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Narcissists want a PERFECT love · The Mental Healness Podcast

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  What is going on, beautiful folks?
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  Today we're going to be talking about how narcissists think that
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  the perfect love exists. Perfect.
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  If you're new here, my name is Lee Hammock.
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  I'm a diagnosed narcissist and welcome to another episode of
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  The Narcissist Code. Welcome back, welcome back,
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  welcome back folks. Yes, yes, yes, the perfect love
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  exists that well, at least to narcissists.
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  At least that's the thought that a lot of narcissists that's that
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  we tell ourselves that the perfect love exists.
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  Now before we hop deep into today's episode, y'all make sure
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  if you haven't already to go ahead.
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  Check out my courses and my support group at
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  courses.mentalillness.net and whatnot.
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  But yes, y'all so Oh my goodness, perfection.
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  Narcissistic people expect perfection from every single
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  person that is in their life in some way shape or form.
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  Like you need to be perfect to me, for me and how things are
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  going to go. I need and expect perfection
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  from you and it's absolutely the truth right there.
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  I know a lot of people will be like, well, narcissists aren't
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  perfect themselves, Lee, So how do they expect perfection from
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  other people? It's an unfair double standard
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  that absolutely does exist. It's just true.
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  Like we expect perfection from you, although you're not going
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  to get it from us. So narcissistic people like I've
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  been studying attachment theory. I'm reading that book I told you
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  about if you follow me, that book called Attached and it's a
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  wonderful book so far. I think I'm almost halfway done
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  with it. And avoiding attachment sounds a
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  lot like narcissist. So I do believe that most if not
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  all narcissists have an avoided attachment style.
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  You know, have some for some form of an avoided attachment
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  style, which means that we fear emotional closeness, but we also
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  wanted at the same time, we also want our independence at the
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  same time, but we want to be in relationship dynamics and
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  relationship spaces. So the closer you get to a
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  narcissist, the further that they push you away, right?
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  But they don't let you go. They push you away, but they
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  grab you out of collar so you don't get too far away from
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  them, right? That's the mentality that a lot
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  of narcissists have right there. Like we want you in our lives.
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  We want you to be part of our lives, but we don't want you to
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  be too close to us because that that way you can hurt us, right?
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  That way you can do harm to us. That way you can manipulate us
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  and do things like that to us. That way it works out in that
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  type of space for you. But that's how not a lot of
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  narcissist minds work right there.
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  Y'all like just like an avoidance, but the intent is
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  different than the. I feel like the biggest
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  difference between narcissist and avoidance is the intention
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  behind the actions. Narcissistic people do feel like
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  a lot of narcissist are software enough to know that the bad
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  things that they do. I think avoiding people are just
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  doing it because that's their their, this is their, this is
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  who they are. Narcissists are doing it with
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  I'll intent. They're being avoided with I'll
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  intent because they damn sure can't pretend they have a secure
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  attachment in the beginning, can't they?
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  They can pretend to be secure in their masculinity or femininity
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  or their attachment style, whatever.
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  But then in the end, you see him, you sort of see them for
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  who they really are. You be like, what?
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  What the hell? Damn, you kind of crazy.
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  You know, you like, you kind of, you got messed up a little bit.
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  Damn. Oh, I don't know how we end up
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  together for 10 years. You mean that's the type of
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  stuff you'll be asking yourself. But I do, like I said, I do
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  believe that there are a lot of avoided narcissists out there.
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  And with that, and that kind of comes with it.
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  Like they expect perfection. We have these like, you know,
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  these grandiose dreams of how love is supposed to be like
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  you're supposed to fall in love. You're supposed to get married.
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  You're supposed to have kids, supposed to buy the house and
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  car. You're supposed to do all this
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  stuff together. You're never supposed to argue.
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  You're supposed to be on key everything.
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  You, you, you, you're supposed to predict my needs and wants.
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  You're supposed to be there for me and support me through every
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  single thing. You're supposed to defer to me.
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  I'm supposed to be in charge. You just, you know, you just
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  exist, pretty much. So when narcissists have that
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  view of perfection for a person, for a partner or whatever,
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  something happens, like doing a love bombing phase.
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  The love bombing phase is why they, like I said, they trying
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  to drive you in because they think that you can be their
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  perfect partner, like you are our perfect match, right?
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  So doing a love bombing phase, we're treating you like you're
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  perfect. We're giving you the stuff.
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  If it's not them just trying to sleep with you or clap your
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  cheeks or whatever, they're they want to be with you.
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  So they're treating you like you're perfect, right?
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  They're treating you like you matter, right?
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  They're doing this type of stuff because they want you to feel
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  they they feel good about themselves internally.
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  So they want you to feel good about yourself.
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  So they do this type of stuff right here.
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  They love bombing this theme off of you because you are perfect.
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  Like they feel like they met the perfect person.
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  And I was telling you about my course earlier.
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  You can find it mental illness.net that a lot of
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  narcissists view this perfection, right?
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  They put you on this pedestal and once they start to see any
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  type of flaw, any type of flaw, anything that shatters the
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  perfect image that they have of love, that's when they start to
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  devalue you. That's when they start to take
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  the love away. That's when they start to
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  emotionally discard you and start to try to look for a new
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  supply or keep you at arm's distance.
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  That's when I start to push you away because you're no longer
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  perfect. This image that I had in this
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  perfect relationship, whatever it is, whatever the perfect
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  image is in my head, I cast that right.
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  I've cast this image, this perfect image out there, and now
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  it doesn't look perfect anymore because you said something or
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  you did something you don't look.
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  You're no longer perfect for me. So I'm starting to treat you
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  differently because now I look at you like you don't hurt me.
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  I'll look at you like you've done me the wrongest out of
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  anybody that's ever done me wrong before my life.
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  You know what I mean? That's the way it goes.
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  That's why they start to treat you differently.
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  That's why they start to devalue you and discard you and
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  sometimes get rid of you in a relationship.
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  Like, and yeah, sometimes they might try to come back because
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  they're not done with you yet, but that's why they thought that
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  you were perfect. Like I go deeper into that in my
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  course, the understanding, the seven stages of a narcissistic
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  relationship. I go very deep into that until
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  why the perfect image shatters but it because they started to
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  see your flaws like you. Y'all believe we all flawed
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  human being? Nobody's perfectly only perfect
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  person is Jesus right? Nobody's perfect.
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  Narcissists still expect perfection whether you're
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  perfect or not. They still expect perfection
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  from you. So once you start to say like
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  once you change that image and you're no longer perfect for
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  them, like all you have to do is say the word no.
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  Like, because if you're saying yes to everything when you first
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  meet them because they're giving you everything that you want and
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  need. If you're saying yes to every
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  single thing just because you like this person, just because
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  you don't want to rub them the wrong way.
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  And then you finally use the word no or say, you know, I
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  don't want to do that or I'm not interested.
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  Hey, we're going too fast. Now the perfect image is
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  shattered. Now they started to see that's
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  the flaw. You're no longer perfect for
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  them. They have this perfect view of
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  love. They want perfect love.
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  They want a perfect person for them.
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  Well, Lee, what the hell are the perfect person for a narcissist?
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  Yeah, it's malleable. It depends on the narcissistic
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  person that you're dealing with. It really does because every
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  person has different wants and needs.
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  Every toxic narcissistic person or every narcissistic person has
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  different needs that they are trying to get met through you,
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  right through you in some way, shape or form.
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  They're trying to get theirs needs met.
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  There's there's needs they're trying to get their needs met
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  through you in some way, shape or form, right.
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  So with that being said, they're trying to drag, they're trying
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  to get perfection from you. Like they have this crazy ass
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  delusional image of love. What love is supposed to be
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  like. It's unrealistic, y'all.
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  Everybody has flaws. Like you know that I said it
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  earlier, everybody has flaws. So a narcissist view of love is
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  now that not only do they expect perfect love, they expect it.
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  It's it's like delusional, it's like delusional love.
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  It's unrealistic. It's extremely unrealistic.
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  But you can't tell them that because guess what?
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  If you tell them that you're hating, if you tell them that
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  you not, you don't fit it anyway.
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  If you tell them that they're just going like if you tell them
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  that nothing will change like they're just going to, if you
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  tell them that they're probably just going to get angry here at
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  you. You know what I mean?
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  If you tell them about, you have this realistic view of what love
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  is supposed to look like, that we can, I can't be with you, I
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  can't do this with you, that this is going to go to hell,
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  blah, blah, blah. You mean they'll lose their
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  minds on you because you tell them how it is.
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  They will lose. I'm telling you literally, they
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  will lose their damn minds on you if you tell them that their
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  view of love is imperfect. Like if, if it's irrational, if
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  it's delusional. And like, that's why you see a
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  lot of narcissists that are relationship hoppers that are
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  perpetual. Like they're perpetual
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  relationship people. Like they always in and out of
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  relationships like that. How many people even dated this
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  year, man? Dated by 20 of them.
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  I've got to find the right one. You dated 20.
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  Ain't found the right one here, man.
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  Yeah, Look, you miss every shot you don't take, right?
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  You look, your card that got 5254 cards in it, Like I got to
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  keep flipping the cards. I found the right one.
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  You don't start to think that your, your your needs are kind
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  of unrealistic. What the hell you talking about?
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  I can't have standards. I can't have standards.
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  Wow, wow, wow. You said it goes and that's a
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  friend telling them that or a family member or a parent that's
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  not even a partner partner telling them that.
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  Like you see them in and out of relationships and typically once
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  they fall out of love with you because it's not a perfect love
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  anymore, they try to find somebody else to fix them
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  better. They're out.
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  They always had their heads on a swivel.
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  They're always trying to, you know, and just because they get
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  rid of you out doesn't mean that they won't come back to you.
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  Sometimes they'll get rid of you, go try to find somebody
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  else to fix them better. That doesn't work out.
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  And they just started to think and they started to reminisce
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  about your relationship. They were like damn, maybe it
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  wasn't a bad, maybe she wasn't as bad as I thought she would
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  let me go eat them cheek try to get them cheeks again.
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  That's when I try to reach out to you.
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  I made a mistake. I'm sorry for everything, please
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  forgive me. Blah blah blah blah rabble
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  rabble rabble blah blah blah Boo Boo Boo BBB.
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  Y'all know how it goes like the the boy let the if you let them
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  leave you for if they leave you for somebody else and you let
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  them come back into your life, bucket your safety belt, because
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  they're going to take you on a wild ass, crazy ass, toxic ass
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  ride because the same things are going to happen again.
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  Like you can't like if they expect perfection, they expect
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  they have this perfect view of what love is supposed to be and
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  they already ran through it with you one time they're going to do
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  it again. And that's why a lot of times it
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  gets worse because they come back telling themselves that
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  you're going to be different. They tell themselves that you're
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  going to that you've they tell themselves that you've changed
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  right and it doesn't even work out that way for them.
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  But anyway, y'all got to hop off here.
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  I had to do a one-on-one over zoom.
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  You can find those right here. Like and subscribe to the
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  channel if you haven't already. I appreciate every single one of
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  y'all. And as always, y'all, mental
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  illness is out. Peace, Thank you so much for
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  making it to the end of my video.
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  I am extremely grateful for you have no idea.
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  If you haven't already, make sure you go ahead and subscribe
• 11:38
  to the channel helps reach more people and click on the screen
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  to watch another video or to browse to another playlist.
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  There's also a link on the screen to check out my courses
• 11:46
  and my support groups to help you heal and understand what
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  you've been through. Thank you so much again.
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  I will see you in the next video.
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  Peace.