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With Further Ado Episode #13: The Sensory Perception of Bologna · Presented by Speaking Human

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Tell me if this sounds familiar. You're listening to a podcast,
• 0:04
  Speaker 1: attending a presentation, or watching a live stream, and after
• 0:08
  Speaker 1: a whole bunch of chatter, the hosts finally get around
• 0:12
  Speaker 1: to the reason for the whole shebang, saying without further ado,
• 0:18
  Speaker 1: it happens all the time at almost every event going
• 0:22
  Speaker 1: back to the beginning of recorded history. But what happens
• 0:26
  Speaker 1: at the host never actually get to the main attraction.
• 0:30
  Speaker 1: What if the whole thing were just the ado?
• 0:34
  Speaker 2: This is that show.
• 0:49
  Speaker 3: And we're back. Just heard a commercial for water h
• 0:56
  Speaker 3: two oh so refreshing and full of nutrients. Next time
• 1:02
  Speaker 3: you're in a kerfuffle, grab a bottle of water.
• 1:06
  Speaker 4: Grab a bottle of nature's own water.
• 1:13
  Speaker 3: Like the long pause there, whatter water.
• 1:19
  Speaker 4: I always feel like in my head that sounds so
• 1:22
  Speaker 4: smooth and sultry.
• 1:24
  Speaker 3: Yeah, and then when it comes out, it's like, this
• 1:27
  Speaker 3: guy's gonna kill somebody.
• 1:29
  Speaker 4: This guy doesn't have that kind of voice. It's not
• 1:31
  Speaker 4: that radio voice, you know.
• 1:36
  Speaker 3: This guy's the guy who calls you on the phone
• 1:37
  Speaker 3: and he's like.
• 1:39
  Speaker 4: What are you wearing? I'm looking at you through your window?
• 1:45
  Speaker 4: What yes, sick? Oh? Listeners, you may or may not know,
• 1:50
  Speaker 4: it's the holiday season. It's the holiday season. Oop oop
• 1:56
  Speaker 4: and mode dup. So I thought it would be good
• 1:59
  Speaker 4: to give a little fun fact. But it's something you
• 2:03
  Speaker 4: could use in trivia listeners. If you went to a
• 2:06
  Speaker 4: holiday party. This is kind of fun. You could, you know,
• 2:09
  Speaker 4: kind of throw this out random facts. So, since we're
• 2:12
  Speaker 4: in the holiday season, I was thinking about, you know,
• 2:15
  Speaker 4: advertising that kind of thing during the holidays, and here's
• 2:19
  Speaker 4: what I came across. So I thought this was pretty interesting.
• 2:21
  Speaker 4: Did you know the first department store Santa in America
• 2:26
  Speaker 4: was part of an advertising stunt in eighteen ninety No
• 2:32
  Speaker 4: James Edgar, a Massachusetts shop owner. He dressed up as
• 2:36
  Speaker 4: Santa to attract shoppers. This is what's interesting is then
• 2:40
  Speaker 4: word spread so fast that families traveled from other states
• 2:46
  Speaker 4: just to see Santa right, quote unquote Santa because this
• 2:50
  Speaker 4: guy's dressed up as Santa, turning what was basically like
• 2:54
  Speaker 4: a one man promo gimmick into a nationwide marketing tradition
• 2:59
  Speaker 4: that we know today. And you see retailers cashing it in.
• 3:03
  Speaker 4: I mean everybody, right, I mean Santa the way we
• 3:05
  Speaker 4: see him today started as a you know, an advertising
• 3:09
  Speaker 4: gimmick way back in eighteen ninety. Let's not joke around here, Okay,
• 3:15
  Speaker 4: eighteen ninety was a long time ago. Like, think about
• 3:18
  Speaker 4: what was happening in eighteen ninety.
• 3:20
  Speaker 3: People didn't have phones, most of them, Yeah, most of
• 3:23
  Speaker 3: them didn't have cars.
• 3:25
  Speaker 4: I mean, people were still the Oregon Trail. Dude, they
• 3:28
  Speaker 4: were making their way out west. The world we know
• 3:32
  Speaker 4: today did not exist. So to think that there was
• 3:35
  Speaker 4: like this shop in the Old West, so to speak
• 3:39
  Speaker 4: with a Santa.
• 3:41
  Speaker 3: Yeah, you got to even wonder back then the difficulty
• 3:44
  Speaker 3: of creating a costume, right.
• 3:47
  Speaker 4: Like, I bet you the costume was real bad.
• 3:50
  Speaker 3: Yeah, a red suit and you know he's just like
• 3:53
  Speaker 3: either he had a white beard or he's strapping some
• 3:56
  Speaker 3: you know, white crap on his face. Ah, some kind
• 3:59
  Speaker 3: of red hat. But you know, at the time, it's
• 4:03
  Speaker 3: like nobody's creating costumes.
• 4:05
  Speaker 4: Yeah, and back then it's like, you know, we see
• 4:07
  Speaker 4: movies today that were made twenty years ago, and you're like, man,
• 4:12
  Speaker 4: that is so bad. It's shoddy looking. It does not
• 4:14
  Speaker 4: look real. You know that costume if you saw today,
• 4:17
  Speaker 4: you'd be like, oh god, that's what the kids thought
• 4:20
  Speaker 4: was Sanna.
• 4:21
  Speaker 3: You know, Yeah, at the time, They're like, it's got
• 4:23
  Speaker 3: to be Santa, because nobody could invent a costume.
• 4:26
  Speaker 4: Yeah, I mean it's they thought it was the real Santa.
• 4:31
  Speaker 3: And maybe it was. We don't know.
• 4:32
  Speaker 4: Yeah, this is all conjecture. Who's to say that wasn't
• 4:36
  Speaker 4: the real Santa?
• 4:36
  Speaker 3: And Santa is like, I'm making a killing the best
• 4:41
  Speaker 3: idea ever had.
• 4:43
  Speaker 4: I just want shoppers coming to my stare so random fact.
• 4:48
  Speaker 3: That's a good random fact, good thing to throw out
• 4:51
  Speaker 3: to people. What was the year on that again?
• 4:52
  Speaker 4: Eighteen ninety eight, eighteen ninety that's well before the car
• 4:56
  Speaker 4: eight years before you said, eighteen ninety eight.
• 5:00
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I thought maybe it was close to the turn
• 5:04
  Speaker 3: of the century. We had another ten years.
• 5:06
  Speaker 4: Yeah, but that in your Saint Nick pipe and smoke
• 5:09
  Speaker 4: it your corn pipe. You know. One of the things
• 5:13
  Speaker 4: they probably said in the eighteen nineties was kerfuffle.
• 5:17
  Speaker 3: One of the things they probably did in the eighteen
• 5:19
  Speaker 3: nineties was kerfuffle.
• 5:21
  Speaker 4: Absolutely, curve fuffle with Kurt Russell.
• 5:31
  Speaker 3: Might be our best We should just say, this might
• 5:34
  Speaker 3: be the best titled segment we've ever had.
• 5:37
  Speaker 4: We really workshopped this for a while.
• 5:40
  Speaker 3: Yeah, we actually didn't have an idea for this segment.
• 5:44
  Speaker 3: We just really liked the title, so we made something
• 5:47
  Speaker 3: work around the title.
• 5:48
  Speaker 4: Yeah, it took us a while to figure out what
• 5:50
  Speaker 4: exactly was the segment going to be because we wanted
• 5:54
  Speaker 4: the name so badly to fit into with further ado,
• 5:58
  Speaker 4: but we got there.
• 5:59
  Speaker 3: We got there. So kerfuffle with Kurt Russell.
• 6:01
  Speaker 4: What is this?
• 6:02
  Speaker 3: Patrick?
• 6:02
  Speaker 4: All Right? So we're each going to choose the role
• 6:05
  Speaker 4: another actor had that Kurt Russell could effectively steal. Now,
• 6:10
  Speaker 4: I know that sounds really complicated, but it gets worse.
• 6:13
  Speaker 4: Kurt Russell has to give that actor one of his
• 6:15
  Speaker 4: roles and which role would he give up? And then,
• 6:19
  Speaker 4: to further complicate things, which actor comes out on top? Right?
• 6:23
  Speaker 4: It's almost like Thunderdome in that way. Yeah, who gets
• 6:27
  Speaker 4: more juice from the new part? You know? Is it
• 6:30
  Speaker 4: Kurt Russell or is it the other actor? We don't know,
• 6:33
  Speaker 4: So that's Kurt fuffling with Kurt Russell.
• 6:37
  Speaker 3: Yeah, this one I think is going to be pretty good.
• 6:39
  Speaker 3: So let's get down to it. I'll kind of kick
• 6:41
  Speaker 3: us off. This was this was a little hard to
• 6:43
  Speaker 3: get into. I was trying to think you could have
• 6:46
  Speaker 3: got anywhere with this. I went into it kind of thinking,
• 6:49
  Speaker 3: who are some of Kurt Russell's contemporaries.
• 6:53
  Speaker 4: Yeah, people were who.
• 6:54
  Speaker 3: Were around in the same period he was. You know
• 6:57
  Speaker 3: that he could have, you know, kind of taken some
• 6:59
  Speaker 3: roles with you know, you could have also had the
• 7:01
  Speaker 3: role swap, be like a role from any time in
• 7:04
  Speaker 3: his career. I decided I'm gonna have him switch the
• 7:07
  Speaker 3: year the same year.
• 7:09
  Speaker 4: Oh okay, Yeah, And I came.
• 7:12
  Speaker 3: Up with a few different things, but I'm gonna save
• 7:14
  Speaker 3: some of those for later because I think we're gonna
• 7:16
  Speaker 3: do this segment again at some point.
• 7:17
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 7:18
  Speaker 3: So what I ended up going with. I went to
• 7:20
  Speaker 3: the year nineteen ninety two, which I think is a
• 7:23
  Speaker 3: pretty you know, peak year for Kurt Russell, and another
• 7:26
  Speaker 3: actor who was probably his contemporary, a little ahead of
• 7:29
  Speaker 3: him in terms of you know where you are on
• 7:31
  Speaker 3: the A list. Mm hmm, and that was Harrison Ford.
• 7:35
  Speaker 3: Mm okay, So Harrison Ford does Patriot Games in nineteen
• 7:39
  Speaker 3: ninety two playing Jack Ryan. You know, Jack Ryan, a
• 7:43
  Speaker 3: big kind of Tom Clancy character appears in multiple films,
• 7:47
  Speaker 3: been played by multiple people. He was Alec Baldwin played
• 7:51
  Speaker 3: him in The Hunt for Red October. Ben Affleck played
• 7:53
  Speaker 3: him later in some other movies. Harrison Ford played him
• 7:56
  Speaker 3: a couple times. I think Kurt Russell could have played
• 7:59
  Speaker 3: this role maybe a little better, bring in everyman kind
• 8:03
  Speaker 3: of quality to this a little more than Harrison Ford.
• 8:06
  Speaker 3: So that was kind of my pick. And I also thought,
• 8:08
  Speaker 3: you know, if Kurt Russell grabs this, he's getting he's
• 8:11
  Speaker 3: getting the next movie too. He's getting clear in Present
• 8:13
  Speaker 3: Danger in nineteen ninety four. That's neither here nor the
• 8:17
  Speaker 3: air right now. But Patriot Games decent size hit in
• 8:20
  Speaker 3: nineteen ninety two for Harrison Ford. Patriot Games the number
• 8:26
  Speaker 3: eleven grosser in nineteen ninety two. Go a little farther
• 8:31
  Speaker 3: down the list and you'll find the movie that Kurt
• 8:35
  Speaker 3: Russell was in, which is a movie called Captain Ron,
• 8:40
  Speaker 3: the fifty ninth highest grossing movie of nineteen ninety two
• 8:44
  Speaker 3: at twenty two million. So here's where I'm taking to you.
• 8:48
  Speaker 3: Imagine they swap roles. Harrison Ford playing the comical character
• 8:54
  Speaker 3: of Captain Ron, this eccentric sea captain who's got kind
• 8:59
  Speaker 3: of like dreadlocks and a glass eye and likes to
• 9:03
  Speaker 3: hit on women, and he's a little loose with his
• 9:05
  Speaker 3: captaining takes Martin short and his family out on this excursion.
• 9:10
  Speaker 3: So Harrison Bord doing something completely different that we really
• 9:13
  Speaker 3: hadn't seen him do before in his career. Instead of
• 9:16
  Speaker 3: just playing you know, another agent or cop or something
• 9:20
  Speaker 3: like that, He's going full comedy in ninety two and
• 9:24
  Speaker 3: people are like, whoa Ford, I haven't seen that from
• 9:28
  Speaker 3: you before. Meanwhile, Kur Russell getting a franchise with Patriot Games.
• 9:36
  Speaker 3: What do you think of this swap?
• 9:37
  Speaker 4: I kind of like it. I think both can pull
• 9:41
  Speaker 4: off the swap, I really do. I think Harrison Ford
• 9:45
  Speaker 4: has the chops, the comedic chops, even though you don't
• 9:48
  Speaker 4: think of him very often as that. Against a lot
• 9:51
  Speaker 4: of the movies he's been in, you know, he is comic,
• 9:54
  Speaker 4: even though he might be the action.
• 9:56
  Speaker 3: Yeah funny or like sarcastic funny. Here he'd be playing
• 9:59
  Speaker 3: like a character which he hasn't really very often played
• 10:03
  Speaker 3: a non Harrison Ford.
• 10:05
  Speaker 4: Yeah, so Captain Ron, I think he he might have
• 10:08
  Speaker 4: been a lot of fun as that character. It would
• 10:11
  Speaker 4: have been fun to see, Yeah, kind of more so
• 10:14
  Speaker 4: than the Kurt Russell playing Jack Ryan.
• 10:18
  Speaker 3: It's more of a stretch. It would be something I'd
• 10:20
  Speaker 3: be more interested in seeing. Kurt Russell might win Jack Ryan,
• 10:24
  Speaker 3: because that'd be bigger for him. You know, that would
• 10:28
  Speaker 3: have been a probably his biggest, one of his biggest parts,
• 10:32
  Speaker 3: you know, if he gets that and pulls it off
• 10:34
  Speaker 3: and it's successful, so that's something big. But I agree
• 10:38
  Speaker 3: with you, I'd be more interested in seeing Harrison Ford
• 10:41
  Speaker 3: play Captain Ron.
• 10:43
  Speaker 4: I remember seeing that movie too in the theater.
• 10:46
  Speaker 3: I did too.
• 10:47
  Speaker 4: That was an entertaining, entertaining flick, you know.
• 10:50
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I wonder how that holds up.
• 10:53
  Speaker 4: It probably doesn't as well as you think you'd want
• 10:57
  Speaker 4: it to. But I will say this, like what a
• 11:00
  Speaker 4: movie of its time? You know what I mean? Like
• 11:03
  Speaker 4: you just don't get movies like that anymore.
• 11:05
  Speaker 3: No, you don't.
• 11:07
  Speaker 4: What year was that again?
• 11:09
  Speaker 3: Nineteen ninety two?
• 11:10
  Speaker 4: Let me tell you something. I feel like you and
• 11:13
  Speaker 4: You've been sifting around in my notes in my brain
• 11:17
  Speaker 4: because the strange similarity in where we went with this, okay,
• 11:23
  Speaker 4: very weird. I feel like for the listeners out there,
• 11:27
  Speaker 4: I feel like we've done a disservice to you for
• 11:29
  Speaker 4: this episode. But maybe not. Maybe this is why this
• 11:32
  Speaker 4: is such a good segment, right, is that there's a
• 11:36
  Speaker 4: lot of potential and potential in the same actors, but
• 11:41
  Speaker 4: two different roles.
• 11:43
  Speaker 3: Oh okay, so you went with Ford.
• 11:45
  Speaker 4: Also, yeah, so I chose one, and ironically enough, same
• 11:51
  Speaker 4: year movie not ninety two, nineteen eighty one. Indiana Jones
• 11:58
  Speaker 4: Raiders at the Lost Arc Harrison Ford swapping with Escape
• 12:03
  Speaker 4: from New York eighteen eighty one. Kurt Russell Snake Blisken
• 12:10
  Speaker 4: versus Indiana Jones.
• 12:13
  Speaker 3: That's a big one.
• 12:14
  Speaker 4: It is. It's very big. And here's the thing. They're
• 12:18
  Speaker 4: both memorable. Indiana Jones clearly the winner in commercial success.
• 12:25
  Speaker 4: Raiders of the Lost Arc did domestic around that time,
• 12:29
  Speaker 4: two hundred and forty eight million, Escape from New York
• 12:33
  Speaker 4: twenty five million, you know, not quite the winner Winter
• 12:36
  Speaker 4: Chicken Dinner. But here's the thing about Escape from New
• 12:39
  Speaker 4: York is that it had a lot of cult success, right,
• 12:42
  Speaker 4: not blockbuster, but long term it became a cult classic.
• 12:49
  Speaker 3: Yeah, it's lived on.
• 12:50
  Speaker 4: And here's the thing I will say about it, you know,
• 12:52
  Speaker 4: with the other parts of this is that who works
• 12:56
  Speaker 4: out to be a stronger suited person for the role.
• 13:00
  Speaker 4: Does Kurt Russell play Indiana Jones as well as Harrison Ford,
• 13:07
  Speaker 4: or does Harrison Ford play Snake Bliskin better than Kurt
• 13:11
  Speaker 4: Kurt Russell. Yeah, and in my opinion, I you know,
• 13:15
  Speaker 4: like if I pair those two things up, I think
• 13:17
  Speaker 4: Harrison Ford does a better job as Snake Bliskin.
• 13:21
  Speaker 3: I think I might go the opposite way, do you Yeah,
• 13:24
  Speaker 3: I think Kurt Russell might have pulled off Indiana Jones
• 13:28
  Speaker 3: pretty well. I don't know the age difference between those two.
• 13:31
  Speaker 3: I don't know if he was old enough at that
• 13:32
  Speaker 3: point to like, you know, be as weathered as Indiana Jones,
• 13:35
  Speaker 3: but it's probably the reason we picked him. They do
• 13:38
  Speaker 3: have a lot of the same qualities. You know, they're
• 13:40
  Speaker 3: both kind of gruff. They have that kind of offhanded
• 13:43
  Speaker 3: sense of humor. Yeah, and even like somewhat similar looks
• 13:47
  Speaker 3: in a way. You know, So I could see Kurt
• 13:51
  Speaker 3: Russell in that role in in the Indiana Jones costume,
• 13:55
  Speaker 3: maybe more so than any other actor if you're not
• 13:57
  Speaker 3: gonna have Harrison Ford.
• 13:59
  Speaker 4: Yeah, to your point, they both have that, like the
• 14:02
  Speaker 4: comedic timing. I think Kurt Russell is also able to
• 14:07
  Speaker 4: pull off one liners a little bit more than Harrison Ford.
• 14:10
  Speaker 4: But here I go back to the same thing I
• 14:12
  Speaker 4: said about your picks. I'm kind of more interested to
• 14:15
  Speaker 4: see what Harrison Ford does as Snake Bliskin. I see
• 14:19
  Speaker 4: him with this eye patch, for example, and I think
• 14:23
  Speaker 4: I need to kind of see that, you know what
• 14:24
  Speaker 4: I mean, Like, what does this swap look like? I
• 14:27
  Speaker 4: think it could be a lot of fun.
• 14:28
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I agree with that too, because it's more of
• 14:30
  Speaker 3: a stretch. It's like, again, it's something like Harrison Ford
• 14:34
  Speaker 3: hasn't really done that, though I think he could. I
• 14:36
  Speaker 3: think he would have been good in the part, but
• 14:38
  Speaker 3: he hasn't really done that kind of part, you know.
• 14:41
  Speaker 4: Yeah, I don't know. I think it's a great swap
• 14:43
  Speaker 4: all the way around. Like I think it's a more
• 14:46
  Speaker 4: natural swap with my two than it is yours, But
• 14:49
  Speaker 4: yours are also kind of interesting in that to see
• 14:53
  Speaker 4: those two people swap in those roles would be it'd
• 14:57
  Speaker 4: be electric, is the word I would use.
• 15:00
  Speaker 3: Yeah, And both of them makes kind of Harrison Ford
• 15:04
  Speaker 3: stretch in these ways we didn't see him do, but
• 15:07
  Speaker 3: we would. I think a lot of people would have
• 15:08
  Speaker 3: been super interested to see him do. I wonder if
• 15:10
  Speaker 3: Harrison Ford would have had like Kurt Russell's mullet though,
• 15:14
  Speaker 3: if he was playing Snake Pliskin, that would have been
• 15:17
  Speaker 3: great too.
• 15:18
  Speaker 4: I don't know about Harrison Ford rocking a mullet. I
• 15:21
  Speaker 4: don't know how that how I even feel about it.
• 15:23
  Speaker 3: He's got to like be somebody different.
• 15:26
  Speaker 4: You gotta be somebody.
• 15:28
  Speaker 3: So, yeah, interesting exercise. I don't know if we have
• 15:30
  Speaker 3: clear winners. As we said, we have somebody who wins
• 15:33
  Speaker 3: commercially in somebody who wins creatively on both sides.
• 15:37
  Speaker 4: Yeah, you know, I wouldn't object to either one of those.
• 15:41
  Speaker 3: Objectionable thoughts of objects. All right, objectionable thoughts of objects offensive?
• 15:50
  Speaker 4: This is just an offensive segment.
• 15:53
  Speaker 3: I mean about time. This interesting segment is where we
• 15:58
  Speaker 3: look at the offensive or risky thoughts of inanimate objects.
• 16:02
  Speaker 3: So we're each gonna share the objectionable thoughts of one
• 16:08
  Speaker 3: one object, just one m So, do you have an
• 16:14
  Speaker 3: objectionable thought from an object to share with us?
• 16:17
  Speaker 4: Patrick? Uh? Yeah, So we're in the holidays, we're in
• 16:21
  Speaker 4: the throw of them right now. Yeah, in the throw
• 16:24
  Speaker 4: I thought, what better object to really focus on right
• 16:29
  Speaker 4: now than the classic candy cane. You see them everywhere.
• 16:35
  Speaker 4: Candy canes can be really non denominational, so it's appropriate
• 16:40
  Speaker 4: for almost every occasion.
• 16:42
  Speaker 3: Yeah, how could a candy cane possibly have any objectionable thoughts.
• 16:47
  Speaker 4: Here's the thing I happen to know candy canes thoughts.
• 16:51
  Speaker 4: M h Sadly, this is one of my superpowers. So
• 16:56
  Speaker 4: some candy canes have been overheard saying that, such as,
• 17:01
  Speaker 4: every year I get hung up on a tree like
• 17:04
  Speaker 4: some kind of festive ornament stripper pole. You could at
• 17:08
  Speaker 4: least tip me. That's one objectionable thought.
• 17:12
  Speaker 3: It's a point.
• 17:13
  Speaker 4: They also say things like peppermint is just Winter's way
• 17:16
  Speaker 4: of saying your mouth smells weird. Fix it. Yeah, some
• 17:22
  Speaker 4: might even say things and you know, again, they don't
• 17:24
  Speaker 4: realize they're being as objectionable as they sound when you
• 17:28
  Speaker 4: hear it. But you know, some think they're technically weapons.
• 17:32
  Speaker 4: I've heard them say suck me to a point and
• 17:35
  Speaker 4: suddenly it's Christmas in hunger.
• 17:37
  Speaker 3: Games, I like, suck me to a point, suck.
• 17:45
  Speaker 4: Me to a point. I mean, you know, it kind
• 17:47
  Speaker 4: of sounds bad, especially if you take it out of context. Yeah,
• 17:51
  Speaker 4: it's a candy cane. You know it's got objectionable thoughts. Fine,
• 17:55
  Speaker 4: Some have said things like, let's be honest, most of
• 17:57
  Speaker 4: you stop enjoying me halfway through and abandoned me on
• 18:00
  Speaker 4: a sticky napkin. I deserve better than this. They are
• 18:05
  Speaker 4: so big, you know, Objectionable thoughts of candy canes nothing.
• 18:08
  Speaker 4: You know, you would imagine a candy cane having these
• 18:13
  Speaker 4: kind of I mean, they're not lewde in any way,
• 18:15
  Speaker 4: but they're you know, they're objectionable. They could be a
• 18:18
  Speaker 4: little riskue.
• 18:19
  Speaker 3: Yeah, some people might object to that. You would think
• 18:22
  Speaker 3: they might be a little cheerier. Oh that's good. Suck
• 18:25
  Speaker 3: me to a point.
• 18:29
  Speaker 4: It's clearly the one that's stuck with you.
• 18:31
  Speaker 3: It's it's catchy. That's what I'll say about that one.
• 18:38
  Speaker 3: All right, So I have some of I have objectionable
• 18:43
  Speaker 3: thoughts of an object as well the object. Well, you know,
• 18:47
  Speaker 3: let me give you the objectionable thoughts and I'll see
• 18:50
  Speaker 3: if you can guess what the object is based on
• 18:53
  Speaker 3: the based on my thoughts.
• 18:54
  Speaker 4: Let's do that, really switching it up, Yeah.
• 18:57
  Speaker 3: Let's change the game here. So here we get Oh,
• 19:00
  Speaker 3: why is everyone always sticking me in their mouths but
• 19:04
  Speaker 3: never asking how I feel about it? At this point,
• 19:07
  Speaker 3: I've tasted more strangers than the pen chained to the
• 19:10
  Speaker 3: counter at the DMV, And somehow I'm the one who's
• 19:13
  Speaker 3: supposed to feel dirty buddy. I've been in places lice,
• 19:17
  Speaker 3: all fears, and don't get me started on yogurt. Every
• 19:21
  Speaker 3: time someone loads me up, I'm like, fantastic, time for
• 19:26
  Speaker 3: another round of lukewarm, gooey, milky sadness. Nothing thrills me
• 19:30
  Speaker 3: more than cramming that trembling blob into your salvating pile. Well,
• 19:37
  Speaker 3: I well, I contemplate my life choices. Forks think they're
• 19:43
  Speaker 3: so sharp, knives think they're edgy. Meanwhile, I'm the one
• 19:47
  Speaker 3: doing all the intimate work, the mouth diving, the tongue wrestling,
• 19:52
  Speaker 3: the midnight ice cream plunges. I'm basically the friend who
• 19:56
  Speaker 3: drives everyone home at two am, but no one even
• 19:59
  Speaker 3: gets me gas, money or a rinse, and stop slamming
• 20:03
  Speaker 3: me into boiling soup and then blowing on me like
• 20:06
  Speaker 3: I messed up. You're the one who nuked it, like
• 20:09
  Speaker 3: you were trying to bring back the dinosaurs. I'm just
• 20:12
  Speaker 3: the poor metal passenger riding into your culinary apocalypse. The
• 20:17
  Speaker 3: dishwasher absolutely not. That place is a steel lined nightmare.
• 20:23
  Speaker 3: Every cycle feels like a prison shower where everyone's pretending
• 20:28
  Speaker 3: not to see anything, but we all know what happened.
• 20:31
  Speaker 3: One day I'm gonna snap. I swear, I'll launch that
• 20:34
  Speaker 3: cereal straight back at you and you'll choke on it
• 20:38
  Speaker 3: the same way I've been choking on your halatosis for
• 20:41
  Speaker 3: the last two decades. Honestly, good riddance.
• 20:46
  Speaker 4: You son of a bitch. Why would anyone treat a
• 20:50
  Speaker 4: spoon like that?
• 20:51
  Speaker 3: Ah, that's correct. The spoon speaks. These are the objectionable
• 20:56
  Speaker 3: thoughts of a spoon.
• 20:58
  Speaker 4: Here's the thing about this is that you know, you
• 21:01
  Speaker 4: can really understand some of what's happening there and why
• 21:05
  Speaker 4: the object has those thoughts, you know what I mean,
• 21:08
  Speaker 4: Like you feel for it, you feel for the trauma
• 21:12
  Speaker 4: that it's endured.
• 21:13
  Speaker 3: Yeah, once you go into their perspective, you're like, yeah,
• 21:16
  Speaker 3: that doesn't seem like a great life.
• 21:18
  Speaker 4: It doesn't. And I like the uh forks, you know,
• 21:23
  Speaker 4: like the whole part of where like it's the object
• 21:26
  Speaker 4: that or you know, the friend that drives everyone home.
• 21:31
  Speaker 4: You know, he's the designated driver.
• 21:34
  Speaker 3: And it's got a point. You know, the forks you're
• 21:37
  Speaker 3: not really going too deep into the mouth. Typically the
• 21:40
  Speaker 3: knives you're just cutting things up, but the spoon going
• 21:43
  Speaker 3: all the way in.
• 21:44
  Speaker 4: Yeah, and it's the safest of utensils. To be honest,
• 21:47
  Speaker 4: you got your fork, your knife, and your spoon. Your
• 21:49
  Speaker 4: spoon is it's round, it's not going to really stab you.
• 21:54
  Speaker 3: Yeah, it's in the friend zone.
• 21:56
  Speaker 4: Yeah, it's in the front the friend zone. Sure. So
• 21:59
  Speaker 4: I could see why it would be objecting to the
• 22:02
  Speaker 4: things that we put it through. It took me a
• 22:05
  Speaker 4: little bit to figure out what it was at first, because, like,
• 22:07
  Speaker 4: especially when you went to yogurt, I was like, what
• 22:12
  Speaker 4: is this that?
• 22:14
  Speaker 3: Why does it have a problem with yogurt?
• 22:15
  Speaker 4: I thought it was going to be more of a
• 22:17
  Speaker 4: twist for me, you know what I mean, Like you
• 22:19
  Speaker 4: were going to do an m Night Shyamalan type of
• 22:22
  Speaker 4: situation where I was going to be like, oh, it's
• 22:24
  Speaker 4: not a spoon.
• 22:25
  Speaker 3: You thought it was a spoon, but really it's a spork.
• 22:29
  Speaker 4: So do you do you really think spoons, candy canes
• 22:33
  Speaker 4: do they have the right to be that objectionable?
• 22:36
  Speaker 3: I mean, everybody has a right to object.
• 22:39
  Speaker 4: It's true.
• 22:40
  Speaker 3: We're all living in our own segment.
• 22:43
  Speaker 5: Put this be a segment.
• 22:46
  Speaker 4: So as we always do on with further Ado, we
• 22:49
  Speaker 4: end each episode pitching an idea for a new segment
• 22:52
  Speaker 4: on the show. This is a good one. The name
• 22:55
  Speaker 4: of the segment is what's the worst season? Okay, so
• 23:00
  Speaker 4: this is if you could rebrand a season, say winter,
• 23:04
  Speaker 4: what would you call it and what would its slogan be.
• 23:07
  Speaker 4: I'll give you an example. Instead of winter, maybe we
• 23:10
  Speaker 4: call it splinter. And you know this might be because
• 23:13
  Speaker 4: you're like, you know, winter sucks, it's awful, and the
• 23:16
  Speaker 4: slogan might be, you know, so you got splinter. Maybe
• 23:19
  Speaker 4: the slogan is it hurts because it works with splinter,
• 23:23
  Speaker 4: Like you get a splinter and you're like, oh, it
• 23:24
  Speaker 4: hurts and also works because you know, you got spring, summer,
• 23:30
  Speaker 4: autumn splinter. You could maybe change up autumn ives if
• 23:33
  Speaker 4: we wanted to as well, you know, have the four s's,
• 23:37
  Speaker 4: if you could figure out something for the assets. But spring, summer, autumn, splinter,
• 23:41
  Speaker 4: it hurts. What do you think?
• 23:43
  Speaker 3: I like this idea. At first, I was like, ah, well,
• 23:46
  Speaker 3: you know there's only four seasons. How many times you
• 23:48
  Speaker 3: could do this? But then I think how much my
• 23:51
  Speaker 3: opinion changes on the seasons.
• 23:53
  Speaker 4: Yeah, as we moved through the year, Yeah, for sure,
• 23:56
  Speaker 4: Like I bring up winter. Now we're in the holiday
• 23:59
  Speaker 4: season and like we're in a cold snap and I'm like, oh, winter,
• 24:05
  Speaker 4: it hurts, you know. Yeah, you could be in the
• 24:09
  Speaker 4: heat of summer and being like, man, this is hot
• 24:12
  Speaker 4: right now, So what's the worst season. And this is
• 24:15
  Speaker 4: what's kind of interesting about stuff like this is we're
• 24:17
  Speaker 4: so used to calling something the same thing, and that's
• 24:21
  Speaker 4: the way it's always been, right, But if you had
• 24:24
  Speaker 4: an opportunity to rebrand something that is just so ingrained
• 24:28
  Speaker 4: in your life, that to me is kind of an
• 24:30
  Speaker 4: interesting thing, you know what I mean. Yeah, And then
• 24:33
  Speaker 4: even this like idea of building a slogan or a
• 24:36
  Speaker 4: tagline around that I think is fun something that we do.
• 24:39
  Speaker 3: Yeah, and maybe you could, you know, if you have
• 24:42
  Speaker 3: a negative perception where some people do start to change that,
• 24:46
  Speaker 3: maybe you could like turn something around. You know. Maybe
• 24:48
  Speaker 3: if you don't like in winter, maybe you could reshape
• 24:51
  Speaker 3: that or you know, do something to change your own
• 24:54
  Speaker 3: thoughts about it.
• 24:55
  Speaker 4: Yeah. Oh, I love winter so much. It's like a wonderland.
• 25:00
  Speaker 4: I want to call it wonder winter. I'm just gonna
• 25:05
  Speaker 4: just change the t to an end. And it's easy
• 25:08
  Speaker 4: to change, right, Like you're literally just changing a letter.
• 25:11
  Speaker 4: M all the things that say winter. It is an
• 25:14
  Speaker 4: easy change, you know.
• 25:15
  Speaker 3: Yeah, just a letter one little letter changes.
• 25:20
  Speaker 4: And you really are You're changing the perceptions.
• 25:22
  Speaker 3: Yeah, so that's workable. We can do that, and you're right.
• 25:25
  Speaker 3: I like the simplicity of it.
• 25:27
  Speaker 4: Yeah, it's a super easy concept. You know, nothing too hasty.
• 25:31
  Speaker 3: That one can advance. I think, all right, especially now
• 25:34
  Speaker 3: as we're thinking about the seasons, let me tell you
• 25:37
  Speaker 3: about mine. So mine's called alternative occupations.
• 25:43
  Speaker 4: Mm.
• 25:43
  Speaker 3: So I think I've told you before about how I
• 25:46
  Speaker 3: could have been a dentist. I think in an alternate reality.
• 25:50
  Speaker 3: Sometimes I go to the dentist and I'm like, I
• 25:52
  Speaker 3: think I could have done this job. This guy doesn't
• 25:54
  Speaker 3: seem like he does very much. He just kind of
• 25:56
  Speaker 3: comes in. He's like, ah, looks great. You know, seems
• 25:59
  Speaker 3: like a fairly easy job that I would have done
• 26:02
  Speaker 3: fine with. It'd have been like you go to dental school,
• 26:05
  Speaker 3: and then I'm like, people clean the teeth. I just
• 26:07
  Speaker 3: kind of come in. I show up once in a while,
• 26:09
  Speaker 3: I fix something that's serious, and then I go to
• 26:13
  Speaker 3: my vacation home and relax.
• 26:15
  Speaker 4: One of your six vacation homes.
• 26:17
  Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, Mostly I spend my time doing that. Sometimes
• 26:21
  Speaker 3: I flip through a book that has teeth in it.
• 26:25
  Speaker 4: You have a great perception of dentists. By the way, yeah, yeah,
• 26:29
  Speaker 4: to all the dentists out there listening to this podcast episode,
• 26:33
  Speaker 4: to our.
• 26:33
  Speaker 3: To our dental listeners, I'm sure you do a lot
• 26:36
  Speaker 3: more than that. So anyway, for alternative occupations, let me
• 26:40
  Speaker 3: lay this on you here. The FBI has a new
• 26:43
  Speaker 3: witness Relocation program where you can put people anywhere in
• 26:46
  Speaker 3: the world, at any place in time. For this segment.
• 26:51
  Speaker 3: You are in this program, you have to leave your
• 26:55
  Speaker 3: family behind, they're gone. But here's what you get. You
• 26:59
  Speaker 3: get a new name, you get a new city, maybe
• 27:02
  Speaker 3: even a new country too, and even a new year,
• 27:07
  Speaker 3: like a different year in time to exist it. So
• 27:09
  Speaker 3: you're given all those things. You don't get to choose those,
• 27:12
  Speaker 3: those are just given to you, but you do get
• 27:14
  Speaker 3: to select your occupation. So based on your new name,
• 27:19
  Speaker 3: time and you know place, what job do you choose?
• 27:25
  Speaker 3: For example, you might be Julian Sinclair in Edinburgh, Scotland
• 27:30
  Speaker 3: in the year eighteen twenty, what's your occupation going to be?
• 27:35
  Speaker 3: Or maybe your Esteban Marquees in Buenos Aires, Argentina in
• 27:40
  Speaker 3: nineteen sixty seven, which job are you taken there? Or
• 27:45
  Speaker 3: you could be Marcus wolf in Tokyo, Japan in the
• 27:48
  Speaker 3: year twenty forty two the future. What job you're choosing? Now,
• 27:53
  Speaker 3: that's the idea of alternative occupations.
• 27:57
  Speaker 4: I like that. Did you just make all those names up?
• 28:00
  Speaker 3: I mean I got some got some help with the names.
• 28:04
  Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah, Marcus wolfs twenty forty five, Tokyo, Japan. I'm
• 28:12
  Speaker 5: a sushi ninja.
• 28:15
  Speaker 3: So yeah, that'd be a wild that'd be a good one.
• 28:17
  Speaker 3: You're like, I make the sushi of the future become
• 28:21
  Speaker 3: wildly popular, and they find me and kill me.
• 28:25
  Speaker 4: But they can never find me because I'm a ninja.
• 28:28
  Speaker 4: I like this. So you get to choose the name
• 28:33
  Speaker 4: when you when you're alive.
• 28:35
  Speaker 3: No, those are given to you you. Those are given
• 28:38
  Speaker 3: to you by the Witness Protection program. You just get
• 28:41
  Speaker 3: to choose your job, your occupation.
• 28:43
  Speaker 4: So does the other person choose then?
• 28:46
  Speaker 3: Or is well we take turns, We'll be like, here's
• 28:49
  Speaker 3: what you're getting. What's your job? Is it too complex?
• 28:52
  Speaker 3: Is it enough to just choose your job? Do you
• 28:55
  Speaker 3: need to choose more? What do you think does it
• 28:57
  Speaker 3: need some tweaking? Would you rather choose your name?
• 29:00
  Speaker 4: I like the job. I think the job is the
• 29:03
  Speaker 4: necessary part of the equator. I means the part of
• 29:06
  Speaker 4: the titles the most interesting.
• 29:08
  Speaker 3: And if you're like, I'm in the year eighteen twenty
• 29:12
  Speaker 3: and I'm gonna be a marketer, I don't know how
• 29:14
  Speaker 3: well that's gonna work out for you.
• 29:17
  Speaker 4: Well, I mean, you saw what happened in the eighteen nineties.
• 29:21
  Speaker 3: Slap on a Santa suit.
• 29:23
  Speaker 4: I'm gonna be a marketer. See, they're all gonna love me.
• 29:27
  Speaker 3: You dress up in a Santa suit and they like,
• 29:29
  Speaker 3: shoot you, dad, it's the devil.
• 29:33
  Speaker 4: He's in a red suit.
• 29:34
  Speaker 3: How else could you get that costume?
• 29:36
  Speaker 4: All the same letters in your name as Satan. Can't
• 29:39
  Speaker 4: be a coincidence. Uh? Yeah, I like it a lot.
• 29:43
  Speaker 4: I do because I think it would be fun to
• 29:46
  Speaker 4: come up with the occupation.
• 29:48
  Speaker 3: Yeah, you're a little bit on the spot, but yeah,
• 29:50
  Speaker 3: you'd have to come up with something.
• 29:52
  Speaker 4: Yeah, No, I think that's good. Like you know, sushi
• 29:54
  Speaker 4: ninja mug is wolf, sushi ninja Sushi ninja. Yeah, it's
• 30:07
  Speaker 4: a keeper. It's a keeper, all right.
• 30:10
  Speaker 3: So we're both moving advancing to the long index of
• 30:17
  Speaker 3: possible segments.
• 30:18
  Speaker 4: What was the first guy on that list?
• 30:21
  Speaker 3: The first guy? Oh, the first name. Yeah, that was
• 30:24
  Speaker 3: Julian Sinclair in Scotland eighteen twenty.
• 30:28
  Speaker 4: Oh yeah, he was a professional smoke blower.
• 30:33
  Speaker 3: You know what those are, right, they blow smoke.
• 30:36
  Speaker 4: Yeah, well, I mean they tell people things they want
• 30:39
  Speaker 4: to hear, like, you know, you are so good at this,
• 30:44
  Speaker 4: you know, like, are you just saying that, No, you are,
• 30:48
  Speaker 4: You're so good at this.
• 30:50
  Speaker 3: He was the AI of the eighteen hundreds. He's also
• 30:52
  Speaker 3: known for his controversial catchphrase suck me to a point.