Latest / The Parenting Podcast / 100 Episodes Later: Our Parenting Odysseys and What We've Learned | Ep. 100

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100 Episodes Later: Our Parenting Odysseys and What We've Learned | Ep. 100 · The Parenting Podcast

• 0:06
  Hello, wonderful parents.
• 0:08
  Cheryl Lang here and I am bursting to share some exciting news.
• 0:13
  We've officially hit the century mark.
• 0:16
  Oh.
• 0:18
  Not me personally, but this is our 100th parenting podcast episode.
• 0:26
  Oh, but it's much more than just a number.
• 0:30
  It's a testament to the incredible bond we've formed as a parenting community.
• 0:35
  Through TPP.
• 0:38
  Join me along with the amazing Christy and Ellen as we open our hearts and share stories that have defined our own parenting paths.
• 0:48
  From the challenges that made us stronger to the joys that filled our heart, it's a dive into the transformative journey of parenting that we three didn't realize when we began it all ourselves.
• 1:03
  Listen in on some honest reflections.
• 1:06
  And hard lessons learned as we explore some of the reasons why we say every week on the podcast that it's worth it.
• 1:27
  Cheryl: Well, congratulations to us today.
• 1:29
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 1:31
  Cheryl: It's
• 1:31
  Christie: a big day
• 1:32
  Cheryl: around here.
• 1:33
  Cheryl: It's a really big day at the Parenting Podcast.
• 1:36
  Cheryl: Y'all are listening to, drum roll ladies, Drum roll.
• 1:39
  Cheryl: Our 100th episode.
• 1:42
  Christie: 100th, I can't believe it.
• 1:44
  Christie: Yeah.
• 1:45
  Ellen: It seems like it was just yesterday we were doing episode 3.
• 1:49
  Ellen: Uh
• 1:49
  Cheryl: huh.
• 1:50
  Cheryl: And then I tell people, no, don't start at episode 3.
• 1:54
  Christie: Give us a little time to grow.
• 1:57
  Christie: Boy, haven't we.
• 1:58
  Christie: Oh my goodness.
• 1:59
  Christie: I mean, I haven't even looked back in a while to see our earliest episodes and what all we've talked about and
• 2:05
  Ellen: It'll be like when you're, uh, when you become a teenager and you think you're dressing really cool And then you become an adult and you look back and go, Oh, I thought I was so
• 2:14
  Cheryl: cool And she posted a picture and I need to go find mine from 8th grade and she goes, you know, everybody has that awkward age you know, during middle school, junior high and she goes, I didn't.
• 2:26
  Cheryl: And it is, you know, super awkward picture.
• 2:31
  Christie: Oh, man.
• 2:31
  Christie: So good.
• 2:32
  Christie: So if you've been listening a while, thank you for enduring our awkward age.
• 2:36
  Christie: Yes.
• 2:37
  Cheryl: This is so fun.
• 2:39
  Cheryl: You know, if y'all, if you look at the statistics about podcasting out there, because when we started several years ago, thinking about it, and I don't know, listeners, I don't know if you know the story.
• 2:52
  Cheryl: So I've been in parenting ministry for about 20 years.
• 2:56
  Cheryl: And then one of my daughters said, Mom, if you really want to reach moms, Yes.
• 3:02
  Cheryl: She said, you need to do a podcast.
• 3:04
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 3:04
  Cheryl: And I go, okay, I can spell that.
• 3:07
  Cheryl: And that was all I knew.
• 3:08
  Cheryl: I needed to click and listen, but I didn't know anything else.
• 3:11
  Cheryl: So, wow, how God has brought us so
• 3:14
  Christie: far.
• 3:15
  Christie: And here we are approaching.
• 3:17
  Christie: You said 20, 000 downloads.
• 3:20
  Christie: That is just unreal to me.
• 3:22
  Christie: I just can't imagine 20, 000 times people have wanted to listen to our voices.
• 3:26
  Christie: Because we always
• 3:27
  Ellen: have fun, you know, because we don't realize.
• 3:29
  Ellen: I was just kind of, we sit in this really modern podcast room with Cool equipment, but it's really simple and coffee day.
• 3:37
  Ellen: Yeah, it is.
• 3:38
  Ellen: We just sit around chit chatting about fun different
• 3:41
  Cheryl: topics I mean, I have really enjoyed it.
• 3:43
  Cheryl: I've enjoyed being together and Just our camaraderie and
• 3:49
  Ellen: then and you have the hard part because you do all
• 3:54
  Christie: the Christine I just go home
• 4:02
  Cheryl: Oh, it is fine.
• 4:03
  Cheryl: well, first, I want to say, thank you, listeners.
• 4:06
  Cheryl: Yes.
• 4:07
  Cheryl: Keep it up.
• 4:08
  Cheryl: Keep listening.
• 4:09
  Cheryl: Keep in touch with us because you're the reason we're doing this.
• 4:13
  Cheryl: And so thank you and here's to another hundred.
• 4:16
  Cheryl: Yeah, absolutely.
• 4:18
  Cheryl: All right.
• 4:18
  Cheryl: So, um, I thought what we could do is not just look back over the podcast, you can go back, you can go anywhere, find out what we've talked about, but let's look back at our own experience, like our parenting experiences, and maybe look at it and say, Boy, when I'm looking back at it, this is what I would change, and then I'd like to hear what you're thankful for out of your parenting, how it's changed you So, looking back, okay, um, what would you say?
• 4:52
  Cheryl: And I would say for me, number one, Without any question, I wish I had not taken it so personally.
• 5:01
  Cheryl: Mmm.
• 5:02
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 5:03
  Cheryl: I mean, that's it.
• 5:05
  Cheryl: I mean, if I could have just changed that one factor.
• 5:08
  Cheryl: And if you're a regular listener, you know we talk about it all the time.
• 5:11
  Cheryl: Oh, by the way, don't take it personally.
• 5:14
  Cheryl: But that's what I did.
• 5:15
  Ellen: It's such a hard thing not to do.
• 5:17
  Ellen: Right.
• 5:17
  Ellen: Because that's your world.
• 5:18
  Ellen: I mean, you know, your children and they say something mean or just inconsiderate.
• 5:23
  Ellen: Right?
• 5:23
  Ellen: And you go,
• 5:24
  Christie: oh, and you're still human.
• 5:26
  Christie: Yeah.
• 5:26
  Christie: what were some of the ways and specifics that you tended to take it personally
• 5:31
  Cheryl: I took it personally.
• 5:33
  Cheryl: in rejection, or if they acted out in a way that was indifferent from what I was hoping they would become, I said, What a terrible parent I must be that my child would, whatever, act this way or be this way.
• 5:50
  Cheryl: Or, particularly as I I kind of thought the way they were at eight years old was the way they would be.
• 5:57
  Cheryl: Right.
• 5:58
  Christie: And it felt like a reflection of your
• 5:59
  Cheryl: parenting.
• 6:00
  Cheryl: Total reflection.
• 6:01
  Cheryl: Yeah, okay.
• 6:01
  Cheryl: not just my parenting, but also me.
• 6:04
  Cheryl: Okay.
• 6:04
  Cheryl: And so when we went into the typical conflict...
• 6:07
  Cheryl: or their comments or they may outright reject something I believe, but particularly when they gave me pushback and instead of our going, Hey, let's talk about this.
• 6:18
  Cheryl: You know, we don't have to be on different sides, but let's talk about how we think about it.
• 6:23
  Cheryl: I took it very personally because there was a lot of attack, which is not unusual as children are moving through teen years
• 6:30
  Christie: and young adult years.
• 6:31
  Christie: And that autonomy that they're wanting to move into feels like.
• 6:36
  Christie: Rejection and separation.
• 6:38
  Cheryl: Absolutely, and I didn't look at it with maturity.
• 6:41
  Cheryl: I thought we were supposed to just kind of stay friends.
• 6:44
  Cheryl: Right.
• 6:45
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 6:45
  Cheryl: And, uh, what about y'all?
• 6:46
  Cheryl: What are some areas where you would change if you could go back?
• 6:49
  Christie: Well, mine's in kind of that same vein.
• 6:53
  Christie: I definitely experienced all that you're talking about.
• 6:56
  Christie: Yeah.
• 6:57
  Christie: I mean, I, I, that really.
• 7:00
  Christie: Um, but I think another layer of that for me was that I, I was so focused on the to do's and the getting the things done and the, the behavior and, and obedience and performance that I, I really, one thing I really wish I would have spent more time doing is looking at the whites of my kids eyes and into their hearts and hearing more of their emotional needs and their individual needs.
• 7:27
  Christie: It's, you know, I, I think I just.
• 7:29
  Christie: was goal oriented.
• 7:30
  Christie: A lot of times with the schedule and and the things that we needed to accomplish.
• 7:35
  Christie: Okay, well, let's, you know, get this picked up so we can do the next thing.
• 7:38
  Christie: And we've got to be here at this time and not slowing down enough to say, Hey, you seem like something's bothering you today.
• 7:45
  Christie: Talk to me about how you're feeling about that.
• 7:48
  Christie: You know, if it's
• 7:48
  Ellen: bothering you too bad, be quiet and get in the car.
• 7:54
  Cheryl: Because if you think about it, That's sort of the way most of school is organized.
• 7:59
  Cheryl: That's sort of the way business, and just, it's production, and we need to get somewhere.
• 8:05
  Cheryl: And I really have compassion.
• 8:07
  Cheryl: four You Christy, You had four little children in five years?
• 8:11
  Cheryl: Seven.
• 8:11
  Cheryl: In seven years.
• 8:12
  Cheryl: Four in seven years.
• 8:13
  Cheryl: And you were
• 8:13
  Christie: only...
• 8:15
  Christie: 1919 when I started.
• 8:17
  Christie: Yeah.
• 8:17
  Christie: Yeah.
• 8:17
  Christie: So you were so 20, 27 when?
• 8:20
  Christie: Or 26 when the youngest was born.
• 8:22
  Christie: So yeah, I mean I was growing up with them.
• 8:26
  Christie: Yeah.
• 8:26
  Christie: We talk about taking things personally because of lack of maturity.
• 8:29
  Christie: Man, I Right.
• 8:31
  Christie: Was way, I mean, my kids are those ages now and I look at them and I'm like, I can't believe I had a baby at that age.
• 8:39
  Christie: Wow.
• 8:39
  Christie: I can't believe I had.
• 8:40
  Christie: I had three babies at that age and I just, I felt like I was grown up, but I wasn't.
• 8:46
  Christie: And, and
• 8:46
  Ellen: we were all, we're old enough that we were kind of out of the instant resource of the internet.
• 8:53
  Ellen: Yes.
• 8:54
  Ellen: Because, you know, now, if there's a problem, you can actually just Google it and get a very simple answer.
• 8:59
  Ellen: Why isn't my baby sleeping?
• 9:00
  Ellen: If she's running a fever, what do I do?
• 9:02
  Ellen: You know, you had to either track down a friend or, you know, I had a book, Better Homes and Gardens Baby Book, which was limited.
• 9:10
  Ellen: And so, yeah.
• 9:10
  Ellen: So, or you had to ask a friend if you could do that, but you know, if you didn't live near family, you kind of were in a wilderness all alone, crying a lot.
• 9:20
  Christie: You know, like we talk a lot about the downside of social media and parenting and comparison and how bad that can be.
• 9:27
  Christie: But there's also an aspect of community that is very validating and relatable that I think people can find on social media in the right ways.
• 9:37
  Christie: You know, I I did have a good amount of community and that is something I am thankful for, but I don't think I utilized it and as much as I should have of like, okay, this is normal.
• 9:48
  Christie: It's okay.
• 9:48
  Christie: Yes, you know, a lot of times if my kids were misbehaving, it felt like failure and I felt like I was doing something wrong and they were just being kids.
• 9:55
  Christie: And so, yeah, those are some of the things that back on and regret or wish
• 9:59
  Cheryl: Well, what y'all are kind of talking about is we wish that we could be very present in the relational, involved level, and be up 10, 000 feet with the big picture to have the big picture about what's going on and the small picture.
• 10:18
  Cheryl: And the problem is we grow up with our children, you know, and we've said it before.
• 10:23
  Cheryl: It's always something new.
• 10:26
  Cheryl: Everybody's a different age, the different dynamics, you
• 10:30
  Ellen: think you've got it down.
• 10:31
  Ellen: And then this other child does totally goes against everything that two other kids
• 10:35
  Christie: did.
• 10:36
  Christie: Right?
• 10:36
  Christie: Well, and the skills and resources and things that you gain in the process of raising kids are the ones that you needed while you were raising.
• 10:45
  Christie: Yeah, yeah.
• 10:45
  Christie: So it's kind of a tricky spot
• 10:47
  Cheryl: anyway.
• 10:49
  Cheryl: And one of the things.
• 10:51
  Cheryl: Actually, Christy, you helped me a long time, a long time ago, way back, I don't know, 60 episodes ago or something.
• 10:58
  Cheryl: Um, and we were talking about little ones saying no to you or something, what the struggle is with two year olds.
• 11:06
  Cheryl: And you said, well, remember, this is that wonderful integral part of Their release into young adults, and that really put such great perspective, and I didn't think of it that way.
• 11:21
  Cheryl: I kind of was in the moment and then had the big picture of what I would like my Children to experience and to be these wonderful adults, but I didn't have the perspective that All of these struggles are part of the releasing, and if I just had that in my toolkit, even if I would have done the same thing again, my heart, I would have realized, Oh, when they're pushing back like this, right?
• 11:49
  Cheryl: That that's what we're doing is trying to figure out life and how they're going to release and become.
• 11:56
  Cheryl: their own individuals And it's not personal.
• 11:58
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 11:59
  Ellen: There we go.
• 11:59
  Ellen: It's developmental.
• 12:00
  Ellen: Yes.
• 12:01
  Ellen: But I think that's for first time parents, or it doesn't really matter where you are in that.
• 12:05
  Ellen: Yeah.
• 12:06
  Ellen: You know, it's just hard not to take it personal because it sometimes hurts.
• 12:10
  Cheryl: What's something else, Ellen, that if you could go back and change?
• 12:14
  Cheryl: Except it's part of our story.
• 12:15
  Cheryl: So we have to remember, if we were to go back and change, we really wouldn't because God used it all to change us, develop us, and worked in each of our children's lives and our family's life.
• 12:26
  Cheryl: Okay, but what about you?
• 12:28
  Ellen: Well, I kind of, I'm agreeing.
• 12:30
  Ellen: I think, you know, for most of us, that's, a lot of it is, I don't know, any moms or dads, you know.
• 12:37
  Ellen: Take it personal and then that's, I mean, I've had my children say, mom, don't take it so personally.
• 12:41
  Ellen: Yeah.
• 12:42
  Ellen: So, you know, they were aware that I was taking it personally and it's hard because for certain periods of your life, that's your whole world.
• 12:49
  Ellen: You know, it was your, your young children, whether you work outside of the.
• 12:53
  Ellen: Uh, the home or not, you know, that's the core of what you care about, is how things are, uh, within your home.
• 13:00
  Ellen: Um, and I think, um, I think for me, I came from a divorced home.
• 13:05
  Ellen: And so there was a lot of turmoil and different things.
• 13:09
  Ellen: And especially back in the 60s so I didn't really feel like I had a model of what parenting would be in my head.
• 13:17
  Ellen: Because I lived with my grandparents for a good period of time and then my mom remarried and kind of, you know, shuffled around.
• 13:23
  Ellen: We moved a lot.
• 13:24
  Ellen: So I never felt like I had an ideal of what or a pattern of what it should look like other than I knew I didn't want it to be.
• 13:33
  Ellen: The way I was being raised.
• 13:34
  Ellen: Because I thought I could have nine children and name them after the planets.
• 13:41
  Christie: laugh.
• 13:41
  Cheryl: That was it.
• 13:41
  Cheryl: I've never heard you say that.
• 13:42
  Cheryl: Yes,
• 13:43
  Ellen: that was my sixth grade dream.
• 13:45
  Christie: Oh,
• 13:46
  Cheryl: wow.
• 13:47
  Cheryl: Oh, then that means you'd have to give one away Where's Pluto back in again?
• 13:51
  Cheryl: Oh,
• 13:52
  Ellen: yeah, I don't know, really, they're still debating it.
• 13:54
  Ellen: It's 5050.
• 13:56
  Ellen: But, you know, I thought that was, you know, I was always fascinated by the planet.
• 13:59
  Ellen: So I thought,
• 14:00
  Christie: I love that, you know,
• 14:01
  Ellen: each kid and you know, until you get to Uranus and things like that poor child.
• 14:07
  Cheryl: aNd so what did you want that was different from what you had?
• 14:11
  Ellen: Well, I think for me, A little part of the problem was I was a really avid reader.
• 14:17
  Ellen: And so in the books, the classic literature, there was always hardship and, you know, David Copperfield and stuff like that.
• 14:25
  Ellen: Those kind of little tugs of war.
• 14:27
  Ellen: But somehow I saw that the family should be this intact place of peace.
• 14:33
  Ellen: And really in a lot of those stories, that's what the longing was for that, to be in a peaceful community and to be in.
• 14:42
  Ellen: A gracious community.
• 14:44
  Ellen: And that's, you know...
• 14:46
  Ellen: Meaning, by grace, I mean, people understand you, your family understands you, they accept you.
• 14:52
  Ellen: Right.
• 14:53
  Ellen: And I think that, I regret not being more grace based as a parent.
• 14:57
  Ellen: I am a firstborn, I was more performance, and we lived in a very, you know, we're a military.
• 15:03
  Ellen: We lived in a performance space.
• 15:06
  Ellen: Um, venue, I guess, if you want to call it that, and a lot of times we lived on military housing.
• 15:12
  Ellen: So you might live across the street from your commander.
• 15:15
  Ellen: And if your kids are, you know, setting fire to, you know, the front lawn, that reflects on your spouse, that duty, yes, in a
• 15:24
  Cheryl: big way.
• 15:24
  Cheryl: So all of those came together to make you more Rule, legalistic, and then performance based and instead of the grace.
• 15:33
  Cheryl: Yes.
• 15:34
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 15:34
  Cheryl: one more thing that kind of reflects some of the other things I've said I used to hold on.
• 15:41
  Cheryl: to what I wanted, like hold on to the sweet moments or when your son is older and he comes back and comes go, Mom, I just love you and gives you a hug and walks out, go, wait, give me three more.
• 15:52
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 15:53
  Cheryl: And I wish I had learned earlier to treasure up the moments instead of trying to cling to them.
• 15:59
  Cheryl: Mm
• 16:00
  Ellen: hmm.
• 16:01
  Ellen: One of the things that I did is I kept, a small Book on each of my children.
• 16:06
  Ellen: Wow.
• 16:07
  Ellen: And so I wrote the funny things They said or some of the things that they did.
• 16:12
  Ellen: They're just small books, but wow, that's so great Yeah, some of them I didn't complete as well as others because life kind of takes over sometimes But I try to especially in their early years the cute things They said the funniest things they said kind of the way they were I haven't ever given them to my kids But because I just haven't thought about that Yeah, it was I was Yeah, I was really glad that I kind of did that,
• 16:36
  Cheryl: and...
• 16:36
  Cheryl: Well, if I could change things, I would go back and edit it.
• 16:39
  Cheryl: I know, I do, yeah.
• 16:40
  Cheryl: Okay, so these, we've talked a little bit about what we would change in our parenting.
• 16:44
  Cheryl: Right.
• 16:44
  Cheryl: If we wanted to improve it the way we would like to.
• 16:47
  Cheryl: Not just that you have children, but what has parenting taught you?
• 16:52
  Cheryl: Or, um, how have you grown?
• 16:56
  Cheryl: What are you thankful for?
• 16:57
  Cheryl: Because you were a parent.
• 17:00
  Ellen: Well, parenting is probably the most painful thing you're going to do.
• 17:03
  Ellen: Mm hmm.
• 17:04
  Ellen: You know, I think of any experiences we have.
• 17:07
  Ellen: It has a lot of highs and a lot of lows.
• 17:10
  Ellen: And your self worth and self esteem sits right in the middle.
• 17:14
  Ellen: Sure does.
• 17:15
  Ellen: You know, and we, we kind of are touching on that.
• 17:18
  Ellen: We shouldn't be looking at how our children to behave.
• 17:21
  Ellen: to reflect on us, but unfortunately, that's just how we feel.
• 17:25
  Ellen: And when somebody tells you your kids are wonderful, you feel good, and they tell you, did you know that your kid instigated?
• 17:33
  Ellen: And you're like, crushed.
• 17:34
  Ellen: But, um, I think my life would be obviously completely different if I didn't have five children.
• 17:42
  Ellen: Regardless of some of the horrible things that have happened in our family, some of the heartbreaking things that have happened.
• 17:48
  Ellen: That's what allowed me to enter into a deeper relationship with God, a deeper relationship with my, my husband, and ultimately deeper relationships with my children.
• 18:00
  Christie: I love that.
• 18:01
  Cheryl: Wow.
• 18:01
  Ellen: Yes.
• 18:02
  Ellen: And they're watching.
• 18:04
  Ellen: They're watching how we handle hardship, they're watching how we handle joy, they're watching, watching, watching.
• 18:12
  Ellen: And it's nice now that, you know, all the kids are grown, they have their own families.
• 18:17
  Ellen: Now I get to watch my grandchildren and how they parent.
• 18:21
  Ellen: And I'm really happy they all parent a little different.
• 18:24
  Ellen: They, you know, rejected some of the things.
• 18:26
  Ellen: that, you know, we thought were important, but not in a horrible way.
• 18:30
  Ellen: They just do it differently.
• 18:32
  Ellen: And those are the things you have to accept as a parent that, you know, I always would tell my kids be a better parent than me, you know?
• 18:40
  Ellen: And so I see that in, in my 17 grandchildren have been parented really differently, um, but they still hold some of the core values Oh, wow
• 18:52
  Cheryl: You know, Ellen, what I'm hearing you say is humility.
• 18:56
  Cheryl: And if it had been that easy thing that we wanted, easy and fulfilling thing that we hoped all of parenting would be, then all of us would stay 19, 20, something, in our maturity.
• 19:10
  Cheryl: True.
• 19:11
  Cheryl: Okay, because it's a great age, but we want to grow, and we want to be better people, not just our children.
• 19:17
  Cheryl: I'm such a different person for all the hardship and the difficulties and, you know, in our family story, losing Bill 25 years ago, I didn't know we'd survive, you know, and I didn't want my children to have to go through that, it affected our dynamics, but wow, I've had to trust God.
• 19:40
  Cheryl: Right.
• 19:41
  Cheryl: And that's what I was going to say, is that this is all part of our story, and the best thing is, the story's not over.
• 19:48
  Cheryl: Right.
• 19:49
  Cheryl: I'm so thankful for that because when I was younger, I kind of thought, oh, this is the way it's going to be.
• 19:54
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 19:55
  Cheryl: And I kind of had such a short view.
• 19:57
  Cheryl: And now I'm going, wow, the story is not over.
• 19:59
  Cheryl: They may be this age or we may be at whatever.
• 20:04
  Cheryl: And the hope that there is waiting to see what's coming next in the story.
• 20:11
  Christie: Yeah, I think, I think one thing being a parent has stretched me in ways that I, I didn't think I would, I know that I wouldn't have willingly stretched myself to do things, but you know, I mean, I just think of like when you're the one in charge of killing the spider or when you're the one with the flat tire and the feeling of Oh, this is all me.
• 20:33
  Christie: And these little people are dependent on me.
• 20:35
  Christie: Right.
• 20:35
  Christie: That, that was a new feeling for me when I was young with young kids.
• 20:38
  Christie: And, and so I think just that, um, having people rely on you just is a big wake up call.
• 20:46
  Christie: And, and I, I'm kind of a person where when things are hard, I might just look for the exit door.
• 20:52
  Christie: When you have kids, you're just...
• 20:53
  Christie: Right.
• 20:53
  Christie: You're, you gotta figure it out.
• 20:55
  Christie: Yes.
• 20:55
  Christie: And I think the Lord used that to stretch me in ways that I wouldn't have chosen to stick it out in the long run.
• 21:02
  Christie: I think another thing is chipped away at my pride.
• 21:06
  Christie: I mean, and not that my kids were horrible or anything that they, you know, that they humbled me in that way, but just that kind of like what we were saying a minute ago, the world does not revolve around you as your kids age into adulthood, especially you start realizing, I don't get to make these choices.
• 21:24
  Christie: These choices aren't about me.
• 21:26
  Christie: And I get to celebrate their lives, how they choose to live them and cheer them on.
• 21:31
  Christie: But you know, I don't get to have an opinion on this matter.
• 21:33
  Christie: I just get to...
• 21:34
  Christie: Celebrate the wins and grieve with them the losses and walk alongside of them at this point.
• 21:40
  Christie: And like Cheryl was
• 21:41
  Ellen: saying, this story's not over yet.
• 21:43
  Ellen: You know, that's the encouragement that I always see as I watch the next generation of our family go on.
• 21:50
  Ellen: And we had our first marriage and of grandchildren.
• 21:53
  Ellen: In the grandchildren.
• 21:53
  Ellen: Yes, of the grandchildren.
• 21:55
  Ellen: Yes, Mike and I are married.
• 21:58
  Ellen: And to kind of just see that.
• 22:02
  Ellen: to go, Oh, there's this future.
• 22:04
  Ellen: I don't have any control over any other than like with my grandchildren, just to love them and hang out with them.
• 22:10
  Ellen: Because that's what I wanted motherhood to be.
• 22:12
  Ellen: Yes, I wanted to be the grandparent.
• 22:15
  Ellen: Yes.
• 22:16
  Ellen: And so it's a little disappointed.
• 22:18
  Ellen: It was a lot of work.
• 22:19
  Ellen: And you know, because I thought because with grandkids, you could just have fun, right?
• 22:23
  Ellen: You know, and you're not responsible for every little thing that goes good or bad, right?
• 22:28
  Ellen: You know,
• 22:28
  Christie: it's funny you say that because I remember When my kids were, like, middle school age, or elementary age, maybe, and there would be, you know, fights amongst the sisters, or, or some kind of drama, and I would get so annoyed, because I was like, we're just trying to have a good time.
• 22:44
  Christie: If you guys could be children, we could have a good time together, but they were in the process of, growing and working those things out.
• 22:52
  Christie: And that was part of it.
• 22:53
  Christie: So I'm glad to hear that grandparenting will be a piece of that pie that I never got to eat.
• 22:58
  Christie: Well, not that I never got to eat, but the, you know, the, the days are just full of all the things.
• 23:02
  Christie: Well, and you
• 23:02
  Ellen: have that good perspective.
• 23:04
  Ellen: You've already raised your children.
• 23:05
  Ellen: You realize, okay, you know, they're chewing on that in a weird way, but they won't
• 23:11
  Cheryl: die.
• 23:12
  Christie: One thing that makes me laugh is all the phases that my kids have been through.
• 23:16
  Christie: Yes.
• 23:16
  Christie: Did you have any exposure to the water bottle flipping phase?
• 23:21
  Christie: It was a whole TikTok trend.
• 23:23
  Christie: I remember, yes.
• 23:24
  Christie: Instagram at the time, but.
• 23:25
  Christie: Yeah.
• 23:26
  Christie: Yeah, the water bottle flipping and you know, the, the fidget spinners and I know all the different phases, but I was also thinking to something you were saying, Ellen was making me think the perspective of having all the seasons of my own personal life as my kids were growing up.
• 23:42
  Christie: I'm, I'm having a lot of joy now as my kids are entering adulthood of encouraging them because this too will pass in their lives as well.
• 23:52
  Christie: And so looking back at all those hard things that We, by the grace of God, made it through.
• 23:58
  Christie: Now I can encourage them.
• 24:00
  Christie: And it's just neat to hear them like, Oh, wow, you know, kind of get a little bit of an epiphany when they have someone encouraging them that has been there.
• 24:07
  Cheryl: And what you're referring to is one of my biggest things that I'm grateful for is to have a relationship with my grown children.
• 24:14
  Cheryl: Right.
• 24:15
  Cheryl: Because although it's intense, their childhood is just one little tiny portion of their whole life.
• 24:22
  Cheryl: And, um, I'm so thankful that I'm a better person, that I'm a more humble person, that I finally learned to go back and say I'm sorry and to, to be a better person so that I can have a relationship.
• 24:36
  Cheryl: with my grown kids.
• 24:37
  Cheryl: And it's just really nice and I look forward to getting better.
• 24:43
  Cheryl: And if you don't
• 24:44
  Ellen: have a good relationship with your grown children, you know, work at trying to make it better.
• 24:51
  Ellen: Where you have a good relationship.
• 24:52
  Ellen: Right, right.
• 24:53
  Ellen: And just kind of work on those and don't get discouraged 50 50 sometimes when you've
• 25:00
  Cheryl: parented.
• 25:03
  Cheryl: Sometimes it's 75.
• 25:04
  Cheryl: Or more when it's not where you want the relationship to be, but what you've talked about here is that humility that I'm now at my age, I'm willing to not do all the diapers and corrections and seatbelts and all of that.
• 25:21
  Cheryl: I want to love them well where they are to look forward to a continued and hopefully better relationship.
• 25:30
  Cheryl: Yeah,
• 25:31
  Christie: that's really.
• 25:32
  Christie: A really good connection in the early years, the sacrifices of sleep and your body and not getting to attend things you might want to because you don't have a sitter.
• 25:43
  Christie: It's
• 25:44
  Ellen: I'm getting makeup on both sides of your face.
• 25:49
  Christie: Little things like that.
• 25:50
  Christie: And then in these It's later years of parenting.
• 25:52
  Christie: But as they get older, the sacrifices aren't so much those things anymore.
• 25:56
  Christie: They're more of, you know, having things the way you might want them at the holidays hopefully
• 26:02
  Ellen: you're reaping relationship with your family without having to parent.
• 26:08
  Ellen: Right.
• 26:09
  Ellen: You know, the parenting in our age group now is just encouragement.
• 26:13
  Ellen: I
• 26:13
  Christie: love that.
• 26:14
  Cheryl: Well, and so I thought we would wrap up with saying, can you think of one way that you're thankful for how doing the parenting podcast has impacted you?
• 26:25
  Cheryl: I think.
• 26:26
  Christie: Doing the podcast has helped me a lot in, um, self awareness, when we're talking about these topics, I've been able to really draw back and look at the larger, um, view of how I have been as a parent and where I still want to change and grow, and I think also, um, In a weird way, or in a good way, I guess, hoping that maybe what we say here encourages other listeners.
• 26:56
  Christie: Absolutely.
• 26:56
  Christie: It makes it worth it.
• 26:57
  Christie: It makes my mistakes and all the, you know, it's like...
• 27:00
  Christie: Being honest.
• 27:01
  Christie: Yes.
• 27:01
  Christie: For the world.
• 27:02
  Christie: Yeah, because I can't go back and change it.
• 27:03
  Christie: Right.
• 27:04
  Christie: So, if it can be used in some way to encourage someone else, then it feels like it redeems some of those mistakes I've made.
• 27:11
  Christie: That's really good.
• 27:12
  I
• 27:12
  Cheryl: was like, well, I agree with what you said, I'm so thankful.
• 27:17
  Cheryl: that I am a better parent for having done TPP.
• 27:22
  Christie: Yes.
• 27:22
  Cheryl: Yeah And I so appreciate our conversations, our interactions and processing about things, because I'm, improved.
• 27:33
  Cheryl: And one of the things that helped us is this imagery that we are always talking about of keeping that relationship bridge open.
• 27:40
  Cheryl: It has so greatly impacted me that in specifically a very difficult conflict with one of my children and in general, I just keep that in the forefront of my mind.
• 27:56
  Cheryl: I have to consider keeping this relationship bridge.
• 28:00
  Cheryl: Am I Putting something on that bridge that shouldn't do it.
• 28:03
  Cheryl: That's right.
• 28:04
  Cheryl: Cracking the bridge or or keeping us apart Or is this a necessary part of a boundary or something?
• 28:10
  Cheryl: But I want to thank you all because it has Impacted my life who would have thought that I would be a better parent for what we've done here through TPP.
• 28:22
  Ellen: Yeah, and I've appreciated just on a personal level of us kind of getting to have an intimate friendship without a lot of work.
• 28:30
  Ellen: Because we have to just dive in and tell our stories and I knew Cheryl really well before but I didn't really know Christy so it's been fun and we seem to work really well together and get along.
• 28:41
  Ellen: Um, besides relationships with you guys.
• 28:44
  Ellen: Yeah, of course.
• 28:45
  Ellen: Um, you know, um, I have 17 grandchildren, almost 18.
• 28:50
  Ellen: And, um, it really has given me some fresh ideas.
• 28:53
  Ellen: Because all my grandkids live in town, some fresh ideas to do things with my grandkids or respond to them in a different way that maybe I would have responded to my children.
• 29:03
  Ellen: And it just, you know, gave me some more ideas to think about on how to do things.
• 29:08
  Ellen: Excellent.
• 29:10
  Ellen: One of the things I just wanted to add one of the things that I really appreciate about the parenting podcast for me was it keeps me, um, in tune with the trends that are going out there culturally, because as you get a little older, you kind of like all of us, you're in your own little world, but because we have to pay attention more and I have all these grandkids and I want to know what's trending and oh, That's that thing that I saw, you know, I mean, with social media, you could do some of that, but it kind of keeps you in tune with where the next generation is going and what they value.
• 29:46
  Christie: Right.
• 29:47
  Christie: And if we're coming in here mindful of young moms and, and, you know, more seasoned moms who are raising teenagers, we do have to be a little bit more mindful.
• 29:57
  Christie: And like you said, in our own personal lives, we want that for our own kids and for you guys, green kids.
• 30:02
  Christie: And.
• 30:02
  Christie: But Cheryl, I have to applaud you.
• 30:04
  Christie: Trailblazed for us in being mindful of current, um, just culture and I mean, you, you're the, the youngest person of your age.
• 30:13
  Christie: I know.
• 30:15
  Christie: Current and you're teaching me things all the time and the way you've learned all the podcasting resources and tools to make this whole things go.
• 30:24
  Christie: I just really am grateful for the culture and atmosphere of TPP that you've let
• 30:31
  Cheryl: us in.
• 30:31
  Cheryl: Thank you, me too.
• 30:33
  Cheryl: So parents, what we're going to say here is, if you've gotten something from TPP, if we have benefited you, Could you help us?
• 30:42
  Cheryl: Could you reach out and let other moms or parents or families know about us?
• 30:47
  Cheryl: One simple thing is to like us, to give us a quick review of stars, five of course, or on social media, just a little click.
• 30:57
  Cheryl: It would just help us that's the way the algorithms are set up.
• 31:00
  Cheryl: And that would spread us to more families, and I look forward to sharing more with more, don't you all?
• 31:08
  Christie: Yes.
• 31:08
  Cheryl: Absolutely.
• 31:09
  Cheryl: Okay, so parents remember, hang in there, keep loving, keep persevering, because it's worth it.
• 31:16
  Christie: Yes.
• 31:23
  When we recorded the centennial episode, little did we know it would align exactly.
• 31:30
  With another amazing milestone, TPP just soared past 20, 000 downloads.
• 31:38
  Wow! We are so grateful for your ongoing support and the community that we've nurtured together.
• 31:47
  As you heard our team share from the depths of our own parenting journey, we're truly aware that parenting is a dynamic journey of laughter.
• 31:58
  Tears and unexpected turns and processing our conversation on this subject was quite meaningful to each of us.
• 32:08
  Let me encourage you to take just a few minutes to reflect on your parenting experience and how it has changed and affected you as a person.
• 32:19
  As you live through the everyday joys and challenges, remember you're not alone on this adventure.
• 32:26
  Connect with us on social media, share your tales, and let us keep the conversation going.
• 32:33
  Oh, be sure to follow us because you won't want to miss our upcoming holiday themed episodes.
• 32:39
  It aren't just sharing more recipes or decorations.
• 32:45
  Lynn to equip you to navigate the holidays with more joy.
• 32:50
  and grace.
• 32:52
  Until then, from the Parenting Podcast to all of you, have a joyous Thanksgiving.