Latest / Pastor John Piper's answers / How Can I Grow in Expressing Affection?

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How Can I Grow in Expressing Affection? · Pastor John Piper's answers

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  Welcome back on this new week, on this Monday. Well, how do
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  we overcome a lack of affection? A lack of expressed affection for God and
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  expressed affection for others. It's a great question, a humble question from a
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  young man who wrote in anonymously, Dear Pastor John, let me jump straight
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  to it. How would you counsel and encourage a brother in Christ who finds
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  it difficult to express or discuss deeper emotions like joy, despair, wonder and
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  fear. That's me. I want deeper relationships with Christian brothers, but I
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  also shy away when opportunity arises and deeper conversations make themselves present because I don't
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  know how to talk about those higher and deeper feelings. I just freeze or
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  attempted to make a joke. I know something is wrong inside of me.
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  I read Augustine's confessions and stand in all of his affection as he speaks so
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  fluently to God in language like this quote my God, my life, my
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  holy sweetness. Or what can anyone say when he speaks of the Yet woe
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  to those who do not speak of THEE, for though they talk much,
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  they say nothing. I'm a man who talks much about nothing, and I
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  want to grow here. I really have a special interest in this question,
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  and I want to try to answer it because I think there are millions of
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  people. It's not rare, millions of people who share this blockage that prevents
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  natural, genuine, verbal expressions of heartfelt affections, not only for God and
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  his glorious salvation, but for children, their own children, or spouses,
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  or ordinary blessings of life. The whole realm of the emotional life and of
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  spiritual affections is choked off for some reason. There are millions of people who
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  never say anything like, what a beautiful day. The sun is shining,
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  the breeze is cool. I love days like this. They never talk like
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  that. Ever. They never say anything like I love being married to you.
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  Just sitting with you makes me happy. I'm so glad God brought us
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  together. They never say that to each other. Ever. They never say
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  anything like God is so great, he has been so good to me.
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  I don't deserve any of this. Lord, you are amazing. Thank you,
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  Lord, I love you. They don't ever talk like that. These
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  kinds of expressed affections for days people God are just blocked. They never come
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  out in words. It's a great sadness for them and for the people around
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  them. I don't think there is any formula to fix this. The causes
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  are sometimes very deep. God himself, by the Holy Spirit, is the
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  only hope. Because He is the decisive cause of all authentic expressions of true
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  spiritual affections. A deep work of God is needed. For example, I
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  had a deep and sinful aversion to lifting my hands in worship until I was
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  thirty five years old. Never, never once did I lift my hands in
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  worship or even come close, like turning them palm up in my lap.
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  I would see people do it, and I would actually feel discussed. And
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  then one night, at about three in the morning, during an all night
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  prayer meeting, God lifted my hands in a moment of worship. It was,
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  as I recall, mostly involuntary and received no resistance. He broke my
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  pride that night, and in a sense, my hands haven't gone down since.
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  I think there's an analogy between that experience and the barriers that people can
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  feel to verbal expressions of affections for God. So even though there's no formula,
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  there are steps that you might be able to take which if you really
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  want it, If you want this liberation would become means by which God would
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  set you free. First, and this young man who's asking the question has
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  already arrived. At this point, you recognize that it really is a problem
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  to be overcome, not just a neutral personality trait, but thousands of people
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  excuse it as just a quirk of personality and has no spiritual dimensions about it.
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  I don't think that's ever sufficient. It's got truth in it, but
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  it's not sufficient. Jesus said, out of the abundance of the heart,
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  the mouth speaks. Now, the least that means is that God designed words
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  to be a means of heart expression. A disconnect between the two heart and
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  mouth is not the way God designed it to be, and not the way
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  it's going to be in heaven. Second, we should do a serious self
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  examination as to whether our hearts really do love Christ Matthew ten thirty seven.
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  Really do delight in God psal I'm thirty seven to four, Really do rejoice
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  in Him? Olypps three to one, Really do fear Him? Proverbs twenty
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  eight fourteen, Really do treasure Him? Matthew thirteen forty four. These are
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  all biblical commands that our hearts must experience before our mouths can express them.
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  So examine your heart. Are they there? Third, we should also do
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  a serious self examination as to whether there's sin blocking the genuineness of our expression
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  of affection. There certainly was in me. Oh my. I look back
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  on attitudes that I had for thirty five years that God mercifully was patient with,
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  and I am ashamed. I'm ashamed. I can remember sitting in chapel
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  at Bethel when I was a teacher there and a woman or a man,
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  I can't remember which next to me just roll their hands over palm top in
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  their lap, and inside of me was discussed. I thought, looking back
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  on this, that's just evil. This is plain. My resistance had so
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  much pride in it, and I'm aware it can work the other way around.
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  I'm not. I'm not naive that people who are lifting their hands might
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  be totally arrogant people. I get it. I mean they can be looking
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  with scorn, with scorn on the non handlifters with pride, of course,
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  that's true. Pride is subtle everywhere. But if we can see the sin
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  that binds us wherever it is, and name it and repent we might be
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  set free. Fourth, memorize parts of scripture that give you the very words
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  you need to express affections for God. Memorize Psalm eighteen one. I love
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  you, Oh Lord my strength some forty two to one, as a dear
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  pants for the streams. So my soul pants for you, Oh God.
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  My soul thirst for God, for the living God, Some sixty three one.
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  Oh God, you are my God. Earnestly I seek you. My
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  soul thirsts for you, My flesh faints for you, as in a dry
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  and weary land where there's no water Psalm seventy three. Whom have I in
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  Heaven but You? And on earth there's nothing I desire besides you, Oh
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  my goodness, these texts have served me so well to loose my tongue.
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  Memorize these and others like them, and then say them out loud to God
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  in private prayer, day after day, nobody listening but God. And surprisingly
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  you may find yourself saying them out loud in a prayer meeting, and it
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  may be wonderfully involuntary, the way it was for me. If possible,
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  spend time with people who speak of their affections more naturally than you do.
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  Emotional verbal freedom is contagious. I have tasted this in my life. In
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  myself. I could name people whose freedom in mature expression of spiritual affections has
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  been very powerful in my life. Sixth, Realize that heaven is going to
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  be like this, utterly free, unself conscious overflowings of our heart's affections.
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  You can see this in the songs in the Book of Revelation, and first
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  John three says everyone who thus hopes in Him purifies himself as he is pure.
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  In other words, the principle is, if we really hope to be
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  this way in heaven some today, then let's get a head start. Let's
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  get a head start. Now, why would you put it off? Seventh,
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  Realize that your sincere expressions of love to Christ and joy in Christ may
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  be the means by which someone else is saved. That's the point of Psalm
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  forty. He drew me up from the pit of destruction, out of the
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  myrie bog. He set my feet on a rock, making my steps secure.
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  He put a new song in my mouth, a song of praise to
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  our God. Many will see and fear and put their trust in the Lord.
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  I love that. That's why we're in the pit sometimes so that he
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  can bring us up, put us on a rock, put a song in
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  our mouth. People see and they get saved. I think that was true
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  from my salvation. I think under God, I owe my faith in Christ
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  to the free expressions of love and joy in my mother and my father while
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  I was growing up. Finally, pray, pray like this, Oh Lord,
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  open my lips and my mouth will declare your praise. Isn't that an
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  amazing request? My lips are shut. I can't open them. Something's wrong
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  my lips. Lord, Yes, there is in all of us. Lord,
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  open my lips. Only God can make it real. So ask him
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  and keep on asking until he does it. Yeah. Deeply moving and important.
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  And I'll add that you have addressed another relevant text in this conversation for
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  Timothy two to eight, on men praying with hands lifted up? Does that
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  mean that men should always and only pray with hands up? We answer that
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  in ABJA seven forty two, and also we addressed in a wonderful episode specifically
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  dedicated to this question of raised hands in worship. That's ABJA twelve fifty seven.
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  You can find those episodes at Askpastor John dot com thank you, Pastor
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  John. And speaking of prayers, there are some prayers we want answered,
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  like this one to open our lips of affection to praise God. And some
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  prayers we should hope are not answered. What are those? What prayers of
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  ours should we hope never get answered? We find out soon in our Navigator's
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  Bible reading plan, and later in the week on the podcast we'll talk about
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  that every theme. I'm Tony Ranky. We'll see you on Thursday.