Latest / Adult Child of Dysfunction / E 255: Boundaries, Forgiveness, and Healing After Dysfunction with Martha Burich

Transcript

E 255: Boundaries, Forgiveness, and Healing After Dysfunction with Martha Burich · Adult Child of Dysfunction

• 0:47
  Well,
• 0:47
  hello,
• 0:47
  everybody,
• 0:48
  and
• 0:48
  welcome
• 0:48
  back
• 0:49
  to
• 0:49
  another
• 0:49
  episode
• 0:49
  of
• 0:50
  Adult
• 0:50
  Child
• 0:50
  of
• 0:50
  Dysfunction.
• 0:51
  Today
• 0:51
  we
• 0:52
  have
• 0:52
  with
• 0:52
  us
• 0:52
  Martha
• 0:53
  Burch.
• 0:53
  And
• 0:54
  she
• 0:54
  is.
• 0:55
  Well,
• 0:55
  actually,
• 0:55
  she's
• 0:56
  done
• 0:56
  all
• 0:56
  kinds
• 0:56
  of
• 0:57
  interesting
• 0:57
  things.
• 0:58
  She's
• 0:58
  worked
• 0:58
  with
• 0:59
  children.
• 0:59
  She's
• 0:59
  been
• 0:59
  a
• 1:00
  child
• 1:00
  psychology
• 1:01
  professor.
• 1:02
  She
• 1:02
  now
• 1:03
  volunteers
• 1:03
  in
• 1:03
  prisons
• 1:04
  to
• 1:04
  help
• 1:04
  addicts
• 1:05
  and
• 1:05
  alcoholics
• 1:06
  and.
• 1:06
  And
• 1:07
  oh,
• 1:08
  my
• 1:08
  goodness,
• 1:08
  the
• 1:08
  list
• 1:08
  just
• 1:08
  goes
• 1:09
  on
• 1:09
  and
• 1:09
  on
• 1:09
  and
• 1:09
  on.
• 1:10
  So
• 1:10
  I'm
• 1:10
  actually
• 1:10
  just
• 1:10
  going
• 1:11
  to
• 1:11
  welcome
• 1:11
  Martha
• 1:12
  and
• 1:12
  let
• 1:12
  her
• 1:12
  tell
• 1:13
  you
• 1:13
  a
• 1:13
  little
• 1:13
  bit
• 1:13
  about
• 1:14
  herself.
• 1:14
  So.
• 1:14
  So
• 1:14
  thank
• 1:15
  you
• 1:15
  so
• 1:15
  much
• 1:15
  for
• 1:15
  coming,
• 1:15
  Martha.
• 1:17
  Thanks,
• 1:17
  Tammy.
• 1:17
  And
• 1:18
  I'm
• 1:18
  so
• 1:18
  glad
• 1:18
  to
• 1:18
  be
• 1:18
  here.
• 1:19
  And
• 1:19
  you
• 1:19
  know
• 1:19
  what?
• 1:19
  The
• 1:19
  very
• 1:20
  first
• 1:20
  thing
• 1:20
  about
• 1:20
  me
• 1:21
  is
• 1:21
  I
• 1:21
  was
• 1:21
  an
• 1:21
  unwanted
• 1:22
  child,
• 1:23
  and
• 1:23
  that
• 1:24
  really
• 1:24
  colored
• 1:24
  my
• 1:24
  life
• 1:25
  a
• 1:25
  lot.
• 1:26
  But
• 1:26
  why
• 1:26
  was
• 1:27
  I
• 1:27
  unwanted?
• 1:28
  My
• 1:28
  father
• 1:28
  was
• 1:28
  a
• 1:29
  terrible
• 1:29
  alcoholic
• 1:30
  and
• 1:30
  gambler,
• 1:31
  and
• 1:31
  he
• 1:32
  gambled
• 1:33
  and
• 1:33
  drank
• 1:33
  all
• 1:33
  the
• 1:33
  money
• 1:34
  away.
• 1:34
  So
• 1:35
  my,
• 1:36
  my
• 1:36
  mother
• 1:36
  already
• 1:36
  had
• 1:37
  two
• 1:37
  children,
• 1:37
  my
• 1:37
  two
• 1:37
  older
• 1:38
  brothers,
• 1:39
  a
• 1:39
  six
• 1:40
  year
• 1:40
  old
• 1:40
  and
• 1:40
  a
• 1:40
  one
• 1:41
  year
• 1:41
  old.
• 1:41
  And
• 1:41
  then
• 1:42
  when
• 1:42
  she
• 1:42
  got
• 1:42
  pregnant
• 1:43
  with
• 1:43
  me,
• 1:43
  her
• 1:43
  first
• 1:43
  thought
• 1:43
  was,
• 1:44
  I
• 1:44
  can't
• 1:44
  feed
• 1:44
  the
• 1:44
  other
• 1:45
  two.
• 1:45
  What
• 1:45
  am
• 1:45
  I
• 1:45
  going
• 1:45
  to
• 1:45
  do
• 1:46
  with
• 1:46
  this?
• 1:46
  How
• 1:46
  am
• 1:47
  I
• 1:47
  going
• 1:47
  to
• 1:47
  help
• 1:47
  this
• 1:47
  one?
• 1:48
  So
• 1:48
  I
• 1:49
  always
• 1:49
  had
• 1:49
  that
• 1:50
  feeling
• 1:50
  all
• 1:50
  my
• 1:50
  life
• 1:51
  that
• 1:51
  I
• 1:51
  was
• 1:51
  a
• 1:51
  burden.
• 1:52
  You
• 1:52
  know,
• 1:52
  my
• 1:52
  mother
• 1:53
  loved
• 1:53
  me.
• 1:53
  She
• 1:53
  was
• 1:53
  a
• 1:53
  good
• 1:53
  mother.
• 1:54
  I
• 1:54
  went
• 1:54
  and
• 1:54
  start
• 1:55
  crying,
• 1:55
  but
• 1:55
  I
• 1:56
  definitely
• 1:57
  was
• 1:57
  a
• 1:58
  burden
• 1:58
  because
• 1:58
  she
• 1:59
  had
• 1:59
  so
• 1:59
  much
• 1:59
  on
• 2:00
  her
• 2:00
  mind
• 2:00
  and
• 2:01
  life
• 2:01
  was
• 2:01
  hard
• 2:02
  for
• 2:02
  her.
• 2:03
  So
• 2:04
  that
• 2:04
  did
• 2:04
  definitely
• 2:05
  distort
• 2:06
  my
• 2:06
  beliefs
• 2:07
  and
• 2:07
  my
• 2:07
  feelings
• 2:07
  and
• 2:08
  how
• 2:08
  I
• 2:08
  grew
• 2:09
  up.
• 2:09
  And
• 2:10
  it
• 2:10
  affected
• 2:10
  me
• 2:11
  a
• 2:11
  lot
• 2:11
  because
• 2:12
  most
• 2:13
  of
• 2:13
  my
• 2:13
  family
• 2:13
  was
• 2:13
  very
• 2:14
  social.
• 2:15
  My.
• 2:15
  My
• 2:15
  brothers
• 2:16
  were
• 2:16
  very
• 2:16
  social,
• 2:16
  my
• 2:17
  mother
• 2:17
  was
• 2:17
  very
• 2:18
  social,
• 2:18
  and
• 2:18
  I
• 2:18
  was
• 2:19
  always
• 2:19
  a
• 2:19
  loner.
• 2:20
  So,
• 2:20
  you
• 2:21
  know,
• 2:21
  as
• 2:21
  we
• 2:21
  talk
• 2:21
  about
• 2:22
  things
• 2:22
  today
• 2:22
  at
• 2:22
  Adult
• 2:23
  Children
• 2:23
  of
• 2:23
  Dysfunction,
• 2:24
  you
• 2:24
  know,
• 2:24
  why
• 2:25
  was
• 2:25
  my
• 2:25
  dad
• 2:25
  an
• 2:25
  alcoholic?
• 2:26
  Well,
• 2:26
  my
• 2:27
  father
• 2:27
  was
• 2:27
  a
• 2:27
  prisoner
• 2:28
  of
• 2:28
  war
• 2:28
  of
• 2:29
  the
• 2:29
  Germans
• 2:29
  for
• 2:30
  two
• 2:30
  years
• 2:30
  in
• 2:31
  World
• 2:31
  War
• 2:31
  II.
• 2:32
  Now,
• 2:32
  I
• 2:32
  would
• 2:33
  think
• 2:33
  that
• 2:33
  that
• 2:33
  would
• 2:33
  affect
• 2:34
  his
• 2:34
  life
• 2:34
  somewhat.
• 2:35
  So,
• 2:36
  you
• 2:36
  know,
• 2:36
  we
• 2:37
  can't
• 2:37
  really
• 2:37
  blame
• 2:38
  him.
• 2:38
  But
• 2:38
  then
• 2:38
  again,
• 2:39
  people
• 2:39
  have
• 2:39
  come
• 2:39
  out
• 2:39
  of
• 2:40
  worse
• 2:40
  circumstances
• 2:41
  and
• 2:42
  not
• 2:42
  had
• 2:42
  their
• 2:42
  children
• 2:43
  starve
• 2:43
  and
• 2:43
  do
• 2:44
  other
• 2:44
  things.
• 2:45
  So,
• 2:45
  you
• 2:45
  know,
• 2:46
  we
• 2:46
  also
• 2:46
  have
• 2:46
  to
• 2:47
  talk
• 2:47
  about
• 2:47
  forgiveness.
• 2:47
  You
• 2:48
  know,
• 2:48
  there's
• 2:48
  so
• 2:48
  much
• 2:48
  in
• 2:49
  my
• 2:49
  background
• 2:50
  to
• 2:51
  unpack.
• 2:52
  Right.
• 2:54
  You
• 2:54
  know
• 2:54
  what,
• 2:55
  what's
• 2:55
  the
• 2:55
  point?
• 2:55
  The
• 2:56
  point
• 2:56
  is
• 2:56
  the
• 2:56
  past
• 2:56
  doesn't
• 2:57
  equal
• 2:57
  the
• 2:57
  future
• 2:57
  if
• 2:58
  you
• 2:58
  don't
• 2:58
  let
• 2:58
  it.
• 2:59
  And
• 2:59
  that's
• 3:00
  really
• 3:00
  something
• 3:00
  that
• 3:00
  we
• 3:00
  definitely
• 3:01
  want
• 3:01
  to
• 3:01
  talk
• 3:01
  about
• 3:01
  today,
• 3:02
  because
• 3:02
  whatever
• 3:02
  happened
• 3:03
  to
• 3:03
  you
• 3:03
  yesterday,
• 3:04
  today's
• 3:04
  a
• 3:04
  new
• 3:04
  day
• 3:05
  and
• 3:05
  we
• 3:05
  have
• 3:05
  to
• 3:06
  learn
• 3:06
  how
• 3:06
  to
• 3:06
  handle
• 3:07
  it
• 3:07
  and
• 3:07
  move
• 3:07
  on
• 3:07
  with
• 3:08
  our
• 3:08
  lives
• 3:08
  because
• 3:08
  people
• 3:09
  need
• 3:09
  us.
• 3:10
  No
• 3:10
  matter
• 3:10
  what
• 3:10
  you
• 3:10
  think
• 3:11
  of
• 3:11
  yourself,
• 3:12
  somebody
• 3:12
  needs
• 3:13
  your
• 3:13
  experience,
• 3:13
  your
• 3:14
  knowledge
• 3:14
  Just
• 3:15
  your
• 3:15
  presence.
• 3:16
  So
• 3:17
  you
• 3:17
  need
• 3:17
  to
• 3:17
  get
• 3:17
  over
• 3:17
  it.
• 3:18
  Goodness,
• 3:18
  I'm
• 3:19
  really
• 3:19
  getting
• 3:19
  on
• 3:19
  it
• 3:19
  quick
• 3:20
  today.
• 3:20
  You,
• 3:21
  I
• 3:21
  was
• 3:21
  gonna
• 3:21
  say
• 3:21
  you
• 3:21
  just
• 3:21
  jumped
• 3:22
  right
• 3:22
  in.
• 3:22
  Yeah,
• 3:23
  get
• 3:23
  over
• 3:23
  it
• 3:24
  now,
• 3:24
  because
• 3:24
  otherwise
• 3:25
  people
• 3:25
  who
• 3:26
  need
• 3:26
  you
• 3:26
  are
• 3:27
  not
• 3:27
  going
• 3:27
  to
• 3:27
  be
• 3:28
  helped
• 3:28
  by
• 3:28
  you
• 3:28
  because
• 3:29
  you're
• 3:29
  too
• 3:29
  busy
• 3:30
  with
• 3:30
  your
• 3:30
  own
• 3:31
  ego.
• 3:31
  And
• 3:32
  I'm
• 3:32
  going
• 3:32
  to
• 3:32
  bring
• 3:32
  up
• 3:32
  one
• 3:33
  more
• 3:33
  thing,
• 3:33
  Tammy.
• 3:34
  People
• 3:34
  think
• 3:34
  that
• 3:34
  big
• 3:35
  ego
• 3:35
  means
• 3:35
  that
• 3:35
  you
• 3:35
  think
• 3:36
  too
• 3:36
  much
• 3:36
  of
• 3:36
  yourself.
• 3:37
  No,
• 3:37
  it's
• 3:37
  the
• 3:38
  other
• 3:38
  way
• 3:38
  too.
• 3:38
  You
• 3:38
  think
• 3:39
  too
• 3:39
  little
• 3:39
  of
• 3:39
  yourself.
• 3:40
  You
• 3:40
  think
• 3:40
  you're
• 3:40
  worthless.
• 3:41
  That's
• 3:41
  an
• 3:41
  ego
• 3:42
  problem,
• 3:42
  too,
• 3:43
  which
• 3:43
  we
• 3:43
  might
• 3:43
  get
• 3:43
  into
• 3:44
  more
• 3:44
  later.
• 3:45
  So,
• 3:45
  you
• 3:45
  know,
• 3:46
  if
• 3:46
  you
• 3:46
  don't
• 3:46
  think
• 3:46
  you're
• 3:46
  good
• 3:47
  enough,
• 3:47
  you're
• 3:47
  wasting
• 3:48
  your
• 3:48
  time
• 3:48
  and
• 3:48
  everybody
• 3:49
  else's.
• 3:49
  It's
• 3:49
  time
• 3:49
  for
• 3:50
  you
• 3:50
  to
• 3:50
  start
• 3:50
  thinking,
• 3:50
  how
• 3:51
  can
• 3:51
  I
• 3:51
  be
• 3:51
  useful
• 3:52
  in
• 3:52
  this
• 3:52
  world?
• 3:52
  That
• 3:52
  means
• 3:53
  you're
• 3:53
  going
• 3:53
  to
• 3:53
  walk
• 3:53
  a
• 3:53
  dog,
• 3:54
  whatever.
• 3:54
  You
• 3:55
  know,
• 3:55
  there
• 3:55
  are
• 3:55
  people
• 3:55
  who
• 3:55
  spend
• 3:56
  all
• 3:56
  their
• 3:56
  time
• 3:56
  with
• 3:56
  animals
• 3:57
  and
• 3:57
  they
• 3:58
  are
• 3:58
  doing
• 3:58
  wonderful
• 3:59
  work
• 3:59
  in
• 4:00
  the
• 4:00
  world.
• 4:00
  There
• 4:00
  are
• 4:00
  people
• 4:01
  who
• 4:01
  spend
• 4:01
  all
• 4:01
  their
• 4:01
  time
• 4:02
  with
• 4:02
  insects,
• 4:03
  with
• 4:03
  birds,
• 4:03
  with
• 4:03
  whatever.
• 4:04
  And
• 4:05
  you
• 4:05
  know
• 4:05
  what
• 4:05
  you
• 4:05
  have
• 4:06
  to
• 4:06
  determine
• 4:07
  where's
• 4:07
  your
• 4:07
  mercy?
• 4:08
  Can
• 4:08
  you
• 4:08
  play
• 4:08
  guitar?
• 4:09
  Can
• 4:09
  you
• 4:09
  play
• 4:09
  piano?
• 4:10
  What
• 4:10
  do
• 4:10
  you
• 4:10
  do?
• 4:11
  Do
• 4:11
  you
• 4:11
  draw?
• 4:11
  Do
• 4:11
  you
• 4:12
  crochet?
• 4:12
  Do
• 4:12
  you
• 4:12
  knit?
• 4:13
  You
• 4:13
  have
• 4:13
  talents
• 4:14
  and
• 4:14
  skills
• 4:14
  that
• 4:15
  other
• 4:15
  people
• 4:15
  need
• 4:15
  and
• 4:16
  it's
• 4:16
  time
• 4:16
  to
• 4:16
  start
• 4:17
  stepping
• 4:17
  up
• 4:17
  to
• 4:17
  the
• 4:18
  plate
• 4:18
  and
• 4:18
  being
• 4:18
  useful.
• 4:20
  Well,
• 4:20
  that's
• 4:20
  a
• 4:21
  very,
• 4:21
  very
• 4:22
  straight
• 4:22
  to
• 4:22
  the
• 4:22
  point
• 4:22
  and
• 4:23
  no,
• 4:23
  no
• 4:24
  holding
• 4:24
  back
• 4:24
  kind
• 4:25
  of,
• 4:25
  you
• 4:26
  know,
• 4:26
  that's.
• 4:26
  And
• 4:26
  it's
• 4:27
  exactly
• 4:27
  right.
• 4:28
  Not
• 4:29
  exactly
• 4:29
  how
• 4:29
  I
• 4:29
  would
• 4:30
  have
• 4:30
  put
• 4:30
  it,
• 4:30
  but
• 4:30
  it's
• 4:31
  exactly
• 4:31
  right.
• 4:31
  You're,
• 4:32
  you're,
• 4:33
  you're
• 4:33
  totally
• 4:33
  right.
• 4:34
  And
• 4:34
  I
• 4:34
  always
• 4:35
  say
• 4:35
  to
• 4:35
  people,
• 4:35
  people
• 4:36
  think,
• 4:36
  you
• 4:36
  know,
• 4:36
  well,
• 4:36
  when
• 4:36
  you
• 4:37
  take
• 4:37
  care
• 4:37
  of
• 4:37
  yourself
• 4:37
  or
• 4:38
  you
• 4:38
  go
• 4:38
  to
• 4:38
  therapy,
• 4:38
  like
• 4:39
  you
• 4:39
  don't
• 4:39
  deserve
• 4:39
  it.
• 4:40
  Because
• 4:40
  people
• 4:40
  that
• 4:40
  grew
• 4:41
  up
• 4:41
  in
• 4:41
  that
• 4:41
  kind
• 4:41
  of
• 4:41
  thing,
• 4:41
  I
• 4:42
  mean,
• 4:42
  you
• 4:42
  said
• 4:42
  it
• 4:42
  yourself,
• 4:43
  you
• 4:43
  felt
• 4:43
  worthless,
• 4:43
  you
• 4:44
  felt
• 4:44
  unlovable,
• 4:45
  you
• 4:45
  felt
• 4:45
  like
• 4:45
  you
• 4:45
  were
• 4:45
  a
• 4:46
  burden.
• 4:46
  So
• 4:47
  you're
• 4:47
  not
• 4:47
  stepping
• 4:47
  out
• 4:48
  in
• 4:48
  the
• 4:48
  world
• 4:48
  and
• 4:48
  you're
• 4:48
  not
• 4:48
  doing
• 4:49
  the
• 4:49
  things
• 4:49
  that
• 4:49
  you're
• 4:49
  capable
• 4:50
  of
• 4:50
  because
• 4:51
  you
• 4:51
  don't
• 4:51
  think,
• 4:51
  for
• 4:52
  one
• 4:52
  big
• 4:53
  picture,
• 4:53
  you
• 4:53
  don't
• 4:53
  think
• 4:53
  you
• 4:54
  deserve
• 4:54
  it.
• 4:55
  And
• 4:55
  so
• 4:56
  a
• 4:56
  lot
• 4:56
  of
• 4:56
  people,
• 4:56
  you
• 4:56
  know,
• 4:57
  think,
• 4:57
  oh,
• 4:57
  self
• 4:57
  care,
• 4:58
  that's,
• 4:58
  that's
• 4:58
  selfish.
• 4:59
  But
• 5:00
  I
• 5:00
  agree
• 5:00
  with
• 5:00
  you.
• 5:00
  I
• 5:01
  always
• 5:01
  say
• 5:01
  the
• 5:01
  most
• 5:02
  selfless
• 5:02
  thing
• 5:02
  you
• 5:03
  can
• 5:03
  do
• 5:03
  is
• 5:03
  give
• 5:04
  the
• 5:04
  world
• 5:04
  the
• 5:04
  best
• 5:04
  of
• 5:05
  you.
• 5:06
  Because
• 5:06
  if
• 5:06
  you're.
• 5:07
  And
• 5:07
  if
• 5:07
  you're.
• 5:07
  So
• 5:07
  if
• 5:08
  you're
• 5:08
  giving
• 5:08
  them
• 5:08
  this
• 5:09
  held
• 5:09
  back,
• 5:10
  timid,
• 5:11
  afraid,
• 5:13
  ego
• 5:13
  driven,
• 5:14
  which,
• 5:14
  like
• 5:15
  you
• 5:15
  said,
• 5:15
  is,
• 5:15
  Goes
• 5:16
  both
• 5:16
  ways,
• 5:16
  either
• 5:17
  thinking
• 5:17
  too
• 5:17
  much
• 5:18
  of
• 5:18
  yourself
• 5:18
  or
• 5:18
  too
• 5:18
  little
• 5:19
  of
• 5:19
  yourself,
• 5:19
  then
• 5:19
  you're
• 5:20
  not
• 5:20
  giving
• 5:20
  them.
• 5:20
  And
• 5:20
  so
• 5:21
  you
• 5:21
  are
• 5:21
  doing
• 5:21
  people
• 5:21
  of
• 5:22
  disservice,
• 5:22
  unfortunately,
• 5:24
  again,
• 5:25
  you
• 5:25
  know,
• 5:25
  and
• 5:25
  that's
• 5:25
  why
• 5:25
  we're
• 5:26
  here
• 5:26
  on
• 5:26
  this
• 5:26
  podcast,
• 5:27
  is
• 5:27
  because
• 5:27
  so
• 5:28
  many
• 5:28
  people
• 5:28
  feel
• 5:29
  that
• 5:29
  way,
• 5:29
  but
• 5:29
  people
• 5:30
  don't
• 5:30
  know
• 5:30
  how
• 5:30
  to
• 5:30
  undo
• 5:31
  it.
• 5:31
  It's
• 5:31
  not
• 5:32
  as
• 5:32
  simple
• 5:32
  as
• 5:33
  just
• 5:33
  get
• 5:33
  over
• 5:33
  it,
• 5:33
  you
• 5:34
  know,
• 5:34
  I
• 5:34
  mean,
• 5:34
  I
• 5:34
  know,
• 5:34
  and
• 5:34
  I
• 5:34
  know
• 5:35
  you
• 5:36
  know,
• 5:36
  you.
• 5:36
  Know
• 5:36
  that
• 5:37
  you're
• 5:37
  right.
• 5:38
  I'm
• 5:38
  not.
• 5:39
  I'm
• 5:39
  not
• 5:39
  saying
• 5:39
  you
• 5:39
  said
• 5:40
  that,
• 5:40
  but
• 5:40
  I
• 5:40
  mean,
• 5:40
  just
• 5:41
  like
• 5:41
  those
• 5:41
  words,
• 5:42
  like,
• 5:42
  how
• 5:42
  do
• 5:43
  you
• 5:43
  do
• 5:43
  that?
• 5:44
  So
• 5:44
  how
• 5:44
  do
• 5:44
  you
• 5:44
  do
• 5:45
  that?
• 5:45
  I
• 5:46
  mean,
• 5:46
  when
• 5:46
  you
• 5:46
  were
• 5:46
  growing
• 5:47
  up,
• 5:47
  you
• 5:47
  said
• 5:47
  your
• 5:48
  mother
• 5:48
  loved
• 5:48
  you
• 5:48
  very
• 5:49
  much,
• 5:49
  but
• 5:49
  you
• 5:49
  felt
• 5:50
  like
• 5:50
  you
• 5:50
  were
• 5:50
  a
• 5:50
  burden.
• 5:51
  Was
• 5:51
  there
• 5:51
  ever.
• 5:52
  Did
• 5:52
  she
• 5:52
  ever
• 5:54
  verbally,
• 5:54
  like,
• 5:55
  did
• 5:55
  she
• 5:55
  treat
• 5:55
  you
• 5:56
  like
• 5:56
  you
• 5:56
  were
• 5:56
  just
• 5:57
  too
• 5:57
  much?
• 5:58
  Or.
• 5:58
  Or
• 5:59
  was
• 5:59
  it
• 5:59
  just
• 5:59
  that
• 5:59
  you
• 6:00
  knew
• 6:00
  in
• 6:00
  your.
• 6:01
  In
• 6:01
  your
• 6:01
  mind?
• 6:02
  Yeah,
• 6:03
  I
• 6:03
  just.
• 6:03
  I
• 6:03
  just
• 6:03
  knew
• 6:04
  in
• 6:04
  my
• 6:04
  mind
• 6:04
  she
• 6:04
  never
• 6:04
  treated
• 6:05
  me
• 6:05
  like
• 6:05
  I
• 6:05
  was
• 6:05
  too
• 6:06
  much.
• 6:06
  Her
• 6:06
  life
• 6:06
  was
• 6:07
  very
• 6:07
  stressful.
• 6:08
  So,
• 6:08
  you
• 6:08
  know,
• 6:10
  no
• 6:10
  matter
• 6:10
  what
• 6:10
  she
• 6:10
  did,
• 6:10
  I
• 6:11
  think
• 6:11
  I.
• 6:11
  I
• 6:12
  always.
• 6:12
  I
• 6:13
  always
• 6:13
  had
• 6:13
  that
• 6:13
  feeling
• 6:14
  that
• 6:14
  somehow
• 6:14
  I
• 6:15
  don't
• 6:15
  belong
• 6:15
  here.
• 6:15
  And
• 6:15
  then
• 6:15
  I
• 6:15
  was,
• 6:16
  of
• 6:16
  course,
• 6:16
  insecurely
• 6:17
  attached,
• 6:18
  right?
• 6:19
  So
• 6:19
  I
• 6:19
  remember
• 6:19
  Tammy
• 6:20
  at
• 6:20
  age
• 6:21
  15,
• 6:22
  15,
• 6:23
  my
• 6:23
  mother
• 6:23
  and
• 6:23
  I
• 6:23
  went
• 6:23
  shopping
• 6:24
  at
• 6:24
  a
• 6:25
  department
• 6:25
  store,
• 6:25
  and
• 6:26
  I
• 6:26
  lost
• 6:26
  her.
• 6:27
  I
• 6:27
  started
• 6:27
  screaming
• 6:28
  in
• 6:28
  the
• 6:28
  middle
• 6:28
  of
• 6:28
  store,
• 6:28
  mom,
• 6:29
  Mommy.
• 6:30
  Mommy.
• 6:30
  Oh,
• 6:31
  she
• 6:31
  was
• 6:31
  so
• 6:31
  mad.
• 6:33
  She
• 6:33
  was
• 6:33
  so
• 6:33
  mad
• 6:34
  at
• 6:34
  me.
• 6:34
  I
• 6:34
  embarrassed
• 6:34
  her
• 6:35
  so
• 6:35
  much.
• 6:35
  But
• 6:35
  that's
• 6:36
  how
• 6:36
  insecurely
• 6:36
  attached
• 6:37
  I
• 6:37
  was.
• 6:37
  I
• 6:37
  just
• 6:38
  felt
• 6:38
  like
• 6:38
  I
• 6:38
  had
• 6:38
  to
• 6:38
  know
• 6:38
  where
• 6:38
  my
• 6:39
  mother
• 6:39
  was
• 6:39
  at
• 6:39
  all
• 6:40
  times.
• 6:40
  And
• 6:42
  that's
• 6:42
  just
• 6:42
  some
• 6:43
  of
• 6:43
  the
• 6:43
  things
• 6:43
  that
• 6:43
  happen
• 6:44
  when
• 6:45
  you
• 6:45
  grow
• 6:45
  up
• 6:46
  and
• 6:46
  you
• 6:46
  don't
• 6:46
  feel
• 6:47
  and
• 6:48
  you're
• 6:48
  scared
• 6:48
  and.
• 6:49
  You'Re
• 6:49
  scared,
• 6:50
  and
• 6:50
  it
• 6:50
  goes,
• 6:50
  you
• 6:50
  know,
• 6:51
  and
• 6:51
  it
• 6:51
  could
• 6:51
  go
• 6:51
  on
• 6:51
  the
• 6:51
  flip
• 6:52
  side,
• 6:52
  where
• 6:52
  at
• 6:52
  15,
• 6:53
  I
• 6:53
  wanted
• 6:53
  nothing
• 6:54
  more
• 6:54
  than
• 6:54
  to
• 6:54
  get
• 6:54
  as
• 6:55
  far
• 6:55
  away
• 6:55
  from
• 6:55
  my
• 6:56
  mother
• 6:56
  as
• 6:57
  possible
• 6:57
  for
• 6:58
  the
• 6:58
  same,
• 6:58
  you
• 6:58
  know,
• 6:58
  for
• 6:59
  some
• 6:59
  of
• 6:59
  the
• 6:59
  same
• 6:59
  reasons,
• 7:00
  but
• 7:00
  different
• 7:00
  kind
• 7:00
  of
• 7:01
  attachment
• 7:02
  or
• 7:02
  disattachment
• 7:03
  situations,
• 7:04
  you
• 7:04
  know?
• 7:04
  But
• 7:05
  so
• 7:05
  what
• 7:06
  are
• 7:06
  some
• 7:06
  things
• 7:06
  that
• 7:06
  you
• 7:06
  did?
• 7:07
  Like,
• 7:07
  when
• 7:07
  did
• 7:07
  you
• 7:07
  realize,
• 7:08
  okay,
• 7:08
  this,
• 7:09
  you
• 7:09
  know,
• 7:10
  my
• 7:10
  past
• 7:10
  doesn't
• 7:11
  define
• 7:11
  me?
• 7:12
  At
• 7:12
  what
• 7:13
  point
• 7:13
  did
• 7:13
  you.
• 7:14
  You
• 7:15
  make
• 7:15
  such
• 7:15
  a
• 7:15
  good
• 7:15
  point.
• 7:16
  It
• 7:16
  is
• 7:16
  a
• 7:16
  process,
• 7:17
  and
• 7:17
  sometimes
• 7:18
  it's
• 7:18
  a
• 7:18
  very
• 7:18
  slow
• 7:19
  process.
• 7:20
  I
• 7:20
  started
• 7:20
  to
• 7:21
  see
• 7:21
  I
• 7:21
  had
• 7:21
  a
• 7:21
  therapist
• 7:21
  at
• 7:22
  age
• 7:22
  15
• 7:23
  because
• 7:23
  I
• 7:24
  knew
• 7:24
  something
• 7:24
  wasn't
• 7:25
  right,
• 7:25
  and
• 7:26
  we
• 7:26
  had
• 7:26
  to
• 7:26
  work
• 7:26
  on
• 7:27
  me
• 7:27
  saying
• 7:27
  hello
• 7:27
  to
• 7:28
  people.
• 7:28
  I
• 7:29
  was
• 7:29
  so
• 7:29
  introverted
• 7:30
  and
• 7:30
  so
• 7:30
  afraid
• 7:31
  of
• 7:31
  people's
• 7:31
  opinions
• 7:32
  of
• 7:32
  me
• 7:33
  that
• 7:33
  I
• 7:33
  didn't
• 7:34
  even
• 7:34
  know
• 7:34
  how
• 7:34
  to
• 7:34
  say
• 7:34
  hello
• 7:35
  to
• 7:35
  people.
• 7:36
  If
• 7:36
  someone
• 7:37
  smiled
• 7:37
  at
• 7:37
  me,
• 7:37
  it
• 7:37
  would
• 7:37
  make
• 7:38
  my
• 7:38
  day
• 7:38
  because
• 7:39
  I
• 7:39
  thought
• 7:39
  I
• 7:39
  was
• 7:39
  Just
• 7:40
  so
• 7:40
  useless
• 7:40
  and,
• 7:41
  and
• 7:42
  stupid
• 7:42
  and
• 7:42
  dumb
• 7:43
  and
• 7:43
  everything
• 7:43
  else.
• 7:44
  None
• 7:44
  of
• 7:44
  which
• 7:45
  was
• 7:45
  true.
• 7:46
  But
• 7:46
  that's
• 7:46
  what
• 7:47
  pretty
• 7:47
  much
• 7:47
  clouded
• 7:49
  my
• 7:49
  thoughts
• 7:49
  most
• 7:50
  of
• 7:50
  the
• 7:50
  time.
• 7:50
  So
• 7:51
  we
• 7:51
  had
• 7:51
  to
• 7:51
  work
• 7:51
  on
• 7:51
  that.
• 7:52
  And,
• 7:53
  you
• 7:53
  know,
• 7:53
  luckily
• 7:54
  I
• 7:54
  was
• 7:54
  real
• 7:55
  responsible.
• 7:55
  So
• 7:56
  I
• 7:56
  did
• 7:56
  well
• 7:56
  in
• 7:56
  school,
• 7:57
  well
• 7:57
  enough.
• 7:57
  And
• 7:58
  I
• 7:58
  had
• 7:58
  a
• 7:59
  job
• 7:59
  and
• 7:59
  I
• 7:59
  was
• 8:00
  very,
• 8:00
  you
• 8:00
  know,
• 8:00
  I
• 8:00
  went
• 8:00
  to
• 8:01
  my
• 8:01
  job
• 8:01
  every
• 8:01
  day
• 8:01
  and
• 8:02
  did
• 8:02
  my,
• 8:02
  did
• 8:02
  my
• 8:03
  work
• 8:03
  and
• 8:03
  I
• 8:03
  was
• 8:03
  responsible
• 8:04
  at
• 8:04
  work.
• 8:05
  And
• 8:05
  so,
• 8:05
  you
• 8:06
  know,
• 8:06
  the
• 8:06
  therapist
• 8:06
  said,
• 8:06
  martha,
• 8:07
  I
• 8:07
  would
• 8:07
  put
• 8:07
  you
• 8:08
  in
• 8:08
  the
• 8:08
  hospital,
• 8:08
  but
• 8:09
  you
• 8:10
  go
• 8:10
  to
• 8:10
  school
• 8:10
  every
• 8:10
  day,
• 8:11
  you're
• 8:11
  doing
• 8:11
  good,
• 8:11
  and
• 8:12
  you
• 8:12
  have
• 8:12
  a
• 8:12
  job
• 8:12
  and
• 8:12
  you've
• 8:13
  had
• 8:13
  it
• 8:13
  for
• 8:13
  more
• 8:13
  than
• 8:14
  a
• 8:14
  year
• 8:14
  and
• 8:14
  you're
• 8:14
  doing
• 8:14
  well.
• 8:15
  So
• 8:15
  we'll
• 8:15
  just
• 8:16
  work
• 8:16
  on
• 8:16
  things
• 8:16
  outside,
• 8:17
  you
• 8:18
  know,
• 8:18
  and
• 8:18
  that's
• 8:19
  pretty
• 8:19
  much
• 8:19
  what
• 8:19
  we
• 8:19
  did
• 8:20
  then.
• 8:20
  Then,
• 8:21
  then
• 8:21
  it
• 8:21
  was,
• 8:21
  you
• 8:21
  know,
• 8:22
  always
• 8:22
  a
• 8:22
  process.
• 8:23
  Then
• 8:23
  I
• 8:23
  went
• 8:23
  to
• 8:23
  college
• 8:24
  and,
• 8:24
  and,
• 8:25
  you
• 8:25
  know,
• 8:25
  I
• 8:25
  did
• 8:25
  get
• 8:25
  kicked
• 8:26
  out
• 8:26
  of
• 8:26
  two
• 8:26
  colleges
• 8:27
  and,
• 8:28
  But
• 8:28
  I,
• 8:28
  I
• 8:29
  went
• 8:29
  back.
• 8:29
  So,
• 8:29
  you
• 8:30
  know,
• 8:30
  no
• 8:30
  matter
• 8:30
  what,
• 8:30
  how
• 8:31
  many
• 8:31
  times
• 8:31
  you
• 8:31
  failed,
• 8:31
  you
• 8:31
  got
• 8:32
  to
• 8:32
  get
• 8:32
  back
• 8:32
  up.
• 8:32
  And
• 8:33
  that
• 8:33
  was
• 8:33
  my
• 8:33
  mother.
• 8:33
  My,
• 8:34
  I
• 8:34
  was
• 8:34
  crying
• 8:34
  to
• 8:35
  my
• 8:35
  mother
• 8:35
  one
• 8:35
  day.
• 8:35
  I
• 8:36
  said,
• 8:36
  how,
• 8:36
  what
• 8:36
  am
• 8:36
  I
• 8:37
  going
• 8:37
  to
• 8:37
  do?
• 8:37
  I,
• 8:37
  I,
• 8:38
  I
• 8:38
  can't
• 8:38
  go
• 8:38
  back
• 8:38
  to
• 8:38
  school.
• 8:39
  I've
• 8:39
  got
• 8:39
  a,
• 8:39
  I
• 8:39
  had
• 8:40
  a
• 8:40
  1.0
• 8:41
  GPA.
• 8:41
  That's
• 8:42
  a
• 8:42
  D.
• 8:44
  I
• 8:44
  beat
• 8:44
  you.
• 8:44
  I
• 8:44
  had
• 8:45
  a
• 8:45
  1,
• 8:45
  2,
• 8:45
  3.
• 8:46
  And
• 8:46
  I
• 8:46
  thought
• 8:46
  I
• 8:46
  was.
• 8:46
  So
• 8:47
  I
• 8:47
  thought
• 8:47
  that
• 8:47
  was
• 8:48
  that
• 8:48
  I
• 8:48
  had
• 8:48
  a
• 8:49
  numerical
• 8:49
  like,
• 8:50
  streak.
• 8:50
  Like,
• 8:50
  I
• 8:50
  wasn't
• 8:51
  a
• 8:51
  1,
• 8:51
  3,
• 8:52
  4.
• 8:52
  It
• 8:52
  was
• 8:52
  a
• 8:52
  1,
• 8:52
  2,
• 8:53
  3.
• 8:54
  Wow.
• 8:54
  Wow.
• 8:55
  Like,
• 8:55
  I'm
• 8:55
  the
• 8:55
  biggest
• 8:56
  loser
• 8:56
  in
• 8:56
  the
• 8:56
  world.
• 8:57
  My
• 8:57
  life
• 8:57
  will
• 8:58
  always
• 8:58
  be
• 8:58
  terrible.
• 8:59
  And
• 8:59
  my
• 8:59
  mother
• 9:00
  said,
• 9:00
  you
• 9:00
  know
• 9:00
  what?
• 9:01
  You
• 9:01
  march
• 9:01
  right
• 9:02
  back
• 9:02
  to
• 9:02
  that
• 9:02
  college
• 9:03
  and
• 9:03
  you
• 9:03
  ask
• 9:03
  them
• 9:04
  to
• 9:04
  let
• 9:04
  you
• 9:04
  back
• 9:04
  in.
• 9:05
  You
• 9:05
  tell
• 9:05
  them
• 9:05
  you're
• 9:06
  going
• 9:06
  to
• 9:06
  do
• 9:06
  right.
• 9:06
  And
• 9:06
  I
• 9:07
  did.
• 9:07
  I
• 9:07
  went
• 9:07
  back
• 9:07
  and
• 9:07
  the
• 9:08
  guy
• 9:08
  said,
• 9:08
  okay,
• 9:08
  yes,
• 9:09
  six
• 9:09
  months
• 9:10
  probation.
• 9:10
  You
• 9:11
  better
• 9:11
  make
• 9:11
  a
• 9:11
  C
• 9:12
  and
• 9:12
  above
• 9:12
  on
• 9:12
  everything
• 9:13
  and
• 9:13
  change
• 9:14
  your
• 9:14
  ways.
• 9:14
  And
• 9:14
  I
• 9:14
  did.
• 9:15
  I
• 9:15
  grew
• 9:15
  up.
• 9:15
  That
• 9:16
  was,
• 9:16
  that
• 9:16
  was
• 9:16
  a
• 9:16
  consequence
• 9:17
  that
• 9:17
  made,
• 9:18
  you
• 9:18
  know,
• 9:18
  helped
• 9:18
  me
• 9:18
  to
• 9:18
  grow
• 9:19
  up.
• 9:19
  And
• 9:19
  that's
• 9:19
  why
• 9:19
  consequences
• 9:20
  are
• 9:20
  important,
• 9:21
  not
• 9:21
  punishment,
• 9:22
  consequences.
• 9:23
  That's
• 9:24
  why
• 9:24
  reality.
• 9:24
  You
• 9:25
  need
• 9:25
  to
• 9:25
  let
• 9:25
  children
• 9:26
  experience
• 9:26
  reality.
• 9:27
  You
• 9:27
  know,
• 9:27
  it's
• 9:28
  part
• 9:28
  of
• 9:28
  my
• 9:28
  parenting
• 9:28
  method.
• 9:29
  The
• 9:29
  three
• 9:29
  Ls
• 9:30
  of
• 9:30
  parenting.
• 9:31
  Love
• 9:31
  them
• 9:31
  enough
• 9:31
  to
• 9:32
  say
• 9:32
  no.
• 9:33
  People
• 9:33
  who
• 9:33
  don't
• 9:34
  accept
• 9:34
  no
• 9:34
  for
• 9:34
  an
• 9:34
  answer
• 9:35
  become
• 9:35
  very
• 9:35
  unpleasant
• 9:36
  human
• 9:36
  beings.
• 9:36
  They
• 9:37
  also
• 9:37
  don't
• 9:37
  know
• 9:37
  how
• 9:37
  to
• 9:38
  say
• 9:38
  no
• 9:38
  to
• 9:38
  themselves.
• 9:39
  So
• 9:39
  they
• 9:39
  become
• 9:39
  obese,
• 9:40
  drug
• 9:40
  addicts,
• 9:41
  alcoholics,
• 9:41
  just
• 9:42
  violent,
• 9:43
  unpleasant
• 9:43
  people
• 9:44
  who
• 9:44
  don't
• 9:44
  understand
• 9:45
  that
• 9:45
  other
• 9:45
  people
• 9:46
  have
• 9:46
  needs
• 9:46
  and
• 9:46
  wants.
• 9:47
  And
• 9:47
  society
• 9:47
  can
• 9:48
  go
• 9:48
  much
• 9:48
  better
• 9:49
  if
• 9:49
  we
• 9:49
  follow
• 9:49
  certain
• 9:50
  rules
• 9:50
  anyway.
• 9:51
  So
• 9:51
  love
• 9:51
  them
• 9:51
  enough
• 9:52
  to
• 9:52
  Say
• 9:52
  no.
• 9:53
  Lead
• 9:54
  by
• 9:54
  example.
• 9:55
  Stop
• 9:56
  telling
• 9:56
  them
• 9:56
  to
• 9:56
  behave
• 9:57
  one
• 9:57
  way
• 9:57
  when
• 9:57
  you're
• 9:57
  doing
• 9:58
  the
• 9:58
  opposite.
• 9:58
  Don't
• 9:59
  smoke,
• 10:00
  don't
• 10:00
  drink.
• 10:01
  Right.
• 10:02
  So
• 10:02
  leave
• 10:02
  by
• 10:03
  example.
• 10:03
  Do
• 10:03
  as
• 10:03
  I
• 10:03
  say,
• 10:03
  not
• 10:04
  as
• 10:04
  I
• 10:04
  do.
• 10:05
  There
• 10:05
  you
• 10:05
  go.
• 10:06
  How
• 10:06
  many
• 10:06
  times
• 10:06
  did
• 10:07
  I
• 10:07
  hear
• 10:07
  that.
• 10:08
  You
• 10:08
  want
• 10:08
  to
• 10:08
  see
• 10:09
  in
• 10:09
  the
• 10:09
  world?
• 10:09
  Oh,
• 10:09
  go
• 10:09
  ahead.
• 10:10
  How
• 10:10
  many
• 10:10
  times?
• 10:12
  Yeah,
• 10:14
  exactly.
• 10:14
  And
• 10:15
  you
• 10:15
  know,
• 10:15
  my
• 10:15
  mother.
• 10:16
  My
• 10:16
  mother
• 10:16
  was
• 10:17
  the
• 10:17
  example.
• 10:17
  She
• 10:18
  was
• 10:18
  very
• 10:18
  responsible.
• 10:19
  She
• 10:19
  didn't
• 10:19
  drink,
• 10:19
  she
• 10:20
  didn't
• 10:20
  smoke.
• 10:20
  She.
• 10:21
  She
• 10:21
  was
• 10:21
  a
• 10:22
  very,
• 10:22
  very
• 10:22
  lovely
• 10:23
  human
• 10:23
  being,
• 10:24
  and
• 10:24
  I
• 10:24
  was
• 10:25
  very
• 10:25
  fortunate
• 10:25
  to
• 10:25
  have
• 10:26
  her
• 10:26
  as
• 10:26
  a
• 10:26
  mother.
• 10:26
  Anyway,
• 10:27
  let's
• 10:28
  go
• 10:28
  on.
• 10:28
  So
• 10:29
  be
• 10:29
  the
• 10:29
  example
• 10:30
  you
• 10:30
  want
• 10:30
  to
• 10:30
  be
• 10:30
  in
• 10:30
  the
• 10:30
  world.
• 10:31
  So
• 10:31
  stop
• 10:31
  talking
• 10:31
  about
• 10:32
  other
• 10:32
  people.
• 10:32
  Don't
• 10:32
  do
• 10:32
  this
• 10:33
  and
• 10:33
  do
• 10:33
  that
• 10:33
  and
• 10:33
  blah,
• 10:34
  blah,
• 10:34
  blah.
• 10:34
  No,
• 10:34
  you
• 10:35
  do
• 10:35
  what
• 10:35
  you
• 10:36
  need
• 10:36
  to
• 10:36
  do
• 10:36
  and
• 10:37
  don't
• 10:37
  worry
• 10:37
  about
• 10:37
  what
• 10:38
  they
• 10:38
  do.
• 10:38
  You
• 10:38
  do
• 10:38
  the
• 10:39
  right
• 10:39
  thing.
• 10:39
  All
• 10:40
  right?
• 10:40
  So
• 10:40
  be
• 10:40
  the
• 10:40
  example
• 10:41
  and
• 10:41
  let
• 10:42
  them
• 10:42
  fail,
• 10:43
  for
• 10:43
  goodness
• 10:44
  sakes.
• 10:45
  Let
• 10:45
  them
• 10:45
  go
• 10:45
  after
• 10:45
  the
• 10:46
  job
• 10:46
  that
• 10:46
  they're.
• 10:47
  That.
• 10:47
  That
• 10:47
  they're
• 10:47
  totally
• 10:48
  unprepared
• 10:48
  for.
• 10:49
  Experience,
• 10:51
  the
• 10:52
  application
• 10:53
  process
• 10:54
  experience,
• 10:55
  you
• 10:55
  know,
• 10:55
  not
• 10:56
  getting
• 10:56
  the
• 10:56
  job.
• 10:57
  And.
• 10:58
  But
• 10:59
  when
• 10:59
  we.
• 10:59
  When
• 11:00
  we
• 11:00
  don't
• 11:00
  let
• 11:01
  them
• 11:01
  fail,
• 11:02
  they
• 11:02
  become
• 11:02
  quitters.
• 11:04
  And,
• 11:04
  you
• 11:04
  know,
• 11:04
  we
• 11:05
  all
• 11:05
  know
• 11:05
  the
• 11:05
  story.
• 11:06
  Quitters
• 11:06
  never
• 11:06
  win.
• 11:07
  Winners
• 11:07
  never
• 11:08
  quit.
• 11:08
  If
• 11:09
  you
• 11:09
  really
• 11:09
  want
• 11:09
  something,
• 11:09
  you
• 11:10
  can't
• 11:10
  quit.
• 11:10
  Go
• 11:11
  for
• 11:11
  the
• 11:11
  job.
• 11:11
  That's
• 11:12
  way
• 11:12
  above
• 11:12
  you.
• 11:12
  Okay,
• 11:12
  you're
• 11:13
  going
• 11:13
  to
• 11:13
  be
• 11:13
  rejected,
• 11:14
  possibly,
• 11:15
  but
• 11:15
  you
• 11:15
  may
• 11:15
  learn.
• 11:16
  You
• 11:16
  probably,
• 11:16
  if
• 11:16
  you're
• 11:17
  smart,
• 11:17
  you'll
• 11:17
  learn
• 11:18
  a
• 11:18
  whole
• 11:18
  lot.
• 11:19
  You'll
• 11:20
  learn
• 11:20
  a
• 11:20
  whole
• 11:20
  lot.
• 11:20
  So
• 11:21
  get.
• 11:21
  Get
• 11:21
  your
• 11:21
  eyes
• 11:22
  open.
• 11:22
  Stop
• 11:23
  accepting
• 11:24
  what.
• 11:25
  What
• 11:25
  you
• 11:25
  really
• 11:25
  don't
• 11:26
  want
• 11:26
  because
• 11:26
  you
• 11:26
  think
• 11:26
  that's
• 11:27
  all
• 11:27
  you
• 11:27
  can
• 11:27
  get.
• 11:28
  That's
• 11:28
  what
• 11:28
  happens
• 11:28
  when
• 11:29
  people
• 11:29
  marry
• 11:29
  people
• 11:30
  that
• 11:30
  they
• 11:31
  really
• 11:31
  aren't
• 11:31
  that
• 11:32
  interested
• 11:32
  in,
• 11:33
  but
• 11:33
  they
• 11:33
  think
• 11:33
  it
• 11:33
  the
• 11:34
  best
• 11:34
  they
• 11:34
  could
• 11:34
  get.
• 11:34
  People
• 11:35
  take
• 11:35
  jobs
• 11:36
  that
• 11:36
  they're
• 11:36
  totally
• 11:37
  overqualified
• 11:39
  for,
• 11:40
  but
• 11:40
  they
• 11:40
  think
• 11:41
  it's
• 11:41
  the
• 11:41
  best
• 11:41
  they
• 11:41
  can
• 11:41
  get,
• 11:42
  and
• 11:42
  then
• 11:42
  they're
• 11:42
  not
• 11:43
  happy
• 11:43
  and
• 11:43
  they
• 11:43
  don't
• 11:43
  do
• 11:43
  a
• 11:43
  good
• 11:44
  job,
• 11:44
  et
• 11:44
  cetera,
• 11:44
  et
• 11:45
  cetera.
• 11:45
  So
• 11:46
  you
• 11:46
  know
• 11:46
  what?
• 11:46
  Let
• 11:46
  your
• 11:46
  children
• 11:47
  fail
• 11:47
  and
• 11:47
  let
• 11:48
  them
• 11:48
  be
• 11:48
  disappointed
• 11:49
  and
• 11:49
  say,
• 11:49
  gosh,
• 11:50
  you
• 11:50
  know,
• 11:50
  that's
• 11:50
  tough.
• 11:51
  What
• 11:51
  do
• 11:51
  you
• 11:51
  want
• 11:51
  to
• 11:52
  do
• 11:52
  about
• 11:52
  it?
• 11:53
  I
• 11:53
  want
• 11:53
  you
• 11:53
  to
• 11:53
  recap.
• 11:54
  Just
• 11:54
  give
• 11:54
  the
• 11:55
  three
• 11:55
  bullet
• 11:55
  points
• 11:55
  because
• 11:55
  it
• 11:56
  was.
• 11:56
  Love
• 11:56
  your
• 11:56
  kids
• 11:56
  enough
• 11:56
  to
• 11:57
  say
• 11:57
  no.
• 11:57
  What
• 11:57
  was
• 11:57
  the
• 11:58
  second
• 11:58
  one
• 11:58
  again
• 11:58
  for?
• 11:58
  Just
• 11:59
  to
• 11:59
  refresh,
• 11:59
  to
• 12:00
  recap
• 12:00
  for
• 12:00
  people.
• 12:01
  Exactly.
• 12:01
  Lead
• 12:01
  by
• 12:02
  example.
• 12:02
  Lead
• 12:02
  by
• 12:03
  example.
• 12:03
  Okay.
• 12:04
  And
• 12:05
  let
• 12:05
  them
• 12:05
  fail.
• 12:06
  And
• 12:06
  yourself.
• 12:07
  You
• 12:07
  know
• 12:07
  what?
• 12:08
  You
• 12:08
  got
• 12:08
  to
• 12:08
  go
• 12:08
  out
• 12:09
  there
• 12:09
  and
• 12:09
  fail,
• 12:10
  ask
• 12:10
  people
• 12:10
  for
• 12:11
  stuff,
• 12:11
  and
• 12:11
  hear,
• 12:12
  no,
• 12:12
  no,
• 12:12
  no,
• 12:13
  no,
• 12:13
  no,
• 12:13
  no.
• 12:14
  Until,
• 12:15
  you
• 12:15
  know,
• 12:15
  a
• 12:15
  lot
• 12:16
  of
• 12:16
  times
• 12:16
  people
• 12:16
  are
• 12:16
  so
• 12:16
  afraid
• 12:17
  to
• 12:17
  hear
• 12:17
  the
• 12:17
  word
• 12:17
  no.
• 12:18
  So
• 12:18
  then
• 12:18
  reverse
• 12:19
  it.
• 12:19
  Why
• 12:19
  don't
• 12:19
  you
• 12:19
  do
• 12:19
  an
• 12:19
  experiment?
• 12:20
  Start
• 12:20
  going
• 12:21
  up
• 12:21
  to
• 12:21
  people
• 12:21
  and
• 12:21
  saying,
• 12:21
  will
• 12:22
  you
• 12:22
  give
• 12:22
  me
• 12:22
  a
• 12:22
  dollar?
• 12:22
  Will
• 12:23
  you
• 12:23
  this?
• 12:23
  Will
• 12:23
  you
• 12:23
  that?
• 12:23
  Just
• 12:24
  see
• 12:24
  what
• 12:24
  happens.
• 12:25
  The
• 12:25
  average
• 12:25
  is,
• 12:25
  it's.
• 12:26
  Out
• 12:26
  of
• 12:27
  10
• 12:27
  asks,
• 12:27
  you
• 12:28
  get
• 12:28
  nine
• 12:28
  no's.
• 12:29
  Well
• 12:29
  then
• 12:29
  on
• 12:29
  the
• 12:29
  10th
• 12:30
  one,
• 12:30
  somebody
• 12:30
  will
• 12:30
  say
• 12:30
  yes
• 12:31
  to
• 12:31
  something.
• 12:31
  Or
• 12:32
  you
• 12:32
  know,
• 12:32
  just
• 12:32
  ask,
• 12:32
  ask
• 12:33
  your
• 12:33
  kids
• 12:33
  to
• 12:33
  do
• 12:34
  stuff.
• 12:34
  Do
• 12:34
  pick
• 12:34
  up
• 12:34
  your.
• 12:36
  And
• 12:36
  you
• 12:36
  know,
• 12:37
  so
• 12:37
  just
• 12:37
  do
• 12:37
  an
• 12:38
  experiment.
• 12:39
  Don't
• 12:39
  make
• 12:39
  it
• 12:39
  about
• 12:40
  you.
• 12:40
  It's
• 12:41
  just
• 12:41
  about,
• 12:41
  oh,
• 12:41
  it's
• 12:41
  what
• 12:42
  works.
• 12:42
  What
• 12:42
  doesn't
• 12:42
  work.
• 12:43
  We
• 12:43
  make
• 12:43
  too
• 12:43
  much
• 12:44
  about
• 12:44
  us.
• 12:44
  We're
• 12:45
  so
• 12:45
  darn
• 12:45
  defensive
• 12:46
  about
• 12:46
  everything.
• 12:47
  And
• 12:48
  let's
• 12:48
  just.
• 12:48
  I'm
• 12:49
  going
• 12:49
  to
• 12:49
  get
• 12:49
  into
• 12:49
  this
• 12:49
  real
• 12:49
  quick,
• 12:51
  you
• 12:51
  know,
• 12:51
  as
• 12:51
  parents
• 12:52
  and
• 12:52
  what
• 12:52
  we're.
• 12:52
  As
• 12:52
  parents,
• 12:53
  as
• 12:53
  people,
• 12:53
  whenever
• 12:54
  someone
• 12:54
  criticizes
• 12:55
  us,
• 12:55
  we
• 12:55
  get
• 12:55
  ourselves
• 12:56
  all
• 12:56
  bent
• 12:56
  out
• 12:56
  of
• 12:56
  shape
• 12:57
  and
• 12:57
  we
• 12:57
  try
• 12:57
  to
• 12:58
  defend
• 12:58
  ourselves.
• 12:59
  It's
• 12:59
  a
• 12:59
  waste
• 12:59
  of
• 13:00
  time.
• 13:00
  You
• 13:00
  know,
• 13:00
  what
• 13:01
  if
• 13:01
  somebody
• 13:01
  criticizes
• 13:02
  you,
• 13:02
  say,
• 13:02
  well,
• 13:02
  that's
• 13:02
  very
• 13:02
  interesting.
• 13:03
  Or
• 13:03
  why
• 13:03
  do
• 13:04
  you
• 13:04
  say
• 13:04
  that?
• 13:05
  Right.
• 13:05
  Then
• 13:05
  you
• 13:06
  can
• 13:06
  get
• 13:06
  some
• 13:06
  information.
• 13:07
  Don't
• 13:07
  be
• 13:07
  defensive.
• 13:08
  Nobody
• 13:08
  wants
• 13:08
  to
• 13:09
  hear
• 13:09
  your
• 13:09
  defensiveness.
• 13:10
  They
• 13:10
  don't
• 13:10
  even
• 13:10
  care.
• 13:11
  Right.
• 13:11
  They
• 13:11
  just
• 13:12
  want
• 13:12
  you
• 13:12
  to
• 13:12
  do
• 13:13
  go.
• 13:13
  Oh,
• 13:14
  no,
• 13:14
  no,
• 13:14
  no,
• 13:14
  go
• 13:14
  ahead.
• 13:15
  They
• 13:15
  want
• 13:15
  you
• 13:16
  to
• 13:16
  do
• 13:16
  the
• 13:16
  right
• 13:17
  thing,
• 13:17
  do
• 13:17
  it
• 13:17
  right,
• 13:18
  whatever.
• 13:19
  Right.
• 13:19
  And
• 13:20
  hear
• 13:21
  themselves
• 13:21
  talk.
• 13:22
  So
• 13:22
  you
• 13:23
  have
• 13:23
  to
• 13:23
  accept
• 13:23
  that
• 13:23
  too.
• 13:24
  Yep.
• 13:24
  And
• 13:24
  that
• 13:25
  just
• 13:25
  goes
• 13:25
  back
• 13:25
  to
• 13:25
  again,
• 13:26
  I
• 13:26
  mean,
• 13:26
  we're
• 13:26
  talking
• 13:26
  about
• 13:27
  adult
• 13:27
  children
• 13:27
  of
• 13:28
  dysfunction
• 13:28
  who
• 13:29
  came
• 13:29
  in
• 13:29
  with
• 13:29
  that.
• 13:30
  So
• 13:30
  they're
• 13:30
  defensive
• 13:31
  because
• 13:31
  they're.
• 13:32
  Sometimes
• 13:32
  it's
• 13:32
  safety,
• 13:33
  sometimes
• 13:34
  it's
• 13:34
  self
• 13:34
  esteem.
• 13:35
  You
• 13:35
  know,
• 13:35
  sometimes
• 13:36
  saying
• 13:36
  no
• 13:37
  was
• 13:37
  not
• 13:37
  the
• 13:38
  right
• 13:38
  thing
• 13:38
  to
• 13:38
  do
• 13:38
  ever.
• 13:40
  You
• 13:40
  know,
• 13:40
  I
• 13:40
  mean,
• 13:40
  when
• 13:41
  we
• 13:41
  talk
• 13:41
  about,
• 13:41
  when
• 13:41
  you're
• 13:42
  talking
• 13:42
  about,
• 13:42
  you
• 13:42
  know,
• 13:43
  love
• 13:43
  your
• 13:43
  kids
• 13:43
  enough
• 13:43
  to
• 13:44
  say
• 13:44
  no
• 13:44
  and
• 13:44
  giving
• 13:44
  them
• 13:45
  boundaries
• 13:45
  and
• 13:45
  letting
• 13:46
  them
• 13:46
  fail.
• 13:46
  And
• 13:46
  that's
• 13:46
  about
• 13:47
  boundaries.
• 13:47
  And
• 13:48
  you
• 13:48
  know,
• 13:49
  that's.
• 13:49
  Some
• 13:49
  kids
• 13:50
  are.
• 13:51
  And
• 13:51
  adults
• 13:51
  are
• 13:52
  petrified
• 13:53
  of
• 13:53
  that.
• 13:53
  That's
• 13:53
  where
• 13:53
  I
• 13:54
  start
• 13:54
  with
• 13:54
  a
• 13:54
  lot
• 13:54
  of
• 13:54
  the
• 13:55
  people
• 13:55
  that
• 13:55
  I
• 13:55
  talk
• 13:55
  to
• 13:56
  is
• 13:56
  just
• 13:57
  like
• 13:57
  you
• 13:58
  said,
• 13:59
  test
• 13:59
  the
• 13:59
  waters.
• 14:00
  I
• 14:00
  always
• 14:00
  tell
• 14:00
  people
• 14:00
  to
• 14:01
  go
• 14:01
  into
• 14:01
  a
• 14:01
  restaurant
• 14:01
  and
• 14:01
  order
• 14:02
  something
• 14:02
  that's
• 14:02
  not
• 14:02
  on
• 14:03
  the
• 14:03
  menu.
• 14:04
  And
• 14:04
  if
• 14:04
  they
• 14:04
  say
• 14:05
  no,
• 14:05
  they
• 14:06
  say
• 14:06
  no.
• 14:06
  And
• 14:06
  then
• 14:07
  you
• 14:07
  just
• 14:07
  have
• 14:07
  to
• 14:07
  think
• 14:07
  about
• 14:07
  it.
• 14:08
  Did
• 14:08
  that
• 14:08
  kill
• 14:08
  me?
• 14:08
  No,
• 14:09
  it
• 14:09
  didn't
• 14:09
  kill
• 14:09
  me.
• 14:10
  It
• 14:10
  wasn't
• 14:10
  the
• 14:10
  end
• 14:10
  of
• 14:10
  the
• 14:10
  world.
• 14:11
  Because
• 14:11
  you
• 14:12
  can't
• 14:12
  start
• 14:12
  with
• 14:12
  these
• 14:13
  big
• 14:14
  boundaries
• 14:15
  and
• 14:15
  big
• 14:16
  picture
• 14:16
  things.
• 14:18
  When
• 14:18
  they're
• 14:18
  big
• 14:18
  scale,
• 14:20
  you
• 14:20
  have
• 14:20
  to
• 14:20
  start.
• 14:20
  You
• 14:21
  have
• 14:21
  to
• 14:21
  start
• 14:21
  and
• 14:21
  practice
• 14:22
  little
• 14:22
  by
• 14:22
  little
• 14:22
  baby
• 14:23
  steps.
• 14:23
  So
• 14:25
  I
• 14:25
  love
• 14:25
  that.
• 14:26
  Exactly.
• 14:26
  And
• 14:26
  you
• 14:27
  know,
• 14:27
  I
• 14:27
  gave
• 14:28
  a
• 14:28
  talk
• 14:28
  at
• 14:28
  a
• 14:29
  women's
• 14:29
  Expo.
• 14:30
  And
• 14:30
  it
• 14:30
  was
• 14:30
  how
• 14:31
  to
• 14:31
  say
• 14:31
  no.
• 14:32
  And,
• 14:32
  you
• 14:33
  know,
• 14:33
  a
• 14:33
  couple
• 14:33
  of
• 14:33
  women
• 14:33
  came
• 14:34
  up
• 14:34
  to
• 14:34
  me
• 14:34
  afterwards,
• 14:34
  and
• 14:35
  one
• 14:35
  of
• 14:35
  them
• 14:35
  said,
• 14:35
  it
• 14:35
  was
• 14:36
  50
• 14:36
  years
• 14:36
  old,
• 14:36
  she
• 14:36
  had
• 14:37
  children
• 14:37
  and
• 14:37
  everything.
• 14:38
  She
• 14:38
  said,
• 14:38
  I've
• 14:39
  never
• 14:39
  said
• 14:39
  no
• 14:39
  in
• 14:39
  my
• 14:39
  life.
• 14:40
  What?
• 14:41
  And
• 14:41
  her
• 14:41
  life
• 14:42
  was
• 14:42
  miserable.
• 14:42
  She
• 14:42
  was
• 14:43
  miserable.
• 14:44
  She
• 14:44
  said,
• 14:44
  I'm
• 14:44
  afraid
• 14:45
  to
• 14:45
  say
• 14:45
  no.
• 14:45
  I
• 14:46
  mean,
• 14:46
  it
• 14:46
  was
• 14:46
  very.
• 14:47
  It
• 14:47
  was
• 14:47
  very
• 14:47
  eye
• 14:48
  opening.
• 14:48
  Yes,
• 14:48
  that's
• 14:49
  exactly
• 14:49
  what
• 14:49
  we
• 14:49
  do.
• 14:49
  We
• 14:50
  put
• 14:50
  ourselves
• 14:50
  in
• 14:50
  a
• 14:50
  prison,
• 14:51
  and
• 14:51
  we're
• 14:51
  constantly
• 14:52
  trying
• 14:52
  to
• 14:53
  meet
• 14:53
  other
• 14:53
  people's
• 14:54
  expectations.
• 14:54
  And,
• 14:55
  you
• 14:55
  know,
• 14:55
  news
• 14:56
  flash,
• 14:56
  you
• 14:57
  will
• 14:57
  never
• 14:58
  meet
• 14:58
  someone's
• 14:58
  expectations
• 14:59
  completely.
• 15:00
  Never,
• 15:01
  never,
• 15:01
  never.
• 15:02
  Just
• 15:03
  get
• 15:03
  over
• 15:03
  it,
• 15:04
  people.
• 15:04
  There's,
• 15:05
  you
• 15:05
  know,
• 15:05
  it,
• 15:06
  It's.
• 15:06
  It
• 15:06
  never
• 15:07
  ends.
• 15:07
  I.
• 15:07
  I
• 15:08
  like
• 15:08
  to
• 15:08
  say,
• 15:09
  you
• 15:09
  know
• 15:09
  what?
• 15:10
  There's
• 15:10
  always
• 15:11
  something
• 15:11
  else
• 15:11
  I
• 15:11
  have
• 15:11
  to
• 15:12
  do.
• 15:12
  Okay.
• 15:12
  I
• 15:12
  just
• 15:13
  washed
• 15:13
  the
• 15:13
  dishes.
• 15:13
  Yeah,
• 15:14
  but
• 15:14
  now
• 15:14
  I'm
• 15:15
  going
• 15:15
  to
• 15:15
  cook
• 15:15
  and
• 15:15
  there's
• 15:15
  going
• 15:16
  to
• 15:16
  be
• 15:16
  more
• 15:16
  dishes.
• 15:17
  It's
• 15:17
  never
• 15:18
  over.
• 15:19
  There's
• 15:19
  never
• 15:19
  an
• 15:20
  ending.
• 15:20
  You
• 15:20
  know,
• 15:20
  I
• 15:21
  wrote
• 15:21
  one
• 15:21
  book.
• 15:21
  Okay,
• 15:22
  great.
• 15:22
  Now
• 15:23
  I
• 15:23
  still
• 15:23
  have
• 15:23
  another
• 15:24
  book
• 15:24
  to
• 15:24
  write,
• 15:24
  but
• 15:25
  now
• 15:25
  I
• 15:25
  have
• 15:25
  this
• 15:25
  book,
• 15:26
  and
• 15:26
  now
• 15:26
  it's
• 15:26
  time
• 15:26
  to
• 15:26
  promote
• 15:27
  it.
• 15:27
  So
• 15:27
  all
• 15:27
  the
• 15:28
  time
• 15:28
  it's
• 15:28
  another
• 15:28
  podcast,
• 15:29
  it's
• 15:29
  another
• 15:29
  article.
• 15:30
  It's
• 15:30
  something.
• 15:31
  No,
• 15:31
  it's
• 15:31
  never,
• 15:32
  you
• 15:32
  know,
• 15:32
  I'm
• 15:32
  never
• 15:32
  the.
• 15:33
  You're
• 15:34
  never
• 15:34
  at
• 15:34
  the
• 15:34
  top
• 15:34
  of
• 15:34
  the
• 15:34
  mountain,
• 15:36
  right?
• 15:36
  It's
• 15:36
  constant
• 15:37
  climbing,
• 15:37
  climbing,
• 15:38
  climbing.
• 15:38
  And
• 15:40
  even
• 15:40
  if
• 15:40
  you
• 15:40
  are
• 15:40
  at
• 15:40
  the
• 15:41
  top,
• 15:41
  there's
• 15:41
  still
• 15:41
  a
• 15:41
  whole
• 15:42
  lot
• 15:42
  more
• 15:42
  to
• 15:42
  do
• 15:42
  because
• 15:42
  then
• 15:43
  you
• 15:43
  got
• 15:43
  to
• 15:43
  start
• 15:43
  walking
• 15:43
  down,
• 15:44
  don't
• 15:44
  you?
• 15:44
  You
• 15:44
  can't
• 15:44
  just
• 15:45
  stay
• 15:45
  there.
• 15:46
  Life
• 15:46
  won't,
• 15:47
  you
• 15:48
  know,
• 15:48
  you'll.
• 15:48
  You'll
• 15:48
  die.
• 15:49
  You.
• 15:49
  You
• 15:49
  have
• 15:49
  to.
• 15:50
  You
• 15:50
  have
• 15:50
  to
• 15:50
  keep
• 15:50
  moving.
• 15:51
  So,
• 15:52
  yes,
• 15:52
  there's
• 15:53
  always
• 15:53
  something
• 15:53
  else
• 15:53
  that
• 15:54
  has
• 15:54
  to
• 15:54
  be
• 15:54
  done,
• 15:54
  and
• 15:55
  we
• 15:55
  need
• 15:55
  to,
• 15:55
  you
• 15:56
  know,
• 15:56
  as
• 15:56
  human
• 15:56
  beings.
• 15:57
  Duh.
• 15:58
  Okay,
• 15:59
  just
• 15:59
  stop
• 15:59
  whining
• 16:00
  and
• 16:00
  just
• 16:00
  do
• 16:00
  it.
• 16:01
  Just
• 16:01
  do
• 16:02
  it.
• 16:02
  Okay.
• 16:02
  Yes.
• 16:02
  It
• 16:02
  aggravates
• 16:03
  me.
• 16:03
  Darn.
• 16:04
  You
• 16:04
  know,
• 16:04
  I.
• 16:05
  I
• 16:05
  can't
• 16:05
  believe
• 16:05
  I
• 16:05
  have
• 16:06
  to
• 16:06
  do
• 16:06
  this
• 16:06
  again.
• 16:06
  And
• 16:07
  whatever,
• 16:08
  whatever,
• 16:08
  just.
• 16:09
  Just
• 16:09
  move
• 16:09
  on.
• 16:10
  And
• 16:11
  if
• 16:11
  you
• 16:12
  do
• 16:12
  the
• 16:12
  right
• 16:12
  thing
• 16:12
  today,
• 16:13
  tomorrow
• 16:13
  takes
• 16:13
  care
• 16:14
  of
• 16:14
  itself.
• 16:14
  So
• 16:15
  just
• 16:15
  do
• 16:15
  what
• 16:15
  you
• 16:15
  can
• 16:15
  do
• 16:15
  today.
• 16:16
  Don't
• 16:16
  get
• 16:16
  overwhelmed
• 16:17
  about
• 16:17
  tomorrow
• 16:18
  or
• 16:18
  what
• 16:19
  you
• 16:19
  did
• 16:19
  yesterday.
• 16:20
  Just
• 16:20
  do
• 16:20
  what
• 16:20
  you
• 16:20
  can
• 16:20
  do
• 16:21
  today.
• 16:21
  I,
• 16:22
  I
• 16:22
  say
• 16:23
  that
• 16:23
  all
• 16:23
  the
• 16:23
  time.
• 16:23
  Just
• 16:23
  stay
• 16:23
  in
• 16:24
  the
• 16:24
  present.
• 16:24
  Because,
• 16:25
  like,
• 16:25
  people
• 16:25
  that
• 16:25
  are
• 16:26
  anxious
• 16:26
  or
• 16:26
  have
• 16:26
  anxiety
• 16:27
  or
• 16:27
  depression
• 16:28
  or
• 16:28
  whatever,
• 16:28
  it's
• 16:29
  like
• 16:29
  half
• 16:30
  of
• 16:30
  it
• 16:30
  is
• 16:30
  worrying
• 16:31
  about
• 16:31
  something
• 16:31
  that
• 16:32
  happened,
• 16:32
  you
• 16:32
  know,
• 16:32
  worrying
• 16:33
  about,
• 16:33
  right.
• 16:33
  What's
• 16:34
  going
• 16:34
  to
• 16:34
  happen
• 16:34
  because
• 16:35
  of
• 16:35
  something
• 16:35
  that
• 16:35
  happened
• 16:36
  in
• 16:36
  the
• 16:36
  past
• 16:36
  which
• 16:36
  you
• 16:36
  can't
• 16:37
  change,
• 16:37
  you
• 16:37
  can't
• 16:37
  do
• 16:37
  anything
• 16:38
  about.
• 16:38
  And
• 16:38
  then
• 16:38
  the
• 16:38
  other
• 16:39
  half
• 16:39
  is
• 16:40
  anticipatory
• 16:41
  fear,
• 16:42
  anger,
• 16:43
  anxiety
• 16:43
  about
• 16:43
  something
• 16:44
  that's
• 16:44
  going
• 16:44
  to
• 16:44
  happen
• 16:44
  in
• 16:45
  the
• 16:45
  future.
• 16:45
  And
• 16:46
  again,
• 16:46
  you
• 16:46
  can't,
• 16:47
  it's
• 16:47
  probably
• 16:47
  not
• 16:48
  going
• 16:48
  to.
• 16:48
  So
• 16:48
  I
• 16:49
  just
• 16:49
  stay
• 16:49
  right
• 16:49
  here
• 16:50
  and
• 16:50
  make
• 16:51
  the
• 16:51
  decisions
• 16:51
  and
• 16:52
  think
• 16:52
  about
• 16:52
  the
• 16:52
  things
• 16:52
  that
• 16:53
  you
• 16:53
  can
• 16:53
  change
• 16:54
  and
• 16:54
  you
• 16:54
  can
• 16:55
  control.
• 16:56
  And
• 16:56
  that
• 16:56
  is
• 16:56
  a
• 16:57
  lot
• 16:57
  of,
• 16:57
  like
• 16:57
  you
• 16:57
  said,
• 16:58
  is
• 16:58
  a
• 16:58
  lot
• 16:58
  of
• 16:58
  boundaries.
• 16:59
  Now,
• 16:59
  you
• 16:59
  worked
• 17:00
  with,
• 17:01
  you
• 17:01
  said
• 17:01
  you
• 17:02
  work,
• 17:02
  volunteer
• 17:03
  in
• 17:03
  the
• 17:03
  prison
• 17:04
  system,
• 17:04
  right?
• 17:06
  Yeah,
• 17:06
  and
• 17:06
  that's,
• 17:07
  that's.
• 17:07
  And
• 17:08
  you
• 17:08
  know,
• 17:08
  and
• 17:08
  here's
• 17:08
  the
• 17:09
  thing
• 17:09
  about
• 17:09
  that,
• 17:10
  all
• 17:10
  right,
• 17:10
  I,
• 17:11
  I
• 17:11
  always
• 17:11
  say
• 17:12
  I
• 17:12
  taught
• 17:12
  high
• 17:12
  school.
• 17:12
  I,
• 17:13
  I
• 17:13
  ain't
• 17:14
  afraid
• 17:14
  of
• 17:14
  nothing.
• 17:15
  Nobody
• 17:16
  scares
• 17:16
  me.
• 17:16
  And
• 17:16
  that's
• 17:17
  one
• 17:17
  reason
• 17:17
  I
• 17:17
  went
• 17:17
  into
• 17:17
  the
• 17:17
  prison
• 17:18
  because
• 17:18
  I
• 17:18
  thought,
• 17:18
  you
• 17:19
  know
• 17:19
  what?
• 17:20
  Nobody
• 17:21
  else
• 17:21
  has
• 17:21
  a
• 17:21
  lot
• 17:22
  of.
• 17:22
  Most
• 17:22
  other
• 17:22
  people
• 17:22
  don't
• 17:23
  have
• 17:23
  the
• 17:23
  experience
• 17:23
  I
• 17:24
  have
• 17:24
  because
• 17:24
  if
• 17:24
  you
• 17:24
  teach
• 17:25
  high
• 17:25
  school,
• 17:25
  you
• 17:26
  won't
• 17:26
  believe
• 17:26
  what
• 17:26
  you
• 17:27
  go
• 17:27
  through
• 17:28
  and
• 17:29
  what
• 17:29
  you
• 17:29
  deal
• 17:29
  with
• 17:30
  a
• 17:30
  lot
• 17:30
  of
• 17:31
  times.
• 17:31
  So
• 17:31
  I
• 17:32
  thought,
• 17:32
  you
• 17:32
  know
• 17:32
  what,
• 17:33
  I'm
• 17:33
  the
• 17:33
  person
• 17:34
  to
• 17:34
  go
• 17:34
  because
• 17:35
  I
• 17:35
  know
• 17:35
  the
• 17:36
  communication
• 17:36
  techniques,
• 17:37
  which
• 17:37
  is
• 17:37
  a
• 17:37
  lot
• 17:38
  of
• 17:38
  what
• 17:39
  I
• 17:39
  talk
• 17:39
  about
• 17:39
  in
• 17:40
  the
• 17:40
  book.
• 17:40
  The
• 17:40
  book
• 17:40
  talks
• 17:41
  about
• 17:41
  that,
• 17:41
  how
• 17:41
  to
• 17:41
  communicate.
• 17:42
  And
• 17:43
  just
• 17:43
  as
• 17:43
  an
• 17:44
  aside,
• 17:44
  you
• 17:44
  know,
• 17:44
  the
• 17:45
  book
• 17:45
  is
• 17:45
  five
• 17:45
  star
• 17:46
  rated.
• 17:46
  Yes,
• 17:46
  you
• 17:46
  can
• 17:47
  raise
• 17:47
  happy,
• 17:47
  responsible
• 17:48
  children
• 17:48
  on
• 17:48
  Amazon.
• 17:49
  And
• 17:49
  everyone
• 17:49
  who's
• 17:50
  read
• 17:50
  it
• 17:50
  has
• 17:50
  told
• 17:50
  me
• 17:51
  how
• 17:51
  it
• 17:51
  has
• 17:51
  helped
• 17:51
  them,
• 17:52
  not
• 17:52
  just
• 17:52
  with
• 17:52
  their
• 17:52
  children,
• 17:53
  but
• 17:53
  with
• 17:53
  adults,
• 17:54
  with
• 17:54
  their
• 17:54
  parents,
• 17:55
  with
• 17:55
  all
• 17:55
  kinds
• 17:56
  of
• 17:56
  people.
• 17:56
  So
• 17:57
  it
• 17:57
  has,
• 17:58
  it
• 17:58
  really
• 17:58
  resonates.
• 17:59
  And
• 17:59
  the
• 17:59
  information
• 18:00
  in
• 18:00
  that
• 18:00
  book
• 18:00
  is
• 18:00
  what
• 18:01
  helped
• 18:01
  me
• 18:01
  handle
• 18:02
  my
• 18:02
  students
• 18:02
  and
• 18:03
  to
• 18:03
  deal
• 18:03
  with
• 18:03
  the
• 18:03
  people
• 18:03
  in
• 18:04
  the
• 18:04
  jail
• 18:04
  and
• 18:05
  usually
• 18:05
  in
• 18:05
  the
• 18:05
  jail
• 18:07
  there's
• 18:07
  a
• 18:07
  lot
• 18:08
  of
• 18:09
  ego,
• 18:11
  ego
• 18:12
  needing
• 18:13
  A
• 18:13
  lot
• 18:13
  of
• 18:13
  people
• 18:13
  need
• 18:14
  somebody
• 18:14
  to
• 18:14
  say
• 18:15
  something
• 18:15
  positive.
• 18:16
  Right.
• 18:16
  I'm
• 18:17
  going
• 18:17
  to
• 18:17
  pause
• 18:17
  for
• 18:17
  just
• 18:17
  one
• 18:18
  second.
• 18:22
  Okay,
• 18:23
  so
• 18:23
  we're
• 18:24
  back.
• 18:24
  Took
• 18:24
  a
• 18:24
  little
• 18:25
  break
• 18:25
  there,
• 18:25
  but
• 18:26
  yeah,
• 18:27
  so,
• 18:28
  so
• 18:28
  continue
• 18:29
  on
• 18:29
  where
• 18:29
  you
• 18:29
  were
• 18:29
  talking
• 18:30
  about
• 18:30
  being
• 18:30
  in
• 18:30
  the
• 18:30
  prison.
• 18:31
  Yeah,
• 18:31
  so,
• 18:31
  so
• 18:31
  the
• 18:32
  prison
• 18:32
  is
• 18:32
  a
• 18:32
  really
• 18:32
  interesting,
• 18:34
  a
• 18:34
  very
• 18:34
  interesting
• 18:35
  place
• 18:35
  because
• 18:35
  people
• 18:36
  come
• 18:36
  for
• 18:36
  all
• 18:36
  kinds
• 18:37
  of
• 18:37
  different
• 18:37
  reasons.
• 18:38
  And
• 18:38
  I've
• 18:39
  met
• 18:39
  some
• 18:39
  really
• 18:39
  interesting
• 18:40
  women
• 18:40
  there.
• 18:41
  But,
• 18:41
  you
• 18:41
  know,
• 18:41
  let
• 18:41
  me
• 18:42
  tell
• 18:42
  you
• 18:42
  about
• 18:42
  one.
• 18:42
  She's
• 18:42
  been
• 18:43
  released
• 18:43
  since.
• 18:44
  In
• 18:44
  fact,
• 18:45
  I
• 18:45
  was
• 18:45
  very
• 18:45
  fortunate.
• 18:46
  I
• 18:47
  was
• 18:47
  able
• 18:47
  to
• 18:47
  have
• 18:47
  a
• 18:47
  lot
• 18:47
  of
• 18:48
  success
• 18:48
  in
• 18:48
  the
• 18:48
  prison.
• 18:48
  When
• 18:49
  the
• 18:49
  women
• 18:49
  got
• 18:49
  out,
• 18:49
  they
• 18:49
  stayed
• 18:50
  sober,
• 18:51
  drug
• 18:51
  free,
• 18:52
  and
• 18:52
  they
• 18:52
  went
• 18:53
  on
• 18:53
  to,
• 18:53
  you
• 18:53
  know,
• 18:54
  lead
• 18:55
  really
• 18:55
  positive
• 18:56
  lives.
• 18:56
  I
• 18:56
  have
• 18:56
  one
• 18:56
  woman,
• 18:57
  she
• 18:57
  was
• 18:57
  a
• 18:58
  meth
• 18:58
  addict
• 18:59
  and
• 18:59
  when
• 18:59
  she
• 18:59
  was
• 18:59
  in
• 18:59
  prison,
• 19:00
  she
• 19:00
  was
• 19:00
  pregnant.
• 19:01
  And
• 19:01
  so
• 19:01
  she
• 19:02
  said
• 19:02
  the
• 19:02
  minute
• 19:02
  she
• 19:03
  found
• 19:03
  out
• 19:03
  she
• 19:03
  was
• 19:03
  pregnant,
• 19:03
  she
• 19:04
  stopped
• 19:04
  taking
• 19:04
  all
• 19:04
  drugs.
• 19:06
  But
• 19:06
  then
• 19:06
  one
• 19:06
  day
• 19:07
  we
• 19:07
  were
• 19:07
  in,
• 19:07
  we
• 19:07
  were
• 19:08
  in
• 19:08
  our
• 19:08
  meeting
• 19:08
  and
• 19:09
  she
• 19:09
  was
• 19:09
  about,
• 19:09
  I
• 19:09
  don't
• 19:10
  know,
• 19:10
  five
• 19:10
  or
• 19:10
  six
• 19:10
  Months
• 19:10
  pregnant.
• 19:11
  And
• 19:11
  everybody
• 19:12
  was
• 19:12
  talking
• 19:12
  to
• 19:12
  her
• 19:12
  about
• 19:13
  how,
• 19:13
  oh
• 19:13
  my
• 19:13
  goodness,
• 19:14
  you're
• 19:14
  not
• 19:14
  going
• 19:14
  to
• 19:14
  get
• 19:14
  any
• 19:14
  sleep
• 19:15
  when
• 19:15
  that
• 19:15
  baby
• 19:15
  comes,
• 19:16
  blah,
• 19:16
  blah,
• 19:16
  blah.
• 19:16
  And
• 19:16
  she
• 19:17
  said,
• 19:17
  just
• 19:17
  as
• 19:17
  innocently
• 19:18
  as
• 19:18
  anything,
• 19:19
  Tammy,
• 19:20
  she
• 19:20
  said,
• 19:20
  yes,
• 19:20
  I
• 19:20
  know,
• 19:21
  that's
• 19:21
  why
• 19:21
  I'm
• 19:21
  going
• 19:21
  to
• 19:22
  have
• 19:22
  to
• 19:22
  go
• 19:22
  back
• 19:22
  on
• 19:22
  meth.
• 19:25
  I
• 19:25
  can
• 19:25
  laugh
• 19:25
  about
• 19:25
  it,
• 19:26
  but
• 19:26
  most
• 19:26
  people
• 19:26
  are
• 19:26
  like,
• 19:26
  what?
• 19:27
  What?
• 19:28
  But
• 19:28
  she
• 19:28
  really
• 19:29
  had
• 19:29
  that
• 19:29
  mindset.
• 19:30
  Well,
• 19:30
  of
• 19:30
  course,
• 19:30
  you
• 19:31
  know,
• 19:31
  all
• 19:31
  the
• 19:31
  other
• 19:31
  ladies
• 19:31
  in
• 19:32
  the
• 19:32
  jail
• 19:32
  said,
• 19:32
  oh,
• 19:33
  let's
• 19:33
  talk
• 19:33
  about
• 19:33
  this
• 19:34
  then.
• 19:34
  Anyway,
• 19:35
  so
• 19:35
  she
• 19:35
  came
• 19:35
  out
• 19:36
  and
• 19:36
  you
• 19:36
  know
• 19:36
  what
• 19:36
  was
• 19:36
  really
• 19:37
  interesting
• 19:37
  about?
• 19:39
  Just
• 19:39
  after
• 19:40
  she
• 19:40
  was
• 19:40
  released,
• 19:41
  her
• 19:41
  mother
• 19:41
  died.
• 19:42
  A
• 19:43
  month
• 19:43
  later,
• 19:44
  her
• 19:44
  father
• 19:44
  died.
• 19:46
  She
• 19:46
  stayed
• 19:47
  sober
• 19:47
  and
• 19:47
  drug
• 19:47
  free
• 19:48
  through
• 19:48
  all
• 19:48
  of
• 19:48
  it.
• 19:49
  Then,
• 19:50
  okay,
• 19:50
  so
• 19:50
  she
• 19:51
  had
• 19:51
  the
• 19:51
  first
• 19:51
  baby
• 19:51
  and
• 19:51
  she's
• 19:52
  an
• 19:52
  absolutely
• 19:53
  fabulous
• 19:53
  mother.
• 19:54
  And
• 19:54
  then
• 19:55
  now
• 19:55
  she's
• 19:55
  just
• 19:55
  had
• 19:55
  a
• 19:56
  second
• 19:56
  baby
• 19:56
  and
• 19:56
  just
• 19:57
  her
• 19:57
  family
• 19:57
  is
• 19:58
  so
• 19:58
  absolutely
• 19:59
  wonderful.
• 19:59
  You
• 20:00
  know,
• 20:00
  she
• 20:00
  was
• 20:00
  a
• 20:00
  woman
• 20:00
  filled
• 20:01
  with
• 20:01
  strength
• 20:02
  and
• 20:03
  skills
• 20:03
  and
• 20:03
  abilities.
• 20:04
  But
• 20:04
  of
• 20:05
  course,
• 20:05
  like
• 20:06
  too
• 20:06
  many
• 20:06
  of
• 20:06
  us,
• 20:07
  we
• 20:07
  never
• 20:07
  realize
• 20:08
  that
• 20:08
  because
• 20:08
  nobody
• 20:09
  tells
• 20:09
  us
• 20:09
  something
• 20:09
  positive.
• 20:10
  They
• 20:10
  always
• 20:11
  tell
• 20:11
  us
• 20:11
  what
• 20:11
  we
• 20:11
  do
• 20:12
  wrong.
• 20:12
  So,
• 20:13
  you
• 20:13
  know,
• 20:13
  that's
• 20:13
  just
• 20:13
  one
• 20:14
  of
• 20:14
  my
• 20:14
  positive
• 20:15
  stories.
• 20:15
  I
• 20:15
  had
• 20:15
  another
• 20:15
  woman,
• 20:16
  they
• 20:17
  were
• 20:17
  going
• 20:17
  to
• 20:17
  take
• 20:17
  her
• 20:17
  children
• 20:18
  away.
• 20:18
  And
• 20:18
  every
• 20:19
  time
• 20:19
  her
• 20:19
  mother
• 20:19
  had
• 20:20
  her
• 20:20
  children
• 20:20
  while
• 20:20
  she
• 20:20
  was
• 20:20
  in
• 20:21
  jail,
• 20:21
  and
• 20:21
  every
• 20:22
  time
• 20:22
  she
• 20:22
  called
• 20:22
  her
• 20:22
  mother,
• 20:23
  they
• 20:23
  would
• 20:23
  argue.
• 20:24
  So
• 20:24
  I
• 20:24
  told
• 20:24
  her,
• 20:25
  I
• 20:25
  said,
• 20:25
  you
• 20:25
  know
• 20:25
  what,
• 20:26
  you
• 20:26
  need
• 20:26
  to
• 20:27
  just
• 20:27
  listen.
• 20:27
  Don't
• 20:28
  defend
• 20:28
  yourself.
• 20:28
  Just
• 20:29
  listen
• 20:29
  to
• 20:29
  what
• 20:29
  your
• 20:29
  mother
• 20:30
  has
• 20:30
  to
• 20:30
  say.
• 20:30
  You
• 20:31
  don't
• 20:31
  have
• 20:31
  to
• 20:31
  agree
• 20:32
  nothing.
• 20:32
  Just
• 20:32
  listen.
• 20:34
  And
• 20:34
  she
• 20:34
  told
• 20:35
  me,
• 20:35
  like
• 20:35
  within
• 20:35
  a
• 20:35
  month,
• 20:36
  she
• 20:36
  said,
• 20:36
  oh,
• 20:36
  my
• 20:36
  goodness,
• 20:36
  our
• 20:37
  relationship
• 20:37
  has
• 20:37
  totally
• 20:38
  changed.
• 20:39
  And
• 20:39
  then
• 20:39
  two
• 20:39
  or
• 20:39
  three
• 20:39
  months
• 20:40
  later,
• 20:40
  she
• 20:40
  said,
• 20:40
  they're
• 20:41
  not
• 20:41
  going
• 20:41
  to
• 20:41
  take
• 20:41
  my
• 20:41
  children
• 20:42
  away
• 20:42
  anymore.
• 20:42
  They
• 20:42
  said,
• 20:43
  I've
• 20:43
  changed.
• 20:44
  Then
• 20:44
  she
• 20:44
  got
• 20:44
  out
• 20:45
  and
• 20:45
  she's
• 20:46
  a
• 20:46
  whole
• 20:46
  different
• 20:47
  human
• 20:47
  being.
• 20:47
  She's
• 20:47
  been
• 20:47
  out
• 20:48
  at
• 20:48
  least
• 20:48
  a
• 20:48
  year
• 20:48
  now,
• 20:48
  and
• 20:49
  she's
• 20:49
  really,
• 20:49
  really
• 20:49
  doing
• 20:50
  well.
• 20:50
  She
• 20:50
  has
• 20:50
  a
• 20:50
  job.
• 20:51
  You
• 20:51
  know,
• 20:51
  just.
• 20:52
  It's
• 20:52
  just
• 20:52
  these
• 20:52
  positive
• 20:53
  stories.
• 20:53
  Yesterday
• 20:54
  does
• 20:54
  not
• 20:54
  equal
• 20:54
  tomorrow.
• 20:55
  Exactly.
• 20:56
  Today,
• 20:57
  tomorrow
• 20:58
  will
• 20:58
  work
• 20:59
  out.
• 21:00
  And
• 21:00
  I
• 21:00
  try
• 21:00
  to
• 21:00
  tell
• 21:01
  people
• 21:01
  it
• 21:01
  doesn't
• 21:01
  matter
• 21:01
  how
• 21:02
  bad
• 21:02
  it
• 21:02
  seems,
• 21:02
  it
• 21:03
  can
• 21:03
  always
• 21:03
  get
• 21:04
  better.
• 21:04
  But
• 21:04
  you
• 21:04
  have
• 21:04
  to
• 21:05
  surround
• 21:05
  yourself
• 21:06
  with
• 21:06
  the
• 21:06
  people
• 21:06
  that
• 21:06
  are
• 21:07
  going
• 21:07
  to
• 21:07
  help
• 21:08
  you
• 21:08
  make
• 21:08
  it
• 21:08
  better.
• 21:08
  And
• 21:09
  you
• 21:09
  have
• 21:09
  to
• 21:09
  really
• 21:09
  look
• 21:10
  inside
• 21:10
  and
• 21:10
  stop
• 21:11
  looking
• 21:11
  for
• 21:11
  the
• 21:11
  outside
• 21:12
  people
• 21:12
  to
• 21:12
  make
• 21:12
  it
• 21:12
  better.
• 21:13
  Because
• 21:13
  at
• 21:13
  the
• 21:13
  end
• 21:14
  of
• 21:14
  the
• 21:14
  day,
• 21:14
  you're
• 21:14
  the
• 21:14
  only
• 21:14
  one
• 21:15
  that
• 21:15
  can
• 21:15
  make
• 21:15
  those
• 21:15
  choices.
• 21:16
  And
• 21:18
  I
• 21:18
  talk
• 21:18
  to
• 21:18
  people,
• 21:18
  especially,
• 21:19
  you
• 21:19
  know,
• 21:19
  I.
• 21:20
  I
• 21:20
  deal
• 21:20
  with
• 21:20
  a
• 21:20
  lot
• 21:21
  of
• 21:21
  people
• 21:21
  whose
• 21:21
  parents
• 21:22
  were
• 21:22
  alcoholics.
• 21:22
  Mine.
• 21:23
  Both
• 21:23
  of
• 21:23
  mine
• 21:23
  were
• 21:24
  alcoholics.
• 21:25
  My
• 21:25
  mom
• 21:25
  was
• 21:26
  a
• 21:26
  drug
• 21:26
  addict.
• 21:26
  And
• 21:27
  so,
• 21:28
  yeah,
• 21:29
  I
• 21:29
  came
• 21:29
  out
• 21:29
  with
• 21:29
  that,
• 21:30
  I
• 21:30
  can
• 21:30
  make
• 21:30
  the
• 21:30
  bad
• 21:30
  choice
• 21:31
  or
• 21:31
  I
• 21:31
  cannot.
• 21:32
  You
• 21:32
  know,
• 21:32
  and
• 21:32
  it
• 21:33
  really,
• 21:33
  it
• 21:33
  took
• 21:33
  me
• 21:34
  a
• 21:34
  while
• 21:34
  to
• 21:34
  actually
• 21:34
  see
• 21:35
  that
• 21:35
  it
• 21:36
  was
• 21:36
  all
• 21:36
  about
• 21:36
  my
• 21:36
  choices.
• 21:37
  It.
• 21:37
  I
• 21:37
  could.
• 21:38
  You
• 21:38
  have
• 21:38
  to
• 21:38
  stop.
• 21:39
  And
• 21:39
  no
• 21:39
  matter
• 21:39
  how
• 21:39
  hard
• 21:40
  it
• 21:40
  is,
• 21:40
  you
• 21:40
  have
• 21:40
  to
• 21:40
  stop
• 21:40
  and
• 21:41
  you
• 21:41
  have
• 21:41
  to
• 21:41
  look
• 21:41
  at
• 21:41
  your
• 21:41
  part
• 21:42
  in
• 21:42
  it.
• 21:42
  But
• 21:43
  you
• 21:43
  made
• 21:43
  a
• 21:43
  good
• 21:43
  point
• 21:44
  in
• 21:44
  the
• 21:44
  very
• 21:44
  beginning
• 21:45
  when
• 21:45
  we
• 21:45
  were
• 21:45
  talking
• 21:45
  about,
• 21:46
  and
• 21:47
  I
• 21:47
  say
• 21:48
  this
• 21:48
  on
• 21:48
  so
• 21:48
  many
• 21:48
  different
• 21:49
  podcasts
• 21:49
  that
• 21:50
  I'm
• 21:50
  on,
• 21:50
  is
• 21:51
  when
• 21:51
  you
• 21:51
  start
• 21:51
  looking
• 21:52
  at
• 21:52
  life
• 21:52
  as
• 21:52
  happening
• 21:53
  for
• 21:53
  you
• 21:53
  and
• 21:54
  not
• 21:54
  to
• 21:54
  you,
• 21:55
  you
• 21:55
  will
• 21:56
  make
• 21:56
  a
• 21:56
  major
• 21:57
  mind
• 21:58
  shift.
• 21:59
  You
• 21:59
  just,
• 21:59
  you
• 21:59
  do
• 22:00
  because
• 22:00
  you
• 22:01
  learn
• 22:01
  from
• 22:01
  the
• 22:01
  things
• 22:01
  I
• 22:02
  take.
• 22:02
  I
• 22:02
  use
• 22:02
  examples
• 22:03
  like
• 22:03
  a
• 22:03
  dui.
• 22:04
  I
• 22:04
  mean,
• 22:04
  people
• 22:04
  are
• 22:05
  in
• 22:05
  prison
• 22:05
  for
• 22:05
  just
• 22:06
  making
• 22:06
  one
• 22:06
  bad
• 22:07
  mistake
• 22:07
  sometimes
• 22:09
  one
• 22:09
  moment
• 22:10
  of
• 22:10
  lapse
• 22:10
  of
• 22:11
  judgment.
• 22:11
  And
• 22:12
  you,
• 22:12
  how
• 22:12
  many
• 22:13
  years
• 22:13
  do
• 22:13
  you
• 22:13
  spend
• 22:14
  beating
• 22:14
  yourself
• 22:14
  up
• 22:15
  about
• 22:15
  that
• 22:15
  and
• 22:16
  just
• 22:16
  going
• 22:17
  into
• 22:17
  this
• 22:17
  guilt.
• 22:18
  I
• 22:18
  call
• 22:18
  it
• 22:18
  that
• 22:19
  guilt
• 22:19
  spiral,
• 22:20
  where
• 22:20
  it
• 22:20
  just
• 22:20
  keeps
• 22:21
  going
• 22:21
  and
• 22:21
  going
• 22:21
  and
• 22:21
  going.
• 22:22
  And,
• 22:22
  you
• 22:23
  know,
• 22:23
  it's
• 22:23
  like,
• 22:23
  it's
• 22:24
  like
• 22:24
  the
• 22:24
  person
• 22:24
  that
• 22:24
  has
• 22:24
  no
• 22:25
  self
• 22:25
  esteem,
• 22:25
  they
• 22:25
  spill
• 22:26
  a
• 22:26
  glass
• 22:26
  of
• 22:26
  milk
• 22:27
  and
• 22:27
  you're
• 22:27
  like,
• 22:27
  oh,
• 22:27
  I'm
• 22:28
  so
• 22:29
  clumsy.
• 22:29
  And
• 22:30
  then
• 22:30
  it's
• 22:30
  like,
• 22:30
  oh,
• 22:30
  I
• 22:30
  suck.
• 22:31
  And
• 22:31
  then
• 22:31
  I'm
• 22:31
  like,
• 22:31
  I'm
• 22:31
  terrible.
• 22:32
  And
• 22:32
  by
• 22:32
  the
• 22:33
  time
• 22:33
  it's
• 22:33
  over,
• 22:33
  you're
• 22:34
  the
• 22:34
  worst
• 22:34
  person
• 22:34
  in
• 22:34
  the
• 22:34
  world
• 22:35
  for
• 22:35
  spilling
• 22:36
  milk.
• 22:37
  So
• 22:38
  it's
• 22:39
  like
• 22:39
  just
• 22:40
  nip
• 22:40
  it
• 22:40
  in
• 22:40
  the,
• 22:40
  you
• 22:40
  know,
• 22:41
  I,
• 22:41
  I
• 22:41
  use
• 22:42
  not.
• 22:43
  I
• 22:43
  mean,
• 22:43
  I
• 22:43
  have
• 22:43
  a
• 22:43
  very
• 22:44
  straightforward
• 22:44
  approach
• 22:45
  too,
• 22:45
  but
• 22:45
  it's
• 22:45
  like,
• 22:46
  you
• 22:46
  know,
• 22:46
  nip
• 22:46
  it
• 22:46
  in
• 22:47
  the
• 22:47
  bud,
• 22:47
  flip
• 22:48
  it.
• 22:49
  What
• 22:49
  did
• 22:49
  you
• 22:49
  learn
• 22:49
  from
• 22:49
  it?
• 22:50
  And
• 22:50
  what,
• 22:50
  what
• 22:51
  are
• 22:51
  you
• 22:51
  going
• 22:51
  to
• 22:51
  do
• 22:51
  about
• 22:51
  it?
• 22:52
  Not
• 22:53
  this
• 22:54
  woe
• 22:55
  is
• 22:55
  me
• 22:55
  and
• 22:56
  blaming
• 22:56
  someone
• 22:57
  else,
• 22:57
  because
• 22:58
  you
• 22:58
  either
• 22:58
  got
• 22:58
  to
• 22:58
  blame
• 22:58
  yourself,
• 22:58
  you
• 22:59
  got
• 22:59
  to
• 22:59
  blame
• 22:59
  somebody
• 23:00
  else.
• 23:01
  So
• 23:01
  instead
• 23:01
  of
• 23:02
  playing
• 23:03
  that
• 23:03
  game,
• 23:04
  and.
• 23:05
  That'S
• 23:05
  a
• 23:05
  really
• 23:05
  good
• 23:06
  statement
• 23:07
  because
• 23:08
  whenever
• 23:09
  I
• 23:09
  meet
• 23:09
  someone
• 23:09
  who
• 23:09
  blames
• 23:10
  everybody
• 23:10
  else
• 23:10
  for
• 23:10
  everything,
• 23:11
  and
• 23:12
  if
• 23:12
  I'm
• 23:12
  in
• 23:12
  an
• 23:12
  AA
• 23:13
  meeting
• 23:13
  or
• 23:13
  if
• 23:13
  I'm
• 23:14
  in
• 23:14
  a
• 23:14
  recovery
• 23:16
  experience,
• 23:16
  I
• 23:17
  know
• 23:17
  that
• 23:17
  that's
• 23:18
  the
• 23:18
  person
• 23:18
  that's
• 23:18
  going
• 23:18
  to
• 23:18
  relapse
• 23:19
  right
• 23:19
  away
• 23:20
  simply
• 23:20
  because
• 23:21
  they
• 23:21
  take
• 23:21
  no
• 23:21
  responsibility.
• 23:23
  Right.
• 23:23
  I
• 23:23
  don't.
• 23:23
  If
• 23:24
  I'm
• 23:24
  not
• 23:24
  going
• 23:24
  to
• 23:24
  take
• 23:24
  responsibility
• 23:25
  for
• 23:25
  my
• 23:25
  life,
• 23:26
  then
• 23:26
  I
• 23:26
  blame
• 23:26
  everybody
• 23:27
  else.
• 23:27
  Then
• 23:27
  everything
• 23:28
  is
• 23:28
  everybody
• 23:28
  else's
• 23:28
  fault.
• 23:29
  So
• 23:29
  if
• 23:29
  I
• 23:29
  go
• 23:29
  back
• 23:29
  to
• 23:30
  drinking
• 23:30
  and
• 23:30
  drugging
• 23:30
  and
• 23:30
  whatever,
• 23:31
  it's
• 23:31
  not
• 23:31
  my
• 23:32
  fault.
• 23:32
  Well,
• 23:33
  this
• 23:33
  happened.
• 23:33
  That
• 23:33
  happened.
• 23:34
  And,
• 23:35
  you
• 23:35
  know,
• 23:35
  I
• 23:35
  know
• 23:36
  my
• 23:36
  sponsor
• 23:37
  was
• 23:37
  killed
• 23:37
  by
• 23:37
  a
• 23:38
  drunk
• 23:38
  driver.
• 23:39
  And
• 23:39
  I
• 23:39
  knew
• 23:39
  him,
• 23:40
  he
• 23:40
  was
• 23:40
  a
• 23:40
  lovely
• 23:40
  young
• 23:41
  man.
• 23:41
  He
• 23:41
  was
• 23:41
  a
• 23:41
  lovely
• 23:42
  young
• 23:42
  man,
• 23:42
  but
• 23:43
  he
• 23:43
  decided
• 23:44
  he
• 23:44
  needed
• 23:44
  to
• 23:44
  drink
• 23:45
  more
• 23:45
  than,
• 23:45
  you
• 23:46
  know,
• 23:46
  to
• 23:46
  stay
• 23:46
  sober.
• 23:47
  And
• 23:47
  now
• 23:47
  she
• 23:48
  and
• 23:48
  her
• 23:48
  husband
• 23:48
  both
• 23:48
  were
• 23:49
  Killed
• 23:49
  in
• 23:49
  that
• 23:49
  accident.
• 23:50
  And
• 23:51
  I
• 23:51
  have
• 23:52
  a
• 23:52
  friend.
• 23:52
  Her
• 23:52
  sister
• 23:53
  just
• 23:53
  died
• 23:54
  of
• 23:54
  drinking.
• 23:55
  She.
• 23:56
  And
• 23:56
  it
• 23:56
  was.
• 23:56
  It
• 23:56
  was
• 23:57
  a.
• 23:57
  Not
• 23:57
  a
• 23:57
  good
• 23:57
  death.
• 23:58
  She
• 23:58
  had
• 23:58
  liver
• 23:59
  problems
• 23:59
  constantly
• 24:00
  with
• 24:00
  the
• 24:00
  water,
• 24:00
  you
• 24:01
  know,
• 24:01
  that
• 24:01
  the
• 24:01
  body,
• 24:02
  like,
• 24:02
  holds
• 24:02
  water.
• 24:03
  She
• 24:04
  was
• 24:04
  in
• 24:04
  the
• 24:04
  hospital
• 24:04
  for
• 24:05
  a
• 24:05
  month,
• 24:06
  and
• 24:06
  then
• 24:06
  the
• 24:06
  doctor.
• 24:07
  The
• 24:07
  doctor
• 24:07
  called
• 24:08
  my
• 24:08
  friend
• 24:08
  and
• 24:08
  said,
• 24:08
  you
• 24:09
  know,
• 24:09
  your
• 24:09
  sister's
• 24:09
  gonna
• 24:09
  die.
• 24:10
  You
• 24:10
  need
• 24:10
  to
• 24:10
  come
• 24:10
  to
• 24:10
  the
• 24:10
  hospital
• 24:10
  right
• 24:11
  away.
• 24:11
  Well,
• 24:12
  that
• 24:12
  was
• 24:12
  on
• 24:12
  a
• 24:12
  Tuesday,
• 24:12
  and
• 24:13
  the
• 24:13
  sister
• 24:13
  died
• 24:13
  on
• 24:14
  a.
• 24:15
  So
• 24:15
  it
• 24:15
  was
• 24:15
  just,
• 24:16
  you
• 24:16
  know,
• 24:16
  days
• 24:16
  of
• 24:16
  misery
• 24:17
  for
• 24:17
  everybody.
• 24:18
  And
• 24:19
  plus
• 24:19
  the
• 24:19
  time
• 24:20
  that
• 24:20
  she
• 24:20
  spent
• 24:20
  in
• 24:20
  the
• 24:21
  hospital
• 24:21
  constantly
• 24:22
  having
• 24:22
  to
• 24:22
  have
• 24:22
  this
• 24:23
  water
• 24:23
  removed
• 24:23
  from
• 24:24
  her,
• 24:24
  and
• 24:24
  it
• 24:24
  kept
• 24:24
  building
• 24:24
  and
• 24:25
  building.
• 24:25
  And
• 24:25
  that's
• 24:25
  what
• 24:26
  happens,
• 24:26
  I
• 24:26
  guess,
• 24:27
  at
• 24:27
  the
• 24:27
  end.
• 24:28
  So.
• 24:28
  Yes.
• 24:29
  And
• 24:29
  then
• 24:29
  I
• 24:29
  have
• 24:29
  another
• 24:30
  friend
• 24:30
  who
• 24:30
  was
• 24:30
  an
• 24:31
  intravenous
• 24:31
  drug
• 24:32
  user,
• 24:32
  and
• 24:32
  of
• 24:32
  course,
• 24:33
  his
• 24:33
  veins
• 24:33
  collapsed
• 24:34
  and
• 24:34
  he
• 24:34
  had
• 24:34
  all
• 24:34
  kinds
• 24:35
  of
• 24:35
  terrible
• 24:35
  problems
• 24:36
  from
• 24:37
  it.
• 24:37
  So.
• 24:37
  Yeah,
• 24:38
  you
• 24:38
  have
• 24:38
  to
• 24:38
  really
• 24:38
  think
• 24:38
  about
• 24:39
  your
• 24:39
  health
• 24:40
  and
• 24:40
  the
• 24:40
  future.
• 24:41
  And
• 24:41
  do
• 24:41
  you
• 24:41
  really
• 24:41
  want
• 24:42
  to
• 24:42
  spend
• 24:42
  the
• 24:42
  rest
• 24:42
  of
• 24:42
  your
• 24:43
  life
• 24:43
  in
• 24:43
  a
• 24:43
  hospital
• 24:43
  or
• 24:44
  in
• 24:44
  a
• 24:44
  nursing
• 24:45
  home
• 24:45
  or
• 24:45
  in
• 24:45
  a
• 24:45
  facility
• 24:46
  where
• 24:46
  you
• 24:46
  have
• 24:46
  to
• 24:46
  be
• 24:47
  cared
• 24:47
  for?
• 24:48
  Yeah.
• 24:49
  It's
• 24:49
  time
• 24:49
  to.
• 24:49
  It's
• 24:49
  time
• 24:49
  to
• 24:50
  get
• 24:50
  over
• 24:50
  your
• 24:50
  feelings.
• 24:50
  And
• 24:51
  I
• 24:51
  wrote
• 24:51
  a
• 24:51
  workbook,
• 24:51
  too.
• 24:52
  I
• 24:52
  made
• 24:52
  a
• 24:52
  workbook
• 24:52
  called
• 24:55
  Feel
• 24:55
  It,
• 24:56
  Face
• 24:56
  It,
• 24:56
  Free
• 24:57
  It.
• 24:57
  Because
• 24:58
  a
• 24:58
  lot
• 24:58
  of
• 24:58
  times,
• 24:58
  people
• 24:59
  just
• 24:59
  can't
• 24:59
  handle
• 25:00
  their
• 25:00
  feelings.
• 25:01
  No,
• 25:01
  yeah,
• 25:02
  I
• 25:02
  understand
• 25:02
  that
• 25:03
  completely.
• 25:03
  I
• 25:03
  couldn't
• 25:03
  handle
• 25:04
  my
• 25:04
  feelings
• 25:04
  for
• 25:04
  a
• 25:04
  long
• 25:04
  time.
• 25:05
  But
• 25:05
  you
• 25:05
  know
• 25:05
  what?
• 25:06
  Once
• 25:06
  you
• 25:06
  just.
• 25:06
  Just.
• 25:07
  You
• 25:07
  know
• 25:07
  what?
• 25:07
  I
• 25:07
  don't
• 25:07
  like
• 25:07
  this.
• 25:08
  That
• 25:08
  makes
• 25:08
  me
• 25:08
  sad.
• 25:09
  That
• 25:09
  makes
• 25:09
  me
• 25:10
  depressed.
• 25:10
  That
• 25:11
  I
• 25:11
  hate
• 25:12
  to
• 25:12
  think
• 25:12
  about
• 25:12
  that.
• 25:12
  Well,
• 25:13
  guess
• 25:13
  what?
• 25:13
  If
• 25:13
  you
• 25:14
  want
• 25:14
  to
• 25:14
  move
• 25:14
  on
• 25:14
  in
• 25:15
  life
• 25:15
  and
• 25:15
  be
• 25:16
  useful
• 25:16
  to
• 25:16
  other
• 25:16
  people,
• 25:17
  feel
• 25:18
  it,
• 25:18
  face
• 25:18
  it,
• 25:18
  free
• 25:18
  it,
• 25:19
  do
• 25:19
  it.
• 25:20
  Yeah.
• 25:20
  You
• 25:20
  have
• 25:20
  to.
• 25:21
  And
• 25:21
  it's.
• 25:21
  You're
• 25:22
  right.
• 25:22
  It
• 25:22
  is
• 25:22
  very
• 25:22
  hard
• 25:22
  because
• 25:23
  I
• 25:23
  remember
• 25:23
  the
• 25:23
  first
• 25:23
  time
• 25:23
  I
• 25:24
  went
• 25:24
  to
• 25:24
  a
• 25:24
  therapist,
• 25:24
  and
• 25:25
  I
• 25:25
  had
• 25:25
  had
• 25:25
  a
• 25:25
  horrible
• 25:25
  day,
• 25:26
  and
• 25:26
  she's
• 25:26
  like,
• 25:26
  well,
• 25:26
  how
• 25:26
  do
• 25:27
  you
• 25:27
  feel
• 25:27
  about
• 25:27
  that?
• 25:27
  And
• 25:27
  I
• 25:28
  was
• 25:28
  like,
• 25:28
  I
• 25:29
  don't.
• 25:31
  I
• 25:31
  was
• 25:32
  very
• 25:32
  good
• 25:32
  at
• 25:32
  not.
• 25:33
  You
• 25:33
  know.
• 25:33
  She's
• 25:33
  like,
• 25:33
  it
• 25:34
  doesn't
• 25:34
  make
• 25:34
  you
• 25:34
  mad?
• 25:34
  I'm
• 25:35
  like,
• 25:35
  no.
• 25:35
  Does
• 25:35
  it
• 25:36
  make
• 25:36
  you
• 25:36
  sad
• 25:36
  now?
• 25:37
  I
• 25:37
  was
• 25:37
  like,
• 25:38
  nothing.
• 25:39
  I
• 25:39
  mean,
• 25:39
  there.
• 25:40
  When
• 25:40
  you're
• 25:41
  in
• 25:42
  the
• 25:42
  beginning
• 25:42
  stages,
• 25:43
  literally,
• 25:43
  there's
• 25:44
  that
• 25:44
  stage
• 25:44
  of
• 25:45
  just
• 25:45
  complete
• 25:45
  numb.
• 25:46
  There
• 25:46
  are
• 25:46
  no.
• 25:47
  Like,
• 25:47
  you
• 25:47
  don't
• 25:47
  even
• 25:48
  understand.
• 25:48
  And
• 25:49
  that's
• 25:49
  what
• 25:49
  I
• 25:49
  tell
• 25:49
  people.
• 25:49
  It's
• 25:50
  like,
• 25:50
  you
• 25:50
  have
• 25:50
  to.
• 25:50
  Once
• 25:51
  you
• 25:51
  become
• 25:51
  aware,
• 25:51
  like,
• 25:52
  write
• 25:52
  it
• 25:52
  down.
• 25:52
  Like,
• 25:53
  what
• 25:53
  does
• 25:53
  that
• 25:53
  feel
• 25:53
  like?
• 25:54
  And
• 25:54
  then.
• 25:54
  Oh,
• 25:54
  I
• 25:55
  mean,
• 25:55
  I
• 25:55
  don't.
• 25:55
  I
• 25:56
  told
• 25:56
  one
• 25:56
  girl
• 25:56
  the
• 25:56
  other
• 25:56
  day,
• 25:57
  I
• 25:57
  was
• 25:57
  like,
• 25:57
  if
• 25:57
  you
• 25:57
  have
• 25:58
  to
• 25:58
  Google
• 25:58
  what
• 25:58
  is
• 25:59
  appropriate
• 25:59
  response
• 26:00
  to
• 26:00
  feeling
• 26:00
  sad
• 26:01
  because
• 26:01
  you
• 26:01
  finally
• 26:02
  voice
• 26:02
  the
• 26:02
  words,
• 26:03
  I
• 26:03
  feel
• 26:03
  sad.
• 26:04
  And
• 26:05
  you
• 26:05
  google.
• 26:05
  And
• 26:05
  she
• 26:05
  goes,
• 26:06
  I
• 26:06
  said,
• 26:06
  just
• 26:06
  google
• 26:06
  it.
• 26:07
  Just
• 26:07
  for
• 26:07
  fun.
• 26:07
  And
• 26:08
  they're
• 26:08
  like,
• 26:08
  oh,
• 26:08
  I'm
• 26:09
  supposed
• 26:09
  to
• 26:09
  cry.
• 26:09
  I
• 26:09
  can
• 26:09
  have
• 26:10
  a
• 26:10
  temper
• 26:11
  tantrum.
• 26:11
  I
• 26:11
  can
• 26:11
  stomp
• 26:12
  my
• 26:12
  feet,
• 26:12
  then
• 26:12
  do
• 26:13
  all
• 26:13
  those
• 26:13
  things,
• 26:14
  like,
• 26:14
  do
• 26:14
  them.
• 26:16
  But
• 26:16
  literally,
• 26:16
  it
• 26:16
  was
• 26:17
  like
• 26:17
  she.
• 26:17
  I
• 26:18
  mean,
• 26:18
  I
• 26:18
  know
• 26:19
  what
• 26:19
  it's
• 26:19
  like
• 26:19
  to
• 26:19
  not
• 26:19
  feel.
• 26:21
  And,
• 26:22
  yeah,
• 26:22
  you
• 26:22
  can't.
• 26:23
  You
• 26:23
  know,
• 26:23
  there's
• 26:24
  so
• 26:24
  many
• 26:24
  of
• 26:24
  those
• 26:24
  sayings.
• 26:25
  You
• 26:25
  can't
• 26:25
  heal
• 26:26
  till
• 26:26
  you
• 26:26
  feel.
• 26:26
  You
• 26:27
  can't
• 26:27
  deal
• 26:27
  till
• 26:27
  you
• 26:28
  feel.
• 26:28
  You
• 26:28
  know,
• 26:28
  all
• 26:28
  of
• 26:29
  those
• 26:29
  things.
• 26:29
  And
• 26:29
  you're
• 26:30
  right.
• 26:30
  It's
• 26:31
  the
• 26:31
  very
• 26:31
  first
• 26:31
  step.
• 26:32
  And
• 26:33
  it's
• 26:33
  that
• 26:33
  awareness
• 26:34
  is
• 26:34
  the
• 26:34
  very,
• 26:34
  you
• 26:35
  know,
• 26:35
  just
• 26:35
  becoming
• 26:35
  aware
• 26:36
  and
• 26:36
  also
• 26:37
  being
• 26:37
  aware
• 26:37
  of
• 26:37
  the
• 26:37
  responsibility
• 26:38
  part
• 26:38
  of
• 26:39
  it.
• 26:39
  You
• 26:40
  know,
• 26:40
  I
• 26:41
  did
• 26:41
  exactly
• 26:41
  what
• 26:41
  I
• 26:42
  thought
• 26:42
  I
• 26:42
  was
• 26:42
  supposed
• 26:43
  to
• 26:43
  do.
• 26:43
  And.
• 26:44
  And
• 26:44
  I
• 26:44
  heard
• 26:44
  my
• 26:45
  whole
• 26:45
  life,
• 26:45
  oh,
• 26:45
  you'll
• 26:45
  never
• 26:46
  be
• 26:46
  more
• 26:46
  than
• 26:46
  this
• 26:46
  because
• 26:47
  of
• 26:47
  this
• 26:47
  and
• 26:47
  because
• 26:47
  of
• 26:48
  that
• 26:48
  and
• 26:48
  because
• 26:48
  of
• 26:48
  this.
• 26:48
  And
• 26:49
  did
• 26:49
  I
• 26:49
  make
• 26:49
  bad
• 26:49
  choices?
• 26:50
  Yeah,
• 26:50
  I
• 26:50
  did.
• 26:51
  But
• 26:52
  it
• 26:52
  wasn't
• 26:52
  until
• 26:52
  I
• 26:52
  was
• 26:53
  like,
• 26:53
  oh,
• 26:54
  okay,
• 26:54
  so
• 26:55
  I'm
• 26:55
  pretty
• 26:55
  messed
• 26:55
  up
• 26:56
  that
• 26:56
  you
• 26:57
  have
• 26:57
  to
• 26:57
  take
• 26:58
  responsibility.
• 27:01
  Sorry,
• 27:01
  my
• 27:01
  dog
• 27:01
  is
• 27:01
  barking.
• 27:02
  Nobody
• 27:03
  else
• 27:03
  will,
• 27:04
  right?
• 27:05
  Absolutely.
• 27:06
  Absolutely.
• 27:07
  So
• 27:08
  talk
• 27:08
  about.
• 27:08
  So
• 27:09
  if
• 27:09
  you
• 27:09
  had
• 27:09
  to
• 27:09
  give
• 27:10
  somebody
• 27:10
  one
• 27:10
  tip,
• 27:11
  if
• 27:11
  you're
• 27:11
  in
• 27:12
  that,
• 27:12
  like,
• 27:12
  because
• 27:12
  you
• 27:13
  definitely
• 27:13
  have
• 27:13
  a
• 27:13
  no
• 27:14
  nonsense,
• 27:15
  no
• 27:16
  beating
• 27:17
  around
• 27:17
  the
• 27:17
  bush
• 27:17
  approach,
• 27:18
  what
• 27:19
  would
• 27:19
  be
• 27:19
  your
• 27:19
  first
• 27:19
  step
• 27:20
  for
• 27:20
  people
• 27:20
  that
• 27:20
  are
• 27:20
  like,
• 27:21
  wow,
• 27:21
  that
• 27:21
  hit
• 27:21
  home,
• 27:22
  or,
• 27:23
  you
• 27:23
  know,
• 27:24
  there's
• 27:24
  a
• 27:24
  lot
• 27:24
  of
• 27:24
  people
• 27:25
  out
• 27:25
  there
• 27:25
  listening
• 27:25
  right
• 27:25
  now
• 27:26
  that
• 27:26
  are
• 27:26
  just.
• 27:27
  Their
• 27:27
  stomach
• 27:27
  is
• 27:28
  in
• 27:28
  a
• 27:28
  knot
• 27:29
  because
• 27:29
  they're
• 27:29
  like,
• 27:29
  how
• 27:29
  do
• 27:30
  I
• 27:30
  start?
• 27:30
  How
• 27:31
  do
• 27:31
  I
• 27:31
  do
• 27:31
  this?
• 27:32
  How
• 27:32
  do
• 27:33
  you
• 27:33
  start?
• 27:33
  Okay,
• 27:33
  well,
• 27:34
  one
• 27:34
  day
• 27:34
  at
• 27:35
  a
• 27:35
  time.
• 27:36
  You
• 27:36
  know,
• 27:37
  whatever
• 27:38
  you
• 27:38
  did
• 27:38
  yesterday,
• 27:39
  if
• 27:39
  you
• 27:39
  need
• 27:39
  to
• 27:40
  pay
• 27:40
  back
• 27:40
  money
• 27:40
  or
• 27:41
  apologize
• 27:41
  or
• 27:41
  whatever,
• 27:42
  you
• 27:42
  don't
• 27:43
  need
• 27:43
  to
• 27:43
  do
• 27:43
  that
• 27:43
  today.
• 27:44
  You
• 27:44
  can
• 27:44
  start
• 27:45
  making
• 27:45
  a
• 27:45
  plan.
• 27:46
  But
• 27:46
  don't
• 27:46
  worry
• 27:46
  about
• 27:47
  that
• 27:47
  today.
• 27:48
  What
• 27:48
  can
• 27:48
  you
• 27:49
  do
• 27:49
  today
• 27:49
  to
• 27:50
  be
• 27:50
  a
• 27:50
  good
• 27:50
  person?
• 27:50
  So
• 27:51
  let's
• 27:51
  say
• 27:51
  you
• 27:51
  yell
• 27:51
  at
• 27:52
  your
• 27:52
  kids.
• 27:52
  Used
• 27:52
  to
• 27:52
  yell
• 27:53
  at
• 27:53
  your
• 27:53
  kids.
• 27:53
  All
• 27:53
  right?
• 27:53
  So
• 27:54
  today
• 27:54
  you
• 27:54
  say
• 27:54
  to
• 27:54
  yourself,
• 27:55
  you
• 27:55
  know
• 27:55
  what?
• 27:56
  I
• 27:56
  don't
• 27:56
  care
• 27:56
  how
• 27:56
  many
• 27:56
  times
• 27:57
  so.
• 27:57
  And
• 27:57
  so
• 27:58
  today
• 27:58
  I'm
• 27:58
  going
• 27:59
  to
• 27:59
  stay
• 27:59
  calm.
• 27:59
  I'm
• 27:59
  going
• 27:59
  to
• 27:59
  count
• 28:00
  to
• 28:00
  10,
• 28:00
  make
• 28:01
  a
• 28:01
  plan.
• 28:01
  Make
• 28:01
  a
• 28:01
  plan.
• 28:02
  It's
• 28:02
  not
• 28:02
  going
• 28:02
  to
• 28:02
  be
• 28:02
  perfect,
• 28:03
  and
• 28:03
  of
• 28:03
  course
• 28:03
  you're
• 28:03
  going
• 28:03
  to
• 28:04
  make
• 28:04
  mistakes,
• 28:04
  but
• 28:05
  start
• 28:05
  making
• 28:05
  a
• 28:05
  plan
• 28:06
  to
• 28:06
  do
• 28:06
  the
• 28:07
  right
• 28:07
  thing,
• 28:08
  to
• 28:08
  do
• 28:08
  the
• 28:08
  thing
• 28:08
  that
• 28:09
  you
• 28:09
  know
• 28:09
  will
• 28:09
  make
• 28:09
  you
• 28:10
  feel
• 28:10
  better
• 28:10
  about
• 28:10
  yourself.
• 28:11
  So
• 28:11
  whatever
• 28:12
  that
• 28:12
  is,
• 28:12
  you
• 28:12
  need
• 28:12
  to
• 28:12
  start
• 28:13
  doing
• 28:13
  that
• 28:13
  and
• 28:13
  just
• 28:14
  worry
• 28:14
  about
• 28:14
  doing
• 28:14
  the
• 28:15
  right
• 28:15
  thing
• 28:15
  today.
• 28:15
  Tomorrow's
• 28:16
  going
• 28:16
  to
• 28:16
  take
• 28:16
  care
• 28:16
  of
• 28:16
  itself,
• 28:17
  and
• 28:17
  so
• 28:17
  will
• 28:17
  yesterday.
• 28:18
  I
• 28:18
  recommend
• 28:19
  aa.
• 28:19
  I
• 28:20
  go
• 28:20
  to
• 28:20
  aa.
• 28:20
  They
• 28:21
  have
• 28:21
  online
• 28:21
  meetings.
• 28:21
  If
• 28:22
  you
• 28:22
  have
• 28:22
  substance
• 28:23
  abuse
• 28:23
  problems,
• 28:24
  alcohol,
• 28:24
  AA
• 28:25
  and
• 28:25
  NA
• 28:26
  for
• 28:26
  drug.
• 28:27
  But
• 28:27
  you
• 28:27
  know
• 28:27
  what?
• 28:27
  Just
• 28:27
  start
• 28:28
  doing
• 28:28
  something
• 28:28
  in
• 28:29
  that.
• 28:29
  In.
• 28:29
  In
• 28:30
  that
• 28:30
  way,
• 28:30
  in
• 28:30
  that.
• 28:31
  Towards
• 28:32
  the
• 28:32
  direction
• 28:33
  of
• 28:33
  what
• 28:33
  you
• 28:33
  want.
• 28:33
  And
• 28:34
  most
• 28:34
  people
• 28:35
  aren't
• 28:36
  living,
• 28:36
  you
• 28:36
  know,
• 28:37
  do
• 28:37
  you
• 28:37
  want
• 28:37
  to
• 28:37
  take
• 28:38
  guitar
• 28:38
  lessons?
• 28:38
  Do
• 28:39
  you
• 28:39
  want
• 28:39
  to
• 28:39
  take
• 28:39
  piano?
• 28:39
  Do
• 28:40
  you
• 28:40
  want
• 28:40
  to
• 28:40
  do
• 28:41
  some
• 28:41
  hobbies?
• 28:41
  What
• 28:42
  are
• 28:42
  some
• 28:42
  things
• 28:42
  that
• 28:42
  you're
• 28:42
  keeping
• 28:43
  yourself
• 28:43
  from
• 28:43
  doing
• 28:44
  that
• 28:44
  you
• 28:44
  really
• 28:44
  want
• 28:44
  to
• 28:44
  do?
• 28:45
  That?
• 28:45
  You
• 28:45
  think
• 28:45
  I'm
• 28:46
  not
• 28:46
  good
• 28:46
  enough?
• 28:46
  I
• 28:47
  took
• 28:47
  piano
• 28:47
  lessons
• 28:47
  at
• 28:48
  62.
• 28:49
  First
• 28:49
  time
• 28:49
  in
• 28:49
  my
• 28:49
  life.
• 28:50
  You
• 28:51
  know,
• 28:51
  start
• 28:51
  doing
• 28:51
  the
• 28:51
  things
• 28:52
  that
• 28:52
  you're
• 28:52
  afraid
• 28:52
  of.
• 28:52
  Start
• 28:53
  asking
• 28:54
  the
• 28:54
  questions.
• 28:55
  Start
• 28:55
  asking
• 28:55
  people,
• 28:55
  like
• 28:56
  you
• 28:56
  said,
• 28:56
  go
• 28:56
  to
• 28:56
  a
• 28:56
  restaurant
• 28:57
  and
• 28:57
  ask
• 28:57
  for
• 28:57
  something
• 28:57
  that's
• 28:58
  not
• 28:58
  on
• 28:58
  the
• 28:58
  menu.
• 28:59
  Ask
• 28:59
  them
• 28:59
  what
• 28:59
  they
• 29:00
  cook
• 29:00
  their
• 29:00
  food
• 29:00
  in.
• 29:01
  Ask,
• 29:01
  you
• 29:01
  know,
• 29:01
  start.
• 29:02
  Start
• 29:02
  being
• 29:02
  a
• 29:02
  little
• 29:02
  bolder.
• 29:03
  Start
• 29:03
  making
• 29:04
  those
• 29:04
  movements.
• 29:04
  Because
• 29:06
  guess
• 29:06
  what?
• 29:07
  We're
• 29:07
  all
• 29:07
  growing
• 29:07
  older,
• 29:08
  and
• 29:08
  if
• 29:09
  we're
• 29:09
  lucky,
• 29:10
  we're
• 29:10
  going
• 29:10
  to
• 29:10
  have
• 29:11
  nice,
• 29:11
  long,
• 29:11
  happy
• 29:12
  lives.
• 29:12
  But
• 29:13
  today's
• 29:13
  the
• 29:13
  day
• 29:13
  to
• 29:13
  start
• 29:14
  doing
• 29:14
  the
• 29:14
  things
• 29:14
  to
• 29:15
  improve
• 29:15
  our
• 29:15
  health,
• 29:15
  improve
• 29:16
  our
• 29:16
  mental
• 29:16
  health,
• 29:17
  improve
• 29:17
  our
• 29:18
  family
• 29:18
  lives.
• 29:20
  Absolutely.
• 29:20
  And
• 29:21
  like
• 29:21
  you
• 29:21
  said,
• 29:21
  do
• 29:22
  something.
• 29:22
  Do
• 29:22
  something
• 29:22
  for
• 29:23
  you.
• 29:24
  And
• 29:24
  if
• 29:24
  you
• 29:24
  don't
• 29:24
  know
• 29:24
  what
• 29:24
  that
• 29:25
  is,
• 29:25
  try
• 29:25
  different
• 29:25
  things.
• 29:26
  I
• 29:26
  told,
• 29:27
  you
• 29:27
  know,
• 29:27
  I
• 29:27
  told
• 29:27
  a
• 29:27
  girl
• 29:27
  yesterday
• 29:28
  because
• 29:28
  she's
• 29:28
  like,
• 29:28
  I
• 29:28
  don't
• 29:29
  even
• 29:29
  know
• 29:29
  what
• 29:29
  I
• 29:29
  like
• 29:29
  anymore.
• 29:30
  I
• 29:30
  don't
• 29:30
  know
• 29:30
  what
• 29:30
  I
• 29:30
  like
• 29:31
  to
• 29:31
  do.
• 29:31
  I've
• 29:31
  been
• 29:31
  raising
• 29:31
  kids
• 29:32
  for
• 29:32
  14
• 29:32
  years,
• 29:33
  and
• 29:33
  I.
• 29:33
  I'm
• 29:33
  so
• 29:34
  wrapped
• 29:34
  around
• 29:34
  my
• 29:34
  child
• 29:35
  and
• 29:35
  my
• 29:35
  husband
• 29:35
  and
• 29:35
  blah,
• 29:36
  blah,
• 29:36
  blah.
• 29:36
  I
• 29:37
  said,
• 29:37
  close
• 29:37
  your
• 29:37
  eyes
• 29:38
  and
• 29:38
  picture
• 29:38
  what
• 29:38
  the
• 29:39
  perfect
• 29:39
  day
• 29:39
  would
• 29:39
  be.
• 29:39
  And
• 29:40
  she's
• 29:40
  like,
• 29:40
  it
• 29:40
  would
• 29:40
  be
• 29:40
  literally
• 29:41
  sitting
• 29:41
  on
• 29:41
  the
• 29:42
  beach.
• 29:42
  I
• 29:42
  said,
• 29:42
  how
• 29:42
  far
• 29:42
  away
• 29:43
  is
• 29:43
  the
• 29:43
  beach?
• 29:43
  She
• 29:43
  said,
• 29:43
  40
• 29:44
  minutes.
• 29:44
  I
• 29:44
  said,
• 29:44
  get
• 29:44
  in
• 29:45
  your
• 29:45
  car
• 29:45
  and
• 29:45
  go.
• 29:46
  Wow.
• 29:47
  Just
• 29:47
  go.
• 29:49
  So
• 29:49
  close,
• 29:49
  but
• 29:49
  so
• 29:50
  far.
• 29:50
  But
• 29:51
  so
• 29:51
  far.
• 29:51
  And.
• 29:51
  And
• 29:52
  I
• 29:52
  was
• 29:52
  like,
• 29:52
  how
• 29:52
  long
• 29:53
  have
• 29:53
  you
• 29:53
  lived?
• 29:53
  40
• 29:53
  minutes
• 29:54
  from
• 29:54
  the
• 29:54
  beach?
• 29:54
  And
• 29:54
  she's
• 29:55
  like,
• 29:55
  six
• 29:55
  years.
• 29:55
  I
• 29:56
  said,
• 29:56
  how
• 29:56
  many
• 29:56
  times
• 29:56
  have
• 29:56
  you
• 29:56
  gone?
• 29:57
  And
• 29:57
  she's
• 29:57
  like,
• 29:57
  three.
• 29:58
  I
• 29:59
  said,
• 29:59
  well,
• 29:59
  that's
• 29:59
  gotta
• 30:00
  stop,
• 30:00
  right?
• 30:00
  You
• 30:00
  know,
• 30:00
  like,
• 30:01
  it's
• 30:01
  so.
• 30:02
  But
• 30:03
  if
• 30:03
  you
• 30:03
  don't,
• 30:03
  you
• 30:04
  know.
• 30:04
  And
• 30:04
  she's
• 30:04
  like,
• 30:04
  well,
• 30:05
  I
• 30:05
  used
• 30:05
  to
• 30:05
  love
• 30:05
  arts
• 30:05
  and
• 30:05
  crafts,
• 30:06
  and
• 30:06
  now
• 30:06
  it
• 30:06
  just
• 30:07
  irritates
• 30:07
  me.
• 30:08
  And
• 30:08
  I'm
• 30:08
  like,
• 30:08
  well,
• 30:08
  find
• 30:09
  out
• 30:09
  what.
• 30:09
  What
• 30:09
  irritates
• 30:10
  it
• 30:10
  about,
• 30:10
  you
• 30:11
  know,
• 30:11
  what
• 30:11
  irritates
• 30:11
  you?
• 30:12
  And
• 30:12
  she's
• 30:12
  like,
• 30:12
  I
• 30:12
  just
• 30:12
  has
• 30:13
  to
• 30:13
  be
• 30:13
  perfect.
• 30:13
  Well,
• 30:13
  then
• 30:14
  we're
• 30:14
  gonna
• 30:14
  work
• 30:14
  on
• 30:14
  letting
• 30:15
  go
• 30:15
  of
• 30:15
  that,
• 30:15
  because
• 30:17
  what
• 30:17
  makes
• 30:18
  you
• 30:18
  happy?
• 30:18
  Just
• 30:19
  for
• 30:19
  a
• 30:19
  few,
• 30:19
  even
• 30:20
  sometimes
• 30:20
  one
• 30:21
  to
• 30:21
  three
• 30:21
  minutes.
• 30:21
  A
• 30:22
  day,
• 30:23
  if
• 30:23
  that's
• 30:23
  where
• 30:23
  you
• 30:23
  got
• 30:24
  to
• 30:24
  start,
• 30:25
  you
• 30:26
  know.
• 30:26
  You
• 30:26
  know,
• 30:26
  I
• 30:26
  read,
• 30:27
  I
• 30:27
  read
• 30:27
  the
• 30:27
  Bible
• 30:27
  ten
• 30:28
  minutes
• 30:28
  a
• 30:28
  day
• 30:28
  because,
• 30:29
  you
• 30:29
  know,
• 30:29
  Bible
• 30:29
  is
• 30:30
  pretty
• 30:30
  tough.
• 30:30
  And
• 30:30
  I'm
• 30:31
  so
• 30:31
  I
• 30:31
  set
• 30:32
  a
• 30:32
  timer.
• 30:32
  I
• 30:32
  set
• 30:33
  a
• 30:33
  timer
• 30:33
  and
• 30:33
  I
• 30:33
  said,
• 30:34
  okay,
• 30:34
  you
• 30:34
  have
• 30:34
  to
• 30:34
  read
• 30:34
  for
• 30:35
  10
• 30:35
  minutes.
• 30:35
  You
• 30:35
  can
• 30:36
  read
• 30:36
  more
• 30:36
  if
• 30:36
  you
• 30:36
  want,
• 30:36
  but
• 30:37
  never
• 30:37
  less.
• 30:38
  Right.
• 30:38
  And
• 30:38
  it
• 30:39
  took
• 30:39
  me
• 30:39
  a
• 30:39
  year,
• 30:39
  but
• 30:39
  I
• 30:39
  did
• 30:40
  it.
• 30:40
  Yeah,
• 30:41
  it's
• 30:41
  like
• 30:41
  some
• 30:42
  people
• 30:42
  say,
• 30:42
  you
• 30:42
  know,
• 30:42
  I
• 30:42
  don't
• 30:43
  like
• 30:43
  to
• 30:43
  journal.
• 30:43
  Well,
• 30:44
  just
• 30:44
  do
• 30:44
  one
• 30:44
  sentence.
• 30:46
  Yeah,
• 30:47
  just
• 30:47
  do
• 30:47
  one
• 30:47
  sentence
• 30:48
  and
• 30:48
  then
• 30:48
  the
• 30:48
  next
• 30:48
  day
• 30:49
  try
• 30:49
  two.
• 30:49
  And
• 30:49
  eventually
• 30:50
  before
• 30:50
  you
• 30:51
  know
• 30:51
  it,
• 30:51
  you're
• 30:51
  going
• 30:51
  to
• 30:51
  be
• 30:51
  word
• 30:51
  vomiting
• 30:52
  and
• 30:52
  have
• 30:52
  pages
• 30:53
  of
• 30:53
  stuff
• 30:53
  that
• 30:53
  you
• 30:53
  never
• 30:54
  even
• 30:54
  expected.
• 30:55
  But
• 30:56
  just,
• 30:56
  just
• 30:56
  start
• 30:57
  just
• 30:58
  one
• 30:58
  foot
• 30:59
  forward
• 31:00
  and
• 31:00
  don't
• 31:01
  expect
• 31:01
  it
• 31:01
  to
• 31:01
  happen.
• 31:01
  Don't
• 31:02
  expect,
• 31:02
  you
• 31:03
  know,
• 31:03
  like
• 31:03
  you
• 31:03
  said,
• 31:03
  don't
• 31:04
  expect
• 31:04
  to
• 31:05
  go
• 31:05
  from,
• 31:05
  oh,
• 31:06
  I'd
• 31:06
  really
• 31:06
  like
• 31:06
  to
• 31:06
  journal
• 31:07
  because
• 31:07
  I
• 31:07
  know
• 31:07
  that
• 31:08
  will
• 31:08
  release
• 31:08
  some
• 31:09
  of
• 31:09
  this
• 31:09
  stuff
• 31:09
  from
• 31:09
  my
• 31:09
  body
• 31:10
  and
• 31:10
  expect
• 31:10
  to,
• 31:11
  to
• 31:11
  write
• 31:11
  a
• 31:11
  novel
• 31:12
  in
• 31:12
  three
• 31:12
  weeks.
• 31:13
  You
• 31:13
  know,
• 31:13
  just
• 31:14
  take
• 31:15
  it
• 31:15
  one
• 31:15
  day
• 31:15
  like
• 31:15
  you
• 31:16
  said,
• 31:16
  one
• 31:16
  day
• 31:16
  at
• 31:16
  a
• 31:16
  time.
• 31:17
  And
• 31:17
  if
• 31:17
  you're
• 31:17
  listening.
• 31:18
  And
• 31:18
  a
• 31:18
  lot
• 31:18
  of
• 31:18
  these,
• 31:19
  a
• 31:19
  lot
• 31:19
  of
• 31:19
  people,
• 31:20
  I
• 31:20
  know,
• 31:20
  a
• 31:20
  lot
• 31:20
  of
• 31:20
  the
• 31:21
  audience
• 31:21
  here
• 31:21
  is
• 31:22
  they
• 31:23
  had
• 31:23
  the
• 31:23
  parents
• 31:24
  and
• 31:24
  they
• 31:24
  didn't,
• 31:25
  you
• 31:26
  know,
• 31:26
  they
• 31:26
  didn't
• 31:26
  be
• 31:27
  turned
• 31:27
  to
• 31:27
  drugs
• 31:28
  and
• 31:28
  alcohol
• 31:28
  themselves.
• 31:29
  There's,
• 31:29
  there's,
• 31:30
  there's
• 31:30
  a
• 31:30
  group
• 31:31
  for
• 31:31
  absolutely
• 31:31
  everything
• 31:32
  you
• 31:32
  think
• 31:32
  you're
• 31:32
  struggling
• 31:33
  with.
• 31:33
  I,
• 31:34
  I
• 31:34
  don't
• 31:34
  even
• 31:34
  know
• 31:34
  how
• 31:34
  many,
• 31:35
  12
• 31:35
  step
• 31:35
  groups.
• 31:35
  There
• 31:36
  are
• 31:36
  probably
• 31:36
  hundreds.
• 31:37
  But
• 31:37
  there's,
• 31:38
  you
• 31:38
  know,
• 31:38
  Gamblers
• 31:39
  Anonymous
• 31:39
  and
• 31:40
  there's
• 31:40
  overeaters
• 31:41
  and
• 31:41
  there's
• 31:41
  overspenders
• 31:42
  and
• 31:42
  there's
• 31:42
  debtors
• 31:43
  and
• 31:43
  there's.
• 31:44
  Oh
• 31:44
  my
• 31:44
  gosh,
• 31:44
  there's
• 31:45
  so
• 31:45
  many.
• 31:46
  Like
• 31:46
  I.
• 31:46
  You
• 31:47
  went
• 31:47
  to
• 31:47
  Al
• 31:47
  Anon.
• 31:47
  I
• 31:47
  went
• 31:48
  to
• 31:48
  Al
• 31:48
  Anon
• 31:48
  for
• 31:48
  a
• 31:48
  long
• 31:49
  time
• 31:49
  and
• 31:49
  then
• 31:49
  it
• 31:49
  was,
• 31:50
  I
• 31:50
  needed
• 31:51
  a
• 31:51
  little
• 31:51
  bit
• 31:51
  more.
• 31:51
  So
• 31:52
  I
• 31:52
  started
• 31:52
  with
• 31:52
  the
• 31:52
  aca,
• 31:53
  which
• 31:54
  is
• 31:54
  the
• 31:54
  adult
• 31:54
  children,
• 31:54
  you
• 31:55
  know,
• 31:55
  and
• 31:55
  that
• 31:55
  kind
• 31:55
  of,
• 31:56
  to
• 31:56
  me,
• 31:56
  just
• 31:57
  a
• 31:57
  little
• 31:57
  deeper
• 31:58
  or.
• 31:58
  And
• 31:59
  it
• 31:59
  also,
• 31:59
  I
• 31:59
  wasn't
• 32:00
  experiencing
• 32:01
  the,
• 32:01
  the
• 32:01
  relationships
• 32:02
  at
• 32:02
  that
• 32:02
  moment.
• 32:03
  So
• 32:03
  to
• 32:04
  me
• 32:04
  it
• 32:04
  was
• 32:04
  like,
• 32:04
  okay,
• 32:05
  let
• 32:05
  me
• 32:05
  go
• 32:05
  back
• 32:06
  a
• 32:06
  little
• 32:06
  bit,
• 32:06
  backtrack.
• 32:07
  But
• 32:07
  there's
• 32:08
  so
• 32:08
  many
• 32:08
  different
• 32:08
  group
• 32:09
  groups
• 32:09
  and
• 32:10
  meetups.
• 32:11
  I
• 32:11
  mean,
• 32:11
  there's
• 32:12
  guys.
• 32:13
  If
• 32:13
  you're
• 32:13
  out
• 32:13
  there
• 32:13
  listening,
• 32:14
  find,
• 32:14
  find
• 32:15
  your
• 32:15
  tribe.
• 32:17
  Find,
• 32:17
  find
• 32:17
  who
• 32:18
  it
• 32:18
  is.
• 32:19
  And
• 32:19
  check
• 32:20
  out
• 32:20
  our
• 32:20
  website.
• 32:20
  Check
• 32:20
  out
• 32:20
  my
• 32:21
  website,
• 32:21
  MarthaBurch.com
• 32:23
  there's
• 32:23
  a
• 32:23
  lot
• 32:23
  of
• 32:23
  information
• 32:24
  there
• 32:24
  that
• 32:25
  will
• 32:25
  help
• 32:25
  you.
• 32:26
  So.
• 32:26
  Yeah,
• 32:27
  perfect.
• 32:28
  Perfect.
• 32:28
  Yes,
• 32:29
  you
• 32:29
  can
• 32:29
  raise
• 32:29
  happy,
• 32:30
  responsible
• 32:30
  children.
• 32:31
  I
• 32:31
  was
• 32:32
  just
• 32:32
  going
• 32:32
  to
• 32:32
  say
• 32:32
  the
• 32:32
  title
• 32:32
  of
• 32:33
  your
• 32:33
  book
• 32:33
  because
• 32:33
  a
• 32:33
  lot
• 32:33
  of
• 32:33
  people
• 32:33
  are
• 32:33
  Listening
• 32:34
  to
• 32:34
  this,
• 32:34
  not
• 32:34
  looking
• 32:34
  at
• 32:35
  it,
• 32:35
  but
• 32:35
  it's
• 32:35
  called
• 32:35
  yes,
• 32:36
  you
• 32:36
  can
• 32:36
  raise
• 32:36
  happy,
• 32:37
  responsible
• 32:38
  children.
• 32:38
  So
• 32:38
  I'm
• 32:38
  going
• 32:39
  to
• 32:39
  have
• 32:39
  to
• 32:39
  check
• 32:39
  that
• 32:39
  out.
• 32:39
  I'll
• 32:40
  put
• 32:40
  the
• 32:40
  link
• 32:40
  in
• 32:40
  your
• 32:41
  show
• 32:41
  notes
• 32:41
  of
• 32:41
  course
• 32:42
  for
• 32:42
  the
• 32:42
  episode.
• 32:44
  But
• 32:44
  this
• 32:45
  has
• 32:45
  been
• 32:45
  super
• 32:45
  fun.
• 32:46
  I
• 32:46
  could
• 32:47
  literally,
• 32:47
  I
• 32:47
  mean
• 32:47
  there's
• 32:48
  like
• 32:48
  so
• 32:48
  many
• 32:48
  different
• 32:48
  directions
• 32:49
  we
• 32:49
  could
• 32:49
  go
• 32:49
  with
• 32:49
  what
• 32:50
  you
• 32:50
  do
• 32:50
  and,
• 32:52
  but
• 32:52
  we
• 32:53
  don't
• 32:53
  have
• 32:53
  a
• 32:53
  day,
• 32:53
  all
• 32:53
  day
• 32:53
  obviously.
• 32:54
  But
• 32:55
  if
• 32:55
  you
• 32:55
  could
• 32:55
  give
• 32:55
  the
• 32:56
  audience
• 32:57
  a
• 32:58
  big
• 32:58
  picture,
• 32:59
  best
• 32:59
  piece
• 32:59
  of
• 33:00
  advice
• 33:00
  or
• 33:00
  words
• 33:01
  of
• 33:01
  wisdom,
• 33:02
  what
• 33:02
  would
• 33:02
  it
• 33:02
  be?
• 33:03
  You're
• 33:03
  worth
• 33:04
  it.
• 33:04
  You're
• 33:04
  worth
• 33:05
  it.
• 33:06
  So,
• 33:06
  you
• 33:06
  know,
• 33:07
  keep
• 33:07
  moving
• 33:07
  through
• 33:08
  life.
• 33:08
  Stop.
• 33:09
  Stop.
• 33:09
  The
• 33:10
  world
• 33:10
  needs
• 33:10
  leaders
• 33:11
  and
• 33:12
  you
• 33:12
  have
• 33:12
  leadership
• 33:13
  qualities.
• 33:13
  You
• 33:13
  don't
• 33:13
  have
• 33:13
  to
• 33:13
  lead
• 33:14
  in
• 33:14
  everything,
• 33:14
  but
• 33:14
  there
• 33:14
  are
• 33:15
  some,
• 33:15
  some
• 33:15
  things
• 33:15
  that,
• 33:16
  you
• 33:16
  know,
• 33:16
  you
• 33:16
  could
• 33:16
  probably
• 33:17
  lead
• 33:17
  at.
• 33:17
  The
• 33:17
  world
• 33:18
  needs
• 33:18
  leaders,
• 33:18
  they
• 33:19
  need
• 33:19
  people.
• 33:20
  Nursing
• 33:20
  homes
• 33:20
  are
• 33:21
  desperate.
• 33:21
  If
• 33:21
  you're
• 33:21
  lonely,
• 33:22
  go
• 33:22
  to
• 33:22
  the
• 33:22
  nursing
• 33:22
  home
• 33:22
  and
• 33:23
  find
• 33:23
  somebody
• 33:23
  who
• 33:23
  hasn't
• 33:24
  had
• 33:24
  a
• 33:24
  visitor.
• 33:25
  Be
• 33:25
  their
• 33:26
  friend,
• 33:26
  you
• 33:27
  know,
• 33:27
  whatever
• 33:27
  it
• 33:27
  is.
• 33:28
  Go
• 33:28
  to
• 33:28
  the,
• 33:28
  go
• 33:28
  to
• 33:28
  the
• 33:30
  animal
• 33:30
  shelter,
• 33:30
  help
• 33:31
  the
• 33:31
  animals.
• 33:32
  If
• 33:32
  you
• 33:32
  feel
• 33:32
  lonely,
• 33:33
  there's
• 33:34
  a
• 33:34
  place.
• 33:35
  Stop.
• 33:35
  Just
• 33:35
  sitting
• 33:36
  in
• 33:36
  your
• 33:36
  loneliness.
• 33:37
  Go.
• 33:37
  Be
• 33:37
  the
• 33:37
  friend
• 33:38
  you
• 33:38
  want
• 33:39
  others
• 33:39
  to
• 33:39
  be
• 33:40
  for
• 33:40
  you.
• 33:40
  I
• 33:40
  felt
• 33:41
  lonely
• 33:41
  for
• 33:41
  a
• 33:41
  long
• 33:41
  time.
• 33:42
  It
• 33:42
  never
• 33:42
  occurred
• 33:42
  to
• 33:42
  me,
• 33:43
  Martha,
• 33:43
  to
• 33:43
  be,
• 33:44
  to
• 33:44
  get
• 33:44
  a
• 33:44
  friend,
• 33:44
  you
• 33:44
  need
• 33:45
  to
• 33:45
  be
• 33:45
  a
• 33:45
  friend.
• 33:46
  Because
• 33:46
  it
• 33:46
  was
• 33:46
  always
• 33:46
  me,
• 33:47
  me,
• 33:47
  me,
• 33:47
  me,
• 33:47
  me.
• 33:48
  So
• 33:48
  yes,
• 33:49
  start
• 33:49
  looking
• 33:49
  at
• 33:50
  around
• 33:50
  and
• 33:50
  where
• 33:51
  look
• 33:51
  for
• 33:52
  needs
• 33:52
  to
• 33:52
  be
• 33:52
  filled
• 33:53
  that
• 33:53
  you
• 33:53
  can
• 33:53
  help
• 33:55
  in
• 33:55
  small
• 33:55
  ways.
• 33:55
  You
• 33:55
  don't
• 33:56
  have
• 33:56
  to
• 33:56
  be
• 33:56
  perfect.
• 33:56
  Just
• 33:56
  like
• 33:57
  Tammy
• 33:57
  said,
• 33:58
  we
• 33:58
  just
• 33:58
  need
• 33:59
  help.
• 33:59
  People
• 33:59
  need
• 34:00
  help.
• 34:00
  They
• 34:00
  just
• 34:00
  need
• 34:00
  somebody
• 34:01
  to
• 34:01
  listen
• 34:01
  to
• 34:02
  them
• 34:03
  sometimes.
• 34:04
  Absolutely.
• 34:05
  And
• 34:05
  for,
• 34:06
  you
• 34:06
  know,
• 34:06
  for
• 34:06
  your
• 34:07
  own
• 34:07
  well
• 34:07
  being
• 34:08
  and
• 34:08
  mental
• 34:08
  well
• 34:08
  being
• 34:08
  and
• 34:09
  everything
• 34:09
  else,
• 34:09
  there's
• 34:10
  nothing
• 34:10
  you
• 34:10
  can
• 34:10
  do
• 34:11
  better
• 34:11
  than
• 34:12
  serving.
• 34:12
  If
• 34:13
  you're
• 34:13
  serving
• 34:13
  other
• 34:13
  people,
• 34:14
  your
• 34:14
  esteem,
• 34:15
  your
• 34:15
  self
• 34:15
  confidence,
• 34:16
  everything
• 34:16
  is
• 34:17
  going
• 34:17
  to
• 34:17
  go
• 34:17
  up
• 34:18
  because
• 34:18
  you're
• 34:18
  doing
• 34:18
  something
• 34:19
  that
• 34:19
  makes
• 34:19
  you
• 34:19
  happy.
• 34:20
  And
• 34:20
  it's
• 34:20
  not,
• 34:20
  it's
• 34:21
  not
• 34:21
  ego
• 34:21
  driven,
• 34:22
  it's
• 34:22
  not
• 34:22
  about
• 34:22
  you.
• 34:22
  It's
• 34:23
  about
• 34:23
  helping
• 34:24
  other
• 34:24
  people.
• 34:24
  So
• 34:24
  I
• 34:24
  tell
• 34:25
  people
• 34:25
  and,
• 34:25
  and
• 34:25
  you're
• 34:25
  just
• 34:26
  the
• 34:26
  more
• 34:27
  of
• 34:27
  that
• 34:27
  positive
• 34:28
  energy
• 34:28
  you
• 34:28
  can
• 34:28
  put
• 34:28
  out
• 34:29
  in
• 34:29
  the
• 34:29
  world.
• 34:30
  I
• 34:31
  wish
• 34:31
  everybody
• 34:31
  could
• 34:32
  just,
• 34:32
  just
• 34:32
  do
• 34:33
  one
• 34:33
  thing
• 34:33
  to
• 34:33
  make
• 34:33
  someone
• 34:34
  happy.
• 34:34
  You
• 34:34
  know,
• 34:35
  I
• 34:35
  used
• 34:35
  to
• 34:35
  tell
• 34:35
  my
• 34:35
  kids
• 34:36
  when
• 34:36
  they
• 34:36
  were
• 34:36
  little,
• 34:37
  just
• 34:37
  watch
• 34:37
  the
• 34:38
  difference.
• 34:38
  When
• 34:38
  you
• 34:38
  tell
• 34:39
  the
• 34:39
  lady
• 34:39
  in
• 34:39
  the
• 34:39
  grocery
• 34:40
  store
• 34:40
  that's
• 34:40
  bagging
• 34:41
  your
• 34:41
  groceries
• 34:42
  to
• 34:42
  have
• 34:42
  a
• 34:43
  blessed
• 34:43
  day.
• 34:44
  Just
• 34:44
  watch,
• 34:45
  watch
• 34:45
  the
• 34:45
  smiles
• 34:46
  on
• 34:46
  the
• 34:46
  face.
• 34:46
  Watch
• 34:47
  the
• 34:47
  reaction
• 34:48
  to
• 34:48
  people.
• 34:49
  Just
• 34:49
  the
• 34:49
  tiniest
• 34:50
  little
• 34:50
  thing.
• 34:50
  Because
• 34:51
  you
• 34:51
  never
• 34:51
  know
• 34:51
  when
• 34:52
  a
• 34:52
  comment
• 34:52
  you
• 34:52
  make
• 34:52
  or
• 34:53
  a
• 34:53
  smile
• 34:53
  you
• 34:53
  give
• 34:54
  to
• 34:54
  someone
• 34:54
  literally
• 34:55
  could
• 34:55
  save
• 34:55
  a
• 34:55
  life.
• 34:56
  You
• 34:56
  never
• 34:56
  know
• 34:57
  Good
• 34:57
  point.
• 34:59
  Yeah.
• 34:59
  Right.
• 35:00
  So.
• 35:01
  Oh,
• 35:02
  so
• 35:02
  be
• 35:02
  that
• 35:02
  to
• 35:02
  the
• 35:02
  world
• 35:03
  and
• 35:03
  know
• 35:04
  that,
• 35:04
  like
• 35:04
  she
• 35:04
  said,
• 35:05
  know
• 35:05
  that
• 35:05
  you're
• 35:05
  worth
• 35:06
  it
• 35:06
  for
• 35:06
  sure.
• 35:07
  Thank
• 35:07
  you
• 35:07
  so
• 35:07
  much
• 35:08
  for
• 35:08
  Martha
• 35:08
  for
• 35:08
  coming
• 35:08
  on.
• 35:10
  Thank
• 35:10
  you.
• 35:11
  Tammy
• 35:11
  loved
• 35:11
  it.
• 35:11
  Really
• 35:12
  good
• 35:12
  experience.
• 35:12
  You're
• 35:13
  a
• 35:13
  wonderful
• 35:13
  interviewer.
• 35:14
  Well,
• 35:14
  thank
• 35:15
  you.
• 35:15
  And
• 35:15
  I
• 35:15
  absolutely
• 35:16
  love.
• 35:17
  I
• 35:17
  want
• 35:17
  to
• 35:17
  get
• 35:17
  your
• 35:17
  book
• 35:18
  and
• 35:18
  I
• 35:18
  want
• 35:18
  to
• 35:18
  hear
• 35:18
  more
• 35:19
  about
• 35:19
  what
• 35:19
  you
• 35:19
  do
• 35:19
  and
• 35:19
  everybody
• 35:20
  else
• 35:20
  in
• 35:20
  the
• 35:21
  Check
• 35:21
  out
• 35:21
  the
• 35:21
  show
• 35:22
  notes,
• 35:22
  go
• 35:22
  to
• 35:22
  her
• 35:22
  website.
• 35:23
  She's
• 35:23
  got
• 35:23
  some
• 35:23
  stuff
• 35:24
  there.
• 35:24
  Grab
• 35:24
  her
• 35:24
  book
• 35:26
  and
• 35:26
  know
• 35:27
  that
• 35:27
  you
• 35:27
  are
• 35:27
  worth
• 35:28
  it.
• 35:28
  I
• 35:28
  think
• 35:28
  if
• 35:28
  you
• 35:28
  listen
• 35:29
  to
• 35:29
  the
• 35:29
  end
• 35:29
  of
• 35:29
  my
• 35:29
  podcast,
• 35:30
  my
• 35:30
  outro
• 35:30
  is
• 35:31
  you
• 35:31
  are
• 35:31
  way
• 35:32
  more
• 35:32
  than
• 35:32
  enough
• 35:33
  right
• 35:33
  here,
• 35:33
  right
• 35:34
  now.
• 35:34
  So
• 35:35
  you
• 35:35
  all
• 35:35
  have
• 35:35
  a
• 35:36
  blessed
• 35:36
  day.