Latest / Rise and Thrive with Dr. J. Nicole Podcast / Faith Over Fear: Trusting God Through Grief, Growth & the PhD Journey

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Faith Over Fear: Trusting God Through Grief, Growth & the PhD Journey · Rise and Thrive with Dr. J. Nicole Podcast

0:16
Good morning. Welcome to Rise and Thrive with
0:19
Doctor J Nicole. I am your host, Doctor J Nicole.
0:23
And here we rise in faith and thrive in purpose.
0:26
Today we are joined by a special guest.
0:29
And I know I say everybody special, but he's really special
0:33
to me. This is my dear friend, my
0:36
brother, my play cousin, Doctor Owen Edwards.
0:41
I had the privilege of meeting him back in 2008 when I was
0:46
working at University of Maryland, and he had come in as
0:49
a resident director. And we immediately met and
0:53
clicked and we've been family ever since.
0:57
And we're going to be talking about faith over fear and really
1:02
what it's like to trust God when we can't see the next step.
1:07
But before we get into all of that, I want to tell you about
1:09
my friend because my friends are God deal.
1:13
Not a big deal, but a God deal. OK, so Doctor Owen Edwards is a
1:18
higher education leader with 20 years of experience supporting
1:21
student growth, staff development and inclusive
1:24
leadership. A proud native of Detroit.
1:28
So come on D, stand up. He recently earned his PhD in
1:34
higher education from Florida State University, where his
1:37
research explored mentoring, faculty development and anti
1:42
woke legislation. You doing the Lord's work?
1:45
Getting in good trouble over there.
1:47
Guided by faith and purpose, Doctor Edwards believes in the
1:51
power of listening to God when navigating fear and uncertainty.
1:56
Welcome friend, Thank. You.
1:59
Thank you. That was so sweet.
2:00
Thank you. Yeah, and you know, I'm really
2:04
happy for you to be here and I'm gonna tell you all the funny
2:07
story. So when me and Owen gets
2:10
together, we yaps, we talk and I, oh, I said the funniest thing
2:17
to me. I don't remember what year it
2:19
is, but he had the nerve, y'all, to call me the Queen of Talk.
2:26
And it's funny now, right? But then I said, I know you're
2:29
talking. You talk just as much as me, if
2:32
not more. So if I'm the queen, you're the
2:34
king, right? Not knowing that a moment was
2:37
going to come where we would be in seats as king and queen of
2:41
talk right now with this moment. So you spoke life into me, Fred.
2:45
Listen, sometimes I am prophetic and I would that's what I was
2:50
thinking about as I was shifting of a parent for the podcast.
2:53
I said dadgone it queen of talk like here we are so and hey, you
3:00
said me too so in our own right. But I am so proud of you,
3:04
friend, and I'm glad that you moved forward and the vision
3:08
that God has placed in your mind or in your heart or whether they
3:11
were both at the same time. So kudos and I'm excited to be
3:14
here. So thank you.
3:15
For having us. Thank you for being here and
3:16
thank you for being you. And I know we about to have a
3:18
good time. And let's try not to get us too
3:20
much trouble, but we going to have fun, OK?
3:24
All right. So fear often creeps in when we
3:27
step into the unknown, whether it's a career shift,
3:30
relationship change or even a season of waiting.
3:33
But faith calls for us to trust God's plan even when we can't
3:38
see what's next. In this episode, we're going to
3:41
discuss what does it really mean to walk by faith to surrender
3:44
control as well as embracing divine timing.
3:49
Especially when that path looking real dusty.
3:51
It ain't cleared and it ain't certain, right?
3:55
Alright, 01. So.
3:58
So I'm gonna put some more respect on your name, doc.
4:02
OK, OK, OK, Alright Doc. So what does it mean to like,
4:08
choose faith over fear? And I'm emphasizing that word
4:14
choose. OK, So to choose faith over
4:20
fear, first of all, that's a good question and it it can be a
4:23
very loaded question. So I'm reminded of leading up to
4:30
me pursuing the PhD, right? So I knew and in my mind thought
4:36
at the time I'm staying in Maryland or DC to do this Lord.
4:40
And so right, listen. So when really getting into that
4:46
thing and and some people don't know that was actually about a
4:49
five to four year process. And in the grand scheme of
4:52
things, right, I had to go back to my faith and the the
5:02
foundation. So I'm APK Church kid and still
5:07
stayed involved in church once I got to DC.
5:09
Right time I was let me just tell you something I keep saying
5:12
this, there's so many PK's in my life.
5:16
I when I tell you I forgot and like I hold on.
5:20
You're like the 5th PK like y'all been all I'm not even
5:24
kidding. And it's not even intentional.
5:26
Like I was like, I did not know you was APK and there's someone
5:30
else that I I met that they're like newer like what?
5:33
Like a year ago and I'm like what?
5:34
You're APK Like what? Yeah, but I guess it makes
5:37
sense. Yeah, yeah.
5:40
So listen, because of that, hopefully I have the word hidden
5:44
in my heart. It's in there.
5:46
Listen. So when thinking about faith
5:49
flat out off the top, I know that, you know, faith without
5:55
works is dead right, And that's that that comes from really my
5:59
grandmother instilling that, you know, and she would say at
6:02
that's James second chapter. 2016 Oh, I thought yeah, 'cause
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I just think I did a talk on the yesterday.
6:10
OK, OK and so and she would say to me, you know, on you take the
6:17
first step, God will do the rest.
6:19
But when it goes back to the trusting part, I know the other
6:23
thing is, you know, faith is the substance of things.
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So for the evidence of things not seen and you talk about
6:32
faith. So that's what I go to when I
6:33
say faith. Then you mentioned the whole
6:35
thing around fear. Fear in the natural world means
6:39
something that is dangerous. You know something that you not
6:44
not, might not want to approach right, because of fear of the
6:48
unknown. But again, God has not given us
6:53
the spirit of fear, but of power of love and the sound mind.
6:56
So with that being stated, because I have these, you know,
7:02
and I believe it and as believers, we should, we should
7:06
activate our faith. It was one of those things where
7:12
also our representation is everything, because I have, I
7:16
can go on my cell phone and instantly just text PhDs, call
7:20
PhDs. And you were working on your PhD
7:22
at the time, right? So all of those things came
7:25
together in terms of my faith because I said, well, if, if
7:29
you're, if you know that you really want to do a PhD and you
7:32
have PhDs in your life, even my godson's mother, right.
7:36
And. She was early.
7:39
Getting hurt, you were like straight through.
7:41
And so with all of those things being said, that is what helped
7:45
me to overcome the unknown. Now, the reason why I have to
7:49
overcome an unknown is because, and your listeners can probably
7:55
relate to this. Have you ever been in the job?
7:58
That was just not quite it. OK, look what what, what is
8:05
this? I've never been here before.
8:07
Originally I moved to Maryland, like you said, to work at
8:10
university around College Park and stayed for seven years.
8:12
There are people there who still know and love both of us, right?
8:15
We've long gone. That's family right there.
8:18
They they gave us an opportunity of.
8:20
Pillars, now they are pillars of the institution.
8:23
Listen. And they helped us the beginning
8:25
stages of changing our lives forever, right?
8:29
And so I said that to say, you know, I had a job like as a
8:34
recruiter, right? And what ended up happening is
8:36
they were sending me to all the colleges and the DMV.
8:39
So I know them quite well. One day I text my mother a
8:43
picture of me recruiting. I was at some school, who knows,
8:46
OK, so many. And I said, look, mom, here I am
8:50
doing my thing. And she goes, wow, son, this is
8:54
awesome. You're I can see you're really
8:55
in your element. And then I'm very reflective.
8:59
So I'm thinking of this throughout the day in my
9:02
element. No, no, no, no, Mama, I'm in my
9:06
element because I'm back on a college campus.
9:08
This recruiting is, you know, it's much more it's easier to
9:11
recruit somebody for A90K, you know, 100K job.
9:15
Little bit it's it's more challenging to do recruiting
9:18
seeing how before let's just say anything lower than that,
9:20
especially in the DND, right? And so thinking about that,
9:26
that's when the wheel started to turn about.
9:28
OK, well, you've had the conversations.
9:32
Now's the time to do it. If you really are going to do
9:35
this thing, what are you going to do next?
9:37
So that's when the. Does that make sense?
9:41
Yep, because I mean, the there was so much so it wasn't as much
9:44
fear as I don't know how this is going to work out, which can
9:48
give us pause. And when you were talking about
9:50
the definition of fear, excuse me, I don't know who it was, and
9:55
I'm sure it circulated around so many times that the original
9:58
author is probably unknown, but they said that fear is false
10:02
evidence appearing real. Yes.
10:05
Right and all up in it, they got Satan all up in it because he is
10:09
the author of confusion, right? So like it's fake evidence
10:12
appearing real. And that's where that faith
10:14
comes in. So you can discern and you know
10:17
the difference when you hearing God, seeing God, experiencing
10:21
God versus the enemy and how he tries to show up to talk you out
10:26
of things. Yeah, OK.
10:29
OK, so you laid the definition about about it so in in part of
10:37
your experience, but what did it mean to you to make the choice
10:40
towards faith rather than fear? It meant to so #1 I believe in
10:48
Jesus Christ, King Jesus, right? But I also very much so pay
10:52
attention to the world around me and the universe, because God.
10:56
Created God, created everything in there.
11:00
Right. And they say as a believers we
11:02
are the salt of the earth, right?
11:04
But also as believers, and I'm glad I am APK.
11:08
My mother's parents were pastor first lady, so they're really
11:11
strict. But mom kind of flipped the
11:13
script a little bit still raised, you know, the believe in
11:17
God and discover all my talents, gifts and abilities.
11:20
However, my mother on purposely raised me so that I wasn't so
11:24
holy to the point I was no earthly good that you know,
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that's what I feel for anybody either.
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It it's actually a thing that my my aunt used to say it often,
11:33
the one you met who passed away. And then also, you know, I was
11:36
at Green Montgomery Holy Church for several years and go Pastor
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Susie used to say that often and I'm just, but it's true.
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So now I'm going to remind you of something that you said and
11:48
you might not even remember this.
11:50
So we were at our friend's pool party, the twin.
11:53
We love the twin at a pool party, right.
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So this will be a couple of years leading up to me pursuing
11:58
the PhD. And this young man walked up to
12:01
you at the pool park, beautiful rooftop.
12:03
And he goes, I heard you were getting your PhD.
12:07
And, you know, you're like, yes, you know, just as kind as you
12:10
normally are, kind and sweet. Yes, I'm working on my PhD.
12:13
And he said, I want to do mine, too.
12:15
And you looked at him with a sweet smile.
12:18
And you said to him, then what are you willing to give up?
12:22
And what you did not know, because I didn't reveal it to
12:26
you all until a little bit later further along, is you posed the
12:29
question to that young man. We don't know who the young man
12:32
was. OK, but you posed the question.
12:35
To him, who he was. But I remembered the
12:36
conversation. Yeah.
12:38
Right. But the question stayed in my
12:40
head and you weren't talking to me.
12:42
I was standing nearby ear hustling, you know, just kind of
12:46
being observant and you and I'm walking, you know, back to my
12:50
car or whatever. I'm like, what am I willing to
12:53
give up? And that was a very interesting
12:56
question because at that time in my life, I mean, very involved
13:01
in singing the music ministry at Calvert, I was, you know, I have
13:06
an incredible support. My tribe is in the DMV.
13:09
We here, right? Holding it down.
13:12
I have a godson and all and then I feel like what else was there
13:16
to give up? Just life, having fun, singing
13:19
that open mic. And then last year, that's
13:22
before I left, I had nerve enough to be on the road singing
13:25
with Ricky Diller and New G OK, So all of these family, and
13:28
that's still family, OK? They're still family.
13:30
And now all of these things I had to ask myself because once I
13:37
got into if I'm going to have to give something up, you know what
13:42
I mean? As far as pursuing the PhD later
13:45
it went to now that you have to give something up pursuing the
13:48
PhD, can you give up living in the same state as your friends
13:51
to pursue it after being there a decade?
13:56
Let me just say that to Thelyssa Alpha.
13:58
Wouldn't you know I was there an entire decade.
14:00
Brooded. Anchored.
14:03
Yeah. Never had to leave.
14:04
Have somebody to call for everything.
14:06
All the comfort. Yep.
14:10
Yep. God bless me when I came to the
14:13
DMV and all. Of us, all of us.
14:17
Look at how far you and I have come from some 2008 tonight.
14:21
Individuals just coming into this space, we didn't know who
14:24
was here like we didn't know what our family would look our
14:28
family right, would look like and we.
14:30
All. Are connected together.
14:33
You know me, I'll be bringing everybody, mixing and matching
14:35
folks. And do you know, though, that
14:39
was the faith increase inactivated?
14:40
Because the faith was already increased?
14:43
Because I prayed to get the job in Maryland and got it.
14:46
Yep. So I knew I could, you know, I
14:48
had to move away. I didn't have a reason to come
14:50
to DC, to be honest. I don't say this to too many
14:54
people. I saw Buckingham Palace before I
14:56
saw the White House. What?
14:58
Because I, I ended up standing abroad while at, you know, at
15:02
Michigan State. Yeah.
15:04
So when I tell you I already knew, had a strong faith because
15:09
I was able to. And I, I did a job search across
15:13
the country. I was fortunate to be able to do
15:14
a job search across the country before I came to Maryland.
15:17
So the faith thing was already. And I remember too, Doctor J
15:21
saying to God, God, if you give me Maryland, I will find a way
15:26
to make sure I give you, you know, glory, honor and praise
15:30
with the gifts you have and stuff.
15:32
And I did do that. I did do that.
15:34
And and you know, you all know I did.
15:36
So there were a number of things going on in my mind that I'm
15:41
now, as some people say, we're just preparing to put on my big
15:45
boy jaws and make the step. Are you going to do the EDD?
15:48
Are you going to do the PhD? Are you going to stay in
15:50
Maryland to do? Are you going to go away if the
15:51
opportunities presents itself and they have?
15:54
Yeah, and that's a blessing. And I love what you said that
15:57
like, you know, when you, you know, we've been really
16:02
negotiating with God. We really do be negotiating.
16:07
And really I'm just, I'm just leave that alone.
16:12
But like we, we, we just, we really been negotiating with
16:15
God. But I love that what you said,
16:17
like Father, I'm willing to give you all of this.
16:20
I mean, you would give him the honor anyway.
16:23
But just like I think there's that acknowledgement, that
16:27
reverence towards him, like it's, it's super important.
16:31
Like, you know, expressing like this, these are the desires of
16:33
my heart. If you would be so kind, I will
16:37
make sure that everybody knows that I'm yours and you did this.
16:43
OK, that's good. Yes, so.
16:46
The older folks say, if I can just say older for you know, if
16:51
God has done something for you, ought to show some sign, you
16:53
know. They say you're right because
16:56
there's some people out here who covered in.
16:58
There ain't no signs unless you really you got to really dig and
17:03
uncover it for real. So when you think back about
17:08
your journey, how did faith and uncertainty impact your like?
17:14
Also like the physical journey, but also the spiritual journey?
17:17
OK, I'm I'm answering that question, but I'm going to be
17:20
flipping back and. Forth, do what you need to do.
17:23
Alright, alright. So as far as the natural, I'll
17:28
start with that first. I was treated well where I was
17:32
OK, even got a going away cake, but that's announced that.
17:38
But with the natural is and and I'm glad that this individual
17:42
said that to me. I'm not going to say the name of
17:44
the organization, but there was another person on leadership who
17:48
came into my office when I had made it known I was going to
17:52
leave the organization and she closed the door.
17:57
I will say this because that's important.
17:59
She closed the door and she said to me, because you're young and
18:06
basically gifted and black, if you can get out of here, you
18:11
should because at there there is greater.
18:13
I don't know what that is, but there is greater in you.
18:16
And she would started crying and said, I want you to know that
18:21
you're an extremely likable person.
18:23
It's almost like she was sent, you know how hard it's fine it
18:26
is to find somebody to work with Someone Like You, you know, but
18:29
I'm just being me, you know, and I'm you know, but when somebody
18:33
else wants you to know that point blank, you know, I said,
18:38
wow. So obviously I've touched her
18:41
life in some way, but just working hard, but also being,
18:44
you know, the light that God has placed within me, yes.
18:48
The light. OK, now the spiritual part, some
18:52
there, you know, there's some people who don't like to be
18:55
alone, actually enjoy it because that is when I do hear from God
19:00
in my car in the shower about to take out the trash, He'll just
19:04
hit me. And so I was at my dining room
19:07
table and I said, God, I'm going to write a list.
19:12
I like lists. This is who I'm thinking to
19:19
assist me in reading my personal statements.
19:21
This is who I'm thinking. These are the schools I'm
19:24
thinking about, right? So then I have a dear friend,
19:29
Sabria, who you met at my PhD celebration.
19:32
She's also a server Savior. No, look, Savior said a prayer
19:38
at my 30th birthday dinner that I really believe cured me all
19:41
the way through the rest of my 30.
19:42
That's a good friend. Yeah, we met at we met at
19:44
Calvary. That is my sister Savior wrote a
19:48
book. It was anybody can read it, but
19:52
I feel like it was more so geared towards women in the
19:55
faith being like stuck in a rut. Like how do you get out?
20:00
That's not the exact name of the book, but I went to her signing
20:03
right? And we've always supported each
20:06
other and at the book sign and she sent my book.
20:09
Thank you, bro. You've always been a real one.
20:10
And then she did a talk after signing and she goes up to the
20:14
room and she does this talk. And within the talk, Sabria
20:18
says, and there are some of you in the room that God has touched
20:23
you and you're meant to go back to school and it's not going to
20:27
take you as long as some of the other people.
20:30
How much she could have possibly.
20:31
I'm not going to dining room, you know.
20:34
And later I asked Avery if she even remembers saying that.
20:38
She said no, no, absolutely no. I don't remember.
20:41
So that was what really I said, you know, this is the green
20:47
light. Like I came to support my sister
20:50
like I normally would, you know, but the for her to say that, you
20:54
know, she spoke to some other things too.
20:55
But that part hit me right in the chest.
20:58
And so I went back. I talked to my dear friend
21:03
Doctor Lane, and she said, well, also put you know Florida on
21:08
your list right now. Didn't I just tell you ain't?
21:12
Going to know Florida. And I just say I'm in Maryland.
21:16
You know me. We, we originally met at, she's
21:19
in my Michigan State family as well.
21:20
But you know, she was ahead of me.
21:24
So I went and I looked right. And when I looked at the
21:28
program, I'm like, it was a no brainer.
21:30
Where I went for undergrad, Oakland University was
21:32
established in 1957. This program has been
21:36
established since 1957. I'm like, well, Lord, they got
21:39
that covered. And then once I started looking
21:41
at the faculty and just what they had to offer, and then that
21:45
would be when I originally, so Doctor Lane mentioned a doctor,
21:52
Tamara Bertrand Jones. But then I when I once I read, I
21:55
said, oh wow, so definitely going to be open to it.
22:00
But it was last on the Florida was actually last on the list.
22:03
Yeah, yeah. Can't believe that last and the
22:06
last. I'll be first.
22:07
I mean, I was looking at all the schools.
22:13
Yeah. Howard.
22:14
Yeah. University of Maryland,
22:16
University of Wisconsin, Madison.
22:18
You know, out of Madison. I don't think I knew you had
22:21
Madison on your list. Let me give a disclaimer.
22:25
All the things I did was intentional.
22:26
All five of those schools I chose because I have family
22:29
nearby. OK, that makes sense.
22:31
Ended up coming to Florida and you know who was in Atlanta?
22:33
Yes, your brother. 'Cause I knew I would have to
22:35
have something, I'd be. I'd say if you see your.
22:38
Brother and your sister, Yeah. Right.
22:40
Both brothers and my sister, cousins, you name it.
22:42
Yeah. You haven't met the one brother.
22:44
Yeah, but. And y'all birthday is on the
22:46
same day. So.
22:46
Interesting. You haven't met.
22:48
I know, right? We'll get to that later.
22:50
Yeah. You met Jeremy and Heather.
22:51
Nick and Heather? Yeah.
22:53
You haven't met Shrey. OK, but and that's.
22:56
Funny, and then I'm a #3 alright Trey, we and their best friends
23:01
when we do meet, or we'll meet through this and go, hey Trey,
23:03
you probably will, right? You probably go watch it.
23:07
You people always support you. Yes, yes, love them, but to say
23:13
that and you know, I have, I have family in Milwaukee and so
23:17
they would have loved me. So yes, you know, because I knew
23:21
by that time I knew, you know, if you leave Maryland, you might
23:28
only have just some type of we can get away.
23:30
Just I didn't know who I was going to meet once I got here or
23:33
what that was really going to look like.
23:37
And now I'm going back to the natural.
23:40
So we'll talk about the spiritual.
23:41
One more thing about the natural.
23:43
When I said, you know that your question, what are you willing
23:47
to give up? I said, goodness, Lord, can I
23:51
give up? You know, Binger with Dawn,
23:56
Eddie, Ek, Harry, Amy, Byron, just all, you know, I'm my
24:00
people, all the ones who are at my PhD celebration, basically,
24:03
right? The others.
24:06
Abby, can you do this? And I said, I have to think
24:11
about that thing and pray about it too.
24:13
And I then I came to the conclusion, yes, because in
24:19
reality, you're seeing each other on the weekends and
24:21
sometimes after work for dinner. Other than that, we're all going
24:25
through the hustle and bustle of that.
24:28
We got to make a living, right? And so that that helped put
24:32
things in perspective. I had to put it because it was
24:35
not easy leave. And some people I have, you
24:38
know, told me, you know, oh wow, when you left, it was kind of
24:40
emotional. And I was telling my mom it's
24:43
emotional for them. I'm the one who left.
24:45
At least they can still run into each other at the the mall or
24:48
the restaurant or whatever. You were the glue with some of
24:52
them 'cause like you asked to be expected, right?
24:54
Like you're an awesome person, so you attract more awesome
24:57
people. And you were the connector with
25:01
some of these other relationships, like I love you
25:03
some of your friends, but have I actually been able to like
25:07
really build my own relationship with them?
25:10
No, but every time we link up, it's a great time and it's so
25:14
genuine and it's nothing but good vibes.
25:17
So like it it, it does make a difference.
25:20
And you know, it's something when you it's different when you
25:23
can just call and to be like, hey, oh, what you doing?
25:27
I'm on my way. Like think of all those Sundays,
25:29
how we used to get together, watch power together, me, you
25:31
and Jerry. Like we we did that for at least
25:34
like two seasons, like where we were hooked before we had all
25:38
Powerbook 2:00 and 3:00 and all these spin offs.
25:41
We was on the first one, but like that's, it's no surprise
25:47
that that's like hard and that's, that's part of the
25:49
journey. But also once you're connected,
25:52
you're always connected. Like we were always going to be
25:54
here. Just like you came back, we
25:57
threw a whole party for you, everything to celebrate.
26:00
You finished in May, but we celebrated in January.
26:03
And it was everything that it needed to be.
26:05
All the energy was like, it had just happened because everybody
26:09
couldn't make it to Florida. And who has a graduation party
26:13
out of town? OK.
26:16
And like six months later. OK, Well, more than that of like
26:20
8 months later. But we were so excited to
26:24
celebrate you. And what I love is, and what I'm
26:27
hearing is that you had multiple people speak prophetic words and
26:32
they didn't even know. There's one more that happened
26:36
once I got to Florida, but we'll get into.
26:37
That remind me yeah, to leave it on.
26:40
And there was so much. And what your truth and what
26:44
your friend said when she did her talk right.
26:47
There's not gonna take you as long.
26:49
Oh, I finished before me all yeah.
26:53
Oh I finished before me and I was a been that thing but life
26:58
was like for me I was getting dragged because I was trying to
27:00
do it my way. But the point is, I made it to
27:03
the finish line, collected all these lessons and all this
27:05
knowledge and y'all going to get it each week when y'all come
27:08
back to watch Rise and start with Doctor J, Nicole and all
27:11
the people that I met along the way and then some.
27:16
It to really be able to pour into you all so like nothing is
27:19
wasted in our experiences of life.
27:22
And so I love the connection between how you're able to see
27:26
what God does and the natural and the supernatural and we get
27:31
to embody it. Listen.
27:34
And also I was right there front and Center for your graduation.
27:38
I was almost on the stage making sure listen.
27:41
You came down and took pics. You did not care, I said.
27:45
That's my friend. Because I was going to tell your
27:48
professors I came all the way from Florida.
27:50
Y'all hush, let me get my footage.
27:51
But you already you, you knew Dean true, you won't go do now
27:55
but woo her and whoever else anyway.
27:57
Everybody be loving you everywhere you go.
28:00
So that's, that's what the, you know, the power of like that
28:03
light that's in you and not being afraid to shine it at all.
28:07
Yeah, an honorary bison. And let me just say this.
28:10
I was so proud. Yeah.
28:12
When you cross the stage, I told you, I don't think I told you
28:14
this. I told Jerry that evening.
28:16
I said it was when she got across the stage, it was just
28:20
hit me on my chest. I almost burst it out into
28:23
tears. But you know, I had to get that
28:24
footage so. But I'm so sick.
28:27
I was like, I don't know why it hit me in such a way.
28:30
Jerry is one of my best friends for the listeners.
28:32
And you know what he said, 'cause you've known her a
28:34
lifetime and you know her story, you know.
28:38
And so when he said it like that, I said that I, I mean,
28:44
it's gracious, you know what I mean?
28:46
Because it's the, the, the road, the journey to the PhD ain't
28:49
easy for anybody. It's.
28:51
Not even that. Just like the journey to life,
28:53
like I came. To the.
28:54
University of Maryland in 2007 and then you came in O 8.
29:00
So like you watch me grow up, you know what I mean?
29:03
There's so many levels to growing up.
29:06
We watched each other grow up, we supported each other growing
29:09
up. And so like with that, like you
29:11
said, you know the stories, the conversations, the calls, the
29:15
tears, the the resilience, like the excitement, just me trying
29:21
to find my way and never like allowing anything to get in my
29:26
way. Like, and even though like Owen
29:30
sang in the I'm no longer married, but Owen sang in my
29:33
wedding. Like Owen was in his first year
29:37
of the PhD and we know how serious that he is.
29:40
And the wedding was Memorial Day weekend.
29:43
Owen found his way to Mexico and he sang and was best dressed.
29:49
You better know the wedding photographer had me dying.
29:52
He was like, oh, your friends? They dressed.
29:57
Listen that that love and support.
30:00
Absolutely. You're right, Jeannie, we met in
30:03
our teachable 20s. Come on, teachable 20s, I like
30:05
I. Moved there I was.
30:07
I was 24 because my 23rd, my 24th birthday just happened that
30:11
July. I moved that August.
30:13
I was 24 when I moved to Maryland.
30:14
Yep. Wow, Yep.
30:16
Wow. So we were very young.
30:17
We were babies. We didn't know.
30:18
So so you know, and you've seen me grow.
30:21
You saw how green I was, but really that was, you know, the
30:25
that was like my life, that innocence.
30:27
I feel like like that was God's bubble wrapping so that I didn't
30:30
lose my life. No, not at all.
30:33
I remember when I first met you, you came down the hallway in
30:36
Calvert Hall. I thought I met you on the bus
30:38
first when we, but maybe that was the second time you came
30:42
over. I came and found you.
30:44
Yeah, that's only use. Your hand.
30:46
Hi, I'm Jeannie, you know, because hey, just it's just
30:49
being real. There aren't too many, you know,
30:52
black Yep. Our geez, we like to have our
30:55
community within a community and there is nothing wrong with
30:58
that, you know, and so and it was great because who would have
31:01
thought we would end up being lifetime, you know, friends or
31:05
friends for life. You see, I was like, oh, I came
31:07
and found you. I already know what happened.
31:08
Oh, we got somebody new. Andy Black.
31:11
Yeah. OK, I'll be over there.
31:14
I'll pull up. You want to go to lunch?
31:16
Listen, I appreciated that too. Oh, man, man, man.
31:21
And then you even just like graduation, like 01, you showing
31:26
up. That meant so much.
31:28
So for listeners, I was going through a major transition.
31:31
I was separating, just waiting for the course to do their part
31:35
for for the divorce and had moved back from New York.
31:39
Like I was in this big, big, big transition.
31:41
So many movement parts trying to heal figure out what God is
31:46
doing next, what I'm supposed to do.
31:47
I'm still working like all of this stuff that was just like
31:50
going on. I was actually exhausted during
31:53
that time frame when I tell you like emotionally like drained
31:57
and I also was having a hard time because it was just like
32:00
this is supposed to be one of the happiest times of my life
32:03
because this it would be my biggest accomplishment to date,
32:06
right? Getting a doctorate, this little
32:08
girl from the South side of Racine, first generation college
32:12
student, all these things right, like in getting PhD friend.
32:16
I really wasn't even all that. You know, I just want to say
32:22
something too, because I you caught and we're close.
32:26
You caught and you told me, you know, about the separation that
32:30
eventually turned into divorce. But I was in the back of my mind
32:34
because I was, listen, I was laser focused and I had the
32:39
support. I had everything I needed to
32:40
finish four years year round and anything that anything that
32:44
might have been an obstacle, it got shut down because I also
32:48
needed to finish before what, before I ran out of money.
32:51
So let's just yeah. However, when I saw no, we'll
32:57
just we'll just say your ex-husband finished before you
33:00
and then I have finished and I'm like, no, I'm pulling as I climb
33:05
in multiple ways that I mean. And so, you know, I don't know
33:10
if you liked the the voice message I left.
33:12
I remember. But I need you to know this.
33:17
I left the voice message because I love and care about you.
33:21
If I did not have cared, you never would have got a phone
33:23
call, let me tell you. You know, oh, I was on my phone
33:26
like what are we doing? Are we vanishing?
33:29
I can't even remember what all you said.
33:30
I said, here he go. And I listened to it.
33:35
I listened to it several times. I needed it, you know what I
33:38
mean? We had the follow up
33:39
conversations and everything. So like, like, thank you, right,
33:42
Because like life was lifing and we have to reprioritize things
33:47
when when things like that happen, because in Mama, I had
33:50
no intent on taking that long. I went into that program.
33:52
I was like, OK, I'll be done in four to five years.
33:55
Took me way longer than that, but what was important is that I
33:59
finished and you definitely helped me so much because I was
34:02
like, some cultures are different with PhDs where you
34:06
don't have the structured hands on people and sometimes people
34:11
not even going to touch you till you have defended a proposal.
34:14
But it's like by that time, that's the easy one, like the
34:22
like I was told the hardest part is the proposal defending it,
34:26
right? Because you have to convince
34:27
these well established scholars along with IRB, right?
34:33
That's it. And because I had human
34:35
subjects, you have to convince them that this is a worthy
34:39
study. It's a safe study.
34:41
It's not going to put people at harm or risk and all that so on
34:44
and so on. And because then after that, you
34:46
just, you go do the thing and then you're the expert.
34:50
Exactly. And I love my advisor for
34:52
telling me that. But this is not a episode on the
34:55
doctoral journey. So we gonna have to have you
34:57
there to talk about that, right? But this is all about faith and
35:01
the walk and how all those things do look very different,
35:04
right? OK, not to make myself sound all
35:08
holy or nothing like that, but it's a lot of different stories
35:12
in the Bible where you see all this opposition that people had
35:15
on their way to preparation, whether that was Moses, whether
35:19
that was Joseph, you know, all the stuff he went through.
35:22
That man went to jail. That man, he got sold into
35:26
slavery. Like all these things that
35:28
happened to him to then become like the king of a nation, save
35:32
a nation like not. And I don't know what God doing
35:35
for me, but I'm just happy if anybody hear this and they can
35:38
heal it, you know what I'm saying?
35:39
So crying. Absolutely.
35:41
Yeah, so it is about faith still, even though we went a
35:44
little tangental. It's all right, Queen and King
35:48
of That's it. We doing it Speaking of, are
35:52
there other any other examples of like faith from from the
35:56
Bible that you would like to like highlight or that you kind
35:59
of like go to, you know, so shoot APK and everything.
36:03
Oh, you know what? OK, so OK, so yes, so once it
36:11
was decided that I, you know, going to go ahead and go to
36:16
Florida, you know, and, and do that and make that move across
36:21
the country, that's what I did. And I'll make no shift.
36:24
I moved across the country. And I remember when my Jerry and
36:28
I were in EU Haul. I remember him.
36:30
Had you had him texting you Every time we made it to a
36:34
different she did. Oh my God.
36:36
She did. I was like, where y'all at?
36:37
You know what? Just the love and I and I
36:40
remember at one point I said who you, who you texting?
36:42
So it's it's he's, it's Jeannie. She asked me to.
36:45
I said Lord have mercy. And you did, his voice.
36:49
I'm leaving that people that actually care to, you know.
36:53
You did his voice in cadence and I can hear him saying it in his
36:57
nonchalant way, just like you said.
37:01
I ask what you're doing and so once I got here, the scripture
37:11
about if you have the faith just the size of a mustard seed, you
37:16
can move mountains until that mountain you go over there from
37:20
my mouth to the Lord's ears. Growing up in church, my mom and
37:24
my cousin Tosh used to have me lead this song called Mustard
37:27
Seed Faith straight Gate Church Andrew Merritt for the
37:30
detroitors out there. They they they put that song out
37:33
there years ago, but sometimes it stays in.
37:35
I was the words were like my faith is taking me someplace
37:39
where you going nowhere, because at the time, while I was
37:41
thinking about the Detroit, you know what I mean?
37:45
Maybe when I was going to school, when I tell you my faith
37:48
is taking me some place. And so once I, no, I had that
37:55
faith and then you know, my, my advisor telling me, well, if you
37:58
come to Florida, we can make it so your tuition can be paid.
38:03
So I thought. Listen, so after all those
38:06
schools I applied to or out of all of those schools I applied
38:09
to, I did get into Howard. I love that black and blue
38:12
regalia you have. Are you kidding me?
38:14
And so that it was hard to turn away.
38:17
But then where? And again, next week is faculty.
38:20
Hello, nice listen, come on. But once that was introduced to
38:26
me and then I also I got the black advisor because I always
38:30
knew I would do a study, something to do with black
38:33
people. And I know what it is to be kind
38:35
of edgy. I did not know really what, but
38:38
once I got kind of. Would have been perfect for you
38:41
too, but you could do it. Anywhere but you.
38:42
Had exactly who you needed and where.
38:45
Absolutely. And so just having that faith,
38:48
the size of the mustard seed, right, it put everything into
38:53
place. It was kind of like, OK, so now
38:57
back to the natural world. And now when you're you play
39:00
those games when you're young and it's like you're doing the
39:02
trust ball, you know, like I was doing that to God, but then I
39:06
was also doing it to the advisor because I told her doctor, TBJ,
39:11
our entire relationship, even still till this day, they don't
39:15
nothing but trust. And that makes a word that made
39:19
a world of difference, right? I'm still having that faith the
39:23
size of my receipt, right? Because I'm that guy here and
39:25
who doesn't go through a few financial battles with financial
39:29
aid, or at least that's what we're calling you at that time,
39:31
because things are changing right along.
39:36
I had everything basically set up.
39:39
Then there was a fellowship that I wanted, but I was, you know,
39:43
forgotten at the time. It worked out in the end, but at
39:48
the time I was like, how could this be?
39:51
How could this happen? I thought, I'm pretty organized
39:53
and proactive. I thought I had everything, you
39:55
know, just like it was supposed to be.
39:58
So two of my friends, Carrie and my brother Gary, they said,
40:03
well, these are some of the churches I go to when I am in
40:06
Tallahassee. I totally forgot.
40:08
Carrie was a rattler. He graduated from family.
40:10
Right. Yeah.
40:12
And then my brother Gary, who's just strong in the faith, right?
40:16
And I met him singing with Ricky and New G.
40:18
So I went to the church that Gary told me about.
40:21
I can't remember the name, so forgive me.
40:24
So nice. And I just sit in the back,
40:26
right? And so this was like my first
40:28
couple of weeks of living Alasi. And this really, I want to say
40:33
it was a guest preacher, right? A prophet was, you know, doing
40:38
his thing, walking in his calling and giving a word to
40:41
folks. And so he's like, well, come up
40:43
for prayer if you need prayer. And I'm like, Lord knows I need
40:47
prayer. I don't left my my everything
40:51
I'm like, and I'm starting I knew, but I was starting it to
40:56
better myself. And I went up there and, you
40:59
know, whispered, you know, how to do in church and whispering,
41:02
you know, have my both hands up in ghost.
41:04
You know what? What are you in need of prayer?
41:08
Of what are you seeking God for? And I said, you know, I moved
41:12
here to work on a PhD. And he touched both hands.
41:16
It wasn't anything dramatic. It didn't pass fall out and all
41:18
of that. But he just touched both hands.
41:20
He touched my head. And he said, you know, something
41:23
like grant money will be given unto you and basically be on
41:27
your way and be blessed. Yeah.
41:29
And I never saw this gentleman ever again, you know?
41:33
And I went on, it's like, well, Lord, I'm going trust.
41:38
Thank you. This is What's the other
41:41
prophet? Is this the other prophetic
41:42
word? This is the third, Yeah.
41:45
This is the last, Yeah. And as time progressed, it was,
41:53
it was almost like a, I don't know.
41:55
It was like people were placed in my life the favor that I
41:59
received. I don't know if it were just
42:01
well either if it were from my granddad who christened me or
42:05
the prayers of the family throughout the years and
42:08
friends. It was like God had positioned
42:10
every someone in my life every step of the way to help me all
42:15
the way till I got to the final destination.
42:19
If you are the ultimate goal right defending successfully
42:22
defending and becoming Doctor Edwards and from this is how I
42:30
knew I have favor with people, but this is how I really knew
42:35
Doctor J the moment I crossed the stage.
42:39
I'm not all but some of those key people got immediately
42:43
blessed them to get new jobs in other states.
42:45
And the last one was my actual advisor after she had been 25
42:50
years. And so my but it was my friend
42:52
who you met at Doctor Thomas Joslin said to me one day we
42:56
were celebrating her birthday and I was explaining that to
42:58
her. I'm like, now Kema just got a
43:01
job. Trent just got a job.
43:03
That's it. James and Nikki and they're
43:05
going to be in the same state. And she turned around and said,
43:08
Oh, I don't know what kind of favor you have, but it sounds
43:14
like those people were just really here until you finished.
43:18
And I, and it just hit me, you know, I'm just, you know,
43:21
talking to my friend and it hit me, I'm like, it could it be or
43:29
is it or it is? So I had three other, I call
43:32
them my sisters, three other black women in my program with
43:34
me, but I was the only black male in my HD program and just
43:39
all that comes with that, right? And I tell you, I knew God
43:44
existed without that that journey.
43:46
I was just like God continuously to continues to blow my mind,
43:51
right? Yeah.
43:52
And they say, you know, if you are sincere and you know, really
44:00
are serious about your walk with God to the best of your ability,
44:03
he will, you know, open up the windows of heaven and bless you
44:08
so that you have not have the room enough room enough to
44:11
receive. All of those things came to
44:14
mind. And the other thing is God
44:19
blessed me with those people every step of the way, but He
44:22
also positioned me because there were people that I needed to
44:26
help every step of their way. You see why it's so important to
44:29
get into alignment. But as you were talking, I was
44:32
like, what is this scripture? I knew it was an Acts and I had
44:35
to look it up. OK So when I was looking down I
44:37
was like we gonna find this scripture.
44:39
Thank you. OK.
44:40
Acts 1810 For I am with thee, and no man shall set on thee to
44:45
hurt thee. For I have much people in this
44:48
city. God had people lined up waiting
44:52
for you and then by you getting into alignment, that had a
44:56
domino effect to bless other people because I know you're
45:00
mentoring people. I can't remember what it was.
45:02
It was something one of your mentees got on a call.
45:06
We were on Zoom. Was it my birthday call?
45:08
Zoom. I think it was something, but
45:10
they were one of your mentees and we were doing something
45:13
online. And you hadn't met him because
45:17
the pandemic happened like he was as.
45:21
Yes, I'm about to. Yeah.
45:22
So it was Jonathan who came to my PhD celebration.
45:26
And So what it was is I met him during the pandemic and I was
45:29
teaching a course, British Graduate School, of course, but
45:31
I also taught the course but also served as a mentor.
45:35
And so my dear friend Doctor Brittany Brewster was like, I
45:39
need to send a student to you shift.
45:42
And I said, OK, and then right quick sis, you know why me?
45:45
She said because he wants to go to Michigan State.
45:47
There's nobody else to talk to but you.
45:50
So I, you know, over zone. And I said some things you're
45:55
going to have to, you're going to have to get uncomfortable to
45:58
get comfortable because a lot of times that's what it is.
46:02
And making those short term sacrifices for a long term.
46:05
Gain, also known as space. Hello.
46:09
There we go. And so I sit there and I talked
46:12
to him and he went on here and got in and moved to D got got
46:18
his master's from Michigan State, moved on to DC.
46:20
So I said, well, if you're in the area, I'm coming for my PhD
46:23
celebration, you're more than welcome to join if you are, you
46:27
know, available. He goes, actually, I am
46:29
available. And then that's when that goes,
46:31
great. It'll be nice to meet you in
46:32
person. And he goes, You're so personal.
46:35
I hadn't realized we had met in person, that we haven't.
46:38
Yeah, 'cause that's like, I know I remember this person, right?
46:41
Like 'cause I remember energy experiences and sometimes names.
46:45
Usually it is names, but that's how I know when I be in the
46:48
struggle season, when I remember all those personable details.
46:52
Yeah, absolutely. So I feel like you're already
46:55
getting into this and we focus a lot on your doctoral experience,
47:00
but what are some, what are some other more personal experiences
47:05
that you've had where you really had to trust God despite how
47:09
things look? But I'm also getting a sense
47:11
that you've had a lot of favor on your life, too.
47:15
Oh yeah, God is good all the time, and all the time God.
47:17
Is good, absolutely OK. Some other times.
47:24
Other times you sit outside of the PhD.
47:32
Journal well, and I just was thinking personally, but then as
47:34
I was asking the questions, I was like, my friend is is
47:37
blessed and anointed. OK, so not to say that you
47:41
haven't had difficulties, but if there have been anything, you
47:45
know, any personal experiences that were outside of that and,
47:54
and, and let's be clear most. Of my life, but I'm.
47:57
Trying to right where even when you weren't working at school, I
47:59
mean when in school you was working at a school.
48:02
But what I will say though, that PhD though, y'all, that ain't
48:06
nothing to play with. It's not like any and I'm not
48:09
minimizing anybody's educational pursuit.
48:12
What is required of you to complete this?
48:16
It's like nothing you have ever experienced.
48:19
And I'll be honest, if I knew all the stuff I probably
48:22
wouldn't have did it. But then again, I probably would
48:24
have because I'm I'm hard headed like that when I get stuff in my
48:27
mind, well, I'm determined like that.
48:30
We're speaking like I'm determined like that when I make
48:33
up my mind. And there could have been
48:36
varying things that happened throughout that journey.
48:38
So I won't even limit that, right.
48:41
And say outside of it now that I'm really like thinking about
48:43
you, your life, and what I understand is your lived
48:45
experiences, but I don't know everything.
48:49
So I've only been out with the PhD for two years.
48:53
So then if there's that, but there is something else that
48:57
happened and I feel like you've experienced as well and there is
49:01
a, some amount of faith that comes with that.
49:03
But experiencing grief, although it so to be honest, I
49:09
experienced grief while, you know, working on my undergrad
49:14
degree and working on my PhD, but no grief happened while
49:18
working on the Master's, right? So.
49:20
You got to break. Honey, my life, right?
49:22
Exactly. But the during my time in
49:27
Tallahassee, during the PhD, because there were a number of
49:31
things, it was like, you know, the Black Lives Matter movement,
49:36
George Floyd. And then instantly, all of a
49:39
sudden I have three loved ones in the hospital.
49:41
And it. Yeah.
49:45
And so make a Long story short, my uncle, my uncle Joey went to
49:51
visit my grandmother, right. He's a musician, very devoted,
49:55
played a guitar, and he went to see her as he as he normally
49:57
would after church, Right. But after church, people want to
50:00
come shake the musician's hand. Before he leaves the house, he
50:03
kisses my Grandma Edwards on the forehead.
50:05
And then he goes on about his business.
50:07
Next thing I know, next couple of days, my grandma is calling
50:10
me. Yeah, I go in the in the
50:12
hospital. I said in the hospital.
50:14
So why? What for?
50:16
And he's usually pretty healthy. Like, just talk to him her.
50:20
And she's like, well, you know that thing that's going around.
50:24
And she started to explain COVID.
50:26
Because this was early. I said, goodness, OK, Well, she
50:30
said the family knows. I'm letting you know, you know,
50:33
you know what we do. We pray and ask God for your
50:36
days, right? Because our faith come back.
50:41
Then I get a call from my dear cousin Chenzel.
50:45
We call her Muffet and she goes, Grandma's in the hospital and
50:49
this was not an easy task to get her to go there.
50:51
I my grandmother's are loving, giving in kind, but Jeannie,
50:55
they are strong. You talk about look up in the
50:59
dictionary strong black women. It had my grandma's picture.
51:02
My aunties would be next to it. They because you a tough old
51:05
bird. I'm like, what?
51:07
Where does that even come from? But yeah.
51:10
And so, but, but I'm proud to come from that, you know,
51:14
because they helps make me who they're my experience in
51:18
learning and growing from them helps to make me who I am today.
51:22
And so grandma's in the hospital.
51:24
So now we have my uncle Joey and my grandma Edwards right in the
51:28
hospital. I think that you have them
51:30
hospital battling COVID, right? And he's 59.
51:36
She was, I want to say like 86 at the time, right.
51:40
So then on that's my dad's side. Then all of a sudden I get a
51:45
call my mom, my mom's side, my favorite aunt, my auntie Mama
51:50
Stephanie, my mom, the one you who actually she came from my
51:53
mom's birthday celebration. I wanted her to be just for you
51:56
all, to feel her presence right And so.
51:58
Good energy. Listen And that night she said
52:03
to me at my dining room table, you and Jeannie are really love
52:07
each other. Y'all are real friends.
52:08
She said that. And you know, my aunt was
52:10
clergy, so that meant, you know, the world to me that she picked
52:14
up on that so quickly and in the birthday setting.
52:18
But my mom calls and she goes, your aunt has stage 4 cancer.
52:23
This is someone who never got sick, you know.
52:28
And then my grandmother, my mom's mom.
52:30
So my grandma Craig is also a realist and she says, you know,
52:34
grandson, a lot of times when people like that never get sick,
52:39
usually they get sick unto death because she's is approach.
52:44
She was in her late 80s. She has seen a lot, you know.
52:48
No one. So that means when I met her,
52:52
'cause that was 2016, if I'm not mistaken.
52:56
Or what are you talking about? Who?
52:57
Who was? Oh.
52:58
Well, you met who? Yeah.
52:59
You're not talking about your auntie.
53:00
OK. This is your grandma.
53:01
I was. No, no, no, no, no, no.
53:03
You never met her mother. You met.
53:05
You met. Got it.
53:06
Her oldest. OK.
53:07
OK, OK. Alright, I didn't mean the
53:09
confusion. OK, OK.
53:11
Yes. And So what I mean we we started
53:15
to pray, but we bought went crazy because although I have a
53:18
grandmother, my mom's mother is like Queen Mother.
53:22
She was the matriarch. So just like when I came back to
53:26
do my PhD celebration and that's when I really realized I was a
53:29
glue. My auntie was a glue for our
53:31
entire family. Yeah.
53:32
OK. And so when you have such a
53:35
thing, right, and then I have to share this.
53:39
So my my my brother, my oldest brother Nick caught because he
53:43
was very concerned about Grandma Edwards.
53:45
And it's like, you know, he caught emotional and just like,
53:49
and I don't think she gonna make it.
53:50
I don't know what came over me in that moment.
53:53
Doctor Ji was this calm. I was not crying.
53:57
I said, but I need you to calm yourself, big bro, because Mama
54:04
just pray heaven down and grandma is still here.
54:07
You you can't put her in the grave.
54:09
She's still here fighting. And one thing you do know is
54:12
grandmother is very strong, you know, and she is strong in the
54:18
faith. We got to get it from somewhere,
54:20
right? And so that that calmed him a
54:24
little like, hold on, yes, I'm up in arms and I'm sitting here
54:29
trying to figure I'm going to pass all these classes.
54:31
Right in the back of. My mind, you know, it's nothing
54:34
worse than being on Zoom answering the question while
54:37
fighting back tears at the same time.
54:40
It was some so all the things so and it happening is my uncle
54:44
Joey did pass away at 59, right? Although a lot of people passed
54:50
away, unfortunately from COVID. In my mind, I'm like that Trump
54:54
administration has a lot of blood on their hands.
54:56
I'm just don't say that, 'cause I gotta move, 'cause I'll go
54:59
down a hole. Yeah.
55:00
Then just bring me back for another episode.
55:02
Yep, Yep. That's how I feel.
55:06
That's how I felt. They murdered my uncle.
55:08
And now that is. That's my take on it, right?
55:10
But I've been thinking about my uncle.
55:13
My uncle Joey I love so much. He would have told me nephew or
55:18
he would call me a slim. This I was supposed to be, this
55:21
is how it's supposed to be. You keep you keep moving
55:24
forward. You know, he would have.
55:26
And the thing about Uncle Joey and Auntie Stephanie, those are
55:30
that auntie and the uncle that would come visit me frequently
55:33
in DC. So they got to see me in the
55:35
element and they both said, Oh my God, this is really where you
55:39
were meant to be. You know, like who would have
55:41
thought your soil? And then he passes away.
55:45
And then I have my aunt, my aunt cancer even at that point spread
55:50
it to her brain. I don't know what kind of favor
55:53
she had nor still able to text me from her hospital bed.
55:58
You know what she texted me. How is Uncle Joey?
56:03
Yeah. What do I say to that?
56:05
I can't even remember what I said.
56:07
I know I didn't say. Definitely don't want to say
56:09
he's no longer here, you know what I mean?
56:10
Or he's dead. You know what I mean?
56:12
That was, I'm like, I had to say I'm 'cause I told her the truth,
56:15
but the fact that she's on her stage 4 cancer and she's asking
56:19
how is he? She's still here.
56:22
The same thing you told your brother.
56:23
She's still here. Don't be putting her in the
56:25
grave. So she said no.
56:26
No, no, no, no, she asked. How is Uncle Joey?
56:29
He had. No, he had already.
56:32
But she was still here. Yes, I see what you're saying,
56:38
absolutely. But for her to be at stage 4 and
56:42
still thinking of somebody other than herself, that's the kind of
56:45
person she was. And so I remember the last time
56:52
talking to her on the phone. I remember I said you need to
56:57
call her and tell her you love her now, you know, because I I
57:03
sometimes, I told you, sometimes I'm really.
57:05
Yeah. The thing, the thing with aunt,
57:07
my aunt very close. She was like my auntie Mama,
57:10
Mama. She was my auntie Mama.
57:11
My Mama said growing up, I thought you were confused.
57:14
I thought you thought she might have been your Mama.
57:16
I was like, mom, that's so ridiculous, but I get it.
57:19
You know, I was extremely when someone that's influential and
57:23
powerful is in your life, right, you can't help but to be
57:28
influenced and thankful. You know, thank God she you
57:31
chose her to be my aunt, but I was thinking about her when I
57:38
lived in Maryland. This would be years before I
57:43
ever knew I moved to Florida and I remember pulling out a picture
57:46
of her just sometimes, you know, at night you're going through
57:48
pictures or just don't. I was looking at a picture of
57:50
her and something and I said inside God, please don't let
57:55
this be the odd that you take away of breast cancer and I
57:58
don't know why and I just well, I had other family members have
58:02
been. Affected by breast cancer?
58:04
My stepmother is a cancer survivor.
58:06
Her mother passed away of breast cancer.
58:08
So it was and I was looking at photos of my brother's wedding
58:12
so I was already thinking about family.
58:15
It wasn't just. Feelings and stuff coming up.
58:18
Yeah. And so, and because again, I'm
58:22
like Laura, she's always been fine and healthy and well, I
58:26
don't know why that came over me and I put it up and, and thought
58:30
nothing of it. So when my mother said it's
58:33
brass breast cancer, you can imagine how crazy I, it's
58:39
amazing. I half of us in the family
58:41
listen, let's be honest, she was the favorite, OK?
58:45
So it's amazing that we didn't go insane, meaning with those
58:49
different obstacles, there's people with those stronger
58:51
personalities. They're blessed that they got
58:54
handled the way that they did on certain days.
58:56
Jeanie, that's the honest the truth, honest the God truth.
59:00
OK, listen. And so with all of that being,
59:03
you know, because a hustle and bustle to come with I'm lost my
59:07
most. And when she died, when my
59:10
favorite auntie Mama died, it was like that is when I felt the
59:15
void, a piece of meat left. I'm still here.
59:18
I'm still your down to earth, you know, vibrant everything.
59:21
You all call me those loving names.
59:22
But a piece of me, that's the best way I know how to explain.
59:28
I don't have a word for this, but catch the gangster.
59:30
I see it. It's in the frame.
59:31
And I know you can relate and so but my faith being activated
59:39
because even my favorite aunt would have said my part in the
59:45
story, you know, in our nephew son, it it comes to an end here.
59:51
You have been given the tools. There's so many life lessons
59:55
that I got from both of them. But now I'm on, auntie will
59:59
carry me, right? Exactly.
1:00:00
And then the other thing is I don't know what prayers my
1:00:03
auntie might have paid on her death bill, but I'm still seeing
1:00:05
the blessings of the Lord in my life and I'm just thankful for
1:00:08
that. But if since you say something
1:00:10
else, yes it was still within the moment of me getting my it.
1:00:15
Happened during that time, but it wasn't about the PhD.
1:00:18
Yeah, but there's another reason.
1:00:20
There's another thing, though. Grandma Edwards is now 90 years
1:00:23
old to make at home making pound cake.
1:00:25
Right now. Pull all Yeah yeah Oh yeah, I.
1:00:28
Need to pull up on her. She in she in Michigan.
1:00:31
Or she in Georgia, you're in Michigan, OK.
1:00:34
And yeah, we're, we're kind of spoiled.
1:00:37
So she has sent caked to Georgia, you know, and she.
1:00:42
Really end up no, no, never mind, I don't need that.
1:00:44
I don't need it. I want it, but I don't need it.
1:00:47
I want to say if you want to put in some good words for me, use
1:00:52
some of that favor to get a pound cake to show up in the
1:00:54
mail for me. But no, I don't need that.
1:00:57
That's sabotage to me right now. You gotta have a cheat thing or
1:01:01
something but. Maybe not have.
1:01:03
A whole cake. We'll share it.
1:01:04
You know I've been. Cheating all last week since
1:01:07
Easter. I just got myself back right.
1:01:09
Maybe Friday Lookout. We're human.
1:01:12
Listen and listen, and I listen. I cheated too, because I was in
1:01:17
Colorado the entire last week for a conference and there's a
1:01:21
reason I said Colorado. I had never seen mountains of
1:01:25
that magnitude and as my Uber driver were driving me to the
1:01:29
airport, I did that faith the size of a mustard seed move
1:01:34
mountains. It just I'm like, look, I'm not
1:01:36
looking at this before I go. I, you know, I had, I had never
1:01:39
had a reason to. Go.
1:01:40
And you know I was born in Colorado, right?
1:01:42
Get out of. Here, I'm not kidding.
1:01:44
I was born in Colorado Springs. Ladies and gentlemen, in podcast
1:01:48
land, just when you think you know a person, I just said
1:01:51
Racine. I'm from Racine so I was
1:01:54
conceived in Racine. My Mama just had us dying on
1:01:57
ticks talking about how my daddy pulled a fast one on her but
1:02:01
like literally right before we started.
1:02:04
But so I was conceived in Racine, born in Colorado and
1:02:08
then came back to racing. Yes.
1:02:13
So basically all my life that I can remember, right?
1:02:16
Like I was essentially in racing with the exception of like going
1:02:20
down to Mississippi like once for like a summer or something
1:02:23
when I was like 3-4. And then we lived in Chicago
1:02:28
briefly that I can remember. But Racine always ended up being
1:02:33
the home base. Home base.
1:02:36
Yeah, yeah. Wow.
1:02:38
Colorado. OK, pause because I got her OK.
1:02:46
And Doctor Ji just wanted to add one more thing too, about death
1:02:50
and grief. One thing my grandmother said to
1:02:53
me, my grandma Craig and my mommy's mommy, I wanted to leave
1:02:56
this too, with the listeners and for anybody else who might be
1:02:59
going through. My grandmother said this to me
1:03:02
and it always stays. She said, listen, although you
1:03:06
have loved ones who have passed away or who have gone on, none
1:03:09
of us can escape death. She said just always remember
1:03:13
God always leaves more than what he takes away.
1:03:17
Just, you know, look around you. You still have this relative.
1:03:21
You still have close friends who are like family.
1:03:24
And when she put it in perspective, that really made a
1:03:27
world of difference. And you know, some folks do go
1:03:31
to therapy. I had family to talk to, but I
1:03:34
also had some of my friends mothers and I have my Mama
1:03:38
Cheryl. So that's Byron's mom in North
1:03:39
Carolina. And my aunt passed she talking
1:03:43
about a prayer warrior walked me through that thing.
1:03:46
She prayed me through. And then she said, let me remind
1:03:49
you something about that uncle. You told me all the hit how
1:03:52
devoted he was to God and his instrument and and your aunt.
1:03:56
But then clergy, she said, you got to remember God is coming
1:04:00
back for an army and he's it's not an army that just consists
1:04:03
of 90 year olds. And no, you know, he said.
1:04:05
They were, she was explaining how they were like good
1:04:08
candidates like that, candidates for.
1:04:10
Having you. Know when she put it like that,
1:04:12
I said, you know, in my mind I went right on.
1:04:16
I mean, what else? What else can you say to that?
1:04:19
But those are some things I really needed to hear in that
1:04:21
moment. When I say I was down, you're
1:04:24
talking about down and out, like how supposed to pass statistics.
1:04:28
And my auntie, uncle and I had it.
1:04:29
That was a true story. Statistics will take you out all
1:04:32
on its own. Let's be clear because it almost
1:04:34
took me out, OK? So I just wanted to, I, I wanted
1:04:38
to, I had to say that, yeah. Absolutely.
1:04:41
And you know, that grief thing is so tricky.
1:04:42
And like you said, I know because I was in the season of
1:04:45
grief from 2014 and didn't really come out of it until the
1:04:49
beginning of 2020 because I did every year, some in multiple,
1:04:55
right? And so this whole time, this
1:04:59
look, I decided to go back to school and say, say this, let's
1:05:04
see what you do with all these challenges.
1:05:06
How you gonna deal with this? You go turn the guy.
1:05:09
Let me have it for a little bit. And he he had me for a little
1:05:13
bit. He did but what I have come to
1:05:16
learn about grief, right, like and just like death, right, like
1:05:21
I've always known when it comes because I was exposed to death
1:05:24
like early like through like my great my grandmother passed away
1:05:28
before I was even born, which had a lot to do with like the
1:05:31
circumstances of my own life, right and my arrival and
1:05:35
actually my name Jeannie, I'm named after her, her middle her
1:05:38
name was Gloria Jean. So I was named Jeannie after
1:05:42
her, but that had a lot to do with like, you know, points of
1:05:47
my life. And then even in fifth grade
1:05:50
when my cousin was murdered, my cousin brother, because where I
1:05:53
was raised by my great aunt. So like I remember my first
1:05:57
funeral I ever went to, I was like maybe like 6 or 7 years
1:06:00
old. I remember going to a funeral,
1:06:02
right. So like I had and then growing
1:06:05
up in the 90s in the Midwest, he was getting killed all the time,
1:06:10
right? Like and shot all the time.
1:06:13
So like, that's trauma all in itself, right?
1:06:16
But it was like normalized. But then in this particular
1:06:19
season, like, you know, God moved me out of that.
1:06:21
So it was just happening as a part of life over the way that
1:06:25
I've come to understand life, right?
1:06:27
Sometimes things are consequences, right?
1:06:29
Like as God is not just taking us, taking people from us to be
1:06:33
cruel, but also we do have free will.
1:06:36
And sometimes there are consequences.
1:06:37
But then on the other side of that, they poured out everything
1:06:41
they had to pour. And what I've heard from what
1:06:44
you said about your Uncle Joey and your aunt, like these are
1:06:48
people that poured out. So that meant their assignment
1:06:52
was done. Mission complete.
1:06:55
And I forget what scripture that is, right.
1:06:57
But like that I've done all that I have, you know, set out to do,
1:07:01
you know, Dang, it's an it's it's an air in my room.
1:07:06
But you know what I'm talking about, right?
1:07:08
Like. They're all done with the time
1:07:09
they had. He lived to be 59.
1:07:11
She's my auntie. Stephanie lived to be 67.
1:07:15
They did all they could with the time and and a lot with the time
1:07:19
that they had. Yeah.
1:07:20
And what I'll say is they going back to what Virus, Mom said.
1:07:24
If you think about it, they kind of like advance that they got it
1:07:27
done in such a little bit of time.
1:07:29
Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a word.
1:07:31
Yeah. OK.
1:07:33
All right, But yeah, man. And we can be thankful for the
1:07:38
time that we had with them. And the Bible even tells us that
1:07:42
only two things are guaranteed. That's life and death, right?
1:07:45
But everybody skips over that death part.
1:07:47
They want to avoid that part. And even when you welcome it,
1:07:50
sadness is normal that comes with it.
1:07:52
It's the loss of a significant relationship, a significant
1:07:55
connection. Like it was hard to go to
1:07:57
Florida. So imagine what that's like for
1:08:00
listeners who've not experienced grief yet in their life, right?
1:08:03
Like there are some people who get far into their adult life
1:08:07
before they ever even experience lust and grief.
1:08:12
So like it's, it's magnified in a way.
1:08:15
So you're supposed to feel that, right?
1:08:17
And trust like, like God gots you.
1:08:21
And there's all sorts of scripture that leads to how God
1:08:24
comforts a broken hearted and how he has us in the palm of his
1:08:28
hand and all these different things.
1:08:29
But we really got to get in that book and know and understand.
1:08:33
And I love that you have had people all around you.
1:08:36
Yeah, God. It's been good and, and and and
1:08:39
then also we have to remind ourselves Jesus died too.
1:08:43
For our sin he had to die and thankfully he rose again and so
1:08:47
that gives us hope that we will see our loved ones again.
1:08:50
But. Well, we got Rise again too.
1:08:51
Yes, after, yeah, we'll rise again.
1:08:54
Or either we'll be instantly caught up because we could be,
1:08:56
you know what I mean? Still still around, but
1:08:58
absolutely, absolutely, absolutely.
1:09:02
OK, OK, so again, King and Queen to talk going up here.
1:09:05
Let's move it right along. So how do you know if you're
1:09:11
making a decision out of faith or fear, whether it's faith LED
1:09:14
or fear LED? I feel like, you know, if it's
1:09:19
fear LED, if you just and for me, if you just jump and do it
1:09:22
without any any consideration, you just you didn't listen to
1:09:26
the gut. You just don't.
1:09:27
The decision is because sometimes, you know, you know,
1:09:33
we make decisions without talking to God first or even
1:09:36
saying a quick prayer. OK.
1:09:38
And so then when I do talk to God about it or say that quick
1:09:41
prayer, prayer or take time to, you know, let's think, let that
1:09:46
thing marinate or reflect before you just up and do.
1:09:49
Ain't that what they say? Yep, up and do.
1:09:51
Up and do. So fly by night you just.
1:09:54
Up and do. Exactly and so.
1:09:56
Like, what's the rush? Exactly what is the rush?
1:09:59
Yeah. And that's.
1:10:01
Also, I think, I think that's how the enemy gets us too,
1:10:04
right? Like that's how Satan will get
1:10:05
us. He will present this thing.
1:10:07
And I think that's another way to differentiate if it like, you
1:10:11
know how they always be like, if it's too good to be true, it
1:10:13
usually is, right? Like they look good, ain't good.
1:10:17
Right, Everything that glitters is not gold.
1:10:19
Not to say that God, because God, our God is a God of
1:10:22
miracles and he would pop some stuff up on you quick, but you
1:10:25
also know that's where discernment comes in, right?
1:10:28
Like, you know it in your spirit, but like, if you feel
1:10:30
anxious, if there's this hate, if there's all this pressure,
1:10:33
like if it doesn't feel right, it doesn't feel good.
1:10:36
There's a wrestling that's happening and are you going to
1:10:39
pay attention to what's happening between the mind, body
1:10:42
and the spirit? Wow, And can I add to that?
1:10:45
That's absolutely or something I might need help with the exact
1:10:50
verse, Doctor J But there was when you have those situations
1:10:55
and you feel, you know, if you're going to just rush and
1:10:57
make a decision or if you're going to take time.
1:10:59
There's a scripture that says, you know, my sheep know my voice
1:11:04
and a stranger. Hello.
1:11:07
That's so good. Yeah, You know, I I still have a
1:11:11
lot more life to live, hopefully lower from my mouth to your
1:11:14
ears. But I feel like because we know
1:11:17
a lot about each other with Diamond family, we've had those
1:11:21
situations, you know what I mean?
1:11:23
And when I, I, you know, I should have listened to God for
1:11:28
just jumping right in and, and, and doing my own thing.
1:11:31
So I definitely try my best to keep that in mind, especially as
1:11:36
I, you know, get older and my walks, my walk becomes better
1:11:42
and closer to God and just be more intentional.
1:11:45
You know what I mean? Listen.
1:11:47
And it's it does start in the morning for me.
1:11:50
When I hit that floor, I'm thanking God.
1:11:52
I'm saying my prayer, read my Bible and doing my affirmation,
1:11:56
OK? Come on, you better speak life
1:11:59
reprogram your mind. And also, listen, I was doing
1:12:03
the, you know, the, the, the vision boards before they became
1:12:05
really popular. I still have mine over my bed in
1:12:08
a frame from Michael's and at, at part of the journeys.
1:12:11
I didn't talk about that, but a part of the journey as I would
1:12:14
go to the vision board, I would move things around or replace
1:12:19
them with something else. I did not realize my vision
1:12:23
board would talk back to me, though thing.
1:12:29
Yeah. And and this is the way.
1:12:30
A simple example. It's not simple.
1:12:33
It's a wonderful example, but come on, I mentioned my cousin
1:12:37
Zale earlier. I know when I crossed the stage
1:12:40
she calls. Hey, I'm on I'm on this grant
1:12:44
with your high school principal, my high school principals, Dr.
1:12:47
Denise Darcel Davis Cotton. I love send her full name, but
1:12:50
she founded choice School of the Arts where the singer I will you
1:12:53
know that was her for most famous alumni.
1:12:55
I hadn't seen her in 20 years. Come to find out, the woman's in
1:13:00
Florida at University of South Florence, Sarasota and wants to
1:13:04
invite me to these tank tanks. I'm like.
1:13:08
Love. This, but Doctor Cotton's
1:13:12
picture is on my vision board to represent my high school.
1:13:16
That's where I come from. That's what I'm proud of.
1:13:19
I never expected her to circle back.
1:13:22
I had to get the degree first, obviously, because there are
1:13:24
other things. Now I'm on her level.
1:13:26
She said, Oh, now you're really my colleague, you know, that
1:13:28
type of thing and extreme, extreme auntie vibes.
1:13:31
You know, it's, it's, I mean, you know, dramatically.
1:13:34
Oh, she the founder of the School of the Arts y'all.
1:13:36
So you're getting all the things.
1:13:38
All of it. Who would have thought, Jeannie,
1:13:43
we're in the same state, a little over 4 hours away from
1:13:47
each other and again, and I thought I just moved here to,
1:13:51
you know, get my little pin and. Come on back to us on the DMV.
1:13:55
Yeah. And then to somebody your your
1:13:58
principal wants to see you once. I mean you could you imagine my?
1:14:04
Person is not so. Talk about a full circle moment.
1:14:11
Yeah. I just had to get that out there
1:14:14
cuz. That's good, but Speaking of
1:14:16
grants and closing circles, you said in church that the prophet
1:14:21
said the grant money will come, go and talk about it.
1:14:24
And so OK, so the Florida Education fund McKnight
1:14:28
dissertation fellowship so you can either be fully funded
1:14:32
through this organization or or an affiliate.
1:14:35
But then once you get to the point of being a PhD candidate,
1:14:39
if you will, then you can apply for the dissertation fellowship.
1:14:43
So I thought in the beginning I was forgotten.
1:14:45
I, I said this to you over the phone, but you might not
1:14:48
remember because it was earlier on during my journey.
1:14:50
And I said, hang, you know, Jeannie, they forgot to include
1:14:55
me. So me that faith that I can move
1:14:59
mountains, this was a hurdle because I needed access to that
1:15:02
money. But I'm also a firm believer in
1:15:04
ask and you share receive as someone you told me you would
1:15:07
not send me all the way out here to Florida in Tallahassee in the
1:15:11
middle of nowhere to not finish this degree and to finish it
1:15:15
with what Sabia said first, or so you gave her the words to
1:15:20
say, Lord, you'll be able to finish this.
1:15:22
I'm going to finish in these four years.
1:15:24
I'm going to activate my faith. What a gram I say.
1:15:28
Or when you take the first step, God will do the rest.
1:15:31
I was sweating profusely. It was the hottest day in
1:15:34
Tallahassee, FL and I went to find a sweet little lady.
1:15:38
She's brilliant Doctor Adrian Stevenson.
1:15:41
And I said I I first of all, all the lights in the front office
1:15:46
were off it. Dang, first of all, I didn't
1:15:49
know she was a she. I thought it was he because
1:15:52
Doctor Steven. I didn't bother to ask anybody
1:15:54
because that. Name could go in anyway.
1:15:58
I just need to find this Doctor Stevenson.
1:15:59
I could have asked my advisor. I just said, and I mean the
1:16:03
authority in my first year. So my advice, I'm leaving.
1:16:06
I'll be back. I got to go find this Doctor
1:16:08
Stevenson. That's a.
1:16:10
That's the old one thing that is very much a you thing, let's be
1:16:14
honest. Man and I went and found and I
1:16:17
went to the wrong place first and they said oh she's in the
1:16:20
Chick-fil-A building. I said she.
1:16:21
You went in there loud and wrong.
1:16:23
No, I went in there OK Light because I was on the I was on a
1:16:26
journey. I went there.
1:16:29
Hi, can you tell me what Doctor Stevenson is?
1:16:31
And then the gentleman said she is in the Chick-fil-A building.
1:16:35
She. So now I had, you know, Clue.
1:16:37
Yeah, I was playing Clue. You hear me?
1:16:39
I was playing clue so I found and something said open the door
1:16:45
the lights are off. I tried the door and it open and
1:16:48
I said anybody here? And I heard a voice in the back.
1:16:52
Hello. Hello.
1:16:54
I said, Oh my God, I think it's her.
1:16:56
So I walked in, introduced myself, told her I think I was
1:17:00
forgotten about. She did a call.
1:17:02
Anybody ever heard of this on Edwards?
1:17:04
He's here. We're trying to figure out
1:17:05
what's going on. Found out I got overlooked.
1:17:07
We're going to make you an affiliate, right?
1:17:09
So I'm still worked because then I came across a situation where
1:17:15
my money was being held up by financial aid.
1:17:17
You know, all that paid in BC I wasn't making all the payments
1:17:19
like I should, OK, Just being honest, OK.
1:17:22
But now I want to go back and really do something.
1:17:24
He said I still got you, though. That's and, and trust the CEO of
1:17:33
the Florida Education Fund. Me, OK, his doctor, Morehouse
1:17:36
said. Listen, I'm going to give you
1:17:39
you explained your case, you didn't send more than enough
1:17:41
paperwork. We believe you.
1:17:43
You know I'm going to do that and we're going to get we're
1:17:46
going to write you just check in good faith that you're going to
1:17:49
finish by the time I had proved myself.
1:17:52
I still have to apply for the dissertation of fellowship like
1:17:55
everybody else, but I would don't think about me is when I
1:17:58
applied. They already knew me.
1:18:00
You follow and and they already knew the work ethic and you know
1:18:03
I was going to finish for real. And so I did get the, it was
1:18:09
$20,000. So that would be the first, you
1:18:12
know, I got other grants to like travel and go to conferences,
1:18:15
but that would be the first big one that I wrote given the my
1:18:18
dissertation study and they. Yeah.
1:18:21
Keyword first. Yeah, yeah.
1:18:23
Listen. Yeah.
1:18:24
The blessings kept flowing. The fountain.
1:18:27
Yeah, the fountain flowing. That foundation also gave me the
1:18:32
confidence so when the time came to, you know, be back with
1:18:37
Doctor Cotton and work on some of the projects that she, you
1:18:40
know, we have worked on and we're going to see what happens
1:18:43
or projects that made to come come up because I was well
1:18:47
trained, activated my faith. I am now can walk in this season
1:18:52
with confidence and and knowing that if God saw me all the way
1:18:57
through that whole decade in Maryland.
1:19:00
All the people I met then then brought me to.
1:19:02
I had nerve enough to trust in him that trust fall and he
1:19:06
brought me to Tallahassee and just.
1:19:09
Tallahassee. I mean.
1:19:11
The And you're down there with your skin glowing.
1:19:14
Tallahassee look good on you, friend.
1:19:15
Listen, I. Appreciate that I do I.
1:19:19
Still need to get down there. I'm playing games.
1:19:21
Listen. But you know, life was life and
1:19:24
it's alright, right? That's alright.
1:19:27
And I love how it's just coming up organically, how everything
1:19:31
that you're talking about really and truly is giving God like the
1:19:34
honor and the praise and like just the victories and the
1:19:37
proof, right? The victories and the proof,
1:19:40
yes, Because you know, people can overlook that in the the way
1:19:46
that we confuse the enemy is that we are praising him the
1:19:49
whole time because he can only understand and was like said was
1:19:54
hourly expressed. And that's why sometimes we
1:19:57
gotta be. We gotta be quiet.
1:20:01
But they say be still and know that I am God and that's always
1:20:05
easy. But and, and and with that comes
1:20:10
of a sense of discipline. We always want to talk.
1:20:15
This is a great segue. Do do you know, we like to
1:20:20
listen, we do like to take control of things.
1:20:22
And I have a way. Let me put it into action.
1:20:26
And also part of that is that journey to the PhD will humble
1:20:31
you along the way. And I did not come in here with
1:20:34
the big head either, but it will still humble you in such a way.
1:20:40
And I think all of that was a part of it.
1:20:44
And I was also, and I still am, just thankful that I had an
1:20:47
advisor I could talk to about God and have prayer with.
1:20:51
Listen, I feel like I know her. She's listen, I, you know, I
1:20:58
feel like you sometimes you don't know when you're
1:20:59
entertaining angels. That's the best way to describe.
1:21:03
Say that. And, and, and then I saw God
1:21:06
enlarged her territory. Good God Almighty.
1:21:08
Come on, expansion. And, and I'm not the only one
1:21:11
she helped, there's several. Of course not, not if if she
1:21:14
like you said you entertaining angels and God has expanding
1:21:18
her, that means that she been pouring and pouring and pouring.
1:21:21
Absolutely, absolutely. And so I'm just thankful.
1:21:26
Oh, and also too, you know how we are at that light.
1:21:30
And I have to say this, God allowed me to help other
1:21:36
believers. He also allowed me to be blessed
1:21:40
by folks who might not have been as strong in the faith as I am
1:21:44
and still allowed me to bless people who were not believers
1:21:48
because still being, you know, the the light, the whole pulling
1:21:53
as you climb. And I don't think you know, at
1:21:56
least I don't operate that way. I don't think you should just
1:21:59
looking at the folks who are believers to help because that's
1:22:03
still how you are going about, you know, a part of my calling
1:22:10
or part of how I'm able to, to be a blessing or and walk into
1:22:16
the path that God has for me. And some of that I'm still
1:22:20
learning and figuring that out. But you got to help people along
1:22:23
the way. And that's biblical.
1:22:25
That's also from from my, my mom and grandma.
1:22:28
You know, I, I don't come. I'm, I am blessed.
1:22:32
No, I don't come from an affluent background, hold on,
1:22:34
but from a background that I've never gone without.
1:22:38
But you. Do you you come from spiritual
1:22:41
affluence? Hello.
1:22:42
But you better believe every step of the way, my mom.
1:22:46
And you see how blessed you are, all of these.
1:22:49
Now it's time to take and give it to Goodwill.
1:22:51
You see how blessed you are. And that never left me.
1:22:54
That never left me because I don't know, maybe God pierced my
1:22:59
heart at an early age to know, you see other people who might
1:23:03
be going without or might be not, might not be as spiritually
1:23:07
fed or just the love that I, you know, have been able to receive.
1:23:14
You know, my foundation is does start with family and it has
1:23:20
definitely helped me with like, you know, move moving forward
1:23:26
and just being that light and walking and walking in the faith
1:23:28
because without the faith I had all the love that I did receive
1:23:31
because they knew at one point, but one is going to be nobody
1:23:35
but you and Jesus. Even I was just having the
1:23:37
private conversations with God in the DMV and y'all didn't know
1:23:41
what I was, you know, talking about with God or even while
1:23:45
being I mentioned Calvary earlier.
1:23:47
We even while being at Calvary and all those prayers and, you
1:23:50
know, some of the shutdowns we used to do, we'd be praying next
1:23:53
to each other. But you don't really know what's
1:23:54
going on. Time for your immediate
1:23:58
connection. I don't need you to work this
1:24:00
out or fix this. So just give me more clarity.
1:24:03
What am I doing? Am I losing all the things?
1:24:06
Yeah, all the things. Yeah, but that makes so much
1:24:09
sense, Fran, right, Because if you are not sharing and shedding
1:24:12
your light with non believers, then there would be no reason
1:24:15
for you to be here, right? The Great Commission, that's
1:24:18
Matthew, right from the book of Matthew, right?
1:24:20
Like that's the whole point. And for people to get that
1:24:24
overflow to see what happens when you are in alignment with
1:24:27
God. And if you smart and you see
1:24:30
people who are in alignment with God and you see that favor on
1:24:34
their life, maybe you better get in position, you better hover,
1:24:37
get close, even if you just get a little trickle, a little
1:24:40
sprinkle, right? Like, and I'm not saying that in
1:24:42
a way where it's just like using people in manipulative right?
1:24:46
As much as like those are the people you need to go go towards
1:24:52
when you see the favor on the people, right?
1:24:54
Like and it looks and it looks different for everybody and
1:24:57
sometimes but people get talked out of it like you right there,
1:25:00
but they know I need this specific thing.
1:25:02
I need it to look this way and they'd be missing it.
1:25:05
And it's like you got like your grandma said, you got to move
1:25:08
first. And to me, I hear you got to let
1:25:11
go at a house, just do right. Like in a lot of the material
1:25:15
that I've been putting out on social media is just go move.
1:25:18
God is waiting on you, you waiting on him.
1:25:20
He's waiting on you. Like go dude, he's got you.
1:25:24
Failure is not an option when you are operating in alignment
1:25:28
with God. He's going to bless anything you
1:25:30
ask him for, and if it aligns with his will, maybe he gonna do
1:25:36
it. And he gonna.
1:25:36
Amplify it. Amen.
1:25:39
That's all I can say to the sorry.
1:25:42
I got a little hype. No, you're right.
1:25:43
Ask and it should be. Absolutely.
1:25:47
Yep, absolutely. All you got to do is ask for it.
1:25:51
But like, but you we know when we in alignment and when we're
1:25:53
not. But then sometimes we're afraid.
1:25:56
We're afraid or sometimes we don't.
1:25:58
We don't like what he'd be asking us to do, and sometimes
1:26:02
he'd be asking us to do stuff and it feel weird or you'd be
1:26:05
like you trusted me with this. Absolutely.
1:26:07
You want me to do that, right? I don't know if I got that, but
1:26:13
you know, if there's not if if I've not learned anything and
1:26:17
I've learned many things, all these darn degrees right When he
1:26:22
choose you, it don't matter. No.
1:26:25
Doesn't matter where you from, what you have, what you do, what
1:26:28
you don't like, He's going to give you everyone everything.
1:26:33
He's going to clear the path, He's going to do all of it.
1:26:38
And we have to let go of the how.
1:26:41
And I love that you've been able to let go of the how and he was
1:26:46
able to bless you, put people in position, put you in position so
1:26:51
that his will, his reach, it continues.
1:26:55
Oh yes, yes, answer that. And I'm like I said, I'm just
1:27:03
God blew my mind, you know, and and I and and and a part of two
1:27:08
of the when I mentioned earlier, like the being humble and you
1:27:15
know, people will speak well of me and highly of me.
1:27:19
You know, I was just at a conference presenting and doing
1:27:21
all these wonderful things and this is not a guilt, but still
1:27:27
just reminding myself, wow, God, you still love me and I am just
1:27:33
the Sinner saved by grace, you know, and you still.
1:27:37
I mean always. It even just in a simple
1:27:41
conversation, we call that social capital.
1:27:44
Somebody can say something and just yeah.
1:27:47
So when I get back home, I'm going to change a few things
1:27:49
because what? You know what I mean?
1:27:51
The part of that some people say being at the right place at the
1:27:54
right time, but I also call that God setting you up because you
1:27:57
know. Yeah, I was like, God place, God
1:27:59
time. Listen, so God's unconditional
1:28:02
love, I listen, I tell you, it was definitely increased during
1:28:09
my journey. And yeah, I'm just happy to be
1:28:14
at the place that I'm in and I'm ready for.
1:28:16
All right, Lord, so. On the other side.
1:28:18
Listen, if you can get me through that.
1:28:21
Hey, hey, let's go. What's next?
1:28:24
Listen. And right, yeah, yeah.
1:28:27
So that's. And I wanna highlight, so that
1:28:30
it's not missing here, that I hear that you have routines that
1:28:34
reinforce your faith and your intimate relationship with God.
1:28:38
Yes. I do.
1:28:39
So you so run, run that back just in case they didn't miss it
1:28:43
if they weren't listening 'cause it wasn't the main point of what
1:28:45
you were saying. OK, so my routine for, you know,
1:28:53
just staying connected and my faith in God is when I hit the
1:28:57
floor in the morning, I'm thanking God that depending on
1:29:01
what the day is like, I might play a little, you know,
1:29:05
whoever's on the mind. And I'm like, who is going to
1:29:07
bless me this morning? And that can be from Jane Moore.
1:29:13
He's incredible gospel artist out of Houston, TX.
1:29:16
Sometimes I want to hear Judith McAllister because I'm trying to
1:29:18
get to that upper room and there's one CD about hers that I
1:29:21
just she's made a ton of music, but sometimes somebody can just
1:29:24
make that one CD and that is the one like you bless my soul.
1:29:28
I don't care if you never make another CD.
1:29:31
Lord rest her soul. Lucretia Campbell talk about the
1:29:34
voice of an Angel. Because I want to, you know,
1:29:38
humble myself. But I just, you know, and I, I
1:29:42
do listen and like a lot of music, but when I'm trying to
1:29:44
talk to God. I think it's my right.
1:29:48
There you go. And so praying first reading my
1:29:52
Bible. Giving thanks, I heard
1:29:56
gratitude. Gratitude.
1:29:59
And then after that part, before I do, actually before I do the
1:30:03
affirmation, I look in that mirror and I remind.
1:30:07
I do. I read this.
1:30:08
I know, right? And I remind myself, remember
1:30:12
you are beautifully and wonderfully made.
1:30:14
You know, especially in this day and age, there's a lot of things
1:30:17
out here and social media is can be so overtaking.
1:30:21
I even have to guard my gate. Some of the stuff that's got
1:30:23
something. Yes, you do look at it.
1:30:25
I tell people, listen, I will post, but then you won't hear
1:30:28
from me 5 days at a time. I cannot no, it's it will
1:30:32
overtake me. And so I have to be mindful of
1:30:34
that, but reminding myself, looking in that mirror and hit
1:30:37
those affirmations and then I'm. I'm ready to go.
1:30:40
Ready to go. I'm ready to.
1:30:42
Go whatever the task is. Now I am complete.
1:30:45
And. Because some of my days, they
1:30:49
look very different. Some are extremely busy.
1:30:51
Some I have the autonomy, you know, do OK, I can do this and
1:30:55
we can put that for another day or something like that.
1:30:58
If I happen to go through a day and I say, oh, I didn't pray
1:31:02
today or I didn't say my full prayer because my full prayer,
1:31:06
I'm calling your name out. I'm calling listen.
1:31:09
Oh my name. Doctor Mika on your show not so
1:31:12
long ago, I call her, I call out my family, friends and friends
1:31:15
who are like family. But the other thing is, so if
1:31:18
I'm in a rush, I do you know my quick prayer, which is the, you
1:31:21
know, the, the, you know, the prayer, the our Father who art
1:31:26
in heaven do that because I still got to get something out.
1:31:29
You know what I mean? But I like to really be able to
1:31:33
talk to God and say specific thing.
1:31:36
You know, I have friends who you know might be going through
1:31:41
things that those whom I have very recently a friend going
1:31:44
through grief. I have friends who work for the
1:31:46
federal government in DC. Laura, when you see the blood,
1:31:49
please flash over. And you know what?
1:31:51
I'm thinking that when I. Say that.
1:31:52
Come on. That's why I like to call out
1:31:56
things when I when I pray, you know, so most of the time and
1:32:01
then also after I go through the day, what am I doing at night
1:32:05
before I lay my head down praying again, OK, covering
1:32:09
while I'm laying my head down to sleep.
1:32:12
That's going to prayer for you know those and you know, I love
1:32:15
even my enemies. I have to say that Lord, even
1:32:17
people I don't talk to no more, bless them to You know that is
1:32:22
the part. Let him and let him, OK?
1:32:26
He he he will. No, he gonna deal with all of
1:32:29
that. Absolutely.
1:32:30
Because through the years we talked about the teachable 20s.
1:32:32
I don't know, what do you call the 30s, five and 30?
1:32:34
I don't know. Anyway, all those things.
1:32:38
We can work that out. I like this.
1:32:39
OK, yeah, the the teachable 20s part, I stole that from this
1:32:44
year. Alfred Owens.
1:32:46
OK, listen, I was there a lot, OK?
1:32:49
But I'm, I'm, I'm happy. I'm, I'm proud to be a son of
1:32:51
that church that put a lot of good in me.
1:32:53
And I never met people like Sabria and the Byrons.
1:32:55
And I have a nice strong foundation support system
1:32:59
because people like you, who I met right through a lot of my
1:33:03
friends we did meet worship them.
1:33:05
I'm like, I know that you are a real 1 and you're down on earth,
1:33:08
but I also know you can get a prayer through.
1:33:10
Yes, hey, so we need to. Listen, so with all of those
1:33:18
growing, the growing pains in the DMVI also had to learn too.
1:33:23
At some point in my life, everybody's, you know, not your
1:33:25
assignment because I have such a.
1:33:29
Or assignment is complete. Yes, or we've.
1:33:32
Been mistaken assignments for like lifelong friendships.
1:33:36
Exactly. And sometimes it can be
1:33:39
challenging to see, right, especially when you're like
1:33:42
yourself, you are kind, you're giving very open.
1:33:45
We will. I can honestly say this.
1:33:47
And for this sentence, I am speaking for you as well, Doctor
1:33:50
J. We will give people the benefit
1:33:53
of the doubt until we have a reason not to do it anymore.
1:33:56
That's just how we're built. Do you agree?
1:34:00
That's why we need boundaries, that's why we need discernment,
1:34:02
that's why we need wisdom, and that's why you saying teachable
1:34:06
20s, baby, them 30s was still very teachable too.
1:34:08
Absolutely and that's why also too with the yeah pregnant
1:34:12
asking God for that discernment for discernment.
1:34:15
When I first got out here, my my advisor major professor brought
1:34:19
me out here like a month before everybody else because I had
1:34:21
been out of school a decade. So once it you know I.
1:34:24
Was like nothing. I'm taking you away from us a
1:34:26
month early. Listen, getting that writing
1:34:28
done and then I I also had to learn a few things about, you
1:34:31
know, how to do my job, but just I did because before everybody
1:34:35
else in my cohort who I really wanted to be friends with or,
1:34:38
you know, some of the other folks I met who are part of my
1:34:40
circle, I was kind of like just out here.
1:34:43
I don't want to say alone because I did start within at
1:34:48
least that my advice and you know, through friends I was
1:34:51
becoming close to on the research team, but one of them
1:34:56
for those first couple of weeks, I went to like a game night and
1:34:59
I came home and I did say to myself, what on earth have I
1:35:03
done to myself? You know what I mean?
1:35:05
Because you're you're going through it.
1:35:06
It's the that that fear, that being uncomfortable that I got
1:35:12
out here. I want to better myself, but
1:35:15
there's a sense of insecurity. I felt a bit naked, if you will,
1:35:21
because everything I had stripped.
1:35:23
I mean, you know, I had nerve enough to get in the heat.
1:35:25
All right, But I'm just saying that to say the the grand scheme
1:35:29
of of things. I know I've touched on a lot of
1:35:31
things just. This is good.
1:35:33
Come on. King, you know, those are just
1:35:36
some things that have come to mind within my, you know, my
1:35:40
journey to not and just thinking about life in general.
1:35:43
You, you, you did mention earlier some of those obstacles
1:35:46
that too many to name, OK. But yes.
1:35:50
I saw that answer. It's all spiritual compost,
1:35:53
right? It's all spiritual compost.
1:35:55
Yeah, absolutely. And we gonna keep rolling that
1:35:58
and running that. She didn't put me on to it.
1:36:01
I'm gonna keep on saying it. Right?
1:36:02
Turn that dirt into soil. OK, Let's do it.
1:36:07
Mercy I love. Yes I look so good.
1:36:10
You are the popular play. Oh my God, make me a moment in
1:36:14
your way. Wow.
1:36:16
Listen, come on. Hands.
1:36:17
Yes. Oh.
1:36:20
Good now I know you said a whole bunch of stuff in there but Fran
1:36:24
I said my friend so fine and he get up in the mirror every
1:36:27
morning and be like you are and it.
1:36:31
And what y'all don't know about my friend is he get his hair cut
1:36:35
every week. I think I can only think of
1:36:39
maybe like one time that I know that I can remember where you
1:36:43
were. Like I don't even don't even
1:36:44
look at me. I ain't get my haircut this
1:36:46
week. But Fred do not be playing about
1:36:50
loving on himself and maintaining self.
1:36:53
And that is not vain in vanity at all because our bodies, this
1:36:56
is also a living sacrifice, honey.
1:36:58
So we ain't supposed to be out here looking ripped and ragged,
1:37:01
OK? It's the temple.
1:37:03
And let me just say, this one that was in steel.
1:37:05
Now you know my paternal father was a Barber.
1:37:08
Well, and you also from Detroit, y'all.
1:37:10
Don't play no games up in. Detroit Baby.
1:37:12
That did listen Detroit and then being in the DMV, that that
1:37:15
didn't make it any better. We were always out and about.
1:37:19
No matter when I'm going to church, listen, when I'm going
1:37:21
to dinner. Lord knows we always had a
1:37:23
birthday dinner every weekend. I mean every.
1:37:25
Weekend. Listen, I can have three just in
1:37:29
my week because, you know, I used to celebrate my birthday
1:37:31
like Wednesday, Thursday to Sunday.
1:37:34
I learned that from you, you know.
1:37:38
Listen, love yourself. I'm telling you this year it
1:37:42
was, well, I guess I kind of did celebrate.
1:37:44
I was in Chicago, but I was doing, I was at a ladies
1:37:46
lectureship with my church. So I really only did like one
1:37:50
for real thing for me. And I did nothing in the DMV
1:37:54
because I got back. I was tired.
1:37:56
And they just. Felt it was so much work to try
1:37:58
to play something before, something after, and I was like
1:38:00
that. That birthday was exactly what
1:38:02
it needed to be and where and it was one of my smallest, most
1:38:06
intimate and it was perfect. Now next year, I'm after the
1:38:10
food. Listen, let.
1:38:11
But let me say this though, and I appreciate the comments about
1:38:14
my good looks. Listen, Yeah, you gorgeous too,
1:38:17
Queen. Let me just say thank you, baby.
1:38:19
I told mom. I said mom.
1:38:21
You know, Genie got divorced and she said she's going to be just
1:38:25
fine, She said. Does she know how gorgeous she
1:38:28
is? So you know my little Mama.
1:38:32
Thank you, Mama. Yes, yes.
1:38:33
And I said yes, mom, that's that's yeah, absolutely right.
1:38:37
She is. She is going to be just fine,
1:38:38
you know, just in the natural world, so and you know.
1:38:43
Not to sound conceited, but like really and truly friend, I
1:38:46
wasn't living in the fullness of my beauty like in the like in
1:38:51
spirit too, because all that's whatever's on the inside, it
1:38:55
starts to come out on the outside, right.
1:38:57
And so like I've been looking at myself sometime be like, girl,
1:39:00
that's you and like when God gave you the vision or how to
1:39:05
like change my look. And I just remember, I don't
1:39:07
know if I read it, if I heard it on TV, if it was in church, but
1:39:12
I know I got it muscle places where you will be
1:39:15
unrecognizable, right. And this time last year, right,
1:39:23
because you was getting ready to come in town for graduation.
1:39:26
She was like a week away. You were getting ready to come
1:39:29
in. Yes, almost a week.
1:39:31
It's almost, I mean, it's almost been a year and I was wearing
1:39:36
largest, the extra largest had black hair, you know what I
1:39:41
mean? And my spirit was in chambers.
1:39:45
So of course I still look like me because that was one thing.
1:39:49
God bless me with this face card never declined.
1:39:51
And so I could hide. I could hide, right, but like he
1:39:57
was like, no, no, no, I'm going to do a new thing and you're
1:39:59
going to look, you're going to look new and it's going to show
1:40:01
up new and it's you're just going to be different.
1:40:04
And he, he has done that thing from the inside out.
1:40:08
And so thank you mom for speaking life.
1:40:12
Absolutely. And you know, I had said this in
1:40:15
the beginning of last year. I was like, I'm, I'm not holding
1:40:18
back. I said people better, they
1:40:20
better get ready. You can't.
1:40:22
You can't hold back, and neither am I.
1:40:23
Because the other thing is we we already look good.
1:40:27
So birds of a feather flock together.
1:40:29
And now we have. Who would have thought?
1:40:31
Jeannie, we are calling each other Doctor.
1:40:35
No, like, for real. I know the pain and the ups and
1:40:40
downs and the rigor you went through.
1:40:42
You know, my listen, you know, my advisor didn't play.
1:40:44
She is my Angel, but she is, she does not play.
1:40:47
And that's what you want. That's that's why I moved all
1:40:49
the way out here to work with her, right.
1:40:52
We, we, I said that because a lot of the, you know, in this
1:40:54
day and time, people can get PhD overnight and the Internet kind
1:40:57
of, you know, these wacky things.
1:40:59
No, no, no. For the listeners.
1:41:01
We are real. pH DS went through regular.
1:41:04
We went in person. We did how you're supposed to do
1:41:09
the old traditional way. Go to school and sit in class
1:41:12
and be there in person. You can learn what you need to
1:41:15
learn because you're more effective and then you have more
1:41:17
in appreciation. We have more appreciation for
1:41:19
these degrees because we did the worst.
1:41:22
Man, when I came to, yes, I came into my, my cohort was only 5
1:41:27
people. You dropped off within the first
1:41:31
two weeks. Then within the first couple of
1:41:35
years, once she dropped off, she went and got her doctorate
1:41:39
somewhere else. So she did finish.
1:41:41
I need to check back with one more because this journey is not
1:41:45
for the fan of her. So on any day there was only
1:41:48
like two or three of us in class.
1:41:49
If any one of us was gone. I never had a day where it was
1:41:52
just me and the professor, but it would be two or three of us
1:41:56
in class. And I'm sharing that to give
1:41:58
y'all context if you're listening, if you're watching
1:42:01
that like we make up less than 2% of the world.
1:42:07
Yeah, of the. World population, people that
1:42:09
have PhD. So you talk about being chosen
1:42:12
and then chosen. The Gambian set of art.
1:42:16
It's double. Absolutely.
1:42:19
And it's not by coincidence that He chose you and I to do this.
1:42:23
And God has his people and the spaces and the places to be the
1:42:27
light on purpose. He's putting us in position for
1:42:30
such a time as this. Look at the work that you're
1:42:33
doing. Look at what your dissertation
1:42:35
focused on. Yeah.
1:42:38
Where such a time is this? Such a time.
1:42:40
And who would have thought? Who would have thought?
1:42:43
Yeah. Yes, yes, yes, well, clearly we
1:42:47
know how to talk and we could go on and on and on.
1:42:52
So what I'm going to do is start to wrap us up a little bit,
1:42:55
right? Like, 'cause you drop so much
1:42:57
good knowledge and wisdom. I also want to make sure that I
1:43:00
leave the audience with some practical steps to just build
1:43:03
off of what you shared about your routine, right?
1:43:06
Because for and one of my other guests, he talks about like your
1:43:10
routine, like you know, it's, it's your need, your routine,
1:43:13
your choice, right, in terms of what you build for yourself.
1:43:17
So some of those things in this, this goes with you.
1:43:20
So in addition to using those like declaring affirmations that
1:43:24
are targeted at your identity, because that's the way that the
1:43:28
end of becoming enemy becoming y'all becoming for your
1:43:30
identity. So you need to make those
1:43:33
affirmations about your identity that affirm who you are and
1:43:36
who's you are #1 that can really help you in faith so that you
1:43:41
can separated that he can't shake you and be like Jesus.
1:43:45
It is written, OK, when, when, when, when Satan come, you know
1:43:49
your scripture. You can tell him, no, get out of
1:43:51
here. I'm uniquely and wonderfully
1:43:52
made. So if we try to get in your head
1:43:55
with a doubt and that goes with scripture.
1:43:57
So those affirmations, Scriptures are affirmations,
1:44:00
right? But like use them.
1:44:02
That is your scripture is your weapon.
1:44:06
That is it's, it's your shield too.
1:44:09
It's so many different things. So using that.
1:44:11
So you don't got to be a biblical scholar.
1:44:13
You don't got to be a theologist.
1:44:15
You don't got to go to divinity school.
1:44:16
Not at all. Just pick up the book you put
1:44:18
get the Bible app on your phone. And say it out loud, because
1:44:22
there's power in the tongue. And that right there is what
1:44:27
confuses the enemy. So This is why we always have to
1:44:30
stay praising God because that's what we putting out there.
1:44:34
That's how you trick the enemy. Always speak life, always speak
1:44:38
in positivity. And I remember one of my dear
1:44:40
friends, she told me that she called my positivity toxic one
1:44:44
time. She did OK.
1:44:48
She did because she was. It was too much.
1:44:50
It was too much because like, I, but that was also part of how I
1:44:54
had to get through life and all the things that were kind that I
1:44:56
had to get through as a child, right?
1:44:59
Right. That's separate from what I then
1:45:01
had to endure to even get to now, Right.
1:45:04
But that it was, yeah, she was like, it was toxic positivity.
1:45:07
I was like, is there such a thing?
1:45:09
Like I had to look it up, but like, I get it.
1:45:12
But to me, I think what she's saying is if sometimes if we're
1:45:15
too quick to jump to the positive and you jump over the
1:45:17
things, right, like that's, that's, that could be
1:45:20
dismissive, it could be invalidating, that sort of
1:45:23
thing. And I was like, I understand
1:45:25
that now, right? Like that was before I was
1:45:26
really in my clinical bag. So I was like, I get it.
1:45:28
But absolutely the power of words.
1:45:31
And we can also use those things to reprogram our mind because
1:45:35
when we say it out loud, we think it right?
1:45:38
And a lot of times we're visualizing it, so we speak it,
1:45:42
which means we hear it. And even when you think it,
1:45:45
you're hearing it again, right? So like your body is processing
1:45:49
this 5 plus times. This message is being absorbed
1:45:54
by your mind, your body, and your spirit.
1:45:56
And it does your words do something on the cellular level
1:46:01
and in the spiritual level, right?
1:46:03
They do. And so we have to speak those
1:46:07
things and then the next thing we got to surrender control.
1:46:10
We talked about this a little bit too, like letting go of the
1:46:12
howl, taking our hands off of it and letting him.
1:46:16
We definitely have to do that. And then, baby, that waiting
1:46:19
season, embracing God's timing. Yeah, it is season is where
1:46:24
people get caught up. This is where they get tricked
1:46:26
up out of they they destiny was that Esau, He traded his
1:46:31
inheritance for a bowl of stuff. Oh yeah.
1:46:35
Yeah, because he was exhausted and wouldn't wait, couldn't even
1:46:42
think straight, and that's when the enemy gonna come for y'all.
1:46:47
That's good. That's good.
1:46:49
Listen. And then finally, oh, why you
1:46:51
said this? This came from grandma.
1:46:54
Yeah. Take that one small step towards
1:47:00
faith. God will carry you the rest of
1:47:03
the way. You have to take the first step,
1:47:06
whether I don't care whether you, you might not be working on
1:47:09
or trying to work towards a PhD like me and Doctor J, It might
1:47:13
be here I go more education, JD or MBA.
1:47:17
It could be that CDL license or that oncology.
1:47:21
Why are you sitting watching the people on social media do here
1:47:25
you know? And you do have better.
1:47:26
Hello. Don't get your papers.
1:47:30
Right or you know, if you have a background and and we know and
1:47:35
that school isn't for everyone, but it ain't have that
1:47:38
background to you know, whatever it may be, be it personal
1:47:42
trainer. God will give you.
1:47:44
God will give you your certification.
1:47:45
Hello. If this is your call and your
1:47:47
purpose, God gonna make it so that everything gonna move.
1:47:50
How we need to move all you. You just got to move.
1:47:53
You got to go. Exactly, and that's why I wanted
1:47:56
to give those, you know, other examples to your listeners.
1:48:00
Absolutely. Because that's important.
1:48:02
Because higher education is not for everybody.
1:48:04
Everybody's not called to do that.
1:48:06
And doesn't mean that you can't do it.
1:48:07
But that's not what God put you here for.
1:48:10
Not what he put you here for. All right, So let's we gonna
1:48:15
close it out with the signature question.
1:48:18
If you could leave our audience with one powerful truth to help
1:48:21
them to rise in faith and thrive in purpose, what would it be?
1:48:25
Do not look like I am stripping you up, baby.
1:48:29
You got a whole dissertation done, a whole.
1:48:35
You got a bachelor's, a master's PhD.
1:48:37
You over here looking like. Yeah.
1:48:39
Because you know, this is a really monumental part of this
1:48:44
conversation and interview, so. All right.
1:48:47
OK. Yeah, don't sip your water.
1:48:52
One OK, I have like 2 things I want to leave.
1:48:57
Is that OK? I know you said.
1:48:58
We taking all of this, we giving this for free.
1:49:01
Come on, drop it on us. Bless.
1:49:03
Us so because the I'm started or the my topic is, you know, fear
1:49:10
over faith, right? Am I saying it right or fear?
1:49:13
You see how the enemy? Try to slide up in here listen
1:49:15
but we not gonna let him no we do win faith over fear when I.
1:49:22
Think about faith over fear. I can't help myself.
1:49:25
I am such a Detroit. I'm a Detroiter, I'm a Detroit
1:49:29
kid, so I want to leave this with your listeners.
1:49:32
And there's definitely some words to go along with it.
1:49:34
Just just a little, just a little snippet, OK?
1:49:36
It's just I have the faith to see the invisible, expect the
1:49:48
incredible, receive the impossible hath the faith that
1:50:01
can conquer anything. And that's just the first verse
1:50:08
I had. I I had to at least do that
1:50:10
first verse that is from I got to say the song faith that
1:50:13
conquers Detroit gospel living legend Vanessa Bell Armstrong.
1:50:17
That song came out when we were like babies, doctor, like 84.
1:50:21
Can we just talk about how you just flowed from singing to
1:50:24
talking so seamlessly? Like, I'm not just gonna let you
1:50:28
just do that like that flex. First of all, y'all, I didn't
1:50:31
even know he was gonna sing. But I'm also not surprised
1:50:33
'cause my friend will bust out in a song in a heartbeat and
1:50:37
then and then right back into conversation.
1:50:40
Alright, Vanessa. Bill Armstrong song, though,
1:50:43
went yeah, even how she climaxes, you know, she's the
1:50:47
original. Artist, some other singer.
1:50:50
But that song, I could not help but to think of that all day
1:50:54
because it's so true to not just I know it's talked about a lot
1:50:59
of my PhD journey, but just my journey in life.
1:51:03
You know, we I have just growing up learning and growing,
1:51:09
watching my mom go through things and praying for her.
1:51:12
Are you kidding me? You know, a lot of people see
1:51:15
this is the, the, the where we are at this.
1:51:18
Point in time in our life. But there are just so many
1:51:21
things. But faith, come on.
1:51:25
And now the words I will say to. Everybody out there, I like to
1:51:29
say there's everybody out there in.
1:51:30
Podcast Leon are your listeners Listen that's so funny.
1:51:34
Hey y'all in Podcast Leon is. I have this not just on.
1:51:41
My vision board, but I wrote this in the acknowledgements of
1:51:45
my dissertation and that is I can do all things through Christ
1:51:50
who strengthens me. Philippians 413 right?
1:51:56
And I say that to say this because as we close this thing
1:51:59
out, the reason why I wanted to bring that up, I can do all
1:52:02
things through Christ who strengthens me is because as
1:52:04
believers, we are a resilient people and through the
1:52:11
overcoming challenges, obstacles and things of that nature, we
1:52:15
can achieve our goal through Jesus Christ.
1:52:20
I like to say King Jesus, right? And because we do have that.
1:52:25
What is it? I can do all things through
1:52:27
Christ who strengthens me. It'll give you that faith to
1:52:30
conquer anything. There you go.
1:52:32
Anything. Oh, what?
1:52:35
Doctor O. You're such a old soul and I
1:52:39
love it and I think that's another way that we connected
1:52:42
because I was raised on my great aunt and I have parents and
1:52:47
thank God they are still around. But I would tell my Mama.
1:52:51
I'm going to stay with grandma and I'm going to be with
1:52:54
grandpa, 'cause, you know, I love grandparents and I feel
1:52:58
too. My mom, my mom put it back to
1:53:01
me. See, you're so blessed.
1:53:03
I never got to know my grandparents.
1:53:05
And listen, I took that more than the heart.
1:53:08
I see Grandpa, I'm, you know what I mean?
1:53:10
They, my, they, they love it, of course, but they, you know, love
1:53:14
to see. But I mean, I'm like, Oh, I
1:53:17
always loved my grandparents, but just the fact that and I've
1:53:21
been blessed. I got AI got a nice little
1:53:23
handful of still here, But because of that, you are
1:53:27
blessed. You know, they putting in they
1:53:29
were putting pouring that into me.
1:53:30
You talk about the old souls. My folks.
1:53:33
Strong in the faith and they, I mean constantly, constantly.
1:53:36
My grandpa, how can I sing at the drop of a hat?
1:53:39
Well, thankfully that gift comes from God.
1:53:41
And it did, I guess, get better over time.
1:53:43
And it was nurture. Yes, let me tell you my Grandpa
1:53:47
Edwards. He was a.
1:53:51
Quartet, you know, he had the quartet group, the shepherds.
1:53:53
My grandpa cracked a pastor when he in his later his golden
1:53:57
years. So he lived to be 87.
1:54:00
I chose to go to high school from my grandparents house the
1:54:03
last two years 'cause it was close.
1:54:04
I'm like mom, why am I getting up with you in the morning?
1:54:06
I just go to school from grandma and grandpa's house.
1:54:08
So and I would shovel the snow through the grass.
1:54:10
They loved it. OK, my granddaddy would be in
1:54:13
his recliner after Oprah comes on.
1:54:16
Oh, God, I wish I could have. I wish we had smartphones.
1:54:18
Then turn Oprah off and just bust out into song.
1:54:23
And I'm just sitting there in the hallway.
1:54:24
Just listen to him. It's just singing by yourself,
1:54:28
you know what I mean? And so just, you know, a lot of
1:54:30
those old, you know, both of my grandma's can play the piano.
1:54:33
It's just, it was just enemy. And then growing up in Detroit.
1:54:37
Oh, no, yes. Come on down.
1:54:39
Come out of there. Right, and that and let's talk
1:54:43
about autumn. Runs you did.
1:54:45
I was like, I could tell he grew up in the 90s.
1:54:47
Nine runs because you don't and and DSA the we used to get in
1:54:51
trouble for running too much we but teacher trying to teach us
1:54:54
Mozart. And Beethoven and we in the back
1:54:57
of the class practice in runs and I went to school some cold
1:55:00
sangers and I'd be like, I know you did, you're 9th grader.
1:55:05
I know that's gonna grow well, but yeah, most.
1:55:07
Definitely. I love the Now you can't mean
1:55:09
the. 90s yes, we can't forget our night is wrong and that was
1:55:13
square of the moment. So that was just, you know, I
1:55:15
was on my heart. Exactly.
1:55:18
Exactly. Listen.
1:55:21
Listen, they got blessed today. I hope they understand.
1:55:24
And know all right, so now. Listeners, viewers, this is your
1:55:29
call to action which I want you to reflect.
1:55:32
Where in your life is fear holding you back and what step
1:55:37
is God calling you to take right as Doctor O told you all you,
1:55:41
you make the first step and God's going to do the rest
1:55:44
right. We going to let go at a house
1:55:46
and then for your action, I actually want you to journal
1:55:48
this time. Write down a time when God LED
1:55:52
you through an uncertain season. So what you're doing here is you
1:55:57
are documenting the receipts because.
1:56:00
Data. Supports the fact that you are
1:56:03
more likely to succeed than fail.
1:56:05
This is your reminder. So go and get your receipts
1:56:08
together. And finally, we're going to
1:56:10
leave you affirm. I walk by faith, not by sight.
1:56:14
I trust that God's plan for me is greater than my fears.
1:56:21
All right, Doctor O if the. People want to stay.
1:56:26
In touch. And follow.
1:56:28
You, your work and all of that. Where can they find you?
1:56:31
OK, so they can find me on we'll start with guess Instagram.
1:56:36
You can follow me. On Instagram and I am D so
1:56:40
that's lower all lowercase letters DTHE under score
1:56:45
outstanding. And then the number one, not the
1:56:48
word 1, the number one. And then you'll find me.
1:56:51
You can also find my I have the LOC.
1:56:55
It's taking a different shift right now, but you can also
1:56:57
follow me on the the outstanding one solutions.
1:57:01
I'm on Facebook as Owen Edwards. You have to spell my name
1:57:04
properly. Capital O apostrophe capital
1:57:07
Juan last name Edwards. You should know how to spell
1:57:10
that. But if you don't get that first
1:57:11
name right, you'll never find it.
1:57:13
And they're not the same for my folks in the professional world
1:57:17
and they want to find me on LinkedIn.
1:57:19
I'm, I'm because that one, I post about my research on all of
1:57:22
them. And actually I have something
1:57:24
coming out like the research. Yeah.
1:57:28
I I just I I published an article through the Vermont
1:57:31
Journal. And it is on the.
1:57:33
Dissertation So I know right? I was told you my friends are a
1:57:38
God deal. OK, let's go some other things.
1:57:42
Later on in the year, I can't talk about you have to stay.
1:57:44
So hey. Stay tuned and you welcome to
1:57:48
come back and give an update, OK, because.
1:57:50
They listen, I already know the people they already to fell in
1:57:53
love with you. They following right now your
1:57:55
numbers is going up subscribers and all the things and the links
1:57:58
and connections are request. But thank you again friend for
1:58:03
coming here, spending this time with.
1:58:05
Me. And I know, right, like you out
1:58:07
here changing the world, you could have been doing other
1:58:09
things, but thank you for coming and sharing your experiences and
1:58:13
sharing your faith so that we are doing our part in the Great
1:58:17
Commission, right? Like it that this reaches who it
1:58:19
needs to reach, touch who it needs to touch and how it needs
1:58:22
to. So thank you again and thank you
1:58:25
all for tuning in for another episode of Rise and Thrive with
1:58:28
Doctor Jay. Nicole, Please remember episodes
1:58:32
drop every Tuesday morning right when you rise.
1:58:34
It's available 7:00 AM Eastern Standard Time.
1:58:37
And don't forget, the merch is available.
1:58:40
Just go to www.evolvewithdoctorjnicole.com.
1:58:44
Click on Rise of Drive podcast and you can click the link to
1:58:48
shop the merch or you can just check, you know, links in my
1:58:51
bio. It's also LinkedIn, the bottom
1:58:53
here, but get the merch, break your face.
1:58:56
So, yeah, thank you. And we'll see y'all again next
1:58:59
time. And thank you again, Doctor Owen
1:59:01
Edwards, for joining us, for having me.
1:59:04
It was a blessing and honor and a privilege.
1:59:06
I'm very proud of you. Thank you.
1:59:10
Love you friend.