Latest / The Inspired Speaker Network / How to Find Your People and Build a Supportive Community Featuring Danielle Benzon

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How to Find Your People and Build a Supportive Community Featuring Danielle Benzon · The Inspired Speaker Network

• 0:00
  Hey, everybody.
• 0:01
  Are you having a great day?
• 0:02
  Yes.
• 0:03
  Oh no, you're not.
• 0:05
  It's okay.
• 0:05
  I got you.
• 0:07
  I'm Tif Loeffler.
• 0:08
  Welcome to Positively Yours.
• 0:10
  I'm going to share Tif's tips, techniques, and a little bit of magic to help you
• 0:15
  uplevel and have a great day every day.
• 0:18
  Are you ready to get started?
• 0:20
  Yeah.
• 0:21
  Oh, you're not?
• 0:22
  That's okay.
• 0:23
  I still got you.
• 0:24
  Let's go.
• 0:27
  Today, we are talking about curating your community.
• 0:32
  Now, I love to offer Tif's tip for having a great day at the beginning of the
• 0:37
  podcast in season two, and we'll see how it goes, but today is all about curating
• 0:43
  your community, and I love this idea because I love the word curating.
• 0:48
  We all have people in our lives.
• 0:49
  I come from an absolutely, I'm going to say obnoxiously large family.
• 0:54
  I'm both my mom and my dad's side, and I love that, and I had this, well, this
• 0:58
  thought that everybody would always be connected, always, so how's that
• 1:03
  for living in hyperboland, and that's not what happened, and if you are fortunate
• 1:10
  enough to have a lot of people in your life and it's like, oh, this is awesome.
• 1:14
  I love it.
• 1:16
  Everybody here, good for you, and if you have a couple of challenging people or
• 1:20
  maybe not enough people, and I strongly recommend, so in this three minutes
• 1:25
  perhaps of my talking about all of Tif's tips for having a great day, if we are
• 1:29
  discussing the curating your community, it is important to take note that whether
• 1:35
  you are someone who is very solitary or you are someone who loves to be
• 1:40
  surrounded by people 24-7, we all are going to interact with different
• 1:46
  people throughout our lives.
• 1:48
  I feel that's in a best sense.
• 1:51
  I don't want you to alienate yourself from other people's society.
• 1:55
  I don't want you to be alone all the time.
• 1:57
  There is a difference between being alone, being alone, and then being lonely.
• 2:03
  We as human beings are people who need and want and like and sometimes dislike,
• 2:12
  but we still deal with and ultimately do our best to get along with other people.
• 2:17
  What does that mean?
• 2:19
  Wait, let me try to unpack that because it means to me that curating your
• 2:27
  community is essential in having a great day, not just important, it is essential.
• 2:32
  I think it would be fair to say that most of us would agree that you do not want
• 2:38
  to be surrounded by people who are detrimental to your having a great day.
• 2:43
  Whether they are people with bad attitudes, bad habits, bad understandings,
• 2:50
  they could be bullies, they could be naysayers, downplayers, we know that at
• 2:57
  some point in our lives, we're dealing with people that might not be well
• 3:02
  positive, whether optimally positive or just in the moment trying to get by
• 3:06
  positive because we don't want toxic positivity.
• 3:09
  We don't want a bunch of yes people in our lives saying, oh yes, that's perfect.
• 3:12
  That's great when the sky is falling.
• 3:16
  However, we want people in our lives that want to be in our lives, that enjoy
• 3:21
  being in our lives, that celebrate our lives, that will understand once in a
• 3:25
  while, we are going to commiserate about our lives and we're going to talk
• 3:29
  about how can we have a great day.
• 3:32
  So my number one tip is, in this realm of curating your community, is to each
• 3:38
  day, reach out to someone in your community that you have curated that
• 3:43
  you know is that truly authentically positive influence.
• 3:50
  I am very fortunate that I have family members, I have friends.
• 3:55
  It doesn't have to be someone incredibly close.
• 3:57
  It can be a new acquaintance.
• 3:59
  It could be someone you work with.
• 4:01
  It can be anyone that you choose.
• 4:05
  And again, I love talking about choice.
• 4:06
  So when you each day pick one person, it can be more than one.
• 4:13
  And if once in a while you maybe are super busy or maybe just don't want
• 4:18
  to deal, there are those days.
• 4:20
  We're talking in general.
• 4:23
  On a beautiful, sunny, whatever the sky looks like to you, average day,
• 4:28
  a gloriously average day.
• 4:30
  That's great.
• 4:31
  You know why it's great?
• 4:31
  Because you reached out to someone.
• 4:33
  You had a conversation.
• 4:34
  It was just maybe a couple of minutes.
• 4:37
  Maybe it was an hour.
• 4:38
  I know with Danielle, I can barely keep myself contained to under an hour
• 4:42
  conversation at any given time.
• 4:43
  And you know what?
• 4:44
  That's super fun.
• 4:45
  So my point is, it doesn't matter.
• 4:47
  You have the freedom of choice.
• 4:48
  You get to be flexible.
• 4:49
  You can even call someone and say, look, I just wanted to say hi.
• 4:51
  I don't even have time.
• 4:52
  I love when people do that.
• 4:53
  Look, I'm just calling to say I love you.
• 4:54
  I don't have time.
• 4:55
  I'm thinking of you.
• 4:56
  We'll talk later.
• 4:57
  And then they hang up the phone, but I had this huge grin on my face
• 5:00
  because, oh, that was so cool.
• 5:02
  Someone said, look, I just couldn't help it.
• 5:04
  I needed to connect with you today because it's helping me have a great day.
• 5:08
  And that is what we're talking about.
• 5:11
  Having a great day.
• 5:12
  Any sorts of tips and tricks I love to share.
• 5:15
  And that is my tip for today.
• 5:17
  Now onto our regularly scheduled program already in progress, which is curating
• 5:21
  your community with Danielle Benzon.
• 5:23
  Danielle, please, I invite you to share because the stage is yours and it's a
• 5:28
  glorious stage because we're also talking about all the people in the
• 5:32
  audience, our community.
• 5:33
  Woo!
• 5:35
  It's true.
• 5:36
  We are.
• 5:36
  We're, we are part of our community.
• 5:40
  Yeah.
• 5:41
  And Danielle, I'm so glad that you were on board to talk about community because
• 5:47
  I know that I feel community is important.
• 5:51
  Could you start the conversation of why do you feel that it is
• 5:54
  important to curate your community?
• 5:58
  I think, you know, we are, there's, you know, that old saying, you know, you
• 6:03
  are the sum of the people that you hang out with, not sure how I feel about how
• 6:08
  it said like that exactly, but, you know, you, certain people are good for you
• 6:13
  and certain people are bad for you.
• 6:14
  And if you're not like, they might be great, but you don't have to spend all
• 6:19
  your time with the people who are bad for you, even if you care about them.
• 6:21
  You need to have some people who are good for you, who are filling your cup,
• 6:25
  who are making you more strong, more sane, more happy, more joyful.
• 6:31
  You deserve to have those people in your life to, to build you up and
• 6:37
  keep you strong and happy, you know?
• 6:41
  So it feels kind of, it feels kind of silly to say, but it is so important to be fed.
• 6:48
  We're so, we're so worried about fitting in all the time.
• 6:55
  And it's really important to find your people, find the people who don't
• 6:59
  just tolerate you, they enjoy you because that will, it'll change the
• 7:04
  way you see the world, you know?
• 7:07
  Oh, I love how you said that change, how you see the world.
• 7:11
  It's so true.
• 7:12
  And if I may, I feel up until this point, we have been talking about
• 7:15
  curating your community for your personal day-to-day life.
• 7:19
  I know we're going to touch upon how this will also help.
• 7:22
  I would like to talk a little bit about women in business and how it's
• 7:25
  important to curate that community.
• 7:27
  Because what we're talking about is for all of it right now, which is exciting.
• 7:34
  And how have you, I would say recently, I would love to talk
• 7:39
  about the podcast network, I'm very excited.
• 7:42
  Could we talk a little bit, maybe let's just jump into that.
• 7:45
  How have you curated your community?
• 7:48
  Not only on the backend, if you'd like, whatever you'd like to choose, or how
• 7:53
  you're curating the community, like, are we talking about the people?
• 7:56
  I'm so excited to be part of the community of the ladies who are part of the first
• 7:59
  wave of the Inspired Speakers Network.
• 8:02
  It's been tremendous.
• 8:04
  It's been tremendous.
• 8:05
  So any of that part that you would like to talk about, I would love to hear
• 8:08
  because this is very exciting.
• 8:13
  Yeah, it's, it is.
• 8:16
  I don't know how to, it's so exciting for me right now still, you know?
• 8:21
  But I think, I mean, I don't know how, like, I definitely was looking for a
• 8:29
  certain type of person who matched a certain type of ethical standard.
• 8:35
  They shared my, we're aligned in our values, so that we can all come
• 8:39
  together and create something good.
• 8:41
  You know, so I was looking for people like that.
• 8:43
  I was looking for people I wanted to spend time with.
• 8:45
  I was looking for people whose podcasts I wanted to listen to.
• 8:47
  I mean, you know, so, and, and also whose voices I wanted to amplify in the world.
• 8:53
  Because for me, that's very much what I do is I, I help people to find their
• 8:57
  voice and to get it out there.
• 9:00
  So it just kind of made sense.
• 9:02
  I don't, I maybe don't separate my business and my personal as much as I should,
• 9:08
  because I'm so in contact with my clients all the time.
• 9:11
  I'm not like create a product and give you the product and you deal with the
• 9:15
  product, like interacting with me is the product, to say it like that.
• 9:21
  So, you know, it's, I have a very, I have to enjoy it.
• 9:26
  Otherwise it doesn't matter how, it doesn't matter what I charge.
• 9:30
  I have to enjoy it.
• 9:32
  Otherwise my life's going to be miserable.
• 9:36
  Because people I spend all my time with, I don't want to like, you know so yeah, I'm,
• 9:43
  I'm more, I'm more conscious because my, my personal, my overlap, my personal, my
• 9:51
  business overlap so much.
• 9:52
  Did that make sense?
• 9:54
  Oh, it does.
• 9:55
  I, and like I said, I didn't mean to interject.
• 9:57
  What I, when I was listening to you, I was loving it because it also now reminds me
• 10:04
  of, and I can't remember who it was who said this.
• 10:06
  Oh, you want to separate personal from business?
• 10:09
  If you're in business for yourself, good.
• 10:11
  And it's like, let's just stop that right now.
• 10:14
  How can you do that?
• 10:14
  It's ridiculous.
• 10:15
  Good luck.
• 10:16
  The person in this business, I'm not a machine.
• 10:18
  I can't, I'm not a machine.
• 10:21
  And I love how you talked about the people that you wanted to be around.
• 10:25
  Isn't that what it's all about?
• 10:26
  We want to be around people we want to be around.
• 10:27
  Let's just call it what it gloriously is.
• 10:31
  I want to be around people I want to be around.
• 10:34
  It feels, it feels really simple, but we get so tied up in obligations.
• 10:39
  I'm supposed to spend time with this person because they're related to me or
• 10:43
  because we went to school together or, you know, there's all these reasons why
• 10:47
  we have to spend time with people apart from just enjoying being in their
• 10:52
  company, which is, should be enough.
• 10:59
  If I may, something just came up just to comfort people.
• 11:05
  Like, for example, I was in a retail environment and I was working with
• 11:09
  someone so closely and I did love being with them.
• 11:13
  And we lost our jobs, the department folded.
• 11:17
  And that person, just for lack of better, they just, they were gone.
• 11:23
  And I think sometimes there's that sadness of the pressure of feeling that no matter
• 11:33
  what, we're always going to be together.
• 11:36
  And that it's not even a problem.
• 11:39
  People, it's called life because that other person was dealing with and
• 11:44
  has a different life than I have.
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  And at the time I could say, I almost got upset.
• 11:50
  Like, it's not that it's all about me, but why can't you understand
• 11:54
  that I want to hang out with you?
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  And, and there are moments where people are like, you know what?
• 12:00
  It's gone.
• 12:01
  Like either the job is gone or a connected person is gone.
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  And that's okay.
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  It happens.
• 12:08
  And learning that has been these past few years, there's been a lot of that.
• 12:17
  And that's why it's nice again, getting back to curating your community,
• 12:22
  consciously curating your community, because you want to make sure you have a
• 12:27
  nice group of peeps around you.
• 12:31
  And I call my group, my peeps.
• 12:33
  I just like, I got my peeps.
• 12:35
  I think of all these little chicks.
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  Like we're all little chicks.
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  We're just bouncing around.
• 12:38
  Exactly.
• 12:39
  That's just, that's who we are.
• 12:41
  And to consciously curate it, saying it sounds almost, duh.
• 12:49
  But as you said, and it's, it's almost like, why are we even, I love this
• 12:55
  conversation, I love this podcast discussion because it's one of those
• 12:59
  where, why are we even discussing this?
• 13:00
  Isn't it obvious?
• 13:01
  Well, it is obvious.
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  And also, how many times do you see that people do not curate?
• 13:10
  And I want to just jump in right now and say, when I was starting a business,
• 13:14
  I knew that I needed help without fully understanding consciously,
• 13:20
  I need help in a business.
• 13:21
  And I'm going to use the word desperation.
• 13:25
  And out of desperation, I drew to myself and grabbed whoever I thought was there
• 13:35
  at the time, and when I say who I thought was there at the time, well,
• 13:40
  they were there for themselves.
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  I don't think they were there for me.
• 13:43
  And there were also some people who, well-meaning, but very negative
• 13:46
  and energy draining and, or there were people, so even when you try to
• 13:53
  consciously curate your community, I wonder if there needs to be one more
• 13:59
  word there because it can be tough when you don't get it right and then you
• 14:05
  feel like you're stuck, but remember, you always have a choice.
• 14:08
  It's okay to let go of people and embrace new people.
• 14:15
  Yeah.
• 14:16
  You always have a choice and we grow out of people and they grow out of us.
• 14:27
  And it's okay.
• 14:30
  It's all, as long as it's, yeah, just as long as it's positive, you know.
• 14:44
  I think why I really wanted to talk about this is because it is so important and
• 14:54
  your community does not have to be huge.
• 14:57
  That was another thing.
• 14:58
  And I think I'm really glad to mention this because I feel to have these pauses
• 15:03
  is important because we're talking about our lives, our daily lives.
• 15:09
  And I used to think it was quantity over quality for sure.
• 15:14
  Yes.
• 15:14
  We know quality is important, but I needed to have all of these people.
• 15:17
  We need to have so many people and now we will flip it.
• 15:24
  And I'm working with Danielle and Danielle is quality.
• 15:31
  And I am so grateful to be a part of her community.
• 15:34
  I'm so glad she's a part of the community that I'm building for myself.
• 15:39
  And I do want to let, give us that grace, all of us, that curated
• 15:46
  community does not mean I got to get a whole bunch of people together
• 15:49
  and it's got to look a certain way.
• 15:52
  It does not.
• 15:53
  And there is a beautiful example of freedom and choice because now that I am
• 16:00
  with Danielle and she is my mentor and my coach for speaking and for business.
• 16:09
  And I don't feel the desperation of having to go outside for a whole
• 16:18
  bunch of different people constantly.
• 16:22
  Cause again, we're all energy, energy beings.
• 16:25
  We're all, I'm going to get woo.
• 16:28
  Everything's energy.
• 16:29
  It just is.
• 16:30
  And you're going to expend a lot of energy if you constantly feel you have
• 16:35
  to go out there and chase constantly.
• 16:37
  Once in a while, it's fun to go chase things.
• 16:39
  I'm gonna tell you, but you can't 24 seven go out and chase, chase, chase,
• 16:44
  chase, chase, you are completely exhausted and it is exhausting.
• 16:49
  Yeah, it's really exhausting.
• 16:51
  It's for me, I'm an artist's daughter, so it's always been quality
• 16:56
  over quantity for everything, you know?
• 16:58
  And so that's just how I want to live my life.
• 17:00
  I want to live my life, not surrounded by, not like surrounded by beautiful
• 17:06
  people, but surrounded by beauty, surrounded by love, surrounded by
• 17:08
  happiness and joy and real connection and humanity, all these huge lofty things.
• 17:14
  But it's in your day to day that it's important.
• 17:19
  And you're, how much of your work is here?
• 17:21
  Like how much of your day to day is your work?
• 17:27
  Oh, so I want to live a kind of quality life as well.
• 17:30
  So like by curating my community, I also get to curate my, my world
• 17:37
  because those people make up my world.
• 17:41
  My work, most people's work day is more than half the day.
• 17:46
  So it just makes sense to me.
• 17:51
  And it's making more sense to me now.
• 17:53
  In fact, I was inspired to draw.
• 17:56
  I don't know how to draw a globe, but I think if I had green and blue,
• 18:00
  it would look even better.
• 18:01
  But I just drew a circle with a couple little squiggles as you
• 18:03
  were talking, just like, yes.
• 18:07
  Because nowadays I feel, I wanted to, it just entered my
• 18:14
  head about the global community.
• 18:16
  We have this huge, we are so connected in so many different ways.
• 18:23
  And there might be the thought that it's easy to be a part of a community.
• 18:30
  And it is.
• 18:32
  And I still want us to, I'm going to spit it out.
• 18:36
  I want us to think for ourselves.
• 18:37
  I don't want us to be all just, I can't just go through what everybody else
• 18:41
  says, because I just want to be a part of a community.
• 18:43
  Being a part of a consciously curated community means that you're
• 18:47
  bringing yourself to the table.
• 18:49
  And this is a beautiful table where everybody is invited.
• 18:52
  And also I think that there are times where in the past for me, I just
• 19:00
  wanted someone else to do the thinking for me, as far as a community.
• 19:04
  Like, I'll just, I'm checking out.
• 19:07
  And I think that was just because of exhaustion and not knowing my worth.
• 19:14
  I do like talking about worthiness and of course we're worth it.
• 19:19
  We're worth bringing our voice to a table and being a part of a community
• 19:23
  where, you know what, we're not always going to be eye to eye.
• 19:26
  We're not always going to agree on everything.
• 19:28
  And I welcome that.
• 19:30
  You don't want a bunch of, again, getting back to that, somebody says
• 19:33
  yes to you all the time.
• 19:34
  Oh, that can be, we need a little spicy variety.
• 19:39
  And I like that.
• 19:41
  Yeah.
• 19:42
  Well, yeah.
• 19:43
  But also some of us, you know, our community is smaller because
• 19:46
  we're a little bit odd.
• 19:47
  And so we're, we're, we're much, we're more different than other people,
• 19:52
  you know, and so having the globe available, it's not that I'm friends
• 19:58
  with everyone in the globe.
• 19:59
  It's that this space is big enough for me to find my people and maybe
• 20:03
  none of them live next door.
• 20:06
  But now with this amazing technology and everything that we have, my
• 20:11
  community doesn't need to be in person.
• 20:14
  My, most of my community, like the people that I consider part of my, my
• 20:18
  life and part of my family and my business, they're online, like friends
• 20:25
  like friends and clients.
• 20:27
  Uh, I, a lot of my life is online now and that's okay.
• 20:32
  Oh yes.
• 20:33
  It's okay to be both, you know, we don't have to be a hundred percent offline.
• 20:37
  We don't, I don't think anyone wants to be a hundred percent online, but we can,
• 20:42
  we can have a, we, we can all find, we can all find enough to, and for us to
• 20:49
  be enough in that space, you know, even if we just have three to five
• 20:54
  friends, if they're really good friends, it doesn't matter.
• 20:59
  It is true.
• 21:00
  I, I think it's interesting.
• 21:02
  And if I may use this, well, talking about friends, because it's so interesting.
• 21:09
  There's so many different levels of friends.
• 21:10
  It's almost like the word love.
• 21:12
  Like you can love the glass of water that we have in our hand.
• 21:17
  And you can like, I love my mom.
• 21:20
  Those are two very different loves.
• 21:22
  My friend, my friend that, you know, I see at work that I only see them at work.
• 21:29
  I only see them for a few minutes, but I like seeing them.
• 21:31
  They're my friend at work or they are my friend and you don't even qualify it.
• 21:35
  And I think that's really fun.
• 21:36
  And I love that you said, this is so wonderful to remind us once in a
• 21:40
  while about the magic of technology.
• 21:43
  Just think, we have the opportunity to find those wonderfully weird people
• 21:50
  that are our total jam and we're their total jam and this is, and we're jamming.
• 21:55
  It's awesome.
• 21:56
  And yeah, we don't even have to say a hundred years ago or 50 years ago.
• 22:02
  It could even say 20 years ago.
• 22:03
  And then 10 years ago, it's amazing how the game has changed and it's a fun
• 22:09
  game because now you get to play.
• 22:12
  And I think I want to also introduce that word to curating your community play.
• 22:18
  It's fun.
• 22:19
  It's fun to be with people that you get to play with because work can
• 22:22
  be play and play can be work.
• 22:24
  And I don't want to be at the end of the day, every day, so completely
• 22:28
  exhausted because I had to deal.
• 22:32
  And when you curate your community, that is not a part of the
• 22:37
  equation or a very small part.
• 22:41
  Yeah.
• 22:43
  And if you curate your community and you've got enough good friends, when
• 22:47
  things go bad, you can kind of spread them out and you can all support each
• 22:54
  other, you can be supported by them.
• 22:56
  Um, and they, you know, they can support you and, you know, you don't
• 23:06
  always need to go to a therapist.
• 23:09
  And also, definitely sometimes you should.
• 23:14
  Oh, no, no.
• 23:16
  I had a story.
• 23:17
  Yeah.
• 23:18
  Yeah.
• 23:18
  But just, um, you know, it, it makes, it just makes life more pleasant.
• 23:23
  Life's supposed to be enjoyed.
• 23:25
  I, it sounds silly to say it, but so many of us just, we go on autopilot.
• 23:30
  We're living at like 20% sensation.
• 23:34
  We're not, we're not alive.
• 23:39
  Um, and I think that's because we're lonely or unhappy, or we feel like we don't
• 23:44
  fit in, but we, and some of that has to happen in real life, but, cause it has to
• 23:53
  happen, you know, in me, but also I don't make any sense at all.
• 23:59
  Am I?
• 24:00
  I think you're making a lot of sense.
• 24:02
  I think that sometimes my brain isn't involved in the speaking, you know?
• 24:09
  Oh, that's because there's some divine download that you're processing in real
• 24:13
  time.
• 24:14
  That's how I feel about it.
• 24:15
  If I, you know, and I feel that you are making great sense.
• 24:18
  I was happily taken in by your comments about if things go south, it's nice to
• 24:28
  have someone to talk to you.
• 24:30
  And it was, and yes, you don't always need that.
• 24:36
  And at times you do, it just depends on what you need for, for a special person.
• 24:41
  Example, a therapist or a doctor or a trusted counselor.
• 24:45
  I was thinking of it's just enough, you know, you don't have to unload.
• 24:52
  You don't, unless you're someone like me in the past, used to unload people
• 24:56
  constantly about something.
• 24:58
  And, um, I only bring that up because you do want to be mindful of maintaining
• 25:08
  your curated community.
• 25:10
  And part of that, you know, sometimes we have our moments.
• 25:13
  I had a moment where I was having trouble with my boyfriend and I was unloading
• 25:16
  to only a couple of people at work and boy, did I unload and I didn't realize
• 25:21
  it was overload and I didn't realize to the point where, so I'm, this might be
• 25:24
  just an interjected tip for having a great day.
• 25:28
  Just take a moment once in a while, if you're going through something really
• 25:31
  deep and I love that you're talking about just kind of spreading it out a little
• 25:35
  bit, because that's why it's nice to have more than just, if you have...
• 25:41
  You don't need multiple people.
• 25:43
  You can't be too intense.
• 25:44
  Exactly.
• 25:45
  That's it.
• 25:46
  I feel that is, if that is the one thing that you get from this talk today.
• 25:51
  And here's what I'd love to say.
• 25:53
  Okay.
• 25:53
  If this is not you, I'm delighted for you.
• 25:57
  I'm just guessing you might know of someone or have a client that's like
• 26:02
  this or a relative or, and then how do you deal?
• 26:06
  And I would like to maybe touch upon that in a moment and coming back to
• 26:11
  your, your people that you have curated, this is again, I feel an example of why
• 26:17
  it is good to have more than just that one friend that, and I'm going to say it
• 26:23
  this way, has to deal with all your stuff.
• 26:27
  Yeah.
• 26:28
  It's nice to be mindful of saying, you know what, I've got this one
• 26:31
  friend, I've got this really deep thing.
• 26:33
  Am I putting just a little too much emphasis on the syllable of friend here
• 26:38
  where they got to deal with all of it?
• 26:42
  And conversely, if someone is maybe in your curated community coming down a
• 26:51
  little heavy on things, it is okay to say, I just need a moment here because I
• 26:57
  think my cup is full on talking about this.
• 27:00
  It's okay.
• 27:01
  I like talking about this about curating your community.
• 27:04
  It means we're communicating.
• 27:05
  How's that for another C?
• 27:06
  You got to communicate and it's wonderful to not only, to talk about
• 27:10
  the communicating of the good things, not only talking about the things
• 27:13
  that I need help with, but just once in a while saying, I know you need this
• 27:18
  and this is what I could help you with.
• 27:22
  And to have that feeling of, and I heard this today, Danielle, it was just
• 27:26
  about, not just, but it was about safety.
• 27:30
  I love this.
• 27:31
  What was it, the hierarchy of needs to feel safe, to feel safe.
• 27:36
  And so I wonder if you could talk about that for a moment, about how nice it
• 27:40
  is that we all need to feel safe and safe, not only, I can tell you things,
• 27:45
  but safe that if you tell me something, I don't have to flap the handle and go,
• 27:48
  I can't believe you feel that way about me.
• 27:50
  And I'm just trying to, it's like, it's all good.
• 27:54
  Yeah.
• 27:57
  I don't know if I can, I can add much more to that, but I think safety is, yes.
• 28:06
  Well, like, I find it interesting when a person catches themselves,
• 28:14
  but sometimes you can't catch yourself.
• 28:17
  Yeah.
• 28:17
  You can't always catch yourself.
• 28:18
  And it's okay.
• 28:20
  I think part of, I'm excited about the people that, that I have curated over
• 28:27
  the past year are people that I know have my back and also are not afraid
• 28:36
  to tell me when something needs to be said.
• 28:40
  And we're not even talking about hurting feelings.
• 28:42
  It's just, it needs to be said.
• 28:44
  I was caught in a spiral of being, for an example, in a, it was a certain group
• 28:50
  that I was having a hard time letting go of, and I had, and someone had to tell
• 28:55
  me, they said, you, you, it was almost like, you just need to stop right now.
• 29:02
  And I don't think they wanted to tell me like, who wants to go?
• 29:05
  I'm going to just say, stop right now.
• 29:07
  You just got to just knock this off.
• 29:10
  And, and it was almost like, wait, what?
• 29:13
  Sometimes you got to rattle a cage.
• 29:15
  And I appreciate, again, creating a community is essential for living your,
• 29:20
  your great day, because it might not feel great in the moment, but it sure did
• 29:25
  feel great looking back at it and saying, God, I'm so glad someone like had the
• 29:29
  courage and there's another word, a courageous community who says, I got to
• 29:33
  take a stand for your greatness.
• 29:36
  This is something that I have observed.
• 29:38
  I am going to tell you, and I'm doing it knowing that you might not like it.
• 29:45
  They're not.
• 29:45
  Yeah.
• 29:46
  They, they love you, but they're not scared of what you think.
• 29:50
  Oh, that's awesome.
• 29:56
  Ooh, that's juicy.
• 29:58
  Like, seriously, like they're not scared.
• 30:00
  I get scared of my thoughts sometimes.
• 30:03
  I'll tell ya.
• 30:04
  And now I like you say, but they're not scared.
• 30:06
  I really like that.
• 30:08
  Yeah.
• 30:10
  I don't know.
• 30:10
  I think, I think these relationships can get unbalanced.
• 30:18
  You know, like people think that coaches are perfect or whatever.
• 30:22
  There's this like, oh, they've got their life together and they're
• 30:24
  making millions of dollars.
• 30:26
  And if I just follow them, I'll be able to do exactly the same.
• 30:30
  Um, yeah, we got to be honest with each other.
• 30:36
  We really do.
• 30:37
  And I love that.
• 30:38
  Bringing in the example of coaches or influencers, crews, anybody who, I think
• 30:49
  it's wonderful to be around someone who's successful, I think it's important.
• 30:52
  Yeah.
• 30:52
  We want to be around successful people and also for the right reasons.
• 30:56
  Thank you.
• 30:58
  Yes.
• 31:02
  It's so easy to be connected with someone that you think is for the right reasons.
• 31:07
  It, and if it doesn't work out, it's okay.
• 31:13
  It's life.
• 31:14
  I used to be very upset, admittedly, very upset.
• 31:19
  If I thought I was connecting with someone and they were part, I was a part
• 31:23
  of their community and then all of a sudden I'm dismissed or I thought it
• 31:29
  was a part of the community.
• 31:30
  Yeah.
• 31:31
  It's just, I, and, um, yeah, it's happened in, in many different places.
• 31:37
  It's happened in all of the realms, business, religious, political,
• 31:44
  interpersonal, you name it for all of us.
• 31:47
  There are times where, wow, guess that's not what I thought it was.
• 31:50
  And now it's gone.
• 31:52
  And yeah, guess what?
• 31:55
  You're still amazing.
• 31:58
  You, yes.
• 31:59
  I'm talking to you in the audience.
• 32:00
  You are still amazing.
• 32:01
  Guess what?
• 32:02
  It didn't work out.
• 32:03
  So what?
• 32:06
  There's a line in a movie, I think the birdcage, which I just absolutely love.
• 32:10
  And, and the, the characters are, are, are having a discussion and the
• 32:17
  understanding of there's no reason to get so hysterical if things aren't going your
• 32:21
  way and it was over toast and I just love it.
• 32:24
  It's like, I, and it was, um, the, I'm just going to have to name the actor
• 32:30
  named Robin Williams and, and he's just saying, it's just toast.
• 32:38
  I mean, I have no other way to say it, but I love that.
• 32:40
  I love that scene in that movie.
• 32:41
  And Nathan Lane's characters.
• 32:43
  Oh, you're right.
• 32:43
  There's no reason to get so hysterical.
• 32:45
  I could just get some more toast.
• 32:47
  And why do we act like, oh no, my toast is, you know, and you don't want to have a
• 32:55
  community, everybody going, oh my God, my toast, or you also don't want
• 32:59
  someone who just doesn't care.
• 33:01
  Well, I'd like to care about toast a little bit.
• 33:03
  It's kind of my toast and I, I don't want something, yeah, big deal.
• 33:06
  Who cares?
• 33:07
  You shouldn't, what's your problem?
• 33:09
  There's a balance.
• 33:10
  And maybe that's what this whole point, my part of this conversation to get into
• 33:15
  when you're curating your community, you want to have a nice balance.
• 33:18
  You want the people who are very, very impassioned and some who are
• 33:23
  maybe a little more chill.
• 33:24
  You want people who are incredibly interested in every single detail.
• 33:30
  And then you want people who are just like, no, it's okay.
• 33:32
  I just give you just a few things and I'll just run with it.
• 33:35
  It's nice to have a balance when you're curating your community.
• 33:39
  And up until this point, I don't really think we've talked about, does it matter
• 33:42
  about talking in this discussion on the community, like you have a business and
• 33:49
  you're going to create a community and that community is going to, I think.
• 33:52
  Yeah, I think it's worth mentioning.
• 33:54
  I think, yeah, I think there's a lot of different types of communities.
• 33:58
  So it definitely has to be said like, oh, you can have a community just for the
• 34:05
  reason that you all like the same thing and it's totally free, or you can have
• 34:10
  the kind of community where you're all learning together and so you're investing
• 34:12
  something and you can have all different types of communities, but obviously
• 34:17
  we're talking about business right now.
• 34:19
  But they overlap.
• 34:20
  Ultimately, yes, they do.
• 34:22
  They overlap.
• 34:25
  And about that overlap, because you brought up, I love when you bring up
• 34:32
  things that my mind goes, wait, what?
• 34:33
  Ooh, yes.
• 34:34
  Talking about the different communities.
• 34:36
  There are the communities where you are there just kind of a group.
• 34:40
  And this has happened to me where I will see people, the same people
• 34:46
  in various communities, and that's kind of fun.
• 34:49
  It doesn't mean we interact hardly ever, except we will look at each
• 34:51
  other and go, hey, I remember you from this place also, which is cool.
• 34:55
  And that happens more often in the communities where I will say that I
• 35:02
  appreciate so much, as an example, Danielle, your workshops that you offer
• 35:09
  are wonderful and it's a way for people to be introduced to your community.
• 35:14
  And I really appreciate when people are willing to share some of their
• 35:20
  knowledge, some of their expertise, some of who they are in a group setting,
• 35:26
  because there's a fun energy there.
• 35:28
  It's like, ooh, drop it in a two.
• 35:30
  If you understand what I'm talking about, you get a whole bunch of
• 35:31
  people saying two, two, two, two, two, two, two, or if you don't, it's
• 35:34
  like, oh, you don't understand.
• 35:35
  And then you go to a different discussion.
• 35:38
  And the reason I love all of these different communities that are out
• 35:43
  there is that, you know what, it's worth seeking out people that you
• 35:51
  just energetically jive with.
• 35:55
  It's worth it.
• 35:56
  I love saying the juice is worth the squeeze or question is the juice worth the
• 35:59
  squeeze?
• 35:59
  I think it's so worth it.
• 36:01
  When you find a few groups that you like hanging out with your communities, your
• 36:06
  peeps, then do that.
• 36:08
  When they're right for you.
• 36:09
  Yeah.
• 36:09
  When they're right for you.
• 36:10
  And if they're not, there are so many communities out there.
• 36:14
  And it's, there are a lot of people in this world to have like a healthy home
• 36:21
  social life.
• 36:23
  You need a few to have a healthy business that makes money and you know, you, you
• 36:28
  can live and do all the things you want to do.
• 36:30
  It needs a few more, but there's lots of people in the world.
• 36:35
  There's, there's a whole bunch and we don't need all of them to like us and we
• 36:39
  don't need to do business with all of them.
• 36:42
  We can live in that overlap Venn diagram.
• 36:45
  We can live there.
• 36:47
  Yeah.
• 36:48
  Oh yes.
• 36:49
  Now I also want to talk about making sure that you take care of yourself, everyone.
• 36:59
  And when you are looking at different communities, you want to curate your own
• 37:05
  communities.
• 37:05
  You want to be a part of other people's curated communities because that's, be a
• 37:09
  part of other people's curated communities.
• 37:10
  Absolutely.
• 37:11
  Absolutely.
• 37:12
  It's fun.
• 37:14
  And I think that's pretty much self-explanatory.
• 37:17
  You can be a part of other people's curated communities, whether they are
• 37:19
  complimentary, whether there's a cost.
• 37:22
  Either way, that's great.
• 37:24
  I also want to again, touch on, let's say that you're in a community and at first
• 37:30
  it seemed really awesome.
• 37:32
  And then it wasn't so much.
• 37:36
  That can be a bit disheartening, especially if you've invested in the community.
• 37:42
  It's hard enough when it's not what I thought.
• 37:46
  And I don't want to say, cause free isn't free.
• 37:48
  There is always a cost to everything.
• 37:50
  And that's a bit hyperbole land, but there's a cost to things.
• 37:54
  It's you're investing your money or your time or a combination of both, but please
• 37:58
  know that you are an investment and when you're investing in other things, sometimes
• 38:03
  things don't go so right in that community and it can be so hard to leave.
• 38:11
  I will say it once in a while, it's just because even though you know, it's bad,
• 38:14
  even though it's not, it's man, it's gone South, it's gone so far South.
• 38:17
  It came all the way back around and yet you're still there.
• 38:21
  And that is why it's good to curate different communities.
• 38:27
  You've got your community of friends, you've got your community, this business
• 38:30
  community, you've got this, you know, you've got, okay, great.
• 38:33
  I've got this awesome networking community and I've got
• 38:35
  this awesome business community.
• 38:36
  Here's a strategy community.
• 38:38
  Here's an, in the realm of things, we have a tech community.
• 38:42
  It's nice to have a community that's here.
• 38:43
  It doesn't have to be, we're all sharing our thoughts and feelings.
• 38:46
  You might need a community.
• 38:47
  Just look, I need to be around people once a month that talk tech because
• 38:50
  I'm having a hard time figuring stuff out.
• 38:53
  It doesn't always have to be the, all the feels.
• 38:58
  No, it could be just be supported by and advised by.
• 39:02
  Yes.
• 39:04
  It doesn't need to be.
• 39:08
  But when you have a community that you're stepping away from, I
• 39:13
  just want to say it's all right.
• 39:15
  Life happens.
• 39:16
  And I know that I, I know that I want to say more on that.
• 39:19
  I mean, I could talk a whole, a whole bunch about the stories I've
• 39:24
  heard or the stories I've been in.
• 39:25
  And ultimately when you know, you know, like when I connected with Danielle,
• 39:33
  it just, it didn't just feel right.
• 39:35
  It felt awesome.
• 39:37
  That was a bonus.
• 39:38
  Let me tell you.
• 39:39
  And there are times where you just have to be mindful of both things.
• 39:47
  And I'll start off with the great, when you come into a community and you're
• 39:50
  like, oh, this is where I, I am so glad that I am here.
• 39:54
  It feels awesome.
• 39:55
  And you know what?
• 39:56
  We need to celebrate that.
• 39:58
  Too often we're not celebrating.
• 40:00
  We're not, this is amazing.
• 40:02
  Now, conversely, if you are either new in a community or eventually you
• 40:07
  realize it's just not for you, there could be a little bit of that.
• 40:11
  Um, if you throw a frog in a boiling pot of water, it's
• 40:14
  going to hop out awful fast.
• 40:15
  But if you put it in a nice lukewarm and start cranking up the heat,
• 40:18
  it doesn't really notice right away.
• 40:20
  But I like to think that there is a point where the frog does notice.
• 40:23
  And once it does, see, here's the thing.
• 40:25
  Then there's not much time.
• 40:26
  So don't be that boiled frog and just say the moment that you realize, whoops,
• 40:33
  I'm in hot water, hop on out.
• 40:36
  It's okay.
• 40:38
  Yeah.
• 40:38
  We only have so much time in a day.
• 40:40
  We only have so much time in a week or a year.
• 40:42
  You want to spend it pleasantly.
• 40:46
  You know, not pleasantly, like everything is okay all the time, but
• 40:48
  like you want to spend it meaningfully.
• 40:52
  I love that meaningfully.
• 40:54
  And as a bonus of when you hop out of that one group, well, you've already
• 40:58
  got other curated communities that you can go to and go, I can't believe
• 41:02
  that just happened that you've got them going, Hey, it's okay.
• 41:06
  We're here for you.
• 41:07
  Yeah.
• 41:08
  That's ideal.
• 41:09
  Very ideal.
• 41:11
  And if there was one more little point, a little cherry on top of this crazy
• 41:18
  wild Sunday of our podcast on curating your community, I will say it is nice
• 41:23
  to have a sense of humor.
• 41:24
  We want to laugh with each other and play and be silly.
• 41:28
  And I would say, please ensure that you have people in your
• 41:32
  life that are playful and silly.
• 41:34
  We want the variety and a sense of humor is so nice.
• 41:40
  What'd you say?
• 41:41
  It's good for your health to laugh, to be joyful.
• 41:44
  Yeah.
• 41:45
  If you don't have a sense of humor.
• 41:48
  You just brought up the word health.
• 41:51
  Oh, they're like, I love, I'm using the word
• 41:55
  community throughout this.
• 41:56
  It's another word of saying groups.
• 41:58
  What have you?
• 41:59
  And like a running group, that's a curated community.
• 42:02
  Awesome.
• 42:02
  You're right.
• 42:03
  Totally health yoga.
• 42:04
  You're plugging into a community and you don't have to be 24 seven involved
• 42:11
  in all of these curated communities.
• 42:14
  That's what's again.
• 42:15
  So wonderful.
• 42:15
  It all comes back to, yeah.
• 42:18
  Otherwise you don't get one.
• 42:20
  Yeah.
• 42:21
  And guess what?
• 42:22
  You only have one day at a time.
• 42:24
  So today you only have one day and that's a gift.
• 42:31
  And when you have these curated communities, then you have the
• 42:34
  flexibility and the freedom to plan your day and say, Oh, of course I want to
• 42:40
  connect to that one person that's just, Oh, part of, part of a, a moment in my
• 42:45
  life, that's just part of today.
• 42:47
  And it means everything.
• 42:48
  And then, Ooh, maybe I'm going to be part of the running community.
• 42:50
  And later on, then I'm going to go to this it community.
• 42:52
  And Oh, now I'm a part of that community of two.
• 42:56
  I get to have this, these calls with Danielle, which are just fun for me.
• 43:00
  And I learned a lot.
• 43:02
  What I learned today was that reminder about, and thank you Danielle
• 43:06
  for using the term health, the word health.
• 43:09
  It is important to, to be healthy, to have health in our lives, to have
• 43:14
  healthy, well-rounded communities, or they can be very specifically quirky.
• 43:19
  That works too.
• 43:21
  Yes.
• 43:22
  And that's what I learned today.
• 43:24
  The niche ones are the smallest highest quality are often quirky.
• 43:29
  Yeah, I love that.
• 43:30
  That thank you for wrapping it up with that.
• 43:34
  And also niche communities.
• 43:36
  We have this grand world.
• 43:39
  And in that world, we have the opportunity to connect with those
• 43:42
  people that are just as wonderfully quirky and weird and wonderful and fun.
• 43:51
  And serious and impassioned and very chill and all the things.
• 43:57
  However, we choose things.
• 44:01
  Yeah.
• 44:01
  I'm just like, I get to be a part of your communities, Danielle.
• 44:06
  It's really fun.
• 44:07
  And yeah, but what I've learned today in this specific
• 44:11
  conversation is that reminder.
• 44:13
  It's important for your health to curate communities.
• 44:19
  And I really want to thank you emotional, all of the levels of health, all of the
• 44:25
  levels from feeling safe to feeling fulfilled, I think it starts from safe.
• 44:33
  All the way up to fulfilled to have communities that help fill all those
• 44:36
  different aspects of your life and having a great day, Danielle, thanks
• 44:40
  for letting me talk this out with you.
• 44:41
  It's been fun.
• 44:44
  Thank you so much.
• 44:45
  Jeff can't wait till the next one.
• 44:47
  Oh my gosh.
• 44:47
  Me too.