Latest / Hoppe Radio (Hoppe Hour) With Ryan Hoppe / The Hammerin Hank Show With Henry Ochs & Ryan Hoppe: Episode 62

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The Hammerin Hank Show With Henry Ochs & Ryan Hoppe: Episode 62 · Hoppe Radio (Hoppe Hour) With Ryan Hoppe

• 0:00
  What up, Hammer and Hank? How are you? How are
• 0:04
  you doing, buddy? Doing great. If I had the music...
• 0:09
  Oh, I just got a text. I'm so popular. If I had
• 0:12
  the music, would you be ready to start the show?
• 0:16
  Looking forward, buddy. You're listening to The
• 0:20
  Hammer and Hank Show with Henry Oaks and Ryan
• 0:23
  Hoppy. Callie's hard OG. Wild 949. He the voice
• 0:42
  they need. Doghouse days. Laying down the cream.
• 0:46
  Too legit to quit. Helen and Hank on fire. Mike
• 0:48
  in hand. Lifeline and wire. Radio beast ain't
• 0:52
  showing no tire. Underdog champion. Always going
• 0:55
  higher. Wild like a wolf. Howl at the moon. Airways
• 0:59
  rocking. Making calls. What up, Hank? Dynamic
• 1:03
  trio tune. How you doing, buddy? Doing pretty
• 1:06
  fucking good. How are you? And Hank on fire.
• 1:09
  Very good, buddy. So, what have you been up to
• 1:13
  this week? I've been trying to audition to sing
• 1:18
  the National Anthem at Minnesota High Football
• 1:21
  Games, Santa Cruz Warriors, and Stockton Kings.
• 1:25
  How is it going reaching out to all of them?
• 1:30
  Thank you, buddy. No, you got to listen to me.
• 1:33
  How is it going reaching out to them? Pretty
• 1:37
  good. What do you say to them? How do you reach
• 1:39
  them? I got the email address through me .ai.
• 1:47
  That's good. I'm very proud of you, Hank. You're
• 1:49
  out here killing it in life. Thank you, buddy.
• 1:52
  You're welcome. You're a legend. So, let's see
• 1:56
  here. What's on our radio prep sheet? First of
• 1:58
  all, you can leave us a voicemail. It's for my
• 2:01
  show and this show. 856 -49 -HOPPY. Or you can
• 2:06
  hit me up on Instagram at DJ Hammer and Hank.
• 2:11
  That's 856 -494 -6773. And we got a comment here
• 2:15
  from a listener. Wow. Every time I listen to
• 2:19
  this show, it gets better. I am so proud of Hammer
• 2:23
  and Hank for creating his own universe. Keep
• 2:26
  up the good work. Thank you, buddy. You're quite
• 2:30
  welcome. So Hammer and Hank. What is your radio
• 2:34
  memory of the week? I attended the 97 FM KSJQ.
• 2:43
  It was a radio station in Modesto. They had a
• 2:47
  one -year anniversary party way, way back in
• 2:49
  1985, and I got to interact with a lot of the
• 2:53
  DJs that used to work there. Was it a good time
• 2:57
  when you were there? Very good time. What were
• 3:01
  some of the best parts of that day? I got hooked
• 3:04
  up with some prizes, like water slide prizes,
• 3:07
  which I didn't get to go, unfortunately. That
• 3:11
  sucks. What's the greatest prize you've ever
• 3:15
  won in radio besides a 15 -minute blowjob? Shakira
• 3:22
  calls you tickets. Shakira? I got to see her.
• 3:27
  Did you see her in person? Like, did you meet
• 3:29
  her? No. She's a hot piece of ass. Because I
• 3:33
  got to sit way in the back, unfortunately. It
• 3:37
  was in the front, in the lower deck, though.
• 3:42
  But I had to sit in the back. Yeah, you did.
• 3:46
  I'm sorry, bud. But if I had to sit well closer,
• 3:50
  like, to the stage, and by the stage, in the
• 3:55
  first couple rows, my dick would got big. I love
• 4:02
  when you get dirty. Because that makes me uncomfortable,
• 4:05
  but in a good way. Because it's weird to think
• 4:08
  about you being pleasured. It's weird. Hammer
• 4:13
  and Hank, we've got to get you on dating apps,
• 4:15
  dude. Nobody. No, no, no. I'm telling you, we
• 4:20
  need to get you on dating apps. Right. Would
• 4:24
  you ever do it? Maybe. You would get on it. have
• 4:31
  her and hang. Of course you would do well. Now,
• 4:35
  if you were to message a woman, how would you
• 4:42
  do it? To meet you and possibly take you to some
• 4:47
  concerts. The thing is, I want to know, what's
• 4:54
  your pickup line when you talk to a woman? What's
• 4:59
  up, buddy? Even to girls? Yep. Where would be
• 5:08
  your first date? We had a Britney Spears concert,
• 5:13
  but Britney Spears isn't performing anymore,
• 5:16
  unfortunately. So we had a Sabrina Carpenter
• 5:20
  concert, buddy. Hank, Hank, Hank, Hank, Hank.
• 5:27
  What are we going to do with We got to get you
• 5:30
  laid. That's what we got to do. We got to get
• 5:33
  you a hot -ass Latino woman. What, buddy? Fuck
• 5:37
  yeah. With that little energy we have, let's
• 5:42
  do the jokes. Let me hit the music. Okay, buddy.
• 5:47
  Fuck yeah. Fuck yeah. Fuck yeah. Here's what
• 6:08
  we're going to do. I sent you for some. Well,
• 6:11
  first of all, why did you want it to say homeless
• 6:13
  jokes? Yes, I remember doing a joke at the Walton
• 6:18
  Academy Comedy Jam way back in 2004. You know,
• 6:22
  San Francisco has the nation's largest homeless
• 6:24
  population. I hate the fact that they always
• 6:26
  pay people money. Why don't they get a fucking
• 6:29
  job or something? Because the only thing I have
• 6:32
  for them is a cup of hot piss. You're the best,
• 6:40
  dude. You get mad over the weirdest things. It's
• 6:44
  so cute. You're the best. All right, so what
• 6:46
  we're going to do is we're going to start off
• 6:48
  with the first 10 jokes of the normal jokes.
• 6:52
  And then right after, tell us the homeless jokes,
• 6:55
  okay? You ready? Let's go. What I'll always put
• 6:59
  my keys in a safe place so I can never find them
• 7:05
  again. Why do I always check the pantry after
• 7:11
  dinner? Why? Because dessert doesn't count as
• 7:15
  another meal. Why do I keep saying I only watch
• 7:20
  one video? Why? Because I'm an optimist. Why
• 7:28
  do I always wear my oldest shoes? Why? Because
• 7:33
  they're the only ones that understand me. Why
• 7:39
  do I always check my mailbox? Why? Because hope
• 7:43
  is free. Why do I always walk into the kitchen
• 7:48
  and stand there? Why? Because my stomach caused
• 7:52
  a meeting but forgot the agenda. Hilarious. Why
• 7:59
  do I always wait until the end? Until I'm in
• 8:03
  bed to remember everything I forgot? I don't
• 8:07
  know. Because my brain likes perfect timing.
• 8:11
  Why do I keep buying notebooks? Why? Because
• 8:17
  apparently owning them is the same thing as being
• 8:20
  organized. Why do I look at the weather after
• 8:26
  I'm already outside? Why? Because I'm always...
• 8:31
  Confirming what I already know. Why do I always
• 8:35
  say I don't need another thing from the store?
• 8:39
  Because I enjoy making a second trip tomorrow.
• 8:45
  Now for the homeless jokes. Why did the homeless
• 8:49
  guy love the library? Because it had the best
• 8:55
  free Wi -Fi and air conditioning in town. A homeless
• 9:00
  guy said, I'm between homes. His friend replied,
• 9:06
  That's the longest move I've ever seen. Why do
• 9:11
  the fucking homeless people lose their keys?
• 9:15
  Because they fucking keep everything they own
• 9:17
  with them. A homeless guy walked into a coffee
• 9:22
  shop and asked, Do you have anything in the house?
• 9:26
  The cashier said, That's... fucking kind of the
• 9:31
  problem. Someone told a homeless guy to make
• 9:35
  himself at home. He answered, I'm fucking trying.
• 9:41
  Why was the homeless guy so good at driving at
• 9:45
  given directions? He knew how to park in the
• 9:49
  fucking city. A homeless guy said, I finally
• 9:54
  got a place with an open floor plan. Yes, boo.
• 10:02
  Why did the homeless guy become a meteorologist?
• 10:06
  Why? He only knew exactly when it was going to
• 10:09
  rain. A homeless guy write, my fucking landlord
• 10:15
  never raised a rent. His friend said, that's
• 10:20
  one way to look at sleeping outside. The homeless
• 10:26
  guy said, I live in a minimalist hostel. His
• 10:33
  buddy replied, that's a very optimistic way to
• 10:38
  describe it. That's not bad. Good job, Hank.
• 10:44
  Do you know what I'm playing right now? Church
• 10:47
  music. How the hell is church going? Extremely
• 10:52
  good. What are you learning? My pastor, John...
• 10:56
  He had surgery the other day. Is he okay? He
• 11:01
  is okay. We've been recording. We have guest
• 11:03
  speakers during the month of August. We've been
• 11:06
  recording for 11 minutes and 11 seconds. That
• 11:08
  goes out to your pastor. Thank you, buddy. Yeah.
• 11:13
  What have you been praying about? Mr. John's
• 11:17
  surgery. My radio career. Your radio career is
• 11:20
  fine. And also my date. Oh, yeah. We need to
• 11:26
  get you a woman named like, I don't know. Veronica.
• 11:30
  Yeah, Veronica. Suck them off. I don't know.
• 11:35
  Veronica, Lakeisha, Latinda. Okay, buddy. Hammer
• 11:41
  and Hank, let me see here. What are some songs
• 11:45
  from the 2000s you think they should bring back?
• 11:51
  Family Portrait by Prince. Any time I should
• 11:57
  care, which I wish I could stay at her concert
• 12:03
  a little more. Mm -hmm. Also. Mm -hmm. Mm -hmm.
• 12:11
  This. Also. Yeah. What's up? All You Wanted by
• 12:17
  Michelle Branch. I love Michelle Branch. A little
• 12:20
  bit of this, a little bit of that. Started with
• 12:24
  a kiss, now we're. up to bat. Doesn't that sound
• 12:28
  like the game of love? Yep. Not at all. Michelle
• 12:32
  Branch and Santana. Oh, yeah. I love Michelle
• 12:37
  Branch. Everywhere. And also Oops I Did It Again
• 12:39
  by Britney Spears. She's okay. She's fine. Have
• 12:45
  her at Hank. Do you have any trivia this week?
• 12:50
  One question. All right. What's the question?
• 12:55
  Who had the number one hit record, Live to Tell,
• 13:00
  way back in 1986? Visitel? Live to Tell. Live
• 13:06
  to Tell. Madonna, sucking off a guy. That's correct.
• 13:11
  Wow, I got it right. That was a guess, Hank,
• 13:15
  and I did it. Cool, and that's it for this week.
• 13:19
  If I hit the music, would you be ready for a
• 13:23
  prick in the news? Yes. Let me do it. Let me
• 13:27
  turn it up. What do you got? Freaking news. Deathly
• 14:03
  P. Diddy. He's a douchebag. You got beat up in
• 14:10
  prison. The prison officials say it was his fault,
• 14:14
  so he was sent to solitary confinement. You fucking
• 14:18
  bastard. You got to do it. Your turn. Yeah, your
• 14:29
  mic can't even take you. You get so passionate
• 14:32
  about saying loser. Hammer and Hank, any other
• 14:37
  pricks? All right, let me get buddy of the week.
• 14:43
  Yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo. Tune in to the
• 14:47
  show. It's Hammer and Hank. Autistic genius always
• 14:51
  keeping it dank. Henry Oaks on the mic. Hop,
• 14:54
  ride, and shotgun. Roll call for the buddies.
• 14:56
  We just having some fun. Buddy of the week. Who
• 14:59
  gonna get the crown? Hank bringing smiles. Shut
• 15:02
  the haters down. On the airwaves. We breaking
• 15:05
  the code. Streetwise. On this radio. Catch the
• 15:09
  vibe when Hank spitting words so tight. Every
• 15:12
  moment electric like sparks in the night. We've
• 15:14
  talked a lot. We're going to smack today. So
• 15:18
  let's have positive vibes. Who's your buddy on
• 15:21
  the link? My buddy on the link is definitely
• 15:23
  all the people who are trying to get me to sing
• 15:26
  the National Anthem at sporting events. Name
• 15:30
  some of those people. Miguel. From the San Jose
• 15:36
  Giants. Also everyone at the Santa Cruz Warriors.
• 15:42
  Stockton Kings, San Jose Barracuda, Minnesota
• 15:46
  High School, and Hayward High. You are so popular.
• 15:50
  You're popular. You're more popular than me,
• 15:54
  Hank. Go, buddy. Whatever. Anything else going
• 15:59
  on? Well, I wish I could see a hot female artist
• 16:04
  in concert in the second row. Not the first row.
• 16:12
  By the stage. So my dick would get hard. Now
• 16:20
  there's different types of chubs. There's average
• 16:23
  hardness. And then there's like rock hard. Would
• 16:27
  you be rock? I'll dress up to go to concerts
• 16:31
  if that's the case. I'll definitely dress up.
• 16:35
  What's the F of your word? Oh, slacks. All a
• 16:41
  shirt. Anything else you'd wear? I'll probably
• 16:48
  wear a sweater if it's cold. Yeah, it's going
• 16:50
  to be cold. Their nipples are going to get hard.
• 16:54
  You're going to need to warm them up by twisting
• 16:56
  them. Hammer and Hank, I'm saying way too much.
• 17:00
  This is a family show. I can't be saying it.
• 17:03
  All you got to do is lick the clit the same way
• 17:05
  over and over. Just giving you advice. Hammer
• 17:08
  and Hank, any other random thoughts in your mind?
• 17:12
  That's it. Hammer and Hank, this has been a very
• 17:16
  strange show. We had fun. We got a little dirty.
• 17:20
  We got a little clean. What is the meaning of
• 17:26
  life, Hank? Never, never give up. I always say
• 17:32
  focus on your goals and they could come true
• 17:35
  one day. Sign us off! Well, I gotta sign off
• 17:43
  now and we hope to see you again next week. Peace
• 17:46
  in your fucking hood. Love you fucking heck!
• 17:49
  I love you. Bye now. We'll see you next time.
• 18:49
  Every beat they design. Static in the speakers
• 18:52
  where the laughter used to ride. Hank led the
• 18:54
  show with that beautiful pride. Autism didn't
• 18:57
  stop him, not amplified. Hammer and Hank, forever
• 19:00
  immortalized. Farewell, Hammer and Hank, gotta
• 19:02
  close up the show. Legend in the booth where
• 19:05
  the vibes used to flow. Autism warrior, always
• 19:08
  running the glow. But all good things gotta let
• 19:10
  the curtain go slow. Radio go, never go. See
• 19:13
  a host with the sauce. Henry Oaks and Reinhardt,
• 19:16
  lightning never lost. Puzzle piece crown, man,
• 19:18
  this dude was the boss. City missed the voice,
• 19:21
  that's the ultimate cost. Farewell Hammer and
• 19:54
  Hank, gotta close up the show Legend in the booth
• 19:56
  where the vibes used to flow Autism Warrior always
• 19:59
  running the glow But all good things gotta let
• 20:02
  the curtain go slow Radio Yate never ghosts,
• 20:14
  he a host with the stars Harry Oakes and Ryan
• 20:17
  Hoff, likely never lost What's up? Ryan Hoppe
• 20:47
  here. And I want to tell you about the Ride the
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• 20:57
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• 21:00
  Hoppe, which can be heard by searching Hoppe
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  over the world. It is everything that radio is
• 21:08
  missing. Now you're hearing my voice and you
• 21:11
  go, how can I find it? RideTheWave .media is
• 21:15
  the website name. And there has all the great
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• 21:21
  from the Ride to Wave Media Podcast Network.
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  What's up? Ryan Hoppe here. And I want to tell
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  They got such great shows as Practically Magic,
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• 21:46
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• 21:52
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• 21:55
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