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How to Build a Family Legacy That Isn't Money · Calm the Chaos with Rich Christiansen

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: My wife and I were absolutely terrified with the prospect of having a lot of money.
• 0:05
  SPEAKER_00: How do we pass the values on to actually stabilize the family?
• 0:08
  SPEAKER_00: Uh the fabric of our society is absolutely just being ripped apart.
• 0:12
  SPEAKER_00: It's just being shredded to the very essence.
• 0:15
  SPEAKER_00: Many of the institutions that filled the gaps for family are starting to fall apart and we're ending up in this terrible, extremely lonely place of humanity.
• 0:24
  SPEAKER_00: Every son must kill his father, and every daughter must cut the apron strings from their mother.
• 0:29
  SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna say that again because I don't use it deliberately.
• 0:36
  SPEAKER_00: Well, good morning.
• 0:37
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to Calm the Chaos, a podcast where we discuss tools and resources, blueprints to help us live our life more in flow, get out of force, where I have conversations with individuals who have faced their fears, fierce with reality.
• 0:52
  SPEAKER_00: And today is such a fun topic.
• 0:54
  SPEAKER_00: This is uh something that I have lived for the last 30 plus years.
• 0:57
  SPEAKER_00: It's the Logano Family Framework.
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_00: And as most of you know and have heard, it's been fairly well documented, but I'm gonna do a run through.
• 1:05
  SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna do a 10,000-foot run through of this amazing framework.
• 1:08
  SPEAKER_00: Uh as I'd mentioned, this actually started some 30 plus years ago, as I found myself in quite a surprising, uh remarkable set of circumstances.
• 1:18
  SPEAKER_00: I grew up in a rural community, all thousand of us if you count the cows.
• 1:22
  SPEAKER_00: And uh much to my surprise, uh I ended up finding success fairly or fairly early on in my career.
• 1:29
  SPEAKER_00: I was assigned to be the general manager of a Mitsubishi Electric.
• 1:32
  SPEAKER_00: And at that point, I was earning more money than my father and father-in-law ended their career.
• 1:37
  SPEAKER_00: And uh, most important thing to me, no question, with my amazing wife that was so hard-fought was to not blow up our family.
• 1:44
  SPEAKER_00: Every uh family that we'd see that had wealth, which I don't call wealth now, I call it financial resources, had managed to just completely screw their families up.
• 1:53
  SPEAKER_00: My wife and I were absolutely terrified with the prospect of having a lot of money.
• 1:58
  SPEAKER_00: So we talked about it and we determined uh we came up with this brilliant plan.
• 2:03
  SPEAKER_00: We moved to a very poor neighborhood and uh we just were not gonna ever let our children know that we had resources.
• 2:09
  SPEAKER_00: Well, we got about two years into this uh little lab rat experiment, and I had a friend come to me.
• 2:15
  SPEAKER_00: He was actually my financial advisor, and he says, Rich, I've seen you do stupid things, and I've seen you do really stupid things, and this tops the list of really stupid things.
• 2:23
  SPEAKER_00: Because if you pull this off, which you're not gonna pull it off, but if you do pull it off, what you're gonna promptly do is completely screw up your kids later on.
• 2:31
  SPEAKER_00: And your your grandchildren are guaranteed to be destroyed.
• 2:35
  SPEAKER_00: So I took a long deep breath and I had to concede that he was right on that.
• 2:40
  SPEAKER_00: And so I I went uh on this uh path and journey of finding frameworks or models that uh could really help me stabilize my family.
• 2:48
  SPEAKER_00: I looked and looked, and what I found was all these models about family offices and trusts and how to secure the finances and how to invest and diversify and hold the money together, and nothing against that for all you financial planners that that are watching this because it's really needed and important, but it it missed the fundamental precipice, which is how do we pass the values on to actually stabilize the family.
• 3:11
  SPEAKER_00: At that point, I uh uh was working with Stephen Covey as a mentor, and I went uh went and had a conversation, and basically what was offered was the family mission statement, which promptly did.
• 3:21
  SPEAKER_00: But uh I was uh challenged and I I challenged myself to put together a framework.
• 3:26
  SPEAKER_00: As all great entrepreneurs do, I created my own framework.
• 3:30
  SPEAKER_00: And that was the essence of the Legato framework and how this came about.
• 3:34
  SPEAKER_00: And we actually raised uh our family with this framework, and never in a million years would I ever have uh, first of all, thought of taking it public, and second of all, how remarkable the framework actually ended up holding together.
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_00: As a matter of fact, in all honesty, I have to confess, as my friends were seeing what was happening, and says, Rich, you gotta talk about this, you've got to talk about this.
• 3:53
  SPEAKER_00: And I would say, no, no, no, no, we really don't know if this is going to work until my grandchildren are raised.
• 3:58
  SPEAKER_00: But a remarkable thing happened in the middle of COVID.
• 4:01
  SPEAKER_00: I kind of had a very personal experience that uh that I realized it wasn't only necessary, it was mandatory that I provide this uh this framework to all of you.
• 4:10
  SPEAKER_00: Uh the fabric of our society is absolutely just being ripped apart.
• 4:14
  SPEAKER_00: It's just gonna be, it's just being shredded to the very essence.
• 4:17
  SPEAKER_00: And the the reason for much of this is simply the fact that uh we're lacking stability structures.
• 4:24
  SPEAKER_00: Many of the institutions that fill the gaps for family are starting to fall apart, and we're ending up in this terrible, extremely lonely place of humanity.
• 4:33
  SPEAKER_00: And this is bomb to the wound, if you will, very congruent with Calm the Chaos.
• 4:38
  SPEAKER_00: This content uh is indeed building and lifting and stabilizing and everything that not only I stand for, but this podcast stands for.
• 4:46
  SPEAKER_00: So with that context, uh this is indeed the f the framework we raise our family on.
• 4:52
  SPEAKER_00: As I did research on this way back so many years ago, and it kind of evolved a little bit, a little bit over time, but I came to the realization there are several just critical things that every single stable organization has.
• 5:05
  SPEAKER_00: And it doesn't matter whether it's your favorite sports team, doesn't matter the university that you go to or the religious institution, all of these have these same fundamental elements and nothing endures without them.
• 5:18
  SPEAKER_00: And so it was actually proven history, thousands of years of history that I base the model off of.
• 5:23
  SPEAKER_00: So let me just quickly do a run by flyby of this.
• 5:26
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not going to go into great detail.
• 5:28
  SPEAKER_00: I would invite you, if this really perks your interest, to go to legatofamily.com, and that's L E G A D O Family.com.
• 5:36
  SPEAKER_00: Beautifully, we've been able to provide this for families all over the world with incredible results.
• 5:41
  SPEAKER_00: It is so heartwarming to me to see the results that come back.
• 5:44
  SPEAKER_00: There are several options for you if you're interested in this.
• 5:47
  SPEAKER_00: And if you can't afford it, reach out to me and I'll even just provide the content.
• 5:51
  SPEAKER_00: I feel that passionately about it.
• 5:53
  SPEAKER_00: But uh, LegatoFamily.com, we we have an online training module program.
• 5:57
  SPEAKER_00: We have some coaches that can come in, and in rare events, I actually do about one of these per month.
• 6:02
  SPEAKER_00: So let me just uh fly through the content.
• 6:04
  SPEAKER_00: If I could, I'll provide a we're gonna fly over this at about 10 or 15,000 feet.
• 6:10
  SPEAKER_00: So enough uh perspective to get details, but not so granular that I bore you to death.
• 6:14
  SPEAKER_00: The very platform is always starting with me.
• 6:18
  SPEAKER_00: It's values.
• 6:19
  SPEAKER_00: What are your core ethos and values?
• 6:21
  SPEAKER_00: And the reality is, is most couples haven't even thought how to resolve that or determine what they are.
• 6:27
  SPEAKER_00: And I would argue in the absence of understanding what your values are and what you're agreeing upon as a couple, the patriarch and matriarch, then it's impossible to actually have any level of coherence and unity.
• 6:39
  SPEAKER_00: And um, we see this all through society now, a breakdown of values.
• 6:44
  SPEAKER_00: And so in the absence of values, our children are gonna go find them elsewhere.
• 6:48
  SPEAKER_00: And I'll use an example of that here in maybe uh just a little bit.
• 6:52
  SPEAKER_00: But so the first step is what are your values?
• 6:54
  SPEAKER_00: What are you agreeing them on?
• 6:56
  SPEAKER_00: Fundamentally, what you stand for.
• 6:57
  SPEAKER_00: And if you watched the value blueprint or went into the value of blueprint, it's not enough to just name a value.
• 7:03
  SPEAKER_00: Like we don't just go say, oh, we're a family of love or harmony, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
• 7:07
  SPEAKER_00: It's actually got to have emotionally charged.
• 7:09
  SPEAKER_00: Like one of our family's core values is do the right thing, damn the torpedoes.
• 7:14
  SPEAKER_00: You know, that carries energy and weight and gravitas with it, rather than a bunch of anemic words.
• 7:20
  SPEAKER_00: So the very first thing we have to do is establish what are we fundamentally going for?
• 7:24
  SPEAKER_00: One of ours is anti-fragile.
• 7:27
  SPEAKER_00: We don't want to just be resilient, we want to be anti-fragile.
• 7:30
  SPEAKER_00: I want my children, my grandchildren to be able to stand up and not just break at every wind that comes along.
• 7:35
  SPEAKER_00: So establishing your values is the first thing.
• 7:38
  SPEAKER_00: A platform of stability, and I would argue without that, you can do these other, these other aspects.
• 7:43
  SPEAKER_00: I had one fairly well-known friend that just, oh my gosh, he wanted a symbol.
• 7:47
  SPEAKER_00: He wanted a big crest, and I kept saying it's meaningless without the values because duh-da-da, the rain falls and everything comes tumbling down.
• 7:54
  SPEAKER_00: Values is the platform.
• 7:56
  SPEAKER_00: Equal important to that is actually the anti-values or the trash can values.
• 8:01
  SPEAKER_00: Most families, most individuals have yucky things leak in epigenetically.
• 8:06
  SPEAKER_00: Learnings, traditions that just come in that quite frankly are not beneficial and helpful.
• 8:10
  SPEAKER_00: In the case of our family, and again, I want to be really clear, our families were really amazing, incredible families, but boy did we ever use fear.
• 8:18
  SPEAKER_00: Scarcity, guilt, and shame.
• 8:20
  SPEAKER_00: Oh my gosh, any behavior you wanted in my wife or my posterity, just put a little guilt and shame in there and put it, slap a little scarce in that behavior.
• 8:28
  SPEAKER_00: And we we determined right up front we were just gonna throw that in the garbage can and call that out and actually not support that.
• 8:35
  SPEAKER_00: So it's really important to call out if you're running from addic uh addictions or you're running from a really negative visceral, uh, bad back talking behavior that you actually throw that in the trash can, call that out and take the energy out of that, not bring that into the family uh unit.
• 8:53
  SPEAKER_00: I hope you're enjoying this episode of Calm the Chaos.
• 8:56
  SPEAKER_00: If you would like to receive more tools, frameworks, support, and resources, go to richchristiansen.com and they're all there available for your free use.
• 9:05
  SPEAKER_00: So now we got a platform of values, a trash can, and upon all things that endure, you plant these three things.
• 9:11
  SPEAKER_00: First of all, symbols.
• 9:12
  SPEAKER_00: The symbols that we pick and align with, number one.
• 9:15
  SPEAKER_00: Number two is what's the doctrine?
• 9:16
  SPEAKER_00: Or what with the philosophy that stands behind this?
• 9:19
  SPEAKER_00: The third is is what are the traditions?
• 9:21
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, how we love our traditions, traditions.
• 9:24
  SPEAKER_00: And then the last, the cement, the super glue, is uh the rites of passage, the lost arts of rites of passage.
• 9:31
  SPEAKER_00: So let's uh let's go back and take those one at a time if we could.
• 9:34
  SPEAKER_00: The first is the symbols.
• 9:36
  SPEAKER_00: We as humans, we can't help ourselves but be aligned.
• 9:39
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, think of the last time you went to a sporting event and what would happen if you were rooting for the blue team and you showed up in red.
• 9:46
  SPEAKER_00: Instant hostility.
• 9:48
  SPEAKER_00: It's actually how we recognize where we belong.
• 9:51
  SPEAKER_00: And we recognize this so deeply in our in our businesses, in our clubs, in our sports, in our universities.
• 9:57
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, try changing the logo of a university and watch what happens.
• 10:01
  SPEAKER_00: Just watch the outcries of rage that will happen because that's actually the symbol of what we stand for.
• 10:07
  SPEAKER_00: But the question I ask you is is you got a logo for your family?
• 10:12
  SPEAKER_00: Do you have a simple uniting little logo that you use for our family, your your family?
• 10:16
  SPEAKER_00: It's amazing how bonding that can be to just simply be seen and to be bookmarked.
• 10:22
  SPEAKER_00: Well, our family has this beautiful little logo.
• 10:24
  SPEAKER_00: Let's see if I have it here.
• 10:25
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, I do.
• 10:26
  SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna pull it right up here.
• 10:27
  SPEAKER_00: This is the logo of our little family right there.
• 10:30
  SPEAKER_00: And my wife in the center or surrounded, and then I protect and provide safe space.
• 10:35
  SPEAKER_00: Then each of my sons manifest their color, but never turning back on each other.
• 10:40
  SPEAKER_00: And then those beautiful little ticks on that.
• 10:42
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, and then my sons, when they marry, they also provide that safe space for their wife to fully create.
• 10:48
  SPEAKER_00: And then the beautiful little grandchildren get to pick their colors on the outside, never turning our back on each other, always in unison, always looking to actually support and provide each other.
• 10:58
  SPEAKER_00: It's really fun to see the little stories that happen out of this.
• 11:01
  SPEAKER_00: I have one particular little granddaughter that's really exuberant.
• 11:04
  SPEAKER_00: And about every month she comes up, Grandpa, I'm changing my color.
• 11:07
  SPEAKER_00: I'm changing my color.
• 11:08
  SPEAKER_00: They get to pick their color.
• 11:09
  SPEAKER_00: And she says, I'm not now passion lipstick peak.
• 11:13
  SPEAKER_00: I'm bright, vibrant passion picks uh pixically pink.
• 11:18
  SPEAKER_00: And okay, I'll note that down and take that.
• 11:20
  SPEAKER_00: The ultimate human need that we all have is simply to be seen.
• 11:24
  SPEAKER_00: Just for one second, someone see me and recognize my place.
• 11:28
  SPEAKER_00: And a family logo is a beautiful, amazing way to do that.
• 11:31
  SPEAKER_00: Other ways we can do it is simply asking each of our children what's your color?
• 11:35
  SPEAKER_00: What is your color?
• 11:36
  SPEAKER_00: And then recognizing that, wrap their birthday presence in it.
• 11:39
  SPEAKER_00: Give gifts in that color and help them be seen.
• 11:42
  SPEAKER_00: I also love to walk through what's your spirit animal and your shadow animal, a way also to manifest, because if you say, okay, what's your spirit animal?
• 11:50
  SPEAKER_00: And frequently, you know, my family members will come up and say, Dad, I'm this, I'm this, and oh, I may have changed to this, or I think it's both of them.
• 11:56
  SPEAKER_00: And you can ask, well, why?
• 11:58
  SPEAKER_00: And they'll proceed to say, well, strong and it's courageous and not afraid, or shadow animal, oh, it likes a little bit of privacy.
• 12:04
  SPEAKER_00: What happens in those uh dialogues and discussions is this deep tenderness is opened up through an abstraction mechanism of who and what they really are.
• 12:13
  SPEAKER_00: Symbols, the power of symbols.
• 12:15
  SPEAKER_00: I'll tell you who probably uses this more powerfully than anyone else.
• 12:19
  SPEAKER_00: It's the gangs.
• 12:20
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, think of the bloods or the Crips and the symbology that they use.
• 12:25
  SPEAKER_00: And uh the reality that if we do not provide this, the identification of you belong here, they will find it elsewhere.
• 12:33
  SPEAKER_00: But likely they'll find it in a sports team or an institution or at school, the way it's dressed, that has nothing to do with the values that we want to represent.
• 12:43
  SPEAKER_00: So you you do this to show you belong, or they'll find it elsewhere.
• 12:47
  SPEAKER_00: Pretty little strong warning there.
• 12:49
  SPEAKER_00: The second is the doctrine.
• 12:51
  SPEAKER_00: The doctrine is how the tribe behaves, how the tribe actually interrupts.
• 12:55
  SPEAKER_00: I'll show you uh, if you show me someone with a whole bunch of rules in the family, I'll show uh a family that has really, really poor doctrine.
• 13:02
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, and the doctrine ties directly into the values and it allows self-governance.
• 13:07
  SPEAKER_00: You don't have to have a ton of prescribed rules if you have really good overlying doctrine.
• 13:13
  SPEAKER_00: This is how the group or the tribe beings.
• 13:15
  SPEAKER_00: This can be in the form of a mission statement or a family ethos.
• 13:18
  SPEAKER_00: It can be in the form of family songs, anything that expresses how you uh you how you outwardly manifest and behave.
• 13:25
  SPEAKER_00: The third part is the traditions.
• 13:27
  SPEAKER_00: Traditions, oh, how we love our traditions.
• 13:30
  SPEAKER_00: Traditions is in, you know, the caveman day, returning to the tribe to sit around the campfire to feel safe and secure.
• 13:37
  SPEAKER_00: And I think there's two types of traditions.
• 13:39
  SPEAKER_00: One is the cadence, the quick little cadence that needs to happen really regularly.
• 13:43
  SPEAKER_00: And the other one is is the more kind of significant kind of traditions.
• 13:47
  SPEAKER_00: Those of you that have young children will know what happens if you miss the bedtime routine.
• 13:53
  SPEAKER_00: What happens if you mess up reading that one story?
• 13:56
  SPEAKER_00: Well, you just tripled your bedtime.
• 13:58
  SPEAKER_00: I have uh one of my sons has this beautiful little tradition.
• 14:02
  SPEAKER_00: Even with their little like 18-month uh-old daughter, they'll say, What is the funny of the day?
• 14:08
  SPEAKER_00: What is the sad of the day?
• 14:10
  SPEAKER_00: And what is the spiritual of the day?
• 14:12
  SPEAKER_00: And this little girl doesn't even really talk, but she'll sign language, little things, and they'll give the voice.
• 14:17
  SPEAKER_00: And just think of the comfort of being able to allow your voice to be heard, to be seen, to have that comforting space.
• 14:24
  SPEAKER_00: Oftentimes, meals or delicious food is a great way to get the guards to relax.
• 14:29
  SPEAKER_00: So congruent, consistent like Sunday meals or family meals rather than just spreading.
• 14:35
  SPEAKER_00: Whatever it is, it has to root back to the transform platform of the values.
• 14:40
  SPEAKER_00: So you're congruent with values.
• 14:42
  SPEAKER_00: The reality is that many of us have traditions.
• 14:44
  SPEAKER_00: They're just god-awful, terrible, miserable, non-congruent traditions.
• 14:48
  SPEAKER_00: I see what happens with many families on Thanksgiving where everybody shows up.
• 14:54
  SPEAKER_00: Of course, you have to have Aunt Mabel's terrible, awful cranberry dish.
• 14:57
  SPEAKER_00: Nobody eats it, but you do it.
• 14:59
  SPEAKER_00: Why?
• 14:59
  SPEAKER_00: Because of tradition.
• 15:00
  SPEAKER_00: And then you have uh a dinner and typically a moment of gratitude or something, and then go watch football, and everyone or family members get drunk and have a big brawl and then repeat, rewind, do it the following year.
• 15:11
  SPEAKER_00: Terrible tradition.
• 15:12
  SPEAKER_00: Let's root it back to a value and make a really beautiful, meaningful, rooted tradition.
• 15:18
  SPEAKER_00: Something that maybe resolves around an ancestor that did this or a great sacrifice of moving from scarcity to abundance, and the insert and inject traditions that become building and lifting and stabilizing rather than degrading.
• 15:31
  SPEAKER_00: So now we've got platform of values, we've thrown things in the trash, we have our symbols, we have our doctrine, and we have our traditions.
• 15:39
  SPEAKER_00: I really think that this is a beautiful, powerful one, the lost art of rites of passage.
• 15:44
  SPEAKER_00: And we lost this tragically in the Industrial Revolution when men were extracted and went out into the workplace.
• 15:50
  SPEAKER_00: There's critical, critical ages, and if if you have uh children or grandchildren uh at this age, I'd invite you to write these down.
• 15:56
  SPEAKER_00: The first is eight.
• 15:57
  SPEAKER_00: Eight is when the migulla opens, uh the penile gland, and kids become self-governing.
• 16:02
  SPEAKER_00: That's the age where you need to start having really direct conversations about uh drugs and about bullying and about sex and have an open dialogue because kids need to be known that they're self-governing with guidance.
• 16:14
  SPEAKER_00: So eight years old is the critical one.
• 16:16
  SPEAKER_00: Uh twelve years old, of course, is the age of puberty when uh moving from from uh childhood into young adulthood.
• 16:24
  SPEAKER_00: And um uh I've seen many rites of passage done at this age, beautiful rites of passage at uh uh at this age, our family, I would take each of my sons to a third world country.
• 16:34
  SPEAKER_00: A week of play, a week of holding the the little lost girls in the pall, and uh touching humanity and seeing the plight of humanity, and then a third week coming back where it was uh what does it mean to be a Christian?
• 16:46
  SPEAKER_00: Sin man, whatever you do here, it doesn't have to be overly bait, but some time to show what does it mean to actually be an adult and how do we model adulthood.
• 16:56
  SPEAKER_00: That's the key precipice about that that rite of passage.
• 16:59
  SPEAKER_00: The next stage is 14.
• 17:00
  SPEAKER_00: Most self-governance and decisions about how a child will behave happens at the age of 14 years old.
• 17:08
  SPEAKER_00: It's not 16 or 18, you've probably waited a little too long there.
• 17:11
  SPEAKER_00: And so giving a uh a private experience.
• 17:14
  SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna tell uh about this family over in New Zealand that I just fell in love with this story as I was working with him.
• 17:20
  SPEAKER_00: It was a um, I think it was a Maori family, and they they told the story of a great-great-grandfather that was on this little remote island and got saved from the cannibals.
• 17:29
  SPEAKER_00: Not once, not twice, but three times like the heavens part of the lightning cracked and the cannibals didn't eat this uh this great-great-grandfather.
• 17:37
  SPEAKER_00: So, what this family would do, well, first of all, they would tattoo on their arm, 14, they're part of the simple, which pretty cool, pretty extreme.
• 17:45
  SPEAKER_00: And maybe in Next Life I want to be Mallory or something.
• 17:48
  SPEAKER_00: Sounds pretty amazing.
• 17:49
  SPEAKER_00: But they'd put this, uh they'd put the 14 middle in uh uh the 14-year-old in the middle of the canoe.
• 17:55
  SPEAKER_00: Uh mother on the front, paddle forward, child, and then father behind.
• 17:58
  SPEAKER_00: And uh these waters happened to be shark-infested, full of sharks everywhere, enough to cause any of our sphincters to tighten really hard.
• 18:08
  SPEAKER_00: I guess terrifying, but they paddle across this body of water until they got to the island where the um grandfather was saved, and then they would go to the rock, the very place where the lightning parted and the father was saved from the cannibals, and then the the father would put his hand on the right shoulder of the child touching the rock, the mother on the left touching the rock, and they would uh pronounce a special blessing and call down the powers of heaven upon that child that the heavens would also part for them and they would be able to have that same brilliant manifestation of impact in their life.
• 18:42
  SPEAKER_00: Wow.
• 18:43
  SPEAKER_00: Never met that 14-year-old.
• 18:44
  SPEAKER_00: They then would put the child in the canoe and let them paddle back across to show trust and confidence in them across the shark-infested waters.
• 18:53
  SPEAKER_00: As I mentioned, I've never met that 14-year-old, and you haven't, but we we both know what they're like.
• 18:58
  SPEAKER_00: They got the tattooed symbol of the family's meaning, and they know how to do hard things and face and go forward with confidence in their life.
• 19:06
  SPEAKER_00: In our family, uh, each one of my sons got put on top of a major world mountain peak.
• 19:11
  SPEAKER_00: My wife and I together, we climbed three went up uh Everest, Caloptar, stared up the nose hairs of Mount Everest, uh, crying all the way to the top.
• 19:19
  SPEAKER_00: We kill them in Gerald.
• 19:21
  SPEAKER_00: Concept is do hard things and do them privately.
• 19:25
  SPEAKER_00: Private victories, not public victories.
• 19:27
  SPEAKER_00: So, what I would invite you to ask at this age of what are you doing to teach your child the private victory, the hard thing, the courage to paddle across shark-infested water and to make and chart their own course rather than to be sucked into the god-awful vortex that the bloods or the crypts may be offering, or even the sports teams may be offering, and the brands of social media so alluringly pulling them into the abyss.
• 19:51
  SPEAKER_00: The next age is 16.
• 19:53
  SPEAKER_00: What are you doing to allow your child at the age of 16 to take control of their own destiny?
• 19:58
  SPEAKER_00: There's lots of great examples of this.
• 20:00
  SPEAKER_00: Our family has done a fun one, and I'm I'm hesitant to keep using those, so I'm going to pass over that.
• 20:04
  SPEAKER_00: I think this has been fairly well documented, how each of my sons had to pay their own college admission, so we don't need to go into that.
• 20:11
  SPEAKER_00: But there's great examples of what can be done here.
• 20:14
  SPEAKER_00: There was one family of uh high high wealth that I saw.
• 20:18
  SPEAKER_00: Their 16-year-olds then became uh responsible for organizing fundraising events and with the concept of giving back abundantly to those in less need.
• 20:27
  SPEAKER_00: So, what are you doing at 16-year-olds to teach your kids up-level skills so that they can mark their own path and provide?
• 20:33
  SPEAKER_00: The last one is 18.
• 20:34
  SPEAKER_00: 18 is such a critical, critical age, 18 to 19.
• 20:38
  SPEAKER_00: Every son must kill his father, and every daughter must cut the apron strings from their mother.
• 20:43
  SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna say that again, because I don't use it deliberately.
• 20:46
  SPEAKER_00: Every I don't use that just accidentally.
• 20:48
  SPEAKER_00: Every father must, every son must kill his father, every daughter must cut the apron string from their mother to be fully functional.
• 20:55
  SPEAKER_00: And if not, you end up with all these really weird dynamics.
• 20:58
  SPEAKER_00: Now here's the deal.
• 20:59
  SPEAKER_00: I don't want any of my sons physically killing me or driving me.
• 21:03
  SPEAKER_00: And my wife doesn't want all the backbiting negative that can happen when this isn't done.
• 21:08
  SPEAKER_00: And so what you have to do is set up a situation where you allow your child to go on and chart the course of their own life.
• 21:14
  SPEAKER_00: And there's multiple ways that can do that, but the resist the temptation.
• 21:18
  SPEAKER_00: Please, I beg with you parents, to resist the temptation to lawnmower or helicopter for your children.
• 21:24
  SPEAKER_00: Allow them to have consequence, allow them to chart the course of their life without your interference and not feeling like they have to, in order to earn love, have to follow the exact frame path that you set out before them.
• 21:36
  SPEAKER_00: And when we do that, remarkable things happen.
• 21:38
  SPEAKER_00: They step into their own powers.
• 21:39
  SPEAKER_00: I'm really confident in the future of our youth.
• 21:42
  SPEAKER_00: I think they'll actually do far better than some of the problems that my generation laid down.
• 21:47
  SPEAKER_00: So that is our framework, a platform of values, what we throw away, simple tradition, doctrine, rite of passage.
• 21:52
  SPEAKER_00: Then what happens, what really happens that's absolutely amazing is uh then we can put the other elements on top of it, all the financial planning and all the the money just becomes irrelevant because what is true wealth again?
• 22:06
  SPEAKER_00: What's true wealth?
• 22:07
  SPEAKER_00: What do we really want to pass to our children to have them really thrive and succeed?
• 22:11
  SPEAKER_00: Well, just handing them a bag of money, all that's gonna do is just implode their life.
• 22:15
  SPEAKER_00: What we really want to do is we want to pass values and stability and a framework of structure that they can manifest and grow to be their best selves.
• 22:23
  SPEAKER_00: Again, wealth is we are wealth, emotionally, mentally, spiritually, physically, and yes, also financially abundant, but it's a lot more than just a bag of money.
• 22:34
  SPEAKER_00: And when we put these beautiful type of frameworks, and I'm I just gotta be honest, I I'm re I'm rather partial to my little framework.
• 22:41
  SPEAKER_00: And it's proven to be pretty remarkable what's happened in my life and some of the others that have followed it.
• 22:47
  SPEAKER_00: But it it's not the holy grail.
• 22:48
  SPEAKER_00: I think that the operative thing here to say is deliberate, to be deliberate.
• 22:53
  SPEAKER_00: Be deliberate in your parenting.
• 22:54
  SPEAKER_00: And if you don't follow this framework, find some framework that really works for you that has those basic, in essence, stabilizing factors and go forward and prosper.
• 23:03
  SPEAKER_00: I love the statement by uh Spencer W.
• 23:06
  SPEAKER_00: Kimball.
• 23:06
  SPEAKER_00: No success in the workplace can compensate for failure in the home.
• 23:10
  SPEAKER_00: And now, as I'm a little older, maybe a few more gray hairs, hopefully a little wiser.
• 23:15
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes I wonder.
• 23:16
  SPEAKER_00: But uh, I will just boldly say there's nothing that means more to me than the genuine express love of my children and my grandchildren.
• 23:23
  SPEAKER_00: And end of the day, that's the ultimate thing we can strive and achieve is this to who really loves me and who do I really love and how do I stabilize that.
• 23:32
  SPEAKER_00: So I hope that you find great joy.
• 23:34
  SPEAKER_00: And again, I just invite you to go on to Legato Family, L-A-G-A-D-O-Family.com.
• 23:39
  SPEAKER_00: And there's a lot of content on this.
• 23:41
  SPEAKER_00: This has been fairly document, fairly well documented on podcasts and a lot of the programming I've been on.
• 23:47
  SPEAKER_00: But uh hopefully this serves you well, and it certainly aligns with everything that we talk about on Calm the Chaos.
• 23:53
  SPEAKER_00: So I just invite you to go live your life, live a big, joyful, fully expressed life.
• 23:57
  SPEAKER_00: Let's do it in a meaningful building way.
• 24:01
  SPEAKER_00: Let's calm the chaos, ignite the flow, and just go forward with more confidence and not live in jitter.
• 24:06
  SPEAKER_00: And until next time, have a wonderful week.