Latest / Living Loud and Proud: Disability Conversations / Living Loud and Proud Artist Series: Defining Masterworks Featuring Warriors by Ian Fay

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Living Loud and Proud Artist Series: Defining Masterworks Featuring Warriors by Ian Fay · Living Loud and Proud: Disability Conversations

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  Welcome to the Living Loud and Proud Podcast, brought to you by Disability Pride, Pennsylvania.
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  If you need a link to the transcript for this episode, please visit our accessible website
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  at www.disabilitypridepa.org/podcast.
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  And now, here is your host....
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  Hi, folks. Producer Phill Rosen here for the Living Loud and Proud Podcast Artist Series.
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  I'm joined today by my co-producer, Ray Horton, to discuss a spoken word piece, Warriors
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  by Ian Fay.
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  Hey, Ray and Ian. How's it going?
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  Hey.
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  Hey.
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  What's going on?
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  All right. Well, we're going to be talking about a spoken word piece by Ian called Warriors.
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  And so, for members of our audience who are unfamiliar with you, who is Ian Fay?
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  Ian Fay is speaking right now. He...
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  Hi, Ian.
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  Hi. Great intro. So, yeah, so I started. So I started doing like spoken word. Jesus, almost
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  nine years ago. It's really been that long. So I started doing that. I started off in
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  like, you know, in my high school's poetry club, my high school teacher basically bribed
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  me to go to a poetry slam for a few extra grade points. And I did. And it did kind of
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  change my brain chemistry. And it's, you know, it's been history ever since. I've like, I
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  competed in slams when I was in high school. I eventually moved on to Babel Poetry Collective
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  at Temple. Shout out Babel Poetry Collective if you're listening to this.
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  And then, yeah, I started becoming like an in-house artist for House of Edge with you
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  two, with Ray and Phill over here.
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  Yeah. He met Ray Deca.
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  Yeah.
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  Who took him to a whole other level? Oh, God.
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  But yeah, that's basically me. Other than that. I don't know. I did martial arts for
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  like a good amount of my life. And I also like D&D and magic and a bunch of other nerdy
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  things. So yeah.
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  Yeah. He looks like the guy who played Iron Fist on the Netflix series.
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  I do. And I kind of hate it.
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  Yeah.
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  Of all people to look like from like of all Marvel leads to look like. Why that one?
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  No offense to Iron Fist if you like it. But like.
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  I liked it.
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  Yeah.
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  Danny.
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  So, you know, does your disability, does it like feature heavily in your art overall?
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  Like, or is it like kind of secondary?
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  Oh, I'd say absolutely.
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  Oh, absolutely. Okay.
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  It's like, I mean, I'd say it took a while for me to like start featuring it heavy in
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  my work. Because, you know, as like a little quote on foot quote, even though I don't like
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  this term high-functioning autistic person, it kind of like, you know, I was kind of messed
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  up by that term for a while.
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  Oh, you don't say.
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  Maybe I could trans- maybe I could not have this at one day. But...
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  This would eventually lead into warriors.
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  Yeah.
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  We'll get to that.
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  Yeah.
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  I felt like up until that point, I was like kind of like kind of like hiding a little
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  bit of that from my work. But then like once I started to like actually like kind of talk
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  about it, and like some my like, you know, some of the people I was like working with
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  and some of my friends even said like, you know, I really like kind of come into my own
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  as like an artist is like actually starting to like talk about this.
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  You know, I talk about other stuff beside it. I don't want to say it's like the only
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  thing that like...
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  Right, of course.
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  ...my work discusses. But yeah, I do even say it would like feature
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  very heavily in my work. In fact, someone at Babel called my writing style like very
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  pragmatic, interestingly enough, which I found like, you know, kind of interesting.
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  I feel...
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  But it's evolving.
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  Yeah, for sure. Yeah, that's what I have to say about that.
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  So you know, we are talking about Warriors we're doing an analysis on it today. And you
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  kind of touched on this. But, you know, were there any other like kind of influences to
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  create the piece for you? You know, any special inspiration or like maybe other artists that
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  helped to breed it for you?
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  Yeah. So the first I would say like the biggest influence I had was there was this like big.
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  It was like this big annual poetry event that I don't know if it's still being run, but
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  it used to be run, which was CUPSI (College Unions Poetry Slam Invitational), which is the College Unions Slam Poetry Invitational.
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  It was like this big slam poetry tournament and like festival that used like used to be
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  run and in this day, I'd like workshops and like the one year where I was like the one
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  year where I was where I was being held at Temple, I had attended one of these workshops
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  and had like taken this and the workshop facilitator, Julian Randall, he talked about form and like
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  poetry form, especially like how you literally construct the words like in a piece. He went
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  over this form that like completely like fully enchanted me, which was the golden shovel,
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  which basically the idea is like you take a line from like anything. It could be like
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  a from a movie or like any like it's basically like like a sentence or anything. You basically
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  align that with like the right margin of the poem and like it basically is like every line
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  of the poem ends with a word from that line.
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  Okay.
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  And I was like, that is insane where you're like adding like whole new meaning to like
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  something else that is like already out there. I thought that was so cool. And one of the
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  things I kind of went to was like one of the pieces I created like after this workshop
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  was going back to this ad, this infamous like Autism Speaks ad called I Am Autism, where
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  it's like this super weird in retrospect. Like it's it's just like this like ominous
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  voice actor like playing Autism and like it's super ominous and super foreboding and like
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  kind of intimidating. And then it's like this happy, joyful like voiceover of like a family,
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  I guess of like a kid with Autism saying like, no, we're going to fight back. And there were
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  just like a bunch of lines that were like there was like a bunch of lines that were
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  in that that I had like made sort of pieces out of. And like one of them was here. So
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  the line I chose for this piece in particular is as follows, which is from which is this
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  is from the transcript of that same ad. We are a community of warriors. We have a voice.
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  You think because some of our children cannot speak, we cannot hear them. That is autism's
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  weakness. And that kind of struck me because I also noticed this kind of growing up and
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  like even like seeing like, you know, other families with Autism where it was like there
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  was like this combative air around like caring for a child with Autism that I noticed. Not
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  in my family, thankfully. Like my family was like super supportive and like basically fought
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  tooth and nail to get a lot of accommodations that I needed in like elementary and middle
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  school. But like even calling parents like warriors when we're talking about like, you
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  know, raising children with Autism and like what that means and what the logical explanation
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  of that is or like the logical conclusion rather. And yeah, it was like, yeah, that's
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  like the main inspiration of like, you know, I even say like, I even say this here, like
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  how do your children in the piece, I say this, like, how do your children just go from being
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  them to like the enemy, you know, it's like, yeah, I'd say that's the big inspiration.
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  Yeah, yeah, of course. So I guess, you know, you touched a little bit on the process, but,
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  you know, is there anything more that you want to kind of talk about, like the process
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  that you used to create this piece, Warriors? You know, and is it like kind of, do you have
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  a typical process for how you create works or how you write?
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  I would say, I mean, I would
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  say my process, I don't think is like anything too spectacular in the moment. You know, I
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  like sometimes when I get ideas, it, you know, it could take me like a like frenzied writing
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  session at like one in the morning to finish it. Or it could take like, you know, a week
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  or two, like, it kind of usually depends on like, you know, how hard I'm like working
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  at it. Working with like a form like this in particular was also kind of challenging,
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  but I do find like challenges of like working with form like this kind of rewarding, because
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  like it's creating like, it's like making your brain work creatively in different ways
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  where if you're not like constraining yourself by like any sort of like form like this, you're
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  not like, you're not like kind of like straining like your creative muscles as much to like
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  create like anything new, but like, because like you have these like extra constraints,
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  I feel like it makes like your brain like makes like new paths to like creating like
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  new work like this, if that makes sense.
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  Yeah, totally. Yeah. And so, you know, the form of the golden shovel, did this kind of
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  lead to any sort of like particular motifs throughout the piece, throughout Warriors?
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  In terms of like, you know, the way that you describe things or the way that, you know,
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  the metaphors you use?
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  Yeah, definitely a lot. Like, because like, well, I mean, like, like the fact that
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  like, one of the words like in the same being like warriors and like this, like kind of
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  being, and like, yeah, like, considering the fact that this is like calling themselves
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  like a community of warriors, I definitely went to a lot of like, like war and like fighting
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  kind of metaphors and stuff like that.
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  I even mentioned like iron sights, like the sight on a gun, almost. And these like, that's
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  just kind of where my like my brain goes to. And even like, yeah, and even just
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  sort of like, I definitely went towards like, you think, because some of our children cannot
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  speak, we cannot hear them. Like, I definitely went towards that point a lot. And like one
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  part of the piece where I really try to like challenge that as much as possible. Where
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  it's like, I even say, I even like kind of insinuating this piece is like, are you really
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  hearing them though? Like, are you really like, actually listening? Yeah, like,
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  yeah, I definitely think that like, having like the literal line, like being present
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  in the poem, like in the writing itself, I think that definitely did inform a lot of
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  like what I wrote into it.
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  Right. Yeah. And, and like those motifs kind of create this sort of juxtaposition, right?
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  Of like, you know, how, how people who ascribe to this particular philosophy really aren't
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  understanding what's going on with their child or the individual in their life who is on
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  the spectrum, right?
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  Yes.
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  And, so you, you know, trying to underscore all of that,
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  you know, really, creates a powerful image. So it's like, you know, is there
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  anything else that you want to kind of talk about, like thematically that's like important
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  to the piece or?
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  I mean, like, I think it's just, I think another thing I kind of wanted to bring up
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  is like, kind of something that I think underlines like a lot of my work and also like, I think
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  the experience of like any autistic person as well, which is just like, you can't really
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  separate me from this disability, you know, like this is basically informed my life ever
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  since I was born, even before I even learned like what that word meant, which was like
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  in third grade. And so like, I mean, yeah, maybe you could theoretically like I'm doing
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  air quotes that to people at home, "cure me of this," but like, but like, what's the cost
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  of that? You know, right. Like, what is that going to do to me? And am I actually going
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  to come out like as the same person, but like somehow more idealized and like what you want
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  me to be, or am I not going to be anything like you wanted at all? And you, and like
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  whatever level of respect that you were looking to find on the other side of this is gone
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  anyway.
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  Right. Yeah. And you know, I also think that, you know, it's interesting too, because
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  like, you know, with, with any kind of neurodivergence, right. You, you know, it is a very individualized
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  kind of thing. Right. So like, you know, you meet one person with Autism, you've met one
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  person with Autism, right. Rather than, you know, or, you know, like, you know, for me
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  having ADHD, you meet one person with the ADHD, you met one person with ADHD. You don't
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  know the experience of anyone else who is experiencing it's all different. So it, you know,
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  kind of like the way that you put the themes together really underscores that in a really
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  beautiful way. Yeah, so, and you know, obviously the meaning in the, in
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  the piece is all about kind of like this sort of warrior mindset, of the parents,
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  but, you know, is there like any room for interpretation on like what you mean or
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  what the stance is in the...
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  Give the literal, you know, I mean, literally say it, you know,
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  what it's saying, because remember there was, because we've been working on and off
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  with this piece for what three years now. And remember how like, I actually confused
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  it at one point from what I had originally understood it as being, then I had to like,
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  wait a minute, hold on. No, this isn't it. You know, about, you know, the definition
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  of what the warrior was, you know, and well, you know what, you explain it.
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  Yeah. I mean,
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  it's like, yeah, it's exactly like what Ray said, where it's like, this like,
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  Come on, you can do it.
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  Yeah, I know. I mean, you kind of like did take the words right
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  out of my mouth there where it's like, these parents are like basically fighting a war.
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  That's like, like one, not even really there.
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  Exactly. And it's like, you know, it's like
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  they're condescending, looking for attention. Please call me a warrior because I am doing
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  this when no, it shouldn't even have to be like that. You should be just like, Hey, this
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  is good. I'm good. And remember how we, what we had said during one of the rehearsals for
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  I was like, so technically them not being these here, you know, condescending, you
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  know, Ooh, look at me warriors. They're a warrior because they're able to fight this here. You
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  know, Oh, look at me temptation. That's so many others who are in the same shoes, you
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  know, just can't seem to resist.
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  Exactly. It completely centers them rather than the
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  people who actually need the accommodation.
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  Yeah, you know, and it doesn't help that you have so many people
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  like, Oh, you're so brave for taking on this challenge with your child for real. Right.
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  And you're so brave because you're living with your Autism. Seriously. Right. Come here.
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  Let's go talk in this hallway right quick. Where does so and so go? They're taking a
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  nap in the hallway. Don't worry. So let's get back to the subject.
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  Yeah, it's yeah. Yeah.
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  Because like, I'll never forget because like I said, it was so
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  weird how I got twisted up, but that's what happens when you get old. And I was like,
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  but technically they are being warriors for the simple fact that they're not falling into
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  the trap and they are living their life the way they're supposed to with you and with
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  the situation. It is not that deep, you know, where you have to go and act like it is a
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  a burden. Exactly. Yeah. You know, I mean, like, God, anybody who's lived with me, I
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  mean, okay, you could easily say it's a bird, but we're overjoyed to be around me. Right.
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  Absolutely. Yeah.
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  You guys better have been answered that one anyway. But yeah. So do
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  we have anything else? I mean, we did basically did we really flesh it out? You know, the
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  actual creation of this of warriors? I mean, I mean, were you like 25 or six to four, you
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  know, on the floor sitting cross legged and everything?
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  Yeah. I mean, I don't know. I
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  didn't have like a...
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  Phill, add Chicago sound effects from that song in there. Okay.
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  I don't know.I didn't have like to a specific process that felt like brought me to it. You know, and...
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  No, no specific one incident that happened. It was just overall lifestyle. Yeah, I can
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  dig that. Yeah, I can definitely dig that. Yeah.
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  Yeah,so I guess kind of building off
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  of that, you know, do you feel like there's a deeper purpose to your art? In general,
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  like to the things that you write? Or is it just, you know, they're very kind of, you
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  know, heart on my sleeve? And that's like, what it is.
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  Yeah. I feel like it's a bit of
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  both. I do feel like it is definitely like, you know, it's me. Yeah, like heart on my sleeve
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  type thing. But I do always like, you know, I, whenever I have like performed, and like
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  performed pieces like this, I usually come up, I usually like, you know, after like people
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  are saying, like, you know, you know, they're like, Oh, that was such a good piece. And
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  like, you know, kind of like, giving your compliments. I always walk away with at least
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  one person saying like, Yeah, I haven't really heard anybody like talk about this before
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  in their work. And, yeah, I'd say that's my higher purpose, where it's just like, even
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  if like, and awareness. Yeah. Well, not even just awareness. But it's just like, representation.
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  Yeah, I guess that's also it too. But like, I think my poetry coach kind of put it best
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  where it's like, you know, like, part of a good like, thing of getting up there is like,
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  if you have like 700 people in a room, there could still be like one person who like does
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  need to hear what you're saying. Right? Like, it could be useful for them. Yeah. And like,
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  that kind of perspective and like the perspective you bring can like, really, like impact them
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  on a level that like, make something differently. And like, yeah, I'd say that's, I mean, that's
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  as good a higher purpose, I think, as you can get. Yeah.
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  You talk to several other artists,
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  the varying, you know, disciplines, they'll tell you the same thing. Well, those who are
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  serious about it, you know, and who are human being. Yeah, that's the payoff. Yes, that
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  is the real payoff. Knowing that you touched that one particular person, or several particular
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  persons. Yeah.
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  So is there anything else that you want to mention about Warriors? You know,
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  we're about to listen to a performance of it, of course. But you know, like, is there
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  anything like specific about it or anything about like, you know, the time in which you
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  wrote it, anything like that?
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  Yeah. This was like a piece I created in like 2021, which
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  was like height of the pandemic. And, you know, pandemic kind of shuts down all in-person
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  art events. And like, I was like, I'm kind of isolated from my art form as a result of
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  that, where I didn't really get a lot of like, what's it called? I didn't get a lot of like
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  more experience and like exposure to it during that time. And you said, and you know, so
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  like creatively, I wasn't quite in the best place. And, you know, I feel like, you know,
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  and I had also made these for like a grant as well during that time. And I do feel like
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  that even in the midst of like that kind of like, you know, kind of like, bad place, like
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  creatively that I had. I felt like that was like a good like little like oasis of that,
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  where I got to create like some good pieces like this.
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  So you were able to perform it.
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  Yeah exactly.
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  You know, even with the pandemic going on through virtual concerts. And yeah,
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  like you said, with the grant, which also ensured that this wound up becoming a published
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  piece at that.
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  Yes. But yeah, I do have like a little bit of pride in this piece because
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  of that, because, you know, creating it in that like sort of space. And yeah, I like
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  it a lot.
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  Yeah. Actually, now I think about it. You know, you said you wrote it for that
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  piece. You know, that grant was there kind of, you know, I know there was like kind of
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  a academic side to it, right? Like K- 12. Yeah, whatever. I know that you were
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  Hence the explanation as to why it's a published piece.
• 24:08
  Right. Yeah. But, you know, do you happen to know
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  if like if there was a real like impact, you know, through that program?
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  Yeah, I mean, I do remember like seeing like the book that I kind of like made for
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  that like program, like being at like some like events like specifically like Disability
• 24:30
  Pride Events like that. That was really cool to see. Yeah.
• 24:36
  Yeah. Remember, it's also actually
• 24:37
  published and distributed at school. That is also skewlls. I did. I just say skewlls schools.
• 24:44
  I have not slept all day, people, please forgive me. But yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I have not slept
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  for two days. I'm sorry. Okay. Yeah. Schools, you know. And yeah, I've heard some really
• 24:57
  great feedback from the organization that was handling that, you know, with your particularly
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  because it's a physical piece that they can hold, flip the pages through, you know, read,
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  you know, where they want to or if they want to kill time, you know, that there is a difference
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  between wanting to or just killing time. And yeah, that wound up being both. And fortunately,
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  both enjoyed, you know, whether it was just killing time or wanting to read it. So yeah, it,
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  it, yeah, it made quite an impression from what I understand.
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  Yeah, that's what I've also heard as well on that front.
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  All right. Well, I think we've kind of done everything we can to analyze this
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  piece. So let's take a moment to enjoy a performance of Warriors.
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  My parents are called warriors for raising me, right. They're imagined these weathered veterans
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  who fought for their child's soul. My parents are commended even for raising this boy in a layer of
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  barbed wire skin. And this community would wave a banner of their idealized me as a victory.
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  Nevermind, of course, the only casualty is me. See, my parents are called warriors. It implies that
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  Autistic children are battlefields. Like that to be raised, we have to be fought.
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  No room to wonder if I could have a joyous life as the broken country they see.
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  My parents gave me a home, not war. And even when I was rendered silent, they
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  fostered my voice. But I see plenty of other warriors. They fight for ghosts.
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  That you know our children who never existed. It seems I think they are who their children should
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  have been. And so because of this, their actual children join them. I know that somewhere once a
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  week, a caregiver erases child off the face of the earth, and no one weeps. Their excuses are,
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  they all have days like this. You know, before the children are born, we must walk a mile in their
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  shoes. How we cannot understand how hard it was. Children then go from being battlefields to the
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  enemy. Speaking their cry for help is a war cry to a warrior's ear. And at this point,
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  we see warriors treat them as a target in iron sight. When they cannot reconcile with, one they strip
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  the human from. And I hear they dare call their children silent. As if they even tried to
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  hear them. See, I was never a tragedy. I was never a war zone. I was never that much in need of mercy
• 28:03
  killing. I was never stolen or missing. I was only ever thankful not to be prayed
• 28:13
  on. That my Autism's presence wasn't a mark for death.
• 28:22
  My parents never saw it as a weakness.
• 28:28
  All right. Oh man, that was amazing. That was Warriors again. That was great, Ian.
• 28:33
  Thank you so much. Yeah.
• 28:35
  Yeah. So definitely enjoyed.
• 28:40
  Yeah. That was the first episode in the Living Loud and Proud Podcast
• 28:46
  Artists Series. You know, we're going to have more of these coming through down the pike.
• 28:53
  We'll hope to see you then. All right. Bye everyone.
• 28:56
  Good night, folks. Bye. Bye.
• 28:57
  Please visit our accessible website at www.disabilitypridepa.org.
• 29:03
  You can find us on social media @DisabilityPridePA on Facebook, Instagram, and TikTok.