Latest / Becoming Irresistible / Season 2, Episode 10. Irresistible Spotlight: What we can learn From Shirley Temple about Lasting Irresistibility

Transcript

Season 2, Episode 10. Irresistible Spotlight: What we can learn From Shirley Temple about Lasting Irresistibility · Becoming Irresistible

0:14
SPEAKER_00: Hello, everyone, and welcome back to Becoming Irresistible.
0:17
SPEAKER_00: I'm Jay, a high achievement lifestyle strategist and irresistibility expert.
0:22
SPEAKER_00: So every once in a while, I'm going to step away from theories and frameworks and strategies and examine the lives of people, places, things around us in the world that seem to be influential, magnetic, irresistible, so that we can take lessons from them.
0:39
SPEAKER_00: We can learn by observation.
0:42
SPEAKER_00: Because as we know, there's always a pattern to how things work if we are able to give the time and the attention to observe those patterns.
0:53
SPEAKER_00: Some of these spotlights will be on actors, leaders.
0:57
SPEAKER_00: It could be a brand of clothing or on a product that people just can't seem to get enough of.
1:04
SPEAKER_00: It could even be a place, some you may never have heard of.
1:07
SPEAKER_00: But every one of these we're looking at because there are clues to be found.
1:12
SPEAKER_00: Not always clues on how to become famous and not always clues about how to become wealthy, but clues to something much more enduring.
1:19
SPEAKER_00: How do people, places, things become unforgettable?
1:24
SPEAKER_00: How do they become irresistible?
1:26
SPEAKER_00: Why do some people, individuals or things, places, capture our attention?
1:31
SPEAKER_00: How do they earn our trust?
1:32
SPEAKER_00: How do they inspire our loyalty?
1:34
SPEAKER_00: Or make us feel better simply by being there?
1:37
SPEAKER_00: These are questions that matter, even if you're 16 years old or if you're 60.
1:44
SPEAKER_00: They matter in preparing for your interviews, in applying for schools, in building businesses, in raising children, or trying to build deeper relationships.
1:58
SPEAKER_00: Here's the whole premise behind what we teach in our programs: that your technical skills, the things you're learning in school, the things that you have gotten degrees for, they may open the doors and your accomplishments can even earn respect.
2:17
SPEAKER_00: But your ability to change how other people feel often determines whether that door stays open and whether you become indispensable, whether you become that person who's unforgettable, and the person that everybody wants in the room.
2:36
SPEAKER_00: That's what this podcast is all about.
2:39
SPEAKER_00: Becoming irresistible isn't about how to grab someone's attention by being loud or to bring shock value into a room or how to make a viral video.
2:52
SPEAKER_00: It's about becoming the kind of person that others naturally want to learn from, work with, spend time with, and trust.
3:00
SPEAKER_00: So today we're gonna shine an irresistible spotlight on someone who might seem like an unusual choice.
3:07
SPEAKER_00: We talked about a child not too long ago from today's world.
3:13
SPEAKER_00: But now we're gonna go back in time a little bit.
3:16
SPEAKER_00: To a little girl named Shirley Temple.
3:19
SPEAKER_00: Now, if you're under 30, you might only know her as a name from old movies, or you might know her as the name of a non-alcoholic drink rather than as a person.
3:29
SPEAKER_00: But there was a time when Shirley Temple wasn't simply famous, she was arguably the most beloved child in the world.
3:37
SPEAKER_00: People waited in long lines just to see her movies.
3:41
SPEAKER_00: They wanted to be like her, adults adored her, world leaders knew who she was, and decades later people still remember the little girl with golden pearls with an unmistakable smile.
3:54
SPEAKER_00: The reason I picked her for Spotlight is because it doesn't matter if you're under 30 or if you're over 70.
4:03
SPEAKER_00: If you turn on a movie and you see Shirley Temple, she instantly lights up the screen.
4:09
SPEAKER_00: She instantly captures your attention.
4:12
SPEAKER_00: And that raises an interesting question.
4:14
SPEAKER_00: Why?
4:15
SPEAKER_00: What was it about Shirley Temple that captivated millions of people?
4:20
SPEAKER_00: Was it simply because she was cute?
4:22
SPEAKER_00: I really don't think so, because there have been countless adorable children throughout history and countless child actors that we don't remember as well as we remember Shirley Temple.
4:37
SPEAKER_00: Most of these children are forgotten.
4:39
SPEAKER_00: Is it because she could dance?
4:41
SPEAKER_00: Hmm.
4:42
SPEAKER_00: Also seen thousands of talented dancers.
4:45
SPEAKER_00: I bet there's not many you could remember their name, or that have had a drink named after them.
4:51
SPEAKER_00: Was it because she could sing?
4:54
SPEAKER_00: Hollywood has produced so many gifted singers.
4:57
SPEAKER_00: So what made Shirley Temple different?
5:00
SPEAKER_00: And that's the mystery we're going to get into today.
5:02
SPEAKER_00: I think the answer that you're going to find has implications far beyond old Hollywood or good lighting.
5:09
SPEAKER_00: As I was preparing for this episode, I realized something.
5:12
SPEAKER_00: When we talk about successful people, we usually study what they accomplished.
5:16
SPEAKER_00: We analyze the companies they built, the awards they've won, the records they broke, and all of what they've accumulated in life.
5:25
SPEAKER_00: But those are the outcomes, not the cause.
5:30
SPEAKER_00: So today what I'm asking is a different question.
5:32
SPEAKER_00: I'm not asking what she achieved.
5:34
SPEAKER_00: We already know what she achieved.
5:36
SPEAKER_00: What we're asking is who were they when they were achieving it?
5:42
SPEAKER_00: Because those are the qualities that I'm interested in learning about, the ones that created lasting influence that often we don't understand.
5:53
SPEAKER_00: You can't measure these on a resume.
5:56
SPEAKER_00: There's no GPA for them, and there's no standardized test that measures presence.
6:03
SPEAKER_00: There's no certificate on how to make people feel safe, valued, or hopeful.
6:08
SPEAKER_00: Yet these qualities shape the trajectory of a person's life as much as, if not more than, intelligence or talent.
6:16
SPEAKER_00: And I think that's why Shirley Temple is such a fascinating case study.
6:20
SPEAKER_00: She reminds us that influence isn't just about authority, and our last podcast was all about how influence and authority can be related, but are not the same thing.
6:31
SPEAKER_00: Think about it.
6:32
SPEAKER_00: She wasn't a CEO, she wasn't a politician, she wasn't a military leader or Nobel Prize winner, she wasn't even an adult.
6:40
SPEAKER_00: Yet somehow, during one of the most difficult periods in American history, she influenced millions of people.
6:47
SPEAKER_00: How is that possible?
6:50
SPEAKER_00: She really had the ability to change the emotional climate of any room, and that matters today more than ever.
6:57
SPEAKER_00: We live in an age that is obsessed with visibility, that encourages to collect followers, that rewards outrageous acts.
7:08
SPEAKER_00: And many people confuse attention with influence.
7:12
SPEAKER_00: But attention and influence are not the same thing.
7:16
SPEAKER_00: Attention is getting someone to look at you, but influence is changing something inside them.
7:22
SPEAKER_00: One lasts for a moment and the other lasts for a lifetime.
7:26
SPEAKER_00: For high achievers, it's easy to fall into the trap of believing that if we accumulate enough accomplishments, the influence will naturally follow.
7:34
SPEAKER_00: Sometimes that is true.
7:36
SPEAKER_00: Sometimes having a number of accomplishments can convince somebody that you're worth following.
7:43
SPEAKER_00: But sometimes you've probably met a person with an impressive resume that no one actually wanted to follow.
7:51
SPEAKER_00: And you've probably met the opposite, a person without an impressive title that everyone wanted to be around and who everyone turned to.
7:59
SPEAKER_00: So which one had greater influence?
8:01
SPEAKER_00: That's worth thinking about, especially if you're a young adult trying to build a meaningful career, or if you're a parent trying to raise not just a successful child, but a good human being.
8:12
SPEAKER_00: The world your children are inheriting will almost certainly be much more technologically advanced from the one that we grew up in.
8:21
SPEAKER_00: Artificial intelligence will continue to transform industries, technical skills will evolve, entire professions are going to change, but there are certain human qualities that become more valuable, not less, as technology advances.
8:36
SPEAKER_00: And these are the ability to build trust, the ability to inspire confidence, the ability to regulate emotion under pressure, the ability to make another human being feel understood.
8:49
SPEAKER_00: These are qualities that have always mattered, and I suspect will matter even more in the decades ahead when people have less experience with social interaction.
9:00
SPEAKER_00: So throughout this episode, I don't want you to think of Shirley Temple as another celebrity.
9:04
SPEAKER_00: I want you to think of her as a teacher because every remarkable life leaves behind principles.
9:11
SPEAKER_00: Some leave cautionary tales, others leave enduring wisdom.
9:15
SPEAKER_00: Our goal is to discover what timeless principles made her so magnetic, and then how can we cultivate those same qualities in our own lives, in our own careers, and with our children and our young people that we're raising?
9:29
SPEAKER_00: Because if we can answer that question, this won't simply become an episode about a child star from the 1930s.
9:37
SPEAKER_00: It will become a master class in one of the most valuable skills any high achiever can develop, the ability to lead people better than when you found them.
9:45
SPEAKER_00: And I have a feeling that's where her real story begins.
9:49
SPEAKER_00: If we're going to understand why Shirley Temple became one of the most beloved people in America, we have to begin with the simple truth.
9:56
SPEAKER_00: No one becomes influential in isolation.
9:59
SPEAKER_00: Influence is always a relationship between a person and the world they're stepping into.
10:05
SPEAKER_00: Sometimes extraordinary people appear at exactly the moment society is ready for what they have to offer.
10:12
SPEAKER_00: Think about history for a moment.
10:14
SPEAKER_00: Certain leaders emerged during wars.
10:16
SPEAKER_00: Certain inventors appear during periods of technological revolution.
10:20
SPEAKER_00: Certain entrepreneurs succeed because they solve problems that didn't even exist ten years earlier.
10:25
SPEAKER_00: Timing matters.
10:26
SPEAKER_00: But timing alone is not enough.
10:29
SPEAKER_00: That person has to offer something the world desperately needs.
10:32
SPEAKER_00: When Shirley Temple arrived in Hollywood during the early 1930s, America was hurting, not just financially but emotionally.
10:40
SPEAKER_00: The Great Depression wasn't just an economic event, it was a psychological one.
10:45
SPEAKER_00: Millions of people had lost their jobs, families had lost their homes, and parents wondered whether they would be able to feed their children.
10:52
SPEAKER_00: Children watched mothers and fathers carrying burdens they had never imagined, and stress became part of everyday life.
10:59
SPEAKER_00: Fear became normal, hope became fragile.
11:03
SPEAKER_00: Now imagine walking into a movie theater after living with that kind of uncertainty for months or even years.
11:09
SPEAKER_00: You're looking for something that allows you to breathe again, just for a little while.
11:14
SPEAKER_00: The light dims, the screen comes alive, and onto that screen walks a little girl with an enormous smile, sparkling eyes, contagious laughter, and an optimism that somehow feels more mature than her years.
11:28
SPEAKER_00: For the next 90 minutes, people forget about unpaid bills and unemployment and uncertainty.
11:34
SPEAKER_00: They laugh, they smile, they cry, but happy tears because Shirley Temple solved their problem because she reminded them that joy still exists.
11:46
SPEAKER_00: I want you to stop and think about it.
11:48
SPEAKER_00: She wasn't changing their circumstance.
11:51
SPEAKER_00: She was changing their emotional state.
11:54
SPEAKER_00: So there's different kinds of influence, right?
11:56
SPEAKER_00: We can influence people with knowledge, we can influence people with tools that they may not have, but we can also influence people by changing their emotional state.
12:08
SPEAKER_00: That distinction, something I talked a little bit about in the last episode, about understanding the room that you're walking into and what it needs.
12:16
SPEAKER_00: The room that Julie Temple walked into was the Great Depression.
12:21
SPEAKER_00: And what that room needed was a little joy, a little hope, and optimism.
12:29
SPEAKER_00: Some of the most influential people you'll ever meet may not change your actual circumstances, but they may change how you experience your circumstances, which is an entirely different kind of power, and that's the one that Shirley Temple exerted.
12:43
SPEAKER_00: So the first secret of Shirley Temple's irresistibility was that she consistently made people feel better.
12:49
SPEAKER_00: It sounds almost too simple, but don't underestimate it.
12:53
SPEAKER_00: If I asked you to list the most influential people in your own life, I doubt your list would begin with the smartest people you ever knew.
13:00
SPEAKER_00: It probably wouldn't even begin with the richest people you knew either.
13:03
SPEAKER_00: Instead, I suspect you think about someone who believed in you, someone who encouraged you, who listened to you, who helped you feel capable, who brought calm into the chaos in your life.
13:14
SPEAKER_00: Someone whose presence made difficult moments feel manageable.
13:18
SPEAKER_00: That's influence.
13:19
SPEAKER_00: And notice that none of them are changing your circumstances, but they're changing the way you perceive, handle, or experience them.
13:27
SPEAKER_00: Charisma is about the way you create an emotional change in people.
13:32
SPEAKER_00: Think about your own life.
13:34
SPEAKER_00: Who do you look forward to seeing?
13:36
SPEAKER_00: And who do you secretly avoid?
13:38
SPEAKER_00: Now ask yourself why.
13:40
SPEAKER_00: Very often has nothing to do with intelligence or appearance or status.
13:44
SPEAKER_00: It's about how those people make you feel.
13:46
SPEAKER_00: Some people leave anxiety, some people leave peace, some people leave exhaustion, others leave energy.
13:55
SPEAKER_00: Some make every conversation feel like a competition.
13:59
SPEAKER_00: Others make every conversation feel like collaboration.
14:03
SPEAKER_00: But every interaction leaves an emotional residue or an emotional landing, whether we intend it to or not.
14:10
SPEAKER_00: Shirley Temple consistently left an emotional landing of hope.
14:15
SPEAKER_00: And that wasn't an accident.
14:17
SPEAKER_00: That was her signature.
14:19
SPEAKER_00: What does this mean for the high achievers out there?
14:22
SPEAKER_00: Well, I think that's where a lot of ambitious people make mistakes.
14:26
SPEAKER_00: They spend years trying to become impressive, collecting degrees, certifications, awards, promotions, and titles.
14:33
SPEAKER_00: And none of those things are bad.
14:34
SPEAKER_00: I've spent years pursuing education myself, and I understand the value of that.
14:39
SPEAKER_00: Mastering a craft is a huge undertaking and it's valuable.
14:46
SPEAKER_00: But somewhere along the way we confuse our value with what we've accomplished.
14:52
SPEAKER_00: The true value of an education is not the accomplishment or degree that you've earned.
14:58
SPEAKER_00: It's what that degree can do for the world around you.
15:03
SPEAKER_00: It's what that education has taught you that will help you to serve others.
15:08
SPEAKER_00: When achievement itself becomes your only language, your relationships actually suffer.
15:14
SPEAKER_00: People might admire you, but they don't feel connected to you.
15:19
SPEAKER_00: Think back to your favorite teacher.
15:21
SPEAKER_00: Was that teacher your favorite because they knew everything?
15:24
SPEAKER_00: Probably not.
15:25
SPEAKER_00: A lot of brilliant professors are forgotten.
15:27
SPEAKER_00: The teachers that we remember are usually the ones who actually made us believe we were capable of more than we imagined or who taught us something that we actually absorbed and could then use for the rest of our life.
15:39
SPEAKER_00: They taught information, but they also transferred confidence to us.
15:44
SPEAKER_00: They transferred ability to us more than just them being brilliant themselves.
15:50
SPEAKER_00: People get in the door because of competence, but people hire based on emotional trust.
15:55
SPEAKER_00: And the same thing applies to leadership.
15:58
SPEAKER_00: The best leaders don't just solve problems, they reduce panic, they create clarity, and they give people confidence that together they'll be able to find a way forward.
16:07
SPEAKER_00: And that's exactly what Shirley Temple was doing, although she probably never realized it, it just came naturally to her.
16:14
SPEAKER_00: She offered emotional reassurance to everyone she was around.
16:18
SPEAKER_00: Now, here's a message for a parent, any parent of a young adult, or even a younger child.
16:24
SPEAKER_00: I want to ask you something.
16:25
SPEAKER_00: When your child walks into a room, what emotional atmosphere do they create?
16:30
SPEAKER_00: It's not a criticism, it's an invitation to think.
16:33
SPEAKER_00: We spend so much time asking whether our children are getting good grades, making the team, getting into the right college, or building an impressive resume.
16:43
SPEAKER_00: It matters.
16:44
SPEAKER_00: But here's another question.
16:46
SPEAKER_00: Are they becoming someone who makes other people feel respected, encouraged, included, safe?
16:53
SPEAKER_00: Because those qualities don't just produce healthier relationships, they produce better leaders, better doctors, entrepreneurs, spouses, friends.
17:04
SPEAKER_00: The irony is that these what most people would label soft skills often become the hardest ones to develop and are the hardest ones to master because they require emotional maturity and not just intellectual ability.
17:19
SPEAKER_00: I believe as parents, one of the greatest gifts we can give our children is helping them recognize that their success isn't measured only by what they accomplish.
17:28
SPEAKER_00: It's also measured by the emotional footprint they leave behind.
17:34
SPEAKER_00: So we talked about this last week a little bit when we talked about paths of influence.
17:40
SPEAKER_00: Here's a little challenge for this week.
17:42
SPEAKER_00: Ask yourself one question before you go to bed.
17:44
SPEAKER_00: How do people feel after spending time with me today?
17:48
SPEAKER_00: Did your coworkers feel supported?
17:50
SPEAKER_00: Did your spouse feel heard?
17:52
SPEAKER_00: Did your children feel encouraged and wanted and safe?
17:56
SPEAKER_00: Did your clients or customers feel respected?
18:00
SPEAKER_00: Did the stranger at the grocery store leave feeling just a little bit better than before?
18:04
SPEAKER_00: It reminds me of this cruise I went on.
18:06
SPEAKER_00: There was a woman whose job was to dispense the hand sanitizer for everyone as they walked into the cafeteria.
18:15
SPEAKER_00: Now, on all the other cruises, everyone was smiling and pleasant and happy and and said, you know, wash your hands, wash your hands.
18:23
SPEAKER_00: But this woman took it to another level.
18:26
SPEAKER_00: She dressed up.
18:28
SPEAKER_00: She had flowers and feathers and glitter and she danced and she passed out the hand sanitizer with flair.
18:40
SPEAKER_00: And honestly, she was probably one of the most memorable things from that cruise.
18:47
SPEAKER_00: She left everyone feeling very different about washing their hands.
18:54
SPEAKER_00: She really brightened that particular activity.
18:57
SPEAKER_00: It didn't become just this mundane thing, it became something extraordinary.
19:05
SPEAKER_00: So quality isn't just reserved for Hollywood stars.
19:09
SPEAKER_00: It isn't reserved for extroverted social people.
19:13
SPEAKER_00: It isn't even just reserved for people who are extremely charismatic.
19:18
SPEAKER_00: It's a habit.
19:19
SPEAKER_00: It's a habit of learning how to leave others with a little more than they had before they met you, or a little more than they expected from you.
19:32
SPEAKER_00: And as we'll discover, this hope that Shirley Temple created didn't happen by accident.
19:39
SPEAKER_00: It was supported by another quality that high achievers often overlook.
19:43
SPEAKER_00: Shirley Temple didn't just share joy.
19:46
SPEAKER_00: She had extraordinary discipline behind it.
19:49
SPEAKER_00: We're going to talk about why excellence often looks effortless.
19:54
SPEAKER_00: One of the biggest myths we tell ourselves about extraordinary people is that they are born different.
19:59
SPEAKER_00: We see someone performing at an exceptional level, and we think that they're just naturally gifted or just born that way.
20:08
SPEAKER_00: But we didn't witness the thousands of hours that came before.
20:13
SPEAKER_00: We say things like, they're a natural leader, they've always been confident, they were born with charisma.
20:20
SPEAKER_00: Those explanations feel comforting because they take away the responsibility from us.
20:25
SPEAKER_00: You see, if greatness is something you're born with, then we don't have to ask ourselves the uncomfortable question.
20:31
SPEAKER_00: What if excellence is mostly built?
20:33
SPEAKER_00: As we study Shirley Temple's life, one thing becomes increasingly clear.
20:37
SPEAKER_00: Yes, she possessed unusual natural gifts.
20:40
SPEAKER_00: She had expressive eyes, wonderful timing, a remarkable memory, and an ability to connect with the camera that few people ever developed.
20:48
SPEAKER_00: But those gifts alone did not make her extraordinary.
20:51
SPEAKER_00: Behind all of that was an enormous amount of preparation.
20:56
SPEAKER_00: From a very young age she trained in dance, she rehearsed relentlessly, she practiced choreography until it became second nature.
21:03
SPEAKER_00: She learned how to work with directors, lighting, cameras, music, and timing.
21:07
SPEAKER_00: She repeated scenes again and again until every movement felt natural.
21:11
SPEAKER_00: By the time audiences saw Shirley Temple on the screen, they weren't watching raw talent, they were watching disciplined talent.
21:19
SPEAKER_00: And there's a tremendous difference between the two.
21:21
SPEAKER_00: So the second secret of Shirley Temple's irresistibility is that she made difficult things look easy.
21:27
SPEAKER_00: Think about this for a moment.
21:28
SPEAKER_00: Have you ever watched a concert pianist?
21:30
SPEAKER_00: Their fingers seem to glide across the keys as though they aren't even thinking.
21:34
SPEAKER_00: Have you ever watched an Olympic gymnast?
21:36
SPEAKER_00: They make those movements that look impossible for the rest of us look graceful and easy.
21:43
SPEAKER_00: Have you ever watched a gifted public speaker appear completely relaxed in front of thousands of people?
21:49
SPEAKER_00: It's so tempting to believe that confidence is something that you simply have, or that it simply appeared.
21:55
SPEAKER_00: But it's usually the visible result of invisible preparation.
22:00
SPEAKER_00: The audience sees the performance.
22:02
SPEAKER_00: They don't see the practice.
22:03
SPEAKER_00: They don't see all of the training, all of the hours, all of the great mistakes that people make in order to get to that perfection.
22:12
SPEAKER_00: And often the great mistakes that young adults make today is comparing someone else's performance to their own beginning.
22:19
SPEAKER_00: And social media has made this even worse.
22:23
SPEAKER_00: The people you're comparing yourself to are the ones that pop up on your feeds.
22:27
SPEAKER_00: Those are usually people who are excellent at what they do.
22:31
SPEAKER_00: And that usually does not show you that they've been doing this for decades, oftentimes.
22:37
SPEAKER_00: And so you compare yourself to them when sometimes you're at the beginning.
22:41
SPEAKER_00: I remember back in school, there would be these students who would make excellent grades on their tests.
22:47
SPEAKER_00: And I would say, Oh, you must have studied a lot for that.
22:50
SPEAKER_00: And sometimes they'd say, Oh, not that much.
22:52
SPEAKER_00: Shrug it off.
22:54
SPEAKER_00: But later I would be talking to a friend of theirs, and their friends would say, What are you talking about?
22:59
SPEAKER_00: They stayed up all night studying for that.
23:01
SPEAKER_00: Or they've studied for the last two months for that.
23:04
SPEAKER_00: And so you can know that sometimes the perception of what a person does to get to where they are is not always the accurate representation of what they've done.
23:17
SPEAKER_00: And most of the time, someone who looks flawless, who seems to be perfect, is someone who spent thousands, countless hours perfecting that craft.
23:28
SPEAKER_00: Unfortunately, it's why so many talented young people give up too early because they're comparing themselves at the start to someone who's at the end or further in their journey.
23:40
SPEAKER_00: I want every young person listening to hear this.
23:43
SPEAKER_00: If something feels awkward at first, then good.
23:47
SPEAKER_00: Any new thing is going to feel awkward at first.
23:50
SPEAKER_00: If you're uncomfortable, then good.
23:53
SPEAKER_00: Because being uncomfortable shows you where you need to grow and learn.
23:58
SPEAKER_00: If you're making mistakes, good.
24:02
SPEAKER_00: Because mistakes are what creates masters.
24:06
SPEAKER_00: The masters are not the ones who know how to do everything right.
24:10
SPEAKER_00: They're the ones who know what to do when things go wrong or how not to go wrong.
24:15
SPEAKER_00: So all those things indicate that you're growing.
24:20
SPEAKER_00: The people who eventually excel aren't the ones who avoid looking foolish.
24:24
SPEAKER_00: They're the ones who remain willing to look foolish while they improve.
24:29
SPEAKER_00: I've interviewed so many entrepreneurs, executives, educators, and high performers.
24:36
SPEAKER_00: And because of that, I've noticed a pattern.
24:39
SPEAKER_00: People who achieve remarkable things rarely describe themselves as fearless.
24:44
SPEAKER_00: Instead, they describe years of preparation.
24:48
SPEAKER_00: And that's important.
24:50
SPEAKER_00: Preparation doesn't get rid of all your anxiety and nervousness, but it reduces uncertainty.
24:57
SPEAKER_00: It minimizes it.
24:59
SPEAKER_00: Think about the very first job interview you went to.
25:02
SPEAKER_00: You might have felt anxious.
25:04
SPEAKER_00: Even if you've gone to hundreds of meetings, the first time you go to a new place with a group of new people, you're still going to feel a little nervous.
25:14
SPEAKER_00: Now imagine if you walked into that same interview or room after you've researched it, you've learned the names of some of the people, practiced your answers, understood the rules, prepared some thoughtful questions and rehearsed with a friend.
25:32
SPEAKER_00: Would you still feel some nerves?
25:34
SPEAKER_00: Of course.
25:35
SPEAKER_00: But would your confidence increase?
25:37
SPEAKER_00: Probably.
25:39
SPEAKER_00: And confidence grows when preparation gives your brain evidence that you're ready.
25:45
SPEAKER_00: Too often we wait to feel confident before taking action, but in reality, it's the action that creates confidence.
25:54
SPEAKER_00: Because action creates preparation, and preparation creates competence, and that confidence thereby creates further confidence.
26:02
SPEAKER_00: And that's what allows us to perform with greater freedom.
26:06
SPEAKER_00: That's the order.
26:07
SPEAKER_00: You get confidence from evidence of your past actions, not the other way around.
26:14
SPEAKER_00: Here's my parents' corner.
26:16
SPEAKER_00: This section that we just talked about reminds me of something I see in parenting all the time.
26:21
SPEAKER_00: We love telling children that they're smart.
26:23
SPEAKER_00: You're so talented, you're gifted, you're special, you're amazing.
26:26
SPEAKER_00: And of course we mean well.
26:29
SPEAKER_00: But sometimes those compliments create unintended consequences.
26:33
SPEAKER_00: Children begin believing that success is determined by their natural abilities rather than how they apply them.
26:42
SPEAKER_00: Then something happens.
26:43
SPEAKER_00: They'll encounter a challenge, they'll struggle if they fail a test and they're supposed to be smart.
26:48
SPEAKER_00: Suddenly their identity is destroyed.
26:51
SPEAKER_00: Maybe I'm not as gifted as everyone thought.
26:53
SPEAKER_00: Maybe I'm not smart.
26:55
SPEAKER_00: Maybe I'm not good.
26:56
SPEAKER_00: Maybe I won't succeed.
26:57
SPEAKER_00: That's what causes them to abandon things that they may have become excellent at because they confuse difficulty with inability.
27:07
SPEAKER_00: Instead, imagine praising something different, praising their choices.
27:12
SPEAKER_00: I noticed how patient you were.
27:14
SPEAKER_00: I saw how hard you've been practicing.
27:17
SPEAKER_00: I saw how you kept trying after you made mistakes.
27:21
SPEAKER_00: I'm proud of your persistence.
27:23
SPEAKER_00: These compliments teach children that growth is a choice and is under their control.
27:29
SPEAKER_00: And that's incredibly empowering.
27:32
SPEAKER_00: Shirley Temple may have possessed natural talent like so many kids do, but talent without discipline rarely sustains greatness.
27:40
SPEAKER_00: And discipline is what transforms potential into excellence.
27:46
SPEAKER_00: Now here's another fascinating reason why effortlessness is so attractive.
27:50
SPEAKER_00: Our brains are drawn to fluency.
27:53
SPEAKER_00: When we watch someone move with confidence, speak with clarity, or perform with ease, our minds experience that interaction as smooth and coherent.
28:02
SPEAKER_00: It creates trust.
28:04
SPEAKER_00: We instinctively feel that this person knows what they're doing.
28:07
SPEAKER_00: And that's why preparation matters so much.
28:09
SPEAKER_00: It isn't about perfection, it's about reducing unnecessary friction.
28:14
SPEAKER_00: When someone is practiced enough, they become fully present because they're no longer consumed by mechanics.
28:19
SPEAKER_00: Think about driving a car.
28:21
SPEAKER_00: At first every movement requires conscious thought, mirrors, brakes, turn signals, speed.
28:26
SPEAKER_00: After enough repetition, those actions become automatic.
28:29
SPEAKER_00: Your brain frees up attention for something else.
28:32
SPEAKER_00: And the same thing happens with interviews, public speaking, leadership, even conversations.
28:37
SPEAKER_00: The more prepared you become, the more attention you can give to the person in front of you instead of worrying about yourself.
28:43
SPEAKER_00: And that leads us to one of the most overlooked aspects of Shirley Temple's magnetism.
28:47
SPEAKER_00: She didn't appear self-conscious, she appeared fully engaged, and people could feel that.
28:52
SPEAKER_00: Another challenge for you this week.
28:54
SPEAKER_00: I want you to choose one area of your life where you've been waiting to feel more confident.
28:58
SPEAKER_00: Maybe it's interviewing, networking, speaking at meetings, maybe it's having difficult conversations, maybe it's applying for a promotion instead of waiting for confidence to show up.
29:08
SPEAKER_00: Spend the next week preparing.
29:10
SPEAKER_00: Read more, practice more, rehearse more, ask for feedback, record yourself.
29:15
SPEAKER_00: Remember this.
29:16
SPEAKER_00: Confidence isn't something you find, it's something you build.
29:20
SPEAKER_00: And the remarkable thing about Shirley Temple wasn't that she never looked nervous, it was that she was so thoroughly prepared that audiences never saw the work that was behind the performance.
29:31
SPEAKER_00: Her smile looked effortless.
29:33
SPEAKER_00: But the smile was discipline, and behind that discipline was repetition.
29:38
SPEAKER_00: Behind that repetition was commitment to excellence.
29:42
SPEAKER_00: Yet I don't believe that discipline alone explains why millions of people fell in love with her.
29:48
SPEAKER_00: There's something even deeper.
29:50
SPEAKER_00: She had an extraordinary ability to make every person feel as though they mattered.
29:54
SPEAKER_00: That's where we're headed next.
29:55
SPEAKER_00: The gift of presence.
29:56
SPEAKER_00: This is why every person who watches Shirley Temple feels like they know her.
30:00
SPEAKER_00: We've talked about hope, we've talked about preparation, but neither of those fully explain Shirley Temple's extraordinary influence.
30:08
SPEAKER_00: There's another quality that quietly ran through almost everything she did.
30:12
SPEAKER_00: It wasn't her dancing, it wasn't her singing, something more subtle.
30:16
SPEAKER_00: She had an unusual ability to make people feel connected to her.
30:19
SPEAKER_00: Now that's a fascinating statement when you think about it.
30:22
SPEAKER_00: How can millions of people feel connected to someone they've never met?
30:25
SPEAKER_00: And the answer is very little to do with celebrity, but everything to do with presence.
30:30
SPEAKER_00: She made every moment feel personal.
30:33
SPEAKER_00: Watch any great performer closely, not just Shirley Temple, but the truly unforgettable ones.
30:38
SPEAKER_00: It feels as though they're performing with you rather than for you.
30:42
SPEAKER_00: Even through a camera lens, they create the illusion that you're part of the experience, and that's incredibly difficult to do.
30:49
SPEAKER_00: Because our attention naturally drifts inward.
30:52
SPEAKER_00: We're thinking about ourselves.
30:53
SPEAKER_00: How do I look?
30:54
SPEAKER_00: Did I say that correctly?
30:55
SPEAKER_00: What are they thinking about me?
30:57
SPEAKER_00: Did they like me?
30:57
SPEAKER_00: Do I sound intelligent?
30:58
SPEAKER_00: Do I talk too much?
31:00
SPEAKER_00: Have you noticed something about every one of those questions?
31:03
SPEAKER_00: They're all about yourself.
31:05
SPEAKER_00: Now compare that to someone whose attention is completely focused on the other person.
31:10
SPEAKER_00: They're genuinely curious, they're listening, they notice small changes in facial expressions.
31:15
SPEAKER_00: They're responding instead of waiting for their turn to speak.
31:17
SPEAKER_00: They're fully engaged.
31:18
SPEAKER_00: Which person would feel more magnetic to you?
31:21
SPEAKER_00: I think the answer is pretty obvious.
31:24
SPEAKER_00: People are drawn towards people who make them feel seen.
31:26
SPEAKER_00: So I myself will emphasize that time is one of the most valuable resources you have.
31:32
SPEAKER_00: We all have the same amount of time, and how we choose to use it is the difference between sometimes what makes one person succeed and another person spend decades trying to succeed.
31:46
SPEAKER_00: But there are other extremely valuable resources out there.
31:49
SPEAKER_00: And one of those is our focus.
31:51
SPEAKER_00: Now you can spend an hour with someone and give them your time, but not your focus.
31:58
SPEAKER_00: We've all experienced that.
32:00
SPEAKER_00: Someone sitting at the table with you, but who keeps looking at their phone.
32:03
SPEAKER_00: They're nodding at you, but they had no idea what you just said.
32:06
SPEAKER_00: Or maybe they're just thinking about what they're going to say and they couldn't repeat the last sentence that you've said.
32:11
SPEAKER_00: Technically, they've given you their time, but they've not given you their focus or attention.
32:17
SPEAKER_00: Attention and focus tells another person, for this moment you matter.
32:21
SPEAKER_00: And that's an extraordinary gift, which is becoming increasingly rare because we live in an age of constant interruption.
32:29
SPEAKER_00: Notifications, emails, texts, social media, our attention is being pulled in hundreds of different directions.
32:35
SPEAKER_00: And because of that, someone with genuine presence will seem almost supernatural.
32:41
SPEAKER_00: One of the reasons Shirley Temple connected so deeply with audiences is that she appeared completely immersed in almost every scene.
32:48
SPEAKER_00: When she laughed, she really laughed.
32:50
SPEAKER_00: When she listened, she listened.
32:52
SPEAKER_00: When she looked at another actor, she was looking at them.
32:55
SPEAKER_00: She wasn't acting distracted or trying to steal every scene.
32:58
SPEAKER_00: She wasn't performing to become better than anyone else.
33:03
SPEAKER_00: She was offering complete presence.
33:05
SPEAKER_00: I'd like to speak directly to those of you high achievers out there.
33:09
SPEAKER_00: Many of us become extremely good at solving problems.
33:12
SPEAKER_00: We become really efficient, productive, and goal oriented, and pride ourselves on getting things done.
33:18
SPEAKER_00: And that can lead to remarkable careers, but there can be an unintended consequence.
33:23
SPEAKER_00: We begin treating conversations like problems to solve.
33:26
SPEAKER_00: Someone starts sharing a struggle.
33:28
SPEAKER_00: Before they've even finished speaking, we're already trying to offer solutions.
33:32
SPEAKER_00: Have you ever done that?
33:34
SPEAKER_00: I certainly have, and I still sometimes do.
33:37
SPEAKER_00: It usually comes from a good place, and we genuinely want to help.
33:40
SPEAKER_00: But what I've learned in those situations is that people don't always need the answer.
33:45
SPEAKER_00: Sometimes they just need your attention.
33:48
SPEAKER_00: There's a real difference between being heard and being fixed.
33:52
SPEAKER_00: What if a teenager comes home after a difficult day and tells you about an argument with a friend?
33:56
SPEAKER_00: Your instinct may be to say, you should do this.
34:00
SPEAKER_00: But what if instead you just ask questions?
34:02
SPEAKER_00: Tell me what happened.
34:03
SPEAKER_00: How did that make you feel?
34:04
SPEAKER_00: What do you think?
34:05
SPEAKER_00: What's really happening?
34:07
SPEAKER_00: Do you see the difference there?
34:09
SPEAKER_00: One approach communicates your knowledge, the other communicates connection.
34:16
SPEAKER_00: And both have value, but usually connection comes first.
34:20
SPEAKER_00: And similar to what we talked about in our episode about paths of influence, is timing matters.
34:28
SPEAKER_00: And if you don't have connection first, sometimes your valuable advice or solutions may not be received.
34:36
SPEAKER_00: And this is a valuable lesson for parents.
34:39
SPEAKER_00: Children spell love differently than adults.
34:42
SPEAKER_00: Adults often think love is spelled T-I-M-E.
34:48
SPEAKER_00: Whereas children often spell love as attention.
34:52
SPEAKER_00: You can sit in the same room with your child while answering emails for an hour, and children know the difference.
34:56
SPEAKER_00: Teenagers know the difference too.
34:58
SPEAKER_00: One of the greatest predictors of whether young adults continue talking to their parents isn't whether the parents always had the right advice.
35:05
SPEAKER_00: It's whether they felt emotionally safe, bringing their problems home.
35:09
SPEAKER_00: And that safety begins with attention, not judgment, not lectures, solely attention and focus.
35:15
SPEAKER_00: What about an interview?
35:16
SPEAKER_00: Well, let's make this practical.
35:18
SPEAKER_00: Let's say you're preparing for an interview.
35:21
SPEAKER_00: Most candidates spend all their energy thinking, how do I answer the questions?
35:24
SPEAKER_00: But the other thing to think about is how do I make this interviewer enjoy talking with me?
35:29
SPEAKER_00: Notice I didn't say how to impress them.
35:32
SPEAKER_00: That's a different goal.
35:33
SPEAKER_00: That's self-focused.
35:34
SPEAKER_00: The other is relationship focused.
35:36
SPEAKER_00: People remember the conversations they enjoy.
35:39
SPEAKER_00: And they remember candidates who are interested, who ask thoughtful questions, who listen, who create an atmosphere that feels natural, that feels good, that it leaves the room feeling better.
35:50
SPEAKER_00: Human beings have a deep need for recognition.
35:53
SPEAKER_00: And when I say recognize, I don't mean celebrity.
35:55
SPEAKER_00: I mean to be understood, to feel that someone truly sees us.
35:59
SPEAKER_00: Think back over your own life.
36:01
SPEAKER_00: What or who made you feel that way?
36:04
SPEAKER_00: Was it a teacher, grandparent, a mentor, a coach, a physician, a friend?
36:09
SPEAKER_00: I'll bet you remember them decades later, not because they gave you any information, but because they made you feel important.
36:17
SPEAKER_00: And Shirley Temple had a remarkable ability to communicate warmth.
36:20
SPEAKER_00: She smiled with her eyes, she reacted authentically, she expressed genuine delight.
36:26
SPEAKER_00: Those aren't accidental details.
36:28
SPEAKER_00: They're signals, signals that another person's presence mattered.
36:32
SPEAKER_00: We all send signals.
36:34
SPEAKER_00: The question is, what type of signals are you sending?
36:36
SPEAKER_00: I've given you two challenges already this week, but for the next seven days I want you to practice one simple habit.
36:43
SPEAKER_00: For every conversation you have with a person face to face, put your phone away, completely away, look them in the eyes, and listen without planning your response.
36:55
SPEAKER_00: And ask one follow-up question before you say anything from your own mind.
37:00
SPEAKER_00: Notice what happens.
37:01
SPEAKER_00: You may discover something surprising that people might open up to you.
37:05
SPEAKER_00: Conversations may become richer and trust will develop more quickly.
37:09
SPEAKER_00: Relationships might deepen.
37:10
SPEAKER_00: As I study Shirley Temple, I become convinced this wasn't simply a performance technique.
37:15
SPEAKER_00: It reflected something deeper.
37:17
SPEAKER_00: She consistently communicated warmth.
37:19
SPEAKER_00: For years we've been told that successful people need to project confidence.
37:23
SPEAKER_00: But before people decide whether you're competent, they usually decide whether you're safe.
37:28
SPEAKER_00: And that may have been one of Shirley Temple's greatest strengths.
37:30
SPEAKER_00: Many of us, if I asked what makes someone influential, many people would start with intelligence.
37:37
SPEAKER_00: They might say they're knowledgeable, experienced, successful, accomplished.
37:41
SPEAKER_00: Maybe they're gifted at communication or exceptionally confident.
37:45
SPEAKER_00: And all of those things matter, but psychologists who study first impressions have discovered something fascinating.
37:51
SPEAKER_00: When we meet someone for the first time, our brain is often trying to answer just two questions before anything else.
37:57
SPEAKER_00: The first one being, can I trust this person?
38:00
SPEAKER_00: The second is can this person help me?
38:04
SPEAKER_00: Think about those questions for a moment.
38:05
SPEAKER_00: The first isn't about intelligence, it isn't about credentials, it isn't about talent, it's about safety.
38:12
SPEAKER_00: Long before another person decides that you're capable, they often decide whether you feel approachable, respectful, and trustworthy.
38:19
SPEAKER_00: And that's one of the reasons Shirley Temple connected with people so quickly.
38:23
SPEAKER_00: She didn't project superiority, she projected warmth.
38:27
SPEAKER_00: And warmth is often the doorway through which influence begins.
38:31
SPEAKER_00: So now we're talking about the fourth secret of Shirley Temple's irresistibility.
38:36
SPEAKER_00: Because of her warmth, people felt emotionally safe with her.
38:39
SPEAKER_00: And let me be careful here.
38:41
SPEAKER_00: When I say safe, I don't mean physically safe, I mean emotionally safe.
38:44
SPEAKER_00: She wasn't threatening, she wasn't intimidating, she wasn't trying to prove she was more important than everyone else, she wasn't competing for status.
38:52
SPEAKER_00: She simply invited people to share optimism and hope with her.
38:56
SPEAKER_00: And that's surprisingly rare.
38:59
SPEAKER_00: Think about a person you've met who immediately put you at ease, where you could relax, and you found yourself speaking more openly and were able to be yourself more.
39:08
SPEAKER_00: Why?
39:09
SPEAKER_00: It's because they created an atmosphere where you didn't feel like you were being judged or measured every second.
39:14
SPEAKER_00: That's emotional safety.
39:16
SPEAKER_00: And it's one of the greatest gifts a person can offer.
39:19
SPEAKER_00: Now, this is something I wish more young adults understood.
39:22
SPEAKER_00: Confidence can look like ego, but they're completely different.
39:26
SPEAKER_00: Ego says, I want everyone to notice me.
39:29
SPEAKER_00: And confidence says I'm comfortable enough to notice everyone else.
39:34
SPEAKER_00: The ego is constantly looking for validation while confidence offers that validation.
39:41
SPEAKER_00: And that's why truly confident people are actually usually very calm.
39:46
SPEAKER_00: They don't need to prove that they're the smartest.
39:48
SPEAKER_00: They don't need to interrupt people.
39:50
SPEAKER_00: They don't need to always have the last word, and they aren't keeping score.
39:54
SPEAKER_00: They've stopped treating every discussion like a competition.
39:59
SPEAKER_00: It doesn't mean that they're weak.
40:01
SPEAKER_00: It's actually the opposite.
40:03
SPEAKER_00: They're secure enough to let other people shine.
40:07
SPEAKER_00: When you think about it, that's exactly what emotional safety feels like.
40:11
SPEAKER_00: You're around someone who isn't trying to diminish you in order to make themselves greater.
40:16
SPEAKER_00: And that's a lesson for young people.
40:18
SPEAKER_00: If you're preparing for college, graduate school, any type of specialty school, or even your first job, I like you to question something that many people believe.
40:28
SPEAKER_00: I've seen extraordinarily intelligent candidates lose opportunities because every answer felt like they were trying to show how brilliant and smart they were.
40:37
SPEAKER_00: And I've seen equally qualified candidates succeed because they made the conversation enjoyable.
40:43
SPEAKER_00: They listen, they smile, they acknowledge the interviewer's perspective, they were curious, they communicated confidence but not arrogance.
40:52
SPEAKER_00: What candidate would you rather spend 40 hours a week working next to?
40:56
SPEAKER_00: Exactly.
40:58
SPEAKER_00: Employers aren't just hiring knowledge, they're hiring an experience.
41:03
SPEAKER_00: And parents.
41:04
SPEAKER_00: Remember, home is your first leadership classroom.
41:07
SPEAKER_00: Children learn what influence looks like by watching us, not by listening to us, by watching us.
41:13
SPEAKER_00: Children model almost everything we do.
41:16
SPEAKER_00: So how do we respond when someone disagrees with us?
41:20
SPEAKER_00: What you choose to do matters because your child will see that as the way to respond when someone disagrees.
41:28
SPEAKER_00: How do we treat service staff?
41:31
SPEAKER_00: How do we treat cashiers, neighbors, our spouse, our children when they see us interrupting a conversation or listening?
41:39
SPEAKER_00: Every one of those moments becomes part of their education, whether we intend it to or not.
41:43
SPEAKER_00: And if you want to understand why you know treating service staff is important, go back and listen to passive influence.
41:52
SPEAKER_00: And that episode we talk about building trust and reputation.
41:58
SPEAKER_00: One of the greatest leadership lessons a parent can teach isn't how to succeed, it's how to make other people feel respected.
42:05
SPEAKER_00: Because respect has this remarkable quality.
42:08
SPEAKER_00: It's like a boomerang, it tends to return to you.
42:10
SPEAKER_00: Even if you don't say anything about it, people often feel it.
42:15
SPEAKER_00: And the irony is the people who leave the strongest impressions are the ones who generally aren't even trying to compete.
42:22
SPEAKER_00: Again, this is about bringing value to a conversation.
42:26
SPEAKER_00: And that's when genuine relationships begin.
42:29
SPEAKER_00: We have not even been talking about Shirley Temple's acting in any detail really today.
42:34
SPEAKER_00: What we've talked about is how she created emotional safety, her discipline, her presence, her warmth.
42:39
SPEAKER_00: And all of these matter because they point towards something larger, hope.
42:43
SPEAKER_00: When most people think about hope, they imagine optimism, like seeing the glass half full, looking on the bright side.
42:49
SPEAKER_00: But in this case, what we're talking about is not the kind of hope that you are pretending that life isn't difficult or denying pain or smiling when you're in heartbreak.
43:02
SPEAKER_00: It's a belief that difficulty does not have the final say.
43:08
SPEAKER_00: And I think it's one of the reasons Shirley Temple resonated so deeply with millions of people.
43:13
SPEAKER_00: She never erased the Great Depression.
43:14
SPEAKER_00: She couldn't, of course.
43:15
SPEAKER_00: She didn't create any jobs, she didn't rescue people from poverty.
43:19
SPEAKER_00: She couldn't solve the economic crisis.
43:21
SPEAKER_00: But for a little while, she reminded people that joy still existed, that laughter still existed, that children could dance, and never underestimate the value of reminding people that better days are possible.
43:35
SPEAKER_00: Sometimes it's the greatest gift you can give someone.
43:38
SPEAKER_00: Now let's talk about the fifth secret of Shirley Temple's irresistibility.
43:42
SPEAKER_00: She gave people energy instead of taking it away.
43:45
SPEAKER_00: How would you think about the people in your own life?
43:48
SPEAKER_00: How do you leave it?
43:50
SPEAKER_00: Do you require more energy than the other person?
43:54
SPEAKER_00: How do you feel afterward when you spend time with a person?
43:58
SPEAKER_00: Do you usually feel more hopeful?
44:00
SPEAKER_00: Or more discouraged, more peaceful and more anxious, more capable or more overwhelmed.
44:05
SPEAKER_00: Do you feel energized or drained?
44:08
SPEAKER_00: Now think about how they might feel after spending time with you.
44:12
SPEAKER_00: This isn't about judging people, it's about recognizing something we really talk about, that every one of us has an emotional impact.
44:19
SPEAKER_00: And over time we create an emotional signature and brand, whether we intend to or not.
44:25
SPEAKER_00: Some people consistently drain emotional energy.
44:28
SPEAKER_00: Every conversation is complaining.
44:31
SPEAKER_00: Every problem seems impossible.
44:33
SPEAKER_00: Every disagreement becomes a crisis.
44:37
SPEAKER_00: And eventually people feel drained by that.
44:40
SPEAKER_00: Not because they don't care, but because they just don't have the emotional capacity to absorb that level of negativity every day.
44:48
SPEAKER_00: On the other hand, there are people who don't ignore reality, but somehow you leave believing they'll figure it out, or who leave you believing you'll figure it out.
44:56
SPEAKER_00: And those people become unforgettable.
44:58
SPEAKER_00: They don't always have the answers, but they always offer courage.
45:01
SPEAKER_00: Now I want to be clear that hope is not the same as denial.
45:04
SPEAKER_00: And this is really important for our achievers.
45:07
SPEAKER_00: Many ambitious people feel the pressure to appear strong all the time, to always be confident, to always know the answer, to never admit that they're not certain.
45:15
SPEAKER_00: And that's exhausting and unnecessary.
45:17
SPEAKER_00: Hope does not require pretending.
45:20
SPEAKER_00: You can acknowledge that something is difficult, but still believe it's possible.
45:24
SPEAKER_00: Think about the best leaders you've known.
45:27
SPEAKER_00: During a crisis, they don't walk into the room saying everything's perfect.
45:31
SPEAKER_00: And everyone knows that it isn't.
45:33
SPEAKER_00: In fact, they'll say something like, This is difficult, we have real challenges ahead, but we're going to face them together and we'll find a way through.
45:41
SPEAKER_00: Do you see the difference?
45:42
SPEAKER_00: One denies reality, the other one faces it but refuses to surrender to it, and that's hope.
45:48
SPEAKER_00: And people are naturally drawn to the leaders who embody it.
45:50
SPEAKER_00: So if you're a student, an entrepreneur, a parent, or anyone pursuing meaningful goals, there will be moments when you become the emotional thermostat for people.
45:59
SPEAKER_00: Not the thermometer, but the thermostat.
46:02
SPEAKER_00: A thermometer tells you the temperature, a thermostat changes it.
46:05
SPEAKER_00: Think about that.
46:07
SPEAKER_00: Some people walk into a stressful room and absorb the anxiety.
46:10
SPEAKER_00: Their calm becomes contagious, their confidence becomes contagious, their steadiness becomes contagious.
46:16
SPEAKER_00: And these are people that others begin following.
46:19
SPEAKER_00: Shirley Temple did exactly that.
46:21
SPEAKER_00: She was an emotional thermostat for millions of people.
46:23
SPEAKER_00: Parents, here's a moment I like to spend because this might be one of the most important ideas today.
46:31
SPEAKER_00: Children borrow our emotional habits long before developing their own.
46:35
SPEAKER_00: If every setback becomes a catastrophe, they learn catastrophe.
46:39
SPEAKER_00: If every obstacle becomes an opportunity, they learn resilience.
46:43
SPEAKER_00: I'm not suggesting we hide our struggles.
46:45
SPEAKER_00: Children benefit from seeing adults face genuine challenges and seeing them recover, from seeing perseverance, from hearing, this is hard, but we'll figure it out.
46:55
SPEAKER_00: And that's one of the greatest lessons you can pass on.
46:57
SPEAKER_00: Although the world today looks very different than it did in the 1930s, many young people are carrying emotional burdens that other generations have never imagined, academic pressures, financial uncertainty, constant comparison, questions about careers now that artificial intelligence is here, loneliness, perfectionism, and fear of making the wrong choices.
47:20
SPEAKER_00: Many young adults feel as though they are expected to have their entire future figured out, and they haven't even experienced life enough to understand themselves.
47:29
SPEAKER_00: That means the world still needs people who communicate hope, grounded hope, the kind that says you don't have to have all the answers today.
47:36
SPEAKER_00: You just have to know the next step.
47:39
SPEAKER_00: So pay attention to the way that Shirley Temple helped people not only to feel hopeful, but how she made them feel important.
47:47
SPEAKER_00: I think what Shirley Temple understood is that every human being wants to matter.
47:52
SPEAKER_00: And she helped others consistently to feel significant.
47:55
SPEAKER_00: If you apply those lessons, you could be one of those people.
47:59
SPEAKER_00: Those types of people rarely lack for meaningful relationships.
48:03
SPEAKER_00: Up to this point, we've talked about hope, warmth, preparation, and presence.
48:07
SPEAKER_00: Before we go further, I just want to be careful to say that I can't claim to know what Shirley Temple's private thoughts or intentions were.
48:14
SPEAKER_00: I'm stating what people have consistently observed about her public interactions and broader principles that listeners may be able to apply in their own life.
48:22
SPEAKER_00: The sixth thing that made Shirley Temple extremely magnetic was her remarkable affection.
48:27
SPEAKER_00: She made people feel really good about being human.
48:29
SPEAKER_00: She gave people the thing that every human being longs for, the feeling that life still has goodness in it.
48:37
SPEAKER_00: And this brings us to the sixth secret of her irresistibility.
48:41
SPEAKER_00: She elevated the emotional experience of the people around her.
48:44
SPEAKER_00: People that you remember, most of the time they weren't perfect people.
48:47
SPEAKER_00: They probably had a lot of flaws, actually.
48:50
SPEAKER_00: But when you think about them, you smile.
48:51
SPEAKER_00: Why?
48:52
SPEAKER_00: Because they consistently make the world a little brighter.
48:54
SPEAKER_00: And I want to talk about admiration and being cherished.
48:59
SPEAKER_00: Admiration often comes from accomplishment.
49:02
SPEAKER_00: People admire excellence and intelligence, discipline, and success.
49:06
SPEAKER_00: And there's nothing wrong with any of those things, but admiration alone doesn't build deep relationships.
49:11
SPEAKER_00: People cherish the people who consistently make them feel valued.
49:15
SPEAKER_00: The people who celebrate their victories, notice when they're struggling, remember important moments, who make them feel seen.
49:20
SPEAKER_00: It's harder to become cherished than it is to be admired.
49:24
SPEAKER_00: And surely temple is cherished greatly even today.
49:27
SPEAKER_00: I want parents out there to teach their children significance more than just success.
49:32
SPEAKER_00: What if we celebrated different kinds of moments?
49:36
SPEAKER_00: What if we celebrated kindness?
49:38
SPEAKER_00: I noticed how kind you were to the new student.
49:41
SPEAKER_00: I'm proud of the way you included someone who was sitting alone.
49:44
SPEAKER_00: I saw how patient you were with helping someone.
49:48
SPEAKER_00: I heard how polite you were when you thanked your teacher.
49:51
SPEAKER_00: Just as much as making an A on a test, these moments deserve celebration too.
49:56
SPEAKER_00: As we talked about, trust is built one interaction at a time.
50:00
SPEAKER_00: And those types of moments build trust.
50:03
SPEAKER_00: Now I want to talk about something else.
50:06
SPEAKER_00: What happens when success changes?
50:09
SPEAKER_00: There comes a moment in every successful person's life when they face a question they never expected.
50:15
SPEAKER_00: Who am I if the thing that I've always been known for changes?
50:18
SPEAKER_00: For Shirley Temple, that question arrived at a much earlier age than it did for the rest of us.
50:23
SPEAKER_00: As a little girl, she was one of the most recognized people in the world.
50:26
SPEAKER_00: Imagine that for a moment.
50:27
SPEAKER_00: Before most children learn how to divide or think about college, or even understand who they are, millions of strangers already think they know you, and that's extraordinary for a child to carry.
50:41
SPEAKER_00: Eventually, a child grows up, and every little girl becomes a young woman.
50:45
SPEAKER_00: Hollywood changed, the roles changed, and audience expectations changed, and the identity that made her famous could no longer carry her to the next chapter of her life.
50:56
SPEAKER_00: Some people spend their lives trying to recreate who they once were and become trapped by comparisons to their old self.
51:04
SPEAKER_00: And other people never discover who they are apart from what the world created for them.
51:09
SPEAKER_00: Shirley Temple's story took a different direction.
51:12
SPEAKER_00: Instead of spending the rest of her life trying to remain America's little sweetheart, she built an entirely new chapter, and most people don't know about this because no one talks about that chapter.
51:20
SPEAKER_00: She became a wife, a mother, and later she entered public service.
51:24
SPEAKER_00: She served as a diplomat.
51:26
SPEAKER_00: She represented her country.
51:27
SPEAKER_00: Now think about how remarkable that is.
51:29
SPEAKER_00: She wasn't trying to repeat her past.
51:33
SPEAKER_00: She allowed herself to become someone new.
51:35
SPEAKER_00: So the seventh secret of Shirley Temple's irresistibility is she understood that identity must be larger than achievement.
51:42
SPEAKER_00: Many high achievers accidentally build their identity around performance.
51:46
SPEAKER_00: I'm the straight A student, I'm the athlete, I'm the physician, I'm the successful entrepreneur, I'm the perfect parent.
51:52
SPEAKER_00: And that's wonderful until life changes.
51:55
SPEAKER_00: Then suddenly we're forced to ask a terrifying question.
51:58
SPEAKER_00: I'm no longer those things.
51:59
SPEAKER_00: So who am I?
52:01
SPEAKER_00: And life sometimes forces you to ask that question, sometimes through retirement or losing a job or an injury, sometimes just graduating or someone leaving the house, a child leaving home, or a business that isn't succeeding.
52:16
SPEAKER_00: Sometimes just getting older.
52:20
SPEAKER_00: And every time that rule changes, we feel like we're suffering.
52:25
SPEAKER_00: Don't become so committed to one version of yourself that you become afraid to grow.
52:29
SPEAKER_00: You're supposed to change, discover new interests, outgrow old dreams.
52:33
SPEAKER_00: The people who are the most fulfilled that I've met aren't the ones who stayed exactly the same.
52:38
SPEAKER_00: They're the ones who remain curious enough to keep evolving because you can be consistent and not stagnate.
52:43
SPEAKER_00: Stagnation means refusing to grow because growth feels unfamiliar.
52:46
SPEAKER_00: None of us can remain in yesterday's chapters.
52:49
SPEAKER_00: The question isn't whether or not change will come, it will come.
52:52
SPEAKER_00: The question is whether we're going to grow with it.
52:54
SPEAKER_00: So don't attach yourself to any one label.
52:58
SPEAKER_00: Because then you'll feel like you have to protect that identity.
53:01
SPEAKER_00: And you may even have feel like you have to hide parts of yourself that don't match that identity.
53:06
SPEAKER_00: You may be afraid to try something difficult because you're a straight A student and don't want to take a hard class.
53:12
SPEAKER_00: You might avoid activities where you might not be the best in order to look like you're the top in your group or your sport or your job.
53:22
SPEAKER_00: You might hide mistakes just to keep the label of being smart.
53:26
SPEAKER_00: So for parents out there, encourage when sometimes your child deviates from their labels.
53:33
SPEAKER_00: I love seeing how curious you're becoming, or I notice how you've improved.
53:38
SPEAKER_00: It gives them permission to evolve and not be attached to one label.
53:41
SPEAKER_00: I want to encourage my high achievers out there to be focused not on your past achievements, but on your future goals and to see what your life will become, whether or not there's a label attached.
53:53
SPEAKER_00: I've often noticed something interesting over the years.
53:55
SPEAKER_00: The first half of life is often about proving yourself, building credentials, establishing a career, achieving goals.
54:00
SPEAKER_00: But the second half gradually becomes about contribution, mentoring, teaching, giving back, building relationships that matter.
54:07
SPEAKER_00: But some people discover contribution much earlier.
54:10
SPEAKER_00: Shirley Temple did.
54:12
SPEAKER_00: She left an extraordinary legacy because she not only contributed as a child, but also as an adult.
54:17
SPEAKER_00: As we reflect on Shirley Temple's life, I think she was remembered mostly because of the qualities that made her successful as a child.
54:24
SPEAKER_00: Warmth, discipline, presence, optimism, and respect for others.
54:28
SPEAKER_00: But those didn't end with her acting career.
54:32
SPEAKER_00: They continue to show up in all the different roles she held throughout her life.
54:37
SPEAKER_00: True irresistibility isn't attached to a single title.
54:40
SPEAKER_00: It isn't attached to youth or to fame.
54:42
SPEAKER_00: It's attached to character.
54:44
SPEAKER_00: And I think that brings us to the final lesson I believe Shirley Temple has to teach us.
54:48
SPEAKER_00: If we gather all of the things that we've learned today about her, they point towards one life-changing question.
54:55
SPEAKER_00: When people leave your presence, what are they taking with them?
54:59
SPEAKER_00: This episode was never really about Hollywood or celebrity.
55:03
SPEAKER_00: It's not about old movies or even fame.
55:05
SPEAKER_00: It's about influence.
55:08
SPEAKER_00: How someone had a great amount of influence throughout their life with a great number of people.
55:16
SPEAKER_00: And the type of influence that continues long after the spotlight leaves.
55:21
SPEAKER_00: I thought initially when I decided to talk about Shirley Temple, I would spend most of this time talking about her performance or dancing, maybe her smile.
55:29
SPEAKER_00: But now I find myself realizing that what she showed was much more important.
55:35
SPEAKER_00: Character.
55:35
SPEAKER_00: A century later.
55:37
SPEAKER_00: Warmth, presence, discipline, hope, curiosity, respect, and the ability to make another person feel like they matter.
55:46
SPEAKER_00: These qualities never go out of style.
55:48
SPEAKER_00: Technology will change, fashion will change, industries will change, the world will change.
55:53
SPEAKER_00: But human nature, not nearly as much.
55:56
SPEAKER_00: People still will long to be understood, to be encouraged, to feel safe, and believe that tomorrow can be better than today.
56:03
SPEAKER_00: And that's why these lessons from Shirley Temple remain so relevant.
56:06
SPEAKER_00: So let's go through this checklist of what we've learned.
56:09
SPEAKER_00: First, the most irresistible people improve the emotional state of the people around them.
56:15
SPEAKER_00: And people won't simply remember what you accomplished, but they will remember how they felt after being with you.
56:21
SPEAKER_00: Secondly, excellence usually looks effortless only because no one sees the thousands of hours of preparation that are behind it.
56:28
SPEAKER_00: And confidence is rarely a gift.
56:30
SPEAKER_00: It's usually earned through thousands of small actions.
56:36
SPEAKER_00: Thirdly, presence is one of the rarest gifts in modern life.
56:40
SPEAKER_00: In our distracted world, your full focus and attention is an extraordinary gift.
56:46
SPEAKER_00: Fourth, warmth opens doors that confidence alone cannot.
56:51
SPEAKER_00: People need to know they can trust you before they care how much you know.
56:55
SPEAKER_00: Fifth lesson, hope is not pretending that life is easy.
56:58
SPEAKER_00: Hope is refusing to believe difficulty gets the final say.
57:02
SPEAKER_00: People who consistently bring grounded hope, meaning they don't deny reality, become the emotional anchors for others.
57:10
SPEAKER_00: Sixth, when you help people to feel significant simply because every human being deserves dignity, it's often the way people become important.
57:19
SPEAKER_00: Seventh, never attach your identity to one accomplishment or one title or one label.
57:25
SPEAKER_00: Grow and evolve.
57:27
SPEAKER_00: Your greatest chapter may still be ahead.
57:29
SPEAKER_00: For young people today, don't spend your life chasing attention.
57:33
SPEAKER_00: Attention's loud.
57:34
SPEAKER_00: Influence usually is quiet.
57:36
SPEAKER_00: Instead of trying to get attention, give attention.
57:40
SPEAKER_00: You don't have to become famous or go viral or be the smartest.
57:45
SPEAKER_00: Instead, try to become the person that others trust.
57:48
SPEAKER_00: Become the person who is the most prepared.
57:50
SPEAKER_00: Become the person who listens, who encourages, and who keeps their word.
57:56
SPEAKER_00: These things will compound over decades and they will keep working for you.
58:00
SPEAKER_00: I hope this irresistible spotlight was able to provide you some value today.
58:06
SPEAKER_00: And I hope it left you feeling encouraged about the world that your child will step into, knowing these principles and having learned something that will sustain them throughout their life.
58:18
SPEAKER_00: That's our aim in our programs is to give foundational principles to young people so that they make better decisions and provide them with really practical tools that will help them in their day-to-day interactions and accelerate their success in life.
58:34
SPEAKER_00: Why?
58:35
SPEAKER_00: Because I see no better service and no better use of my abilities than to provide that to a young person starting out in life.
58:43
SPEAKER_00: And if you know someone who could benefit from listening to this, then do share it.
58:48
SPEAKER_00: Or if you know someone who just loves Shirley Temple, share it with them too.
58:51
SPEAKER_00: So we'll see you back in our next episode.
58:53
SPEAKER_00: Until then, stay irresistible.