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Halloween Special 2023: Jowls · The Treehouse Show Podcast

• 0:03
  Welcome to the twenty twenty three Treehouse Podcast Halloween Special Jowls, brought to you
• 0:11
  ad free by our friends that the scariest haunted house in North Texas Hangman's House
• 0:16
  of Hordes, forty four hundred Blue Meland Road in Fort Worth Hagmans dot com.
• 0:23
  Now prepare yourself for a spooky, stupid adventure inside the Treehouse. It's
• 0:40
  been months since the current cast members of the Treehouse have been together in the
• 0:43
  same room. Dan O'Malley missed his friends, so he stuck with Treehouse tradition
• 0:49
  and got drunk. While drinking, He invited Trey and Raj to visit him
• 0:54
  on Saint Thomas and the US Virgin Islands. They could stay at his house,
• 0:58
  relax, go to the beach, snorkel, maybe even engage in a
• 1:03
  shirtless home erotic sand volleyball game like in Top Gun. You know, the
• 1:07
  good life. Trey and Raj booked their flights and packed their bags, excited
• 1:12
  to see their friend. The problem now is Dan doesn't remember inviting them,
• 1:19
  But that's not the only problem waiting for them in Paradise. Hey Trey,
• 1:26
  what's going on? What you're where? Shit? All right, I'm on
• 1:34
  my way everything okay, Hey, hey Tara, so so funny story.
• 1:41
  Trey and Raj are at the airport and you forgot they were coming. How
• 1:44
  do you always seem to know everything? It's a gift and a curse,
• 1:48
  just like your memory. Fair point. I was sitting next to you at
• 1:51
  the bar when you invited them silly. Oh yeah, Are you going to
• 1:57
  go pick them up? Or what? Oh? Yeah? The Cyril e
• 2:30
  King Airport is bustling with tourists fresh off their flights, taxis honking, and
• 2:36
  drivers shouting. Everyone is excited for high season in the islands. It brings
• 2:40
  cash and revenue to the locals and their businesses, plus experiences and memories for
• 2:45
  the tourists. Dan managed to find Trey and Raj and get them in the
• 2:49
  cheap Sorry, I was like picking you guys up. You forgot about us,
• 2:53
  didn't you? Oh you know? Damn well he did. I want
• 2:54
  to hear him say it all right, Yes, yes, I forgot you
• 2:59
  guys were coming. We really need to get that brain checked. I'm fine,
• 3:01
  Tara, had me tested. You don't want to go back again?
• 3:06
  Where to first grocery store for provisions? The house to unpack, the beach
• 3:10
  the beach hole bait beach to be exact. That's popular for locals and some
• 3:15
  tourists. It's boat ramp is used by local fishers. The beach itself is
• 3:21
  rocky, which makes for great snorting. Trey and Raj just want to feel
• 3:24
  the sand and water on their feet and the setting sun on their faces before
• 3:29
  going to Dan's house for the night. And you guys are lucky. This
• 3:31
  is a great sunset tonight. It's beautiful. I can see why you guys
• 3:35
  moved here. What the fuck is that? Ah? That is nomad's.
• 3:55
  That's the locals beach bark. They're playing the role or whatever. The pellet's
• 4:00
  it's gambling with a bunch of slamming that goddamn cup over and over and over
• 4:03
  again. You guys, you want to go to the other bar, It's
• 4:06
  called the Shack. It's nicer and usually a lot quieter. How about your
• 4:11
  paint killer run oooh they still drugs on the beach here? No, well,
• 4:15
  yeah, but the pain killer is a drink here, pineapple juice,
• 4:17
  orange juice, cream of coconut, fresh nutmeg, and a lot of dark
• 4:20
  rum, a lot of dark thumb. Oh yes, please, before the
• 4:27
  guys can make it to the bar, A very drunk man comes stumbling through
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  them out of the shack. Hey watch it, man. The man stumbles
• 4:33
  toward the beach, drink in hand, and enters the water. Uh yo,
• 4:36
  guys, should we help him? He shouldn't be out there like that,
• 4:40
  he could. The man splashes in a panet, streaming with shock and
• 4:44
  agony. His body is tossed back and forth like an unlucky pair at a
• 4:47
  Mexican donkey show. The blood starts spewing from the water. The man has
• 4:55
  gone. The water stills. A dark triangular fin reveals itself about the water
• 5:00
  surface and moved swiftly away from the shore. Oh my god, is that
• 5:03
  a shark? It has to be What else could it be boating accident?
• 5:08
  Yes, most likely a boat propeller. Terrible tragedy. I hate to see
• 5:12
  it. There weren't any boats near that guy. Wait a minute, Everett,
• 5:15
  is that you? What are you doing here? I got tired of
• 5:18
  hearing about your beach live, so Cynthia and I moved here. I found
• 5:21
  a legal loophole making me the mayor of Saint Thomas. So here I am.
• 5:27
  You want to grab sushi Friday? Everett Is that a three piece suit
• 5:30
  you're wearing at the beach? It's my swim suit. Trin home. Can
• 5:34
  we get out of here please? I think I just saw an eyeball wash
• 5:38
  up on the beach. Yeah, let's get you guys settled in at the
• 5:40
  house. Ever, we'll see you later. So Vinnie iguanas Friday? Where's
• 6:02
  Tara? Oh she had to go over to Saint John today, she got
• 6:05
  an early start. Hey, Rag, good morning? Is it geez?
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  Somebody woke up on the wrong side of the island? Oh, you got
• 6:14
  jokes? We saw men get eaten by a shark last night. Am I
• 6:17
  the only one who remembers that? I? Remember? But what do you
• 6:20
  want to do about it? The last person to die from a shark attack
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  here was in nineteen sixty three. That is sixty years Raj, and it'll
• 6:28
  probably be another sixty years before it happens again. Was it terrible? Yes?
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  Was it really gross? Absolutely? But I don't want it to ruin
• 6:35
  your vacation. Well, too fucking late, Dan, Well what do you
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  want to do about it? I'd like to check out the Dolphin house.
• 6:42
  I think we should go to the Wait, what's the dolphin House? You
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  don't want to know. Oh well, now I'm extra curious. It's a
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  building on Saint Thomas that the government used for a secret dolphin training program.
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  One of the researchers had the building filled with water and lived with the dolphins.
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  One of the dolphins was male, and such was female, so he
• 7:00
  took a liking to her. Go on, please don't please do. She
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  was trying to teach the male dolphin English to communicate with people, but dolphins
• 7:11
  are horny that got in the way of the lessons, so instead of stopping
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  the lessons, she would just jack them off so they could get back to
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  work. Where do you find this shit? She has an Onlyfin's account.
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  Oh god, you're proud of yourself, aren't you? A little bit?
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  I told you not to ask. I'm kidding. I saw it on a
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  documentary on YouTube, and you want to go to this place. It's better
• 7:32
  than sitting here worrying about a shark attack? Dan, Can I get that
• 7:35
  pain killer you were telling me about last night? Sure thing. The Treehouse
• 7:40
  boys gather up their stuff and head to Megan's Bay, one of the most
• 7:44
  beautiful beaches in the world, and it's just twelve minutes from Dan's house.
• 7:47
  They park in the lot near the entrance and make their way to the Megan's
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  Bay Beach bar. Dan orders Raj that painkiller. Oh my god, that
• 8:03
  is delicious. See I told you, Trey, what do you want?
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  Can I just get a coke? Please? Hey? Did you did?
• 8:31
  He just make me a rum and coke? And I'm seven years sober.
• 8:35
  I'm not drinking this here. Give it to me. I'm about seven hours
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  sober. This painkiller is so good, it's like my mouth is on vacation.
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  Oh good, but my eyes still see the blood fountain from the last
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  beach it took us to, and now you've brought us to another beach.
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  Look at everyone having a good time, Raj, take another sip of your
• 8:50
  drink. Try to relax a little bit. Raj shakes his head, but
• 8:54
  takes a sip of the painkiller. It really is a tasty beverage. He
• 8:58
  takes the sights around him, people playing in the surf. He notices a
• 9:03
  young mother and her son near the water. Come on, hurry up,
• 9:07
  I'm gonna get my rid egg. I had a sunscreen again. I guess
• 9:11
  we'll just have to hope you don't get skin cancer and die. You're so
• 9:16
  stupid you always got a sun screen. It's actually want me to get skin
• 9:18
  cancer and die. What is this lady doing? Hey? Is she about
• 9:22
  to let her kid go in the water with a killer shark out there?
• 9:24
  Ris? Let it go? Hell no, man, I've gotta tell her.
• 9:26
  I've got a warner. Hey, Hey, Hey, you can't let
• 9:33
  him go in the water. Excuse me? Where the fuck are you?
• 9:37
  Excuse me? Fucking excuse you. I'm so sorry. He gets it from
• 9:41
  his father. Man, listen, you can't let this little bastard go in
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  the water. Why not. There was a shark attack last night in Whole
• 9:48
  Bay. It killed a man. The shark is still out there somewhere.
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  I'm sorry, man. My friend means, well, he's just worried about
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  your son. You did need the fuck you're running my beach vibes more than
• 9:56
  that, dumb bitch. Mama, you said there was a shark attack last
• 10:01
  night, Yes, and then a man was killed. Correct, And that
• 10:05
  shark is still out there somewhere. Yes, Well, I can't let you
• 10:09
  go out there with nothing between you and those harmful uv raised Now, can
• 10:13
  I son get over here? That's right, Nana, I'm process tag.
• 10:18
  Yeah, that's what I'm supposed to do. Come on, Raj, let's
• 10:22
  just go back to the bar well. Hold on, hold, what does
• 10:26
  that say? Lard? I'm going Birdie Barny, seriously take that. I
• 10:45
  can't believe that kid. Did you see all that tray? Yeah, something
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  about that kid seems familiar. Oh my god, is that a fin in
• 10:56
  the water? It is, and it's headed straight for that little asshole.
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  Everyone out of the water. Get out of the water right now. The
• 11:07
  young boy tries to swim ashore, but the pink fat on his body makes
• 11:11
  it impossible to get any traction in the water. This is just horrible to
• 11:13
  witness. That's two blood fountains, now, two beaches, two blood fountains.
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  I told you we have to do something. You knew, you knew
• 11:39
  there was a shark out there, you knew it was dangerous, but you
• 11:43
  let people go swimming anyway. You knew all those things. But still my
• 11:50
  boy is dead. Now there's nothing you can do about it. Oh,
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  my boy's dead. What what in the world are you hugging me? My
• 12:01
  boys dead? Finally, Oh, little Russell's dead. Oh, oh,
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  finally he has to do Well a phone call really sorry for your lost man
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  hesitation. Call' be sorry, Hello Everett, Sorry, Mayor Everett. Hey,
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  I'm glad you called. No, I've never seen an autopsy. Okay,
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  all right, we'll be right there. We're not going to another beach,
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  are we We're going to the morgue. Everett wants to show us something.
• 12:35
  You have to convince him. It's a shark. You have to tell
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  him to shut down the beaches. He has to do something. It's been
• 12:39
  my experience Rise that when I tell people in positions of power that there's a
• 12:43
  major problem, we need help and something needs to be done, they either
• 12:48
  stick their heads in the sand, or maybe they pretend to care but then
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  do nothing. So I don't know how much good it's gonna do. No,
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  Dan, you can't give up. Not you. You have to try.
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  Oh good you made it. Take a look at this spread, watching
• 13:13
  Nancy. I just polished these shoes. You. I think it's just dehydration.
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  Can I get a drink or something? Oh, you don't want to
• 13:24
  drink anything in here, trust me. You smoke too much from aldehyde,
• 13:28
  and this place starts looking like a bending machine. I've made that mistake plenty
• 13:33
  of times. Anyway, the Mayor here said he wanted you three idiots to
• 13:37
  see this. What is it? Our boat propeller victim, local guy?
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  What was the name? Doctor Quincy Foley, Cay Foley. I knew him.
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  He liked to get loaded at the bar and swim home. Made it
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  every time until now forty yards. He would have made it too if he
• 13:56
  hadn't been wearing his good luck ham Everett, Mayor Newton, this was not
• 14:01
  a boating accident. It was a shark, and we have to tell you
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  something else. There was another attack this morning, and we saw it at
• 14:09
  Megan's right. Little dingleberry of a child covered in pig fat got swallowed a
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  hole. I know I heard about it before you boys got here, and
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  I know it's not a boating accident. Doctor Quincy here convinced me it was
• 14:20
  a shark. But what I'm not convinced of is why why does a shark
• 14:26
  keep attacking people because they're wearing pork products when you three are around? What
• 14:31
  this has nothing to do with us. We're witnesses to your shit show.
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  I tried telling you yesterday to do something, and your answer is to blame
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  us. Well, I'm certainly not going to accept responsibility for it. I
• 14:41
  like this job and I don't care who I have to stab in the back
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  to keep it. Man, you really have gone full management. Be that
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  as it may. My best advice for you is to take care of this
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  problem yourselves and save your good names before I ruined them any further. Tutulu,
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  take care of this problem ourselves. Is he saying what I think he's
• 15:01
  saying? But what was he saying? I couldn't hear all of it.
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  I was cleaning blood out of my ears. Gentlemen, we're going shark hunting?
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  What how long was I deaf? The Treehouse boys need help to hunt
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  this shark. They head to the south end of Saint Thomas, where Dan
• 15:16
  knows the one place they can find it. What is this place? Compass
• 15:20
  Point Marina. A lot of the fishing boat charters come out of here,
• 15:22
  and the captains hang out there at the dive bar, and hopefully we'll find
• 15:26
  one inside who can help us. Well, the parking lot show looks busy.
• 15:30
  I guess we're not the only ones looking to kill a shark. We'll
• 15:33
  meet back here at eight am. Don't be late. Unexhausted, Yeah me
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  too, but you know I'm really wired? What do you say? I
• 15:50
  take you home an eat your pussy? See raj Some people are making the
• 15:54
  best of a bad situation. Dan, Oh my god, Hey, it's
• 16:02
  so good to see you. Jerry. What are you doing here? Well,
• 16:04
  it's karaoke night. You know how much I love the time warp?
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  Jesus Christ? Is that black lingerie? Of course? Can't do the TimewARP
• 16:15
  from the Rocky Horror Picture Show without the lingerie? Yes, you actually can,
• 16:22
  Jerry, dive bar doesn't do karaoke really mmmm? Oh well, I
• 16:26
  guess I'm just cross dressing. Then what brings you guys down here? We're
• 16:30
  looking for a boat captain to help us hunt a man eating shark. Well,
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  you're in luck. I just so happened to know one. Which one
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  is he? Well, Tray's got two thumbs and he's standing right in front
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  of you in six inch stilettos. This guy. No, Jerry, you're
• 16:45
  a boat captain. Uh, not exactly. You remember the stink in France
• 16:49
  at the Cannes Film Festival with the iHeart yacht. Oh yeah, they got
• 16:53
  busted by port authority for having too many people on board for a party.
• 16:57
  Correct him? Undo? They asked me to bring it back. So here
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  I am. I'm taking the long way around. The crew taught me almost
• 17:03
  everything, so I'd be happy to help you catch this man eating shark.
• 17:07
  We just have to bring her back before the crew gets back from New York
• 17:10
  with iHeart CEO Bob Pittman. I don't know. Is there anyone here with
• 17:14
  experience hunting sharks? I don't know, but I will tell you this.
• 17:18
  If you want to catch a man eater, you better hire a man eater.
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  I don't know, Trey Raj, what are you miss? Is stupid?
• 17:26
  Isn't that what we do? Dan, Trey Raj, and Captain Jerry
• 17:30
  head to the iHeart Yacht to prepare for the hunt of their lives? Which
• 17:34
  one is the iHeart yacht? Up there? Last yacht on the left?
• 17:38
  What's her name? Right? Off? Of course it is? Hey,
• 17:44
  Jerry? Is there any water on board? I'm really thirsty? Yep,
• 17:48
  Sorry, it's just booze on board for the iHeart parties. But I tell
• 17:51
  you what I do have scars? Do you want to see? Oh?
• 17:57
  The next morning, the hunt has begun. Dan and Trey are chumming the
• 18:03
  water, hoping to attract their killer's shark blood and guts from various fish trail
• 18:07
  behind the yacht. No shark. The chum is missing something that's not gonna
• 18:15
  work. Guys, if you want to catch a man eater, don't use
• 18:17
  fish as babies. Jerry, why are you naked? I'm baitan? Your
• 18:23
  what you said? All the victims had pork products on him. So cover
• 18:27
  me head to toe with this lord. I'll jump in the water and start
• 18:30
  baiting. He means baitan like fish, right, God, I hope.
• 18:34
  So when you see the shark, shoot one of these whiskey barrels into his
• 18:37
  back so we can track him now ward, me up, Dan, Trey
• 18:41
  and Raj spread the lard all over Jerry's naked body. Ah, this is
• 18:47
  kind of nice. This is the worst day of my life. Don't forget
• 18:51
  the crevices. Get your own crevices, all right. Here we go.
• 18:55
  Jerry jumps into the water and almost immediately a dark fin Sir, to see
• 19:00
  this the same fit they've seen twice before. Well that was easy. It's
• 19:06
  not chasing him, it's swimming alongside him. Why isn't it trying to eat
• 19:11
  Jerry? Professional courtesy to man eater, is my guess. Dan grabs this
• 19:15
  spear gun with a line attached to a whiskey barrel. He takes aim and
• 19:19
  fine, got it. A whiskey barrel flies off the battle of the boat
• 19:25
  and into the water below. At the same time, Jerry flings himself under
• 19:29
  the bed like a shimmering marlin, onto the deck of the yacht. Reload
• 19:33
  hit him again. He's a monster, No way, only one barrel whiskey's
• 19:37
  gonna slow him down again. Let's see if that slows him down. Jerry,
• 19:47
  why didn't the shark go after you? You're covered in lard. I
• 19:49
  know why you do. Couldn't sleep last night, so I got on the
• 19:52
  internet and did some research. Turns out alcoholism isn't limited humans. Shocks get
• 19:57
  it too if exposed to enough alcohol. Oh my god, the first victim
• 20:03
  didn't just have a lucky ham. He was hammered. Drum. Yes,
• 20:06
  and the little asshole Boyraj, you threw your drink on him at exactly Both
• 20:10
  victims had alcohol on or in them. The pork was just a coincidence.
• 20:14
  They all looked toward the water. They see the shark with three whiskey barrels
• 20:18
  Suddenly, almost like it's plain I'm not touching you, Jerry, What are
• 20:25
  you doing? That old bastard made a fool out of me when I was
• 20:27
  baiting. He's mine, it's on the poll. I can't stand Jerry.
• 20:42
  Watch out. That maybe the stupidest thing I've ever seen. Oh you just
• 20:56
  wait. I have an idea. Ray, you're sober. I need you
• 20:59
  to do something. You're not sober right now? Nope? Right? Who?
• 21:03
  What the fuck? I'm a twenty five year broadcast professional who gets motion
• 21:07
  sickness. I shouldn't be on this boat, let alone hunting his shark.
• 21:11
  I've been sneaking SIPs all day. I'm a stenteal comedian who just recently started
• 21:15
  podcasting. I haven't been sober in months. Fine, what's the plan?
• 21:18
  I need you to get on that tender That was not the time to find
• 21:22
  trade. Not the act raj the tender boat. That's the boat tied up
• 21:26
  to the yacht that tends to the bigger boat. Trade you have to swim
• 21:30
  out to. Uh. Can I get a different plan? You don't have
• 21:33
  a drop of booze in your entire body. Trade. That shark doesn't want
• 21:36
  anything to do with you. Just swim for the tender and wait, wait
• 21:40
  for what, Wait for you two to sober up. Swim over to me
• 21:44
  and live a life of sobriety. Don't be ridiculous. Trade This thing wants
• 21:48
  booze, so we're gonna give it to him. Go now, swim for
• 21:49
  that boat. What about me? You see that machete, the one sticking
• 21:56
  out of the edge of the boat that Jerry could have used to fight the
• 21:59
  shark. Yeah, grab it. Now follow me. Hit the sides of
• 22:07
  the whiskey barrels with that machete, every single one of them. You like,
• 22:18
  Now, what do we do? Climb up here on the bow with
• 22:22
  me. Wait? Are we gonna do that Titanic King of the World thing?
• 22:27
  Uh? Sort of? Here? Take one, Oh brilliant, brilliant
• 22:33
  man ready ready? Last call? Motherfucker? Dan Raj Dan dann damn.
• 23:11
  Here, I'm here, I'm here. You got room for one more?
• 23:18
  Up there? Take my hand? Hey, look you here, Raj.
• 23:23
  You managed to pull us onto a piece of the yacht with the name on
• 23:26
  it. Are you too done cuddling? Or you want me to make another
• 23:30
  lap? Get me off this thing, the sinking ship? Yes, please,
• 23:34
  my pleasure, Raj. You went on, You're just gonna hang out.
• 23:37
  Just tow me in. I don't mind riding off into the sunset.
• 23:44
  Oh God, can we leave him out there? Yeah? Just cut the
• 23:48
  line. Tell the coast guard he was lost at sea. Now that's a
• 23:51
  plan I can get behind. Okay, not funny, guys, Please take
• 23:53
  me home. I've had enough of violin light. Not me. We're actually
• 23:57
  moving to Saint John. Yeah. And if I know Tara, she's already
• 24:03
  got our stuff moved into the new house. So you chose risking your life
• 24:06
  to kill a man eating shark over movie? Technically, yes, but I
• 24:10
  didn't look at it quite like that. Oh you're in danger, bro,
• 24:14
  shut up. Let's go get a painkiller. I can finally get a water
• 24:18
  trey. You're surrounded by water. Thank you for joining us for the twenty
• 24:29
  twenty three Halloween special Jowls brought to you by our friends Ed Hangman's House of
• 24:36
  Horrors. Visit Hangman's dot com. We hope our stupidity is scared to shit
• 24:42
  out of you.