Latest / The You Project / #2045 One Size Doesn't Fit All - Harps & Tiff

Transcript

#2045 One Size Doesn't Fit All - Harps & Tiff · The You Project

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: I get at Ypter's Craig, Anthony, Hapa, Tiffany and Cook.
• 0:03
  Speaker 1: It's it's Sunday, it's six thirty three, and I'm going
• 0:06
  Speaker 1: to be a little honest, a little honest, a little transparent,
• 0:09
  Speaker 1: a little vulnerable. This almost didn't happen this podcast.
• 0:13
  Speaker 2: Sure we were tired, didn't you A little bit after time?
• 0:15
  Speaker 1: A little bit a little bit. I fuck it anyway,
• 0:21
  Speaker 1: and I was, do you know what this out works? Right?
• 0:24
  Speaker 1: So tomorrow I'm in where I'm interviewing doctor No, you're
• 0:28
  Speaker 1: you're there as well, doctor Bill. We've got some good
• 0:31
  Speaker 1: guests lined up this week. But yesterday, you know, when
• 0:36
  Speaker 1: you we're not doing seven a week every week, but
• 0:38
  Speaker 1: we're trying at the moment, like few things honest people know.
• 0:42
  Speaker 1: But anyway, yesterday I spent a good hour and a
• 0:47
  Speaker 1: half writing some notes and doing a deep dive and
• 0:53
  Speaker 1: doing some thinking and doing a bit of research and
• 0:55
  Speaker 1: prepping for a show, an episode that I want to
• 0:58
  Speaker 1: do around the brain, right and so not the mind,
• 1:05
  Speaker 1: the brain, like the organ, the three pound, one point
• 1:09
  Speaker 1: four kilogram thing that sits in our head, just to
• 1:13
  Speaker 1: and anyway, I did all this awesome prep. Then I
• 1:17
  Speaker 1: went to record it. I started recording it and I
• 1:21
  Speaker 1: basically did a big verbal poo about ten minutes in
• 1:24
  Speaker 1: just and hated myself. I'm like, this sounds shit. And
• 1:30
  Speaker 1: then and then I twenty minutes later I rolled again.
• 1:34
  Speaker 1: This time i'd had a coffee. You know how when
• 1:36
  Speaker 1: I drink milk, I get all like like a cat
• 1:40
  Speaker 1: with a fucking.
• 1:40
  Speaker 3: Fur ball, right, Yes, so I was doing that, so
• 1:46
  Speaker 3: I can.
• 1:46
  Speaker 1: I started that podcast three times and I anyway, So
• 1:52
  Speaker 1: that's everyone. If you're wondering why there was no podcast
• 1:55
  Speaker 1: today Sunday, the sixteenth of the eleventh, that is why.
• 1:59
  Speaker 3: But anyway, because I didn't.
• 2:00
  Speaker 1: Want you to have to deal with my fur balls
• 2:03
  Speaker 1: or my fucking appreciate that.
• 2:06
  Speaker 2: I deeply appreciate it.
• 2:08
  Speaker 3: Thank you well you didn't have to try and edit
• 2:09
  Speaker 3: them all out.
• 2:10
  Speaker 1: But anyway, so I did want to chat today about
• 2:14
  Speaker 1: something that is broadly relevant and something.
• 2:16
  Speaker 3: I I'm very aware of. I'm acutely aware of.
• 2:20
  Speaker 1: I probably didn't understand this when I was younger, when
• 2:22
  Speaker 1: I was a young gym instructor, when I was eighteen
• 2:24
  Speaker 1: years old and I was teaching, and you know, obviously
• 2:28
  Speaker 1: with very limited understanding. When you're an eighteen year old
• 2:31
  Speaker 1: gym instructure. You think you know a bit, you know
• 2:33
  Speaker 1: fuck all, but you know, but the idea that there
• 2:38
  Speaker 1: is a best a best something, a best program, a
• 2:42
  Speaker 1: best diet, a best number of hours of sleep, a
• 2:46
  Speaker 1: best way to train your legs, or a best way
• 2:49
  Speaker 1: to hold on to muscle and lose body fat, or
• 2:52
  Speaker 1: a best way to have optimal energy, or a best
• 2:56
  Speaker 1: way to study, or a best way to research, or
• 2:59
  Speaker 1: a best way to grow a business, or a best
• 3:01
  Speaker 1: way to get followers on Instagram. There's this very kind
• 3:04
  Speaker 1: of common belief that we need to find the best
• 3:11
  Speaker 1: strategy or dose or medicine or protocol or program, and
• 3:16
  Speaker 1: once we find that then and so it's I guess
• 3:21
  Speaker 1: the misnoma is that there is a single best way.
• 3:26
  Speaker 1: And so I wanted to talk about firstly, let me
• 3:29
  Speaker 1: read something, and then we're going to do a deep
• 3:31
  Speaker 1: dive into this idea of an equals one doing our
• 3:36
  Speaker 1: own research, figuring out what works for us in the
• 3:40
  Speaker 1: middle of all of the advice and all of the
• 3:42
  Speaker 1: wisdom and all of the science and all of the
• 3:43
  Speaker 1: research which we should pay attention to. But you know,
• 3:49
  Speaker 1: hold that kind of loosely with the knowledge that what
• 3:52
  Speaker 1: will be optimal for TIF in terms of diet or
• 3:55
  Speaker 1: exercise or sleep or recovery or career or relationship type
• 4:01
  Speaker 1: or whatever. I mean we were talking before we went
• 4:04
  Speaker 1: live about most people would not like my life or
• 4:07
  Speaker 1: yours because there's a lot of unpredictability and a lot
• 4:10
  Speaker 1: of uncertainty and a lot of unknowns. Most people don't
• 4:15
  Speaker 1: like that, Like I don't know how much money I'll
• 4:18
  Speaker 1: make week to week because I don't have a set
• 4:20
  Speaker 1: wage and it changes all the time. And honestly, some
• 4:24
  Speaker 1: weeks I make no money, like literally zero dollars depending
• 4:29
  Speaker 1: on what's happening, and other weeks I make not bad money,
• 4:33
  Speaker 1: and so on and so on. So you know, even
• 4:36
  Speaker 1: in terms of the way that my life works with
• 4:39
  Speaker 1: work with income, with work life balance, with working from home,
• 4:45
  Speaker 1: with not knowing week to week or month to month
• 4:49
  Speaker 1: what my income might look like, what gigs I'll get,
• 4:52
  Speaker 1: what bookings I'll get, what sponsors I'll get for this show,
• 4:55
  Speaker 1: What sponsors you'll get for your show?
• 4:58
  Speaker 3: What clients going to turn up for you or not
• 5:01
  Speaker 3: turn up for you? Day to day, week to week.
• 5:03
  Speaker 3: There's a lot of unknown and a lot of variability
• 5:05
  Speaker 3: around that. And for some people that's good because it's exciting,
• 5:09
  Speaker 3: it's not boring, it's not too repetitious. But for other people,
• 5:12
  Speaker 3: it's the opposite of what they want. So here's what
• 5:15
  Speaker 3: I wrote the other day.
• 5:18
  Speaker 1: The words that will comfort one person will make another
• 5:21
  Speaker 1: person angry. The idea that makes total sense to one
• 5:25
  Speaker 1: individual will make zero sense to another. The medicine that
• 5:30
  Speaker 1: works amazingly for patient A will cause a life threatening
• 5:34
  Speaker 1: reaction for patient B, even though they have the same condition.
• 5:39
  Speaker 1: The barbell squat that's amazing for the Jim bro is
• 5:43
  Speaker 1: the worst exercise in the world for his training partner.
• 5:46
  Speaker 1: The supplement that improves cognitive function and energy for one
• 5:50
  Speaker 1: UNI student gives her study partner a gut ache and
• 5:54
  Speaker 1: nothing else. The golden retriever that has a calming effect
• 5:58
  Speaker 1: on one person create an anxiety response in another. The
• 6:04
  Speaker 1: husband's hilarious TV show is the wife's complete garbage. The
• 6:10
  Speaker 1: gym that is my natural habitat will be someone else's
• 6:13
  Speaker 1: terrifying environment. The religion that is one person's spiritual home
• 6:19
  Speaker 1: is someone else's dogmatic mind cult.
• 6:23
  Speaker 3: And I just.
• 6:24
  Speaker 1: Think that that like keeping that stuff in mind tif
• 6:27
  Speaker 1: knowing that you know the thing that's going to work
• 6:30
  Speaker 1: for you optimally for somebody else is not. And so
• 6:33
  Speaker 1: the idea that we can get advice from people that
• 6:36
  Speaker 1: don't know us as well as we know us, which
• 6:39
  Speaker 1: is nobody knows us as well as we know us,
• 6:43
  Speaker 1: or that somebody that hardly knows you, even if they're
• 6:47
  Speaker 1: well qualified and experienced. We need to keep in mind
• 6:52
  Speaker 1: that all experts. I'm not an expert, You're not an expert.
• 6:55
  Speaker 1: We're just people on a podcast. But some people would
• 6:59
  Speaker 1: consider experts. But when I talk to people, even if
• 7:05
  Speaker 1: I'm talking about exercise, even if I'm talking about exercise programming,
• 7:09
  Speaker 1: which I am well qualified in and I've done decades
• 7:14
  Speaker 1: of work in that space and train thousands of humans.
• 7:18
  Speaker 1: Even when I give someone specific advice, Even when I
• 7:22
  Speaker 1: write a program for someone, even when I give them
• 7:25
  Speaker 1: a feedback or input, it's still educated guessing. I don't
• 7:30
  Speaker 1: know exactly what the outcome will be. So when old
• 7:33
  Speaker 1: mate or missus old mate comes to me and they say,
• 7:39
  Speaker 1: can you give me some advice on whatever? How do
• 7:43
  Speaker 1: I get a better ars and legs or whatever, which
• 7:45
  Speaker 1: I've been asked fifteen thousand times, I'll go try this,
• 7:50
  Speaker 1: this and this, do more of that, do less of that,
• 7:52
  Speaker 1: make you do full make sure you do full range
• 7:54
  Speaker 1: with that. Maybe pause at the bottom a little bit.
• 7:57
  Speaker 1: You know, this is how your stand should be activated.
• 8:01
  Speaker 1: TVA transversus of dominance. Make sure this, make sure that
• 8:06
  Speaker 1: head up, neutral spine. Well, I give them all this advice,
• 8:10
  Speaker 1: but I still don't know one whether or not they're
• 8:11
  Speaker 1: going to do it, and to what the actual outcome
• 8:13
  Speaker 1: will be, because everybody's mind, and everybody's physiology and everybody's
• 8:18
  Speaker 1: emotional system interacts differently to the person next to them,
• 8:22
  Speaker 1: even if it's the same stimulus. So yeah, what about
• 8:29
  Speaker 1: what about for you? What have you figured out that
• 8:31
  Speaker 1: works for you individually that probably would not work for
• 8:35
  Speaker 1: other people or you might not recommend to others.
• 8:39
  Speaker 2: Got heaps of stuff, cookies, how many cookies? I ate?
• 8:43
  Speaker 2: But I was talking about this with clients this week,
• 8:48
  Speaker 2: just about that idea of what we know, but like
• 8:52
  Speaker 2: it shifts and changes, Like what works for me now
• 8:56
  Speaker 2: is vastly different to what I did and what worked
• 8:59
  Speaker 2: for me for so many years and what I loved
• 9:02
  Speaker 2: and how I did, especially in terms of movement and training.
• 9:06
  Speaker 2: And the trouble is we are slow to catch on
• 9:09
  Speaker 2: we hold things too tightly. I held on so tightly
• 9:13
  Speaker 2: to what was good for me and why. And the
• 9:16
  Speaker 2: trouble is, there's there's causation, correlation and context, and the
• 9:22
  Speaker 2: thing that we are looking at is a percent of
• 9:26
  Speaker 2: the entire equation of what is happening in our bodies
• 9:30
  Speaker 2: and minds and our lives that is going into the
• 9:33
  Speaker 2: results that we're getting. But we put blinkers on, you know,
• 9:36
  Speaker 2: we go, Oh, I want my body to change, So
• 9:40
  Speaker 2: I'm going to go for two days a week into
• 9:42
  Speaker 2: a gym and do sixty minutes of training. Tell me
• 9:46
  Speaker 2: what to do. You've got every other hour of every
• 9:49
  Speaker 2: other day. You've got things you put in your mouth,
• 9:51
  Speaker 2: You've got things that peak your cortersol, and you and
• 9:54
  Speaker 2: your entire systems doing shit all of that other time.
• 9:57
  Speaker 2: But we look at but those two things that I'm
• 10:00
  Speaker 2: doing that someone told me to do, that's going to
• 10:02
  Speaker 2: make change my body?
• 10:04
  Speaker 3: Yes, yes, And even.
• 10:08
  Speaker 2: When we're educated, we just don't have the capacity as
• 10:12
  Speaker 2: humans to be aware of all of the things that
• 10:17
  Speaker 2: even when we're self aware, all of the things that
• 10:19
  Speaker 2: are influencing our choices, our behaviors, our stress systems. We
• 10:22
  Speaker 2: never know what stress we're under. When we're under the stress,
• 10:26
  Speaker 2: I always know as I'm coming out of a stress,
• 10:29
  Speaker 2: how stressed I've been. I'm like, can spend two years
• 10:32
  Speaker 2: going you know, it's been such an amazing time, and
• 10:35
  Speaker 2: then I can come out from a situation look back
• 10:39
  Speaker 2: and go, oh, oh, I've been processing and really, you know,
• 10:42
  Speaker 2: I look at the last five years and go, oh,
• 10:46
  Speaker 2: I've processed a lot of stuff in the last five years.
• 10:49
  Speaker 2: I've kind of been doing a thing that I didn't
• 10:51
  Speaker 2: think I was doing.
• 10:53
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, And you're really on the money when you
• 10:57
  Speaker 1: say that. You know, what were word for you at
• 11:00
  Speaker 1: one stage doesn't work for you now, and what you're
• 11:03
  Speaker 1: doing now probably wouldn't have worked for you ten years ago.
• 11:08
  Speaker 1: Like I think about the fact you said before we
• 11:11
  Speaker 1: started recording, you said, have you finished your steps for
• 11:14
  Speaker 1: the day, because it's quarter to seven and I've got
• 11:17
  Speaker 1: to get my ten thousand plus steps in right, And
• 11:19
  Speaker 1: I went, ah, I'm money at nine and a half and.
• 11:22
  Speaker 3: Blah blah blah. If you had have said to.
• 11:24
  Speaker 1: Me when I was twenty five, you're going to be
• 11:27
  Speaker 1: walking give or take ten kilometers a day, and I
• 11:32
  Speaker 1: would have been ashamed of myself because I would have
• 11:36
  Speaker 1: thought that as being pathetic, like, oh, you're walking, Oh
• 11:41
  Speaker 1: you fucking weapon, you're walking. I would have been embarrassed
• 11:44
  Speaker 1: at myself, right, but because I'm not running, I'm not,
• 11:48
  Speaker 1: you know, it's like fuck walking.
• 11:50
  Speaker 3: Oh run. Not only will I run, I will.
• 11:53
  Speaker 1: Run in soft sand or upp a fucking hill or upstairs,
• 11:56
  Speaker 1: and I'll probably be wearing a weight vest.
• 11:59
  Speaker 3: Fuck your walk, but right but there, hell, it's like
• 12:04
  Speaker 3: it's not even well.
• 12:05
  Speaker 1: The physiology is good, I mean moving, you know, moving
• 12:08
  Speaker 1: my body.
• 12:09
  Speaker 3: That much each day is good.
• 12:11
  Speaker 1: But for me, the psychological and emotional benefits are probably
• 12:15
  Speaker 1: outweigh the physiological ones. For me, it just does something
• 12:19
  Speaker 1: great to my brain, It does something great to my
• 12:22
  Speaker 1: nervous system.
• 12:24
  Speaker 3: It just puts me in a good mood. I don't know.
• 12:27
  Speaker 1: Like when I started doing it, my only motivation was
• 12:31
  Speaker 1: just the awareness that, oh fuck, I'm walking four thousand
• 12:34
  Speaker 1: steps a day. This is pathetic on average, because my
• 12:37
  Speaker 1: phone told me I was a fat fuck right, And
• 12:41
  Speaker 1: then I realized, well, shit, I better just and I
• 12:44
  Speaker 1: started it just because of that because I didn't want to.
• 12:47
  Speaker 1: I want I need it to move more, you know.
• 12:50
  Speaker 1: But now I do this thing, which is a hardwird
• 12:53
  Speaker 1: like I've not missed a day in over a year,
• 12:58
  Speaker 1: and there's nothing in me that I was ah, fuck,
• 13:00
  Speaker 1: I got to go and walk.
• 13:01
  Speaker 3: Oh, like there's no you know.
• 13:04
  Speaker 1: Sometimes I'll get to the end of the day because
• 13:05
  Speaker 1: I've had a really busy day and I go, fuck, it's.
• 13:07
  Speaker 3: Nine o'clock and I've still got to do four thousand steps.
• 13:10
  Speaker 3: And so every now and then there's a bit of like, yeah,
• 13:13
  Speaker 3: all right, well I'll go out.
• 13:14
  Speaker 1: And There's been more than ten nights where I've walked
• 13:17
  Speaker 1: in the rain because that's my only option. I go,
• 13:19
  Speaker 1: fuck it, I'm water proof. I'll get wet, I'll come home,
• 13:23
  Speaker 1: I'll take my wet shit off, I'll have a shower
• 13:25
  Speaker 1: and I'll put on dry shit. Like this is not
• 13:28
  Speaker 1: really a challenge, you know, ah, but it's raining. Yeah,
• 13:30
  Speaker 1: I'm wa to proof, you know, it's like fucking it's okay.
• 13:34
  Speaker 1: But yeah, the stuff that I do now, the stuff
• 13:38
  Speaker 1: that you know, when I was young, I really for
• 13:41
  Speaker 1: a while liked working for someone, and then I kind
• 13:44
  Speaker 1: of got to the point where I went, now, I
• 13:46
  Speaker 1: don't like working for someone, and you know, like I
• 13:49
  Speaker 1: get up every day and there's a lot of uncertainty
• 13:54
  Speaker 1: in that I don't know what will happen today exactly.
• 13:57
  Speaker 1: I don't know which work I'm going to do exactly.
• 14:02
  Speaker 1: I don't know who's going to call. I don't know
• 14:03
  Speaker 1: what emails I'm going to get. I don't know where.
• 14:07
  Speaker 1: You know with certainty where my energy and focus will
• 14:10
  Speaker 1: be all day, because my days are quite fluid. They're
• 14:13
  Speaker 1: somewhat structured, but they're probably more fluid than I know
• 14:16
  Speaker 1: what I need to get done over the course. It's
• 14:19
  Speaker 1: a little bit like my presentations where I talk for
• 14:22
  Speaker 1: three hours with no structure. I'm going to get through
• 14:25
  Speaker 1: all the bits I want to get through, but I'm
• 14:27
  Speaker 1: not sure where I'll start or where I'll finish and
• 14:29
  Speaker 1: what the middle bit will be. But we'll get it
• 14:32
  Speaker 1: all covered, and it's going to be more organic and intuitive,
• 14:35
  Speaker 1: and it's going to be more in.
• 14:36
  Speaker 3: A state of flow than a state of precision planning. Right.
• 14:41
  Speaker 1: But that really works for my personality, That really works
• 14:45
  Speaker 1: for my energy, that really works for my nervous system
• 14:48
  Speaker 1: and my emotional system, and it really works for me
• 14:52
  Speaker 1: in terms of being able to be the best version
• 14:55
  Speaker 1: of me when I go and do whatever it is
• 14:57
  Speaker 1: that I do. I am absolutely positive that if I
• 15:03
  Speaker 1: had to work in a metaphoric box every day where
• 15:07
  Speaker 1: I had to kind of do a version of the
• 15:09
  Speaker 1: same thing, same hours, same place, same time for lunch,
• 15:14
  Speaker 1: same time, getting there, same time, leaving, same fucking oh
• 15:20
  Speaker 1: oh me personally. And I know for some people that's
• 15:24
  Speaker 1: actually heaven because they love the predictability and the familiarity
• 15:28
  Speaker 1: and they just happen to work in a place they like,
• 15:30
  Speaker 1: in a culture they like, with people they like.
• 15:32
  Speaker 3: So I get that.
• 15:34
  Speaker 1: So I'm not saying this is unequivocally good or bad.
• 15:37
  Speaker 1: I'm just saying Craig Harper would not work well in
• 15:41
  Speaker 1: that environment, you know. So it's knowing, it's knowing how
• 15:45
  Speaker 1: you work, rather than going to some career counselor what
• 15:49
  Speaker 1: do you think I should do? It's like they don't
• 15:52
  Speaker 1: fucking know because they don't know you like, where are
• 15:55
  Speaker 1: you happy? Where do you find joy? What are you
• 15:58
  Speaker 1: passionate about?
• 15:59
  Speaker 3: You know?
• 16:00
  Speaker 1: I guess if you get a good counselor, they might
• 16:01
  Speaker 1: ask you those questions. So apologies to create counselors. But yeah,
• 16:06
  Speaker 1: it's just trying to figure it out as you go.
• 16:08
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I was talking about this with my client today.
• 16:11
  Speaker 2: He's got two sons twelve and fourteen or eleven and fourteen,
• 16:15
  Speaker 2: and I was talking about school and which ones are
• 16:18
  Speaker 2: academic and what they're doing and what they want to be,
• 16:20
  Speaker 2: and I was like, it is absurd to me that
• 16:23
  Speaker 2: kids that age would like I still don't. I'm still
• 16:26
  Speaker 2: making it up, and I because of what I do.
• 16:29
  Speaker 2: I just when people talk about their options or jobs,
• 16:32
  Speaker 2: I'm like, just why would you not just figure out
• 16:35
  Speaker 2: what you're like and make it in your like, just
• 16:38
  Speaker 2: do a business, just make do something that revolves around that.
• 16:42
  Speaker 2: And I could not fathom the idea of getting up
• 16:47
  Speaker 2: and giving someone eight hours straight of my time and
• 16:52
  Speaker 2: then coming home and like, I couldn't do it. So
• 16:56
  Speaker 2: not having certainty, not having sick pay, not having certain
• 17:00
  Speaker 2: about whether or not all my clients are going to
• 17:02
  Speaker 2: leave tomorrow or I'm.
• 17:03
  Speaker 3: Going to lose contra holiday pay.
• 17:05
  Speaker 2: Yeah, holiday pay, all of that stuff. Like I'm like,
• 17:09
  Speaker 2: I'll wear it because I because now this matters more.
• 17:14
  Speaker 2: But it's taken me forty two years to land here
• 17:17
  Speaker 2: of knowing that much.
• 17:18
  Speaker 1: Yeah, But I think that comes down to your values.
• 17:21
  Speaker 1: One of your values is freedom, and another one is flexibility.
• 17:26
  Speaker 1: Another one is you know, a capacity to learn and
• 17:30
  Speaker 1: grow and evolve and in like however you want. You're
• 17:35
  Speaker 1: not good with rules, you're not good with.
• 17:38
  Speaker 2: Another one is security for me, which is that's been
• 17:41
  Speaker 2: hard for me, so I go, oh, I need security,
• 17:43
  Speaker 2: so I've had to build it and that's been a
• 17:45
  Speaker 2: long hard thing to continually bump up against.
• 17:49
  Speaker 1: Well, that's that's very interesting because not too many people
• 17:53
  Speaker 1: are you And I was going to say, but conversely,
• 17:56
  Speaker 1: a lot of people a lot more about security and
• 18:00
  Speaker 1: knowing and predictability and familiarity and you know, like for
• 18:05
  Speaker 1: a lot of people, and I understand this. And by
• 18:07
  Speaker 1: the way, I don't think. I don't think for one moment, listeners,
• 18:11
  Speaker 1: that the way that Tiff and I operate is better.
• 18:15
  Speaker 1: I don't think it's better. I think it's better for
• 18:17
  Speaker 1: us individually. It wouldn't be a recommendation like if I
• 18:23
  Speaker 1: was coaching someone in this space, not that I do
• 18:26
  Speaker 1: in this space, but I would go, well, what like
• 18:28
  Speaker 1: what really matters to you and what are your values?
• 18:31
  Speaker 1: And I think if I was let's say, a forty
• 18:34
  Speaker 1: year old dude with three kids and a wife, I
• 18:36
  Speaker 1: would have a very different mindset about this because my
• 18:40
  Speaker 1: values would be different. My priority is my focus, the
• 18:44
  Speaker 1: things that worried me would be different, and so I
• 18:49
  Speaker 1: would probably have a very different perspective. And so that's
• 18:53
  Speaker 1: the point though, the point, that is the point. The
• 18:55
  Speaker 1: point is I'm not that, and that's not good or bad.
• 18:59
  Speaker 1: But what I am is a sixty yearsh year old
• 19:01
  Speaker 1: bloke who this is who I am and how I
• 19:05
  Speaker 1: am and what works for me is A B and C.
• 19:08
  Speaker 3: And I think that's that's the point.
• 19:11
  Speaker 1: We're not we're not trying to find the single best
• 19:14
  Speaker 1: job or career path or subject that you should study
• 19:18
  Speaker 1: at university or breakfast cereal for you, or it's like,
• 19:23
  Speaker 1: I think the real thing to learn is how we
• 19:27
  Speaker 1: can learn for ourselves. How can I how can I
• 19:32
  Speaker 1: be the experimenter and the experimentee, How can I be
• 19:36
  Speaker 1: the participant and the researcher. How can I figure out,
• 19:40
  Speaker 1: like what do I need to do more of and
• 19:43
  Speaker 1: less of? What questions do I need to ask? And
• 19:45
  Speaker 1: what what things do I need to try? What mindset
• 19:49
  Speaker 1: do I need to have to kind of figure out
• 19:55
  Speaker 1: how to be more productive and more effective and more
• 19:57
  Speaker 1: content and I guess produce better results whatever that means
• 20:02
  Speaker 1: in my world, and I think you know how many
• 20:05
  Speaker 1: people are living in a groundhog day. That if your
• 20:09
  Speaker 1: groundhog day works for you, and if the byproduct of
• 20:12
  Speaker 1: your groundhog day, for the most part is that you
• 20:14
  Speaker 1: are happy, ish, content ish, and not too stressed and
• 20:18
  Speaker 1: not too overthinking and not too anxious, well then you
• 20:22
  Speaker 1: probably shouldn't change much. But if you are in an
• 20:25
  Speaker 1: operating system and a job or a set of habits
• 20:28
  Speaker 1: and behaviors, or a lifestyle or a relationship which you
• 20:32
  Speaker 1: associate more pain than pleasure, more tears than joy, more
• 20:38
  Speaker 1: anxiety than calm, and you're not consciously trying to do
• 20:43
  Speaker 1: something to change that, then my advice would be that
• 20:48
  Speaker 1: nobody asked for, is that you start to think about that,
• 20:52
  Speaker 1: because you don't have to be resigned to a life
• 20:57
  Speaker 1: of mediocrity and misery.
• 20:59
  Speaker 2: What about this?
• 21:00
  Speaker 1: So?
• 21:00
  Speaker 2: How often do you think people as we me too,
• 21:04
  Speaker 2: think about or even understand how did I? How did
• 21:08
  Speaker 2: I become this? And what did why did? Why do
• 21:11
  Speaker 2: I do this? And with what I do? What brought
• 21:15
  Speaker 2: me in? And what keys? What do I love? What
• 21:17
  Speaker 2: am I? Why am I even here? But we get
• 21:20
  Speaker 2: we get in a job or a career or something
• 21:23
  Speaker 2: I made so many realizations around landing in the print industry,
• 21:28
  Speaker 2: print and design and marketing, and I was in there
• 21:31
  Speaker 2: for a long time, and it wasn't un till I
• 21:33
  Speaker 2: was out of it and into podcasting and started using
• 21:35
  Speaker 2: my voice and speaking, and that I drew the dots
• 21:38
  Speaker 2: between what I loved about the ability to create visual graphics.
• 21:44
  Speaker 2: That's that speak when you don't have the voice to
• 21:47
  Speaker 2: convey what you might like to say about you. So
• 21:50
  Speaker 2: I made when I made those links, I was like, fuck,
• 21:53
  Speaker 2: no wonder. I loved that, No wonder. I loved designing
• 21:57
  Speaker 2: something that can speak on your behalf because I fel
• 22:00
  Speaker 2: like I for a lot of my life, I didn't
• 22:02
  Speaker 2: use my voice when I needed to. So I needed
• 22:04
  Speaker 2: to put in a picture, I needed to use visuals
• 22:08
  Speaker 2: to speak. And then I learned about that. I learned
• 22:12
  Speaker 2: It took me a long time to learn that with
• 22:14
  Speaker 2: that safety versus risk? Okay, how much? How do I
• 22:18
  Speaker 2: create a schedule where I have some routine and some
• 22:23
  Speaker 2: security and some return to and some coming you know,
• 22:26
  Speaker 2: like some stability, but also lots of variety and change.
• 22:32
  Speaker 2: How do I even get that? Because that's hard, Like,
• 22:34
  Speaker 2: look at my resume and there's these three year intervals.
• 22:37
  Speaker 2: Every three I'd look at it and go, fuck, we
• 22:39
  Speaker 2: come up to three years. I think I'm going to
• 22:40
  Speaker 2: not love my job soon, Like what's that about? And
• 22:44
  Speaker 2: how long do I not love it before I decide
• 22:46
  Speaker 2: that I've got to find a way to move on.
• 22:49
  Speaker 1: I think that's finding Yeah, finding that mix between stability
• 22:53
  Speaker 1: and security and also flexibility and freedom. Yeah, you know,
• 23:00
  Speaker 1: that's yeah, that's a I think that's a really not
• 23:05
  Speaker 1: for everybody, but I think for probably a fair percentage
• 23:08
  Speaker 1: of people, that's a nice combination where you know, there's
• 23:12
  Speaker 1: a level of freedom and a level of autonomy and
• 23:14
  Speaker 1: a level of flexibility, but also I'm making good dough
• 23:19
  Speaker 1: and I know each week I'm going to get a
• 23:20
  Speaker 1: pretty good paycheck, and also there's an opportunity for me to.
• 23:24
  Speaker 3: Grow and evolve in all of that. Or you know, or.
• 23:27
  Speaker 1: Even if we did it with we shared the same
• 23:32
  Speaker 1: kind of concept with something like food, where you go, well, look,
• 23:35
  Speaker 1: I'm going to be I'm going to eat really clean
• 23:37
  Speaker 1: and really whatever well means I'm going to do the
• 23:39
  Speaker 1: best thing for my body nine percent at the time
• 23:43
  Speaker 1: and ten percent of a time I'm just going to
• 23:44
  Speaker 1: eat for pleasure and that's okay, but probably not ninety ten.
• 23:48
  Speaker 3: But ten ninety is fine. Ten percent of the time,
• 23:51
  Speaker 3: I'm going.
• 23:51
  Speaker 1: To have some booze or I'm going to have a
• 23:52
  Speaker 1: cookie in your case or you know, but I'm not
• 23:55
  Speaker 1: going to have thirteen cookies a day, and I'm not
• 23:57
  Speaker 1: going to you know, most of the time, I'm doing
• 23:59
  Speaker 1: most of the things really well. And I think that
• 24:03
  Speaker 1: I've been guilty of this, right because I'm a little
• 24:05
  Speaker 1: bit go hard or go home, and I'm a little
• 24:09
  Speaker 1: bit for me, like the way that I need to
• 24:14
  Speaker 1: be for me, based on how I understand me, I
• 24:18
  Speaker 1: need to be pretty.
• 24:20
  Speaker 3: Absolute like for me, that just is for me.
• 24:25
  Speaker 1: But I wouldn't recommend that for most people because you know,
• 24:29
  Speaker 1: I know, like I'm probably better than I ever have
• 24:32
  Speaker 1: been with this. But food is my kryptonite, right, So
• 24:35
  Speaker 1: everything else is not a problem, like training hard, training,
• 24:38
  Speaker 1: consistently working hard, you know, making money, developing relationships, all
• 24:44
  Speaker 1: of those things I'm not bad at, right, but my kryptonite,
• 24:48
  Speaker 1: that my biggest challenge has always been trying to manage
• 24:51
  Speaker 1: myself around food.
• 24:55
  Speaker 3: So I know, for me, if it's just.
• 24:56
  Speaker 1: Like, well I don't eat that, then it's just I
• 25:00
  Speaker 1: find that easier then I eat it sometimes because if
• 25:05
  Speaker 1: I eat it sometimes, then I want to eat that
• 25:08
  Speaker 1: shit all.
• 25:08
  Speaker 2: The time always sometimes.
• 25:11
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, But also I don't have that body like
• 25:16
  Speaker 1: you can eat shit. I know that you eat well
• 25:19
  Speaker 1: nine percent of the time, but you also have you know,
• 25:23
  Speaker 1: you go to the cookie shop that you've spoken about
• 25:25
  Speaker 1: the world's best cookies, and you know, maceadamia nuts and
• 25:28
  Speaker 1: chocolate and fucking all the yumminess therein and all the calories.
• 25:34
  Speaker 3: See, if I did that, I'd probably go back again
• 25:36
  Speaker 3: and back again and back again.
• 25:37
  Speaker 1: And I just like I see myself and people would
• 25:40
  Speaker 1: go I've had people say to me, which I understand,
• 25:45
  Speaker 1: I find it hard that you don't have that self
• 25:50
  Speaker 1: control or whatever. And I get that, and I'm not
• 25:53
  Speaker 1: even offended by that, that that I need to be
• 25:57
  Speaker 1: all or nothing, but I kind of for me, you know, for.
• 26:01
  Speaker 3: A lot of people are.
• 26:04
  Speaker 1: Heroine or cocaine or booze or gambling was their addiction
• 26:11
  Speaker 1: or is their addiction. But for me, it was literally food,
• 26:14
  Speaker 1: Like I would literally eat food that I didn't need
• 26:17
  Speaker 1: all the time because it just gave me that pleasure
• 26:22
  Speaker 1: that dopamine. It just made me feel so fucking amazing.
• 26:27
  Speaker 1: Obviously a very short lived amazing because then I felt
• 26:30
  Speaker 1: fucking horrendous physically, emotionally, mentally right. But I didn't learn
• 26:35
  Speaker 1: my lesson for a very long time. But the truth
• 26:38
  Speaker 1: is that I was just doing irrational things with food,
• 26:42
  Speaker 1: as many people do and have done. And I would
• 26:45
  Speaker 1: eat a certain way when people watching, I would eat
• 26:47
  Speaker 1: differently when people weren't watching, and you know, and so
• 26:52
  Speaker 1: for me, I just needed to make a decision. I
• 26:55
  Speaker 1: don't know why I am that way around food, but
• 26:58
  Speaker 1: I do have or and have that capacity for that
• 27:02
  Speaker 1: addictive kind of behavior clearly with food, because I struggle
• 27:07
  Speaker 1: with it for a long time. And again this is
• 27:10
  Speaker 1: back to that n equals one kind of thinking, whereas like, well, Craig,
• 27:13
  Speaker 1: what's the.
• 27:13
  Speaker 3: Best for you?
• 27:15
  Speaker 1: Well, what's the best for me is to eat a
• 27:17
  Speaker 1: really good, healthy breakfast that's yummy, and I have a
• 27:19
  Speaker 1: version of the same thing every day. Dinner is a
• 27:23
  Speaker 1: version of the same thing. It's some protein. It's often
• 27:26
  Speaker 1: like some basmati rice and some veggies. Every night and
• 27:30
  Speaker 1: through the day, if I'm hungry, there might be some
• 27:32
  Speaker 1: nuts or seeds or protein.
• 27:33
  Speaker 3: Bar and it's pretty much a version of that.
• 27:37
  Speaker 1: But it's not like I eat that and go, oh fuck,
• 27:39
  Speaker 1: this is horrible and boring, but geez on discipline. No,
• 27:42
  Speaker 1: I love all of my meals. I still get joy
• 27:45
  Speaker 1: from eating. But I'd never struggle with you know, because
• 27:50
  Speaker 1: I don't open the junk food door. Oh that's not
• 27:55
  Speaker 1: totally honest. Every now and then I do, but it's
• 27:58
  Speaker 1: really something that's I planned. But if I was kind
• 28:01
  Speaker 1: of semi regularly, if I was buying a pizza every
• 28:05
  Speaker 1: Friday night, I'd probably buy a pizza every Wednesday night
• 28:08
  Speaker 1: as well, within within and then i'd probably buy one
• 28:11
  Speaker 1: on a Thursday as well, you know. So and again
• 28:14
  Speaker 1: I just think that's that uh, you know, that understanding
• 28:18
  Speaker 1: that it's not all arbitrary.
• 28:20
  Speaker 3: It's not like, well, why don't you just do this?
• 28:22
  Speaker 1: Well, and that's you know, that's for me, that was
• 28:26
  Speaker 1: something that I had to really start to understand. Helping
• 28:32
  Speaker 1: people create new outcomes and helping people create change is
• 28:37
  Speaker 1: like a lot of like a lot of my kind
• 28:40
  Speaker 1: of operating system and my personal thinking around what I
• 28:44
  Speaker 1: would do was actually inappropriate for the people that I'm
• 28:47
  Speaker 1: working with. So I needed to understand because how I
• 28:51
  Speaker 1: would approach this problem. If I recommended that to them,
• 28:55
  Speaker 1: that would actually be bad advice and bad coaching because
• 28:59
  Speaker 1: they're not me. They don't have my predisposition, they don't
• 29:03
  Speaker 1: have my genetics, they don't have my background, they don't
• 29:05
  Speaker 1: have my personality, they don't have my addictive whatever for
• 29:10
  Speaker 1: that thing, And so it's trying to understand that person.
• 29:12
  Speaker 3: And then you know, you give the best advice or
• 29:16
  Speaker 3: the best coaching you can broadly speaking, but then you
• 29:19
  Speaker 3: kind of see how that individual responds to that particular
• 29:23
  Speaker 3: protocol or whatever it is, and then learn from there.
• 29:28
  Speaker 2: Like with food, I've got a version of that, Like
• 29:31
  Speaker 2: if you brought it. If you brought me ten of
• 29:34
  Speaker 2: those cookies to my house and said, I've got your present.
• 29:37
  Speaker 2: If you brought me one, I'd be like, you're amazing.
• 29:39
  Speaker 2: If you brought me ten, I would almost be angry.
• 29:41
  Speaker 2: I'll be like, that's not funny. That's actually not funny
• 29:44
  Speaker 2: because I can't have because I will eat ten and
• 29:47
  Speaker 2: I'll eat them and I'll feel sick, and I'll eat
• 29:49
  Speaker 2: them again as soon as I'm not feeling like I'll
• 29:51
  Speaker 2: do that. So it's like I can't have portions of
• 29:54
  Speaker 2: stuff at my house, I have to go out to
• 29:56
  Speaker 2: get it.
• 29:58
  Speaker 1: So you and I have just publicly disclosed that we've
• 30:01
  Speaker 1: both got fucking body dysmorphia and eating issues and at
• 30:05
  Speaker 1: the very least, if not an eating disorder, which I
• 30:08
  Speaker 1: think we're closer to that end of.
• 30:10
  Speaker 3: The scale, at the very least disordered eating. This was
• 30:14
  Speaker 3: not my plan.
• 30:17
  Speaker 2: But you know, it's like I always say this line
• 30:20
  Speaker 2: in a lot of different context and it applies here. It'
• 30:22
  Speaker 2: to use your relationship with the thing that shapes your life,
• 30:26
  Speaker 2: not the thing. So my relationship with how I eat
• 30:29
  Speaker 2: as is yours. Once you understand that, you go, oh,
• 30:32
  Speaker 2: it's not It's not the cookies, it's my relationship with it.
• 30:35
  Speaker 2: So if I decide this protocol works with me, I
• 30:38
  Speaker 2: go and have a cookie however many times a week
• 30:40
  Speaker 2: that I want to, and that's it, but I don't
• 30:42
  Speaker 2: have more. And when someone brings me a big fucking
• 30:45
  Speaker 2: bulk bag of cookies to my house, I go, no,
• 30:48
  Speaker 2: you can't. That can't be left here. That's not good,
• 30:51
  Speaker 2: that's not fun for me. I I'm my boundaries. Wow, yeah,
• 30:58
  Speaker 2: I think when I was little. When I was little,
• 31:01
  Speaker 2: I used to mumm used to do shopping on a Thursday.
• 31:04
  Speaker 2: She'd fill the fridge up, and I'd come home and
• 31:05
  Speaker 2: I would eat like my dad. She would serve up
• 31:08
  Speaker 2: a plate of dinner at the size of my dad's.
• 31:10
  Speaker 2: I'd eat it. I'd eat all the leftovers, and then
• 31:12
  Speaker 2: i'd go to the fridge and I'd have all the
• 31:15
  Speaker 2: And one day, you know those big mudcakes from like
• 31:19
  Speaker 2: just the supermarket, just the ships market ones, big chocolate mudcake.
• 31:23
  Speaker 2: One day, I had had a big roast dinner and
• 31:26
  Speaker 2: then I had a little slither of that cake, and
• 31:29
  Speaker 2: I ate the whole thing, aside from one tiny slice
• 31:33
  Speaker 2: I left for mom, the whole thing, Like this tiny, little, skinny, friggin'
• 31:38
  Speaker 2: teenage kid, I was just a hoover.
• 31:45
  Speaker 3: How old were you at this stage.
• 31:47
  Speaker 2: Oh, like thirteen fourteen. I would just in it. She'd
• 31:50
  Speaker 2: be like, what, why do you have to eat every
• 31:53
  Speaker 2: I'd do shopping on a Thursday? One Do you have
• 31:54
  Speaker 2: to eat everything?
• 31:56
  Speaker 1: Now?
• 31:56
  Speaker 2: We've got nothing nice for the rest of the week.
• 31:58
  Speaker 2: And I'm like, yeah, but it's so good.
• 32:00
  Speaker 1: Yeah, Well, I'm I'm surprised that that I reckon you're
• 32:08
  Speaker 1: more of an addict than me, Like it's a good
• 32:12
  Speaker 1: thing for you it kind of stopped with food. Did
• 32:15
  Speaker 1: you ever get addicted to anything, not necessarily food, but like,
• 32:19
  Speaker 1: was anything else in that addictive kind of space?
• 32:22
  Speaker 2: No? Thank god I didn't get into drugs.
• 32:25
  Speaker 1: Oh yeah, I reckon. If I ever started drinking, I
• 32:28
  Speaker 1: would have been amazing at it. Yeah, I would have
• 32:32
  Speaker 1: been like I would have drunk Booze for Australia.
• 32:36
  Speaker 2: I would drink when I was younger, and I would
• 32:37
  Speaker 2: drink to it. I would binge drink when I went
• 32:39
  Speaker 2: out or drink to a sess.
• 32:42
  Speaker 3: But wow, yeah, but not you just say you would
• 32:45
  Speaker 3: binge drink when you went out.
• 32:47
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I would drink excessively. Yeah, but I wouldn't but not,
• 32:52
  Speaker 2: I wouldn't have to drink regularly if I was Once
• 32:54
  Speaker 2: I was out and drinking, I would drink a lot,
• 32:57
  Speaker 2: way too much, but probably because I would drink stuff
• 33:02
  Speaker 2: that was sugary and it was more of a sugar thing.
• 33:04
  Speaker 2: I was like, oh my an alcoholics. No, No, I'm
• 33:06
  Speaker 2: a sure addict. I'm haven't you had that? Sweet Wow?
• 33:09
  Speaker 3: You should have just taken some pepsi max and be
• 33:11
  Speaker 3: done with it. You would have saved yourself.
• 33:14
  Speaker 1: A lot of dollars and a lot of hangovers. Probably
• 33:18
  Speaker 1: would have given yourself a tumor with those fucking artificial sweetness.
• 33:22
  Speaker 3: I'll tell you what.
• 33:24
  Speaker 1: I'll tell you what for somebody who's been using artificial
• 33:27
  Speaker 1: sweeteners for about forty years, I'm a little bit nervous
• 33:30
  Speaker 1: at the moment.
• 33:31
  Speaker 3: I've just been doing a bit of a deep dive.
• 33:33
  Speaker 3: Oh so.
• 33:36
  Speaker 1: This is not a recommendation everyone, but Craig Anthony Harper.
• 33:43
  Speaker 1: All he has these days is neutrals sweet, which is
• 33:50
  Speaker 1: what's that plant called again.
• 33:52
  Speaker 3: I'm just blanking.
• 33:52
  Speaker 1: Steviavia yep, so not is it not neutral sweet anyway?
• 33:59
  Speaker 3: Steve?
• 34:00
  Speaker 1: Yeah, is the Yeah, so that's that kind of plant derived.
• 34:06
  Speaker 3: Yeah. So my preliminary findings seem to suggest that that. Again,
• 34:11
  Speaker 3: this is not a recommendation.
• 34:13
  Speaker 1: Do your own research, but yeah, yeah, those those ones
• 34:18
  Speaker 1: that are made in the lab. I think there are
• 34:21
  Speaker 1: I think there are some real cognitive potential, cognitive and
• 34:25
  Speaker 1: other consequences for people using lots of that shit. So
• 34:30
  Speaker 1: m anyway, that was a very uplifting ending. Again, you
• 34:36
  Speaker 1: might find that your body's great with it. I personally
• 34:40
  Speaker 1: wouldn't recommend it if it's been it's been real. I
• 34:46
  Speaker 1: don't know this that this is our standout stellar performance.
• 34:51
  Speaker 1: But it is Sunday night at seven o eight now,
• 34:54
  Speaker 1: so it's been to be weak.
• 34:55
  Speaker 2: It's going to be weak. It's nearly yet bedtime.
• 34:59
  Speaker 1: Are you going to are you going to go and
• 35:01
  Speaker 1: have a cookie or what's your Have you had dinner?
• 35:05
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I've had dinner. I'm done now. I've had a
• 35:07
  Speaker 2: bit early, Harps. I'm like five point thirty dinner for me.
• 35:10
  Speaker 2: I've hit Nana age.
• 35:13
  Speaker 1: I don't know how you do. I don't know how
• 35:14
  Speaker 1: you do dinner before podcast. I've got to.
• 35:19
  Speaker 2: Wait till after seven.
• 35:20
  Speaker 3: I'll stay there once I do dinner.
• 35:22
  Speaker 1: Though, my brain's like a fucking wombat, just like that's it.
• 35:26
  Speaker 1: Everything just it's like my body goes, oh, we're done.
• 35:30
  Speaker 1: We don't have to think anymore. Here's food. We don't
• 35:34
  Speaker 1: have to think now we've just got to sleep. Thanks Tiff,
• 35:38
  Speaker 1: Thanks Harps.