Latest / Giving Pain Purpose with Lyndsay Soprano / The Stigma of Mental Health + Addiction

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The Stigma of Mental Health + Addiction · Giving Pain Purpose with Lyndsay Soprano

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Hey, guys and dolls. Before we jump into this episode, a note
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about our content today. This is created for adult audiences only. We advise
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listener discretion, so if you need a breather, take a break and come
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back later. This is Your Pain Game podcast where we talk about the game
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of living in and with chronic pain and trauma, getting to the heart of
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how to heal. I am your host, Lindsay Soprano. On the show,
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I plan on discussing with doctors, chronic pain patients, holistic practitioners,
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loved ones, and anybody that is interested in having their voice heard in the
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chronic pain and trauma world that we live in. Well, guys, you
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know, mental illness is rampant here in the United States as well as around
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the world, and as of this recording, yesterday there was yet another mass
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shooting. And I'm not going to get into my thoughts on gun control because
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that's not why we are here today. And I don't want to play politics
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either, because it's just not my bag. But the conversation about mental health
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and the stigma associated with it and why addiction and trauma are all intertwined is
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why we are here today. So let's talk about it without further ado.
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I'd like to introduce you to my guest today, doctor Rob Kelly, and
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he is a wild man. Yeah, you guys think I'm wild and crazy.
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Get ready for doctor Kelly. He is a sought after recovery expert who
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believes in treating the causes of addiction and not the symptoms. He is the
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CEO of the Rob Kelly Recovery Group, an addiction and mental illness recovering coaching
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company that he created based on extensive research and behavior studies over the past twenty
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years. He is also the host of Breaking Through Addiction podcast featuring special guests
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discussing a variety of mental health issues, as well as the author of the
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book Daddy, Daddy, Please Stop Drinking. Let's get into it. Welcome
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to the show. I'm rolling out the red carpet for you, babe,
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and I'd like to start by talking about how you grew up as a chronic
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alcoholic and what took you to the streets and then let's take it from there.
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Excellent. Thank you, Lindsey. Hey, guys, got to Rob
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here. I'm the crazy one you hear about. That's me so chronic alcoholic
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recovering now and drug addicts. Took my first drink at nine years old.
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Nobody told me that was alcoholism in the family, because as I heard as
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a youngster, was grandfather liked a drink. Yeah, of course he did,
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bloody alcoholic. That's what grandfather was. So when I took that first
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drink, it set off motions that was always going to end up in a
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couple of ways, treatment, dead or jail. It is a reditory alcoholism,
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not addiction drug addiction. Alcoholism is a relatory passed down from generation to
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generation, and three parts of the brain differ from any other addiction. And
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I have an allergy to the ethanol in alcohol addiction. He's more of an
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addicted personality. So just went through the normal things. When I took the
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drink at nine, I'm on stage with my musical family in Liverpool. The
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time was around nine forty nine and about twenty seconds I remember it as if
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it was yesterday. Took me drink because I was nervous. So my uncle
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said, hey, drink this, give me a little beer like this,
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and I drank it and the whole world just changed right there and then for
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me, and that continued. The continued throughout my college life, and it
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continued throughout my marriage, and then continued through the first child and the second
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child, and I eventually lost all of those and looked homeless on the streets
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of Manchester back in the UK. Remember the first night there on a bench,
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pouring down with rain and freezing cold, and I'm thinking to myselves,
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what the hell just happened? Because it see, I was in a blur
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for about a year with alcohol. I was never sober. I would never
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have a hangover because I was never sober. Everybody knew about apart from me.
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You know, I just had to go to that lens. Other people
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don't. That's why I do what I do today. You know, a
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bottom, when we call it a bottom, can be done in a million
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dollar house or a one hundred dollar house. It makes no difference, doesn't
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discriminate. So you know, when it's pitcher in the family or alcoholism the
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family, beware, buyo beware. Lets get the education out there and really
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educate people about this disease because it is a disease. It's a biochemical reaction
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in the brain. Well, I've got more biochemical reactions going on in my
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brain that I know what to do with and I was raised in a home
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where I too started drinking when I was nine. It had been given to
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me because I was an insomniac and I had massive anxiety. And so you're
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nine, and you're a little girl, and you're up all night long and
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you're like moving my furniture from one side of the room to the next.
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I was painting, I was organizing, I was color code. I didn't
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know what to do with myself. So my parents asked my grandpa, like,
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what do you think they should do? And then it was well,
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give her a haughty toddy, and so it began and with instantaneously. And
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my birth father is an alcoholic as well as my stepmother. My mother will
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not say that she is an alcoholic, but she drinks five plus drinks a
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day. So I don't know where the number is or how that works.
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But you know, I'm not pointing fingers at all on that at all.
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But when it comes to when I finally saw what was happening, it wasn't
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until it was way too late, and I was married to a raging alcoholic,
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and so all of all of the relationships that of course, you marry
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your father, you know, you marry your mother, whatever, And it
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got to the point where I had I was either going to join him or
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leave him, right and so I had to make the decision to cut back
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on my drinking and ask him to kick rocks. He was either going to
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drink and sell the damn camaro or he was gonna hang out with me and
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still be married to me. And he chose not me, And that was
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a really bad idea because I'm pretty awesome. But I understand that you said
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something earlier about how you're just like you took that sin and just something automatically
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changed within you, and I totally understand that. So can you explain why
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that happens to us? Yeah, because we're brought this way. You know,
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we're bought with an allergy. We're born with the predisposition, so when
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we do take that first drink. So everything I say on this guy's been
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researched over thirty years. We've been in the industry of eight thousand patients,
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trials, tests, we search and laboratory hospitals. We've done all this.
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So what happens with the normal nine year old is that someone give them a
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bear, they'll either spit it out or it's horrible, and you know that
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just happens to the alcoholics. So alcoholics, if you're watching this and listening
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to this, take yourself back to the first drink. It was not like
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that for us. We didn't even bother at the taste. It's what that
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stuff did to me in my body. So that's one of the reasons.
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The second reason is and sit down and hold onto your seats, guys,
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baby. Alcohol has one percent to do with alcoholism and one drugs have one
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percent to do with drug addiction. That's the bottom line. The gateway drug
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is not marijuana. It's child of trauma, but not the child of trauma
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that most people teach. It's not a plane crash or a divorce with the
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alcoholic and addiction personality brain. It's the smallest thing. And here was mine.
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How many times, Robert, have I told you you can't go to
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college like your brother, You're too stupid? Boy? There you go,
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that's with twenty years. Yeah, that narrative, that instant for me.
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Mine was I was never perfect, and so I was raised in a very
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conservative Christian home, which is far from who I am today. But you
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know, I was never going to be good enough, and I had a
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split family divorce very very young. That was hard. Of course, it's
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hard on any kid, no matter hold you are. It just felt like
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my whole no matter what I did, I could never be good enough.
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And so for me, it was part of it was rebellion. Part of
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it was not having any coping mechanisms, not having tools given also being raised
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in the seventies and eighties, like our parents were just like, well,
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I hope it turned out, Okay, we'll see how it all shakes out
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in the end. And there's that, and that's that's not a slam on
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my parents at all, but it was just like, that's just kind of
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how we were raised. It was like I didn't have keys to my house.
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I didn't have I mean, I had a curfew, but I was
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like, well, you know, just make sure you're home alive by midnight,
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whether you were drinking or driving or not. You know, not that
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they would want me doing that, but that's that's just how it all began.
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And it continued to go all through college and into my adulthood. And
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it's it's a tough it's a tough fucking thing it is. And after math
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we realize what's been going on. Because if you live in in a just
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dysfunctional family and everybody has trauma, okay, you think that's the norm.
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So when a young girl sees that coming up most nights, drunk beats mam
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up, goes to bed, that girl will leave the house, go to
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college. Maybe I guess her curse boyfriend. He's the boyfriend that's going to
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beat her up and drink every super night. Now you might think it's crazy
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listening me and lindsay don't we You might think this is crazy, But we
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attract what we think we are worth, and we attract what we think to
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be not so we want a normal marriage. The only problem is is when
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you're watching that in the house, you don't know that's dysfunctional and you think
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that's normal. To the extent with our tests that when we saw a young
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girl growing to a you know, a teenager in college and meet a guy
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that's really nice to her, she self sabotages that relationship and pops out.
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And here's yeah, you're going to finish with me. You're going to don't
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me. I know you are, So I'm going to finish with you first
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because you're not going to hurt me anymore. That's the reason. Yeah,
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sabotage is predisposed, right, And I mean yeah, and I mean when
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it comes to sabotage, I've done it so many times. And I look,
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you know, I've been doing a lot of timeline therapy where I'm going
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through what happened to me when I was nine and what health is. She
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just kind of followed with that, and what happened here and what happened there,
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and what happened when I was thirteen, and so on and so forth,
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and lining up when my health started to decline and when my disease they
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started to kick kick into gear. And I got you go back, and
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you look at all the places I sabotage. Nice relationships with people, really
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good men standing Nope. I was like, forget it. You're gonna end
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up leaving me. But I'll go and try to help this sorry ass,
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drunk alcoholic living with his mom and pull him out and I will save him.
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And by doing that it will save me. It did not save me,
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oh definitely. And that's why alcoholics being his rescuers. You know,
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I know that when I first started getting wealthy, after I got off the
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streets and everything, I would hang around the guys that were still on the
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streets. And I didn't know why it was because I could look down and
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make myself look superior. Now you know, a few a few dollars in
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the bank. But yeah, it's all about behavior. It's all about realizing
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what alcoholism really is and a bit you really is because it's not what you
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think it is. Guys you know, just old Jimmy next door or he
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drinks every day, so it must be an alcoholic. Alcoholism is the only
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self diagnosed illness in the world. New people that drank more than me,
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you know that we're not alcoholic. It's like when I put that stuff inside
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my body, something chemically, psychologically, spiritually happens to me. So question
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if you're thinking at home and I don't know I'm alcoholic enough. If you
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can't trace three generations back, will probably heavy drinker. And when you take
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the first drink, can you stop? Because I could no one about what
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alcoholic could Yeah, drink living We drink too. We don't drink because we'll
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have the test of it. We drink because of what it does to us.
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So you hit puban, Oh that wine, Oh it's beautiful that no
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give me anything. Ninety eight percent of alcoholics always end up drinking vodka,
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and the vodka companies make a fortune of alcoholics two reasons. One it's the
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cheapest alcohol you can buy. And the second one everyone thinks you can't smell
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it on your breath, it's coming out of your paws. Of course you
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think of alcohol, but you know it's the biggest a totally. Vodka was
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my ex husband as well as myself. I don't drink hard liquor at all
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anymore, but it was it was absolutely that, like, it was that
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whole thing. It's clear, you know it could just be ice water,
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because you know it could be. And so it's such a tricky substance because
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it's it's got so much power over the person and and you can you can
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fake it so much, and I know I did it. And we would
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go through at our home, you know, the big ass jugs, the
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handles of them, right, they would blow through six of them in a
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week. That is horrible. And so what do we do in your practice?
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What are you doing to help people that need to pull themselves out of
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this? How are you helping with the the mental health piece that comes with
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addiction? Because that is. I feel like that's a huge component. And
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I can honestly say that I have been through massive amounts of trauma and have
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gone I live in anxiety. I still do. I have safety and furior
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issues from being raped and pillaged for multiple times in my life. You know,
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you go through all that stuff. I believe that there are mental health
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issues within me because of trauma, not like crazy, lock me up kind
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of mental health, but there's absolute things that make me so sad, make
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me so depressed, make me not want to go on anymore. And we
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can talk about suicide as well, because I know you went through that.
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I bloat through some pretty scary things when it comes to my pain, and
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CRPS is called the suicide disease. So no matter what it's already the narrative
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is that, well, guess what, you can just jump off a bridge
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and you can get over it. And it's very, very, very scary,
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especially when you're talking about the drugs they give us and combining it with
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alcohol as well. It's true, well, most alcoholics andatics have lost our
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identity, so that's the first quart call. It's like who you really are
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because you're not who you think you are. We use brainspotting and lpace like
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experienced psychology, child and trauma. You know, family systems went into the
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family systems a lot. So if a patient comes to us, let's say
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it's the husband though, and anybody over the age of eighteen has to join.
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So whife has to join our program, and any kids under the over
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the age of eighteen that's living in the house has to join. Where the
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family and I don't mean in treatment where you go and see him once a
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month and you well, he does this, and he does Now it's t
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all about you living in the house. What about your trauma? You know.
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So when the family are involved, the alcoholic or addict patient success rate
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goes up by forty two percent. Wow, Why we have a ninety seven
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ninety eight that's right, unheard of in the industry. Okay, the nearest
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one is about sixteen percent. And where the only company in the world offer
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a money back guarantee if you relapse whilst following continue to follow our program.
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I mean, it's not what you think if you could just stop drinking,
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Lindsey, why it be great, Well, it's alcohol. The way he's
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still left with this, that's still left with this, that's right now.
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Yeah, And that's what we need to realize is our body, in our
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body of mind, man is very power. Phone and brain as the power
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to heal most of our stuff. So I don't go to a medical doctor
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anymore. And I said, break my leg or need stitches, you know,
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I don't. I don't do I don't trust them anymore because we've got
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nine years on adder, nine yearros on vivance. It's like when we're depressed.
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So let's say a normal person gets depressed. He says to his friends
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or wife, I'm depressed personal he says, go to the doctor. So
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he goes to the doctor and doctor says, okay, I know you depressed.
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I'm going to give you these SSRs to take. In a few weeks
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time, you should be back to normal ss rs. Because my my my
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body is volun serotonin dopamine. Okay, So why isn't anybody asking me why
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my serotonin is in the first place, Because when you're on something for depression,
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it limits the amount of serotonin and the body can produce. So I
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get somebody all the time coming to me and I go, what medication are
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you on? Oh? Well, I'm on answidepressants. When do you think
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they're going to kick in? Because they haven't yet. Yeah, of course,
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the whole Yeah, fifteen seventeen, nineteen year old girl, I was
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living life, you know, and whilen't to that Gil Well, you know,
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and there's always a reason why. There's always a reason why, child
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with trauma, isolation, mixing with the wrong crowd, and repeating the child
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growing up with mom and dad. You get into again what we think we
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are worth always. Yeah, the worst part is definitely a huge component.
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And you know, it's so funny because I well, maybe not funny is
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the right word for it. But I've always been this bubbly, outgoing,
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you know, sparkly little lady over here. I've always had that personality type
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that will, you know, come into the room and own the room,
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and I can talk to anybody. But at the end of the day,
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I am so scared and so shy, and I play a role in my
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life and I have from the very beginning that I can remember of my life.
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I had to play this person that I didn't necessarily feel that I was,
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and so I created this persona that was always great, was always successful,
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was always the stuff, was that true all the time. Fuck no,
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it wasn't. And so I got into this place where I had to
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be honest with myself that I was really just a scared little girl still,
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and I've been trying to work through not being able to speak openly or honestly
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with anybody that raised me, that was around me, getting out of the
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church, getting away from nasty people, all those things took so much work.
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But it came down to owning the fact that I needed to give myself
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better worth. I needed to love myself. And I know that sounds so
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cliche, but it is absolutely apparent that I put myself above everybody else and
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take care of me because I always take care of everybody else before myself.
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All right, that's it. If you ask anybody, If you ask anybody,
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give me three farsh gouty fair especially man, I'm fearful of nothing.
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Yeah, bullshit. I caught bullshit on that. Fair runs most people that
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haven't recovered from life or a picture or something like that. Every single person
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is full of fit. We repeat what our caregivers tell us to do.
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So what we see is what we believe in, and what we hear we
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think is the truth. So you watch a sad movie, you feel sad,
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you want your funnyname for funny. We take that from travel. They
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teach us how to act, how to walk, how to touch those when
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it's heart. Make sure you don't do that, do this, do that.
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So it's all about the caregivers. We repeat that unless we go through
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an entire neural pathway change and a spiritual awakening, there is something energy used
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that's wither us. So there's a connection. When we do grounding between our
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body, the ground has to be soil or earth, grass and something else
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out there. There is a connection. So what we found is when we
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have that spiritual connection and and your pathways are redirector from self sabotage, our
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d n A changes. So how do we how do we do that?
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You know you've talked about brain recall, brain spotting for trauma and addiction and
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somatic experiencing. Can you dive into a little bit about that, because I
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certainly don't know what brain recall is, and we hear like crazy about somatic
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experiencing on the show and it's never really fully gotten explained. In my mind,
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that makes sense to me, so talk to me. Okay, So
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when we recall his flashbacks for the normal person when we go back to thinking
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about all behavior. So when a picture in comments, if we think about
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for a second, we have a seven point three second time lane, think
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about getting rid of it. Don't romantic. Once you're romantic, you've done.
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So let's look at smartic experiences. It's real. Well, it's been
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around for years and years and years, but we've stopped listening to our body.
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Our body tells us wait before we know that we're in trouble or illness
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or the gut feeling that we refer to sometimes is always right, but we
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don't take that. We want to make our own decisions. The world so
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fast these days. So smartic experience take you through some experiences that you get
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in touch with you. You get in touch with the feelings around every single,
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every single space of your body, so you begin you begin to heal
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from the inside out. Brain spotting is a bit like them. It's only
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been out for about two or three years. Is a direct input from the
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eye, the pupil to the subconscious brain. See what a lot of people
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don't know is the eyes are part of the brain. It's not an eye,
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an optical nerve into the brain. The brain was always attached and part
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of their eyes were always attached to part of the brain. So when we
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go through the pupils while we're following, it's like we can either use lives
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are a wand to follow the eyes when they flicker, that's a bad memory
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in the subconscious brain. So we loiter around that feeling and that thought when
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it comes to fruition. When it comes to fruition, we can clear that.
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Oh so that's kind of and we go back to childhood. I mean
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we alway say we go back to the scene of the crime, because for
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someone who's suffering from child of trauma, it is a scene of the crime.
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It's something that happens to you that makes you act in a certain way.
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Tod okay. So again we attract what we think we are work and
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we done loads of experience and tests on this. It's like a guy,
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you know, he was probably a six or seven, he will never approach
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a girl who's nine or ten and of art, never in a million years,
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because he knows he's going to get rejected. And the biggest fear of
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human beings is rejection. Once we get a rejection, we've come abandoned once
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come a band, and we've come isolated. Human beings are not meant to
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be isolated with communicative animals. You know, once you lock somebody away isolation
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like we did tests. We have a prisoner offer in Texas that still uses
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the deathband and say, we were allowed to go in and speak to a
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couple of people and we found out that most people that hit the date of
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the chair or the or the needle were almost insane because of the isolation.
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Well, when you think of all that, clear all that up, bring
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out the real identity of that person. And we go through this a lot
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with wives that split from the husband. It was his programs, his friends,
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and the death. We've stopped thinking for themselves, so we've lost their
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identity. We've got to find out who you are. We've got to heal
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that six seven eight year old kids still inside you, because that's the fear.
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If you ever see yourself acting out, there's that six seven eight year
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old person inside you that was abandoned as a child by you because you was
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in your own trauma and contake care. Whenever validateds are approved. So when
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we go into tanklins or we get scared and we run away to our room.
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It's the same thing you do into that five six seven year old kid.
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So you have to heal that breage. You really have to heal it
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and then bring everything out and then kind of teach them how to live,
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teach them how to be successful, teach them how to be loved, how
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to be validated and approved. Set the boundari as we the people, and
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what we end up is is this very strong person who knows who they are.
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And there's nothing more powerful than a person like that. I'm taking a
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deep breath right now because it's I'm you're talking about going back to the scene
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of the crime, right And are you talking about physically actually going to where
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where an event or something transpired, or are you talking about us going into
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that place while we're sitting in a room with you or we're doing hypnosis or
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something like that. Is is it physically we're going to that location. I'm
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just curious because I immediately when you told when you were speaking, I immediately
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went to the place that I was raped. Instantaneously. I know what I
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was wearing, I know what the sky was like, I know what the
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trees were like, I know what the smells were like, I know what
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my mouth tasted, like, I know all of it, and I can
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drum it up in an instant. And it happened when I was thirteen.
23:25
Yeah. Yeah, So it's physically going back to that park or to that
23:30
location that's crazy. Wow. And you know I drive by it. I
23:34
drive by the location. Yeah, I mean I drive by it and I
23:40
have to. There's like no option for me to not be able to.
23:44
I just haven't walked back in. And that's been since I was thirteen.
23:47
It's a long time and I'm forty five right now. So if you don't
23:52
hear but trauma, then if you don't take care, the trauma will take
23:56
care of you. End the story. And the other thing is if you
24:00
don't fix you, let's say past relationship for instance, if you're in abusive
24:04
relationship and you split up, thank God for that. If you don't do
24:08
the work on yourself, what happens is when you get into the next relationship
24:12
the person that cut you, you'll bleed all over the next person in your
24:17
life and they will peal the prize for the previous partner that has to be
24:21
cleared up. You have to go back and find out why you were why
24:23
did you attract that guy? First of all, most importantly is most people
24:29
stay in relationships way too long because they're fear because their husband's telling you know,
24:34
but it's going to have you with two children, you're ugly. All
24:37
this psychological battering is what we get from people around us. It's like,
24:44
it's nonsense. It's fucking nonsense. You know, it's narcissistic behavior. You
24:49
need to stay away from them people. Everyone has the power to be one
24:52
hundred percent. Most people walk around sixty percent of what they work, what
24:56
theyre work, what the people are doing, But we don't do that extra
25:00
work to get to one hundred percent. I asked my guys all the time,
25:02
when I want a ten basis where right today with happiness and success?
25:04
Ten ten ten ten ten ten? Bob cant you at tenvery day? Says
25:08
fucking whom a person saying that, I'll show you a life. I'll show
25:11
you a personally saying that because it's so possible. But people afraid of all
25:18
kinds of things. Well, if I stop being cocking, somebody beats pilpop
25:21
if somebody said something, because most people put on the great show when they're
25:25
still suffering, you know. They put that mask and then they go back
25:27
home and they cry themselves to sleep. Enough of that bullshit. I used
25:30
to walk into a room, Lindsay, and I used to look around,
25:34
and my thought patterns was, I wonder who likes me in this room?
25:37
You know what I do today? I kick that fucking go down. I
25:41
walk in and go, who the fuck do I like in here? Today?
25:45
I love that a lot. And You're you're pulling on some You're pulling
25:48
on some strings within me right now that I'm not sure how I feel real,
25:52
but it's drumming up some stuff, which is good. It's one of
25:55
the reasons I started the show in the first place, was actually the help
25:56
heal myself and to help heal from trauma. And it is working because I'm
26:02
having to have these difficult conversations that I've avoided. I've avoided that person that's
26:07
been the mask, that girl that Waltz is in and does her show and
26:10
stands up on stage and sings her aria and then goes home and I'm I'm
26:14
in a ball in the shower sawbing. My brain's out, you know.
26:17
And I've put on that show for so long, and I know that as
26:21
soon as I started getting sick and my pain started to increase, I needed
26:25
to get in and really start digging into the trauma side of stuff. And
26:27
it took too long for me to get here. But I had to do
26:30
it on my own. At least from my perspective, I didn't have anybody
26:33
to really talk to that I felt comfortable and safe with outside of my sweetie.
26:37
But you know, at the same time, it's kind of like I
26:40
got to get out some stuff that I don't really want to talk to you
26:41
about, you know. So Okay, now, let's pivot this a little
26:45
bit towards the mental illness side of this and what you see in addiction when
26:52
it comes to mental illness. Are we more apt to be people that are
26:56
mentally ill? And what that scale is? Like how mentally well are these
27:00
people that you're working with or you know, like, what are what are
27:03
the levels of mental health that you work with? And do you get to
27:07
a point where you're like, WHOA, I can't there's I need to get
27:10
this person to a different kind of care because they're just so out of control.
27:14
Are you just so wonderful that that never happens? Got to be careful
27:18
of medications. This is my personal opinion as a pH d not medical doctor.
27:22
I have too eight PhD. Psychology of behavioral science is what I have.
27:26
But there's too many medications going around causes uh, mental side and mental
27:30
breakdowns. That's just it. There's too much the pharmacy to companies run run
27:34
the world, end of story. Don't even go there. Don't even argue
27:37
with that. They do agree. So we see all sides of mental illness,
27:41
from the addiction to the depression, from the depression to the anxiety,
27:45
to the actually complete loss of memory, to the mentally disturbed where chemicals in
27:51
the brain need realigning. There is where we go for medication, you know,
27:56
So all kinds, all types. What we found is almost I'd say
28:02
about ninety percent of people can be cured, can get well, can get
28:07
with a normal life, because there's no help for us anymore. There used
28:11
to be asylum as where we get stuck in, and they stop that.
28:14
They stop that years ago. And the prisons are full of people alcoholicstrets,
28:18
mentally insane. You know, mental illness is full of them. So we've
28:22
got nowhere to go. So what we always suggested dialogue with somebody else.
28:26
You know, if we can help, great, we will help. But
28:29
there's millions of people like us. Are there not as good as And I
28:32
don't say that. How we go say that? Out of the numbers that
28:33
we look at every day from our patients and the and the notoriety we have.
28:37
We work with a lot of a listeners and he listened musicians and stuff.
28:41
But I want to tell you twenty five percent of our work is pro
28:44
bonum and there is a waiting links for that. But I just want to
28:45
put that out there. We're all cocky and look look at me, look
28:48
at me, But yeah, we get all sorts of most of them can
28:52
be rediying. It's all about neuropathways. It's all about the hypothalamist, basal
28:56
gangling and the amiddala to start with, okay, install the anterior singum cortex
29:00
and the venture media people on culture. They're the four or five parts of
29:04
the brain that need to heal. So let's stay the basil ganga for instant.
29:08
The basil ganglia is like a repetition strength of confirms part of the brain.
29:12
Let's say you want to be a pilot. Apparently you need ten thousand
29:15
hours in the air, and the reason why we do that is to repeat
29:18
that training, repeat, repeat. When you start driving the car the first
29:22
lesson, it's so huge. The car is so big. You know,
29:26
after you pass your test and you're driving for a month or two, now
29:29
you can reverse down the driveway way to your mouth, speak to your go
29:33
friend, text and listen to music at the same time. That's the basil
29:36
gang and repeating the stuff. What happens with mental illness is there's a default,
29:41
especially with alcoholics as a default. So what happens is, you know,
29:45
we come out of treatment, we get the job back, get the
29:45
go back, the kids are out, be you're going to buy a new
29:48
house and in bound ten to the hour we sell sabotage and it all starts
29:52
again. So we have to look at them. Parts of the brain.
29:56
The anterior cingul cortex is that torn feeling conflict, and Mike dilates the danger
30:00
parties like a smoke alarm for the brain. The venture prefernal cortex are coping
30:04
on our strength. We lose that which held of trauma. We lose the
30:07
insular which is when we feel tense or heart racing. It doesn't performer.
30:11
They head the campus which is regulates and loss of memory and all that crazy
30:15
stuff. It becomes under active when it becomes under active, and it actually
30:19
reduces in sizing the brain. And we cannot regulate our life and we cannot
30:25
recall some of the good times in our life. So all that, with
30:27
our therapy and our sessions, needs to be addressed. And only when they
30:33
are addressed can you have that spiritual connection your life'style getting it or the central
30:38
nervous systems calm down and now you see yourself for the who you really are.
30:44
Because we don't, Lindsey, I can tell I can tell some things
30:47
about you that that you're probably surprised when I say, how amazingly, why
30:49
are beautiful Rye? And all this stuff like we don't nobody tells us anymore,
30:53
you know, because they think we already know. Nobody fucking knows.
30:56
Guys. It's that complimenting people. It's that same stuf up when you see
31:00
it's all left, lift each other, You got anything about to say,
31:03
go away, go away all my stuff. At one point a T shirt's
31:07
done. That was I'm only taking compliments today, guys. That's all jean
31:15
Us God bless you. Only two types of people in this world, Lindsay,
31:18
the guys love you for who you are and all for you. The
31:21
girls love you for who you are, and the girls that want to be
31:22
you period. Can Can I get a show of hands with how many girls
31:29
want to be like me? Oh my goodness, Well there were like seven
31:37
thousand just right on that one comment. Well, thank you for that.
31:41
I appreciate it. But it is true, and thank you for saying that,
31:45
because we all need to hear that message. And I love that because
31:48
it is a message that's hopeful, and that's what we do here, because
31:51
I don't want to end any episode that is not with a message of hope.
31:55
But it also is we got to do some of the workman. We've
31:57
got to be nicer, kinder, and more loving and generous and show and
32:02
tell our loved ones and the people around us how incredible they are. You
32:07
know, just look to your point, because you know, we don't hear
32:09
it enough and we don't get the praise or you know, the accolations and
32:15
the things unless we're like so big and powerful and smart and have all you
32:17
know, millions of dollars and all of that it's like, come on,
32:22
we are just normal people going through life, and we need we need to
32:25
be told that we're loved and that we're beautiful, and that we're smart,
32:29
and that we're all of these things, you know, because over years,
32:31
and I can circle back to the beginning of the episode when I was talking
32:35
about being perfect, all of these years of trying to be as good as
32:38
I possibly could, even though the like Gemini in me was like I also
32:43
was sabotaging, sabotaging all of the things that I was doing to try to
32:46
be perfect. Right, So it's just so counterintuitive. So okay, so
32:51
my question is my next one is I'm going to move into just a little
32:53
bit really quick. I want to talk about your experience with just transitioning in
32:58
the mental health part, your experiences with suicide attempts and if you I know
33:01
that you've had them in your life, but also are you do you experience
33:05
a lot of that when you're working with your clients. Are they more men
33:08
that you work with or more women that you work with? Yeah, I
33:12
would say like it's six percent men, four percent women. Ages from sixty
33:16
into you know, eighty or something like that. There's there's all walks of
33:21
life that come to us. But it just says, it's very, very
33:24
powerful once you know what we are doing, once we realize what's going on
33:30
in our lives, once we take the blinkers off. You know, we
33:34
just going back to the conference for a second. You know, you get
33:36
them guys. Oh, look at Don Trovi. He needs to he needs
33:38
to be doomidated. It's like, fuck you. First of all, you
33:40
don't know what trauma I've been through. You don't know the hell I've been
33:44
through. So yes, I'll take compents all day long. When we say
33:46
thank you to somebody, dopamine is released into our brain and into the person
33:51
we're complimented. If you ever feel down or you have fear not go compliment
33:55
somebody. Go and shake somebody, hug them, give them some money,
33:59
whatever you can. You will always feel better for it. So when I
34:02
say to the guys listening at home, those guys that have got no confidence,
34:07
you know, just in that place where they never think they're going to
34:08
be tall enough, blonde enough, fit enough, or rich enough, I
34:12
want to apologize to you because somebody's fucking put that there. End of story,
34:16
you know, and we need to go back, and we need to
34:20
clear that up and put you forward. Everybody, everybody has the chance to
34:25
be a billionaire, to be the best barber in the world, to hold
34:29
that card, to do what you do. Everybody in the world has the
34:31
capability as long obviously there's no nothing ailment. So brain in just on that
34:37
follow everybody has a chance. We don't think we do. It's like,
34:39
oh, well, you know, I would love to be that CEO,
34:42
but I don't stand a chance. It says, who again's making these rules?
34:45
I don't like him, I don't like the rooms. Look how the
34:47
terms of Beatles were turned down. Look how many times that JK. Rowling
34:51
was turned down the first billionaire author in the world. She was turned down
34:54
about twenty seven times, and she wasn't gone, and now she was stupid
34:58
and the boat was just don't play that. Guys, don't play anything.
35:02
You're only accepting complines today and go forward. You know, people used to
35:07
always say to me about fifteen years ago, when I first move to America,
35:10
how you say it could be anybody you want to be. And the
35:13
thing that you say back to well, I can't be president of the United
35:15
States. Well I get you. Political views for a second. We had
35:19
a fricking businessman. We had no political experience what soever running our country.
35:23
Don't dare tell me that you can't live the dream, you can't do anything
35:28
you want to do, because I'm calling bullshit. I love you so much,
35:32
call bullshit because it is. And you know, we underestimate our ability
35:37
to do things. And I have gone through a lot of underestimating myself throughout
35:43
my life in all kinds of different areas. But one of the areas that
35:45
I'm really trying to put focus on is my health and my pain and why
35:51
it came and why it all happened. And like I was mentioning earlier about
35:55
my timeline therapy, a lot of that has been helpful for me to see
36:00
where I slipped up, where things happened to me and all of that,
36:04
and where I lacked getting any form of like kudos. You know, I
36:10
not people not recognizing that I was a hurt kid, that I was a
36:15
hurt teenager, that I was a hurt adult. And now I'm here and
36:17
I'm in this space where I'm sick and I'm half my life. I'm in
36:21
a wheelchair right now, like all that, and it's because of all of
36:23
this stuff, Like, give me a break. I got to get all
36:27
of it cleared out and be who this person is that everybody thinks that I
36:31
am, because I obviously I am this person. But I have a very
36:35
dark and twisty, sad little girl that still lives in here with me that
36:38
she's just eking, like, just get me out of here, you know,
36:43
get me out of here. Because the suicide thing is is a very
36:45
scary thing for me. It's it's it's something that is always in the back
36:51
of my mind that I'm dealing with and trying to me even vocalizing it right
36:55
now. It's very emotional for me to do, but it it's pretty fucking
37:00
hard to live in pain twenty four hours a day and still show up the
37:04
way that I do, you know. So when I get into those little
37:07
sad moments and I'm like the one I'm having right now, I do circle
37:12
back to realize I've got such wonderful people, including yourself, in my life
37:15
and it and that there's so much to live for and I have so much
37:20
to give and all this stuff, but that I'm not gonna let I'm not
37:22
gonna let this pain and this diagnosis, get me, fuck that and fuck
37:29
you if you think I can't you know something, Yeah, that's it.
37:32
We walk around with his pain. You know. I'll tell you story real
37:36
quick. But when I met my wife, a brother recently died and we
37:39
got talking about it. He suffered from the mental condition. He also suffered
37:43
from alcoholism, and they all went to a party together, him, his
37:45
wife, his kids. Janet was there, that's my wife. All the
37:49
family members are there and about halfway through the afternoon, brother Michael says to
37:53
I'm gonna I'm gonna just snip on for a bit. I don't like this
37:55
all this alcohol around me. I'm trying to keep sober. And he was
37:59
so of the time, and she said, okay, we'll see tomorrow.
38:01
He said, yeah, pick him a two o'clock tomorrow, go home watching
38:05
the garage chuckle, gone out and blew his head up. That's depression.
38:08
That is suicide. Very rarely do we get warning. And almost everybody who
38:14
suffered from alcoholism and addiction that shoots themselves in the side of the head a
38:21
sober when they do it. So we need to look at a pattern with
38:24
again, there's a pattern there. See. Unfortunately, we tend to ignore
38:30
the people we don't like. So the guy at the back of the classroom,
38:34
he started off at the front, but because he was too clever,
38:37
because he got bored and he started throwing spitballs around, he stock him on
38:39
the back of the class instead. On a bad class. He becomes alone
38:43
and nobody wants to speak to him. Nobody sits through. This is true
38:45
story from from one of the studies we did. Nobody wants to sit with
38:49
him, and then obviously it's too smart, and then he gets bored and
38:52
all of a sudden he goes. He goes and does some stupid like you
38:55
shoot school up or something. That's a reality. Guys, you can't get
38:59
away from that, you know. Let's start loving each other. Stop saying
39:01
I'm all right, Hey, are you doing roight? Yeah, I'm all
39:05
right. No, you're fucking not. It's a good chance you're not all
39:07
right. You could chance speak to somebody about something, you know, communicate.
39:13
We will never know Harmon, and this is me and new lyndsay,
39:15
we will never know the hundreds of millions of people that we've helped with the
39:20
ripple effect. We will never know that, unfortunately. But what we have
39:23
to do is start to realize and accept that that that's what we do.
39:28
I tell my guys all the time, you don't want to get when I
39:30
get to my age and you don't want to look back and go, I
39:31
wish, I wish, I wish. You don't want to do that shit.
39:34
You do everything you got to do. Do it now, go to
39:37
the moon. Do it now, because one thing I'm going to tell you,
39:38
guys is you don't have time. We all think we have time.
39:42
A mom's when's the last time you said you were waving your kid off to
39:45
school kindergarten? Next minute you wave them off to college. Whether that time,
39:49
go we don't have time, buy that house, buy that code,
39:52
date that girl. You know, do it now. We don't have time,
39:57
guys. Time goes by so quick and it's so pressure. It's like,
40:00
what are you going to do today to change the fucking world? What
40:04
are you gonna do? Otherwise you're selfish, You're sat on your backside drinking
40:07
beer or depressed, God bless you you can get well, or just not
40:10
doing anything without the mundane stuff every single day. Go drink guys. That's
40:15
not life, that's surviving one you know, I sti't want to drink today.
40:21
Come on, it's not about you, Lindsay. It's not about me
40:23
and you. It's when I go to meet Poorly call me my guy said
40:28
to me, Robert, it's not about you, you selfish pig. It's
40:30
about one hundreds of millions of people out there that are waiting for you to
40:34
get your shit together so your past experience will benefit others and keep them alive.
40:38
Now get your shit together. And for me it was like, oh
40:43
my god, we don't want to live in the past. But our passive,
40:46
our graces, asset for helping other people. Are you know, Lindsay,
40:51
you don't know nothing about suicide. Let me sit down and talk to
40:52
you about that. Well, why don't you know about pain? To sit
40:54
down and talk to you about that. You've never been raped? All this
40:58
stuff that people think that we don't go through it. So now my homelessness,
41:01
Lindsay, was like fucking semester at Harvard University. The stuff I learned
41:06
on the streets boats well today when I'm talking about the disease and where it
41:09
can take you, what are you know, doctor rubbing your big millions of
41:12
dollar what do you know? Let me take you the time I was homeless,
41:15
and they go, what this is how I help people? If you're
41:17
not helping people are changing the world, what the fuck are you doing good?
41:23
I couldn't have said it any better. And you have you have a
41:28
foundation that you started. Can you talk a little bit about that as well,
41:30
my darling, Wow, I would love to if you're just listening.
41:35
I spend one aim at two bes. So it's the Rob Kelly Foundation dot
41:39
org, Robb Foundation dot Kelly, Rob Kelly Foundation dot org. So we
41:46
started this about four weeks ago, that's all. And me and my wife
41:51
used to spend one hundred and fifty thousand dollars a year giving back into the
41:53
communities, paying for I don't know, father wants to see his daughter once
41:58
a week. We pay for court cars, we pay for a suit and
42:00
all that great stuff, and we just kind of loads of people need helping,
42:04
so we decided to do this. The foundation accepts money on the website.
42:07
But here's where we're different, because I'm always looking for showing me where
42:10
you put your money where your mouth is wrong. So what happens is sake,
42:15
Let's say you donate one hundred dollars that hundred dollars we use may go
42:19
to Jimmy around the corner to buy them a shirt and a pair of trousers
42:24
pants to go to court. You will get a letter of Jimmy thanking you
42:30
and showing a picture of him in the new stuffing of boat. So it's
42:32
all a kind of helping each other. If you can afford a dollar,
42:37
great, If you can afford a million, great. And if you're in
42:38
that situation where people talking about getting touch guys, you know there's a good
42:43
chance with haping on to help you. So yeah, the Rock Kelly Foundation
42:45
dot org. It's a five oho one ce free so stop paying the tax
42:50
man, start paying ours kind of thing, and then we will help hundreds
42:53
of millions of people. We need to do that a crosser across the board.
42:58
We also have the Your ow Hero Your Hero Conference San Antonio February.
43:04
We have that Your Realty. All your realty is We're going to show you
43:07
a million dollars in the first year that's in online and yeah, unbelievable.
43:12
We're rocking and rolling over here. Lindsay, Well, I am glad that
43:15
you ended up getting your ass off of the street and showing up and starting
43:19
what you've done and gotten yourself clean and being able to be here today.
43:22
Thank you for doing that. You are fucking amazing. I love your hair,
43:27
I love your chair, and I really love your glasses and you you,
43:31
you are doing some wonderful things for people all around the world, and
43:36
you're doing some well. Just this episode alone, you have helped me in
43:38
ways that I did not think I was going to be helped today. You
43:43
brought up some stuff though, and that is what I love about doing the
43:46
show is because it does bring up things that I'm like, wow, I
43:50
haven't dealt with that one yet either, you know, and you keep they
43:52
keep coming, they keep coming. But I absolutely love your message of compliment
43:58
people, love people, be better, be a better person in this world,
44:00
show up, don't give up, love yourself, all of that woo
44:04
woo stuff. But it is so incredibly important for our mental health, our
44:07
stability, and for our world and our culture. You know, we've got
44:10
a bunch of kids that are being raised that they're going to school every morning
44:15
and they're not sure if they're going to get shot in the face. I
44:19
went through earthquake drills right like. That was my stress when I went into
44:22
school. I had other stressors when I went into school, but that was
44:25
not one of them, and I'm grateful for that. But if we can
44:29
just give everybody a little bit more love and a little bit more attention and
44:32
not have them be in the back row of the classroom, you know,
44:37
of our life. I think that's that's a beautiful message and I'm so glad
44:40
to have met you. Is there anything else you'd like to leave us with
44:44
before we get the dusty trail here? Yeah, I'm going to give you
44:47
a couple of things. Guys. First of all, I'm going to change
44:51
nor pothways and change your life from tomorrow morning. I'm going to do it
44:52
in a second. Listen, if you don't think compliment change people's lives.
44:57
Next time you're in a builcher perry of people for someone with nice sneakers and
45:00
sneakers, oh is the best. As he walks past, you go hey
45:02
man, nice sneakers, He'll say thank you, then turn around and watching.
45:07
He's going to look down at his shoes at these three times. Now,
45:09
he just made his day. Now he goes home to the girlfriend because
45:12
he's in a good mood. She's in a good mood. Then mothering all
45:14
course, and you can get the gist. You can get all that gist.
45:16
It's amazing. Okay, let's change mindset, guys. Please, I'm
45:21
going to change mindset, and I'm going to show you how to get rid
45:23
of most ailments in your body. Everything grows in the body cancels everything in
45:28
a hypoxic area. So the first thing we do when we get up.
45:31
Now, one of the reasons why people now ever put human being has ever
45:36
been laughing when they wake up. His lack of oxygen. That's all it
45:38
is. So get up. A couple of things. Take ten exaggerated breaths
45:43
in and out again. Do that, Do that ten times. Get that
45:49
auction around you. We only breathe around it's forty fifty of our long capacity.
45:55
That means our body, our brain, out, everything that needs nourishment
45:59
with oxygen and not getting That's why you feel tired all the time. Guides
46:00
to the bathroom. Lock yourself in the mirror. I to eye. For
46:05
some of you, this will be awkward. I to eye. Let's start
46:07
really stamping that subconscious brains the shit out the good in. I love you,
46:13
I love you, I love you ten times, guys and here's another
46:16
game changer. If you brush your teeth with your right hand, I want
46:20
you to do one week with the left, one week with the right from
46:23
and keep changing for a month. Your your pathways will change. And before
46:29
you leave the house, say today it's going to be an awesome day.
46:32
You let me know if it isn't. You let me know if thought patterns
46:36
and behavior to good hasn't changed, and I'll send you one hundred dollars for
46:39
wasting your time. I love that mirror work is tough. I just recently
46:45
bought a book for me and my best friend and it's im I think it's
46:49
called Mirror Mirror anyways, and I started the first the first day, we
46:52
said, let's start it together. I did it, and I was so
46:55
uncomfortable because, like you just said, like I love you, I love
46:59
you. Say it to yourself and look at yourself in the eye, and
47:00
it is so sad that it is that awkward for us to do. Thank
47:06
you for all of that. That was just wonderful. Lends you one more
47:07
thing, Oh, one more thing, but wait, there's more, one
47:09
more thing. Real quick, guys, if you're at home and in that
47:13
position I talked about, well, you never think isn't going to be anybody.
47:15
You're depressed, you know you're contemplating, maybe thinking about suicide. You're
47:21
just you know you're in that horrible space. You split it with your wife.
47:23
Two one four six zero zero zero two one zero is my personal cell
47:30
phone number. I want you to text me, and when you text me,
47:34
obviously I'm crazy busy, but I will text you back and I will
47:37
arrange with you a ten minute phone call. That ten minute phone call will
47:42
be like a pep talk. I will change your life in the ten minute
47:45
talk that we have. And again when you wear mouth is please Rob.
47:50
If I don't, I will send you one hundred dollars for wasting your time
47:53
you call me. I would rather give you a ten to fifty many pep
47:57
talk than hear of your funeral next week. Oh my gosh, doctor Rob
48:00
Kelly. Ladies and gentlemen, thank you so much for your time today with
48:05
us. I will put all of his information on how you can get him,
48:07
as well as his cell phone number apparently out for all of you guys.
48:12
You can find him on install, on Facebook, on LinkedIn, his
48:14
website Rob Kelly dot com, twobs, two l's and also the Rob Kelly
48:19
Foundation dot org. Please don't forget to check that out. Thank you again
48:22
for your time today, you wild and crazy man. It's been a pleasure.
48:27
Ques you are exclusively invited to share this changing your mindset addiction free VIP
48:32
pain journey together. Let's get to the heart of how to heal with you
48:37
by my side, and just like Rob was saying, if you are living
48:39
in and with chronic pain, or you're feeling suicidal, or or or or
48:45
any of those things, give us a holler, slip into our DMS text
48:47
us. Whatever you want to do, we are here for you. That's
48:51
why we are doing episodes like this on this show and why he is doing
48:54
it on his show as well, So please send them our way. I'd
48:58
love to have my community of life listeners here helping to support all of the
49:01
other listeners and all of the guests on the show together. Please follow the
49:06
Pain Game Podcast wherever you digest your podcast content, we will be there.
49:10
Visit us at the Pain gamepodcast dot com and follow us on all the socials.
49:15
Thanks for listening, my little VIPs. Catch you on the other side.