Latest / The Growth Project / Episode 345: The Success Audit – How Do You Define Success?

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Episode 345: The Success Audit – How Do You Define Success? · The Growth Project

• 0:00
  You.
• 0:03
  Welcome to the Growth Project, a podcast brought to you by amylose doctor Drew Brannon, joined by Doctor Milt louder. Today
• 0:11
  Yeah. Excited to be jumping into this one today. A little bit different approach today. We're kind of in two different places versus the studio. So you're gonna be able to roll with that a little bit.
• 0:22
  Okay. Today.
• 0:23
  You know, it is, an adjustment for you both to be working from home. So, this is something new for you and for me. I don't think our families love it. I'll be glad we moved into our new office this week, and ready to go. But, it'll be a different look, a different format.
• 0:38
  But I look forward to the conversation. As always,
• 0:40
  my family has not volunteered to help with the move in, but in some ways I feel like they have by, just making it known that they'd rather me be somewhere else. So. Yeah. Exactly. Okay. All right. So we're. Yeah. As we jump into it today, we're going to be covering some ground, and really related to two topics.
• 0:59
  And I think we probably know more about one than the other. But we're bringing together the two topics or concepts of, the definition of success and then an audit. So our friends out there who are accountants are probably thinking, what in the world do you guys think you know about audits? And I think if we're talking about a professional audit, we know almost nothing.
• 1:22
  We cannot help you with that. But we do know how to design some diagnostic type audit. Exercises. So that's what we'll be doing today.
• 1:30
  You know, I think those two go hand-in-hand so well because a lot of times, drew, we don't take the time to really reflect. And we, we don't live with intentionality and purpose around what's really important.
• 1:43
  And it isn't until it isn't until the end of our life or end of our career or the end of the year that we really look back and reflect and say, hey, was did I become the person I want to become? Did my live? Did I live my life in a way that was meaningful to me? Did I find the success that I dreamed about?
• 1:59
  I think that's what we really want to talk about today. As you look at this audit of success, to go ahead and have the courage to have some self reflection. One how do you define success? What does that really look like in your life and, and, and why this is so important? How many people that we meet with through that we ask them, hey, how do you define success?
• 2:19
  They got to really think about it and to own it. And then once they get their definition, we say, well, how successful do you feel the majority of people who work will say, not very.
• 2:28
  Yeah. And and so this is a time to kind of set up and say, if you, the person that one doesn't know how I truly define success or two, you don't feel very successful in your life or in your career, this podcast is an opportunity for you to really merge those two worlds and not only rethink success, but then how are you living your life?
• 2:50
  How are you spending your time? How are you spending your energy? How are you interacting with others? How are you spending your money in a way that is consistent with your definition of success?
• 3:00
  Right on. And I think most people haven't really gone through the full needed exercise of defining success. And if they have, they haven't written it down.
• 3:10
  If maybe they've written it down, they aren't looking at it with consistency. So there's a lot to it to get the most out of it. So what we have set up today is we're going to go through a series of questions that are intended to serve as an audit of sorts for you. But before we get into the questions, definitely want and need to frame what we mean when we see success.
• 3:32
  So so get get excited over there. I'm going to I'm going to throw this one to you. Can you help frame for our listeners, a definition of sorts on the topic of success.
• 3:46
  Yeah. So, so those of you who listen or know me well know I have a hard time coming up with a good idea on my own.
• 3:53
  And so John Wooden's definition of success, you know, I drew I don't know how long it's been a part of your life, but at least since I started studying psychology, it's been the foundation of how I've tried to live my life, and how we've tried to measure it. And so John Wooden's definition of success is this, that it is the peace of mind, which is the direct result in the self-satisfaction.
• 4:15
  Knowing I did my best to become the best, I'm capable of becoming, you know, the peace of mind, direct result, self-satisfaction, knowing I did my best to become the best I'm capable of becoming at is what we really talk about. A success is just the worthy pursuit of a worthy goal, is how we try to short it for ourselves and for the people we work with.
• 4:40
  Yeah. And so keep in mind, you know, listen really closely to the words and the language in there. When we say worthy pursuit of a worthy goal, it's more about the pursuit of the goal than it is the result or outcome associated with it. And what we know is if we if we're pursuing with all we have, the reality is sometimes it works out in our favor, sometimes it doesn't.
• 5:04
  But it's less about that outcome and more about the pursuit. Yeah. And so two reasons. One, that's so important to I can't control the outcome. Right. You know we you know we're recording this at the start of college football season. The goal is hey we're we're trying to beat LSU this this Saturday. You guys are trying to be
• 5:24
  we're hoping to go beat Marshall.
• 5:25
  Yeah. So we're excited. Yeah. And so that's the goal. We can't control the outcome. And so if my success is something is dependent on something that's outside of my control, and I'm automatically setting a limit on how successful I can feel. So that's one problem that that success can not be just outcome oriented. Two is what we know in life that once we achieve that goal, we take very seldom joy in achieving the goal.
• 5:53
  We go right on to the next thing. And so a lot of the people we work with, success is about achieving a goal or getting a certain amount of money. I remember in my career I'm thinking, man, if I could just get to this age, if I could get to this stage, if I could get to this level of income, if I could get this level of opportunity, then I'm going to feel really successful.
• 6:14
  And and I had to really flip that because it took me longer to get my career going. It took me a long road to go back to school till later, and you see the world saying, you should be at this stage of life, you should be this far along, that I really had to come to grips with.
• 6:30
  These are worthy goals on pursuing and and somewhat I get to define my own success.
• 6:37
  But you better define your own success. Because if you start to define it relative to others, you're going to be chasing. Chasing something forever. Yeah. Yes. And the harder you try to define success or happiness, the further away you're going to get.
• 6:52
  Okay. So let's let's get into this now that we've kind of framed it up and we've, clarified when we say success, what do we mean? And what we're going to be sharing with you now, here over the next few minutes, is a series of questions that are intended for you to use as you audit your pursuit of success and I'm gonna go ahead and forewarn our listeners.
• 7:14
  These are heavy hitters. So these are not these are not just kind of surface level type questions that would allow you to kind of skate by with a minimal investment in self-reflection. And instead, these are heavy hitters that are going to require you to really, dig deep and be honest. Yeah. And so look at this from, with a lot of courage as you reflect.
• 7:37
  And, and we know that shame and guilt are terrible motivators. And so this podcast is not to convict you or to make you feel less than. Yes, to really challenge you to define what is success to you, how how do you define it? And then are your behaviors and actions in life consistent with that? So that's I appreciate you saying that from the very beginning, drew, that this is going to take a lot of courage and hopefully conviction to to think deeply and meaningfully about how you're living your life.
• 8:09
  And you narrow that gap between who you are and who you truly want to be and how you truly want to live.
• 8:16
  All right. So I'm going to go I'm gonna jump in here and put the first question out there, and then Milt will invite you to just comment on kind of the relevance of this to the pursuit of success, maybe Canada, the dangers to watch out a little bit, and we'll kind of use some of that framework for each of them.
• 8:35
  So like, like I said, heavy hitters only here. This is the big boys club. So beginning with the first one here, what does your calendar say you believe about success? What does your calendar say you believe about success?
• 8:53
  You know, you know, you ask me personally, are you asking me to reflect on the. Let's let's do the latter. Let's do the last. This is this an intervention? Is this, I see what we're doing. We aren't really recording the podcast. You're wanting to challenge me. So. Yeah, go ahead and just reflect on this for us.
• 9:12
  This one becomes evident because especially in America, like, we we grasp on the pursuit of the American dream, and we forget that it's the pursuit of happiness. And we think it's it's financially overthink. We're making an impact. And I do believe that work is a significant part of our life and that we should be fully committed, engaged to, fulfilling our purpose.
• 9:38
  But when I think about your calendar, you know, what do they say in football? The film doesn't lie. You know, we watch film and I'm sure you like, you break down every play and they get a grade on every play. So the film doesn't lie. So the calendar there really is a reflection of how you're spending your time.
• 9:58
  And I think the hardest part for me in my life too, when I think about what do I really believe success is in life? And what do I want my legacy to even be? Who gets the best of me? Where do I spend my most time and effort? Energy. And I think the calendar reflects that, is indicative of what I truly believe about success is,
• 10:21
  Yeah. I mean, let's face it, especially for busy working professionals, a full calendar is such a badge of honor. Yeah, it's such a metric, isn't it, that like. Oh, okay, you must be doing something right if you've got a full calendar. And if it's hard to get on your calendar, man, you say, well done. Like, you must be just really kind of operating at a high level.
• 10:45
  And if you're always busy and if you're hard to get Ahold of and it's like, okay, you know, what does that mean? Like what's underneath that? What are the implications of that? What are the ripple effects of that reality, especially related to what you say success is? And that's the tension that I think really comes into play for plenty of folks where he or she is kind of saying or maybe writing and, and maybe even kind of promoting this idea of here's what success means to me.
• 11:18
  But then if we go back and do the basic calendar audit, something doesn't add up here, right? There's a mismatch, there's a discrepancy, there's a gap. And that's where we want to invite you to really press into that and ask yourself, does your calendar align to what you say success is? That's the question. Yeah. I think, you know, one of the things in my life that I'm sure you get as well, a lot of emails start with or a lot of voice mail start with, hey, I know you're really busy, but yeah, right.
• 11:49
  I know you're really busy, but. And and we can fall into that trap is with that is significant or realize my importance. As you said, it's a badge of honor that I'm really busy. But busy doing. What are you busy doing? Things that matter. You busy? For us, the busyness hopefully is consistent with our vision of why we work at us and how are we helping other people.
• 12:13
  And so that's the challenge of your calendar. What does it reflect about how you spend your time, how you spend your energy and and how can you make some adjustments based on that? Yeah, that's a good one. It
• 12:28
  so yeah, I think it's important to because I agree with that. You said the film doesn't lie and neither does the calendar.
• 12:36
  And like let's let's really get to the granular on this for just a moment before we leave this question. There are too many people out there touting this whole notion of family first, and yet it doesn't look that way on the calendar. So on the one hand, we are out here kind of suggesting we all align to the Tim Ferriss four hour workweek.
• 12:59
  You know, I don't I don't know that that's really possible for most of us, nor necessary. But we do have to ask ourselves, like, if it's a family first type thing. Is there evidence of that on my calendar?
• 13:11
  And what does that really mean in your life? What's the harmony that you can find between like, we we know drew, we spend a lot of time in this with other people is what happens.
• 13:21
  Our values come into conflict or your beliefs come into contact. Like, I want to be great at home, but I want to be great at work. You know, for us, we want to make a difference in people's lives at work, but we don't want to make a difference in people's lives at home. And so when those values come into conflict, how are you managing and trying to solve that conflict?
• 13:41
  all right, let's hit this next one. You got it for us. Yeah. So now, you know, we're really getting into all of the, significant part of your life. Not only what is your calendar now? What is your bank account? Say? And and if you kind of had the, you know, the QuickBooks download of how are you spending your money and how was that indicative of what you believe about success.
• 14:02
  Yeah. We are going straight to it our way. Just like we, we promised that we would you know we have, we've taught that exercise for years now as we get into these kind of first two here of like if you really want to find out what matters to a person, go look at their bank account, go look at their calendars and you'll quickly see, certainly what I would call kind of some of the big rocks of importance.
• 14:28
  And this is undoubtedly one of them. Right. So we're all given a certain amount of money that we can do something with. And it's really not about how much or how little it is. It's about how is it prioritized. I think that if you, if you, if you kind of look at, look at where the money's going and you think about what the ramifications of those things are, whether for two investments, like what type of investments are being made.
• 14:56
  And it's not that we're saying, like here, you shouldn't go on vacation. You should just dump everything into your for one k so that, you know, you know, it's not about that. It's like, hey, okay, how are you leveraging your resources to create memories for your family? Like that's that's an example. If part of how you think about success is, you know, legacy and the welfare of my family and that type of stuff.
• 15:21
  Okay. Like, are you putting your money behind that? And those are important things to really think about. And I think if you aren't, then that's data that you really want to know and need to know of, of how what money says about success for you. Yeah. And I think this is the one that we can get caught up with is in America especially, hey, how much you make and what your net worth is, especially you kind of hold that dear.
• 15:47
  And so what happens if that is gone away? And so we also don't want to live in the assumption that everybody else in the podcast has plenty of extra money around. And so, so your money, your bank account may be reflective of you're just getting by, you're in survival mode and you're trying to provide for your family. You're trying to pay rent, you're trying to fight off inflation.
• 16:05
  You're trying to do all these things. And so your your money may be kind of used very practically just to help you survive in this moment. And, you know, and then you got to even take a deeper dive, or you kind of fall into the trap. This, this money can buy your happiness, or you prioritize your kid's well-being.
• 16:25
  But we don't say no to our children, that we don't want them to feel like they're they're less than or they're being left out. And so we we're spending more money on them than we should think. That's also why are you giving any money away, you know, or are you just using your money for your own benefit, or are you using your money for the benefit of others?
• 16:46
  You know, and I think that's a little bit of what kind of what you're what you're, you know, there's, you know, how much are you giving away to charity? What are the things you truly believe in? Those are some of the kind of the questions we really want. Do you believe in education? Are you are you putting money aside and investing in your own education, or are you investing in learning?
• 17:06
  Are you investing in opportunities for your children to learn? Those are some things that you're really going to look at or you're spending on your your time and money on things that matter? Yeah. And just very practically, like we've been in no shortage of conversations with people over the years whose bank accounts are extremely healthy. And yet their personal lives aren't.
• 17:28
  Yes.
• 17:28
  And those people don't feel very successful. And most of us would agree that some of the realities that take place when people are struggling in their personal life would indicate and suggest they're not very successful in a, in kind of an objective way. May. Andrew, you just kind of, put the first two questions together. My mind, as you were saying, that we work with plenty of people who their bank accounts look very healthy for the calendar.
• 17:56
  It does not give them any time or margin to be present. Yeah. So one hand like we might see success, the pursuit of a worthy goal. But your bank accounts success about how much money I have and how and what that that money is going to do for me, and it's going to take care of me and provide for me.
• 18:13
  But it comes at a cost, because my calendar doesn't allow me time to use the money to enjoy the money. Yeah, well, you know, I can use my father's a great example his whole life growing up, but I've got an farm full of hard work, football, sacrifice for his family. Just very challenge in times. And he kept dreaming about a.
• 18:34
  One day I'm going to buy a Winnebago. You could say Winnebago. He got up in a Bargo and travel the country. I'm going to take some land. Build it. Exactly. Told me where it is. I'm going to build a pond. I bought a cabin with a deck overlooking the pond, so I can wake up in the morning and drink my coffee and just fish off the deck.
• 18:52
  And he never made the time. He never spent the money. And he got diagnosed with dementia and put in assisted living and never got to use the time that the calendar would provide when he had the time and he had the money. But he never kind of married the two. And I appreciate you sharing that. That's a less precise example of what we're talking about.
• 19:14
  Yeah.
• 19:15
  So those two, those two do often run together, right? Calendar and money and bank accounts. There tends to be a lot of overlap. There. Yeah. Okay. So I know there's a few others we want to get to here. So let me throw this next one out. That I want us to, to discuss. And that is what would your kids say you believe about success?
• 19:36
  What would your kids say you believe about success? If this is a question you've never asked, and it's very easy to do it, you know, you just you just approach your kids and keep in mind you'll get a developmentally appropriate answer from them. So if you ask your six year old, you get a six year old developmentally appropriate answer, typically.
• 19:56
  But if you went up to one of your kids and say, hey, what do you think I believe about what matters in life or what success looks like in life? You know, buckle your seatbelt for the answer. But what would they say? Right? Like, well, like, how do you feel about what they might say and how confident would you feel asking them these questions?
• 20:15
  Those are the kind of things you really want to contemplate. Yeah, can't help but go to Clarence Calvin's quote. He said, my father did not tell me how to live. He lived. I learned by watching him. And so you know how you have lived your life and how you spend your time and how you spend your energy. Your kids will give you a great, honest answer about what you think is really important.
• 20:38
  And it takes a lot of courage. You and I both asked our children that. That's right. And and on one hand, it means they paid attention to what I believe success is. But the other hand, there's some parts of it that you hope you have a chance to correct their view and change the lens.
• 20:57
  yeah. And I think we sell our kids a little bit short when it comes to questions like that.
• 21:00
  I think we're as adults, we're we're pros at, kind of telling ourselves that. Oh, well they, they, they can't do that or they wouldn't or they, they're not old enough or mature enough. And the reality is kids are truth tellers. That's one of their greatest gifts. They they lack filters. And that's one of the greatest gifts I think they give others is they interact without a filter.
• 21:25
  Sometimes that's super beneficial.
• 21:27
  so expand that okay. What are your kids? What is your family? What is your significant other say what are your colleagues say? What are your clients say about what success is. And so not only I, I love starting with the kids because I love the truth. They will give you the honest answer.
• 21:42
  They will give you. But then then keep expanding that out about other people in your life. And the only way they would know that is probably more about how you live your life and how you interact with them. What's it feel like to be touched by you, to work with you, to be loved by you? What is really important in your life?
• 22:02
  Yes. I think, I think expanding the circle there to other key people, that's what we're really talking about as key people. I started with kids because it's just always, yeah, educational. It's powerful. So what we should do, drew, you and I should lead the way. I guess you've got two at home. I've got one left. But. But find a way in the next week.
• 22:23
  Pass the question, and maybe we can do a follow up excerpt to say, okay, what did you say? If we're going to be, we'll be vulnerable. Lead the way. I'm going to find a way to ask that again. I was asking about every few years, but yeah, good exercise, no doubt. Okay, let's hit these other last two we got here.
• 22:42
  So what I think is really good that, that you came up with is, well, you know, what is your daydreaming say about your definition of success and how successful you are?
• 22:52
  Well, I mean, we all do it, right? We all have those moments in our days where our mind kind of takes off to different places. It's due to a variety of triggers.
• 23:04
  I would imagine that kind of put that ball in motion. When that happens, where do your thoughts go? What's what are the themes? Where do you consistently find yourself daydreaming? Who are the characters in the story? What are the the challenges that are there? What are the hopes, the aspirations? There's a whole narrative going on. If you do your best to kind of deconstruct that, that narrative of your daydreaming, it's telling.
• 23:34
  It's very, very telling about what you believe about success. So I think in the process of doing that, you can find some things that you're you probably feel great about and you're proud of, and then you probably can find some things where it's like, man, that is really selfish or that is really missing the mark, or why am I?
• 23:54
  Why do I find myself daydreaming about that so, so often when it doesn't at all agree with what I say success is? There's a lot that can come up there. Yeah. And so to me, I think that the hard part for me, the older we get, the less we tend to dream. And so to me, we see so many people in life that are just resigned to this is my life.
• 24:19
  And and they quit dreaming or they dream about this fantasy world of retirement, or just like, I just want to always go on a vacation, man, if I can only get this to go on vacation again, we think the experience is going to bring us happiness. But this is really. What do you dream about doing? What's the life you've always wanted to live?
• 24:38
  If I could only do this. If I could find a way. And I think part of not only when you dream about. Look for those moments of affirmation in your life when you find yourself kind of walking in your calling, so to speak, where you are completely present and find joy in people are affirming the work that you do.
• 24:57
  How does that align up with your dreams? And and then the dreaming with that definition of success. You know, John Maxwell has this great quote. If your dreams are aligned with your habits, don't support your dreams, are going to change your dreams or change your habits. And and so we would change that. If you're dreaming about success in a way that does not line up with your definition of success today or your life, then you better change your definition of success or change your dreams.
• 25:25
  And and we want you to keep dreaming, right? You know, and then. And then what does that reflect? What you've accomplished so far, quote unquote, about success. But really more importantly, what is it you dreamed of doing that you've always wanted to do? And maybe some of you have already hit that stage of life where you've accomplished more than you ever thought you could.
• 25:48
  Accomplishing your dreams have been greater than financially or whatever that may be. Or maybe now it's about dream about who you want to become. And that is indicative of success that you have. You did the best you're capable of becoming. That's where we really want you to focus your time and energy around your dreams and and kind of measure up this, this gap between, hey, I really dream about this and I really believe this about success, but I'm not doing anything about it.
• 26:18
  Yeah. Yeah. You can find some things as you explore that question that can be really compelling evidence of either you kind of being on the path that you say you want to be on, or maybe not on the path. Yeah. Which is healthy. It's healthy to see that,
• 26:33
  Well, okay. Last one, we got one more here.
• 26:36
  Okay. We got time for one more good. Okay. I want time for one more. So the last one here is what is, I mean, this one, really. I feel like all these, like we said, are heavy hitters, but this one is really getting into it. What does your treatment of others stay? You believe about success? What is your treatment of others?
• 26:56
  Say you believe about success. I'll let you take that one. The base. I think the first thing I think about is it transactional or transformational, and I think so much true in our language to work with coaches and leaders. That's what we talk about. Are you a transformational leader? You're a transactional leader. And too many times our definition of success in this world, especially, I don't know why I'm beating on America so much today that they're on the look out for me like I'm going to get mine.
• 27:27
  And so how I treat others, are they a means to an end, to make me happy? Is your view? This is what you deserve. This is how you deserve to be treated. And and you don't treat others the way you want to be treated. You treat them as objects in your path, in your world. That we are using them to get to a level of success that it's about me.
• 27:50
  And I think that Toe is very telling about how you really define success versus is your success really about helping others, about helping them be who they were created to be, about, investing in them, being interested in them, being curious about them and not making it about you. I think this is where the rubber meets the road.
• 28:13
  And then now, not only our view of how we treat them, but even what we are saying about our children. What would their view the about what success is to you about how you treat them? Yeah. I don't know that I have anything to add to that. Quite honestly, I think you kind of. Yeah. Thank you. You now very well said.
• 28:34
  Kind of nailed that and that we, I just don't know that we spend enough time or effort asking others, what they really see in us and from us is that's really what a lot of what you're saying there is like, if, how does my treatment of, of those around me, say a message of what's important to me?
• 28:57
  Yeah. And I just don't know that we ask those questions to ourselves or others enough. I think we can get so busy in our own world and and just fall into the routine and monotony of living the way we've always lived and and what we try to do. It amplifies. And this one really around success is can we remove the blinders for just a second?
• 29:19
  It's okay. What what do I really believe about success and and how do I live that in a way that's consistent to what I believe.
• 29:29
  all right. So we didn't we didn't come with anything other than the real deal today. I know we got to finish up, but I hope that everybody can, take on the challenge.
• 29:39
  Right. Can you digest this success on it and give it an honest reflection? And I would just issue an additional challenge is as you go through this, find someone you care about to talk with them about, your answers, your thoughts, your reflections. I think it will only add to the exercise. It will only add to the value of you going through and doing something like this.
• 30:02
  Yeah, just a reminder as you're challenging yourself, it takes a lot of courage and it's hard to do by yourself. It's hard to do in isolation that the goal of life is not perfection and success or happiness in our relationships, but it is progress and I hope you can live to this. This podcast is another way to help you make progress and to who you've always dreamed of being.
• 30:24
  Okay, so with that, always thank you, to our listeners for for tuning in and look forward to the next time on the Growth Project. Take care.