Latest / Dear Chelsea / In His DMs with Tish Cyrus Purcell

Transcript

In His DMs with Tish Cyrus Purcell · Dear Chelsea

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Okay for the High Mighty Tour people, we are rocket
• 0:03
  Speaker 1: and rolling. These are the shows we have coming up.
• 0:06
  Speaker 1: May fifteenth, I will be in Saratoga, May sixteenth, Monterey,
• 0:10
  Speaker 1: May seventeenth, Modesto.
• 0:12
  Speaker 2: I will be in port Chester on June fourth, and
• 0:15
  Speaker 2: we added two new dates to the High and Mighty Tour.
• 0:18
  Speaker 1: On June third, I am coming to Saratoga Springs, New York,
• 0:22
  Speaker 1: so pre sale has begun for that, and then on
• 0:25
  Speaker 1: June twenty eighth, I am coming to Nantucket and presale
• 0:28
  Speaker 1: has started on that. June fifth, I will be in Boston, Massachusetts.
• 0:32
  Speaker 1: June twelfth, I will be in Portland, Oregon. And June thirteenth,
• 0:36
  Speaker 1: I will be in Seattle, Washington. June twenty seventh is
• 0:39
  Speaker 1: going to be Hyenna's, Massachusetts. August sixth is red Bank,
• 0:42
  Speaker 1: New Jersey. August seventh, I'm coming home to Montclair, New Jersey.
• 0:46
  Speaker 1: August fifteenth is Calgary, Alberta, Canada. September eighteenth, Santa Barbara,
• 0:52
  Speaker 1: September nineteenth, San Diego, September twenty fifth. I will be
• 0:55
  Speaker 1: at the Beacon in New York City. September twenty sixth,
• 0:59
  Speaker 1: I will be in Philadelphia September twenty seventh, New Haven, Connecticut,
• 1:03
  Speaker 1: October second, Atlanta, Georgia, October third, Baltimore, Maryland, October fourth, Saginaw, Michigan,
• 1:10
  Speaker 1: October ninth, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, October tenth, Toronto, Canada, October sixteenth.
• 1:16
  Speaker 1: I'm coming to Boise, Idaho, October seventeenth, Spokane, Washington, November seventh,
• 1:22
  Speaker 1: I will be in San Francisco and November thirteenth, Salt
• 1:26
  Speaker 1: Lake City November twentieth, Austin November twenty first, Houston, Texas,
• 1:32
  Speaker 1: November twenty second, Irving, Texas.
• 1:34
  Speaker 2: December fifth.
• 1:35
  Speaker 1: I am adding a second show in Denver for those
• 1:38
  Speaker 1: of you who can get tickets to the first one.
• 1:40
  Speaker 1: And on December sixth, I will be coming to Vancouver, Canada. Okay,
• 1:45
  Speaker 1: those are all my dates for the High Mighty Door.
• 1:47
  Speaker 1: Go to Chelseahandler dot com for tickets.
• 1:50
  Speaker 3: Hello Catherine, Hi Chelsea, what shows you have coming off
• 1:53
  Speaker 3: this week?
• 1:54
  Speaker 1: Well?
• 1:54
  Speaker 2: I just did My Netflix is a joke show.
• 1:56
  Speaker 1: Awesome, but there is a Kevin Hart roast on Sunday night.
• 2:00
  Speaker 1: The Netflix is a joke festival, and I don't think
• 2:03
  Speaker 1: anything's public, but I would just say stay tuned to that.
• 2:07
  Speaker 4: Are you do you do roasts very often or is this.
• 2:10
  Speaker 1: I've never done a roast, but this roast is going
• 2:13
  Speaker 1: to close out the festival and it's for Kevin Hart.
• 2:16
  Speaker 2: So you know how I feel about Kevin Hart.
• 2:18
  Speaker 4: That's basically like.
• 2:19
  Speaker 3: Your entire interaction with him is just like roasting him
• 2:21
  Speaker 3: the entire time you're together anyway.
• 2:23
  Speaker 4: So I know you'll do amazingly.
• 2:25
  Speaker 1: So he's an absolutely ridiculous person and he needs to
• 2:28
  Speaker 1: hear that on a regular basis to keep his little
• 2:31
  Speaker 1: tiny feet on the ground.
• 2:34
  Speaker 4: Well, I mean he's a dad. But today is our
• 2:37
  Speaker 4: Mother's Day Special.
• 2:38
  Speaker 2: Oh yes, yes, Kevin's roast ironically is on Mother's Day.
• 2:42
  Speaker 1: He'll do anything to get out of having plans with
• 2:44
  Speaker 1: his wife on her special day.
• 2:47
  Speaker 2: Yes, we have a very.
• 2:48
  Speaker 1: Special mother who is so sweet and responsible for raising
• 2:53
  Speaker 1: lots and lots of children. She has a podcast called
• 2:56
  Speaker 1: Sorry Where Cyrus. She is a manager, a producer, and
• 3:00
  Speaker 1: she's here for our Mother's Day Special. Please welcome Tish
• 3:03
  Speaker 1: Cyrus Purcell. Okay, last time I saw you, Tish, we
• 3:07
  Speaker 1: were talking about our love of marijuana, and you said
• 3:10
  Speaker 1: that you had to quit smoking marijuana because you were
• 3:13
  Speaker 1: getting anxiety. And I would like an update because the
• 3:15
  Speaker 1: last time I saw you was about a year ago,
• 3:17
  Speaker 1: and before that it was about a year that you
• 3:19
  Speaker 1: had quit.
• 3:20
  Speaker 4: Yes, so still dealing with anxiety. Okay, it's freaking horrible
• 3:25
  Speaker 4: and way better. Definitely functioning living my life where before
• 3:29
  Speaker 4: I was not. But still like at night, I'll smoke
• 3:33
  Speaker 4: here and there, but I still now, I just have
• 3:37
  Speaker 4: the spear of everything with the anxiety. So I'm like
• 3:39
  Speaker 4: so afraid it'll give me anxiety, that it'll definitely give
• 3:42
  Speaker 4: me anxiety. Yeah, so I only smoke when I'm feeling
• 3:45
  Speaker 4: really really good, but because.
• 3:47
  Speaker 1: Then you have room to spaih Oh my god, You're like,
• 3:49
  Speaker 1: then I have a little margin of error.
• 3:51
  Speaker 2: I can handle it.
• 3:52
  Speaker 4: I just I love marijuana.
• 3:53
  Speaker 2: I love marijuana too.
• 3:55
  Speaker 1: I smoked some last night in my bed and it
• 3:56
  Speaker 1: felt so great, Like I just moved into this house
• 3:59
  Speaker 1: as you can see, and it felt so nice to
• 4:01
  Speaker 1: sit in my bed and my underwear yep, and smoke
• 4:05
  Speaker 1: a joint.
• 4:05
  Speaker 4: It's the best.
• 4:06
  Speaker 1: But I understand what you're saying about, like if anything
• 4:09
  Speaker 1: causes you anxiety, then it becomes more anxiety induced in
• 4:12
  Speaker 1: to even contemplate doing it totally, And the only thing
• 4:15
  Speaker 1: I sometimes feel like that could relate to what you're
• 4:18
  Speaker 1: saying is sometimes when I'm smoking weed, there's a period
• 4:22
  Speaker 1: of like a fifteen to twenty minute bubble where you
• 4:25
  Speaker 1: have no self consciousness at all and you get lost
• 4:29
  Speaker 1: in it. And it's such a beautiful feeling to be
• 4:32
  Speaker 1: lost in a conversation or lost in a book, or
• 4:35
  Speaker 1: lost in like whatever you're doing organizing at your house.
• 4:39
  Speaker 1: But then when you remember that you're stoned, oh totally,
• 4:43
  Speaker 1: and there's a shift that goes, oh, you're stone, and
• 4:47
  Speaker 1: then you start.
• 4:47
  Speaker 2: Having that kind of anxiety one million percent.
• 4:50
  Speaker 4: Yes, so the fifteen to twenty is heaven like paradise.
• 4:55
  Speaker 4: But you know I used to before the anxiety like
• 4:58
  Speaker 4: that I've had for the last few years. I don't
• 5:00
  Speaker 4: really feel like I hit that twenty minute and even
• 5:02
  Speaker 4: thought about it, but you know what, I was kind
• 5:04
  Speaker 4: of stone twenty four to seven.
• 5:05
  Speaker 2: Yeah, Well, that's what happens.
• 5:07
  Speaker 1: Sometimes you just have to really like break it off
• 5:09
  Speaker 1: and let our body like reacclimate, and then our physiology
• 5:13
  Speaker 1: changes as we get older too, which is a fucking
• 5:15
  Speaker 1: pain in the ass.
• 5:16
  Speaker 4: It sucks.
• 5:16
  Speaker 2: Well, I'm not going to ever stop drinking. Did you
• 5:18
  Speaker 2: stop drinking?
• 5:19
  Speaker 4: I never was a drinker. I just weed. But now
• 5:22
  Speaker 4: people say, like, well, my therapist when I talk about
• 5:25
  Speaker 4: the weed thing and my love for it, and I
• 5:27
  Speaker 4: miss it, and I just because she was like, but
• 5:29
  Speaker 4: you were never kind of just like on an even keel.
• 5:34
  Speaker 4: You were because I would. I mean I did smoke,
• 5:36
  Speaker 4: like at night, I smoked a lot, you know, and
• 5:39
  Speaker 4: smoked during the day, so I was kind of like,
• 5:41
  Speaker 4: I don't think I ever had a baseline of not
• 5:43
  Speaker 4: being stoned for like ten years.
• 5:45
  Speaker 2: Did you wake up and smoke weed?
• 5:46
  Speaker 4: I did not do that, but I definitely thought when
• 5:49
  Speaker 4: I woke up, I definitely was still high. Do you
• 5:52
  Speaker 4: feel like that, Oh really from the night before, I
• 5:54
  Speaker 4: definitely feel like I was still like just chilled and
• 5:58
  Speaker 4: somewhat not completely not stuck a really nice hangover. Yes,
• 6:04
  Speaker 4: in the best possible Well that's great then, and then
• 6:07
  Speaker 4: would start smoking about like two pm something like that,
• 6:10
  Speaker 4: but it was every single salt. Do you smoke every day? No?
• 6:13
  Speaker 2: I don't smoke every ding.
• 6:14
  Speaker 4: That's the difference. I was smoking every single day.
• 6:16
  Speaker 1: Yeah, but there are days where I wake up and
• 6:18
  Speaker 1: immediately take an edible where I'm like, this is going
• 6:21
  Speaker 1: to be hard. Yeah, and I just medicate, But that
• 6:24
  Speaker 1: doesn't happen that often either. I definitely go through phases.
• 6:26
  Speaker 1: When I go to Whistler, Canada and I'm there for winter,
• 6:29
  Speaker 1: I definitely wake and bake, Like I get up, I
• 6:31
  Speaker 1: smoke weed, I go skiing, I smoke more weed. I
• 6:33
  Speaker 1: come home, you know, Like that's my vibe up there,
• 6:36
  Speaker 1: but when I'm in La, it's not the same vibe.
• 6:38
  Speaker 4: Rot I think now, I'm just probably from what I'm
• 6:41
  Speaker 4: learning during all this damn therapy I've been doing. Is
• 6:45
  Speaker 4: I I'm just learning to kind of process things that
• 6:49
  Speaker 4: happened over the last ten years that I did not
• 6:51
  Speaker 4: process in any way, shape or form because I was
• 6:53
  Speaker 4: just hot. And so I'm having to kind of deal
• 6:56
  Speaker 4: which absolutely sucks. And I'm just learning to do that.
• 6:59
  Speaker 2: And that's where your anxiety comes from, totally.
• 7:01
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 7:01
  Speaker 1: I mean that's where anxiety comes from for all of us,
• 7:04
  Speaker 1: like trauma or stuff that we had to deal with
• 7:06
  Speaker 1: that we weren't really present for which most people aren't,
• 7:09
  Speaker 1: because there's all these defense mechanisms that we build in
• 7:12
  Speaker 1: order to protect ourselves from dealing with anything traumatizing or dramatic. Okay,
• 7:17
  Speaker 1: congratulations twentieth.
• 7:19
  Speaker 2: Anniversary of Hannah Mountana.
• 7:21
  Speaker 1: I was watching a Miley and I was like, oh
• 7:23
  Speaker 1: my god, you guys have morphed into the same exact person.
• 7:26
  Speaker 2: It's really crazy, isn't it so crazy? You look like
• 7:30
  Speaker 2: it's so nuts?
• 7:31
  Speaker 4: Like, and she like, we were shopping the other day
• 7:34
  Speaker 4: and I was in like a store next door to
• 7:37
  Speaker 4: the store she was in, and I hear her come
• 7:39
  Speaker 4: down and she was like, she was like, Mom, I
• 7:41
  Speaker 4: literally looked in the window, but it was my reflection,
• 7:44
  Speaker 4: but I thought it was you, and it was a
• 7:46
  Speaker 4: whole weird thing for me. And she was like, I'm
• 7:49
  Speaker 4: really kind of scared. I'm scared that I have absolutely
• 7:53
  Speaker 4: morphed into you.
• 7:54
  Speaker 2: Isn't that so crazy?
• 7:55
  Speaker 4: It's weird?
• 7:56
  Speaker 1: And what about the other kids? Are they looking as
• 7:58
  Speaker 1: much like you? I mean, brand he does a little bit,
• 8:01
  Speaker 1: but not in the way that you and Miley are
• 8:03
  Speaker 1: like twins. Well, I want to actually, let's circle back
• 8:05
  Speaker 1: to the pot smoking, because if you're managing all five
• 8:08
  Speaker 1: of them, you have five children, you may as well
• 8:09
  Speaker 1: have seventeen.
• 8:10
  Speaker 4: Okay, I don't manage all of them.
• 8:12
  Speaker 2: Okay, but didn't you at some point manage all of that?
• 8:14
  Speaker 4: At some point I was very more. I was not
• 8:17
  Speaker 4: with Brandy. She always did the DJ thing, which wasn't
• 8:19
  Speaker 4: I didn't know anything about that. With Noah, I managed
• 8:22
  Speaker 4: her when she was really young, but also I was
• 8:25
  Speaker 4: getting older, and it is just like doing that when
• 8:29
  Speaker 4: your kids are younger is much harder because you're the
• 8:31
  Speaker 4: mom and the manager and it's just like a constant battle.
• 8:35
  Speaker 4: Everything's a battle at that time. So Noah has had
• 8:39
  Speaker 4: her own manager for a long time. So I really
• 8:42
  Speaker 4: really just I'm in the literal weeds day to day
• 8:45
  Speaker 4: on the Miley stuff, which is a lot, but it's
• 8:49
  Speaker 4: also I don't know. I say this all the time.
• 8:51
  Speaker 4: I really don't know how we did that and came
• 8:54
  Speaker 4: out unscathed in like a crazy way, but I don't
• 8:59
  Speaker 4: know how we came out in it to where we
• 9:02
  Speaker 4: are still best friends. I'm her manager and her mom
• 9:05
  Speaker 4: and like we love each other and like we even
• 9:07
  Speaker 4: like each other, and like it just works seamlessly for
• 9:11
  Speaker 4: us somehow, and I don't like I look back and
• 9:16
  Speaker 4: I'm like, damn, we did so much, and she grew
• 9:19
  Speaker 4: up in front of the world, and you know, she
• 9:20
  Speaker 4: went through her own stuff, and somehow we made it
• 9:25
  Speaker 4: through in the best possible way do.
• 9:27
  Speaker 1: You Can you think of a time where you gave
• 9:31
  Speaker 1: her advice or guided her in a certain direction that
• 9:34
  Speaker 1: you're most proud of.
• 9:37
  Speaker 4: You know. I think for me, one of the things
• 9:42
  Speaker 4: is like, you know, when she was like listen, we
• 9:46
  Speaker 4: all grew up and we all did crazy shit, and
• 9:50
  Speaker 4: Molly was doing everything in front of the world. But
• 9:52
  Speaker 4: also Molly was such a creative genius during those periods
• 9:57
  Speaker 4: of time, which you know, I think some people were
• 10:00
  Speaker 4: just like watching her and it was like this growing
• 10:02
  Speaker 4: up thing. But I always saw like her mind and
• 10:06
  Speaker 4: creatively what she was doing her entire career. And so
• 10:11
  Speaker 4: for me, it's just like some of the things that
• 10:14
  Speaker 4: I was watching her do, like even I didn't understand,
• 10:18
  Speaker 4: and but looking back off it, I was always just
• 10:20
  Speaker 4: telling her to be authentically who she was, like no
• 10:23
  Speaker 4: matter what, no matter what somebody from a label is
• 10:27
  Speaker 4: saying or just whoever, as long as you're being authentically,
• 10:31
  Speaker 4: you go for it. Yeah, And no matter what she
• 10:34
  Speaker 4: was doing, there was never a time that I wasn't.
• 10:37
  Speaker 4: Just somebody told me one, if you're always coming from
• 10:39
  Speaker 4: a place of love, it works out. And I always
• 10:42
  Speaker 4: had to keep that in mind with while I was
• 10:44
  Speaker 4: managing her and also like being number one or mom,
• 10:47
  Speaker 4: you know, but also being her friend and then the manager.
• 10:50
  Speaker 4: There was always for me, just like if I'm always
• 10:52
  Speaker 4: coming from the right place and a place of love,
• 10:55
  Speaker 4: I can't steer her wrong. And I really did live
• 10:58
  Speaker 4: by that during all those years and just kind of
• 11:00
  Speaker 4: letting her be who she was and who she is.
• 11:03
  Speaker 4: And now I look at her and I'm like, holy crap, girl,
• 11:05
  Speaker 4: you did good. Yeah, totally. You know. When I see
• 11:09
  Speaker 4: her now, it's like I am so blown away by
• 11:12
  Speaker 4: who she.
• 11:12
  Speaker 2: Is me too.
• 11:13
  Speaker 4: It's really crazy.
• 11:14
  Speaker 1: I know, it is really impressive. Did you ever look
• 11:17
  Speaker 1: at all of these other girls and think I should
• 11:20
  Speaker 1: step in and take over the ones whose parents weren't
• 11:23
  Speaker 1: as coming from a place of love. Yeah, I must
• 11:26
  Speaker 1: have felt that way, because I feel that way and
• 11:29
  Speaker 1: I'm not even a mother.
• 11:30
  Speaker 4: Totally, and people, you know, even with Molly, people would
• 11:34
  Speaker 4: you know, look at me and be like, where's her mother?
• 11:36
  Speaker 4: And I'm like right there, like right beside her every
• 11:39
  Speaker 4: step of the way, but handling it, I don't know,
• 11:43
  Speaker 4: in just a way that made Molly feel safe, I think,
• 11:47
  Speaker 4: And I just look, I just and I was I
• 11:50
  Speaker 4: really did even though I had all these other children.
• 11:53
  Speaker 4: I think like when we went on when Molly was
• 11:55
  Speaker 4: on the road, I took them, you know, and that
• 11:58
  Speaker 4: was like a hard decision too, but because it was
• 12:00
  Speaker 4: like I wanted them to have their own lives, but
• 12:03
  Speaker 4: I also didn't want to leave them with like a
• 12:05
  Speaker 4: nanny or whatever, so like no one brazen would go
• 12:07
  Speaker 4: on the road with us and we'd have a teacher,
• 12:09
  Speaker 4: and you know, it kind of felt like just being
• 12:12
  Speaker 4: at home on the road because the family was all around.
• 12:14
  Speaker 4: And I think that's another huge thing that probably helped Molly,
• 12:18
  Speaker 4: just having her family around all the time.
• 12:20
  Speaker 1: And do you think that was beneficial for the kids
• 12:22
  Speaker 1: now in retrospect?
• 12:22
  Speaker 4: And I do, because I feel like, you know, I'm
• 12:27
  Speaker 4: like crazy about like I think the school system is
• 12:30
  Speaker 4: insane and how we teach the kids learn and all
• 12:33
  Speaker 4: these things. I think they learned way more being on
• 12:36
  Speaker 4: the road, living life, having those experiences, also having a
• 12:40
  Speaker 4: teacher out there where they were actually doing school, but
• 12:43
  Speaker 4: also just learning way more than they ever would sitting
• 12:47
  Speaker 4: in a classroom and going to homeroom. And you know,
• 12:49
  Speaker 4: I just feel like it was a completely different life.
• 12:53
  Speaker 4: They grew up quick too, you know, they grew up.
• 12:56
  Speaker 4: I do feel like they probably had to grow up
• 12:57
  Speaker 4: faster than a lot of kids. But I'll look at
• 13:01
  Speaker 4: them now and they're boath also just well rounded and
• 13:05
  Speaker 4: very independent, and so when I look back on it,
• 13:07
  Speaker 4: I feel like it was absolutely the right choice.
• 13:09
  Speaker 1: Well, what I love about your story too, is a
• 13:12
  Speaker 1: good fucking job.
• 13:13
  Speaker 4: Thank you.
• 13:14
  Speaker 1: Mothers need to be told that all the time. And
• 13:16
  Speaker 1: I know you would didn't do it alone. I know
• 13:18
  Speaker 1: your husband was there too, your ex husband was there too,
• 13:20
  Speaker 1: but let's just say that what I love about your
• 13:26
  Speaker 1: story is that now you have a whole news story
• 13:29
  Speaker 1: of your own. So you did all of this work,
• 13:31
  Speaker 1: and you went on the road, and you played the
• 13:33
  Speaker 1: role of mother and manager, not just for one of
• 13:36
  Speaker 1: your children, for all of your children at different times.
• 13:39
  Speaker 1: Maybe not the manager part, but you know, being a
• 13:41
  Speaker 1: mother to all of them while this was all happening.
• 13:43
  Speaker 1: And then you get to have your next chapter, which
• 13:47
  Speaker 1: is like really inspiring because you got divorced, yes, and
• 13:51
  Speaker 1: you probably had no idea that you were going to
• 13:53
  Speaker 1: fall in love with this man to Nick.
• 13:55
  Speaker 2: So can you fill our listeners in.
• 13:57
  Speaker 1: On that story and how you guys met And that's
• 13:59
  Speaker 1: stuff because it's pretty cute.
• 14:01
  Speaker 4: Yes, it's so cute. So yes, I did all those things.
• 14:05
  Speaker 4: And you know, I didn't ever really think I would
• 14:08
  Speaker 4: get a divorce that was not in the cards that
• 14:10
  Speaker 4: offer me, and you know that happened, and so I
• 14:16
  Speaker 4: literally just I love love. And one of my friends
• 14:20
  Speaker 4: at the time, I was devastated. I'd been married for
• 14:23
  Speaker 4: so long since I was like twenty four years old,
• 14:26
  Speaker 4: so I didn't know anything different and had never been
• 14:29
  Speaker 4: like on a date like a date and whatever. So
• 14:32
  Speaker 4: one of my friends just said, if you could go
• 14:34
  Speaker 4: out with anyone in the world, like who is your
• 14:36
  Speaker 4: like dream god?
• 14:37
  Speaker 2: How long after?
• 14:39
  Speaker 1: Were you still in devastation mode at this point or
• 14:41
  Speaker 1: were you in recovery mode?
• 14:43
  Speaker 4: I was pretty much. I think I was at that
• 14:47
  Speaker 4: point in shock mode, blindsided, yes, and just the I
• 14:55
  Speaker 4: don't know where I was at honestly, I was stoned.
• 15:00
  Speaker 4: But when she asked me that I had always I
• 15:04
  Speaker 4: loved the show prison Break and I just always thought
• 15:06
  Speaker 4: Dominic was so dreamy and just like so gorge and
• 15:10
  Speaker 4: so when she said that, and she happened to be
• 15:12
  Speaker 4: an agent, and I was like, Dominic per sale, and
• 15:15
  Speaker 4: she was like, you need to DM him right now.
• 15:17
  Speaker 4: And I was like, what, I Am not doing that
• 15:20
  Speaker 4: and she was like, no, you're You're doing it, and
• 15:22
  Speaker 4: so I did. And at the time it was funny.
• 15:25
  Speaker 4: I had a deal at NBCU to do TV shows
• 15:29
  Speaker 4: and so when I DMD him, I was like, hey, Domic,
• 15:32
  Speaker 4: you know, I don't know if you live in Australia
• 15:33
  Speaker 4: or LA, but I have a TV deal at NBCU
• 15:36
  Speaker 4: and I'm such a huge fan of Prison Break. Don't
• 15:39
  Speaker 4: know what you're up to, but what do you think
• 15:41
  Speaker 4: about getting together and talk about like maybe creating a
• 15:43
  Speaker 4: show together or whatever. He literally I'm talking dings me
• 15:47
  Speaker 4: back in like five seconds and he goes I Love,
• 15:52
  Speaker 4: like yes, let's do that, like let's let's get lunch
• 15:56
  Speaker 4: or whatever. And I'm like okay, and then he's like,
• 16:00
  Speaker 4: how about tomorrow And we meet up at this little
• 16:04
  Speaker 4: crazy place called Pickwicks. It's a little Irish pub in
• 16:08
  Speaker 4: Sherman Oaks and he's drinking and I'm smoking weed and
• 16:12
  Speaker 4: we played darts and hang out and then we made
• 16:16
  Speaker 4: out and it was just like wow, like this is crazy,
• 16:21
  Speaker 4: and we had so much fun and it really was
• 16:24
  Speaker 4: something that kind of like saved me at that moment I.
• 16:27
  Speaker 1: Think, Okay, so you guys got together. We did and
• 16:35
  Speaker 1: had a great first date that sounds like an adorable
• 16:37
  Speaker 1: first day.
• 16:37
  Speaker 2: Kissing in the afternoon is.
• 16:38
  Speaker 4: Really really cute, right, yeah, yeah.
• 16:41
  Speaker 2: Kiss somebody that's cute.
• 16:44
  Speaker 4: Yes, it was great. Yeah. And then so then the
• 16:46
  Speaker 4: next day he texts me like, how do we do
• 16:48
  Speaker 4: this again? Like when I'm like, I don't, I don't
• 16:52
  Speaker 4: let me know. And so he called me, and then
• 16:55
  Speaker 4: we just saw each other constantly and pretty quickly he
• 16:59
  Speaker 4: said yeah, I love you, like, let's do this. And
• 17:03
  Speaker 4: I was like great, and we just we started seeing
• 17:08
  Speaker 4: each other like consistently, and here we are.
• 17:12
  Speaker 1: And what are some of the things that you discovered
• 17:14
  Speaker 1: about yourself being in this kind of new, different relationship
• 17:20
  Speaker 1: that you didn't even know existed within a relationship maybe.
• 17:24
  Speaker 4: Oh my gosh, well, Number one communication I did not
• 17:27
  Speaker 4: I did not know how to communicate in anyway. And
• 17:30
  Speaker 4: I think that was probably a big, you know thing,
• 17:34
  Speaker 4: is like there was just no communication. Like even now
• 17:39
  Speaker 4: I feel like I'm more close up and close myself
• 17:44
  Speaker 4: off and like go hide in my room or something
• 17:46
  Speaker 4: instead of like like speaking up and saying like, you know,
• 17:51
  Speaker 4: I really like for me, I just I love like
• 17:55
  Speaker 4: to be cuddled and like I need to Like I
• 17:57
  Speaker 4: guess my love language is touch probably or words of affirmation,
• 18:02
  Speaker 4: and like I could if I am feeling any way,
• 18:06
  Speaker 4: I will just go to Dom and be like I'm
• 18:09
  Speaker 4: feeling sad, I need to cuddle and like it's just
• 18:12
  Speaker 4: like he like is so I have never gotten anything
• 18:16
  Speaker 4: from him but love when it's anything in anything in
• 18:20
  Speaker 4: my world that's like wrong or I'm feeling a certain way,
• 18:24
  Speaker 4: like I used to be so scared to voice those things.
• 18:27
  Speaker 4: I felt like I just needed to be so strong
• 18:29
  Speaker 4: and because I really kind of did run everything, like
• 18:33
  Speaker 4: our entire family, everything kind of really did fall on
• 18:36
  Speaker 4: me to handle. And I feel like this is the
• 18:39
  Speaker 4: first time I've actually felt like I had a partner
• 18:41
  Speaker 4: that what you know, and and that's taken a lot
• 18:44
  Speaker 4: to get used to. And also I feel like for me,
• 18:46
  Speaker 4: it was always like there's such a calmness in my
• 18:50
  Speaker 4: life now and I'm having a hard time with that.
• 18:52
  Speaker 4: Oh interesting, yeah, I think. I mean in therapy, that's
• 18:56
  Speaker 4: what I'm learning is like I have lived in so
• 18:58
  Speaker 4: much not bad case necessarily, like just chaos in general
• 19:03
  Speaker 4: for so long, which I.
• 19:05
  Speaker 2: Love I actually like it to love. I know what
• 19:08
  Speaker 2: you mean.
• 19:09
  Speaker 1: I thrive in chaos. Then everything's just moving, moving, moving.
• 19:13
  Speaker 1: It's hard to sit and stop and be like, uh.
• 19:15
  Speaker 4: Oh, that is when it's not good for me, it's
• 19:20
  Speaker 4: not good for me.
• 19:21
  Speaker 1: And also, I would imagine because you are such like
• 19:24
  Speaker 1: the orchestra conductor of Miley's life and making all the decisions,
• 19:29
  Speaker 1: like you have no problem being a sort of on
• 19:31
  Speaker 1: behalf of her totally, but when it comes to you,
• 19:34
  Speaker 1: it's a different situation.
• 19:35
  Speaker 4: Completely different. And I don't know what, Wow, that was.
• 19:39
  Speaker 1: Well, I think that's true for a lot of women,
• 19:41
  Speaker 1: Like I think we are able to stand up for
• 19:43
  Speaker 1: each other or some sometimes more than we are, like
• 19:46
  Speaker 1: if it's our daughter or sister or mother, you know,
• 19:49
  Speaker 1: totally anybody. You can go to bat for someone else,
• 19:52
  Speaker 1: sometimes much more easily than we can defend or stand
• 19:56
  Speaker 1: up for ourselves, way easier.
• 19:57
  Speaker 2: So I think that's common.
• 19:59
  Speaker 4: Yeah. And I will say, and I do this on
• 20:02
  Speaker 4: my podcast where I'm like Brandy Zelwicks here we go
• 20:05
  Speaker 4: on the Domb Show. But I will say, I literally
• 20:10
  Speaker 4: I have actually never met someone like him, because I
• 20:15
  Speaker 4: like it is it's so crazy to me because it
• 20:18
  Speaker 4: has to be like conscious because it is very much
• 20:22
  Speaker 4: like he just tries to empower me so much, not
• 20:25
  Speaker 4: to only like like to be communicated communicative with him,
• 20:30
  Speaker 4: but like he's always like, you are so strong. Look
• 20:33
  Speaker 4: what you've done, Look what you've done this, you know,
• 20:35
  Speaker 4: and he's like, you've got to stand up for tish
• 20:37
  Speaker 4: like you know, he like really has in the last
• 20:41
  Speaker 4: few years, just really because I have struggled with the
• 20:45
  Speaker 4: anxiety thing so much. And let me tell you, like,
• 20:47
  Speaker 4: holy crap, like he has just been poor thing rock,
• 20:51
  Speaker 4: like a Reagan rock. And but the part of like
• 20:56
  Speaker 4: kind of teaching me to lean into my power and
• 20:59
  Speaker 4: what I've already accomplished because I actually didn't really even
• 21:02
  Speaker 4: see it because I was so in it has been amazing. Yeah, amazing.
• 21:07
  Speaker 1: Yeah that's beautiful. Yeah, I'm so happy for you. Yeah,
• 21:10
  Speaker 1: he like and he sounds so wonderful and lovely, Like
• 21:13
  Speaker 1: if all men could just be like that, then we
• 21:16
  Speaker 1: wouldn't have half the problems that we have, oh.
• 21:18
  Speaker 4: For real, And like even the first year where my
• 21:20
  Speaker 4: anxiety was like completely out of control, like truly, he
• 21:24
  Speaker 4: did not leave us ode like, he did not work,
• 21:27
  Speaker 4: he did not he like really was just like I
• 21:29
  Speaker 4: cannot leave my off, like this is critical time, like
• 21:33
  Speaker 4: for me to like be there and get her through this.
• 21:35
  Speaker 4: And he really did and like he listen. I'm not
• 21:40
  Speaker 4: saying he's perfect, Like he loves to watch sports and
• 21:44
  Speaker 4: I want to watch There's these little things. But as
• 21:48
  Speaker 4: a man like you said, if every man was like that,
• 21:52
  Speaker 4: it would be a different world.
• 21:53
  Speaker 1: Yeah, if every man was encouraging time and to stand
• 21:56
  Speaker 1: up for themselves and to search their truth and to
• 21:59
  Speaker 1: set the time side for when someone needs you to
• 22:02
  Speaker 1: actually be available to them. I mean that's a luxury item. Also,
• 22:06
  Speaker 1: not everybody has the ability to do that financially, but
• 22:09
  Speaker 1: those aren't the only ways to show up. And it's
• 22:12
  Speaker 1: very nice to hear about men that are doing that.
• 22:15
  Speaker 4: Totally speaking of men, at one point, I got to
• 22:19
  Speaker 4: tell you about my frand so I've been seeing on
• 22:22
  Speaker 4: your Instagram you helping men fund lives.
• 22:25
  Speaker 1: Well, I'm trying to help women find love. Oh, but
• 22:27
  Speaker 1: the men problem is there's like we need men, We
• 22:31
  Speaker 1: need straight men that are available and respectful and respectable.
• 22:36
  Speaker 4: Yes, I was talking about gay men.
• 22:38
  Speaker 1: Oh yeah, there's a lot of the gay men. But
• 22:40
  Speaker 1: also like that is not gay men.
• 22:42
  Speaker 2: Are fucking. They're already fucking. They're all fucking.
• 22:46
  Speaker 1: So it's like the fact that they're like leaning on
• 22:48
  Speaker 1: me to meet so that they can fuck more.
• 22:51
  Speaker 2: This is really for straight women, is who I.
• 22:54
  Speaker 4: Was trying to okay, because I was thinking.
• 22:57
  Speaker 2: Go ahead, your friend is a game.
• 22:58
  Speaker 4: Yes, and he definitely sent you something into the DM, okay,
• 23:02
  Speaker 4: But I was thinking, because he was telling me all
• 23:05
  Speaker 4: about it, I was thinking, this was mostly for gay man,
• 23:07
  Speaker 4: So you're helping women.
• 23:09
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 23:09
  Speaker 1: I don't know where it got, probably because my audience
• 23:11
  Speaker 1: is probably mostly gay men and women, and there are
• 23:15
  Speaker 1: definitely not straight men hitting me up in the way
• 23:17
  Speaker 1: that they I'm asking them to.
• 23:19
  Speaker 2: But yeah, I've got it.
• 23:20
  Speaker 1: Broaden my I have some opportunities have arrived that I'm like,
• 23:25
  Speaker 1: should I do something like this?
• 23:26
  Speaker 2: Because I really do.
• 23:27
  Speaker 1: I think in times like that we're living in, I
• 23:30
  Speaker 1: just want everyone to be fucking and having a good
• 23:32
  Speaker 1: time totally. Everyone should at least be having sex with
• 23:34
  Speaker 1: someone that they are attracted totally at the very minimum,
• 23:38
  Speaker 1: you know.
• 23:38
  Speaker 4: Agree, Oh yeah, I wish I knew good.
• 23:40
  Speaker 2: Good straight guys.
• 23:42
  Speaker 1: Well, if you do find any and you come across them,
• 23:44
  Speaker 1: send them my way, because I have so many women.
• 23:46
  Speaker 1: I have so many These women are in my dms, like,
• 23:49
  Speaker 1: please help us, help us. These dating apps are atrocious,
• 23:53
  Speaker 1: and I guess there's just a dish.
• 23:54
  Speaker 2: The problem is, did you ever do the dating app?
• 23:56
  Speaker 2: I did not. You didn't get that far?
• 23:57
  Speaker 4: No? Right, that has to be horrible.
• 23:59
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you know.
• 24:00
  Speaker 1: And I think that's also problematic because there's such abundance
• 24:04
  Speaker 1: on the dating apps, so you can just swipe through
• 24:06
  Speaker 1: people and you don't really take them seriously like you
• 24:09
  Speaker 1: would going on a date with someone. You're looking at
• 24:12
  Speaker 1: like fifty girls in a day, so how are you
• 24:14
  Speaker 1: going to focus on one? You're like looking for the
• 24:16
  Speaker 1: next best thing. So there's they need to re engineer
• 24:19
  Speaker 1: these dating apps. Anyway, more to come on that, more
• 24:23
  Speaker 1: to come. I'm going to stay focused on it.
• 24:24
  Speaker 4: Okay, you should, it's honestly, it is so needed.
• 24:28
  Speaker 1: How long after you started seeing dominic, did you guys
• 24:30
  Speaker 1: get married?
• 24:31
  Speaker 4: We got married in a year and a half. Did
• 24:36
  Speaker 4: we we met in twenty God, I'm so bad. We
• 24:39
  Speaker 4: met in February of twenty two and we got married
• 24:42
  Speaker 4: in August of twenty thirty. Okay, so year and a half.
• 24:45
  Speaker 2: Okay, that's that's and how long has it been? Yeah,
• 24:47
  Speaker 2: just a two years.
• 24:48
  Speaker 4: We've been married two years and we've been together over
• 24:52
  Speaker 4: four right four in February.
• 24:54
  Speaker 1: Yeah, Well when I saw you, I went on your
• 24:56
  Speaker 1: podcast which is called Sorry We're Cyrus that you and
• 25:00
  Speaker 1: Brandy do together, which is great fun.
• 25:02
  Speaker 2: Have you had a good time doing the podcast?
• 25:04
  Speaker 4: Love it more than anything? Oh?
• 25:05
  Speaker 2: Really? What do you love about it?
• 25:07
  Speaker 4: You know what? I honestly, this is something else I've
• 25:10
  Speaker 4: learned is like I really don't give myself props for
• 25:15
  Speaker 4: being good at anything. Like I'm like, what am I
• 25:18
  Speaker 4: good at? Like I've I was good at managing Molly
• 25:21
  Speaker 4: that went well, But like there are never really anything
• 25:24
  Speaker 4: that I think about that I love to do. And
• 25:28
  Speaker 4: I've found that with the podcast, Like I really do
• 25:31
  Speaker 4: love talking to people. It's my favorite thing, and I
• 25:34
  Speaker 4: love like instead of just like shooting the shit, like
• 25:37
  Speaker 4: I actually love kind of a deep conversation, and I
• 25:42
  Speaker 4: feel like I'm pretty good at it. Like I think
• 25:44
  Speaker 4: it's more it's not something like that I prepare for
• 25:48
  Speaker 4: for three days or like I kind of just go
• 25:51
  Speaker 4: into it as like I'm just shooting the shit with
• 25:55
  Speaker 4: a friend, and that even I have Landrion which I
• 26:00
  Speaker 4: had not seen leve Island at the time, and everybody afterwards,
• 26:05
  Speaker 4: everybody just freaked out on how great it was because
• 26:08
  Speaker 4: it wasn't about the show that it was about her.
• 26:11
  Speaker 4: And I think for me, it gave me this confidence
• 26:14
  Speaker 4: in doing the pod that I had never had and
• 26:17
  Speaker 4: because I really didn't know if I felt like I
• 26:19
  Speaker 4: was good at it, and I had all these people
• 26:22
  Speaker 4: like just really being like, we really didn't know a
• 26:25
  Speaker 4: Landry at all, and we felt like we got to
• 26:26
  Speaker 4: know her through you, and she was from the South,
• 26:28
  Speaker 4: which made it easy. And so I don't know, it
• 26:31
  Speaker 4: just is something that I've really like. I look forward
• 26:34
  Speaker 4: to it every time I get to do it.
• 26:36
  Speaker 2: Oh that's nice. I know. That's a nice surprise too.
• 26:39
  Speaker 4: It's really an assaprise.
• 26:40
  Speaker 1: It's just so nice the way this second act of
• 26:43
  Speaker 1: your life is working out for you.
• 26:45
  Speaker 4: Well, let's hope, because that's another that's another one of
• 26:47
  Speaker 4: my mental problems. I'm like, oh my god, I'm old.
• 26:50
  Speaker 4: Oh my god, Like what if I don't get to
• 26:51
  Speaker 4: work anymore, Oh my gosh, what if no one wants
• 26:53
  Speaker 4: to come on the podcast? Oh my gosh, Like this
• 26:56
  Speaker 4: is what my brain does, and so and it's hard,
• 27:00
  Speaker 4: like I have five kids at home and now no
• 27:03
  Speaker 4: kids at home.
• 27:04
  Speaker 1: You know, there's like a there's like a great solution
• 27:07
  Speaker 1: that I always do whenever I have like a negative
• 27:09
  Speaker 1: thought pattern or and it's from that book that I
• 27:11
  Speaker 1: always talk about called Letting Go by David Hawkings, which
• 27:14
  Speaker 1: is whenever you have a thought, there's always a direct
• 27:17
  Speaker 1: opposite thought, like when is someone gonna come on?
• 27:20
  Speaker 2: What if no one wants to come on my podcast?
• 27:22
  Speaker 1: The opposite thought is what if everyone wants to come
• 27:25
  Speaker 1: on my podcast?
• 27:26
  Speaker 2: What if I don't have enough space for everybody?
• 27:28
  Speaker 1: And if you just flip to the opposite, it works
• 27:31
  Speaker 1: if you keep doing it. And so if that's a
• 27:33
  Speaker 1: good little hack that I use when I'm like, even
• 27:36
  Speaker 1: if I'm not like if I have to go do
• 27:37
  Speaker 1: something that I don't want to do, I'm like, yeah,
• 27:39
  Speaker 1: you do you want to go? Look how excited, Look
• 27:42
  Speaker 1: how great it's gonna be when you get there. You're
• 27:43
  Speaker 1: gonna light up the whole place and everything's gonna be
• 27:45
  Speaker 1: so much fun and you're gonna have a good time.
• 27:47
  Speaker 1: And then by the time I get there, I'm in
• 27:48
  Speaker 1: a good mood about it.
• 27:49
  Speaker 2: Okay, So it's a good.
• 27:51
  Speaker 4: Chock's going yeah, yeah, yeah, Jesus.
• 27:53
  Speaker 2: You can remind her. Remind her she deals with me.
• 27:56
  Speaker 3: Most are we going to take some we're ready to take.
• 28:02
  Speaker 1: We have live callers, Colin, and you're the only mother
• 28:05
  Speaker 1: in this room, so we might have to defer to
• 28:07
  Speaker 1: you on a couple of things.
• 28:09
  Speaker 3: So, Sarah says, dear Chelsea. Hello, I'm a twenty year
• 28:14
  Speaker 3: old college student who would love advice on what to
• 28:16
  Speaker 3: look for in a partner. I have dated in the past,
• 28:18
  Speaker 3: and I'm drawn to boys who need me to fix them,
• 28:20
  Speaker 3: and I'm quite frankly over it. What green flags are
• 28:23
  Speaker 3: there to look for when it comes to men? And
• 28:25
  Speaker 3: should I start dating older men? If anything?
• 28:27
  Speaker 1: Kindly, Sarah, so, a pretty general question, Yeah, pretty broad question.
• 28:34
  Speaker 1: I don't think you should limit to anyone who you're dating.
• 28:36
  Speaker 1: I think you should have like a good practice for
• 28:38
  Speaker 1: dating is just being as open as possible, not gearing
• 28:42
  Speaker 1: it towards young men or older men, or black guys
• 28:44
  Speaker 1: or white guys.
• 28:45
  Speaker 2: Well, I mean, I take that back.
• 28:46
  Speaker 1: I prefer black guys quite frankly, but I think it's
• 28:50
  Speaker 1: just good to practice dating as in general and avoiding
• 28:54
  Speaker 1: the patterns that you've created like, when you notice a
• 28:56
  Speaker 1: pattern in your behavior, then just stop doing that. If
• 29:00
  Speaker 1: you're gonna avoid anyone, it's anyone who needs fixing and
• 29:03
  Speaker 1: green flags. If you're dealing with people that need to
• 29:06
  Speaker 1: be fixed, A green flag is somebody who has their
• 29:09
  Speaker 1: shit together, somebody who has a job, who is you know,
• 29:13
  Speaker 1: showing initiative and being assertive about you and spending time
• 29:16
  Speaker 1: with you and going out with you, not you being
• 29:19
  Speaker 1: a mom Like that's not sexy for anyone in a
• 29:22
  Speaker 1: romantic dynamic.
• 29:24
  Speaker 2: Nobody wants to feel like a mother.
• 29:25
  Speaker 1: I don't want to be telling you what to do
• 29:27
  Speaker 1: or so I think all you have to do for
• 29:30
  Speaker 1: me is avoid that feeling. As soon as you feel
• 29:35
  Speaker 1: like you're parenting or your mommy ing, then you want
• 29:38
  Speaker 1: to just exit out of that, and that's your red flag,
• 29:42
  Speaker 1: And then you're gonna notice what the green flags are.
• 29:44
  Speaker 1: As soon as you say no to the red flags,
• 29:46
  Speaker 1: you're gonna notice the things that you're welcoming. But as
• 29:49
  Speaker 1: soon as you feel that feeling, and I know exactly
• 29:51
  Speaker 1: what you're talking about, I don't like it either. I'm
• 29:53
  Speaker 1: not attracted when I have to be like a mommy.
• 29:55
  Speaker 1: I don't want to be your mommy, Tish, what do
• 29:58
  Speaker 1: you think.
• 29:58
  Speaker 4: I'm definitely gill of that, of being okay with that.
• 30:02
  Speaker 2: Being a mother to an in a relationship.
• 30:05
  Speaker 4: Yes, and that is one thing. Another thing that I've
• 30:08
  Speaker 4: definitely learned is that I do not need to be.
• 30:11
  Speaker 2: That right and how like freeing that is exactly it's
• 30:16
  Speaker 2: also freeing.
• 30:17
  Speaker 1: What's freeing is also to be taken care of by someone,
• 30:21
  Speaker 1: when someone cares for you and is looking after you
• 30:24
  Speaker 1: and doing nice things that you didn't ask them to do,
• 30:26
  Speaker 1: and then that whole dynamic shifts and you realize what's
• 30:29
  Speaker 1: on the other side of it totally, which is much
• 30:31
  Speaker 1: sexier than being with someone who you.
• 30:34
  Speaker 2: Have to direct.
• 30:35
  Speaker 4: Yep. What do you think about the dating an older
• 30:37
  Speaker 4: man part of it?
• 30:38
  Speaker 1: I mean, yeah, you could date an older man, but
• 30:40
  Speaker 1: like those guys can be messes too, totally. Just because
• 30:43
  Speaker 1: they're older doesn't mean they have more of their shit together.
• 30:45
  Speaker 1: It may seem like they have their shit together because
• 30:47
  Speaker 1: they have more experience, but they can have their own
• 30:49
  Speaker 1: set of problems. So I don't think you need to
• 30:51
  Speaker 1: focus on an age. I think you need to focus
• 30:53
  Speaker 1: on the way you feel when you're.
• 30:55
  Speaker 2: Out with a man and totally.
• 30:56
  Speaker 1: When you're in a relationship with a man, you're feeling like,
• 30:59
  Speaker 1: even from what Tish you've talked about just today, the
• 31:02
  Speaker 1: feeling that you had from your previous relationship moving into
• 31:05
  Speaker 1: this is like you've been reborn, basically.
• 31:08
  Speaker 4: Yeah, and it's it was nas because I took care
• 31:11
  Speaker 4: of everybody for so long, like truly just took care
• 31:16
  Speaker 4: of everything and everyone, And to now feel like someone's
• 31:19
  Speaker 4: taking care of me and every aspect of my life
• 31:23
  Speaker 4: is incredible.
• 31:24
  Speaker 2: I love it.
• 31:25
  Speaker 4: Yeah. So Katie is thirty seven.
• 31:28
  Speaker 3: She says, Dear Chelsea, I'm in my late thirties, married
• 31:31
  Speaker 3: and have three young kids, ages one, three, and five.
• 31:35
  Speaker 3: My mom, who's in her seventies, also has her own
• 31:37
  Speaker 3: space in our basement. We moved to a new state
• 31:39
  Speaker 3: three years ago when I was pregnant with my second
• 31:42
  Speaker 3: I work full time and my husband works in television,
• 31:44
  Speaker 3: so his schedule is very unpredictable, often nights and weekends
• 31:48
  Speaker 3: when he's home, we divide and conquer well, but I'm
• 31:50
  Speaker 3: also frequently solo parenting. My mom has mobility issues and
• 31:54
  Speaker 3: some brain fog, so I also find myself caring.
• 31:56
  Speaker 4: For her in many ways.
• 31:58
  Speaker 3: Between solo parenting full time time work and caregiving. I've
• 32:01
  Speaker 3: reached the part where every professional says you need self care,
• 32:05
  Speaker 3: and I want to ask when and how exactly. I've
• 32:08
  Speaker 3: tried making mom friends, but it mostly feels like monitoring
• 32:11
  Speaker 3: kids near each other rather than forming any real connections.
• 32:14
  Speaker 3: I'd love any advice you have for the stage of life,
• 32:16
  Speaker 3: especially how to take care of yourself when there's truly
• 32:19
  Speaker 3: no margin. Thanks for making me laugh when I'm exhausted, Katie.
• 32:23
  Speaker 2: Hi, Katie, this is our special guest. Titsh Cyrus is here.
• 32:26
  Speaker 4: Hi Katie, Hi, Nice to meet you.
• 32:29
  Speaker 1: She knows a lot about what you're talking about. Do
• 32:31
  Speaker 1: you want to go first? Tish about self.
• 32:33
  Speaker 4: Care totally, which I never did, and I actually would
• 32:39
  Speaker 4: say make that a priority now because I actually did not,
• 32:44
  Speaker 4: and it is exhausting. I also like I was raising
• 32:48
  Speaker 4: five kids in a crazy, crazy world. You know, my
• 32:53
  Speaker 4: husband at the time was also working, and I was
• 32:55
  Speaker 4: doing most of it alone. My mom also lived with us,
• 32:59
  Speaker 4: and so you know, she helped me, but I also
• 33:02
  Speaker 4: cared for her as well, and really there was like,
• 33:05
  Speaker 4: in my mind, there was really no time for me,
• 33:08
  Speaker 4: and I wish so bad that I had made Tom,
• 33:12
  Speaker 4: especially I love what you just said about like you
• 33:15
  Speaker 4: even feel like with the friends that you make it's
• 33:17
  Speaker 4: more just like kids play dates and you know, things
• 33:21
  Speaker 4: like that. Because now it's it's crazy because I really
• 33:25
  Speaker 4: I'm feeling lame at this moment in my life because
• 33:28
  Speaker 4: I literally will meet someone out and I'm like, I
• 33:30
  Speaker 4: really need friends, Like can we like do something Like
• 33:33
  Speaker 4: I'm literally trying to make friends now at fifty eight,
• 33:37
  Speaker 4: And I wish so bad that at the time that
• 33:40
  Speaker 4: you're in in your life that I would have taken
• 33:42
  Speaker 4: time to do self care and to build a friend
• 33:45
  Speaker 4: group that was there to support me, not just support
• 33:48
  Speaker 4: like the play dates. So I think for you, I
• 33:52
  Speaker 4: know how hard that is because when you have that
• 33:54
  Speaker 4: many kids and you're caring for your parent and you're
• 33:57
  Speaker 4: doing most of it alone, it's hard to find the time.
• 34:00
  Speaker 4: But I do think it's so important, even if it's
• 34:03
  Speaker 4: just getting some time when your husband is around and
• 34:07
  Speaker 4: able to help, like to read a book or take
• 34:09
  Speaker 4: a bath, or you know, go be with a friend
• 34:12
  Speaker 4: for an hour.
• 34:13
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and get out of the house away from the
• 34:15
  Speaker 1: kids for an hour. Do you have that ability to
• 34:17
  Speaker 1: leave the house for like an hour a day?
• 34:20
  Speaker 2: Is that a possibility for you.
• 34:22
  Speaker 5: It is on the days that my husband is home, right,
• 34:25
  Speaker 5: So like if we can make our schedules kind of
• 34:28
  Speaker 5: line up, then yeah, I can do that.
• 34:29
  Speaker 1: Well, that could be one of the first points that
• 34:31
  Speaker 1: you make is whenever he is home, you have an
• 34:34
  Speaker 1: hour and what you decide to do with that is
• 34:36
  Speaker 1: up to you, like you take I mean not just
• 34:38
  Speaker 1: an hour, it can be as long as you trust
• 34:40
  Speaker 1: him with the children. I guess the better way to say,
• 34:43
  Speaker 1: but like hit up one of these women to go
• 34:45
  Speaker 1: for a walk without the kids and see if you
• 34:47
  Speaker 1: have anything going on between you two. Then you know,
• 34:50
  Speaker 1: I know, it's easier to do stuff with the kids
• 34:52
  Speaker 1: when they're that age and you kind of have to.
• 34:55
  Speaker 1: But also find out if you have anything in common
• 34:57
  Speaker 1: with these women outside of the children, and if you do, great,
• 35:00
  Speaker 1: and if you don't great, then you know that then
• 35:02
  Speaker 1: you know they're just like your kid's parent friends and
• 35:05
  Speaker 1: you can do stuff together. Then you can even take
• 35:07
  Speaker 1: the one year old or the three year old or
• 35:09
  Speaker 1: I guess the one year old on a walk with you.
• 35:11
  Speaker 1: But like, just to separate yourself from like all of
• 35:13
  Speaker 1: your duties as a mother, I think geographically is important.
• 35:17
  Speaker 2: Like to get out of the house, to go out to.
• 35:19
  Speaker 1: Dinner, you know, with a group of women, or one
• 35:22
  Speaker 1: or two women at the very minimum, just to be
• 35:25
  Speaker 1: away from all of the stuff that you're dealing with
• 35:27
  Speaker 1: because you need to recharge your batteries. So self care
• 35:30
  Speaker 1: doesn't have to be like you're meditating every day. You know,
• 35:33
  Speaker 1: that can be great for certain people, but if it
• 35:36
  Speaker 1: doesn't have to be like a prescription, it can be
• 35:39
  Speaker 1: whatever makes you feel good in the moment. And I know,
• 35:41
  Speaker 1: exercising and moving your body and getting out of a
• 35:43
  Speaker 1: house when.
• 35:44
  Speaker 2: You're a mother are two really important ingredients.
• 35:47
  Speaker 6: Yeah, yeah, yeah, I think that those are the things
• 35:49
  Speaker 6: I missed the most, honestly, is you know, being able
• 35:53
  Speaker 6: to move around and not have you know, a child
• 35:55
  Speaker 6: trying to jump on top of me at the same time.
• 35:57
  Speaker 2: Rightally, right.
• 35:58
  Speaker 1: And also something to remember is so like make that
• 36:01
  Speaker 1: agreement and even if you're going for a walk alone,
• 36:04
  Speaker 1: that's fucking great, like better to be like I would
• 36:07
  Speaker 1: prefer to go for a walk alone. I'm not into
• 36:09
  Speaker 1: walking with people. I don't understand what that even means.
• 36:11
  Speaker 1: I found out about that during COVID because everyone wanted
• 36:13
  Speaker 1: to go for a fucking walk. I'm like, I don't
• 36:15
  Speaker 1: want to go for a walk with someone, Like I
• 36:17
  Speaker 1: want to listen to a podcast or listen to music
• 36:20
  Speaker 1: and do my own thing, but I like people for
• 36:22
  Speaker 1: other things.
• 36:23
  Speaker 2: Not that so.
• 36:24
  Speaker 1: But even if it's just you saying that to your
• 36:26
  Speaker 1: husband on the days that you can when he is home,
• 36:29
  Speaker 1: just start the practice of asking for a time and
• 36:33
  Speaker 1: a little space that's reasonable. And also remember this is temporary.
• 36:38
  Speaker 1: You're not gonna have a one three to five year
• 36:39
  Speaker 1: old for the rest of your life. So the better
• 36:42
  Speaker 1: you have, like the better ability you have to recharge
• 36:45
  Speaker 1: your batteries to be present for all of it and
• 36:47
  Speaker 1: all of the chaos, the better you're gonna feel you're
• 36:50
  Speaker 1: the better you're going to show up as a mom
• 36:52
  Speaker 1: when you are tired, the better you're going to show
• 36:54
  Speaker 1: up as a partner, and the better memories you're gonna
• 36:57
  Speaker 1: have in six months and three years and six years.
• 37:00
  Speaker 4: And it goes fast, because I remember just praying, oh
• 37:03
  Speaker 4: my gosh, when are they going to be eighteen? Like
• 37:06
  Speaker 4: I like, when is this gonna be over? Right after
• 37:09
  Speaker 4: the number five? And now I'll look back and think,
• 37:12
  Speaker 4: oh my god, it went so fast, like it really does.
• 37:15
  Speaker 4: Even though I can feel your vibe in front in
• 37:18
  Speaker 4: this moment, it doesn't feel that way, but she's right, like,
• 37:22
  Speaker 4: it won't be this chaotic forever.
• 37:25
  Speaker 1: You know, what you should do is pick up a book.
• 37:27
  Speaker 1: I just read this book. It's a great book. It's
• 37:29
  Speaker 1: called The Correspondent. Pick that up and make that your
• 37:33
  Speaker 1: first gift to yourself. Get that book, start reading it.
• 37:36
  Speaker 1: It's a real easy read. It's really good. You're gonna
• 37:39
  Speaker 1: like it. Every woman will like this book. And just
• 37:42
  Speaker 1: give that as a gift to yourself. And when your
• 37:44
  Speaker 1: husband's around, just say I need.
• 37:46
  Speaker 2: An hour alone.
• 37:47
  Speaker 1: I'm gonna go to the park and read the book,
• 37:49
  Speaker 1: or you're gonna go to your room wherever you want
• 37:51
  Speaker 1: to go. I would say, get out of the house
• 37:52
  Speaker 1: and just go find somewhere to read a book for
• 37:55
  Speaker 1: an hour. And that gift alone that you give yourself
• 37:58
  Speaker 1: will start leading to new ways and new ideas for
• 38:01
  Speaker 1: you to kind of pour more water in your cup.
• 38:05
  Speaker 5: Okay, yeah, that's a great idea. I feel like, you know,
• 38:08
  Speaker 5: sometimes you get kind of guilty being like, oh, I
• 38:10
  Speaker 5: shouldn't want to, you know, spend time away from my
• 38:13
  Speaker 5: kids when I don't have as much time with them
• 38:16
  Speaker 5: because they're in daycare if I'm working and stuff like that.
• 38:19
  Speaker 5: But I do think that it'll help me bond with
• 38:23
  Speaker 5: them better when we are together if I do have
• 38:25
  Speaker 5: a little more time for myself.
• 38:26
  Speaker 1: Yeah, And there's also something about like filling up your
• 38:29
  Speaker 1: brain with different information than the information you're circulating and
• 38:32
  Speaker 1: recirculating all day with your kids, because it's a lot
• 38:35
  Speaker 1: of the same shit all the time. So it's like
• 38:38
  Speaker 1: you can go have a break, read a book, fill
• 38:40
  Speaker 1: your brain up with someone else's story and someone else's
• 38:43
  Speaker 1: life that's thought provoking, that gets you out of your head,
• 38:46
  Speaker 1: and that's like building your kind of you know, brain
• 38:48
  Speaker 1: power chemistry.
• 38:50
  Speaker 2: Your neurotransmitters are like it's all good for you.
• 38:52
  Speaker 1: So like make sure like make that your first thing,
• 38:55
  Speaker 1: and then if you love that, then get another book
• 38:57
  Speaker 1: and make sure you're asking for the time that you
• 38:59
  Speaker 1: need because no one's going to give you anything that
• 39:01
  Speaker 1: you don't ask for totally, you know, So you really
• 39:05
  Speaker 1: have to advocate for yourself. Act like you're in a
• 39:07
  Speaker 1: mental hospital and you're your advocate.
• 39:10
  Speaker 5: It feels like that sometimes, So I think I can
• 39:12
  Speaker 5: do that, yes.
• 39:13
  Speaker 1: Yeah, And I mean your husband, is he a reasonable guy, like,
• 39:16
  Speaker 1: will he get this and understand it?
• 39:18
  Speaker 4: Yeah?
• 39:19
  Speaker 2: I think so.
• 39:19
  Speaker 5: He tries to help out when he's around. It's just
• 39:22
  Speaker 5: the you know, the kids are usually like mommy, mommy, mommy. Yeah,
• 39:25
  Speaker 5: you know, I think maybe getting away, like if I'm
• 39:27
  Speaker 5: not physically there, it might be easier for him too,
• 39:30
  Speaker 5: because they're not always trying.
• 39:32
  Speaker 2: To go for me, yes, exactly.
• 39:35
  Speaker 1: And that will help their bond too, because then they'll
• 39:37
  Speaker 1: spend more time with their father and then they'll start
• 39:39
  Speaker 1: to lean on him in a more equal way. So
• 39:41
  Speaker 1: it's like going to work for everyone. It's just like, aa,
• 39:44
  Speaker 1: it works if you work it totally.
• 39:48
  Speaker 2: All right, thanks, Yeah, I think that's good advice. Okay,
• 39:51
  Speaker 2: all right, we'll hit us back.
• 39:52
  Speaker 1: Let us know. Yeah you like the book, and then
• 39:54
  Speaker 1: we'll give you books to read if you need more
• 39:56
  Speaker 1: books to read.
• 39:56
  Speaker 4: Yeah, for sure I would love that. Oh yeah, that's
• 39:59
  Speaker 4: a great, awesome Okay, all.
• 40:01
  Speaker 3: Right, thanks so much, Katie, Katie, thank you, bye bye.
• 40:06
  Speaker 1: Whenever I hear you know, i was watching someone at
• 40:08
  Speaker 1: the airport and they had four kids traveling, and I'm
• 40:11
  Speaker 1: just like, oh my god, fucking four strollers and.
• 40:13
  Speaker 4: Four much but that is way too much.
• 40:16
  Speaker 1: But also it's just like, tell me if I'm wrong
• 40:19
  Speaker 1: about this. I feel like, once you have two, you
• 40:21
  Speaker 1: may as well have five? Or is it once you
• 40:23
  Speaker 1: have three you may as well have you have three?
• 40:26
  Speaker 2: Three? Yeah? Because three two to three is a big.
• 40:28
  Speaker 3: My mom always says like after three, it's like basically
• 40:31
  Speaker 3: more of the same we were four.
• 40:32
  Speaker 1: Yeah, totally yeah, and then they can help occupy each
• 40:35
  Speaker 1: other and start playing with each other. But getting out
• 40:38
  Speaker 1: of a one year old, like that's the youngest, that
• 40:40
  Speaker 1: is very hard.
• 40:40
  Speaker 4: It is hard. She's got them independent, she's definitely got
• 40:43
  Speaker 4: her hands full.
• 40:49
  Speaker 3: So Elizabeth says, Dear Chelsea, I'm writing to you today
• 40:52
  Speaker 3: for advice on how to shrug off a man who
• 40:53
  Speaker 3: isn't worth it when he's stuck in your life indefinitely.
• 40:57
  Speaker 3: I was married for over ten years until I found
• 40:59
  Speaker 3: out he'd been having a series of affairs and cheating
• 41:01
  Speaker 3: for half that time. Ultimately, he wouldn't change his behavior,
• 41:04
  Speaker 3: so I left. Here's where it gets complicated. We have
• 41:07
  Speaker 3: a small child together. We have shared custody and our
• 41:10
  Speaker 3: cool parenting, and we're both determined not to fuck up
• 41:12
  Speaker 3: our kid with our issues, so we don't let that
• 41:14
  Speaker 3: drama get in the way. We actually co parent quite well.
• 41:16
  Speaker 3: We communicate, we can trade days or cover each other
• 41:19
  Speaker 3: when we need to. We can each attend school extracurricular
• 41:22
  Speaker 3: events and be around each other for the sake of
• 41:24
  Speaker 3: our kid. What I need advice on is how to
• 41:26
  Speaker 3: get my heart out of the way. We've been divorced
• 41:28
  Speaker 3: for a year now. I threw myself into healing and
• 41:30
  Speaker 3: moving on. I've done all the things, therapy, new hobbies, travel,
• 41:34
  Speaker 3: I've dated, had casual hookups, and I put myself out there.
• 41:37
  Speaker 4: But damn if my heart isn't still broken.
• 41:39
  Speaker 3: Every time I have to talk to my ex and
• 41:41
  Speaker 3: see him, he still has the parts of him I
• 41:43
  Speaker 3: fell in love with all those years ago. I just
• 41:45
  Speaker 3: get this sense of loss and longing for what I
• 41:47
  Speaker 3: thought I had. What do I do or can't just
• 41:49
  Speaker 3: stop seeing him or speaking to him, Like any other
• 41:52
  Speaker 3: breakup where you can get a clean break, He'll be
• 41:54
  Speaker 3: around for my son's entire life. Any advice on how
• 41:56
  Speaker 3: to take the emotional sting out of this and stop
• 41:58
  Speaker 3: nurturing a broken heart for this guy who doesn't deserve it.
• 42:01
  Speaker 3: My brain says, screw that guy, but my heart doesn't
• 42:03
  Speaker 3: know what to do with the love I had for
• 42:04
  Speaker 3: him for a decade. Elizabeth, I know, I know.
• 42:09
  Speaker 4: This is a tough one.
• 42:10
  Speaker 2: Well what do you think, I mean, you have experience
• 42:13
  Speaker 2: with this.
• 42:13
  Speaker 4: I think it's so. I think there was one thing
• 42:16
  Speaker 4: that she said in there that someone kept saying to me,
• 42:20
  Speaker 4: and it was if you can like because she said,
• 42:24
  Speaker 4: it's like what I picture that we could have had,
• 42:26
  Speaker 4: Like what it could be? What it that is? The
• 42:30
  Speaker 4: thing is like for me, it was really being having
• 42:34
  Speaker 4: to like really make my brain focus on how things
• 42:40
  Speaker 4: had gotten, how things were, instead of how they should
• 42:42
  Speaker 4: be or could be. And I don't know that it
• 42:46
  Speaker 4: actually because when you have kids with someone, I mean,
• 42:49
  Speaker 4: it makes it so much harder. And especially my kids
• 42:52
  Speaker 4: are all older, so there was none of the going
• 42:54
  Speaker 4: back and forth or having to communicate, which I'm sure
• 42:57
  Speaker 4: is so hard. I mean, I don't know how you
• 42:59
  Speaker 4: take the emotion out of it or how you change
• 43:02
  Speaker 4: how you feel, but I think you can look at
• 43:05
  Speaker 4: things in that way of like, you know, how it
• 43:09
  Speaker 4: could have been if only this, but you know those
• 43:13
  Speaker 4: kind of fantasy, you know, and the fantasy when what
• 43:17
  Speaker 4: is your reality and what reality? That was the hardest
• 43:21
  Speaker 4: part for me.
• 43:21
  Speaker 1: And also you have to move into acceptance totally. You
• 43:24
  Speaker 1: have to accept that the relationship is over. Yeah, and
• 43:27
  Speaker 1: there's a new book that everyone's talking about Strangers, which
• 43:31
  Speaker 1: is that woman wrote about this very thing, her husband
• 43:34
  Speaker 1: cheating on her, the dissolution of their marriage, all of it,
• 43:38
  Speaker 1: and how she had to basically reconcile because people automatically
• 43:43
  Speaker 1: assume that when a partner cheats, you fall out of
• 43:46
  Speaker 1: love with them.
• 43:47
  Speaker 2: She said that, and she's like, I didn't.
• 43:49
  Speaker 1: I still loved him and I had to deal with
• 43:51
  Speaker 1: a You have to accept the situation at face value.
• 43:55
  Speaker 2: There is no more relationship. It's over. So what you
• 43:58
  Speaker 2: thought was going to be there is not there. But
• 44:00
  Speaker 2: what's ahead could be even more beautiful than what you had.
• 44:03
  Speaker 2: So it's really important.
• 44:05
  Speaker 1: I mean, we're sitting here with like a perfect living
• 44:07
  Speaker 1: example with Tish about how wonderful her life has become
• 44:11
  Speaker 1: in this second chapter that she didn't want or expect
• 44:14
  Speaker 1: or was planning for, you know, not at all, and
• 44:17
  Speaker 1: look how happy she is and vibrant like you have
• 44:19
  Speaker 1: to be. You have to accept the situation for what
• 44:22
  Speaker 1: it is because before that happens, until that happens, you're
• 44:27
  Speaker 1: not going to be shown what else is possible in
• 44:29
  Speaker 1: your life.
• 44:30
  Speaker 3: Right, And I think like in Elizabeth's situation, like the
• 44:33
  Speaker 3: idea of happily ever after with this person wasn't even
• 44:36
  Speaker 3: the reality when she was with this person. That's the key, right,
• 44:39
  Speaker 3: It was like there was all this drama and all
• 44:41
  Speaker 3: this turmoil, so like the idea of what it would
• 44:43
  Speaker 3: have been would have been.
• 44:44
  Speaker 2: More of that in reality exactly.
• 44:47
  Speaker 1: Yeah, And getting stuck in this kind of romantic idealization
• 44:50
  Speaker 1: and kind of fantasy is just I think a sign
• 44:56
  Speaker 1: of you really needing to get grounded and getting g
• 45:00
  Speaker 1: in the reality of your situation and moving forward, because
• 45:04
  Speaker 1: really anything is possible in your life. Anything is as
• 45:07
  Speaker 1: soon as you cut these heart strings, you know, and
• 45:10
  Speaker 1: just start to look at him for what he is,
• 45:12
  Speaker 1: which is your children's father, and that's it.
• 45:14
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 45:14
  Speaker 3: Yeah, And I think once she does meet someone that
• 45:16
  Speaker 3: she actually does care about, it's going to start to undo.
• 45:19
  Speaker 4: A lot of that, you know. I think it undoes that.
• 45:21
  Speaker 4: And also I think her child is maybe younger too,
• 45:26
  Speaker 4: and then the relationship you can have with his father
• 45:29
  Speaker 4: or your ex like will be so much better and
• 45:34
  Speaker 4: clearer in what that actually is. And everybody, it's so
• 45:39
  Speaker 4: hard to believe when you're in it that things can
• 45:42
  Speaker 4: get better, that there is someone else for you out there.
• 45:46
  Speaker 4: But yeah, I think when you kind of, just like
• 45:50
  Speaker 4: you said, get grounded in reality of what is is
• 45:54
  Speaker 4: when you actually can move forward and bring great things
• 45:58
  Speaker 4: into your life. Yeah.
• 46:01
  Speaker 1: Yeah, so good luck to you. Let's keep us posted. Also,
• 46:04
  Speaker 1: we always like to hear feedback, and Tish, are you
• 46:07
  Speaker 1: going to you're writing a book? Have you started writing
• 46:08
  Speaker 1: your book?
• 46:09
  Speaker 4: I was saying, I need to do mine will need
• 46:11
  Speaker 4: to be a trilogy because there is so much, like
• 46:15
  Speaker 4: so much, but I do need to do that.
• 46:17
  Speaker 2: Yeah, but you need to enjoy yourself totally, like I
• 46:20
  Speaker 2: am all for.
• 46:21
  Speaker 1: You just having a great old time me too, and
• 46:24
  Speaker 1: just fucking kicking back and doing whatever the fuck you
• 46:28
  Speaker 1: feel like.
• 46:28
  Speaker 4: I know, I've got to figure out what that is.
• 46:30
  Speaker 4: I'm on it. I'm on it.
• 46:32
  Speaker 1: We'll start just by having sex with Domino. It's not
• 46:34
  Speaker 1: that you haven't started that, but just continue because I
• 46:37
  Speaker 1: think that's Yeah, that part is.
• 46:39
  Speaker 2: Thank you Tish for being with us, Thanks for having
• 46:41
  Speaker 2: me having Yes check out Sorry We're Cyrus.
• 46:44
  Speaker 1: Right, Yes, check out Sorry We're Cyrus. That is a
• 46:46
  Speaker 1: podcast with Tish and Brandy, her daughter Brandy that I
• 46:50
  Speaker 1: have been on as well and had a great time
• 46:52
  Speaker 1: talking to you girls.
• 46:53
  Speaker 4: Yeah, it's so fun and like I said, it's my
• 46:55
  Speaker 4: favorite thing. So help me.
• 46:59
  Speaker 2: If you do.
• 47:00
  Speaker 3: You want advice from Chelsea, write into Dear Chelsea podcast
• 47:03
  Speaker 3: at gmail dot com. Dear Chelsea is a production of iHeartMedia.
• 47:07
  Speaker 3: Follow Chelsea on all socials at Chelsea Handler, and find
• 47:10
  Speaker 3: Katherine on TikTok at flash Cadabra. Dear Chelsea is edited
• 47:14
  Speaker 3: and engineered by Brandon Dickert executive producer Katherine Law. Find
• 47:18
  Speaker 3: full video episodes and minisodes now on Netflix, and get
• 47:21
  Speaker 3: tickets to see Chelsea live at Chelseahandler dot com