Latest / Reverse Jackass / Ep80: Evelyn activates Seal Team King; Nick becomes his own problem.

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Ep80: Evelyn activates Seal Team King; Nick becomes his own problem. · Reverse Jackass

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: It's Reverse Jackass.
• 0:08
  SPEAKER_00: Folks, welcome back to the Reverse Jackass Podcast, the podcast designed to bring peace or to renew peace between the United States and Canada, the world's most neglected political relationship.
• 0:18
  SPEAKER_00: I'm Nick.
• 0:18
  SPEAKER_00: With me as always is Evelyn, the Canadian Blade.
• 0:21
  SPEAKER_00: Evelyn, say hello to the people.
• 0:22
  SPEAKER_01: Hello to the people.
• 0:23
  SPEAKER_01: I'm just sitting over here in my Canadian blades.
• 0:28
  SPEAKER_01: Neglected as always.
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_00: Well, that that's not an accident, Evelyn.
• 0:33
  SPEAKER_00: Or that's also not a greeting.
• 0:34
  SPEAKER_00: I realize.
• 0:36
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, that's a pout.
• 0:38
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I guess I'm fine.
• 0:39
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I guess I'm at over here.
• 0:41
  SPEAKER_00: I was over here feeling sorry for myself.
• 0:45
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I'm not feeling sorry for myself.
• 0:47
  SPEAKER_00: I'm feeling immense gratitude today.
• 0:48
  SPEAKER_00: I'm in a good mood, so I will carry it for both of us.
• 0:50
  SPEAKER_00: However, that being said, it is an Evelyn day today because it's a Monday.
• 0:54
  SPEAKER_00: And that means that it's your duty to steer us in one direction or another, Evelyn.
• 0:58
  SPEAKER_00: So tell us, what's today's episode gonna be about?
• 1:01
  SPEAKER_01: Well, I got a couple stories for you.
• 1:03
  SPEAKER_01: A boot.
• 1:04
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 1:04
  SPEAKER_01: What's sorry, you asked what's it gonna be a boot?
• 1:07
  SPEAKER_01: Well, I'll tell you what it's what this episode's gonna be a boot as you drink your pop, as you drink your pop, your soda.
• 1:13
  SPEAKER_01: Sorry, drink your shake.
• 1:16
  SPEAKER_01: It tastes worse when you say shit like that.
• 1:18
  SPEAKER_01: That's my hope.
• 1:19
  SPEAKER_01: That's good.
• 1:20
  SPEAKER_01: That's good.
• 1:20
  SPEAKER_01: Well, today's theme is hiding.
• 1:23
  SPEAKER_01: Love it.
• 1:24
  SPEAKER_01: These two stories are both happening in my adult life when my sister Heather and I were at home alone.
• 1:29
  SPEAKER_01: We're at home by ourselves.
• 1:31
  SPEAKER_00: Are you gonna put in the sound garden sting?
• 1:34
  SPEAKER_01: I love I never put it in because you sing it and that's enough for me.
• 1:38
  SPEAKER_01: Like I think that's I think that's so satisfying.
• 1:41
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, we're home.
• 1:43
  SPEAKER_01: We're it mom and dad had obviously gone somewhere.
• 1:45
  SPEAKER_01: Like, I mean, we were just home, it might have been just a day.
• 1:48
  SPEAKER_01: Like, we're not I'm not talking weeks on in here.
• 1:50
  SPEAKER_01: I'm talking people just weren't home from their daily living.
• 1:52
  SPEAKER_01: So our home growing up, typical home in the country, in that there was like a there was a gravel driveway, and so you could see easily from the home who was driving in and out.
• 2:03
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, like there was big front windows, and rarely did someone just show up at your door without you being like, oh, a trucker, a car just drove in.
• 2:10
  SPEAKER_01: So Heather and I were home during this time, and usually what we did when we were home is watch TV.
• 2:15
  SPEAKER_01: Actually, the Sound Garden Sting is going to be perfect for this story as well.
• 2:19
  SPEAKER_01: Wow.
• 2:19
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 2:19
  SPEAKER_01: I'd never occurred to me that we'd get to use it twice, and both related with Heather.
• 2:24
  SPEAKER_01: Like that's the best part.
• 2:25
  SPEAKER_00: No, it's it's Heather's thing.
• 2:26
  SPEAKER_00: It is Heather, yeah.
• 2:27
  SPEAKER_01: It's Heather's thing.
• 2:28
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, right.
• 2:29
  SPEAKER_01: But I I I know I don't know why I said that.
• 2:30
  SPEAKER_01: That was dumb.
• 2:31
  SPEAKER_01: Um, so we're just sitting there watching TV, and the position of the chair in the TV room was that it was right by that big front window.
• 2:38
  SPEAKER_01: So you could see all the activity on good old Highway 80.
• 2:42
  SPEAKER_01: You could see who's coming in, who's coming out, and we were not expecting anybody because we're just home by ourselves.
• 2:48
  SPEAKER_01: Well, we're sitting in the living room watching something on TV.
• 2:50
  SPEAKER_01: Heather's in dad's chair, which is where I just told you, and I was on the couch, which is parallel to the front window, so I was seeing the TV, but you can also see the driveway.
• 3:00
  SPEAKER_01: Then a truck pulls in.
• 3:02
  SPEAKER_00: Nice.
• 3:03
  SPEAKER_01: And my memory, now Heather might have it a little bit different, but my memory is that they didn't pull in all the way, they just pulled in and someone started walking down the driveway or walking down our lawn.
• 3:11
  SPEAKER_01: So I don't know if it was someone whose carb was breaking down or any of this kind of stuff.
• 3:16
  SPEAKER_01: But Heather and I, you would think it was some kind of Blackhawk military operation that was happening.
• 3:24
  SPEAKER_01: Because all Heather and I suddenly we were armed.
• 3:28
  SPEAKER_01: Suddenly, we knew her dad kept the shotgun.
• 3:31
  SPEAKER_01: So then it's like we knew what to do at the exact same time.
• 3:35
  SPEAKER_01: And I don't know who said I'm gonna say I said it because Heather, I don't remember her saying this.
• 3:41
  SPEAKER_01: She does, she is she's nonverbal.
• 3:43
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know if I ever told you that.
• 3:45
  SPEAKER_01: And we've had her on the podcast, so people might believe otherwise, but I'm important to say that here.
• 3:49
  SPEAKER_01: I started saying, go, go, go, go, go, like this.
• 3:54
  SPEAKER_01: And we both knew at the exact moment that that was code for us to hide from whoever was coming to the house.
• 4:01
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 4:02
  SPEAKER_01: And at this time, Heather was sitting in what would be like just picture a lazy boy chair, a recliner.
• 4:07
  SPEAKER_01: She is sitting there, and at this time that I started, you know, calling us into action, she throws herself over the arm of the chair and starts scrambling to get away.
• 4:18
  SPEAKER_01: Because if someone came up to the window, you could see that we were in there.
• 4:22
  SPEAKER_01: I'm on the chair or I'm on the couch and I'm running.
• 4:24
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, we don't know where we're going, but we're just getting out of sight.
• 4:28
  SPEAKER_01: So she hides kind of behind the kitchen in a way, and I hide in the hall that leads to the bathroom, and we can see each other.
• 4:36
  SPEAKER_01: Like it's a straight through No hiding air.
• 4:39
  SPEAKER_00: But no one.
• 4:40
  SPEAKER_00: And you're doing those army like hand signals where you're like, Oh, we're giving hand we're giving hand signals, right?
• 4:47
  SPEAKER_01: We're giving hand signals and we're we're laughing.
• 4:50
  SPEAKER_01: Like we're we're like, keep hiding.
• 4:51
  SPEAKER_01: I I think he can see you.
• 4:52
  SPEAKER_01: He could see you because we're SEAL Team Zero, like SEAL Team Lame is what it definitely was.
• 5:00
  SPEAKER_01: SEAL Team King sisters over here, like super pathetic.
• 5:03
  SPEAKER_01: So we would hide.
• 5:04
  SPEAKER_01: This was not the first time this happened, and I have learned since that because he was knocking on the door, he was ringing the doorbell and eventually.
• 5:11
  SPEAKER_01: He was having a heart attack.
• 5:12
  SPEAKER_01: He was in deep medical distress.
• 5:14
  SPEAKER_01: He's having a simple medical episode, a cardiac event, as I've heard they're called.
• 5:20
  SPEAKER_01: Sure.
• 5:20
  SPEAKER_01: We could see from my hiding place, from my vantage point, I could see the side of his face drooping.
• 5:25
  SPEAKER_00: He was clutching his heart and it looked like a gun.
• 5:28
  SPEAKER_01: I was scared.
• 5:29
  SPEAKER_01: I was I was scared for my life.
• 5:30
  SPEAKER_01: I had to protect myself and my younger sister.
• 5:32
  SPEAKER_01: Like it was my duty as the oldest sibling.
• 5:35
  SPEAKER_01: So we could see each other, we're laughing.
• 5:37
  SPEAKER_01: Probably one of us is farting really loudly, and then we're laughing at that because we're like, shh, shh, right?
• 5:42
  SPEAKER_01: You're trying, you're doing all these things that if you could see us, you'd probably think, who left these two alone?
• 5:48
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 5:49
  SPEAKER_00: The air is just filling with farts, like the whole, like you're you're actually about to smoke yourself out to the enemy.
• 5:55
  SPEAKER_00: Like this home is becoming unlivable, uninhabitable slowly.
• 5:59
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, yes, that's exactly what it was like, I'm sure.
• 6:04
  SPEAKER_01: And to this day, I don't ever know what happened to him, but we haven't done this before.
• 6:07
  SPEAKER_01: And I have learned that other people do this kind of thing.
• 6:10
  SPEAKER_01: This is a thing on the internet with millennials where you hide when someone knocked on the door.
• 6:18
  SPEAKER_01: Like millennials just never opened the door, which I thought was interesting because I thought, okay, is that just Heather and I?
• 6:23
  SPEAKER_01: No.
• 6:23
  SPEAKER_00: So another story about hiding that I want to share with you is when um By the way, that well, that guy's on his podcast, and he's like, So the first time I had a seizure in my car, um, I was driving down 180 uh near uh near Inwood.
• 6:36
  SPEAKER_00: And and I was uh yeah, just uh, you know, starting to notice my body convulsed.
• 6:40
  SPEAKER_00: I knew things were bad.
• 6:41
  SPEAKER_00: I managed to pull over.
• 6:42
  SPEAKER_00: I see a farmhouse on the way, and all I can see is I'm staggering across the lawn is these is these two girls appearing to like laugh, fart, and hide all at the same time.
• 6:52
  SPEAKER_00: One of them just topples an easy chair.
• 6:55
  SPEAKER_00: Yep.
• 6:55
  SPEAKER_00: So anyway, I'm at Death's door.
• 6:58
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know how the hell I made it.
• 6:59
  SPEAKER_00: Eventually, three hours later, the girl's dad came home, saw me on the front doorstep, and uh drove me to the hospital.
• 7:05
  SPEAKER_00: And to this day, I can't move the left side of my body.
• 7:08
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, anyway, anyway, welcome back to my podcast.
• 7:12
  SPEAKER_00: Called called Strokes and folks.
• 7:15
  SPEAKER_00: Um my first guest, um the dad who my my personal hero, uh king.
• 7:24
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 7:25
  SPEAKER_00: My personal hero.
• 7:27
  SPEAKER_00: The man who saved my life, yeah.
• 7:28
  SPEAKER_00: Man who saved my life, but clearly didn't teach his children how to save his life.
• 7:31
  SPEAKER_00: I was gonna say if if he was half as good a father uh as he as he was a uh uh first responder, his children would be so different.
• 7:39
  unknown: Can you imagine?
• 7:41
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, that's that's from our like we thought we were being so stealthy.
• 7:46
  SPEAKER_01: Oh yeah.
• 7:46
  SPEAKER_01: That was the best part.
• 7:47
  SPEAKER_01: Like we Heather's just barrel rolling, just through the living room trying to get out of view.
• 7:54
  SPEAKER_01: Oh my gosh.
• 7:54
  SPEAKER_01: I hit it.
• 7:55
  SPEAKER_00: There was more than one 360 because I I think a good barrel roll, unless you're in a plane, is one three sixty.
• 8:00
  SPEAKER_00: Didn't just hit the deck and roll all the way through the house, like Sonic the Hedgehog.
• 8:05
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, like she kind of just like it was a threw herself over and just rolled a couple, just rolled.
• 8:10
  SPEAKER_01: Now she might have gone up to there were stairs up to the living room.
• 8:13
  SPEAKER_01: So she might have gone up there, but I definitely went through the kitchen and aimed for the bathroom.
• 8:16
  SPEAKER_01: It was it was closest to where I to me it's an obvious move.
• 8:19
  SPEAKER_01: You're right.
• 8:20
  SPEAKER_01: Um, there were other times that we hid too.
• 8:23
  SPEAKER_01: We had people come to the front door and I would hide kind of outside of the entrance to the living room, and I would kind of be able to see because we had some frosted glass there.
• 8:33
  SPEAKER_01: And now, you know that I think about it as an adult, these people could 100% see me hiding there.
• 8:40
  SPEAKER_00: Of course.
• 8:41
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yes, they could.
• 8:42
  SPEAKER_00: But when you're that deep in medical distress, I don't think you're thinking about it.
• 8:45
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah, you're not right, you're just really hoping that someone just praying.
• 8:49
  SPEAKER_00: All your entire brain is devoted to knocking and praying.
• 8:52
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 8:54
  SPEAKER_01: That's what that's what his podcast is called.
• 8:56
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 8:57
  SPEAKER_01: So the the second the second thing about hiding that I want to talk to you about is when I was finishing second year university and I was in this very kind of gross student house.
• 9:07
  SPEAKER_01: There were five of us that lived there.
• 9:09
  SPEAKER_01: I should talk about that on the podcast.
• 9:11
  SPEAKER_01: I should come up with a story about that because we had a lot of stories.
• 9:14
  SPEAKER_01: There's a lot went on in that house.
• 9:16
  SPEAKER_01: So it was the night before we were supposed to move out, and we had all of our stuff kind of boxed up and packed up.
• 9:21
  SPEAKER_01: We had U-Hauls and moving trucks coming the next day.
• 9:24
  SPEAKER_01: But we all had one last night in this house.
• 9:27
  SPEAKER_01: And what we what did we decide to do?
• 9:29
  SPEAKER_01: We decided to turn the power off and play hide and seek in the whole house.
• 9:34
  SPEAKER_01: And let me tell you, that might have been a high that I don't know if I'll ever be able to recreate because it was great.
• 9:41
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 9:41
  SPEAKER_01: Now I don't really remember where I hid, it might have been on like top of a freezer or something in the corner.
• 9:46
  SPEAKER_01: But one of my friends actually somehow took out part of the ceiling and suspended himself in the ceiling amongst the pipes and the beams and stuff.
• 9:57
  SPEAKER_01: May he rest in peace.
• 10:02
  SPEAKER_01: Like it was wild and terrifying.
• 10:06
  SPEAKER_01: Like, because you're in the you can't see anything.
• 10:08
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, we all knew that house so well.
• 10:10
  SPEAKER_01: But that just to know, and there were boxes, and you never know if there's gonna be someone.
• 10:15
  SPEAKER_01: Your body was waiting for a jump scare every time you moved your head, you know.
• 10:19
  SPEAKER_00: Anyway, I've been thinking a lot lately, I don't know where my anxiety condition came from, but I'm willing to bet that was that was a little bit of a little bit of a pretending to be a under threat for your entire childhood.
• 10:30
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah, that's right.
• 10:32
  SPEAKER_01: That's right.
• 10:32
  SPEAKER_01: It was constantly go time, and I never knew if anywhere I'd look, if someone would jump out and surprise me in the dark.
• 10:39
  SPEAKER_00: So Hey, I got news for you.
• 10:41
  SPEAKER_00: You still don't know.
• 10:43
  SPEAKER_01: Guess who's having crying nightmares tonight?
• 10:46
  SPEAKER_00: No, it's time.
• 10:49
  SPEAKER_01: Time to turn off all the power in your home.
• 10:51
  SPEAKER_01: Oh my gosh, I would probably Yeah, that's that's one way to shut this podcast down for sure.
• 10:57
  SPEAKER_01: So, my question for you, Nick, is tell me about a time when you thought you were being so stealthy and convinced you were pulling it off, and yet it is now painfully obvious that you were not being stealthy, and everyone knew what you were doing.
• 11:13
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, that's a great prompt.
• 11:14
  SPEAKER_00: I have one story that comes to mind immediately for that, which is I was four.
• 11:19
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 11:19
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 11:20
  SPEAKER_00: So one of the things about me that you have to know is that from in childhood I was not allowed to have sugar.
• 11:26
  SPEAKER_00: And my mother's rationale for this was you were a monster when you had sugar.
• 11:30
  SPEAKER_00: Now, I don't think that's a nice thing to say to a little kid, but my mother said it dozens of times over the course of my childhood, and it was absolutely I couldn't have sugar.
• 11:38
  SPEAKER_00: My parents also had a self-imposed no-sugar thing.
• 11:41
  SPEAKER_00: My mom felt like she would go into a coma when she had it.
• 11:43
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know what that's about, but she mentioned like having a slice of cake one time and just fucking passing out.
• 11:48
  SPEAKER_00: And my dad has a similar thing.
• 11:50
  SPEAKER_00: My brother and sister have never had a problem with sugar, and I've always been able to have it.
• 11:53
  SPEAKER_00: And as it happens, my sister is a pretty fabulous baker and was even as a teenager and would sometimes bake stuff.
• 12:00
  SPEAKER_00: So at one point when I was a child, my sister baked a layer cake.
• 12:04
  SPEAKER_00: And you know, when you bake a layer cake, you bake the actual layer, for those of you who don't know, I know you know, Evelyn, but like you bake the individual layers and then you lay them out to cool, and then after they cool, you frost, you know, you stack them and frost them, etc.
• 12:15
  SPEAKER_00: Right?
• 12:15
  SPEAKER_00: So the result is that you have on a wire rack chocolate cake that is just laying there, cooling, smelling amazing.
• 12:24
  SPEAKER_00: And my sister had this layer cake out there, and I thought I have to have some of that.
• 12:29
  SPEAKER_00: I was four, maybe five.
• 12:31
  SPEAKER_00: And so I did what any brilliant five-year-old does, which was that I stuck my finger into the middle of the cake and took a finger.
• 12:39
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know why I thought that was so subtle.
• 12:41
  SPEAKER_00: I went in the least subtle place, I put my finger in the dead center of a fucking cake and took a piece out of it and ate it.
• 12:47
  SPEAKER_00: And I gotta say, I remember it being like pinky sized then.
• 12:49
  SPEAKER_00: So it would be like the size of a pee.
• 12:51
  SPEAKER_00: This piece chuck.
• 12:52
  SPEAKER_00: And I was so delighted.
• 12:54
  SPEAKER_00: And then about 10 minutes later, I hear my sister screaming from the kitchen.
• 13:00
  SPEAKER_00: And I don't remember if she laid a hand to me.
• 13:02
  SPEAKER_00: She was not averse to laying a hands on me when I was a kid.
• 13:05
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but boy, did she fucking let me have it.
• 13:08
  SPEAKER_00: And a verbal beating from my sister could hurt as much or worse than a physical beating.
• 13:12
  SPEAKER_00: She's she's acid-tongued and has been since childhood.
• 13:16
  SPEAKER_00: So yeah, so that was one where I really thought I was a fucking genius, just taking the tiny little bit out of the dead center of the cake and then got in trouble for it.
• 13:24
  SPEAKER_00: So that's that's one time that I felt like I was.
• 13:26
  SPEAKER_01: You didn't even think of taking it from the underneath of the layer of cake.
• 13:30
  SPEAKER_01: Like you went, that's like saying, Oh my gosh, I'm coming home from the bar one night.
• 13:35
  SPEAKER_01: This is me picturing this as a guy.
• 13:37
  SPEAKER_01: I'm coming home from the bar one night, and I really have to pee, and I'm not gonna make it to a public washroom or my house or anywhere.
• 13:45
  SPEAKER_01: I'm gonna have to pee here very discreetly in this alley that I'm walking in.
• 13:49
  SPEAKER_01: That's like you thinking that, and then choosing to walk into the middle of the street and pee on the yellow line as cars are going by you and I've been driving.
• 13:59
  unknown: Yeah.
• 14:00
  SPEAKER_00: That is that is exactly what it was like.
• 14:02
  SPEAKER_00: It was, it was so it's shockingly unwell thought out.
• 14:05
  SPEAKER_00: Like, even at that age, I should have had more ability to think it through than that, and I just didn't.
• 14:09
  SPEAKER_00: And I really thought I was so sneaky.
• 14:13
  SPEAKER_00: My sister did teach me to be a little more uh careful than that.
• 14:18
  SPEAKER_00: So I think that was one time that I thought I was getting away with something and wasn't.
• 14:22
  SPEAKER_01: That reminds me, there's an episode of the Cosby show.
• 14:25
  SPEAKER_01: I know we we aren't either of us are not Bill Cosby fans on here.
• 14:29
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't know.
• 14:29
  SPEAKER_00: You like the show back then, by the way.
• 14:31
  SPEAKER_00: I know it was important to a lot of people.
• 14:32
  SPEAKER_00: He just condescended to his kids constantly, and it really bothered me.
• 14:35
  SPEAKER_00: Anyway, sorry, go ahead.
• 14:36
  SPEAKER_01: For those of us who weren't critical thinkers or observing that and just thought it was funny, because we were told it was funny.
• 14:44
  SPEAKER_01: Sure.
• 14:44
  SPEAKER_01: Some of us enjoyed the Cosby show, but there was an episode where Claire made a big chocolate layer cake, and he came in with a big spoon and he cut like a square out of the top of it, out of the middle, and he ate it, and then he stuffed it with paper towel and then iced over it again.
• 15:00
  SPEAKER_01: If that isn't a metaphor for the Bill Cosby journey.
• 15:03
  SPEAKER_00: Wow.
• 15:04
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 15:04
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, she caught him and like you know the cartoonish covering of tracks that would become Bill Cosby's signature style.
• 15:11
  SPEAKER_00: Signature move his comedy had been forgotten.
• 15:14
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah.
• 15:15
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 15:15
  SPEAKER_01: Anyway, that's what, like, kind of yours was a way more innocent.
• 15:19
  SPEAKER_01: Yours had a hundred your story had way less quaalutes.
• 15:22
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 15:23
  SPEAKER_00: My my story was a four-year-old's inability to control his impulses.
• 15:28
  SPEAKER_00: His story was a pathological man in his 50s preying on other people.
• 15:32
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, but I have another story for you, a triple story.
• 15:34
  SPEAKER_00: Which is I'm living in Chicago, I'm depressed all the time, I'm miserable, things suck, and I don't renew some fucking stupid sticker that the city wants me to have on my car, and I get a ticket for it.
• 15:44
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, fuck this.
• 15:45
  SPEAKER_00: This is ridiculous.
• 15:46
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not paying this, I'm not going to get a sticker, and I get another ticket.
• 15:49
  SPEAKER_00: And like, I get like three tickets for this fucking sticker.
• 15:52
  SPEAKER_00: Oh.
• 15:53
  SPEAKER_00: But I'm absolutely not going to go to the Secretary of State's office, which is what the DMV is called in Illinois.
• 15:58
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not going to go to the Secretary of State office and pay some huge fucking fee and wait in line for three hours and get this thing.
• 16:03
  SPEAKER_00: It's like, I'm digging my heels in.
• 16:05
  SPEAKER_00: This is ridiculous.
• 16:05
  SPEAKER_00: And my wife, who at the time was my girlfriend, may God bless her for staying with me after this, said, you know, you probably can do it online.
• 16:11
  SPEAKER_00: And I was like, you can't do it online.
• 16:13
  SPEAKER_00: They don't let you do anything online in this stupid state.
• 16:15
  SPEAKER_00: You know, blah, blah, blah.
• 16:16
  SPEAKER_00: And it's expensive.
• 16:17
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not going to do it.
• 16:17
  SPEAKER_00: And she was just like, you gotta do it.
• 16:19
  SPEAKER_00: Like, you're getting these tickets.
• 16:20
  SPEAKER_00: So finally, one day, I'm driving home from work and I get pulled over by a cop.
• 16:24
  SPEAKER_00: And the cop goes, Hey, I do know why I pulled you over and I said no.
• 16:27
  SPEAKER_00: And he said, Okay, so you have this expired sticker on your car and you need to get it.
• 16:30
  SPEAKER_00: And I said, uh, okay.
• 16:31
  SPEAKER_00: He goes, Have you gotten any tickets for this?
• 16:33
  SPEAKER_00: And I said, I don't really remember.
• 16:34
  SPEAKER_00: And he goes, What about these?
• 16:36
  SPEAKER_00: And he points to the tickets under my visor that I had stuffed up there.
• 16:39
  SPEAKER_00: And I was like, Oh, I guess I have.
• 16:41
  SPEAKER_00: And he said, Okay, so you have three tickets for this.
• 16:43
  SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna go easy on you.
• 16:45
  SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna take your license and I'm gonna give you a fixed ticket.
• 16:47
  SPEAKER_00: And what this means is that you're gonna go, you're gonna go fix this thing, and then you're gonna have to go to court and you're gonna demonstrate that you got your sticker, and then they're gonna give you your license back.
• 16:55
  SPEAKER_00: Oh.
• 16:56
  SPEAKER_00: And in the meantime, I will write you this little receipt that lets you that will be instead of your license in case you get pulled over in case you need it.
• 17:02
  SPEAKER_00: And I said, I am about to go on a plane trip in two days and I need my ID.
• 17:07
  SPEAKER_00: And he said, Okay, you can follow me down to the station.
• 17:10
  SPEAKER_00: So this very gentle, nice police officer had me follow him to the station where we did an additional amount of paperwork to certify that I was gonna show up to court and do this thing and get this fucking fix a ticket done.
• 17:20
  SPEAKER_00: And then wouldn't you know it, Evelyn?
• 17:22
  SPEAKER_00: The sticker was fucking$25 and you could absolutely renew it online.
• 17:26
  SPEAKER_00: And I paid like$300 in tickets and had to take a day off of work to go to court to fix this thing because I was being an obstinate little jerk, and I was just convinced that the world was against me, and I was being such a fucking victim, and then I tried to lie to this police officer who fortunately had a sense of humor about it.
• 17:40
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 17:41
  SPEAKER_00: Um, so that was one time where I thought I was fucking slick and bucking the system, and then they the system won.
• 17:46
  SPEAKER_01: The system and the system won.
• 17:48
  SPEAKER_00: And you also the system wasn't giving me a particularly hard game to play to begin with.
• 17:52
  SPEAKER_00: They were like, No, that's roll the one through five, roll as many times as you want.
• 17:56
  SPEAKER_00: And I was like, no.
• 17:58
  SPEAKER_01: No, I won't.
• 18:00
  SPEAKER_01: And you can't make me.
• 18:01
  SPEAKER_01: Oh my gosh, that's a good that's a good topic for another podcast.
• 18:04
  SPEAKER_01: Is like, when do we try and skirt the law?
• 18:06
  SPEAKER_01: That would be good.
• 18:07
  SPEAKER_00: That's something for Well, you hired all those bots to listen to our podcast, and that's how we I did double digits.
• 18:13
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, well, that's double digits.
• 18:15
  SPEAKER_01: If only I hire bots and we only get up to double digits.
• 18:20
  SPEAKER_01: Well, that's the joke, yeah.
• 18:21
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, okay.
• 18:21
  SPEAKER_00: Oh my question for you, Evelyn, is what when did you make an incredible joke and then the person didn't get it?
• 18:27
  SPEAKER_01: My question for you, Evelyn, is is there a time during the year when you feel like you actually can keep up with the conversation that you're having?
• 18:34
  SPEAKER_01: And is it or is it not linked to personal tragedy?
• 18:38
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, first of all, it's always linked to personal tragedy.
• 18:41
  SPEAKER_01: Second of all, very rarely are there times during the year when I'm like, I am so on top of this conversation right now.
• 18:48
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 18:48
  SPEAKER_01: You know what though?
• 18:49
  SPEAKER_01: I do have a I do have an update.
• 18:51
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 18:52
  SPEAKER_01: I have an update on something that's really important, and that is me running my sister over with my bike that we talked about back in the early days of our podcast.
• 19:01
  SPEAKER_01: I got a photo album from my family home, and it has a ton of pictures of when you know when I was younger in it, and there is a picture of me.
• 19:09
  SPEAKER_00: It's a set of pictures of when I was older than I am right now.
• 19:12
  SPEAKER_00: It's a set of pictures of me in my 70s.
• 19:14
  SPEAKER_01: My gosh, you know what?
• 19:15
  SPEAKER_01: You know what?
• 19:16
  SPEAKER_01: It's we're not we're not too far from that, I'm sure.
• 19:19
  SPEAKER_01: Like we are venturing into that area at a dangerous pace.
• 19:23
  SPEAKER_01: That's what oh, I should do that to freak someone out, is make a bunch of photos of them older and leave it in their house.
• 19:30
  SPEAKER_01: That would be the greatest troll of all time.
• 19:32
  SPEAKER_01: Oh my god.
• 19:32
  SPEAKER_01: Wouldn't that be so good?
• 19:33
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 19:34
  SPEAKER_01: Um, so there is a picture of me on my bike, the bike on the laneway.
• 19:40
  SPEAKER_01: And you know what the best addition to this whole story is?
• 19:43
  SPEAKER_00: A lock of Heather's hair that's caught in the chain.
• 19:46
  SPEAKER_01: No, there were two things I noticed about the bike that makes the story way better.
• 19:50
  SPEAKER_01: There were training wheels on it, and and there were streamers on the handle cars.
• 19:57
  SPEAKER_01: And I just think that just adds such a delightful, innocent twist to something that was so traumatic for somebody else.
• 20:05
  SPEAKER_00: So that means that four tires ran over her.
• 20:08
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 20:08
  SPEAKER_00: And that the streamers were flowing gaily in the breeze.
• 20:11
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, you can see.
• 20:13
  SPEAKER_01: You can see them blowing in the breeze in this photo.
• 20:15
  SPEAKER_01: Like there's a there's a shot of me, you know, you riding the bike but standing still.
• 20:20
  SPEAKER_01: Like I'm I'm like my feet are on the ground, I'm posed with the bike, looking at the camera.
• 20:24
  SPEAKER_01: But then there's an action shot of me riding the bike down the lake.
• 20:27
  SPEAKER_01: Catching air.
• 20:28
  SPEAKER_01: Catching air, and I've revved that thing.
• 20:30
  SPEAKER_01: I've pulled the pulled the handlebars right up.
• 20:32
  SPEAKER_01: Just before the ramp, yeah.
• 20:36
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 20:36
  SPEAKER_01: It's great.
• 20:37
  SPEAKER_01: It's a great picture.
• 20:38
  SPEAKER_01: And I think I'm wearing pink in it.
• 20:40
  SPEAKER_01: Like it is the most young, cute, whimsical picture, and there is no sign of the destruction that's about to come.
• 20:47
  unknown: Wow.
• 20:48
  SPEAKER_01: I know.
• 20:48
  SPEAKER_01: I felt like it was important.
• 20:49
  SPEAKER_01: Anyone who's been listening from the beginning, I just knew you would want that addition to the imagery that I'm sure you already have going on in your brain.
• 20:56
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 20:58
  SPEAKER_00: Well, with that, let's draw this episode to a close.
• 21:00
  SPEAKER_00: It's wrap it up being here with you on the Reverse Jackass podcast.
• 21:05
  SPEAKER_00: What a delight.
• 21:06
  SPEAKER_00: I do hope our countries drew a little closer today than they were before, even at Heather's expense.
• 21:11
  SPEAKER_01: Um even at Heather's expense, I I'd like to think that there are people hiding right now in your country from anyone coming to the door, whether it's a salesman, you know, someone having a massive medical emergency emergency.
• 21:24
  SPEAKER_01: You know, if it's someone going door to door, you know, talking about their religious beliefs.
• 21:29
  SPEAKER_01: You keep hiding.
• 21:30
  SPEAKER_01: You keep hiding in the bathroom.
• 21:31
  SPEAKER_01: Keep hiding.
• 21:32
  SPEAKER_01: And do it with a little flair, why don't you?
• 21:34
  SPEAKER_00: And by little flair, you mean just a little fart.
• 21:36
  SPEAKER_00: Multiple barrel rolls and an exhausting gas.
• 21:40
  SPEAKER_00: That's it for reverse check ass.
• 21:41
  SPEAKER_00: I'm Nick with me.
• 21:42
  SPEAKER_00: As always, is Evelyn the Canadian Blade.
• 21:44
  SPEAKER_00: Bye.
• 21:44
  SPEAKER_00: We love you.
• 21:45
  SPEAKER_01: Some neighbors are besties.
• 21:47
  SPEAKER_00: Others quarrel bitterly.
• 21:49
  SPEAKER_00: Stuck together through geography.
• 21:53
  SPEAKER_00: One of us has nukes.
• 21:55
  SPEAKER_00: And the other has tokes.
• 21:57
  SPEAKER_01: It's American Canadian diplomacy.
• 22:02
  SPEAKER_01: It's reversed.