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You Were Never Meant to Stay the Same · The Nadia Chapman Show

• 0:05
  Welcome back to a brand new episode of the Nadia Chapman Show.
• 0:08
  I'm your host, Nadia Chapman. It is middle of July and it is a hot day here in California.
• 0:15
  I am hiding away in my office for a few hours with a big fat ice latte.
• 0:20
  And I've got a few topics that I really look forward to cover with you.
• 0:25
  I'm going to give you some tips to put into your little toolbox.
• 0:28
  So please share and save those episodes, it's going to be pretty juicy.
• 0:34
  And the first topic I want to cover today is all about change and how we were
• 0:41
  never meant to stay the same.
• 0:44
  I'm going to kick off this podcast by just asking you a stupid question.
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  Have you ever looked at an old, maybe Facebook memory or an old photo or gone
• 0:55
  through an old journal of yours and thought, oh my gosh, I can't believe I was that person.
• 1:03
  Maybe it was your hairstyle or your outfit or maybe the boyfriend or girlfriend
• 1:08
  that you were dating at the time.
• 1:09
  Let's not talk about that today. Or maybe it was just the way you thought your
• 1:14
  values or your habits back then.
• 1:17
  Or maybe it was the things that you tolerated. The fact that you maybe had a hard time saying no.
• 1:24
  Maybe the things you worried about back many years ago or the dreams that you
• 1:30
  were too scared to chase.
• 1:32
  And if you've ever cringed a little looking back at old you, it's a good thing.
• 1:38
  And this is what I'm going to be talking about today. Because really,
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  what it means, it means that you've grown.
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  See, I think one of the biggest lies that we unknowingly believe is this,
• 1:51
  that somehow we're supposed to figure ourselves out by the time that we're 25
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  or maybe 35 or 45, and then just kind of
• 1:58
  maintain that version of ourselves forever.
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  No update, no upgrades, no new software. So imagine buying a brand new iPhone
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  and it says no new updates. No, it's never going to be able to upgrade.
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  Yet somehow that's exactly how many of us treat ourselves. We keep running in
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  our mind beliefs that we downloaded a long time ago.
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  We have rules that we inherit from our parents, maybe from sometimes our grandparents.
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  We still hold on to opinions from people that are not even in our lives anymore.
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  We hold on to stories that expired years ago. So today's episode is your permission slip.
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  A permission to update your identity because here's the truth,
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  guys. You were never meant to stay the same.
• 2:45
  So let's talk about it. Your brain loves the old you.
• 2:50
  That's right. You heard that right. So here's something very fascinating.
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  Your brain, my brain, all of our brains love everything that is very familiar,
• 3:00
  very comforting. You know, not happiness, not success, not confidence.
• 3:06
  Everything that is familiar.
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  If you spent years doubting yourself, well, guess what? That feels normal.
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  If you spend years having self-doubt, if you spend years people-pleasing, well, guess what?
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  It feels safe. It feels like it's normal. If you spend years saying,
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  oh, I'm not that confident person or I'm the least confident in the family, well, guess what?
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  Your brain goes, perfect. Let's keep that going. Let's keep proving that.
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  Not because it's true, but because it's familiar. yours. So your brain is basically
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  that overly cautious friend of yours who says, oh, maybe don't try that.
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  Or what if you fail? What if you embarrass yourself? What if everybody judges you?
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  What if they laugh? And meanwhile, your dreams are sitting in the backseat yelling,
• 3:55
  holy shit, can we please go?
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  And here's what I like to remind people. You are not a tree.
• 4:01
  You are allowed to move. You are allowed to change your mind and go different
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  directions. You're allowed to discover a new dream. You're allowed to abandon
• 4:09
  a project that no longer suits you.
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  You're allowed to become someone your younger self couldn't even imagine. Isn't that amazing?
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  Somewhere along the way, we started believing consistency meant never changing.
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  Oh, hell no. Consistency means staying true to your values, not staying trapped
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  in an outdated version of yourself.
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  All right. So we're gonna play a little game together.
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  Ooh, can you sell the passion in my voice? I love this topic.
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  Let's play a little game together. I want you to finish this sentence,
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  okay? I'm just the kind of person who...
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  And I want to know what pops into your head, all right?
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  I'm going to repeat it again. Finish this sentence. I'm just the kind of person who...
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  It can be I'm shy, I'm anxious, I'm always late. I'm terrible with money.
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  That's a big one. I'm not disciplined.
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  Take a second and think about who told you that.
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  Uh-huh. Seriously, who told you that? Did you decide that?
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  Or did life kind of hand you a label that you put on your forehead one difficult
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  moment at a time? Because here's the thing. Every time that you repeat that
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  sentence in your head, you're giving your brain instructions.
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  I'm bad under pressure. All right. Well, guess what happens under pressure?
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  You'll be bad under pressure. I'm terrible at public speaking.
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  Well, guess what happened when you're handed a microphone?
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  All right, I'll let you come up with the answer. You're going to suck at public speaking.
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  We become what we repeatedly rehearse. So maybe it's time to rehearse something
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  different. And that's why I say
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  today is your permission to do things differently and think differently.
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  And I know that growth is awkward. It's supposed to be awkward.
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  So we need to normalize this for a second. Growth is weird.
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  Change is awkward. It's messy.
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  And change can be even harder the older you are.
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  Once you learned how to speak up, once you set boundaries, or once you decide,
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  you know, I'm going to try something new and you're a certain age,
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  well, suddenly people will be like, oh boy, you've changed.
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  Well, my response to that is like, I certainly hope so.
• 6:27
  Well, imagine someone saying, oh, wow, that tree has gotten taller. Well, exactly.
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  That's what living things do. They grow. So here's something I think about all
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  the time, especially as I get older.
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  People will say, oh, I want to become more confident. Well, no.
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  Confidence isn't something you wait to receive. It's something you build.
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  Here's something I think about all the time, especially as I'm aging.
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  I hear people say, let's say, I want to become more confident.
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  Well, guess what? Confidence isn't something that you wait to receive.
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  It's something that you built. All right.
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  When people say, oh, I'll do it when I feel ready. Well, guess what?
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  Ready isn't a feeling. I always say ready is a decision. Your future self isn't
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  sitting somewhere waiting for you.
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  You've got to create that future self. She's being created every
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  single decision you make today, every conversations you'll have,
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  every action you take, every workout, every boundary, every brave little moment,
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  you'll either practicing become her or him,
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  or you will practice staying exactly where you are. All right.
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  So sometimes I'm going to tell you the hardest part isn't becoming somebody new.
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  It's just saying goodbye to who you've been. And maybe it's time to let go of,
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  you know, the girl who needed everybody's approval or the guy who thought failure
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  meant that he's a loser and it's the end of the world.
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  Or if you're an athlete, maybe it's the athlete who believe that one mistake defines everything.
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  And if you're a parent, maybe it's the parent carrying impossible guilt,
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  whatever happened. Thank them.
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  Say thank you. You know, they got you here to where you're at,
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  but they don't have to be in the driving seat of your life anymore.
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  Tomorrow morning, all right, when you're brushing your teeth,
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  I want you to look in the mirror, not to criticize yourself and beat yourself
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  up, not to pick apart your appearance.
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  Just ask, who am I becoming? And don't ask yourself, who do other people expect me to be? Oh, hell no.
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  Who am I becoming? Because that's the only version worth focusing on right now.
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  So here's your challenge this week. I want you to grab a piece of paper and
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  draw a line down the middle.
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  On the left side, you're going to write who I've been. And on the right side, who I'm becoming.
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  Then list everything. Old habits, old beliefs, old fears. And on the other side,
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  new beliefs, new courage, new identity.
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  And here's the important part. Every morning, pick one action that belongs to
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  the person you are becoming. Not 10, just one.
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  And that's how slowly identity changes. Not overnight, but one decision at the time.
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  Before we finish, I want you to remember one thing, that the version of you
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  who got you through everything that you've survived, everything up to today,
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  while you're listening to this podcast, did an incredible job.
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  And I'm being serious, you know, she or he carried you through heartbreak and
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  loss and failure. And I know probably a lot of self-doubt, we all have it.
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  But she and he deserves gratitude.
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  The old version of you was never meant to be your final version.
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  And I hope that today you realize that, that this podcast is giving you great insight.
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  There are still chapters that you haven't lived yet. There's a lot of people
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  you haven't met and you have a lot of dreams that you haven't even discovered.
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  And there's a lot of confidence that you haven't even grown into yet.
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  So the best part of your story may still be unwritten, let's say.
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  So stop clinging to the old identity just because it's familiar.
• 10:23
  You need to keep evolving. You need to keep surprising yourself.
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  That's the exciting part of life. You need to keep becoming.
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  Life will never ask you to stay the same. It's consistently inviting you to grow.
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  Thank you so much for hanging out with me today. If this episode spoke to your
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  heart, please send it to somebody who's maybe in the middle of reinventing themselves.
• 10:47
  And if you loved it, I'll be so grateful if you left a review.
• 10:51
  It really helps The Nadia Chapman Show reach more people who need these conversations.
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  Until next time, take one brave step today, trust your growth,
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  and remember, the person you're becoming is already cheering you on. We've got this.