tried my best to
3:26
Speaker 1: do all of these things. And as of reason, I
3:29
Speaker 1: haven't seen my parents as much as they would like
3:32
Speaker 1: me to. We've kind of gotten distant again, not only
3:35
Speaker 1: because of our beliefs, but when it comes down to
3:37
Speaker 1: the pandemic, our attitudes have been different. Um. And so
3:40
Speaker 1: therefore we have not seen each other. Their fiftieth anniversary happened,
3:45
Speaker 1: and I did not go because it was in the
3:47
Speaker 1: middle of the pandemic. They went forward because celebrating to
3:50
Speaker 1: them was more important than the health of others. And
3:52
Speaker 1: I felt that was not as important from my standpoint,
3:55
Speaker 1: because if I were to get someone sick, I would
3:58
Speaker 1: be wrought with guilt, like because that point there was
4:00
Speaker 1: no vaccine. All these things, so that there was a
4:03
Speaker 1: big wedge. And it's it's understandable on both ends, if
4:08
Speaker 1: that makes sense. If the FIFTI year anniversary, which it is,
4:10
Speaker 1: it's a big thing. It's important your daughter who did
4:14
Speaker 1: not show up what feels a slight to them, and
4:17
Speaker 1: I think it did. All these things happened um as
4:21
Speaker 1: we finally came together. I should try to make things.
4:23
Speaker 1: You know, with gift giving, you can't buy love. I
4:25
Speaker 1: know this, but I'm trying to show that. I Hey,
4:27
Speaker 1: I know you, I thought about this for you, whatever whatnot.
4:30
Speaker 1: I went home and typically when for our celebration, because
4:33
Speaker 1: we don't see each other all the time, I live
4:35
Speaker 1: an hour and a half away. Everybody's busy, like they
4:39
Speaker 1: celebrate birthdays. But at the beginning of months and September.
4:42
Speaker 1: You you know, this is heavy with birthdays and celebrations
4:46
Speaker 1: and minds included. My mom's who is included, is included.
4:49
Speaker 1: Their anniversary was included. So I assumed we were all
4:52
Speaker 1: celebrating that I showed up, I had all the guests ready.
4:55
Speaker 1: My partner, you know, came in. We were very excited,
4:58
Speaker 1: and they kind of didn't have anything for me, which
5:01
Speaker 1: was surprising because I've talked about the fact that they
5:03
Speaker 1: used to make me cheesecake every year and it was
5:04
Speaker 1: just a tradition that didn't happen. Um, they were kind
5:08
Speaker 1: of surprised that I came in, but it was like
5:10
Speaker 1: two days before the anniversary, so of course I've brought
5:12
Speaker 1: them an anniversary gift that I came in with all
5:14
Speaker 1: these gifts. I was like, I'm not gonna see if
5:15
Speaker 1: your birthday, here's this and this, and they were like, oh, well,
5:19
Speaker 1: well we'll send you a gift, which was so awkward.
5:22
Speaker 1: So none, nothing happened because I literally prepared my partner,
5:25
Speaker 1: We're gonna get a cheesecake. And this is why I
5:26
Speaker 1: think my mom's doing the celebration as it's an assumption
5:30
Speaker 1: and I strongly apparently and so none of that happened,
5:33
Speaker 1: and I was like, oh, okay, well that that felt weird.
5:39
Speaker 1: And this happened after an instance in which this is
5:43
Speaker 1: I was not not it's not as humorous. It's not
5:44
Speaker 1: as humorous. I wish it was, but it's it kind
5:47
Speaker 1: of I kind of got mothered as in like they
5:49
Speaker 1: talked about my grandparent, who was really close to at
5:51
Speaker 1: one point, like before their death, and I still missed
5:53
Speaker 1: them very much. And there was my niece and myself
5:56
Speaker 1: and we were talking about it, and at one point
5:57
Speaker 1: she she my mother went as actually saying saying that
6:01
Speaker 1: it was my sister's grandmother, not mine, and to the
6:03
Speaker 1: point that my niece had to defend me. And I
6:04
Speaker 1: was like, wow, what just happened? Okay, like it was
6:09
Speaker 1: the and I was never had that happened in my
6:11
Speaker 1: life until that point to my face that that's to
6:13
Speaker 1: my friends. So that's the whole thing. So all these
6:16
Speaker 1: things were like hints that the things were changing, and
6:18
Speaker 1: I was like, I don't know what to do about this.
6:20
Speaker 1: And so for my birthday, I get my call to
6:23
Speaker 1: my mom. She was like, oh, we got your birthday present.
6:25
Speaker 1: It should be coming. It should be coming. I was
6:26
Speaker 1: like oh cool cool. My thought is they always give
6:29
Speaker 1: me gift cards. Cool. I love that. Give me that. No,
6:31
Speaker 1: not a good deal. I love the gift cars. Give
6:33
Speaker 1: it to me. I'll spend that. Wait and waited. It
6:36
Speaker 1: was late, it was late, it was late, and finally
6:37
Speaker 1: showed up. I kind of looked at it and I
6:42
Speaker 1: opened it up, and it was a nice like one
6:44
Speaker 1: of those gifts giving places, obviously, like they that's their
6:46
Speaker 1: whole thing. If you look up nice gifts to send,
6:50
Speaker 1: this is going to be one of those places. It
6:52
Speaker 1: is like like baskets of things, themed things, you know,
6:55
Speaker 1: stuff like that. And it was literally a tray of
6:58
Speaker 1: dried fruit. And I set and stared at it, and
7:01
Speaker 1: I looked at my partner because both of us were
7:04
Speaker 1: like what Because I have never in my life said
7:07
Speaker 1: anything that I like dried fruit. I've never in my
7:09
Speaker 1: life said anything about this company. So it made no
7:12
Speaker 1: sense for my mother, who typically is a really great
7:14
Speaker 1: gift giver that she's amazing and very considerate for the
7:17
Speaker 1: most part, that I just sat there and I laughed,
7:23
Speaker 1: and I was like, what am I supposed to do
7:25
Speaker 1: with this? I don't eat this, I don't do this.
7:27
Speaker 1: And when I looked it up. I was like, it's
7:29
Speaker 1: a nice gift for someone you don't know. It's literally
7:32
Speaker 1: like if you're sending it to an older person or
7:35
Speaker 1: someone that you had not seen, it was a condolence's
7:38
Speaker 1: gift essentially, right, it's nothing. And I was just like, oh,
7:44
Speaker 1: I think they are really mad at me. Like that's
7:47
Speaker 1: all I could think was this was one of those
7:49
Speaker 1: last minute they forgot I did something super super nice.
7:53
Speaker 1: They were not going to do anything. They were just
7:55
Speaker 1: gonna or very minimal to anything, and that was the end.
7:59
Speaker 1: So essentially I was like huh huh, and I'm trying
8:04
Speaker 1: to figure it out, to the point that I was
8:06
Speaker 1: so taken aback that I did not immediately called them.
8:10
Speaker 1: I finally did, and I got a voicemail, and then
8:12
Speaker 1: I kind of never talked about it again, and then
8:14
Speaker 1: my dad asked about it because I could tell my
8:16
Speaker 1: dad was hurt that I was not appreciative that they
8:18
Speaker 1: sent me a gift, and that it probably bothered my mother,
8:22
Speaker 1: especially because she was really worried it wasn't get to me.
8:24
Speaker 1: So I really think it was well intended, but felt
8:28
Speaker 1: like it's something you give to a stranger, right, Yeah.
8:32
Speaker 1: So this started this whole moment of like wow, and
8:35
Speaker 1: I know, just a gift, but it felt like it
8:38
Speaker 1: was a testament to our relationship, right right. And that's
8:41
Speaker 1: the thing. That's the thing, because originally when you told
8:43
Speaker 1: me this story, we kind of joked about, like your
8:45
Speaker 1: bitter fields. It's still here, by the way, it hasn't.
8:48
Speaker 1: I think one person touched it when I set it
8:50
Speaker 1: out for a party. I was there and I was
8:54
Speaker 1: trying to be very delicate about it. I'm not sure
8:56
Speaker 1: I did. And we talked about gift giving and especially
9:12
Speaker 1: gift giving with women before we called it passive aggressive
9:16
Speaker 1: gift giving, and just all these dynamics we're going to
9:18
Speaker 1: run through some really quick. I did want to share
9:20
Speaker 1: I have a story that's similar. But it's also funny
9:23
Speaker 1: to me because we recently, Smith and I did kind
9:25
Speaker 1: of a comparison of the holiday movies we watched every year,
9:27
Speaker 1: and the differences between them are clear and made me laugh. Um.
9:33
Speaker 1: But one big theme in a lot of the movies
9:35
Speaker 1: I watch is the dad who's never there finally is like,
9:38
Speaker 1: oh God, the power of Christmas, let me get this
9:40
Speaker 1: gift to you. Um, but like did the bare minimum,
9:43
Speaker 1: let's be honest, like he should have done that forever ago,
9:47
Speaker 1: given the circumstances he had. It was just that he
9:51
Speaker 1: wasn't there. But my dad once was not there on
9:54
Speaker 1: Christmas Eve. I didn't give an explanation why, but we
9:58
Speaker 1: all knew what it was. And then it came back
10:01
Speaker 1: and he was like, I was out getting your Christmas gifts.
10:03
Speaker 1: He didn't even wrap it, and it was a football
10:06
Speaker 1: and manager football that I believe they hand out for
10:08
Speaker 1: free football games. Yes, they throw it to the stands.
10:12
Speaker 1: And I was a grown ass woman at this pointlessness
10:16
Speaker 1: who had never shown any interest in football, Like nothing
10:20
Speaker 1: would have been better at that point, thank you. Yes. Essentially,
10:25
Speaker 1: it's kind of like that level of like, I don't
10:28
Speaker 1: know what her thought process was and I could be
10:32
Speaker 1: taking it completely out of context, and that she literally
10:35
Speaker 1: looked up something different. She wanted to give me something
10:38
Speaker 1: different gift cards, and when she googled it on her
10:43
Speaker 1: phone in her limited experience in technical prowess, this is
10:48
Speaker 1: what popped up because it was one of those things
10:49
Speaker 1: that first popped up as an act that that and
10:53
Speaker 1: that's why she's like perfect, which is hilarious because growing
10:55
Speaker 1: up I did love fresh fruit I was very, very
10:59
Speaker 1: obsessed with fresh fruit, to the point that it was
11:01
Speaker 1: because it was expensive, which it shouldn't be. UM, So
11:03
Speaker 1: my pot parents didn't get it often because it wasn't
11:06
Speaker 1: as sustainable as getting any of these dry things or
11:10
Speaker 1: boxed things, um, a lot of artificial stuff. So she knows,
11:14
Speaker 1: I'm like fresh fruit, which is an option in those beasts.
11:18
Speaker 1: So I'm like, even that would have made a lot
11:21
Speaker 1: more sense, right right, Well, this is you know, we're
11:26
Speaker 1: talking a lot about all the kind of like parents relationship,
11:30
Speaker 1: but it is a big deal with like couples as well.
11:32
Speaker 1: And then you see that so many times in sitcoms
11:35
Speaker 1: where it's like you gave me this, like you haven't
11:38
Speaker 1: been listening to me, you didn't pay attention to me,
11:40
Speaker 1: this is what you thought I wanted. And speaking of that, like,
11:44
Speaker 1: we see that a lot with women, particularly on sitcoms,
11:46
Speaker 1: I think, And so I was just thinking of a
11:48
Speaker 1: couple of examples, like, for one, you know, there's a
11:51
Speaker 1: lot of gendered gift giving and a lot of maybe
11:55
Speaker 1: not well thought out gift giving when it comes to women.
11:57
Speaker 1: And one big joke is like when you give a
11:59
Speaker 1: wee in a vacuum or some kind of like cleaning,
12:02
Speaker 1: like this is a thing you're gonna have to do,
12:03
Speaker 1: which I will say, don't get me wrong. If you
12:05
Speaker 1: asked for a vacuum, you want a good vacuum, that's great,
12:08
Speaker 1: good vacuum. I'm looking for a good stick vacuum, right,
12:11
Speaker 1: Like you can actually want that. But a lot of
12:12
Speaker 1: times it would just be like the house is dirty,
12:15
Speaker 1: you're the one that cleans it. Here's a vacuum, like
12:18
Speaker 1: kind of that underlying message, this is not what I
12:22
Speaker 1: asked for, right, And like There's in Love actually, which
12:26
Speaker 1: was one of the movies that I made you watch.
12:29
Speaker 1: That the fact that uh, Emma Thompson's character which she
12:33
Speaker 1: saw I knew something was wrong. I know that's heartbreaking,
12:41
Speaker 1: I know, but I mean that's the same thing. Like
12:44
Speaker 1: my mom would always tell my dad, like I want this,
12:47
Speaker 1: which we all do, but she would like go out
12:48
Speaker 1: and buy it herself. She would buy it and then
12:50
Speaker 1: wrap her own present, which is like, you know, again,
12:55
Speaker 1: if that's what you want and that works for you,
12:57
Speaker 1: and communicated it fine, But to me, it just felt
12:59
Speaker 1: like he was not going to do it. He was
13:01
Speaker 1: not going to get her something she actually wanted. So
13:03
Speaker 1: she had to go out and buy the thing and
13:05
Speaker 1: then wrap it herself. Yeah, and then a couple of
13:11
Speaker 1: years ago, oh peloton oh peloton um not having a
13:15
Speaker 1: good time of it. But like, that's a big theme
13:18
Speaker 1: I see with gifting and women, which can feel very
13:22
Speaker 1: either passive, aggressive or outright offensive. Because there was that
13:25
Speaker 1: commercial that it was like the husband gave his wife,
13:29
Speaker 1: who was very thin, a peloton and like, you'll be
13:33
Speaker 1: able to get in shape finally, honey. And again, if
13:36
Speaker 1: that's what you want, if you want to feel better,
13:39
Speaker 1: be healthy, that's fine, but it was much more framed
13:41
Speaker 1: and like you need to lose weight for right, right,
13:45
Speaker 1: and for our family, and you need to do this
13:47
Speaker 1: in the waking hours when you don't have to like
13:51
Speaker 1: right like spit this into your schedule, and then it doesn't.
13:54
Speaker 1: Like cut to a year later and she's like supposed
13:57
Speaker 1: to be so much more fit, you're like you looked,
14:00
Speaker 1: and then cut to Ryan Reynolds taking her off the
14:04
Speaker 1: same actress and it looking like he had been in
14:06
Speaker 1: like a hostage situation. I mean, yeah, I mean that's
14:09
Speaker 1: the thing I've seen that happen to, where people give
14:12
Speaker 1: those kinds of gifts, which I can't hark on this enough.
14:16
Speaker 1: If that's something you want, that's fine, But I were
14:17
Speaker 1: more talking about sort of the when a gift is
14:20
Speaker 1: more about you and it's about yes. Oh that is
14:25
Speaker 1: a big one Victoria's secret around this time of year,
14:28
Speaker 1: it's like the only time you see a lot of
14:30
Speaker 1: men in there. They sounded reason. Uh, yeah, that's a
14:35
Speaker 1: good point. My uncle gave me clothes from the maternity
14:38
Speaker 1: section once, and I have to feel like that was
14:40
Speaker 1: a very mean spirited gifts because he said something like,
14:47
Speaker 1: I wasn't sure if anything else would fit you. Is
14:53
Speaker 1: this the same uncle that I have problems with? It could? Well,
14:57
Speaker 1: I think you have problems with multiple of my uncle. Yeah.
14:59
Speaker 1: That your family is fun. It's it's a yeah, you
15:04
Speaker 1: know it's so. But the I don't know. Our families
15:09
Speaker 1: are amazing. Families are amazing. Yeah, yeah, Like that's the
15:15
Speaker 1: thing is like my mother also not because I don't
15:18
Speaker 1: have a lot of relationship content to that that gifts
15:21
Speaker 1: that I've typically gotten from any partners. I don't think
15:23
Speaker 1: I've had many partners during Christmas. I purposely stayed away
15:26
Speaker 1: from partners through Christmas. Um but like like my experiences
15:31
Speaker 1: that had been like because I don't like Christmas. Um,
15:34
Speaker 1: I've been giving gifts to make me try to like Christmas,
15:36
Speaker 1: and like this is this is not gonna work because
15:38
Speaker 1: I don't. I'm not religious. I've been given religious gifts
15:41
Speaker 1: to change my ways. That's just more than one person
15:44
Speaker 1: on that one. But that's like, why why would you
15:47
Speaker 1: do this? Like why would you make me really despise
15:50
Speaker 1: you more right doing this to me? Yeah, for sure.
15:55
Speaker 1: And when you bought up that I had totally forgotten about.
15:57
Speaker 1: Is um married gifts? The gifts there once you get married?
16:04
Speaker 1: I mean honestly, because I said this is a sex
16:06
Speaker 1: in the City episode. But we've heard so many times
16:08
Speaker 1: we have put this away for your wedding, we have
16:11
Speaker 1: put this away for your this that you have to
16:14
Speaker 1: hit a specific mark. And I've thought about that because
16:16
Speaker 1: I know, no shade, because I'm happy for people like
16:21
Speaker 1: they have saved money a lot of the tradition for weddings.
16:25
Speaker 1: So therefore, um, my sister had a budget specifically pay
16:29
Speaker 1: for by my parents. I will never see that money
16:32
Speaker 1: unless I get married, and even then, I think I'm
16:34
Speaker 1: an adult now, so I probably won't because she was
16:36
Speaker 1: not necessarily like in career life yet when you got married. Um,
16:41
Speaker 1: but like we know that's a lot of people that
16:44
Speaker 1: especially when it's the brideside, which is a whole different
16:46
Speaker 1: conversation in itself, but like the tradition is that the
16:49
Speaker 1: bride's family pays for the wedding. I think it has
16:52
Speaker 1: a lot to do with a dowry way back when. Um,
16:56
Speaker 1: but like that's that level of like, I've saved this
16:58
Speaker 1: for your wedding, so nless you do this, you're not
17:01
Speaker 1: going to get this. In the Sex and the City's episode,
17:04
Speaker 1: it literally was that like, once you get married, you'll
17:06
Speaker 1: get part of my fortune. But if you never get married,
17:08
Speaker 1: you're never going to get it. Yeah, and that's so strange.
17:12
Speaker 1: That's such a like I feel my mom had a
17:16
Speaker 1: lot of that kind of stuff, which I've always been
17:18
Speaker 1: quizzical about with, um, like plates, Like when she got married,
17:24
Speaker 1: she got of a bunch of like nice silverware and
17:27
Speaker 1: nice plates and stuff. And I like that's nice in
17:30
Speaker 1: one level of Okay, you're married now and you can
17:32
Speaker 1: have that, But it's also like what if they never
17:34
Speaker 1: got married but there's still in a state relationship, Well,
17:37
Speaker 1: then then that's kind of goes into the like wedding,
17:41
Speaker 1: bridal showers and baby showers. I have given so much
17:45
Speaker 1: money to friends for wedding gifts, baby gives all these things,
17:50
Speaker 1: and I have never once thrown any of those kind
17:52
Speaker 1: of parties. Where's my house formation? Yeah, no, it's true,
17:59
Speaker 1: it's true. Oh gosh um. And then I did want
18:05
Speaker 1: to mention just because this is a huge thing during
18:08
Speaker 1: this time as well, with gifts like gender gift giving.
18:12
Speaker 1: I have recently come across several that are aimed at
18:15
Speaker 1: men because, as I told you, a friend of mine
18:18
Speaker 1: got me these Star Wars themed soaps because of course,
18:22
Speaker 1: and she didn't realize when she gave them to me,
18:25
Speaker 1: but they're for men. It says like four men, which
18:29
Speaker 1: cracks me up because it's like, one, you're trying to
18:32
Speaker 1: trick men into like buying soaps so they'll be clean,
18:35
Speaker 1: I guess. But two, it's implying that Star Wars isn't
18:39
Speaker 1: for women once again. Once again. Yes, but also they
18:44
Speaker 1: smell really good. I'm excited to use them. It just
18:45
Speaker 1: makes me laugh. I'm like, it's sad, but it's so
18:48
Speaker 1: funny to me that it like literally says soaps for men.
18:54
Speaker 1: You don't want to use those soaps for women obviously,
18:57
Speaker 1: like the Dude Wife, they're obviously only for men to
18:59
Speaker 1: wipe everything else as women's even though there's no gender
19:04
Speaker 1: outside of that, there's no women's wipes outside of being
19:07
Speaker 1: like douche products, which we don't love anyway, which no
19:09
Speaker 1: one should be using them, but like any of the
19:12
Speaker 1: like cottonell all that, which also are bad for the environment,
19:16
Speaker 1: bad dubs, but dude wipe just because right well, and
19:21
Speaker 1: there's just so much like it's such a clear time
19:25
Speaker 1: when you look at gifts to see that the ginger
19:28
Speaker 1: provides that still exist based on what gifts are, like
19:31
Speaker 1: the user manly man gifts you get this, and these
19:33
Speaker 1: are for women, you get this, and like it's still
19:36
Speaker 1: even when you come to children, which we've done multiple
19:38
Speaker 1: episodes on, like the gendering of children's toys, it's still
19:41
Speaker 1: like women kind of doing how domestic stuff and men
19:47
Speaker 1: drinking whiskey and grilling out. Yes, that's which makes me
19:52
Speaker 1: laugh because yeah, all of them are like brown leather
19:55
Speaker 1: or any of those things. And you're like, but why
19:59
Speaker 1: also I like whiskey. I'm confused. I know we need
20:02
Speaker 1: to we need to put it into this okay, and
20:21
Speaker 1: then I did briefly want to talk about regifting, which
20:24
Speaker 1: I'm actually not opposed to regifting without disclosing I think
20:28
Speaker 1: is the issue. I don't know if it's something like
20:33
Speaker 1: we've definitely gotten things that we are supposed to endorse
20:37
Speaker 1: that we're like, we're not going to use this. What
20:40
Speaker 1: I have to do. Is it a really re gift,
20:41
Speaker 1: I'm probably just gonna give it away. Um, and then gifts, Yeah,
20:46
Speaker 1: it is. It's different, but I've definitely had those moments.
20:48
Speaker 1: When I was younger and I was making twenty nine
20:51
Speaker 1: thousand a year, I had three nieces and nephews had
20:54
Speaker 1: been given gift cards from people that I'm like, okay,
20:56
Speaker 1: want to use this for them, and they would use it,
20:59
Speaker 1: so they're like, this is that gift that makes it
21:01
Speaker 1: easier for me? Yeah? Yeah, Like I said, I'm not
21:04
Speaker 1: really opposed. I think what I'm specifically thinking about there's
21:07
Speaker 1: an episode of sign felt for this place out. It's
21:09
Speaker 1: more in a like romantic relationship. That's fair, yeah, but
21:13
Speaker 1: I do. I want to mention this because when I
21:15
Speaker 1: was very young, I didn't have any money, but I
21:17
Speaker 1: was I've actually I did have money, but I didn't
21:20
Speaker 1: spend it. Maybe that's the issue. But I regifted all
21:24
Speaker 1: of these things to my relatives and I made them
21:26
Speaker 1: a bunch of gifts. And I was nine years old
21:29
Speaker 1: because I wanted to give everybody a gift and I
21:31
Speaker 1: over them making fun of me. Yeah, And so now
21:37
Speaker 1: it's become like I I I can't forget that conversation.
21:41
Speaker 1: It haunts me, and so I feel like part of
21:44
Speaker 1: the reason I I go out of the way with gifts,
21:47
Speaker 1: which I feel I'm pretty good with my friends. My
21:49
Speaker 1: friends not so much, but with my family, I feel
21:54
Speaker 1: like I'm pretty good. But you know, but that's the thing,
21:58
Speaker 1: is I it's turned in too because of like, at
22:02
Speaker 1: least in part because of this memory, I have to
22:05
Speaker 1: redeem myself even though I was like nine, And what
22:08
Speaker 1: does it matter, Like, honestly, I've never had that kind
22:11
Speaker 1: of traumatic experience that I would be traumatized by that
22:14
Speaker 1: for real, for real, like it would see her into
22:15
Speaker 1: my memory. Obviously has to you, but for me, like
22:19
Speaker 1: it's literally that level of I want to be able
22:21
Speaker 1: to give anything I want to give without without question.
22:25
Speaker 1: And again, like, not until recently have I been able
22:28
Speaker 1: to have the capability to do so um, but I
22:31
Speaker 1: still have to rein it in because there's this level
22:34
Speaker 1: of disparity when it comes to what you're giving and
22:37
Speaker 1: what you're getting, and so you don't want to make
22:39
Speaker 1: the other person feel worse. And I would be that person.
22:42
Speaker 1: If you can say something amazing and I gave you
22:44
Speaker 1: something minute, Oh right, damn it, what do I do?
22:47
Speaker 1: It's kind of like that Office episode which he brings
22:50
Speaker 1: the iPod Touch, which is like two hundred dollars, and
22:53
Speaker 1: everybody's like, we're supposed to spend twenty dollars. Why are
22:55
Speaker 1: you doing this? And he makes a big deal. Not
22:58
Speaker 1: that I made the big deal, but you don't want
23:00
Speaker 1: that to happen either. It's such a bad balance, Like
23:03
Speaker 1: gift givings feels so awful, which I just read a
23:06
Speaker 1: tradition in Iceland that I'm like, maybe we should do this,
23:09
Speaker 1: you know what I'm talking about, essentially the night before
23:12
Speaker 1: Christmas or maybe some New Year's I can't remember, in
23:16
Speaker 1: which instead of giving all these big gifts, you just
23:18
Speaker 1: give books and what you do is to sit around
23:20
Speaker 1: as a family reading your own books. That's the it,
23:24
Speaker 1: that's it, And I'm like, that's sounds amazing. That Yeah.
23:30
Speaker 1: I mean no, that's a good point because I think,
23:33
Speaker 1: just to wrap this up, um, there is a stress
23:37
Speaker 1: around finance, and sometimes I get the I was talking
23:42
Speaker 1: about this with some friends of mine the other day
23:44
Speaker 1: because I'm of the opinion like I love giving gifts.
23:47
Speaker 1: I love getting gifts, but I don't like it if
23:50
Speaker 1: you're just doing it to do it, like oh, I
23:52
Speaker 1: have to do it, and I have to find you
23:53
Speaker 1: a gift, and I know it's not perfect for you,
23:55
Speaker 1: but I can't think of anything else. I would much
23:57
Speaker 1: rather like throughout the year see something to be like,
23:59
Speaker 1: oh Samantha, with the of that, I'm going to get
24:00
Speaker 1: that and give it to her um, as opposed to like,
24:03
Speaker 1: oh god, it's December. I can't think of a single thing,
24:07
Speaker 1: which is why I have my post it note where
24:08
Speaker 1: I make notes throughout the year. But you know, I
24:11
Speaker 1: do like that idea, and that's why my group of
24:13
Speaker 1: friends that I've grown up with we had a rule
24:16
Speaker 1: where you couldn't spend any money. It was like a
24:18
Speaker 1: re gifting or if you found something and I loved it,
24:21
Speaker 1: you got the most interesting gifts. I got a big
24:24
Speaker 1: bird ornament that had its legs broken off. And I
24:27
Speaker 1: love it. How did you find that I love it?
24:32
Speaker 1: That's interesting. I feel like that I had been they
24:34
Speaker 1: to get out of a trash can and I like it.
24:36
Speaker 1: There you go, oh I love it. I legitimately love
24:39
Speaker 1: it because it's just so when I opened it, of
24:42
Speaker 1: course I have to laugh. Amazing. But that's the thing, Like, yeah,
24:47
Speaker 1: that's And then also having that clear communication of like
24:51
Speaker 1: doing gifts, like I think you're a guest person, but
24:54
Speaker 1: you don't like I'm a good person, right, You do
24:56
Speaker 1: need to have that conversation, and I think it is
24:59
Speaker 1: it's good to established because I've seen that play out
25:02
Speaker 1: in rom comms as well, where they're like, oh, we're
25:04
Speaker 1: not doing gifts, and then one of them gets a
25:06
Speaker 1: gift and then the other person is just mad because
25:07
Speaker 1: you agreed not to get into gifts. Like I think
25:10
Speaker 1: you need to be very clear on those kinds of parameters,
25:14
Speaker 1: because I mean, this is supposed to be a fun,
25:17
Speaker 1: nice thing, and I think it can be. But clearly
25:18
Speaker 1: there's a lot of because I feel like the capitalism
25:22
Speaker 1: of it all makes it a little more. It takes
25:24
Speaker 1: out the magic. Sometimes I will say I do want
25:27
Speaker 1: to redeem the story about my bitter fruit, my better
25:31
Speaker 1: drive fruit in that that I think my parents have
25:35
Speaker 1: come background in that, oh this is something else that
25:39
Speaker 1: maybe we should go back to what it was with Christmas.
25:41
Speaker 1: They've kind of done some things, and they've actually done
25:43
Speaker 1: some really good boundaries for themselves because they have so
25:45
Speaker 1: many grandkids, step kids, like family members that they are
25:49
Speaker 1: trying to give for and they're retired and they don't
25:50
Speaker 1: need to be doing it bad. I don't want to
25:52
Speaker 1: seem like I'm being ungrateful because I know that at
25:55
Speaker 1: least they tried. I do, and I've tried to come
25:57
Speaker 1: back to that, but it was so out of left
25:59
Speaker 1: bill and so um not pertaining to me that it felt, uh,
26:03
Speaker 1: it felt like it was passive aggressive. And again, this
26:07
Speaker 1: is my own feelings and I have to like own that.
26:11
Speaker 1: But I do know that my mother, like I said,
26:13
Speaker 1: has been an amazing person when it comes to ghosts.
26:16
Speaker 1: My dad is very sentimental, but he doesn't buy things necessarily.
26:18
Speaker 1: He likes the moment um. But my mom, she really
26:22
Speaker 1: does put an effort to the point that she makes
26:23
Speaker 1: herself so ancious that she hates everything and BT dubs.
26:27
Speaker 1: She's probably one of the most crafty people I've seen
26:30
Speaker 1: in my life. Her packages look like they need to
26:32
Speaker 1: be in shopping malls as displays, Like you don't want
26:35
Speaker 1: to open her presence. It's one of those you have
26:38
Speaker 1: big floral ribbons with like thecre pine cones mistletoe in there.
26:42
Speaker 1: You're like, what the hell is happening with this package?
26:45
Speaker 1: So she is that person. So I feel like it
26:47
Speaker 1: does come back around. But there is a lot to
26:49
Speaker 1: be said that when it comes to gift giving and
26:53
Speaker 1: if you're trying to be sentimental and trying to knowing somebody,
26:56
Speaker 1: and some people are good and some people aren't. That's
26:58
Speaker 1: the thing there is. It was, it is an art
27:00
Speaker 1: to it. It is, yes, and I don't want to ever.
27:06
Speaker 1: As we said, we were kind of just having an
27:07
Speaker 1: informal discussion, you know, I don't want people to feel
27:12
Speaker 1: more guilty than than not, Like I can't think of
27:15
Speaker 1: a gift, but I have to get them something. We've
27:17
Speaker 1: all been there, we all do it. Some people are
27:19
Speaker 1: better at it than others and that's just that's just
27:21
Speaker 1: how it is, and that's okay. And some people have
27:23
Speaker 1: more hobbies so it makes it easier, that's true. And
27:26
Speaker 1: I've gotten some amazing paintings from a good friend of mine,
27:30
Speaker 1: Katie's who does that, and they're like so good, like
27:32
Speaker 1: I love it, like I think. I think it's another
27:35
Speaker 1: one of those areas where you don't have to relegate
27:38
Speaker 1: it into one thing, like gift giving can look like
27:41
Speaker 1: a lot of ways, like I really like it when
27:42
Speaker 1: people just take me up for a drink or something like.
27:44
Speaker 1: It doesn't have to be yeah exactly. So hopefully it's
27:51
Speaker 1: not super stressful for everybody listening. I know it can be, um,
27:55
Speaker 1: but there is there's something like giving that perfect gift
27:58
Speaker 1: and they go, oh, yes, it's powerful. It's a powerful
28:02
Speaker 1: fit is it is? It is? All right? Well, good
28:06
Speaker 1: luck everyone, Hopefully good gift shopping down. For those of
28:10
Speaker 1: you who are having a hard time, we love you.
28:12
Speaker 1: And then we know that this was a very privileged conversation.
28:14
Speaker 1: We're so sorry, but just no, you're not alone, no
28:17
Speaker 1: matter what. No, no, no, no um. And if you
28:22
Speaker 1: would like to contact us, you can our emails stefinitely
28:25
Speaker 1: your mom stuff at iHeart media dot com. You can
28:27
Speaker 1: find us on Twitter at most of the podcast, our
28:28
Speaker 1: Instagram and stuff I've never told you. Thanks as always
28:31
Speaker 1: to super producer Christina the best Merry Christmas and thanks
28:36
Speaker 1: to you for listening, so whoever told the production of
28:38
Speaker 1: I Heart Radio. For more podcast in my heart Radio,
28:40
Speaker 1: you can check out the iHeartRadio, a Apple podcast wherever
28:42
Speaker 1: you listen to your favorite shows.