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BASIC BLACK AFTER DARK LIVE ON DA CREW PODCAST 8-14-25 · DA CREW Podcast

• 0:04
  Speaker 1: K lags and gentlemen, lay, I have your attention. Please.
• 0:46
  Speaker 1: The show starts in five line eight seven six five.
• 1:01
  Speaker 2: You read shoot, hello, Hello, Hello, and welcome, welcome, welcome.
• 1:41
  Speaker 2: I am your host, Black Diamond, and you're tuned into
• 1:44
  Speaker 2: another soul shifting episode of Basic Black after Dark. Now,
• 1:49
  Speaker 2: this is the show that meets you where you are
• 1:51
  Speaker 2: and it gives you what you need. Tonight, we're kicking
• 1:55
  Speaker 2: off a powerful conversation with a brand new author, none
• 1:59
  Speaker 2: other than Eric o'blake. So you're seeing him here first,
• 2:03
  Speaker 2: and if any other show had him, we still won't
• 2:05
  Speaker 2: say we've seen him here first. And we're diving deep
• 2:08
  Speaker 2: into what it means to take the first steps towards healing.
• 2:12
  Speaker 2: So you've been stuck, silent or simply surviving, this is
• 2:16
  Speaker 2: your sign to rise. Healing starts now, So please welcome
• 2:21
  Speaker 2: Eric o'blake to Basic Black after Dark. But should say,
• 2:25
  Speaker 2: detective Blake, let's get into it. Here we go. Hey,
• 2:31
  Speaker 2: how are ya? Oh it's good. I'm so glad that
• 2:37
  Speaker 2: you can be here. I had myself lined up with
• 2:42
  Speaker 2: the way that I wanted this show to go tonight,
• 2:44
  Speaker 2: but after reading your book, it shifted some gears for me.
• 2:48
  Speaker 2: So I'm going to go with a little warp script
• 2:50
  Speaker 2: because I just want to get into this this right here.
• 2:53
  Speaker 2: It's been on my mind and on my heart. And
• 2:56
  Speaker 2: I said, if I don't get it out, I probably
• 2:58
  Speaker 2: won't have time in this show y'all to get it out.
• 3:02
  Speaker 2: And I'm gonna go there first because I don't normally
• 3:04
  Speaker 2: do this, but I'm gonna go there. And we're talking
• 3:08
  Speaker 2: about his book here, First Steps to Healing, and you'll
• 3:13
  Speaker 2: see it and it says my thoughts, and I can say,
• 3:15
  Speaker 2: my god. He says my thoughts. I say, my god.
• 3:19
  Speaker 2: There's a section in here and the chapter that I'm
• 3:22
  Speaker 2: looking at it says if I were gone, and that's
• 3:27
  Speaker 2: the one that got me the most. And I'm looking
• 3:30
  Speaker 2: at a section that reads, will the world acknowledge my
• 3:35
  Speaker 2: departure from the future? What will I leave behind as
• 3:40
  Speaker 2: a legacy? What will people say in my absence? What
• 3:45
  Speaker 2: will special what will that special person shed tears like
• 3:49
  Speaker 2: mighty flood? Or will businesses continue as usual? What is
• 3:56
  Speaker 2: your legacy?
• 4:00
  Speaker 3: Who appreciate that particular question? That's the deep one off
• 4:04
  Speaker 3: the top I want to say, And I will say
• 4:10
  Speaker 3: that my legacy is completion I think that's the best
• 4:17
  Speaker 3: way to put it, and it's become completion. But if
• 4:21
  Speaker 3: you ask this question maybe a month ago, my legacy
• 4:24
  Speaker 3: might have been a you don't finish nothing reality. But
• 4:31
  Speaker 3: I have three children, three boys, three black men, and
• 4:35
  Speaker 3: I say completion because they are able now to see
• 4:41
  Speaker 3: and they've always in some ways seen me accomplish whatever
• 4:46
  Speaker 3: was that he needed to be accomplished. You know how
• 4:49
  Speaker 3: you say you never want for nothing, These children never
• 4:51
  Speaker 3: wanted for anything. They were able to see that. But
• 4:54
  Speaker 3: on top of all that, compassion at vism, law enforcement, wow,
• 5:09
  Speaker 3: financial stability as of now, uh, willingness to admit mistakes, uh,
• 5:20
  Speaker 3: the ability to be humble. Funny. But when you talk
• 5:24
  Speaker 3: about against legacy, which is long living, you know, long
• 5:27
  Speaker 3: lasting longevity of a memory. It's always there when needed
• 5:33
  Speaker 3: to be there. That's the easiest way.
• 5:36
  Speaker 2: What type of legacy would you want to leave for
• 5:38
  Speaker 2: your boys, something that they can say that that was
• 5:42
  Speaker 2: my dad, That's what he left back here, That's what
• 5:45
  Speaker 2: I'm going to continue. That's what is our family, you know,
• 5:51
  Speaker 2: is our heritage. Now he's added, well, I would say that.
• 6:01
  Speaker 3: It's almost the same thing. My boys would definitely say
• 6:05
  Speaker 3: when I called Daddy, He's there, so you know reliability.
• 6:13
  Speaker 2: You know this part here is when you're gone, so
• 6:17
  Speaker 2: you're not around and you left the legacy.
• 6:21
  Speaker 3: Yes, the legacy is remember to be there if you
• 6:24
  Speaker 3: say you're going to be there, period. Remember to make
• 6:27
  Speaker 3: yourself available if for those who you know need you,
• 6:32
  Speaker 3: and even for those who don't necessarily need you. I mean,
• 6:35
  Speaker 3: reality is I'm always trying to help somebody else out,
• 6:39
  Speaker 3: you know, without wanting that reciprocation. My boys will see that.
• 6:45
  Speaker 2: What would you like say? Because this is the way
• 6:47
  Speaker 2: I'm taking this, because you're saying that if I were gone,
• 6:51
  Speaker 2: what would you like said about you in your absence?
• 6:56
  Speaker 3: So let's get to an degree of that particular text.
• 7:00
  Speaker 3: That part of it is I wrote this and started
• 7:04
  Speaker 3: writing this in two thousand and five. Now we're in
• 7:07
  Speaker 3: twenty twenty five. Let's just put that into contact. In
• 7:10
  Speaker 3: two thousand and five, I was on the police force,
• 7:14
  Speaker 3: brand New Blabba Boom. So a lot of the thoughts
• 7:17
  Speaker 3: were if I wasn't here with my kids, with my mom,
• 7:21
  Speaker 3: with my uncle and my auntie, all them people, what
• 7:24
  Speaker 3: would they be able to say about me if I
• 7:26
  Speaker 3: was going? And is my life relevant in this moment
• 7:32
  Speaker 3: when I was writing back, as we transcend and move
• 7:34
  Speaker 3: on to now, it's the same principle, what the accomplishments
• 7:38
  Speaker 3: I've made being a law enforcement officer, being a father,
• 7:42
  Speaker 3: being a man, being a son and a nephew. Is
• 7:46
  Speaker 3: it enough? I basically were trying to ask in that question,
• 7:50
  Speaker 3: is it enough? Whereas when I leave, will they be
• 7:53
  Speaker 3: able to say? Okay? I remember that Eric was the
• 7:55
  Speaker 3: guy that when I picked up the phone Eric Anton.
• 7:58
  Speaker 3: I remember Eric was a guy when he wanted somebody
• 8:00
  Speaker 3: to put a shelf up. I can call it Eric
• 8:02
  Speaker 3: to put the shelf up. If I needed Eric to
• 8:04
  Speaker 3: come to this meeting for me and represent me in
• 8:06
  Speaker 3: a meeting, was Eric available? Things of that nature? And
• 8:11
  Speaker 3: guess what? Eric's hard? Can I call Erica? Just say yo?
• 8:14
  Speaker 3: I got to cry real real quick, my man, I
• 8:16
  Speaker 3: gotta I gotta tell y'all, I'm not feeling this that.
• 8:21
  Speaker 3: That's where it came from. It came from me at
• 8:25
  Speaker 3: that particular point, first of all, being brand new cop,
• 8:28
  Speaker 3: being a father to a one child at the time,
• 8:31
  Speaker 3: and not feeling adequate as a man at that time.
• 8:36
  Speaker 3: So if I was gone, how would you feel? Who
• 8:41
  Speaker 3: will remember me that that's what happens.
• 8:48
  Speaker 2: You know, do you see a change in you from
• 8:50
  Speaker 2: then to now? And what type of change do you see?
• 8:54
  Speaker 3: So I see myself accepting my mistakes better, I see
• 8:59
  Speaker 3: myself accepting the fact that I'm not perfect and being
• 9:04
  Speaker 3: able to you know, relay that information and not just
• 9:08
  Speaker 3: myself but two other people, so that acceptance of okay,
• 9:14
  Speaker 3: perfection doesn't exist only in God. Allow me to go
• 9:20
  Speaker 3: day to day and go, Okay, I can take this, Mike,
• 9:22
  Speaker 3: But now I'm i gonna learn from it. Because now
• 9:25
  Speaker 3: if I say, if I'm going, oh no, you're gonna
• 9:26
  Speaker 3: remember me. Oh yeah, that's that dude who telling them jokes.
• 9:29
  Speaker 3: That's a dude who had them both ties, he dressed up.
• 9:33
  Speaker 3: That's me now, But I already know if I'm going
• 9:36
  Speaker 3: right tomorrow tomorrow, don't wake up. You know when you're
• 9:39
  Speaker 3: gonna remember he's smart, intelligent, pretty attractive. Uh dress as well.
• 9:45
  Speaker 3: Uh will fight, will need to be fight for your rights,
• 9:49
  Speaker 3: you know, for your integrity, has his own integrity, things
• 9:54
  Speaker 3: of that nature. You Now, I'm better? Yeah, we all know. Well.
• 10:03
  Speaker 2: I don't want to go too far into religion because
• 10:05
  Speaker 2: I don't want to insult anybody. But as far as
• 10:07
  Speaker 2: I'm concerned, we know that God is the creator and
• 10:12
  Speaker 2: he has created you to be someone. What do you
• 10:17
  Speaker 2: think He created you to be.
• 10:27
  Speaker 3: An example of overcoming adversity, the ability to deal with
• 10:42
  Speaker 3: the hardship, navigate that hardship, find a way out of
• 10:46
  Speaker 3: that hardship, and be able to be a bright light
• 10:50
  Speaker 3: for someone else.
• 10:53
  Speaker 2: Mentioned earlier that you were worn and whether you were enough,
• 11:02
  Speaker 2: And I usually say things like this for the but
• 11:06
  Speaker 2: I want you to know that you're saying you want
• 11:10
  Speaker 2: to know if you're enough. I want you to remember
• 11:12
  Speaker 2: that you're becoming, and then it's the dot died, because
• 11:16
  Speaker 2: it's whatever you want to put in that place. So
• 11:20
  Speaker 2: just keep it in mind that you're becoming. You becoming
• 11:23
  Speaker 2: the father that you wanted to be, you becoming the
• 11:25
  Speaker 2: uncle that you wanted to be, You're becoming the detective
• 11:28
  Speaker 2: that you're going to be. So just keep in mind
• 11:30
  Speaker 2: you're becoming, and don't let anybody change that. It's not
• 11:34
  Speaker 2: are you enough? Don't question yourself are you enough? Just
• 11:38
  Speaker 2: am I becoming? Because I tattoo that all over myself. Yes,
• 11:43
  Speaker 2: I'm becoming the woman that I want to be. So
• 11:46
  Speaker 2: you keep that in mind.
• 11:47
  Speaker 3: Okay, understood, Thank you. I appreciate the reversion of encouragement.
• 11:50
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you know what inspired you to write this collection,
• 11:55
  Speaker 2: because I've got to feel that this is not gonna
• 11:57
  Speaker 2: be the last of this.
• 11:59
  Speaker 3: It's funny you said that, because when I was first
• 12:01
  Speaker 3: doing I said, okay, that'sould make this volume one. But
• 12:06
  Speaker 3: it in the beginning, like I said, I started this
• 12:09
  Speaker 3: in five. I became a police officer into four and
• 12:12
  Speaker 3: into five, and I started this because full transparency, I
• 12:16
  Speaker 3: was navigating new fatherhood, not that my son. I gained
• 12:22
  Speaker 3: custody of my son, so that changes your lifestyle, It
• 12:28
  Speaker 3: changes all your day to day normal activity. And I
• 12:31
  Speaker 3: was like, oh man, I don't know I'm gonna do this.
• 12:35
  Speaker 3: So as I was just going through just the ebbs
• 12:37
  Speaker 3: and flows of not knowing how to be that primary
• 12:43
  Speaker 3: care taker, I started writing down notes. And that's what happened.
• 12:46
  Speaker 3: It was my notes, and then my notes turned into it. Okay,
• 12:51
  Speaker 3: let me just keep writing down my pain of the day,
• 12:54
  Speaker 3: just the express was going on. Okay, let me write
• 12:56
  Speaker 3: down happiness of the day, and then as life trans
• 12:59
  Speaker 3: you know, and send it into more things. I just
• 13:02
  Speaker 3: started writing it down, and once I started writing down.
• 13:06
  Speaker 3: I said, you know what, let me somebody might want this,
• 13:11
  Speaker 3: and I basically said, I'm not gonna just write my notes.
• 13:15
  Speaker 3: I'm gonna make my notes mean something, so let me
• 13:16
  Speaker 3: put them in a poetic, you know, a story. And
• 13:22
  Speaker 3: that's why that there.
• 13:23
  Speaker 2: Was there was a defining moment that made you say
• 13:28
  Speaker 2: I need to tell this story or did it become
• 13:30
  Speaker 2: a lifeline or a tool for human for you later
• 13:34
  Speaker 2: in life? Uh?
• 13:35
  Speaker 3: Yeah. I got shot at days while at work, and
• 13:40
  Speaker 3: I guess that kind of correlates to if I were
• 13:42
  Speaker 3: going and things of that nature. But I got shot at,
• 13:44
  Speaker 3: had to shoot back things of that nature. And being
• 13:48
  Speaker 3: shot at and feeling the bullet go past you, you go,
• 13:51
  Speaker 3: oh wait a minute, that's real and you go, what
• 13:56
  Speaker 3: has anymore?
• 13:58
  Speaker 2: Yes, the real stuff is playing with the little guns
• 14:02
  Speaker 2: with the little red cap on the end of it
• 14:03
  Speaker 2: and have a little hat on saying that you're a
• 14:05
  Speaker 2: cop and it's real.
• 14:10
  Speaker 3: And that's what happened. So now, oh snap, I have
• 14:14
  Speaker 3: a child. Oh snap, And I said just like that,
• 14:18
  Speaker 3: and I used that verbiage oh snap. And I remember
• 14:22
  Speaker 3: going into the into the precinct and going, man, they
• 14:26
  Speaker 3: were shooting. Do I really want to do this anymore,
• 14:30
  Speaker 3: you know, things of that nature to go. Is this
• 14:32
  Speaker 3: job worth it when I have someone else who needs me?
• 14:38
  Speaker 3: And then after that it was like my son was
• 14:39
  Speaker 3: so happy that daddy was a police officer. It was like,
• 14:42
  Speaker 3: you know what, I'm gonna continue to do it because
• 14:45
  Speaker 3: he's excited about it. My mother, please don't want to
• 14:50
  Speaker 3: hear it. She hates the job, doesn't want me to
• 14:53
  Speaker 3: be a cop, never wanted me to be a cop
• 14:55
  Speaker 3: until I became.
• 14:56
  Speaker 2: You know what, I give her credit for that because
• 14:58
  Speaker 2: I did it. I was the same way with my sons.
• 15:02
  Speaker 2: Don't even do anything else you want to do that
• 15:04
  Speaker 2: we're not talking about. I get it, and I'm even
• 15:08
  Speaker 2: that way when it's to football. I don't even I
• 15:11
  Speaker 2: didn't want them to play football because I was afraid
• 15:12
  Speaker 2: they would get hurt. Right now, I'm older, little wiser,
• 15:17
  Speaker 2: I'm trying to understand the game. I still don't understand football.
• 15:20
  Speaker 2: I just know people get knocked down and around. So
• 15:23
  Speaker 2: I do have that passion for that. I do understand
• 15:26
  Speaker 2: where she's coming from. But I'm curious. Was it a
• 15:30
  Speaker 2: steady flow or did certain memories take time to face
• 15:34
  Speaker 2: and translate into words, So you know, as you was
• 15:37
  Speaker 2: going through right in your journey in your journal, was
• 15:43
  Speaker 2: it a steady flow or did certain memories take time
• 15:46
  Speaker 2: to face and then translate it? Like, wait a minute,
• 15:50
  Speaker 2: I remember this, Like what you had just mentioned about
• 15:53
  Speaker 2: being shot at that was a memory. Did it take
• 15:56
  Speaker 2: time to face that and translate it into words or
• 15:59
  Speaker 2: was it something you said, I gotta write this down.
• 16:01
  Speaker 3: Well, but the write down and putting it on paper
• 16:05
  Speaker 3: and you know, chronologically keeping it as a you know,
• 16:09
  Speaker 3: a permanent memory in regardless of getting shot was different.
• 16:13
  Speaker 3: It was more of the thought of that's when if
• 16:17
  Speaker 3: I were gone, it was established. That was its you know, inception.
• 16:22
  Speaker 3: But most of the things I wrote were was the
• 16:26
  Speaker 3: journey because I had to learn from the journey in
• 16:29
  Speaker 3: order to even write about the journey. That was my
• 16:32
  Speaker 3: thing and I had to reflect on it important.
• 16:40
  Speaker 2: So growing up in an urban community, which I did too,
• 16:44
  Speaker 2: how did you surround and shape the way you see
• 16:47
  Speaker 2: the world in the way that you write. I think
• 16:56
  Speaker 2: you're mute. Yeah, I think you're mute. You're probably muted
• 17:02
  Speaker 2: by accident and then you're still muted. Can you hear me?
• 17:12
  Speaker 2: Just not if you can? Yeah, I can't. Can I
• 17:15
  Speaker 2: hear you? You may have to go out and come
• 17:17
  Speaker 2: back in. That might fix it. Nope. Yeah, check your
• 17:37
  Speaker 2: phone settings. Are you on your phone? Okay? So yeah,
• 17:46
  Speaker 2: if you're on your phone, somebody tried to call you.
• 17:48
  Speaker 2: So you do have to go out and come back
• 17:50
  Speaker 2: in because that's what stopped it. Yeah, try to putting
• 18:02
  Speaker 2: your phone on airplane mode so that won't happen. Well,
• 18:09
  Speaker 2: giving the thumbs up like my grandson do. But we're
• 18:12
  Speaker 2: here talking to Eric o'blake. He is also Detective Eric o'blake,
• 18:17
  Speaker 2: and he took the time out to write this book,
• 18:19
  Speaker 2: which I'm not even through the book to tell you
• 18:22
  Speaker 2: the truth where I had to make a stop trying
• 18:25
  Speaker 2: to make sure that I'm holding a bright And this
• 18:27
  Speaker 2: is his book here, so I'll cover my face because
• 18:30
  Speaker 2: my face is not important right now. And this is
• 18:32
  Speaker 2: his book, and he really talking from the heart. And
• 18:36
  Speaker 2: you don't find many men who talk about first steps
• 18:41
  Speaker 2: to healing. You don't have men in blue who will
• 18:47
  Speaker 2: come forward and admit that there's some healing that needs
• 18:50
  Speaker 2: to be done. So I commend him on many things,
• 18:54
  Speaker 2: on many levels being an officer, which is one coming
• 18:59
  Speaker 2: forward and speaking his speak about healing and just being transparent,
• 19:09
  Speaker 2: so that that's something that I applaud him for. Now
• 19:12
  Speaker 2: I think he's back. We're just going to bring him
• 19:15
  Speaker 2: back up. Yeah, I can hear you now, Just yeah,
• 19:19
  Speaker 2: here we go. There you go. I just want to
• 19:21
  Speaker 2: say hi to a shout out to Patrese, Trida, and Chanette.
• 19:25
  Speaker 2: Those are part of my podcast, Syste, and I just
• 19:27
  Speaker 2: want to say thank you for participating tonight. But yeah,
• 19:31
  Speaker 2: I just like I said, I was just so curious
• 19:35
  Speaker 2: with that. How did you experience as a New York
• 19:38
  Speaker 2: City detective influenced the emotional depths, themes or truths that
• 19:42
  Speaker 2: show up in your work.
• 19:46
  Speaker 3: That's a multi layered question, even in its simplicity, because
• 19:52
  Speaker 3: one New York City detective, it took it. It took
• 19:54
  Speaker 3: a long time to get there. Took me approximately, I
• 20:00
  Speaker 3: want to say, thirteen years to get to that level.
• 20:08
  Speaker 3: And then after that I was able to get promoted again.
• 20:13
  Speaker 3: But that journey in itself, I say, because not only
• 20:18
  Speaker 3: was a detective, not only am I detective, but I
• 20:20
  Speaker 3: was a police officer first. But not only was I
• 20:22
  Speaker 3: police officer, I was a black man first and I
• 20:24
  Speaker 3: am a black man first. So the job does not
• 20:28
  Speaker 3: always cater to that. So the journey for me compared
• 20:34
  Speaker 3: to others, I would say, is different because I have
• 20:37
  Speaker 3: to now work harder and that's just reality. It's not
• 20:40
  Speaker 3: a sugarcoaton piece to it. This is reality. So now
• 20:45
  Speaker 3: to be able to make it to where I am
• 20:51
  Speaker 3: was the I appreciate that. And it's the resilience that
• 20:55
  Speaker 3: I learned from watching my mom do what she did,
• 20:58
  Speaker 3: watching her be an activist. I can her be a
• 21:00
  Speaker 3: political figure, watching her do the public relations. So while
• 21:06
  Speaker 3: being an officer, I threw myself into that world as well,
• 21:08
  Speaker 3: and I became joined the politics of the department. I
• 21:11
  Speaker 3: became one of the members of one of the unions.
• 21:13
  Speaker 3: I became a member of one of the fraternal organizations.
• 21:15
  Speaker 3: I worked my way up the ranks in the fraternal
• 21:17
  Speaker 3: organization all the way after first vice president, which.
• 21:22
  Speaker 2: I saw your interview. I saw your interview with someone.
• 21:26
  Speaker 2: But in this book, you do talk about your mom,
• 21:29
  Speaker 2: and that's that's a wonderful piece. You talk about your
• 21:32
  Speaker 2: grandmother as well. And I said, look at this, he's
• 21:36
  Speaker 2: talking about his mom, he's talking about his grandmother. And
• 21:40
  Speaker 2: I was just so pleased, and I'm sitting here smelling,
• 21:42
  Speaker 2: and I said, I'm so proud of him, And I said,
• 21:43
  Speaker 2: I don't even know him, but I'm proud of him.
• 21:45
  Speaker 2: Then he's talking about them and they just made me
• 21:48
  Speaker 2: sheels so good, And it is exactly that. And you
• 21:52
  Speaker 2: don't see too many people who recognized them as being so.
• 21:57
  Speaker 2: You know, many people ruggle to express their pain and
• 22:02
  Speaker 2: you put it in writing. What made writing feel like
• 22:06
  Speaker 2: a safe place for you? Were there parts of the
• 22:08
  Speaker 2: book that was difficult for you to write?
• 22:12
  Speaker 3: Yeah, the the hardest part was writing about being a
• 22:17
  Speaker 3: father to a son who wanted his mother. The hardest
• 22:20
  Speaker 3: part had ever if you, the hardest I could ever done,
• 22:25
  Speaker 3: the hardest thing I ever could have done, which in
• 22:28
  Speaker 3: turn made reflect on how I am with my children now.
• 22:31
  Speaker 3: And this is the point where I feel inadequate as
• 22:34
  Speaker 3: the father portion because everybody said, you can always do more,
• 22:39
  Speaker 3: you can always pick another day to do a little extra.
• 22:43
  Speaker 3: But watching him, my oldest child, go through what he
• 22:47
  Speaker 3: went through, that was the hardest part, and that I
• 22:51
  Speaker 3: had to put that on paper. Yeah, that was tough.
• 22:56
  Speaker 3: That was very tough. And words can't express because other
• 23:00
  Speaker 3: people might not feel what you're feeling. Other people will
• 23:03
  Speaker 3: not be able to relate to what you're feeling in
• 23:05
  Speaker 3: that moment. But I come to realize that, guess what,
• 23:09
  Speaker 3: I'm not the only person who has a child's who
• 23:11
  Speaker 3: other parent wasn't active. I'm not the only person who
• 23:15
  Speaker 3: has a relationship where the other person is not being
• 23:19
  Speaker 3: what you want them to be. I'm not the only
• 23:21
  Speaker 3: person who has a parent who is going through some
• 23:24
  Speaker 3: type of illness. There's so many things that transcend across
• 23:28
  Speaker 3: all people. That put it on paper made it real
• 23:33
  Speaker 3: to me. I think that's the easiest way.
• 23:35
  Speaker 2: One of those one of those gentlemen that we talk
• 23:39
  Speaker 2: about as a social worker that we're very happy and
• 23:44
  Speaker 2: pleased to see that the father seeks custody of their
• 23:48
  Speaker 2: child for whatever the reason is. And I don't want
• 23:51
  Speaker 2: to spill dirt on anybody, but we're very happy to
• 23:54
  Speaker 2: see because some fathers will walk away and say, no,
• 23:56
  Speaker 2: I can't do this. I'm not going to do this.
• 23:58
  Speaker 2: Give me to whoever or that go here there I
• 24:01
  Speaker 2: can come by every once in a while. So we
• 24:03
  Speaker 2: commend fathers that step up and do that. You talk
• 24:07
  Speaker 2: about healing, what does he look like in your day
• 24:10
  Speaker 2: to day life?
• 24:12
  Speaker 3: Being able to smile throughout the entire day. God, what's happening?
• 24:18
  Speaker 3: Real talk. I can't even word it any other way.
• 24:22
  Speaker 3: Going through the financial do you.
• 24:27
  Speaker 2: Are you smiling because you made it through that shift
• 24:29
  Speaker 2: and you ain't get shot or you just smilling? So
• 24:34
  Speaker 2: I'm smiling for you. I'm smiling for any any police
• 24:38
  Speaker 2: officer and detective. I don't care if they're walking a beat,
• 24:41
  Speaker 2: if they're if they're just off duty, no matter what
• 24:45
  Speaker 2: way it goes, I'm smiling every day for him that
• 24:48
  Speaker 2: they made it home and they made it safely.
• 24:50
  Speaker 1: I do.
• 24:51
  Speaker 3: I mean my smiles because I woke up in the morning.
• 24:54
  Speaker 3: My smiles because I made it through the day. My
• 24:56
  Speaker 3: smile is because my kids are doing all right, my
• 24:58
  Speaker 3: mama doing all right. You know. I'm smile because I'm
• 25:03
  Speaker 3: here to witness life. And the reality is that's what
• 25:08
  Speaker 3: gets me going to the next day. The reality is
• 25:12
  Speaker 3: I'm here because God said this is not your time
• 25:15
  Speaker 3: to go to me see me just yet.
• 25:19
  Speaker 2: But I learned too, that's something that should be contagious.
• 25:26
  Speaker 2: A smile. What would you say to other men, especially
• 25:29
  Speaker 2: black men, who were raised to man up and bury
• 25:33
  Speaker 2: their pain? But you hear this sometimes so let's not.
• 25:40
  Speaker 2: I'm not gonna act like I don't bury pain, but
• 25:46
  Speaker 2: I bury it momentarily because life goes on. So that
• 25:50
  Speaker 2: that's literally what I would say, bury that pain for
• 25:53
  Speaker 2: the moment. If you're in a situation where you can't
• 25:55
  Speaker 2: isolate yourself to handle it by yourself. In order to
• 25:59
  Speaker 2: even get through pain, I really believe that you got
• 26:01
  Speaker 2: to deal with it on your own a little bit initially.
• 26:05
  Speaker 2: So you get slapped in the it's like, oh, I
• 26:07
  Speaker 2: got slapp in the face. If people are watching you
• 26:10
  Speaker 2: life experience.
• 26:12
  Speaker 3: Yeah, people are watching you get slapped in the face.
• 26:14
  Speaker 3: You might try to now react to that, you know surrounding. No,
• 26:20
  Speaker 3: put yourself by yourself, handle that by yourself. But then
• 26:25
  Speaker 3: move on. Period. That's what I'll tell men, because and
• 26:31
  Speaker 3: but accept the fact that there was pain, whether it's
• 26:33
  Speaker 3: relationship pain. I've been hurt so many times relationship. I've
• 26:36
  Speaker 3: hurt people in relationships. But put yourself into the pain,
• 26:41
  Speaker 3: accept what the pain is, and go, Okay, the pain happened.
• 26:46
  Speaker 3: I'm moving on to the next thing. Man. Period. Period.
• 26:49
  Speaker 3: It might sound tough, it might sound like, how I
• 26:51
  Speaker 3: forget about it. No, accept the pain in the moment,
• 26:54
  Speaker 3: it's part of psychology. Accept the pain. Part of these things,
• 26:56
  Speaker 3: these steps.
• 26:57
  Speaker 2: Is that these experiences are different. The pain that some
• 27:02
  Speaker 2: endure is different because some pain could be a lifetime
• 27:07
  Speaker 2: of pain. Some pain could be oh, I just hit
• 27:11
  Speaker 2: my hand with the hammer type of pain. Pain could
• 27:14
  Speaker 2: be caused by someone else's hands. How do you think
• 27:18
  Speaker 2: your story reflects or challenges the mainstream narrative about black
• 27:22
  Speaker 2: men in America.
• 27:24
  Speaker 3: I think it challenges men to not become and not
• 27:29
  Speaker 3: continue to be the stereotypical conversation. I think it challenges wow,
• 27:37
  Speaker 3: and women and everybody not to conform to what they
• 27:41
  Speaker 3: hear we should be like. I think the book Yeah,
• 27:48
  Speaker 3: but I think it.
• 27:48
  Speaker 2: Also I get so sickatit of hearing that that's an
• 27:51
  Speaker 2: angry black woman.
• 27:52
  Speaker 3: Yeah, and like the treating man like. There has to
• 27:55
  Speaker 3: be a point where you go, let me do something different.
• 28:00
  Speaker 3: So part of the book is to create that conversation that, Okay,
• 28:05
  Speaker 3: while you do something that might not go the right
• 28:08
  Speaker 3: way and might not be what status quo is. Learn
• 28:13
  Speaker 3: from that, grow from that, change your perspective on life.
• 28:20
  Speaker 3: Be a beacon that someone else who's looking at you
• 28:22
  Speaker 3: could say, Wow, they writing my day. Period and I
• 28:26
  Speaker 3: think that's what the book really is, because it really
• 28:28
  Speaker 3: may be a beacon for myself.
• 28:31
  Speaker 2: I'm gonna throw something in there. In a New York minute.
• 28:36
  Speaker 2: I'm gonna say that because I miss hearing that on television?
• 28:40
  Speaker 2: What does vulnerability mean to you as a detective and
• 28:43
  Speaker 2: as a writer? And only said that because I'm from
• 28:47
  Speaker 2: New York, So I missed hearing that on the news,
• 28:50
  Speaker 2: and it's going to happen in a New York minute.
• 28:52
  Speaker 2: So what does vulnerability mean to you as a detective
• 28:55
  Speaker 2: and as a writer.
• 28:57
  Speaker 3: Well, let me start. As a detective, Vulnerability is the
• 29:00
  Speaker 3: ability to put myself in that other person's shoes if
• 29:04
  Speaker 3: I can, if I can't. Vulnerability means being empathetic in
• 29:11
  Speaker 3: that moment as a detective, but as a man, and
• 29:18
  Speaker 3: I always have to revert back to because while I'm
• 29:20
  Speaker 3: a man in New York, while I'm a man every day,
• 29:23
  Speaker 3: I am a black man. So vulnerability as a black
• 29:27
  Speaker 3: man means I have to be able to not only
• 29:29
  Speaker 3: be able to accept the fact that I'm not gonna
• 29:32
  Speaker 3: get it the way that everybody else gets it. I'm
• 29:34
  Speaker 3: not gonna be able to do to certain things that
• 29:36
  Speaker 3: other people do, but I also, I gotta also say
• 29:40
  Speaker 3: that I can't be like we've been taught to be
• 29:43
  Speaker 3: too strong, too stringent, too strict, too macho, machismo oriented.
• 29:52
  Speaker 3: And I say all that because I have three young
• 29:54
  Speaker 3: black men under me, So it means to me, the
• 29:58
  Speaker 3: vulnerability means to let them know that Daddy is not
• 30:01
  Speaker 3: perfect for society. It means that Eric is not perfect
• 30:06
  Speaker 3: in relationship. It means that Eric is not perfect to
• 30:10
  Speaker 3: my mama. So when you think about it, all struggles
• 30:12
  Speaker 3: around me not being perfect at being able to ask
• 30:15
  Speaker 3: forget the job as a man, as a black man.
• 30:19
  Speaker 3: I'm not perfect, but I'm not perfect and I'm gonna
• 30:22
  Speaker 3: work my behind off to be as perfect as I
• 30:27
  Speaker 3: can be, plain and simper.
• 30:29
  Speaker 2: Literally, it's all anybody could ask for, and they really
• 30:32
  Speaker 2: shouldn't be asking for anything from anybody except what you get,
• 30:35
  Speaker 2: and what you get is what you got. You know,
• 30:37
  Speaker 2: we spoke about that vulnerability. We spoke about vulnerability, but
• 30:43
  Speaker 2: vicarious trauma is an unspoken reality for many working with
• 30:46
  Speaker 2: vulnerable populations. What role do you hope your openness in
• 30:51
  Speaker 2: this book plays in helping those silently struggling?
• 30:56
  Speaker 3: So even and I'm glad you asked that particular question
• 30:59
  Speaker 3: because when people ask me about the book itself, they asked, well,
• 31:03
  Speaker 3: what was the point of it, what was the reason why? Wow? Wow? Wow?
• 31:05
  Speaker 2: What?
• 31:06
  Speaker 3: And I say, because I'm not the only one that suffers.
• 31:09
  Speaker 3: I'm not the only one that has an issue. I'm
• 31:11
  Speaker 3: not the only one that goes through something. If you
• 31:14
  Speaker 3: can read the words and take in the word, you
• 31:17
  Speaker 3: can see that you're not alone, and you're so much
• 31:20
  Speaker 3: not alone that I was able to write about it
• 31:22
  Speaker 3: and tell everybody that I can reach that you're not alone.
• 31:26
  Speaker 3: So that's the vulnerability portion of it. And I think
• 31:31
  Speaker 3: the writing allows me to tell other people that it's
• 31:36
  Speaker 3: okay to not be happy today. It's okay to cry tomorrow.
• 31:42
  Speaker 3: It's okay to even say, hey, I'm the best I
• 31:44
  Speaker 3: am and I got it. It's okay to say I
• 31:46
  Speaker 3: don't want to deal with this person. It's okay. And
• 31:49
  Speaker 3: I think my writing allows me to reach people who
• 31:53
  Speaker 3: didn't think that it was okay.
• 31:57
  Speaker 2: Then Jesus have to understand it. It's okay to be
• 32:00
  Speaker 2: just that okay. Your book explores many relationships, romantic, family,
• 32:06
  Speaker 2: and the one with yourself. Which relationship taught you the
• 32:09
  Speaker 2: most about healing.
• 32:14
  Speaker 3: Surprisingly, I would say relationships. And I say that because
• 32:20
  Speaker 3: I've been in relationships off and all, up and down,
• 32:23
  Speaker 3: left and right. And I even said in one of
• 32:25
  Speaker 3: them that I'm actually you know that I'm in love
• 32:27
  Speaker 3: and you go, well, how are you in love? What
• 32:29
  Speaker 3: does that mean? Because relationship taught me that through all
• 32:34
  Speaker 3: the ups and downs, through all the crap, through all
• 32:37
  Speaker 3: the stupidity, all the pain, financial this, and that that
• 32:42
  Speaker 3: there is another person other than your mother and your
• 32:46
  Speaker 3: parent who has you and your heart on a pedestal.
• 32:52
  Speaker 3: And it took relationships failures to understand the women nothing.
• 33:00
  Speaker 2: I'm so glad that you know that one F word,
• 33:04
  Speaker 2: which is the right F word talking about yeah, not
• 33:07
  Speaker 2: the navy F word, failure And you don't see for
• 33:11
  Speaker 2: hear people mention it so much as far as to
• 33:16
  Speaker 2: say that when they're talking about themselves, including themselves, with
• 33:20
  Speaker 2: that word failure. I commend you on saying, you know,
• 33:24
  Speaker 2: using the word failure. I mean, and that's times because
• 33:29
  Speaker 2: in yeah, I.
• 33:32
  Speaker 3: Feel And it took losing someone that was important to go,
• 33:35
  Speaker 3: oh shoot, I really failed. Then it took being able
• 33:40
  Speaker 3: to say, okay, can I be happy with that person
• 33:42
  Speaker 3: being happy? These are all things you learn along the way.
• 33:47
  Speaker 3: So I've gotten more lessons throughout relationships, and I've gotten
• 33:51
  Speaker 3: from being a son being a father. Being a father
• 33:55
  Speaker 3: makes you figure things out to protect your offspring. Being
• 34:02
  Speaker 3: a son makes you try to live up to the
• 34:04
  Speaker 3: potential that or even the aura that your parent has.
• 34:09
  Speaker 3: You always want to be to. You want to be
• 34:11
  Speaker 3: a person who they can say, that's my son, But
• 34:14
  Speaker 3: you also want to be a person where they say, oh,
• 34:16
  Speaker 3: that's your son. But relationships makes you question yourself, It
• 34:20
  Speaker 3: makes you question you know others, but it makes you learn,
• 34:26
  Speaker 3: and it also makes you make decisions on what your
• 34:28
  Speaker 3: next step will be.
• 34:31
  Speaker 2: You have any relationships in your life been restored or
• 34:34
  Speaker 2: released because of your healing?
• 34:37
  Speaker 3: I think every single one of them, everything, one of them,
• 34:40
  Speaker 3: even though it's some are active, some or not.
• 34:43
  Speaker 2: Like so, you did some work. You did some work,
• 34:46
  Speaker 2: in other words, for you to say every single one
• 34:48
  Speaker 2: of them, you acknowledged whatever was going on, whether it
• 34:53
  Speaker 2: was on your behalf or whether it was on Dan's
• 34:55
  Speaker 2: you did some work.
• 34:56
  Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, yeah, and part of it it was. And
• 35:00
  Speaker 3: I would say, even more recently, it was the passion
• 35:03
  Speaker 3: of my uncle made me go watch it thank you.
• 35:08
  Speaker 3: It's been a couple now, but I watched that man.
• 35:12
  Speaker 3: He was the father figure in my life, not being
• 35:14
  Speaker 3: a father, but he was a father that I knew,
• 35:17
  Speaker 3: but watching.
• 35:18
  Speaker 2: Him put it in your book.
• 35:20
  Speaker 3: Yeah, The thing is watching helped me figure out how
• 35:25
  Speaker 3: to navigate apologizing. And whether you said I accept it
• 35:32
  Speaker 3: or don't, I'm able to say it to you. I'm
• 35:34
  Speaker 3: able to get it off my chest. I'm able to
• 35:36
  Speaker 3: make my thoughts and my my feelings in that moment.
• 35:43
  Speaker 3: I'm able to give it to you now. So whatever
• 35:45
  Speaker 3: I do want you.
• 35:46
  Speaker 2: To hear, I want you as well as the other
• 35:49
  Speaker 2: men out there to hear what you just said. Apologize
• 35:55
  Speaker 2: that a man can apologize, but I don't want the
• 35:58
  Speaker 2: women that's sitting out there and go yeah, because women
• 36:02
  Speaker 2: you don't like to do it either. You don't like
• 36:04
  Speaker 2: to apologize because a lot of times we think that
• 36:06
  Speaker 2: we're right about every little thing there is and we
• 36:08
  Speaker 2: don't want to get up off of it. So apologies
• 36:11
  Speaker 2: go both ways. Yes, you can apologize just as well
• 36:14
  Speaker 2: as they men can apologize too. So just remember this
• 36:18
  Speaker 2: school blurb in my little episode here that apologies can
• 36:21
  Speaker 2: come from either end. And that's what it sounds crunny
• 36:24
  Speaker 2: makes the world go round.
• 36:27
  Speaker 3: And that's very true because even in the apologies, guess what,
• 36:31
  Speaker 3: whether you continue a relationship with me on any level,
• 36:37
  Speaker 3: the air is clean, so to speak. You no longer
• 36:40
  Speaker 3: have questions about why were my motives my intentions. I'm
• 36:44
  Speaker 3: telling you I was stupid, then I might be doing
• 36:47
  Speaker 3: now whatever I have. Don't want word it, but I
• 36:50
  Speaker 3: apologize because guess what. It caused you a certain way,
• 36:53
  Speaker 3: a certain feeling. It caused you a certain pain. That's
• 36:56
  Speaker 3: what happens. It comes back to me. I mean, I
• 36:59
  Speaker 3: believe in God, but I also believe that energy is important.
• 37:04
  Speaker 3: So if I'm giving you some negative and.
• 37:07
  Speaker 2: I love to hear that you say, I'd love to
• 37:10
  Speaker 2: hear that you said that, because you know you hear.
• 37:12
  Speaker 2: Some people say when they when they feel as though
• 37:15
  Speaker 2: others are pressuring them to apologize, they'll say something like,
• 37:19
  Speaker 2: I'm sorry you feel that way. That's not an apology.
• 37:22
  Speaker 2: Oh no, there's nothing near an apology. That's just you
• 37:29
  Speaker 2: just running your mouth, just saying that I'm sorry you
• 37:31
  Speaker 2: feel that way. What is the meaning behind that?
• 37:34
  Speaker 3: You know?
• 37:35
  Speaker 2: What do you hope that your children understand about you?
• 37:38
  Speaker 2: About the man behind the words through this book.
• 37:44
  Speaker 3: That Daddy wasn't paying at one point, but Daddy overcame
• 37:49
  Speaker 3: his pain, put his pain on paper, He took his
• 37:54
  Speaker 3: pain and tried to help other people and helping other
• 37:57
  Speaker 3: people hopefully help them because guess what my pain is
• 38:02
  Speaker 3: their pain. So I want them to understand. Yet I
• 38:06
  Speaker 3: was they able to do that.
• 38:08
  Speaker 2: Has fatherhood changed the way that you see your childhood
• 38:11
  Speaker 2: in your community or the legacy of your building.
• 38:16
  Speaker 3: No, I'm gonna say no because I've always been a
• 38:21
  Speaker 3: proponent on let's build the community together. And while we're separate,
• 38:28
  Speaker 3: I'm not gonna hold it against you for not wanting
• 38:30
  Speaker 3: to be together. So I'm still gonna do the community
• 38:34
  Speaker 3: events with my kids. I'm still gonna make sure that
• 38:38
  Speaker 3: communities see me as a father taking his kids places.
• 38:42
  Speaker 3: Their black fathers still do exist, their father still because
• 38:46
  Speaker 3: it doesn't have to be colored things, but father still exists.
• 38:49
  Speaker 3: But in the community itself where I grew up, they
• 38:53
  Speaker 3: need to understand that whether you agree with my principles
• 38:58
  Speaker 3: or not, our children all out tomorrow, period and if
• 39:03
  Speaker 3: we can't work it out together, then all right, I'm
• 39:08
  Speaker 3: still gonna do what.
• 39:11
  Speaker 2: Our children are our tomorrow. Do you see yourself continuing
• 39:15
  Speaker 2: to write or share in your story in other ways?
• 39:18
  Speaker 3: Yeah, this book was the beginning of me opening because
• 39:24
  Speaker 3: even when I read it myself, but you know, you
• 39:27
  Speaker 3: write a book, you go over a book, you have
• 39:29
  Speaker 3: people look at it. But I sat and read it
• 39:32
  Speaker 3: myself and I said, wait, there's more. Because as much
• 39:37
  Speaker 3: as I talk and I think, I want to say,
• 39:39
  Speaker 3: as deep as I might have gotten, their layer is
• 39:43
  Speaker 3: almost like the onion. I think I just peeled off
• 39:46
  Speaker 3: maybe one layer. And yeah, I want to continue because yeah,
• 39:51
  Speaker 3: but I want to help people understand that it's okay
• 39:55
  Speaker 3: to have pain, and and it's some people can write
• 40:01
  Speaker 3: about it. You could do a song about it, you
• 40:03
  Speaker 3: can draw. There's so many different avenues to express and
• 40:09
  Speaker 3: help get through your pain. So this is fortunate.
• 40:15
  Speaker 2: If a person doesn't go through pain, they don't grow.
• 40:21
  Speaker 2: You have to go through and I'm not saying it
• 40:23
  Speaker 2: has to be so painful where it's devastating. You have
• 40:26
  Speaker 2: to go through some sort of pain in order to
• 40:29
  Speaker 2: grow or to understand. So what are some non negotiables
• 40:34
  Speaker 2: and your personal growth or self care routine, something that's
• 40:38
  Speaker 2: non negotiable.
• 40:41
  Speaker 3: M not believing in God, that's number one on my list.
• 40:48
  Speaker 3: If you are not a god fearing person.
• 40:53
  Speaker 2: One of the church things.
• 40:55
  Speaker 3: This glory, but this, this is this reality. But also,
• 41:05
  Speaker 3: like you even asked the question to me, if you
• 41:08
  Speaker 3: can't be vulnerable with me, then you're not vulnerable with yourself.
• 41:16
  Speaker 3: Personal opinion.
• 41:17
  Speaker 2: Patrice is saying facts. She's sitting over here in the
• 41:21
  Speaker 2: side saying facts, and yeah.
• 41:24
  Speaker 3: But these are things. And you know, I'm in my
• 41:28
  Speaker 3: mid foyer. I'm almost hitting the fifties, So you go,
• 41:31
  Speaker 3: I don't been through some things. I ain't been through everything,
• 41:34
  Speaker 3: but I've been through some things, and I go, I
• 41:36
  Speaker 3: ain't accept them for so much. And I'm at the
• 41:38
  Speaker 3: point now where as a father raising children, they gotta
• 41:42
  Speaker 3: be able to see that Daddy stands on principal and
• 41:44
  Speaker 3: my principal number one God, my principal number two. I'm
• 41:48
  Speaker 3: gonna protect, but I'm not gonna establish relationships with people,
• 41:53
  Speaker 3: business or personal if there's no vulnerability between because sometimes
• 42:01
  Speaker 3: say I woke up late, like even in general, if
• 42:03
  Speaker 3: there's a meeting that's supposed to happen, and we can't
• 42:05
  Speaker 3: be vulnerable enough to say I'm human and I've screwed
• 42:08
  Speaker 3: up a little bit. Then that tells me you're trying
• 42:11
  Speaker 3: to cover up who you are personal pinon. This is
• 42:14
  Speaker 3: me how I look at the world. Vulnerability goes full
• 42:19
  Speaker 3: circle and that's that's not non negotiable.
• 42:24
  Speaker 2: So what what message do you want your readers to
• 42:27
  Speaker 2: walk away with after reading First Steps to Healing, My
• 42:31
  Speaker 2: thoughts that.
• 42:34
  Speaker 3: It's okay to, like I said prior, to isolate your feelings,
• 42:39
  Speaker 3: isolate your pain, accept your pain. Uh, put your pain
• 42:47
  Speaker 3: somewhere where you can dissect it over time or dissect
• 42:51
  Speaker 3: it in the moment. But there's heal and there's another
• 42:57
  Speaker 3: there's a different there's a different side. You'll be able
• 43:00
  Speaker 3: to cross that plateau and you'll be into this healing space.
• 43:07
  Speaker 3: That you're not alone. I think that's a huge thing.
• 43:12
  Speaker 3: You're not the only one going through these things. You know.
• 43:16
  Speaker 3: I even wrote about child support and you're not alone.
• 43:22
  Speaker 2: You're not alone, said child support. Well, we did an
• 43:25
  Speaker 2: episode a couple of years ago on child support, and
• 43:30
  Speaker 2: it was just phenomenon with the way that the men
• 43:32
  Speaker 2: were sending in things about child supporting things that I
• 43:36
  Speaker 2: and I had to make sure it was just for
• 43:37
  Speaker 2: men because the things that I was telling them many
• 43:42
  Speaker 2: would say, why would you tell them that? Because I'm
• 43:45
  Speaker 2: a fair person, just like I would tell you as
• 43:47
  Speaker 2: a woman, certain things. I'm going to tell the men's
• 43:49
  Speaker 2: a man too, And it's not about getting over it's
• 43:52
  Speaker 2: what their rights are, which many of them do not
• 43:54
  Speaker 2: know that there are rights that they have regarding child support.
• 43:59
  Speaker 2: But that's another story to different because we'll be sitting
• 44:03
  Speaker 2: there all night, people be coming in and talking about
• 44:05
  Speaker 2: tell me about it, tell me about what am I missing?
• 44:07
  Speaker 3: How do I do this?
• 44:09
  Speaker 2: There's things that can be done that will help you out,
• 44:11
  Speaker 2: but I'm not gonna go there. And now some women
• 44:14
  Speaker 2: is hating, but you women should know that sometimes these
• 44:17
  Speaker 2: men are giving they're giving you money on the side
• 44:21
  Speaker 2: to take care of the kid, and you're still asking
• 44:25
  Speaker 2: for money through chop support. So come on. But then
• 44:28
  Speaker 2: there's things that a man can do too. And I'll
• 44:30
  Speaker 2: just say quick modification. Anyway, who do you hope this
• 44:35
  Speaker 2: who do you hope this book reaches?
• 44:37
  Speaker 3: And what do you want them to know? I want
• 44:40
  Speaker 3: the book to reach everybody. I want them to know that,
• 44:46
  Speaker 3: like I said, I said, the only way to hell
• 44:51
  Speaker 3: is to deal with the pain in the moment, Except
• 44:55
  Speaker 3: that there is pain. I want them to know that
• 44:59
  Speaker 3: they're not alone. I mean, that's what this book really is.
• 45:02
  Speaker 3: Like your first step to healing is accepting the fact
• 45:06
  Speaker 3: that there's a problem, there's an issue that needs to
• 45:08
  Speaker 3: be healed. But while you're dealing with that, you are
• 45:12
  Speaker 3: not alone. You are not the only person. Like I
• 45:15
  Speaker 3: can take each of these little short stories and poems
• 45:18
  Speaker 3: and they can be their own entity of just workshops.
• 45:26
  Speaker 3: We can discuss this and bring in psychologists and these
• 45:30
  Speaker 3: people and all that. For each individual story or poetry
• 45:34
  Speaker 3: poem that's in this book, because someone has and dealt
• 45:39
  Speaker 3: with each individual thing that's.
• 45:50
  Speaker 1: M M.
• 46:02
  Speaker 2: Either you're frozen or you're broken up some and I
• 46:10
  Speaker 2: think there's a connection problem you're going in an hour.
• 46:17
  Speaker 3: Who wants to know that? I guess.
• 46:26
  Speaker 2: Well, what he was doing, what Eric was doing, was
• 46:29
  Speaker 2: explaining to everyone what he hopes that his book, who
• 46:34
  Speaker 2: he hopes that his book reaches, and what he wants
• 46:36
  Speaker 2: them to know. And from what I gathered, he wants
• 46:40
  Speaker 2: them just to they know everything there is to know,
• 46:43
  Speaker 2: and what they do need to do is to get
• 46:44
  Speaker 2: to know themselves first. And I think that that's one
• 46:49
  Speaker 2: of the things that people need to reach inside to
• 46:52
  Speaker 2: get to know themselves, because if you don't know who
• 46:56
  Speaker 2: you are, you can't help somebody identify who they are.
• 47:00
  Speaker 2: So that's just falseness of you sitting there and being
• 47:02
  Speaker 2: able to help them, for how are you've given them
• 47:05
  Speaker 2: when you haven't given yourself. So that's some of the
• 47:09
  Speaker 2: things that I speak to people when it comes to
• 47:13
  Speaker 2: and it's not and I don't want to say any shade,
• 47:16
  Speaker 2: but I deal with mental health, and a lot of
• 47:20
  Speaker 2: this is striking me as mental health. Not to say
• 47:24
  Speaker 2: that he has a mental health problem. They'll all have
• 47:26
  Speaker 2: some sort of mental health problem. So I don't want
• 47:29
  Speaker 2: anybody to be mistaken that, oh I'm fine. Okay, Well
• 47:32
  Speaker 2: that's your mental health problem, thinking that you just fine.
• 47:35
  Speaker 2: So what do you hope readers, especially young men from
• 47:38
  Speaker 2: communities like yours and mine, walk away with after finishing
• 47:42
  Speaker 2: your book, Because I'm not a young man, but I'm
• 47:44
  Speaker 2: walking away with a couple of things. And I'm only
• 47:46
  Speaker 2: at this point in the chapter and I just got
• 47:50
  Speaker 2: too much to write. This book is gonna be a
• 47:51
  Speaker 2: mess when I finished with it because I'm writing on
• 47:53
  Speaker 2: every page.
• 47:56
  Speaker 3: Well for men, for young boys, just for anybody understand
• 48:03
  Speaker 3: that it's I say, important to identify what's going on
• 48:11
  Speaker 3: in the moment. But once you identify, learn from it.
• 48:15
  Speaker 3: That that's the biggest picture. If you think about it,
• 48:20
  Speaker 3: learn from it, because to make the same mistake, it's
• 48:22
  Speaker 3: almost like like you say, back of the day, you know,
• 48:24
  Speaker 3: you run to the wall, and you keep running to
• 48:26
  Speaker 3: the wall. The wall is not going nowhere. If it
• 48:28
  Speaker 3: hurt first time, it's gonna hurt the second time. Like
• 48:30
  Speaker 3: things of that nature. So this for young men, it's like, yo,
• 48:35
  Speaker 3: guess what the og Because like I said, even when
• 48:39
  Speaker 3: I mentioned the Times Board, we're gonna move on modification.
• 48:42
  Speaker 3: But you look at that and you go, Okay, yeah,
• 48:47
  Speaker 3: I got these baby mamas. Okay, forget that. Let's go
• 48:49
  Speaker 3: to work. Y'all got this boss, I can't stand yo.
• 48:51
  Speaker 3: Let's forget that. Let's go home. Y'all got this life
• 48:54
  Speaker 3: at home. These kids, we all got something. My mamas
• 48:57
  Speaker 3: is overbearing, my daddy's over there. We all have something.
• 49:01
  Speaker 3: So for me, I want to tell the young men,
• 49:02
  Speaker 3: guess what we could. We got to continue to be
• 49:07
  Speaker 3: strong in whatever we go through, because especially if we
• 49:10
  Speaker 3: have children. So from the book, I'm working.
• 49:13
  Speaker 2: Again that go ahead. I'm sorry, go ahead, change.
• 49:17
  Speaker 3: That's what I want them to get. I want to
• 49:18
  Speaker 3: get that while being in your own page. That especially
• 49:26
  Speaker 3: if you have children, because I wrote about that, if
• 49:28
  Speaker 3: you have children, be that role model. And I believe
• 49:32
  Speaker 3: in role models as a parent, not outside of your
• 49:35
  Speaker 3: parental status, but as a parent. I believe in the
• 49:41
  Speaker 3: ideology of role models. Be that role model for your children.
• 49:45
  Speaker 3: That's what this book also says. It challenges not just men,
• 49:49
  Speaker 3: but it challenges women too to be that role model
• 49:53
  Speaker 3: for their parents, for their children in the hood.
• 49:56
  Speaker 2: For those children who are in I'll say, I don't
• 50:01
  Speaker 2: want to say fatherless women run home where father could
• 50:05
  Speaker 2: be there, but a majority of the people in the
• 50:06
  Speaker 2: house or women or either that dad is not home
• 50:10
  Speaker 2: as much because of work. So I don't want to
• 50:12
  Speaker 2: take anything from a man by saying he's not there,
• 50:16
  Speaker 2: or he's an absent father, he's a debby father. It's
• 50:18
  Speaker 2: just that for some reason he's not in the home
• 50:21
  Speaker 2: during certain times of that. What would you say about
• 50:26
  Speaker 2: doing a group a mentoring group for young black men
• 50:32
  Speaker 2: or young men period. I don't want to just stereotype
• 50:34
  Speaker 2: and say young black men because you have children from
• 50:38
  Speaker 2: other cultures that are raised in the home where it's Grandma,
• 50:42
  Speaker 2: where it's Auntie, and dad is maybe he's a truck
• 50:46
  Speaker 2: driver and he's away for a while, maybe there's something
• 50:49
  Speaker 2: else going on where Dad has to be out of
• 50:51
  Speaker 2: the house for a period of time. What would you
• 50:54
  Speaker 2: say into forming a group to mentor them, because I
• 50:57
  Speaker 2: remember when my solf was growing up, there was a
• 51:01
  Speaker 2: group that he belonged to with the police department. For
• 51:04
  Speaker 2: the life of me, I can't remember it, but they
• 51:06
  Speaker 2: had it at the Queen's location and he just he
• 51:09
  Speaker 2: loved it. He loved the program. No, wasn't the pr
• 51:14
  Speaker 2: It was another program that they had for them because
• 51:17
  Speaker 2: they even put them in uniform.
• 51:19
  Speaker 3: Oh the Explorers right there, you.
• 51:22
  Speaker 2: Go myself, they do. I wish they existed.
• 51:30
  Speaker 3: They do have a version of it in most states
• 51:33
  Speaker 3: because they tried to, you know, uh, try to get
• 51:37
  Speaker 3: some of the kids off the street. But for me personally,
• 51:43
  Speaker 3: I like the idea of mentoring, but I'm learning over
• 51:48
  Speaker 3: the year that mentoring has to be that grabbed these kids.
• 51:54
  Speaker 3: So like if I was doing roadblocks or something and
• 51:56
  Speaker 3: I was able to come up with a program where
• 51:58
  Speaker 3: while I'm doing roadblocks, I'm teaching something it'll bring them,
• 52:02
  Speaker 3: but it could be me just being uh, you know what.
• 52:07
  Speaker 3: They call that pessimistic about it. We got to look
• 52:11
  Speaker 3: at the parents before.
• 52:16
  Speaker 2: I think with that, we got to look at the system,
• 52:20
  Speaker 2: because certain systems can break down a family can break
• 52:25
  Speaker 2: the family. And I think the systems need to look
• 52:29
  Speaker 2: at working with the families and not against the family.
• 52:33
  Speaker 2: Tarry more about the power that they have and worry
• 52:37
  Speaker 2: more about the people, because I think it becomes a
• 52:40
  Speaker 2: problem when that happens. And sometimes they show children that
• 52:44
  Speaker 2: you've taken the power from the parent. You know, you'll
• 52:48
  Speaker 2: hear a child say something and their authorities will side
• 52:52
  Speaker 2: with the child or or or feelings though the child.
• 52:55
  Speaker 2: You know that sympathy will go out. And when they're
• 52:58
  Speaker 2: speaking to the parent to the child, the parent is
• 53:02
  Speaker 2: being chastised, right, not that the parent is being spoken to.
• 53:06
  Speaker 2: So their child can come back into your home and
• 53:09
  Speaker 2: feeling as though they can say and do whatever they want.
• 53:11
  Speaker 2: And if you say something to me, I'm making a
• 53:14
  Speaker 2: phone call. I'm going out here and I'm saying this,
• 53:17
  Speaker 2: that or the other to whoever. I can go to
• 53:19
  Speaker 2: school and say something to the teacher, you know, I
• 53:22
  Speaker 2: can go wherever and say something. So I think the
• 53:25
  Speaker 2: system needs to look at it from the beginning, right,
• 53:30
  Speaker 2: And I think if they look at it from the
• 53:31
  Speaker 2: beginning and see, for one, look at why you started it,
• 53:38
  Speaker 2: why you started these programs, what was the foundation. Let's
• 53:41
  Speaker 2: let's go back and look at that and see what's missing,
• 53:45
  Speaker 2: see what's changed. Because some of the things that's changed,
• 53:48
  Speaker 2: you could bring them back because you have more tools
• 53:52
  Speaker 2: to work with now. There's so much more that you
• 53:55
  Speaker 2: can use to work with what you thought was broken,
• 53:58
  Speaker 2: that you decided to change without a reason to change.
• 54:02
  Speaker 2: And I'm going to say, what was it that you
• 54:04
  Speaker 2: were chasing money? Not all about the child or the family.
• 54:10
  Speaker 2: And I've seen that, I've been around it, and it
• 54:14
  Speaker 2: sickens me to know that that happens, you know, within family.
• 54:19
  Speaker 2: So you got to building up a mentorship would be great.
• 54:23
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I believe in that, and I believe in mentorship.
• 54:25
  Speaker 3: I believe in passing on my knowledge. I believe in
• 54:29
  Speaker 3: collaborating with other men who have their knowledge and passing
• 54:33
  Speaker 3: that on. Also believe that the system is rigged to
• 54:41
  Speaker 3: try to make it fail, so we also have That's
• 54:43
  Speaker 3: why I said, like, and I agree with you how
• 54:45
  Speaker 3: you talked about the mom and the parents being chastised
• 54:48
  Speaker 3: while the child is being basically coddled. That's how I
• 54:52
  Speaker 3: interpreted it. If I'm wrong, I'm wrong. But in that moment,
• 54:56
  Speaker 3: the child now has this new power. And I was
• 55:00
  Speaker 3: bringing that up because I remember how we back in
• 55:03
  Speaker 3: the day when I thought that I had that idea
• 55:05
  Speaker 3: that I can call it, and I did that. I
• 55:07
  Speaker 3: called the couse of my mom and this woman said,
• 55:11
  Speaker 3: no problem, see your later, tak him with you. But
• 55:15
  Speaker 3: that and the cop was like, all right, that's what
• 55:18
  Speaker 3: we're gonna do. Man, with your permission, because you're still
• 55:21
  Speaker 3: law enforcement, so you still got to follow certain rules
• 55:23
  Speaker 3: and regulations. Man, with your permission, we're gonna take him here.
• 55:27
  Speaker 3: And that was the community working together with the law enforcement.
• 55:34
  Speaker 3: Those days are over. This is why I said, we
• 55:38
  Speaker 3: have to figure out a way to collaborate with the
• 55:43
  Speaker 3: community in addition to law enforcement coming together. In order
• 55:49
  Speaker 3: for the kids to even receive what's happening.
• 55:52
  Speaker 2: I think before they even collaborate with the community, I
• 55:55
  Speaker 2: think they need to learn how to build trust back
• 55:58
  Speaker 2: up in the community, because if you don't build that
• 56:01
  Speaker 2: trust back up into the communities and into programs and
• 56:04
  Speaker 2: things that once were. You're going to continue to lose
• 56:08
  Speaker 2: these families because a lot of them don't trust certain
• 56:12
  Speaker 2: systems because systems failed them, and they're looking at that,
• 56:16
  Speaker 2: they're looking at being broken down because they feel as
• 56:20
  Speaker 2: though a system has broken them. So it's going to
• 56:24
  Speaker 2: take a lot. But in order for it to work,
• 56:27
  Speaker 2: a lot is going to have to be given. Time
• 56:29
  Speaker 2: is going to have to be given. You know, when
• 56:32
  Speaker 2: you get these groups together, people just want to be heard.
• 56:37
  Speaker 2: They want to be heard. It's not to say you
• 56:39
  Speaker 2: can fix it overnight, but they want to be heard
• 56:41
  Speaker 2: to figure out where are we now?
• 56:44
  Speaker 3: You know.
• 56:44
  Speaker 2: One of the things I want to ask you, and
• 56:46
  Speaker 2: I hope I'm not putting you on the spot, but
• 56:48
  Speaker 2: as a detective in New York, do they still have
• 56:53
  Speaker 2: the pens warry?
• 56:54
  Speaker 3: So I can answer this question because it's not a
• 56:58
  Speaker 3: policy question because I was hoping it wasn't. So pens
• 57:05
  Speaker 3: has transitioned into something else, so that actual pens weren't
• 57:11
  Speaker 3: person in need of supervision doesn't necessarily exist anymore. Where
• 57:16
  Speaker 3: the judge says, if you don't go home after school directly,
• 57:19
  Speaker 3: we're gonna bring you here and we're gonna put you
• 57:21
  Speaker 3: in this facility and we're gonna violate you. That doesn't
• 57:25
  Speaker 3: necessarily exist anymore because of the age now that they've
• 57:29
  Speaker 3: changed what is a minor. Once you start changing all
• 57:32
  Speaker 3: the age brackets, you now have to also adjust the
• 57:35
  Speaker 3: rules and regulations that coincide with that age bracket. So
• 57:39
  Speaker 3: now is number sixteen, a child now is eighteen, So
• 57:46
  Speaker 3: that pens which would have applied won't apply. It's things
• 57:52
  Speaker 3: of that nature. So on some levels, there's ways to
• 57:55
  Speaker 3: do it where you can you can apply for it's
• 58:00
  Speaker 3: almost like when a parent is sick or something like that.
• 58:01
  Speaker 3: You can apply for guardianship of that nature or what
• 58:05
  Speaker 3: they call it. Oh my goodness, I'm gonna loss of words,
• 58:09
  Speaker 3: which is rare, but see it's probably cool guardian lighten.
• 58:18
  Speaker 3: But it gives you. It gives the person now the
• 58:22
  Speaker 3: legal ability and illegal standing to dictate where a person
• 58:30
  Speaker 3: moves and where a child might go. So if that
• 58:32
  Speaker 3: child doesn't come home, you can legally say, you know what,
• 58:35
  Speaker 3: you're being homeschooled from now on. Things of that nature.
• 58:40
  Speaker 2: So here's something else I'm not sure and they should
• 58:43
  Speaker 2: have it there. It's called voluntary placement agreements that a
• 58:51
  Speaker 2: parent can bequest where if the child is having some
• 58:56
  Speaker 2: behavioral issues and it's really affecting the house and the
• 58:59
  Speaker 2: child is best. If it's a mental health they can
• 59:02
  Speaker 2: ask petition to court for a voluntary placement agreement. That
• 59:06
  Speaker 2: is what the parent is going into the hospital for
• 59:10
  Speaker 2: any period of time, they can ask for a voluntary
• 59:12
  Speaker 2: placement agreement. If the parent is going to be incarcerated
• 59:16
  Speaker 2: for a certain period of time and the I'm not
• 59:18
  Speaker 2: saying for years, they can ask for a voluntary placement
• 59:21
  Speaker 2: agreement and it's nothing that's gonna be held against them now,
• 59:26
  Speaker 2: only held against them if they don't go back and
• 59:28
  Speaker 2: get their child. That time that the child is there,
• 59:31
  Speaker 2: you're not on vacation as a parent. You are working
• 59:34
  Speaker 2: on yourself and what you need in order for that
• 59:37
  Speaker 2: child to come back home and for it to be
• 59:39
  Speaker 2: safe for everybody, because where that child is going to
• 59:41
  Speaker 2: be is going to be a place that's working with
• 59:43
  Speaker 2: that child, so that child will understand once they're back
• 59:46
  Speaker 2: in the family home that these are the things that's
• 59:48
  Speaker 2: going to be put in place. So there's a wraparound
• 59:50
  Speaker 2: service that's going to benefit both parent and child. But
• 59:54
  Speaker 2: you have to have the system to be able to
• 59:57
  Speaker 2: work together instead of thinking that I have more power
• 1:00:01
  Speaker 2: than you as far as and I'm going to say
• 1:00:03
  Speaker 2: the Board of Education, I have more power than you
• 1:00:06
  Speaker 2: as a mental health physician. I have more power than
• 1:00:09
  Speaker 2: you as an officer. I have more power than you
• 1:00:12
  Speaker 2: as the doctor. You can't keep doing that because y'all
• 1:00:14
  Speaker 2: are system that works together and you collaborate. And when
• 1:00:18
  Speaker 2: the kids start seeing all of that that you're broken, broken, broken,
• 1:00:23
  Speaker 2: they grow up feeling that way, and then they become
• 1:00:25
  Speaker 2: the parent, and then they already feel as though the
• 1:00:28
  Speaker 2: system is broken and they have no one to turn to.
• 1:00:32
  Speaker 2: And this is what's starting to happen that people are
• 1:00:35
  Speaker 2: not trusting these systems because they don't feel as though
• 1:00:38
  Speaker 2: they have anyone to turn to. But I want to know,
• 1:00:42
  Speaker 2: how could listeners, if viewers, connect with you, and where
• 1:00:45
  Speaker 2: could they purchase your book?
• 1:00:47
  Speaker 3: Well, you connect with me on Instagram at ays Underscore podcast.
• 1:00:52
  Speaker 3: Facebook is ays Underscore Podcasts. The book is on Amazon
• 1:00:57
  Speaker 3: in both paperback and in digital copy. It's just My
• 1:01:01
  Speaker 3: Thoughts by Eric o'blake First Steps to healing. Those are
• 1:01:04
  Speaker 3: my initial things. I'm actually transitioning over the Shopify my
• 1:01:11
  Speaker 3: way up.
• 1:01:13
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I can see. I can see just by reading
• 1:01:17
  Speaker 2: this book. What's next for you?
• 1:01:20
  Speaker 3: The podcast a YS podcast A y S stands for
• 1:01:24
  Speaker 3: are you serious? So it's a podcast that's gonna question serious. Yeah.
• 1:01:28
  Speaker 3: It's basically questioning every day decisions that are being made
• 1:01:35
  Speaker 3: and our how it affects us, our steps to make
• 1:01:41
  Speaker 3: things better and decisions not to uh the decision being
• 1:01:46
  Speaker 3: made that don't make it better.
• 1:01:48
  Speaker 2: Uh like, so this is your podcasts?
• 1:01:52
  Speaker 1: Yes?
• 1:01:55
  Speaker 2: Oh wow, I got a similar information because I've got
• 1:01:58
  Speaker 2: some people that would benefit from being on your your podcast,
• 1:02:02
  Speaker 2: and you would benefit from them and being on your podcast.
• 1:02:05
  Speaker 2: So definitely got to send me that.
• 1:02:06
  Speaker 3: You said nderscore podcast.
• 1:02:11
  Speaker 2: But yes, I'm definitely gonna get that information. So, if
• 1:02:14
  Speaker 2: you're in New York City and the Jamaica Queens area,
• 1:02:18
  Speaker 2: stop by the Harvest Rum on August twenty third, between
• 1:02:21
  Speaker 2: ten and two. Eric is going to be there with
• 1:02:24
  Speaker 2: his book, so this way, you can purchase the book
• 1:02:27
  Speaker 2: there and if you're lucky, you might be able to
• 1:02:29
  Speaker 2: get a picture taken with him and get it autographed.
• 1:02:32
  Speaker 2: So we're expecting you to show up and the show
• 1:02:34
  Speaker 2: out to be there.
• 1:02:36
  Speaker 3: Eric.
• 1:02:37
  Speaker 2: Thank you for your transparency, your strength and your voice
• 1:02:41
  Speaker 2: my thoughts. First steps to healing is a testimony and
• 1:02:44
  Speaker 2: a tool. You can use this as a tool, and
• 1:02:48
  Speaker 2: tonight you reminded us that healing doesn't have to be perfect.
• 1:02:52
  Speaker 2: You just have to be honest and to our basic
• 1:02:56
  Speaker 2: black Afterdog family, don't forget to marketr calendars for tomorrow,
• 1:03:00
  Speaker 2: August to fifteenth, Here at eight o'clock while final panel
• 1:03:05
  Speaker 2: of the season, and I'm feeling so bad that it's
• 1:03:08
  Speaker 2: our final panel for cracks in the surface, strengths and
• 1:03:10
  Speaker 2: the core not easily broken. But we are coming back
• 1:03:13
  Speaker 2: for a season next year and we're gonna be looking
• 1:03:17
  Speaker 2: for people to participate in the panel. You want to
• 1:03:20
  Speaker 2: email me, text me, have it. You can definitely find
• 1:03:23
  Speaker 2: me on Facebook to learn more about the panel. I
• 1:03:25
  Speaker 2: will be posting it so you'll get to know more.
• 1:03:28
  Speaker 2: And you already know it's going to be powerful. Tomorrow
• 1:03:32
  Speaker 2: some of us may have some tissue. I already got
• 1:03:33
  Speaker 2: my box, see sitting right here close by, got my
• 1:03:36
  Speaker 2: box cause I'm quite sure it's gonna be a tear jerker.
• 1:03:39
  Speaker 2: But until next time, keep it raw, keep it real
• 1:03:44
  Speaker 2: and always and for keeping its appreciate me no, thank
• 1:03:55
  Speaker 2: you so much. For being a part of this and
• 1:03:58
  Speaker 2: I'm gonna be there and in New York. Solvia definitely
• 1:04:01
  Speaker 2: gets me