Latest / Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families / #343 Meet Kylie's Dad

Transcript

#343 Meet Kylie's Dad · Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

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  Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families podcast. It's the podcast for the
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  Speaker 1: time poor parent who just wants answers.
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  Speaker 2: Now, the thing that I know now is that I
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  Speaker 2: am different from my farm.
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  Speaker 1: And now here's the stars of our show, my mum
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  Speaker 1: and dad.
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  Speaker 3: It's the Happy Family's podcast. But doctor Justin Coulson and
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  Speaker 3: Kylie mum to our six daughters. I'm the author of
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  Speaker 3: six books about raising a happy family, and Kylie. As
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  Speaker 3: we get ready for Father's Day and talk about what
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  Speaker 3: it is to be a dad and celebrate your dad
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  Speaker 3: and my dad and help others to think about their
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  Speaker 3: relationships with their dads and how they want to celebrate
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  Speaker 3: their Father's Day. We have wrangled your dad into a conversation.
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  Speaker 3: He was reluctant, his knees are knocking, he's nervous, and
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  Speaker 3: he's also locked himself in the car so that there
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  Speaker 3: can't be any distractions, no disruptions. Hey, Leers, thanks for
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  Speaker 3: joining us on our podcast.
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  Speaker 2: Thanks for having me.
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  Speaker 4: You're probably thinking this isn't the way you want it
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  Speaker 4: to be celebrated for Father's Day, aren't you.
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  Speaker 2: I definitely am.
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  Speaker 3: The things that dads do for their kids, right, you
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  Speaker 3: can say that again.
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  Speaker 4: So Dad Justin and I were having a conversation the
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  Speaker 4: other day and it occurred to me that I don't
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  Speaker 4: even think I've asked you ever. Were you actually in
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  Speaker 4: the delivery room when I was born?
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  Speaker 2: Definitely? Okay?
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  Speaker 4: What was that like for you?
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  Speaker 2: For me, it was the most amazing experience that I
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  Speaker 2: can I would recommend it to every father because it's
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  Speaker 2: a really beautiful experience, and I almost feel it's a
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  Speaker 2: spiritual experience as well as a physical experience. But to
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  Speaker 2: see that beautiful child come forth out of a mother's worm,
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  Speaker 2: it's just an awesome, awesome experience. It's something that you
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  Speaker 2: can't be really described or properly to help people understand,
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  Speaker 2: and the emotions that actually come from it is really quite.
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  Speaker 3: In the conversation that we had just before Mother's Day
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  Speaker 3: with Natasha, Kylee's mum, she talked about how you'd been
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  Speaker 3: married before and you had a daughter to that previous marriage,
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  Speaker 3: but then, but then the two of you experienced just
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  Speaker 3: heartache when you lost your first child together a few
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  Speaker 3: hours after she was born. I'm getting a bit weepy
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  Speaker 3: even asking the question, but what did it mean to
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  Speaker 3: you to have this baby, this little Kylie that you
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  Speaker 3: could finally take home. Do you remember how that felt?
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  Speaker 5: Oh?
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  Speaker 2: I do, Sally, Because obviously the whole time of the pregnancy,
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  Speaker 2: of the concern of whether this was going to happen
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  Speaker 2: again was quite quite high on the cards. Natasha was
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  Speaker 2: monitored quite regularly, and actually on all the pregnancies afterward
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  Speaker 2: as well. But to watch that birth and to make
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  Speaker 2: sure every all, I mean it was there was such
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  Speaker 2: a such a blessing in our lives, you know, And yeah,
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  Speaker 2: brought me great joy to be able to have that experience.
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  Speaker 2: And obviously that joy goes after Bubby's keep you awake
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  Speaker 2: quite late at night because they they're unsettled and things
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  Speaker 2: like that. But that was such an awesome experience.
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  Speaker 4: I'm wondering, Dad, as we think about I guess some
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  Speaker 4: of those challenges an extreme heartache for you in losing
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  Speaker 4: a child and obviously having a relationship breakdown and not
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  Speaker 4: being able to be in your first order's life as
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  Speaker 4: much as you would have wanted to be. Did those
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  Speaker 4: experiences of deep sorrow and heartache impact the way you
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  Speaker 4: actually parented me and therefore my sister's moving forward.
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  Speaker 2: I would have to say yes. And I think also
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  Speaker 2: coming from the way my parents parented me. I think
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  Speaker 2: I wanted things to be a little bit different from
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  Speaker 2: my children, and that was great. I think that was
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  Speaker 2: the hardest part of my first breakup, was not being
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  Speaker 2: able to be around my daughter, my oldest daughter, and
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  Speaker 2: it was really quite a really deep sorrow.
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  Speaker 3: I came to the picture quite late less and I
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  Speaker 3: guess we can probably talk about that shortly.
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  Speaker 6: But what I want to ask you about is your parents.
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  Speaker 3: So when I stepped into the family and married Kylie,
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  Speaker 3: what I saw was a mum and a dad. To you,
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  Speaker 3: your parents, they were still alive, but they really experienced hardship.
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  Speaker 3: They'd been through the war and had been deeply affected.
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  Speaker 3: Your dad particularly had been deeply affected by his experiences
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  Speaker 3: in World War Two. My sense was that they were
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  Speaker 3: fairly distant and maybe even a little bit harsh as parents,
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  Speaker 3: certainly emotionally not exactly emotionally warm. Having been raised the
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  Speaker 3: way I perceived that you may have been, did that
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  Speaker 3: also planned the way that you raised your family?
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  Speaker 2: Well, I think hit the nail on the head there.
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  Speaker 2: I didn't have a very good relationship with my dad
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  Speaker 2: As a younger person, I was frightened of my father
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  Speaker 2: and not that he was ever abusive or ever hit
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  Speaker 2: me at all. Actually he was one was a disciplinarian,
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  Speaker 2: but Dad just had such an aura about him it
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  Speaker 2: that you knew if he had he lost control, he
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  Speaker 2: wouldn't be able to hold it back. So it was
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  Speaker 2: always I felt as a child that we were walking
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  Speaker 2: on eggshells. You know, we were to be seen but
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  Speaker 2: not heard. We were the part of that generation. So
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  Speaker 2: for me, I wanted I didn't want my children to
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  Speaker 2: fear me. I wanted I wanted them to feel that
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  Speaker 2: they will love them, that they that they had somebody
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  Speaker 2: who would listen to their fears and their doubts and that.
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  Speaker 2: And I don't know whether I actually achieved that, but
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  Speaker 2: that was the way I wanted to be. I wanted
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  Speaker 2: to have my children feel, I feel that they were wanted,
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  Speaker 2: because there are times in my life that I felt
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  Speaker 2: I sort of questioned whether I had been adopted because
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  Speaker 2: I didn't feel that love of my own own family.
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  Speaker 4: Being a daughter dad and knowing I guess some of
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  Speaker 4: those feelings intimately from a younger age and experiencing I
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  Speaker 4: guess the distance of my grandparents as well towards me.
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  Speaker 4: One of the things that I have loved the most
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  Speaker 4: about our relationship as father and daughter is the feeling
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  Speaker 4: that no matter what, I was always loved and that
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  Speaker 4: I always had a soft place to fall when life
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  Speaker 4: got tough. I remember multiple times Mum and I are
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  Speaker 4: both probably very strong personalities and clashed a lot growing up.
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  Speaker 4: But I remember so many times locking myself in my
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  Speaker 4: bedroom and hearing a little tap at the door and
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  Speaker 4: you coming in and spending hours just listening and sometimes
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  Speaker 4: just sitting because I wouldn't talk. And they're some of
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  Speaker 4: my most fondest memories because I just knew that no
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  Speaker 4: matter what I said or what I did, that you
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  Speaker 4: loved me.
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  Speaker 3: Well, now you've gone and taken the question that I
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  Speaker 3: was going to ask Kylie. Hey, after the break, we're
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  Speaker 3: going to switch things up a little bit. I'm going
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  Speaker 3: to enter the picture. I'm going to take away the
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  Speaker 3: eldest daughter. I'm going to find out how all that went.
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  Speaker 3: Plus a couple of other really special questions to ask
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  Speaker 3: Lez about raising Kylie and having a house full of daughters.
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  Speaker 1: It's that Happy Families podcast.
• 8:25
  Speaker 5: Our Screens Creating Tension at Home, Tweens, Teens and Screens
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  Speaker 5: is a webinar to guide families to healthy, safe superscreen solutions.
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  Speaker 5: Bye Today at happy families dot com dot au slash shop, it's.
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  Speaker 4: The Happy Families Podcast, the podcast for the time poor
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  Speaker 4: parent who just wants answers now and today, I feel
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  Speaker 4: just a little bit like a little girl again because
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  Speaker 4: we have my daddy, and he's always been my daddy.
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  Speaker 6: I love this conversation. It's been really nice so far. Les.
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  Speaker 3: At some point I showed up and that obviously changed
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  Speaker 3: things for your families significantly. Kylie has a question for
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  Speaker 3: you about me, and I'm not sure if I want
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  Speaker 3: her to ask it, but because because we've gotten this far,
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  Speaker 3: I guess it's it's okay to ask the question. I
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  Speaker 3: just wanted you to be completely honest. I don't want
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  Speaker 3: you to rewrite history because things are okay. Now, Hey
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  Speaker 3: darn it, what were you?
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  Speaker 4: What were your first impressions of Justin.
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  Speaker 2: Me? I thought very bright, very probably overconfident.
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  Speaker 4: That's a really polite way of putting it.
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  Speaker 2: I say that honestly because I'm not a confident person.
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  Speaker 2: Whereas Justin came I came across as somebody who had
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  Speaker 2: a lot of knowledge, very confident and very very articulate.
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  Speaker 2: In the way he spoke, which sort of blew me
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  Speaker 2: away quite a bit, you know, for somebody so young
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  Speaker 2: and so uneducated, I don't know about educated. I think
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  Speaker 2: your education was better than mine. You know, I have
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  Speaker 2: live schools. Where was I think your generation went a
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  Speaker 2: lot further in school than we did.
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  Speaker 6: I'm curious.
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  Speaker 3: I remember one thing in particular that's really struck me well.
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  Speaker 6: Two things.
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  Speaker 3: First of all, I asked Kylie to marry me over
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  Speaker 3: the phone at about two o'clock in the morning, and
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  Speaker 3: I remember Kylie walking into the bedroom and waking you up,
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  Speaker 3: and with me on the other end of the phone
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  Speaker 3: explaining what had happened, and me having a quick chat
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  Speaker 3: with you about what I'd just done. And I still
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  Speaker 3: remember you and Natasha were breathtakingly generous in your warmth
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  Speaker 3: and positivity around the fact that I'd only just met
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  Speaker 3: your daughter three months ago, we'd only been dating for
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  Speaker 3: two weeks, and now I'd proposed and you were both
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  Speaker 3: happy about it at two o'clock in the morning.
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  Speaker 2: Oh, that shows I was still asleep. I think you
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  Speaker 2: have to go by your gut feelings, you know. I
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  Speaker 2: look at that differently today, and I think this all
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  Speaker 2: goes back to how Kylie approached us as well, And
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  Speaker 2: I don't know whether this happened before or after that,
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  Speaker 2: where Kylie had said that she had some qualities that
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  Speaker 2: she wanted in her husband, and you kicked nine of
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  Speaker 2: the boxes. Yeah.
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  Speaker 3: I'm often reminded that the one thing I can't do
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  Speaker 3: is anything handy, and that was the one thing that
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  Speaker 3: was on.
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  Speaker 2: The list, and that should have been top of the list. Thing.
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  Speaker 3: We have the amount of handyman work that you've done
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  Speaker 3: at our place over the years. Because of that, I
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  Speaker 3: can imagine that there's a good reason you're saying that.
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  Speaker 4: Are you proud of who I've become?
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  Speaker 5: Dad?
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  Speaker 2: Definitely? Definitely? Yeah. I think to see the way that
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  Speaker 2: you and justin parent, I wish i'd have had that
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  Speaker 2: knowledge and to be able to show that love and
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  Speaker 2: concern and patience all with my own daughters. I think
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  Speaker 2: it would have made me a better parent.
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  Speaker 4: What do you know now, Dad, that you wish you'd
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  Speaker 4: known back then?
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  Speaker 2: Oh, that's actually a hard question. The thing that I
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  Speaker 2: know now is that I am different from my father,
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  Speaker 2: and even though there is some sometimes I am like
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  Speaker 2: my father, I am different from him. Whereas I was
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  Speaker 2: able to make changes and show and show love actually,
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  Speaker 2: and I'm grateful And some people probably would call me
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  Speaker 2: a weak person because I do that, But I would
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  Speaker 2: rather be a weak person than be somebody who's strong,
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  Speaker 2: who's not liked.
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  Speaker 3: So last question, as we wrap things up, It's been
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  Speaker 3: such a really, really great opportunity to talk to you
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  Speaker 3: about these things.
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  Speaker 6: I'd love to know.
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  Speaker 3: What do you What are your best moments as a
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  Speaker 3: dad as you look back on the I won't say
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  Speaker 3: how many years, but the decades of raising children and
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  Speaker 3: you never stop being a but even once the kids
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  Speaker 3: move out and move on, what's the best thing about
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  Speaker 3: being a dad?
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  Speaker 2: Being a friend? Very simple? Being a friend to my children.
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  Speaker 2: I want, I would, I would not. I don't think
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  Speaker 2: I'd be able to live without that knowledge that I
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  Speaker 2: that we have a good friendship and good relationship. You know,
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  Speaker 2: I'm just grateful that for all of my daughters, they've
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  Speaker 2: taught me so many many wonderful things about life, about
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  Speaker 2: being a parent. And there are many times that I've failed,
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  Speaker 2: I'm sure, but through those failures I was able to
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  Speaker 2: learn it continue to learn from them, and that's probably
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  Speaker 2: been my greatest experience.
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  Speaker 4: Even now as a forty plus year old woman. There
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  Speaker 4: are sometimes about the only thing that can make life
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  Speaker 4: feel better is a hope from your dad. And today,
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  Speaker 4: even though where in different places, I feel like I've
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  Speaker 4: just had a really big hoke form my dad. I
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  Speaker 4: love your dad, and I hope you have a wonderful
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  Speaker 4: Father's Day.
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  Speaker 2: I love you too, and I'm grateful for this opportunity
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  Speaker 2: to share some of my thoughts and d I wish
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  Speaker 2: my memory was better because I might be able to
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  Speaker 2: tell tell your listeners some funny stories, but I wouldn't
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  Speaker 2: want to embarrass you anyway. But Dan, I'm just grateful
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  Speaker 2: that you came into our lives, and especially my life.
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  Speaker 2: It's it's been such a wonderful journey and I look
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  Speaker 2: forward to continuing that journey as we grow old. Thanks
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  Speaker 2: love you, love you too.
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  Speaker 6: Thank you, Les. We really appreciate the chat.
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  Speaker 2: Thanks Alsen. Okay, see ya, see ya.
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  Speaker 3: It's really hard to close a podcast out when it
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  Speaker 3: feels like you've been treading in sacred space.
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  Speaker 6: What A what a really really really.
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  Speaker 3: Kind and wonderful and generous conversation with your dad. The
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  Speaker 3: Happy Family's podcast is produced by Justin Roland from Bridge
• 15:05
  Speaker 3: Media and Craig Bruce is our executive producer. We hope
• 15:10
  Speaker 3: that Father's Day is special for you. We recognize that
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  Speaker 3: not everybody gets to have this kind of a relationship
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  Speaker 3: with their dad. If that's you, we hope that you
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  Speaker 3: find some joy and some peace in knowing that you
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  Speaker 3: may be raising your own children and giving them a
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  Speaker 3: new opportunity to create those kinds of relationships. And if
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  Speaker 3: dads are not with us anymore, are not available, or
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  Speaker 3: maybe even unfortunately not safe, we hope that there is somebody,
• 15:36
  Speaker 3: some figure in your life or in your children's lives
• 15:39
  Speaker 3: that you can reach out to and find that connection
• 15:43
  Speaker 3: and that safety. If you'd like more information about making
• 15:47
  Speaker 3: your family happier, we would encourage you to check out
• 15:50
  Speaker 3: our Happy Families memberships. It's premium content all designed to
• 15:53
  Speaker 3: build the kind of connection that matters most in a family,
• 15:56
  Speaker 3: because a happy family doesn't just happen. You can find
• 15:59
  Speaker 3: the inform at happy families dot com dot A. You
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  Speaker 3: become a Happy Family's member today,