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Why it gets worse when you go back to a narcissist · The Mental Healness Podcast

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  What is going on, beautiful people?
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  Today we're talking about why it gets worse when you go back to a
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  touch of relationship with a narcissist if you're new here,
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  my name is Lee Hammock. I'm a clinically diagnosed
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  narcissist. And welcome to another episode
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  of the Narcissist Code. So welcome back.
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  Welcome back. Welcome back.
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  Yes. Y'all.
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  Yep. Yep.
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  Yep. Yep.
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  Yep. It gets worse.
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  So you will hear a lot of people tell you that it will get worse
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  in in a toxic relationship. A lot of people will say, hey,
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  look, if you go back to that narcissist, it will get worse.
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  But a lot of people don't tell you why, you know?
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  Yeah, it will. Yeah.
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  Is it true that it gets worse most times when you go back to a
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  narcissist? Absolutely.
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  Yes, yes, that's going to be true a lot of the times.
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  But a lot of people just the Why?
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  Why does it get worse? Why Lee when we Why does it get
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  worse? Lee, when all we want to do is
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  love them, why does it get worse?
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  What all we do want to do is be there for them and care for them
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  and and give them the love, care and appreciation.
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  Why does it get worse? Why don't they?
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  Why they so rejected of our love?
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  Yo, no, it gets worse when you go back to a narcissist because
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  they now know. One of the reasons is because
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  they now end up. They now know what they can get
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  away with. They now know what the new,
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  like, bottom line of the relationship is now.
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  They now know what is off limits and what is.
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  You know, it's in the in the mind of a lot of narcissists.
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  It's now. OK, I've done this.
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  I've said this. I've gotten away with this.
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  What more can I do? You don't.
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  I'll say this to people right here like You don't get bonus,
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  You don't get bonus points for being a ride or die.
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  For a narcissist. You don't get there's not a a
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  club you get to join. There's no bonus points.
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  There's no separate membership in the toxic relationship with a
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  narcissist that you get to join for staying with them, for going
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  back to them. You don't get bonus points.
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  Most narcissists look at you like you're a pushover.
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  They look at you, they look at you like you're easy to get over
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  with. They look at you like you're
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  easy to run over top of and things like that.
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  That's how most of them are going to look at you.
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  I know people are like, well, damn, Lee, that's kind of messed
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  up. But yeah, yeah, yeah, that's the
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  mindset of it. That's how it goes inside the
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  mind of a lot of narcissists. Like they look at you like a
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  pushover now because you allowed them to push you over, even
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  though you might not think that, even though you might just be
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  like, well, I'm being forgiven. I'm.
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  I'm an empathetic kind of caring person.
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  So this is just me being who I am.
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  They look at it as well, you. I'm.
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  I can get over. I can get away with stuff.
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  You were pushover. And a lot of them will tell them
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  that yeah, they brag some. Some narcissists will brag on
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  how bad they treat you. Some of them will brag on how
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  much they've gotten away with. Some of them will brag on what
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  what they've been forgiven for and what you came back through.
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  They don't give you bonus points, they give themselves
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  bonus points. This is like, damn.
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  OK, I've I've elevated to level 2 toxic narcissist now and I've
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  still gotten forgiven. I've elevated to Level 3 Toxic
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  abuse of narcissist and I've still gotten forgiven.
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  Like I've, you know, I cheated on, I've gotten forget.
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  Like y'all know I still do my one on ones over zoom right at
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  mentalillness.net. I still do my one on ones over
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  zoom. And I hear some some bad stories
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  where people are pretty much the narcissistic person has done
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  everything you can think of to a person.
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  They've taken look. They've threatened to unalive
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  them. They put their hands on them.
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  They cheated on them. They've, you know, SA them.
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  They've done pretty much every single thing that they can do.
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  And they and that person who is so traumatized and beat down by
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  the narcissist continues to take them back and it does get worse.
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  And they're like, Lee, I'm just trying to be forgiven.
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  Why did I keep doing this? I'm like, because now they want
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  to see what more they can get away with.
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  The sadistic, narcissistic person wants to see what more
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  they can get away with, what more they can do, how much more
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  pain they can deliver towards you and would not because that's
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  what's going to happen. That's a continuation.
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  You know, it gets worse because now they they think, yeah, one
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  of the reasons that it gets worse is because one of the
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  reasons it gets worse is because the narcissist doesn't care how
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  you feel. Let's be realistic right there.
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  Even though you've forgiven them, even though you've been
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  there with them, even though you've struggled and survived
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  and did all the stuff for them, they don't care how you feel.
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  They only typically care about how they feel, how they you
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  know, how are are their own needs being met.
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  You know how things are going for them, how things are, how
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  they are being treated, how they are being perceived, what their
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  reputation is look like, looking like.
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  They don't care how you feel. Most times I'm just telling you
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  I didn't say all the time. I know I didn't say all the
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  time. Most times they don't care how
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  you feel. And that's why I tell people
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  like think about this before you go back into a toxic
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  relationship. I know it's easier said than
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  done you. I know how the mind works
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  nowadays. You know just think about before
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  you go back. Why?
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  Like they used to just lie to you and cheat on you.
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  Like they used to just lie to you and cheat on you right now
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  you taking them back, they put their hands on you.
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  Now you taking them back, they threaten to unlive you.
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  Now you taking them back, They stalked you and harassed you and
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  got you locked, put get you put in jail.
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  Now it's progressively gotten worse.
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  Now you've lost all your friends and family.
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  You're just like, what the hell, Lee?
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  What can I do to protect myself? What can I do to heal?
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  What can I do to grow? Like what can I do to keep
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  moving forward? Like what can I do?
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  It gets it only gets better when you stop going back.
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  Because typically y'all and this is just me being real right
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  here. Typically if you keep forgiving
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  them, you keep taking them back and they keep getting worse and
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  worse and worse, they start to view you as a like, not only a a
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  pushover. I hear, I I see in some of these
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  groups I'm part of y'all, some of the self award narcissist
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  groups and whatnot. I've seen them.
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  People just look at, they just like, well, this person is weak.
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  They'll call you weak and they call you pathetic and then
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  they'll try to replace you with somebody else because now they
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  get bored of doing this stuff. Now they've gotten bored of the
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  stuff that they've gotten away with.
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  That's why I tell people like, I'm not trying to hurt y'all's
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  feelings. I promise you I'm not.
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  But I see this stuff. I'm just telling you that's the
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  mindset of some of them. They're just like, well, damn,
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  now I'm bored of what I've been able to get away with.
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  Now I need, like, now if this is less fun.
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  I've gotten away with every single thing.
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  And yes, y'all be like, well, leave.
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  We're just trying to be forgiven and empathetic.
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  But they just like, well, I've gotten away with every single
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  thing that I've done. Time for me to move on.
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  It's time for me to find somebody else.
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  It's time for me to find another target.
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  And they will leave you broken. And that's why I tell people you
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  don't get bonus points for taking them back.
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  You might think you get bonus points.
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  You might think it looks good for them and like, you're just a
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  kind, forgiving person. But most narcissists look down
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  on that. They don't look at you like you
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  were just a superhero Survivor. They look at you like you're a
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  pushover. They look at you like you.
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  You're easily run down. You know, they look at you like
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  you are, you know, it's just in that space right there.
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  So that's why I'm telling people like, before you take them back,
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  understand this is how a lot of them are going to view you.
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  They're going to view you like you are a pushover.
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  They're going to view you Like they can get away with any
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  single thing that they ever want to do to you.
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  That's how they're going to view you.
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  So as I'm telling people right now with the mindset of how
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  things are going for you right now is understand this is where
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  it's going to go for you. The reason it doesn't get
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  better, the reason it typically gets worse is because now like
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  all the stuff that they've done in the past, when you take a
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  narcissist back, they think that everything they've done to
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  they've done to you in the past. It's OK now.
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  They now. So they've piled up a lot of
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  trauma, right? Let's say this, let's say this
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  is the bottom floor of your relationship, right?
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  Let's say you start off from the ground level like you're on the
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  ground level of trauma and abuse, right?
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  There's no trauma, no abuse, but now it's starting to rise
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  because they've done so much stuff to you and then y'all have
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  broken up. You take them back.
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  This is the new ground floor. All the stuff they've done to
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  you before is underneath this. So this is the new ground floor
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  right now. So they think all this stuff
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  beneath here, they think all this stuff is OK.
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  They think the stuff that they've done to you previously
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  is OK. So now they can pile up more
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  stuff. Y'all leave again.
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  You break up again. This is the new ground floor.
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  If you take them back, this is the new ground.
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  So that's why I'm saying that's why it rarely gets better
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  because now they know what they can get away with.
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  They know it's a new ground floor.
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  There's there like you when you hear somebody say there's levels
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  to it. This is kind of what they mean
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  right here. There's levels to trauma,
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  there's levels to abuse and they going to keep leveling up and
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  getting and most of them get worship.
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  I'm not just saying I'm just little leave you.
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  You took your wife took you back and you y'all made it work and
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  it y'all. I've been in psychotherapy for
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  over six years now. I got tired of thinking about
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  that. Y'all.
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  I mean, this is two 2024, this is year seven of my therapy
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  right here. This is going into year seven of
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  therapy, you know, because I started therapy in two in 2016,
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  but well, 2017 go to therapy in 2017.
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  I've been putting in the work and I'm going to be there for
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  therapy for the rest of my life and I'm OK with that, you know,
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  That's why I believe yours didn't get worse.
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  Y'all, I'm working on me. Most are not going to work on
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  themselves. You need to work on you.
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  You can't force that narcissistic person to work on
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  themselves. You can't force them to be less
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  abusive, less toxic. But I will say this right here
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  in the mind of a lot of narcissist.
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  What you allow will compound and continue.
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  What you allow not not only what you allow will continue.
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  What you allow will compound and be added to and it will continue
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  to progress forward, you know, So that's why it gets worse.
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  Y'all. That's why I keep telling people
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  if they just because they haven't put their hands on you
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  before, doesn't mean that they won't do it now, because the
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  more you take them back, the more paranoid that they're going
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  to be that you will leave again. Like if you break up with them
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  and they've done something horrible to you, they are
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  paranoid now that you can. You've left before, so now
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  they're paranoid that you're going to leave again.
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  That's why sometimes they get more controlling, they get more
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  insecure, they get more obsessive, they get more
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  aggressive. You see, that's why things get
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  worse when before they get better in these toxic
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  relationship dynamics in the in these spaces.
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  So you have to heal, you have to grow, you have to continue to
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  progress forward. Because if you don't, this is
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  what you end up with right here. The the remnants of a
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  relationship, A toxic relationship that just compounds
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  and continuously gets worse, you know?
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  So y'all, welcome to 2024. Let's get it.
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  The self love Journal is on Amazon.
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  Lee Hammock I love me. A self love Journal is on
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  Amazon. Check that out to help you
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  rebuild yourself. Love and get those boundaries up
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  y'all so you can understand the lot.
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  Not let that toxic narcissistic person back.
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  Go ahead and make sure y'all subscribe to the channel as
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  well. Mental illness is out.
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  Peace. Thank you so much for making it
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  to the end of my video. You are a mental illness
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  Rockstar and I appreciate you for being here.
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  If you haven't already, make sure to click on the screen to
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  subscribe to the channel and watch another one of my videos
• 12:16
  on my playlist. There's also a link available up
• 12:18
  here for you to purchase my kids.
• 12:21
  But remember, it's not your fault on Amazon, so check that
• 12:24
  out. Thank you.
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  I will see you in the next video.
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  Peace.