Latest / Pod Therapy / #458: Gut vs Friends, Explanations vs Excuses

Transcript

#458: Gut vs Friends, Explanations vs Excuses · Pod Therapy

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: But now that we're settled down.
• 0:01
  Speaker 2: Now we can store it.
• 0:02
  Speaker 1: Yeah, now we can store it.
• 0:03
  Speaker 3: Like you.
• 0:04
  Speaker 1: We can use it next year.
• 0:05
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I can see that. Put it in a tote.
• 0:08
  Speaker 3: Put it in totes. Lots of totes. I think it's
• 0:10
  Speaker 3: a matter of time before his garage becomes a fucking storage.
• 0:13
  Speaker 2: We need to take a picture at the housewarming party.
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  Speaker 1: From fabulous Las Vegas, Nevada, this is Pod Therapy. Real people,
• 0:19
  Speaker 1: real problems, and real therapists. You can submit your questions
• 0:22
  Speaker 1: anonymously at podtherapy.net or email us at podtherapyguys at gmail.com.
• 0:27
  Speaker 1: And now, broadcasting from the studio, that's Jim, that's Whitney,
• 0:31
  Speaker 1: I'm Nick. It's time for some Pod Therapy.
• 0:33
  Speaker 3: Well, if you'd like to contribute your Halloween advice for
• 0:36
  Speaker 3: decorations or send us your favorite Halloween decor, I hope
• 0:40
  Speaker 3: that you are celebrating this month. Make sure you're a
• 0:43
  Speaker 3: member over at patreon.com slash therapy. Join our Discord. And yeah,
• 0:47
  Speaker 3: attach your photos. We have several different channels to throw
• 0:50
  Speaker 3: stuff in there, but We want to see it. I
• 0:52
  Speaker 3: am here for the decor. We do one in our
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  Speaker 3: house that I love every year. We do the hovering candles. Oh,
• 0:58
  Speaker 3: that's cute. Oh, that's always nice. I like that bit.
• 1:00
  Speaker 1: What's a hovering candle?
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  Speaker 3: So there's stick candles. A candle that hovers? Yeah. So
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  Speaker 3: think about like 20 stick candles, okay, that are tied
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  Speaker 3: by clear fishing wire to the ceiling. And they're all
• 1:12
  Speaker 3: at different heights. So they look like they're just hovering
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  Speaker 3: in the room.
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  Speaker 2: Like in Harry Potter.
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  Speaker 3: Yeah, and they're all automatic. And so there's a wand
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  Speaker 3: that you can use as a button to turn them
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  Speaker 3: all on. Yeah. And so they'll all turn on and
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  Speaker 3: we let like nephews and stuff do that when they
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  Speaker 3: come over and they wave the magic wand.
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  Speaker 1: Do you do that in place of actual lights? No,
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  Speaker 1: I don't put away lighting. No, I don't put away lighting,
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  Speaker 1: but like at Christmas time. I want so many lights
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  Speaker 1: that you don't actually need.
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  Speaker 2: Yes, you don't need your overhead light. You want there
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  Speaker 2: to be lights around the windows and the Christmas tree
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  Speaker 2: and it's just ambient.
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  Speaker 3: That does happen for us only for Christmas time, though,
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  Speaker 3: because there's so much shit. And the tree. When the
• 1:50
  Speaker 3: tree's lit up, there's no reason to turn anything else on.
• 1:53
  Speaker 3: And we have multiple trees, too. I think at last count,
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  Speaker 3: we're at four Christmas trees in our house. Oh, you're
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  Speaker 3: one of those people? Oh, I don't want to be. No.
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  Speaker 3: I've just discovered that I am. I just noticed as
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  Speaker 3: I was walking around. Yeah, I know whales.
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  Speaker 1: Too many trees.
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  Speaker 3: My daughter likes to decorate. And so she has her
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  Speaker 3: own Christmas tree. We have a pencil tree in one room,
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  Speaker 3: the official tree in another one. Why not just let
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  Speaker 3: her decorate the official tree? She does. That is also decorated.
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  Speaker 2: She loves it.
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  Speaker 3: That one we decorate with like a family set of ornaments.
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  Speaker 3: Like every year, each member of the family gets like
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  Speaker 3: some ornament to represent their year and like something special
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  Speaker 3: they did. I'm against that. Yeah. And then we'll have
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  Speaker 3: like our family photo on an ornament or whatever for
• 2:33
  Speaker 3: the year. And so. That tree is filled with all
• 2:35
  Speaker 3: that crap.
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  Speaker 1: We've started getting ornaments for places we visit.
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  Speaker 3: Yeah, that's a great move. Yeah, I like that too.
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  Speaker 2: Or if you can't find an ornament, I've like sent
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  Speaker 2: pictures from traveling there and then I'll turn them into ornaments.
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  Speaker 3: Yeah, I think the pictures thing is actually my favorite
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  Speaker 3: thing now. Because I'll have like the Yosemite ornament or whatever,
• 2:52
  Speaker 3: Yellowstone ornament. And it's like, oh yeah, this was cute.
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  Speaker 3: I bought it at the gift shop. And it reminds
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  Speaker 3: me of it, but like a picture of looking over
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  Speaker 3: the prismatic pool or whatever is way cooler. So I
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  Speaker 3: think that'd be cool to use that as a photo thing.
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  Speaker 3: But we'd love to see your Halloween decor. Patreon.com slash therapy.
• 3:08
  Speaker 3: We are here for it. Use our Discord. We love
• 3:12
  Speaker 3: to keep in touch with people and see what your
• 3:14
  Speaker 3: goings on are, especially in other countries. Do you think
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  Speaker 3: they do Halloween in other countries? I mean, I know
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  Speaker 3: Mexico does the Dia de los Muertos thing, but do
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  Speaker 3: you think Germany does it? Halloween? They'd probably call it
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  Speaker 3: Hunter Wien.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, Hunter Wien. Yeah, nailed it.
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  Speaker 3: They have chocolate in Germany. Why wouldn't they do it?
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  Speaker 2: Oh, for candy to give out?
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  Speaker 3: You mean?
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  Speaker 2: I was like, why is chocolate? That took me way
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  Speaker 2: too long. I was like, chocolate?
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  Speaker 3: I was just going with it.
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  Speaker 2: Jacob, smile or not.
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  Speaker 3: Point is, they can do it. First question in today's lineup.
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  Speaker 3: Do I trust my friends or trust my gut? Dear
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  Speaker 3: Pod Therapy, I'm hoping you can help me figure out
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  Speaker 3: whether I'm ignoring red flags in my relationship or whether
• 4:00
  Speaker 3: my friends are just being overly judgmental. I've been dating
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  Speaker 3: my boyfriend for about a year and a half, and
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  Speaker 3: I'm really happy with him. We get along well, have
• 4:08
  Speaker 3: a lot of fun together, and I feel like I
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  Speaker 3: can be myself around him. The problem is that most
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  Speaker 3: of my friends don't seem to like him. They keep
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  Speaker 3: telling me that he's a walking red flag, and the
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  Speaker 3: more they point things out, the more I find myself
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  Speaker 3: questioning my own judgment. For example, I'm almost always the
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  Speaker 3: one who makes our plans. I usually decide what we're
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  Speaker 3: doing on the weekends, make the reservations, or suggest when
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  Speaker 3: we should get together. My friends think this means he's
• 4:40
  Speaker 3: not putting enough effort into the relationship. But honestly, I'm
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  Speaker 3: more of a planner than he is, and it doesn't
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  Speaker 3: really bother me. They also think it's a red flag
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  Speaker 3: that he doesn't text me constantly throughout the day. He
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  Speaker 3: might go several hours without responding, especially when he's working
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  Speaker 3: or with friends. I don't really need constant communication, so
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  Speaker 3: I've never considered it a problem. Another thing they point
• 5:01
  Speaker 3: out is that he can be pretty stubborn. If we
• 5:03
  Speaker 3: disagree about something, he doesn't always back down easily, and
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  Speaker 3: sometimes I'm the one who ends the argument by saying, fine,
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  Speaker 3: let's just agree to disagree. My friends think this means
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  Speaker 3: he doesn't respect my opinions, but I feel like couples
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  Speaker 3: are allowed to disagree. They've also noticed that I tend
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  Speaker 3: to make more sacrifices for the relationship. I'll rearrange my
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  Speaker 3: schedule to see him or choose something he wants to do.
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  Speaker 3: But again, I don't necessarily feel resentful about it. My
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  Speaker 3: friends say that I'm doing all the work and that
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  Speaker 3: eventually I'm going to realize how one-sided the relationship is.
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  Speaker 3: The frustrating part is that I trust my friends. They
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  Speaker 3: know me well, and I know they're trying to protect me.
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  Speaker 3: At the same time, they aren't there when we're alone,
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  Speaker 3: and I feel like they're judging our relationship based on
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  Speaker 3: little things they observe from the outside. So how do
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  Speaker 3: I know who to trust? At what point should I
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  Speaker 3: listen to the people around me instead of trusting my
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  Speaker 3: own judgment? And how can I tell the difference between
• 5:57
  Speaker 3: legitimate red flags and behaviors that are simply differences in personality,
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  Speaker 3: communication style, or relationship preferences? Thanks, signed, a confused listener.
• 6:10
  Speaker 2: It did start to kind of go against what I
• 6:12
  Speaker 2: mentioned last episode, where they're actually considering their friends.
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  Speaker 3: They're actually listening.
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  Speaker 2: But here's the thing.
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  Speaker 3: And getting worried about it. Yeah.
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  Speaker 2: I think here's what I didn't say in the last
• 6:23
  Speaker 2: episode was that the people, the few people that I
• 6:27
  Speaker 2: would have gone to that person and been like, hey,
• 6:31
  Speaker 2: I don't like the way they treat you. And it
• 6:33
  Speaker 2: could be as simple as like maybe something similar to
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  Speaker 2: some of these things.
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  Speaker 1: Sure.
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  Speaker 3: I noticed when you guys argue, you're always the one
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  Speaker 3: who gives in. Yeah.
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  Speaker 2: Things like that, where it's like, I.
• 6:42
  Speaker 3: Don't like it. Not a huge thing, but yeah, not great.
• 6:45
  Speaker 2: Exactly. But what I realized is those people are still
• 6:48
  Speaker 2: fucking married. And they're, I mean, happily or not, I
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  Speaker 2: don't know, but they're still together. I think back now,
• 6:53
  Speaker 2: and maybe that's where sometimes my, like, you can share
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  Speaker 2: what you don't like with your friends, but then back off.
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  Speaker 2: Because I've realized over time, you have no idea who
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  Speaker 2: is going to work out or not, or like what
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  Speaker 2: people get out of their relationships. Like, that is not
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  Speaker 2: your business, honestly, unless there's harm, you know, abuse, things
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  Speaker 2: like that, then that's a little bit of a different thing.
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  Speaker 2: But yeah, some of these things mentioned though are really tough.
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  Speaker 2: Like the planning, it sounds like a little nitpicky on
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  Speaker 2: a lot of these.
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  Speaker 3: I'm like, Which I wonder if Ryder is kind of
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  Speaker 3: giving us the more polished version of that. Oh, that's true.
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  Speaker 3: Because you got to think, what are a group of
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  Speaker 3: your friends saying? They're probably bringing something up about this.
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  Speaker 3: Be like, yo, this guy is never putting an effort
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  Speaker 3: in this relationship. And maybe we're getting her polished version,
• 7:35
  Speaker 3: but like, Well, I mean, he's only, you know, we're
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  Speaker 3: just different people and I like doing it anyway.
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  Speaker 4: But like we're doing it through the writer's filter. All
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  Speaker 4: your friends might just think like your boyfriend's an asshole.
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  Speaker 3: Yeah. But instead of just over and over again saying, hey,
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  Speaker 3: he's an asshole. Yeah. No, no, no. Now we're just
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  Speaker 3: finding all the things on the list. Yeah.
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  Speaker 4: Now we've decided that he's an asshole. We know he's
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  Speaker 4: an asshole. Let's go ahead and populate out this list.
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  Speaker 4: And once you do that, then it's easy to start
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  Speaker 4: finding these things.
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  Speaker 3: Yeah.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah. It's hard, though, because I think back to, you know,
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  Speaker 2: when Peter and I were first started dating, he like
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  Speaker 2: would not text or call her like ever, you know,
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  Speaker 2: like I go out with my friends and he's like, yeah,
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  Speaker 2: you're with your friends. Why would I like call you
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  Speaker 2: or text you? But all my friends are like, oh,
• 8:18
  Speaker 2: my God, my guy like text me all the time
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  Speaker 2: and all this stuff. And I actually went down and
• 8:22
  Speaker 2: talked to him about it. I'm like, is that weird?
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  Speaker 2: Should you be texting me? I'm like, what if I
• 8:24
  Speaker 2: was dead in a ditch? It doesn't matter if you
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  Speaker 2: text me or not. It doesn't change anything.
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  Speaker 3: But it does.
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  Speaker 2: It gets in your head a little bit. You're like, oh,
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  Speaker 2: am I doing something? Are we doing something that's abnormal?
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  Speaker 2: Or does this mean like you don't care about me
• 8:37
  Speaker 2: or something? But you have to kind of talk through
• 8:39
  Speaker 2: that with your partner. And a lot of these sound like.
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  Speaker 3: This doesn't mean that I don't care about you.
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  Speaker 2: Plenty of other things.
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  Speaker 3: Me not caring about you. That's how I know. That's
• 8:48
  Speaker 3: why I don't care about you. Why are you still here?
• 8:53
  Speaker 1: I know.
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  Speaker 2: I feel like, Ryder, if you don't care about these things,
• 8:58
  Speaker 2: if you're fine planning the stuff, if you're fine initiating things,
• 9:04
  Speaker 2: if you're fine with him being stubborn and you're just like, whatever,
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  Speaker 2: I'll leave it, there's a chance that that might get
• 9:10
  Speaker 2: to you down the road. It probably will. But that
• 9:12
  Speaker 2: is your journey and your relationship journey to go on.
• 9:18
  Speaker 2: In my opinion. Have you ever.
• 9:19
  Speaker 3: Seen a situation, because it seems like this happens more
• 9:21
  Speaker 3: with women than men, and maybe I'm off on that,
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  Speaker 3: but does this ever actually work? Does the brain trust
• 9:27
  Speaker 3: of women meet to discuss a relationship? Again, that's not
• 9:28
  Speaker 3: why I think Jim is sexist. Yeah, no, that's the
• 9:30
  Speaker 3: other thing. But in a world where this is common,
• 9:33
  Speaker 3: and let's assume that women often do the brain trust
• 9:36
  Speaker 3: discussion about the new relationship, and they want the outside
• 9:39
  Speaker 3: perspectives because they're They value insight because they're like, hey, look,
• 9:42
  Speaker 3: I'm kind of love blind and I really want outsiders
• 9:45
  Speaker 3: to give me legitimate feedback that this is welcome. Like
• 9:48
  Speaker 3: I'm signaling that I'm welcoming the criticism. Does this ever
• 9:50
  Speaker 3: actually happen where like your friends say, hey, I think
• 9:53
  Speaker 3: he's kind of a douchebag. I don't like how he
• 9:55
  Speaker 3: treats you. And she's like, yeah, you're right. I think
• 9:57
  Speaker 3: I'm going to go out and break up with him.
• 9:58
  Speaker 2: Right. That's what I mean.
• 9:59
  Speaker 3: Does that ever happen? No.
• 10:03
  Speaker 2: I feel like no is the answer.
• 10:04
  Speaker 3: How often is it like, yeah, good point, girls. Yeah,
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  Speaker 3: he didn't text me back. I'm just going to break
• 10:09
  Speaker 3: up with him. We're not fighting or anything right now.
• 10:11
  Speaker 2: Honestly, I have no women who are in literally... domestic
• 10:14
  Speaker 2: violence situations. One, they don't tell you the whole thing
• 10:18
  Speaker 2: that's happening. They'll give you those little drippets and you're like,
• 10:20
  Speaker 2: that's not okay. And they still stay with those people.
• 10:24
  Speaker 3: And you're begging them like, hey, this is serious. You
• 10:26
  Speaker 3: cannot be in this anymore. I think, and Whitney, tell
• 10:29
  Speaker 3: me if you think this is on the money or not.
• 10:31
  Speaker 3: I think it is not about really at the end
• 10:35
  Speaker 3: of it all. It's not about convincing the other person
• 10:38
  Speaker 3: to leave the person. It's letting them know Hey, I
• 10:42
  Speaker 3: think this is all going to go to shit. And
• 10:44
  Speaker 3: when it does, I'm on team you.
• 10:50
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 10:50
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 10:51
  Speaker 2: I think some people come at it that way.
• 10:53
  Speaker 3: I think it's planting the flag.
• 10:54
  Speaker 2: If they're more, well, maybe emotionally intelligent, I'll say. I
• 10:58
  Speaker 2: think that's a version.
• 11:00
  Speaker 3: I see what you mean. Yes, I think that could
• 11:02
  Speaker 3: be it as well. I mean more along the lines of,
• 11:06
  Speaker 3: I think I'm saying it less emotionally intelligent. Okay.
• 11:09
  Speaker 4: I think I'm going at it from the other extreme,
• 11:11
  Speaker 4: which is like, I'm team you. This is going to
• 11:15
  Speaker 4: fall apart. And I'm going to be here. I'm going
• 11:18
  Speaker 4: to be saying, I told you so. Yeah, the I
• 11:20
  Speaker 4: told you so.
• 11:21
  Speaker 3: But I also want to be on your team and
• 11:23
  Speaker 3: be that shoulder to cry on. Yeah, all of that. Okay.
• 11:27
  Speaker 3: I'm calling it early. So that when this happens later,
• 11:30
  Speaker 3: you can come and confide in me because I saw this.
• 11:33
  Speaker 4: And I'm making sure that you know that like, I'm
• 11:35
  Speaker 4: your friend. I'm not your guy's friend. I'm your friend.
• 11:39
  Speaker 2: No, that is a good point. And I think that
• 11:41
  Speaker 2: does happen. Yeah, somewhat often. Oh man, there was one
• 11:46
  Speaker 2: other thing I was going to say, but I forgot
• 11:47
  Speaker 2: it now.
• 11:48
  Speaker 3: Have you guys ever done the brain trust among men
• 11:50
  Speaker 3: where you call each other and you go, I want
• 11:52
  Speaker 3: to tell you about my new girlfriend and I want
• 11:54
  Speaker 3: you guys to be just honest with me and give
• 11:55
  Speaker 3: me all the red flags. And I just really want
• 11:57
  Speaker 3: to make sure. I don't do it with my guy friends.
• 11:59
  Speaker 3: I do it with SJ. She hates when I call
• 12:02
  Speaker 3: her and tell her. To tell her about your new girlfriend?
• 12:03
  Speaker 3: She fucking hates that. I think this girl's a bitch. Okay, well, like,
• 12:06
  Speaker 3: you're biased, though. Yeah. I mean, what are you... I mean,
• 12:10
  Speaker 3: you hate all my girlfriends. Objectively, yeah. You haven't liked
• 12:14
  Speaker 3: a single one of them. Yeah, no, name one that
• 12:16
  Speaker 3: you've liked.
• 12:16
  Speaker 1: I feel like you're not giving this a chance.
• 12:19
  Speaker 2: Oh, I remember what I was going to say.
• 12:21
  Speaker 3: You have to give Melody a fair shake. Get to
• 12:24
  Speaker 3: know her.
• 12:24
  Speaker 2: Or actually ask. And that is... Some of these things
• 12:28
  Speaker 2: I hear these friends saying, I think there's a balance
• 12:30
  Speaker 2: here because yes, our friends can see things that feel
• 12:33
  Speaker 2: like red flags. How much do you think that was
• 12:38
  Speaker 2: placed on seeking perfection for your friend?
• 12:43
  Speaker 3: So like, having a good looking relationship. Yeah.
• 12:49
  Speaker 2: Or like he, they have to be perfect. Like, oh,
• 12:51
  Speaker 2: they have to plan stuff too. Well, how much then?
• 12:54
  Speaker 2: So if he is planning zero now and then he
• 12:56
  Speaker 2: starts planning one thing, is that enough? Is two things
• 13:00
  Speaker 2: a month? Is it three? Is it 50-50? Because 50-50
• 13:02
  Speaker 2: doesn't exist in relationships.
• 13:04
  Speaker 1: Or he's planning everything and he's making the decision, where
• 13:06
  Speaker 1: do we go to eat? He's calling all the shots.
• 13:10
  Speaker 3: Okay, well, now it's controlling. Yeah.
• 13:11
  Speaker 1: So it's like.
• 13:13
  Speaker 3: Yeah, so there's no... That's what I mean. He's an asshole.
• 13:17
  Speaker 3: Your friends know he's an asshole. Now they're finding the list.
• 13:20
  Speaker 3: So they get the conclusion first, then they go back
• 13:22
  Speaker 3: and look for the data. The list is being populated
• 13:24
  Speaker 3: with the knowledge.
• 13:25
  Speaker 2: They're supporting their own opinion.
• 13:27
  Speaker 3: They have the murderer. Let's go prove it.
• 13:29
  Speaker 4: The fact is, in their point of view, the fact
• 13:31
  Speaker 4: is he's an asshole. And we're just demonstrating all the
• 13:35
  Speaker 4: different ways that he is an asshole.
• 13:37
  Speaker 3: I cannot ever imagine sitting with a guy friend who's like,
• 13:40
  Speaker 3: So I'm dating a new girl. I honestly think that's
• 13:43
  Speaker 3: the end of the conversation right there. I don't even
• 13:44
  Speaker 3: think I'd be like, what's her name? They'd be like, oh, great, man.
• 13:48
  Speaker 3: So did you want to get nachos? Or where are
• 13:49
  Speaker 3: we at with that? In fairness, I'm definitely not asking
• 13:52
  Speaker 3: her name.
• 13:53
  Speaker 2: I know.
• 13:54
  Speaker 3: I'm also never asking. I'm dating a new girl. Isn't
• 13:58
  Speaker 3: that a funny skit that's.
• 14:00
  Speaker 2: Done where it's like he's on Jeopardy or something or
• 14:03
  Speaker 2: I don't know what.
• 14:04
  Speaker 3: Oh, that's so funny.
• 14:05
  Speaker 2: Yeah, where they're supposed to be asking questions and trivia
• 14:07
  Speaker 2: and then what's your friend's girl, your wife's name or whatever.
• 14:10
  Speaker 2: It's like we literally had dinner together.
• 14:13
  Speaker 3: Oh yeah, what's your friend's wife's name?
• 14:18
  Speaker 1: That is a tough one too because like especially when
• 14:22
  Speaker 1: they break up and then there's a new girl or
• 14:25
  Speaker 1: a new guy and then they're like, oh my God,
• 14:29
  Speaker 1: What's his name?
• 14:30
  Speaker 3: Yes.
• 14:30
  Speaker 1: Or what's her name?
• 14:31
  Speaker 2: You accidentally used that.
• 14:32
  Speaker 1: And I don't want to use the last name.
• 14:33
  Speaker 3: Let me tell you something. I've had to face this
• 14:35
  Speaker 3: problem in life. I have a solution. So I have
• 14:38
  Speaker 3: some good friends that you know them through the years,
• 14:40
  Speaker 3: and then they get in and out of relationships, and
• 14:43
  Speaker 3: they've updated you about that, but you're not fully sure.
• 14:46
  Speaker 3: And then you get invited to something where the new
• 14:48
  Speaker 3: girlfriend's going to be there, and you're like, okay, I
• 14:51
  Speaker 3: should know her name. So the new thing that I
• 14:53
  Speaker 3: do is in my friend's contact in my phone, I
• 14:56
  Speaker 3: use the notes section of the contact thing and I
• 14:59
  Speaker 3: write the current girlfriend's name. And I try to also
• 15:02
  Speaker 3: timestamp like when I'm aware they started.
• 15:04
  Speaker 1: Oh, so it's like September, 2023. I'll put.
• 15:05
  Speaker 3: 9 slash 2023, Becky.
• 15:11
  Speaker 4: See, I don't put it in the notes because you
• 15:13
  Speaker 4: have to open it up to get to it.
• 15:15
  Speaker 3: I put it on the company. On their name. No,
• 15:17
  Speaker 3: I put it on the company. The company line.
• 15:18
  Speaker 2: So you open the contact.
• 15:20
  Speaker 3: And it's there. That's it.
• 15:20
  Speaker 4: And it's like, yo, there's Jim Jobin, Nick's asshole podcast friend.
• 15:26
  Speaker 3: Right, right, right. That way you know how you know
• 15:28
  Speaker 3: them or whatever. Yeah. So that's actually saved me a
• 15:31
  Speaker 3: lot in life. I do that all the time. I've
• 15:33
  Speaker 3: had to consult my notepad while I'm already hanging out
• 15:37
  Speaker 3: with them. After I've already addressed her by name and
• 15:40
  Speaker 3: said hi, I've had to go back to it and
• 15:42
  Speaker 3: be like, do not fuck up and say the wrong
• 15:43
  Speaker 3: girl's name.
• 15:44
  Speaker 2: Are you the third person here who does that?
• 15:46
  Speaker 1: I am not.
• 15:47
  Speaker 3: I don't know necessarily with relationships, but that's definitely one
• 15:51
  Speaker 3: of the things that goes in there.
• 15:54
  Speaker 1: When my friends will say something like, oh, say hi
• 15:57
  Speaker 1: to Laura for me. And then I'll just be like, yeah,
• 16:00
  Speaker 1: you too.
• 16:01
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 16:01
  Speaker 1: And then it's like.
• 16:02
  Speaker 2: Yeah, y'all too. Y'all is a great word.
• 16:05
  Speaker 3: I also feel it is your obligation. I do a
• 16:06
  Speaker 3: lot of asking about the family.
• 16:08
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 16:09
  Speaker 3: How's everybody? How's everybody? How's all of them? I feel
• 16:12
  Speaker 3: like if you go out with each other and you're
• 16:14
  Speaker 3: hanging out with friends and like you're reintroducing your friend
• 16:16
  Speaker 3: to your girlfriend. I think there's an understanding among men
• 16:19
  Speaker 3: that I am going to name drop the girl and
• 16:21
  Speaker 3: be like, oh, yeah. And you remember Laura, right? I
• 16:25
  Speaker 3: think you guys have met several times. Yeah. Just like
• 16:27
  Speaker 3: you courtesy drop a few times. Set the guy up
• 16:31
  Speaker 3: for success. Help me help you. Because it's only going
• 16:33
  Speaker 3: to hurt you if he fucks this up. Yeah. You've
• 16:36
  Speaker 3: got to help him out. Help me help you. But
• 16:39
  Speaker 3: we don't do the enclave of discussion about whether this
• 16:43
  Speaker 3: is a good fit. If there is a big... meeting
• 16:48
  Speaker 3: about a spouse or a significant other, things are terrible.
• 16:53
  Speaker 3: It has to reach DEFCON 5.
• 16:55
  Speaker 1: You already have the answer if you have to assemble
• 16:58
  Speaker 1: the crew.
• 16:59
  Speaker 3: Something or someone is dead. Yeah. Nobody really does this.
• 17:05
  Speaker 3: And even then, like, don't bother me. Yeah. Yeah. It's like, oh,
• 17:09
  Speaker 3: it still better be quick.
• 17:10
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 17:11
  Speaker 3: I'm going to need this to be done in five minutes,
• 17:13
  Speaker 3: 10 tops. If we're doing this, it better be like
• 17:16
  Speaker 3: a dinner thing. Yeah. Like I need to, we're going
• 17:18
  Speaker 3: to make this go 10 minutes. I'm going to need
• 17:20
  Speaker 3: a drink. What we're doing here. I've, I've been in
• 17:24
  Speaker 3: conversations where it has been the moment of like guys
• 17:28
  Speaker 3: turning to the buddy and being like, Hey, man, I
• 17:31
  Speaker 3: don't think she's great for you, bud. Here's why. It's
• 17:35
  Speaker 3: still an ad hoc meeting. That just happens organically because
• 17:38
  Speaker 3: we're all in the car. Somebody brings her up. He
• 17:40
  Speaker 3: looks at his phone and goes, And we're like, Dude,
• 17:43
  Speaker 3: she's terrible. Yeah, they don't seem really good, buddy.
• 17:45
  Speaker 1: I have had this happen to me one time. Okay.
• 17:49
  Speaker 3: I had just met Laura. I hadn't gotten to know
• 17:52
  Speaker 3: her yet.
• 17:53
  Speaker 1: I had a friend say something to me about somebody
• 17:57
  Speaker 1: I was dating.
• 17:58
  Speaker 3: Okay.
• 17:58
  Speaker 1: And just like, I don't think this is a good
• 18:00
  Speaker 1: fit for you.
• 18:00
  Speaker 3: Interesting.
• 18:01
  Speaker 2: What did you think?
• 18:02
  Speaker 1: Oh, I knew he was right.
• 18:04
  Speaker 3: Really? You didn't get pissed at all? Shut up, man.
• 18:07
  Speaker 3: Don't get involved in my shit.
• 18:08
  Speaker 1: No. Because this was the first person I dated after
• 18:12
  Speaker 1: my divorce.
• 18:13
  Speaker 3: Okay.
• 18:14
  Speaker 1: And it was our friend Brian. He just would be like, yeah,
• 18:19
  Speaker 1: it's a burner.
• 18:20
  Speaker 3: Yeah. Yeah. This is Brian G, right? Yeah. He's all
• 18:23
  Speaker 3: of our friends. Don't look at Whitney.
• 18:25
  Speaker 2: No, he's mine.
• 18:25
  Speaker 3: He worked for me. All right.
• 18:27
  Speaker 1: I know him.
• 18:28
  Speaker 3: We're close.
• 18:29
  Speaker 1: All right.
• 18:29
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 18:30
  Speaker 1: But anyway.
• 18:31
  Speaker 2: That means y'all couldn't be friends if he worked for you.
• 18:34
  Speaker 1: My friend from Iowa. That's what I'm doing. Came down,
• 18:36
  Speaker 1: spent some time in Vegas or whatever. I introduced them. Okay, great.
• 18:40
  Speaker 1: But his way of saying it was very soft. Okay.
• 18:45
  Speaker 1: And it was a way that he knew I would
• 18:48
  Speaker 1: understand what he was saying. And it was just kind
• 18:51
  Speaker 1: of like, she's different than anybody you've ever been with.
• 18:57
  Speaker 1: And I was like, yep, she is.
• 18:59
  Speaker 3: Super understated. Yep. Okay. I'm aware.
• 19:00
  Speaker 1: She's very different. Yeah. Yep, very different.
• 19:03
  Speaker 3: Yeah. Not your normal type.
• 19:04
  Speaker 1: That was about it. Okay.
• 19:06
  Speaker 3: That was it. And you were like, I'm breaking up
• 19:07
  Speaker 3: with her tomorrow. That's a good point.
• 19:11
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 19:12
  Speaker 3: I feel like when men do kind of say, we
• 19:15
  Speaker 3: don't like your partner, it is very understated. And it
• 19:19
  Speaker 3: is not direct. It's not, I'm concerned, you know, red flags.
• 19:23
  Speaker 3: We're just, I think we'll just have a conversation where
• 19:24
  Speaker 3: we keep bringing up the red flags without saying that
• 19:27
  Speaker 3: the red flags.
• 19:28
  Speaker 1: She calls a lot.
• 19:29
  Speaker 3: She calls a lot, huh? Like, yeah. She, she okay?
• 19:32
  Speaker 3: Is everything okay? Yeah, she's fine. She just worries a lot.
• 19:35
  Speaker 3: Oh yeah. Okay. Got it. You know, just like, it just, oh.
• 19:39
  Speaker 3: I like being harder to ignore than that. Oh, okay.
• 19:42
  Speaker 3: So you'll get up in there. I make fun of people's...
• 19:46
  Speaker 3: You'll poke at it. Directly, too. Well, humor definitely works. works.
• 19:50
  Speaker 4: You can tease a guy and send the signals. But yeah,
• 19:54
  Speaker 4: I'm still not sitting down and having a heart-to-heart. I'm
• 19:57
  Speaker 4: just going to be like, yeah, your girlfriend is a lot.
• 20:01
  Speaker 3: So I had a really toxic.
• 20:02
  Speaker 2: Is that why you created hashtag Save Peter? Yeah, right?
• 20:04
  Speaker 3: This is all an intervention. But we're trying to help him.
• 20:07
  Speaker 3: I know. We're not on your side.
• 20:08
  Speaker 1: Damn it.
• 20:09
  Speaker 3: Not at all. No, like I had a really bad...
• 20:11
  Speaker 3: This time every week is just... That's Peter's free time. Yeah,
• 20:14
  Speaker 3: we text him. We're like, hey, nobody listens to this show.
• 20:17
  Speaker 3: We're going to do a double, man.
• 20:18
  Speaker 1: Yeah, he asked us, can you guys go do a
• 20:21
  Speaker 1: double today?
• 20:22
  Speaker 3: I just need some time to heal. She's been decorating
• 20:26
  Speaker 3: for Halloween. Fucking hate my life right now. Found her
• 20:29
  Speaker 3: on the floor again in the living room.
• 20:31
  Speaker 2: That's why you're so happy when I was leaving.
• 20:33
  Speaker 3: Bye, hon. I just need some time for the scabs,
• 20:35
  Speaker 3: the solidify. Just get some makeup on these cat scratches.
• 20:40
  Speaker 3: So I was in high school and early college. I
• 20:42
  Speaker 3: was in like a relationship that had gone on for
• 20:44
  Speaker 3: years that was really toxic. We were terrible for each other.
• 20:47
  Speaker 3: You're just constantly like, you know, one of those just awful.
• 20:51
  Speaker 3: And it's like very immature relationships where you're constantly fighting
• 20:54
  Speaker 3: in front of your friends and just all the madness.
• 20:56
  Speaker 1: You're only in it for the makeup sex.
• 20:57
  Speaker 3: Oh, that was, yeah, that's it. I mean, it's so good,
• 21:01
  Speaker 3: but like, yeah, because you're constantly about to break up
• 21:03
  Speaker 3: and then, you know, you reunite. So like, that was
• 21:06
  Speaker 3: one where friends did sit me down and, and, but
• 21:08
  Speaker 3: like family had sat me down too and said like, Hey,
• 21:11
  Speaker 3: you've got to break up with her. Or like what
• 21:13
  Speaker 3: would happen is when you're in a breakup, they would
• 21:16
  Speaker 3: all rush in at that moment to be like, Hey,
• 21:18
  Speaker 3: we think it's really good that you guys are broken up.
• 21:21
  Speaker 3: you should definitely like not stay with this. And I'm like, no, yeah,
• 21:24
  Speaker 3: we're not getting back together ever. And like, yeah, but
• 21:27
  Speaker 3: that's happened 10 times. So like maybe this time really
• 21:29
  Speaker 3: take your time, bro. Like meet some new people.
• 21:31
  Speaker 1: A good friend would sleep with her during the breakup.
• 21:36
  Speaker 3: Somebody has to burn the bridge. So he's like, I
• 21:38
  Speaker 3: don't want to do this, but I'm going to burn
• 21:40
  Speaker 3: the bridge. Jimmy is, he cannot help himself. I'm going
• 21:44
  Speaker 3: to ruin this. There it is. That was for Jim.
• 21:54
  Speaker 1: Yep.
• 21:55
  Speaker 3: So Ryder, if your friends really didn't want you to
• 21:57
  Speaker 3: be with this guy. That's true.
• 21:58
  Speaker 1: All right.
• 21:59
  Speaker 3: Fuck them. Yeah. So you don't have to debate whether
• 22:01
  Speaker 3: your gut's true or these other friends are true. If
• 22:04
  Speaker 3: your friends were serious, they'd fuck this guy out of
• 22:06
  Speaker 3: your life.
• 22:07
  Speaker 1: On a serious answer.
• 22:08
  Speaker 3: Oh, mine wasn't serious.
• 22:10
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 22:12
  Speaker 3: I don't know what I would do. It's not that
• 22:13
  Speaker 3: it wouldn't work. Yeah.
• 22:14
  Speaker 1: I mean, I think you're right. It does seem like
• 22:18
  Speaker 1: some of this stuff, a lot of this stuff is
• 22:20
  Speaker 1: very ambiguous and ambiguous, right? You're not really sure it
• 22:24
  Speaker 1: could be, might not be. What I would do is
• 22:27
  Speaker 1: they're your friends. It is nice to have an outside perspective,
• 22:30
  Speaker 1: you know, because a lot of times you can't see
• 22:32
  Speaker 1: things from where you're at. But what I would do
• 22:34
  Speaker 1: is with each one of these, take a moment and
• 22:36
  Speaker 1: just kind of sit down, think about this and identify,
• 22:40
  Speaker 1: you know, I don't think this is a red flag now.
• 22:43
  Speaker 1: What would it look like? What would have to occur
• 22:47
  Speaker 1: for me to now realize? okay, now it's a red flag.
• 22:50
  Speaker 2: Yeah, what is a red flag?
• 22:51
  Speaker 1: Yeah, just visualize and actually get a clear picture of
• 22:56
  Speaker 1: what that looks like.
• 22:57
  Speaker 3: Like, oh, my friends say this person calls me too much.
• 22:59
  Speaker 3: I don't think they call me that much. How much
• 23:02
  Speaker 3: would they have to call me? Like right now they
• 23:04
  Speaker 3: call me five times a day. I don't think that's
• 23:06
  Speaker 3: too much. What if they called me 25 times a day?
• 23:08
  Speaker 1: Yes, because what happens a lot of times with these
• 23:11
  Speaker 1: relationships is if you don't have a clear understanding of
• 23:15
  Speaker 1: what it will look like when it becomes unhealthy... you
• 23:18
  Speaker 1: skate right past unhealthy without recognizing it.
• 23:20
  Speaker 2: That's a really good point, yeah.
• 23:22
  Speaker 3: I think that also underscores why it's so hard for
• 23:26
  Speaker 3: these relationships to notice the red flags beforehand, which I
• 23:30
  Speaker 3: can also, I mean, I tease that guys don't do this,
• 23:32
  Speaker 3: women do, but there's actually a lot of understanding and
• 23:35
  Speaker 3: wisdom that goes into why women try to qualify a
• 23:38
  Speaker 3: relationship early Because once you've built up all these things
• 23:42
  Speaker 3: and the connections are really there, that's when a lot
• 23:45
  Speaker 3: of people's red flags start to show up. Because like
• 23:47
  Speaker 3: you just said in that example, yeah, they call you
• 23:49
  Speaker 3: five times a day. In the beginning, you're like, I
• 23:51
  Speaker 3: love this because they're showing all this energy toward me.
• 23:54
  Speaker 3: They're showing me seriousness. I've had a recent spate of
• 23:57
  Speaker 3: all these different relationships... People come in and say, I
• 24:00
  Speaker 3: met this really great guy and he's like all in.
• 24:03
  Speaker 3: He wants commitment with me right away. He's talking about
• 24:06
  Speaker 3: like big, huge things, like wants to have children with me.
• 24:08
  Speaker 3: He's going to move across the country to like be
• 24:10
  Speaker 3: with me. And like, you know, I'll hear them go, whoa, like,
• 24:13
  Speaker 3: but are we like still in the phase of like.
• 24:16
  Speaker 3: filtering like whether this is a good match for you
• 24:19
  Speaker 3: like what about all these other red flags doesn't have
• 24:20
  Speaker 3: a job he doesn't these things are going on like
• 24:22
  Speaker 3: there's some challenges and they'll be like yeah i know
• 24:24
  Speaker 3: but like it's really rare to find a guy who's
• 24:26
  Speaker 3: like all in committed he's dead serious.
• 24:28
  Speaker 1: He wants to move in yes he is unhoused yeah
• 24:32
  Speaker 1: yeah yeah but he seems really excited.
• 24:34
  Speaker 2: About moving in yes very committed.
• 24:36
  Speaker 3: This is almost exactly it and so you realize like
• 24:39
  Speaker 3: a lot of times people don't come in with like
• 24:40
  Speaker 3: these glaring blinking red lights They start the relationship and
• 24:44
  Speaker 3: like the same qualities that seem endearing in the beginning
• 24:47
  Speaker 3: become toxic over time. Like, oh, they're always checking on
• 24:50
  Speaker 3: me because they think of me all the time. And
• 24:52
  Speaker 3: then a few months in, they're checking on me all
• 24:53
  Speaker 3: the time because they're insecure as fuck. And they're constantly
• 24:56
  Speaker 3: scared that everybody I talk to, I'm cheating on them with.
• 24:58
  Speaker 3: And like they're. Asking me about all the dudes I
• 25:00
  Speaker 3: work with and like every other problem, like every person
• 25:02
  Speaker 3: I've ever, and whether I still talk to, you know, the,
• 25:04
  Speaker 3: the grandmother of like three of my exes ago, because
• 25:07
  Speaker 3: we happen to live, you know, next door to each other.
• 25:09
  Speaker 3: Like I check on her and like, what's that mean?
• 25:10
  Speaker 3: And just like those toxic traits don't manifest in the beginning.
• 25:14
  Speaker 3: So as, as, as much as like this, this letter
• 25:16
  Speaker 3: has like this image in my brain of the friends
• 25:19
  Speaker 3: seeming a little like skittish and like a little overreactive.
• 25:23
  Speaker 3: I don't want to shit on them because part of
• 25:25
  Speaker 3: me is like, no, I can see that. I can
• 25:27
  Speaker 3: see the wisdom sometimes being like, oh, by the time
• 25:29
  Speaker 3: the real red flags emerge, you're so enmeshed with that
• 25:33
  Speaker 3: person that now you're accepting those things or making excuses
• 25:36
  Speaker 3: for them or it's hard to pull away. And so
• 25:38
  Speaker 3: I can see the wisdom of like, hey, if we
• 25:40
  Speaker 3: can see these things emerging early, there might be wisdom
• 25:43
  Speaker 3: to like steering you away from that relationship while you
• 25:45
  Speaker 3: can still walk away happy. without a heartbreak. But I
• 25:48
  Speaker 3: think it goes back to your point, Whitney. No matter
• 25:50
  Speaker 3: what kind of wisdom people give us, are we really
• 25:52
  Speaker 3: likely to take it? People want to live their own lives.
• 25:54
  Speaker 3: They're going to practice their own autonomy. They're going to
• 25:56
  Speaker 3: give the relationship a chance.
• 25:57
  Speaker 2: Yeah. I don't know if... It sounds like you trust
• 26:02
  Speaker 2: your friends a lot, Ryder. I would almost go back
• 26:05
  Speaker 2: to them and maybe going into what Jacob was saying earlier,
• 26:09
  Speaker 2: maybe ask them, hey, you've mentioned these things that Could
• 26:12
  Speaker 2: be red flags or maybe could turn into red flags
• 26:15
  Speaker 2: down the road. I don't care about them right now.
• 26:19
  Speaker 2: Is it really just this? Are y'all seeing something else?
• 26:21
  Speaker 2: Because maybe they are filtering their responses a little bit
• 26:24
  Speaker 2: to be gentle on you, but still they are concerned.
• 26:27
  Speaker 3: Or is it the other direction? Or do you just
• 26:29
  Speaker 3: hate him? And because you hate him, you're finding all
• 26:34
  Speaker 3: of these things that aren't untrue. but you're pointing them.
• 26:38
  Speaker 2: Out more yeah i think that's what i'm asking her
• 26:41
  Speaker 2: to if she feels brave enough to to basically ask
• 26:44
  Speaker 2: her friends hey do you just not like him which
• 26:47
  Speaker 2: is fine too like it happens um but to just
• 26:52
  Speaker 2: get a get a clear picture but that means you
• 26:54
  Speaker 2: might hear things you don't like so you would have
• 26:56
  Speaker 2: to prepare for that and i wouldn't give that advice
• 26:59
  Speaker 2: to everyone but it sounds like you really trust your
• 27:01
  Speaker 2: friends i would just want a very clear picture like
• 27:04
  Speaker 2: if they say, well, it's just not fair that you're
• 27:06
  Speaker 2: planning everything, but you don't care that you plan everything,
• 27:09
  Speaker 2: then who fucking cares? But maybe what I was going
• 27:14
  Speaker 2: to say too, I think the writer gave an example
• 27:17
  Speaker 2: of him, oh, being stubborn. That was it. Being stubborn
• 27:22
  Speaker 2: and then you kind of have to give in. I
• 27:24
  Speaker 2: could see that being a little concerning, but what I
• 27:27
  Speaker 2: would say to that is Is your partner able to, again,
• 27:31
  Speaker 2: grow and change with you? So when you mention these things,
• 27:34
  Speaker 2: maybe there are bouts of stubbornness. I mean, again, personalizing everything.
• 27:39
  Speaker 2: I was very fucking stubborn early on in our relationship.
• 27:42
  Speaker 2: Stuff that was so fucking stupid. But I was just like, no,
• 27:44
  Speaker 2: I'm going to dig my heel. And it doesn't matter
• 27:46
  Speaker 2: over time. You just build trust. You build comfort with somebody.
• 27:50
  Speaker 2: And it doesn't matter as much. But some things that
• 27:53
  Speaker 2: could be bad in the beginning, they don't turn into.
• 27:57
  Speaker 2: Bad things.
• 27:58
  Speaker 3: They don't have to get worse.
• 27:59
  Speaker 2: They don't have to get worse. They can even get better.
• 28:01
  Speaker 2: And are you cutting off somebody quickly because of these
• 28:04
  Speaker 2: rocky things in the beginning?
• 28:06
  Speaker 3: Especially if they're open to change.
• 28:07
  Speaker 2: That's what I mean. So yeah, basically is your partner
• 28:09
  Speaker 2: open to change is my short answer or question, but
• 28:13
  Speaker 2: it could be the answer for you.
• 28:14
  Speaker 3: So the debate of whether you can trust your gut
• 28:16
  Speaker 3: or your friends, it sounds like you're kind of weighing
• 28:18
  Speaker 3: in with like, proceed with consultation. Like your friends are
• 28:22
  Speaker 3: giving you feedback. You're lucky to have friends that try.
• 28:25
  Speaker 3: And you should assume that they mean that in good faith.
• 28:28
  Speaker 3: But yeah, if your gut is still telling you, I
• 28:31
  Speaker 3: like this relationship and I'm feeling good about it, I
• 28:34
  Speaker 3: want to proceed with it.
• 28:35
  Speaker 2: You should.
• 28:35
  Speaker 3: Otherwise, it's going to feel dishonest and inauthentic. And I
• 28:39
  Speaker 3: think that there's truth to that. The only caveat I
• 28:41
  Speaker 3: think I would add to that is if you have
• 28:44
  Speaker 3: a terrible track record, Ooh, that's a good point. Oh, yeah, yeah.
• 28:47
  Speaker 3: That's a good point. Know yourself. If you keep dating
• 28:50
  Speaker 3: dumpster fire fucking guys, and then you're just like, oh.
• 28:53
  Speaker 2: Listen to your friends then.
• 28:54
  Speaker 3: As a therapist, this happens a lot. That's a good point.
• 28:57
  Speaker 3: I've had some patients for years, and I've seen them
• 28:59
  Speaker 3: through several relationships, and they're like, oh, my God, Jim,
• 29:01
  Speaker 3: I met this great guy. And I could finish their sentences.
• 29:04
  Speaker 3: I'm like, let me guess. He's these five qualities and he's,
• 29:07
  Speaker 3: he's all in and he's telling you how serious he
• 29:08
  Speaker 3: is about the relationship. He doesn't want to date other girls.
• 29:11
  Speaker 3: Like he's serious about you and you're just absolutely smitten.
• 29:13
  Speaker 3: And on the first date, you guys started talking about
• 29:15
  Speaker 3: where you want to retire together, where you're going to
• 29:17
  Speaker 3: live and like these crazy things. Yeah. Like, okay. But
• 29:20
  Speaker 3: I've been through this with you like seven times now. Right?
• 29:23
  Speaker 3: Like I've seen this movie. So yeah, you shouldn't trust
• 29:26
  Speaker 3: your gut. Like we should be talking about this very
• 29:29
  Speaker 3: critically and, And as a therapist, my hands are often tied.
• 29:32
  Speaker 3: I can't get in there and steer the car for them.
• 29:34
  Speaker 3: But if four of their friends are like, girl, please
• 29:36
  Speaker 3: do not date this guy again. Like he reminds us
• 29:38
  Speaker 3: of the last four guys. Like this is your style.
• 29:40
  Speaker 3: You fall for this because you're lonely and like you're
• 29:43
  Speaker 3: smitten with certain things and you long for that connection.
• 29:45
  Speaker 3: And like he gives it like amply in the beginnings,
• 29:47
  Speaker 3: love bombing you and all this shit. Like, yeah, no,
• 29:49
  Speaker 3: your gut has proven it cannot be trusted. You know?
• 29:52
  Speaker 3: So like, I don't know. Like I'm all for autonomy.
• 29:54
  Speaker 3: But like if you keep autonomously driving off cliffs at
• 29:57
  Speaker 3: some point, I mean, it takes your fucking keys.
• 29:59
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 29:59
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 29:59
  Speaker 2: That's a good point.
• 30:00
  Speaker 3: I like it. Anyway, this is an intervention. Nick, we
• 30:04
  Speaker 3: gotta talk. We gotta talk about you buying houses.
• 30:06
  Speaker 1: Oh, me?
• 30:07
  Speaker 3: Oh, shit. We're tired of you having the long talks
• 30:11
  Speaker 3: with Laura and then coming back with the sunglasses. We know.
• 30:16
  Speaker 3: We're gonna take a quick break. And when we come back,
• 30:19
  Speaker 3: we're talking about explanations or excuses. You're listening to Pod Therapy.
• 30:24
  Speaker 1: Today's episode is brought to you by Jake Schneider, Malia,
• 30:27
  Speaker 1: Richard Macy, Sonny Boy, Thunder Cougar, Falcon Scoop, Slurpeekay, Motherfucker,
• 30:32
  Speaker 1: Sandra McWaffle, Elena, Gabrielle Adame, Adam Warren, and NotKiara Knightley.
• 30:37
  Speaker 1: Would you like to sponsor the show? Become a therapist
• 30:39
  Speaker 1: through our Patreon.com slash therapy. Let's do some more world
• 30:44
  Speaker 1: record stuff that I just pulled up here.
• 30:48
  Speaker 3: Jim. 10 inches.
• 30:51
  Speaker 2: Okay.
• 30:52
  Speaker 1: Under. Under. Under. Which country has the world record for
• 30:58
  Speaker 1: the longest coastline?
• 31:01
  Speaker 3: Oh, Canada. Final answer.
• 31:04
  Speaker 1: Yes.
• 31:06
  Speaker 3: I don't get enough credit, but I know a lot
• 31:07
  Speaker 3: about geography.
• 31:09
  Speaker 2: Just not where things are.
• 31:11
  Speaker 3: Right. No, I have no clue where that place is,
• 31:13
  Speaker 3: but they have a lot of beaches.
• 31:15
  Speaker 1: If geography didn't include where things are, Jim would be great.
• 31:19
  Speaker 3: I'm really good at it. Even with... That does surprise
• 31:23
  Speaker 3: me a little bit, because the math that I did
• 31:25
  Speaker 3: was maybe Australia.
• 31:26
  Speaker 2: Australia was my first thought.
• 31:27
  Speaker 3: Australia got a lot of coastline.
• 31:28
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 31:28
  Speaker 3: But then the U.S. has a lot of coastline as well.
• 31:31
  Speaker 3: I'm surprised that... I'm a little surprised that Canada has
• 31:33
  Speaker 3: more coastline than the U.S. with Alaska in there. It's
• 31:37
  Speaker 3: because they have all the little... jagged ridges. But so
• 31:41
  Speaker 3: does Alaska. Alaska's got a fuck ton of coastline up there.
• 31:44
  Speaker 1: Also, Canada, way up in the north, you've got all
• 31:46
  Speaker 1: the islands. Oh, that's true. You've got to measure all
• 31:51
  Speaker 1: the way around. As we learned in college. It's all
• 31:56
  Speaker 1: about the circumference.
• 31:57
  Speaker 3: That's what I hear.
• 31:59
  Speaker 4: It's all part of their thing. They've got some girthy
• 32:03
  Speaker 4: islands up there.
• 32:04
  Speaker 1: They do.
• 32:04
  Speaker 2: 10 inches still.
• 32:07
  Speaker 3: No, the metric. Okay.
• 32:09
  Speaker 1: Gertie.
• 32:10
  Speaker 2: I'm just kidding.
• 32:11
  Speaker 1: Whitney, what is the longest record, longest recorded human sneezing fit?
• 32:16
  Speaker 3: Oh, geez.
• 32:17
  Speaker 2: I think I do that every month.
• 32:18
  Speaker 1: Lasting approximately how many hours?
• 32:20
  Speaker 3: Oh.
• 32:22
  Speaker 1: I mean.
• 32:22
  Speaker 2: Oh, I need options.
• 32:23
  Speaker 3: Hell. Euthanize them at some point. I'm sorry.
• 32:25
  Speaker 1: There's no options? It didn't say hours long. It just
• 32:27
  Speaker 1: said approximately how long. However, your options are two hours,
• 32:32
  Speaker 1: eight hours, 24 hours. Or 978 days? Three years?
• 32:41
  Speaker 3: Fuck.
• 32:42
  Speaker 2: Oh, my God. I mean, isn't that weird? It's got
• 32:44
  Speaker 2: to be the longest one. I'm thinking of hiccups, I.
• 32:48
  Speaker 3: Feel like, more than sneezing.
• 32:51
  Speaker 2: I don't like this question. All right, repeat the answers.
• 32:54
  Speaker 1: Two hours, eight hours, 24 hours, or 978 days?
• 33:00
  Speaker 3: Pretty big jump there.
• 33:01
  Speaker 2: On the last one. What's a fit? It's constant. There's
• 33:03
  Speaker 2: no breathing. I've seen machine gun sneezes.
• 33:06
  Speaker 3: Just sneezing over and over again. Yeah.
• 33:07
  Speaker 2: I've seen that. There's no pause. How long can a
• 33:09
  Speaker 2: pause be? None? I don't know.
• 33:12
  Speaker 3: I think we know what a sneezing is. It's not
• 33:14
  Speaker 3: going to be a month, Whitney. It's going to be
• 33:16
  Speaker 3: like sneeze. Sneeze. That's what we're talking about. 24 hours.
• 33:20
  Speaker 3: You can't have a meal between sneezes. Yeah. That doesn't
• 33:23
  Speaker 3: count as a part of the spree. 24 hours?
• 33:24
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 33:25
  Speaker 3: No.
• 33:26
  Speaker 1: Sorry.
• 33:26
  Speaker 2: Jacob?
• 33:27
  Speaker 3: I'll go the three years. That's good.
• 33:29
  Speaker 1: 978 days.
• 33:30
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 33:30
  Speaker 1: God damn. Donna Griffiths reportedly sneezed continuously for 978 days.
• 33:38
  Speaker 3: Oh, but that day that she stopped.
• 33:40
  Speaker 1: Oh my God. That must've been amazing.
• 33:42
  Speaker 3: Better than sex. Just coming all day long. Explosively orgasms.
• 33:47
  Speaker 2: Sneezes feel good though.
• 33:49
  Speaker 1: Almost worth it.
• 33:51
  Speaker 3: Also, I kind of just, her name was Donna. I
• 33:53
  Speaker 3: think Donna's a lying bitch. I just do not. I
• 33:56
  Speaker 3: think that's the kind of thing somebody says and does
• 33:58
  Speaker 3: to be noticed by other people. is they're constantly like, achoo, achoo.
• 34:02
  Speaker 3: And you're like, hmm. I'll bet you that shit doesn't
• 34:04
  Speaker 3: happen when she's sleeping or going to bed.
• 34:07
  Speaker 2: See, what's the gap?
• 34:08
  Speaker 3: Three years, my ass. And I'll bet she's telling everybody that.
• 34:11
  Speaker 3: I'm just over here.
• 34:12
  Speaker 1: I don't know.
• 34:12
  Speaker 3: I mean, you can have your opinion, Jim, but I'm
• 34:14
  Speaker 3: just over here believing women. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's just
• 34:16
  Speaker 3: what I'm going to be over here doing. We're different guys.
• 34:18
  Speaker 3: I'm just going to be over here believing women. We're
• 34:19
  Speaker 3: different guys.
• 34:21
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah. January.
• 34:22
  Speaker 3: Hashtag don't believe women.
• 34:24
  Speaker 2: Was Donna a woman?
• 34:25
  Speaker 3: When they accuse me of shit. It's trending. I've said that.
• 34:28
  Speaker 1: Wow. Okay, yeah, I'm looking up more information on this. Anyway, Jacob.
• 34:32
  Speaker 3: He's down a rabbit hole.
• 34:34
  Speaker 1: You already know that one, so I'm not going to
• 34:35
  Speaker 1: do that one. That's what I want to do.
• 34:39
  Speaker 3: I want to do the one that I know.
• 34:40
  Speaker 2: It's Louisiana.
• 34:41
  Speaker 1: What is the longest river entirely within one country?
• 34:48
  Speaker 3: Entirely? That's tough. So it's not the Amazon. The Mississippi.
• 34:55
  Speaker 1: Mississippi. It is the Mississippi.
• 34:57
  Speaker 2: Oh, wow.
• 34:57
  Speaker 3: Yeah, it's got to be the Mississippi. I thought he
• 34:59
  Speaker 3: said it was when he didn't know.
• 35:00
  Speaker 1: I'm just kidding.
• 35:01
  Speaker 2: Wow.
• 35:02
  Speaker 1: I didn't think you knew that.
• 35:04
  Speaker 3: Wow. I can't think of what else it would be.
• 35:06
  Speaker 3: All right. Mississippi's real long.
• 35:08
  Speaker 2: That is true. It is very long.
• 35:10
  Speaker 3: Yeah. And it's all in one country. Mm-hmm.
• 35:12
  Speaker 1: You're right.
• 35:13
  Speaker 2: This one. You're right.
• 35:14
  Speaker 3: Where does it start? Northeast. Why don't they call it
• 35:18
  Speaker 3: that place? It's out of like, other rivers come into it. Yeah,
• 35:24
  Speaker 3: but okay. So like the Mississippi River probably.
• 35:26
  Speaker 1: The Mississippi River starts in Minnesota.
• 35:29
  Speaker 3: Okay.
• 35:30
  Speaker 1: There you go.
• 35:30
  Speaker 3: So why don't we call it the Minnesota River? We
• 35:32
  Speaker 3: call the Colorado River, not based on where it dumps
• 35:34
  Speaker 3: into the ocean, but where it starts. I believe it
• 35:38
  Speaker 3: was called the Mississippi River before there was a state
• 35:41
  Speaker 3: called Mississippi.
• 35:42
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 35:43
  Speaker 3: Huh.
• 35:44
  Speaker 2: Mississippi, the state, is named after the river.
• 35:46
  Speaker 3: I think so. Oh, my God. Are you serious? Yeah.
• 35:49
  Speaker 3: I mean, I'm telling you what I think. I'm about
• 35:51
  Speaker 3: to become positive.
• 35:52
  Speaker 1: Hey, you want to really blow your mind?
• 35:55
  Speaker 3: Yes.
• 35:56
  Speaker 1: Ontario, that was named after the lake, not the other
• 36:02
  Speaker 1: way around.
• 36:03
  Speaker 3: There's a state called Ontario?
• 36:05
  Speaker 1: Yes, there's a state called Ontario.
• 36:07
  Speaker 3: Is it by Ohio?
• 36:08
  Speaker 2: Yes.
• 36:08
  Speaker 1: Yes.
• 36:09
  Speaker 3: Wow. Just to the south.
• 36:10
  Speaker 2: He's actually right about that.
• 36:11
  Speaker 3: Oh, my God.
• 36:13
  Speaker 2: Yes.
• 36:14
  Speaker 3: That's good for him. The state of Mississippi was named
• 36:16
  Speaker 3: for the river. Wow.
• 36:18
  Speaker 1: Huh.
• 36:19
  Speaker 3: So the river was Mississippi. Right. The French must have
• 36:22
  Speaker 3: named it. Interesting. Mm-hmm.
• 36:25
  Speaker 1: Okay.
• 36:25
  Speaker 3: Wow. We're all growing as people here.
• 36:27
  Speaker 1: Yeah. That's amazing.
• 36:28
  Speaker 3: We're all learning. This is exciting.
• 36:31
  Speaker 2: Okay.
• 36:31
  Speaker 3: We should probably answer more questions. I'm assuming it's a
• 36:34
  Speaker 3: Native American name. It's got to be like the Mississippi... Oh, yeah, yeah.
• 36:39
  Speaker 3: Originates from the language of... What the fuck? English.
• 36:45
  Speaker 2: That's not the language.
• 36:47
  Speaker 3: French. Random thing is.
• 36:48
  Speaker 2: That is French, yeah.
• 36:49
  Speaker 3: Trying to.
• 36:50
  Speaker 1: Goddamn pop-ups.
• 36:51
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I don't know. I get it. Hot milfs in
• 36:53
  Speaker 3: my area.
• 36:54
  Speaker 1: Fine. Jesus.
• 36:55
  Speaker 3: Originates from the language of the.
• 36:57
  Speaker 1: Why is it always milfs? I don't know.
• 36:59
  Speaker 3: That's what they had to say. Anishinaabe? Maybe? Native American
• 37:04
  Speaker 3: tribe who lived near the river's upper reaches in the
• 37:07
  Speaker 3: Great Lakes region. Okay. So it was named for people
• 37:09
  Speaker 3: up near the origin of the river. Do you see
• 37:12
  Speaker 3: the scandal here? That's fascinating, right? Because they named the
• 37:16
  Speaker 3: start of the river after the people at the start
• 37:20
  Speaker 3: of the river, but then we named the state at
• 37:22
  Speaker 3: the end of the river that name.
• 37:25
  Speaker 2: Right?
• 37:26
  Speaker 3: Do you get it? Do you see how stupid this is?
• 37:30
  Speaker 3: We've been lied to. No. Because the Colorado River, that's
• 37:33
  Speaker 3: Colorado's where it starts. It's like naming California Colorado or
• 37:37
  Speaker 3: naming it the California River or the other way. Right? Right.
• 37:41
  Speaker 3: You get where I'm going with this. Moving on. Anyway. Guys,
• 37:44
  Speaker 3: I think we just busted up an American scandal.
• 37:47
  Speaker 2: Mind blown.
• 37:47
  Speaker 3: This might be the most scandalous thing America's ever done
• 37:50
  Speaker 3: involving the Native Americans. Explanation or an excuse. Dear Pod Therapy,
• 37:55
  Speaker 3: I've been in therapy on and off for several years,
• 37:58
  Speaker 3: and I've learned a lot about myself. I understand how
• 38:01
  Speaker 3: my childhood shaped me, why I react the way I
• 38:04
  Speaker 3: do in relationships, and where a lot of my insecurities
• 38:07
  Speaker 3: and coping mechanisms come from. For a long time, I
• 38:10
  Speaker 3: thought this was exactly what I was supposed to be doing.
• 38:12
  Speaker 3: If I understood why I behaved a certain way, I
• 38:16
  Speaker 3: figured I could eventually change it. But lately, I've started
• 38:19
  Speaker 3: wondering if I'm using my childhood as an excuse. Whenever
• 38:23
  Speaker 3: I hurt someone's feelings or react badly to something, I
• 38:26
  Speaker 3: can usually explain where it came from. I can tell
• 38:29
  Speaker 3: you that I learned certain behaviors from my parents, that
• 38:32
  Speaker 3: I don't have great models for communication growing up. Or
• 38:36
  Speaker 3: that certain experiences made me sensitive to rejection or criticism.
• 38:40
  Speaker 3: And those things are true. But knowing where my behavior
• 38:43
  Speaker 3: comes from doesn't necessarily seem to stop me from doing it.
• 38:47
  Speaker 3: For example, I know that I tend to become defensive
• 38:50
  Speaker 3: when I feel criticized because criticism was handled poorly in
• 38:53
  Speaker 3: my family growing up. I understand that. But if I
• 38:56
  Speaker 3: still get defensive with my partner, does the explanation really
• 39:00
  Speaker 3: matter to the person on the receiving end? I'm starting
• 39:04
  Speaker 3: to wonder if I've gotten really good at understanding myself
• 39:07
  Speaker 3: without actually changing myself. So where's the line between taking
• 39:12
  Speaker 3: responsibility for your behavior and taking responsibility for something that
• 39:16
  Speaker 3: was never really your fault to begin with? At what
• 39:19
  Speaker 3: point does understanding why you are the way you are
• 39:23
  Speaker 3: stop being helpful and start becoming an excuse for not changing? Thanks, signed,
• 39:29
  Speaker 3: taking responsibility.
• 39:31
  Speaker 2: God, that's a good question for therapy.
• 39:33
  Speaker 1: It is.
• 39:33
  Speaker 2: I feel like it's kind of a common ultimate question.
• 39:36
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 39:38
  Speaker 2: Do you ever have clients who, I get this sometimes
• 39:41
  Speaker 2: where they want to label so much of what they're
• 39:45
  Speaker 2: going through, almost more that's more important to them than
• 39:49
  Speaker 2: like solving the issue. And I know we've gone round
• 39:51
  Speaker 2: and round in here before about the importance of labeling,
• 39:53
  Speaker 2: how that can be helpful. But like some clients will
• 39:56
  Speaker 2: get very hype, almost hyper-focused on that. They'll ask me, gosh,
• 40:00
  Speaker 2: I feel this way when this happens. Like, what do
• 40:02
  Speaker 2: you think? What's that called? And I'm like, I don't
• 40:05
  Speaker 2: fucking know. It was whatever you said. Like, let's talk
• 40:07
  Speaker 2: about it, you know? But I'm like, why are we
• 40:09
  Speaker 2: trying to label it?
• 40:09
  Speaker 3: Sometimes it's to make an excuse, right? Because they'll be like,
• 40:11
  Speaker 3: do you think I have rejection-sensitive dysphoria? Do you think
• 40:13
  Speaker 3: I'm a highly sensitive person? Or whatever, like the current nomenclature.
• 40:16
  Speaker 3: And you're like, yeah, I guess so. It kind of
• 40:19
  Speaker 3: sounds like that. And like, okay.
• 40:21
  Speaker 2: And you try and talk through it with them, but
• 40:22
  Speaker 2: they keep pulling back to like labeling.
• 40:24
  Speaker 3: So what are we going to do about it?
• 40:25
  Speaker 1: Right?
• 40:26
  Speaker 3: Like ADHD and stuff like that. You think I have ADHD? Yeah, probably.
• 40:29
  Speaker 3: Oh shit.
• 40:30
  Speaker 1: Okay.
• 40:30
  Speaker 3: So I'll just let everybody know that that's why I
• 40:31
  Speaker 3: am the way I am. And they just have to
• 40:32
  Speaker 3: accept it. And it's like, no, no, no. You still
• 40:34
  Speaker 3: have to fucking stop in traffic. Like you can't do that.
• 40:37
  Speaker 4: I think I disagree with one of the writer's core
• 40:40
  Speaker 4: premises in their question, which is like, I think it's
• 40:43
  Speaker 4: all your fault.
• 40:44
  Speaker 1: Ah.
• 40:45
  Speaker 3: I think everything you do is your fault. Yes. As
• 40:47
  Speaker 3: you always write on my Christmas card. Absolutely. Your fault, Jim. Yeah. No,
• 40:50
  Speaker 3: but I mean, really, though. I don't think that, like,
• 40:56
  Speaker 3: you know, conflict.
• 40:57
  Speaker 4: You say you handled conflict badly because your family handled
• 40:59
  Speaker 4: conflict badly.
• 41:01
  Speaker 3: Like, okay. Now that's your fault. Right.
• 41:04
  Speaker 4: Now whatever you're doing is your fault. Like, nobody else
• 41:07
  Speaker 4: is responsible for your actions. So, like, whatever you do.
• 41:12
  Speaker 3: If you understand the origin of it and the nature
• 41:15
  Speaker 3: of it, all the better. Yeah.
• 41:17
  Speaker 1: Good for you.
• 41:18
  Speaker 3: Truly.
• 41:19
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 41:20
  Speaker 3: But if you're not fixing it. It is your fault.
• 41:23
  Speaker 3: It's your fault. And whatever you do, you are responsible
• 41:28
  Speaker 3: for your actions.
• 41:29
  Speaker 2: Right.
• 41:29
  Speaker 3: And on that point, do you feel therapeutically that it
• 41:34
  Speaker 3: is helpful and or necessary? for change to happen for
• 41:39
  Speaker 3: somebody to understand the why? Like, do they need to
• 41:41
  Speaker 3: go back and maybe they use a label or maybe
• 41:45
  Speaker 3: they understand why they're insensitive about certain things or why
• 41:48
  Speaker 3: they're insecure, why they're defensive or why they react certain ways?
• 41:51
  Speaker 3: Is that necessary for them to change the behavior or
• 41:54
  Speaker 3: is it helpful or neither?
• 41:56
  Speaker 2: I think it's helpful for understanding because it's that first
• 42:00
  Speaker 2: part of what Jacob was just saying. I do think
• 42:04
  Speaker 2: it's helpful to understand and almost be enlightened into what
• 42:08
  Speaker 2: created that initially. But to piggyback off.
• 42:13
  Speaker 3: So you can do the work.
• 42:14
  Speaker 2: So you can do the work. That's the purpose. The
• 42:16
  Speaker 2: explanation is to gain better understanding, give yourself some grace
• 42:22
  Speaker 2: for things maybe in the past that you've done, decisions
• 42:25
  Speaker 2: you've made. Oh, that makes sense. I do A because
• 42:28
  Speaker 2: of these things that happened to me before, how I
• 42:31
  Speaker 2: was raised.
• 42:32
  Speaker 3: However.
• 42:33
  Speaker 2: after that, yeah, what are you going to do next?
• 42:35
  Speaker 2: And it sounds like the writer has some awareness, not
• 42:38
  Speaker 2: only of why they behave certain ways, but awareness that, hey,
• 42:43
  Speaker 2: I think I need to change this, but they're stuck there.
• 42:47
  Speaker 2: It's like, hey, I know why I'm doing this, but
• 42:48
  Speaker 2: now what? I can't seem to change. And am I
• 42:51
  Speaker 2: not taking enough responsibility? I would kind of ask the writer, like, well,
• 42:55
  Speaker 2: what do you think? What would you say to this?
• 42:57
  Speaker 2: Do you feel like you're owning up to your shit? Like,
• 43:01
  Speaker 2: do you look at yourself in the mirror and in
• 43:03
  Speaker 2: the morning and acknowledge, hey, this is what I want
• 43:06
  Speaker 2: my day to be like? Or are you going through
• 43:09
  Speaker 2: life reacting to things.
• 43:11
  Speaker 3: That are happening to you?
• 43:11
  Speaker 4: If you feel like you are dealing with this, do
• 43:14
  Speaker 4: your friends and family and loved ones agree with you?
• 43:17
  Speaker 2: That's actually, I know we just talked about this before,
• 43:19
  Speaker 2: but that is a really good indicator. What are your
• 43:21
  Speaker 2: family experiences like? I have a family member who really struggles.
• 43:28
  Speaker 2: They have good reason to struggle. A lot of shit
• 43:31
  Speaker 2: has happened to them. But they're at a point now,
• 43:34
  Speaker 2: they've been to therapy, a lot of family members have
• 43:37
  Speaker 2: tried to reach out and help them, and they can't
• 43:39
  Speaker 2: get past that. And so it's like at that point, yeah,
• 43:42
  Speaker 2: that's on you. You have to figure this out because
• 43:45
  Speaker 2: we have given, given, given, reached out all the things,
• 43:48
  Speaker 2: and you're still stuck in that space. You've got to
• 43:50
  Speaker 2: figure out what to do next. It can't be rehashing
• 43:52
  Speaker 2: the same thing that happened to you.
• 43:53
  Speaker 3: And it can't be someone else's problem. Yeah. No one.
• 43:58
  Speaker 2: You're the only person that gets hurt by that.
• 43:59
  Speaker 3: That's it.
• 44:00
  Speaker 2: Everyone else is, yeah, if you're.
• 44:02
  Speaker 3: You don't have a close enough friend or loved one.
• 44:04
  Speaker 1: No, or partner.
• 44:05
  Speaker 3: That is able to care more about what is happening
• 44:09
  Speaker 3: to you than you can. Exactly. You have to be
• 44:14
  Speaker 3: your number one advocate. You're the only person who knows.
• 44:16
  Speaker 1: Yeah. I mean, so I... This is going to sound
• 44:20
  Speaker 1: a little off topic, but I will circle back.
• 44:24
  Speaker 3: The lawnmower thing?
• 44:26
  Speaker 1: No.
• 44:26
  Speaker 2: No.
• 44:27
  Speaker 1: Um, I want to, I want to, I want to
• 44:29
  Speaker 1: talk to you about gastrointestinal distress.
• 44:31
  Speaker 3: Okay.
• 44:32
  Speaker 1: Cause for a long time, several years, I was just
• 44:36
  Speaker 1: experiencing this, uh, distress and it really bothered me. I'm like,
• 44:43
  Speaker 1: Oh God, I'm just getting older. It's just, is this
• 44:45
  Speaker 1: just life now? And then I started to like slowly
• 44:52
  Speaker 1: remove dairy.
• 44:54
  Speaker 2: Okay.
• 44:56
  Speaker 1: And then all of a sudden it just kind of
• 44:57
  Speaker 1: started to clear up. That's it. And I felt better.
• 45:02
  Speaker 1: So that is improved awareness.
• 45:06
  Speaker 3: Ah.
• 45:08
  Speaker 1: If I still choose to drink milk in my coffee.
• 45:12
  Speaker 3: Right.
• 45:12
  Speaker 1: That's a decision I'm making. Right. So awareness is very
• 45:17
  Speaker 1: useful for behavior change, but the awareness by itself.
• 45:21
  Speaker 2: It's like, oh.
• 45:22
  Speaker 1: Yes. Great. But the awareness itself doesn't change patterns of behavior.
• 45:27
  Speaker 1: You still have to do the work behind doing that.
• 45:32
  Speaker 1: And even when we talk about awareness, like awareness to
• 45:35
  Speaker 1: what degree? I know that it affects me. I don't
• 45:40
  Speaker 1: know why it affects me. I'm not a... I'm not
• 45:43
  Speaker 1: a nutritionist.
• 45:44
  Speaker 2: Gastroenterologist.
• 45:45
  Speaker 1: I'm not a gastroenterologist.
• 45:47
  Speaker 3: Look at the big brain on Whitney.
• 45:49
  Speaker 2: We'll see. They'll correct me in Discord if I was wrong.
• 45:51
  Speaker 3: I'm not a dairy ontologist. Dairy-tologist. Dairy-tologist. But I don't
• 45:57
  Speaker 3: understand the nuances. Doctor, I think is just how it's pronounced.
• 46:00
  Speaker 1: I don't understand all of the science, but I don't
• 46:04
  Speaker 1: have to understand the science. I need to understand... A
• 46:08
  Speaker 1: causes B, therefore I need a change in behavior to
• 46:12
  Speaker 1: avoid that consequence.
• 46:13
  Speaker 3: Yeah, that's true.
• 46:14
  Speaker 2: You don't even need to label it.
• 46:15
  Speaker 1: Exactly.
• 46:16
  Speaker 2: You didn't need to know what the name of the
• 46:17
  Speaker 2: doctor was.
• 46:18
  Speaker 1: We did this all the time when it came to
• 46:20
  Speaker 1: substance use treatment. And it's just like, the disease concept
• 46:27
  Speaker 1: of addiction, that's just true at this point. It's as
• 46:31
  Speaker 1: much of a fact as evolution is.
• 46:33
  Speaker 3: So it's a theory is what you're saying. Yeah. Jesus
• 46:38
  Speaker 3: made the earth 6,000 years old, Nick.
• 46:41
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 46:41
  Speaker 3: Yeah, it just looks older.
• 46:44
  Speaker 2: He made it that way.
• 46:44
  Speaker 3: Because the devil is tricky. You don't know anything about
• 46:47
  Speaker 3: Noah's Ark. Because the devil.
• 46:49
  Speaker 2: Because the devil.
• 46:51
  Speaker 3: Those fossils were planted by demons.
• 46:53
  Speaker 1: But that's the thing. We would hear this, not necessarily from...
• 47:00
  Speaker 1: the people that we were treating that had a substance
• 47:02
  Speaker 1: use disorder, but mostly from family members who didn't like
• 47:06
  Speaker 1: to hear that. They didn't want to hear that this is,
• 47:09
  Speaker 1: that there's a disease concept of addiction.
• 47:12
  Speaker 3: Right.
• 47:12
  Speaker 1: Because they're like, well, that dismisses behavior. Then now all
• 47:16
  Speaker 1: of a sudden they're just like, well, I can't. The
• 47:19
  Speaker 1: best example of this is Randy Marsh on South Park.
• 47:23
  Speaker 1: When he was like, oh, I'm an alcoholic. And he's
• 47:25
  Speaker 1: in a wheelchair.
• 47:26
  Speaker 3: He's got a blanket.
• 47:27
  Speaker 1: It's a disease.
• 47:28
  Speaker 3: It's a disease. You're being really inconsiderate.
• 47:33
  Speaker 2: Did you watch that with your clients?
• 47:36
  Speaker 3: Bring down another one. I can't stop.
• 47:38
  Speaker 1: It's a disease. I need to cope. But anyway... but
• 47:42
  Speaker 1: that's like a terrible example of it, you know? And
• 47:44
  Speaker 1: that's what people think of is they think of like, Oh,
• 47:46
  Speaker 1: they're just dismissing it.
• 47:47
  Speaker 2: Right.
• 47:48
  Speaker 3: I was like, no, no, no.
• 47:49
  Speaker 1: You're still responsible for your shit.
• 47:51
  Speaker 3: Right?
• 47:52
  Speaker 1: Like, yes, you have developed an allergy to alcohol. When
• 47:58
  Speaker 1: you have this substance, it causes this, you break out
• 48:01
  Speaker 1: in handcuffs.
• 48:02
  Speaker 3: Right.
• 48:02
  Speaker 2: Right.
• 48:02
  Speaker 1: Like it causes these effects. However, you still have choices
• 48:06
  Speaker 1: and you still own those decisions that you've made.
• 48:10
  Speaker 3: What is it? It's alcohol. It turns you into more
• 48:14
  Speaker 3: of a woman because it makes it where you can't drive. Ah.
• 48:21
  Speaker 3: And the fact that you still get in the car and.
• 48:23
  Speaker 4: Drive, knowing that you've been womified.
• 48:27
  Speaker 3: By alcohol. Whitney told me about this off the air.
• 48:32
  Speaker 3: She's disputing it now. She's playing tough now.
• 48:35
  Speaker 1: Now she's going to react all outraged.
• 48:40
  Speaker 3: I'm emotional, okay? Now she's getting up in it. She is, guys.
• 48:45
  Speaker 3: Very emotional. Some women can back up into her garage
• 48:49
  Speaker 3: when they're drunk. Where's my medicine? Mama needs her cough syrup. No,
• 48:55
  Speaker 3: I see your point though, which we often say in
• 48:57
  Speaker 3: recovery stuff is that you're not responsible for the disease,
• 49:00
  Speaker 3: but you are responsible for the recovery. Just like if
• 49:01
  Speaker 3: somebody gets cancer, you know, they're not responsible for that
• 49:04
  Speaker 3: happening in their life. There could be a million variables.
• 49:07
  Speaker 3: but they are responsible for treating it. And I think-
• 49:09
  Speaker 3: And they're responsible if they keep smoking after the diagnosis.
• 49:12
  Speaker 3: There's something to be said for that too. Now, I do,
• 49:14
  Speaker 3: I want to, not defend, but I want to add
• 49:17
  Speaker 3: context a little bit for this writer because I don't
• 49:19
  Speaker 3: think- it's quite a direct line between two things. Like,
• 49:23
  Speaker 3: I drink dairy, I get tummy aches.
• 49:25
  Speaker 2: It's like a reaction. They're triggered. Yeah.
• 49:32
  Speaker 3: And because of that, I became nose blind to realizing
• 49:37
  Speaker 3: that certain things I do are odd or off-putting or whatever.
• 49:41
  Speaker 3: That's the way I was raised in a certain ecosystem
• 49:44
  Speaker 3: and a certain culture. I didn't realize until I exited
• 49:46
  Speaker 3: that frame of reference that these were offensive things or
• 49:49
  Speaker 3: that they were bad. And then you get partnered with somebody, right?
• 49:52
  Speaker 3: And I think we all relate to this, where you
• 49:55
  Speaker 3: grew up a certain way, you saw a relationship a
• 49:56
  Speaker 3: certain way, you do a certain thing that you're a partner,
• 49:59
  Speaker 3: and then they teach you that that's not normal. And
• 50:02
  Speaker 3: they react differently. They're like, huh, why are you a
• 50:04
  Speaker 3: normal person who's doing... And they're like, yeah, no, what
• 50:06
  Speaker 3: you're doing is fucking weird. And you're like, okay.
• 50:09
  Speaker 1: If you're doing a housewarming party, you give a tour
• 50:14
  Speaker 1: of the house.
• 50:15
  Speaker 3: Yeah. Okay. Yeah. And you're wrong. I mean, democracy stands
• 50:19
  Speaker 3: against you.
• 50:19
  Speaker 1: Apparently, Nick's the weird guy.
• 50:21
  Speaker 3: Yeah. No, it's Iowa shit.
• 50:23
  Speaker 2: Apparently, three people are weird.
• 50:24
  Speaker 3: Here in Las Vegas, it's not normal to invite people
• 50:26
  Speaker 3: into your bedsheets to check it all out. Yes, it is.
• 50:29
  Speaker 3: You want to warm it up. We have the green door.
• 50:32
  Speaker 3: We have the red rooster. We have all kinds of
• 50:34
  Speaker 3: places where you just invite people into your bedsheets. You're
• 50:37
  Speaker 3: just right. I stand corrected. But no, I do feel
• 50:40
  Speaker 3: like this is a normal thing for humans to go through.
• 50:42
  Speaker 3: I don't know if the Red Rooster is still open,
• 50:42
  Speaker 3: by the way. I want to believe in our hearts
• 50:44
  Speaker 3: that it is. Red Rooster is a state of mind.
• 50:46
  Speaker 3: I like to think that it is. It is in
• 50:47
  Speaker 3: my heart. But I think that it's not quite a
• 50:50
  Speaker 3: one-to-one dynamic. It's a context that explains certain things that
• 50:55
  Speaker 3: you or the writer has become aware of. And as
• 50:58
  Speaker 3: they are having these micro epiphanies and realizing like, oh shit, yeah,
• 51:01
  Speaker 3: I do this. I do this behavior. That's not okay.
• 51:05
  Speaker 3: It starts, I agree with all of you, It starts
• 51:07
  Speaker 3: with awareness. I think it kind of goes to stages
• 51:09
  Speaker 3: of change. Like, it starts that contemplation, just becoming aware
• 51:13
  Speaker 3: that the way you do things is dysfunctional, that it
• 51:15
  Speaker 3: does harm other people, that you are insecure, that your
• 51:18
  Speaker 3: reaction is wrong-sized. And regardless of where you inherited that concept,
• 51:22
  Speaker 3: it is flawed, and you need to address it. And
• 51:25
  Speaker 3: that's where I agree with Jacob, that no matter how
• 51:27
  Speaker 3: you arrived at this, it is ultimately your fault. It
• 51:30
  Speaker 3: is ultimately your responsibility. And it kind of goes back
• 51:32
  Speaker 3: to what Dr. O'Flaherty used to tell us all the time, right?
• 51:35
  Speaker 3: Like that which is not transformed is transmitted or transferred.
• 51:39
  Speaker 3: And so like, yeah, you may have inherited certain realities
• 51:41
  Speaker 3: from your culture, your family of origin, but it is
• 51:44
  Speaker 3: your job to address them in order for those to change. Now,
• 51:47
  Speaker 3: when it comes to how you interact with other people,
• 51:50
  Speaker 3: I think there is some room for For like telling
• 51:53
  Speaker 3: other people about yourself and like apologizing and saying like,
• 51:57
  Speaker 3: I'm sorry for how I behaved on this issue.
• 52:00
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 52:01
  Speaker 3: I'm on a journey. I'm on a journey. Asking for grace.
• 52:04
  Speaker 3: I grew up in a certain way and I grew
• 52:06
  Speaker 3: up in a certain way of talking and I find
• 52:08
  Speaker 3: that I raise my voice to my friends. faster and
• 52:12
  Speaker 3: I have an edginess in my communication that catches other
• 52:15
  Speaker 3: people off guard, that's not me speaking, that's my father.
• 52:19
  Speaker 3: And it's like, okay, thanks for telling me. This is
• 52:21
  Speaker 3: me apologizing, this is me taking accountability, taking ownership, and
• 52:25
  Speaker 3: I'm giving you historical references, I'm telling you more about myself,
• 52:28
  Speaker 3: not to excuse my behavior, but to contextualize it, right?
• 52:32
  Speaker 3: Which is me trying to own it while also explaining
• 52:36
  Speaker 3: that I wasn't angry at you This just comes out
• 52:39
  Speaker 3: of me.
• 52:40
  Speaker 4: When this happens again in a month, please understand that
• 52:45
  Speaker 4: this is where it's coming from. It is my responsibility
• 52:48
  Speaker 4: and I'm going to keep on working on it.
• 52:50
  Speaker 3: As long as it has the responsibility, yes. But it
• 52:54
  Speaker 3: is just like, I'm just asking you for a little
• 52:56
  Speaker 3: bit of grace here while I'm working on it. I
• 52:59
  Speaker 3: think that honestly, that's how a lot of change happens.
• 53:02
  Speaker 3: There's an old saying like, anything you measure, you manage.
• 53:05
  Speaker 3: And so just taking inventory, And often doing that self-inspection
• 53:09
  Speaker 3: work and realizing certain patterns you have and why you
• 53:12
  Speaker 3: do them and how that affects other people, that is
• 53:14
  Speaker 3: a necessary element, in my opinion, toward change. So I
• 53:17
  Speaker 3: think that that is not somebody copping out of it,
• 53:20
  Speaker 3: but I have seen people park there. And I don't
• 53:23
  Speaker 3: want to see them stop their journey at just an
• 53:25
  Speaker 3: awareness because then they absolve themselves of all responsibility and
• 53:29
  Speaker 3: it's everybody else's job to cater to me because I'm
• 53:32
  Speaker 3: a highly sensitive person or I have reaction or rejection
• 53:35
  Speaker 3: dysphoria or My family raised me a certain way. And
• 53:37
  Speaker 3: so therefore you all need to like coddle me and
• 53:39
  Speaker 3: reassure me and remind me that I'm okay. And it's like,
• 53:42
  Speaker 3: I'll meet you some of the way there because you're
• 53:44
  Speaker 3: teaching me about a deficit you have, but like, you've
• 53:47
  Speaker 3: also got to take some responsibility too.
• 53:48
  Speaker 2: Yep.
• 53:49
  Speaker 3: Otherwise I don't think you're ever going to change writer.
• 53:51
  Speaker 3: And so the fact that you're aware of all this
• 53:53
  Speaker 3: stuff and you're putting in a letter.
• 53:54
  Speaker 2: It's a good first step.
• 53:55
  Speaker 3: It's a great for, it's a necessary first step. But
• 53:58
  Speaker 3: it can't stop there. So you say you signed the
• 54:00
  Speaker 3: letter saying, I'm trying to take responsibility. I think we
• 54:04
  Speaker 3: all agree that context matters. And the fact that you're
• 54:06
  Speaker 3: aware of all this and that you're doing the good
• 54:08
  Speaker 3: work of therapy, I think goes a long way, but
• 54:10
  Speaker 3: like you can't stop there.
• 54:12
  Speaker 1: And the thing with, you know, you've got your partner
• 54:14
  Speaker 1: there that sounds like your partner's willing to help out
• 54:17
  Speaker 1: a little bit. And I think this would be something
• 54:20
  Speaker 1: that would be, this is an opportunity to kind of
• 54:24
  Speaker 1: establish like, here's what I'm working on. I understand I
• 54:30
  Speaker 1: need to change. I'm taking responsibility for how I react
• 54:33
  Speaker 1: in these situations. I would, I want you to please
• 54:36
  Speaker 1: be patient with me. Is there anything that I can do?
• 54:39
  Speaker 1: And cause I can't just flip a switch. I can't
• 54:41
  Speaker 1: just turn this off. I'm working on it, but what
• 54:44
  Speaker 1: can I do in the meantime to mitigate it, you know,
• 54:46
  Speaker 1: and kind of work together to find solutions.
• 54:48
  Speaker 3: That's fair. And like one caveat I would add to
• 54:50
  Speaker 3: this is like, cause the writer had asked this question,
• 54:52
  Speaker 3: which I think Jacob really answered well, which is, so
• 54:54
  Speaker 3: where's the line between taking responsibility for your behavior and
• 54:57
  Speaker 3: taking responsibility for something that was never your fault to
• 54:59
  Speaker 3: begin with. And I agree with Jacob's point that like
• 55:02
  Speaker 3: kind of everything is right. Like you're the human. I mean,
• 55:05
  Speaker 3: now it is. Yes. Things may have happened to you. Right. Those,
• 55:11
  Speaker 3: of course, are things that are not your fault.
• 55:13
  Speaker 2: Right.
• 55:13
  Speaker 3: But your actions going forward... They have to be your fault.
• 55:17
  Speaker 3: They have to. Just as people living in a society,
• 55:21
  Speaker 3: you have to be responsible for your actions going forward.
• 55:24
  Speaker 1: Also, you want it that way.
• 55:26
  Speaker 3: Absolutely. You don't want me to be responsible for you.
• 55:29
  Speaker 2: Exactly.
• 55:29
  Speaker 1: You want to be the captain of that ship.
• 55:32
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 55:32
  Speaker 1: So you have to accept both sides of it.
• 55:35
  Speaker 3: Just think about the slippery slope of you not being
• 55:38
  Speaker 3: in charge of you. Right. That's not where you want
• 55:41
  Speaker 3: to be. You don't want to be at the grace
• 55:44
  Speaker 3: of society indulging you forever because you don't know where
• 55:52
  Speaker 3: those indulgences are going to run out. So the only
• 55:55
  Speaker 3: thing that I would add, and I think this has
• 55:56
  Speaker 3: already been addressed in Nick's metaphors, but I just want
• 55:58
  Speaker 3: to add one more point to it, might be something
• 56:00
  Speaker 3: like a mental illness, right? Like anxiety or PTSD or
• 56:04
  Speaker 3: things like, I didn't mean to minimize rejection-sensitive dysphoria or
• 56:08
  Speaker 3: being a highly sensitive person. Those are not mental illnesses
• 56:10
  Speaker 3: by the book, but I can understand the idea, the
• 56:13
  Speaker 3: logic that like somebody has panic attacks, somebody has anxiety disorder. Right.
• 56:17
  Speaker 3: And they're like, Hey, I'm sorry that I get really
• 56:19
  Speaker 3: anxious in these situations. Um, I, I come by that
• 56:22
  Speaker 3: from my history or whatever that I don't mean that
• 56:25
  Speaker 3: to be my response. Right. But it does circle back around.
• 56:28
  Speaker 3: So like, okay, thank you for telling me that. Like,
• 56:30
  Speaker 3: I'll be graceful with you and I'll try to keep
• 56:33
  Speaker 3: that in mind. And at the same time though, I
• 56:35
  Speaker 3: need you to do the work.
• 56:36
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 56:36
  Speaker 3: And it's not your job. Like just with the alcoholism thing, like, okay.
• 56:39
  Speaker 3: I'm sorry you have this disease of an anxiety disorder.
• 56:42
  Speaker 3: Thank you for letting me know. Cause like now I
• 56:44
  Speaker 3: know how to read you better. I know how to
• 56:45
  Speaker 3: interpret you better. I might even choose to support you
• 56:48
  Speaker 3: through that. But like, I hope you're still doing the work, right?
• 56:51
  Speaker 3: Like part of you doing the work is alerting me
• 56:52
  Speaker 3: to that, but that's not you now shirking all responsibility
• 56:56
  Speaker 3: and saying, oh, well, this happens though. Some people feel
• 56:59
  Speaker 3: that way because they feel like I have not found
• 57:00
  Speaker 3: a way to solve this problem.
• 57:01
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 57:02
  Speaker 3: And so all I can really do is let you know,
• 57:04
  Speaker 3: like the brakes are out in my car, get out
• 57:06
  Speaker 3: of the way. And it's like, oh, you're responsible for
• 57:08
  Speaker 3: everything you hit. I get that. But I also can't stop.
• 57:12
  Speaker 3: Part of my responsibility taking is me yelling and honking
• 57:15
  Speaker 3: the horn and saying, get the fuck out of the way.
• 57:17
  Speaker 3: I didn't cut these brakes. I realize I'm the one
• 57:19
  Speaker 3: driving the car. I inherited this. Do you see what
• 57:21
  Speaker 3: I'm saying? Of course. I'm trying to paint a picture
• 57:23
  Speaker 3: where there is a little bit of a middle ground there,
• 57:25
  Speaker 3: and maybe the warning system is actually part of taking
• 57:28
  Speaker 3: accountability by warning people. I like that.
• 57:30
  Speaker 2: So you should watch the movie Speed?
• 57:32
  Speaker 3: Okay. Fuck yeah. Yeah, yeah.
• 57:36
  Speaker 2: You can learn a lot.
• 57:36
  Speaker 3: I can't drive under 55s. I saw something the other
• 57:42
  Speaker 3: day that said they should rename John Wick Keanu Greaves.
• 57:46
  Speaker 3: I was like, Keanu Greaves. Pretty solid. Best Keanu Reeves movie. Go.
• 57:54
  Speaker 1: All of them.
• 57:56
  Speaker 2: Let's wonder if he's like the devil. Is that Devil's Advocate?
• 57:58
  Speaker 3: Devil's Advocate. I just watched it the other day.
• 58:00
  Speaker 2: Really? Does it hold up?
• 58:01
  Speaker 1: It's been forever.
• 58:02
  Speaker 3: He's not the devil. Al Pacino is the devil. He's
• 58:05
  Speaker 3: the advocate. He's the devil's advocate. He's the son of
• 58:07
  Speaker 3: the devil. He's the lawyer.
• 58:08
  Speaker 2: Oh, he's the son.
• 58:08
  Speaker 3: Yes, yes, yes. The whole plot in the end, spoiler alert.
• 58:11
  Speaker 1: Oh, that's right.
• 58:11
  Speaker 3: He is the son of the devil. Pacino has multiple
• 58:14
  Speaker 3: children all over the earth. He's been waiting for the
• 58:16
  Speaker 3: chosen ones. And so he has a daughter and then
• 58:19
  Speaker 3: he has his son, which is Keanu Reeves.
• 58:21
  Speaker 2: Right.
• 58:21
  Speaker 3: They both become lawyers. He attracts them both to his firm,
• 58:24
  Speaker 3: and his end goal is to get them to have
• 58:25
  Speaker 3: sex and have the Antichrist.
• 58:27
  Speaker 2: Oh.
• 58:27
  Speaker 3: And then Keanu Reeves refuses.
• 58:30
  Speaker 2: Because he's a good guy.
• 58:31
  Speaker 3: It's also my end goal to have sex with Keanu Reeves.
• 58:32
  Speaker 3: It's honestly a really solid movie.
• 58:34
  Speaker 2: To create the Antichrist?
• 58:36
  Speaker 1: Sure.
• 58:36
  Speaker 3: Yeah, as is prophesied.
• 58:39
  Speaker 2: He has a new movie out.
• 58:40
  Speaker 3: Oh, yeah. Yeah.
• 58:41
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 58:42
  Speaker 2: I don't know what it's called. I can't remember.
• 58:44
  Speaker 3: Yeah. I feel like he does a lot of movies
• 58:46
  Speaker 3: that I just have no business watching. IMDb. Like the
• 58:48
  Speaker 3: newest Bill and Ted. Oh, Bill and Ted. Well, the
• 58:51
  Speaker 3: Bill and Ted.
• 58:53
  Speaker 4: The Bill and Ted movie, I feel like, falls into
• 58:55
  Speaker 4: the same thing. A little bit like Top Gun Maverick
• 58:57
  Speaker 4: falls into. It's just the nostalgia piece. It's just for
• 59:00
  Speaker 4: the people who already like that property.
• 59:02
  Speaker 2: I agree with you.
• 59:03
  Speaker 3: It's like the new Matrix one. They did another Matrix,
• 59:05
  Speaker 3: which I was like, just fucking leave it alone.
• 59:08
  Speaker 4: So I pulled up IMDB's list of their top-rated Keanu movies.
• 59:13
  Speaker 3: The Matrix is number one. That's up there. John Wick 4,
• 59:16
  Speaker 3: Devil's Advocate, John Wick, John Wick, John Wick. Johnny Mnemonic. Dracula, Speed,
• 59:22
  Speaker 3: Point Break, Constantine. You know what? I loved him in Constantine.
• 59:29
  Speaker 2: Yeah, that was good.
• 59:29
  Speaker 3: That was so well done. And he's like the only
• 59:32
  Speaker 3: actor I thought that could pull that role off.
• 59:34
  Speaker 1: Honestly, I'm trying to think of one that I enjoy
• 59:37
  Speaker 1: more than Speed.
• 59:39
  Speaker 3: Speed is great. Speed just doesn't get up there for you, huh?
• 59:42
  Speaker 2: Speed was on TV the other day.
• 59:44
  Speaker 1: I know. Laura and I just watched it the other
• 59:46
  Speaker 1: day because she had never seen it before.
• 59:47
  Speaker 3: I'm glad you're educating her in classic cinema.
• 59:49
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 59:51
  Speaker 1: I liked his character. Out of all his characters, I
• 59:55
  Speaker 1: think I liked that one the most. Okay. What was
• 59:58
  Speaker 1: his name in.
• 1:00:00
  Speaker 3: John Wick.
• 1:00:01
  Speaker 1: No, no, no.
• 1:00:02
  Speaker 3: It's the name of the movie.
• 1:00:04
  Speaker 1: Oh, God damn it. Shut up for a second. Let
• 1:00:06
  Speaker 1: me think. Point Break. He was Montana. Wasn't it like
• 1:00:12
  Speaker 1: Johnny Montana or something like that? I can't remember. No,
• 1:00:16
  Speaker 1: I think Speed.
• 1:00:16
  Speaker 3: Paulie Mustang.
• 1:00:18
  Speaker 1: Paulie Mustang. That's what it was.
• 1:00:20
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 1:00:21
  Speaker 1: Oh, no, Johnny Utah.
• 1:00:23
  Speaker 2: Johnny Utah.
• 1:00:24
  Speaker 1: That's right.
• 1:00:25
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I haven't seen Speed in a long time. Point
• 1:00:27
  Speaker 3: Break's another one I haven't seen in a long time.
• 1:00:29
  Speaker 2: Speed is solid. I feel like for ScoopFest, I want
• 1:00:31
  Speaker 2: my costume to be this lawnmower. I'm going to figure
• 1:00:36
  Speaker 2: it out.
• 1:00:36
  Speaker 3: The warp speed lawnmower.
• 1:00:37
  Speaker 1: I don't know.
• 1:00:38
  Speaker 2: How yet, but I'm going to work on it.
• 1:00:40
  Speaker 3: Somehow. Just a race car with a John Deere sticker
• 1:00:44
  Speaker 3: on it.
• 1:00:45
  Speaker 4: I mean, both of the original Bill & Ted movies
• 1:00:46
  Speaker 4: are really solid. Bill & Ted 2 was the best.
• 1:00:49
  Speaker 4: Bill & Ted's Bogus Journey is great.
• 1:00:50
  Speaker 3: Bogus Journey. Oh, The Day the Earth Stood Still. That
• 1:00:56
  Speaker 3: was a movie.
• 1:00:58
  Speaker 1: I think it's Speed for me. It's got to be Speed.
• 1:01:00
  Speaker 3: I think it might just be The Matrix. I'm going
• 1:01:02
  Speaker 3: to go back. I think I might just basic bitch Matrix.
• 1:01:04
  Speaker 3: I rewatched The Matrix the other day.
• 1:01:06
  Speaker 2: Get him a pumpkin spice latte.
• 1:01:07
  Speaker 3: Johnny Mnemonic. Johnny Mnemonic, man. Yeah, he's been in so
• 1:01:11
  Speaker 3: many movies. I want to go back and rewatch Bogus Journey.
• 1:01:14
  Speaker 3: I think that's going to be on my short list
• 1:01:16
  Speaker 3: of movies.
• 1:01:17
  Speaker 2: Has Laura seen the Bill and Ted movies?
• 1:01:20
  Speaker 1: I don't know. I don't think I've seen all of them.
• 1:01:24
  Speaker 3: There's three. All parts.
• 1:01:26
  Speaker 1: There's two and a half. I've seen bits and pieces.
• 1:01:28
  Speaker 3: There's two in the new one. Yeah.
• 1:01:30
  Speaker 1: I just recently went back and watched... Weekend at Bernie's.
• 1:01:36
  Speaker 2: Oh my gosh, that movie.
• 1:01:38
  Speaker 3: Is so fucking good. They did a new one with
• 1:01:40
  Speaker 3: Mitch McConnell. Cinematic masterpiece. They did a new one?
• 1:01:45
  Speaker 2: Some people did an AI.
• 1:01:47
  Speaker 4: Some people did do a great AI retake of Weekend
• 1:01:50
  Speaker 4: at Bernie's where they just subbed in Mitch McConnell for Bernie.
• 1:01:54
  Speaker 3: But they just did the whole movie.
• 1:01:56
  Speaker 2: Oh my gosh, I gotta find that.
• 1:01:59
  Speaker 3: See, guys, AI is the future. It's creating great things.
• 1:02:04
  Speaker 3: Maybe destroys you. I mean, just think how long a
• 1:02:06
  Speaker 3: software developer would have taken to do that.
• 1:02:08
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 1:02:08
  Speaker 3: You know? By hand. Anyway, right. This is better. Thank
• 1:02:12
  Speaker 3: you for this question. Good luck on this. And hey,
• 1:02:14
  Speaker 3: I admire you for taking responsibility. I think the more
• 1:02:16
  Speaker 3: you know about yourself, the more dots you connect, the
• 1:02:19
  Speaker 3: more able you will be to change that behavior. You
• 1:02:22
  Speaker 3: can't change something you're unaware of. We are going to
• 1:02:25
  Speaker 3: take another break, and when we come back, we are
• 1:02:26
  Speaker 3: wrapping up the show. You are listening to Pod Therapy.
• 1:02:29
  Speaker 1: Today's episode is brought to you by Jake Schneider, Malia,
• 1:02:32
  Speaker 1: Richard Macy, Sonny Boy, Thunder Cougar, Falcon Scoop, Slurpy Kai, Motherfucker,
• 1:02:37
  Speaker 1: Sandra McWaffle, Alina, Gabriella Dame, Adam Warren, and NotKira Knightley.
• 1:02:42
  Speaker 3: Would you like to sponsor the show?
• 1:02:43
  Speaker 1: Become a TheraProducer at patreon.com slash therapy.
• 1:02:46
  Speaker 3: One more round of records?
• 1:02:48
  Speaker 1: Fuck it, let's do it.
• 1:02:49
  Speaker 3: Hit me.
• 1:02:50
  Speaker 1: Jacob.
• 1:02:51
  Speaker 3: Yep.
• 1:02:53
  Speaker 1: What is the world's largest species of shark?
• 1:02:57
  Speaker 3: Ooh.
• 1:02:58
  Speaker 1: Alive? Oh.
• 1:03:01
  Speaker 3: Currently extinct or not extinct? It's got to be current. Yeah,
• 1:03:05
  Speaker 3: probably not Megalodon.
• 1:03:07
  Speaker 1: It's a whale shark. I got a better one.
• 1:03:09
  Speaker 3: Whale shark was about to be my answer anyway.
• 1:03:11
  Speaker 1: All right, points. Here you go, Jacob.
• 1:03:13
  Speaker 3: They're very big. Whale is right there in the name.
• 1:03:15
  Speaker 1: Whale.
• 1:03:15
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 1:03:16
  Speaker 1: Which of these holds the record for the world's largest
• 1:03:19
  Speaker 1: collection of something?
• 1:03:21
  Speaker 3: Your mom. VD.
• 1:03:26
  Speaker 1: Is it rubber ducks? B, traffic cones. C, snow globes.
• 1:03:33
  Speaker 1: Or D, garden gnomes.
• 1:03:36
  Speaker 3: Okay, if it's traffic cones and it's just like the
• 1:03:39
  Speaker 3: city building. The city building.
• 1:03:40
  Speaker 2: This is just where the city keeps.
• 1:03:42
  Speaker 3: Their traffic cones.
• 1:03:43
  Speaker 1: The California DMV.
• 1:03:44
  Speaker 3: That's it.
• 1:03:45
  Speaker 1: Probably not. Yeah.
• 1:03:47
  Speaker 3: Rubber duckies, traffic cones. What were the other two?
• 1:03:50
  Speaker 1: Snow globes or garden gnomes. I know.
• 1:03:52
  Speaker 2: I'm torn between the ducks and the snow globes.
• 1:03:54
  Speaker 3: Oh, I like gnomes, too. You guys are sleeping on gnomes, man.
• 1:03:56
  Speaker 3: That feels right. People love gnomes if they love them.
• 1:03:59
  Speaker 3: That is a global thing. I'll go snow globes.
• 1:04:01
  Speaker 2: Snow globes.
• 1:04:01
  Speaker 1: It is snow globes.
• 1:04:02
  Speaker 2: I was like, it's got to be those. People love
• 1:04:04
  Speaker 2: collecting that shit.
• 1:04:05
  Speaker 3: I feel like the gnome collections aren't about size.
• 1:04:07
  Speaker 2: No.
• 1:04:08
  Speaker 3: I feel like they're about quality and not quantity. Just
• 1:04:10
  Speaker 3: like sex. But I feel like the snow globe collections, quantity.
• 1:04:14
  Speaker 3: Women don't care about the size of the gnome, right? Exactly.
• 1:04:16
  Speaker 3: More about a girthy gnome. The gnome can be any size.
• 1:04:18
  Speaker 3: More about the shape of the gnome. Pointy hat. Yeah,
• 1:04:21
  Speaker 3: there you go. Ouch, ouch. The shape of the bill
• 1:04:24
  Speaker 3: of the hat. That's right. The stiffness of the bill.
• 1:04:27
  Speaker 3: How bulbous is the nose of the gnome?
• 1:04:29
  Speaker 2: Is it straight up or bent?
• 1:04:32
  Speaker 3: All the gnomes seem to curve a little to the
• 1:04:34
  Speaker 3: left these days.
• 1:04:35
  Speaker 1: Let's see. Jim, what country... Is the home to the
• 1:04:42
  Speaker 1: world's oldest continuously operating hotel, according to the Guinness World Records.
• 1:04:48
  Speaker 3: It's going to have to be a Europe country. They've
• 1:04:51
  Speaker 3: been around for a while. I'm going to go. By
• 1:04:55
  Speaker 3: the way, I found 1660s, I think, was the first
• 1:04:59
  Speaker 3: time that French settlers wrote down the name of the
• 1:05:02
  Speaker 3: Mississippi River.
• 1:05:03
  Speaker 2: Okay.
• 1:05:04
  Speaker 3: But the records showed that it had been named that
• 1:05:07
  Speaker 3: for several centuries earlier.
• 1:05:08
  Speaker 2: Oh, wow.
• 1:05:09
  Speaker 3: Okay. All right. I'm going to take a hotel in
• 1:05:14
  Speaker 3: like an ancient country, like Greece.
• 1:05:17
  Speaker 1: Okay.
• 1:05:17
  Speaker 3: That could be a solid one. I like Greece. Greece
• 1:05:20
  Speaker 3: has been around for a long time. Cradle of civilization, man.
• 1:05:23
  Speaker 3: And I don't want to believe that they had hotels
• 1:05:25
  Speaker 3: before civilizations, because that wouldn't make any sense. Give me Greece. Greece.
• 1:05:30
  Speaker 1: No options.
• 1:05:31
  Speaker 3: I'll take options. Oh, sorry. Give me options.
• 1:05:33
  Speaker 1: Okay. Japan, Italy, Switzerland, or Greece.
• 1:05:38
  Speaker 3: Fuck you. D is not real.
• 1:05:42
  Speaker 2: Nick.
• 1:05:43
  Speaker 3: You always do this.
• 1:05:44
  Speaker 2: I'm so gullible.
• 1:05:45
  Speaker 1: Maybe it is.
• 1:05:46
  Speaker 2: I don't know.
• 1:05:47
  Speaker 1: Who can say?
• 1:05:48
  Speaker 3: Japan, Italy feels right. Japan, Italy. What was the other one?
• 1:05:51
  Speaker 1: Switzerland.
• 1:05:52
  Speaker 3: Switzerland. Or Greece.
• 1:05:54
  Speaker 1: And Greece.
• 1:05:55
  Speaker 3: I think stick with Greece. It's a fucking lie. It's
• 1:05:59
  Speaker 3: either going to be Italy or it's going to be Japan.
• 1:06:02
  Speaker 3: I'll go with Italy. I'll go with my same theory.
• 1:06:03
  Speaker 3: Just move it over a little bit. No. Fuck.
• 1:06:05
  Speaker 1: Japan? Yes.
• 1:06:06
  Speaker 3: God damn it.
• 1:06:08
  Speaker 2: The Japanese are civilized.
• 1:06:09
  Speaker 3: Wow. And nobody else is, huh, Whitney?
• 1:06:12
  Speaker 2: No one else.
• 1:06:13
  Speaker 3: Jesus.
• 1:06:13
  Speaker 2: I didn't say that.
• 1:06:14
  Speaker 3: Not as civilized and not for as long.
• 1:06:16
  Speaker 2: Exactly.
• 1:06:17
  Speaker 1: Whitney, the world's largest gathering of people dressed as what?
• 1:06:21
  Speaker 3: Santa.
• 1:06:22
  Speaker 1: Occurred in Ohio.
• 1:06:25
  Speaker 3: Options are, your options are Superman, Harry Potter, Santa Claus,
• 1:06:29
  Speaker 3: or Elvis Presley. I said Santa. You're adding that in.
• 1:06:31
  Speaker 3: You're doing the shit you do to Jim to me.
• 1:06:32
  Speaker 3: I would never do that.
• 1:06:50
  Speaker 2: Lies. You sit on a throne of lies, as Elf says.
• 1:06:55
  Speaker 2: What were the other ones besides Santa? There's one in there.
• 1:06:57
  Speaker 1: Superman, Harry Potter, and Elvis.
• 1:07:00
  Speaker 2: Isn't Superman from Ohio, like in the storyline?
• 1:07:03
  Speaker 1: Kansas.
• 1:07:04
  Speaker 3: Oh, it was?
• 1:07:05
  Speaker 1: Yeah, Kansas, Ohio. Perfect.
• 1:07:08
  Speaker 2: And I'm sorry, I wasn't listening to the other two.
• 1:07:10
  Speaker 3: Superman also famously swinging from building to building in Ohio.
• 1:07:12
  Speaker 3: Although there are two states. Kansas City.
• 1:07:14
  Speaker 2: Yeah, that's fair.
• 1:07:16
  Speaker 1: Harry Potter, Elvis.
• 1:07:20
  Speaker 3: Nobody dresses up as Elvis.
• 1:07:22
  Speaker 2: Not a single person.
• 1:07:23
  Speaker 3: It's very unpopular.
• 1:07:24
  Speaker 2: A largest group of people.
• 1:07:27
  Speaker 1: Elvi.
• 1:07:28
  Speaker 3: Flying Elvi. Have you ever seen that? No. It's a
• 1:07:31
  Speaker 3: bunch of skydivers that dress up as Elvis.
• 1:07:34
  Speaker 2: I want to go with Elvis because it's fun.
• 1:07:36
  Speaker 3: We live in Las Vegas, baby.
• 1:07:39
  Speaker 1: No, it is not Elvis.
• 1:07:40
  Speaker 3: It needs to be Elvis.
• 1:07:41
  Speaker 2: It should be.
• 1:07:42
  Speaker 1: Jacob, you want to take a shot?
• 1:07:43
  Speaker 3: Let's go Santa.
• 1:07:44
  Speaker 1: No. No.
• 1:07:45
  Speaker 3: I'm down to Harry Potter.
• 1:07:47
  Speaker 2: And Superman.
• 1:07:48
  Speaker 1: Points for Nick.
• 1:07:50
  Speaker 3: I didn't say anything yet.
• 1:07:50
  Speaker 2: He said I'm down to Harry Potter.
• 1:07:52
  Speaker 3: Okay. I'll take Superman.
• 1:07:55
  Speaker 2: I should have gone with my gut.
• 1:07:57
  Speaker 3: Dang it. Give me Superman, please. No, I'm sorry. It's
• 1:08:01
  Speaker 3: Harry Potter. Infinity dollars. It was Santa Claus. They'll select
• 1:08:04
  Speaker 3: to wager everything.
• 1:08:06
  Speaker 1: It's Harry Potter.
• 1:08:07
  Speaker 3: Son of a bitch.
• 1:08:09
  Speaker 1: It's Superman.
• 1:08:10
  Speaker 3: Yes.
• 1:08:11
  Speaker 1: There we go.
• 1:08:12
  Speaker 2: All right.
• 1:08:13
  Speaker 3: Kansas City. All right, see you later, everybody.
• 1:08:15
  Speaker 2: Go with your gut, Ryder.
• 1:08:17
  Speaker 3: As we wrap up the show, we'd like to remind
• 1:08:18
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• 1:08:31
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• 1:08:35
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  Speaker 3: That's all the time we got for this week's session.
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• 1:10:04
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• 1:10:24
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• 1:10:27
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• 1:10:28
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  Speaker 3: I'm Nick. I'm Whitney. I'm Jim.
• 1:10:38
  Speaker 1: Thanks, and we'll see you for your appointment next week.
• 1:10:40
  Speaker 3: We also need new trivia, which you can also submit
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• 1:10:48
  Speaker 3: with us, hide the answers. And generally, it's how Emma
• 1:10:50
  Speaker 3: does it. We need Halloween trivia, please. Oh, there you go. Yeah.
• 1:10:55
  Speaker 3: Some kind of Halloween trivia. Goodbye, everybody.
• 1:10:57
  Speaker 1: Bye.