Latest / Pod Therapy / #413: Returning to Previous Therapist, Workaholic, Sex and Chronic Pain

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#413: Returning to Previous Therapist, Workaholic, Sex and Chronic Pain · Pod Therapy

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Speaker 1: And so I got one hundred and fifty bucks and
0:01
Speaker 1: I was like, oh, that's cool.
0:03
Speaker 2: I's worth of super glue.
0:06
Speaker 1: Yes. Yeah, so a lot of ups and downs, yeah,
0:09
Speaker 1: a lot of winds and woes.
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Speaker 2: Yeah.
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Speaker 1: It was a journey, guys, it was a tale. My
0:15
Speaker 1: back is still broken. My horse voice tells the story.
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Speaker 2: From fabulous Las Vegas, Nevadam. This is pot therapy, real people,
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Speaker 2: real problems, and real therapists. You can submit your questions
0:25
Speaker 2: an honestly at pod therapy dot net or we're emailing
0:27
Speaker 2: us at pod therapy guys at gmail dot com. And
0:30
Speaker 2: now broadcasting from the unnamed studio Dice. That's Jim, that's
0:34
Speaker 2: w me on next time for some pod therapy.
0:36
Speaker 1: Well, welcome everybody as we record this as the last
0:39
Speaker 1: time you're hearing a spry thirty nine year old gym.
0:43
Speaker 1: This is the end your hours.
0:45
Speaker 2: I mean, we're already not hearing the spry rye.
0:47
Speaker 1: Yeah, it sounds like a fucking broken glass.
0:50
Speaker 2: By the way, I disagree with the other folks in
0:53
Speaker 2: this room. Okay, that's not forty okay, okay, yeah, it's
0:56
Speaker 2: just your your You need to take care of your Okay.
0:58
Speaker 1: Got it. The deal.
1:04
Speaker 2: You don't have to be in pain like that.
1:05
Speaker 1: Thanks, if you'd like to hear, because he's not going
1:08
Speaker 1: to himself, that's right, But he doesn't have to be.
1:11
Speaker 2: Yeah, it doesn't have to be. It's not going to change.
1:14
Speaker 2: I just want him to know what the cont Yeah.
1:15
Speaker 1: Yeah, this is just the occasional reminder of you know,
1:18
Speaker 1: you're doing this to yourself, right, just okay, that's fine.
1:20
Speaker 1: I want you to know you remand a version table
1:23
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I've heard really.
1:25
Speaker 3: Hang by your ankles for like a few minutes to day. Yeah,
1:28
Speaker 3: and it does really nice things for you.
1:30
Speaker 2: That does sound nice, you know, he's really it's a
1:31
Speaker 2: plain pass though. Is his wife agreed for not asking
1:36
Speaker 2: the man of the house right to move the tea
1:39
Speaker 2: my son should that is true? Yeah, clearly it was
1:42
Speaker 2: a mistake.
1:43
Speaker 1: It was just the TV. So if you'd like to
1:46
Speaker 1: hear Jim's tale of woe and wins in Fabulous Reno, Yeah,
1:51
Speaker 1: as I did my whoa, yeah, my crazy Turning forty
1:56
Speaker 1: trip patron dot Com slash Therapy. This week's worth. I
2:00
Speaker 1: think I think this one's worth. It be a part
2:02
Speaker 1: of the history of the show. This one is one
2:04
Speaker 1: for the books. So we survived.
2:06
Speaker 2: I am here.
2:07
Speaker 4: You're forty right, uh yeah when you're.
2:09
Speaker 1: Listening, Yeah, when you're listening on Wednesday or Thursday, I
2:12
Speaker 1: am officially forty, but as of this recording, I am not.
2:15
Speaker 1: Damn it.
2:16
Speaker 3: So, so how did the rest of the list go get?
2:22
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'd have to look at it. I'd have to
2:25
Speaker 1: look at it.
2:25
Speaker 2: So we wild Car, did one any anything else?
2:29
Speaker 4: Did you shave your face?
2:30
Speaker 2: Hold on? Hold on, low hanging fruit? Okay? Did you
2:35
Speaker 2: Carson City? Yeah?
2:36
Speaker 1: I was gonna do that.
2:39
Speaker 2: I gonna do it. He wasn't gonna do that.
2:44
Speaker 1: Bro, I couldn't on my bus for that whole.
2:48
Speaker 2: Out there back. Was Beau going to do it? I
2:51
Speaker 2: couldn't do it.
2:51
Speaker 1: I was totally planning on writing the regional Transport bus
2:55
Speaker 1: from Reno to Carson to thirty minute drive. I was
2:58
Speaker 1: that was on my agenda. I was going to do it.
3:00
Speaker 1: But after the back thing, I was like, I can't.
3:02
Speaker 2: Do that, Like, and what am I gonna do? Get
3:04
Speaker 2: to Carson?
3:04
Speaker 1: It's like hobble around and like I didn't.
3:06
Speaker 2: I couldn't do anything.
3:07
Speaker 1: So I was like, I just need to hang out
3:09
Speaker 1: of my hotel.
3:10
Speaker 2: Mostly like you know, try to find what I could do.
3:13
Speaker 2: Shave your face was one that I'm sure there's a razor. Yeah,
3:17
Speaker 2: we just we can just strip me down.
3:19
Speaker 4: It says experience a new place, and next to it
3:21
Speaker 4: it says Portland, Seattle, Reno slash.
3:23
Speaker 1: Talk gambling on there. So also I discovered that I
3:32
Speaker 1: have this huge bush go on in my front yard
3:38
Speaker 1: of my house. Okay, uh, And I did not know
3:41
Speaker 1: what you call that.
3:41
Speaker 4: Yeah, that's your name for it.
3:43
Speaker 1: But it is.
3:44
Speaker 2: It's rosemary.
3:46
Speaker 1: It's a huge rosemary.
3:48
Speaker 2: I didn't know that. I like, yeah, they grow.
3:51
Speaker 1: They So my brother in law today is looking at it, goes,
3:53
Speaker 1: that looks like rosemary. And my wife goes, yeah it is.
3:55
Speaker 1: I cut from this all the time, and I cook
3:57
Speaker 1: with it. I make like and I'm like, we eat
4:00
Speaker 1: from this tree, this tree. We used to.
4:04
Speaker 2: This my fruit bearing tree or whatever the like, your
4:10
Speaker 2: wife accomplished that one.
4:11
Speaker 1: I'm gonna take a w because the Bible says the
4:13
Speaker 1: two shall become one.
4:14
Speaker 2: All right, I'm gonna take that w away. Damn it,
4:19
Speaker 2: you're not giving me any grace. I did put that there. Also,
4:25
Speaker 2: plant is right there in the uh in the thing.
4:28
Speaker 4: I feel like I was did you watch the Quentin
4:30
Speaker 4: Tarantino movies?
4:31
Speaker 1: I did not. I could have done that on the
4:34
Speaker 1: on the a forty five minute flight. Watch them on
4:37
Speaker 1: two X speed. Do what I did, get an insurn.
4:41
Speaker 1: I've done the intern thing. I traveled to a different place.
4:44
Speaker 1: Jacob gave me a wild card. I don't remember what for,
4:47
Speaker 1: but something I did from the pre show.
4:48
Speaker 2: You have to listen to the pre show here, that's.
4:50
Speaker 1: Right, pat dot com slash therapy so uh okay, surprising nobody,
4:53
Speaker 1: I did not complete all forty of the lists, so
4:57
Speaker 1: thank you.
4:58
Speaker 4: Yeah, Jacob's clutched.
5:00
Speaker 1: So we will have to see what comes of my
5:03
Speaker 1: forty one by forty one list. Actually, I'm just gonna
5:05
Speaker 1: keep counting it down. It's gona be like thirty five
5:06
Speaker 1: by forty one, like it's whatever's left. Sure, right, I'm
5:09
Speaker 1: just gonna do the remainder.
5:10
Speaker 4: I'm just gonna keep that and clean up.
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Speaker 1: Yeah, or it's gonna be like thirty five before death.
5:16
Speaker 1: I think that's that's just bucket list, right, Just go
5:19
Speaker 1: for it.
5:19
Speaker 3: So I still encourage you to do it, and I
5:22
Speaker 3: still don't think you will.
5:24
Speaker 1: All right, love love the support, patroon dot com slash therapy.
5:28
Speaker 1: Hear all about my fabulous trip to beautiful Reno. But
5:32
Speaker 1: we've got some great questions for today's show. Oh, by
5:35
Speaker 1: the way, we are four weeks away from the season
5:39
Speaker 1: finale and the Great PhD, so as hard at work
5:46
Speaker 1: in our discord led by intern Emma, who is leading
5:50
Speaker 1: a posse a committee, if you will to design this
5:53
Speaker 1: year's trivia battle between all four hosts for the doctorate
5:58
Speaker 1: and apparently my wedding ring. I don't know what I think.
6:00
Speaker 3: So if I win, if I win, I want I
6:03
Speaker 3: think I thought about it over the week. Now, if
6:04
Speaker 3: I want something from each of you, that's right, I need.
6:09
Speaker 3: I need something from Nick and something from Whitney. Okay,
6:11
Speaker 3: I think Whitney gets to choose the something for Nick.
6:13
Speaker 3: There he gets to choose the something for everybody.
6:15
Speaker 1: Yeah. I like this better. I like that everybody has
6:18
Speaker 1: to lose, so yeah, everybody gets some skin in the game.
6:20
Speaker 4: Yeah.
6:20
Speaker 2: I like this. Maybe and maybe Jim can think of
6:23
Speaker 2: something that I'll have to give.
6:24
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, oh I like this a lot.
6:25
Speaker 2: And you know what.
6:26
Speaker 1: Also, to the committee, the discord committee that's working on
6:28
Speaker 1: the trivia, please feel free to brainstorm some suggestions as well.
6:31
Speaker 1: If you would like to join this committee or help
6:34
Speaker 1: design the end of the year show patroon dot com
6:37
Speaker 1: slash Therapy, jump in for even a dollar. You join
6:39
Speaker 1: the discord and you have full access to our volunteers
6:42
Speaker 1: channel and you can check in with them. But the
6:44
Speaker 1: intern who is leading the battle to make sure that
6:46
Speaker 1: it is fun and radio useful. Sometimes they try to
6:50
Speaker 1: design trivia that like does not translate to podcasting. It's
6:53
Speaker 1: like he think this through, like you gotta make it
6:55
Speaker 1: work here, Like what's this picture?
6:56
Speaker 2: Like that's not gonna work.
6:57
Speaker 1: So anyway, patroon dot com slash Therapy, we are getting
7:00
Speaker 1: ready to end this season and yeah, it'll be fun.
7:03
Speaker 1: We're proud of this work. So we got some great
7:05
Speaker 1: questions for today's show. We're leading off the order with
7:08
Speaker 1: should I return to my Therapist? Hi Whitney, Nick, Doctor Jacob,
7:14
Speaker 1: and Colonel Jim. I'm a longtime listener and first time caller.
7:18
Speaker 1: I found the podcast when I was having a major
7:20
Speaker 1: mentb during spring twenty twenty one, as we were all
7:24
Speaker 1: disconnected from society. I made the mistake of going through
7:27
Speaker 1: the entire catalog, and yet another mistake by patroning the
7:30
Speaker 1: show I've been a weekly listener ever since. I'm sorry
7:34
Speaker 1: for your loss. I'm writing you as I consider whether
7:38
Speaker 1: I should go back to my previous therapist. I started
7:40
Speaker 1: seeing the therapist in summer of twenty twenty one and
7:44
Speaker 1: saw them weekly for around a year and a half.
7:46
Speaker 1: I was dealing with a lot of existential issues, and
7:48
Speaker 1: I found therapy to be a huge help, mostly due
7:51
Speaker 1: to the relationship I formed with my therapist. We parted
7:54
Speaker 1: on good terms and I sent them a one year
7:56
Speaker 1: update and got very positive response. We discussed at the
7:59
Speaker 1: end of therapy, and they reiterated in their email reply
8:02
Speaker 1: that the door is always open if I'd like to return. Currently,
8:05
Speaker 1: I'm dealing with a whole new set of issues. I'm
8:07
Speaker 1: trying to decide if I should go back to my
8:09
Speaker 1: old therapist or find someone new and start fresh. My
8:12
Speaker 1: hesitation is due to the fact that I have such
8:15
Speaker 1: fond memories of the therapy experience with my prior therapist
8:18
Speaker 1: and fear that returning can only mess up my view
8:22
Speaker 1: of my prior experience. On the flip side, you never
8:25
Speaker 1: know what you're gonna get when you fire up psychology today,
8:29
Speaker 1: so I'm looking forward to hearing your thoughts and thank
8:31
Speaker 1: you for all that you do anonymously torn ps. Please
8:35
Speaker 1: turn down Jim Jim's mike because he's like that commercial
8:40
Speaker 1: that comes on way louder than the show make It
8:43
Speaker 1: makes it hard to listen on road trips with sleeping passengers. Thanks.
8:47
Speaker 2: Okay, yeah, it's not the mic.
8:50
Speaker 1: Audio the mic Jacob's Like, I have done all that
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Speaker 1: is professionally possible. This cannot be tamed. It's an interesting question.
9:00
Speaker 1: So do you go back and risk kind of like
9:02
Speaker 1: a revision to the experience or.
9:05
Speaker 2: Start a good experience and such a good memory you're
9:08
Speaker 2: worried about tainting that memory. That's an interesting day.
9:10
Speaker 1: Well, I can see where if you have a bad
9:12
Speaker 1: experience with something a second time, it can feel like
9:15
Speaker 1: it invalidates the work maybe that you did.
9:17
Speaker 2: Like I guess, I don't know, I've ever even considered this. Yeah,
9:21
Speaker 2: it's a good question.
9:22
Speaker 4: Yeah, I I've had at least one client in particular,
9:27
Speaker 4: can think of that we did pretty good work together,
9:32
Speaker 4: always well phase them out of therapy, and whenever they
9:39
Speaker 4: had some stuff come it wasn't even stuff that came
9:41
Speaker 4: back up. It was actually some old issues that we
9:45
Speaker 4: had kind of touched on, but because it wasn't affecting
9:47
Speaker 4: them in that moment, it was hard to like weave
9:50
Speaker 4: it into our time together. So when they returned, they
9:55
Speaker 4: reached out and was like, I just saw them pop
9:56
Speaker 4: up on my calendar. Okay, I do have some clients
9:59
Speaker 4: that prefer that and stuff like the weekly or like
10:02
Speaker 4: the scheduled sessions, And so when he popped back in,
10:05
Speaker 4: I was like, Oh, this is interesting, what's going on here?
10:07
Speaker 2: Yeah?
10:08
Speaker 4: And so in our first session we kind of did
10:10
Speaker 4: a review, like, hey, what goals do you want from
10:13
Speaker 4: our time together? Like what made you reach back out?
10:15
Speaker 4: And they basically it was kind of nice to have
10:18
Speaker 4: that jump start again because it was very clear you've
10:21
Speaker 4: already established raport and there's a comfort level there that says,
10:26
Speaker 4: all right, I can kind of tell you whatever, let's
10:29
Speaker 4: just like dive in head first. And so, honestly, it
10:32
Speaker 4: was kind of nice as a therapist too, because I
10:35
Speaker 4: thought about it when he returned. I was like, Man,
10:37
Speaker 4: did I just not do a great job the first time?
10:39
Speaker 4: Like I felt a little insecure at my own abilities?
10:42
Speaker 2: I know.
10:42
Speaker 4: I was like, man, should I have asked more when
10:44
Speaker 4: he was, you know, visiting before, like whenever we'd have
10:48
Speaker 4: sessions before, so yeah, that made me think through some things.
10:52
Speaker 4: But I think it's just a dynamic type of situation.
10:55
Speaker 4: And writer, what you're saying is like, hey, some new
10:57
Speaker 4: issues are coming up, and I see what you're saying.
11:01
Speaker 4: That's kind of an interesting concept. But I would bet
11:04
Speaker 4: that going back to your therapist that you have good
11:08
Speaker 4: rapport with, that's going to be the best bet and
11:11
Speaker 4: just come out the gate shoot and like, hey, this
11:14
Speaker 4: was great when we were working together before, but these
11:16
Speaker 4: are my new issues. Like is that something you feel
11:18
Speaker 4: confident manage?
11:20
Speaker 5: Will you tell us about the kind of catch up
11:23
Speaker 5: check up that you had with that with that one
11:25
Speaker 5: person when they when they came back, and generally kind
11:27
Speaker 5: of what kind of stuff did you'll talk about? You
11:29
Speaker 5: spend most of the time talking about old sessions and
11:32
Speaker 5: things that you discussed before, Yeah, or really just getting
11:35
Speaker 5: an idea of where they were trying to go.
11:38
Speaker 2: In the future.
11:39
Speaker 4: Yeah, good question. So most of it was what's going
11:42
Speaker 4: on now and what do you want to work on
11:43
Speaker 4: to the future. We spent just a few minutes like, hey,
11:46
Speaker 4: when we met last met, this is what we had
11:49
Speaker 4: ended on. How have you been in between now and
11:51
Speaker 4: then is anything new come up? And they were like, hey,
11:55
Speaker 4: you know, this symptom is coming back up. So for them,
11:58
Speaker 4: it was tied to that kind of situation from a
12:02
Speaker 4: long time ago, but he was having new new things coming.
12:07
Speaker 1: Up from him. So yeah, I mean, and I generally
12:10
Speaker 1: my bias on this. I generally like going back to
12:14
Speaker 1: the original therapist if you were successful, because I mean,
12:18
Speaker 1: the strongest predictor of client success is a therapeutic relationship.
12:22
Speaker 1: The relationship, the rapport, the connection, the confidence, and like, honestly,
12:26
Speaker 1: I love when people return to me because I have
12:29
Speaker 1: that history with them.
12:30
Speaker 2: I nevously doesn't fix them all the way.
12:32
Speaker 1: Right, right, I always leave a little bit of work.
12:36
Speaker 2: That's right, it's gonna it's gonna develop into a leak.
12:39
Speaker 1: Yeah, about ten thousand miles they're back.
12:40
Speaker 2: Over here again.
12:41
Speaker 1: It's a strategy, that's the strategy.
12:43
Speaker 2: You gotta keep them coming through.
12:44
Speaker 3: But no, I love that because like I can, I
12:46
Speaker 3: can Mars put out salty snacks.
12:48
Speaker 1: That's right, order another one.
12:50
Speaker 2: Yeah.
12:50
Speaker 1: I always end every session with like, so what are
12:52
Speaker 1: you really insecure about lately? And why haven't you fixed it? Anyway,
12:56
Speaker 1: we'll pick that up next. So you haven't spoken to
12:59
Speaker 1: your mother lately. Huh, well that's interesting, that's our time. Yeah,
13:03
Speaker 1: So did your dad love you?
13:04
Speaker 2: I don't know. Oh who can say did anybody? So?
13:08
Speaker 1: No?
13:08
Speaker 2: But I really do you worthy of love?
13:10
Speaker 1: Are you you love?
13:12
Speaker 2: What's what's life? You know? I don't know, probably not
13:15
Speaker 2: because lyrics.
13:17
Speaker 1: What's love got to do? Got to do with it? So,
13:20
Speaker 1: you know, I like to get back with those people
13:22
Speaker 1: because I also get to leverage the relationship history. Like
13:26
Speaker 1: I've already I already know a lot about you. There's
13:28
Speaker 1: a lot of pieces of data that I have that
13:30
Speaker 1: are hard won. I've also probably subtly tried lots of
13:34
Speaker 1: different therapy maneuvers with you, and I have figured out
13:37
Speaker 1: quietly what works for you and what does not. The
13:39
Speaker 1: next therapist is not going to have that, so they
13:42
Speaker 1: may steer in twenty five wrong directions and you might
13:45
Speaker 1: be like, oh, we're not getting anywhere. Like I have
13:47
Speaker 1: a lot of hard work, like earned knowledge, right, So,
13:50
Speaker 1: Like I generally like the idea of returning, but I've
13:53
Speaker 1: also I mean, I don't think it's a bad theory
13:56
Speaker 1: with the fresh start concept, Like I've had people work
14:00
Speaker 1: with me and we've had major success, and like, sometimes
14:03
Speaker 1: I've become just kind of their their reliable check in
14:07
Speaker 1: regular guy that's like, hey, this is my emotional yoga session.
14:11
Speaker 2: You know, I come to do the work with you.
14:13
Speaker 1: I come for accountability. I come because we have that
14:15
Speaker 1: memory together. I know you, And like when I update
14:18
Speaker 1: you about something interesting in my life, I don't have
14:20
Speaker 1: to give you the backstory. You were there for it.
14:22
Speaker 1: But like I'm not presently, I'm not presenting with a
14:25
Speaker 1: problem today, right, it's just general maintenance. But then sometimes
14:28
Speaker 1: they will suddenly be presenting with something significant, and I
14:31
Speaker 1: can see the argument of maybe you should fresh, start
14:34
Speaker 1: with a different therapist for a little while, really attack that,
14:37
Speaker 1: really dig in deep, Let a whole new brain look
14:40
Speaker 1: at this and be curious about this, and maybe put
14:43
Speaker 1: you on a much more like structured plan where we've
14:47
Speaker 1: become a little bit more unstructured and that's actually working
14:50
Speaker 1: for us, that's fulfilling a major need for you psychologically.
14:53
Speaker 1: And maybe if we tried to suddenly go all the
14:55
Speaker 1: way back to like a perfectly structured situation, maybe that
14:58
Speaker 1: wouldn't be good for us. So maybe it's good for
15:00
Speaker 1: you to start fresh. I've seen that, but I think
15:03
Speaker 1: generally I bias toward like return to the previous therapist.
15:07
Speaker 2: Yeah, I agree, if it's if it ain't broke, fix it, Yeah,
15:11
Speaker 2: I think. Uh, you know, there's so many people that
15:13
Speaker 2: write in struggling to find a good therapist.
15:16
Speaker 1: Right right, Yeah, I didn't. There's a bunch of listeners
15:22
Speaker 1: that are like, hey, if you're not going to go
15:23
Speaker 1: see this person, can I it is right now?
15:26
Speaker 2: What's the fucker's name. Yeah. It's just kind of like
15:30
Speaker 2: I've got a lot of cars right now, I'm thinking
15:32
Speaker 2: of buying another way. Yeah, because I just have too
15:36
Speaker 2: much money.
15:36
Speaker 1: Everything's very Yes, that's so much success with therapy.
15:41
Speaker 2: I don't know if I just want to keep winning.
15:43
Speaker 2: I want to championship.
15:45
Speaker 1: Michael Jordan, You're like, I kind of want to play
15:46
Speaker 1: for the Wizards.
15:47
Speaker 2: I don't know.
15:49
Speaker 1: Maybe maybe i'm too sane. One of the therapists who's
15:56
Speaker 1: actually just the fucking shaman witch doctors fucked me up
15:58
Speaker 1: for a while. I get the new experience thing, and maybe,
16:03
Speaker 1: you know, getting a fresh perspective is useful, But honestly,
16:07
Speaker 1: I agree, if it's working for you and it was
16:09
Speaker 1: a great experience, I'd say stick stick with it. Generally,
16:13
Speaker 1: I think that there's a lot of benefit to that.
16:15
Speaker 1: But also I'm a big fan of asking your previous
16:17
Speaker 1: therapist because for me, I am not threatened. Like this
16:20
Speaker 1: is not a competitive thing. And I know that that's
16:23
Speaker 1: the case in Nevada. I don't know how it is
16:25
Speaker 1: in all other states, but at least for our state,
16:27
Speaker 1: it is not competitive. Like I send people to you
16:30
Speaker 1: all the time, you've sent people to me, Like we
16:32
Speaker 1: don't like have this thing of like, oh well I
16:34
Speaker 1: need this pape. No, that's never the calculation. The calculation
16:37
Speaker 1: is who is going to do something useful for this
16:40
Speaker 1: person at this stage, and if I can tag in
16:43
Speaker 1: a colleague to do that, or if I think, you
16:45
Speaker 1: know what, this is just not my area of speciality.
16:47
Speaker 1: I love working with you. We can work in the
16:50
Speaker 1: parameters I can do. But I have a friend that
16:53
Speaker 1: really does this well, and I'd like you to go
16:55
Speaker 1: over there, you know, and like I think that you're
16:57
Speaker 1: a previous therapist if you sat down with them and said,
17:00
Speaker 1: I want to kind of get your thoughts and if
17:02
Speaker 1: you have a referrals or if you think we started yeah, yeah,
17:05
Speaker 1: why don't we do that talk to the old therapist yeah,
17:08
Speaker 1: get therap opinion.
17:09
Speaker 2: Right, don't ask us about it.
17:10
Speaker 1: You have a therapist, yeah, keep sending us money, but
17:13
Speaker 1: ask us yeah, and also ask ye yeah yeah yeah,
17:17
Speaker 1: ask us and then ask them and then ask us again,
17:21
Speaker 1: we want to vet this guy and take out.
17:23
Speaker 3: A different Patriot account the second time you have yeah, yeah,
17:25
Speaker 3: because we don't answer the same one twice. I mean, like,
17:29
Speaker 3: I think it's perfectly fine to call up the therapist
17:31
Speaker 3: that the current therapist that you have a relationship with,
17:34
Speaker 3: you have that relationship with. They they do kind to
17:37
Speaker 3: get you, probably a little bit, and so like talk
17:40
Speaker 3: to them.
17:41
Speaker 1: Get A lot of people have to be honest understanding.
17:44
Speaker 1: They think that because our relationship is so intimate, it
17:47
Speaker 1: is so personal and it is so friendly. If if
17:49
Speaker 1: you're lucky and you have a great relationship with your therapist,
17:52
Speaker 1: a lot of people misunderstand that and they feel like
17:55
Speaker 1: it's cheating to like go see another therapist or to
17:58
Speaker 1: ask us like they're like, why am I not good enough?
18:01
Speaker 1: And that's just not how we are trained.
18:03
Speaker 4: And in fact, if I hear something come up that
18:05
Speaker 4: I'm like wow, something like emdr could be.
18:07
Speaker 1: Right and I don't specialize enough.
18:10
Speaker 4: I know that we have report, but this might be helpful.
18:13
Speaker 1: Yeah, And it's also very common. And that's another thing
18:16
Speaker 1: that I think people don't know is like it's very
18:18
Speaker 1: common for therapists to ask a patient, Hey, I want
18:23
Speaker 1: you to do a course of treatment on this issue
18:26
Speaker 1: with my colleague.
18:27
Speaker 2: Who is a specialist.
18:29
Speaker 1: And it's also really common for us to say during
18:31
Speaker 1: that time, I would like us to discontinue our regular meetings.
18:36
Speaker 1: And the reason for that is it's too many chefs
18:38
Speaker 1: in the kitchen, and also in Nevada at least, and
18:40
Speaker 1: in some other states, but in Nevada it's written in
18:42
Speaker 1: our laws that we do not do that, that it's
18:45
Speaker 1: one therapist at a time. If another therapist becomes aware,
18:48
Speaker 1: they're supposed to step back for the good of the
18:50
Speaker 1: patient and encourage them to stick with the primary work.
18:53
Speaker 1: Do that first, right, unless both therapists agree, Like, hey,
18:56
Speaker 1: we're in different lanes, Like I'm doing couples therapy, you're
18:59
Speaker 1: doing individual therapy. He's doing substance use counseling over here,
19:01
Speaker 1: he's doing like trauma with you whatever.
19:03
Speaker 2: But yeah, like it's also fine to have a lot
19:05
Speaker 2: and I mean a lot of life coaches. Yeah.
19:08
Speaker 1: Oh, there's really no restriction.
19:09
Speaker 2: There's really you want to gather with them.
19:12
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, life coaches, moving gaggles. Yeah, you guys just
19:15
Speaker 1: like all like kind of koreem over in the by
19:18
Speaker 1: the pond, you know, just people just see there and
19:20
Speaker 1: you come over, you throw some bread, they start walking
19:22
Speaker 1: over to you a little bit. We wear some lightly
19:24
Speaker 1: tinted glasses. Classes usually some dreadlocks are flowing in the way.
19:30
Speaker 3: Yeah, blonde, blond, you can always tell where they are.
19:35
Speaker 1: Appropriate. You hear the reggae playing in the background, and
19:41
Speaker 1: they just you know, you've landed. So yeah, that would
19:43
Speaker 1: be my advice. Go back to the original at least
19:46
Speaker 1: have that conversation and ask them, I'm looking for your
19:49
Speaker 1: recommendations to deal with this other, this new thing in
19:51
Speaker 1: my life.
19:52
Speaker 2: If you think this is something that.
19:53
Speaker 1: We can attack in a structured, strategic way, great. If
19:58
Speaker 1: you think that this is something that you you maybe
20:00
Speaker 1: would recommend I go work with somebody else on that's
20:02
Speaker 1: great too. I would love to follow up with you
20:04
Speaker 1: regardless and kind of update you on it and continue
20:07
Speaker 1: to check in for more advice. I think that's great, right, Yeah,
20:09
Speaker 1: And I think they're gonna get your best answer and
20:11
Speaker 1: if you already trust that therapist, you're gonna trust them
20:13
Speaker 1: to series straight.
20:13
Speaker 2: Yeah. And also like, you're giving that therapist some credit.
20:16
Speaker 3: You just told us about this great relationship you had
20:18
Speaker 3: with this therapist, So go ahead and extend that credit
20:21
Speaker 3: to them that you're that you're giving them by us.
20:24
Speaker 2: Ask him, talk to him about it. Yeah.
20:26
Speaker 1: And I just want to add one caveat here because
20:28
Speaker 1: I didn't hear this in the letter, but it reminded
20:31
Speaker 1: me of situations I've faced sometimes where I've had a patient,
20:34
Speaker 1: we've done a course of treatment, we've kind of gotten
20:36
Speaker 1: to the end of it, and maybe I've told them
20:38
Speaker 1: I think that we should discontinue because I think we're
20:40
Speaker 1: kind of complete, or I've maybe needed to refer them
20:43
Speaker 1: out to somebody else. But when they ask me, is
20:46
Speaker 1: the door open though, Like, are you saying you wouldn't
20:48
Speaker 1: see me again? I'll never say that, you know, that's horrible. Like,
20:51
Speaker 1: the only way I would ever say I won't see
20:53
Speaker 1: you again is if you were inappropriate, you know, So
20:55
Speaker 1: I'll tell them like, yeah, of course the door is
20:57
Speaker 1: always open. But at this time, I think you're good.
21:00
Speaker 1: I don't think you need therapy or at this time,
21:01
Speaker 1: I think you should go see this other person. And
21:03
Speaker 1: I guess the under it.
21:05
Speaker 2: Is always open, but it's more of an exit door.
21:07
Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, yeah, the door's always open, but it's like
21:09
Speaker 1: slightly cracked, you know, it's sort of like knock first.
21:11
Speaker 1: I mean I say that because sometimes there is this
21:15
Speaker 1: subtle intonation of like, I'll never say no to you,
21:19
Speaker 1: I'll always be a resource, but I don't think i'm
21:22
Speaker 1: your best fit for one reason or another. I really
21:24
Speaker 1: think you should go see somebody else. And so like
21:26
Speaker 1: this is where I want writer, for you to come
21:29
Speaker 1: at them with this open minded please give me your recommendations,
21:33
Speaker 1: because when I've had cases like that where I don't
21:35
Speaker 1: think we should be working together for one reason or another,
21:38
Speaker 1: and I kind of was trying to like have them
21:40
Speaker 1: go somewhere else, and then they do come back, so like, well.
21:43
Speaker 2: I like you.
21:44
Speaker 1: You know, I would really like them to give me
21:46
Speaker 1: the option to decline in their best interest, not because
21:48
Speaker 1: I'm selfish, but for them to be able to like, so.
21:50
Speaker 2: Jim, here's my situation. What do you want me to
21:53
Speaker 2: do here?
21:53
Speaker 1: You tell me to work with you, I'll work with
21:55
Speaker 1: you to think you give you somebody else, I'll do that,
21:57
Speaker 1: And that gives me the option to be like, I
21:58
Speaker 1: really think you should go to an IOP program. Let me,
22:00
Speaker 1: let's go that way and that way. I don't just
22:02
Speaker 1: feel like, Okay, I have no choice. I have to
22:05
Speaker 1: try to help this even though I don't feel like
22:06
Speaker 1: I can do it very well. So it's better to
22:09
Speaker 1: have the option. So go talk to them and get
22:11
Speaker 1: as many life coaches as you bump into along the
22:13
Speaker 1: way down.
22:14
Speaker 2: Have any given.
22:16
Speaker 1: In your future?
22:17
Speaker 2: Yeah? Oh yeah.
22:18
Speaker 1: By the way, I love therapists on private practice websites
22:21
Speaker 1: that when they list their fees, they don't write fees
22:24
Speaker 1: or costs, they write investment. Oh oh, it's totally a
22:28
Speaker 1: thing I know. And your response is right that it
22:31
Speaker 1: is the dumbest fucking thing. They do it all over
22:34
Speaker 1: the place. They go personal investment, and then it's like
22:36
Speaker 1: their hourly rate, and it's like like reclaim that we
22:41
Speaker 1: work in healthcare.
22:41
Speaker 2: What the fuck are you doing? Like what is this
22:44
Speaker 2: massage envy?
22:45
Speaker 1: Like Jesus Christ, like doctors and nurses and or not
22:49
Speaker 1: give price appendeck to me personal investments.
22:54
Speaker 4: If you're seeking therapy, already know it's an investment because
22:57
Speaker 4: you're desperate, You're like, I need something to change, Like,
23:00
Speaker 4: why are you trying to convince people? It just comes back.
23:02
Speaker 2: So it's really icky.
23:03
Speaker 1: It comes off like just pretentious and also a little desperate.
23:07
Speaker 3: D This is where they're do you have a feeling
23:12
Speaker 3: of need and your life. Maybe it's time to make
23:18
Speaker 3: an investment in yourself. In yourself, come, got some treatment
23:26
Speaker 3: to wear at my clinic over here on the corner.
23:30
Speaker 4: How much is that investment?
23:32
Speaker 2: I know where he's going with it.
23:32
Speaker 3: It is seventy five pieces of candy, and it's worth
23:39
Speaker 3: every bit.
23:40
Speaker 1: Love Yourself Jacob's life Coaching. We are going to take
23:44
Speaker 1: a quick break and when we come back, we are
23:47
Speaker 1: talking about am I a workaholic?
23:50
Speaker 2: You're listening to past therapy. You are listening to pastor
23:54
Speaker 2: and you should invest in Bye. These investors Judy Schneider,
24:02
Speaker 2: Albert Sammy Scoop, Sarah Smith, Mike Derek Cunningham, Cody the The
24:06
Speaker 2: Loran Guy, Brady Malachi, Max the Junior Scoop and.
24:10
Speaker 1: Amy Hard bar Arwood, Marks Better.
24:15
Speaker 2: Would you like to sprout of the show or invest
24:18
Speaker 2: in your life? Dot com slash.
24:21
Speaker 1: I wish that Jacob didn't say the life you save
24:25
Speaker 1: could be your own at the beginning of every ic
24:28
Speaker 1: s because the first time I heard him say it,
24:30
Speaker 1: I was like, fuck, that's a great bit. God, we
24:32
Speaker 1: should have gotten that bit. Damn it, he spends it
24:35
Speaker 1: over there. We can never co opt it. But that
24:37
Speaker 1: would be such a great.
24:39
Speaker 2: It wouldn't be the first thing we stole.
24:41
Speaker 3: Including Jacob, I like, though, invested yourself, yeah, invest in yourself.
24:47
Speaker 1: But pop therapy, Yes, invested. But here's here's how I
24:50
Speaker 1: want it to come off. I want it to be
24:52
Speaker 1: like Prosperity Gospel, like Saccharin. I wanted to be like,
24:56
Speaker 1: if you tied, the Lord will double or triple everything
24:59
Speaker 1: you got. I want to if you invest ten dollars
25:02
Speaker 1: in pod therapy, you are going to be restored with
25:05
Speaker 1: more abundance, more than you could possibly hold in your hands.
25:09
Speaker 1: You do not know the glory of mental health.
25:12
Speaker 2: And I just want to make it clear. We do
25:14
Speaker 2: not make any money off of it. This is a nonprofit.
25:18
Speaker 2: We gotta pay our attorneys, we gotta pay our scientists.
25:21
Speaker 2: I gotta pay the pilot.
25:25
Speaker 1: We don't have a jet, we have a submarine. You
25:30
Speaker 1: have no ideal with the pilots Jesus. They gotta get
25:33
Speaker 1: the pilot to land on the submarine. I gotta charge
25:35
Speaker 1: for the nuclear reactor.
25:37
Speaker 2: It's so much money. The hookers and blow on free.
25:40
Speaker 2: I'm doing this because it's a ministry. All right, we
25:43
Speaker 2: got a price? Is right? Rules? Uh? Trivia sent in
25:46
Speaker 2: by Emma. All right, here we go.
25:50
Speaker 4: Uh.
25:50
Speaker 2: These are some of the biggest holiday crazes in recent history.
25:54
Speaker 2: The first question is what the retail price was. The
25:57
Speaker 2: second question is different for each, but more focused on
26:01
Speaker 2: the crazy prices the item was purchased. Four. The amounts
26:05
Speaker 2: are based on the information I could find. All right, Okay,
26:09
Speaker 2: first one good notes closest without going over.
26:12
Speaker 1: Okay, I nominate that we go from one side to
26:14
Speaker 1: the other each round the way. You can't gamesmanship somebody
26:18
Speaker 1: every single time, because whoever goes last obviously up first,
26:21
Speaker 1: I like it.
26:22
Speaker 2: Let's go great nineteen eighty three cabbage patch kid. Oh Jesus,
26:28
Speaker 2: what was the typical retail price of a cabbage patch
26:31
Speaker 2: kid in nineteen eighty three? Three? So, first off, I
26:34
Speaker 2: had one, and I'll tell you in nineteen eighty three, yes, two.
26:38
Speaker 1: Years before I was born.
26:39
Speaker 2: Yes, I had one. It was waiting for a little later.
26:42
Speaker 4: Yeah, you check it out, staring at you in the court.
26:45
Speaker 1: Eighty three. So you figure like ten dollars in nineteen
26:48
Speaker 1: eighty three would buy you a twelve hundred square foot home. Yes,
26:53
Speaker 1: so probably it's been Yeah, obviously it's a modest damas.
26:57
Speaker 4: Don't think you.
26:59
Speaker 1: Handshake a white skin.
27:02
Speaker 2: You need to have.
27:05
Speaker 1: You, sir, look like a credible individual.
27:10
Speaker 2: That's also the entry for Liberty University.
27:15
Speaker 1: First name and headshot and you're twenty three and me please.
27:21
Speaker 3: Alright, very leading questions on the liberty if you were
27:26
Speaker 3: going to be photographed, what level should we set the
27:29
Speaker 3: white balance?
27:30
Speaker 2: That's right?
27:31
Speaker 1: How much mayonnaise is too little mayonnaise to put on
27:35
Speaker 1: a sandwich? All right, cabbage patch eighty three? Let's give
27:38
Speaker 1: me ten bucks. I'm just going to go right down
27:40
Speaker 1: the middle. I'll take ten dollars yep.
27:43
Speaker 4: Without going So what's the strategy there? I was supposed
27:47
Speaker 4: to you.
27:49
Speaker 2: To the price without going over.
27:52
Speaker 1: Yeah, because you'll lose. So if it's thirteen dollars and
27:55
Speaker 1: you say thirteen oh one, you will have.
27:56
Speaker 3: So if you, for instance, if you think that if
27:58
Speaker 3: the price is less than ten dollars, you want to
28:01
Speaker 3: get under that price, but get close enough to the
28:05
Speaker 3: underside of it so I can't sneak up and get
28:07
Speaker 3: it out from under you.
28:07
Speaker 4: Yeah, okay, well I was going to gues ten, so
28:10
Speaker 4: I guess I'll get nine.
28:11
Speaker 3: Alright, Now you don't want to know, oh yeah, because
28:14
Speaker 3: then then you're just saying that it's nine dollars. Yeah, okay,
28:18
Speaker 3: because you're if you're if it's eight, you're over that,
28:20
Speaker 3: and then you use yeah you can Yeah, five is.
28:23
Speaker 1: A good one.
28:24
Speaker 2: All right, all right, there we go, and we're in
28:25
Speaker 2: dollar increments or cent increments. Oh, I don't know. I mean,
28:29
Speaker 2: you can do what you gotta do.
28:31
Speaker 1: I'll see ten. Oh one, Bruce, you want to dick?
28:35
Speaker 1: What are you proud of yourself?
28:37
Speaker 2: A little bit? You proud of yourself? I'll say fifteen bucks?
28:40
Speaker 1: All are you in this? You're in the I don't
28:42
Speaker 1: trust that. I never trust he's got the computer.
28:46
Speaker 2: I'm thinking it's about twelve fitty. Oh okay, what is it?
28:51
Speaker 2: Twenty five bucks? Yeam in eighty three? Eighty three?
28:56
Speaker 4: Oh my god, I thought ten was pushing them like Reagan.
29:00
Speaker 2: I'm next, Wow, twenty five wollow up question highest documented range.
29:07
Speaker 1: Highest documented range?
29:10
Speaker 2: How much I'm just gonna I'm just gonna highlight it,
29:14
Speaker 2: so I understand.
29:15
Speaker 1: There you go, just ask chat GPT. I'm sure it'll
29:18
Speaker 1: be fine.
29:19
Speaker 2: Oly shit, Okay, I'm just gonna throw this out as
29:21
Speaker 2: free trivia. There we go about six thousand dollars for
29:25
Speaker 2: particularly rare n eighties dolls Colector markets.
29:29
Speaker 1: This was the beanie Babies of the eighties. Twenty wow. Okay,
29:35
Speaker 1: so who got the point on that one?
29:36
Speaker 2: I did, Whitney. We're going up to nineteen eighty five. Now,
29:41
Speaker 2: this is the year I was born.
29:42
Speaker 4: You two one year before I was born. I'm thirty.
29:48
Speaker 1: For like an hour and a half on the Nobody
29:52
Speaker 1: Cares Jacob, We.
29:53
Speaker 2: Live in the West, nineteen eighty five, Teddy Ruxman, Oh,
29:58
Speaker 2: the talking Bear. I was like, what is ruxpin? You
30:01
Speaker 2: don't remember?
30:01
Speaker 3: It had a cassette player in the chest. Yeah, and
30:05
Speaker 3: you could put the put the cassettes in there and
30:07
Speaker 3: its mouth.
30:08
Speaker 2: Yeah, it would. It was a little animatronic because I was,
30:11
Speaker 2: but it would tell you, it would tell you stories.
30:14
Speaker 2: It would It was the whole thing. I remember using
30:18
Speaker 2: the movie ted Yeah, it was like I should have
30:20
Speaker 2: gotten a Teddy Rocks. And then they say that again,
30:24
Speaker 2: say that one more time, Teddy fucking rockspan, and then
30:29
Speaker 2: they just getting a fucking bar fight.
30:34
Speaker 4: Well, if a cabbage patched all was twenty five dollars.
30:37
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's gotta be like this higher level. I mean
30:40
Speaker 1: the tech at that time in nineteen eighty five to
30:42
Speaker 1: have an animatronic like toy Jesus, this is NASA budget whatever.
30:49
Speaker 4: I was gonna get thirty.
30:50
Speaker 2: But thousand, maybe thirty thousand.
30:53
Speaker 4: I'm going to go thirty.
30:54
Speaker 3: This is for the alright, I'll say I'll take forty Okay,
30:58
Speaker 3: oh that is me.
31:00
Speaker 2: I'm gonna say five.
31:01
Speaker 1: Going on the low, all right, Yeah, I feel like
31:04
Speaker 1: you guys are in the right ballpark. I'm just gonna
31:07
Speaker 1: jump over Jacob, but I don't want.
31:08
Speaker 2: To go too high.
31:09
Speaker 1: I'll go forty five because I'm a gentleman, Okay.
31:13
Speaker 2: Leaving me a window.
31:14
Speaker 1: I'm leaving you a window because I'm not fucking scared.
31:16
Speaker 2: You could have got it right on. You got the highest,
31:18
Speaker 2: I said, forty five sixty nine.
31:21
Speaker 1: Whoa god, damn dude, you're all weird proud. But I
31:27
Speaker 1: do win though, Oh my gosh, wow, highest record sale?
31:32
Speaker 2: What is that?
31:34
Speaker 1: Highest record sale? Ship, probably a thousand bucks thousand, Yeah,
31:38
Speaker 1: what do you think? What do you think highest highest
31:41
Speaker 1: recorded sale for this item? Oh?
31:43
Speaker 4: Well, the cabbage patl is like six thousand dollars, so
31:46
Speaker 4: this one's gonna be like five thousand dollars.
31:49
Speaker 1: Less than a cabbage patch doll.
31:50
Speaker 4: Oh or ten or something.
31:53
Speaker 2: It's you got to pick a real number. I'll say
31:56
Speaker 2: seven grand, all right, seven thousand and one.
32:00
Speaker 1: Oh wow, stuck it.
32:02
Speaker 2: That's fantastic.
32:03
Speaker 1: No oh, I thought you got it. Like, man, you
32:07
Speaker 1: are a savant. Do that two thousand? Hey, I said
32:11
Speaker 1: one thousand. Shit, I got another one. Two points for
32:16
Speaker 1: Jim Man fucking this thing up. Man, I like this.
32:18
Speaker 2: Eighties toys trivia.
32:20
Speaker 1: Next question on the docket today? Am I a workaholic? Hey?
32:24
Speaker 1: Friends at the ripe old age of thirty four, Fuck you, you child.
32:29
Speaker 2: You don't know. You don't even know what you have.
32:31
Speaker 1: I think I'm becoming a workaholic and not the cool
32:33
Speaker 1: kind like Blake from the show Workaholics.
32:36
Speaker 2: For content dollars in nineteen eighty five.
32:38
Speaker 3: By the way, it's worth about two hundred and ten dollars.
32:43
Speaker 2: What's a two hundred and ten dollars Teddy Bear?
32:45
Speaker 1: Oh, Wow, that's a Gucci fucking daddy. I was like, Wow, goodness,
32:51
Speaker 1: gracious fucking inflation. For context, I've been what I guess
32:55
Speaker 1: is called a white collar professional for about seven years now,
32:59
Speaker 1: and in that I felt the steady erosion of my
33:02
Speaker 1: personhood is I've become more and more invested in working
33:06
Speaker 1: than just being a human. I can feel the toll
33:09
Speaker 1: it's having on my physical and mental health. Before going
33:12
Speaker 1: to law school, for anyone thinking about doing it, don't
33:15
Speaker 1: do it. I feel like I was totally invested in friendships, exercise,
33:20
Speaker 1: and hobbies. Now all I can really think about is work.
33:24
Speaker 1: I wake up sometimes at two, three four am anxiously
33:27
Speaker 1: thinking about work, and the only thing that can calm
33:29
Speaker 1: me down in those moments is making a cup of
33:31
Speaker 1: coffee banging out some emails. Once the emails are gone
33:35
Speaker 1: and the warm, delicious coffee is on board, I feel
33:38
Speaker 1: all the crushing tension and weight ease out of my
33:41
Speaker 1: chest and I can breathe more easily. My therapist told
33:44
Speaker 1: me that caffeine might not be the best thing to
33:46
Speaker 1: indulge in that early in the morning, duh, But something
33:49
Speaker 1: about having that cup of coffee is as good as
33:52
Speaker 1: any anti anxiety mad. In that moment, I really don't
33:55
Speaker 1: know how else to describe it, because I realize that
33:58
Speaker 1: it sounds insane. I've also found that I've been less
34:01
Speaker 1: interested in anything not related to the law either, to
34:06
Speaker 1: my credit, though my wife and I still aggressively hold
34:09
Speaker 1: on to our joy of travel, which I feel is
34:11
Speaker 1: the only thing that keeps me human nowadays. Other than that, though,
34:15
Speaker 1: I feel like I'm letting work consume who I am
34:17
Speaker 1: as a person. That being said, I've implemented a few
34:20
Speaker 1: things that have pushed back on work. My phone has
34:23
Speaker 1: the Outlook app blocked after five pm and on weekends,
34:26
Speaker 1: which has worked out really well for me. I don't
34:29
Speaker 1: sleep with my phone in the bedroom, et c. But
34:31
Speaker 1: my work laptop just sits in the living room, So
34:34
Speaker 1: if I both wake at three point thirty in the
34:35
Speaker 1: morning worried about a case, there she sits waiting for me,
34:38
Speaker 1: and I sometimes oblige. On the interpersonal side, I feel
34:42
Speaker 1: like my other white collar friends are able to maintain
34:45
Speaker 1: healthy social and professional lives and like I'm just missing something.
34:50
Speaker 1: But that could just be a comparison trap. I've had
34:53
Speaker 1: friends tell me that they wished they saw me more
34:55
Speaker 1: but I literally just don't have the energy after work,
34:58
Speaker 1: and that crushes my soul. I'm wondering if some of
35:01
Speaker 1: this fixation with work performance and distancing from friends is
35:05
Speaker 1: just a consequence of getting older. In other words, am
35:08
Speaker 1: I just getting more secluded and more into work because
35:11
Speaker 1: that's a phase of life thing. Do you think it
35:14
Speaker 1: would be helpful to just smash my laptop into tiny
35:17
Speaker 1: bits instead of emailing my shitty clients back at four
35:19
Speaker 1: am I do realize how silly it is to be
35:22
Speaker 1: emailing so early, since the only thing that will come
35:25
Speaker 1: of it is more emails. But anxious brain says, I
35:28
Speaker 1: must respond to all my emails as quickly as possible.
35:31
Speaker 1: Let me know what you think. PS, don't go to
35:34
Speaker 1: law school if I haven't already made that clear love anonymous.
35:38
Speaker 1: All right, guys, this is basically the plot of every
35:40
Speaker 1: Hallmark Christmas love story.
35:43
Speaker 2: All right. If you just tell your.
35:46
Speaker 1: You need to go to Vermont, Yeah, okay, you need
35:49
Speaker 1: to go to the Christmas tree store and you meet
35:51
Speaker 1: some nice folks that are doing some wonderful work and
35:53
Speaker 1: they're just enjoying the spirit of the holidays.
35:56
Speaker 3: You need to fall in love with someone who is
35:58
Speaker 3: a little awkward take their glasses off.
36:01
Speaker 2: Yep.
36:02
Speaker 1: Yeah, miraculously very sex I think that's important. Somebody that
36:06
Speaker 1: really just slows down, you know, knows how to stop
36:09
Speaker 1: and smell the roses there, wants to just sip on
36:12
Speaker 1: a nice, warm cup of coffee.
36:13
Speaker 2: Why there's your love of coffee? Yeah? Too? Like, what's
36:19
Speaker 2: the title of this movie?
36:20
Speaker 4: Oh?
36:20
Speaker 1: I remember I wrote Remember that? Yeah, I wrote one.
36:23
Speaker 1: I forgot what it's called merry mental health. I don't know.
36:25
Speaker 1: Somebody came up with a really good title, but I've
36:26
Speaker 1: forgotten it. Also, this is not the plot of my story,
36:29
Speaker 1: though it is very adjacent to it, because they all are.
36:31
Speaker 1: So anyway, that's my solution for this letter.
36:33
Speaker 2: Christmas cups. Yeah. I was going to say roasted beans. Okay, yeah,
36:40
Speaker 2: roasted holiday. It's going to have some sort of Christmas
36:43
Speaker 2: oh yeah, roasted yeah. Yeah.
36:45
Speaker 1: Cafe Kwanzica. I like that. That could be nice.
36:49
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's what.
36:50
Speaker 1: We're all think.
36:54
Speaker 4: I feel like, maybe decaf in the morning for the
36:57
Speaker 4: first cup. Maybe.
37:00
Speaker 1: So this is tough man, whenever you've got like, because
37:03
Speaker 1: I do think that this is a thing, Like I
37:06
Speaker 1: think there's a lot of connotation with people talking about
37:08
Speaker 1: white collar versus blue collar work or whatever. But one
37:11
Speaker 1: thing that and like stripping away like stereotypes and other like,
37:14
Speaker 1: if don't don't read any negative connotation to this one
37:17
Speaker 1: thing that I think a lot of people envy about
37:19
Speaker 1: folks that are in the blue collar like lines of work.
37:21
Speaker 1: When the work's done, the work's done. You know, when
37:24
Speaker 1: you're an electrician and you've solved this problem, there will
37:26
Speaker 1: be new ones, still be new jobs tomorrow or whatever.
37:28
Speaker 1: But I don't have to think about it tonight. I
37:30
Speaker 1: don't have to do a lot. More is wake up,
37:32
Speaker 1: I find out what the schedule is, make sure I've
37:33
Speaker 1: got everything I need, and I go and do the
37:35
Speaker 1: work and then it's done. Whereas I think a lot
37:37
Speaker 1: of what we consider white collar jobs, a lot of
37:39
Speaker 1: it is mental labor, and that labor's always with you. Though, okay,
37:43
Speaker 1: same more true because you're redoing your house right now,
37:46
Speaker 1: and it's all you can think about. So as you
37:48
Speaker 1: pull out the three hundredth nail from the wall, you're like,
37:50
Speaker 1: I don't know, man, I'm still thinking about this shit.
37:52
Speaker 2: It's two ams. So my co hosts know, the audience doesn't.
37:55
Speaker 2: But I just bought a house he boyer. My arm's time.
37:59
Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, actually actually and my knees hurt and everything.
38:06
Speaker 2: Watch out for your back, dude, it's gonna pop. No,
38:09
Speaker 2: But like so it's it's a fixer upper for sure.
38:12
Speaker 2: It's got amazing potential, but it needs.
38:14
Speaker 1: A lot of work. Let me know if you need
38:16
Speaker 1: to borrow a tamper.
38:19
Speaker 2: You know what. Amazingly, I haven't needed that yet. It's
38:23
Speaker 2: always going to happen though, But no, so I've I've
38:28
Speaker 2: gotten and I even I haven't owned a home in
38:31
Speaker 2: over ten years. Oh yeah, it's been about ten years. Yeah,
38:34
Speaker 2: and so I've kind of forgotten what it's like to
38:36
Speaker 2: be a homeowner and like these little projects and stuff
38:39
Speaker 2: that you always have coming up. But this is almost
38:42
Speaker 2: like a full on remodel. This is more than a
38:44
Speaker 2: little project.
38:45
Speaker 4: Yeah.
38:45
Speaker 1: Yeah, you're like you're getting ready to live in Yes,
38:48
Speaker 1: And I'm doing it all.
38:50
Speaker 2: Pretty much myself. I've hired a couple guys to do
38:53
Speaker 2: some projects, but otherwise I'm doing it everything. I'm doing myself. Oh,
38:58
Speaker 2: would help you if you'd ask her?
38:59
Speaker 1: Yeah, you mean, I feel like he's like al Borland
39:03
Speaker 1: And how about you've got I haven't thought about it.
39:10
Speaker 2: She's enthusiastic. Yeah, you know, she brings spirit. Yeah, but
39:17
Speaker 2: I've actually like I've really enjoyed it. And it's like
39:22
Speaker 2: the other day like I actually caught myself like, you know,
39:25
Speaker 2: I even said out loud to myself like this is fun,
39:29
Speaker 2: Like I'm really enjoyed getting you know, And it's it's
39:33
Speaker 2: a lot different, I think, you know, kind of the
39:35
Speaker 2: blue collar versus white collar work where it's like yeah, yes,
39:39
Speaker 2: as a therapist, you get to kind of get some
39:42
Speaker 2: feeling of accomplishment, you know when your clients do something,
39:45
Speaker 2: but it's a slow process. You know, they don't have
39:48
Speaker 2: amazing leaps and bounds, whereas like if you know, I
39:53
Speaker 2: fix something in the house and something was broken and
39:55
Speaker 2: now it works and I can see the product. It's like,
39:59
Speaker 2: holy ship. That is amazingly gratifying to be able to
40:03
Speaker 2: see it in the moment. And just tonight before coming here,
40:06
Speaker 2: I was painting the kitchen cabinets and we're making some
40:10
Speaker 2: bold choices in our kitchen. Okay, some bold.
40:13
Speaker 1: Bold colors plaid and Sam.
40:18
Speaker 2: And I I painted the bottom row of cabinets and
40:22
Speaker 2: I kind of stepped back as like, holy shit, this
40:24
Speaker 2: looks really fucking good. I'm really proud of this.
40:27
Speaker 1: That's always a scary moment with paint. Oh yeah, you
40:30
Speaker 1: can only see it in these small samples and you're
40:32
Speaker 1: really trying to be accurate. Also though, with AI, now
40:35
Speaker 1: you can take a picture of the cabinets and give
40:37
Speaker 1: it the color and paints and show me what it
40:40
Speaker 1: looks like.
40:40
Speaker 2: I actually downloaded an AI app pictures around the house.
40:45
Speaker 2: That's fucking stupid. Like it's it's helpful in a way
40:49
Speaker 2: because it kind of does give you just a general
40:51
Speaker 2: picture of like here's to Yeah, it changes the structure
40:57
Speaker 2: of the house too. Yeah, Like there's times were like
41:00
Speaker 2: there was one picture where it's like, oh, well the
41:02
Speaker 2: wall doesn't go that way.
41:04
Speaker 1: It's a little changing. Yeah you can't.
41:08
Speaker 2: It's like okay, yeah that's not going to work anyway.
41:12
Speaker 2: But kind of going back to your point, if like
41:13
Speaker 2: the electrician doesn't go back, it's not making after work
41:16
Speaker 2: about it yet, Like probably not the case because like
41:19
Speaker 2: for me, I couldn't sleep at all last night because
41:22
Speaker 2: I was thinking about like, Okay, this has to get
41:24
Speaker 2: done before this, but this thing has to wait until
41:27
Speaker 2: this and I have to order this thing so it
41:29
Speaker 2: shows up and it's like everything has to is on
41:32
Speaker 2: a schedule that's fair, and it's got a fit and
41:35
Speaker 2: so you just you're constantly kind of stressed about that.
41:37
Speaker 1: All right, So I'll receive your correction because I think
41:40
Speaker 1: what you're offering there is it don't oversimplify this to
41:43
Speaker 1: white color work takes their work home and cognates in
41:46
Speaker 1: it all night. It's it's probably not as easy to
41:48
Speaker 1: delineate between fields. It's types of people.
41:52
Speaker 2: You know.
41:52
Speaker 1: You could be an electrician or a plumber who there's
41:55
Speaker 1: no task to do at twelve o'clock. You can't jump
41:57
Speaker 1: on a computer and email something, but there's always more,
42:00
Speaker 1: or you could be doing to prepare for the next one,
42:02
Speaker 1: to get equipment, or to run through like the tasks
42:05
Speaker 1: of the next day. You could always be thinking of
42:08
Speaker 1: work and creating a boundary is something that some people
42:10
Speaker 1: mentally have to do, regardless of their industry.
42:13
Speaker 2: Yeah, all right, I re see that.
42:16
Speaker 4: I was wondering the writer mentioned that travel is something
42:20
Speaker 4: they enjoy doing in their spare time, but I didn't
42:23
Speaker 4: really hear a lot else. In my mind for this
42:26
Speaker 4: person kind of goes to one fitness and like having
42:31
Speaker 4: a outlet, even if it's walking something to kind of
42:35
Speaker 4: get out the physical energy when there's like mental anxiety there,
42:38
Speaker 4: especially worrying about like I don't know if my clients
42:42
Speaker 4: or whatever I've emailed me back and all this. Just
42:45
Speaker 4: going to do something else that kind of distracts rather
42:48
Speaker 4: than laying in bed and like, well, now that's all
42:50
Speaker 4: I can do is think about this. The other thing
42:53
Speaker 4: is just any other hobbies in there. It doesn't have
42:57
Speaker 4: to take up a lot of time, but something else
42:59
Speaker 4: to kind of just keep you, yeah, keep your mind
43:04
Speaker 4: like not distracted, but just focused on other things, like
43:07
Speaker 4: other challenges. Because I think when there's space there and
43:11
Speaker 4: you have something that can fill it, it will be filled.
43:14
Speaker 4: So if that's your client's neediness or work, we will
43:18
Speaker 4: allow that space to be filled with that. If there's
43:20
Speaker 4: like a gap there, that's kind of mine.
43:22
Speaker 1: So if you don't put things in your life, if
43:24
Speaker 1: you just leave a.
43:24
Speaker 4: Void kind of some people, not everyone, but it sounds
43:28
Speaker 4: like this person might be like seeking.
43:30
Speaker 1: I get that, And you know what's interesting about this
43:32
Speaker 1: one too, Like I feel like I don't know there's
43:34
Speaker 1: I want to play Devil's Advocate a little bit because
43:36
Speaker 1: it's a part of me. That thinks this isn't inherently
43:39
Speaker 1: a bad thing, like if the consequences are starting to
43:41
Speaker 1: become toxic and you're noticing that, okay. But I think
43:45
Speaker 1: sometimes people become really self conscious because they're like, well,
43:47
Speaker 1: I mean you tell your friends like, yeah, wake up
43:49
Speaker 1: a three am and I start grinding at work because
43:50
Speaker 1: I feel like this incredible energy I need to get done.
43:52
Speaker 1: And they're like, oh my god, I'm so worried about you.
43:54
Speaker 1: Are you a workaholic? And it's like, look, sometimes that's
43:57
Speaker 1: just a trait that you have. Like I am a
43:59
Speaker 1: very ancient person. That happens to me a lot. It's
44:01
Speaker 1: very hard for me to take a day off. I
44:03
Speaker 1: feel like I've been unproductive. I feel like I've done
44:05
Speaker 1: something wrong. And if I ever feel like I haven't
44:08
Speaker 1: write about the tasks, probably right, like I'll get in
44:11
Speaker 1: my own head about it. But like that's also caused
44:13
Speaker 1: me to have a unique career with a lot of
44:16
Speaker 1: interesting twists and turns. Because I'm constantly looking for things
44:20
Speaker 1: or because I'm kind of like I'm restless and I
44:22
Speaker 1: feel like I have to always be doing something. It's
44:24
Speaker 1: allowed me to Yeah, you start a podcast, you go
44:26
Speaker 1: teach it a university, like you just have all these
44:28
Speaker 1: other microadventures. Or in this person's case, maybe he's really
44:32
Speaker 1: really or she is really really good at their job,
44:34
Speaker 1: and like, yeah, they do wake up at three am,
44:36
Speaker 1: and they do get things done, and they are ahead
44:37
Speaker 1: of schedule, and they are anxious if something feels undone,
44:41
Speaker 1: and that's in some ways kind of a superpower for them,
44:43
Speaker 1: because the other person that doesn't have that natural fear
44:47
Speaker 1: lets things slide, you know, and messes up assignments. So like,
44:50
Speaker 1: I don't necessarily want to hate on that all by itself.
44:52
Speaker 1: I don't think it's self evidently unhealthy. And also the
44:56
Speaker 1: writer says, before law school, I used to really be
44:59
Speaker 1: interested in my hobbies and my friendships and all these
45:01
Speaker 1: other things. And I kind of think that as a
45:02
Speaker 1: stage of life thing, too, right, because like if you say, oh,
45:05
Speaker 1: who were you in college and be like, oh, I
45:07
Speaker 1: used to be so close with my girlfriends and like
45:09
Speaker 1: my soccer team, and like we were really really confiding
45:12
Speaker 1: each other and being close. And then you know, I
45:15
Speaker 1: started my grown up fucking life. I got a vocation,
45:18
Speaker 1: I got married, I did these other things, and now
45:20
Speaker 1: I don't have that it's like I miss it. It's nostalgic.
45:22
Speaker 1: That doesn't mean that my transition was wrong or unhealthy.
45:26
Speaker 4: No, I agree with this to some extent. I Peter
45:29
Speaker 4: and I were just having a discussion similar to this
45:31
Speaker 4: about like just being in a phase of life where
45:34
Speaker 4: like things look different than when we were in our twenties, right,
45:38
Speaker 4: and we could, Yeah, I'd take a year off and
45:40
Speaker 4: we go travel like that's not going to happen like
45:43
Speaker 4: any time.
45:43
Speaker 1: And then it's like, what have we become? And it's like,
45:46
Speaker 1: calm down, you know, like you're mature. It's exactly we're responsible. Yeah,
45:52
Speaker 1: but there are people that do that, and.
45:53
Speaker 2: Like, I mean, how I how did I let myself
45:55
Speaker 2: become this?
45:55
Speaker 1: I'm clearly unhealthy And it's like you're probably normal, Like
45:58
Speaker 1: that's probably fine. Most of us don't go off on
46:01
Speaker 1: wild exciting adventures to reno, you know, like they.
46:04
Speaker 2: Not everyone can live like that. Not everybody this anthony lifestyle.
46:11
Speaker 1: Yeah, well it is my man, I am on top
46:14
Speaker 1: cloud fucking not.
46:15
Speaker 4: You know what that had to be a discussion, you know,
46:17
Speaker 4: once you enter your forties, gym, I hear that that's
46:20
Speaker 4: something that.
46:21
Speaker 2: Well, I wouldn't know Whitney because I'm not there.
46:23
Speaker 4: I'm just warning you, just kidding hours away.
46:26
Speaker 1: No, and I do think that there's something we said
46:27
Speaker 1: for that. But I don't want to just qualify the
46:29
Speaker 1: writer's letter and say there's nothing there that's not appropriate,
46:32
Speaker 1: because the writer says, look, my truth is that subjectively,
46:36
Speaker 1: I am feeling the mental and physical toil of this,
46:39
Speaker 1: I am not moving, I am not feeling well. Yeah,
46:42
Speaker 1: And so I just want to take that at face value.
46:44
Speaker 1: I just wanted to normalize it a little bit because
46:46
Speaker 1: I do think I'll see that as a narrative, like
46:48
Speaker 1: especially in like social media wellness circles where they're like,
46:51
Speaker 1: oh my god, you need It's like, let's not vilify
46:54
Speaker 1: or pathologize everything. Like some people are just they work
46:56
Speaker 1: a lot, it's what they do. Their hobby is also
46:58
Speaker 1: their profession.
47:00
Speaker 2: Great.
47:00
Speaker 1: So this this bigger question, which I think the big
47:04
Speaker 1: thesis that I want us to take on, is how
47:06
Speaker 1: do we restore I guess, this big ethereal concept of
47:11
Speaker 1: life balance. How does one do that when one feels
47:16
Speaker 1: that like their their job and their work is constantly
47:19
Speaker 1: on their shoulder. I mean, the cheap answer is quit
47:22
Speaker 1: your job, right, Like well, clearly this isn't working. Go
47:24
Speaker 1: to Vermont date the Pine Tree.
47:26
Speaker 4: Guy, smash the laptop and the million pieces.
47:29
Speaker 1: Yeah, just go full office space on this thing and
47:31
Speaker 1: destroy it. I mean absence something huge in drastic. I
47:35
Speaker 1: don't know, like what is an answer to this?
47:37
Speaker 2: Well, and I guess you know does is is your
47:41
Speaker 2: profession also kind of your hobby and your interest.
47:44
Speaker 4: And lawyer here is a very demanding Yeah.
47:47
Speaker 2: They said they've lost interest in anything that isn't the law. Yeah,
47:50
Speaker 2: And I almost is that bad, right? You know because
47:53
Speaker 2: like I think of like some of my college professors
47:56
Speaker 2: were like like some of them, their research was fun
48:01
Speaker 2: for them, like this is you know, this is like,
48:03
Speaker 2: oh my god, this is something I'm really into. I'm
48:05
Speaker 2: really excited about it. So, you know, they teach, they
48:08
Speaker 2: do all their regular stuff as a professor, but then
48:11
Speaker 2: when it comes time for them to do their research,
48:14
Speaker 2: it's like they're excited about it because they've been reading
48:16
Speaker 2: about this thing. They want to get into it, they
48:18
Speaker 2: want to hear, you know, more about it. So I
48:21
Speaker 2: don't know. I think I even that though, I feel
48:25
Speaker 2: like can be dangerous in the long term. If you
48:27
Speaker 2: don't have something it's good to have something that's completely
48:30
Speaker 2: opposite or way outside the realm of what you would
48:33
Speaker 2: normally do. Yeah, you know, it's just good for.
48:36
Speaker 4: A brain, so we can't like doing the same thing
48:38
Speaker 4: over and over and over again. Feels good to an extent,
48:41
Speaker 4: But I don't know.
48:42
Speaker 2: Yeah, I like the idea. I mean, Whitney is a therapist,
48:45
Speaker 2: but and you know her part time job, she likes
48:48
Speaker 2: to you volunteer at the vet and help them put
48:50
Speaker 2: down puppies.
48:51
Speaker 1: Yeah, which you know, it's weird because they keep asking
48:54
Speaker 1: her to go.
48:55
Speaker 4: Don't forget about the kittens, right, it's just and she.
48:58
Speaker 2: Will not use their stuff her own. Yeah, yeah, I
49:01
Speaker 2: like that she that's right.
49:03
Speaker 1: She always likes to bring like the shredded, ripped off
49:07
Speaker 1: leg of a piece of furniture. I like that's it's
49:09
Speaker 1: like really interesting.
49:10
Speaker 2: That's her, that's her choice.
49:12
Speaker 1: You know, that's it's just a beat. Any dogs need
49:17
Speaker 1: killing today? You guys got anything on the docket?
49:19
Speaker 2: Now, look funny, here's my page.
49:22
Speaker 1: You let me know.
49:25
Speaker 2: Yeah, I don't know.
49:25
Speaker 1: It might be too late for that, No, but this
49:27
Speaker 1: is a good point engineering something into your life so
49:30
Speaker 1: you have this brain break. And I think that goes
49:33
Speaker 1: back to what you said Whitney that if you leave,
49:35
Speaker 1: if you if you just create vacancy, work will just
49:38
Speaker 1: fill the vacancy.
49:39
Speaker 2: And that has been true for me.
49:40
Speaker 1: If I do not intentionally sign up to go to
49:43
Speaker 1: football games to do something different, if I just have
49:46
Speaker 1: empty time, I will just go back to a computer
49:50
Speaker 1: and start working, right Like, That's just what I'm gonna do.
49:52
Speaker 1: I'm just gonna find more things to do. There's always
49:54
Speaker 1: papers to grade, lesson, plans to write, therapy notes to finish,
49:58
Speaker 1: you know, documentation, to do research to do. There's always
50:01
Speaker 1: something I wish I had a little bit of that. Okay,
50:05
Speaker 1: I don't.
50:05
Speaker 2: I am the exact opposite, say more, what do you mean? Well, like,
50:09
Speaker 2: if I have empty spare time, I will not fill
50:13
Speaker 2: it with work.
50:14
Speaker 1: Okay, all right.
50:15
Speaker 2: I have work time, but I don't like to fill
50:19
Speaker 2: with it. I am.
50:20
Speaker 4: Union always shocks me. I'm like, why the fuck are
50:25
Speaker 4: you doing nine million things? And I'm like, you know what,
50:27
Speaker 4: I wish I wish that could be me.
50:30
Speaker 2: I do I I I do wish I could just
50:32
Speaker 2: have that, just like because there's a lot of things
50:34
Speaker 2: that you know, in my regular job. Yeah, I'd be
50:37
Speaker 2: interested in learning more about that. Will I take time off,
50:40
Speaker 2: you know to do that? No, I mean I did
50:43
Speaker 2: start a business. I guess I was.
50:45
Speaker 4: Gonna say, you do a lot. You haven't updated your
50:48
Speaker 4: Instagram accounts zero posts, jesus.
50:57
Speaker 2: Yeah.
50:58
Speaker 1: But the writer did ask like, is this could we
51:00
Speaker 1: also conceive of this as a phase of life thing?
51:02
Speaker 1: Is it even something that's worth you know, fixing. I
51:05
Speaker 1: don't necessarily think it's not that. It could be a
51:07
Speaker 1: phase of life thing. It could be a personality trait thing.
51:09
Speaker 1: I am neurotic. Like if I am not working or
51:12
Speaker 1: doing something or solving a problem, if I'm just left
51:14
Speaker 1: to my own thoughts, I'm not good at self entertaining
51:18
Speaker 1: every project I put my hand to. It only feels
51:21
Speaker 1: like it has value if it's somehow a work related product,
51:25
Speaker 1: you know. Like And so that's why pod therapy is great,
51:27
Speaker 1: because like I can come hang out with people and
51:29
Speaker 1: have a good time with you guys. But I feel
51:31
Speaker 1: like we're doing a version of our jobs where we're
51:34
Speaker 1: educating the public. We're creating a public resource, and like
51:38
Speaker 1: we have this cool discord and like there's fun things
51:40
Speaker 1: that come out of it. But like it's adjacent enough
51:44
Speaker 1: to work life that I can justify it, because I
51:46
Speaker 1: think if we were just fucking showing up and doing
51:48
Speaker 1: like a podcast on sports or something like that, I
51:50
Speaker 1: don't think I would have stuck to it for eight years.
51:52
Speaker 1: I think I'd have been like, I can't justify this anymore.
51:54
Speaker 1: Like I have to go do things that apply my
51:56
Speaker 1: knowledge of my career in that direction, otherwise I feel
51:59
Speaker 1: it's waste my time. But like I like the idea
52:01
Speaker 1: of engineering things as you were suggesting, to fill that void,
52:06
Speaker 1: to have something to go to and just doing as
52:09
Speaker 1: much of that as you can handle, you know, But
52:11
Speaker 1: at the end of the day, like waking up and
52:13
Speaker 1: churning out emails at three am, I don't know. Like
52:16
Speaker 1: sometimes anxiety is a superpower. It's like this fuel that
52:18
Speaker 1: just causes you to do.
52:20
Speaker 2: Things that other people aren't motivated to do. I mean,
52:22
Speaker 2: so you and I both have to fill that spare
52:26
Speaker 2: time with something, right, So, like I think that we
52:29
Speaker 2: have in common because like even people talking about, you know,
52:33
Speaker 2: TV shows or something that they've been watching recently, in
52:36
Speaker 2: my mind, like when I hear that, I'm like, how
52:39
Speaker 2: the fuck do you guys find the time to watch?
52:41
Speaker 2: Because like I just don't have time to watch TV,
52:45
Speaker 2: so I have to fill that time with something. Now,
52:48
Speaker 2: you do something that is work adjacent or right outside
52:53
Speaker 2: that box, whereas for me, I have to find something
52:56
Speaker 2: that's way away from it. Okay, so I think we
52:59
Speaker 2: were both kind of swimming in the same sea, but
53:02
Speaker 2: we've just got completely.
53:03
Speaker 1: Found different mechanisms. Yeah, I do. I do have to
53:07
Speaker 1: do some of that. Like when I do get away
53:09
Speaker 1: from work and like do something completely different. I'll play
53:12
Speaker 1: some video games. I told Eddie his therapy video games though.
53:15
Speaker 1: Yeah right, yeah, therapist simulator. Yeah, let's fucking start that
53:19
Speaker 1: game tomorrow. That would be so much fun. You earn
53:23
Speaker 1: elbow patches, yeah, different tweed skins, you get to decorate
53:28
Speaker 1: your office, like you know. It's like, oh dude, this
53:30
Speaker 1: would totally be a thing.
53:32
Speaker 2: It would be so funny.
53:33
Speaker 1: So I was watching something on TV and it was
53:36
Speaker 1: bus Driver Simulator twenty one. Like there's been that many
53:39
Speaker 1: bus driver simulators. Like this isn't getting out of control.
53:42
Speaker 1: But like for me, I'll play some video games. I
53:44
Speaker 1: will uh. Oh, I was gonna tell you. I was
53:45
Speaker 1: telling Eddie about how you play Madden and he's like, oh,
53:48
Speaker 1: that's cool it Nick plays video games is like hold
53:51
Speaker 1: on Like Nick thoroughly reads the terms and conditions like
53:55
Speaker 1: or he's like sitting there playing manager office managers into
53:58
Speaker 1: like getting into the trade like policies like is never
54:01
Speaker 1: actually get the throw button in the game, like his
54:04
Speaker 1: quarterback has never taken a snap?
54:05
Speaker 2: Like no idea is it?
54:07
Speaker 1: But no? Like are all of a sudden like sci
54:09
Speaker 1: fi books or like get involved in UNLV sports and
54:11
Speaker 1: that culture which is but it's work adjacent right, Like
54:14
Speaker 1: UNLV stuff is a huge hobby for me, but it's
54:17
Speaker 1: also a thing I do, you know, and like it's
54:20
Speaker 1: part of like who I am professionally.
54:21
Speaker 2: So yeah, dude, it's hard. So I don't know.
54:23
Speaker 1: I don't want to work at UNLV for people who
54:25
Speaker 1: don't know. Yeah, in case they were not aware, I
54:27
Speaker 1: also get to do that.
54:29
Speaker 3: I think a hobby where other people need you there. Okay,
54:35
Speaker 3: I think because you got travel and everything, travel is
54:38
Speaker 3: a great hobby. You can't most people don't have time
54:41
Speaker 3: to do it every weekend. Even if you have the
54:42
Speaker 3: resources and everything to do it every weekend, you just
54:44
Speaker 3: don't have the time to.
54:45
Speaker 2: Yeah, So I think.
54:47
Speaker 3: You need a hobby, like a team sport okay, where
54:53
Speaker 3: you just go play basketball.
54:54
Speaker 1: Yeah, but it's softball league.
54:55
Speaker 3: If i'm if I'm not there, there's only four people
54:58
Speaker 3: on the court. Yeah, So like that, I got my
55:00
Speaker 3: buddies are there. They're counting on me to be there.
55:02
Speaker 1: So I'm doing I joined a pool league for a
55:04
Speaker 1: couple of years, and that was exactly it.
55:06
Speaker 2: Something like he was expecting that'd be great. Had to
55:08
Speaker 2: be there.
55:09
Speaker 3: It doesn't have to be sports. It could be board games,
55:12
Speaker 3: it could be video games. It could be fucking LARPing. Yeah,
55:16
Speaker 3: it could be you could you could cross it if
55:18
Speaker 3: you could. If everyone could just start doing Gym's forty
55:21
Speaker 3: by forty lists, So that should be it.
55:22
Speaker 1: It should be the home edition. It should be Jim's
55:25
Speaker 1: forty by forty, the home edition.
55:26
Speaker 2: You do it, You're we should do it by forty one,
55:29
Speaker 2: forty by forty one. Yeah, Jim versus the world.
55:33
Speaker 1: No, we need to source my list. You can help
55:36
Speaker 1: me get these things. If you swim with dolphins, take
55:39
Speaker 1: a picture of it, and I get it off the card. Okay,
55:42
Speaker 1: like I need the whole ship group to do this.
55:44
Speaker 2: You don't get jack shit.
55:45
Speaker 1: I failed. We tried it my way. I think that
55:47
Speaker 1: didn't work.
55:48
Speaker 3: I think the pop therapy listeners get their own forty
55:52
Speaker 3: by forty card whatever we want.
55:54
Speaker 2: But then it's basically the same thing. They're just they're
55:56
Speaker 2: just doing it. They're they're crossing things off the list.
55:59
Speaker 2: And here's the game I think we play. I think
56:01
Speaker 2: we can do it in under a week.
56:04
Speaker 1: With the listeners they get forty days.
56:07
Speaker 2: I don't think forty days. I bet we can. I
56:10
Speaker 2: bet with a little bit of.
56:11
Speaker 3: Thought in this somebody who's not me, because I'm not
56:14
Speaker 3: gonna do it, but yeah, somebody out there I could
56:17
Speaker 3: think about this and assign these tasks and we can
56:19
Speaker 3: knock them all out in a week.
56:21
Speaker 4: I figured it out. We just have to make all
56:23
Speaker 4: the tasks work related. So like swimming with dolphins is.
56:26
Speaker 2: Like doing therapy therapy dolphins, right, and then so the
56:30
Speaker 2: writer driven therapy sorpis driven therapy. Yeah, the writer should
56:36
Speaker 2: be a dolphin lawyer. It's like a lawyer that is
56:42
Speaker 2: a dolphin or represents dolphins, yes either way, yeah both,
56:47
Speaker 2: or a dolphin lawyer that only represents dolphins. Yeah, you're
56:50
Speaker 2: on all right, it's like a.
56:54
Speaker 4: Question in therapy.
56:55
Speaker 1: But you right, dolphins, I'm not telling but on the
57:02
Speaker 1: same trail as the horses walk. It is painful to watch.
57:08
Speaker 1: We go through a lot of dolphins on this Foker.
57:12
Speaker 6: I'm not making any money off this progress. I'm gonna
57:15
Speaker 6: buy dolphins. The cost on these dolphins is killing the
57:18
Speaker 6: These dolphins bleed so much.
57:22
Speaker 2: They don't tell you that.
57:23
Speaker 1: And flipper they do not feature dophin. It is ridiculous,
57:29
Speaker 1: so hard.
57:29
Speaker 2: Now, did you know you can't even buy a dolphin leash.
57:33
Speaker 1: I have to make my own, make my own, and
57:37
Speaker 1: I had to show the dolphins. It's just they hate it.
57:44
Speaker 1: I hate the thing I have to flip their flippers. No,
57:52
Speaker 1: it took a dark turn.
57:55
Speaker 2: That took a very dark turn.
57:57
Speaker 1: Why do you people listen to this jow I get
58:01
Speaker 1: this point. You're either in er you're out all.
58:03
Speaker 4: I thought it was dumb and dumber with the pretty.
58:04
Speaker 2: Bird pretty Bird PD's head fell off.
58:09
Speaker 1: Not that we can.
58:10
Speaker 2: I think we could do forty things easily at all.
58:12
Speaker 2: I think we could do Jim's entire list in a week.
58:14
Speaker 1: I think it would be a really fun home edition
58:16
Speaker 1: game where it's Jim's forty by forty, where the entire
58:19
Speaker 1: Discord community combines together to knock out the whole list
58:22
Speaker 1: in forty days, and they just all take it on
58:24
Speaker 1: and somebody has to get one piece of it, and
58:26
Speaker 1: they just I'll bet you they could do it anyway.
58:28
Speaker 2: Writer, this is a tough one.
58:30
Speaker 1: I feel like in some cases you are wired this way,
58:33
Speaker 1: and I don't want to pathologize that. But just because
58:36
Speaker 1: something is authentically true about us and we are wired
58:38
Speaker 1: a certain way doesn't mean that we also don't need
58:41
Speaker 1: to learn how to restrain that right. And so like
58:43
Speaker 1: for me, I've had to engineer opportunities as Jacob suggested,
58:47
Speaker 1: and put myself in obligations that caused me to socialize
58:51
Speaker 1: because on my default is I will never fucking leave
58:54
Speaker 1: the house. But if I don't come do this podcast,
58:57
Speaker 1: you three are gonna text me and go, you're best shit,
58:59
Speaker 1: you need get your fat ass over here.
59:01
Speaker 2: Instead, I have to come do it.
59:02
Speaker 1: And so, like, you know, just find friends that will shame.
59:05
Speaker 1: We do a lot. It's just the number one thing anytime.
59:10
Speaker 1: Yeah late, Yeah, you're tardy because you're fat.
59:12
Speaker 2: You know that, right, you get stuck in the door.
59:16
Speaker 1: I stuck fat, just stopping by out bigger sized pants. Yeah,
59:21
Speaker 1: So I think finding those obligations roll them in. But yeah,
59:26
Speaker 1: finding obligations, I think designing those breaks and then you
59:30
Speaker 1: know the therapeutic side. I think that's value too. I
59:32
Speaker 1: don't want, I don't mind that my anxiety motivates me
59:35
Speaker 1: to do things. Where it becomes an unhelpful amount of
59:38
Speaker 1: anxiety is when it starts to sabotage me by making
59:41
Speaker 1: me feel like I'm never good enough or I haven't
59:44
Speaker 1: done enough, or causing me to catastrophize. And once I
59:46
Speaker 1: start spiraling, I'm less effective at my jobs, I'm less
59:50
Speaker 1: like optimized, and now I'm increasing my units of suffering unnecessarily.
59:55
Speaker 1: That's the part I want to guard against. For you, writer,
59:57
Speaker 1: if you feel like your social life is dried up,
59:59
Speaker 1: I feel like you're not putting time into your life priorities,
1:00:03
Speaker 1: sitting down doing the values inventory on those things and
1:00:06
Speaker 1: then going through each value and identifying what tangible steps
1:00:09
Speaker 1: can I do to increase my pursuit and presence on
1:00:13
Speaker 1: these values? How do I spend time? What kind of
1:00:16
Speaker 1: investment are you willing to make in this? You know
1:00:20
Speaker 1: it's a good question.
1:00:21
Speaker 2: Invest in yourself? Yes. In patre dot com, slash.
1:00:26
Speaker 1: D's nuts, Patreon dot com slash therapy. But yeah, I
1:00:30
Speaker 1: think that's the great starting point. But then guarding against
1:00:32
Speaker 1: like the pathological thinking using things that come out of
1:00:35
Speaker 1: cognitive behavioral therapy, learning to write, size these things, challenge
1:00:38
Speaker 1: these things, take these thoughts to court, which will do
1:00:41
Speaker 1: well for you as a lawyer.
1:00:42
Speaker 2: Those are the tricks. And so if you haven't already
1:00:44
Speaker 2: done some.
1:00:45
Speaker 4: CBT, I thought like leaving your phone outside your room, those.
1:00:49
Speaker 1: Are great things. Yeah, we call those interference patterns and
1:00:52
Speaker 1: that's a really.
1:00:52
Speaker 4: Good movie, Like, so way to go at just leaving
1:00:56
Speaker 4: your phone outside your fucking room.
1:00:57
Speaker 1: Yeah, don't smash the laptop if it's expense of No,
1:01:00
Speaker 1: I don't think that's a good idea. Go get a
1:01:02
Speaker 1: blueberry or BlackBerry?
1:01:04
Speaker 2: Is that what it's called good?
1:01:06
Speaker 1: Get some blueberries, Go get some blueberry feeling. Yeah, I
1:01:09
Speaker 1: think you should have to downgrade your tech.
1:01:11
Speaker 2: And that would just lay you down.
1:01:12
Speaker 1: So there's good Yeah, thumb typing lego the fucking clamshell,
1:01:16
Speaker 1: doing T nine texting, that would slow you down.
1:01:19
Speaker 2: That'll your messages get way the shorter. After that, it's
1:01:22
Speaker 2: a lot of k.
1:01:23
Speaker 1: Yeah, we're gonna take quick break and when we come back,
1:01:29
Speaker 1: we're talking about sex with chronic pain. You're listening to
1:01:34
Speaker 1: pod therapy?
1:01:35
Speaker 2: Oh is that what that title is supposed to be? Yeah? Yeah, yeah,
1:01:37
Speaker 2: likely I remember that. Okay, yeah, okay, good Yeah. Today's
1:01:42
Speaker 2: episode is brought to you by j Schneider, Carolyn Albert,
1:01:45
Speaker 2: Same You, Scoop, Sarah Smith, Mike Helm, Darius Cunningham, Cody
1:01:48
Speaker 2: the the Lowering Guy, Brady Mala, Max the Gender Scoop,
1:01:51
Speaker 2: Elli O'Dare, and Amy our Wood, Mark Hardvart Nope, got it?
1:01:57
Speaker 2: Would you like sponsored show to come a therapy? Not
1:02:00
Speaker 2: slash that she signed number.
1:02:02
Speaker 1: She knew what she was doing. Okay, Jacob, you're up
1:02:06
Speaker 1: all right. The year is nineteen eighty five.
1:02:09
Speaker 2: The president is Ronald Reagan. Nintendo Entertainment System.
1:02:13
Speaker 1: Ooh damn dude, Yeah, what was the launch?
1:02:19
Speaker 2: I actually remember this? Oh man, this was I shouldn't
1:02:21
Speaker 2: have said.
1:02:22
Speaker 1: Break out five dude, Oh my god, I wonder what
1:02:25
Speaker 1: it was.
1:02:26
Speaker 2: Yeah, you changed the genre with this one man. One
1:02:29
Speaker 2: hundred twenty three dollars.
1:02:32
Speaker 1: Ooh in nineteen eighty five dollars. Nineteen eighty five dollars. Well,
1:02:36
Speaker 1: now that you've told us the inflation, that really does
1:02:38
Speaker 1: help me. Like that, I know that seventy five is
1:02:40
Speaker 1: two hundred something now in the eighties, it's.
1:02:43
Speaker 2: Okay because I don't think you know what the Nintendo costs.
1:02:46
Speaker 1: Yeah, anyway, so you're thinking so then translated to now
1:02:50
Speaker 1: you're approximately guessing about three hundred something dollars and today.
1:02:54
Speaker 2: So sure, okay, all right, so you're going one two five.
1:02:56
Speaker 2: I'm going what I say, one, one two three. I
1:02:59
Speaker 2: think I said one two three. It's one two three.
1:03:00
Speaker 2: Nicked passes to you ninety nine dollars nine nine cents.
1:03:04
Speaker 2: That's my guess. That feels not anne not a none.
1:03:08
Speaker 2: So are we factoring in pretext? That's whatever the answer
1:03:12
Speaker 2: says it?
1:03:13
Speaker 1: All right, all right, I think I'm gonna take the
1:03:15
Speaker 1: over on this.
1:03:16
Speaker 2: Uh, give me one fifty about one thing.
1:03:22
Speaker 4: I'm going highmm, I'm gonna guess one hundred.
1:03:27
Speaker 2: Way to fuck him in the mouth. It turns out
1:03:31
Speaker 2: it doesn't matter because I apparently miss remembered this because
1:03:35
Speaker 2: I thought it was one hundred dollars. Because I remember
1:03:37
Speaker 2: my sister and I forging a plan because we wanted this,
1:03:43
Speaker 2: and my parents are like, no, it's too expensive. And
1:03:45
Speaker 2: then so we sat down and we tried to do
1:03:47
Speaker 2: the budget for the family and figure out where we
1:03:50
Speaker 2: squeezed this money out. And I was thinking it was
1:03:52
Speaker 2: like exactly one hundred dollars, but according to this is
1:03:55
Speaker 2: not It is one ninety.
1:03:58
Speaker 1: Oh Jim getsym Yeah, yeah.
1:04:02
Speaker 4: Yeah, all right, two hundred.
1:04:04
Speaker 2: Boy, what is that in day's money? Highest nobody can
1:04:07
Speaker 2: do that math highest recorded price.
1:04:10
Speaker 1: That one sold forever. Yeah, yeah, wactionable. It's gonna be collectible.
1:04:16
Speaker 1: I'm gonna get well, who's going first on this one?
1:04:18
Speaker 2: Go for yeah, since you got the point, all right,
1:04:20
Speaker 2: thank you? All right, I'm gonna go. I'm gonna go
1:04:25
Speaker 2: fifteen thousand.
1:04:26
Speaker 4: Oh I was gonna go ten, so I'll stick with
1:04:29
Speaker 4: that dollars.
1:04:30
Speaker 1: Good guess ten dollars, ten dollars thousand, your honor. I
1:04:34
Speaker 1: don't believe that's what she said.
1:04:35
Speaker 2: Please go fifteen thousand and one dollar. Okay. Well, since
1:04:41
Speaker 2: the original retail price was one ninety nine, I'm just
1:04:45
Speaker 2: gonna say ninety nine, you're going down.
1:04:48
Speaker 1: Yep, went less? Okay, the highest selling one that was.
1:04:52
Speaker 2: Highest the.
1:04:57
Speaker 4: Just depreciation.
1:04:58
Speaker 2: Oh my god. A factory sealed Anys.
1:05:02
Speaker 1: Deluxe factory sealed.
1:05:04
Speaker 2: From nineteen eighties, sold at the Heritage Auctions in twenty
1:05:07
Speaker 2: twenty three for one hundred and twenty thousand dollars. Jacob
1:05:12
Speaker 2: ja Jacob, Jacob's got it with that A dollar more
1:05:15
Speaker 2: than Jim, like an asshole. Okay, winning's winning my turn.
1:05:20
Speaker 2: Nineteen eighty nine. Nintendo game Boy with Tetris.
1:05:24
Speaker 1: I loved my game Yellow one Do Doo doo.
1:05:30
Speaker 2: I'll just tell you this right now. I did make
1:05:33
Speaker 2: this purchase when this came out. Okay, I'm going to
1:05:37
Speaker 2: reh go with my guests again. Ninety nine, ninety nine.
1:05:40
Speaker 1: Okay, so it had to be cheaper than the Neys.
1:05:47
Speaker 1: Oh man, Okay, I'm going to say seventy five bucks.
1:05:52
Speaker 2: Okay, Okay, I's going right back up to that NEYS price.
1:05:59
Speaker 2: That's about where I want be.
1:06:01
Speaker 1: It's like one thirty.
1:06:04
Speaker 2: Jacob gets to get or no gym. Game Boy in
1:06:08
Speaker 2: Tetris nineteen eighty nine, about ninety dollars.
1:06:11
Speaker 1: Yeah, so I went over because I said I went over.
1:06:16
Speaker 1: Maybe it was a game boy that you and your
1:06:17
Speaker 1: sister wanted.
1:06:18
Speaker 2: No, it was definitely the NES of course when we
1:06:21
Speaker 2: wanted it. Okay, So that came out eighty five, This
1:06:25
Speaker 2: is Iowa. So we didn't get one probably till nineteen
1:06:28
Speaker 2: ninety two.
1:06:29
Speaker 4: Yeah, you're definitely behind it was.
1:06:33
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's probably you just your timeline's off, but your
1:06:36
Speaker 1: everything else is correct. Also, have you heard of this
1:06:38
Speaker 1: Iowa musical that's that's out shucked? Yeah? Have you seen this?
1:06:42
Speaker 2: Oh? I have seen that? Is that an Iowa thing
1:06:46
Speaker 2: as a comedy musical about corn Corn Farman? Yeah?
1:06:49
Speaker 1: Oh fuck yeah, yeah, this is absolutely in your ballpark?
1:06:53
Speaker 3: Is getting because we were just yeah yeah in the shock.
1:07:00
Speaker 2: Laura and I just this weekend went to the Lion
1:07:03
Speaker 2: King at the Smith Center, and I saw it in
1:07:06
Speaker 2: the playbill or whatever, saw the advertisement.
1:07:10
Speaker 1: Oh, I'm definitely it's never been more in hell. Yeah,
1:07:15
Speaker 1: excited about that.
1:07:16
Speaker 2: Okay, highest recorded price ever for a game.
1:07:19
Speaker 1: Boy, all right, I'm gonna go. So the last one
1:07:23
Speaker 1: was one hundred thousand dollars. Let's I'll bet you it's
1:07:26
Speaker 1: actually way up there, factory sealed, all the fixings in there.
1:07:31
Speaker 1: Give me, give me ninety thousand dollars.
1:07:38
Speaker 4: Oh, fifteen fifty zero zero zero zero one dollar.
1:07:44
Speaker 2: All right, it goes lowball.
1:07:47
Speaker 1: Two dollars.
1:07:48
Speaker 2: Fucking thought about do it?
1:07:50
Speaker 1: Thought, I'll go ten dollars more than fair, more than
1:07:56
Speaker 1: he deserves.
1:07:58
Speaker 2: Nine thousand.
1:08:02
Speaker 1: They got it, that's right, and smart move there. Yeah, cool,
1:08:06
Speaker 1: all right, cool man. That was a great game. Also,
1:08:09
Speaker 1: Game Boy Tetris one of the most annoying games in
1:08:14
Speaker 1: all the fucking history. Just so so discouraging hate.
1:08:18
Speaker 2: You're just bad at it, horrible.
1:08:19
Speaker 1: Absolutely. I did like Doctor Mario. That was pretty cool.
1:08:24
Speaker 1: That was when we had to like match the pill colors,
1:08:26
Speaker 1: but it's basically Tetris. Yeah, that was pretty cool. I
1:08:29
Speaker 1: like that one. Sex with chronic pain, hy'all. I don't
1:08:34
Speaker 1: know how else to start this, so I'll just jump
1:08:36
Speaker 1: right in. I feel like a monster. My fiance has
1:08:40
Speaker 1: chronic hip and back pain for many years from a
1:08:42
Speaker 1: car accident, and it stopped our sex life to a
1:08:46
Speaker 1: grinding halt. We both are in our early forties, and
1:08:49
Speaker 1: I know it's normal to have some aches and pains
1:08:51
Speaker 1: at this sage, but this has been a problem for
1:08:54
Speaker 1: most of our relationship, and since I lost a ton
1:08:56
Speaker 1: of weight, I've had a major boost at my sex drive,
1:09:00
Speaker 1: and this has negatively impacted my relationship. I empathize that
1:09:04
Speaker 1: she's in pain, but I miss being intimate. She won't
1:09:07
Speaker 1: talk about it very often, but every once in a
1:09:09
Speaker 1: while she'll open up about her pain and how it's
1:09:11
Speaker 1: affected us as a couple, then starts crying. That makes
1:09:14
Speaker 1: me feel even worse about wanting to be close with her.
1:09:17
Speaker 1: We both want the same things out of the relationship,
1:09:20
Speaker 1: but she has anxiety about hurting herself even more, which
1:09:24
Speaker 1: is understandable or disappointing to me. I've reassured her that
1:09:29
Speaker 1: I am in it for the long haul and just
1:09:31
Speaker 1: want to figure out a solution. But I feel like
1:09:34
Speaker 1: a monster when I get frustrated with the situation. I
1:09:37
Speaker 1: get so anxious. I say and think things to myself that,
1:09:40
Speaker 1: if acted upon, would be the end of our relationship.
1:09:44
Speaker 1: A few weeks ago, I had a dream I cheated
1:09:46
Speaker 1: on her, and I feel sick about it. I know
1:09:49
Speaker 1: it didn't happen, but I still feel guilty. My fiancee
1:09:53
Speaker 1: is my world and would never do anything to upset
1:09:56
Speaker 1: or hurt her on purpose. What can couple therapy or
1:10:01
Speaker 1: sex therapy combined with her regular pain management doctor possibly achieve?
1:10:07
Speaker 1: Am I a monster for having these thoughts and feelings
1:10:10
Speaker 1: when she is in so much pain? There's probably more
1:10:13
Speaker 1: I can write, but the more I do, the more
1:10:15
Speaker 1: upset with myself I get, so I'll sign off for now.
1:10:19
Speaker 1: Thank you for your advice, and please don't judge me
1:10:22
Speaker 1: too harshly, Signed Anonymous.
1:10:25
Speaker 4: There's no judgment, no, I.
1:10:27
Speaker 2: Honestly this is like, uh, you shouldn't be judging this either,
1:10:33
Speaker 2: Like we're not going to judge you, but I don't
1:10:34
Speaker 2: think you should either, because this is a your sex
1:10:38
Speaker 2: drive is a part of your brain. You don't have
1:10:40
Speaker 2: control over that. It's something that obviously you you control
1:10:44
Speaker 2: whether or not you act on it, right, But like
1:10:46
Speaker 2: if you have a dream that you cheated, right, that's
1:10:51
Speaker 2: just that part of the brain that's trying to get
1:10:53
Speaker 2: you to like, hey, we need to procreate.
1:10:56
Speaker 1: If you go to bed starving and you dream about cake, like, yeah,
1:10:59
Speaker 1: I don't think you should be wondering what the moral
1:11:01
Speaker 1: implications are, right, that are Like, it's actually pretty simple.
1:11:04
Speaker 1: I don't know what kind of cake. Oh yeah, I
1:11:06
Speaker 1: think it's the cake. I think it's the cake next store.
1:11:09
Speaker 1: I'll tell you that it's that big ass cake next door.
1:11:12
Speaker 2: You know what I'm talking about.
1:11:14
Speaker 1: Cake is always out there, those weeds and those tight pants.
1:11:17
Speaker 4: You know, the cake is always greener.
1:11:20
Speaker 2: The cake is always greener on the other side.
1:11:23
Speaker 1: But sorry, you stepped down your point you were saying,
1:11:24
Speaker 1: don't judge yourself.
1:11:26
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think this is a normal reaction, Like you
1:11:29
Speaker 2: can't you can't be upset with your yourself for your
1:11:33
Speaker 2: brain doing what your brain is wired to do.
1:11:37
Speaker 4: Yeah, to be intimate with your fiance someone you love
1:11:41
Speaker 4: like that, that's a good thing, even it's just hard
1:11:44
Speaker 4: that there are barriers in the way of that.
1:11:46
Speaker 2: Oh, don't don't say hard. Yeah, no, it's very very insensitive. Yeah,
1:11:51
Speaker 2: come on, I apologize for Whitnes. It's a family show,
1:11:53
Speaker 2: you know.
1:11:54
Speaker 3: I think we've told you that it was in your contract.
1:12:00
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, honestly I do see also from you know,
1:12:05
Speaker 2: the writer's perspective that like this is a real catch
1:12:08
Speaker 2: twenty two because it's like this is a human need,
1:12:13
Speaker 2: it's a desire that the writer has, it needs, you know,
1:12:17
Speaker 2: it's this itch that has to be scratched somehow. But
1:12:21
Speaker 2: yet knowing if I bring it up, I'm making the
1:12:24
Speaker 2: situation worse, I'm making it more complicated, I'm putting more pressure,
1:12:29
Speaker 2: you know. And the thing with you know, not just
1:12:31
Speaker 2: with sex, but with anybody who's dealing with chronic pain.
1:12:34
Speaker 2: One of the biggest struggles with that is not just
1:12:38
Speaker 2: the pain but the anxiety about creating payass, you know,
1:12:42
Speaker 2: and that by itself is debilitating, you know, where you
1:12:46
Speaker 2: just don't want to do anything that could possibly trigger
1:12:50
Speaker 2: a pain reaction.
1:12:52
Speaker 1: Yes, thank you for asking. Yeah, so, since I injured
1:12:56
Speaker 1: my back on Friday and then went to Reno with
1:12:58
Speaker 1: my best friend from college, have not fucked. I'm going
1:13:01
Speaker 1: to be honest. He didn't touch me the whole time,
1:13:04
Speaker 1: and that's sad.
1:13:05
Speaker 2: Well, yeah, it was. You treat him to a trip
1:13:08
Speaker 2: to to Reno.
1:13:10
Speaker 1: Yeah, I take him to Samana, you know, I mean
1:13:16
Speaker 1: I think I sold it pretty hard here.
1:13:18
Speaker 2: You know, I was not playing hard to get. Let's
1:13:20
Speaker 2: let's put it that way. I'm bringing a big ass.
1:13:22
Speaker 1: Hat handy though, right, But no, not even one, not
1:13:28
Speaker 1: on my birth day. We called that inconsiderate. That's, you know,
1:13:32
Speaker 1: different time. It was a different time, back when Manhattan integrity.
1:13:36
Speaker 2: That's right.
1:13:39
Speaker 1: We knew how to treat a guy, back when men
1:13:42
Speaker 1: had soft penises because we had all masturbated each other. Yeah. No,
1:13:48
Speaker 1: But so I was thinking about this movie called Love
1:13:52
Speaker 1: and Other Drugs with Jake Jolly.
1:13:55
Speaker 2: Remember the soil the other drug as heroin there it is.
1:13:58
Speaker 1: Yeah, Jake Jillen Hall is I don't remember who the
1:14:01
Speaker 1: actress was. It might be in Hathaway, Yeah, I think
1:14:05
Speaker 1: you might be it so's she's got a chronic illness.
1:14:08
Speaker 1: I don't remember what it is, something akin to like MS.
1:14:11
Speaker 1: And Jake is a player and kind of a playboy,
1:14:13
Speaker 1: but he kind of really falls for her and they're
1:14:16
Speaker 1: really connected and he's like wow, like for the first time,
1:14:17
Speaker 1: I'm like really into this girl and not think about
1:14:19
Speaker 1: other girls anymore. And he starts really bonding with her.
1:14:22
Speaker 1: She discovers that she's ill. He starts going with her
1:14:24
Speaker 1: to like support meetings and trying to learn more about
1:14:27
Speaker 1: this and get involved in her life. And one day
1:14:29
Speaker 1: he's at a support meeting where she and the other
1:14:32
Speaker 1: people that live with this illness are in a room
1:14:34
Speaker 1: talking privately, and the spouses and partners are all kind
1:14:37
Speaker 1: of also talking privately, like in a hallway, and this
1:14:40
Speaker 1: older guy who's been married to his wife for years
1:14:43
Speaker 1: with this he talks to Jake, Jill Andhall and Jake's
1:14:46
Speaker 1: kind of asking him like, hey man, you know, and
1:14:47
Speaker 1: Jake's kind of upbeat about it, like it's really great
1:14:49
Speaker 1: to meet you, like I'm glad we're all here for
1:14:50
Speaker 1: each other.
1:14:51
Speaker 2: You know, do you have any advice?
1:14:52
Speaker 1: Man, I'm just like, I'm new to this, you know,
1:14:53
Speaker 1: like this is a new story for me. What advice
1:14:55
Speaker 1: do you have? And the guy looks at him and
1:14:57
Speaker 1: says data healthy girl say is don't do this to yourself.
1:15:01
Speaker 1: And it's an interesting scene though, because the guy doesn't
1:15:03
Speaker 1: come off as a moment go to law school. Yeah,
1:15:05
Speaker 1: don't go to law school. The guy doesn't come off
1:15:07
Speaker 1: as a monster like you can see. This is a
1:15:09
Speaker 1: very complex acting scene where Jake is sort of looking
1:15:11
Speaker 1: at him like, are you being a dick?
1:15:13
Speaker 2: Like, don't tell me to break up my girlfriend? Asshole?
1:15:14
Speaker 1: Like she's going through a lot and I'm here from
1:15:16
Speaker 1: But then, like Jake also sees in this man's face
1:15:19
Speaker 1: that he's been on the front lines of suffering through
1:15:21
Speaker 1: this for a very long time.
1:15:23
Speaker 2: It is complicated.
1:15:23
Speaker 1: He's a human too, and this guy is like, honestly,
1:15:27
Speaker 1: the advice I would have is you're not yet signed
1:15:29
Speaker 1: up for this. I think that you should consider if
1:15:31
Speaker 1: this is going to be sustainable for you and if
1:15:33
Speaker 1: this is going to work. Now, that sounds dark, That
1:15:36
Speaker 1: does not sound very encouraging on a therapy show. But
1:15:39
Speaker 1: I just want to appreciate that's the depth of complexity
1:15:43
Speaker 1: that we might be talking about here, And I don't
1:15:45
Speaker 1: want to take it lightly because a lot of people
1:15:48
Speaker 1: one of the things that doesn't get discussed a lot
1:15:51
Speaker 1: in premarital work and lining up relationships is like sexual
1:15:55
Speaker 1: compatibility and libido and like, are we at a similar
1:15:58
Speaker 1: level as the Vendia Graham overlapped enough that we're gonna
1:16:01
Speaker 1: be okay and we're not going to like resent each
1:16:04
Speaker 1: other or cause harm in our relationship, And like a
1:16:07
Speaker 1: larger percentage in American history than ever before are opening
1:16:10
Speaker 1: up to things like ethical nonogamy and polyamory and things
1:16:13
Speaker 1: like that, which I think is a sign of the times.
1:16:15
Speaker 1: But I just think it opens up this deeper conversation
1:16:18
Speaker 1: of like, if you know upfront that like we systemically
1:16:23
Speaker 1: fundamentally may never be able to share this part of
1:16:27
Speaker 1: our relationship. I just want to give the writer permission
1:16:31
Speaker 1: to struggle with that. I don't want this to just
1:16:34
Speaker 1: have to be rolled in sugar and we're always like
1:16:35
Speaker 1: there's always a way around it. Why don't you try
1:16:37
Speaker 1: these five practical things. I just want to be honest,
1:16:39
Speaker 1: to be like, you're allowed you're allowed to say this
1:16:42
Speaker 1: is big enough that gives We're.
1:16:44
Speaker 3: Going to recommend a sex robot in a minute. Okay,
1:16:46
Speaker 3: but but just keep in mind it is perfectly fine. Yeah, yeah,
1:16:49
Speaker 3: to have these fews, you.
1:16:50
Speaker 2: Just print a picture of your wife's face, you know,
1:16:52
Speaker 2: staple at on the road. The sex robot's going to
1:16:54
Speaker 2: have a built in printer.
1:16:55
Speaker 1: Oh okay, great, yeah, come part because when the printer jams, exactly,
1:16:59
Speaker 1: you jam the p.
1:17:02
Speaker 4: Clear it out, clear it out.
1:17:04
Speaker 1: You know the difference between jam and jelly though, no jelly,
1:17:09
Speaker 1: my dick and a printer. So I just wanted to acknowledge, like,
1:17:14
Speaker 1: how serious you know this? This challenge can really be,
1:17:17
Speaker 1: especially when it's a medical condition, because we see couples
1:17:20
Speaker 1: all the time that are like they've grown apart, they
1:17:23
Speaker 1: have different interests.
1:17:24
Speaker 2: But for writer to.
1:17:25
Speaker 1: Say, look, I've lost a bunch of wait, like I
1:17:27
Speaker 1: really want this part of our relationship and I'm not
1:17:29
Speaker 1: sitting here. We had a writer a couple of weeks
1:17:32
Speaker 1: ago talking about how they're really sexually fascinating with a
1:17:34
Speaker 1: lot of other people and their sex drives off the rails.
1:17:36
Speaker 1: Right now, this writer saying I want my wife or
1:17:38
Speaker 1: I want my fiance. I want her, but her medical
1:17:43
Speaker 1: challenges pretty much make that impossible. And I just want
1:17:47
Speaker 1: to wrestle with that, right Like I want to wrestle
1:17:49
Speaker 1: with what that must be like for the writer and
1:17:51
Speaker 1: how trite advice might sound whenever it's like, well, try
1:17:55
Speaker 1: try getting a softer pillow, try getting a pelvic cushion, try,
1:17:59
Speaker 1: you know, like there may not be a solution.
1:18:02
Speaker 4: Well, I think that the writer brought up a great
1:18:05
Speaker 4: question that can can really help with a solution, and
1:18:08
Speaker 4: that's a couple's therapy or really sex therapy. And I
1:18:11
Speaker 4: know on our patreon content, I know you interviewed Jonathan. Yeah,
1:18:16
Speaker 4: and yeah, I don't know. I wasn't a Patreon back then.
1:18:20
Speaker 4: I'm still not so I didn't hear it.
1:18:23
Speaker 1: But if you go to our patreon, you can search
1:18:26
Speaker 1: the directory and there's a section with interviews, and there's
1:18:28
Speaker 1: one with Nick and Jonathan Sena I think it is
1:18:30
Speaker 1: his name, John Cena.
1:18:31
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, I don't know why we talked about.
1:18:37
Speaker 1: There's a lot of sex talk with a guy who
1:18:40
Speaker 1: really isn't famous.
1:18:41
Speaker 4: For that, A lot.
1:18:46
Speaker 2: A lot of that.
1:18:47
Speaker 1: It's really just weird, weird interview. There's a lot of
1:18:49
Speaker 1: grunting sounds on the microphone.
1:18:52
Speaker 4: Jonathan is a certified a SECT therapist.
1:18:56
Speaker 1: Yeah, the Association of Sexual Educators, Counselors and things.
1:18:59
Speaker 4: Yeah, and to say, and I know that when I
1:19:05
Speaker 4: have had clients who have different like sexual things come up,
1:19:11
Speaker 4: that is something if if we're getting into like an
1:19:14
Speaker 4: area that maybe I don't have as much experience with
1:19:16
Speaker 4: or working with clients with, I will let them know
1:19:19
Speaker 4: or ask them first, like are you okay if I
1:19:21
Speaker 4: staff this with you know, my a peer of mine
1:19:24
Speaker 4: who's a sex therapist, and they're always okay with that. Yeah,
1:19:27
Speaker 4: but I have gotten great feedback, great information if I
1:19:30
Speaker 4: already have the rapport established and this isn't their prime
1:19:33
Speaker 4: my client's primary concern, but it is helpful in our
1:19:37
Speaker 4: time together and our treatment, that can be very helpful.
1:19:40
Speaker 4: But I would say something like this where the primary
1:19:44
Speaker 4: issue is like how do we overcome this? Putting it
1:19:47
Speaker 4: on a third party. You're a sex therapist who is
1:19:51
Speaker 4: going to be very professional. There will be zero judgments
1:19:56
Speaker 4: about anything you've shared in here at zero judgment. They
1:19:58
Speaker 4: have seen it all, they have heard at all. They
1:20:00
Speaker 4: are trained. They get extra like an extra five thousand
1:20:03
Speaker 4: hours or some shit to be a a certified sex therapist.
1:20:07
Speaker 4: It's like, maybe it's not five thousand, but thousands of hours.
1:20:10
Speaker 2: It's a specialty.
1:20:11
Speaker 1: It is a specialty.
1:20:12
Speaker 2: They do some extra work, yes, they do.
1:20:14
Speaker 4: They do and work. Yes. So I would say reaching out.
1:20:20
Speaker 2: To an a sect. I like that.
1:20:23
Speaker 1: There's a lot of people will just throw it out there,
1:20:25
Speaker 1: I'm a sex specially. I don't like that. Yeah, go
1:20:28
Speaker 1: to AA sect. There's a directory that you can search
1:20:33
Speaker 1: in there with all the registered sex therapists in the community,
1:20:36
Speaker 1: and they are the ones saying no, these people have
1:20:38
Speaker 1: met this credentialing standard. I also like it because they
1:20:41
Speaker 1: are very careful with their ethical codes and how they're
1:20:45
Speaker 1: applying it. Where there's kind of like this new wave
1:20:47
Speaker 1: of like sex positive therapists that are really skirting some
1:20:50
Speaker 1: very gray lines as far as how involved in the
1:20:52
Speaker 1: couple's life they're doing. I've even seen things like snuggle
1:20:55
Speaker 1: therapy and shit, where they're doing like cuddling exercises, like
1:20:58
Speaker 1: and like I've seen this on porn hub, you know,
1:21:00
Speaker 1: but I didn't know that that was like people are
1:21:02
Speaker 1: getting paid for this.
1:21:03
Speaker 2: Fantastic dude.
1:21:04
Speaker 4: Peter just said the other days, if you died I'd
1:21:07
Speaker 4: have to pay someone to come cuddle with me because
1:21:09
Speaker 4: he's such like so like, that's.
1:21:10
Speaker 1: What's the rate?
1:21:11
Speaker 2: Let him know, we'll put it on the patreo.
1:21:13
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, yeah, like let's we can absolutely get Yeah yeah,
1:21:16
Speaker 1: well just now, Whitney, I don't know, like you know,
1:21:20
Speaker 1: sometimes I don't know how long you've got.
1:21:22
Speaker 2: So yeah, go on, take care of yourself.
1:21:26
Speaker 4: I told I told him, I was like, you can
1:21:28
Speaker 4: just date someone else if I you don't have to.
1:21:31
Speaker 1: Guys, price is right cuddling Pete.
1:21:34
Speaker 3: All right, so we've gone what's the number in nineteen
1:21:37
Speaker 3: eighty seven?
1:21:40
Speaker 1: What is one night of cuddling? You don't have to
1:21:42
Speaker 1: sleep over, though, do you. I don't think you have
1:21:44
Speaker 1: sleep I think you have to help him fall asleep.
1:21:45
Speaker 1: And then you quietly get who's paying? Who do you
1:21:48
Speaker 1: pay to snuggle with Peter? Or is Peter pay you
1:21:51
Speaker 1: to snuggle?
1:21:51
Speaker 2: I mean, if it's me, I'll pay. I'll pay the pet.
1:21:55
Speaker 1: Money making I get a piece of Pete. I bet
1:21:57
Speaker 1: I can make an offer. I'll take a few in there.
1:21:59
Speaker 2: We've gone on from save Peter hashtags save Peter.
1:22:02
Speaker 1: We're trying to help him.
1:22:04
Speaker 2: We're planning It's still part of Peter.
1:22:10
Speaker 1: Stuggle.
1:22:10
Speaker 3: Peter, Yeah, Peter, Pete.
1:22:14
Speaker 1: Snuggling, Snuggling and Pete. I love it. It's Whitney's personal hashtag.
1:22:20
Speaker 2: P the Snuggler College Pen the Snuggler.
1:22:25
Speaker 1: I don't know where we're at, but no, okay, So,
1:22:27
Speaker 1: but sex therapist is a legitimate thing.
1:22:30
Speaker 2: I like it through a sect. I think that's a
1:22:32
Speaker 2: great idea.
1:22:33
Speaker 1: One thing that I've always been really impressed with our
1:22:35
Speaker 1: sex therapist colleagues. It isn't that like when it comes
1:22:38
Speaker 1: to their ability to do therapeutic skills, I think that
1:22:41
Speaker 1: they're just about with everybody else. But their level of
1:22:44
Speaker 1: education and understanding different solutions to sexual challenges are very nuanced.
1:22:51
Speaker 1: And like their understanding of sexual health is also very nuanced,
1:22:55
Speaker 1: even down to things like how nerves work and like
1:22:58
Speaker 1: what might not elicit.
1:22:59
Speaker 4: Pain, I mean mental health connections. Yeah, I mean you're
1:23:04
Speaker 4: you're uh yeah pain, chronic pain in the body and
1:23:07
Speaker 4: how that affects your sex life and just your mental
1:23:10
Speaker 4: health in general. So all of us tied together and
1:23:12
Speaker 4: they're very in tune with all of those things.
1:23:14
Speaker 1: Like it's yeah, and one thing I've I've seen some
1:23:17
Speaker 1: conferences that were like on some of these topics about
1:23:20
Speaker 1: like how to find common ground, especially when there's medical issues,
1:23:23
Speaker 1: like and there's you go to a sex conferences and
1:23:25
Speaker 1: like that. This is one of the topics is like
1:23:27
Speaker 1: how to you know, encourage healthy sexuality in people like
1:23:30
Speaker 1: double imputees. It's like very specific stuff. You're like, wow, okay,
1:23:33
Speaker 1: Like but that's the work they're doing. Like they're really
1:23:36
Speaker 1: getting into the weeds. They're asking hard questions and trying
1:23:38
Speaker 1: to come up with really great ideas. Please don't say
1:23:40
Speaker 1: hard there it is, but you know, like with uh,
1:23:43
Speaker 1: with this kind of stuff too, police equally.
1:23:45
Speaker 4: Yeah, it's like no double stand that's fair enough.
1:23:48
Speaker 1: Writer's fiance has hip and back problems, and sexuality can
1:23:52
Speaker 1: be expressed with more than just intercourse, right, And so
1:23:54
Speaker 1: like sometimes it's about can we find ways to experience
1:23:58
Speaker 1: each other sexually that's fulfilling and something that's rewarding. We're
1:24:01
Speaker 1: both looking forward to it and it doesn't like hurt you, right,
1:24:05
Speaker 1: and like maybe there are ways that do Maybe intercourse
1:24:07
Speaker 1: might not really be available. And there are people that
1:24:10
Speaker 1: have vaginal pain and things like that that are not
1:24:12
Speaker 1: caused by a car accident, Like there are all kinds
1:24:15
Speaker 1: of issues, and sometimes they say, look, I do want
1:24:17
Speaker 1: to be intimate with you. I want you to come
1:24:19
Speaker 1: to me with those needs. I don't want you going
1:24:20
Speaker 1: to bed hungry, fantasizing about other women, like, but like,
1:24:24
Speaker 1: let's find ways that I can meet those needs that
1:24:26
Speaker 1: don't cause me pain. And I think that that's something
1:24:29
Speaker 1: to explore as well, which I'm sure is low hanging fruit.
1:24:32
Speaker 1: You know, I'm sure the couple's already thought.
1:24:33
Speaker 4: Thoughts of these kinds of things, and I surprised.
1:24:36
Speaker 2: Yeah, and to me, that would be the benefit of
1:24:39
Speaker 2: talking to a therapist. Yeah, it's because yeah, well yeah,
1:24:43
Speaker 2: and I want to be able for a conversation. How
1:24:45
Speaker 2: do I That's what I would want to know from
1:24:47
Speaker 2: a therapist is how do I have this conversation in
1:24:50
Speaker 2: a way that doesn't put more stress on my fiance, right,
1:24:56
Speaker 2: but still is able. You know, I can still express
1:24:59
Speaker 2: what's going on on with me. You know that's a
1:25:02
Speaker 2: tough one. Well, that's where I would want.
1:25:03
Speaker 1: Here's where I worry the most. I worry that writer
1:25:06
Speaker 1: is getting anxious and frustrated and self hating and believes
1:25:11
Speaker 1: that writer is a monster and is internalizing this tension
1:25:17
Speaker 1: because they do not want to bring their needs to
1:25:19
Speaker 1: their partner because that feels fundamentally unfair, and they feel
1:25:23
Speaker 1: empathetic to their partner's physical and emotional suffering. And this
1:25:26
Speaker 1: is a recipe that leads to resentment. This is a
1:25:30
Speaker 1: recipe that leads to poison in writer's spirit, where they
1:25:33
Speaker 1: get married and they just try to give abundantly and
1:25:36
Speaker 1: take care of their partner and their needs don't get met,
1:25:38
Speaker 1: and they're like, it's okay, because I would be a
1:25:40
Speaker 1: bad person for having those needs. I'd be a bad
1:25:42
Speaker 1: person for wanting those things. I won't bring it up
1:25:44
Speaker 1: because I don't want her to feel ashamed of it.
1:25:46
Speaker 1: I don't even want to bother her with this topic
1:25:47
Speaker 1: because it makes her feel less than an uncomfortable I
1:25:49
Speaker 1: don't want her to. And it's like, boy, is that
1:25:51
Speaker 1: a bad seed to plant? That is going to produce
1:25:54
Speaker 1: some toxic fruit. And that's why I love the idea
1:25:57
Speaker 1: of doing a couple's therapy, the sex therapy. Get this
1:26:00
Speaker 1: on the table and if you're scared to bring it
1:26:03
Speaker 1: up directly, let the therapist bring it up. And a
1:26:06
Speaker 1: lot of people when they sit in therapy, they're very
1:26:08
Speaker 1: adult about it and they're willing to. You know, they
1:26:09
Speaker 1: know it's healthcare. They know we can have hard conversations.
1:26:12
Speaker 1: They know we're solutions focused. We're not here to firm conversations.
1:26:16
Speaker 1: They know that we can have phallic, extended conversation, realid
1:26:22
Speaker 1: yeah yeah, real solid, mainy yeah, conciny well he won.
1:26:30
Speaker 2: Yeah, big.
1:26:34
Speaker 1: Meaty conversations. Yeah, that's what therapy is all about.
1:26:39
Speaker 4: So yes, make sure they are a certified sex therapist. Yeah,
1:26:43
Speaker 4: because anyone can say they are a sex therapy So definitely.
1:26:45
Speaker 1: I think we're all encouraging you going to a couple's therapy,
1:26:47
Speaker 1: going to sex therapy. Combining that with an expert is
1:26:52
Speaker 1: I think really really helpful. And I love that you're
1:26:54
Speaker 1: also going to see a pain management doctor. I think
1:26:55
Speaker 1: that's really helpful. A lot of pain management doctors have
1:26:58
Speaker 1: thoughts on this. Sometimes they're like, look, I deal with
1:27:01
Speaker 1: back pain, I don't talk a lot about the Kama Sutra.
1:27:03
Speaker 1: I don't know what to tell you, and so sometimes
1:27:05
Speaker 1: they're advice. That's what doctor says. Stop writing me. I've
1:27:11
Speaker 1: told you how did you get my personal Yahoo account?
1:27:13
Speaker 1: This is the last time I'm gonna tell you. Read
1:27:15
Speaker 1: the season desayst so yeah, I mean I think that
1:27:18
Speaker 1: that's where a sex counselor or a couple's counselor is
1:27:20
Speaker 1: gonna have a lot more help, even if they're not
1:27:23
Speaker 1: a sex specialist, because sometimes that is a hard discipline
1:27:25
Speaker 1: to find, just doing the couple's therapy and getting it out,
1:27:29
Speaker 1: talking about this, not letting this just be this unspoken
1:27:32
Speaker 1: thing because you think this makes you a monster. You're
1:27:34
Speaker 1: not a monster for having needs. It's okay. And if
1:27:38
Speaker 1: we bury that and we create a norm in your
1:27:40
Speaker 1: relationship where your needs go unmet and you feel shame
1:27:43
Speaker 1: or guilt for bringing them up, and that might cause
1:27:45
Speaker 1: your partner to feel like you should feel shame or
1:27:48
Speaker 1: guilt for bringing this up. She notices that you get
1:27:50
Speaker 1: weird when you bring it up, and like, this is
1:27:52
Speaker 1: going to create this weird cycle in your relationship where
1:27:55
Speaker 1: sex is this third fucking rail that doesn't get talked
1:27:58
Speaker 1: about and you're internalizing this and it's not going to
1:28:00
Speaker 1: be good for your marriage. So at a minimum, I
1:28:03
Speaker 1: want you in couple's therapy telling them she's been through
1:28:06
Speaker 1: a lot, we're trying to have a full and complete relationship,
1:28:09
Speaker 1: we have real barriers to that, and let them guide
1:28:12
Speaker 1: you through that. At a minimum, you should be at
1:28:14
Speaker 1: least talking about it, even if there's not a solution.
1:28:17
Speaker 1: Talking about the problem without feeling shame or guilt is important.
1:28:20
Speaker 3: I was going to say, just getting to the point
1:28:22
Speaker 3: where you can have discussions about it is you know, that.
1:28:26
Speaker 1: Would be huge, penetrating discussion, you penetrating. We need a
1:28:32
Speaker 1: dialogue and intercourse if you will, you know, we we
1:28:35
Speaker 1: need that because that's right, I mean, supple conversations, myologies.
1:28:45
Speaker 2: We're truth just squirts.
1:28:47
Speaker 1: Okay, We're going to take a quick break, and when
1:28:49
Speaker 1: we come back, we are Now you're okay, why are
1:28:57
Speaker 1: you disgusting? You can you jesus, Where's take quick break
1:29:02
Speaker 1: and when we come back, we're wrapping up the show.
1:29:03
Speaker 1: You are listening to the final episode of thirty nine
1:29:06
Speaker 1: year old Gym's Back There.
1:29:08
Speaker 2: Today's episode was brought to you by Judy Schmiderley Okasan
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Speaker 2: Carolyn Albert, Sammy Scoop, Sarah Smith, Mike, Tom, Derek Hunningham
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Speaker 2: Fordy The The Laurent Guy, Brady Malahus, Max the Junior
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Speaker 2: Scoop Elly, Oh, dear Amy our Woodmark. I'm getting I'm
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Speaker 2: going to get that.
1:29:23
Speaker 1: I really don't want you to.
1:29:24
Speaker 2: I think you get the smiles to the showy spose,
1:29:27
Speaker 2: go to Patreon dot com slash therapy and slign up
1:29:29
Speaker 2: to become a therapies.
1:29:30
Speaker 1: When we started in your see invest When we started
1:29:34
Speaker 1: the show, I guess I was thirty two? Is that
1:29:37
Speaker 1: that right? We started January of twenty eighteen. Wow, so
1:29:40
Speaker 1: I would have just turned thirty two. I guess five minus.
1:29:44
Speaker 2: Just turned forty three. What I gotta know? Thanks, real tired,
1:29:51
Speaker 2: so tired.
1:29:52
Speaker 4: We didn't have all the names.
1:29:53
Speaker 2: I'm forty four. Yeah, we're gonna get you next week.
1:29:56
Speaker 2: Next week we would have this is the spot. We
1:30:00
Speaker 2: would have thanked all of our therapy.
1:30:02
Speaker 1: Investors, investors, the investors circle, Yeah, like they do on NPR.
1:30:09
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, that's the best. But since I've been up
1:30:12
Speaker 2: since four, we didn't uh, we didn't do that. But
1:30:16
Speaker 2: we got a new therapod welcome, PE's and clams. Oh
1:30:21
Speaker 2: I like that.
1:30:22
Speaker 1: Okay, very good invest in yourself. So as we wrap
1:30:25
Speaker 1: up the show, we do want to remind you can
1:30:26
Speaker 1: sign up a Patreon dot com slash therapy and you
1:30:28
Speaker 1: can get our extended show ad free a day earlier,
1:30:31
Speaker 1: as well as an archive of deep dives, reviews, skill shares,
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Speaker 1: research roundups, interviews we have got. I mean it's a lot.
1:30:42
Speaker 1: It's probably over one hundred hours of content that really
1:30:47
Speaker 1: is timeless because it wasn't like attached to politics or
1:30:50
Speaker 1: news of the day. It's deep dives into a lot
1:30:53
Speaker 1: of like pathology, therapy skills, like history of things.
1:30:58
Speaker 2: It's really really deep. I have a really a good interview. Actually,
1:31:02
Speaker 2: it's a series that's going to be coming out. I've
1:31:05
Speaker 2: recorded one of them already, actually about a month ago.
1:31:10
Speaker 2: Still I still have not had a chance to actually
1:31:14
Speaker 2: go in and post it yet, but I'm really excited
1:31:16
Speaker 2: about it.
1:31:17
Speaker 1: So stay just with whatever contractor shows up. He's just
1:31:20
Speaker 1: putting a microphone on.
1:31:21
Speaker 4: Yeah, the emotional toll about.
1:31:24
Speaker 2: Being a paint, different types of I'm getting. I'm getting
1:31:28
Speaker 2: an estimate on some uh some carpet and I'm going
1:31:30
Speaker 2: to record that. Yeah, honestly, there's gonna be some visuals,
1:31:34
Speaker 2: but I'm going to try to describe it.
1:31:35
Speaker 1: As if you live streamed doing your house, doing the
1:31:39
Speaker 1: renovations and ship. Our patron would fucking love it. They
1:31:43
Speaker 1: would just say, oh, yeah, I have I should should Yes,
1:31:50
Speaker 1: you should do it or just tell your stories, all right,
1:31:54
Speaker 1: So here's what I'm working on. And just like just
1:31:56
Speaker 1: the tool belt, just it is with socks I'm gonna
1:32:02
Speaker 1: and a hard hat that's a work sox, work booths, hat,
1:32:05
Speaker 1: safety glasses, indian feathers. You know, are we just going
1:32:10
Speaker 1: through the YMCI said, Okay, sorry I missed the bed.
1:32:13
Speaker 1: But anyway, if you go to patreon dot com slash therapy,
1:32:15
Speaker 1: you can find a lot, a whole library of things
1:32:18
Speaker 1: we have created over eight years of doing this show.
1:32:20
Speaker 2: She is a hot supple nineteen year old.
1:32:23
Speaker 1: And then the stuff that we will continue to create,
1:32:25
Speaker 1: you will always get pushed right through to your podcasting feed.
1:32:28
Speaker 1: Wherever you're listening to us right now is where you're
1:32:30
Speaker 1: going to hear anything else that we create. So it's
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Speaker 1: not like Patreon becomes this special other website you have
1:32:35
Speaker 1: to remember and go log into.
1:32:37
Speaker 2: Not at all.
1:32:38
Speaker 1: You sign up, it tells you, hey, copy and paste
1:32:40
Speaker 1: this code into your system, and from that moment on,
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Speaker 1: you've got it. And now you can also join our
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Speaker 1: discord and hang out with our awesome fans as they
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Speaker 1: are designing our end of season trivia, and you can
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Speaker 1: contribute to that as well.
1:32:52
Speaker 3: When you sign up for Patreon for pod therapy. You
1:32:55
Speaker 3: really just want to think of it as the other
1:32:56
Speaker 3: items in your portfolio that you don't want to You
1:32:59
Speaker 3: don't want to go in and meddle with your portfolio
1:33:01
Speaker 3: too often, you're just gonna screw it up. So you
1:33:04
Speaker 3: just you make those investments and then you let those
1:33:06
Speaker 3: investments just sit there and and gain on themselves, you know.
1:33:12
Speaker 1: Really make your money work for you.
1:33:14
Speaker 4: There.
1:33:15
Speaker 2: It is because that's why I do we should say
1:33:18
Speaker 2: that we are fiduciaries.
1:33:19
Speaker 1: We only do. Yeah, we're legally obligated to only give
1:33:22
Speaker 1: you advice for your best interests.
1:33:24
Speaker 2: That's it. That's we are psychological fiduciaries or just douche.
1:33:30
Speaker 2: That's a good band name, Douchiaries. No psychological fiduciaries. So
1:33:36
Speaker 2: let's throw that in there.
1:33:37
Speaker 1: Or it could be an album because we can't keep
1:33:38
Speaker 1: changing the name of the band. So that's I think
1:33:41
Speaker 1: that's our third album now. Yeah, we can't keep doing this.
1:33:45
Speaker 1: We've got too many fucking bands, not enough tracks. That'll
1:33:49
Speaker 1: be just a solo project that I do. Okay, you're
1:33:52
Speaker 1: gonna help me with ecological fiduciary. I hope it's like jazz,
1:33:55
Speaker 1: like I think it needs to be just like out
1:33:58
Speaker 1: there with the saxophone.
1:33:59
Speaker 3: Just this is really inspired by Thelonious Monk. Yes, I
1:34:03
Speaker 3: just want to see it.
1:34:04
Speaker 1: We'd like to thank the benevolent, revered, generous, and flagrantly
1:34:08
Speaker 1: pro Therapy Diehard, who loves you all so much the
1:34:11
Speaker 1: gift till it hurts our therap partner Pickett, and we
1:34:14
Speaker 1: want to thank our bosses, the mysterious and shrouded Illuminati,
1:34:17
Speaker 1: members of the fan Club, the their producers. Thank you,
1:34:19
Speaker 1: Jake Schneider, Myra, Robert Brownie Junior, Mint, Smitty Scoop, Richard
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Speaker 1: The Lorian Guy, Brady Malay, Chick Chick Filetio Gabriel of Dame,
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1:35:03
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1:35:05
Speaker 2: And if you'd like to hear this episode uncut and unedited,
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Speaker 2: and why wouldn't you enjoy our spontaneous side projects, go
1:35:11
Speaker 2: to patreon dot com slash therapy and thank you for
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Speaker 2: supporting mental health.
1:35:14
Speaker 1: That is all the time we've got for this week session.
1:35:16
Speaker 1: We want to thank our landlords, the unnamed studio. I
1:35:19
Speaker 1: guess we just refer back to as Jaye.
1:35:21
Speaker 2: The Ruckus seen a question like it and things.
1:35:23
Speaker 1: Those of you contributed to our show today. We really
1:35:25
Speaker 1: appreciate you. Remember pot therapy is not something to keep
1:35:28
Speaker 1: hold of yourself. Share this episode with the world tag us,
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Speaker 1: birthday this week. Jump on the discord. Wish me a
1:35:41
Speaker 1: happy birthday. I appreciate it.
1:35:43
Speaker 2: It makes me feel seen.
1:35:45
Speaker 4: Do you want to question of the show this.
1:35:50
Speaker 2: Story I got broken? Email us at pot Therapy guys
1:35:53
Speaker 2: at gmail dot com, or click the link in the
1:35:54
Speaker 2: episode description be taken to our anonymous Google forum. I'm Nick,
1:35:58
Speaker 2: I'm Jim. Thanks. So listen. If you're next week invest
1:36:02
Speaker 2: in your self investments. It's a pyramid scheme.
1:36:07
Speaker 1: We should create a Ponzi scheme, a Ponzi scheme of
1:36:10
Speaker 1: psychological self investment. Oh my god. We use everybody's investment
1:36:14
Speaker 1: to pay off other investments while they're going to ask
1:36:16
Speaker 1: the two but then we are not solving.
1:36:18
Speaker 3: It makes you feel really good. It makes you feel
1:36:20
Speaker 3: happy about yourself. In fact, we're gonna call it the
1:36:22
Speaker 3: Fonsie scheme.
1:36:23
Speaker 2: There it is.
1:36:26
Speaker 1: Yes, you too could be a cool dude happy. Patreon
1:36:30
Speaker 1: dot COM's last therapy. Goodbye, everybody,