Latest / Do You F*cking Mind? / Self Love Mini Series | Day 2 | Self Worth

Transcript

Self Love Mini Series | Day 2 | Self Worth · Do You F*cking Mind?

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Speaker 1: Hello, beautiful beans, and welcome to the podcast Self Love Miniseries.
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Speaker 1: Episode of the Day. Today we're doing self love slash
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Speaker 1: self worth. Okay, so this is obviously a key, key,
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Speaker 1: key pillar of self love. It's how we value ourselves,
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Speaker 1: how worthy we feel, because no matter what anyone says,
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Speaker 1: like it's all well and good to hear those like
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Speaker 1: fucking quotes like you're good enough as you are, you're
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Speaker 1: good enough as you are, But that quote alone isn't
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Speaker 1: going to change shit. It's not gonna help you feel
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Speaker 1: any better. Because at the end of the day, if
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Speaker 1: you can't see where you're worth is where your value lies,
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Speaker 1: and someone's like, oh, you're just good enough, you're not
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Speaker 1: gonna feel good. Okay. We have to value ourselves in
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Speaker 1: order to feel good. And it's not to say that
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Speaker 1: you know, people are more valuable than other people or
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Speaker 1: who It's not about that. It's how can I determine
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Speaker 1: what my worth is and what my value is in
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Speaker 1: order to feel good, Because if you feel worthless and
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Speaker 1: someone's like, but you're good enough, but you're good enough,
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Speaker 1: you're still gonna feel worthless, okay. And if you feel worthless,
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Speaker 1: you don't have self love. Okay, self worth, self love
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Speaker 1: they go hand in hand. It's impossible to have like
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Speaker 1: one without the other. Okay, so we are talking about
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Speaker 1: how to increase your self worth as that is, like
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Speaker 1: I think the number one, if not the the most
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Speaker 1: important precursor to self love. Now, I think we've got
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Speaker 1: like four key points that I want to get through.
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Speaker 1: So the first one is how can I start providing
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Speaker 1: real value for myself and also for the people around me.
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Speaker 1: When I have a day where I feel like I
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Speaker 1: have provided value, I'm going to feel a whole lot better.
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Speaker 1: Because our life does not exist in a vortex. We
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Speaker 1: don't just get up, drink some fucking water, eat a meal,
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Speaker 1: sit down, stare at a wall all day long, and
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Speaker 1: then miraculously just feel so fucking good about ourselves. The
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Speaker 1: times that we feel good about ourselves is when we've
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Speaker 1: done stuff that provide value. Whether it's things to better ourselves,
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Speaker 1: whether it's like I've learned something, I've studied, something I've
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Speaker 1: worked on, something I've worked on a project, I've worked
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Speaker 1: on my health, whether it's I've gone and helped this person,
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Speaker 1: I've I've volunteered for this thing, I've gone to help
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Speaker 1: my friend move. I've gone and been a shoulder for
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Speaker 1: them to cry on. I have, you know, gone and
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Speaker 1: lifted someone's mood by being like the comedian for them
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Speaker 1: for the day. Whatever the fuck it is, You've got
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Speaker 1: to ask yourself, how am I providing real value every
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Speaker 1: single day? Now? Don't get ahead of yourself and don't
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Speaker 1: make it this out of worldly. Oh my god, I
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Speaker 1: need to start a charity kind of shit. Okay, we're
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Speaker 1: talking about realistic today. What can I do where I'm
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Speaker 1: providing real value? A really basic one is go deeper
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Speaker 1: than a surface level interaction with somebody. So if you
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Speaker 1: feel like you know those times where you like feel
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Speaker 1: your friend wants to meet up with you, and you're like,
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Speaker 1: I've just got too much shit to do, maybe i
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Speaker 1: should cancel maybe this, But then you end up hanging
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Speaker 1: out with that friend and then you walk away feeling like,
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Speaker 1: oh my god, my life is so much better, Like
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Speaker 1: I'm so glad I had that interaction. I feel like
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Speaker 1: I've really connected. I feel listened to, I feel heard,
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Speaker 1: I feel like a weight's been lifted off my chest.
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Speaker 1: That shit you could do for somebody else, right, and
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Speaker 1: when you do that for someone else, when you have
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Speaker 1: a deeper level interaction, not just a comment, not like
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Speaker 1: hey or a text or like a quick like genuine,
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Speaker 1: genuine interaction with somebody where you show that you care,
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Speaker 1: that you value them, that you miss them, that you're
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Speaker 1: thinking about them, that you remember a funny story. You
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Speaker 1: already feel like you have provided value. So a simple
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Speaker 1: exercise would be, for example, is to send a friend
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Speaker 1: a message saying they remember the time that you and
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Speaker 1: I did and you bring up a great fucking anecdote
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Speaker 1: of your lives, a funny story, anything, and say that
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Speaker 1: memory comes up every so often and it really makes
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Speaker 1: my day, and I want to thank you for creating
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Speaker 1: that memory with me. Do you know how much that's
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Speaker 1: going to make someone's day to hear that, Like, my
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Speaker 1: friends have done that with me, and it literally like
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Speaker 1: has me laughing out loud, It has me like, it's
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Speaker 1: just it's fucking the best. So I highly recommend you
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Speaker 1: do that. So you've got to ask yourself, what can
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Speaker 1: I uniquely bring into someone's life where I'm providing value,
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Speaker 1: where therefore I feel more valuable, Okay, because that's just
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Speaker 1: how it is. Unfortunately, you know, I don't within a
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Speaker 1: you know, obviously rapists aside, but everyone has roughly the
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Speaker 1: same value. It's not like I think that there are
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Speaker 1: people that are less worthy than other people. But you
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Speaker 1: are definitely going to be more worthy to an individual
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Speaker 1: versus someone else. Like if I've got someone in my
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Speaker 1: life life that never gives a fuck, doesn't ever like
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Speaker 1: ask questions, doesn't ever check in, doesn't know their value
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Speaker 1: in my life. So like, obviously within you know, within
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Speaker 1: the parameters of my perspective is going to be lower
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Speaker 1: than my best friend, right, And so you've got to
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Speaker 1: think where is my value in the lives of people
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Speaker 1: around me that I care about and in my own life? Okay,
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Speaker 1: So you've got to think what you know? Is it empathy?
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Speaker 1: Is it support? Is it you know, reliability? What makes
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Speaker 1: you worthy in the people that you loves life? What
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Speaker 1: makes you irreplaceable? And also to yourself? What makes you
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Speaker 1: worthy to you? Okay? What can I do for myself
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Speaker 1: that I'm like, Fuck, I'm so glad I did that
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Speaker 1: for myself. I'm so glad I did that for my
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Speaker 1: future self. I'm so glad I enrolled in that thing
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Speaker 1: or tried that thing or did that thing. Okay, sense
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Speaker 1: the next one? Number two is to actually give a shit.
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Speaker 1: Actually give a shit. Okay, so this is listen when
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Speaker 1: someone's talking, remember the details, ask follow up questions. Okay,
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Speaker 1: care about someone's stories. And this is a really hard one,
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Speaker 1: but read the room and try and figure out when
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Speaker 1: I should intervene with my version of that story or
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Speaker 1: when it's just time to listen to that story. Because
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Speaker 1: I think everyone's like, oh my god, it's just an
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Speaker 1: ADHD thing where I have to tell my side of
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Speaker 1: the story in order. I think it extends further than ADHD.
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Speaker 1: I think a lot of people think, myself included that
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Speaker 1: when someone's telling a story, I want to share my
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Speaker 1: story so we feel connected. And to an extent, it's
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Speaker 1: very true. It is a way of connecting. But read
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Speaker 1: the room. If someone's telling like a really hard story
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Speaker 1: where they're emotional and where they're upset, now is not
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Speaker 1: the time. A bit later on for sure, so they
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Speaker 1: can see how you dealt with that same thing, but
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Speaker 1: this is the time to be like, I can be
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Speaker 1: their shoulder to cry on. I can be the person
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Speaker 1: that they can vent to. I can be their safe space,
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Speaker 1: their vulnerable space. I can provide that for them. And
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Speaker 1: then when we leave this interaction, they're going to be like, Wow,
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Speaker 1: someone actually cares for me, someone actually loves me when
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Speaker 1: I'm going through this really hard time. If it's like
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Speaker 1: a more light hearted story, share your fucking light hearted
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Speaker 1: story too. I love that shit. Now. The next thing
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Speaker 1: is when we talk about giving a shit still in
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Speaker 1: Number two is when we start to care. That starts
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Speaker 1: to build oxytocin. It starts to build on this like
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Speaker 1: bonding chemical. The more you start to feel bonded with
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Speaker 1: the people around you and with your relationship with yourself,
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Speaker 1: the calmer you feel, the lower your stress levels, the
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Speaker 1: lower your anxiety levels. Okay, so all these things are
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Speaker 1: contributing on a chemical level to how you start to
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Speaker 1: feel anxiety. And you know, low self respect and low
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Speaker 1: self love go hand in hand, Okay, because you're always
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Speaker 1: second guessing yourself, you're always doubting yourself. So it's really, really,
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Speaker 1: really important. It's fucking crucial that you do things that
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Speaker 1: are going to change your brain on a chemical level
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Speaker 1: as well. Okay. Number three, respect your body and mind.
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Speaker 1: So self respect is shown through actions. Yesterday we spoke
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Speaker 1: about negative self talk and conversations that we have with ourselves.
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Speaker 1: But I think The biggest pillar of self respect is
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Speaker 1: in the actions of how you treat yourself. Okay, how
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Speaker 1: are you following through with how you said you were
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Speaker 1: going to treat yourself? What are you doing for your sleep?
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Speaker 1: What are you doing to fuel yourself properly? What kind
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Speaker 1: of foods are you putting into your body? And I'm
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Speaker 1: not some nutrition nutrition experts saying I'm the last person.
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Speaker 1: Maybe not the last person, but I'm like the middle
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Speaker 1: ground person that you would go to talk about these things.
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Speaker 1: But within reason? Am I fucking hydrating myself? Am I
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Speaker 1: having a bit of a balanced diet? If I've gone
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Speaker 1: and eaten shit for the last three days, love that
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Speaker 1: so much for me? Good times? What am I going
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Speaker 1: to do over the next three days? Maybe throw in
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Speaker 1: a fucking some vitamins and a salad? Like, just what
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Speaker 1: am I doing? That's showing like, Oh, I'm actually caring
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Speaker 1: for my body? I'm actually am I eating protein? Can't like?
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Speaker 1: Am I eating protein? Because if you're not eat some protein? Okay?
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Speaker 1: Things like that. You know. Another thing that you can
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Speaker 1: do is well physically move your body is one of
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Speaker 1: the best things you can do for your mental health.
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Speaker 1: But also boundaries, How am I setting boundaries with other
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Speaker 1: people physically and psychologically. What am I doing to respect
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Speaker 1: my body, my mind, myself? Okay. Another one is, you know,
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Speaker 1: not putting up with an unsolicited comment, not putting up
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Speaker 1: with being mistreated if someone and you know, like and
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Speaker 1: when I talk about setting boundaries, I've got whole episodes
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Speaker 1: on that. So I don't want to dive into date
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Speaker 1: because then this is going to extend way past the
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Speaker 1: fifteen twenty minute mark. But one of the things that
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Speaker 1: you can people think are boundaries this really difficult thing
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Speaker 1: where they've got to be this really confident person and
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Speaker 1: they don't have the confidence. But a boundary is simply
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Speaker 1: if you can't if you don't have anything to say,
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Speaker 1: if you're like I just don't have the balls to
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Speaker 1: stand up, it's just removing yourself from a situation that's
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Speaker 1: not right for you. Okay. You don't even have to
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Speaker 1: explain yourself if you don't feel comfortable. But it's like
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Speaker 1: this is the time for me to leave, or it's
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Speaker 1: saying I'm not going to be able to make it tonight,
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Speaker 1: thank you so much for the invite, And you don't
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Speaker 1: have to explain the reason I don't want to be
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Speaker 1: here is because you always fucking put me down and
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Speaker 1: I cannot handle this today. Okay. Now, the last thing
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Speaker 1: that I want you to do is focus on ways
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Speaker 1: that you can always keep growing. Okay. The more you
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Speaker 1: grow mentally, physically, well it's in like you know, physical
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Speaker 1: skills that you can grow on, the happier you are
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Speaker 1: going to be. It's one of my three pillars of happiness, growth,
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Speaker 1: connection and purpose. Growth growth, growth, growth growth. If we
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Speaker 1: can always focus on how we are growing, then we
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Speaker 1: are always going to feel like a level of satisfaction
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Speaker 1: within our lives. Ask yourself, like, what are things where
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Speaker 1: I can improve on that's going to equal growth. Healthier
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Speaker 1: habits within my life, whether it's behavioral habits or like
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Speaker 1: eating habits. New skills, better relationships, like really focus on
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Speaker 1: building where relationships is that I'm moving to this other
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Speaker 1: country in six months, I promise myself I'm going to
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Speaker 1: have conversational level of that language in that timeframe. So
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Speaker 1: every day you're doing an hour an hour and a
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Speaker 1: half towards that language, you're going to feel fucking good
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Speaker 1: about yourself. You're going to be able to like tick
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Speaker 1: off all these things. Okay, So I want you to
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Speaker 1: track where you can improve and where you can keep expanding.
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Speaker 1: This idea of a growth mindset as well makes you
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Speaker 1: more likely to tackle bigger things, to do harder things
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Speaker 1: in your life. It makes you more likely to actually
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Speaker 1: follow through with hard things. I've got a whole episode
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Speaker 1: on growth mindset versus fixed mindset. Please go check it out,
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Speaker 1: because it literally shows you that when we have this
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Speaker 1: growth mindset, we are up to a challenge, we're okay
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Speaker 1: with failing. We're likely to stick something out a lot longer,
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Speaker 1: and we're likely to feel a lot happier within ourselves
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Speaker 1: regardless of the outcome, but just because of the effort
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Speaker 1: that we've put into something. Okay, So every day, morning, night,
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Speaker 1: whenever you want, I want you to do this daily practice.
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Speaker 1: Very simple. Number one, ask yourself, am I providing value
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Speaker 1: to myself, to someone else, to the world? Like? Where
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Speaker 1: and how am I providing value? Number two? Do I
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Speaker 1: actually demonstrate that I give a shit about others? Sometimes
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Speaker 1: we get so wrapped up in what's going on in
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Speaker 1: our lives that we're like, I don't think i've checked
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Speaker 1: in with anyone yet. Maybe it's maybe I should check in.
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Speaker 1: Because when you do something for someone else it actually
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Speaker 1: feels good for yourself? Okay? Am I respecting my body
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Speaker 1: and mind? And if so, how and if not? How
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Speaker 1: could I be today? Something little? What's something little that
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Speaker 1: shows that I respect? And Number four based on my actions,
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Speaker 1: based on my answers of the last three questions, what
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Speaker 1: can I improve today? Is it? One thing? Is it?
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Speaker 1: Three things? Is it? I'm going to reach out to
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Speaker 1: a friend, and I'm also not going to be on
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Speaker 1: my phone for the last hour of the day, and
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Speaker 1: I'm going to do twenty minutes of this language that
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Speaker 1: I want to learn, like what little things that I
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Speaker 1: can do where I can start focusing on all the
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Speaker 1: different points that I've hit today. But basically the main
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Speaker 1: thing is that self love is something that only you
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Speaker 1: can provide for yourself obviously, same as self respect. That
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Speaker 1: is all for today's episode. Thank you so much for
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Speaker 1: tuning in and listening, and as I always remember, bekind yourself,
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Speaker 1: becont to your brain, don't take shit from anyone, and
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Speaker 1: especially don't take shit from yourself. Don't care m