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Dressing with Confidence and Self-Love with Embodiment Stylist Bari Sholom · Building the Best You

0:04
SPEAKER_01: Welcome to Building the Best You, a destination for you to reimagine what is possible in your life and then create it.
0:17
SPEAKER_01: Welcome to the show, everybody.
0:19
SPEAKER_01: I'm your host, Gene Collins, and today, oh, I say it's special every day, but today is really cool, guys.
0:24
SPEAKER_01: This is my stylist.
0:26
SPEAKER_01: My personal stylist is on.
0:28
SPEAKER_01: Barry Shalom is on.
0:30
SPEAKER_01: I am so excited to have her.
0:32
SPEAKER_01: She lives in Texas.
0:33
SPEAKER_01: So, guys, I got to bring out my Stetson hat.
0:36
SPEAKER_01: I can't wait.
0:37
SPEAKER_01: We're going to talk all things about style, art, embodiment, creativity.
0:40
SPEAKER_01: Barry, welcome to the show.
0:42
SPEAKER_00: Thank you so much for having me.
0:44
SPEAKER_00: I am so excited to be here.
0:46
SPEAKER_01: Oh, it's going to be so much fun.
0:47
SPEAKER_01: I love this.
0:49
SPEAKER_01: All right.
0:49
SPEAKER_01: So before I have you talk, I'm going to talk about a stylist, just at a high level, to give everybody an idea of how important you are to me because you are a bucket list item for me.
1:01
SPEAKER_01: I have always wanted a stylist.
1:03
SPEAKER_01: I put out there and created some video content that when I get rich, I'm going to hire a stylist.
1:09
SPEAKER_01: It was one of the three things I wanted when I felt like I was rich again, like when I was in corporate America.
1:14
SPEAKER_01: So I had put out there and then I had said it.
1:16
SPEAKER_01: And then I said, you know what?
1:17
SPEAKER_01: I want a stylist within the next year.
1:19
SPEAKER_01: I was like, there we go.
1:20
SPEAKER_01: That's the goal.
1:20
SPEAKER_01: We don't even have to wait.
1:21
SPEAKER_01: I want a stylist within the next year.
1:23
SPEAKER_01: Three weeks later, I had hired Barry.
1:26
SPEAKER_01: Okay.
1:26
SPEAKER_01: So sometimes when you meet someone and they fit what you need, the universe brings them to you because you're supposed to say yes before you really think you're ready to say yes.
1:35
SPEAKER_01: You just say yes.
1:36
SPEAKER_01: And it's been such an awesome experience.
1:38
SPEAKER_01: And we're going to dig all into that.
1:40
SPEAKER_01: But I wanted everybody to know how I know you and how quickly I gravitated to you as a person and what you do and why that makes you so unique as a stylist.
1:50
SPEAKER_01: And we're going to dig all into that.
1:51
SPEAKER_01: So I am so excited you agreed to join.
1:54
SPEAKER_01: And today, you guys can't see my full outfit, but I have the cutest little skirt on that I hadn't worn all last summer.
1:59
SPEAKER_01: And I've worn it twice since I started working with Barry because like we've been pairing it.
2:03
SPEAKER_01: She's been pairing it with stuff, and it's so cute.
2:05
SPEAKER_00: So welcome.
2:08
SPEAKER_00: Yay, thank you.
2:09
SPEAKER_00: I think it's that's so funny too, because all these pieces that you're wearing have already existed in your closet.
2:14
SPEAKER_00: It's just finding new ways to play with them.
2:16
SPEAKER_00: So so excited that you're re-inspired by pieces that you've had for a long time.
2:22
SPEAKER_00: That's like the best sign of success.
2:24
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
2:24
SPEAKER_01: Yes.
2:25
SPEAKER_01: I've been wearing stuff I have not worn in like six or eight years, guys, having to go through my closet.
2:29
SPEAKER_01: But we'll dig all into that.
2:31
SPEAKER_01: All right, before we do, share with everybody a little bit about you and your background.
2:36
SPEAKER_00: Sure.
2:37
SPEAKER_00: My name is Barry.
2:38
SPEAKER_00: I am originally from the East Coast, New Jersey.
2:41
SPEAKER_00: I'm a Jersey girl.
2:42
SPEAKER_00: Yay.
2:43
SPEAKER_00: I am an artist, also an embodiment guide, which is essentially just a movement guide.
2:49
SPEAKER_00: Um, it's a mindfulness practice that takes you from a more mental place of awareness to a more embodied place, living from the heart, living with ultimate presence through your sensory experience.
3:01
SPEAKER_00: And I'm also a stylist.
3:03
SPEAKER_00: And all of these things are essentially the same.
3:05
SPEAKER_00: They're just being communicated in different ways.
3:08
SPEAKER_00: I'm very connected to nature.
3:10
SPEAKER_00: I'm very connected to life.
3:12
SPEAKER_00: I want to make the most of my experience.
3:13
SPEAKER_00: And I find I do that best when I'm creating and when I'm creating from a place of authentic expression from what feels true to my state of being, not necessarily what I feel will resonate with an audience or with the public.
3:30
SPEAKER_00: I just live for myself and find miraculous people like you along the way.
3:35
SPEAKER_00: And that's that's the whole point is that, you know, when you are emanating such a light and such an authenticity, you attract like-minded people.
3:44
SPEAKER_00: And so it's it's been working out for me so far.
3:47
SPEAKER_01: It is.
3:48
SPEAKER_01: It's so great.
3:48
SPEAKER_01: And you said something which I talk about all the time.
3:51
SPEAKER_01: And on LinkedIn, I post about it every single day, which is about self-first living, which is really putting yourself at the center of your life.
3:57
SPEAKER_01: And then, you know, it's putting your oxygen mask on first, filling yourself first, getting in touch with who you are.
4:03
SPEAKER_01: And then that does allow you to step into all of these things and part of my journey with you, the embodiment part of it and the mindset part of it.
4:12
SPEAKER_01: Ironically, you would think I'm a mindset coach.
4:14
SPEAKER_01: Like I understand mindset, but even as a mindset coach, we need help because I'll say thanks to you and you will correct me.
4:23
SPEAKER_01: I'll say thanks.
4:24
SPEAKER_01: I'll be like, I can't wear that outfit.
4:26
SPEAKER_01: I'm in a room with people who are in their 30s, I'm in my 50s.
4:30
SPEAKER_01: Who am I thinking that I can compete and that I can be in this space and dress like these people?
4:35
SPEAKER_01: And you totally correct my mindset.
4:37
SPEAKER_01: So it's like not only me as a mindset coach who's totally aware of this flaw of myself and my narrative to myself.
4:44
SPEAKER_01: I know what I'm doing is wrong, yet I need someone else to help coach me to reframe how I'm thinking about myself and how I'm stepping into the world.
4:53
SPEAKER_01: And so everybody, we all need help is the bottom line.
4:57
SPEAKER_00: Yes.
4:58
SPEAKER_00: I mean, we all have blind spots, and that's what we're meant to do for each other in relationship is to mirror where we're not seeing ourselves fully.
5:07
SPEAKER_00: And I think that's so interesting.
5:09
SPEAKER_00: Even what you said, that, you know, that way of orienting yourself toward shopping or toward being in certain rooms is wrong because it's not actually wrong.
5:17
SPEAKER_00: It's just that's that's what we've been conditioned to believe and to adopt into our own mindset.
5:23
SPEAKER_00: But um, even the word wrong has some shame in it, right?
5:26
SPEAKER_00: It's like there's there's still some feelings of maybe self-compassion that we can infuse into that orientation as well.
5:34
SPEAKER_00: I think that's really the main point of my work, like through the mindset, through the embodiment, through the styling, all of it boils down to just self-love and compassion.
5:42
SPEAKER_00: Like how, how can we reframe everything through that lens, not holding ourselves in places of victimhood or enabling bad behavior through just, oh, everything is okay.
5:54
SPEAKER_00: I love myself.
5:55
SPEAKER_00: No.
5:56
SPEAKER_00: But how can I love myself through, you know, these challenges, these experiences, these adopted perspectives more and also grow simultaneously?
6:05
SPEAKER_00: Like how can I experience the contraction and the expansion, the enjoyable parts, the uncomfortable parts, all through a lens of self-love.
6:14
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
6:15
SPEAKER_01: Cause it doesn't all have to be comfortable either, because growth is not growth is not necessarily always comfortable, but it's okay.
6:22
SPEAKER_01: It's learning to be comfortable with the uncomfortable and also tapping into what about it makes you feel uncomfortable.
6:30
SPEAKER_01: And I'll use a perfect example.
6:32
SPEAKER_01: You suggested a dress for me for an event and I ordered the dress and I almost didn't order the dress.
6:37
SPEAKER_01: It was really cute, but I almost didn't order the dress because on the model, I was like, that looks short.
6:42
SPEAKER_01: You know, like my daughter wears short, short, short.
6:45
SPEAKER_01: Maybe she's 20.
6:46
SPEAKER_01: I was like, I'm fifty about to turn 56.
6:48
SPEAKER_01: I was like, the dress looks a little short, but let's see.
6:50
SPEAKER_01: So it arrives and I put it on, and I was like, oh, this is kind of cute.
6:54
SPEAKER_01: I kind of like this.
6:55
SPEAKER_01: And then I go and I put on heels, and I felt the panic because I felt like now all of a sudden, first of all, my view of myself has changed because I'm higher.
7:05
SPEAKER_01: And all I can see are long legs.
7:08
SPEAKER_01: And I, my immediate reaction is, you are 56 years old.
7:12
SPEAKER_01: What do you think you were doing walking into a room looking like that, being all legs with heels?
7:19
SPEAKER_01: And it was such an uncomfortable feeling.
7:22
SPEAKER_01: But because I've been working with you, I've really learned to be like, okay, what about it is making me uncomfortable?
7:28
SPEAKER_01: And is it just the societal belief?
7:31
SPEAKER_01: It's not like I wasn't dressed appropriately.
7:32
SPEAKER_01: I'm dressed appropriately.
7:34
SPEAKER_01: I looked great, but it's the societal belief that at this age, this is what I'm supposed to look like and this is how I'm supposed to dress.
7:41
SPEAKER_01: I mean, I was fully clothed.
7:43
SPEAKER_01: Like, guys, it's not like I could bend over and you could see my butt.
7:45
SPEAKER_01: It's not like that.
7:46
SPEAKER_01: It just, it really felt uncomfortable.
7:49
SPEAKER_01: And because I worked with you, I was like, I really had to force myself.
7:53
SPEAKER_01: And then I would have put on a pair of flats and I felt fine.
7:56
SPEAKER_01: I felt so cute in the outfit and flats.
7:58
SPEAKER_01: So I was like, okay, wait a minute.
7:59
SPEAKER_01: What is wrong with you?
8:00
SPEAKER_01: You're the same person.
8:01
SPEAKER_01: You're just wearing a different pair of shoes.
8:04
SPEAKER_01: Why do you not feel comfortable wearing it with a pair of heels?
8:08
SPEAKER_01: What's, you know?
8:09
SPEAKER_01: So it challenged me to really have to think about that narrative and think about how I felt and why did I feel that way?
8:18
SPEAKER_00: That was a great experiment that you did, taking yourself from the heels to the flats and seeing.
8:22
SPEAKER_00: I think there's a visual component to that, of course, like the longer leg.
8:27
SPEAKER_00: But then there's the metaphorical component of that, which is claiming more space, asking to be seen, like demanding more attention with your height.
8:35
SPEAKER_00: And I think it's a great representation of that feeling state of like, okay, I'm, I am claiming more space.
8:41
SPEAKER_00: And in this space, what is that reflecting within me?
8:45
SPEAKER_00: Like, can I hold it?
8:46
SPEAKER_00: Am I comfortable holding it?
8:47
SPEAKER_00: Do I want it?
8:48
SPEAKER_00: And then taking yourself back down to a flat.
8:51
SPEAKER_00: Like the flat isn't, there's nothing bad about the flat.
8:53
SPEAKER_00: The flat doesn't mean that you you, you know, there's being seen comes with many many different, you know, intentions and also consequences, right?
9:02
SPEAKER_00: It's a responsibility to be seen.
9:03
SPEAKER_00: And it's you don't need to be seen in all moments.
9:06
SPEAKER_00: But I think, especially when you have a message and you're a woman of power and you are someone who feels that they have a mission in the world, there's a part of your life that requires you to be seen, to be able to vocalize and hold and share your word, to share your truth and your authenticity.
9:24
SPEAKER_00: And so knowing the time and the place to be seen and knowing how you want to feel in that time and place and what best represents, again, your word through your expression is a great, great skill.
9:34
SPEAKER_00: So I think you worked through that really beautifully.
9:36
SPEAKER_00: And I'm curious now, I know with the flats, we love the dress.
9:40
SPEAKER_00: How do you feel in the heels now with the dress?
9:43
SPEAKER_01: I still feel totally I shouldn't say I feel totally uncomfortable.
9:48
SPEAKER_01: I don't feel totally uncomfortable, but what's interesting is you talk about being seen.
9:53
SPEAKER_01: And there's the good and the bad.
9:56
SPEAKER_01: So when I see myself with the heels and the dress and I think about going to a restaurant, which is where I was going to maybe wear the outfit next, I was like, I will get seen.
10:05
SPEAKER_01: I will get looked at.
10:06
SPEAKER_01: That is just the reality.
10:07
SPEAKER_01: If I walk into a restaurant wearing this dress, wearing these heels, I will get noticed.
10:12
SPEAKER_01: I will.
10:13
SPEAKER_01: And then it was having to sit with am I comfortable with that?
10:18
SPEAKER_01: I know if I walk into the restaurant wearing flats, no one will actually care.
10:22
SPEAKER_01: Like the dress is cute, but not that cute, right?
10:25
SPEAKER_01: But it's the whole look of just being taller and leaner and it makes much more of a statement with heels on.
10:30
SPEAKER_01: And so having to get comfortable with is it an environment that I want to feel seen in?
10:37
SPEAKER_01: And can I step into that the way I want to?
10:40
SPEAKER_01: And the reality is that if I was going to wear it, the meeting I was thinking about was a business meeting.
10:44
SPEAKER_01: And so I was like, well, what better place to go and be seen than in a business meeting where I'm talking about creating content for someone and helping them with marketing?
10:53
SPEAKER_01: Like, go walk the walk and talk the talk and get over yourself.
10:57
SPEAKER_01: So it's been an interesting exercise because it isn't just about how do you look in the clothes?
11:04
SPEAKER_01: It is so much about, and you text me about this all the time, I'll send you an outfit and I'll be like, yeah, I put this together.
11:10
SPEAKER_01: I think it's pretty cute.
11:10
SPEAKER_01: I think I look cute in it.
11:11
SPEAKER_01: And your always response is, but how do you feel in it?
11:15
SPEAKER_01: It's not about do you look cute in it?
11:16
SPEAKER_01: How do you feel in it?
11:18
SPEAKER_01: How does it make you feel and how does it make you step into the world?
11:21
SPEAKER_01: Which is such a different way of looking at our clothing.
11:26
SPEAKER_00: Absolutely.
11:27
SPEAKER_00: And I think that's that's the point of it, right?
11:29
SPEAKER_00: And this is I I come back to this idea that there are two ways to get dressed.
11:34
SPEAKER_00: One is through performance, which is when you have the external gaze in mind, when you have an audience in mind.
11:40
SPEAKER_00: And sometimes this can look like, okay, I'm going to a business meeting, I'm not going to the grocery store, or I'm going to the park, I'm not going out to a black tie affair.
11:49
SPEAKER_00: Like there are certain reasons you choose a piece in your closet over another practically.
11:55
SPEAKER_00: But when I speak about the gaze and the audience, it's more about the perception, the judgment, the assumed way you're going to be interpreted and received by the world, which is really just a reflection of your own way of seeing yourself.
12:07
SPEAKER_00: There's a way of getting dressed through performance.
12:09
SPEAKER_00: And that's when you typically get dressed to look flattering, or you get dressed maybe based on certain colors you think look good with your complexion or your age or what's trending or what you've seen other people get validation for in their style.
12:23
SPEAKER_00: And then you get dressed from a place of embodiment.
12:26
SPEAKER_00: You could be wearing the exact same outfit, but the reason you're choosing it is entirely different.
12:30
SPEAKER_00: It's because it makes you feel good.
12:32
SPEAKER_00: And feeling good can mean feeling expressed.
12:34
SPEAKER_00: It can mean feeling comfortable.
12:36
SPEAKER_00: It can mean feeling inspired.
12:38
SPEAKER_00: It can mean connecting you to an ancestor.
12:40
SPEAKER_00: Like I really, really love vintage pieces and heirloom pieces.
12:44
SPEAKER_00: And every time I wear something of my mom's or my grandmother's, my day is like instantly better.
12:48
SPEAKER_00: I don't know why.
12:49
SPEAKER_00: Actually, I do know why.
12:50
SPEAKER_00: It's because there's more love infused into what I have on my physical body.
12:55
SPEAKER_00: So it's it's these two orientations.
12:57
SPEAKER_00: And I think that we can apply that beyond style and the way that we relate to everything that we engage with in the world.
13:03
SPEAKER_00: It's like, are we doing this for ourselves or are we doing it for someone else or to get something, which is also a type of performance?
13:09
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, it's such an important message.
13:11
SPEAKER_01: I had a podcast guest on recently who had that realization in his life that everything about his life, from his marriage to his career to his house, everything about his life, he did because he felt it was what other people thought he was supposed to do.
13:28
SPEAKER_01: And it was so disconnected from himself.
13:30
SPEAKER_01: And he had to go change absolutely everything because he realized his why was external, his why was not internal.
13:38
SPEAKER_01: And that's exactly what you're talking about.
13:40
SPEAKER_01: It's like, what's your internal why in how you want to show up, not only physically, mentally, emotionally, in your writing, in everything about you that shows up in a space.
13:51
SPEAKER_01: What's your why?
13:52
SPEAKER_01: And that can vary.
13:53
SPEAKER_01: Some days it's one thing, and other days it's another, or one season it's one thing, or one decade it's one thing, and then another thing, it could be another.
14:00
SPEAKER_01: It can change.
14:00
SPEAKER_01: It doesn't have to be a stagnant why either.
14:03
SPEAKER_00: I love that.
14:04
SPEAKER_00: I think that's a hard thing to accept sometimes because that feels like it can be ungrounding to have your core intention or your core guiding light in your life change and and move.
14:16
SPEAKER_00: But I think that's such a powerful reflection on what we experience as we evolve and grow.
14:22
SPEAKER_00: I'm personally experiencing that myself right now.
14:24
SPEAKER_00: Like my why is changing and I feel a little bit disoriented in it, but I also feel grounded in that I know that every time it evolves, it's choosing love more and more deeply and more and more truthfully.
14:35
SPEAKER_00: And so there's nothing to fear in that.
14:39
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
14:39
SPEAKER_01: But it is a little scary.
14:41
SPEAKER_00: It's a little scary.
14:42
SPEAKER_00: What's your why?
14:44
SPEAKER_01: Let's be honest.
14:45
SPEAKER_00: Your internal why.
14:47
SPEAKER_01: I think my internal why it's such an interesting question because I think deep down, my internal why is to prove to myself that I can do it, to prove to myself that I can make a difference and still live the life I want to live.
15:07
SPEAKER_01: And I think after being in corporate for so long and living a life for other people, there's this belief.
15:13
SPEAKER_01: And I always had this belief, like, yeah, but no one, I'm never going to be able to live this life unless I do this sacrifice.
15:19
SPEAKER_01: So I think for me, my why is really part of it is needing self-validation of yes, you can, you can do that.
15:28
SPEAKER_01: You can live a very different life that is centered around balance and you and authenticity, and also be able to help people and pay your bills all at the same time.
15:40
SPEAKER_01: And so I think my why is kind of complicated.
15:43
SPEAKER_01: But I think like I'd love to say, oh, my why is that I just want to help other women.
15:47
SPEAKER_01: And I do.
15:48
SPEAKER_01: But if it's really actually so much deeper, and it's like the childhood wounds of you are not good enough, you're not picked, you're, you know, you can never be like those other people who have lots of money.
15:59
SPEAKER_01: I know it's actually much deeper than that, thanks to all the work I've been doing and still keep doing.
16:04
SPEAKER_01: I know it's deeper.
16:05
SPEAKER_01: It's a deeper validation that I'm looking to prove to myself.
16:08
SPEAKER_00: That's so good.
16:09
SPEAKER_00: And this life is for yourself.
16:11
SPEAKER_00: Like that's that's all what it's about.
16:12
SPEAKER_00: It gets to be whatever you want it to be.
16:14
SPEAKER_00: So thank you for sharing.
16:16
SPEAKER_00: I love it so much.
16:17
SPEAKER_00: I can do it.
16:18
SPEAKER_00: Like that's so powerful.
16:19
SPEAKER_01: And also recognizing that that's not selfish.
16:22
SPEAKER_01: For me to say my why is proving to myself that I can do it is not selfish because if I can, knowing that if I can do it, I know what the results are, not only for me and my family, but also for all the people that I can impact.
16:37
SPEAKER_01: So, yes, could it make it that my life is great and we can afford all these things and nice vacations and my daughter doesn't have to worry and I can pay for her?
16:44
SPEAKER_01: All of those things that come with money and success, but it's also a feeling of accomplishment and a feeling of creating and building something that, you know, really fuels me.
16:54
SPEAKER_01: The idea of being able to build something and say, I built that is very cool.
16:59
SPEAKER_00: It is very cool.
17:00
SPEAKER_00: And it has a ripple effect in the world.
17:02
SPEAKER_00: Like I don't, I think selfishness is real in a sense, of course.
17:06
SPEAKER_00: I think that there are ways to prioritize yourself in ways that harm others into intentionally and unintentionally, but I don't think that's what you're describing at all.
17:14
SPEAKER_00: You're you're pursuing a dream and something that's on your heart for yourself to give yourself the best life humanly possible.
17:21
SPEAKER_00: And that is expansive for everyone in your life and everyone that you touch.
17:26
SPEAKER_00: So I think it's the opposite of selfish.
17:29
SPEAKER_01: Well, thank you.
17:29
SPEAKER_01: I appreciate that.
17:30
SPEAKER_01: All right, I want to share what it is like to work with a stylist because I have to say, ever since I posted on social media that I wanted a stylist, so many people were like, oh my God, me too, me too, me too.
17:41
SPEAKER_01: And then when I posted that, guys, I took the plunge and I hired one before I was really ready and had no idea how I was gonna actually pay for what I've gone and done, but I felt really drawn to you.
17:50
SPEAKER_01: And I was drawn to you, like I said in the beginning, I was really drawn to you because it wasn't just about helping me dress a way I wanted to dress.
17:57
SPEAKER_01: It was really helping me with the mindset of I'm trying to step into being a content creator.
18:04
SPEAKER_01: And in this space, there's a ton of imposter syndrome because I'm about to turn 56.
18:09
SPEAKER_01: The majority of the content creators out there on social media are young.
18:14
SPEAKER_01: They're really young.
18:15
SPEAKER_01: And it's there are lots of successful people.
18:18
SPEAKER_01: So it's very easy to compare yourself to people who are ahead of you instead of looking at the people ahead of you saying, like, oh, look what's possible.
18:25
SPEAKER_01: There's a lot of comparison that can happen when you are trying to live your life in a much more social public way.
18:33
SPEAKER_01: There's a lot of mindset involved.
18:35
SPEAKER_01: And so I was really drawn to you because it wasn't just about helping me make better use of my closet and getting excited about getting dressed and yes, shopping and buying some new things, but it was also about me and my internal issues and things going on with me to help me feel like I could step into the world and be whoever that is, whatever I want that to be, or whatever that's going to evolve into.
18:59
SPEAKER_01: And that is why I was drawn to you.
19:01
SPEAKER_01: So I would love for you to share everybody in your words, and then I'll add part of my experience, but I would love for you to share with everybody what it is like to work with you.
19:10
SPEAKER_00: Absolutely.
19:11
SPEAKER_00: Thank you.
19:12
SPEAKER_00: So I would say it's an untraditional approach to styling.
19:15
SPEAKER_00: I do, of course, assist in the closet and we'll get there, but there are a few, there are a few tiers.
19:20
SPEAKER_00: I have a pretty robust onboarding process, which you can attest to.
19:24
SPEAKER_00: It's a lot of introspective work because I really want this to be worth the full investment time and resources and our exchange mutually.
19:34
SPEAKER_00: It's something that I feel equipped to hold other women in, and I want them to get the full range of the experience that is possible.
19:41
SPEAKER_00: So the intake process requires a lot of journaling, I would say.
19:45
SPEAKER_00: I pose it in the form of a form, but it I ask a lot of questions about what it's like to look in the mirror, what it's like to wear certain fabrics, what it's like to step into different versions of yourself, along with a few other practical questions, such as what are your measurements if we're not in person together and some things of that nature.
20:04
SPEAKER_00: But I really ask you to take a deep look at yourself first and foremost, and then reflect back to me with the most honesty and sincerity, you know, what you're experiencing so that we can do this work together and be collaborative co-partners.
20:18
SPEAKER_00: So after we've done some introspective work, we then move into the mindset.
20:23
SPEAKER_00: So I'll start shaping your hypnosis, as well as I have a boxer service, which is a text-based app, which we've been chatting about.
20:31
SPEAKER_00: That, you know, if if you're hitting certain blocks during the day or during the week, we can work through mindset shifts together in real time.
20:37
SPEAKER_00: But I also create bespoke affirmations tracks and hypnosis for you to do on your own time, either as you fall asleep or wake up, or as you're grocery shopping in the car.
20:48
SPEAKER_00: I have affirmations tracks playing all throughout the day.
20:52
SPEAKER_00: I especially really love them in the morning.
20:54
SPEAKER_00: I'll do my embodiment practice, which I'll guide you into, like I'll explain what that looks like shortly.
21:00
SPEAKER_00: I do my embodiment practice with the affirmations tracks playing, and that is just like an instant calibration of mind and body into one coherent state of being with like goal-oriented, mission-oriented.
21:12
SPEAKER_00: It's claiming your personhood for the day.
21:16
SPEAKER_00: So I create these spoke tracks based on the discussions we've had, based on the intake forum to short start reshaping some of these beliefs and ways of seeing and ways of being.
21:25
SPEAKER_00: And twice a month, we will do an embodiment practice.
21:29
SPEAKER_00: So I just got certified in an amazing feminine embodiment modality, which really teaches us how to claim more space somatically in our bodies and our emotional bodies as well, as well as to tap into our sensual expression, which isn't necessarily one thing.
21:44
SPEAKER_00: It doesn't have to look like a wavy womanly figure.
21:48
SPEAKER_00: Sensuality is again this connection with the divine, this connection with creativity and however that wants to manifest day to day, it's getting in touch with that part of yourself that wants to again express and be seen in that expression.
22:00
SPEAKER_00: So it's a somatic practice, but there's also some hypnosis embedded in that too.
22:06
SPEAKER_00: So twice per month, we will go through that practice together.
22:09
SPEAKER_00: And the more you do it, the more the wisdom that's embedded within it gets really fully learned by your body so that you can be reminded of it in moments, in meetings, in you know, certain rooms where you you need the extra boost of, you know, the reminder of it is safe to be big, it is safe to be seen.
22:25
SPEAKER_00: You can really tap into that however or much you need.
22:29
SPEAKER_00: And then, of course, we we address the closet as well.
22:32
SPEAKER_00: So we've done a full closet edit.
22:34
SPEAKER_00: We reviewed every piece in your closet for the season, decided what we want to incorporate in your lookbook.
22:40
SPEAKER_00: And three days per week, I help you get dressed.
22:43
SPEAKER_00: I create a formula-based lookbook, which essentially means that one outfit is actually two or three outfits.
22:49
SPEAKER_00: I like to interchange one or two pieces in the lookbook so that you can understand how to iterate.
22:55
SPEAKER_00: Iteration is a core philosophy of my styling practice that allows us to maximize the full breadth of our closets.
23:01
SPEAKER_00: So just changing one or two things can completely reinvent the personality and the presentation in a look.
23:07
SPEAKER_00: So we work on that skill together through the lookbook every single week.
23:11
SPEAKER_00: And then we also tackle shopping every week.
23:13
SPEAKER_00: So during our closet edit, we make a shopping list and we can keep adding and evolving that as we go.
23:19
SPEAKER_00: But I like to take a really intentional approach to shopping as well.
23:23
SPEAKER_00: Instead of creating a list of 15 things and trying to tackle that all within two or three weeks, or one round of in-person shopping, which you often wind up buying things just because they're in front of you, not because you actually need or ultimately love them.
23:36
SPEAKER_00: We we take a more intentional approach and focus on one thing per week.
23:39
SPEAKER_00: And I provide you with five to seven different options per category of what we're shopping for so that you can get the best of what's available within your budget, within your preferred fabrics and silhouettes and everything else that we've prediscussed and determined together.
23:53
SPEAKER_00: So I would say it's a highly collaborative, highly intentional, highly integrous, full-body internal to external shift.
24:50
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, it is.
24:51
SPEAKER_01: It's I I've been blown away by it.
24:54
SPEAKER_01: So let's take a step back.
24:55
SPEAKER_01: So the process of filling out the form, right?
24:58
SPEAKER_01: So you said to me, you're like, sit down, take an hour, grab a coffee, grab a glass of wine.
25:04
SPEAKER_01: I was like, okay, you know, and I knew it was gonna have measurements.
25:06
SPEAKER_01: And I was like, okay, get out the tape measure, here we go.
25:08
SPEAKER_01: This is always so fun as a woman.
25:10
SPEAKER_01: We never like doing that.
25:12
SPEAKER_01: But I spent like two hours on the questionnaire because I am from the mindset of garbage in, garbage out.
25:18
SPEAKER_01: So let's really sit back.
25:20
SPEAKER_01: And I kind of barely knew you.
25:23
SPEAKER_01: And yet I was sort of like, okay, well, here's where I feel uncomfortable.
25:26
SPEAKER_01: Here's what I don't like about my body, here's what I'm not happy about from menopause, you know, here's what I think my strengths are.
25:32
SPEAKER_01: Here's, you know, what I look at in the mirror that I want to be different.
25:36
SPEAKER_01: Like I was really honest and upfront about, you know, the things that I didn't like.
25:41
SPEAKER_01: And I've also been honest about certain clothes.
25:43
SPEAKER_01: I've put them on and I've taken a picture of them and I've been like, I don't like my thighs in these.
25:47
SPEAKER_01: Like it's going.
25:47
SPEAKER_01: I don't care how nice it is, it doesn't matter.
25:50
SPEAKER_01: It doesn't matter how expensive it was.
25:51
SPEAKER_01: It has to go if I don't look at myself in it or I focus on a part of my body that is bothering me right now.
25:57
SPEAKER_01: Let's just acknowledge that and find something else that is that I feel better in.
26:01
SPEAKER_01: And how do I feel in it?
26:03
SPEAKER_01: So I took a lot of time with that process, but I think it was helpful for me because it helped me uncover some of the blocks and some of the barriers that I am feeling and some of the things that I'm uncomfortable with, especially as I'm trying to step into a shift and a pivot with my career, not necessarily a drastic change, but a shift and a focus on something new that is uncharted territory.
26:27
SPEAKER_01: So it helped me sit with some of those uncomfortable emotions, which was really good.
26:31
SPEAKER_01: And it also helped you make your hypnosis so impactful and meaningful for me.
26:37
SPEAKER_01: So one of my favorite things to do with them is to go out for a walk.
26:41
SPEAKER_01: And so I love going for a walk in nature.
26:44
SPEAKER_01: And not only am I getting my steps in, I'm getting out in nature and I'm listening to this narrative that is designed specifically for me and trying to connect me with my greater why.
26:55
SPEAKER_01: And that has been such a gift.
26:56
SPEAKER_01: And yes, I do them in the morning and I do them at night and I do them on my PMF mat.
27:01
SPEAKER_01: And sometimes I listen to them in the car too.
27:03
SPEAKER_01: And I do, like I'll be sitting in the parking lot waiting for something, and I'll be like playing like I am worthy.
27:09
SPEAKER_01: And I'm wondering as people are walking by, like, can people hear this?
27:13
SPEAKER_01: I am loved.
27:15
SPEAKER_01: I am worthy.
27:16
SPEAKER_01: And some of it I even say to myself, like, I don't even need the hypnosis anymore.
27:20
SPEAKER_01: I already have part of the track, like in my brain.
27:22
SPEAKER_01: But it's been beautiful.
27:24
SPEAKER_01: It really has been incredible.
27:25
SPEAKER_01: And I think that is so unique.
27:27
SPEAKER_01: And I just don't want to underscore it.
27:29
SPEAKER_01: I want to share how important that part of the styling process has been.
27:33
SPEAKER_01: It isn't just about putting together outfits that work with my closet that I hadn't thought of.
27:40
SPEAKER_01: It's so much deeper than that.
27:41
SPEAKER_01: And then let me just share.
27:43
SPEAKER_01: Okay, so we did the, we did the closet review, right?
27:45
SPEAKER_01: All right.
27:46
SPEAKER_01: So we scheduled like an hour and a half on a Friday afternoon, and you told me to block time afterwards so I could take pictures of stuff, but I blocked the whole afternoon and evening for the closet because I just decided if we're doing this, like let's do it.
27:58
SPEAKER_01: We need to get everything out of the closet.
27:59
SPEAKER_01: We need to dust and clean the closet, all new energy in the closet.
28:03
SPEAKER_01: And it also forced me to recognize, okay, I also have a lot of clothes that aren't actually in the lookbook.
28:09
SPEAKER_01: Like I do have clothes that are not in the lookbook at all.
28:12
SPEAKER_01: And it's categorizing those things for myself as like, oh, can we maybe throw those in on a Saturday or a Sunday and find a cute way to wear those?
28:21
SPEAKER_01: Or if I really haven't worn them in two years, then we need to go sell them or we need to donate them, one or the other.
28:27
SPEAKER_01: I went through my shoes, I took out like 15 pair of shoes and I was like, just because they're pretty, if if I'm not wearing them and I have other things that I think are better suited or more comfortable or whatever, then it's time.
28:39
SPEAKER_01: It's time to donate and give them away.
28:41
SPEAKER_01: And I brought out clothes I have not even seen in years.
28:46
SPEAKER_01: I haven't even seen them in years.
28:48
SPEAKER_01: And I'm gonna give an example of two different dresses I have.
28:50
SPEAKER_01: And one dress, I pulled it out and I said to you, I know this is a really nice, expensive dress.
28:56
SPEAKER_01: I know I look good in this dress.
28:57
SPEAKER_01: I know the dress is really cute.
28:59
SPEAKER_01: It's expensive, it's designer, it's great.
29:01
SPEAKER_01: However, when I look at this dress, all I can think about are my days in corporate America.
29:06
SPEAKER_01: And that bothers me.
29:09
SPEAKER_01: And so I showed Barry the dress, and all of a sudden she said, Well, what if we wore the dress with high boots in September with a jacket?
29:17
SPEAKER_01: And I was like, Oh my God, that look is so cute.
29:20
SPEAKER_01: Now I have a whole new vision.
29:22
SPEAKER_01: So the dress stayed because that is so not corporate America.
29:25
SPEAKER_01: I would have never done that in corporate America, but that is so fun that works.
29:30
SPEAKER_01: So now I have a whole new vision of what to do with that dress.
29:34
SPEAKER_01: And I had a second dress that was exactly the same way.
29:37
SPEAKER_01: I bought it.
29:38
SPEAKER_01: I I remember the CVS meeting that I wore it to.
29:41
SPEAKER_01: I was the only woman there.
29:42
SPEAKER_01: And I remember it so clearly.
29:44
SPEAKER_01: And every time I look at this dress, all I can think of are the expensive shoes I bought to go with it.
29:48
SPEAKER_01: That meeting, me being the only woman from my company, I was only there because I was a woman.
29:53
SPEAKER_01: And yet now I wore that same dress.
29:55
SPEAKER_01: I wore it with a different pair of shoes.
29:57
SPEAKER_01: I wore it with a really cute jean jacket when I was on vacation.
29:59
SPEAKER_01: And I got so many compliments.
30:01
SPEAKER_01: Everyone's like, You look great in that dress.
30:02
SPEAKER_01: That dress is beautiful.
30:03
SPEAKER_01: And I was like, I know, because in my mind, that dress, the association of that dress with a specific time in my life was preventing me from wearing it and stepping into it.
30:14
SPEAKER_01: But yet you helped me think of ways to do it differently so that that dress can embody this stage of my, I can embody this stage of my life with that dress.
30:26
SPEAKER_00: That's like an alchemical experience.
30:28
SPEAKER_00: You really, you just like like made some magic with that because you're essentially saying that it's it's beauty is in the eyes of the beholder, right?
30:38
SPEAKER_00: Like I create the definitions, I create the meaning behind everything.
30:42
SPEAKER_00: And this is exemplified in the smallest of ways through the way that I'm approaching and seeing this dress, but it reminded you of the past.
30:51
SPEAKER_00: You shifted it into a different version of yourself now, and you're able to relate to the same piece of material in your closet in two completely different ways and like hold the material and hold the sense of self in it in a brand new way.
31:03
SPEAKER_00: I think it's so powerful.
31:05
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, it was such a cool exercise, and it's made me look at everything in my closet differently.
31:10
SPEAKER_01: You know, it's I got dressed to go do, to go take my daughter to the city to drive her back to back to her apartment.
31:16
SPEAKER_01: And I don't even know if we were gonna go out to dinner.
31:18
SPEAKER_01: We actually ended up eating dinner in her apartment.
31:20
SPEAKER_01: I didn't see anyone.
31:21
SPEAKER_01: And I got all dressed and I put on a dress I haven't worn in a couple of years and a belt and all this cute stuff.
31:26
SPEAKER_01: And she looks at me, she goes, Where are you going?
31:28
SPEAKER_01: You look like you're going somewhere fancy.
31:29
SPEAKER_01: And I was like, I just wanted to put on real clothes.
31:31
SPEAKER_01: But I actually felt great that day.
31:33
SPEAKER_01: I was really comfortable.
31:34
SPEAKER_01: I had cute little sandals on.
31:35
SPEAKER_01: I was super comfortable.
31:36
SPEAKER_01: I knew I looked great in the outfit.
31:38
SPEAKER_01: I liked that I had put it together in a way that I had never thought to put it together until I started working with you.
31:44
SPEAKER_01: And so I was like, it's like as if I had been given a new dress, but I hadn't.
31:48
SPEAKER_01: It was just stuff that was in my closet put together in a different way with a different evoked a different emotion in how I wore it and stepped out of the house that day.
31:56
SPEAKER_00: This is related to um a psychological theory actually called Enclothed Cognition, which tells us that the abstract associations we have with the pieces that hang in our closet.
32:06
SPEAKER_00: So essentially the meaning that we give the pieces that hang in our closets are the attributes that we adopt in our personality when we wear them.
32:15
SPEAKER_00: So we're assuming the identity of the clothes that hang in our closets based on the unconscious beliefs that we have about them.
32:22
SPEAKER_00: So they it act our clothes actually change our cognition, our behavior, our way of thinking and and who we are in the world each and every day.
32:30
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, that's really powerful.
32:32
SPEAKER_01: Yes.
32:32
SPEAKER_01: Well, and you also eliminate the the exercise of having to figure out what to wear as well.
32:39
SPEAKER_01: Because the reality is that if you do three different looks for the weekend, each look has interchangeable items, you know, each look will have different bottoms, different belts, different shoes, right?
32:49
SPEAKER_01: There'll be one thing that's consistent.
32:51
SPEAKER_01: Like today, this outfit, the top is consistent, yet you have it with different bottoms and different shoes, or, you know, different things that go with it, or different jackets, or different things that go with it.
33:02
SPEAKER_01: And so you get ideas of different looks.
33:04
SPEAKER_01: So the reality is you could repurpose that one main item in that day's look and actually have six different outfits for the week.
33:11
SPEAKER_01: It's very cool.
33:12
SPEAKER_00: Yes.
33:13
SPEAKER_00: And I I like that way of dressing too.
33:15
SPEAKER_00: I don't know about you, but sometimes I will re-wear a piece of clothing on a Monday and a Wednesday or a Tuesday and a Thursday.
33:21
SPEAKER_00: And it's kind of like this is who I am for the week.
33:23
SPEAKER_00: It's carrying me through the week.
33:24
SPEAKER_00: And I don't know if you dry clean your clothes after every wear.
33:27
SPEAKER_00: I definitely don't.
33:28
SPEAKER_00: So it works.
33:30
SPEAKER_00: It kind of optimizes that whole schedule too.
33:32
SPEAKER_01: It does.
33:32
SPEAKER_01: It does.
33:33
SPEAKER_01: And I found for traveling, so I went away on vacation for four days for the first time since you and I have been working together.
33:40
SPEAKER_01: And my packing was so much more intentional.
33:44
SPEAKER_01: I was like, okay, here's what I'm gonna wear out to dinner that night, and here's what I'm gonna wear out to dinner this night, and here's what I'm gonna wear this night.
33:50
SPEAKER_01: And then I brought a couple like interchangeable shoes and a couple interchangeable jackets.
33:55
SPEAKER_01: So I didn't end up wearing exactly the entire outfit as I had it planned.
34:00
SPEAKER_01: I kind of had like options based on the weather or how far we were gonna have to walk or whatever.
34:05
SPEAKER_01: But I had in my mind these core outfits that I had already planned out.
34:10
SPEAKER_01: And it made it so easy.
34:11
SPEAKER_01: When it was time to get dressed to go to dinner, I was like, oh, I already know what I'm wearing to go to this restaurant for dinner because I already have picked my outfit.
34:17
SPEAKER_01: So packing was actually so simple.
34:20
SPEAKER_01: And I did bring a couple things that I was like, you know, if I were gone longer, I could have a hundred percent repurposed it with a different top or a different pair of shoes and had a very different look.
34:30
SPEAKER_01: And it would have felt like I was wearing something else.
34:31
SPEAKER_01: So it was really helpful for travel.
34:34
SPEAKER_00: Yes, it's it's helpful for travel and it's so practical and gives you more freedom in your mind to think about other things and to just have more levity and breathing room in your day.
34:44
SPEAKER_00: It's one less thing to think about.
34:45
SPEAKER_00: But it's also an exercise of creativity, which is so cool because these practices and principles can be applied into everything that you do in your work, in your podcast, in like in anything creatively that you touch, which everything that you make is a process of creation.
35:00
SPEAKER_00: It doesn't have to be art to be creative.
35:03
SPEAKER_00: But learning how to repurpose and re-engineer and again iterate is such a core skill to develop in your creative practice.
35:10
SPEAKER_00: So it's also just flexing that muscle too and getting to learn the way that you move in the world.
35:16
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
35:17
SPEAKER_01: Well, and I always used to say when I worked in corporate, I was not creative in any way.
35:21
SPEAKER_01: And I find it so funny because everything I've done since I've left corporate has been incredibly creative.
35:28
SPEAKER_01: Where I looked at creativity as can you draw and can you paint?
35:32
SPEAKER_01: And I cannot do that at all.
35:34
SPEAKER_01: But I've learned over the years by getting exposed to lots of different people, trying things myself, meeting people like you, where creativity lives in so many different forms.
35:44
SPEAKER_01: It's not just can you write and can you paint?
35:46
SPEAKER_01: Maybe you can, but creativity is so, so different.
35:50
SPEAKER_01: And it is within all of us.
35:52
SPEAKER_01: I think we're programmed to think you either are creative or you're not.
35:56
SPEAKER_01: But I truly believe now, having gone through a lot of transformation work and tried a lot of different things, we all have forms of creativity.
36:04
SPEAKER_01: And it might be that you like to garden or you like to cook.
36:07
SPEAKER_01: There's creativity in cooking, there's creativity in gardening, there's creativity in photography, even if it's just taking pictures on your iPhone of your family.
36:16
SPEAKER_01: That is creative.
36:17
SPEAKER_01: There's creativity in writing, there's creativity in reading, so many things.
36:21
SPEAKER_01: And how you dress, your makeup, your jewelry, how you accessorize.
36:25
SPEAKER_01: There's so many things that I never considered creative until now.
36:30
SPEAKER_00: So beautiful.
36:31
SPEAKER_00: And and what has that done for you?
36:32
SPEAKER_00: How has that changed your life in ways or changed the way that you relate to things since identifying that?
36:41
SPEAKER_01: It's such an interesting question because when I stopped my interior design business, I did that for five years.
36:48
SPEAKER_01: And I stopped it because I didn't like the business of design.
36:51
SPEAKER_01: And I was coaching and writing, and I was really missing the design side of interior design.
36:59
SPEAKER_01: I was really missing the creativity of that.
37:02
SPEAKER_01: And I didn't realize how much I craved that level of creation and creating and creating a final thing that I can look at or creating things that deal with light and texture and color.
37:16
SPEAKER_01: And because that's so much of design.
37:18
SPEAKER_01: And all of a sudden, I had this light bulb moment when I was going for a walk one day and I was listening to a podcast about content creation.
37:24
SPEAKER_01: And I was like, oh my goodness, I love creating videos.
37:27
SPEAKER_01: I have no problem creating videos because to me, it's that same thing.
37:30
SPEAKER_01: You're looking at light, you're looking at texture, you're looking at the colors, you're looking at what you're wearing.
37:35
SPEAKER_01: So much of the creativity around creating video content taps into some of the same creativity that I would use in my brain to create a room and design a room.
37:45
SPEAKER_01: It's very similar.
37:47
SPEAKER_01: And so it was really cool for me to realize oh, what about that creativity works for me?
37:52
SPEAKER_01: And it's all about the sensory experience.
37:54
SPEAKER_01: And it's what do you see?
37:55
SPEAKER_01: What do you hear?
37:55
SPEAKER_01: What are you touching?
37:56
SPEAKER_01: And so when I create my videos, I'm very conscious of what is in my background, what is the lighting like?
38:02
SPEAKER_01: Like it's not really about how do I look in the video.
38:05
SPEAKER_01: I tend to actually be fine creating videos without taking a shower and no makeup or whatever.
38:09
SPEAKER_01: I don't really care, but I am very aware of my environment and what is the environment that is projecting the message that I'm looking to communicate.
38:18
SPEAKER_01: And I found it really fun, like fun.
38:21
SPEAKER_01: Most people think creating video content is terrible and a nightmare and people hate it.
38:25
SPEAKER_01: But for me, it's fun.
38:26
SPEAKER_01: It's been a totally different creative outlet and stepping into saying I am a creative person.
38:31
SPEAKER_01: And that is sometimes hard when you feel like, oh, but are you really good at writing?
38:35
SPEAKER_01: Are you really good at creating content or you can't draw?
38:37
SPEAKER_01: Or but being comfortable stepping into saying, you know what?
38:40
SPEAKER_01: No, I actually am a creative.
38:41
SPEAKER_01: I'm a creative.
38:42
SPEAKER_01: It's good.
38:43
SPEAKER_00: I could do this.
38:44
SPEAKER_00: Yes.
38:45
SPEAKER_00: And so much I want to touch on so much of what you just shared.
38:49
SPEAKER_00: Firstly, you beautifully described that the process of creativity requires you to have a degree of presence in your environment.
38:57
SPEAKER_00: Or an environment can be a loose term, right?
38:59
SPEAKER_00: It doesn't have to just be your physical environment.
39:01
SPEAKER_00: It could be your internal environment, but to be highly attuned and aware of what's going on around you so that you can cooperate with it and be inspired by it and shape your creation with it.
39:12
SPEAKER_00: It's like the rhythm of nature.
39:13
SPEAKER_00: It's like working with everything around you.
39:16
SPEAKER_00: So I really resonate with that.
39:18
SPEAKER_00: And I also, the last thing that you just mentioned, oh yes, thinking that you have to be good in order to be creative or to to claim yourself as a creative person or to claim yourself as an artist.
39:27
SPEAKER_00: And I think there's, you know, nuance to this, this as well, because that's a different conversation.
39:33
SPEAKER_00: But um, I think I do think that everyone is an artist and I do think that everyone is creative.
39:38
SPEAKER_00: And everything that we define as good or bad, in especially in terms of art, is is highly subjective.
39:43
SPEAKER_00: There's no such thing necessarily as good or bad.
39:45
SPEAKER_00: I I actually believe there's no such thing as bad taste or bad style.
39:50
SPEAKER_00: But you yeah, reshaping our definitions and the intention behind choosing to be active in the creative process.
40:00
SPEAKER_00: We don't create because we need to be good.
40:02
SPEAKER_00: We don't create because we need to prove something.
40:04
SPEAKER_00: We create because it's fun, which is what you just shared.
40:07
SPEAKER_00: So I love that reframe.
40:09
SPEAKER_00: And um I also have to remind myself of that too, that like I'm not doing this to be a great artist, even if I believe myself to be that.
40:16
SPEAKER_00: I'm doing this because it is a soul calling and because I can.
40:22
SPEAKER_00: And so that's more liberating, actually.
40:25
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, absolutely.
40:26
SPEAKER_01: It's tapping into your why and not worrying about the outcome of it, but doing it because you enjoy, you enjoy the process.
40:33
SPEAKER_01: I I think most people who write, and you have a writing club, you, you know, you do a lot of writing.
40:38
SPEAKER_01: So we could talk about writing in a minute.
40:40
SPEAKER_01: But I think most people who write, they write because they enjoy writing and they just enjoy the process.
40:45
SPEAKER_01: Even if no one ever reads it, they enjoy writing.
40:49
SPEAKER_01: They enjoy getting their thoughts on a piece of paper.
40:52
SPEAKER_01: They enjoy writing as a form of of dealing with the things they're thinking and feeling and trying to work through life.
40:58
SPEAKER_01: Like they just enjoy writing.
41:00
SPEAKER_01: And it's not necessarily, it doesn't even have to be that anyone ever reads it or that you write a book or that any anything happens.
41:07
SPEAKER_01: It could just be that that process is very good for you.
41:10
SPEAKER_01: So, can you talk about writing in your in for you?
41:13
SPEAKER_00: What's writing like for you?
41:16
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, writing is one of the most powerful tools I've ever experienced.
41:21
SPEAKER_00: I have a love-hate relationship with writing.
41:23
SPEAKER_00: I actually I wrote about this.
41:25
SPEAKER_00: It's on my Substack, I think I titled it Um, The Trap and Release Paradox of Writing for many different reasons.
41:32
SPEAKER_00: One, it's just painful.
41:33
SPEAKER_00: It's just painful to have the patience to sit and articulate everything that goes on up here and like and and type it out or write it out.
41:41
SPEAKER_00: I per I really prefer writing in my journal.
41:43
SPEAKER_00: I find that when I write in my journal, I write only for myself or like I write to God.
41:48
SPEAKER_00: When I write on my laptop, I always am assuming that someone else is going to be reading it.
41:52
SPEAKER_00: And so the intention changes and the also just the pace of writing changes because of the keyboard.
41:58
SPEAKER_00: And I think my clearest channel is hand to paper.
42:01
SPEAKER_00: Um, but that's what it is for me.
42:03
SPEAKER_00: Writing is a way for me to tap into my higher self.
42:06
SPEAKER_00: And some of these words are like a little bit woo, and I just don't really have better words for it.
42:10
SPEAKER_00: But like the thing that I feel like is communicating to me in the spirit, I find that I'm more receptive to that hand to paper.
42:17
SPEAKER_00: And that's really the the reason I write.
42:19
SPEAKER_00: It's to clarify, it's like an energy cleanse for me, kind of like exercise, but for the mind and and the spirit.
42:26
SPEAKER_00: And that's my core intention in writing.
42:29
SPEAKER_00: My secondary intention in writing is to understand my thoughts and my perspectives and my philosophies a bit more clearly.
42:35
SPEAKER_00: I'm someone who doesn't really I love to learn, but I actually don't like to consume too much.
42:41
SPEAKER_00: I want to like remember as much as I can about life and nature through my own subconscious mind rather than reading about it.
42:50
SPEAKER_00: And so I find that writing helps me understand the things that I'm downloading over time and helps me shape them into words that I could then share with others.
43:00
SPEAKER_00: I would love to get into more creative writing and writing stories.
43:04
SPEAKER_00: I think one of my biggest flaws is patience, which I had just mentioned before.
43:08
SPEAKER_00: And I think to create a really compelling story and to sit and create a world and build that world takes a lot of time and patience and almost linearity too.
43:20
SPEAKER_00: I'm sure storytelling can can take many different like roads and and but you have to stick to a character, right?
43:25
SPEAKER_00: Like there are there are certain characters, there are certain plots, like there's a certain message you're trying to get across.
43:29
SPEAKER_00: And and that's also something that I could work on is just like sticking to the plot a bit.
43:33
SPEAKER_00: I I like to like go on different things.
43:37
SPEAKER_00: It's it's been a challenge for me nonetheless.
43:39
SPEAKER_00: But I would love to explore creative writing in my future through songwriting, through books, maybe as well, like fantasy books.
43:46
SPEAKER_00: I think that would be so fun.
43:47
SPEAKER_00: I'm working on an art project right now that's world building, but not writing.
43:50
SPEAKER_00: And maybe writing could actually help me build the world a bit more.
43:53
SPEAKER_00: So I think it's just a really powerful tool that helps bridge the imagination into the physical.
43:59
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
44:00
SPEAKER_01: I love journaling.
44:01
SPEAKER_01: Like I am a true, like huge proponent of journaling.
44:04
SPEAKER_01: I feel like I solve all of my life's problems through journaling.
44:08
SPEAKER_01: And I will just say this to give you a little of encouragement on this fictional writing.
44:13
SPEAKER_01: My boyfriend's actually writing a fictional book right now.
44:16
SPEAKER_01: And he didn't know the end.
44:18
SPEAKER_01: Like he started writing it and he, you know, like wrote these descriptions about these characters, and he kind of had what he thought was like a high-level message that he wanted to get across, but he didn't know when he started writing it where the story was going to go or the end until he wrote about half of it.
44:36
SPEAKER_01: And then all of a sudden, halfway through, he saw the vision to the end.
44:41
SPEAKER_01: And he was like, Oh my goodness, I figured it out.
44:43
SPEAKER_01: And so I think for some people, when you're writing Even if it's fiction or nonfiction, you don't always know the end.
44:52
SPEAKER_01: And it's very indicative of life, to be honest.
44:55
SPEAKER_01: It's like we don't always know what's gonna happen.
44:58
SPEAKER_01: And that's one of the cool things about being creative is learning to be open to the flow and open to what is whatever comes and wherever it takes you, and wherever that creativity takes you, whatever modality, whatever destination, whatever change in yourself, and just being really open to the flow of that.
45:16
SPEAKER_01: And I think as an embodiment specialist, that's one of your great gifts is that you do help open people up so that they can feel more comfortable with being open and going with the flow.
45:28
SPEAKER_01: Yes.
45:29
SPEAKER_00: I think that's the thing that we actually haven't touched on much today so far yet, is the movement component of it, because there's the mental, the mindset, the reprogramming, and then there's the like hyper-physical in turn terms of the tangible material that we play with.
45:46
SPEAKER_00: But then there's a movement, which similar to the way that I feel like writing bridges the gap between the imagination and the physical world in terms of idea creation and into, you know, birthing an actual thing that we can smell and taste and touch.
46:00
SPEAKER_00: I think that embodiment, the movement, is that bridge in this work.
46:06
SPEAKER_00: So it's bridging the thought and the idea that I am worthy and I'm loved and I am enough into the physical world through movement.
46:14
SPEAKER_00: What does it feel like to hold that intention in my body?
46:17
SPEAKER_00: What does it feel like?
46:18
SPEAKER_00: How am I posturing as a person who is worthy?
46:21
SPEAKER_00: How am I posturing as a person who is loved?
46:23
SPEAKER_00: How am I posturing as a person who is expressed and safe and free?
46:27
SPEAKER_00: Like you can, you can feel that shift in your body more so you can, more so than you can intellectually.
46:35
SPEAKER_00: So that is a really, really core component of the work that it doesn't need to be, you know, we do two embodiment calls per week, but over time you'll you'll learn and feel how powerful even like just two hours per month can be in really shifting you into this new state of being.
46:52
SPEAKER_00: And on a daily basis, um, just because that that practice is an hour long, it's very like hypnotic, it's deep, it requires a guide.
46:58
SPEAKER_00: But on your own time, you can guide yourself through a similar practice by j literally just dancing, dancing in the mirror, dancing in your free space, dancing and connecting with yourself and whatever feels good for you.
47:08
SPEAKER_00: It's really just release and rhythm and understanding the language, the other language that your self carries.
47:16
SPEAKER_00: That's not through your words, but that's through your movement and your expression intuitively.
47:21
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, which is beautiful.
47:23
SPEAKER_01: And you, when we did the embodiment movement session, we did it last two weeks ago.
47:28
SPEAKER_01: I think two weeks ago we did it.
47:29
SPEAKER_01: We're doing it again this week.
47:30
SPEAKER_01: Some of the moves that you had me do really like, I physically felt like so much more open.
47:37
SPEAKER_01: And I was like, oh wow, I've never, I don't want to call it a pose, but it kind of was a pose.
47:42
SPEAKER_01: I was like, I've never actually done this before.
47:45
SPEAKER_01: And it was really great.
47:47
SPEAKER_01: So for people who are listening and they're sort of like, what in the world are you two yapping about here?
47:52
SPEAKER_01: Can you explain what your embody movement sessions are?
47:57
SPEAKER_00: Yes.
47:58
SPEAKER_00: So it's there between, I mean, depending on the guide, depending on the time and the intention, it's it's from a practice called BPE, which can I say the full name?
48:07
SPEAKER_00: Is that yeah.
48:08
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah.
48:08
SPEAKER_00: You can call it okay.
48:09
SPEAKER_00: Big pussy energy.
48:11
SPEAKER_00: Big pussy energy.
48:12
SPEAKER_00: That is the title of the whole class.
48:16
SPEAKER_00: I do the sensual embodiment portion of it, which is a closed eyes embodiment practice.
48:21
SPEAKER_00: Essentially, it's just us sitting across from each other and we're we're going through the same motions together, and I'm guiding you through them with my words because our eyes are both closed.
48:30
SPEAKER_00: I actually sometimes recommend bringing an eye mask, getting in really comfortable clothes, getting in a yoga mat.
48:35
SPEAKER_00: It's a slow hypnotic movement sequence that feels like a blend of stretching and yoga through a really feminine lens and through the lens of feminine, feminine expression, which is wavy and flowy.
48:50
SPEAKER_00: It's not super linear.
48:53
SPEAKER_00: So essentially, we start on the floor, we slow down, we start by rotating our neck and our chest in really, really slow circles.
49:02
SPEAKER_00: The intention of the practice is actually to slow down because in the slowness is where you feel your intuitive wisdom arise.
49:10
SPEAKER_00: And it's where you get to have that really intimate connection with yourself.
49:14
SPEAKER_00: It's in slowing down, it's not rushing.
49:17
SPEAKER_00: So we practice slowing down by rotating our head and our neck in circles.
49:21
SPEAKER_00: And then throughout the practice, the middle portion of the practice, we get into more spinal movements and hip movements.
49:27
SPEAKER_00: We practice expanding and contracting and opening our arms and opening our legs and just feeling what it's like to take up space in different ways as I'm reciting, you know, those similar intentions that it's safe to take up space, it's safe to be seen, it's safe to be big, addressing a lot of these core programs that we have inherited as women when it comes to, you know, claiming our space or being in rooms, like you mentioned recently, you were just in a meeting and you were the only woman there.
49:57
SPEAKER_00: Like that, that is we're we're addressing all of these situations that we all experience, right?
50:02
SPEAKER_00: Through this practice.
50:04
SPEAKER_00: And then we close with a freestyle dance portion, which allows you to, once your body is fully opened and stretched and expanded, and so is your mind, allows you to just like feel into that freedom and feel into the levity.
50:18
SPEAKER_00: And so much release happens with this practice, so much emotional release.
50:22
SPEAKER_00: I actually have I've done this with my brother.
50:23
SPEAKER_00: It's not just for women.
50:25
SPEAKER_00: Um, he's had massive breakthroughs, massive cries.
50:28
SPEAKER_00: And it's like in this space that you're allowing yourself, not only are you giving yourself an opportunity to process so much of your emotions, but once your emotions have been processed, you are a clearer channel again for this intuitive wisdom that just lives within you.
50:42
SPEAKER_00: So all of the ideas that you've been birthing, all of the momentum that you've been craving, all of the ways in which you want to take the next steps in life, you have much more availability to tune into what those steps are after the density of the old emotions have been cleared.
51:00
SPEAKER_00: So it's it's clearing and it's also energizing.
51:03
SPEAKER_00: And then we do a witnessing portion at the end of class where I ask you what you see, what you notice, what you get, and give you an opportunity to vocalize, yeah, what came up for you because every single time it will be different.
51:13
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
51:13
SPEAKER_01: And it was beautiful.
51:15
SPEAKER_01: I absolutely loved it.
51:16
SPEAKER_01: And I did it.
51:18
SPEAKER_01: And I remember saying to you, like, I just feel so much flow.
51:22
SPEAKER_01: And it was actually perfect because I was then going to go sit down to write my weekly journal, which is like a newsletter that I published and put out into the world.
51:31
SPEAKER_01: And so I felt like I was really ready to sit down and do that writing and really think about what I want to share with the women that subscribe to my journal.
51:40
SPEAKER_01: And so it was like really great opening of that.
51:44
SPEAKER_01: And it was really, it was super special.
51:46
SPEAKER_01: It was really great.
51:47
SPEAKER_01: So anyone can work with you.
51:49
SPEAKER_01: It doesn't matter where they live, correct?
51:51
SPEAKER_00: Yes.
51:52
SPEAKER_00: I work with women all over the world and men, but mostly women.
51:55
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
51:55
SPEAKER_01: Okay, great.
51:56
SPEAKER_01: Just want to make sure.
51:56
SPEAKER_01: And we'll put in the show notes how everybody can follow you, they can find you, they can get in touch with you.
52:00
SPEAKER_01: So all of that will be in the show notes.
52:02
SPEAKER_01: Okay, so I have two last questions.
52:04
SPEAKER_01: One, I am always curious for someone like you, what does a typical day look like?
52:10
SPEAKER_00: It's different.
52:10
SPEAKER_00: I used to actually have a pretty strict, rigid morning routine that really, really helped me regulate my nervous system and recalibrate.
52:18
SPEAKER_00: And I know these words and terms are like very overused, but there's real truth to them.
52:23
SPEAKER_00: And you do carry yourself in the world differently when you are emotionally regulated versus when you're not.
52:27
SPEAKER_00: And to develop the skills and the tools to be able to do that on command is like a life hack.
52:32
SPEAKER_00: So I really spent the time to develop a powerful morning routine for years that I did that was very grounding for me.
52:41
SPEAKER_00: And over the past few months, I've shifted that a bit.
52:45
SPEAKER_00: I take like moments of that practice and I kind of embed it throughout the day.
52:49
SPEAKER_00: I'm I'm really leaning into just like a more intuitive way of living and being these days and like allowing myself to sleep a little bit more if I need the sleep and working out later in the afternoon instead of first thing in the morning.
52:59
SPEAKER_00: Or I mean, my first few steps of the morning are always self-care.
53:03
SPEAKER_00: I'll do some sort of movement.
53:04
SPEAKER_00: It might be embodiment, it might be uh Pilates or yoga, um, often journaling, eating breakfast, like nourishing myself, taking my time with my skincare, like taking care of myself, but like as slow and luxuriously as humanly possible.
53:18
SPEAKER_00: And then I'll flow into my workday eventually around eight or nine a.m.
53:23
SPEAKER_00: I focus on my client work mainly on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Thursdays.
53:27
SPEAKER_00: And then Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Fridays are meant for me to have more, I mean, and the weekend, a more of an artistic exploration and focus on my current projects, which, you know, growing that in tandem with the business is you've gotta be pretty organized with your time.
53:44
SPEAKER_00: Um, but I'm I'm trying to find the balance of everything, right?
53:47
SPEAKER_00: Like, how much structure do I need?
53:48
SPEAKER_00: How much flow do I need?
53:49
SPEAKER_00: And I think it's ultimately just comes down to self-trust.
53:52
SPEAKER_00: So from the hours of eight until, I don't know, maybe three or four, I'm working, exploring, playing with art.
53:59
SPEAKER_00: I like to take lots of long walks in nature, go for swims in a lake.
54:02
SPEAKER_00: I love spending time in nature.
54:05
SPEAKER_00: All of my life, like my whole life, is just optimized for me to have the most amount of spaciousness in nature and relaxation humanly possible.
54:12
SPEAKER_00: Like that's my goal in life.
54:14
SPEAKER_00: Like, you know, and so that's my priority ultimately.
54:19
SPEAKER_00: Like, I'll also uh my work is my priority, but like that's what I'm building toward is just like ultimate freedom, time freedom.
54:26
SPEAKER_00: So I practice that now, even if I'm not like at the level that I think I need to be in order to have that.
54:31
SPEAKER_00: Like I practice it.
54:32
SPEAKER_00: So yeah, my day is pretty open and I'm very blessed.
54:36
SPEAKER_00: I've been able to develop this business and a great book of clients and keep it turning as I get to explore other projects too.
54:42
SPEAKER_00: And then at night, these days, I'm in a new relationship.
54:46
SPEAKER_00: So spend time with my man and I go to sleep.
54:52
SPEAKER_00: That's my day.
54:53
SPEAKER_01: Which I love because I'm so much older than you, and it took so long for me to recognize that sleep was really important.
55:00
SPEAKER_01: And so I love that you have already figured out that sleep is really important.
55:06
SPEAKER_01: And I also love that you are demonstrating by talking about your day a pivot and just that it doesn't always like I have boundaries, I have rules, I have things that I do, I have rituals, routines.
55:19
SPEAKER_01: But recognizing that some days not doing that is okay.
55:24
SPEAKER_01: And some days the workout doesn't happen, and that's okay.
55:27
SPEAKER_01: Or some days I don't get the meditation in, or I don't get the journaling in.
55:31
SPEAKER_01: And that's actually okay.
55:33
SPEAKER_01: And learning to give yourself grace and just be like, how do I actually feel today is such an incredible gift.
55:40
SPEAKER_01: And giving yourself the freedom of time, I think is one of the greatest gifts you can give to yourself, no matter what you do for a career, no matter what your life looks like, making sure that you give yourself the gift of time.
55:55
SPEAKER_01: And how are you doing that for yourself?
55:56
SPEAKER_01: And how are you framing that into your life and recognizing time for yourself is so important?
56:00
SPEAKER_01: We give, give, give, give, give to others.
56:03
SPEAKER_01: We have to be able to give to ourselves first.
56:05
SPEAKER_01: And so I thank you for sharing that.
56:07
SPEAKER_01: That's really special.
56:08
SPEAKER_01: Thank you.
56:09
SPEAKER_00: Thank you.
56:10
SPEAKER_01: Okay, before we go, is there a book or books you'd like to recommend?
56:14
SPEAKER_01: Because I'm a huge fan of reading and books.
56:16
SPEAKER_01: I think they can change lives.
56:17
SPEAKER_01: So I would love to know if you have a book or books that you would like to recommend to the watchers and listeners.
56:24
SPEAKER_00: I do.
56:24
SPEAKER_00: It's actually kind of like unexpected.
56:27
SPEAKER_00: Well, we were talking about the artist's way in the beginning.
56:30
SPEAKER_00: And I honestly I would recommend writing over reading, and that is a book that asks you to write.
56:36
SPEAKER_00: So I think number one, it would be the artist's way, especially if anything that I've shared today has resonated.
56:40
SPEAKER_00: It's a deep interpersonal exploration of the process of creation.
56:46
SPEAKER_00: And you'll get to face a lot of these blocks and like hold yourself in in loving compassion through that.
56:52
SPEAKER_00: Love that book.
56:53
SPEAKER_00: I also really like The Secret of the Ages by Robert Collier, I think is his name.
56:58
SPEAKER_00: I think there are other books like it.
57:00
SPEAKER_00: He was actually a pastor.
57:01
SPEAKER_00: I'm not a religious person.
57:02
SPEAKER_00: I said I say God, but I don't like believe in any particular religion or organized religion.
57:08
SPEAKER_00: But I think he was a pastor.
57:10
SPEAKER_00: And it was just a really expansive book about the subconscious mind through a spiritual lens about how you can demand anything from reality essentially by changing your mindset.
57:21
SPEAKER_00: And it's not really like demand, it's like working with the harmony of nature, right?
57:24
SPEAKER_00: Like you can't impose your one intention upon all that is, but you can create with it.
57:32
SPEAKER_00: So I thought that was a really, really powerful book that was just like, I didn't know what to do with myself after reading it.
57:38
SPEAKER_00: So I would recommend that one if you can.
57:40
SPEAKER_00: I love that.
57:40
SPEAKER_01: I love that.
57:41
SPEAKER_01: I've never read it, so that's good.
57:42
SPEAKER_01: I love when people recommend books I haven't read because then it gives me new things.
57:45
SPEAKER_01: And like I told you at the beginning, I've had The Artist's Way sitting in my office now for probably a year and I haven't gone through it.
57:52
SPEAKER_01: But I know people who have gone through it.
57:54
SPEAKER_01: I know you've led a group through it, and I it's definitely it needs to make it onto my to-do list because everyone says it's just so powerful.
58:00
SPEAKER_01: So I'm excited to start that one too.
58:02
SPEAKER_01: So thank you.
58:03
SPEAKER_01: Yes, Barry, it has been so much fun.
58:05
SPEAKER_01: I'm gonna put in the show notes how everybody can get in touch with you, how they can follow you, how they can sign up to work with you, and the many different ways that you work with people.
58:12
SPEAKER_01: You're truly a gift.
58:14
SPEAKER_01: Your light, your energy is so incredible.
58:16
SPEAKER_01: I thank you for all the gift you were giving to me to help me step into the latest version of myself and reconnect with myself, both internally and externally, with how I look.
58:27
SPEAKER_01: And I appreciate, I just appreciate you.
58:29
SPEAKER_01: So thank you so much for being a great guest.
58:31
SPEAKER_00: Thank you for having me.
58:32
SPEAKER_00: I'm so grateful for you too, and so grateful for the time that we get to spend together.
58:36
SPEAKER_01: Absolutely.
58:37
SPEAKER_01: It's so fun.
58:37
SPEAKER_01: All right, everybody, have a great day.
58:40
SPEAKER_01: Thank you for joining us for this week's episode of Building the Best You.
58:44
SPEAKER_01: If you are ready to take a deeper dive into transforming your life, check out my Empowerment Fundamentals course on my website, houseofgermar.com.
58:53
SPEAKER_01: Thank you, and I will see you next week with another inspiring guest.