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Guest Host: Amy Stark interviews David Bayer · The Trauma Therapist

0:00
Speaker 1: Welcome to the special guest host series of The Trauma
0:02
Speaker 1: Thever's podcast, where I'm going to be handing over the
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Speaker 1: mic to some incredible guest hosts. In each episode, you'll
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Speaker 1: hear fresh perspectives and unique insights to inform and inspire
0:13
Speaker 1: you in all the while keeping the heart of this
0:15
Speaker 1: podcast alive. So sit back and enjoy me.
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Speaker 2: All right, This is Amy Stark and I am filling
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Speaker 2: in for Guy today. I am a psychic medium healer.
0:26
Speaker 2: I have David Bayer today as our guest, and he
0:30
Speaker 2: is a friend of mine, a beautiful person, a great dad.
0:34
Speaker 2: He is also an expert in mindset and personal development,
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Speaker 2: and I'm so excited for him to share what he
0:40
Speaker 2: has for us today. So David, welcome to the show.
0:43
Speaker 2: Thank you for being here, Thank you.
0:44
Speaker 3: For having me.
0:45
Speaker 4: It's good to see you again. I was thinking in
0:47
Speaker 4: anticipation of this that we met. I think we met
0:50
Speaker 4: at a like a meditation retreat that we went to,
0:54
Speaker 4: and you had seen me sitting in the seat at
0:56
Speaker 4: an Abraham Hicks event and I was like, oh my god,
0:58
Speaker 4: that's like three lifetimes ago.
1:00
Speaker 5: No, it really does feel a long time ago.
1:02
Speaker 2: So Dave and I both started really diving into personal
1:05
Speaker 2: development around the same time, and realizing the power of
1:08
Speaker 2: the mind to not only heal the body, but also create.
1:11
Speaker 5: The life that you want.
1:12
Speaker 2: So, David, tell your story about how you went from
1:15
Speaker 2: the depths of your struggle with addiction to now being
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Speaker 2: this expert worldwide around mindset and healing from trauma, but
1:23
Speaker 2: also how to create your life.
1:25
Speaker 3: Yeah, I was about fifteen years ago. I was running
1:28
Speaker 3: a company.
1:29
Speaker 4: I'd been an entrepreneur since I graduated college, and I
1:32
Speaker 4: had a weekend where I blacked out from drinking and
1:36
Speaker 4: I just realized my life had become unmanageable. I didn't
1:39
Speaker 4: need a lot of convincing, and so I started getting
1:42
Speaker 4: into addiction recovery and I was struggling with drugs, I
1:45
Speaker 4: was struggling with alcohol, I was struggling with sex and
1:47
Speaker 4: pornography addiction. And I started working with a therapist who
1:51
Speaker 4: specialized an addiction and she really started to educate me
1:55
Speaker 4: on the addicted brain and we were using a lot
1:58
Speaker 4: of cognitive behavioral therapy, and I started working a twelve
2:01
Speaker 4: stop program, so I was going to meetings every week.
2:04
Speaker 4: I got a sponsor, started working the Steps, which is
2:06
Speaker 4: really an unbelievably transformative and powerful technology for healing. And
2:13
Speaker 4: as I was healing, I went from recovery to personal growth.
2:17
Speaker 4: I got into self help. I started reading all the books,
2:20
Speaker 4: and I started going to the events. I did Tony
2:22
Speaker 4: Robbins Unleash the Power Within, I did the Landmark Forum.
2:25
Speaker 4: Ecertoli's A New Earth was a game changer for me.
2:29
Speaker 4: Pram Hancioganada's Autobiography of a Yogi. So I just got this,
2:32
Speaker 4: like Napoleon Hills thinking, grow rich, This like really incredible
2:34
Speaker 4: sampling of psychology and neuroscience and metaphysics. And the frustrating
2:39
Speaker 4: thing was that I was learning so much, but I
2:41
Speaker 4: was still suffering a lot. You know, there were there
2:42
Speaker 4: were incremental changes that I was making. I was more
2:45
Speaker 4: aware of my limiting beliefs. There were some of them
2:46
Speaker 4: I was able to shift. But I just wanted to
2:49
Speaker 4: feel well.
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Speaker 3: You know.
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Speaker 4: Buddha talked about this in the Four Noble Truths. He says,
2:53
Speaker 4: you know, life is full of suffering. The suffering will
2:55
Speaker 4: happen to you. So the suffering is an inevitability. We
3:00
Speaker 4: look at that as stress and anxiety and overwhelm and
3:02
Speaker 4: financial insecurity and chronic health challenges and relationship friction, but
3:06
Speaker 4: I just wanted to feel good, and so I just
3:08
Speaker 4: I went down the rabbit trail. I started dating now
3:11
Speaker 4: my wife at the time, and I took her to
3:14
Speaker 4: India and we were meditating and doing breath work in ashrams,
3:16
Speaker 4: and then we came back to Soedona, and you know,
3:19
Speaker 4: I was trying to find the right crystal to pull
3:21
Speaker 4: whatever energy was stuck in me out of me. And
3:23
Speaker 4: then I started doing somatic work and then MDMA therapy
3:26
Speaker 4: and ayahuasca and you know, it's like I ran the spectrum, yea,
3:30
Speaker 4: all the stuff. And I think a burning desire is
3:34
Speaker 4: very powerful, and my burning desire was to really understand, like,
3:38
Speaker 4: how can this actually work? How can I realize the
3:41
Speaker 4: promise of personal growth and heal my trauma and feel
3:44
Speaker 4: free in my life? And so I started getting answers,
3:46
Speaker 4: and then I put those answers into frameworks that I
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Speaker 4: found worked for me, and I started sharing them with
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Speaker 4: other people. And then over the last seven or eight years,
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Speaker 4: it's really just become a movement because I think there's
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Speaker 4: so many people who enter the conversation of healing and
4:03
Speaker 4: then get stuck and they're looking for ways forward and
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Speaker 4: so in that sense, you know, those people are very
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Speaker 4: much in alignment with myself and the work.
4:11
Speaker 3: That we're doing.
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Speaker 2: So of all those things that you discovered and tried out,
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Speaker 2: you feel like you distilled it down into your frameworks
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Speaker 2: that kind of incorporate probably many of them, and people
4:24
Speaker 2: can take that and learn from you, because like, is
4:26
Speaker 2: this something that you offer, for instance through your pl
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Speaker 2: the Powerful Living Experience, you also have a change mine.
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Speaker 4: Yeah, We're like we're kind of a full spectrum transformational
4:36
Speaker 4: company at this point. So everything from digital courses to
4:38
Speaker 4: coaching programs, to retreats, to our big annual event, to
4:42
Speaker 4: my book to the podcast. You're just trying to give
4:45
Speaker 4: people as much access as possible and then they can
4:47
Speaker 4: kind of choose their own adventure depending upon where they
4:50
Speaker 4: want to go. We work with a lot of entrepreneur
4:52
Speaker 4: high performers. That's how the business started out. It was
4:55
Speaker 4: really mindset for entrepreneurs and this idea that like, you
4:59
Speaker 4: don't have a business price, you've got a mindset problem.
5:02
Speaker 4: But then what's happened is the entrepreneurs are telling their
5:04
Speaker 4: brothers and sisters and their kids are starting to listen
5:06
Speaker 4: to the podcast and because really a root cause level.
5:10
Speaker 4: Everything starts in consciousness or mindset, and then everything that
5:14
Speaker 4: we see beyond that is just mechanics. It's just it's
5:18
Speaker 4: a mechanism that is unfolding, and so we become very
5:21
Speaker 4: addicted to the mechanism versus working on the root cause
5:25
Speaker 4: where the real leverages, which is what you think. And
5:27
Speaker 4: that in and of itself is a very big conversation,
5:30
Speaker 4: like what do we think, how do we think?
5:33
Speaker 3: Why do we think? What is thinking?
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Speaker 4: I try to grab all the subterranean stuff that most
5:38
Speaker 4: people don't have time to excavate and then surface surface
5:44
Speaker 4: it into ways that are accessible, because really, I think
5:47
Speaker 4: the big gap, whether it's in therapy or whether it's
5:49
Speaker 4: in personal growth, is integration understand totally and then actually
5:53
Speaker 4: embodying it.
5:54
Speaker 2: Yeah, philosophy is not worth knowing unless you integrate it
5:57
Speaker 2: into your body and feeling transformation. So you make this
6:01
Speaker 2: distinction about beliefs are decisions. I love how you talk
6:05
Speaker 2: about this. Can you tell us about that like chain
6:08
Speaker 2: of events that happen so that people can understand how
6:10
Speaker 2: their beliefs are creating the life that they have.
6:13
Speaker 3: Yeah.
6:14
Speaker 4: My observation is that in many ways we feel when
6:18
Speaker 4: we get to a point in our journey that we
6:19
Speaker 4: understand what we think or our belief systems are informing
6:23
Speaker 4: what we're creating in our life, they're informing how we feel.
6:26
Speaker 4: It's very easy to start to feel victimized by our
6:29
Speaker 4: beliefs just because of the way of belief functions. If
6:33
Speaker 4: you look at how beliefs are formed, you know, we
6:36
Speaker 4: have experiences as the prefrontal cortex is forming, we're ingesting
6:40
Speaker 4: all of this information and it's building out the neural
6:42
Speaker 4: networks of our brain and let's call it forming memories.
6:47
Speaker 4: And associated with those sensory experiences is a meaning, and
6:53
Speaker 4: we adopt the meaning from our parents or we give
6:56
Speaker 4: it a meaning that we see someone else give to something.
7:00
Speaker 4: And the challenge is once that meaning gets installed, we
7:03
Speaker 4: now experience life through the meaning. So if money was
7:06
Speaker 4: hard to make when we were growing up, as we
7:08
Speaker 4: observed our parents, that's the only data that we're really
7:11
Speaker 4: looking for at an unconscious level, and we're ignoring any
7:16
Speaker 4: data otherwise. You know, relationships don't work out, I'm not
7:19
Speaker 4: good enough, children should be seen and not heard, And
7:21
Speaker 4: so what happens is you just start accumulating more and
7:25
Speaker 4: more information that's been aligned with the first meaning. Neuroscience
7:30
Speaker 4: tells us that about eighty eight percent of what we're
7:33
Speaker 4: experiencing on a moment by moment basis, we're not we're
7:35
Speaker 4: filtering out, we're not aware of we don't pay attention
7:37
Speaker 4: to it. What we pay attention to is what's in
7:39
Speaker 4: alignment with what we believe. So we just continue to
7:43
Speaker 4: vacuum up support for the original belief And since these
7:47
Speaker 4: beliefs were formed without a cognitive thought process behind them
7:51
Speaker 4: or any type of really intellectual evaluation, there's a whole
7:55
Speaker 4: portfolio of them that we have that aren't true, don't
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Speaker 4: serve us well. And so here we are at thirty
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Speaker 4: forty fifty, sixty, seventy years old, and in some area
8:05
Speaker 4: of our life feels unmanageable because there's a program active
8:08
Speaker 4: there that's not conducive to what we want to create.
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Speaker 4: And so, as I was doing work around beliefs, I
8:14
Speaker 4: was struggling with shifting them, especially certain set of them.
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Speaker 4: Some seemed easier to shift and others seemed harder to shift, right,
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Speaker 4: And I just had this awareness again, and asking I
8:27
Speaker 4: received an awareness which was that beliefs are just simply
8:29
Speaker 4: decisions and that made beliefs more accessible to me. I
8:34
Speaker 4: could look at a belief and see that I was
8:36
Speaker 4: unconsciously deciding that I couldn't trust people, and that I
8:38
Speaker 4: had accumulated a bunch of evidence. But what I realized
8:41
Speaker 4: was that if it was if it was just an
8:43
Speaker 4: unconscious decision the first time around, and therefore it's now
8:46
Speaker 4: shaping my reality, there's no reason why I can't just
8:49
Speaker 4: decide something different, and as long as I stay loyal
8:51
Speaker 4: to that decision for a short period of time, then
8:53
Speaker 4: my reality should shift right. So, and I started experimenting
8:58
Speaker 4: with it when I realized that beliefs were decisions and
9:00
Speaker 4: I could just decide that my life was to be
9:03
Speaker 4: prosperous and abundant, and I could just decide that I
9:05
Speaker 4: had enough time for the important things, and I could
9:07
Speaker 4: just decide that I was good enough and that my
9:10
Speaker 4: life would change. I was like, is anybody else talking
9:12
Speaker 4: about this? And so there's a book written by a
9:15
Speaker 4: guy in the sixties. His name is Raymond Charles Barker,
9:19
Speaker 4: and he wrote a book called The Power of Decision.
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Speaker 4: I actually give it to all of my one year
9:23
Speaker 4: clients as their first book, and he talks about how
9:28
Speaker 4: decisions not to do things but about life or about ourselves,
9:32
Speaker 4: or about money, or about time, or about relationships will
9:35
Speaker 4: literally reconstruct our reality. And he didn't have the psychological
9:39
Speaker 4: and neurological sciences to support what he was saying back then.
9:42
Speaker 4: But now everything that we're talking about is justified by
9:45
Speaker 4: an understanding of how we function as human beings. So
9:47
Speaker 4: it's super empowering. So our process is to identify a
9:51
Speaker 4: limiting belief, see that it's not conducive to what you
9:54
Speaker 4: want to create, give yourself permission to make a new decision,
9:58
Speaker 4: which is always the opposite of the limit belief. And
10:01
Speaker 4: then I think the other really powerful part of the
10:02
Speaker 4: process is then we have a simple question we say,
10:05
Speaker 4: which is, well, what evidence do I have for the
10:07
Speaker 4: fact that this new decision is true? Because in relationship
10:10
Speaker 4: to what I just said, you've actually accumulated a bunch
10:14
Speaker 4: of evidence, you just haven't been consciously paying attention to it.
10:17
Speaker 4: And when you when you're willing to ask this question,
10:20
Speaker 4: dormant memories begin to emerge and you start to unleash
10:24
Speaker 4: all of the evidence for the new decision, and that
10:26
Speaker 4: becomes a very powerful transformative shift for people.
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Speaker 2: Yeah, and I understand that it is hard to conceptualize
10:32
Speaker 2: because if you haven't done it, you don't really know
10:36
Speaker 2: what to look for necessarily, Like when you have the belief, yes,
10:40
Speaker 2: you pick the opposite, that's true. One of my favorite
10:42
Speaker 2: things to do is like, I know this ca like
10:45
Speaker 2: money is hard to make.
10:46
Speaker 5: Do I know anybody who's made money? Quickly? Yes, I do, okay,
10:50
Speaker 5: and what are they doing? And how many more of
10:52
Speaker 5: them are they?
10:52
Speaker 2: So like that's a one way to just quickly be like, Okay,
10:55
Speaker 2: clearly this is not exactly true, and what do I
10:58
Speaker 2: want to believe from there? And then I love how
11:00
Speaker 2: you say stack the evidence, like you can actually stack
11:03
Speaker 2: the evidence, and eventually it's like turning of the train,
11:07
Speaker 2: turning it around and being like, Okay, I'm going to
11:09
Speaker 2: find that new twelve percent that actually supports the belief
11:12
Speaker 2: that I want to see in the world, which is
11:14
Speaker 2: your reticular activating system finding those things. I have a
11:16
Speaker 2: funny story with my wife when we wanted to get a.
11:20
Speaker 5: Car with a heated steering wheel.
11:22
Speaker 2: We were shopping all around and you know, we're like,
11:25
Speaker 2: it has to have this heated steering wheel. Well, when
11:27
Speaker 2: we went to go sell our car, we wound up
11:30
Speaker 2: finding out we had already a heated steering wheel that
11:32
Speaker 2: we never even knew about, but we found it because
11:35
Speaker 2: it became something that was a priority to us, and
11:38
Speaker 2: it was just funny for us that we already had
11:40
Speaker 2: sold the car.
11:41
Speaker 5: When we found it.
11:42
Speaker 2: But that's what you want to do, is you want
11:44
Speaker 2: to tag was important to you and then your brain,
11:46
Speaker 2: like you always say, it's a goal achieving machine, and
11:48
Speaker 2: we'll find the evidence for you. But that that's just
11:51
Speaker 2: the beginning, because as soon as you start seeing that evidence, like,
11:55
Speaker 2: there's shifts within your chemistry, there's shifts within your body
11:59
Speaker 2: that makes you show up differently. And that's what I
12:02
Speaker 2: love about this work and why it's so powerful, and
12:04
Speaker 2: it does create this powerful living experience that you talk about.
12:07
Speaker 4: So yeah, I think when we even think about the
12:10
Speaker 4: outcomes of therapy, or we think about self help or
12:14
Speaker 4: personal growth, what are we talking about? And I think
12:17
Speaker 4: what we're talking about is a neurological phenomenon. It's an
12:21
Speaker 4: evolution of your neurology into a different pattern of thinking
12:26
Speaker 4: and feeling. And the direction we want to go is
12:29
Speaker 4: towards a down regulated nervous system and a parasympathetic nervous system.
12:35
Speaker 4: And so when people come into our work, they're upregulated
12:38
Speaker 4: as a result of these programs. And we can talk
12:42
Speaker 4: a little bit more about how you know, one hundred
12:44
Speaker 4: percent of the time we find that these limiting beliefs
12:45
Speaker 4: are these programs aren't true. That's why they're upregulating the
12:49
Speaker 4: nervous system. It's actually it's a it's an effect of
12:52
Speaker 4: the dissonance of entangling with these kind of untrue belief systems.
12:58
Speaker 4: And so that's what we're trying to accomplish. We're trying
13:01
Speaker 4: to move people into a more consistent parasympathetic expression. We're
13:05
Speaker 4: trying to downregulate the nervous system. Why because in a
13:08
Speaker 4: downregulated nervous system, that's where we find healing of chronic disease.
13:13
Speaker 4: It's actually the natural state. It's where we find prosperity
13:15
Speaker 4: and abundance and we fill our bank accounts. It's where
13:18
Speaker 4: we grow our businesses, it's where we become better fathers
13:20
Speaker 4: and mothers and husbands and wives. Everything we want is
13:23
Speaker 4: coming from the parasympathetic But we're working with an ancient
13:26
Speaker 4: nervous system in modern times, and those modern times have
13:30
Speaker 4: actually evolved to reflect back to us the sympathetic habit
13:35
Speaker 4: of the nervous system.
13:36
Speaker 3: I mean, you think about how fast.
13:37
Speaker 4: Everything is right now, right, people will be listening to
13:40
Speaker 4: this podcast episode on two times or three times speed.
13:43
Speaker 4: Everything is sped up and sped up. The food is
13:45
Speaker 4: speeding us up, the medications are speeding us up. And
13:48
Speaker 4: so really, if you look at maybe a root outcome
13:51
Speaker 4: that we're looking for, we're looking to slow back down.
13:54
Speaker 4: And what's speeding us up are our unmetabolized traumas and
13:58
Speaker 4: our belief systems and the way that we're living a
14:00
Speaker 4: modern life.
14:01
Speaker 5: Right.
14:02
Speaker 2: And what's interesting is when you're in that sympathetic nervous
14:05
Speaker 2: system too long, you wind up looking for ways to
14:07
Speaker 2: check out, so look like addictions and things like that.
14:10
Speaker 2: So really you're running from the problem rather than solving
14:13
Speaker 2: it and actually most likely creating more problems and it
14:16
Speaker 2: just piles up. So that's why any technique that can
14:20
Speaker 2: get you into the parasympathetic nervous system is going to
14:22
Speaker 2: be extremely helpful for your transformation, such as meditation or
14:26
Speaker 2: EFT or looking at your belief work like how you
14:30
Speaker 2: do it. I love that you're so good at breaking
14:32
Speaker 2: things down, like you really are, Like, for me, it's
14:35
Speaker 2: just very innate and I'll just.
14:37
Speaker 5: Listen and I feel it. But for you, you are.
14:39
Speaker 2: So brilliant at breaking it down and analyzing it and
14:43
Speaker 2: then providing a solution for us to just like plug
14:46
Speaker 2: and play with discovering what is holding.
14:49
Speaker 4: Us back or at least a roadmap. Right, at least
14:51
Speaker 4: a roadmap, because I think you can feel really lost
14:55
Speaker 4: in a therapeutic container or in a container of personal growth.
15:00
Speaker 4: Everything else we do in our lives is like, here's
15:02
Speaker 4: the manual from Ikea put the furniture together, and it's like,
15:05
Speaker 4: we should have a structure to put ourselves back together. Yeah,
15:09
Speaker 4: and to be able to implement that. And so that's
15:11
Speaker 4: really been the focus of my work.
15:13
Speaker 2: I'm always impressed with those Ikea manuals, and I would
15:15
Speaker 2: to say that yours are like that.
15:18
Speaker 3: I have to call whatever we do like polong or
15:20
Speaker 3: something sweetic.
15:22
Speaker 5: That's great. Okay.
15:23
Speaker 2: So I have two really burning questions I want to
15:25
Speaker 2: ask you, so as a therapist or somebody on the
15:29
Speaker 2: healing journey, like, why do you think it's so important
15:33
Speaker 2: for somebody who's offering help, like a healer of some
15:35
Speaker 2: kind to do their own inner work.
15:38
Speaker 3: Well, there's a couple of reasons.
15:39
Speaker 4: I think one of the most common feedbacks I get,
15:43
Speaker 4: especially from the podcast now with so many people listening
15:45
Speaker 4: to it, is David's authenticity. And really what authenticity is
15:50
Speaker 4: what I'm speaking about, I'm speaking from a lived experience,
15:53
Speaker 4: and so when you're speaking from a lived experience on
15:56
Speaker 4: a practical level, you're more informed and so you can
16:00
Speaker 4: better support your clients. But if you look at a
16:03
Speaker 4: root cause of energy and vibration and emotion, there's a
16:08
Speaker 4: container of understanding at a very deep level that gets
16:11
Speaker 4: set around the client, and that's conducive to transformation. So
16:16
Speaker 4: the opposite of that is you're in a conversation with
16:20
Speaker 4: a client and your programs and your ego are active,
16:25
Speaker 4: and so it doesn't really matter how great your technique is.
16:28
Speaker 4: I remember one of the first coaching conversations I had.
16:31
Speaker 4: I became aware of the fact that I felt I
16:33
Speaker 4: needed to create a breakthrough for somebody in the coaching conversation,
16:36
Speaker 4: like they're paying me a lot of money back then,
16:38
Speaker 4: because I have to create a breakthrough. And I became
16:40
Speaker 4: aware of it, and I very quickly, moving forward, eliminated
16:44
Speaker 4: myself from the conversation. And this is where I think
16:47
Speaker 4: in therapy, a relationship with a higher power is important
16:50
Speaker 4: for the therapist because if you start taking responsibility for
16:53
Speaker 4: the breakthroughs, then you also start taking responsibility for the
16:57
Speaker 4: non breakthroughs. And in order for you to be clean
17:00
Speaker 4: in the space with your client, you have to recognize
17:03
Speaker 4: that what's occurring in the conversation has nothing to do
17:05
Speaker 4: with you, and you're really just facilitating information that exists
17:09
Speaker 4: outside of you and not taking credit for it. And
17:12
Speaker 4: so as I ran my first certification program a few
17:14
Speaker 4: years ago, and we had a bunch of recordings of
17:16
Speaker 4: me doing coaching conversations. The participants were like, how do
17:20
Speaker 4: you create a breakthrough, a powerful breakthrough in every single conversation?
17:24
Speaker 4: And I said, because I don't worry about whether or
17:26
Speaker 4: not a breakthrough is going to happen, like you just
17:28
Speaker 4: so you have to set yourself aside. But you can't
17:30
Speaker 4: set yourself aside if you haven't done the healing work.
17:33
Speaker 4: So I just think that on so many levels, it's
17:36
Speaker 4: important if you're going to be in the healing arts
17:38
Speaker 4: or the healing sciences, your predominant focus needs to be
17:42
Speaker 4: for you healing. This isn't a commentary on body shape
17:46
Speaker 4: or body type, but it would be like hiring a
17:48
Speaker 4: trainer who's not fit. And the thing that's elusive here
17:52
Speaker 4: is you can't really see someone's neurophysiological fitness. But my
17:57
Speaker 4: guess is there would be a lot of patients walking
17:59
Speaker 4: out of therapy rooms they see.
18:02
Speaker 3: If they could see it.
18:03
Speaker 4: So and then you have a lot of therapists who
18:05
Speaker 4: are really committed to their growth. But I think that's central,
18:09
Speaker 4: you know, to the work that we do. And that
18:11
Speaker 4: doesn't mean that you have to be always healing and
18:13
Speaker 4: always suffering and always looking for the next trauma in
18:17
Speaker 4: your own life as a therapist. But go out and
18:20
Speaker 4: find the best tools and do the work so that
18:22
Speaker 4: you be healed and you can go out and help
18:23
Speaker 4: as many people as possible.
18:25
Speaker 2: Right, And when you do the work, you create a
18:28
Speaker 2: regulated nervous system that then translates to the energy of
18:31
Speaker 2: the client, and for sure their nervous system starts to
18:34
Speaker 2: respond and sync with yours as well.
18:37
Speaker 4: Absolutely that there's coherence. And then there's also and I
18:41
Speaker 4: see this a lot. I have to catch my coaches
18:42
Speaker 4: on it, especially when they're just getting started. If you
18:46
Speaker 4: have a belief system in you that's unresolved, and your
18:48
Speaker 4: client brings up that belief system, it's almost impossible to
18:52
Speaker 4: help them resolve it. At an unconscious level, you'll buy
18:55
Speaker 4: into that belief system m hm. And so in order
18:58
Speaker 4: for you to be able to like clearly hear what
19:00
Speaker 4: the client needs to hear from source or from the field,
19:04
Speaker 4: you can't be having a trigger active at the same time.
19:06
Speaker 4: So the more triggers we diffuse, the more available we
19:09
Speaker 4: become to the information in the therapy conversation.
19:12
Speaker 5: Yeah.
19:12
Speaker 2: Absolutely, I look at it like buttons, Like you're just
19:14
Speaker 2: getting rid of your buttons so that there's less time
19:17
Speaker 2: that you're actually activated into the sympathetic nervous system, so
19:21
Speaker 2: you can really be present and here it. And I
19:24
Speaker 2: think that you and I have done enough work where
19:26
Speaker 2: we understand the mechanics of the universe and that we
19:30
Speaker 2: know that enough that we don't know enough, and so
19:33
Speaker 2: that even a belief like even if we think probably
19:36
Speaker 2: that's true, we're also open to the idea that it
19:38
Speaker 2: could not be. And so over time we kind of
19:41
Speaker 2: like have allowed ourselves to have this breathing room of like, Okay,
19:45
Speaker 2: I may be wrong about this, and that's okay. And
19:48
Speaker 2: and like you said, if you feel bad in your body,
19:52
Speaker 2: that's a good sign that there's a disconnect, that maybe
19:54
Speaker 2: it's no longer true for you or has never been true.
19:57
Speaker 5: For you, And to look at that. Yes, So David,
20:02
Speaker 5: as a dad, how do you think you.
20:05
Speaker 2: Parent differently because of your experience in the personal development world.
20:10
Speaker 4: Well, sometimes I wish I was twenty seven years old
20:13
Speaker 4: like my dad was when I had Gabriel, because I'm
20:15
Speaker 4: forty nine now and I had him when he was
20:17
Speaker 4: My wife had him when I was forty seven, just
20:21
Speaker 4: because it requires an insane amount of energy to keep
20:24
Speaker 4: up with my kid. But I'm also really glad that
20:26
Speaker 4: I healed what I healed. So we're much more present
20:29
Speaker 4: to language. My wife is getting certified in Waldorf education
20:34
Speaker 4: right now, and so the work of Rudolph Steiner is
20:36
Speaker 4: very similar to our approach to healing. And so it's
20:40
Speaker 4: very helpful to be educated on the proper development process
20:44
Speaker 4: and stages of a kid because we weren't raised that
20:47
Speaker 4: way and right and so like right now, he, according
20:52
Speaker 4: to Steiner's work, is developing his sense of eye and
20:56
Speaker 4: he started using that language right this is mine and
21:00
Speaker 4: and as that happens, there's an emotional process, and so
21:05
Speaker 4: he's figuring out how to fit in with this self
21:09
Speaker 4: identity and this change in relationship with the external. Remember,
21:13
Speaker 4: he was one with mom for a long time, and
21:15
Speaker 4: now there's the beginning of this separation. And you know,
21:18
Speaker 4: you can imagine at an unconscious level that separation has
21:21
Speaker 4: uncertainty with it, anxiety with it, fears with it. Well,
21:24
Speaker 4: what do we call that period of time? Generally speaking,
21:27
Speaker 4: they call it the Terrible twos? And so just in
21:30
Speaker 4: that labeling it now starts to imply or shape our
21:35
Speaker 4: experience of it. And I don't want this to be
21:38
Speaker 4: his Terrible twos. I want this to be the beginning
21:40
Speaker 4: of his relationship with his iamdness and so right, so
21:46
Speaker 4: that knowing that as a parent allows me to step
21:50
Speaker 4: back and go, Okay, there are times where there's a
21:52
Speaker 4: lot of output coming out of my kid. There's a
21:54
Speaker 4: lot of crying, there's a lot of emotional expression, but
21:57
Speaker 4: it's not the Terrible twos, right, him developing this relationship
22:01
Speaker 4: with himself and with his spirits. I'm so grateful that
22:04
Speaker 4: I have had the exposure that I've had in a
22:07
Speaker 4: quest to end my own personal suffering over the last
22:10
Speaker 4: fifteen years to other great teachers and work out there
22:14
Speaker 4: because it's going to allow me to set my son
22:16
Speaker 4: up for perhaps a less traumatically challenged life than I had.
22:21
Speaker 4: I think that trauma is built into the system and
22:26
Speaker 4: it's unavoidable because we're meaning making machines and we're going
22:32
Speaker 4: to give meanings to experiences that are going to form
22:37
Speaker 4: lenses that are kind of like a cataract on reality.
22:42
Speaker 4: And part of God's plan for us is to go
22:44
Speaker 4: through a journey of clearing that cataract. But you try
22:48
Speaker 4: to do what you can as a parent to not
22:50
Speaker 4: burden your child with unnecessary trauma. I mean, you think
22:53
Speaker 4: about it. And I had this revelation recently. I was
22:57
Speaker 4: seeking an unconditional love from my parents as a child,
23:00
Speaker 4: and a lot of the experiences I had that seemed
23:03
Speaker 4: not to be unconditional love I gave a meaning to
23:06
Speaker 4: right like there was something wrong with me or whatever
23:09
Speaker 4: that looks like. But your parents live conditional lives. There
23:12
Speaker 4: is no parent no matter what they want to say,
23:14
Speaker 4: they can say I have an unconditional love for my
23:16
Speaker 4: child or an unconditional relationship because you have conditions. You
23:21
Speaker 4: have your partner, you have your job, you have your health,
23:24
Speaker 4: you have your unprocessed trauma. There are conditions there, and
23:27
Speaker 4: so there's going to be the fantastasizing of some form.
23:31
Speaker 3: Of trauma no matter what.
23:33
Speaker 4: But we try to do our job to end the
23:36
Speaker 4: generational pattern as best as we can.
23:38
Speaker 3: Right.
23:39
Speaker 2: I found it so healing having a son who now
23:42
Speaker 2: is ten and a half and just watching him be
23:45
Speaker 2: in the world and feel free to express himself because
23:48
Speaker 2: I was the kid.
23:50
Speaker 5: Who wanted to blend in with the wallpaper. I was
23:51
Speaker 5: the middle child of six kids.
23:53
Speaker 2: So seeing him in his full expression every day and
23:57
Speaker 2: his sweetness just is so healing, but also so such
24:02
Speaker 2: like a pat on the back, like I've actually really
24:05
Speaker 2: done a lot of work to help me be more
24:07
Speaker 2: present to him and not dump my trauma onto him
24:10
Speaker 2: in an unfair way. But like you said, I'm very
24:13
Speaker 2: aware that he probably will come up with something. In fact,
24:15
Speaker 2: I have tucked him you'll find this money. I've tucked
24:19
Speaker 2: him in like ninety nine percent of the time, And
24:22
Speaker 2: when he was like eight, he was like, you almost
24:24
Speaker 2: never tucked me in.
24:25
Speaker 5: I was like, what are you talking about?
24:29
Speaker 2: So they will make sense of like that one time,
24:32
Speaker 2: and they blow it up because he felt very unsafe
24:35
Speaker 2: because like I didn't tuck him in or whatever.
24:37
Speaker 5: He created his own meaning around it, and I had
24:39
Speaker 5: to be like, that's actually not true.
24:41
Speaker 2: So no matter what, the meaning will be made, and
24:44
Speaker 2: it'll be up to us to try to help them
24:46
Speaker 2: in the future to sort it out, essentially, or they
24:49
Speaker 2: go to somebody else to sort it out.
24:51
Speaker 3: Yeah.
24:51
Speaker 4: I love what you said about the sweetness because there's
24:53
Speaker 4: the other side of it, which is not where I'm
24:56
Speaker 4: at now in my interaction with Gabriel, but what Gabriel
24:59
Speaker 4: is bringing to me, which is so much and his
25:02
Speaker 4: freedom brings me into the present moment, and my love
25:04
Speaker 4: for him brings me into the present moment. And as
25:07
Speaker 4: i am forty nine, some of the work that I'm
25:09
Speaker 4: doing with my therapist is now about descending from the
25:13
Speaker 4: headspace where I've become acclimated to living and I'm very
25:16
Speaker 4: very good at back into my body and into my
25:20
Speaker 4: heart center so that I'm I'm living fully from my
25:23
Speaker 4: whole self, and having him around me is an incredible
25:29
Speaker 4: natural catalyst to me doing that, and so it's yeah,
25:32
Speaker 4: there's Look, it's the most extraordinary experience of my life,
25:36
Speaker 4: and sometimes I don't even really want to think about
25:38
Speaker 4: how much I love my kid because then it gets scary. Yeah,
25:41
Speaker 4: you know, it's like that feeling that like you know,
25:44
Speaker 4: kind of parents understand and it's a very tender relationship
25:47
Speaker 4: both ways.
25:48
Speaker 5: Is basically the only thing I'm afraid of. Oh yes,
25:51
Speaker 5: and it's not having that. David, this has been wonderful
25:54
Speaker 5: talking to you.
25:54
Speaker 2: Can you please tell everybody where they can find more
25:57
Speaker 2: about you or join your pro and things like that.
26:01
Speaker 4: Yeah, We've got a couple of great resources because obviously
26:03
Speaker 4: we just scratched the surface today. One is my podcast,
26:05
Speaker 4: which is called A Changed Mind. I try to release
26:08
Speaker 4: two episodes a week. We go deep on a bunch
26:10
Speaker 4: of different topic. The other is my book, which is
26:13
Speaker 4: now available on Amazon. So it came out last year,
26:15
Speaker 4: same name, A Change Mind. And we've got our big
26:18
Speaker 4: event coming up right now. It's coming up in March
26:20
Speaker 4: in Round Rock, Texas. It's called the Powerful Living Experience,
26:23
Speaker 4: So we'll have about eight hundred to one thousand impact
26:25
Speaker 4: driven helpers and entrepreneurs and visionaries and leaders coming together
26:29
Speaker 4: for three days of really deep personal growth. And people
26:32
Speaker 4: can always jump on over to our website. Like sign
26:33
Speaker 4: up for our newsletter, get a bunch of free trainings
26:35
Speaker 4: and a bunch.
26:36
Speaker 3: Of helpful tools.
26:38
Speaker 2: Awesome, David, Thank you, And if you want to find
26:41
Speaker 2: out more about me, I'm Amy Stark and my website
26:44
Speaker 2: is stark transformation dot com and I'm on all social
26:47
Speaker 2: media platforms either as Amy Stark or Stark Transformation. So
26:51
Speaker 2: i have a book coming out called Bridging the Divide
26:54
Speaker 2: in the end of March, and I'm super excited that
26:57
Speaker 2: we got to have this conversation.
26:58
Speaker 5: David.
26:59
Speaker 2: You are such a wonderful we're saying, you're such a
27:00
Speaker 2: healer on this planet and such a bright light, and
27:02
Speaker 2: I am so overjoyed that I got to talk to
27:04
Speaker 2: you today.
27:05
Speaker 3: Likewise, Amy, it was awesome. Thank you so much.
27:08
Speaker 1: You're welcome.