Latest / Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families / #1017 - Life Lessons From Laundry

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#1017 - Life Lessons From Laundry · Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

• 0:03
  Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families podcast.
• 0:05
  Speaker 2: It's the podcast for.
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: The time poor parent who just wants answers Now.
• 0:10
  Speaker 3: Hello, it's doctor Justin Colson here for the Happy Families Podcast,
• 0:13
  Speaker 3: the podcast of the time poor parents who just wants
• 0:15
  Speaker 3: answers Now. I'm here with a slightly struggling missus Happy Families,
• 0:19
  Speaker 3: who has just come back from a week and a
• 0:20
  Speaker 3: bit away with a girlfriend. I don't understand how you
• 0:25
  Speaker 3: can go away have relaxing time doing your own thing,
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  Speaker 3: no kids, and I do know if I can do
• 0:31
  Speaker 3: the podcast today. I'm feeling a bit sick.
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  Speaker 4: I'm not sure.
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  Speaker 1: I don't know where you got the notion it was relaxing.
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  Speaker 1: I was trying to make up for twenty five years
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  Speaker 1: being stuck at home, so I don't remember the.
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  Speaker 4: Last time I experienced nightlife.
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  Speaker 3: Oh my goodness. Hey, we're going to talk about a
• 0:50
  Speaker 3: couple of big take home messages from your trip away,
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  Speaker 3: especially something that's very pertinent for all the parents who think, yeah,
• 0:56
  Speaker 3: I could never do that. I could never leave the
• 0:58
  Speaker 3: kids and just go for a week. Plenty of dads
• 1:00
  Speaker 3: are fine with it. Mums don't tend to be quite
• 1:02
  Speaker 3: so fine with it. So that's coming up shortly. Today's
• 1:05
  Speaker 3: episode is called I'll Do Better Tomorrow. It's where we
• 1:07
  Speaker 3: reflect on the week that was and try to find
• 1:09
  Speaker 3: ways that we can be better parents or just be
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  Speaker 3: a bit more intentional in our parenting. But before we
• 1:13
  Speaker 3: go there, we have launched a new movement. It's called
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  Speaker 3: Unplugged Childhood. The website is unplugged childhood dot org and
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  Speaker 3: we received this message via the very very easy to
• 1:23
  Speaker 3: use click and record system at Happy Families dot com
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  Speaker 3: dot au about that movement.
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  Speaker 2: Hi, doctor Justin and Kylie, thank you for your podcast
• 1:34
  Speaker 2: today about unplugging childhood. I actually got a bit teary
• 1:37
  Speaker 2: listening to it because I've been waiting for something like
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  Speaker 2: this for such a long time, and I think it's
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  Speaker 2: really brazen to do it at the moment because there's
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  Speaker 2: so much pushback. As far as I know, in my
• 1:50
  Speaker 2: son's ear level in grade one, there's only two parents
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  Speaker 2: that limit their screen time and are trying to really
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  Speaker 2: keep their children away from social media and inappropriate content,
• 2:03
  Speaker 2: which is really really challenging. Our schools always having seminars
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  Speaker 2: on children being safe online, which I don't know why
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  Speaker 2: children should be connected to the internet at most times,
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  Speaker 2: So thank you. Thank you so much. I'm really just
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  Speaker 2: trying to do it's best for the children.
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  Speaker 3: So I can't believe two kids in an entire Grade
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  Speaker 3: one class only two kids that have any kind of
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  Speaker 3: screen time limits and Grade one kids on social media.
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  Speaker 3: This is why we need to unplug childhood. Unplugged childhood
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  Speaker 3: dot Org is the website. Please go and have a look,
• 2:32
  Speaker 3: sign the pledge, get involved, and collect the resources that
• 2:35
  Speaker 3: you need so that you can share them around with
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  Speaker 3: the family and friends that you have in your school,
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  Speaker 3: WhatsApp groups and Facebook groups. We really, really just want
• 2:42
  Speaker 3: to help primary school kids to have an unplugged childhood.
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  Speaker 3: Unplugged childhood dot org. Okay, Kylie, I'll do better tomorrow.
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  Speaker 3: As an extension of that, I've been really really vigilant,
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  Speaker 3: intentional about the way that I'm using my device. When
• 2:57
  Speaker 3: you were away, I discovered that I had less time
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  Speaker 3: than I normally have, which is already not very much,
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  Speaker 3: and so I decided to do an experiment how to
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  Speaker 3: chat with the kids. They remove smaps from their phones
• 3:08
  Speaker 3: and I removed email from mine. So I already don't
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  Speaker 3: have Facebook or Instagram or Twitter or Reddit or TikTok
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  Speaker 3: or any I don't have any social media. I've only
• 3:20
  Speaker 3: got WhatsApp so that i can message a couple of
• 3:23
  Speaker 3: people about whether I'm going surfing or bike riding, that
• 3:25
  Speaker 3: kind of thing. But I decided that well, email, email
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  Speaker 3: is the big thing that I do on my phone,
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  Speaker 3: and it's so convenient. It really sucked me in. So
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  Speaker 3: I thought I'll do a one week experiment get rid
• 3:36
  Speaker 3: of email. It's now been two weeks. It is slightly
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  Speaker 3: more inconvenient, I confess, and I do worry. I wonder
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  Speaker 3: how many emails I'm going to have every time I
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  Speaker 3: turn my computer on. But it is so freeing. It
• 3:51
  Speaker 3: is so freeing. So as part of my older about
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  Speaker 3: it tomorrow, just dropping email, dropping social media, I'm completely
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  Speaker 3: away from it. But dropping email specifically has been a
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  Speaker 3: game changer for me.
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  Speaker 4: I wish I could do that. You can, no, No,
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  Speaker 4: it's the problem.
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  Speaker 1: When I didn't have email on my phone, it would
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  Speaker 1: take like two weeks before.
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  Speaker 4: I would open the laptop.
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  Speaker 1: So at least this way I can kind of do
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  Speaker 1: like a brief skim and go, do I need to
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  Speaker 1: give anyone attention right now?
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  Speaker 4: It's terrible.
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  Speaker 3: It's changed the game for me.
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  Speaker 4: I love that for you.
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  Speaker 3: It's been a really, really, really massive thing. So email's gone.
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  Speaker 3: I think Netflix is next, not just from the phone,
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  Speaker 3: but from the family. Okay, I need to there's a
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  Speaker 3: bit of resistance with the kids. Need to work on
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  Speaker 3: this little bit more. But I think Netflix is next
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  Speaker 3: now now old about it. Tomorrow I want to extend
• 4:38
  Speaker 3: it beyond that. There's a couple of other things that
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  Speaker 3: I want to highlight. Number number three on top of
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  Speaker 3: social media and dropping email, laundry. Two words, laundry, lawndry.
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  Speaker 4: Tell me more.
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  Speaker 3: My goodness, Kylie.
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  Speaker 1: So you're about to say, I don't know how you
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  Speaker 1: do it.
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  Speaker 3: There is so much laundry. Our children have this thing
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  Speaker 3: where if they look at clothing, it is therefore dirty.
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  Speaker 3: It's not even that they look at it. They brushed
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  Speaker 3: past in the captor need to throw that on the floor.
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  Speaker 3: It's been on the floor, now has to go in
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  Speaker 3: the wash. I can't believe laundry.
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  Speaker 1: I remember having a conversation with our girls a number
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  Speaker 1: of years ago about how much laundry were going through
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  Speaker 1: and the fact that what was it.
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  Speaker 3: Like when we had six girls at home, Because we've
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  Speaker 3: got three at home at the moment. Three The amount
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  Speaker 3: of laundry.
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  Speaker 4: Are you only just learning this?
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  Speaker 3: Well, I mean I don't do a whole lot of
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  Speaker 3: that side of what goes on in the house, right
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  Speaker 3: I've don't say I.
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  Speaker 1: Needed to go away just so you could appreciate, believe
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  Speaker 1: much time I spend in the laundry, Kylie.
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  Speaker 3: The pile of clothes.
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  Speaker 1: I mean, that's why the laundry needs to be the
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  Speaker 1: best room in the house. Do you not understand this?
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  Speaker 3: The number of hours that I spent on my knees
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  Speaker 3: on the laundry floor sorting piles of darks and whites
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  Speaker 3: and pinks, and then hanging out. And it's like the
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  Speaker 3: children are allergic to clothes pegs. So I asked them
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  Speaker 3: to go and hang some washing because I just couldn't
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  Speaker 3: do it all. And when I'm out there, they've just
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  Speaker 3: chucked literally just chucked washing over the line. It's still
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  Speaker 3: bunched and crinkled, like, oh gosh.
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  Speaker 1: Well, I started saying, I remember having a conversation with
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  Speaker 1: our girls, and we had all six of them at
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  Speaker 1: home and just saying, we need to change this.
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  Speaker 4: The laundry pile.
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  Speaker 3: Is just annoy it's out of control.
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  Speaker 1: And only one of our children really took it on
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  Speaker 1: board to the point where I would get to the
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  Speaker 1: end of the week and I'd be like, haven't washed
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  Speaker 1: any unders You haven't put any underwear? Are you serious
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  Speaker 1: in the wash? Whereas we had another child who there
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  Speaker 1: was fourteen pairs every week.
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  Speaker 3: No, my goodness, well, I mean I just said, mom.
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  Speaker 4: I listened to you said to be really careful about
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  Speaker 4: how much was she?
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  Speaker 3: Do you know the great irony? Right? So Emily, Emily
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  Speaker 3: is our ten year old. Cannot get this kid to
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  Speaker 3: take a bath or have a shower, cannot get her
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  Speaker 3: to clean her body. But she probably goes through three
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  Speaker 3: different outfits a day, changes of clothes, like as often
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  Speaker 3: as we have meals. But this kid will not have
• 7:00
  Speaker 3: a bath. I just I don't. I cannot comprehend the
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  Speaker 3: amount of laundry. So I just want to say, and
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  Speaker 3: I've done my I shouldn't say my share. I've done
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  Speaker 3: a fair bit of ironing and folding and washing over
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  Speaker 3: the years. I'm not allergic to it. I'm happy to
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  Speaker 3: get in a gat man's dirty.
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  Speaker 4: I think I need a shandily to have the.
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  Speaker 3: Full time a shandlier what for in my laundry, just
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  Speaker 3: to make it that special room the amount of laundry
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  Speaker 3: that we do far out unbelievable. Anyway, I just want
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  Speaker 3: to wrap up by saying, in terms of our older
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  Speaker 3: a better.
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  Speaker 1: Tomorrow, Love me, and you're so grateful that I take
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  Speaker 1: care of all the laundry.
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  Speaker 3: So much, so much. But also I think the kids
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  Speaker 3: did fine. I think I did fine. We all did
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  Speaker 3: a great job while you're gone. Everyone was fed, everybody
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  Speaker 3: was except for Emily, bathed, everybody slept appropriately. We did
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  Speaker 3: a really good job. I'll tell you what, though, impossible
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  Speaker 3: task working full time and looking after the kids, especially
• 7:53
  Speaker 3: when they're at home because we've got the homeschool situation
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  Speaker 3: going on. The level of supervision required, the level of
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  Speaker 3: input required just extraordinary. And I was thinking about how
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  Speaker 3: on earth. I mean, I've talked about a lot, I've
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  Speaker 3: lived this life a few times, but the whole single
• 8:09
  Speaker 3: parent thing, to do the marathon, to do ten or
• 8:12
  Speaker 3: fifteen or twenty years as a single parent and to
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  Speaker 3: be working full time and try to do everything just extraordinary,
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  Speaker 3: impossible task. Heck goes off to anyone doing that. That's
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  Speaker 3: my old about it. Tomorrow. Stay away from the social media,
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  Speaker 3: delete the email from your phone, get rid of Netflix.
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  Speaker 3: Stay on top of the laundry, and mum go away
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  Speaker 3: every now and again, everyone else will be fine.
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  Speaker 1: So on socials, recently, the team has been talking about
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  Speaker 1: the fact that I've gone away, Oh.
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  Speaker 3: Really, and I don't look, I didn't know, I didn't know.
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  Speaker 1: The overwhelming response is that I've never done that. It's
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  Speaker 1: not something I've ever done. Something you've seen people.
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  Speaker 3: Mums are jumping on there and saying that, yeah, that's funny,
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  Speaker 3: because dads don't think twice right. I'm sure that there's
• 8:57
  Speaker 3: plenty of dads who got a weekend with the boys.
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  Speaker 3: I'm going to go on a surfing or a bike
• 9:00
  Speaker 3: riding trip or a golfing getaway. I would imagine that
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  Speaker 3: happens a lot with dads.
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  Speaker 1: One hundred percent. And the conversations that I'm having face
• 9:07
  Speaker 1: to face with friends and family are literally that husbands
• 9:11
  Speaker 1: go away for sailing trips, you know, golfing trips, you
• 9:13
  Speaker 1: name it. They're having it. They're having lots of fun,
• 9:16
  Speaker 1: live in the life time away. But as women, we're
• 9:21
  Speaker 1: really bad at asking for what we want and what
• 9:23
  Speaker 1: we need. In general, that's something that we're really really
• 9:27
  Speaker 1: struggle to do with. But more so once we become
• 9:30
  Speaker 1: a parent, there's almost like, I don't even know if
• 9:33
  Speaker 1: it's a thing, but I'm going to call it the
• 9:34
  Speaker 1: martyrs syndrome of parenthood and motherhood in general, and just
• 9:39
  Speaker 1: that acknowledgment that once we become a parent, we couldn't
• 9:42
  Speaker 1: possibly think about doing anything for ourselves without feeling the
• 9:47
  Speaker 1: guilt of putting ourselves before our children.
• 9:49
  Speaker 3: Do you think this is like a mum guilt thing?
• 9:51
  Speaker 3: I said, you go, missus. Happy family is the hardcore
• 9:55
  Speaker 3: feminist is so exciting. I love that you do it.
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  Speaker 3: But hearing you say that, I don't know too many
• 10:01
  Speaker 3: of our friends where mums go away, it's always the dad's,
• 10:05
  Speaker 3: always the dads.
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  Speaker 1: And I think in so many cases we're our own
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  Speaker 1: worst enemy because we don't feel or don't trust that
• 10:13
  Speaker 1: anybody can do our job the way we do it.
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  Speaker 1: But here's the thing, no one can. No one can
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  Speaker 1: be me.
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  Speaker 3: You know what, I've done a pretty good job.
• 10:21
  Speaker 1: I'm just you have, but you haven't done it to
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  Speaker 1: my standard. You've done it to your stand.
• 10:24
  Speaker 3: You saw the folding, didn't you, And I didn't do
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  Speaker 3: the ironing. I paid one of the kids to do
• 10:31
  Speaker 3: the ironing.
• 10:31
  Speaker 4: I know, and I had to hold my tongue, but
• 10:34
  Speaker 4: I'm sorry.
• 10:35
  Speaker 1: But here's here's the thing. I get to have a
• 10:41
  Speaker 1: little bit of time out. I come home a better
• 10:43
  Speaker 1: person for it.
• 10:44
  Speaker 3: I was going to say, don't say refreshed. You haven't
• 10:46
  Speaker 3: come home refreshed.
• 10:49
  Speaker 1: But each of us have had a different experience and
• 10:53
  Speaker 1: have gained a greater appreciation for the way things are
• 10:57
  Speaker 1: when they are when we're all together. I'm watching the
• 11:01
  Speaker 1: kids and the experiences that they've had because I haven't
• 11:03
  Speaker 1: been there to do it all for them has been amazing.
• 11:07
  Speaker 1: And Emily, who I was more worried about because she
• 11:10
  Speaker 1: is the youngest and she really depends on consistency in
• 11:14
  Speaker 1: her routine and structure, she thrived. I actually feel like
• 11:19
  Speaker 1: she thrived. And I've come home and she is even
• 11:23
  Speaker 1: more excited to see me than she was before. But
• 11:27
  Speaker 1: she hasn't been scarred by the experience, as I had
• 11:31
  Speaker 1: kind of conjured up in my mind that this was
• 11:33
  Speaker 1: going to be the worst thing ever for her. It's
• 11:36
  Speaker 1: actually been a growth experience for everyone involved.
• 11:38
  Speaker 3: A hard question to ask, do you think that a
• 11:40
  Speaker 3: lot of mums won't do it because they just don't
• 11:42
  Speaker 3: trust that everything will be Okay, they don't.
• 11:44
  Speaker 1: One hundred percent. One hundred percent in some cases, look
• 11:47
  Speaker 1: it's in all honesty.
• 11:49
  Speaker 4: There would be.
• 11:49
  Speaker 1: Support issues as in their partners just number one wouldn't
• 11:54
  Speaker 1: do it or wouldn't see the benefit and therefore be
• 12:00
  Speaker 1: supportive of a decision for their wife or partner to
• 12:04
  Speaker 1: have what would be deemed a frivolous experience.
• 12:08
  Speaker 3: I just I'm so glad that you did it. I'm
• 12:10
  Speaker 3: so glad that we got to have the experience. I'm
• 12:12
  Speaker 3: also it doesn't hurt as much financially, Like when you
• 12:16
  Speaker 3: go away with the kids, it's really expensive. Even as
• 12:18
  Speaker 3: a couple, it's kind of pricey. But when you go
• 12:20
  Speaker 3: away on your own, it's amazing how much you can
• 12:22
  Speaker 3: get away with doing at such a cheap price, just
• 12:24
  Speaker 3: one person. It's so affordable. Gave you the refreshment that
• 12:27
  Speaker 3: you needed. We all got by. I reckon. I reckon.
• 12:31
  Speaker 3: Women actually have to trust the other adults in their lives,
• 12:34
  Speaker 3: whether it's their husband or their partner, whoever it is,
• 12:37
  Speaker 3: to step up. Like guys, if you listen to this
• 12:40
  Speaker 3: step up, make the suggestion tell your wife or your
• 12:42
  Speaker 3: partner to go away for a weekend or for maybe
• 12:45
  Speaker 3: even a week if you can afford it. And I
• 12:48
  Speaker 3: know that there's other factors sometimes that mitigate this, but
• 12:51
  Speaker 3: just do it. It's really really valuable for everybody. I'm
• 12:56
  Speaker 3: a huge fan of it. I'm so glad that you've
• 12:58
  Speaker 3: done it, or.
• 12:59
  Speaker 1: Maybe the right time to tell you that Beck and
• 13:01
  Speaker 1: I already planning our next one.
• 13:02
  Speaker 3: I'm hoping that it's for twenty twenty seven.
• 13:04
  Speaker 4: It is.
• 13:07
  Speaker 3: So our older about tomorrow. Take home message, Look, get
• 13:10
  Speaker 3: to social media or an email from your phone as
• 13:11
  Speaker 3: much as you can. I don't know what we can
• 13:13
  Speaker 3: do about laundry, but more.
• 13:15
  Speaker 4: Just stop wearing clothes it. I know Emily would be
• 13:21
  Speaker 4: very happy with that.
• 13:22
  Speaker 3: And get Mum on a solo break, a girl's weekend
• 13:27
  Speaker 3: away something like that where it's refreshment, rejuvenation. Come home
• 13:31
  Speaker 3: and just appreciate each other so much more. Great story.
• 13:34
  Speaker 1: I can't tell you how much I appreciate that you
• 13:37
  Speaker 1: have been so supportive of me having the time away
• 13:42
  Speaker 1: and the fact that you've been able to carry the family.
• 13:44
  Speaker 1: It doesn't go unnoticed, but it's so good to be home.
• 13:48
  Speaker 3: Okay, we need to wrap it up there. The Happy
• 13:49
  Speaker 3: Families podcast has been produced by Justin Ruhland from Bridge
• 13:53
  Speaker 3: Media and Craig Bruce is our executive producer. For those
• 13:57
  Speaker 3: of you in Queensland and the Antique school holidays starts today,
• 14:02
  Speaker 3: one more week for Victoria and WA, two more weeks
• 14:05
  Speaker 3: for New South Wales and Tazzy and Sound Australia Gin.
• 14:08
  Speaker 3: They've really spread school holidays out like crazy this year.
• 14:11
  Speaker 3: Really bizarre. Hey have a great weekend and we'll see
• 14:14
  Speaker 3: again on Monday with more from the Happy Families podcast.