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Sober Talk SA- Grant · Sober Talk SA

• 0:00
  Welcome to sober talk. I'm Dennis and I have lived
• 0:03
  experience of alcohol. If you or anyone you know is
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  struggling with alcohol, please call Alcoholics Anonymous on
• 0:10
  1300 double 22222 or check out their website on aa.org dot AU.
• 0:19
  I'll just run through the preamble of Alcoholics
• 0:21
  Anonymous. Alcoholics Anonymous is a
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  fellowship of men and women who share their experience,
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  strengthen hope with each other. They must solve their come
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  problems and help others to recover from alcoholism.
• 0:34
  The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop
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  drinking. There are no dues or fees for a
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  membership. We are self supporting through
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  our own contributions. A is not allied with any SEC
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  denomination, politics, organization or institution.
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  Does not wish to engage in any controversy, neither endorses or
• 0:53
  oppose any causes. Our primary purpose is Steve
• 0:56
  Sobman help other Alcoholics achieve sobriety.
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  Hi my. Name is Grant, I'm an alcoholic
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  I appreciate the opportunity to come and share a little bit
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  about my experience with alcoholism and recovery, which I
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  found in Alcoholics Anonymous. I was, I got sober in at the end
• 1:16
  of 1995, which is a while back. I was 30 years old when I got
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  sober and you know, a a has done for me what I couldn't do for
• 1:25
  myself. Really.
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  I was in a lot of trouble with drinking and that really
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  despaired of ever finding any way forward or any way out of
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  it. And a lot, you know, my life was
• 1:36
  not looking good and, and I've been able to have a long term
• 1:40
  sobriety in a A and I've been able to have a good life.
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  But I guess to start at the beginning, really to, to tell my
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  story as it was. I used to be normal.
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  I, I say that, although some people I know would dispute it.
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  But you know, just growing up as a kid, I was as mum and dad,
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  three boys and a cat and just everything looked normal on the
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  outside. It was a good church upbringing
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  and there's nothing that I could, you know, pinpoint my
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  alcoholism on. I'm not, you know, an alcoholic
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  because I was abused as a child or, you know, there's no
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  alcoholism, particularly running in my family that I'm aware of.
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  But when I was about 15 and discovered alcohol and it felt
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  like a discovery, like a sobriety was never quite enough
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  again, really. Alcohol did for me what I
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  couldn't do for myself. It it took me from being that
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  shy and neurotic, insecure kid to making a scene and being the
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  life of the party. And I'd gone out with some of my
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  brothers, older mates and, you know, they were laughing at my
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  jokes and, and I really felt that I fit in and, and that was
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  unusual for me. That was at the beginning of the
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  night. By the end of the night, I'd get
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  spewed up in this guy's car and he was not happy.
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  And he just kind of, he took me home, pushed me out the, out the
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  car. And that was the end of that.
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  And, you know, I was sick as a dog the next day.
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  But I remember I, I never thought, oh, that was, that was
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  a bad thing to do, Grant I, I just thought, you know, that was
• 3:12
  a lot of fun. And I'm going to do that.
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  I'm going to do it again. And you know, I didn't turn
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  into, I got a drunk overnight from a schoolboy, but I headed
• 3:22
  in that direction. You know, I set my life up so
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  that I could drink at every possible opportunity.
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  And alcohol really worked for me.
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  It it, it got me out of myself, got me into the scene.
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  And I had a lot of fun and I had a had a good life and I
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  eventually got a job and I was manageable to a large extent.
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  Yet it was always true that when I drank, I overdid it.
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  You know, I might set out to have just a couple of beers, but
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  after a couple, a couple more seemed like a good idea.
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  I, you know, I was forced to stop a few times.
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  I remember like running out of booze.
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  And it's just the worst feeling for me as a as a, as a drinker
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  to start off and then have to stop.
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  And, you know, I made sure that I had enough to do the job.
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  If I was going to drink, I knew that I was going to get a make a
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  night of it. And so I set my life up so that
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  I could drink that way. Drink like a pig, really.
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  But, you know, although there was trouble and there was
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  trouble right from the word go, although there was trouble,
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  alcohol and drinking was, was a fine life.
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  And I just really loved it. And you know, that I got into
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  trouble with, with the Constabulary.
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  I got caught with my hand and teal and got done for some, some
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  drunk and disorderly, just the little stuff.
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  But I was caught, ordered to drug and alcohol treatment as a
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  minor. So I was, you know, 17 years old
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  and the judge knew that alcohol was a was a problem for me, but
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  I was 30 when I finally got sober and it wasn't for lack of
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  trying. You know, I, I really didn't
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  like the messy life, the the consequences of my drinking.
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  And it was never my intention to be such a unit.
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  I would, would pick fights. I used to say I didn't get in
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  fights, but I, I got beat up a lot is what it was.
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  And, you know, I, I just had a had a knack for getting in the
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  wrong place at the wrong time. And, and it was never my
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  intention to, you know, leave my wife at home and dinner on the
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  table. It was never my intention to let
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  down work and let down myself, really.
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  And, you know, it seemed that the worst my drinking got, the
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  worse I felt about myself because of my drinking, the more
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  I needed to drink to be able to live with it.
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  I came to see alcohol as my medicine.
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  You know, I drank and I felt better and what what more is
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  there to it? Really?
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  I I would try and not drink for a while.
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  You know, as I say that the psychologists and the the judge
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  and the police and my dad and my wife were all on my back saying,
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  great, you drink too much, stop drinking and you'll be all
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  right. That makes good sense.
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  There's good logic in that. But the problem was I would stop
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  drinking and I would just feel terrible.
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  You know, I'd remember the stuff that I'd done and little by
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  little was like the spring inside.
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  My gut would get tighter and, you know, she wasn't treating me
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  right. He's looking at me funny.
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  This guy cut me off and I'm just angsty.
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  I'm restless, I'm irritable, I'm discontent.
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  And I know what'll fix that. You know, just a couple of pints
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  of beer. You know that happy rosy glow
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  and I'm great. You know, that's my favorite
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  feeling in the world. Just a couple of pints of beer,
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  you know, if I could have kept it at a couple of pints of beer,
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  I'd be down the pub now having a couple of pints of beer.
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  But I never did, you know. I'd set off that way with that
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  intention, but I never did, you know.
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  And with every good reason not to pick up a drink, I would pick
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  it up. I, I remember one Thursday night
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  I'd sworn off I'd, I was in trouble with the missus again.
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  And that's it. I'm not drinking.
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  I'm not drinking tonight. And I was at the back of the
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  house and I went on a hill looking down to, to the pub
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  actually. And I'm in a, in a hammock and
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  trying to read a book and smoking cigarettes.
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  And I can see down the hill to this hotel as the Blairatha
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  Hotel. I had a big flashing sign on the
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  top of the Blairathor Hotel. Blairathor Hotel.
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  I thought, that's it, don't go, don't go.
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  You said you're not going to drink tonight.
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  And that's right. I'm not going to drink tonight.
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  Blairathor Hotel Blairathor. And it would just play in my
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  mind, you know, and, and then I'd screw it, you know, I'm
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  going for a walk. You know, I'm just going to take
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  the dog out for a walk with a pocket full of change, you know,
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  and I'd get a bottle of port and I'd be off and running again.
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  I just, I just couldn't fight alcohol.
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  It's strange because, you know, a lot of other areas in my life,
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  I was successful. I was doing OK at work, you
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  know, and I didn't have a hangover anyway.
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  But you know, I was not that I was a total incompetent and I
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  had great willpower. I had great willpower where it
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  was concerned to getting a drink.
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  I didn't have much when I was concerned to not having a drink.
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  But in a lot of a lot of ways, my life was was good, but I was
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  screwing it up with my drinking. And you know that an alcoholic
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  is not necessarily a bad person, but a sick person, you know, and
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  I've and I've come to see alcoholism as a disease.
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  I was, I was forced into a AII certainly didn't come willingly.
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  And I heard I was just at AI think it was a, a church hall
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  and there's a bunch of bunch of guys there.
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  I was, I was 30 at the time, so they all seemed like old guys to
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  me. And you know, they were talking
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  about their drinking. Most people had had told me what
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  I needed to do about my drinking.
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  A lot of people were happy to tell me what my problem was and
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  what I needed to do about it. But that's not what I found in
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  AA. I found a bunch of bunch of
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  people who are just sharing their experience and they, you
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  know, they say you can tell an alcoholic, but you can't tell
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  him much. It's certainly true for me.
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  I did not trust people and I, I certainly wasn't open to, to
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  help. But I heard my problem that
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  night, you know, I heard people telling their drinking stories
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  and they had drunk like I had, they had lost the ability to
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  control the amount they took once they, once they got the lid
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  off. And I was certainly that way.
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  I didn't like to run out. And they had lost the ability to
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  just say no to alcohol. And I was certainly that way.
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  And, you know, I believed from there that I'd be alcoholic.
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  But unfortunately, I did not see that the program of Alcoholics
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  Anonymous or that the, the meetings of Alcoholics Anonymous
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  was going to fix my problem. Because what I heard was that's
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  it great, you're not going to drink anymore.
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  And I ran away. Like that was the, the worst
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  thing I could think of of not having a not having a drink.
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  And, and so I kept drinking, you know, and life got worse.
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  I lost my license and the missus kicked me out.
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  You know, I remember that the day I blew up with, with the
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  missus I had, I'd lost my license and I was working at a
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  timber joint and I was next door to a hotel the night before I'd
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  put one on and, and I was in trouble and, and my wife gave me
• 10:44
  the ultimatum. She said that's it, boyo, one
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  more drink and you're out. And she was very clear with one
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  alcoholic beverage of any sort and we're gone.
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  We're finished, You're out of here.
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  But you know, it's Friday night. I'm on the buses.
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  I thought I'll just have a couple of quick pints and no one
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  will be any the wiser. And of course, I, I never do
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  have just a couple. I had a few.
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  But you know, and when I got home, not that late, not that
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  drunk, I was out. She kicked me out.
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  And I think about, you know, my thought process before doing
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  that. I think about what was going
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  through your head because I was stone cold sober when I made the
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  decision to to go drinking. But I never said to myself I
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  would rather have two pints of beer than my than my marriage,
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  than my child, than my house, the the garden, the whole life.
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  But that's what I did, you know, All I thought about like a horse
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  in blindness. All I thought about was that
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  happy rosy glow of 2 pints of beer, you know, And even today
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  when I think about drinking, I think about the happy, happy
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  stuff. I don't think about the broken
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  bones and the broken promises and all of the mess, you know,
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  And that, that flawed thinking, that obsession for that, for
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  alcohol, that remembered solution of that of, you know,
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  my mother's milk. My, my medication always sent me
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  back to drinking. And once the lid was off, I was
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  gone for all money. And so, you know, that's a
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  really powerless place to be. I knew that I couldn't keep
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  drinking the way that I, I was, you know, I was living with a
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  fella from work now and it was end days.
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  You know, I should have been, should have been party time.
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  But you know, I'm a bachelor again.
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  But it wasn't. I just, I just couldn't bear to
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  be me anymore. And I didn't think that I could
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  be sober either. I'd looked at a A and so I
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  couldn't be happy sober and I couldn't be happy and successful
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  as a drunk. And I really was in a, in a
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  power powerful mess. That was what I was in.
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  And I don't know, I said AD day and I drank my way up to N1 in
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  95 and I put the plug in the jug and, you know, just brought out
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  my old willpower. Like I was like holding my
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  breath underwater this sobriety game, but I was about a week
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  into it and someone got into my face and said, well, what's
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  different for you this time, Grant?
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  We've heard you swear off 1000 times and you've never been able
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  to to give it a rest. And I had to admit there was
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  nothing different. It was just me trying not to
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  drink. And they said, well, if you're
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  serious about it, one of those finger wagging people in in my
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  face. If you're serious about about
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  staying sober, why don't you come and do this rehab and I'll,
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  you know, I'll clocked into the Salvation Army in Whitmore
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  Square. It was a home for derelict
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  alcoholic man is what it was. And they said, well, we'll let
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  you do it as an outpatient. And I still had my job just.
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  But you got to go to a A and I, you know, by this time I was
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  cornered and I said, OK, well, I'll no worries, I'll do it.
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  And I went back to a A and I really didn't expect to hear
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  anything different. And I guess I didn't hear
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  anything different, but I was in a different place.
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  I was broken enough that when presented with a way out, that
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  was that was an easy choice for me to do it.
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  You know, I could see that I drank like these people, that I
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  was powerless over alcohol, that I had no solution, no way to
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  stop that. I've not been able to do it by
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  myself. And, and I could see that I
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  believed that, that I was the same as these people and I could
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  see that they had stopped. You know, there was a
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  credibility to what they were saying.
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  They knew the game, they knew the drinking game, but they but
• 14:38
  they were obviously sober and even better, they were happy
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  about it, you know, and, and so I made a decision that I'm going
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  to keep coming back and I'm going to go to another meeting
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  and, and I haven't had a drink since.
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  No, no alcohol and no, none of those St. drugs or anything like
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  that. I haven't needed to get out of
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  my head really. That's I like the vernacular
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  around drinking and like, get off my face, get out of my head
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  because it was my thinking that I was running away from it was
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  it was, it was me that was the problem, you know, and alcohol
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  was my solution. And so I came into a A and, and
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  I knew that for me, it wouldn't do to just sit around and, you
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  know, I'm kind of come late and leave early and, and, and watch
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  people get sober. I knew that I was going to have
• 15:27
  to give it my best shot that if I was going to be able to
• 15:30
  survive at all. And, you know, so I jumped in
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  and I joined a group and I, you know, I, I shook hands with
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  people and talking with people and, and I, I found a, a
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  community of people travelling in the same direction, people
• 15:47
  who had the same problem as me, but also had a solution that
• 15:51
  meant me. Well, you know, it'd been a long
• 15:54
  time since I'd met anybody who meant me.
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  Well, for alcoholism called the lonely man's disease, it
• 15:59
  certainly was that way for me. So go into meetings of a A and
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  you know, there's about 70 different groups in Adelaide,
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  all sorts of different people and, and different formats.
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  But the basic premise of a A is 1 alcoholic talking to another.
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  And and I found that I fit in. I found that there was a place
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  for me here. And that's the first legacy of
• 16:22
  our colleagues anonymous fellowship.
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  The second legacy is recovery, that there be a textbook, which
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  is like the instructions on how to get sober.
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  I mean, who'd have thought? The 12 steps, they were called?
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  And I thought, uh oh, here's the God part.
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  Here's the religion. This is it.
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  No more fun of any kind. Sit up straight and be a good
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  boy, Grant, because fun is over. And I thought I was going to
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  have to live up to somebody else's doctrine and dogma and
• 16:52
  ethics and morals. It turned out to be a lot worse.
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  I had to live up to my own. Nobody's told me what to
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  believe, but they've suggested that I better believe in
• 17:01
  something, that I better find some power greater than myself.
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  And to begin with, it was the a, a group and it was the a, A
• 17:08
  program. It was a good practical way for
• 17:11
  me to look at what I was doing, the way that, you know, look at
• 17:15
  what my problem is, look at the way that I've been acting in the
• 17:17
  world and way that I've been treating other people and really
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  just to stop doing what's not working.
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  Not rocket science really. I mean, here's me drinking
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  copious amounts of alcohol, a depressant and just acting from
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  selfishness and self centeredness, always on the
• 17:34
  take. And lo and behold, it doesn't
• 17:36
  make me feel good. And, and what was suggested is
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  just about 180° opposite than that, that, you know, I start
• 17:44
  living a bit cleaner and start taking some positive actions.
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  And, and of course that results of positive actions are
• 17:51
  positive. And I started feeling better.
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  So I've, you know, I've had a chance to kind of live up to my
• 17:59
  own ideals a bit more and be the person that I want to be.
• 18:02
  And, you know, I can pass a mirror and look myself in the
• 18:06
  eye and I'm OK with me today. I couldn't bear to before the
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  3rd legacy of Alcoholics Anonymous is service.
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  And ultimately that idea of mine, the way that I operated in
• 18:19
  the world was what can I get to make me feel better?
• 18:23
  And it never really worked. And the best that bought was
• 18:25
  oblivion. It was fun for a little while
• 18:27
  and you know, and but then there's then there's a price to
• 18:30
  pay and, and the best that bought me was oblivion.
• 18:34
  And a a has demonstrated that the opposite is true as little
• 18:38
  by little, I turned to be a giver instead of a taker.
• 18:42
  I feel better about myself, you know, and that's why I was
• 18:45
  drinking to feel better about myself.
• 18:47
  You know, who'd have thought just to act better, I would feel
• 18:50
  better. And a A has given me like a
• 18:52
  solid place to do that is, you know, it's a very rich and
• 18:59
  textural place. A A there's so many different
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  people, all sorts of all sorts of walks of life and
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  demographic. If a A is a disease, as the
• 19:09
  World Health Organization, American Medical Association
• 19:12
  classify alcoholism as a disease and there's no respecter of of
• 19:17
  that sort of demographic. And so we see young and old men
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  and women, old nationalities, we got ditch diggers, bricklayers,
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  we got lawyers and policemen. We've got, well, it's in a A
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  and, and we got all sorts recovering, you know, and a lot
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  of, I got a lot of friends in a A and I care about the people in
• 19:40
  a A and, and I think that they care about me, you know, that I
• 19:43
  have been able to form a, a place to belong in a A and the,
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  and the best thing that I, that I, that I do really is to try
• 19:52
  and help another alcoholic that, you know, maybe something that
• 19:56
  I, that I say can say, yeah, I'm like that too.
• 20:01
  You know, if somebody can relate to say, well, you know what?
• 20:04
  I've, I'm drinking out of control.
• 20:06
  But this guy says he was and now he's sober and I believe what
• 20:11
  he's saying, you know. So if I can encourage you to,
• 20:14
  you know, get to a meeting and have a look on the on the a a
• 20:18
  website. And or, you know, call the a, a
• 20:21
  24 hour phone line and, and talk to another alcoholic because
• 20:26
  there's hope in a, a, there's life after sobriety.
• 20:29
  And, you know, a sober a year before I got back together with
• 20:33
  my wife and, you know, we subsequently had another child
• 20:37
  and work started going better for me because I wasn't, wasn't
• 20:42
  so drunk and because I had, you know, an opportunity to really
• 20:48
  live by my ideals and live better and, and things have been
• 20:52
  working out for me, you know, and, but best of all, best of
• 20:56
  all, I can live with the, with the person that I am.
• 20:59
  I'm OK. I, I don't have to drink to be
• 21:02
  able to live with me. And that's a great, great thing.
• 21:05
  So you know, if, if you're thinking about coming to a A,
• 21:09
  just come for a look, you know, it doesn't cost anything to, to
• 21:13
  put your head in the door and to, to sit down and hear, hear
• 21:16
  some stories. And maybe maybe someone in a, a
• 21:20
  will be telling your story. And, and maybe, you know, if
• 21:24
  you're having a, a problem with alcohol, a, a might be a
• 21:27
  solution. So thank you for letting me
• 21:29
  share and and I wish you well. We have local meetings for the
• 21:34
  full week in the local area. Monday is Gala meeting at 8:00,
• 21:40
  Tuesday is Elizabeth E at 8:00, Wednesday is Elizabeth E at
• 21:45
  8:00, Thursday is 2 Wells at 8:00 and Friday is Salisbury at
• 21:51
  8:00. There's a meeting at Devon Park
• 21:54
  at 12:00 and on Sunday there's a maintenance Salisbury at 7:00
• 21:59
  and many of the meetings in the area.
• 22:03
  For details of your local meetings, please phone 1300
• 22:08
  double 22222. And once again, if anyone you
• 22:13
  know is struggling with alcohol issues, please call Alcoholics
• 22:16
  Anonymous on 1300 double 22222. The website isaasa.org dot AU.